I'm a 60 year old blk woman, and I can tell you that there's no such thing as an American Dream. That was a term that was used about 100 years ago when immigrants arrived at Ellis Island, and only immigrants use that term today. There is no set list of accomplishments one has to achieve. For some people, it's having a successful career, getting married, buying a house and raising a family. For others, it might be living off the grid in a tiny house and growing their own food. Everyone has different dreams.
I’ve been unplugged for about 2 years now. There is no American dream for black women, it’s more of an American NIGHTMARE. When u realize you are playing a game you were never meant to win….🤦🏾♀️
You must create your own dream. I did! I live on my terms and life is great. Stop worshipping the fake lifestyles the media shows us and create the life of your dreams. I'm proof that it can be done.
Great video! As a pharmacist who is a woman I felt this so much! Thankfully I was able to graduate debt free so I didn't have that burden, but once I got my first "real" job I realized how much of a scam this "American Dream" really was. I went into this field to help people, but the corporations only care about metrics: how many shots did you give, how many prescriptions you filled, etc, etc. God forbid you want a lunch break or a day off to take care of a few things and they give you the third degree because they need a 3 month notice. I was so defeated and depressed I cried daily after coming home. I was too ashamed to leave a toxic work environment since my family was so proud of the "success" I obtained because I had a "real" job with benefits. To this day they don't understand why I'm not happy since people in my field make "good" money. Having no control over how you spend your day is not happiness to me, I don't care how much the pay is. This feeling compounded once I became a mother, because now I can't spend as much time with my kids since I have to be at work most of the daylight hours. This is something I talk about with every high school/college student in my life. It's good to make a living but don't forget to also make a life.
I can totally relate being a woman in the military, the money is decent but the work environment is strenuous. Work hours are insane with no overtime pay.
Exactly! I'm sure this resonates with so many "Black" woman, feeling guilty because of the feeling we have to be all to everyone... when our personal values, etc. is being undermined. It's beneficial to reevaluate these aspects. But I'm a believer of the Word, " What's first will be last...". Once we realize the " American Dream" is unattainable and overrated, that's a pivotal moment regarding self-actualization. Because we're all being conditioned with the desired outcome to think and behave a certain way. Ultimately, it's so we can be modern-day slaves to this system.
This is a message that so many black women in particular need to hear. It’s time we stop beating ourselves up for not having “made it”. Success should be on our own terms.
People in general need to hear this, but as another black person... I’m getting tired of the Racial Bs. The bottom line is PEOPLE want to many things they do not need. ironically that is also the very reason we have so many cool ,usuefull, time saving, shiny things. Balance is needed. good luck on your journey. one be with you.
Most women in my circle are working 2-3 jobs while trying to raise their children, meanwhile although I am not in the same income bracket as them, I am getting plenty of rest, enjoying my children and able to enjoy the things in life that makes me happy.
@@dahbajanman7044 that’s because we’re being told, men don’t want successful women. Also, I don’t want to have to send my children to daycare, if I can’t afford to stay home with them for the first 3 years of their life then I’m not having them.
I’m 49 and I am so mad that I believed in the American dream. I am correcting my path now and living a humble life but if I had it to do all over again I would have never subscribed to this false dream. Live your life the way that your spirit tells you, believe in your organic self. Thank you for your testimony.
I feel you! Im not mad though. I’m GRATEFUL that I realized it before I left this earthly body and soul of mine. I'm 51 and wish I'd come to this realization at least a decade ago. I love to see these young women 'get it' earlier than I did. Now that I'm WOKE there's no going back to the myth of chasing the "American Dream"
I agree. Even though i climbed fairly high on the so-called corporate ladder, i had an epiphany at 50. I released the “need” for more power in a made-up construct. Much more healthy and happy.
It is sad, I’ve seen it. This is why it goes both ways….parents should treat their children right so they can have adult children that truly love them and want to help as they age and not abuse them emotionally and physically. Sometimes the adult child is just not a great person all around, in some cases. My situation, I have a mother who’s an extreme narcissist, will talk about you to the other child, call you expletives and has threatened to kill me, when the younger sibling disrespects me she lets it, and think everything revolves around her….I try to love her through it, but it’s hard. She’s not a senior yet, but until she changes, it will get worst even in her old age. My entire life has thus far has been intertwined in her mess. I’m 30, and now trying to move on from my mother and sibling.
@@ThePresentTimeNow Please move as fast as your legs can carry you away from these people, family or not. Don't absorb the "it's your fault" scenario. Find what makes you happy and stick to your own agenda. Best wishes...........
So you've detached. Beautiful thing. This world will make you feel so insufficient. The greatest thing a person can do it to simply "DETACH" from what the world considers success to be.
Omg I relate to you so much. I just turned 29 I am single and childless. It took me 9 years to finish undergrad (because I was active duty military). I didn’t graduate until 2020 and I was so ashamed and embarrassed of my “accomplishment”. I didn’t even attend graduation. I was so sad about it at my age. I recently quit working and live off military benefits. I started taking medicine and going to therapy.
MUCH LOVE AND JOY TO YOU, SIS! I see you and celebrate you. And I COMPLETELY understand that judgement and shame. We know it all too intimately. I love that you are able to live off off of benefits and take time to nurture and love on YOU. You deserve!
You should be proud of yourself for completing your goal. You had a legitimate reason as to why it took a while. Thank you for your service and sacrifice. ♥️
Congratulations for finishing your degree Meghan!! Please don’t ever be ashamed for you accomplishments no matter your age! It took me 8/9 years for me to as well. I was 27 when I attended my ceremony so I totally get it. Remember there are ppl still wishing to get where you are 😘
Wow. I read your story and got something completely different from it. I see a woman who selflessly served our country and stuck with college and graduated no matter how long it took. I guarantee you that if you had been a man, you would have seen yourself as accomplished and determined. Why are we women so damn hard on ourselves?
I wholly felt when you said “I got the degree and the good job and realized, “girl ain’t no money in this either!“” 🤣🤣 as an architect I know the vibes lol
Yeees!!! I needed this a while back too, but I'm living and learning and sharing as I go. I hope this encourages some one else! ☺️💛🌺 Much love and joy to you!
Why is this not a TED Talk? This is beyond informative... It's freedom! I had such a hard time quitting my job to become a stay at home mom and later decided to homeschool my children. I always felt like I wasn't enough in societies eyes. I always felt that I had to prove myself to working mom's or mom's who choose to send their kids to school. I finally found my self worth and don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone. I also came to the conclusion that my looks, just like my money doesn't validate my worth. I'm letting go of makeup more and more... In general I'm unbecoming according to society and becoming my true self! ❤️💕🙏
Student loan debt is a scam, and the interest used to just break my heart. It took God to show me that I could pay my loan off. I started 01/ 2015 and finished 01/ 2020. I paid off $66,034. That journey taught me some serious discipline. I'm happy living a very comfortable simple life and I'm not interested in signing on anybody's dotted line...😊
This is so good!! I'm a black man on the autism spectrum. My "disability" is mild, but I'm still inclined to think outside of the box by default. Given that, I never really believed in the American Dream. It always struck me as strange as a child that people valued appearing to be successful over living a life that really made them happy. Living in a country where people feel pressured to follow it and mostly conform, I found I've had to work on my self-esteem, try to keep my heart open, and seek out people and places inclined to appreciate and try to understand me. I'm glad more people are talking about these kinds of ideas. Edit: Spelling; actually answered your question(s) a little
@@LivingEmpoweredToday I know! We need to make our experiences known so people like us can have pride and start thriving on their own terms. Thanks for sharing! Hopefully I can come to know your story more over time.
Exactly! You've articulated what many may have been feeling so well! From my personal experiences, people diagnosed as being on the Spectrum or introverts are collectively more intuned to their genuine self, versus being conformed to social standards.
The Bible says not to compare ourselves with other's. When we do this we are often disappointed and the devil can use that disappointment to distract and confuse us. Run your own race. Push the thoughts of unfairness out of your head. God loves you.
@@TabIsrael people don't study the Bible, because there are too many contradictions, and there's still too many things that are left out of the Bible, they are not explained.
Many of the practices outlined in the scriptures are intentionally and subtlety countered in this society. That's the goal of the enemy. But there is hope because the scriptures also assert that the last will be first and vice- versa. Genesis 15:13-14 also foretells of the wonderful outcome for those who return to TMH's laws, statutes and commandments. And this is at hand, which explains why things may seem so unbearable... until our redemption. This also align with the scriptures about birthing pain. It seems unbearable during labor- but joy ensues and triumphs! As for the contradictions, Yah also forewarned about this... cautioning those who add or take away from His Word. The Truth will always have "2 or 3 witnesses" or be stated somewhere else in the scriptures- either in the traditional bible or removed text. That's an awesome Eloheim who is worthy of our praise! Because His Word is the only thing that is being fulfilled and can be trusted in this world. HalleluYah!
I never bought into the American dream. I played along and still am. I have my own ultimate goals that exist outside of it. However I worked hard to please my immigrant parents and graduated top ten percent in high schools sacrificing a socia life to do so. That enabled me to get a full ride scholarship in college. I graduated with less than 20k in debt. I incensed my parents by not pursuing an engineering degree. When I graduated I couldn’t pay back my debt. The American Dream is based off consumerism. But I had to sit back and evaluate what I wanted, and it was to get a 6 figure job. That came from my own personal motivation as well as to pay off the debt. I got that, and have been careful to not buy into the status markers. I’m relearning to appreciate looking poor, not sharing my success on social media, and not looking for validation from the outside world. I’m glad this message is spreading. I say take time to decide for yourself what it is you want out of life. I’m at peace knowing I can buy my way out of the consumerism trap now.
I opted out as well. I have so much more peace, time, my health is better, and I wouldn't change a thing. Right now my success is just being. I'm in Tanzania, Africa right now enjoying myself with my son. Everyone who breaks thru the mental shackles of America will see the true reality and realize they were given an illusion.
Hey! Yes. I have my eyes on Tanzania too. I'm actually interested in creating some roots in Tanzania. Im about to graduate with my occupational therapy degree and would like to work with special needs children there. Having peace is def a priority including peace in my environment.
17:20 That too, my mother worked hard her whole life raised 5 kids and 2 grandkids, was a Sunday school teacher, worked full time, went back to college at age 48 and by age 53 was graduating with her masters in business, she was going back for her doctorate degree, she took a couple weeks break to get her health in order before she finally retired from AT&T after 30 something years and start her own business, she went in for an outpatient surgery, the doctor botched it and she never came back home... I used to wonder if my mother knew those were her last years of life, would she have spent them burning the midnight oil studying all night. My mother hardly slept in her bed, she would always fall asleep in her office chair. The price we pay...
I am so sorry your mother is no longer here, bless her soul 🙏🏾. This year, 2022 is special. We all opened our eyes and realized it’s not worth it. I told myself, if this was my last year on earth how do I want to spend this time? My very close friend, passed 3 years ago. She would of been 45 this past Saturday. She had 4 kids, 5 grand babies, siblings, and she sat next to me at work. We worked (10am-8 or 9pm, sometimes later) open to close 6 days a week. I took two weeks off work and was at the hospital until they wheeled her away to donate her heart. I quit a few months later. Life ……. Like…. To be next to someone everyday and then they gone just like that. She had been avoiding going to the doctor and every time I asked her if she was okay she would say yes out of fear of missing out on work. Work will always be here and when we pass on, we will be replaced and life goes on. I learned and I will never work that hard ever again. Life is happening now. Can’t live it, if your health doesn’t come first.
