I'm going through this same process and it's painful to realize how dependent you are and how you don't make decisions on your own. I try not to be too hard on myself and keep in mind that recognizing your mental/emotional patterns is a crucial step to changing them. But it's definitely not an easy thing to accept about yourself.
And whenever I try to make decision for myself, they try to alter them as much as possible until or unless I have to argue for myself which just ruin everything in the end!
@IconicVan I know it doesn't make it right... but at least in my family, they torture themselves just as much as they tortured me. It's a sick dynamic.
I never found a TH-cam video that depicts my toxic parent so perfectly. For a minute I felt lonely and couldn’t quite pinpoint my problems because they’re all jumbled in my head, but this is the closest thing I’ll ever relate with. Even as i get older my parents became less physically abusive, but I won’t ever forget what they put me through.
There is nothing more I hate in the world than a bully... and authoritarian adults are bullies, mostly having had rough childhoods themselves... but I am not without a heart, for I try to pity them, reason with them, bring out their humanity if I can.
This is me. I was raised by authoritarian parents who shamed me for being beaten by my baby brother, because as the older brother, I should be able to overpower him instead of screaming for help. My brother was a natural athlete, I hated sports, he was many times stronger than me and they wanted to fix that by shaming me for being weaker. As a man, being shamed for being physically weak stings extra hard. They shamed me for my academic performance as a child, they shamed me for not behaving the way they saw fit in social settings, they shamed me for having bad motor skills, they even shamed me for my choice of spouse. They wrote my ex-wife out of their will because of her religion and because she put her foot down when they made demands on how to plan to our own wedding. As a result of this, my romantic life and my professional life has been suffering greatly because of the anxiety. I limit contact with my parents as much as possible.
I'm so sorry to hear that. This sounds a lot like generational trauma and I'm so glad to hear you're going low contact. The shame that they've instilled in you can follow you around and be incredibly tough to break out of as I've seen with a lot of people that I work with. It can lead to so many issues with emotional regulation and self-belief. Thank you for sharing this with me. I'll make a video touching on this soon and I hope it'll be helpful for you. And of course, feel free to personally reach out to me if you'd like any guidance on overcoming toxic shame and breaking out of your anxiety. You can add me on facebook at facebook.com/ashajacobcoaching
My problem is that when I think about my childhood and what I’ve been robbed of I can not let it go. I do allow myself to feel the emotions but it’s hard to put it behind me and move on. I don’t know if I ever will
They always say you never fully heal, but the wound hurts less and less over time. You learn how to manage your traumas better. Some days you might even forget it's there. It's a lot of hard work, but it's entirely possible. Hugs.
Same!! I want a real relationship with my mom and I'm mad she is continuing to withhold that from me. I get it, she is wounded, she is not capable, we do the best we can considering our level of consciousness at that time....I do understand that she is not capable of something different. But she pretends like she is, and pretends like she wants a good relationship with me. Yet she will make requests of me in the form of demands, and never asks me how I am. She wonders why my sister calls her every day, and I don't. I haven't heard her say anything nice about me, since the last time I directly told her I couldn't remember the last time she said anything nice about me. I didn't get what was missing at all until I had my son. Thank God for maternal instincts!!
yes. I feel you completely. Living with a disorder that effects my behavior daily is what reminds me of my childhood. Every impulsive decision I make reminds me of my childhood. When I cry I’m reminded of my childhood. When I get angry I’m reminded of my childhood. I can’t care about a lot of things or connect with many people because of what I’ve been through in my childhood. I feel like an “other” because I carry this burden with me everyday and I know the people around me have lived much happier lives which grant more happy days and that’s all Ive ever wanted. It’s like a silent torture. I pray and wish for all of those with robbed childhoods to have a peace of mind in their lifetime
I got my degree in nursing and told my mom I got a job offer at an assisted living I used to work at, and she said “I’m going to be really embarrassed telling people you work in a nursing home”
Gosh what an embarrassing opinion to carry. She's just revealed what a childish view she has of the world. Assisted living for the elderly is such meaningful work - it's also incredibly difficult.
I HAVE NEVER RELATED TO A VIDEO MORE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!! It feels like you just described my entire life. Everything you said was so so so accurate. Thank you for helping me understand a little bit more about myself
Thank you for making this video. My 1st generation south asian mother was very overbearing to the point of causing me unnecessary anxiety/depression all throughout my adolescence/early 20’s living with her. She was also very emotionally codependent and felt entitled to dump her inter generational trauma into her children whenever she couldn’t have a handle/control of her own marriage/life as an able bodied adult. Both of my parents neglected their own self care/mental health and tried to seek outside validation from friends/family as means of helping to fill a void of their loneliness/marital advice…
i’m 15 and currently living with them. i struggle with feeling less than everything around me, and i’m not sure how to combat this feeling of not being enough. most day to day ways of thinking generally reflect my feeling of not enough-ness, and i find myself desperately searching for validation in everything i do. it’s hard for me to exist without editing myself to this likable, close to perfect person. and i’ve felt that i’ve suppressed my true wants and needs for so long that i can’t think of anything that truly feels like ME. so i’ve been stuck at this stage of “now what?”
Hey im 25 and still with my parents. Let me tell you, I'm realizing now that every decision I have made has been because of them. I let my life be decided by them. Doing something, nor because I want to, but because I'm suppose to do something and if I don't im a loser. Please, don't make decisions based on other people. Make decisions based on what you want out of life. I hope you are well, two years later!
I can relate to having had no/little contact as an adult and recently thinking that after 20+ years they seem to have calmed down and changed but after re-engaging recently I'm discovering that they really haven't changed all that much. Thanks for the advice on ways to deal with the past.
feel the exact same way and its crazy because its like sometimes they show some character growth and you are so close to believing it but then they disappoint again when you realize they haven't changed & are probably never going too
I’m a parent, not authoritarian. I noticed my kids have their own characters. I want to see them flourish. When my kids made mistakes, I talked to them when they calm. I want to understand my kids. why they do what they do, What triggered them and what made them make those decisions. “Do what you told” is really not my style, but do you know why it’s hard? Not the kids but mostly other parents and sometimes teacher, think I don’t discipline my kids when they don’t hear shouting and punishing. They don’t see or hear “talking”…
I am staying with my 90 year old mother in our house in the village for the summer because I started working in a place nearby. Previously I had expectations that we could manage to have a mother-daugher relationship. Now I have put an armour so that to be prepared for her attacks. For example, I come home from work and she has prepared lunch. Since it is a plain food she says "I would have also boiled some eggs but you are difficult, so I didnt". Such a simple phrase but the meaning is outrageous. This time I will try to just see it and ignore it and focus on the possibliities my stay in the island gives me!
