If you'd like 1 on 1 guidance on overcoming anxiety and finding your natural leadership, book a short call with me to see if my 8 week program is the right fit for you: www.ashajacob.com/chatwithasha
That is how it should be because your soul does not belong to your family and toxic parents have a good complex which is also reinforced by religion, culture and what Dr Ramani calls “cultural narcissism”. This is when culture is used to justify all toxicity which includes your parents thinking that they can live through you and that you owe them for giving birth to you yet you don’t owe them anything and choosing them as the vehicle to come through does not mean that you are forced to be stuck with their toxic ways and mental illnesses that they deny. Most of the time they never change so it is best to live your life by focusing on your goals. I focused on it by education and this lead me to live in other countries for college where I experienced peace, happiness, freedom and my own purpose without the lies I was told by my toxic family where I was a black sheep. Lucky for me I could escape the madness usually those who grew up “favoured” as golden children never escape their lives revolve around feeding the ego of the parents so they also end up crippled and unable to deal with the real world because they were made to forever be a child and child like to remain as the servant of the parents for their needs, wants and emotions. No life of their own and it’s so sad. Don’t allow that to happen to you and take back your power by doing what you love and focusing on your inner healing and self love.
@@Layla-fr7mf you were lucky you studied abroad lani .my parents sent me to a university 30mins away from home .my whole life I have been in the same state and it feels crippling. I'm Working hard so I can have money 0f my own and I will travel and see the world
I wish i was defensive and reactive me i was always attacked but never have the chance to speak for my self so i grew up finding comfort in silence and this is bad so bad you can't imagine every one in my family comes and give their opinion about i should talk to my mother why i don't talk to her etc it's so so exausting
@@zohrads627 it’s hard to grow up like that, even after going to therapy together she still Denys and lies about things that she did, I just learned to care less about it. But I see how this behavior ahas damaged all of my relationships growing up and also my job performances
Thank you. I now understand that I wasn't a terrible kid as a little boy and that no child should have to go through the terrible things I had to go through. I honestly teared up and it really hit. I look forward to more of your videos.
This is where i struggle I do not have many memories, i struggle to remember. For me the feeling has always been, i feel different, i dont belong, alone. Like there is no feelings. All rapped into one
I have been trying to be kind to everyone. To not get angry at little things and to appreciate people. It seems that my mother’s anger issues always set me back and make me feel so bad about myself when I’m with her. I can honestly say I hate my mother. She is not a good person. She ridiculed me for being sad over my best friend’s death
Harm from toxic parents is no joke. When I turned 60 years old I finally started getting over the damage my parents inflicted on me. I can finally start a healthy and happy life. I would advise anyone especially teenagers. If you have toxic negative parents or parent find someone to talk to about it. It will be difficult. The system as in government help police and such are not very good at what they do but it's better than a terrible negative parent. You too, the teen you have to assess whether your parents are being strick for your own good too. Every teenager needs a trustworthy mentor. Someone not their parents.
@@Sonataofsadness no. Find someone who can support you mentally. Teacher. Your friends parents etc. Someone you trust. Try not to be argumentative. Try not to react. Abusive people want to push your buttons.
Some week ago i was completely ok but my toxic mom its commanding me too much and for this I'm a lil scared the whole day and feel like i want to cry but i cant cry, I'm Not feeling well😖
@@stellaadler120 yes i know but i still feel scared when she does this even if i know after doing 18 years old i will go Away, but anyway now I'm ok again😄
@@BlackSky_111 don't fear anyone but God. Pray and ask God to give you strength. Jesus loves you so much that He died for you. I had a scary home environment too but you will soon be old enough to leave and live your own life. Be bold and courageous, darling girl. You're special. You know that, right?
I actually don't understand how can people not know if their childhood was toxic... I remember I used to be very upset about it, and slowly I developed negative feelings towards my parents... I felt hurt, afraid, angry, etc.
Many people don't realize it since it's all they've ever known and they think that's just how it's supposed to be. Oftentimes they blame themselves for those negative feelings. My clients have shared some awful and abusive experiences with me in the calmest tone, not realizing how bad it is, assuming everyone goes through the same.
