In my opinion, I think Black women should focus more on building their self esteem and self image than worrying about how other people feel about us. We put too much emphasis on other people and allow them to tell us who we are instead of us figuring out who we are. Take your power back and start to not care about other people. At the end of the day, those other people are highly irrelevant. Don't play into their game. Just take yourself out of the equation and live your life for yourself.
I turned 30 last month and your comment is the biggest shift that I will need to make in this decade in order to experience more joy in my life. Thanks for putting into words for something I have struggled with in my past!
@@lovegyrlnco THIS! How we treat each other is also just just as important. We are all we have. If we don’t treat each other well and look out for one another, then who will?
I've decided at 52 to live the soft, debtfree life. Sold house. Became debtfree. Travel lab assignments. Now, have an apartment and work PRN. Now at 54 y.o. Just returned from vacay in Portugal three weeks ago. 💅🏿 LIVE YOUR LIFE, LADIES.🎉🎉
This is my goal. I won't have kids either, 33 now and going to get my tubes tied. But I am very feminine, creatively journal and pen pal a lot and work as a teacher, also studied psycho therapy. I will take it slooowwww from now on.
@@Omonike88 please tell me more about the travel lab work that you do. I did nursing (family forced it in me) graduate with my Associates of science in nursing degree. I have yet to pass state board exam bc I know that in my geart its not for me. Its been 2 years since Ive graduated with no direction in life 😢
And this is why I learned early to loathe when people say to me, "You are a STRONNNGGAH, hard working, BLACK WOMAN." My reply, "No, I'm not. I'm actually very fragile but in order to survive, I HAVE to be strong."
Here’s the thing say that out loud. All I hear is “I am independent black woman”. I don’t hear any other women saying this. I let it know I am tired and I need help. It’s important. Don’t sell yourself to be something we as woman simply can’t be.
And let’s not forget, when we were children, we were NOT allowed to just be a child. We weren’t allowed to be tired because “we don’t have a job”…. Our parents have a lot of fault in this
YOU GET IT SIS! I'm 15 minutes in and had to PAUSE to give my input. It's like we're rewarded for being Mules. You know this is a SICK society when there's PRAISE for being exhausted. SMH
I also had 3 jobs in college. My Dad said girls don’t go to college. They get married and have babies. I was always tired. I had an 8 in the morning class and my last job ended at 6 in the morning. I was under weight and stressed out. I was the first person in my family to graduate from a four year University.
Wow that is a lot! I hope it worked out for you in the end. I tried this. I worked a full time night job for 8 hrs then straight to school for another 7. I only lasted a month. I was so disappointed in myself and wondered wtf was wrong with me. This crap really isn't normal but I still feel guilty.
I can definitely relate. I also had three jobs, was involved in extracurricular activities, and was taking more than the 18-credit hours each semester so I could graduate early. I’d get 3 hours of sleep on a good night. I was so exhausted.
I had 3 jobs as well. My father didn’t pay for any of it even though he could’ve easily afforded it. Idk whats wrong with the BC. These cycles are being perpetuated over and over again.
After years of being in patient care, I worked 24hr and 36hr shifts. I raised my kids. When I stopped, I had ptsd. Last year, I picked up and moved to a beach town in Mexico for the reasons you stated. I was exhausted and the idea that I would live and die this way was unfathomable. When I was a child, I used to want to live and visit different cultures and I knew that the way we all live wasn’t normal. Now, the ocean excites me. I write a blog and am working on a book. I saved my writing for nasty-grams, angry emails. Now, I’m taking joy in being creative. For myself. If I look silly, idc. I sent your video to my daughters. Thanks Sis.
I’m so sad for Black women who live in a cycle of distain while being Black. I have loved every moment of being a Black woman. I’ve chose to live I soft life and I actually see my Blackness as a privilege.
Nice job...although I can't relate to the programming that many black women run, I know we don't have to! My life is a dream but only because it is what I intend it to be.
My conversation with my therapist includes the phrase “I’m sooooo tired” and it literally relates to me actually being too tired to continue living. Not suicide, but feeling like I’m too tired to continue maintaining my life, meeting the demands of maintaining my career as a finance professional who hates this profession but chose it to escape a life of extreme poverty and I am single. Im so exhausted I have no energy to plan a different path.
Been there sis. Make a decision to do something different TODAY. Start small. Find a way. You have escaped poverty but aren't living fully right now. Stop and smell the roses while you can. Take a few days off to rest and plan. YOU DESERVE TO REST AND LIVE A FULL LIFE OF ABUNDANCE. YOU DESERVE TO EXPERIENCE JOY. 💐
I near almost shed a tear and got emotional reading your comment, because I too can relate. But then those feeling of you ‘can’t stop now,’ is what we are conditioned to right? Do more and more! Just to share….I took a much needed break almost 5 months ago because, “I was soooo tired,” and then some. That time off made me realize how mentally, physically, emotionally drained I was. I’m still unwinding and I have not put myself back on job market yet because my state of mind was literally a desire not to enslaved myself anymore. I’m making plans by God’s grace to transition out of the country soon for a way of peace of mind and a better quality of life because truly and honestly those very words, “I’m soooo tired” resounds in my the head regularly. So sis, I encourage you to take care of your mind, body and spirit and find some peace that works for you. And when you cross over to that path, have no regrets. Peace and love.
I feel the same way. I am not actively suicidal, but I find myself envying those who have passed away. The sweet release of death. I am tired of the increasing costs of living, less disposable income, the anger and aggression I come across just by leaving this house every day. I’m in my early 30s but I have no idea how I’m going to make it another 30-40 years. I just want to rest.
And this is why ive booked two months to the coast of Mozambique . Car is going into storage, tenants coming into my place , children on campus , parents with siblings. I have been waiting 20 years to catch a break
Being overly exhausted is not normal but unfortunately is NORMALIZED in America…smh. I can relate to not feeling “enough” and at 43 years old, I realize it was time to take my power back and that’s what I’m doing. I was a people pleaser too but now If it doesn’t resonate with my soul, the answer is no. If it corrupts my self care, the answer is a hard no. So it’s a process but I’m learning. Better late than never right? 😊
Thiiiiiiiiis! All of this! And you're absolutely right! It's better late than never! We're here and we're learning and unlearning. And I LOVE this: "if it doesn't resonate with my soul, the answer is 'no'". This is SO freeing!!! Thank you so much for sharing this with us! You are a liberation worker. Bless you. Much love and joy to you!!! 💛💛💛🌻☺️
@@Okaylulay But your self first!!! First step to self care and self love... Everyone's idea of self-care is different. So it's whatever you need for yourself. It could be buying an outfit, going to counseling, sleeping in when you usually don't, starting the new skin care routine. Skin care routine. It doesn't matter as long as you are prioritizing your basic needs first❤❤❤❤
I just started a new job in January and entered this new job fully traumatized by my last job (don't worry... I'm in therapy now and healing). Sometimes I get a little insecure about the fact that my colleagues keep getting awards for "employee of the month" and 5 star reviews from clients and other recognitions for going above and beyond. However I decided that I am purposely doing the bare minimum of my job requirements and not going above and beyond because they don't deserve that from me. I will not allow myself to get burned out and traumatized by another company for the service of others.
Thank you so much for your testimony Alecia! I am 33, SINGLE, Childfree and I am EXHAUSTED! I’ve experienced similar achievements and discouragement during high school, college and currently, while working this “hustle train” of labor. As this economy continues to shift in the United States, I believe more of us (black women) will experience this awakening and change the trajectory of our “WHY” and learn how to just “Be”.
What’s worse is when folks around you want to shame you for your status and use you mercilessly because they automatically think you have the time and resources to accommodate THEM. Some families only celebrate you if you’re getting married & having babies-out of wedlock or not. It’s so unfair but keep your head up and I hope you find work that suits your timeline to include rest and don’t ever have a care in the world about marriage. We all know what really happens behind closed doors. ❤❤❤
Yes! People think being single and childless is easy going. I love my life, but I have to work very, very hard to make sure it stays that way. Upkeeping oneself and ones comfort is exhausting, and I will never be guilted into taking in responsibilities(spouse and children) that are not guarantees of happiness. I feel that people almost want to see you suffer and struggle as a black woman in order for your existence to be valid.
@🦋Timileyin Destinee🦋 This is the second time I have seen a post from you about feminism. Please stop this useless male propaganda. Feminism never applied to black women, because black women were always part of the workforce from the time their feet landed on this soil. You're being manipulated with this narrative to draw women out of the workforce and into the home so black man can appear to be the cornerstone of the culture without actually doing the work or having the resources to be in that position. Feminism is the scapegoat for lazy black men who want to make black women feel shamful and guilty about their accomplishments. Get off the bandwagon and think for yourself.
So toxic. To expect someone to be superhuman and at the same time not acknowledge that you’re performing superhuman feats/ downplay your efforts and achievements.
As a black woman with a corporate job, 20 weeks pregnant and a backed up right kidney do to stress. This video couldn’t have popped up at a better time.
I think we get exhausted when we're not doing what we really want to do, the purpose we were born for, and instead, you replace your authentic purpose with what others want us to do, or what (as you said) will make others like us. However, when you're working from the inside out, from the place in your soul where your lessons are developing your talent, then you don't get really tired, and even when you do it's a good tired, satisfying, and a tired that ultimately brings you joy. That's the difference between real work, and slavery.
Thiiiiiiiiis!!! People want to do MEANINGFUL work. That is energizing and inspiring. The issue is the system we live in which sucks thr life out of us. I ONE HUNDRED PERCENT agree with you. 💛💛💛
It’s like when you’re exhausted and tired at work and can’t wait to roll into bed but as soon as you clock out, you immediately feel rejuvenated and Brand New. All of a sudden you have energy to do anything and everything.
Meaningful work (depending on your calling or passion) can sometimes mean giving to, pouring into, caring for, leading, motivating, and inspiring others. This can also be exhausting. Sometimes it feels like an endless treadmill. 😔 I have been over black excellence since 2021. So exhausting. I'm over here selectively hugging mediocrity and I am ok with it. 💯
So glad you realized this overwork in your 30s. I lost my 50s when my body just stopped. I'm mid 60s now and had a second crash but on the mend again physically and mentally. Love that you are preaching this.
I agree. Black women aren’t superheroes or goddesses. We are just people. ‘Black girl magic’ can be harmful to certain extents because it doesn’t allow any room for trial and error. It’s like black women have to be the smartest, richest, prettiest etc. We praise our youth for getting in Ivy League colleges, but we don’t praise them simply for being alive and existing. We tie our worth to our achievements. When we should strive to be comfortable in our own way.
We, as black women, have to be stellar and beyond perfect and run rings around other races just to be barely tolerated in a space and even then we are never actually celebrated. Our worth to "them" is how much we do to bring everyone else closer to their dreams.
@@notatheory4488 Are you saying that all genders and races are treated equally in the (corporate) world? In the world at large? That everyone's accomplishments and contributions are weighed the same?
I'm disappointed at some of the comments I've seen invalidating the experiences of other black women. Focusing on self love only goes so far, and acknowledging what you see happening doesn't mean you live in a "cycle of distain" because you're a black woman. The whole point is that the way people perceive you can and does affect how you experience the world (whether you choose to acknowledge it or not). It also doesn't negate the fact that it is more often than not EXPECTED and REWARDED. Not only that but the way you're perceived can affect what kind of medical treatment you receive, what kind of employment you're able to get, the way you're treated in the judicial system and much more. Those few comments with the invalidating standpoints I saw just shows how some of us are so detached from reality. The fact that having a dialogue equates to hating your own blackness is just ignorant. Great video btw!