Fear of conflicts and authorities, literally became the theme in my life and made me feel loser , till I got shut down and realized it was never my fault. All the adult kids who got these parents, You did amazing surviving all that! You can still improve, don't give up. ! Sending you much love 💕🤗😘
Hit the nail on the head. My dad does like all of this (not abuse). It makes me so annoyed! My mom is more lenient, but my dad is stubborn and condescending and it makes me really uncomfortable and sad all the time. He gs like how he is the adult and I am the child. He punishes me for not hanging out with him. There are so many rules (curfew, chores, when we can or cannot do things.) He yells but gets mad when we yell. If we question what he says, he brings us down. But, just 3 more years… yay.
I am lucky to get your video and it is as if someone has understood my feelings. My parents are very authoritarian may be because my father was an Airman in IAF. I joined police due to parental pressure, although I was good in computers. My family life got affected due to my sudden outbursts. I was under psychiatric treatment for two years for mild anxiety disorder. Now I am OK. My daughter is studying psychology and asked me about authoritarian type of parenting and luckily found this. I have not talked with my parents for more than past 2 years. Now I know the why of what I had gone through. Thank you very much. I find your other videos interesting and will watch them.
Thank you for this helpful video. Yeah.. it's childhood trauma and no one child need to expierence this. It's abuse for your identity, your own life and your rights as a human being and mental health. Taking care of yourself, trust yourself and be loyal to yourself, practise emotional indepence and get financial indepence as early as you can, is firsts steps people of this trauma need to do. It's our responsibility for our healing, we didn't chosed this , as other kids living in poor country didn't chosed to starve. It's our story and we must deal with this.
Hey there. It seems you have described my life to a Tee. I can't believe you took 8 minutes and described my life!? I've had a hard time finding someone that can understand childhood PTSD. I watch your videos and am great-ful for your advice. Thank you.
Yes. I'm realizing authoritative and authoritarian parenting are different things. Authoritarian parenting is damaging. I am currently trying to help my kids come back from me being this based on my church doctrines.
@@Cheerleader644860 Hi, if you look up D. S.Warner and the Church of God,. You'll get a good idea. 19th century holiness influences, Sanctification as a second work of grace was a main part of their teaching. That freedom from sin extended to having the root of sin eliminated from your heart. They believed in no doctor intervention for divine healing etc. Here's the thing...the doctrine in some areas was basic Christianity, but how it was implemented...scary bad.
@@beyondtheircontrol kk thank you as I do believe that God is the ultimate healer of things and no doctor is needed like He is mandatory needed for everything. But he did create everything for good reason even the Bible says he created evil people or the same of judgment. Furthermore, if no octets never intervene how will we get healing. I know God needs nobody help but He DOES have a use for those seemingly mean and unfair doctors and they are in authority over your body as well as the parents are. Why are they here if not for healing purposes. Also did are u implying ur children didn't see a doctor growing up because I did and let me tell diabetes is no joke it goes dormant and comes back with a big bang I thought I was healthy until I went to the doctor for a visit and almost thought the needed to kee me when they tested my blood. I wet in forsmtjing else at first though. If I hadn't I'd probably be 11 years old now at 25 with complications I neer knew about BECAUSE of this hereditary disease which both my parents had. Dad is going blind in left eye and my mom's half of her left leg has been removed because they've ignored their health. We need doctors.
@@Cheerleader644860 absolutely need doctors. I no longer ascribe to mychurch's doctrine. But I saw people shun doctors in our group. They seem to have no middle ground. I believe all knowledge belongs to god and if God imparted knowledge to mankind through science to teach us how to take care of our bodies and to help us, why not use them or what they have learned so far. In our group it was carried way too far and that included the children. Unfortunately many of them subjected their children to just laying on hands or prayer and not seeing a doctor. My group was one of those where some parents refuse to have their children vaccinated for normal childhood diseases. I did not agree with that while I was there but that's what I mean by too far and I did take my own children to the doctor. Basically in our group children were to be seen and not heard.
@@beyondtheircontrol that seen and not heard bullshit is played out. And most adults see it doesn't work they just scared to break free from traditions of men. And about the doctor thing, most people who don't take care of them selves deserve whatever gonna happen to them because most are going to HELL for their sin but the few who do survive and make it out from almost being axe murdered or not taking care of their bodies for so long an angel is not going to intervene majority of THOSE times and do something. Most of THOSE people will be saved by a doctor if the Lord will hear their cry.
Can you please make a video of how to deal with toxic parents while living with them as teen? They don't even let me have a job or visit a friend and always make me feel like i'll never be enough, most of the time i catch myself thinking about harming myself while I've been trying so hard to be clean for over a year now. If u make a video i'll be so grateful to you ❤️❤️
And today, these "authoritarian parents" that continue to treat their adult children the same way, don't seem to understand why their kids are going no contact with them? They have to emerge "the victim" no matter what, it seems.
I think it's more that you and your sisters did not want to be caught up in the same dynamic that you saw play out between your mother and father and/or did not want to potentially be married to a man like your father.
Dad is the dictator, still I am 59. When I stand up to him on the phone, he starts his lecturing tone...i.e. telling me how I am wrong. I am so fed up with this. This started when I was about 5. Overwhelming. It is annoying when the controling is unnecessary.
Sounds so stressful. Some parents have an overinflated ego and feel the need to control and commands everyone. Even their own children are invisible to them.
Thanks for sharing, Asha! 😘 The message is clear and it touch the bottom of my heart! 😘 This video is really great! ❤️ Can't wait for your next video! ❣️
My and many Asian parents in a nutshell. It’s exactly as you said, I’ve moved away and have minimal to no contact. There’s no relationship. When I do talk to them, it only drains me, so why should I? What you said about allowing oneself to feel the anger, instead of just walking away, is eye opening.
If you're an introverted professional who would like to overcome social anxiety, fear of authority, and find your natural assertiveness, book a strategy call with me here: www.ashajacob.com/chatwithasha
Just Forgive them and make them powerless. Be little their concerns if they don't worry about yours. If I share something with my mom and she says she is not interested next time she comes with her worry I tell her to please share with someone who will listen. Then I get up and leave.
If I could give you a hug I would. You have no idea how much I have been searching for the truth and I finally found it and the answers to all my questions
My mom never fit the typical behavior of an authoritarian parent. But every so often, she would give me advice to further my career because her friend's daughter is doing something...