My family came to visit me. I was 32 and the recurring question was "What do you want to do with your life?" I kept replying "nothing" and they gave me the silent treatment for 3 days in my own home. Then told me I shouldn't give up on myself before they left. I just wanted to be with them. I just wanted to be alive but instead it was a constant challenge to explain why I'm worthy.
The american dream is exactly what it's called, A DREAM. I also always tell ppl that Not only am i content with what i have but, I'm also content with what i DONT have. Nice video
Truth. I traveled throughout Europe for 3 years as a nomad and I got to see capitalism and the hustle through new eyes. Certain European countries were chasing capitalism's promises as hard as the US, while others valued time, rejuvenation, family, health so much more. I saw a slower pace of life, especially in Scandinavian countries and why they're always ranked the happiest countries in the world. I'm now detached from the Keeping Up With The Jones'. I do what makes me happy.
Chasing “the dream” is a big contributor to the rise of anxiety and depression. Before we were flooded with ads and stories telling us what we should be on television and the radio. But now social media and the internet put all those ads, stories, hopes, dreams, and comparisons in the palm of our hand 24/7.
I'm 56 and I so identify with you. My health started to go downhill in my late twenties. When I had a heart attack in my early forties and went on disability, everyone started asking me what I do all day 🤔
Life is not meant to be this way. The fact that there's a charge for resources that Yah provides for free speaks volume. Yes, modern-day slavery to the system.
American dream cost me peace freedom and wealth...92K in student loan debt. Social and religious dream cost me peace freedom and wealth...helping and bailing out family& giving bucoo money to the "church".
Be free, my young friend, be free. Keep telling these truths. All the young people of the world should know this before they wake up one day when they are old and tired and realize they have been bamboozled.
I really wish I had this advice when I was younger. I graduated from high school, went straight to college and graduated with a child in tow. Struggled as a single parent and kept pushing myself until I was exhausted (with a mortgage). I realized there is no point in overachieving. Once you get (fill in the blank) you never relish the accomplishment you just move onto the next. I saw a meme once that said, "buy the shoes, eat the cake, take the trip" and I think the gist of it is don't be afraid to live in the now. Your elders are good role models but don't be afraid to break the mold and go against the grain and do the unexpected. Capitalism ensures that if you fall down your replacement will step right over you to take your spot. Remember your ancestors were slaves, so you don't have to be one.
You hit the nail on the head . I opted out too. For various reasons . And got insulted and called lazy too 🤣 I can’t wait for my kids to get a little older so we can start a family band in our living room 🤣 The American dream is very expensive in various ways and it will never be enough . It is unsustainable and I think people are waking up and going against the grain. Even the influencers who come online to push you to buy or look up to them , they’re the exception , never the rule . And they’re mostly lying . Success for me is fresh food and free time and vacations . Dinners that are freshly made most nights . Time to have a set schedule for my facials and pedicures . Time to read a book and laugh
I can relate. I’m Asian and we all do this chasing thing with working more hours so we don’t feel lazy. I work a ton, have an masters degree, but all the work and hours spent as an adjunct instructor and other side jobs too takes away from Self-care & family time. But I’ve always worked so it’s a habit that’s hard to just take a break and relax. Started working at 15 years old during summers.
I’m so glad I found this. I have been feeling depressed because I’m 31 and I felt I didn’t live up to society’s expectations. It’s like I’m working myself to death to prove that I too deserve to live and not look lazy. But as a black woman, I learned that we’re always working so hard but we rarely get the respect, recognition, or benefits of doing so. I feel a change coming and I think the universe and God is telling me to stop looking at what I don’t have because society standards does not have anything to do with my value as a person. I deserve to enjoy life. I felt I need to have a masters by 30 and when I got it it didn’t feel good. Because I overworked myself during college and never enjoyed the process or the materials learned.
Sister I 100 % agree with your take on this situation. I am a 49 year old black man who has spent most of my life breaking my back and mind for the so called "American dream." It's really a waste of time for all the reasons you've stated and more. Capitalism has turned us from a collective of people to indiviualistic consumers with little concern for the next persons well being. People these days equate value to things and what you can potentially do for them as opposed to valuing the life of another as sacred.
As a recently diagnosed autistic and adhd person who’s always struggled with just “keeping up” with everyone else…omg your videos have been so therapeutic. I’m also a daughter of two hard working immigrants (thankfully they’re both retired) and desperately wanted to make them proud. My lower energy levels, lack of multitasking skills, difficulty understanding social cues, hypersensitivity, and executive function issues makes it so hard to keep a FT corporate job. I’ve always felt so worthless for not being able to just “adult” and become “successful.” I’ve started to realize how much of a scam capitalism is back in 2019 but your videos hit differently. Like I didn’t realize how much my self worth was attached to making money and being hyper productive. I’m so grateful to be stepping down to a PT job because I of my living situation (live with a close friend and my partner.) There’s so much unlearning to do and I love your channel. Ty and you’re such an amazing vocalist 💛💛💛
You’re absolutely right about all of this stuff. I figured it out a long time ago that it’s total bullshit. Total waste of time, energy and happiness. We don’t need all of the stuff that we think we do. And if we’re acquiring things to be accepted by people, and those are exactly the people we don’t need to be around. If people only except us for what we have then they are worthless to us. Don’t need them. Keep going my sista! 😎
That's some real truth: "We don’t need all of the stuff that we think we do. And if we’re acquiring things to be accepted by people, and those are exactly the people we don’t need to be around."
The pandemic woke a lot of folks up. This is such high value, high quality content! I’m subscribing and adding you to a community I believe will transcend time, transform thinking and cause humans to take a look at themselves and decide the life they want to live without getting caught up in the matrix! I encourage you to capture this in a written and verbal publication. I could say much much more…You’ve found your critical path. Keep inspiring! ✨✨🌟✨✨
To anyone who feels insecure about their age and education, let me share with you a brief summary of my story. I've spent 6 years just working on my Associates in engineering 😂 I'm finishing this Fall with University Physics II being my final class before working on my Bachelor's. There were times that I had to repeat classes, because they were very difficult, which set me back a little. I had to repeat University Physics I three times, only to get a B on my final attempt. I felt like I was literally dumb, because the people around me would make A's on their tests, even 100's, and I could only get good grades half of the time in my core classes. Many people I know passed their first time with flying colors. I could only take 2 classes per semester, because I have to work a full time job to support my family while going to school, so there isn't a lot of time for much homework. All my friends already have their Bachelor's and are working their dream jobs making their high salaries while I'm still struggling with my undergraduate degree and working full time at a gas station. I hardly get to keep most of the money I earn at my job because of bills, expenses, etc. It's like running in a never-ending circle. I actually like my job, believe it or not, but sometimes, I wish I could go to college full time instead of having to work and support family. I would probably finish my degree a lot sooner, but who knows. Sometimes, I wonder if my degree is even going to be worth it. I hope it will be. I am still determined. BTW, I am 24.
You got this biggest thing though: NETWORK. When I say that I don’t mean you have to go to mixers but keep contacts, make yourself visible, join programs or clubs if you have time or energy. If you can do none of those things, build ur network over timr
I'm so grateful to you for this content on this Sunday afternoon. You put everything I've been feeling into words perfectly. So validating. I moved to DC alone last year and making friendships here is predicated on status, career, degrees, neighborhood, car, etc. The black excellence/hustle culture is outta control. All I want is peace and community. EYE can opt out, but who's with me? Does opting out mean isolation?
Much love and joy to you! And the Black professional scene and culture here in the DMV is HUUUGE. I totally get it. Not only is the living so high, but the culture is all about hustling and griding. It's stressful. Peace and deep community is the goal for me as well. There are definitely pockets of amazing community, it's just tucked away. But I promise you that it's there!
I live in DC as well. I can attest to this exhausting culture. Slowly figuring it out and not allowing myself to feel guilty when I just can’t sometimes. Sending you peace and love my dear.
So I will watch this for the 10th time and shout amen as tho it's an urban church service. And side note: I shaved off my head after being emancipated from an oppressive marriage. And it's nearing a month of feeling insecure and judged and watched with my new look. And I realize how beautiful you looked and I feel a tiny little more confident
This is SUCH a great video. I believe that G-d has enlightened you. I couldn't agree with you more here. I'm almost 50, single, on ssi (welfare), and most people see me as trash. It's worse for folks who are homeless. Don't forget about us, we exist too. Blessings to you.
Many blessings to you! We almost were evicted last year. It was devastating. Yah is the Source. You are worthy. You matter. I see you and celebrate you!
As a 54 year old African American woman, let me tell you it's very hopeful to hear this dialog. There are so many of us who feel this way. Never stop questioning and challenging the status quo.
AMEN, To EVERYTHING You’re Saying In This Video.😔 I Worked 3 Jobs Too At One Point In My Life; One FT & 2 PT. I Collapsed Eventually & Took Time Off. It Was During 5 Months Sick Leave That I Realised There Was a Different Way! After That, I Gave Up Traditional Lifestyle. Now I Call Myself a Minimalist Health & Wellness Nomad. I’m Mainly Living Abroad & a Calm, Slow, Wellness-Focused Lifestyle. Couldn’t Be Happier. Life Fulfilment & A Great, Beautiful Lifestyle.❤️
Alecia, I love hearing your thoughts. I genuinely feel so understood when I watch your videos. When you talk about celebrating our own achievements and achieving them at our own pace, I think about raising children and how even though pediatricians will tell you each child develop in their own time, there's still an expected time frame for a child to achieve these milestones and if they don't, then they are considered delayed. I have to constantly remind myself to not rush my kids, to not compare them to others or even each other, that they will achieve on their own time when they are ready and trying to rush them only adds stress to myself and them. Also, during the pandemic especially, I've had to evaluate friendships. If someone else wants to be constantly achieving and producing, that's them, but that's not me so if they can't respect that and not be pushy about me living and producing like them, that relationship isn't for me. Similarly, if you're only ever contacting me because you need something from me, that's not for me either.
WEEEEEEEEI!!!! ☺️💛 Hiiiiiiiii! YEEEEEEEEEEES! To ALL of thiiiiiiiiis! Thank you so much for sharing! I didn't even consider that from a parent's perspective and how kids are labeled as "delayed". By whose standards?! Each child is unique and needs their own nurturing. And that may require different milestones and different things. That's SUCH an Excellent point. It makes me think of even the Special Education department in schools. I can see how that plays out. And I completely feel you on the friendship end. This pandemic has been pretty isolating for me and I understand folks are going through a lot in their own personal life. Everyone is busy and trying to survive. But if they are ONLY reaching out when they want something and aren't mindful of it.. It makes me pause. And do you remember in the beginning when everyone was like "Just start a business" in the beginning of the pandemic?! How insulting, infuriating and out of touch. Folks started approaching about business opportunities. I was like PLEEEEEEASE leave me alone. Lol. I don't mean any harm, but no. Love you!!! ☺️💛 You're amazing!!!
O M G i really can relate !!! As a Millenial French black I am in the same situation. My goal right now is to take back my life before hitting 40 and have a kid ( I hope). Thanks for this video, I will rewatch it when I lost myself.