A good place is to start journalling after meditating at the end of the day. Break yourself out of that overthinking patten, and walk through whatever happened in the day. Learn how to be a devil's advocate to your anxious thoughts. Identify where your anxiety sits, and what it leads you to believe. The more you practice this, the better you get at spotting these thoughts as it's happening live.
You know whats crazy how they look at Frankenstein, Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, and Freddy Krueger as monsters... Even though they're movie monsters but what I learned in the real world that the real monsters are bullies, murderers, rapists, toxic parents, toxic bosses, toxic teachers, etc. I swear my dad used to be like that like there was alotta things he should've went to jail for but my mom didn't want him there because she was afraid of what would happen if he did went to jail which is why my dad having a stroke and nearly dying from it finally made his sorry a** realize that hey you can't keep putting your family through all this drama and thinking that karma isnt gonna do something bad to you like thats why I hate how he'd never take anything serious not even mental health because it was always something bad or something like life or death situations being the only thing to forcefully make him take it serious and stop. He really needed that to happen to him because if that didn't forcefully make him humbled and learn what not to do again guess what he would've Kept being the bully/monster that he was until death shows up taking either me, mom, sister, or him away. Like no wonder why little boys lose alotta respect for their dad's because of stuff like that where they grow up having no choice but to stand up to them like how they should stand up to bullies at school.
@@stellaadler120 I think my comment lacks context, but basically those who are committed to the cognitive model would not necessarily regard childhood neglect and trauma as causes of mental conditions in their patient. They believe that it is our thoughts and our thoughts alone are the cause of suffering/mental ill health. The approach advocated in this video is more a psychodynamic one, which I think is much more appropriate. Of course, the suggested treatment involves changing the way we think about ourselves and the world, but without first accepting that we are almost entirely made up of our early experiences - and that they are the original cause - cognitive methods will yield superficial results at best.
Nothing in this video begins to detail how to heal. I can see you have good intentions, but want to give you the feedback that the title of this video is misleading
Dear asha jacob I had a problem involving my dad last night in the kitchen and he asked me if I needed anything from dunnes stores you u name it all right okay but hey I didn't have to answer to him or lift a finger just tell him about apples or pink lady apples so I v written everything down in my notebook just to relate to that experience like what but to go about these parents my advice is say noting do noting so what's going on one side there s a daughter and on that side there s a dad all right experience daughter ________ then there s a dad from Ashley I open up the case 🔓 🔑 I close the case then guess what asha ❤ my dad got me pink lady apples 🍎🍎🍎🍎 then I keep the case closed I don't let him back in again ha ha ha 😊❤❤👏👏👏👏👏 clap clap I m good and he s bad from Ashley
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If you'd like 1 on 1 guidance on overcoming anxiety and finding your natural leadership, book a short call with me to see if my 8 week program is the right fit for you: www.ashajacob.com/chatwithasha
Is the course still available ?
Is the course still available
I just want to be the main character of my own life.
Sometimes it's feels like I'm living my life for them
That is how it should be because your soul does not belong to your family and toxic parents have a good complex which is also reinforced by religion, culture and what Dr Ramani calls “cultural narcissism”. This is when culture is used to justify all toxicity which includes your parents thinking that they can live through you and that you owe them for giving birth to you yet you don’t owe them anything and choosing them as the vehicle to come through does not mean that you are forced to be stuck with their toxic ways and mental illnesses that they deny.
Most of the time they never change so it is best to live your life by focusing on your goals.
I focused on it by education and this lead me to live in other countries for college where I experienced peace, happiness, freedom and my own purpose without the lies I was told by my toxic family where I was a black sheep. Lucky for me I could escape the madness usually those who grew up “favoured” as golden children never escape their lives revolve around feeding the ego of the parents so they also end up crippled and unable to deal with the real world because they were made to forever be a child and child like to remain as the servant of the parents for their needs, wants and emotions. No life of their own and it’s so sad. Don’t allow that to happen to you and take back your power by doing what you love and focusing on your inner healing and self love.