Yup! got kicked out last year at 19 now im almost 21 doing my own thing and doing better. Only have contact w my parent because soon I am becoming a mom but god damn its hard 🥲 carrying w that resentment, especially when you realize they have not changed much and probably never will and now I have to be around them more because of my daughter
another great talk from asha, as far as it goes. i'd like to take it a step further in saying that authoritarian and overbearing parenting are signs of authoritarian, fascist societies.
My parents loved me. My Dad was a good man but he was extremely strict. He was an only child and was mentally abused. He was proud of me and shared in any success. However, he had a lot of rules and never allowed me to go anywhere and if I did sneak off I would get in trouble. I was never allowed to go anywhere but school, Church, and play in the neighborhood. I wasn't allowed to have anyone spend the night at our house. I did sometimes but had to beg. I was threatened all of time with a belt if I didn't do or did do something as far as the rules. I was never allowed to spend the night with friends. My older brother was the only one in his class who was not allowed to go on the school field trip. The teacher finally convinced him to let him go. It was like being in the military. His word was law and order. I was so use to not being able to socialize with other children outside from the neighborhood or when I was in school that I became afraid to go to school and afraid to get out in the world. Then I got in terrible trouble for not wanting to go to school and constantly threatened. It broke my spirit. I always felt like I wasn't as good as other people as I felt if I was, that I would have been able to do the things that normal kids do. I have always been very anxious and a "loner" most of the time. I saw fear in my Dad as he didn't want to leave his parents even if he had a better job out of state and could have done so much with his life. He was afraid of CHANGE. I blame his parents for his behavior. He was treated awful. He always said that children didn't come with a book and that he tried the best way he knew how and that he knew he made mistakes and loved us. We were afraid to step out in adulthood and leave the nest. Both my brothers never left home or got married. We had our own way of doing things as a family and we were seen as strange by other people for doing so. I have heard it time and time again that we were the closets family that anyone has ever seen that we wouldn't leave each other's side. Now that is what I call one screwed up dysfunctional thing to live in. My Mom was meek, she used to say I am so sorry that you kids were raised like you were in the Army and I tried to do what I could to help but she was treated like one of us, she was ran over like a doormat.His IQ was extremely high and he too was afraid ( although he never admitted it ) to do better. Instead he stayed with the same job for 48 years and never changed. He did try a few times to get a better job. He made good money but worked 3 times as hard for not much more than people with a fraction of his experience. I felt bad for him because he was truly a very anxious and depressed man but hid it very well. Mom and Dad have passed away now and I miss them every second.
In post soviet countries like Lithuania and Russia alcoholism, severe domestic violence often ending with homicides and suicides is usual. Police just doesn't care and ignore physical child abuse. This leads to serious mental diseases, is worst cases to schizophrenia.
Do you think that these kinds of parents should be forgiven for what they did to us as kids? My parents are like what you said in this video and i'll never forget or forgive them for what they did to me.
I feel better after watching this, last night I had a fight with mom she wants me to be a " 2nd version of her " and even when I said im me u cant force me to be like u ir to do things n live my life like u she called me childish and she always makes me feel like im her biggest disappointment
Hi! So what I’m about to say is extremely long, so please bare with me. This is in regards to my own personal views of my parents unknowingly little authoritarian ideologies. Mind you they are loving and good parents and i sometimes feel blessed to have them. I love them. I wanted to get that out of the way to clear the air before I say how I really feel about this topic. This had me thinking after feeling depressed earlier for becoming a young adult and having my parents help me become an adult. Bare with me I did ask for help like building credit, driving and stuff but it’s on a totally different level of understanding and not at one I can understand. But it is as hard as I make it and not even my parents can bring it down to my level of understanding. I’m literally at a point of my life saying I want to move out and be on my own but I can’t go anywhere cause I don’t drive. Then I got to learn how to establish credit so I’ll have something to buy a house or car on. But I’m like I don’t want something I don’t want to payback after making big purchases. Then my mom asked me when am I gonna start acting like or being like an adult because she’s the one who’s helping me with all this stuff. I freeze up every time I get help with all this “how to be an adult “ stuff because it is REALLY REALLY HARD. And just a moment ago I was thinking to myself “I didn’t ask for this! I didn’t ask to be born and live into a hard world, but I don’t wish to die in it either”. I mean they kinda do but it’s not at our level. Sad thing is we go to our parents for this when we say “ hey mom hey dad can you teach us this stuff” I mean I don’t want to be taught about in a way that’s like a little kid level but something that’s not at their level. I mean what’s the point of teaching us these things if your not willing to bring it down to our level?. It’s funny really because from my view, everyone of my siblings didn’t have to go through the depression, the fear of something like this. They’re out of parents home, drive, have good paying jobs, then there’s me, working part time , no car, don’t know how to drive, uses transportation which cuts into my wallet, living at home still. I mean I know this is all on me but I just feel like I’m getting the leftovers and I’m trying my best to catch up but nothing has changed. The only thing I can do is sit and and not complain. Its not just that. I want to say what I feel but I know I’ll just have one to blame but myself or blame pointed to myself because I asked for help and I’m not liking how I’m getting it. I can’t even tell them how I feel because they’ll do the whole guilt trip shtick, how “they’re in my corner” routine. What’s worse is that I’m not even allowed to be upset with them about anything like this because they did everything trying to help me when I was little and now as a young adult. I honestly don’t know what to do. In terms of my parents, my mom is a Christian and it’s like those value and beliefs, she uses those as her weapon and choice to stand firm in what she believes that make me think she is superior and then my dad believes in making me into a good man as a young adult, but the way he goes about it irritates me (Parents are divorced mind you, so they had their own ways of raising me before and after the divorce, yet even when there is sometimes an argument, my mom will use the threat of my dad against me like a shield which causes me fear. I;e “Keep it up and I’ll call your dad or Call your dad”). All of what they trying to get me to be has resulted in me no longer interested in my own life a little bit, to the point of me becoming nonchalant, straightforward attitude, introverted, not believing in whatever I say will matter and just wishing that I wasn’t there child because I didn’t want to be forced into a tough environment, even if there were some good things that happened to me with them being there. But sometimes it’s like I let the bad outweigh the good (the arguments, the often spankings when I was a child for doing something that I was suppose to) because I don’t know how to let go of those bad thoughts. I just feel powerless sometimes about this, even when I do get encouragement from those around me, be it my parents, siblings and friends, I still like I can’t stand up for myself about these things towards the only two people who try to slightly force their own beliefs and views, teachings into me to make me something I have VERY little interest for anymore. So here I am expressing myself the only way I know I’ll be heard
I am totally blind man and I know what it’s like to be around authoritarian individuals I’ve been around that my whole life ever since I was in school at times I can be very perfectionistic at times I can be indecisive I don’t like authority that much trust me it’s not fun
I both relate to this so much while at the same time I feel like my parents aren't this bad. I can't tell if I'm downplaying my childhood within certain aspects or if I'm really just exaggerating despite having most if not all of the aftereffects. I say "aftereffects" but I still live with them and probably will for a while haha. If anyone has any advice I'd love to hear it.