16:38 Whoa that's crazy, I lived a lifestyle like that, but not that young. 16 is way too young. I couldn't get my first job until I was grown and I thought my mother was just being mean, but she would always say 'Once you start working you have to work for the rest of your life.' I tried to do the same for my daughter. I wanted to at least get her through college if she wanted to, or whatever she wanted without working endlessly and just focusing on what she wanted. She wanted to model, I paid for her competitions ect. She wanted to open her online clothing store, I bought her a vendors list and what ever else she would need. because I didn't want to see her struggle like I did and feel stuck like I do. I always wanted someone to support my dreams and didn't have that, so I said I would support my child's dream in whatever way I could. I was willing to take on more jobs if it meant my daughter could build the future she actually wanted. Doing the career she actually wanted instead of doing what she had to do to survive... I didn't let my daughter work through high school and didn't really want her to work through college because that is way too much, but her too following the 'American Dream' wanting the latest phones as soon as they drop and the finest of clothes and she started down the same path of always working to keep up with the latest...Like right now she is 7 months pregnant and still trying to work full time and still go to college. This was not the reason I worked so hard and struggled, just so she can work hard and struggle...Uh this vicious cycle...
You honestly get it. So many people just don’t get it. Listening to you is confirmation of the the things I say to myself. I am so happy to be a subscriber! I opt out too.
I definitely was suffering from depression and health issues when I worked at the hospital. I was a therapist on a psych unit, ironically, I'm the one who needed therapy. I used to go to work sick also and wouldn't call off because they penalize you for being sick essentially.
Alecia, thank you SO much for this video. I recently found Buddhism and its been super healing for me but let me tell you, im still recovering from wanting the American dream. Ive always wanted a house since I moved into the city, but recently I decided to give up that so called "dream". Why? because its a materialistic dream, It kept me from loving my life as it is now and only living in the future. Im still trying to keep myself grounded and in the present, and its hard but its been a healing process. Life is wonderful, and Im learning to love myself little by little. I have been able to let go of stress little by little. My back pain has been healing, I lost weight, even my sleep has gotten better, ALL just from getting rid of this mindset of what I think my life NEEDS to look like. Your mind is a powerful tool that can be used to heal your physical well being.
My Sistah......You nailed that right on the head!!! Everything you said. I'm 56 and I've been on a journey for almost 5 years and realized that this rat race aka capitalism did not have US in mind at all! I thoroughly enjoyed watching this video. Thank you!!! Peace and blessings.
You are so right. I beat myself up for not getting my bachelor's, even though there reasons why I couldn't finish. I feel bad because I didn't get my dream job. I'm over 50, so I keep telling myself that it's not too late. I also had to quit working due to disabilities. Now, I'm beating myself up for not being successful on You Tube its bad. Thank-you for this video..new scribe..😍
This is the first video of yours I’ve listened to. I’ve literally had to pause and take notes. You truly are sacred (and smart, beautiful, with a kind soul). You have single-handedly made the internet better. Wow, Sis. Keep thriving.
Okay I'm binging your content now because I feel like even though I'm probably way older than you, we are kindreds. Hope you don't mind me saying it. There's soooooo much truth in your words!
Thanks for sharing your opinion about the “American Dream”. I’m a military veteran. I served this country for 20 years. For me to get all of my entitlements that was promised to me I have to file claims. For me to go to the veterans hospital and not get billed I have to have an approved claim that says I’m sick enough to be treated for a disorder that was caused by the military environment. I have an adult son that went to an art college. Prior to college, he was on IEPs because of comprehension; no adhd. At college orientation, I asked the college rep to speak with a counselor that works with iep students; not available at orientation. But there is a counselor that works with iep students. Knowing my son had this issue, I asked him to give me authorization to handle his academic affairs. After 1 year, his father and I went to get him for Christmas break. The college administrator called and asked us to stop by before heading home. We were told our son is on academic probation due to his grades. I asked why wasn’t I informed; there’s an authorization form on file. Suddenly it’s not available. So long story short we were out of 10k and had to appeal to get him back in. The appeal process required proof that our son had a plan to prevent him from failing in the future. Paid more money for tutoring. The tutor suggested we get our son tested for autism. Not only is he autistic and on the spectrum it’s damn near impossible to get assistance since he was diagnosed later in life. Some American dream; more like a nightmare.
Thank you SO much for sharing your experiences and how this has affected you. Your voice and experience is so important. I see you and celebrate you. I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this when you dedicated so much of your life to the service. Unfortunately, I've seen much of the same with family and friends who served. It's a slap in the face to you all. And The system fails your son. That is absolutely ridiculous. I am so sorry. And you're right. That IS a nightmare!
I resonate with this message as a 58 year old Melinated Woman. A descendant of enslaved people. Like you I did not complete my educational journey until I was 37
Earning your rest...earning your healing, hit home for real.....this is absolutely true. Wow! Thank you for this, because I feel stuck in this oppressive system.
America is a beautiful country ,with lots of opportunities. There are very few places on this earth where black people can even get a job even less be successful. With that being said their is no safety or protection in America for black women. No protections for us. We are always rhe scapegoat for everything that is wrong in America. There is a movement for years that is gaining momentum where black women are leaving the country for good. I am planning my escape NOW. I deserve a better life and a life of ease like every other woman. I say if you are a black woman and you have the means and space to leave America. GO NOW,your life will be better in most places outside of America.
Agree with you on all points, but when it comes to studying and careers WE should be informed about what the pay is, the conditions are and if we want that. That's on us to not get played by imagining what a job is like versus what it's really like. We put more effort in buying consumables by reading reviews and comparing prices, qualities and satisfaction. Yet I never did that for my studies and career choices. It's crazy!
Thank you so much for this. I am in a state of depression right know because of certain things in life. I know it will pass. In Jesus' name. This message has changed my perspective on so much. Thank you for your obedience in sharing this.
I’m fighting to keep from slipping into depression but with everything going on around us now, it’s saddening but I’m believing in my prayers, my faith and Jesus. I’ve been feeling “stuck” for so long. Stay strong, Sister.
I love your videos!! You’ve put into a words how I’d been feeling for a long time. I guess in a sense I opted out the American Dream when I said f it, quit my job and moved abroad. I didn’t have the words to explain why I was doing what I did, but I knew that I wasn’t going to ‘wait to get permission’ to live the life I wanted to live.
Hiiiiiii! Yeeeeeeees! You are TRULY living the dream. I'm following your footsteps soon enough. And I'M SO HERE FOR YOU NOT ASKING FOR PERMISSION! I LOOOVE this! Keep living life untamed! You're inspiring so many of us! Much love and joy to you! 😊🌞🌺💛
@Our Your Diaspora I love living abroad despite its challenges. I’ve felt safe in all the countries I’ve lived and traveled to. Whenever I’m back in the US I feel on edge and slightly paranoid. 😅
I FEEL you on THIS! As a Black man, I found myself CONSTANTLY trying to keep up with and, attain the things racist Patriaechy and, even some of the people of my community claimed what I needed to be a 'man'. I finally realized that patriarchy was'nt part of my ancestrial culture. My life s SO much better now that I've divested from it. I know NOW that wyte corporate patriarchal pathology views ALL Black men as it's enemy. I say....DIVEST Brothers and, Sisters, it's the only way to live your BEST life!
Sis, thank you for showing up so authentically and beautifully. This “dream” is exhausting and was never mine. I’ve been trying to figure out how to share my creative gifts on TH-cam that encompasses all of who I am, and it gives me strength and peace to see you share your creative works with the world. Thank you for your words. Thank you for your love. Thank you for inspiring my heart and spirit.
I’m so glad I found your channel. Everything you’ve stated have been on my mind. I’ve been exhausted, and filled with anxiety. Your channel is a relief. Thank you ❤️
It's so ironic. My name is also Alisha(spelled differently) lol. I too wanted to be an artist when I was a child. And between some family and outsiders told me the same thing about artists being broke. We won't make much money, you need to go into a field where you GUARANTEED to make money. It hurt so much when I look back on it. This American dream is doing nothing for me or my mental health. Like you said in your last video.. we're not lazy, we're just TIRED!
Great content! So important for these times. As a black teacher, I have found that I am no longer able to take on the traumas of my students as my mission. I am so tired and mentally exhausted. Because I think I have to help them find the American dream, and as you say it cost a lot more than you realize. I feel like as a teacher I’ve been trying to sell them the American dream. But the reality of their lives, andin the traumas they go through, that maybe they will get there and maybe they will not. I feel now I have to sell them on being OK with who they are and where they are.Also there’s nothing wrong with just being the best version of yourself whatever that means to you without comparing yourself to other people .As a teacher I was pushing for black excellence but sometimes I think it’s too much. What do you think? I got a lot of pushback for saying that and someone else’s comments that we just need to be psychologically OK with being mediocre. The striving for excellence usually means that we have to strive to be super human. And it seems to be the only way to achieve the American dream is to be superhuman Black people. Another trap is falling into the idea that you need to purchase certain items so that you get a seat at the table. I know for black women especially, we have to look a certain way to be taken as seen as professional. So that means we have to spend more money. I think that’s part of the issue I have with the whole luxury movement. I think it does not deal with the fact that we are struggling and that in order to achieve the American dream we have to spend a lot of money.
@Sheila I was a secondary schl teacher for a moment - and completely get the evolution you describe of what to “sell” the kids on But perhaps our approach to excellence is the key - and I do think our individual makeup defines how aggressive and stressful our journeys are - but I am learning to approach excellence in my own capacity and manner - which I wanted to suggest to you as a possible approach I don’t think we humans can be healthy without big goals. Or think of them as standards. We need to work on avoiding that talented tenth toxicity and find a healthy approach, that’s the shift… ✊🌼
The American educational system is one of the initial institutions with the purpose of conditioning our babies. And unfortunately, most of the info is based on untruths.
Went to college and graduate school, earned three degrees, became a Therapist working for organizations, which means I'm building other people's dream and now after 12 years and still no license, I'm honestly ready to live a more simple life. I will work for another year or two, save my money and take a year sabbatical. I also own a small business on the side, so I may walk away from my main career to just focus on my side business. I have enjoyed helping others for 12 years, but now I'm tired and self care is imperative!
I love your insight and self awareness your words are what my mom ALWAYS told me growing up "don't be blinded by careers and money put well being first last FOREMOST AND ALWAYS ". Til this day its what I value MOST . Ty mommy ..I miss you 💔❤❤❤❤💖💖💖💗
Alecia! Hey girl lol. Look, you said something I've always stated, on how it's always the "exxxtra ordinary" people who get celebrated/rewarded. It always bothered me especially when it came to school and scholarships. I never seen scholarships for the kids who although they tried as hard as they could but never got straight A's. Or students who were B or C students. Makes no sense to me 💁🏿♀️💁🏿♀️. Lawd I'm only 1 minute and 18 seconds in and I'm already mad 😹😹😹😹. Alright, let me get back to the video chyl 🥴😹😹. 🌻🐞☀️
In October 2021, I got fed up with my job giving me excuses as to why I couldn't use my leave so I quit with the plan of traveling for 2 out of 6 months while looking for a job that had a better work/life balance. So far, I've seen 4 new countries, met so many different people and now that I'm back looking for my next job, my philosophy moving forward will be to quit my job every 3-4 yrs and take a mini 6 month retirement. Rinse and repeat that process until the day I die. My mother's untimely death at 56 taught me that death doesn't wait for you to retire and enjoy the fruits of your labor. When death is ready to come for you, it comes for you. So far quitting is the best thing I've ever done and even though it's only for 6 months, it's taught me to never look at work the same way again.