Bless you. Thank you. I've been deleting comments left and right. People have been wildly disrespectful. This comment is so refreshing. You get it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 🌸🌼🫂🌺🌻 Thank you so much for hearing my heart. I LOVE being a Black woman.
I'm a 19 year old college student. This hits so hard and the comment section hits harder! My family is so full on with things like academia and making money. And my mom has never been great at making and keeping money for various personal and systemic reasons. But as I enter "adulthood", I feel so much pressure to be the best and show up flawless. It's like I can't even feel happy when I see black women who are serving looks, building amazing skills, or even having a "soft life" because it feels like I'm not doing enough to be celebrated by societies standards for black women. And the funny thing is there will still be people who say that those black women aren't doing enough and need to do more. Literally, I'm going to a concert in a few weeks that I know wilk have mostly white people there and all I can think about it "I have to look ethereal or else it will look like I underdressed". Even at a concert, where I should be focused on just having fun, I'm worrying about not being perceived as "magical" to white people because I'm worried about being mistreated if I don't appear insanely gorgeous. I don't even want to have like an extraordinary life, I want to have a job where I help people and get to travel, and I want to internally be a more confident person. I don't want to have millions of dollars or to be something other people envy. I want to be content, but my content isn't good enough because I'm a black woman in America. I appreciate all of the people who were able to find peace as black women through moving to another country or changing careers or generally changing their lifestyles. But even that feels terrifying for me, as my mom did that and it's like society punished her for it. She quit a job that was mistreating her, and now that she has boundaries for what jobs she wants, there is no way for her to make me money. And our relatives aren't trying to help her despite knowing the situation she is in, and I'm in no place to help her financially either. So, she is forced to overwork herself again despite knowing it will destroy her physically and mentally. I can't stand that that is often the only option for most black women, especially working class black women. You shouldn't have to destroy yourself to live a content life and many people don't want anything crazy to be content. I hope in the future we can cultivate more spaces where we can be content with ourselves and our lives and our community without being punished for it by society.
My exhaustion came from a wildly toxic environment. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I left. The toxicity took root in every area of my life, work, family, home; I just couldn’t catch a break. God saw my pain, I was offered an opportunity to work abroad, and I took it. I’ve never experienced relief like this. The family issues have worsened, but since I’m so far away, they cannot get hold of me in real time, so it’s just regular updates. I have so much peace. I don’t long for marriage or kids right now. I’m just basking in my new found freedom. I love it.
Just being a woman we require more rest. Now couple that with all the social pressures imposed on black women, we need even more rest. We don’t only feel our individual exhaustion, we feel the exhaustion of the collective of black women. Do less ladies, and rest with the extra time.
I was very tired as a teen. Exhausted and possibly anemic. I was a top student but had the energy for nothing else. One time I said to my mother that I just needed to rest. She said "you'll rest when you're dead". Thank God he taught me the value of rest in university. I was still a top student but I learned that I don't have to be exhausted, depressed and overworked to achieve what God has given me the gifts to achieve naturally.
We also must create community amongst Black women. Share homes so we have options to work part-time or take a sabbatical. It should be okay and safe to rely on each other to share expenses. Having community is healing too. I love that we questioning the status quo. Even as an early retiree I found myself making my life busy and a bit hectic. No more. I can now give lessons on relaxation
So true. I saw story where 3 single mothers of another race moved in together and shared expenses, cooking, responsibilities, mental support, and babysitting. That mindset would have helped a lot of bw financially, spiritually, etc. even during the times of lonliness & feeling no support.
@@copperwarrior It would be wonderful if we could do this. I’ve been saying this for at least 20 years. There are many things we can do to make life more affordable and less exhausting.
Zora Neale Hurston said "black woman are the mules of the world" at 68 I'm hanging up my yoke. Your video was the confirmation I needed to follow through with what my mind has been telling me since the pandemic slowed me down and showed me my reality. Thank you.
I like this topic. I can relate. I am a bachelors grad as well. Had jobs etc. Dealt with jealous women and racism. I left the rat race in 2018. I got married and now I just do what I want as a black woman. The world definitely does not have grace for black women. That's why I do what I want now and take care of myself first always. ❤❤❤
@Free Spirited Dreams stay at home wife and hopefully mom soon. Black women get way too much rude behavior in this world in my opinion. I'd recommend more black women to stay home and run a business tops. Let the other races deal with the rat race of America.
What I recognize as toxicity, manipulation and control I refuse. Black church culture, folks that don't know me or care about me I don't bother answering. I've learned to keep me sacred.
Like I didn't realise how important sleep was until I suffered a few month of intense insomnia where I couldn't get to sleep unless I took pills. It was pure agony not being able to sleep.
They don't see us as PEOPLE they see us as magical ENTITIES. I am not an overachiever by any means and yet I still have some things in common with some of you ladies: a "hardworker" yet they don't appreciate the hard work I've done, the expectation that I can do ANYTHING, and on and on. The only difference is that I stand my ground with people EARLY. I value my peace more than anything.
Realizing that the game is rigged and meritocracy is a myth as a people-pleasing, high achieving black woman sent me through the five stages of grief. I mourned the dream where I'd receive this magical, grandiose pay off that made all this pain and exhaustion worth it. It would never come and it would never be enough. The only thing hustling did was set a standard that was impossible for me to keep outdoing. So, I did what I've been scared and embarrassed to do my whole life. I gave up. Giving up gave me unimaginable relief. I was a failure to others standards but to me I was finally free.
Indeed the key is not to play the game. Choose life on your terms. Walk away from anyone who doesn't honor your need for loving care and restful joy. Remember, we were enslaved longer than we have not been enslaved. The shadow of slavery is long. The obsession with always working and no grace given=slavery mentality.
the key is to set the game, the rules and play in the position you create for yourself AND play the roles of others in the theater you produce together...I promise it works but the right mindframe is required.
This really helps me realize how much radical irresponsibility I've been embodying since teenhood. Part ADHD, part born an dreamy artist, part born skeptic about the pace of US life- I've always been a "if I don't feel like it- I'm not doing it" kind of Black girl. Dropped out of college cause it wrecked my mental health with absolutely no judgement of myself or from family. Pursued my career as an artist who works from home at my own pace and couldn't be happier. I smoke weed and relax day in and day out and the abundance is always always always there for me. Out of 365 days in a year I stress over work maybe 20 of them. Life is good, banish all societal limitations!
I wish I've done this sooner. I was the "good girl" my entire life and it wasn't under I was burnt out that I chose me over people pleasing. You had the right idea early.
I respect this sister for being honest about how she feels. I know it's hard for a lot of our women, but if you find a righteous man willing to pay all the bills and let you be a house wife, allow him to.
As a 62yr old Woman, it's Sooo refreshing to hear you, your insights/ revelations. I was a little older 35ish, when I had these Revelations my peers thought I was "betraying" Strong Black Womanhood. It was a while longer before I let it go. Now I'm strolling into my Crone cycle without the burden of thinking I should be a Mule forever. We're Evolving and I'm estatic 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💖
@mizrel I would like to acknowledge you as an extension of self and say thank you for sharing with the world - have you done any work in universal consciousness, such as Neville Goddard and late Jung theory? I wonder what the perspective is of this knowledge at your respectable age.
Yep. Years ago I remember telling a male friend that I don't want to "work like a man"! Looking back now this comment is so true. For years this is what we've been doing often to our own detriment.
this was so fire, all they want is to work us to death and get us competing to be the most exploited. Narcissistic black parents are the worst enforcers of it too, if you have a drop of life or energy or joy they do whatever they can to suck it out of you. Also, your thumbnail for this was so wonderful, it was a piece of art in and of itself👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
Heavy on the narc black parents, it’s also damaging to the nervous system. Anytime you’re calm or relaxed, they assume you’re up to nothing. You have to be neurotic and worn out to “earn” rest and happiness. I used to run in circles trying to prove i was being productive and even if i was, it was never for my own benefit. It’s a special place in hell for them that induce so much anxiety into their children to keep them stuck and leech off their life force.
This is all women. I immigrated to the USA and was brainwashed to think that the hustle was what I was supposed to do. Luckily my roots pulled me back before I went too far and left the rat race. Also going through a divorce so I’ve changed EVERYTHING in my life. Let’s hope this transition goes as smoothly as possible. It’s not normal to be exhausted, it’s not normal to be overwhelmed and not know how you’ll pay your bills after working 50-60 weeks. Non of it is normal. We should have a life. I want to have a little business, be a wife and a mom. I pray it all comes true. Makes me happy to see Americans waking up to the toxic dream we’ve been sold. Also, all I see in the media is black women yelling form the hill that they are strong and independent! Nah change your tune your strength is in letting others take care of you and asking for help. Setting boundaries. That’s strength!
Women aren’t built to work that hard. And it’s nothing wrong with that. My wife works from home. She swims, walks and whatever else daily. She’s happy which makes me happy
I feel that the strong title that is put on us is put there so nobody will have to inconvenience themselves to help us the way that we help other people. My teenage daughter died last year I have been falling apart everyday since and all I get is “you’re so strong” and prayers. I am drowning in front of ppl and even though I am broken and broken hearted I get up everyday to work, to take care of my family because I can’t afford to fall apart and give into my sadness too much because nobody is going to pick up the pieces for me.
I am 24 and I thank older women for sharing their wisdom with me❤. I owe my happiness and success to women like you. Thank you for giving us young girls a shot!
I'm a home-schooling, breastfeeding mother of 4 and entrepreneur. I take the first hour of each day for myself no matter what time it is. Unapologetically take naps if I'm overly tired. Spiritual baths at any given time of the day. I don't apologize or feel bad if I purchase something for myself. I make sure to love on ME! I make sure to let my sons and my husband know that I am a human, before a woman and before a Mom. I am continuing to manifest a reality where I can have what I need and have peace as well. Although the first part of that process is paying attention to choice of perspective. Btw I'm new here and I love it 😘
I am 18 and this video is such an eye opener. Me and my mom talk about the BW being in a position of a hard worker all the time. Some worse than others. I have been called a hard worker a lot. The BW is not destined to a be her own person which is why we are treated the way we are. You become part of someone else’s reality. Last year I watched a movie called Master. I would highly recommend it because it confirmed a lot of things I was thinking and feeling. Thank you so much for your content. You have a beautiful spirit. You are doing the Lords work. 💖
I worked my whole 20s pushing back my real dream of just being an artist, because for some reason I didn’t feel like I was worthy enough unless I was exhausted to the point of depression. Now I’m 30 and I promised myself I will only do what I want with my life not what others expect, I even built a business that isn’t fulfilling. I see now that I’m enough just doing what I love and not over working. Hustle culture is the biggest lie Thanks for your video x
I remember going to a private PWI to complete my nursing degree. The amount of racism, micro aggressions, and passive aggression I experienced was profound. I was there on a full academic scholarship and I had professors tell me “so what if you lose your scholarship?” or my personal favorite was when they would be so upset that I scored the highest on an exam and pretended like they didn’t know the grading scale when questioned 😅. I’m a glutton for self development so I will be returning to complete my nurse anesthesia schooling ❤ I’ll never forget that my only black professor told me that the racism is a constant battle that I will have to deal with as I move further up in academia.
This opened up fresh wounds for me. I would kill my social life to focus on getting good grades in university, a black foreigner in Europe. Acing all of my classes and when I would score really high on this course one time, my teacher would call me to her office to ask me how I got that grade, if I saw the questions somewhere prior to the exams. This one woman would later in the future prevent me from being the best graduating student in the whole humanities department by just 1 point. Because she felt we the blacks would have carried the white kids along academically since we had a better hold on English(keep in mind I had to work my ass off to pay my fees and study extra hard to get grants on my fees while dealing simultaneously with the passing of my father). Truly there’s no grace for black women anywhere because no matter what we do, we are never enough every system in place isn’t there to help us.