What matters is that you're aware of what you're struggling, and how it could have been developed! Learn to create some boundaries so that they don't have this kind of negative affect on you anymore. Your parents most likely have no idea that they've had this impact on you. Perhaps you can try to open a conversation about these issues. They might not respond well to it, but there's a chance that they do, and it create a possibility of developing a better relationship.
I've been thinking about this for a very long time, constantly thinking what is wrong with me, if I am being just overly sensitive as my parents put it.. I've reached a point when I am just thinking about how were my friends upbrought, it won't let me on. I've reached a point where I've decided to investigate more on my own, try to fight it, research and study. I am writing a junior year project on a topic "How upbringing impacts the person in later life". I am starting to understand some things and your video will definitely not go to waste. May I use this video in my sources? I am sorry if this message is a mess I am super tired as today I'm submitting the first third of my work and I live on 3 hours of sleep right now
You may absolutely use this video. Your message is definitely not a mess, and I hope you find the clarity you need and find the inner peace you deserve.
I know that criticism is probably not the part for this video. It is something that I want to talk about. I have been criticized before by my own grandmother. She would start arguing and yelling at me about my appearance, especially when it comes to my hair. I love wearing my natural hair, and I love to wear it in a ponytail with my hair split in the middle to show my scalp, and I also loved to wear my hair out. naturally with no rubber bands or bows on it. I did remember that she said that my ponytail hairstyle is not a natural hairstyle, and I look like a boy wearing my hair like that. I wanted to cry when she would start saying negative things about me wearing my hair that way. When it comes to my clothes, she started telling me to dress like I was a part of my family. She started to make me feel like I'm not a part of the family, because of what I look like. Even when she says that it is okay to be myself, she still criticizes me about it. Every since then. I started to fall into depression. because of it. I thought that she would accept me for who I am, not because of the way I look. I believe that appearance is just an appearance, and it doesn't matter what I look like, because appearances is not that important to me. I believe that she wanted me to be like her, but that's not what I wanted. All I ever wanted to be myself, and dress the way that makes me happy. I don't understand why she would say stuff like that me, just to make me feel bad about myself. I just wanted to live my life in peace without any criticism trying to put me down. I did watch this video, and I'm starting to understand about it. Thank you for sharing the video.
Ahh but what do you do when you’re dealing with them in the present?! I’m 15 and I can’t deal with this anymore… they won’t even view my 19 year old sister seriously. We are hopeless. Yelling ✅ Physical hits & threats ✅ But in my country this style of parenting is downplayed. I really don’t know what to do. 😓
I'm an authoritarian caretaker of my niece and strictness does help a lot + I don't constantly hit for everything she do. | However if/when she steps out of line with me or whoever else then that's when authoritarian parent comes out, because she's *_*not*_* going to grow up and disrespect her elders when she gets older unlike today's generations with permissive and uninvolved parents/parenting who walk all over adults while bad mouthing them like they're garbage who could be their own parents or grandparents. | Kids with permissive and uninvolved parents are more like to be monsters themselves without disciplines.
agree but at the same time authoritarian parenting affects growing children in many ways that ofcourse the authoritarians do not realize or take into consideration. just because a parent is not into the authoritarian parenting doesn't necessarily mean they are permissive and uninvolved, you can be involved & essentially be strict as well when needed and using correct/better methods
just my opinion, i don't believe in forcing growing children to respect their elders, yes everyone should respect everyone but elders stay disrespecting children and tend to walk all over them. If that was my kid in that position id like my child to have the ability to stand up for herself and not allow herself to be disrespected or harassed just because its her "elder"
@@eleyva1053 I think you're kinda wrong here because if you let your child talk sharp in a rude way towards adults (regardless if they're being rude) then asking for deheath phenalty because your child must strictly stay in his or her lane and let God handle the rude adults. [I can tell you're a permissive uninvolved libertarian parent on how you raise your kids]
And you also get monsters from the authoritarian side. Do you seriously think this black and white? How is today's youth raised with permissive/uninvolved caretakers?
When you’re living with them it will be hard to raise these problems because it’s “their space” and can cause more problems. People with these parents are better off moving out as soon as they can.
I wish I had an answer to give you 😩 but in reality with these types of parents it will go on and on until you move out unfortunately & sometimes even after you move out they still may be stuck in their ways the only difference is you no longer live w them
Imagine if they held themselves to the same standards they hold their children.
Lmaoooo
I realized I've never made a single life decision on my own. I just take whatever comes to me like driftwood.
That's one of the best descriptions of what it's like that I've ever seen.
I'm going through this same process and it's painful to realize how dependent you are and how you don't make decisions on your own. I try not to be too hard on myself and keep in mind that recognizing your mental/emotional patterns is a crucial step to changing them.
But it's definitely not an easy thing to accept about yourself.
And whenever I try to make decision for myself, they try to alter them as much as possible until or unless I have to argue for myself which just ruin everything in the end!
I know that feeling.
@IconicVan I know it doesn't make it right... but at least in my family, they torture themselves just as much as they tortured me. It's a sick dynamic.
Anytime I would cry they would get mad at me crying I’m like wtf
I never found a TH-cam video that depicts my toxic parent so perfectly. For a minute I felt lonely and couldn’t quite pinpoint my problems because they’re all jumbled in my head, but this is the closest thing I’ll ever relate with. Even as i get older my parents became less physically abusive, but I won’t ever forget what they put me through.
Look into CEN by jonice Webb 🖤
There is nothing more I hate in the world than a bully... and authoritarian adults are bullies, mostly having had rough childhoods themselves... but I am not without a heart, for I try to pity them, reason with them, bring out their humanity if I can.
This is me. I was raised by authoritarian parents who shamed me for being beaten by my baby brother, because as the older brother, I should be able to overpower him instead of screaming for help. My brother was a natural athlete, I hated sports, he was many times stronger than me and they wanted to fix that by shaming me for being weaker. As a man, being shamed for being physically weak stings extra hard.
They shamed me for my academic performance as a child, they shamed me for not behaving the way they saw fit in social settings, they shamed me for having bad motor skills, they even shamed me for my choice of spouse. They wrote my ex-wife out of their will because of her religion and because she put her foot down when they made demands on how to plan to our own wedding.