@@Layla-fr7mf you were lucky you studied abroad lani .my parents sent me to a university 30mins away from home .my whole life I have been in the same state and it feels crippling. I'm Working hard so I can have money 0f my own and I will travel and see the world
Me too
@@Layla-fr7mf wow Layla, you are spot on!
I'm just defensive and reactive because I was constantly attacked and blamed for everything
I wish i was defensive and reactive me i was always attacked but never have the chance to speak for my self so i grew up finding comfort in silence and this is bad so bad you can't imagine every one in my family comes and give their opinion about i should talk to my mother why i don't talk to her etc it's so so exausting
@@zohrads627 it’s hard to grow up like that, even after going to therapy together she still Denys and lies about things that she did, I just learned to care less about it. But I see how this behavior ahas damaged all of my relationships growing up and also my job performances
Meee tooo
Thank you. I now understand that I wasn't a terrible kid as a little boy and that no child should have to go through the terrible things I had to go through. I honestly teared up and it really hit. I look forward to more of your videos.
Reading your words brings me so much happiness. Thank you. I'll keep making them. Hugs.
This is where i struggle I do not have many memories, i struggle to remember. For me the feeling has always been, i feel different, i dont belong, alone. Like there is no feelings. All rapped into one
Im almost 37 yrs old and im just now learning about this. Crazy
I have been trying to be kind to everyone. To not get angry at little things and to appreciate people. It seems that my mother’s anger issues always set me back and make me feel so bad about myself when I’m with her.
I can honestly say I hate my mother. She is not a good person. She ridiculed me for being sad over my best friend’s death
Harm from toxic parents is no joke.
When I turned 60 years old I finally started getting over the damage my parents inflicted on me.
I can finally start a healthy and happy life.
I would advise anyone especially teenagers. If you have toxic negative parents or parent find someone to talk to about it.
It will be difficult.
The system as in government help police and such are not very good at what they do but it's better than a terrible negative parent.
You too, the teen you have to assess whether your parents are being strick for your own good too.
Every teenager needs a trustworthy mentor. Someone not their parents.
Do you suggest I run away because I don’t Ebene know what to do at this point
Thank you for sharing your experience Jesse. I'm glad you're finally living a fulfilled life.
@@Sonataofsadness no. Find someone who can support you mentally. Teacher. Your friends parents etc. Someone you trust.
Try not to be argumentative. Try not to react. Abusive people want to push your buttons.
thank you for making this it is helping me deal with living with my toxic parents till i am able to leave
woww this exercise was so so effective my jaw dropped omg
I am new here . I watched most of your videos and ma'am you saved my life thank you so much
Laylaah, your words mean so much to me. Thank you. Hugs.
I have started to notice that I am becoming like them and started behaving the same way with my brother which I don't want to
No I've picked up their anger issues toxic habits and manipulation tactics
Some week ago i was completely ok but my toxic mom its commanding me too much and for this I'm a lil scared the whole day and feel like i want to cry but i cant cry, I'm Not feeling well😖
Pls somebody give some advise to calm down i dont know why i am scared i think it might be a Phobia i have 😖
@@BlackSky_111 what are you scared of? What can she do to you?
@@stellaadler120 yes i know but i still feel scared when she does this even if i know after doing 18 years old i will go Away, but anyway now I'm ok again😄
@@BlackSky_111 don't fear anyone but God. Pray and ask God to give you strength. Jesus loves you so much that He died for you. I had a scary home environment too but you will soon be old enough to leave and live your own life. Be bold and courageous, darling girl. You're special. You know that, right?
@@stellaadler120 I'm atheist, and yes i know soon I'm Gonna be old enough to leave this place and this makes me soo happy
I actually don't understand how can people not know if their childhood was toxic...
I remember I used to be very upset about it, and slowly I developed negative feelings towards my parents... I felt hurt, afraid, angry, etc.