Wow, thank you for sharing!💗 I just wanted to add my opinion also: This is why self validation is so important. We are enough, we always have been and always will be. No one is born forsaken and especially not the highly melanated woman who is the source for all of humanity/DNA. a powerful perspective to hold is that it takes so many systems to hold us back, literally laws older than most of us living today and institutions that continue to enforce these wrongs. Yet despite all these layers we excell naturally (this makes me really proud). it's a matter of us creating our own systems gracefully over time, which we are definitely doing 💖
Yes Sis!! Yes. I took my life back at the age of 42 after multiple Ivy League degrees and an addiction to “success” as others defined it. In 2018, I finally walked away from the titles, the high executive salary and everything else to go to interspiritual seminary, revamp my career and work in a way that i love. This is the prescription. I am living a life that I love now, healing my mind-body-spirit and looking forward to the next chapter. It’s going to be amazing. IT ALREADY is. 🎉🎉🎉
@@jones2277 I work as a professor (which does not pay much at all but offers great benefits) and I have my own business as an executive coach and interfaith minister. I determine my own client rates and my 85% of my time is designed as I see fit on the day to day. This is what freedom feels like to me. It will look different for everyone depending on their talents and their your “freedom” vision.
Man, I hate that this is a running script many of us are handed from the jump. Thank you so dearly for sharing your testimony, Alecia ♡ As a black girl-child from PG County - who was once kicked out of my home for lying about applying early admission to Towson University (I was petrified of being rejected by my dream school) - I hold such deep gratitude for the reminder that my experience is not new, and I am not alone. As Baltimore Writer Lucille Clifton once wrote: “Come celebrate with me that every day something has tried to kill me and has failed.” For this very reason, anytime I get hard on myself, it helps to remember that there are systems in place set up for my demise, from jump; so let me spite everything that strives to kill me by choosing honor myself & my needs. There's a wonderful anthology book titled "This Bridge Called My Back : Writings by Radical Women of Color" that explores so much touched upon in this video. May we all grow to give ourselves the grace so many people have often denied us xoxo
Sadly a hard working young black woman died recently, law enforcement officer college educated Ms Areanah Preston, 24 years old in Chicago. 2023 AND, Tori Bowie, three time Olympic medalist died at age 32.
I definitely get my rest. I will go to bed at 3:00 pm if I feel like it😂 I do just enough to get by at work. And won’t work anywhere that requires a lot of me. I’ve been saying I’m tired and you getting on my nerves since I was 4😂😂😂 My favorite word is NO🥰
As a single parent at 32 about to be 33, I am exhausted from not having help from my so called "village" coupled with not living in my purpose, giving myself up so my child can get the emotional, mental and financial stability that my mother did not give me as a child. I feel like I just work to survive, I have no dating life, no babysitter outside of work hours, and barely existent social life AND I'm back in school. I'm proud of myself for not cracking and folding under pressure but I'm so tired of people telling me "you're such a strong black woman". Listen, I'm tired. I want a softer life, more balance, and a healthier mindset towards life. Most days I feel like a slave and other days a robot. I casually dated a guy I truly didn't like just to feel some sense of normalcy like I'm numb to everything. This is not how life is supposed to be. I just started vocalizing that I'm overwhelmed and most times I am depressed. I do not regret my decision to become a mom and further my education but I wish there was more help from the village I came from. I watched my entire family get help as a child and I see now why she wasn't as stressed out as I am now. I do everything by myself and the help i do get is from family several states away and I hate asking them for help since everyone has their own thing going on. I too thought I was lazy and not applying myself because of the notion of black families not acknowledging depression and anxiety. This video made me feel normal. Thank you
I always thought I was a looser and lazy because I mentally was unable to work as hard as other people. Due to MH, I burn out easily. I was told I use it as a crutch.
I've had an issue with the phrase "black girl magic" for a while now. I get that the thought behind it likely wasn't from a bad place but it feels so empty cause it is so dismissive of all the barriers that come with being a blk girl in this screwed up world. And the level of effort it takes and all the work blk girls/ women have to put in to have a platform anywhere. Its like a way not to acknowledge all of the legitimate hard work that goes in acting as if being exceptionally good at something is a given with being a blk woman when its not! Like you said. Even when you do something incredibly difficult you don't even have a moment to take that in and rest afterwards ppl still want more from you. Its tiring, unfair, and just wrong. And I also grew up watching my mom over work herself in a "two parent" home and my dad in the background only showing up to be a abusive asshole but not doing much else. Me seeing that had such a strong effect on me that I told myself I will NEVER be in a relationship like that and NEVER break my back for anyone let alone an abusive asshole.
I was grown when i stopped going to church while on my period. "Why? This is a day of rest. Not supposed to be stresst." Taught the girls the same. "Nobody's business. Stay home and take care of yourself." I said. I think I helped them 2B more comfortable on their cycles. I hope.
You're me. Experiencing so much overwhelmed, exhaustion in the last few months. Realized I'm over stimulated as well, so learning to put away my phone, shut off the TV and just hear quietness
This is very relatable. Each time I try to "take it for myself", even for things that I have EVERY right to have, I get slapped down. I've tried to advocate for myself, not seek permission, not being run into the ground for others' expectations. You're right: The world doesn't see us as people; we're celebrated for being abused and over-worked. Nothing we do is ever enough. I was SO sick once that I couldn't control my bodily functions. I shouldn't have even been driving. Mind you, I have an office job. Two days before Christmas, I got some "emergency" dumped on me by my boss' boss, he disappeared for the holidays, and then I was left to defend myself against a team of attorneys DEMANDING I get the work done, when I literally couldn't speak due to illness. Each time I tried to say something, they talked over top of me and said "Yeah, so, she'll get that done...". I dragged myself in for days until I literally couldn't walk. I also have a disabled spouse, so I had to take care of him as well. I'm entitled to sick leave, which I NEVER took, so I had loads saved up. They worked me like a rented mule for two weeks, under threat of "court orders" and "contempt of court". I documented things over and over again, and they ignored it. They went to court and filed paperwork blaming me for delays that had nothing to do with me. Again: They came to me TWO DAYS before Christmas, and then blamed me when people I was told to get things from weren't available. Tried to fight back, and was told nobody cared that I was blamed. I'm still exhausted several years later from that ordeal, and likely have permanent lung damage, because I couldn't even get to a doctor. But they threaten you and push you, and when you're a PoC and female, they don't allow you to be "tired" or to refuse to go above and beyond; we're expected to accept unfair treatment. They know you need the job, and EEOC is a joke. I'm just trying to hang on until I can retire, because at 50+, I'm not trying to deal with another place that's just going to treat me like a servant.
Sorry this happened to you. I see you have a unique set of circumstances that seem to keep you tied to this job but I hope you figure a way out sooner than later. The next job could be a joy. It could let you shine, be creative, be flexible, be less demanding , be more lucrative, be fun with great coworkers. Please don't let them win and work you into an early grave because you didn't search for new opportunities fearful you would only find the same treatment 😔
Almost halfway in but I've always been curious why people think overwork is normal so much so they do anything to justify it. I just learned even most of middle class black people come from perks of slavery where many had the resources of being the children of slave masters etc. Meaning working class black people still believe we are lazy it's wild
JUST SHARING, last year I saw an interview with actress Jenifer Lewis 65 years old solo, where she said she went on a vacation because she was working hard, and never stopped. Black women do overwork themselves and live by others expectations, sadly. However I have seen this for decades in the black community. Jenifer Lewis was scammed by her boyfriend who was her personal trainer out of money$$$$$, and he was sent to prison.......... Stay safe ladies
Late seeing your video. Thanks for sharing your life today. Thankfully my childhood was a as an only child. My mother was my biggest cheerleader, with my father in tow. I knew early in life I owned my womb. I was the first one in my family to get a USA Passport and traveled beyond the borders of the USA. My life has been amazing and slow. In later life studied at Henderson State University, stayed in a condo, solo, rent free. Age 70 physically fit speaking 3 foreign languages, no to Christianity, and child FREE thankfully.......... Soaking in the hot mineral springs water outside this evening drinking free fresh spring water
@@CWA2400 Thanks. I love sharing my life, because not every black woman is burned out and tired and many of us have had good childhood experiences and healthy family... Stay safe ladies
I just don’t relate to y’all bc it was black ppl that was colorist to me so now that shoe is on the other foot you wanna complain about white ppl and cry racism
I too am so exhausted Alecia and it just crept up on me out of nowhere. Trying to climb the corporate ladder and right the wrongs of generations past is draining. I can't wait for the day I get married so I can feel love without transaction and rest.
Sis, marriage does not guarantee that. The love you are looking for can only come from your connection to the divine and within yourself. A loving partner is only icing on a cake of self love!!
You'll get the love and care you need. Unfortunately I too, only found that type of love with my now husband. Just make sure whoever you get married to, loves you, values you and makes you happy.
Dear I didn't say "no" to people until I was 40. I didn't die,or turn into Rumpulskilskin. Its kind of a relief... I'm 70 now and have learned it's ok not to be overwhelmed. But when I was younger juggling 4 children's schedules,4 different schools. Graveyard shift. I was a homemaker 14 years before went back to work part-time. I'd go to parties with my husband who was a system analyst people would say "0h what do you do?" I'd say a stay at home Mom. I felt like, it was never enough although it's a 24-7 job. Well now our daughters are grown, 42,44&46 they are Mothers working 6 days a week 12 hour days. Sometimes like you 2-3 jobs going to school. We have 6 Grandchildren all grown but 1, 2 still in college. We Grandparents help as much as we can luckily were in the same town. Luckily your finding out early dear xoxo. It's hard to survive things are so expensive now days just to live.take care
I often hear young black women saying that their life is not in order I think we have just had more challenges and are discouraged from caring for ourselves I’m only 33 and have experienced a lot good and bad I’ve learned it’s best to be kind to myself, to say the least
This was fire!!!! I always felt like i wasnt enough growing up. I felt overlooked and like the black sheep. Now as an adult everyone needs me, i have to be nurse, lawyer, teacher and activist for everyone that didnt see me before, and im tired. Im also my mother's caregiver and its draining becauseits never enough. This gave me the courage to practice using the word No! Thank you sis, one love to all my melanated sisters👑
These are sentiments that resonate with me 100% because I've been here for a good while. Don't attempt to Blk Girl Magic/Blk Excellence/Blk Exceptionalism/Earn Your Leisure me to d/eath. It's all exploitative and conditional. Thank you!
15:02 This is so well put, tracing back to the exploitation of black struggle, where they essentially see these struggles as the only thing marketable to the media, and there's also this argument of how this "black struggle" performed by artists is popular in our own community too, as once they make it out this struggle they become irrelevant.
I agree one hundred percent I am a black woman I have been working in Dental for about 7 years to complete seven years I have been treated less than the white assistant I have been treated as if I am the new girl everyday working for these companies I now temp I do not work permanently for any company. Also they treat me as if I may not know what I'm doing so they do not really like to give me heavy duties sometimes I have to push to get them to give me procedural jobs I have to push to do it and things like that it has exhausted me and then when I show them that I can do it they start making me do it all the time it's crazy And also I had to look into RBF which is Rachel battle fatigue which usually comes from working alongside white people in the way you are treated as a black person on the job or in the educational space can be very exhausting mentally and it can hurt your performance I learned about that from TH-camr runaway slave
Wow i had never heard of rbf but def experienced it. I also think i didnt push to ever finish nursing school because of the knowledge of how i would be treated being that i had been in the medical field for years. I let fear and thoughts of not being good enough win. I am finishing for something else now but i never thought i would have high blood pressure. When i had my internship i was even overly criticized and was told i had that sister girl look on face. While the whole time i was gettin sarcasm, slick remarks, attitude, stank looks by a mexican and black aide who was training. Thats why i guarded myself and may have appeared that way. Whats shocking is patients always said im doin great & pleasant. Still sat there strong on last day of intern as those aides got away with being nasty. Never said a word about it as i was strong & conditioned to people please. Ffwd got med asst cert from that which i never even used. But i gained the truth of how nasty folks can be. Us sisters need to stick together too.