As a result of this, my romantic life and my professional life has been suffering greatly because of the anxiety. I limit contact with my parents as much as possible.
I'm so sorry to hear that. This sounds a lot like generational trauma and I'm so glad to hear you're going low contact. The shame that they've instilled in you can follow you around and be incredibly tough to break out of as I've seen with a lot of people that I work with. It can lead to so many issues with emotional regulation and self-belief. Thank you for sharing this with me. I'll make a video touching on this soon and I hope it'll be helpful for you.
And of course, feel free to personally reach out to me if you'd like any guidance on overcoming toxic shame and breaking out of your anxiety. You can add me on facebook at facebook.com/ashajacobcoaching
Why do parents who need therapy don't go to therapy... Your parents are too conditional even to be humans... I hope you're okay
@@hobbytreyi Parents who don’t go to therapy when they need it are the reason why children end up going to therapy themselves.
I’m in the exact same boat
Wow, agreeing 100% with everyone here.
This is me so much I feel like crying. I have been searching for what’s wrong with me and why I am the way I am
My problem is that when I think about my childhood and what I’ve been robbed of I can not let it go. I do allow myself to feel the emotions but it’s hard to put it behind me and move on. I don’t know if I ever will
You’re not alone ❤
They always say you never fully heal, but the wound hurts less and less over time. You learn how to manage your traumas better. Some days you might even forget it's there. It's a lot of hard work, but it's entirely possible. Hugs.
Same!! I want a real relationship with my mom and I'm mad she is continuing to withhold that from me. I get it, she is wounded, she is not capable, we do the best we can considering our level of consciousness at that time....I do understand that she is not capable of something different. But she pretends like she is, and pretends like she wants a good relationship with me. Yet she will make requests of me in the form of demands, and never asks me how I am. She wonders why my sister calls her every day, and I don't. I haven't heard her say anything nice about me, since the last time I directly told her I couldn't remember the last time she said anything nice about me.
I didn't get what was missing at all until I had my son. Thank God for maternal instincts!!
yes. I feel you completely. Living with a disorder that effects my behavior daily is what reminds me of my childhood. Every impulsive decision I make reminds me of my childhood. When I cry I’m reminded of my childhood. When I get angry I’m reminded of my childhood. I can’t care about a lot of things or connect with many people because of what I’ve been through in my childhood. I feel like an “other” because I carry this burden with me everyday and I know the people around me have lived much happier lives which grant more happy days and that’s all Ive ever wanted. It’s like a silent torture. I pray and wish for all of those with robbed childhoods to have a peace of mind in their lifetime
Authoritarian parents gangsta until I flaunt my amazing relationship with my firm but loving, affectionate, kind, supportive parents
I got my degree in nursing and told my mom I got a job offer at an assisted living I used to work at, and she said “I’m going to be really embarrassed telling people you work in a nursing home”
Gosh what an embarrassing opinion to carry. She's just revealed what a childish view she has of the world.
Assisted living for the elderly is such meaningful work - it's also incredibly difficult.
Wow! Your mom gives a damn about you. She cares about appearances, not you
I HAVE NEVER RELATED TO A VIDEO MORE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!! It feels like you just described my entire life. Everything you said was so so so accurate. Thank you for helping me understand a little bit more about myself
Thank you for making this video. My 1st generation south asian mother was very overbearing to the point of causing me unnecessary anxiety/depression all throughout my adolescence/early 20’s living with her. She was also very emotionally codependent and felt entitled to dump her inter generational trauma into her children whenever she couldn’t have a handle/control of her own marriage/life as an able bodied adult. Both of my parents neglected their own self care/mental health and tried to seek outside validation from friends/family as means of helping to fill a void of their loneliness/marital advice…
I like the ivy in the background!
i’m 15 and currently living with them. i struggle with feeling less than everything around me, and i’m not sure how to combat this feeling of not being enough. most day to day ways of thinking generally reflect my feeling of not enough-ness, and i find myself desperately searching for validation in everything i do. it’s hard for me to exist without editing myself to this likable, close to perfect person. and i’ve felt that i’ve suppressed my true wants and needs for so long that i can’t think of anything that truly feels like ME. so i’ve been stuck at this stage of “now what?”
🤗
Hey im 25 and still with my parents. Let me tell you, I'm realizing now that every decision I have made has been because of them. I let my life be decided by them. Doing something, nor because I want to, but because I'm suppose to do something and if I don't im a loser. Please, don't make decisions based on other people. Make decisions based on what you want out of life. I hope you are well, two years later!
Tbh my friend's parents make me feel much better than my own parents
I can relate to having had no/little contact as an adult and recently thinking that after 20+ years they seem to have calmed down and changed but after re-engaging recently I'm discovering that they really haven't changed all that much. Thanks for the advice on ways to deal with the past.
feel the exact same way and its crazy because its like sometimes they show some character growth and you are so close to believing it but then they disappoint again when you realize they haven't changed & are probably never going too
I’m a parent, not authoritarian. I noticed my kids have their own characters. I want to see them flourish. When my kids made mistakes, I talked to them when they calm. I want to understand my kids. why they do what they do, What triggered them and what made them make those decisions. “Do what you told” is really not my style, but do you know why it’s hard? Not the kids but mostly other parents and sometimes teacher, think I don’t discipline my kids when they don’t hear shouting and punishing. They don’t see or hear “talking”…
That’s very good. My dad valued me based on my obedience to him, and it ruined my expression and silenced me. You sound like a great parent
I am staying with my 90 year old mother in our house in the village for the summer because I started working in a place nearby. Previously I had expectations that we could manage to have a mother-daugher relationship. Now I have put an armour so that to be prepared for her attacks. For example, I come home from work and she has prepared lunch. Since it is a plain food she says "I would have also boiled some eggs but you are difficult, so I didnt". Such a simple phrase but the meaning is outrageous. This time I will try to just see it and ignore it and focus on the possibliities my stay in the island gives me!
Fear of conflicts and authorities, literally became the theme in my life and made me feel loser , till I got shut down and realized it was never my fault.
All the adult kids who got these parents, You did amazing surviving all that!
You can still improve, don't give up. ! Sending you much love 💕🤗😘
Hit the nail on the head. My dad does like all of this (not abuse). It makes me so annoyed! My mom is more lenient, but my dad is stubborn and condescending and it makes me really uncomfortable and sad all the time. He gs like how he is the adult and I am the child. He punishes me for not hanging out with him. There are so many rules (curfew, chores, when we can or cannot do things.) He yells but gets mad when we yell. If we question what he says, he brings us down. But, just 3 more years… yay.
