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Jordan Peterson Gives Parenting Advice
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ธ.ค. 2023
- Dr. Peterson dives into the consequences of failing to socialize a child by age four and explores the dynamics of aggression, social acceptance, and the evolution of human behavior.
Watch the full video - • 2017 Personality 17: ...
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"Partenting is only hard for good parents" is a quote that lives rent free in my head
It has now moved house into my head...
New core memory unlocked.
Parenting hard for everyone. Some people rise up and some may not but it’s all hard. I recommend bw not have peopke kids let everyone else do it and they should be rich aunties selfish and focus on self
The quote should be parenting is 'harder for good parents' because parenting is hard regardless of the circumstance
And lots of bad parents make it look hard, too.
These classic lectures are absolute gold
They are quite literally as valuable as gold
And we don’t even have to pay tuition
I could listen to these lectures all day. So interesting. Also to me, Jordan's delivery is second to none.
One of the problems is that some parents were not raised properly and they inadvertently pass on what they are to their children and becomes a cycle.
Also, some lose their parents when they’re young for one reason or another.
Hence the reason for JP making this post so there’s no excuses when all the chips are down.
Haha, this is basically the main problem of humanity
I couldn’t agree more. They need to break the cycle.
It seems like it’s the definition for “Generational Curse”
This is why kids being able to communicate and talk is so important
Well they are brought up by parents who cannot communicate either simple
That’s why those who want control pushed masks so hard. ruins social skills.
If they have a disability that hinders them it's tough. My child is actually very sociable and friendly but has cognitive difficulties. Though above grade in many areas; academically, he does do things that appear immature.
Also he relates so much of his joy to sensory experiences; that he doesn't feel drive to communicate much.
He gets easily overwhelmed too with communication. We have worked on it tirelessly for a long time. Along with therapy (which was usually a MASSIVE disappointment).
He's generally a very content and happy kid. More than most other kids RBH, and more polite, more kind etc. We don't want to change that just so he has friends for namesake.
We think quality is important. Though we haven't been picky - but others are. Which is fine. It's just saddening because they are very superficial many times, as raised to be so. Especially in public school.
Other kids don't have much patience to "figure out" our son's lack-of-communication (he has many AAC devices we have tried and ASL skills but he doesn't care to many times. ) We've explained this to him also, and that when in places to participate in an activity, he's expected to do that activity. But it doesn't work out. If he's interested in an activity he wants to focus.
So most of his play being non-verbal attracts kids that are SUPER verbal ironically. Lol 🤣 They are cute chatterboxes that approach him, but it overwhelms him. So that's that. I think one day he will have quality friendships. No need to force it.
My husband and I had more friendships though they were toxic. And we were bullied often. So to us the fact that our kids are more independent and social even, yet have no real friends is fine to us vs what we experienced. We still discuss scenarios to teach them things you might learn from various friendships. But since we let go of the pressure to engage in unecessary relationships; we have been much healthier and have also improved our lives in other areas.
Meanwhile our old "friends" that still have flourishing social lives are sad in every other area and barely move forward in life. This is why I don't agree with this particular clip of Jordan Peterson. His experience is not mine nor my husband's.
@@ralisimon4848huh?
I would just add that the kids you socialize your children with matter too. Don’t pick just any kids or pre-school.
Jp has helped me more than any uni teacher 😂
Dear Professor Jordan Peterson thank you very much for explaining the role of parents in creating child social skills. The balance between aggressive and compassionate aspect of human psychic which you advocate for really appeals to me. ❤
As a teacher, parents with children requiring legal accommodations are no problem: language issues,
mental health, physical impairment. Normal children of high, normal, and even low academic levels, again no problem.
The issue is with spoiled brats and their spoiled parents. There is no pleasing them because they demand themselves before all others.