@@LaBellaMafia1 I am sorry you had to experience that it is sad that often we as sisters are ran off or made to feel that we don't belong somewhere and that's a strategy they use to get rid of us because they really don't want us to come up in the world they want to keep us down. And also I noticed in Dental when there is one black chick and she gets in with the other white workers she does not want you to be there so she will also join in with them in trying to make you feel uncomfortable so it can be the same thing in medical and I am very glad that you still went on to finish your certification it is important and if you ever do go back to nursing try to finish it and don't let nothing stop you I'm very proud of you for continuing to move forward even in another field. It takes a lot of strength and courage to get back up and jump back in the arena after feeling defeated proud of you
@@sweetpeaj1952 racial battle fatigue And it's truly real. I hope you aren't experiencing this. It's hard to overcome it once it sets in. Best wishes ❤️
@Dionne Denise Every Day I have as a medical personnel working dayshift unfortunately, I work nights partly because of this, but tired of nights now lol, want to do something else. My sis unfortunately is an Arnp, the only blk one and is going through it unfortunately. It is very real. I notice the less of a supportive" blk ppl group around in a workforce, the alienation and microaggrsn is displayed by others ten times more.
I can relate 100% Literally took on so many responsibilities as a teenager to now in my 30's. It's very exhausting. Now seeking relief and learning to put myself first instead of trying to please everyone around me. People do not appreciate our efforts and we are not celebrated. Learn to love yourself and put yourself first ladies.
You are so correct. It took Spirit telling me I was doing more than enough, over and over, to make me take a step back and realize I was being played. The parent wants you to get a job, anywhere for any pay. The parent who never encouraged you to feed into that soft magnetic feminine energy. The stingy, hostile, abusive male parent.....the job that didn't appreciate my blackness and the emotional crash and horrific spasmodic headaches...standing clutching the stairs one day and not being able to ascend wondering if I should either call an ambulance or someone else. Time to realize we are Goddesses...we are who they are copying and feeding off of. It's time for us to honour ourselves and practice self care...
Well said Sis. Rest was, and will always be, the real FLEX!! Hands down the BEST gift I've ever given myself. I have learned so much, I see clearly now. Things take on an entirely new meaning now. I got back to the middle, now I go to great lengths to protect my peace. I stay trying to keep my feet grounded. The conditioning is real, and it's not always "out there"....the worst abuser has been myself. I have come to realize that how I feel is my business.....everything else ain't. Always a good message from you.!!
"Rest is the new Flex." I can't thank you enough for this revelation. Watching Alecia's video, plus reviewing other comments, has been so cathartic. 🙏🏾❤
After 21 years a slave at a government job, I was forced to retire or resign-I retired at 53 so I would have some type of income until I found a job that valued my work strong work ethic and integrity. It’s been almost 3 years now, and I’m still not working, not for a lack of effort on my part. I’m finding their will to hire young and cute other women far outweighs my experience, race snd age. Working in government has taught me, that unless you’re willing to forget your integrity you will not survive.
I’m over here clapping and shouting! This is the truth!!! I go through this all the time. I’m the hospital system white women create so much drama and bullying but what they don’t realize is I fight back and have went for the one thing they cherish! Their pockets!
I had 3 jobs at one point when I was in grad school and yes I was in the DMV at the time. Just pushing through money was needed and trying to survive. But also, it was and is part of American culture, and Black people have been part of that. So many of our families have been ok with this and in the spirit of Black excellence have pushed for us to push ourselves, when self care has fell to the side. I’m so glad now that we have voices that are acknowledging what has been happening and that it’s ok to rest.
i was literally diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome after grinding my whole life and being taught to ignore my body's communication and pleads for rest. this is insanely and tragically resonnant. so inspiring though. just ordered the book. you are so well spoken and i'm so glad this video popped up on my feed. sending peace and love
I guess it's our job now to deal with, heal, teach, explain the ramification of slavery. #ancestralblacktrauma It's like Black Women are being punished for learning our value and worth. No we don't want to date a bus driver if we don't want to. This was a Beautiful vlog. Thank you 🌹
P.G County here. Everything you went through brought you to this point. You are Brilliant it’s just you spent those years seeking Validation (like we all). Now, you’ve validated yourself 🥰! You ARE BLACK GIRL MAJIC! 😊
Good topic to talk about! I was reflecting on my life and how my parents raised us. My mom was the breadwinner, and my father was more of the molder (after his work shift). One thing I appreciate about my father was they never pushed education, they just wanted me to do my best. The first time I brought a D home, he congratulated me and said “if that’s the best you got, then you did a good job.” Never once were we disciplined over grades, we were disciplined if we lacked character or were snobby towards people. If he heard about how rude we were or the fact we didn’t acknowledge people- best believe we’d get a spanking. Lol He also never pushed me to get a job- he told me “you’re going to be working for the rest of your life, you can enjoy being home and figuring your life out- if you want to go to school better be for something worth your time and not for an art degree. When we would get in trouble, our punishment was to pick a book from his business/ self help book and read aloud so he can hear (while he was working on the computer) Mind you I was dyslectic was very insecure about reading. 😂 My biggest tip in life? Have a family with a man who understands a woman’s strength, and biological needs/wants of what’s natural (to be a home maker). Glad my father knew enough to allow me to develop as an individual without pushing so much of society’s standards or timeline of “what you need to accomplish before a certain age.” Because of that I so artsy things for a living and living more comfortable than my peers who have an education and were promised more pay than what I got. Yes, education is a great way to maybe set yourself up however glad my father pushed financial literacy since I was in middle school.
This world may never celebrate us so we must celebrate ourselves & each other! We need to speak & network with each other & stop hating on one another. We never will see eye to eye on everything. That's life. But we need to be a community & look out for one another. If u are dating or married to a cheater don't blame your girlfriend if he looks at her or approaches her. Get your man in line instead of hating on a sister. Family should hold child molesters accountable for their crimes!! Child molestation is a crime & shouldn't be taken lightly!!!
I do resonate with the Perfect attendance example. We literally get 3 days for bereavement. Wtf that is so crazy. Why would you even want a person there while going through a death of a close love one. Esp if they’re the one that has to make the final arrangements.
This is the same problem I see about black kids especially black boys being told to only focus on becoming the next sports hero and beat the odds to leave the “hood”. We continue celebrating the wrong things instead of demanding a system be better so that all children can thrive.
I just stumbled across this video, and literally broke down and cried. As a black woman, its annoying to have to explain these same problems (as listed in this video)to a therapist . And the therapist still not understand 😔. To constantly be overwhelmed, overworked, and on edge. Aint it. Not to mention we as black people have to work twice as hard. Just to even have a slice of what our counterparts have!.
I heard how you kind of stumbled in choosing a word to describe your abusive father but I am glad you pushed through it and your words continued to flow. In Black families we were expected to keep a lot of secrets and kids are made to feel it’s not nice to speak the truth about a bad parent. I had dad issues too I understand .
Thank you SO much for hearing my heart and seeing me. I definitely stumble through that, still and your support means a lot. You're absolutely right. We're told to swallow and live with that pain alone. "what happens in this house, stays in this house" or "honor your father and mother" can be used to silence and victim blame. Bless you. Much love and joy to you. 💛💛💛💛💛 *BIG HUGS* I know those issues so well. 🫂💛🌺 You're not alone.
I love you because you are saying what I'm feeling and thinking but putting it eloquently and being soft, which is brave and rare to see online. Thankyou
GOOD 😊 MORNING, never forget the case of EVICTION, solo, child FREE, black woman named, Taura Brown living in a tiny house. Ms Brown had a lengthy fight with a nonprofit organization about her lease to buy tiny house, and Lost! Ms Brown is now staying with friends after the EVICTION in Detroit Michigan, 2023.
In my opinion, I think Black women should focus more on building their self esteem and self image than worrying about how other people feel about us. We put too much emphasis on other people and allow them to tell us who we are instead of us figuring out who we are. Take your power back and start to not care about other people. At the end of the day, those other people are highly irrelevant. Don't play into their game. Just take yourself out of the equation and live your life for yourself.
I turned 30 last month and your comment is the biggest shift that I will need to make in this decade in order to experience more joy in my life.
Thanks for putting into words for something I have struggled with in my past!
@@marciaadams5561 🫶🏾🤎
I’m in total agreement. We focus too much on others. I’d also add focusing on how we treat each other.
@@lovegyrlnco THIS! How we treat each other is also just just as important. We are all we have. If we don’t treat each other well and look out for one another, then who will?
😂😂😂you(@n) don't personally know any black women I'm guessing?!?
I've decided at 52 to live the soft, debtfree life.
Sold house.
Became debtfree.
Travel lab assignments.
Now, have an apartment and work PRN.
Now at 54 y.o.
Just returned from vacay in Portugal three weeks ago.
💅🏿
LIVE YOUR LIFE, LADIES.🎉🎉
Do you have kids?
@@user-ih8ei6jn5l No, I do not.
Love this for you!! Thanks for sharing
This is my goal. I won't have kids either, 33 now and going to get my tubes tied. But I am very feminine, creatively journal and pen pal a lot and work as a teacher, also studied psycho therapy. I will take it slooowwww from now on.
@@Omonike88 please tell me more about the travel lab work that you do. I did nursing (family forced it in me) graduate with my Associates of science in nursing degree. I have yet to pass state board exam bc I know that in my geart its not for me. Its been 2 years since Ive graduated with no direction in life 😢
And this is why I learned early to loathe when people say to me, "You are a STRONNNGGAH, hard working, BLACK WOMAN." My reply, "No, I'm not. I'm actually very fragile but in order to survive, I HAVE to be strong."
Here’s the thing say that out loud. All I hear is “I am independent black woman”. I don’t hear any other women saying this. I let it know I am tired and I need help. It’s important. Don’t sell yourself to be something we as woman simply can’t be.
Same…I hate the “Strong Black Woman trope”.
@@deliteful1991 same
And let’s not forget, when we were children, we were NOT allowed to just be a child. We weren’t allowed to be tired because “we don’t have a job”…. Our parents have a lot of fault in this
YOU GET IT SIS! I'm 15 minutes in and had to PAUSE to give my input. It's like we're rewarded for being Mules. You know this is a SICK society when there's PRAISE for being exhausted. SMH
💯💯
Capitalism 🌈 where working yourself to death is virtuous 🙃
Thing is we're not even rewarded for being mules. We're given MORE work.
@@bonniebrown4497 That Too! 😢
I also had 3 jobs in college. My Dad said girls don’t go to college. They get married and have babies. I was always tired. I had an 8 in the morning class and my last job ended at 6 in the morning. I was under weight and stressed out. I was the first person in my family to graduate from a four year University.
Wow, glad u are doing well. I feel sorry u had to go through that.
Wow that is a lot! I hope it worked out for you in the end.
I tried this. I worked a full time night job for 8 hrs then straight to school for another 7. I only lasted a month. I was so disappointed in myself and wondered wtf was wrong with me. This crap really isn't normal but I still feel guilty.
