Meeting someone who speeks your language is exhilarating. It almost feels like love at first sight. It is so rare. I keep feeding myself with reading books on the art of living and listening to open minded people sharing their thoughts like you and your guests to prevent starvation. Having a romantic partner with whom you can go deep into the sanctuary of each others mind must be💥💗. Joyce you are a very knowledgeable and sweet person.
In my past marriage I was with someone who did not understand me. It was as if we were from different planets. I had to translate everything that meant something to me into his language...it lost so much in translation. He also just didn't care to go deep emotionally. We married young, stayed together for over 20 years, ultimately it was so obvious we wanted completely different relationships.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing that. It really goes to show how important it is to be with someone who wants the same things as you do in a relationship.
I know that INFJ’s have always really liked me, because I always understood them and are also abstract and intellectually minded individuals like us INTP’s
Besides my younger brother, I have met another INFJ and if he wasn’t so young, I would totally fall for him. He just graduated last year. I had to tell him I am not as young as I look. Even non romantically, the mental stimulation and intuitive connection is very much real. My sister is another Ni-dom and she is very pragmatic and keeps me grounded. We enjoy having long discussions about academic subjects. The same with our brother, plus the spiritual concerns. Besides science, we also need to express ourselves artistically. The best way to describe the process is that we literally go with the imaginative flow.
I am a 26 year old INFJ male. I'm searching quite seriously for an INFJ female who would be marriage and family minded and want a life of self sufficiency and wholesome family health. If that interests you let me know, I don't mind if someone is within 12 years older than me, I have a strong inner child, but an old soul.
Street-Epistemology.. Reminds me of the TH-camr Sneako. He's great with forming genuine conversation, catching people off guard and dissecting what they really mean in mini street interviews. Very strong opinions, but you can tell he's always learning and just wants to come to a greater understanding. This was a great conversation. I appreciate the content you both put out and was hoping there would be a meeting, related quite a bit to what was discussed here. Keep growing your power level Joyce, the changes can be seen in your expression of curiousity, the flow you can get into in conversation There's a big, impossible question in the middle of this discourse (how to life), and life is just about accepting that no one person really knows the answer, we can only try to appreciate and capture the nuance while wading through the chaos. I think a lot of INFJ types gravitate toward a Daoist viewpoint over time, when they've adjusted to their own needs that are sometimes in opposition to the world.
Revisited this video and now that we know that my hubs is an INFJ…. Dang, I can’t imagine living without an NF base to come home to. I mean my Father was an ENTJ and mother and ISFJ, so I know what it’s like to be misunderstood by both thinkers and sensors and in a painful way: the NF is the water and air that Brad and I live in and yes it’s very soulmate grounding, I don’t think that it would be worth being in a relationship deeply if they didn’t understand your main functions. I mean ENFP INFJ, we don’t even share the same functions, but to be intuitive feelers and to have the function categories in the same order has been both this intense connection with strong growth stimulation. I was depressed before Brad off and on and I guess I have identified that, but now I really know that it’s true. Woah, I love both of your channels, the INFJ energy here is amazing!! I think that hearing the minds of INFJ’s is so interesting, like deep philosophical bunny rabbits who could save the planet if we listened. Great chat guys!!! I learn a lot always from you both.
I feel sad that you guys can understand so many people, but so few people seem to understand you, that’s really sad… emotionally starved. I mean modern life for feeler doms, myself included, can feel like an isolating tinker bell in a jar situation. My infp husband also goes through this starvation in society and we may not look it, but I feel really alone in my actual feelings outside of my inner core group as an ESFP too. The world tends to be so harsh and even just outcome driven and then it wonders why the people are not flourishing… we need to take heart literally. Also, damn Joyce you just described the fight or flight response in social situations that I’ve observed and tried to explain to others and few understand it, my husband and I like to try to slow down group think and often play medic to unhealthy group dynamics in our work together and my goodness am I the canary in the coal mine knowing where the toxicity lies and it can feel quite lonely since we can’t and won’t disclose this knowledge always but need to be aware of it and I get totally exhausted from the gravity that stagnates group think and when control is used as a main coping mechanism for toxic group members. INFJs and I have amazing eyeball convos ;). My hubs and I are never one thing but live in the intersection of all things which makes us tired a lot but when we see growth in others, it’s not a given but it’s truly just wow, it’s much more rare than you’d think. Growth mindset is not a given it’s something that you choose and need to work for and we all fight it. To the growers, peace.