You’re wrong. We were fought every step of the way by administration when it came to providing our son with accommodations for giftedness and an anxiety disorder. The districts put the districts first, not your kid. And if you advocate for your child, they take it out on the kid and call you a problem parent. Schools do not want to deal with accommodations and will do anything to get the funds for your kid but not actually provide services.
@@FirstNameLastName-wt5tothat is your experience that is not the complete experience. Don’t put your experience as the absolute scenario.
@@MaidSavageLLC This is the experience for most parents who have kids that require accommodations. The community is very vocal about it. It won’t take you long to find info online about this problem.
Ignorant people are a problem too. They teach their kids to be Ignorant like they are.
@spacecentergames. I’m sure you don’t have kids. It’s always easier to criticize and you don’t actually have kids.
There's also the element of having a paternal figure in the household who's responsible for facilitating the taming of male aggression. Boys that grow up without a father are more prone to turning to anti-social behavior and that could manifest itself in criminality during adulthood.
"Taming", in this respect, means showing the child a way to solve their troubles that gives better results, faster and easier, than creating a mess. And it doesn't involve much of "if you won't behave" because, frankly, you are not the master at creating a mess here.
And that requires knowing who that child wants to be and what they can optimally do about it. A role figure they can trust to give a good example.
Can we state its the woman who is the gatekeeper. Bad mothers raise horrible kids. It's not all ok the father. I as a woman born to a narc mother seen her mother raise and enable a son. I was raised by a progressive real man that my brother didn't pay attention to. So don't put the emphasis on the man. Women must protect their home. I have seen many bitchy girls and weak boys. Arrogant abusive men and women raised by witchy women.
This is so sadly true
@@bbdass4598Men also need an emphasis as they can have a vital function yet are ignored by the culture we have today. That doesn't mean that the woman is unimportant but that they have each their vital functions. Can we go from competition to cooperation when also being able to acknowledge differences? To say "this is important but that is important too"?
Each boy that attacked a White House grew use without a father? Each police officer had no father? You are worse than communists.
Thank you JP!❤ keep it up!!
It’s easier to tell someone to hold back slightly than to push them forward. You can’t teach motivation, but you can guide passion and talent in the right direction.
Wow just the way he delivers it is remarkable
Thank you❤
I see this all the time with today’s “tablet” generation. Every parent should listen to this lecture.
Good stuff everyone (especially parents) should know!
Thank you!
Before I watch this video I have to say, what a coincidence, a few days ago I was thinking about asking Dr Peterson to make a video about exactly this but understand it is impossible to make a video about every subject someone comments. Lucky us... here it is. I believe we can do so much better in giving children a proper base early on, to build or grow a personality and mentality on so they know how to think critically and get stimulated to learn. When I hear u speak about this subject I feel u know so much about the subject and have a gift to communicate the knowledge broadly. I'm glad I get to watch and listen to u. Our children are the future. So Manny people still are missing out just because they dont know u are there and are driving on a different highway. Thank u!
Also, if anyone knows of books that can assist parents in optimizing then upbringing even a bit, please comment.
@@John-mc8shI would recommend watching his ‘maps of meaning’ and ‘personality’ lectures here on youtube. Along with that you can read his 3 books. Along the road you will discover the answers you are seeking, I’m sure.
Check out Maggie Dent, and Steve Biddulph. Both great. Especially for boys
2:12 Simple (yet funny) rules
3:40 Creativity curve and Criminality curve overlap
I can’t get enough of this man’s wisdom.
Amazing ❤️
Perfect quick little bit of wisdom.
Don't hit the other kid over the head with a truck more than is absolutely necessary😂
So happy I did my job well. ❤
I cant help but wonder how the digital age has potentially changed how children become socialized. How well do social rules learned through young childhood transfer over to online spaces? If at all?
Face to face interactions will always hold more water than online interactions; though one cannot ignore the weight that online interactions has with the younger generations.
And then I am also curious of comparing and contrasting those who were born without the internet but grew into it vs. those who were born with the internet already being such a monolithic part of everyday life.