I can definitely relate. I also had three jobs, was involved in extracurricular activities, and was taking more than the 18-credit hours each semester so I could graduate early. I’d get 3 hours of sleep on a good night. I was so exhausted.
I had 3 jobs as well. My father didn’t pay for any of it even though he could’ve easily afforded it. Idk whats wrong with the BC. These cycles are being perpetuated over and over again.
You better GO girl!!!! Soo proud of you!!!!!
I don’t deny that Black women are uber talented and innovative but a lot of “magic” stems from self sacrifice and a lack of self care.
After years of being in patient care, I worked 24hr and 36hr shifts. I raised my kids. When I stopped, I had ptsd. Last year, I picked up and moved to a beach town in Mexico for the reasons you stated. I was exhausted and the idea that I would live and die this way was unfathomable. When I was a child, I used to want to live and visit different cultures and I knew that the way we all live wasn’t normal. Now, the ocean excites me. I write a blog and am working on a book. I saved my writing for nasty-grams, angry emails. Now, I’m taking joy in being creative. For myself. If I look silly, idc. I sent your video to my daughters. Thanks Sis.
Your story is so inspirational! I aspire to Mexico as well. Thank you for sharing
@@truGEMini01 same. this was inspiring.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💪🏽
What’s the name of your blog
Yes! The same desire and truth came to me as a child as well. Felt the nagging ever since until I could no longer ignore it and live on my own terms!
I’m so sad for Black women who live in a cycle of distain while being Black. I have loved every moment of being a Black woman. I’ve chose to live I soft life and I actually see my Blackness as a privilege.
Nice job...although I can't relate to the programming that many black women run, I know we don't have to! My life is a dream but only because it is what I intend it to be.
It SURE IS a privilege!
Don't get it confused. I LOVE being a Black woman. There are just issues we gotta deal with and heal from. We can do both. 💛💛💛
Wow i love this
Cycle of distain is a WILD way of wording it🙄
"We're not being celebrated. We're being exploited."
One THOUSAND percent.
As a sixty six year old, I am ready to go! I was exhausted years ago from emotional, physical and spiritual exhaustion.
My conversation with my therapist includes the phrase “I’m sooooo tired” and it literally relates to me actually being too tired to continue living. Not suicide, but feeling like I’m too tired to continue maintaining my life, meeting the demands of maintaining my career as a finance professional who hates this profession but chose it to escape a life of extreme poverty and I am single. Im so exhausted I have no energy to plan a different path.
Been there sis. Make a decision to do something different TODAY. Start small. Find a way. You have escaped poverty but aren't living fully right now. Stop and smell the roses while you can. Take a few days off to rest and plan. YOU DESERVE TO REST AND LIVE A FULL LIFE OF ABUNDANCE. YOU DESERVE TO EXPERIENCE JOY. 💐
I near almost shed a tear and got emotional reading your comment, because I too can relate. But then those feeling of you ‘can’t stop now,’ is what we are conditioned to right? Do more and more! Just to share….I took a much needed break almost 5 months ago because, “I was soooo tired,” and then some. That time off made me realize how mentally, physically, emotionally drained I was. I’m still unwinding and I have not put myself back on job market yet because my state of mind was literally a desire not to enslaved myself anymore.
I’m making plans by God’s grace to transition out of the country soon for a way of peace of mind and a better quality of life because truly and honestly those very words, “I’m soooo tired” resounds in my the head regularly. So sis, I encourage you to take care of your mind, body and spirit and find some peace that works for you. And when you cross over to that path, have no regrets. Peace and love.
@@tiaholloway9668 totally agree.
I feel the same way. I am not actively suicidal, but I find myself envying those who have passed away. The sweet release of death. I am tired of the increasing costs of living, less disposable income, the anger and aggression I come across just by leaving this house every day. I’m in my early 30s but I have no idea how I’m going to make it another 30-40 years. I just want to rest.
This is me !!! I'm not suicidal at all. Just very tired
And this is why ive booked two months to the coast of Mozambique . Car is going into storage, tenants coming into my place , children on campus , parents with siblings. I have been waiting 20 years to catch a break
Being overly exhausted is not normal but unfortunately is NORMALIZED in America…smh. I can relate to not feeling “enough” and at 43 years old, I realize it was time to take my power back and that’s what I’m doing. I was a people pleaser too but now If it doesn’t resonate with my soul, the answer is no. If it corrupts my self care, the answer is a hard no. So it’s a process but I’m learning. Better late than never right? 😊
Thiiiiiiiiis! All of this! And you're absolutely right! It's better late than never! We're here and we're learning and unlearning. And I LOVE this: "if it doesn't resonate with my soul, the answer is 'no'". This is SO freeing!!! Thank you so much for sharing this with us! You are a liberation worker. Bless you. Much love and joy to you!!! 💛💛💛🌻☺️
I work 80-92 hours per week and some of my clients expect more. I start to resentment towards the who are demanding by begging.
Thanks for sharing. Can I ask what you do for self care?😊
@@Okaylulay But your self first!!! First step to self care and self love... Everyone's idea of self-care is different. So it's whatever you need for yourself. It could be buying an outfit, going to counseling, sleeping in when you usually don't, starting the new skin care routine. Skin care routine. It doesn't matter as long as you are prioritizing your basic needs first❤❤❤❤
💯💯💯
I just started a new job in January and entered this new job fully traumatized by my last job (don't worry... I'm in therapy now and healing). Sometimes I get a little insecure about the fact that my colleagues keep getting awards for "employee of the month" and 5 star reviews from clients and other recognitions for going above and beyond. However I decided that I am purposely doing the bare minimum of my job requirements and not going above and beyond because they don't deserve that from me. I will not allow myself to get burned out and traumatized by another company for the service of others.
Exactly
Amen!
Thank you so much for your testimony Alecia! I am 33, SINGLE, Childfree and I am EXHAUSTED! I’ve experienced similar achievements and discouragement during high school, college and currently, while working this “hustle train” of labor.
As this economy continues to shift in the United States, I believe more of us (black women) will experience this awakening and change the trajectory of our “WHY” and learn how to just “Be”.
What’s worse is when folks around you want to shame you for your status and use you mercilessly because they automatically think you have the time and resources to accommodate THEM. Some families only celebrate you if you’re getting married & having babies-out of wedlock or not. It’s so unfair but keep your head up and I hope you find work that suits your timeline to include rest and don’t ever have a care in the world about marriage. We all know what really happens behind closed doors. ❤❤❤
Yes! People think being single and childless is easy going. I love my life, but I have to work very, very hard to make sure it stays that way. Upkeeping oneself and ones comfort is exhausting, and I will never be guilted into taking in responsibilities(spouse and children) that are not guarantees of happiness. I feel that people almost want to see you suffer and struggle as a black woman in order for your existence to be valid.
@🦋Timileyin Destinee🦋 This is the second time I have seen a post from you about feminism. Please stop this useless male propaganda. Feminism never applied to black women, because black women were always part of the workforce from the time their feet landed on this soil. You're being manipulated with this narrative to draw women out of the workforce and into the home so black man can appear to be the cornerstone of the culture without actually doing the work or having the resources to be in that position. Feminism is the scapegoat for lazy black men who want to make black women feel shamful and guilty about their accomplishments. Get off the bandwagon and think for yourself.
hustle = force, let it be = flow
So toxic. To expect someone to be superhuman and at the same time not acknowledge that you’re performing superhuman feats/ downplay your efforts and achievements.
As a black woman with a corporate job, 20 weeks pregnant and a backed up right kidney do to stress. This video couldn’t have popped up at a better time.
Hubby or no? Can he maybe step up so that even if you have to work you could maybe drop down to part time?
" I can't ask for permission ... I have to take it for myself " THIS!!! I needed to hear those very words. Thank you ❤
I think we get exhausted when we're not doing what we really want to do, the purpose we were born for, and instead, you replace your authentic purpose with what others want us to do, or what (as you said) will make others like us. However, when you're working from the inside out, from the place in your soul where your lessons are developing your talent, then you don't get really tired, and even when you do it's a good tired, satisfying, and a tired that ultimately brings you joy. That's the difference between real work, and slavery.
Thiiiiiiiiis!!! People want to do MEANINGFUL work. That is energizing and inspiring. The issue is the system we live in which sucks thr life out of us. I ONE HUNDRED PERCENT agree with you. 💛💛💛
It’s like when you’re exhausted and tired at work and can’t wait to roll into bed but as soon as you clock out, you immediately feel rejuvenated and Brand New. All of a sudden you have energy to do anything and everything.
@@LoveAndSnapple EXAAAAAACTLY!!!! 💛👏🏾☺️🌻
Meaningful work (depending on your calling or passion) can sometimes mean giving to, pouring into, caring for, leading, motivating, and inspiring others. This can also be exhausting. Sometimes it feels like an endless treadmill. 😔 I have been over black excellence since 2021. So exhausting. I'm over here selectively hugging mediocrity and I am ok with it. 💯
🎯🎯🎯
So glad you realized this overwork in your 30s. I lost my 50s when my body just stopped. I'm mid 60s now and had a second crash but on the mend again physically and mentally. Love that you are preaching this.
This is happening to me now in my 50s. It’s a wake up call for sure. I just ordered the nap ministry book. I’m on my way to recovery.
This is happening to me. In my 60s now and am trying to figure out how to not have to work myself to death before I retire OMG...it is real Exhausted.
I agree. Black women aren’t superheroes or goddesses. We are just people. ‘Black girl magic’ can be harmful to certain extents because it doesn’t allow any room for trial and error. It’s like black women have to be the smartest, richest, prettiest etc. We praise our youth for getting in Ivy League colleges, but we don’t praise them simply for being alive and existing. We tie our worth to our achievements. When we should strive to be comfortable in our own way.
We, as black women, have to be stellar and beyond perfect and run rings around other races just to be barely tolerated in a space and even then we are never actually celebrated. Our worth to "them" is how much we do to bring everyone else closer to their dreams.
And that's precisely why we have to opt out.
No we do not. That's the illusion and lies we have been taught!
It’s actually
The same for everyone if you’re of the world.
@@notatheory4488 Are you saying that all genders and races are treated equally in the (corporate) world? In the world at large? That everyone's accomplishments and contributions are weighed the same?
Not true, speak for yourself.
I'm disappointed at some of the comments I've seen invalidating the experiences of other black women. Focusing on self love only goes so far, and acknowledging what you see happening doesn't mean you live in a "cycle of distain" because you're a black woman. The whole point is that the way people perceive you can and does affect how you experience the world (whether you choose to acknowledge it or not). It also doesn't negate the fact that it is more often than not EXPECTED and REWARDED. Not only that but the way you're perceived can affect what kind of medical treatment you receive, what kind of employment you're able to get, the way you're treated in the judicial system and much more. Those few comments with the invalidating standpoints I saw just shows how some of us are so detached from reality. The fact that having a dialogue equates to hating your own blackness is just ignorant. Great video btw!
Bless you. Thank you. I've been deleting comments left and right. People have been wildly disrespectful. This comment is so refreshing. You get it.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 🌸🌼🫂🌺🌻
Thank you so much for hearing my heart. I LOVE being a Black woman.
I'm a 19 year old college student. This hits so hard and the comment section hits harder!
My family is so full on with things like academia and making money. And my mom has never been great at making and keeping money for various personal and systemic reasons. But as I enter "adulthood", I feel so much pressure to be the best and show up flawless. It's like I can't even feel happy when I see black women who are serving looks, building amazing skills, or even having a "soft life" because it feels like I'm not doing enough to be celebrated by societies standards for black women. And the funny thing is there will still be people who say that those black women aren't doing enough and need to do more.