Watching this video again! Girl you are helping this 61-year-old feel so good about having always been a loner for the most part. I’m ready to enjoy what I’ve accomplished even more. It’s time to breathe and let the other younger folk chase the dream of moving up in our profession. I got kicked out of the pipeline when it was my time to move up. Little did I know that God allowed that to happen so I can have the peace and happiness that I have today!!!
As an educator I tell my students create in your own way. Like your finger print; you are one in 4 trillion. So unique. Your legacy is your unique wake understood and the knowledge spread. I agree as a cancer survivor. I am working on impact and creating systems of support before I retire.
First thing that jumped out at me is your beauty! You're so gorgeous! Also, a fellow fast talker like myself! I agree with everything thing you said...i sometimes get this sudden urge to drop everything and buy a small farm house, out in a remote area somewhere in the global south. I'm currently in London, UK and literally the pandemic has been a nightmare. Apart from the tragedy of losing so many lives to it, its really highly how broken our world is. People are increasingly more hostile and unwilling to interrogate their belief system/world they live in. Under cap*talism, life has no intrinsic value unless they're producing and competing with others... So many are battling depression, loneliness, anxiety etc. The systems governing our world is leaving many people sick. Making meaningful sustainable connections is increasingly becoming more arduous. There's sooo much beauty in the world yet the hearts of so many are deeply wounded. I am desperately trying to summon the strength to follow my passions but I'm currently exhausted. Thanks for the beautiful words.
I hear you and I see you. I was told I quit at my career but I was tired with a broken spirit. I am so content with all of my accomplishments when I look back on my life. Thank you for keeping it real.
Very thoughtful presentation Alecia. I am a 66-year-old Black Woman. My 2 Daughters are probably the same age as you. I shared your video with them. There is a comment that young women today are suffering.... and I agree. I hustled, raised my two daughters by myself. I know the one thing that kept me going is that there was no INTERNET! Don't get me wrong, the internet is a good thing and it's a bad thing should you allow it to trap you. There are many regrets I have because of the hustle and trying to attain, but "My" hustle was real and I AM HERE. Ain't going anywhere anytime soon. Today, I am unapologetic! Life is this thing called "Life". In the end "do you" Alecia!
I am so glad someone said it. Thank you for this video. I thought I was feeling this way simply because I am older now and all the hustle has been beaten out of me, but to hear this from a younger woman is refreshing. I hope more young black women get this message before they are wiped out in their later years.
I hear you sis. This is raw truth and wisdom.💯 What I've learned my 3 decades on this earth is that a majority of "the culture" is toxic to the common Black man or woman. Now, I'm committed to finding my OWN definition of bliss, and not what some celebrity, or media is telling me who I should become. To young ladies, don't let it take you this long.💯
Hello. I like your video. The things you say are so inspiring. Not many know these things until we search for answers. I had a family member that was very successful, and in return treated me like I was a no body. I was afraid of becoming sucessful in life, because I thought it was going to change my attitude too. It didn't. I learned that success for me was the ability to accomplish goals that I set for myself whether they brought me money, or not. I also learned that not all accomplished goals will bring forth wealth. It's a dream, but it's worth the try. I have learned since I was little to never follow anyone, or anyone's expectations. It's a good thing to know yourself, and learn the truth about life.
True cost is you…you in your totality even your soul. And what do you achieve or get back??!! A house, nice clothes, savings, fake/detached friends, the constant need for more, etc. They can keep it all. Determine what’s important to you, what you need, what keeps you sound and DO THAT! The only measuring stick worth using is the word of God; the rest is worthless. Speak life over yourselves and others. Peace & love 💗
Definitely working on breaking out of consumerism. You're absolutely saying everything I've been thinking. Raised by a grandmother with a third grade education, life was a struggle. Returning back to college in my 30s and graduating with my associates 2007, bachelor's 2010 Summa cumlaude, and master's degree 2012 Summa cumlaude, I didn't show up to the graduation and didn't even go out to dinner to celebrate. I was looking for what was next; find a decent job. Now I've been in that job for eight years and I am not happy. Once again looking for another job and trying to determine whether or not I need to go back to school for a doctorate. Or do I pivot to a high earning career like software engineering. All this while living vicariously through vanlifer videos. The pursuit of Happiness can be stressful. We need to remind ourselves we are worthy regardless of socioeconomic status.
Ughhhh I was JUST thinking about ALLL of this!!! I'm so glad this was recommended to me! Same Same Same!!! We're playing catch up while they're still 20 laps ahead and going. It's a losing game, unless you realize early and play it YOUR way. Also, there's no participation trophy or extra points you receive for doing things the "right" way or abiding by the American dream. People have found success through doing what truly makes them happy, because Success is subjective. Live as you please and do all that makes your heart full. Keeping up with the Joneses, living barely above the poverty line or right on it, for the sake of optics is insane. I have a job that sounds good to others and looks good on paper, but it's not what it seems. And honestly girl, I'm tired. I just wanna go to my family's house down south and just breathe for a minute or two. I'm a city girl born and raised, but I need a break from all this "hustling". I want to watch the trains pass by, garden, cook, and just be....even if just for a minute.
Girrrrlllll, your message is so needed. I’m 63 now and worked very hard in corporate America. (It’s like being a hamster)….Always had a second job and lived below my means. Long story short planned on buying a home at retirement age and covid hit. That money (401 K) went down the toilet. I felt like where did I go wrong? Wasn’t feeling good about myself in that moment. I got over it and realized that I, as an adult/ I LOVE ME!!!! I’m finding the beauty in peace and nature and surrounding myself with people that value me. Killing myself in this corporate society is not part of my future. I’ve never measured myself to others-I have me and God to answer to. Great post, new Subcriber here!!!!💞
This was such a good video. Spoke to me on a spiritual level. Thank you for this and will be sharing. I know a few black females going thru these phases, chasing a dream they are not achieving. Trying to be seen as a business woman but have 4 failed Businesses because they jumped into it without full knowledge, just to appear like they are a "boss b!sh" and making it. It's sad I tell you.
Sis........smh....this is me giving you a standing ovation. The universe was speaking through you cuz you are right. The "American Dream" is just too hard to obtain. Even if I thought that I could get a sliver of that pie I would throw bows to get to it but it's just too difficult. I'm 48 and I just found out that there's a community of black women who call themselves expats who have moved abroad and are 1000x happier for it. Up until a few months ago, I couldn't see a future worth getting excited for. One daughter is 19 and the other is 15 so I can feel that "empty nester" cloud making its way over to my head. Being a black successful, happy woman in America is a dream. So my thought is that it has to be better just about everywhere else other than the united states. Yes, there are laws and systems that are "supposed" to work for everyone in this country but if you have a system that repeatedly turns a blind eye to those who are only interested in enforcing it to the benefit of certain people then it can't work for everyone. So now I have a goal, I'm putting a plan together to move abroad, to become a expat. Some place any place where I can live, like actually live. Some places where (yes they will see that I'm a black woman) but that's not the only thing that they see. Check out a TH-cam by the name of Stephanie Perry she speaks truth to power just like you. Thanks for sharing.
So much of what you said resonated with me! My backup plan became my career and music became a footnote in my life. I’ve been getting back to art and I’m happier than I’ve ever been!
Spot on! I am eBaying my butt off to pay my debt that seems to be going nowhere AND I have a full time job - at 52. I need to go back to budgeting, paying cash only using envelope method.
I'm a 60 year old blk woman, and I can tell you that there's no such thing as an American Dream. That was a term that was used about 100 years ago when immigrants arrived at Ellis Island, and only immigrants use that term today. There is no set list of accomplishments one has to achieve. For some people, it's having a successful career, getting married, buying a house and raising a family. For others, it might be living off the grid in a tiny house and growing their own food. Everyone has different dreams.
So happy to read your response. Our younger women are suffering...
So true ❤️❤️
Immigrants learned the term “American dream” from Americans.
I teach this in school with of mice and men. The American dream is different for everyone.
@@alexarivera9076
M my
I
I’ve been unplugged for about 2 years now. There is no American dream for black women, it’s more of an American NIGHTMARE. When u realize you are playing a game you were never meant to win….🤦🏾♀️
Truth!
You must create your own dream. I did! I live on my terms and life is great. Stop worshipping the fake lifestyles the media shows us and create the life of your dreams. I'm proof that it can be done.
@@ellewoods9396 ❤❤❤❤❤❤
This is the truth!!
Words do manifest. You’ve willed your nightmare.
Great video! As a pharmacist who is a woman I felt this so much! Thankfully I was able to graduate debt free so I didn't have that burden, but once I got my first "real" job I realized how much of a scam this "American Dream" really was. I went into this field to help people, but the corporations only care about metrics: how many shots did you give, how many prescriptions you filled, etc, etc. God forbid you want a lunch break or a day off to take care of a few things and they give you the third degree because they need a 3 month notice. I was so defeated and depressed I cried daily after coming home. I was too ashamed to leave a toxic work environment since my family was so proud of the "success" I obtained because I had a "real" job with benefits. To this day they don't understand why I'm not happy since people in my field make "good" money. Having no control over how you spend your day is not happiness to me, I don't care how much the pay is. This feeling compounded once I became a mother, because now I can't spend as much time with my kids since I have to be at work most of the daylight hours. This is something I talk about with every high school/college student in my life. It's good to make a living but don't forget to also make a life.
Toxic work environments are abusive environments. I hope you can be free one day. I still have anxiety whenever I drive by my old job
I can totally relate being a woman in the military, the money is decent but the work environment is strenuous. Work hours are insane with no overtime pay.
Exactly! I'm sure this resonates with so many "Black" woman, feeling guilty because of the feeling we have to be all to everyone... when our personal values, etc. is being undermined. It's beneficial to reevaluate these aspects. But I'm a believer of the Word, " What's first will be last...". Once we realize the " American Dream" is unattainable and overrated, that's a pivotal moment regarding self-actualization. Because we're all being conditioned with the desired outcome to think and behave a certain way. Ultimately, it's so we can be modern-day slaves to this system.
"It's good to make a living, but don't forget to also make a life"... ABSOLUTELY TRUE!! 🙌
Your story is my story. I quit and I’m so much happier.
This is a message that so many black women in particular need to hear. It’s time we stop beating ourselves up for not having “made it”. Success should be on our own terms.
People in general need to hear this, but as another black person... I’m getting tired of the Racial Bs. The bottom line is PEOPLE want to many things they do not need. ironically that is also the very reason we have so many cool ,usuefull, time saving, shiny things. Balance is needed.
good luck on your journey.
one be with you.
Most women in my circle are working 2-3 jobs while trying to raise their children, meanwhile although I am not in the same income bracket as them, I am getting plenty of rest, enjoying my children and able to enjoy the things in life that makes me happy.
Absolutely!!!!
@@yolandawestbrook8240 Black women continue to have kids then try finding a career and that is the biggest reason for most of their struggles.
@@dahbajanman7044 that’s because we’re being told, men don’t want successful women. Also, I don’t want to have to send my children to daycare, if I can’t afford to stay home with them for the first 3 years of their life then I’m not having them.