I’m now married to an INTJ, which is fairly close to an INTP, but I have found that some of my most fruitful and meaningful friendships have always been with my fellow INTP’s. For instance we greatly enjoys our intellectual and abstract conversations
Always loved the depth of INFJs and their dynamic space of their inner worlds, ever growing wonders and I always love to witness, see and share that. The INFJs blind spots and misunderstanding parts of both perception and many other parts in life also shows when two INFJs is paired together. But sometimes what one INFJ can spot on one side of the coin often makes the other INFJ flip the coin to show the other side of it, which can get them to see the whole coin together, but what is found can also point towards what is lost in the process. All this was very inspiring, look forward to more amazing deep dives in the future Joyce & Clay! /ENFP-A, 4w5, Num 22, Libra, HSP, Earth Dragon, Sanguine-Melancholic
Great video! I could relate to a lot of his thought process and especially the needs of an INFJ to feel understood but I would also say "challenged" not just someone who agrees with your views, which is why I also value intelligence a lot. Another important thing as he said is change, which I can imagine would also be difficult if the other person isn't open to change or can't adapt to your "new self"
Interestingly enough, I experienced this fight or flight response from people when I revealed I am now a Christian. Christians are typically thought to be most herd-ish, but my experience revealed to me ALL people have this problem…we just perceive it as more pronounced from our own perspective or whatever angle we’re viewing it from.
Going through a divorce currently from an ESFP. 1 year into the marriage my needs were very clearly not being met; also, conversation was just exhausting. He would get so detailed about describing his day and I would have to feign interest so I didn’t appear rude. And he was not interested in what I wanted to talk about. I resonate with what Joyce said about our body knowing we are starving before we consciously do. I have an ENFP and INFP best friend that kept me intellectually stimulated and emotionally engaged in life and I would have been fine to continue in the marriage because I found happiness in my friendships and in my own personal growth. Looking back though I became a shell of myself in the context of my marriage, while thriving in other areas. I just never ended up talking to him and lived in my own world. I went on a dating app to try to have interesting convos and ended up talking with another INFJ, and very early on I realized I’d never been able to have those types of conversations with a male I was romantically attracted to (I didn’t have dating experience really before I got married). It was very surreal to talk to someone that clearly processed things the way I did and who could not only understand what I was talking about but counter my thoughts as well. There was also a feeling of exposure fairly early on; I knew he knew my intentions and thought process so it forced me to be even more honest with myself. He ended things rightfully so because long story short my situation is complicated right now, but I can’t help but wonder if we met at a different time if it would work long term.
I know that someone like CS Joseph calls us NT’s the intellectuals, but INFJ’s can also be one of the intellectuals. For instance my new INFJ friend told me recently that I like her life saviour, because she was so intellectually starved till I can along
That is certainly not the case with me. I never really shared anything with my other female friends, in which I didn’t have many. Maybe it’s because I’m more male-like being an INTP
Sounds very much like me. I was initially in the hard sciences, but have been increasing very philosophical and been delving into philosophy, as well as exploring all the other intellectually driven topics within the realm of psychology, theology, political thought and evolutionary biology. -INTP
Joyce I can't feel my fi. I'm entj and it's a total blind spot. Could you do a how to about trying to learn blind functions? It's really important to me.
56:30 - Straight up - YES! It is so great to ask questions, and "see" how people are thinking and "believing". Where the logical fallacies, conditioned patterns and "clinging of the mind" is/are at. No need, many a times, to "say what you think yourself," even though I do that too, but to enquire into others, and as you said - have them see for themselves, which happens sooometimes at least if they are.. "open enough" or what have you, that they are living in a "lie", delusions and illusions that are.. well.. "Culture" is beyond me, probably always was. Total, utter crap through "pop media" and the postmodern, "cultured" human in general is a bore, a programmed '"robot", without of course meeting or talking to all these people as that was or/and is the nature of their being. When I see beyond that veil, the "mask", the program, I see my own Self, reflected in all these beings. That, the latter sentence, is astoundingly beautiful to witness and integrate more over time. It cannot, or rarely does anyway, happen to anyone that the "shutters begin to open", so you can finally see the blindness, ignorance of others, automatically, if we remain as another part of the hamster wheel. We ought to "spend time off" from culture and aaaall the "doing", and just Be, reflect.. spend time "alone", and if not alone, in quality relationships when possible.