Literally, I'm going to a concert in a few weeks that I know wilk have mostly white people there and all I can think about it "I have to look ethereal or else it will look like I underdressed". Even at a concert, where I should be focused on just having fun, I'm worrying about not being perceived as "magical" to white people because I'm worried about being mistreated if I don't appear insanely gorgeous.
I don't even want to have like an extraordinary life, I want to have a job where I help people and get to travel, and I want to internally be a more confident person. I don't want to have millions of dollars or to be something other people envy. I want to be content, but my content isn't good enough because I'm a black woman in America.
I appreciate all of the people who were able to find peace as black women through moving to another country or changing careers or generally changing their lifestyles. But even that feels terrifying for me, as my mom did that and it's like society punished her for it. She quit a job that was mistreating her, and now that she has boundaries for what jobs she wants, there is no way for her to make me money. And our relatives aren't trying to help her despite knowing the situation she is in, and I'm in no place to help her financially either. So, she is forced to overwork herself again despite knowing it will destroy her physically and mentally. I can't stand that that is often the only option for most black women, especially working class black women.
You shouldn't have to destroy yourself to live a content life and many people don't want anything crazy to be content. I hope in the future we can cultivate more spaces where we can be content with ourselves and our lives and our community without being punished for it by society.
My exhaustion came from a wildly toxic environment. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I left. The toxicity took root in every area of my life, work, family, home; I just couldn’t catch a break. God saw my pain, I was offered an opportunity to work abroad, and I took it. I’ve never experienced relief like this. The family issues have worsened, but since I’m so far away, they cannot get hold of me in real time, so it’s just regular updates. I have so much peace. I don’t long for marriage or kids right now. I’m just basking in my new found freedom. I love it.
Just being a woman we require more rest. Now couple that with all the social pressures imposed on black women, we need even more rest. We don’t only feel our individual exhaustion, we feel the exhaustion of the collective of black women. Do less ladies, and rest with the extra time.
I was very tired as a teen. Exhausted and possibly anemic. I was a top student but had the energy for nothing else. One time I said to my mother that I just needed to rest. She said "you'll rest when you're dead". Thank God he taught me the value of rest in university. I was still a top student but I learned that I don't have to be exhausted, depressed and overworked to achieve what God has given me the gifts to achieve naturally.
We also must create community amongst Black women. Share homes so we have options to work part-time or take a sabbatical. It should be okay and safe to rely on each other to share expenses. Having community is healing too. I love that we questioning the status quo. Even as an early retiree I found myself making my life busy and a bit hectic. No more. I can now give lessons on relaxation
I love this. Thank you so much for sharing this.
So true. I saw story where 3 single mothers of another race moved in together and shared expenses, cooking, responsibilities, mental support, and babysitting. That mindset would have helped a lot of bw financially, spiritually, etc. even during the times of lonliness & feeling no support.
@@copperwarrior It would be wonderful if we could do this. I’ve been saying this for at least 20 years. There are many things we can do to make life more affordable and less exhausting.
I've been thinking about the homes as well. I'm thinking that we need communities for single mothers and childfree women as well.
A few girlfriends and myself said we’d do this one day.
Zora Neale Hurston said "black woman are the mules of the world" at 68 I'm hanging up my yoke. Your video was the confirmation I needed to follow through with what my mind has been telling me since the pandemic slowed me down and showed me my reality. Thank you.
I like this topic. I can relate.
I am a bachelors grad as well. Had jobs etc. Dealt with jealous women and racism. I left the rat race in 2018.
I got married and now I just do what I want as a black woman.
The world definitely does not have grace for black women.
That's why I do what I want now and take care of myself first always. ❤❤❤
That's amazing, I am looking to do the same! Are you a stay at home wife/mom?
@Free Spirited Dreams stay at home wife and hopefully mom soon. Black women get way too much rude behavior in this world in my opinion. I'd recommend more black women to stay home and run a business tops. Let the other races deal with the rat race of America.
What I recognize as toxicity, manipulation and control I refuse. Black church culture, folks that don't know me or care about me I don't bother answering. I've learned to keep me sacred.
Keep in mind sleep deprivation is dangerous and so is high blood pressure. Joblessness, homelessness, etc, is exhausting.
Like I didn't realise how important sleep was until I suffered a few month of intense insomnia where I couldn't get to sleep unless I took pills. It was pure agony not being able to sleep.
They don't see us as PEOPLE they see us as magical ENTITIES. I am not an overachiever by any means and yet I still have some things in common with some of you ladies: a "hardworker" yet they don't appreciate the hard work I've done, the expectation that I can do ANYTHING, and on and on. The only difference is that I stand my ground with people EARLY. I value my peace more than anything.
Realizing that the game is rigged and meritocracy is a myth as a people-pleasing, high achieving black woman sent me through the five stages of grief. I mourned the dream where I'd receive this magical, grandiose pay off that made all this pain and exhaustion worth it. It would never come and it would never be enough. The only thing hustling did was set a standard that was impossible for me to keep outdoing. So, I did what I've been scared and embarrassed to do my whole life. I gave up. Giving up gave me unimaginable relief. I was a failure to others standards but to me I was finally free.
Indeed the key is not to play the game. Choose life on your terms. Walk away from anyone who doesn't honor your need for loving care and restful joy. Remember, we were enslaved longer than we have not been enslaved. The shadow of slavery is long. The obsession with always working and no grace given=slavery mentality.
Totally agree
the key is to set the game, the rules and play in the position you create for yourself AND play the roles of others in the theater you produce together...I promise it works but the right mindframe is required.
This really helps me realize how much radical irresponsibility I've been embodying since teenhood. Part ADHD, part born an dreamy artist, part born skeptic about the pace of US life- I've always been a "if I don't feel like it- I'm not doing it" kind of Black girl. Dropped out of college cause it wrecked my mental health with absolutely no judgement of myself or from family. Pursued my career as an artist who works from home at my own pace and couldn't be happier. I smoke weed and relax day in and day out and the abundance is always always always there for me. Out of 365 days in a year I stress over work maybe 20 of them. Life is good, banish all societal limitations!
Wow love this, thanks for sharing!!! ❤😊
Jasmine u sound like u have no drive or ambition..anyways as long as u pay ur bills and not depending on taxpayers smoke on
@@alonalove3118 Loud and wrong, I run a business and am wonderfully successful, balanced, and driven towards what I CHOOSE.
@@jasminerosewater3891 congrats as long as taxpayers ain't taking care of u I can careless .
I wish I've done this sooner. I was the "good girl" my entire life and it wasn't under I was burnt out that I chose me over people pleasing. You had the right idea early.
I respect this sister for being honest about how she feels. I know it's hard for a lot of our women, but if you find a righteous man willing to pay all the bills and let you be a house wife, allow him to.
And also pay you to stay at home
@@Sheisanangel0 Amen!
Any woman who is seeking love outside of herself, will not find it.
Thanks for explaining this mantra. ❤
As a 62yr old Woman, it's Sooo refreshing to hear you, your insights/ revelations. I was a little older 35ish, when I had these Revelations my peers thought I was "betraying" Strong Black Womanhood. It was a while longer before I let it go. Now I'm strolling into my Crone cycle without the burden of thinking I should be a Mule forever. We're Evolving and I'm estatic 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💖
We should've never muled for MEN period
@@kathleenking47 Well of course, and not all of us did.
I love this! I want to experience aging with grace, without coming from decades of overwork and exhaustion.
@mizrel I would like to acknowledge you as an extension of self and say thank you for sharing with the world - have you done any work in universal consciousness, such as Neville Goddard and late Jung theory? I wonder what the perspective is of this knowledge at your respectable age.
Yep. Years ago I remember telling a male friend that I don't want to "work like a man"! Looking back now this comment is so true. For years this is what we've been doing often to our own detriment.
this was so fire, all they want is to work us to death and get us competing to be the most exploited. Narcissistic black parents are the worst enforcers of it too, if you have a drop of life or energy or joy they do whatever they can to suck it out of you.
Also, your thumbnail for this was so wonderful, it was a piece of art in and of itself👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
Heavy on the narc black parents, it’s also damaging to the nervous system. Anytime you’re calm or relaxed, they assume you’re up to nothing. You have to be neurotic and worn out to “earn” rest and happiness.
I used to run in circles trying to prove i was being productive and even if i was, it was never for my own benefit.
It’s a special place in hell for them that induce so much anxiety into their children to keep them stuck and leech off their life force.
This is all women. I immigrated to the USA and was brainwashed to think that the hustle was what I was supposed to do. Luckily my roots pulled me back before I went too far and left the rat race. Also going through a divorce so I’ve changed EVERYTHING in my life. Let’s hope this transition goes as smoothly as possible. It’s not normal to be exhausted, it’s not normal to be overwhelmed and not know how you’ll pay your bills after working 50-60 weeks. Non of it is normal. We should have a life. I want to have a little business, be a wife and a mom. I pray it all comes true. Makes me happy to see Americans waking up to the toxic dream we’ve been sold. Also, all I see in the media is black women yelling form the hill that they are strong and independent! Nah change your tune your strength is in letting others take care of you and asking for help. Setting boundaries. That’s strength!
Women aren’t built to work that hard. And it’s nothing wrong with that. My wife works from home. She swims, walks and whatever else daily. She’s happy which makes me happy
I LOVE this. Thank you. 💛🌺🌻
I feel that the strong title that is put on us is put there so nobody will have to inconvenience themselves to help us the way that we help other people. My teenage daughter died last year I have been falling apart everyday since and all I get is “you’re so strong” and prayers. I am drowning in front of ppl and even though I am broken and broken hearted I get up everyday to work, to take care of my family because I can’t afford to fall apart and give into my sadness too much because nobody is going to pick up the pieces for me.
🥲
Sorry for your loss. I pray God will comfort ,heal, and strengthen you in this trying time ❤️
Oh sis 💔 Sending you oceans of love. I can only imagine the pain.
So very sorry for your loss ❤
So sorry for your loss💔
In my adulthood I found myself grabbing things and looking busy when other people walked by because I was afraid to be caught doing nothing
I am 24 and I thank older women for sharing their wisdom with me❤. I owe my happiness and success to women like you. Thank you for giving us young girls a shot!
I'm a home-schooling, breastfeeding mother of 4 and entrepreneur. I take the first hour of each day for myself no matter what time it is. Unapologetically take naps if I'm overly tired. Spiritual baths at any given time of the day. I don't apologize or feel bad if I purchase something for myself. I make sure to love on ME! I make sure to let my sons and my husband know that I am a human, before a woman and before a Mom. I am continuing to manifest a reality where I can have what I need and have peace as well. Although the first part of that process is paying attention to choice of perspective. Btw I'm new here and I love it 😘
Great job mommy 🎉❤👏🏼
@@UnicornJuice888 thank you 💚
Thank you for sharing this! You are an answer to my prayers!!!🎉❤
I am 18 and this video is such an eye opener. Me and my mom talk about the BW being in a position of a hard worker all the time. Some worse than others. I have been called a hard worker a lot. The BW is not destined to a be her own person which is why we are treated the way we are. You become part of someone else’s reality.
Last year I watched a movie called Master. I would highly recommend it because it confirmed a lot of things I was thinking and feeling.
Thank you so much for your content. You have a beautiful spirit. You are doing the Lords work. 💖
I worked my whole 20s pushing back my real dream of just being an artist, because for some reason I didn’t feel like I was worthy enough unless I was exhausted to the point of depression. Now I’m 30 and I promised myself I will only do what I want with my life not what others expect, I even built a business that isn’t fulfilling. I see now that I’m enough just doing what I love and not over working. Hustle culture is the biggest lie
Thanks for your video x
As a Caribbean man this woman is super inspiring. I have female friends that need to see this and read the book she recommended.