Many people don't realize it since it's all they've ever known and they think that's just how it's supposed to be. Oftentimes they blame themselves for those negative feelings. My clients have shared some awful and abusive experiences with me in the calmest tone, not realizing how bad it is, assuming everyone goes through the same.
It wasnt until i moved away from them. The you realise how you should be treated as a person. Now i can put the pieces of puzzle together.
@@megekara same for me
The last bit made me cry, thought of my 3 year old son 🥺😭
The exercise was very effective. Waiting for the next video.
Here it is! th-cam.com/video/g3zYvckIEDQ/w-d-xo.html
thank you a lot! I just started crying, thank you
I learned everything I need to know about a loving family by watching Full House. 😂😭♥️
My favorite TV family 💓
How do you learn to percive reality clearer whilst living in freeze mode and over reading the room on every situation
A good place is to start journalling after meditating at the end of the day. Break yourself out of that overthinking patten, and walk through whatever happened in the day. Learn how to be a devil's advocate to your anxious thoughts. Identify where your anxiety sits, and what it leads you to believe. The more you practice this, the better you get at spotting these thoughts as it's happening live.
You know whats crazy how they look at Frankenstein, Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, and Freddy Krueger as monsters... Even though they're movie monsters but what I learned in the real world that the real monsters are bullies, murderers, rapists, toxic parents, toxic bosses, toxic teachers, etc. I swear my dad used to be like that like there was alotta things he should've went to jail for but my mom didn't want him there because she was afraid of what would happen if he did went to jail which is why my dad having a stroke and nearly dying from it finally made his sorry a** realize that hey you can't keep putting your family through all this drama and thinking that karma isnt gonna do something bad to you like thats why I hate how he'd never take anything serious not even mental health because it was always something bad or something like life or death situations being the only thing to forcefully make him take it serious and stop. He really needed that to happen to him because if that didn't forcefully make him humbled and learn what not to do again guess what he would've Kept being the bully/monster that he was until death shows up taking either me, mom, sister, or him away. Like no wonder why little boys lose alotta respect for their dad's because of stuff like that where they grow up having no choice but to stand up to them like how they should stand up to bullies at school.
This is where I think conventional cognitive therapy fails entirely.
Why?
@@stellaadler120 I think my comment lacks context, but basically those who are committed to the cognitive model would not necessarily regard childhood neglect and trauma as causes of mental conditions in their patient.
They believe that it is our thoughts and our thoughts alone are the cause of suffering/mental ill health.
The approach advocated in this video is more a psychodynamic one, which I think is much more appropriate. Of course, the suggested treatment involves changing the way we think about ourselves and the world, but without first accepting that we are almost entirely made up of our early experiences - and that they are the original cause - cognitive methods will yield superficial results at best.
@@PoloABD wow, thanks for the breakdown. Very interesting
Thank you for a wonderful explanation, Peter.
Thank you ❤ gonna keep up with your series
Here's the 2nd part: th-cam.com/video/g3zYvckIEDQ/w-d-xo.html
@@AshaJacob Thank youuuuu 👉👈 already watched it ❤
Thank you
Nice video Asha
Ajju Raj
Get to the root of the problem 👍
Nothing in this video begins to detail how to heal. I can see you have good intentions, but want to give you the feedback that the title of this video is misleading
Waiting for next video
Here it is: th-cam.com/video/g3zYvckIEDQ/w-d-xo.html
Dear asha jacob I had a problem involving my dad last night in the kitchen and he asked me if I needed anything from dunnes stores you u name it all right okay but hey I didn't have to answer to him or lift a finger just tell him about apples or pink lady apples so I v written everything down in my notebook just to relate to that experience like what but to go about these parents my advice is say noting do noting so what's going on one side there s a daughter and on that side there s a dad all right experience daughter ________ then there s a dad from Ashley I open up the case 🔓 🔑 I close the case then guess what asha ❤ my dad got me pink lady apples 🍎🍎🍎🍎 then I keep the case closed I don't let him back in again ha ha ha 😊❤❤👏👏👏👏👏 clap clap I m good and he s bad from Ashley