Well and also about the relationships that are falling apart, consider that one or both may be abusive. That will lead to trauma bonding and then Stockholm syndrome. That will make the unhappy victim of the abuse hyper alert. Trauma bonding is one of the most painful things anyone can go through as you literally lose your own soul connection to yourself and to go since all and I mean all your focus is on the abuser who has the power to starve your joy or feed it. I think yes the escalator is a set up for that trauma bond but once that starts its like falling off a cliff and the only way out to for people to constantly call abuse abuse. Now if it's a healthy unhappy relationship they might hold on like you say for the sake of the shoulds. Like you say society has been brainwashing us since day one and it's hard to break cult thinking. That thought that I am nothing without my partner is something we must confront. Really it's just the investment theory of I put so much into this and don't want to give up if I could have the movie ending.... ya it's a mess.
I think the word you’re looking for is people have some sort of “cognitive dissonance” when they are in a situation where they fact either opposing and threatening circumstances, existential crisis, like a divorce, or having to listen to antithetical points of views and opinions
Ask if us INTP’s needs are meet. -Almost never, as we are so often intellectual starved abs so difficult to find people who engage in philosophical and intellectual-type and conversations
![ฮักเทื่อสุดท้าย - บอย ศิริชัย [OFFICIAL MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/-1PoPoQ-B-k/mqdefault.jpg)
Meeting someone who speeks your language is exhilarating. It almost feels like love at first sight. It is so rare. I keep feeding myself with reading books on the art of living and listening to open minded people sharing their thoughts like you and your guests to prevent starvation. Having a romantic partner with whom you can go deep into the sanctuary of each others mind must be💥💗. Joyce you are a very knowledgeable and sweet person.
Yeah, it is exhilarating to be able to connect with someone on that level. Glad you get it! Thanks for watching, UrsaNirak.
Thanks for having me!
Absolutely. It was a blast to chat!
I'm always very impressed by Joyce's competence
Thank you, Bobby! 🙂
wdym by that? where was the competition?
"Emotionally starved" ... I can relate to that.
Happy to hear that!
I feel exactly the same
In my past marriage I was with someone who did not understand me. It was as if we were from different planets. I had to translate everything that meant something to me into his language...it lost so much in translation. He also just didn't care to go deep emotionally.
We married young, stayed together for over 20 years, ultimately it was so obvious we wanted completely different relationships.
I hear you. I feel like all my past relationships and marriage were exactly like that.
@@saratanartist Possible silver lining: At least they are past.
Here's to all of us having more fulfilling connections in present (or future) life!
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing that. It really goes to show how important it is to be with someone who wants the same things as you do in a relationship.
@@JoyceMeng22 Absolutely agree!
What's your type and what type did you marry with?
INFJ & INFJ sounds like a great option! INFJ guy here.
yesss
It is! Just like INTP + INTP friendships. I say friendships, because my partner is an INTJ
My husband and I are also both infjs, huge difference in comparison to my previous relationship with an estp which was hell...
Would love to meet a single mature INFJ woman.
Omg I jumped to watch this video! I love Clays channel and I’m so glad he’s on yours!
I know that INFJ’s have always really liked me, because I always understood them and are also abstract and intellectually minded individuals like us INTP’s
This was a good conversation, it's nice when similarity finds unity.
Truth. It makes me happy to know you liked the video, Dominic!!
Besides my younger brother, I have met another INFJ and if he wasn’t so young, I would totally fall for him. He just graduated last year. I had to tell him I am not as young as I look. Even non romantically, the mental stimulation and intuitive connection is very much real. My sister is another Ni-dom and she is very pragmatic and keeps me grounded. We enjoy having long discussions about academic subjects. The same with our brother, plus the spiritual concerns. Besides science, we also need to express ourselves artistically. The best way to describe the process is that we literally go with the imaginative flow.
Nice! My oldest brother is an INFJ and myself an INTP
I am a 26 year old INFJ male. I'm searching quite seriously for an INFJ female who would be marriage and family minded and want a life of self sufficiency and wholesome family health.
If that interests you let me know, I don't mind if someone is within 12 years older than me, I have a strong inner child, but an old soul.
Great! Joyce. These interviews are really helpful
ooh, I'm excited
Street-Epistemology.. Reminds me of the TH-camr Sneako. He's great with forming genuine conversation, catching people off guard and dissecting what they really mean in mini street interviews. Very strong opinions, but you can tell he's always learning and just wants to come to a greater understanding.