I remember going to a private PWI to complete my nursing degree. The amount of racism, micro aggressions, and passive aggression I experienced was profound. I was there on a full academic scholarship and I had professors tell me “so what if you lose your scholarship?” or my personal favorite was when they would be so upset that I scored the highest on an exam and pretended like they didn’t know the grading scale when questioned 😅. I’m a glutton for self development so I will be returning to complete my nurse anesthesia schooling ❤ I’ll never forget that my only black professor told me that the racism is a constant battle that I will have to deal with as I move further up in academia.
This opened up fresh wounds for me. I would kill my social life to focus on getting good grades in university, a black foreigner in Europe. Acing all of my classes and when I would score really high on this course one time, my teacher would call me to her office to ask me how I got that grade, if I saw the questions somewhere prior to the exams. This one woman would later in the future prevent me from being the best graduating student in the whole humanities department by just 1 point. Because she felt we the blacks would have carried the white kids along academically since we had a better hold on English(keep in mind I had to work my ass off to pay my fees and study extra hard to get grants on my fees while dealing simultaneously with the passing of my father). Truly there’s no grace for black women anywhere because no matter what we do, we are never enough every system in place isn’t there to help us.
Wow, thank you for sharing!💗 I just wanted to add my opinion also: This is why self validation is so important. We are enough, we always have been and always will be. No one is born forsaken and especially not the highly melanated woman who is the source for all of humanity/DNA. a powerful perspective to hold is that it takes so many systems to hold us back, literally laws older than most of us living today and institutions that continue to enforce these wrongs. Yet despite all these layers we excell naturally (this makes me really proud). it's a matter of us creating our own systems gracefully over time, which we are definitely doing 💖
Yes Sis!! Yes. I took my life back at the age of 42 after multiple Ivy League degrees and an addiction to “success” as others defined it. In 2018, I finally walked away from the titles, the high executive salary and everything else to go to interspiritual seminary, revamp my career and work in a way that i love. This is the prescription. I am living a life that I love now, healing my mind-body-spirit and looking forward to the next chapter. It’s going to be amazing. IT ALREADY is. 🎉🎉🎉
How do you pay your bills?
@@jones2277 I work as a professor (which does not pay much at all but offers great benefits) and I have my own business as an executive coach and interfaith minister. I determine my own client rates and my 85% of my time is designed as I see fit on the day to day. This is what freedom feels like to me. It will look different for everyone depending on their talents and their your “freedom” vision.
@@jacquelinearthseed76 are you tenured? How do you balance the stress of teaching, research, service, and office politics ?
Man, I hate that this is a running script many of us are handed from the jump.
Thank you so dearly for sharing your testimony, Alecia ♡
As a black girl-child from PG County - who was once kicked out of my home for lying about applying early admission to Towson University (I was petrified of being rejected by my dream school) - I hold such deep gratitude for the reminder that my experience is not new, and I am not alone.
As Baltimore Writer Lucille Clifton once wrote: “Come celebrate with me that every day something has tried to kill me and has failed.”
For this very reason, anytime I get hard on myself, it helps to remember that there are systems in place set up for my demise, from jump; so let me spite everything that strives to kill me by choosing honor myself & my needs.
There's a wonderful anthology book titled "This Bridge Called My Back : Writings by Radical Women of Color" that explores so much touched upon in this video.
May we all grow to give ourselves the grace so many people have often denied us xoxo
Sadly a hard working young black woman died recently, law enforcement officer college educated Ms Areanah Preston, 24 years old in Chicago. 2023 AND, Tori Bowie, three time Olympic medalist died at age 32.
I definitely get my rest. I will go to bed at 3:00 pm if I feel like it😂 I do just enough to get by at work. And won’t work anywhere that requires a lot of me. I’ve been saying I’m tired and you getting on my nerves since I was 4😂😂😂 My favorite word is NO🥰
As a single parent at 32 about to be 33, I am exhausted from not having help from my so called "village" coupled with not living in my purpose, giving myself up so my child can get the emotional, mental and financial stability that my mother did not give me as a child. I feel like I just work to survive, I have no dating life, no babysitter outside of work hours, and barely existent social life AND I'm back in school. I'm proud of myself for not cracking and folding under pressure but I'm so tired of people telling me "you're such a strong black woman". Listen, I'm tired. I want a softer life, more balance, and a healthier mindset towards life. Most days I feel like a slave and other days a robot. I casually dated a guy I truly didn't like just to feel some sense of normalcy like I'm numb to everything. This is not how life is supposed to be. I just started vocalizing that I'm overwhelmed and most times I am depressed. I do not regret my decision to become a mom and further my education but I wish there was more help from the village I came from. I watched my entire family get help as a child and I see now why she wasn't as stressed out as I am now. I do everything by myself and the help i do get is from family several states away and I hate asking them for help since everyone has their own thing going on. I too thought I was lazy and not applying myself because of the notion of black families not acknowledging depression and anxiety. This video made me feel normal. Thank you
You've spoken so much life into this 21 year old tired South African girl. Thank you so much!
I always thought I was a looser and lazy because I mentally was unable to work as hard as other people. Due to MH, I burn out easily. I was told I use it as a crutch.
Same. Im so over it.
Wow. No it's definitely not a crutch.
As a 19 year old black girl, I needed this. Thankyou xxx
I've had an issue with the phrase "black girl magic" for a while now. I get that the thought behind it likely wasn't from a bad place but it feels so empty cause it is so dismissive of all the barriers that come with being a blk girl in this screwed up world.
And the level of effort it takes and all the work blk girls/ women have to put in to have a platform anywhere. Its like a way not to acknowledge all of the legitimate hard work that goes in acting as if being exceptionally good at something is a given with being a blk woman when its not!
Like you said. Even when you do something incredibly difficult you don't even have a moment to take that in and rest afterwards ppl still want more from you. Its tiring, unfair, and just wrong.
And I also grew up watching my mom over work herself in a "two parent" home and my dad in the background only showing up to be a abusive asshole but not doing much else. Me seeing that had such a strong effect on me that I told myself I will NEVER be in a relationship like that and NEVER break my back for anyone let alone an abusive asshole.
I was grown when i stopped going to church while on my period. "Why? This is a day of rest. Not supposed to be stresst." Taught the girls the same.
"Nobody's business. Stay home and take care of yourself." I said. I think I helped them 2B more comfortable on their cycles. I hope.
You're me. Experiencing so much overwhelmed, exhaustion in the last few months. Realized I'm over stimulated as well, so learning to put away my phone, shut off the TV and just hear quietness
This is very relatable.
Each time I try to "take it for myself", even for things that I have EVERY right to have, I get slapped down. I've tried to advocate for myself, not seek permission, not being run into the ground for others' expectations. You're right: The world doesn't see us as people; we're celebrated for being abused and over-worked. Nothing we do is ever enough.
I was SO sick once that I couldn't control my bodily functions. I shouldn't have even been driving. Mind you, I have an office job. Two days before Christmas, I got some "emergency" dumped on me by my boss' boss, he disappeared for the holidays, and then I was left to defend myself against a team of attorneys DEMANDING I get the work done, when I literally couldn't speak due to illness. Each time I tried to say something, they talked over top of me and said "Yeah, so, she'll get that done...".
I dragged myself in for days until I literally couldn't walk. I also have a disabled spouse, so I had to take care of him as well.
I'm entitled to sick leave, which I NEVER took, so I had loads saved up. They worked me like a rented mule for two weeks, under threat of "court orders" and "contempt of court". I documented things over and over again, and they ignored it. They went to court and filed paperwork blaming me for delays that had nothing to do with me. Again: They came to me TWO DAYS before Christmas, and then blamed me when people I was told to get things from weren't available. Tried to fight back, and was told nobody cared that I was blamed.
I'm still exhausted several years later from that ordeal, and likely have permanent lung damage, because I couldn't even get to a doctor. But they threaten you and push you, and when you're a PoC and female, they don't allow you to be "tired" or to refuse to go above and beyond; we're expected to accept unfair treatment. They know you need the job, and EEOC is a joke. I'm just trying to hang on until I can retire, because at 50+, I'm not trying to deal with another place that's just going to treat me like a servant.
😮😢
Sorry this happened to you. I see you have a unique set of circumstances that seem to keep you tied to this job but I hope you figure a way out sooner than later. The next job could be a joy. It could let you shine, be creative, be flexible, be less demanding , be more lucrative, be fun with great coworkers. Please don't let them win and work you into an early grave because you didn't search for new opportunities fearful you would only find the same treatment 😔
Almost halfway in but I've always been curious why people think overwork is normal so much so they do anything to justify it. I just learned even most of middle class black people come from perks of slavery where many had the resources of being the children of slave masters etc. Meaning working class black people still believe we are lazy it's wild
JUST SHARING, last year I saw an interview with actress Jenifer Lewis 65 years old solo, where she said she went on a vacation because she was working hard, and never stopped. Black women do overwork themselves and live by others expectations, sadly. However I have seen this for decades in the black community. Jenifer Lewis was scammed by her boyfriend who was her personal trainer out of money$$$$$, and he was sent to prison.......... Stay safe ladies
Late seeing your video. Thanks for sharing your life today. Thankfully my childhood was a as an only child. My mother was my biggest cheerleader, with my father in tow. I knew early in life I owned my womb. I was the first one in my family to get a USA Passport and traveled beyond the borders of the USA. My life has been amazing and slow. In later life studied at Henderson State University, stayed in a condo, solo, rent free. Age 70 physically fit speaking 3 foreign languages, no to Christianity, and child FREE thankfully.......... Soaking in the hot mineral springs water outside this evening drinking free fresh spring water
That's awesome! 👏👏👏👏
@@CWA2400 Thanks. I love sharing my life, because not every black woman is burned out and tired and many of us have had good childhood experiences and healthy family... Stay safe ladies
This is BEAUTIFUL. I wishbmore Black women had this upbringing. Much love and joy to you, Sis. 💛💛💛 Sip some spring water for me! 😘🥂🌸
Would love to diverge my years in a direction such as this.
Sounds like heaven tbh keep doing what you're doing ❤
Thank you, for dropping jewels of wisdom. Take it from a, formerly exhausted, Black woman, our sistas need to hear it💜
*BIG HUGS* 💛🌻🌺💕🫂 Thank you so much, Colette. It truly means a lot to me.
I just don’t relate to y’all bc it was black ppl that was colorist to me so now that shoe is on the other foot you wanna complain about white ppl and cry racism
I too am so exhausted Alecia and it just crept up on me out of nowhere. Trying to climb the corporate ladder and right the wrongs of generations past is draining. I can't wait for the day I get married so I can feel love without transaction and rest.
Sis, marriage does not guarantee that. The love you are looking for can only come from your connection to the divine and within yourself. A loving partner is only icing on a cake of self love!!
@@Shhhhh56 I get that but I am 26 and tired of being told that.
You'll get the love and care you need. Unfortunately I too, only found that type of love with my now husband. Just make sure whoever you get married to, loves you, values you and makes you happy.