I’m 49 and I am so mad that I believed in the American dream. I am correcting my path now and living a humble life but if I had it to do all over again I would have never subscribed to this false dream. Live your life the way that your spirit tells you, believe in your organic self. Thank you for your testimony.
I'm 47. Struggling to have the courage. I look at these young women, and wish I had come to these realizations much earlier.
I feel you! Im not mad though. I’m GRATEFUL that I realized it before I left this earthly body and soul of mine. I'm 51 and wish I'd come to this realization at least a decade ago. I love to see these young women 'get it' earlier than I did. Now that I'm WOKE there's no going back to the myth of chasing the "American Dream"
@@mizbootsie8175 Same here, but better late than never!
I agree. Even though i climbed fairly high on the so-called corporate ladder, i had an epiphany at 50. I released the “need” for more power in a made-up construct. Much more healthy and happy.
If you go into a nursing home you can see how badly discarded the elderly are. It’s so heartbreaking.
Oh wow! That is really heartbreaking. We really have to change that.
Yup. Been a CNA for 5 months. It’s triphling ! Even more reason why I aspire to live my life fully.
@@jasminejohnson4707 yes!!! Because once you're deemed useless no one cares, not even family. Some people are lucky but not many.
It is sad, I’ve seen it. This is why it goes both ways….parents should treat their children right so they can have adult children that truly love them and want to help as they age and not abuse them emotionally and physically. Sometimes the adult child is just not a great person all around, in some cases. My situation, I have a mother who’s an extreme narcissist, will talk about you to the other child, call you expletives and has threatened to kill me, when the younger sibling disrespects me she lets it, and think everything revolves around her….I try to love her through it, but it’s hard. She’s not a senior yet, but until she changes, it will get worst even in her old age. My entire life has thus far has been intertwined in her mess. I’m 30, and now trying to move on from my mother and sibling.
@@ThePresentTimeNow Please move as fast as your legs can carry you away from these people, family or not. Don't absorb the "it's your fault" scenario. Find what makes you happy and stick to your own agenda. Best wishes...........
So you've detached. Beautiful thing. This world will make you feel so insufficient. The greatest thing a person can do it to simply "DETACH" from what the world considers success to be.
I love everything about this so much. Thank you so much for sharing this! 💛☺️
I’m trying but struggling.
PERFECTLY SAID, BLESSINGS SISTER 🙏🏽💯
This is all TRUE FACTZ
Oppresive system!!! ……I don’t know how some people can believe that nonsense .
Omg I relate to you so much. I just turned 29 I am single and childless. It took me 9 years to finish undergrad (because I was active duty military). I didn’t graduate until 2020 and I was so ashamed and embarrassed of my “accomplishment”. I didn’t even attend graduation. I was so sad about it at my age. I recently quit working and live off military benefits. I started taking medicine and going to therapy.
MUCH LOVE AND JOY TO YOU, SIS! I see you and celebrate you. And I COMPLETELY understand that judgement and shame. We know it all too intimately. I love that you are able to live off off of benefits and take time to nurture and love on YOU. You deserve!
You should be proud of yourself for completing your goal. You had a legitimate reason as to why it took a while. Thank you for your service and sacrifice. ♥️
Congratulations for finishing your degree Meghan!! Please don’t ever be ashamed for you accomplishments no matter your age! It took me 8/9 years for me to as well. I was 27 when I attended my ceremony so I totally get it. Remember there are ppl still wishing to get where you are 😘
congratulations on your achievements! you are a rockstar!
Wow. I read your story and got something completely different from it. I see a woman who selflessly served our country and stuck with college and graduated no matter how long it took. I guarantee you that if you had been a man, you would have seen yourself as accomplished and determined. Why are we women so damn hard on ourselves?
I wholly felt when you said “I got the degree and the good job and realized, “girl ain’t no money in this either!“” 🤣🤣 as an architect I know the vibes lol
Right 😂😂😂
Lmbooooo! Listeeeeeen! You get it! Much love and joy to you! ☺️💛🌺
@Shoshanna oh no really. Is it low paying?
Wrong education choice...if you wanted money choose Finance or something business related.
lol im in architecture also! i had to set my boundaries for the wages they were paying
I needed this 30 years ago but thankful to receive it today. :)
Yeees!!! I needed this a while back too, but I'm living and learning and sharing as I go. I hope this encourages some one else! ☺️💛🌺 Much love and joy to you!
Big facts!
You guys are getting it right on time believe me.💛
Seconded.
Amen!
Why is this not a TED Talk? This is beyond informative... It's freedom! I had such a hard time quitting my job to become a stay at home mom and later decided to homeschool my children. I always felt like I wasn't enough in societies eyes. I always felt that I had to prove myself to working mom's or mom's who choose to send their kids to school. I finally found my self worth and don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone. I also came to the conclusion that my looks, just like my money doesn't validate my worth. I'm letting go of makeup more and more... In general I'm unbecoming according to society and becoming my true self! ❤️💕🙏
That is the best comment out here.
Student loan debt is a scam, and the interest used to just break my heart. It took God to show me that I could pay my loan off. I started 01/ 2015 and finished 01/ 2020. I paid off $66,034. That journey taught me some serious discipline. I'm happy living a very comfortable simple life and I'm not interested in signing on anybody's dotted line...😊
This give me hope! Thanks
This is so good!!
I'm a black man on the autism spectrum. My "disability" is mild, but I'm still inclined to think outside of the box by default. Given that, I never really believed in the American Dream. It always struck me as strange as a child that people valued appearing to be successful over living a life that really made them happy. Living in a country where people feel pressured to follow it and mostly conform, I found I've had to work on my self-esteem, try to keep my heart open, and seek out people and places inclined to appreciate and try to understand me. I'm glad more people are talking about these kinds of ideas.
Edit: Spelling; actually answered your question(s) a little
Thank you so much for sharing your story and experience with us. We see and celebrate you. Much love and joy to you!
You are a beautiful soul
@@LivingEmpoweredToday I know! We need to make our experiences known so people like us can have pride and start thriving on their own terms. Thanks for sharing! Hopefully I can come to know your story more over time.
Exactly! You've articulated what many may have been feeling so well! From my personal experiences, people diagnosed as being on the Spectrum or introverts are collectively more intuned to their genuine self, versus being conformed to social standards.
Personal events or circumstances are a major player in the matter of the chasing the American Dream.
The Bible says not to compare ourselves with other's. When we do this we are often disappointed and the devil can use that disappointment to distract and confuse us. Run your own race. Push the thoughts of unfairness out of your head. God loves you.
Amen
Folks don’t study the Bible no more...and so they get caught up in loving this world, and end up disappointed 😢...like her.
Thanks for the reminder.
@@TabIsrael people don't study the Bible, because there are too many contradictions, and there's still too many things that are left out of the Bible, they are not explained.
Many of the practices outlined in the scriptures are intentionally and subtlety countered in this society. That's the goal of the enemy. But there is hope because the scriptures also assert that the last will be first and vice- versa. Genesis 15:13-14 also foretells of the wonderful outcome for those who return to TMH's laws, statutes and commandments. And this is at hand, which explains why things may seem so unbearable... until our redemption. This also align with the scriptures about birthing pain. It seems unbearable during labor- but joy ensues and triumphs!
As for the contradictions, Yah also forewarned about this... cautioning those who add or take away from His Word. The Truth will always have "2 or 3 witnesses" or be stated somewhere else in the scriptures- either in the traditional bible or removed text. That's an awesome Eloheim who is worthy of our praise! Because His Word is the only thing that is being fulfilled and can be trusted in this world. HalleluYah!
I never bought into the American dream. I played along and still am. I have my own ultimate goals that exist outside of it. However I worked hard to please my immigrant parents and graduated top ten percent in high schools sacrificing a socia life to do so. That enabled me to get a full ride scholarship in college. I graduated with less than 20k in debt. I incensed my parents by not pursuing an engineering degree. When I graduated I couldn’t pay back my debt.
The American Dream is based off consumerism. But I had to sit back and evaluate what I wanted, and it was to get a 6 figure job. That came from my own personal motivation as well as to pay off the debt. I got that, and have been careful to not buy into the status markers. I’m relearning to appreciate looking poor, not sharing my success on social media, and not looking for validation from the outside world. I’m glad this message is spreading. I say take time to decide for yourself what it is you want out of life.
I’m at peace knowing I can buy my way out of the consumerism trap now.
This right here is the secret to life, looking poor but rich on the inside and financial freedom.
This 💙
I opted out as well. I have so much more peace, time, my health is better, and I wouldn't change a thing. Right now my success is just being. I'm in Tanzania, Africa right now enjoying myself with my son. Everyone who breaks thru the mental shackles of America will see the true reality and realize they were given an illusion.
Hey! Yes. I have my eyes on Tanzania too. I'm actually interested in creating some roots in Tanzania. Im about to graduate with my occupational therapy degree and would like to work with special needs children there. Having peace is def a priority including peace in my environment.
ooh you are welcome ...hello from Tanzania🇹🇿
I'm 62 and moved to Ghana at 60..life is calm and peaceful..I'm finally living intentionally..
@@barbarasutton9683 So true. The peace and serenity I feel is how we should feel while living.
17:20 That too, my mother worked hard her whole life raised 5 kids and 2 grandkids, was a Sunday school teacher, worked full time, went back to college at age 48 and by age 53 was graduating with her masters in business, she was going back for her doctorate degree, she took a couple weeks break to get her health in order before she finally retired from AT&T after 30 something years and start her own business, she went in for an outpatient surgery, the doctor botched it and she never came back home...
I used to wonder if my mother knew those were her last years of life, would she have spent them burning the midnight oil studying all night. My mother hardly slept in her bed, she would always fall asleep in her office chair. The price we pay...
I am so sorry your mother is no longer here, bless her soul 🙏🏾. This year, 2022 is special. We all opened our eyes and realized it’s not worth it. I told myself, if this was my last year on earth how do I want to spend this time? My very close friend, passed 3 years ago. She would of been 45 this past Saturday. She had 4 kids, 5 grand babies, siblings, and she sat next to me at work. We worked (10am-8 or 9pm, sometimes later) open to close 6 days a week. I took two weeks off work and was at the hospital until they wheeled her away to donate her heart. I quit a few months later. Life ……. Like…. To be next to someone everyday and then they gone just like that. She had been avoiding going to the doctor and every time I asked her if she was okay she would say yes out of fear of missing out on work. Work will always be here and when we pass on, we will be replaced and life goes on. I learned and I will never work that hard ever again. Life is happening now. Can’t live it, if your health doesn’t come first.
So sorry to hear about mom's passing. Keep her memory close to your heart. It seems to help. Hugs
My family came to visit me. I was 32 and the recurring question was "What do you want to do with your life?" I kept replying "nothing" and they gave me the silent treatment for 3 days in my own home. Then told me I shouldn't give up on myself before they left. I just wanted to be with them. I just wanted to be alive but instead it was a constant challenge to explain why I'm worthy.
It took me 19 years to earn my degree and I saw it as an encouragement to others to never give up. Push through even if it's a class a semester.
Thank you soooo much for this you are truly inspiring
I love this. Thank you for sharing.. this is so inspiring
The american dream is exactly what it's called, A DREAM. I also always tell ppl that Not only am i content with what i have but, I'm also content with what i DONT have. Nice video
That's some real truth right there, John Phillips.