This was a great conversation. I appreciate the content you both put out and was hoping there would be a meeting, related quite a bit to what was discussed here. Keep growing your power level Joyce, the changes can be seen in your expression of curiousity, the flow you can get into in conversation
There's a big, impossible question in the middle of this discourse (how to life), and life is just about accepting that no one person really knows the answer, we can only try to appreciate and capture the nuance while wading through the chaos. I think a lot of INFJ types gravitate toward a Daoist viewpoint over time, when they've adjusted to their own needs that are sometimes in opposition to the world.
Revisited this video and now that we know that my hubs is an INFJ…. Dang, I can’t imagine living without an NF base to come home to. I mean my Father was an ENTJ and mother and ISFJ, so I know what it’s like to be misunderstood by both thinkers and sensors and in a painful way: the NF is the water and air that Brad and I live in and yes it’s very soulmate grounding, I don’t think that it would be worth being in a relationship deeply if they didn’t understand your main functions. I mean ENFP INFJ, we don’t even share the same functions, but to be intuitive feelers and to have the function categories in the same order has been both this intense connection with strong growth stimulation. I was depressed before Brad off and on and I guess I have identified that, but now I really know that it’s true. Woah, I love both of your channels, the INFJ energy here is amazing!! I think that hearing the minds of INFJ’s is so interesting, like deep philosophical bunny rabbits who could save the planet if we listened. Great chat guys!!! I learn a lot always from you both.
Super pleased you enjoyed the video, Jula! Thanks for always watching and dropping by.
@@JoyceMeng22 your content is stellar and you’re just so sweet Joyce, it’s so good to see such safe space to explore type in. 🥰🙌🏼🙌🏼😀
I feel sad that you guys can understand so many people, but so few people seem to understand you, that’s really sad… emotionally starved. I mean modern life for feeler doms, myself included, can feel like an isolating tinker bell in a jar situation. My infp husband also goes through this starvation in society and we may not look it, but I feel really alone in my actual feelings outside of my inner core group as an ESFP too. The world tends to be so harsh and even just outcome driven and then it wonders why the people are not flourishing… we need to take heart literally. Also, damn Joyce you just described the fight or flight response in social situations that I’ve observed and tried to explain to others and few understand it, my husband and I like to try to slow down group think and often play medic to unhealthy group dynamics in our work together and my goodness am I the canary in the coal mine knowing where the toxicity lies and it can feel quite lonely since we can’t and won’t disclose this knowledge always but need to be aware of it and I get totally exhausted from the gravity that stagnates group think and when control is used as a main coping mechanism for toxic group members. INFJs and I have amazing eyeball convos ;). My hubs and I are never one thing but live in the intersection of all things which makes us tired a lot but when we see growth in others, it’s not a given but it’s truly just wow, it’s much more rare than you’d think. Growth mindset is not a given it’s something that you choose and need to work for and we all fight it. To the growers, peace.
Clay, that check out thing, is boundary growth…. It’s sort of amazing.
I’m now married to an INTJ, which is fairly close to an INTP, but I have found that some of my most fruitful and meaningful friendships have always been with my fellow INTP’s. For instance we greatly enjoys our intellectual and abstract conversations
Always loved the depth of INFJs and their dynamic space of their inner worlds, ever growing wonders and I always love to witness, see and share that. The INFJs blind spots and misunderstanding parts of both perception and many other parts in life also shows when two INFJs is paired together. But sometimes what one INFJ can spot on one side of the coin often makes the other INFJ flip the coin to show the other side of it, which can get them to see the whole coin together, but what is found can also point towards what is lost in the process.
All this was very inspiring, look forward to more amazing deep dives in the future Joyce & Clay!
/ENFP-A, 4w5, Num 22, Libra, HSP, Earth Dragon, Sanguine-Melancholic
Exactly, it is like seeing the whole coin. Very well put, Kristoffer!
Great video! I could relate to a lot of his thought process and especially the needs of an INFJ to feel understood but I would also say "challenged" not just someone who agrees with your views, which is why I also value intelligence a lot. Another important thing as he said is change, which I can imagine would also be difficult if the other person isn't open to change or can't adapt to your "new self"
Interestingly enough, I experienced this fight or flight response from people when I revealed I am now a Christian. Christians are typically thought to be most herd-ish, but my experience revealed to me ALL people have this problem…we just perceive it as more pronounced from our own perspective or whatever angle we’re viewing it from.