I appreciate this style of Peterson's content; this subject matter is where he truly shines.
As someone born in 2000, I can't confirm but I feel like the rise of the internet and online interactions stunted my development of in-person interactions
Indeed. My husband and I talk about this. How our homeschooled severe ASD/ADHD kid can be more socially adept and friendly than other kids is beyond us. So many NT kids have zero positive social skills by what we have seen on public....and many that do only tolerate their one or two friends that they made based on convenience of sharing the same public school classroom etc.
Our children are homeschooled (had been in charter after public), and they don't have close friends either at this time. But that's due to their bff's moving away. (Most people we get along with move from SoCal as soon as they can, since politicians have broken the state). But when they did have friends they weren't from some kind of limited forces situation in the more intense sense that most seem to be in.
They also know how to engage in a variety of settings in a way that's optimistic and intrinsically motivated. They tend to be more polite, and open to engaging than most other kids are.
The only thing for my special needs child is that they have difficulty communicating (they don't desire to many times when focused on play), and they get overwhelmed if there's too much at once.
Because quiet, he attracts chatterboxes. Lol 😆 It's cute when the other kids do get friendly and want to play with him, but it doesn't last long sadly because, as much as we have encouraged him to keep trying, the opposite personality is daunting.
But my kids are still very content. Sadly we do now kids that were raised by tech. In school and at home. They might have slight ADHD or be "NT" but they don't seem to know how to socialize at all or care to.
@@bluyboone2062I am very close to my younger sister in law, she has major communication issues. Not just in person. She talks about how it's just how her generation is. A lot of it is also due to public school education I'm sure.
I was born in the 80s and didn't have access to Internet until I was a teenager. Even then it was dial up and very limited (due to payment plans/or computer in the house with a crappy connection - took 30 mins to load a photo sometimes). 😂
I had undiagnosed ASD and was NOT good at socializing in general. But I still have less trouble socializing and communicating than many younger adults I know. 😢
My ADHD husband was very into computers and came from a family with more money to have that stuff. He made many friends based on it but it still wasn't like the next generation.
They still had many experiences just out in the world. At skate park, internet cafe's, rising dirt bikes, at the mall, etc.
The thing is my husband has a lot of friends that are TOO into their computer games to this day. We are in our late 30s and they are legit addicted. It's ruined many of their relationships and most haven't changed their lives at all in the past 10 years and it's depressing. 😢
They are lonely and just working to afford rent to play computer games. They could have families. Or if single they could be traveling the world! But nope. Stuck inside staring at a screen.
Makes sense. But also makes me feel devastated for my 4.5 year old who has a global developmental delay and apraxia of speech. He can’t communicate effectively enough to play with his peers and my heart breaks for him.
I am sure it will work out. 🙏
Find a good support system...children are very resilient and adaptable🙏
Hi, have you checked His ears, polyps and tonsils? Maybe he hears poorly and therefore speech ist negatively affected! All the best
@@Myuri123 yes he just got ear tubes put in last month. I do think he can hear a bit better now.
Friends of ours had a similar situation with their child and they spoke to the parents of one of the ‘alphas’ in the group about taking their child under his wing for a while and that seemed to set the tone for others making a real effort to be more inclusive, so that might be worth trying if you haven’t already.
More stuff on parenting please!!
Check out Andrew Huberman podcast with Dr Becky Kennedy. Almost three solid hours of parenting GOLD.
The problem is adults are children raising children. It's the adolescent adults who need to seek psychological help to understand being a responsible adult and blaming kids who are more innocent?
It's not unlike training dogs. It isn't really the dogs you are training. It's the people handling them. They make all the mistakes, they mess up the training, and create intolerable or dangerous monsters. They are also the most resistant to the training.
he was coming from a standpoint where you as an ADULT (aka having somewhat of your sh*t together) raising children
I am not saying it is easy but you are hard cope-ing out if this is your view until the end of days.