Truth. I traveled throughout Europe for 3 years as a nomad and I got to see capitalism and the hustle through new eyes. Certain European countries were chasing capitalism's promises as hard as the US, while others valued time, rejuvenation, family, health so much more. I saw a slower pace of life, especially in Scandinavian countries and why they're always ranked the happiest countries in the world. I'm now detached from the Keeping Up With The Jones'. I do what makes me happy.
Chasing “the dream” is a big contributor to the rise of anxiety and depression. Before we were flooded with ads and stories telling us what we should be on television and the radio. But now social media and the internet put all those ads, stories, hopes, dreams, and comparisons in the palm of our hand 24/7.
So what are you saying, Long Island Legba. I want to hear more!
I'm 56 and I so identify with you. My health started to go downhill in my late twenties. When I had a heart attack in my early forties and went on disability, everyone started asking me what I do all day 🤔
Oh wow! Thank you so much for sharing this with us! I wish you much rest and healing and MUCH JOY! 💛☺️
Stress is a silent killer, 🤫 take care of you, people are trying to impress people who don't like them and they don't like them, let it go.
@@renahill6565 Greqt advice.
This right here is powerful!!! No lies told. Crazy how we live in a world where you have to pay to live...the whole system is exhausting!!!
Exhausting!!!! Much love and joy to you! 😊💛
Exhausting ...and I'm done, doing the bare minimum to not have to depend on others and that's it.
Exhausting, everything is about capital to make someone else rich. Modern day slavery.
Life is not meant to be this way. The fact that there's a charge for resources that Yah provides for free speaks volume. Yes, modern-day slavery to the system.
American dream cost me peace freedom and wealth...92K in student loan debt. Social and religious dream cost me peace freedom and wealth...helping and bailing out family& giving bucoo money to the "church".
Be free, my young friend, be free. Keep telling these truths. All the young people of the world should know this before they wake up one day when they are old and tired and realize they have been bamboozled.
I turned 30 this year. I've been through a lot. I gave up on the American dream. I am content with where I am now
I love this for you! ☺️💛🌺
The TH-cam algorithm is getting blacker! So happy I get to hear more voices and new perspectives. Thanks for sharing your story!
I really wish I had this advice when I was younger. I graduated from high school, went straight to college and graduated with a child in tow. Struggled as a single parent and kept pushing myself until I was exhausted (with a mortgage). I realized there is no point in overachieving. Once you get (fill in the blank) you never relish the accomplishment you just move onto the next. I saw a meme once that said, "buy the shoes, eat the cake, take the trip" and I think the gist of it is don't be afraid to live in the now. Your elders are good role models but don't be afraid to break the mold and go against the grain and do the unexpected. Capitalism ensures that if you fall down your replacement will step right over you to take your spot. Remember your ancestors were slaves, so you don't have to be one.
You hit the nail on the head . I opted out too. For various reasons . And got insulted and called lazy too 🤣 I can’t wait for my kids to get a little older so we can start a family band in our living room 🤣
The American dream is very expensive in various ways and it will never be enough . It is unsustainable and I think people are waking up and going against the grain.
Even the influencers who come online to push you to buy or look up to them , they’re the exception , never the rule . And they’re mostly lying .
Success for me is fresh food and free time and vacations . Dinners that are freshly made most nights . Time to have a set schedule for my facials and pedicures . Time to read a book and laugh
I LOVE your dream! It feels so good!
I chased the illusive "American Dream" for more than 40 decades. Not anymore. I am truly all good now. Keep up the great content.
This was theraputic. Please continue having these meaningful conversations.
Thank you so much! I definitely will keep speaking my truth and experiences and share what I've been learning. Much love and joy to you! 💛🌺😊
Comparison is a disease. You have to find happiness within yourself and never attach it to "accomplishments". Great video Queen 💕
Real truth!
Another great one! The dream is costing me money, time and mental health. The dream was aleady a killer but the pandemic has made it a massacre.
I can relate. I’m Asian and we all do this chasing thing with working more hours so we don’t feel lazy. I work a ton, have an masters degree, but all the work and hours spent as an adjunct instructor and other side jobs too takes away from Self-care & family time. But I’ve always worked so it’s a habit that’s hard to just take a break and relax. Started working at 15 years old during summers.
I’m so glad I found this. I have been feeling depressed because I’m 31 and I felt I didn’t live up to society’s expectations. It’s like I’m working myself to death to prove that I too deserve to live and not look lazy. But as a black woman, I learned that we’re always working so hard but we rarely get the respect, recognition, or benefits of doing so. I feel a change coming and I think the universe and God is telling me to stop looking at what I don’t have because society standards does not have anything to do with my value as a person. I deserve to enjoy life. I felt I need to have a masters by 30 and when I got it it didn’t feel good. Because I overworked myself during college and never enjoyed the process or the materials learned.
Sister I 100 % agree with your take on this situation. I am a 49 year old black man who has spent most of my life breaking my back and mind for the so called "American dream." It's really a waste of time for all the reasons you've stated and more. Capitalism has turned us from a collective of people to indiviualistic consumers with little concern for the next persons well being. People these days equate value to things and what you can potentially do for them as opposed to valuing the life of another as sacred.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
As a recently diagnosed autistic and adhd person who’s always struggled with just “keeping up” with everyone else…omg your videos have been so therapeutic. I’m also a daughter of two hard working immigrants (thankfully they’re both retired) and desperately wanted to make them proud. My lower energy levels, lack of multitasking skills, difficulty understanding social cues, hypersensitivity, and executive function issues makes it so hard to keep a FT corporate job. I’ve always felt so worthless for not being able to just “adult” and become “successful.” I’ve started to realize how much of a scam capitalism is back in 2019 but your videos hit differently. Like I didn’t realize how much my self worth was attached to making money and being hyper productive.
I’m so grateful to be stepping down to a PT job because I of my living situation (live with a close friend and my partner.) There’s so much unlearning to do and I love your channel. Ty and you’re such an amazing vocalist 💛💛💛
You’re absolutely right about all of this stuff. I figured it out a long time ago that it’s total bullshit. Total waste of time, energy and happiness. We don’t need all of the stuff that we think we do. And if we’re acquiring things to be accepted by people, and those are exactly the people we don’t need to be around. If people only except us for what we have then they are worthless to us. Don’t need them. Keep going my sista! 😎
That's some real truth: "We don’t need all of the stuff that we think we do. And if we’re acquiring things to be accepted by people, and those are exactly the people we don’t need to be around."
Finally someone saying what most of us are feeling and thinking. More people need to hear this. 🙏🏽
The pandemic woke a lot of folks up. This is such high value, high quality content! I’m subscribing and adding you to a community I believe will transcend time, transform thinking and cause humans to take a look at themselves and decide the life they want to live without getting caught up in the matrix! I encourage you to capture this in a written and verbal publication. I could say much much more…You’ve found your critical path. Keep inspiring! ✨✨🌟✨✨
To anyone who feels insecure about their age and education, let me share with you a brief summary of my story. I've spent 6 years just working on my Associates in engineering 😂 I'm finishing this Fall with University Physics II being my final class before working on my Bachelor's. There were times that I had to repeat classes, because they were very difficult, which set me back a little. I had to repeat University Physics I three times, only to get a B on my final attempt. I felt like I was literally dumb, because the people around me would make A's on their tests, even 100's, and I could only get good grades half of the time in my core classes. Many people I know passed their first time with flying colors. I could only take 2 classes per semester, because I have to work a full time job to support my family while going to school, so there isn't a lot of time for much homework. All my friends already have their Bachelor's and are working their dream jobs making their high salaries while I'm still struggling with my undergraduate degree and working full time at a gas station. I hardly get to keep most of the money I earn at my job because of bills, expenses, etc. It's like running in a never-ending circle. I actually like my job, believe it or not, but sometimes, I wish I could go to college full time instead of having to work and support family. I would probably finish my degree a lot sooner, but who knows. Sometimes, I wonder if my degree is even going to be worth it. I hope it will be. I am still determined. BTW, I am 24.
Your on the right track don’t give up and don’t stop
Go for it girl
Where do you live? Some places give you grants for living expenses if your a mature student going to school
@@Fay1106 🤣 It's okay, but I'm a guy.
You got this biggest thing though: NETWORK. When I say that I don’t mean you have to go to mixers but keep contacts, make yourself visible, join programs or clubs if you have time or energy. If you can do none of those things, build ur network over timr
I'm so grateful to you for this content on this Sunday afternoon. You put everything I've been feeling into words perfectly. So validating. I moved to DC alone last year and making friendships here is predicated on status, career, degrees, neighborhood, car, etc. The black excellence/hustle culture is outta control. All I want is peace and community. EYE can opt out, but who's with me? Does opting out mean isolation?
Much love and joy to you! And the Black professional scene and culture here in the DMV is HUUUGE. I totally get it. Not only is the living so high, but the culture is all about hustling and griding. It's stressful. Peace and deep community is the goal for me as well. There are definitely pockets of amazing community, it's just tucked away. But I promise you that it's there!
Yes, peace and community. I never put it into words but you said it.
I live in DC as well. I can attest to this exhausting culture. Slowly figuring it out and not allowing myself to feel guilty when I just can’t sometimes. Sending you peace and love my dear.
So true, I'm in the DMV as well and it's out of control. The 5 of us or so in these comments should connect and build community.
U
"they're not selling us the object, but they're selling us what we want to feel".... wow, so true.
So I will watch this for the 10th time and shout amen as tho it's an urban church service.
And side note: I shaved off my head after being emancipated from an oppressive marriage.
And it's nearing a month of feeling insecure and judged and watched with my new look. And I realize how beautiful you looked and I feel a tiny little more confident
This is SUCH a great video. I believe that G-d has enlightened you. I couldn't agree with you more here. I'm almost 50, single, on ssi (welfare), and most people see me as trash. It's worse for folks who are homeless.
Don't forget about us, we exist too.
Blessings to you.
I'm right there with you, I had to quit working due to my back, legs, and hands, and its depressing.
Many blessings to you! We almost were evicted last year. It was devastating. Yah is the Source. You are worthy. You matter. I see you and celebrate you!
As a 54 year old African American woman, let me tell you it's very hopeful to hear this dialog. There are so many of us who feel this way. Never stop questioning and challenging the status quo.
AMEN, To EVERYTHING You’re Saying In This Video.😔 I Worked 3 Jobs Too At One Point In My Life; One FT & 2 PT. I Collapsed Eventually & Took Time Off. It Was During 5 Months Sick Leave That I Realised There Was a Different Way! After That, I Gave Up Traditional Lifestyle. Now I Call Myself a Minimalist Health & Wellness Nomad. I’m Mainly Living Abroad & a Calm, Slow, Wellness-Focused Lifestyle. Couldn’t Be Happier. Life Fulfilment & A Great, Beautiful Lifestyle.❤️
Alecia, I love hearing your thoughts. I genuinely feel so understood when I watch your videos. When you talk about celebrating our own achievements and achieving them at our own pace, I think about raising children and how even though pediatricians will tell you each child develop in their own time, there's still an expected time frame for a child to achieve these milestones and if they don't, then they are considered delayed. I have to constantly remind myself to not rush my kids, to not compare them to others or even each other, that they will achieve on their own time when they are ready and trying to rush them only adds stress to myself and them. Also, during the pandemic especially, I've had to evaluate friendships. If someone else wants to be constantly achieving and producing, that's them, but that's not me so if they can't respect that and not be pushy about me living and producing like them, that relationship isn't for me. Similarly, if you're only ever contacting me because you need something from me, that's not for me either.