@@eryabolonha This was affirming. Thank you❤
You are not alone. Black Women need to pay attention to their emotional and mental health
Dear I didn't say "no" to people until I was 40. I didn't die,or turn into Rumpulskilskin. Its kind of a relief... I'm 70 now and have learned it's ok not to be overwhelmed. But when I was younger juggling 4 children's schedules,4 different schools. Graveyard shift. I was a homemaker 14 years before went back to work part-time. I'd go to parties with my husband who was a system analyst people would say "0h what do you do?" I'd say a stay at home Mom. I felt like, it was never enough although it's a 24-7 job. Well now our daughters are grown, 42,44&46 they are Mothers working 6 days a week 12 hour days. Sometimes like you 2-3 jobs going to school. We have 6 Grandchildren all grown but 1, 2 still in college. We Grandparents help as much as we can luckily were in the same town. Luckily your finding out early dear xoxo. It's hard to survive things are so expensive now days just to live.take care
I often hear young black women saying that their life is not in order
I think we have just had more challenges and are discouraged from caring for ourselves
I’m only 33 and have experienced a lot good and bad
I’ve learned it’s best to be kind to myself, to say the least
This was fire!!!! I always felt like i wasnt enough growing up. I felt overlooked and like the black sheep. Now as an adult everyone needs me, i have to be nurse, lawyer, teacher and activist for everyone that didnt see me before, and im tired. Im also my mother's caregiver and its draining becauseits never enough. This gave me the courage to practice using the word No! Thank you sis, one love to all my melanated sisters👑
I was always puzzled about the perfect attendance awards. It’s impossible to not have time off.
These are sentiments that resonate with me 100% because I've been here for a good while. Don't attempt to Blk Girl Magic/Blk Excellence/Blk Exceptionalism/Earn Your Leisure me to d/eath. It's all exploitative and conditional. Thank you!
15:02 This is so well put, tracing back to the exploitation of black struggle, where they essentially see these struggles as the only thing marketable to the media, and there's also this argument of how this "black struggle" performed by artists is popular in our own community too, as once they make it out this struggle they become irrelevant.
I agree one hundred percent I am a black woman I have been working in Dental for about 7 years to complete seven years I have been treated less than the white assistant I have been treated as if I am the new girl everyday working for these companies I now temp I do not work permanently for any company. Also they treat me as if I may not know what I'm doing so they do not really like to give me heavy duties sometimes I have to push to get them to give me procedural jobs I have to push to do it and things like that it has exhausted me and then when I show them that I can do it they start making me do it all the time it's crazy
And also I had to look into RBF which is Rachel battle fatigue which usually comes from working alongside white people in the way you are treated as a black person on the job or in the educational space can be very exhausting mentally and it can hurt your performance I learned about that from TH-camr runaway slave
Wow i had never heard of rbf but def experienced it. I also think i didnt push to ever finish nursing school because of the knowledge of how i would be treated being that i had been in the medical field for years. I let fear and thoughts of not being good enough win. I am finishing for something else now but i never thought i would have high blood pressure. When i had my internship i was even overly criticized and was told i had that sister girl look on face. While the whole time i was gettin sarcasm, slick remarks, attitude, stank looks by a mexican and black aide who was training. Thats why i guarded myself and may have appeared that way. Whats shocking is patients always said im doin great & pleasant. Still sat there strong on last day of intern as those aides got away with being nasty. Never said a word about it as i was strong & conditioned to people please. Ffwd got med asst cert from that which i never even used. But i gained the truth of how nasty folks can be. Us sisters need to stick together too.
@@LaBellaMafia1 I am sorry you had to experience that it is sad that often we as sisters are ran off or made to feel that we don't belong somewhere and that's a strategy they use to get rid of us because they really don't want us to come up in the world they want to keep us down. And also I noticed in Dental when there is one black chick and she gets in with the other white workers she does not want you to be there so she will also join in with them in trying to make you feel uncomfortable so it can be the same thing in medical and I am very glad that you still went on to finish your certification it is important and if you ever do go back to nursing try to finish it and don't let nothing stop you I'm very proud of you for continuing to move forward even in another field. It takes a lot of strength and courage to get back up and jump back in the arena after feeling defeated proud of you
Rbf? Thought that was resting b face only. Interesting. Need to look into that as well.
@@sweetpeaj1952 racial battle fatigue
And it's truly real. I hope you aren't experiencing this. It's hard to overcome it once it sets in. Best wishes ❤️
@Dionne Denise Every Day I have as a medical personnel working dayshift unfortunately, I work nights partly because of this, but tired of nights now lol, want to do something else. My sis unfortunately is an Arnp, the only blk one and is going through it unfortunately. It is very real. I notice the less of a supportive" blk ppl group around in a workforce, the alienation and microaggrsn is displayed by others ten times more.
I can relate 100% Literally took on so many responsibilities as a teenager to now in my 30's. It's very exhausting. Now seeking relief and learning to put myself first instead of trying to please everyone around me. People do not appreciate our efforts and we are not celebrated. Learn to love yourself and put yourself first ladies.
You are so correct. It took Spirit telling me I was doing more than enough, over and over, to make me take a step back and realize I was being played. The parent wants you to get a job, anywhere for any pay. The parent who never encouraged you to feed into that soft magnetic feminine energy.
The stingy, hostile, abusive male parent.....the job that didn't appreciate my blackness and the emotional crash and horrific spasmodic headaches...standing clutching the stairs one day and not being able to ascend wondering if I should either call an ambulance or someone else. Time to realize we are Goddesses...we are who they are copying and feeding off of. It's time for us to honour ourselves and practice self care...
This video was everything. Gratitude!!! My whole being resonated with this entire video!!
Well said Sis. Rest was, and will always be, the real FLEX!! Hands down the BEST gift I've ever given myself. I have learned so much, I see clearly now. Things take on an entirely new meaning now. I got back to the middle, now I go to great lengths to protect my peace. I stay trying to keep my feet grounded. The conditioning is real, and it's not always "out there"....the worst abuser has been myself. I have come to realize that how I feel is my business.....everything else ain't. Always a good message from you.!!
"Rest is the new Flex." I can't thank you enough for this revelation. Watching Alecia's video, plus reviewing other comments, has been so cathartic. 🙏🏾❤
After 21 years a slave at a government job, I was forced to retire or resign-I retired at 53 so I would have some type of income until I found a job that valued my work strong work ethic and integrity. It’s been almost 3 years now, and I’m still not working, not for a lack of effort on my part. I’m finding their will to hire young and cute other women far outweighs my experience, race snd age. Working in government has taught me, that unless you’re willing to forget your integrity you will not survive.
I’m over here clapping and shouting! This is the truth!!! I go through this all the time. I’m the hospital system white women create so much drama and bullying but what they don’t realize is I fight back and have went for the one thing they cherish! Their pockets!
I had 3 jobs at one point when I was in grad school and yes I was in the DMV at the time. Just pushing through money was needed and trying to survive. But also, it was and is part of American culture, and Black people have been part of that. So many of our families have been ok with this and in the spirit of Black excellence have pushed for us to push ourselves, when self care has fell to the side. I’m so glad now that we have voices that are acknowledging what has been happening and that it’s ok to rest.
i was literally diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome after grinding my whole life and being taught to ignore my body's communication and pleads for rest. this is insanely and tragically resonnant. so inspiring though. just ordered the book. you are so well spoken and i'm so glad this video popped up on my feed. sending peace and love
I guess it's our job now to deal with, heal, teach, explain the ramification of slavery.
#ancestralblacktrauma
It's like Black Women are being punished for learning our value and worth.
No we don't want to date a bus driver if we don't want to.
This was a Beautiful vlog.
Thank you 🌹
P.G County here. Everything you went through brought you to this point. You are Brilliant it’s just you spent those years seeking Validation (like we all). Now, you’ve validated yourself 🥰! You ARE BLACK GIRL MAJIC! 😊
Yes , we do need to rest. I see how hard we work and we have so many health issues due to over work. Thank you for your comments.
Good topic to talk about!
I was reflecting on my life and how my parents raised us. My mom was the breadwinner, and my father was more of the molder (after his work shift).
One thing I appreciate about my father was they never pushed education, they just wanted me to do my best. The first time I brought a D home, he congratulated me and said “if that’s the best you got, then you did a good job.” Never once were we disciplined over grades, we were disciplined if we lacked character or were snobby towards people. If he heard about how rude we were or the fact we didn’t acknowledge people- best believe we’d get a spanking. Lol
He also never pushed me to get a job- he told me “you’re going to be working for the rest of your life, you can enjoy being home and figuring your life out- if you want to go to school better be for something worth your time and not for an art degree.
When we would get in trouble, our punishment was to pick a book from his business/ self help book and read aloud so he can hear (while he was working on the computer) Mind you I was dyslectic was very insecure about reading. 😂
My biggest tip in life? Have a family with a man who understands a woman’s strength, and biological needs/wants of what’s natural (to be a home maker). Glad my father knew enough to allow me to develop as an individual without pushing so much of society’s standards or timeline of “what you need to accomplish before a certain age.” Because of that I so artsy things for a living and living more comfortable than my peers who have an education and were promised more pay than what I got.
Yes, education is a great way to maybe set yourself up however glad my father pushed financial literacy since I was in middle school.
This world may never celebrate us so we must celebrate ourselves & each other! We need to speak & network with each other & stop hating on one another. We never will see eye to eye on everything. That's life. But we need to be a community & look out for one another. If u are dating or married to a cheater don't blame your girlfriend if he looks at her or approaches her. Get your man in line instead of hating on a sister. Family should hold child molesters accountable for their crimes!! Child molestation is a crime & shouldn't be taken lightly!!!
I do resonate with the Perfect attendance example. We literally get 3 days for bereavement. Wtf that is so crazy. Why would you even want a person there while going through a death of a close love one. Esp if they’re the one that has to make the final arrangements.
This is the same problem I see about black kids especially black boys being told to only focus on becoming the next sports hero and beat the odds to leave the “hood”. We continue celebrating the wrong things instead of demanding a system be better so that all children can thrive.
This is about black women not black boys,my God,can you breathe without adding them to your concerns?.
@@purplelove3666 this about black people period men and women both have similar mentalities
@@destinywilson3162 💛
@@purplelove3666every thing stated in this video can be said for bm.
@@destinywilson3162 this video is about blk girl magic.
I just stumbled across this video, and literally broke down and cried. As a black woman, its annoying to have to explain these same problems (as listed in this video)to a therapist . And the therapist still not understand 😔. To constantly be overwhelmed, overworked, and on edge. Aint it. Not to mention we as black people have to work twice as hard. Just to even have a slice of what our counterparts have!.
I heard how you kind of stumbled in choosing a word to describe your abusive father but I am glad you pushed through it and your words continued to flow. In Black families we were expected to keep a lot of secrets and kids are made to feel it’s not nice to speak the truth about a bad parent. I had dad issues too I understand .
Thank you SO much for hearing my heart and seeing me. I definitely stumble through that, still and your support means a lot.
You're absolutely right. We're told to swallow and live with that pain alone. "what happens in this house, stays in this house" or "honor your father and mother" can be used to silence and victim blame.
Bless you. Much love and joy to you. 💛💛💛💛💛
*BIG HUGS* I know those issues so well. 🫂💛🌺 You're not alone.
I love you because you are saying what I'm feeling and thinking but putting it eloquently and being soft, which is brave and rare to see online. Thankyou
Thank you so much for seeing and hearing my heart. 💛💛💛
Well-doing vs well-BEING. We are tolerated in our well-doing while our well-BEING is consistently neglected and abandoned. Focus on your well-BEING
Even as a black man, I find this video very inspirational. You did a great job!!
Awwwwww! Thank you so much!!!! ☺️💛🌻 I'm so grateful you got something from this.
The world runs on our energy that’s why they don’t want us to use it rightfully 💫
Facts💯 We are the Original Huemans beings. Our energy is EVERYTHING.
GOOD 😊 MORNING, never forget the case of EVICTION, solo, child FREE, black woman named, Taura Brown living in a tiny house. Ms Brown had a lengthy fight with a nonprofit organization about her lease to buy tiny house, and Lost! Ms Brown is now staying with friends after the EVICTION in Detroit Michigan, 2023.