THANK YOU!! I constantly say that as a society, most people forget that they are aiming to RAISE ADULTS.
But yes, we do have the problem of emotionally immature young adults, raising children.
I think you have that backwards. It’s the older, more mature parents who seem to be the problem. Helicopter parenting, over coddling and protecting your kids without letting them take risks is causing kids to be afraid of almost everything.
Its not the age, its just the peraons maturity.
I didn’t get to the long term relationship and family until I was 30. I wished I was more prepared as it’s been baptism by fire
Truth.
I love this man
I nailed this...☺️
Bru, I learned more in a 5minute JPeterson vid than I learned in 5 year of university! Now that's ridiculous!
The purpose of university is to show future employers that you are obedient and can be directed to complete tasks as well as to put you into indentured servitude to pay debt
I love listening to you, Jordan, but most parents I've met, mine included, haven't grown up yet, emotionally. Children pay the highest price for being born, because marriage, having children, make "adults" look "normal". Insane world, I know...
so intelligent. could solve so many peoples problems if they would just take heed
very wise
i am so glad you shaved, to be on camera, ty, improvement of parents
What an amazing world we have created where you can be overly sensitive and still get to eat.
I'd love for JBP to write a parenting book.
So how do you help those who got left behind to catch up?
I think I was not properly socialized in my childhood now I'm 21 and I feel out of place, I'm working on different ideas or philosophies or mindsets when I go out and see what's best suited for me in that situation, i fear I'll pass my anxiety and fear and less skilled behaviour to my children whenever I have them.
Coming from the same background I can only say: Keep working at it, and learn to forgive yourself every time you do a mistake. It's not an easy task, but you may be able to find communities that are more forgiving than others.
I found a good church community, and there are many kinds of those just so you'll know, but I won't say that is the best answer for all. It's meant to be, for sure, but humans are humans and they often end up a place for religious competition instead.
@@haraldthi thankyou for the reply ❤️
Not true. Talking about it here, shows you are aware of it. Keep working on it. You will get there in time.
I'm 36 now. I was never socialized. My parents gave me video games so I'd be quiet and not bother them. I still struggle with social environments. Fortunately we can know what our kids need with information today. My boys play sports, I want them to socialize very young. Yes I hate sitting there when other parents want to talk. I just feel like an idiot but like hell are my boys going to be ignored by myself and my wife. Learn from your parents mistakes or ignorance and just DO what is best for your kids. Put yourself second. It's tough but our kids need us to step up.
Early 20s as well and am in the same boat but I have been improving little by little. You can do it!
Judging how society is now, most children from the last generation must have stayed in isolation until the age of 5. They have then raised their kids the same way.
I guess the single biggest responsibility of a parent is to save a child from himself. Nothing more, nothing less is needed. Because if that is done, the child will thrive on his own. However, that does mean saving him from things that are generally applicable to all of us humans and also from things particularly applicable to him.
Why is one sleeve a different color in the thumbnail?
Hi, does anyone know where I can watch the whole conference? Thank you.
It’s a clip from his university lecture series, I think they’re on his TH-cam
that's why large families make sense. my children do not remember the parent-child condition. always together. I often get tired of this "socialization" ;-) but its beatiful how they can work together althougt diftrent age.
These social interacting issues also affects autistic children very negatively . As they age they get left behind by their cohort. Especially boys.
Some children, like I was, will never accept a "simple rule" unless they can have an answer to "why". Which is a problem if the parent responsible has no interest for such questions and instead just accept the answers given to them. Taking it for granted that it must be so because "that is the norm".
So the child can be both kind and careful, like I was, still that social play won't work out.
What does it mean psychologically if you became a parent (step-parent to be exact) at the age of 21?