Going through a divorce currently from an ESFP. 1 year into the marriage my needs were very clearly not being met; also, conversation was just exhausting. He would get so detailed about describing his day and I would have to feign interest so I didn’t appear rude. And he was not interested in what I wanted to talk about. I resonate with what Joyce said about our body knowing we are starving before we consciously do. I have an ENFP and INFP best friend that kept me intellectually stimulated and emotionally engaged in life and I would have been fine to continue in the marriage because I found happiness in my friendships and in my own personal growth. Looking back though I became a shell of myself in the context of my marriage, while thriving in other areas. I just never ended up talking to him and lived in my own world. I went on a dating app to try to have interesting convos and ended up talking with another INFJ, and very early on I realized I’d never been able to have those types of conversations with a male I was romantically attracted to (I didn’t have dating experience really before I got married). It was very surreal to talk to someone that clearly processed things the way I did and who could not only understand what I was talking about but counter my thoughts as well. There was also a feeling of exposure fairly early on; I knew he knew my intentions and thought process so it forced me to be even more honest with myself. He ended things rightfully so because long story short my situation is complicated right now, but I can’t help but wonder if we met at a different time if it would work long term.
I know that someone like CS Joseph calls us NT’s the intellectuals, but INFJ’s can also be one of the intellectuals. For instance my new INFJ friend told me recently that I like her life saviour, because she was so intellectually starved till I can along
My tribe! 🥰 Ive been thinking about everything that you guys talked about lately.
What a coincidence! Haha.
great video
Thanks!
That is certainly not the case with me. I never really shared anything with my other female friends, in which I didn’t have many. Maybe it’s because I’m more male-like being an INTP
11:11 - 100%. Self Realization is Everything
Sounds very much like me. I was initially in the hard sciences, but have been increasing very philosophical and been delving into philosophy, as well as exploring all the other intellectually driven topics within the realm of psychology, theology, political thought and evolutionary biology. -INTP
Joyce I can't feel my fi. I'm entj and it's a total blind spot. Could you do a how to about trying to learn blind functions? It's really important to me.
56:30 - Straight up - YES! It is so great to ask questions, and "see" how people are thinking and "believing". Where the logical fallacies, conditioned patterns and "clinging of the mind" is/are at.
No need, many a times, to "say what you think yourself," even though I do that too, but to enquire into others, and as you said - have them see for themselves, which happens sooometimes at least if they are.. "open enough" or what have you, that they are living in a "lie", delusions and illusions that are.. well.. "Culture" is beyond me, probably always was.
Total, utter crap through "pop media" and the postmodern, "cultured" human in general is a bore, a programmed '"robot", without of course meeting or talking to all these people as that was or/and is the nature of their being.
When I see beyond that veil, the "mask", the program, I see my own Self, reflected in all these beings. That, the latter sentence, is astoundingly beautiful to witness and integrate more over time.
It cannot, or rarely does anyway, happen to anyone that the "shutters begin to open", so you can finally see the blindness, ignorance of others, automatically, if we remain as another part of the hamster wheel.
We ought to "spend time off" from culture and aaaall the "doing", and just Be, reflect.. spend time "alone", and if not alone, in quality relationships when possible.
@@davidwillebrand1000 Alltså, SOUL BROTHER I DETTA LIV VERKLIGEN!! Gaaalet :D
One day I'll meet another INFJ... I hope. 😔
I met my now husband in a game as I was asking for help. So you never know where you will find you infj, so don't ignore anything nor anyone 😉
My INTJ hubby is also from Vancouver, and myself from Ontario
Well and also about the relationships that are falling apart, consider that one or both may be abusive. That will lead to trauma bonding and then Stockholm syndrome. That will make the unhappy victim of the abuse hyper alert.
Trauma bonding is one of the most painful things anyone can go through as you literally lose your own soul connection to yourself and to go since all and I mean all your focus is on the abuser who has the power to starve your joy or feed it.
I think yes the escalator is a set up for that trauma bond but once that starts its like falling off a cliff and the only way out to for people to constantly call abuse abuse.
Now if it's a healthy unhappy relationship they might hold on like you say for the sake of the shoulds. Like you say society has been brainwashing us since day one and it's hard to break cult thinking. That thought that I am nothing without my partner is something we must confront.
Really it's just the investment theory of I put so much into this and don't want to give up if I could have the movie ending.... ya it's a mess.
I think the word you’re looking for is people have some sort of “cognitive dissonance” when they are in a situation where they fact either opposing and threatening circumstances, existential crisis, like a divorce, or having to listen to antithetical points of views and opinions
Ask if us INTP’s needs are meet. -Almost never, as we are so often intellectual starved abs so difficult to find people who engage in philosophical and intellectual-type and conversations
Harmanizing INFJ with some depressing going on.