WEEEEEEEEI!!!! ☺️💛 Hiiiiiiiii! YEEEEEEEEEEES! To ALL of thiiiiiiiiis! Thank you so much for sharing! I didn't even consider that from a parent's perspective and how kids are labeled as "delayed". By whose standards?! Each child is unique and needs their own nurturing. And that may require different milestones and different things. That's SUCH an Excellent point. It makes me think of even the Special Education department in schools. I can see how that plays out. And I completely feel you on the friendship end. This pandemic has been pretty isolating for me and I understand folks are going through a lot in their own personal life. Everyone is busy and trying to survive. But if they are ONLY reaching out when they want something and aren't mindful of it.. It makes me pause. And do you remember in the beginning when everyone was like "Just start a business" in the beginning of the pandemic?! How insulting, infuriating and out of touch. Folks started approaching about business opportunities. I was like PLEEEEEEASE leave me alone. Lol. I don't mean any harm, but no. Love you!!! ☺️💛 You're amazing!!!
O M G i really can relate !!! As a Millenial French black I am in the same situation. My goal right now is to take back my life before hitting 40 and have a kid ( I hope). Thanks for this video, I will rewatch it when I lost myself.
16:38 Whoa that's crazy, I lived a lifestyle like that, but not that young. 16 is way too young. I couldn't get my first job until I was grown and I thought my mother was just being mean, but she would always say 'Once you start working you have to work for the rest of your life.' I tried to do the same for my daughter. I wanted to at least get her through college if she wanted to, or whatever she wanted without working endlessly and just focusing on what she wanted. She wanted to model, I paid for her competitions ect. She wanted to open her online clothing store, I bought her a vendors list and what ever else she would need. because I didn't want to see her struggle like I did and feel stuck like I do. I always wanted someone to support my dreams and didn't have that, so I said I would support my child's dream in whatever way I could. I was willing to take on more jobs if it meant my daughter could build the future she actually wanted. Doing the career she actually wanted instead of doing what she had to do to survive...
I didn't let my daughter work through high school and didn't really want her to work through college because that is way too much, but her too following the 'American Dream' wanting the latest phones as soon as they drop and the finest of clothes and she started down the same path of always working to keep up with the latest...Like right now she is 7 months pregnant and still trying to work full time and still go to college. This was not the reason I worked so hard and struggled, just so she can work hard and struggle...Uh this vicious cycle...
OMG... YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT JUST FOR BEING ABLE TO SAY/SPREAD THIS TRUTH TO Others..🎉
You honestly get it. So many people just don’t get it. Listening to you is confirmation of the the things I say to myself. I am so happy to be a subscriber! I opt out too.
I'm so happy you enjoyed and that you're here! Much love and joy to you! 😊💛
I definitely was suffering from depression and health issues when I worked at the hospital. I was a therapist on a psych unit, ironically, I'm the one who needed therapy. I used to go to work sick also and wouldn't call off because they penalize you for being sick essentially.
Alecia, thank you SO much for this video. I recently found Buddhism and its been super healing for me but let me tell you, im still recovering from wanting the American dream. Ive always wanted a house since I moved into the city, but recently I decided to give up that so called "dream". Why? because its a materialistic dream, It kept me from loving my life as it is now and only living in the future. Im still trying to keep myself grounded and in the present, and its hard but its been a healing process. Life is wonderful, and Im learning to love myself little by little. I have been able to let go of stress little by little. My back pain has been healing, I lost weight, even my sleep has gotten better, ALL just from getting rid of this mindset of what I think my life NEEDS to look like. Your mind is a powerful tool that can be used to heal your physical well being.
My Sistah......You nailed that right on the head!!! Everything you said. I'm 56 and I've been on a journey for almost 5 years and realized that this rat race aka capitalism did not have US in mind at all! I thoroughly enjoyed watching this video. Thank you!!! Peace and blessings.
You are so right. I beat myself up for not getting my bachelor's, even though there reasons why I couldn't finish. I feel bad because I didn't get my dream job. I'm over 50, so I keep telling myself that it's not too late. I also had to quit working due to disabilities. Now, I'm beating myself up for not being successful on You Tube its bad. Thank-you for this video..new scribe..😍
Your last personal point is so relatable.
This is the first video of yours I’ve listened to. I’ve literally had to pause and take notes. You truly are sacred (and smart, beautiful, with a kind soul). You have single-handedly made the internet better. Wow, Sis. Keep thriving.
Okay I'm binging your content now because I feel like even though I'm probably way older than you, we are kindreds. Hope you don't mind me saying it. There's soooooo much truth in your words!
I don't mind AT ALL! Much love to you!!! 💛🌺😊
Thanks for sharing your opinion about the “American Dream”. I’m a military veteran. I served this country for 20 years. For me to get all of my entitlements that was promised to me I have to file claims. For me to go to the veterans hospital and not get billed I have to have an approved claim that says I’m sick enough to be treated for a disorder that was caused by the military environment. I have an adult son that went to an art college. Prior to college, he was on IEPs because of comprehension; no adhd. At college orientation, I asked the college rep to speak with a counselor that works with iep students; not available at orientation. But there is a counselor that works with iep students. Knowing my son had this issue, I asked him to give me authorization to handle his academic affairs. After 1 year, his father and I went to get him for Christmas break. The college administrator called and asked us to stop by before heading home. We were told our son is on academic probation due to his grades. I asked why wasn’t I informed; there’s an authorization form on file. Suddenly it’s not available. So long story short we were out of 10k and had to appeal to get him back in. The appeal process required proof that our son had a plan to prevent him from failing in the future. Paid more money for tutoring. The tutor suggested we get our son tested for autism. Not only is he autistic and on the spectrum it’s damn near impossible to get assistance since he was diagnosed later in life. Some American dream; more like a nightmare.
Thank you SO much for sharing your experiences and how this has affected you. Your voice and experience is so important. I see you and celebrate you. I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this when you dedicated so much of your life to the service. Unfortunately, I've seen much of the same with family and friends who served. It's a slap in the face to you all. And The system fails your son. That is absolutely ridiculous. I am so sorry. And you're right. That IS a nightmare!
Always something that's why I would rather do nothing.
I resonate with this message as a 58 year old Melinated Woman. A descendant of enslaved people. Like you I did not complete my educational journey until I was 37
Earning your rest...earning your healing, hit home for real.....this is absolutely true. Wow! Thank you for this, because I feel stuck in this oppressive system.
Yes, hit home, I have to EARN
My time and rest. I have to ask my supervisor for approval for time off of work .... stressful!
America is a beautiful country ,with lots of opportunities. There are very few places on this earth where black people can even get a job even less be successful. With that being said their is no safety or protection in America for black women. No protections for us. We are always rhe scapegoat for everything that is wrong in America. There is a movement for years that is gaining momentum where black women are leaving the country for good. I am planning my escape NOW. I deserve a better life and a life of ease like every other woman. I say if you are a black woman and you have the means and space to leave America. GO NOW,your life will be better in most places outside of America.
Agree with you on all points, but when it comes to studying and careers WE should be informed about what the pay is, the conditions are and if we want that. That's on us to not get played by imagining what a job is like versus what it's really like. We put more effort in buying consumables by reading reviews and comparing prices, qualities and satisfaction. Yet I never did that for my studies and career choices. It's crazy!
Thank you so much for this. I am in a state of depression right know because of certain things in life. I know it will pass. In Jesus' name. This message has changed my perspective on so much. Thank you for your obedience in sharing this.
I’m fighting to keep from slipping into depression but with everything going on around us now, it’s saddening but I’m believing in my prayers, my faith and Jesus. I’ve been feeling “stuck” for so long. Stay strong, Sister.
@@BeBeautifullyYou I hear you. Thank you. You keep pressing on as well. It will pass.
@@BeBeautifullyYou I pray for you. You pray for me 😊
I love your videos!! You’ve put into a words how I’d been feeling for a long time. I guess in a sense I opted out the American Dream when I said f it, quit my job and moved abroad. I didn’t have the words to explain why I was doing what I did, but I knew that I wasn’t going to ‘wait to get permission’ to live the life I wanted to live.
Hiiiiiii! Yeeeeeeees! You are TRULY living the dream. I'm following your footsteps soon enough. And I'M SO HERE FOR YOU NOT ASKING FOR PERMISSION! I LOOOVE this! Keep living life untamed! You're inspiring so many of us! Much love and joy to you! 😊🌞🌺💛
I'm following your footsteps too. That's my dream.
@Our Your Diaspora I love living abroad despite its challenges. I’ve felt safe in all the countries I’ve lived and traveled to. Whenever I’m back in the US I feel on edge and slightly paranoid. 😅
Bravo!
I FEEL you on THIS! As a Black man, I found myself CONSTANTLY trying to keep up with and, attain the things racist Patriaechy and, even some of the people of my community claimed what I needed to be a 'man'. I finally realized that patriarchy was'nt part of my ancestrial culture. My life s SO much better now that I've divested from it. I know NOW that wyte corporate patriarchal pathology views ALL Black men as it's enemy. I say....DIVEST Brothers and, Sisters, it's the only way to live your BEST life!
YES. Divest! Much love and joy to you!
Interesting, what’s part of your lineage? The women taking care of the men and kids 🤢
Sis, thank you for showing up so authentically and beautifully. This “dream” is exhausting and was never mine. I’ve been trying to figure out how to share my creative gifts on TH-cam that encompasses all of who I am, and it gives me strength and peace to see you share your creative works with the world. Thank you for your words. Thank you for your love. Thank you for inspiring my heart and spirit.
I’m so glad I found your channel. Everything you’ve stated have been on my mind. I’ve been exhausted, and filled with anxiety. Your channel is a relief. Thank you ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing this! It's so helpful and encouraging!
I saw this video on my suggestion and I clicked immediately. I have been feeling this way for awhile . Thank you for this !
It's so ironic. My name is also Alisha(spelled differently) lol. I too wanted to be an artist when I was a child. And between some family and outsiders told me the same thing about artists being broke. We won't make much money, you need to go into a field where you GUARANTEED to make money. It hurt so much when I look back on it. This American dream is doing nothing for me or my mental health. Like you said in your last video.. we're not lazy, we're just TIRED!
Great content! So important for these times. As a black teacher, I have found that I am no longer able to take on the traumas of my students as my mission. I am so tired and mentally exhausted. Because I think I have to help them find the American dream, and as you say it cost a lot more than you realize. I feel like as a teacher I’ve been trying to sell them the American dream. But the reality of their lives, andin the traumas they go through, that maybe they will get there and maybe they will not. I feel now I have to sell them on being OK with who they are and where they are.Also there’s nothing wrong with just being the best version of yourself whatever that means to you without comparing yourself to other people .As a teacher I was pushing for black excellence but sometimes I think it’s too much. What do you think? I got a lot of pushback for saying that and someone else’s comments that we just need to be psychologically OK with being mediocre. The striving for excellence usually means that we have to strive to be super human. And it seems to be the only way to achieve the American dream is to be superhuman Black people. Another trap is falling into the idea that you need to purchase certain items so that you get a seat at the table. I know for black women especially, we have to look a certain way to be taken as seen as professional. So that means we have to spend more money. I think that’s part of the issue I have with the whole luxury movement. I think it does not deal with the fact that we are struggling and that in order to achieve the American dream we have to spend a lot of money.