I am lucky to get your video and it is as if someone has understood my feelings. My parents are very authoritarian may be because my father was an Airman in IAF. I joined police due to parental pressure, although I was good in computers. My family life got affected due to my sudden outbursts. I was under psychiatric treatment for two years for mild anxiety disorder. Now I am OK. My daughter is studying psychology and asked me about authoritarian type of parenting and luckily found this. I have not talked with my parents for more than past 2 years. Now I know the why of what I had gone through. Thank you very much. I find your other videos interesting and will watch them.
So glad this video shed some light on your experience, Dennis!
This literally made me tear up, thank you for this video. I understand myself so much more now.
Thank you for this helpful video. Yeah.. it's childhood trauma and no one child need to expierence this. It's abuse for your identity, your own life and your rights as a human being and mental health. Taking care of yourself, trust yourself and be loyal to yourself, practise emotional indepence and get financial indepence as early as you can, is firsts steps people of this trauma need to do. It's our responsibility for our healing, we didn't chosed this , as other kids living in poor country didn't chosed to starve. It's our story and we must deal with this.
you don’t know how spot on this video is... thank you for making this. you spoke to me !!
I can relate 💯... I’m so tempted to share this video in my family group just so they know 🙇🏽♀️
This is definitely my parents.
Hey there. It seems you have described my life to a Tee. I can't believe you took 8 minutes and described my life!? I've had a hard time finding someone that can understand childhood PTSD.
I watch your videos and am great-ful for your advice. Thank you.
Aww, thank you! I'm so glad I've made you feel heard and seen. :)
Walk away from them and live a life of happiness!
Yes. I'm realizing authoritative and authoritarian parenting are different things. Authoritarian parenting is damaging. I am currently trying to help my kids come back from me being this based on my church doctrines.
Wha are your church doctrines please.
@@Cheerleader644860 Hi, if you look up D. S.Warner and the Church of God,. You'll get a good idea. 19th century holiness influences, Sanctification as a second work of grace was a main part of their teaching. That freedom from sin extended to having the root of sin eliminated from your heart. They believed in no doctor intervention for divine healing etc. Here's the thing...the doctrine in some areas was basic Christianity, but how it was implemented...scary bad.
@@beyondtheircontrol kk thank you as I do believe that God is the ultimate healer of things and no doctor is needed like He is mandatory needed for everything. But he did create everything for good reason even the Bible says he created evil people or the same of judgment. Furthermore, if no octets never intervene how will we get healing. I know God needs nobody help but He DOES have a use for those seemingly mean and unfair doctors and they are in authority over your body as well as the parents are. Why are they here if not for healing purposes. Also did are u implying ur children didn't see a doctor growing up because I did and let me tell diabetes is no joke it goes dormant and comes back with a big bang I thought I was healthy until I went to the doctor for a visit and almost thought the needed to kee me when they tested my blood. I wet in forsmtjing else at first though. If I hadn't I'd probably be 11 years old now at 25 with complications I neer knew about BECAUSE of this hereditary disease which both my parents had. Dad is going blind in left eye and my mom's half of her left leg has been removed because they've ignored their health. We need doctors.
@@Cheerleader644860 absolutely need doctors. I no longer ascribe to mychurch's doctrine. But I saw people shun doctors in our group. They seem to have no middle ground. I believe all knowledge belongs to god and if God imparted knowledge to mankind through science to teach us how to take care of our bodies and to help us, why not use them or what they have learned so far. In our group it was carried way too far and that included the children. Unfortunately many of them subjected their children to just laying on hands or prayer and not seeing a doctor. My group was one of those where some parents refuse to have their children vaccinated for normal childhood diseases. I did not agree with that while I was there but that's what I mean by too far and I did take my own children to the doctor. Basically in our group children were to be seen and not heard.
@@beyondtheircontrol that seen and not heard bullshit is played out. And most adults see it doesn't work they just scared to break free from traditions of men. And about the doctor thing, most people who don't take care of them selves deserve whatever gonna happen to them because most are going to HELL for their sin but the few who do survive and make it out from almost being axe murdered or not taking care of their bodies for so long an angel is not going to intervene majority of THOSE times and do something. Most of THOSE people will be saved by a doctor if the Lord will hear their cry.
Can you please make a video of how to deal with toxic parents while living with them as teen? They don't even let me have a job or visit a friend and always make me feel like i'll never be enough, most of the time i catch myself thinking about harming myself while I've been trying so hard to be clean for over a year now. If u make a video i'll be so grateful to you ❤️❤️
Umm why do parents who need therapy don't go to therapy
And today, these "authoritarian parents" that continue to treat their adult children the same way, don't seem to understand why their kids are going no contact with them?
They have to emerge "the victim" no matter what, it seems.
Great video!! My sisters and I never got married and we think our parents could be why. Growing up we never felt good enough.
Same here
same here
I think it's more that you and your sisters did not want to be caught up in the same dynamic that you saw play out between your mother and father and/or did not want to potentially be married to a man like your father.
Dad is the dictator, still I am 59. When I stand up to him on the phone, he starts his lecturing tone...i.e. telling me how I am wrong. I am so fed up with this. This started when I was about 5. Overwhelming. It is annoying when the controling is unnecessary.
Sounds so stressful. Some parents have an overinflated ego and feel the need to control and commands everyone. Even their own children are invisible to them.
Thanks for sharing, Asha! 😘 The message is clear and it touch the bottom of my heart! 😘 This video is really great! ❤️ Can't wait for your next video! ❣️
My and many Asian parents in a nutshell. It’s exactly as you said, I’ve moved away and have minimal to no contact. There’s no relationship. When I do talk to them, it only drains me, so why should I?
What you said about allowing oneself to feel the anger, instead of just walking away, is eye opening.
I wish I would have heard this when I was younger.
It really affects my job for I am having anxiety facing my superior heads
This shed so much light on things I never understood. Thank you.
Oh yes - this rings a bell.
Very helpful. Didn't realise the topic was so common, we living in a very critical world with too much pressure
If you're an introverted professional who would like to overcome social anxiety, fear of authority, and find your natural assertiveness, book a strategy call with me here: www.ashajacob.com/chatwithasha
It's easy, just think that they are someone you love as much as you hate.
That’s exactly what happened to me…thank you for this very useful video 💕
Hope you're doing ok now. Hugs.
Just Forgive them and make them powerless. Be little their concerns if they don't worry about yours. If I share something with my mom and she says she is not interested next time she comes with her worry I tell her to please share with someone who will listen. Then I get up and leave.
This is so good!
My step mum was a dictator towards me especially in my teenage years at secondary school.