@Sheila
I was a secondary schl teacher for a moment - and completely get the evolution you describe of what to “sell” the kids on
But perhaps our approach to excellence is the key - and I do think our individual makeup defines how aggressive and stressful our journeys are - but I am learning to approach excellence in my own capacity and manner - which I wanted to suggest to you as a possible approach
I don’t think we humans can be healthy without big goals. Or think of them as standards.
We need to work on avoiding that talented tenth toxicity and find a healthy approach, that’s the shift…
✊🌼
The American educational system is one of the initial institutions with the purpose of conditioning our babies. And unfortunately, most of the info is based on untruths.
Went to college and graduate school, earned three degrees, became a Therapist working for organizations, which means I'm building other people's dream and now after 12 years and still no license, I'm honestly ready to live a more simple life. I will work for another year or two, save my money and take a year sabbatical. I also own a small business on the side, so I may walk away from my main career to just focus on my side business. I have enjoyed helping others for 12 years, but now I'm tired and self care is imperative!
I am ALL over that. ☺️💛 I want that for you so much and I believe that you can have that! You deserve!
I love your insight and self awareness your words are what my mom ALWAYS told me growing up "don't be blinded by careers and money put well being first last FOREMOST AND ALWAYS ".
Til this day its what I value MOST . Ty mommy ..I miss you 💔❤❤❤❤💖💖💖💗
Alecia! Hey girl lol. Look, you said something I've always stated, on how it's always the "exxxtra ordinary" people who get celebrated/rewarded. It always bothered me especially when it came to school and scholarships. I never seen scholarships for the kids who although they tried as hard as they could but never got straight A's. Or students who were B or C students. Makes no sense to me 💁🏿♀️💁🏿♀️. Lawd I'm only 1 minute and 18 seconds in and I'm already mad 😹😹😹😹. Alright, let me get back to the video chyl 🥴😹😹. 🌻🐞☀️
YEEEEEEEES! Thank you so much for sharing this!!! 😊🌺🌻💛
Thank you for your message “received”. Debt, broke, broken and stressed , I refuse to live this way.
You got this! We both got this! I believe in you so much! 💛😊🌻🌞
In October 2021, I got fed up with my job giving me excuses as to why I couldn't use my leave so I quit with the plan of traveling for 2 out of 6 months while looking for a job that had a better work/life balance.
So far, I've seen 4 new countries, met so many different people and now that I'm back looking for my next job, my philosophy moving forward will be to quit my job every 3-4 yrs and take a mini 6 month retirement. Rinse and repeat that process until the day I die.
My mother's untimely death at 56 taught me that death doesn't wait for you to retire and enjoy the fruits of your labor. When death is ready to come for you, it comes for you.
So far quitting is the best thing I've ever done and even though it's only for 6 months, it's taught me to never look at work the same way again.
My perception is that most people associate ordinary with mediocrity. I love ❤️ this post a lot. I probably will watch it. This is my second time.
Woah. These feelings and ideas have been inside of me for years. But I often chastised myself for not fitting in.
Watching this video again! Girl you are helping this 61-year-old feel so good about having always been a loner for the most part. I’m ready to enjoy what I’ve accomplished even more. It’s time to breathe and let the other younger folk chase the dream of moving up in our profession. I got kicked out of the pipeline when it was my time to move up. Little did I know that God allowed that to happen so I can have the peace and happiness that I have today!!!
As an educator I tell my students create in your own way. Like your finger print; you are one in 4 trillion. So unique. Your legacy is your unique wake understood and the knowledge spread. I agree as a cancer survivor. I am working on impact and creating systems of support before I retire.
First thing that jumped out at me is your beauty! You're so gorgeous! Also, a fellow fast talker like myself! I agree with everything thing you said...i sometimes get this sudden urge to drop everything and buy a small farm house, out in a remote area somewhere in the global south. I'm currently in London, UK and literally the pandemic has been a nightmare. Apart from the tragedy of losing so many lives to it, its really highly how broken our world is. People are increasingly more hostile and unwilling to interrogate their belief system/world they live in. Under cap*talism, life has no intrinsic value unless they're producing and competing with others... So many are battling depression, loneliness, anxiety etc. The systems governing our world is leaving many people sick. Making meaningful sustainable connections is increasingly becoming more arduous. There's sooo much beauty in the world yet the hearts of so many are deeply wounded. I am desperately trying to summon the strength to follow my passions but I'm currently exhausted. Thanks for the beautiful words.
I hear you and I see you. I was told I quit at my career but I was tired with a broken spirit. I am so content with all of my accomplishments when I look back on my life. Thank you for keeping it real.
This video speaks to me. I forfeited so many many dreams just to be disappointed
When I say “I feel seen!” New subbie here, I love when you say that we celebrate busyness OVER intention!! Wow what a message, THANK YOU
Yeeeees! Thank you so much! Welcome!!! I'm so happy this resonated with you!!! 😊🌺🌻
Chasing "The American dream" has cost me my marriage.
Very thoughtful presentation Alecia. I am a 66-year-old Black Woman. My 2 Daughters are probably the same age as you. I shared your video with them. There is a comment that young women today are suffering.... and I agree. I hustled, raised my two daughters by myself. I know the one thing that kept me going is that there was no INTERNET! Don't get me wrong, the internet is a good thing and it's a bad thing should you allow it to trap you. There are many regrets I have because of the hustle and trying to attain, but "My" hustle was real and I AM HERE. Ain't going anywhere anytime soon. Today, I am unapologetic! Life is this thing called "Life". In the end "do you" Alecia!
I am so glad someone said it. Thank you for this video. I thought I was feeling this way simply because I am older now and all the hustle has been beaten out of me, but to hear this from a younger woman is refreshing. I hope more young black women get this message before they are wiped out in their later years.
I hear you sis. This is raw truth and wisdom.💯 What I've learned my 3 decades on this earth is that a majority of "the culture" is toxic to the common Black man or woman. Now, I'm committed to finding my OWN definition of bliss, and not what some celebrity, or media is telling me who I should become. To young ladies, don't let it take you this long.💯
Hello. I like your video. The things you say are so inspiring. Not many know these things until we search for answers. I had a family member that was very successful, and in return treated me like I was a no body. I was afraid of becoming sucessful in life, because I thought it was going to change my attitude too. It didn't. I learned that success for me was the ability to accomplish goals that I set for myself whether they brought me money, or not. I also learned that not all accomplished goals will bring forth wealth. It's a dream, but it's worth the try. I have learned since I was little to never follow anyone, or anyone's expectations. It's a good thing to know yourself, and learn the truth about life.
True cost is you…you in your totality even your soul. And what do you achieve or get back??!! A house, nice clothes, savings, fake/detached friends, the constant need for more, etc. They can keep it all. Determine what’s important to you, what you need, what keeps you sound and DO THAT! The only measuring stick worth using is the word of God; the rest is worthless. Speak life over yourselves and others. Peace & love 💗
Definitely working on breaking out of consumerism. You're absolutely saying everything I've been thinking. Raised by a grandmother with a third grade education, life was a struggle. Returning back to college in my 30s and graduating with my associates 2007, bachelor's 2010 Summa cumlaude, and master's degree 2012 Summa cumlaude, I didn't show up to the graduation and didn't even go out to dinner to celebrate. I was looking for what was next; find a decent job. Now I've been in that job for eight years and I am not happy. Once again looking for another job and trying to determine whether or not I need to go back to school for a doctorate. Or do I pivot to a high earning career like software engineering. All this while living vicariously through vanlifer videos. The pursuit of Happiness can be stressful. We need to remind ourselves we are worthy regardless of socioeconomic status.
You struck a nerve when you wrote "We need to remind ourselves we are worthy regardless of socioeconomic status."
Ughhhh I was JUST thinking about ALLL of this!!! I'm so glad this was recommended to me! Same Same Same!!! We're playing catch up while they're still 20 laps ahead and going. It's a losing game, unless you realize early and play it YOUR way.
Also, there's no participation trophy or extra points you receive for doing things the "right" way or abiding by the American dream. People have found success through doing what truly makes them happy, because Success is subjective. Live as you please and do all that makes your heart full. Keeping up with the Joneses, living barely above the poverty line or right on it, for the sake of optics is insane. I have a job that sounds good to others and looks good on paper, but it's not what it seems.
And honestly girl, I'm tired. I just wanna go to my family's house down south and just breathe for a minute or two. I'm a city girl born and raised, but I need a break from all this "hustling". I want to watch the trains pass by, garden, cook, and just be....even if just for a minute.
The sad thing is in other parts of the world this dream is sold to us. It's so great to wake up from it.
Luckily social media exposes the 'american dream' and the reality to everyone who is willing to open his eyes.
@@teotik8071 Well said. 👍🏾❤😊💚
As soon as you talked about feeling like you didn't have worth if you weren't extraordinary, I clicked the like button. I so understand that feeling.
*BIG HUGS* 💛
Girrrrlllll, your message is so needed. I’m 63 now and worked very hard in corporate America. (It’s like being a hamster)….Always had a second job and lived below my means. Long story short planned on buying a home at retirement age and covid hit. That money (401 K) went down the toilet. I felt like where did I go wrong? Wasn’t feeling good about myself in that moment. I got over it and realized that I, as an adult/ I LOVE ME!!!! I’m finding the beauty in peace and nature and surrounding myself with people that value me. Killing myself in this corporate society is not part of my future. I’ve never measured myself to others-I have me and God to answer to. Great post, new Subcriber here!!!!💞
This was such a good video. Spoke to me on a spiritual level. Thank you for this and will be sharing. I know a few black females going thru these phases, chasing a dream they are not achieving. Trying to be seen as a business woman but have 4 failed Businesses because they jumped into it without full knowledge, just to appear like they are a "boss b!sh" and making it. It's sad I tell you.
Sis........smh....this is me giving you a standing ovation. The universe was speaking through you cuz you are right. The "American Dream" is just too hard to obtain. Even if I thought that I could get a sliver of that pie I would throw bows to get to it but it's just too difficult. I'm 48 and I just found out that there's a community of black women who call themselves expats who have moved abroad and are 1000x happier for it. Up until a few months ago, I couldn't see a future worth getting excited for. One daughter is 19 and the other is 15 so I can feel that "empty nester" cloud making its way over to my head. Being a black successful, happy woman in America is a dream. So my thought is that it has to be better just about everywhere else other than the united states. Yes, there are laws and systems that are "supposed" to work for everyone in this country but if you have a system that repeatedly turns a blind eye to those who are only interested in enforcing it to the benefit of certain people then it can't work for everyone. So now I have a goal, I'm putting a plan together to move abroad, to become a expat. Some place any place where I can live, like actually live. Some places where (yes they will see that I'm a black woman) but that's not the only thing that they see. Check out a TH-cam by the name of Stephanie Perry she speaks truth to power just like you. Thanks for sharing.
So much of what you said resonated with me! My backup plan became my career and music became a footnote in my life. I’ve been getting back to art and I’m happier than I’ve ever been!
Spot on! I am eBaying my butt off to pay my debt that seems to be going nowhere AND I have a full time job - at 52. I need to go back to budgeting, paying cash only using envelope method.