If I could give you a hug I would. You have no idea how much I have been searching for the truth and I finally found it and the answers to all my questions
Aw, I'm so glad I've made you feel understood and validated! It's why I make these videos at all. Hugs.
My mom never fit the typical behavior of an authoritarian parent. But every so often, she would give me advice to further my career because her friend's daughter is doing something...
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping us .
God bless you
You know the really sad part is I can’t remember anything like I literally can’t remember anything. Have a massive mental block.
Ugh, I totally get how you feel! Sometimes it feels like you had to disassociate for extended periods of time to maintain some sort of sanity.
Yup! got kicked out last year at 19 now im almost 21 doing my own thing and doing better. Only have contact w my parent because soon I am becoming a mom but god damn its hard 🥲 carrying w that resentment, especially when you realize they have not changed much and probably never will and now I have to be around them more because of my daughter
Don’t allow them to hurt you in front of your daughter and congratulations.
another great talk from asha, as far as it goes. i'd like to take it a step further in saying that authoritarian and overbearing parenting are signs of authoritarian, fascist societies.
My parents loved me. My Dad was a good man but he was extremely strict. He was an only child and was mentally abused. He was proud of me and shared in any success. However, he had a lot of rules and never allowed me to go anywhere and if I did sneak off I would get in trouble. I was never allowed to go anywhere but school, Church, and play in the neighborhood. I wasn't allowed to have anyone spend the night at our house. I did sometimes but had to beg. I was threatened all of time with a belt if I didn't do or did do something as far as the rules. I was never allowed to spend the night with friends. My older brother was the only one in his class who was not allowed to go on the school field trip. The teacher finally convinced him to let him go. It was like being in the military. His word was law and order. I was so use to not being able to socialize with other children outside from the neighborhood or when I was in school that I became afraid to go to school and afraid to get out in the world. Then I got in terrible trouble for not wanting to go to school and constantly threatened. It broke my spirit. I always felt like I wasn't as good as other people as I felt if I was, that I would have been able to do the things that normal kids do.
I have always been very anxious and a "loner" most of the time. I saw fear in my Dad as he didn't want to leave his parents even if he had a better job out of state and could have done so much with his life. He was afraid of CHANGE. I blame his parents for his behavior. He was treated awful. He always said that children didn't come with a book and that he tried the best way he knew how and that he knew he made mistakes and loved us. We were afraid to step out in adulthood and leave the nest. Both my brothers never left home or got married. We had our own way of doing things as a family and we were seen as strange by other people for doing so. I have heard it time and time again that we were the closets family that anyone has ever seen that we wouldn't leave each other's side. Now that is what I call one screwed up dysfunctional thing to live in. My Mom was meek, she used to say I am so sorry that you kids were raised like you were in the Army and I tried to do what I could to help but she was treated like one of us, she was ran over like a doormat.His IQ was extremely high and he too was afraid ( although he never admitted it ) to do better. Instead he stayed with the same job for 48 years and never changed. He did try a few times to get a better job. He made good money but worked 3 times as hard for not much more than people with a fraction of his experience. I felt bad for him because he was truly a very anxious and depressed man but hid it very well. Mom and Dad have passed away now and I miss them every second.
Do some therapy and pray to God to strengthen you
@@stefaniakonstantinidou981 thank you ❤️
Omg thank you so much. This was really helpful
In post soviet countries like Lithuania and Russia alcoholism, severe domestic violence often ending with homicides and suicides is usual. Police just doesn't care and ignore physical child abuse. This leads to serious mental diseases, is worst cases to schizophrenia.
I like how this vid doesnt make excuses for there bullshit -shannon
Thank you, Asha. Spot on.
Jesus... every point is spot on..
Do you think that these kinds of parents should be forgiven for what they did to us as kids? My parents are like what you said in this video and i'll never forget or forgive them for what they did to me.
I feel better after watching this, last night I had a fight with mom she wants me to be a " 2nd version of her " and even when I said im me u cant force me to be like u ir to do things n live my life like u she called me childish and she always makes me feel like im her biggest disappointment
Thank you for this video
Wow, this makes a lot of sense.
Hi! So what I’m about to say is extremely long, so please bare with me. This is in regards to my own personal views of my parents unknowingly little authoritarian ideologies. Mind you they are loving and good parents and i sometimes feel blessed to have them. I love them. I wanted to get that out of the way to clear the air before I say how I really feel about this topic.
This had me thinking after feeling depressed earlier for becoming a young adult and having my parents help me become an adult. Bare with me I did ask for help like building credit, driving and stuff but it’s on a totally different level of understanding and not at one I can understand.
But it is as hard as I make it and not even my parents can bring it down to my level of understanding. I’m literally at a point of my life saying I want to move out and be on my own but I can’t go anywhere cause I don’t drive. Then I got to learn how to establish credit so I’ll have something to buy a house or car on. But I’m like I don’t want something I don’t want to payback after making big purchases. Then my mom asked me when am I gonna start acting like or being like an adult because she’s the one who’s helping me with all this stuff. I freeze up every time I get help with all this “how to be an adult “ stuff because it is REALLY REALLY HARD. And just a moment ago I was thinking to myself “I didn’t ask for this! I didn’t ask to be born and live into a hard world, but I don’t wish to die in it either”.
I mean they kinda do but it’s not at our level. Sad thing is we go to our parents for this when we say “ hey mom hey dad can you teach us this stuff” I mean I don’t want to be taught about in a way that’s like a little kid level but something that’s not at their level. I mean what’s the point of teaching us these things if your not willing to bring it down to our level?.
It’s funny really because from my view, everyone of my siblings didn’t have to go through the depression, the fear of something like this. They’re out of parents home, drive, have good paying jobs, then there’s me, working part time , no car, don’t know how to drive, uses transportation which cuts into my wallet, living at home still. I mean I know this is all on me but I just feel like I’m getting the leftovers and I’m trying my best to catch up but nothing has changed. The only thing I can do is sit and and not complain.
Its not just that. I want to say what I feel but I know I’ll just have one to blame but myself or blame pointed to myself because I asked for help and I’m not liking how I’m getting it.
I can’t even tell them how I feel because they’ll do the whole guilt trip shtick, how “they’re in my corner” routine. What’s worse is that I’m not even allowed to be upset with them about anything like this because they did everything trying to help me when I was little and now as a young adult. I honestly don’t know what to do. In terms of my parents, my mom is a Christian and it’s like those value and beliefs, she uses those as her weapon and choice to stand firm in what she believes that make me think she is superior and then my dad believes in making me into a good man as a young adult, but the way he goes about it irritates me (Parents are divorced mind you, so they had their own ways of raising me before and after the divorce, yet even when there is sometimes an argument, my mom will use the threat of my dad against me like a shield which causes me fear. I;e “Keep it up and I’ll call your dad or Call your dad”). All of what they trying to get me to be has resulted in me no longer interested in my own life a little bit, to the point of me becoming nonchalant, straightforward attitude, introverted, not believing in whatever I say will matter and just wishing that I wasn’t there child because I didn’t want to be forced into a tough environment, even if there were some good things that happened to me with them being there. But sometimes it’s like I let the bad outweigh the good (the arguments, the often spankings when I was a child for doing something that I was suppose to) because I don’t know how to let go of those bad thoughts. I just feel powerless sometimes about this, even when I do get encouragement from those around me, be it my parents, siblings and friends, I still like I can’t stand up for myself about these things towards the only two people who try to slightly force their own beliefs and views, teachings into me to make me something I have VERY little interest for anymore.
So here I am expressing myself the only way I know I’ll be heard
I am totally blind man and I know what it’s like to be around authoritarian individuals I’ve been around that my whole life ever since I was in school at times I can be very perfectionistic at times I can be indecisive I don’t like authority that much trust me it’s not fun
Thank you!
I both relate to this so much while at the same time I feel like my parents aren't this bad. I can't tell if I'm downplaying my childhood within certain aspects or if I'm really just exaggerating despite having most if not all of the aftereffects. I say "aftereffects" but I still live with them and probably will for a while haha. If anyone has any advice I'd love to hear it.
Can deeply relate to this 👆🏿
What matters is that you're aware of what you're struggling, and how it could have been developed! Learn to create some boundaries so that they don't have this kind of negative affect on you anymore.
Your parents most likely have no idea that they've had this impact on you. Perhaps you can try to open a conversation about these issues. They might not respond well to it, but there's a chance that they do, and it create a possibility of developing a better relationship.
Great video. Loved it! Thank you for the insight.
I've been thinking about this for a very long time, constantly thinking what is wrong with me, if I am being just overly sensitive as my parents put it..
I've reached a point when I am just thinking about how were my friends upbrought, it won't let me on.
I've reached a point where I've decided to investigate more on my own, try to fight it, research and study.
I am writing a junior year project on a topic "How upbringing impacts the person in later life". I am starting to understand some things and your video will definitely not go to waste. May I use this video in my sources?
I am sorry if this message is a mess I am super tired as today I'm submitting the first third of my work and I live on 3 hours of sleep right now
You may absolutely use this video. Your message is definitely not a mess, and I hope you find the clarity you need and find the inner peace you deserve.
Thsnk you for making this
i love you ❤
I just want to disinherit my parents
I know that criticism is probably not the part for this video. It is something that I want to talk about. I have been criticized before by my own grandmother. She would start arguing and yelling at me about my appearance, especially when it comes to my hair. I love wearing my natural hair, and I love to wear it in a ponytail with my hair split in the middle to show my scalp, and I also loved to wear my hair out. naturally with no rubber bands or bows on it. I did remember that she said that my ponytail hairstyle is not a natural hairstyle, and I look like a boy wearing my hair like that. I wanted to cry when she would start saying negative things about me wearing my hair that way. When it comes to my clothes, she started telling me to dress like I was a part of my family. She started to make me feel like I'm not a part of the family, because of what I look like. Even when she says that it is okay to be myself, she still criticizes me about it. Every since then. I started to fall into depression. because of it. I thought that she would accept me for who I am, not because of the way I look. I believe that appearance is just an appearance, and it doesn't matter what I look like, because appearances is not that important to me. I believe that she wanted me to be like her, but that's not what I wanted. All I ever wanted to be myself, and dress the way that makes me happy. I don't understand why she would say stuff like that me, just to make me feel bad about myself. I just wanted to live my life in peace without any criticism trying to put me down. I did watch this video, and I'm starting to understand about it. Thank you for sharing the video.
Ahh but what do you do when you’re dealing with them in the present?! I’m 15 and I can’t deal with this anymore… they won’t even view my 19 year old sister seriously. We are hopeless. Yelling ✅ Physical hits & threats ✅ But in my country this style of parenting is downplayed. I really don’t know what to do. 😓
Ill pick the alternative and just move away i guess...
Hi your website does not work ?
I tried to tell my dad how he is and why it’s wrong but he just gets aggressive and mad then says I know everything and he can just never be wtong
My father sexually abused me in my childhood. And he still tries to control me to this day.
You shouldn't have anything to do with anyone who has sexually abused you (and on top of that, it is incest). You should go no contact.
Is there a possibility i can have you as a physisian?
5:47
I'm an authoritarian caretaker of my niece and strictness does help a lot + I don't constantly hit for everything she do. | However if/when she steps out of line with me or whoever else then that's when authoritarian parent comes out, because she's *_*not*_* going to grow up and disrespect her elders when she gets older unlike today's generations with permissive and uninvolved parents/parenting who walk all over adults while bad mouthing them like they're garbage who could be their own parents or grandparents. | Kids with permissive and uninvolved parents are more like to be monsters themselves without disciplines.
agree but at the same time authoritarian parenting affects growing children in many ways that ofcourse the authoritarians do not realize or take into consideration. just because a parent is not into the authoritarian parenting doesn't necessarily mean they are permissive and uninvolved, you can be involved & essentially be strict as well when needed and using correct/better methods
just my opinion, i don't believe in forcing growing children to respect their elders, yes everyone should respect everyone but elders stay disrespecting children and tend to walk all over them. If that was my kid in that position id like my child to have the ability to stand up for herself and not allow herself to be disrespected or harassed just because its her "elder"
alot of people complain about todays generations but i actually believe they will make better parents & they will be the ones to break toxic cycles
@@eleyva1053
I think you're kinda wrong here because if you let your child talk sharp in a rude way towards adults (regardless if they're being rude) then asking for deheath phenalty because your child must strictly stay in his or her lane and let God handle the rude adults. [I can tell you're a permissive uninvolved libertarian parent on how you raise your kids]
And you also get monsters from the authoritarian side. Do you seriously think this black and white? How is today's youth raised with permissive/uninvolved caretakers?
You don’t give any advice for living with them right now . You talked about after we all grown up
When you’re living with them it will be hard to raise these problems because it’s “their space” and can cause more problems. People with these parents are better off moving out as soon as they can.
I wish I had an answer to give you 😩 but in reality with these types of parents it will go on and on until you move out unfortunately & sometimes even after you move out they still may be stuck in their ways the only difference is you no longer live w them