An “emerging adult”
I often wonder what does one do with children who were raised in a highly dysfunctional and abusive environment who are then removed from that environment at ages five to eight and put into a more typical and functional home such as foster care
❤
Oh how i would love a book by JBP on parenting. Or a lecture series like the biblical series he is dropping…
The biggest detriment to child development has been nannies and daycare.. paid childcare workers pass time scrolling their phones watching children but not speaking to them.. children, craving attention behave badly because that gets more attention than behaving good, narcissism is rampant in children now. Its a lonely existence for children in early years.
look at how the advertising world is covering everything like Kudzu
I'm sure this is the standard, but how many kids nowadays year 2024 kids are getting socialized except in social media or online?
The thumbnail is missing an apostrophe.
I wish I knew this 24 yrs ago
👍🏽👍🏽
Me watching this at 31 watching JP call me out for sleeping through new years 😂👌🏻
great but what to do if the child is over 4 ???
3.5 year old daughter often tries to get adults attention when they are talking. Hope its not to late to teach this.
What if the male kid is shy? That also affects fitting in.
Praise God❤
Thank you 🎄🎄🎄🧡🙌🏼❣
What about children with Autism
2.20 😂😂😂😂
This is why my grandson is not going to mainstream school. Xxxxxxx
Minute 02:20 😂😂😂
Should I let my 1 year old have rough and tumble play when he wakes up and won't sleep at 4am? Please help.
Not at 4 am, unless that s when you want him to start the day.
And stop blaming kids...
Keep your kids off screens if you want them to develope communication skills and any social skills.
This is quite true for 'neurotypical' kids. Unfortunately, the situation is a bit different for kids experiencing ADHD and/or in the autistic spectrum. Socialization for them is almost utopical, at least in Italy
I’m trying to understand what you mean by utopical. Out of reach is my guess. If so that seems like a massive generalization. Ideal? That seems categorically incorrect. I am genuinely curious.
@@ideasmatter4737 by utopical I mean that in Italy there is no institution or organisation promoting socialization for these neurodifferent kids. Roughly speaking, the Italian mentality is far from being inclusive.
@@carlatrapani1872 I hope that changes soon! I’m glad we’ve been making progress in that regard here in the states. I look back many years to kids who were certainly wired “differently” who were bullied so badly, and I realize they needed expert help that didn’t yet exist. There are special gifts hidden away in many neurodivergent people, and it’s a shame to lose what they have to offer.
You mean kids who got vaxxed
The spelling error on this video’s landing screen is going to drive me nuts. Try ignoring this:
2 + 2 = 3
This doesn’t sound very hopeful for those of us who fit the description of long term anti social 😢
Is fear of something past down from the parents? “Serious question”
I would say yes. Example when mom reacts in fear to a harmless insect. The kids learn to fear something harmless.
Of course if you are not mindful of it. I have witnessed all kinds of parents passing along fears to their children. Dreadful dreadful.
Your job as a parent ISN'T teaching your child that his/her feelings in the moment are to be pandered to for the entire rest of his/her life.
Why would you need someone to tell YOU, the parent, to unlock your child’s potential? Stick it to yourself, Peterson.
Perhaps they should be educated about placing apostrophes correctly on splash screen text.
@iro4201 child's is correct
proper grammar is among the bottom end of skills you could have in life
@krystilla, obviously, where this Muppet sits.
Creativity matches criminality in males 🤩
Every child is burdened with the unfinished business of the parents.
Nietzsche
You can also get antisocial by beeing ahead.
I am not even married.
Let this be future advise.
Do you think it is OK that 4 year-old children are socialising each other and not their parents or somebody they can look up to? I was never a "socially desirable" child. I always thought differently, and failed to fit in completely. Ok, the first years were harder then to others, but at university I found other people who thinks similarly. I met my best friend at university, not earlier. Also, I learnt what I say: not to "live in somebody" but to live on my own. I mean on this to do things for myself and not for to seek attention and acceptance of others. I still learn a lot every day about life and myself, and I am happy as I am.
What you told about the faces a bad children meet in his whole life: It does not matter if he accepted by others or not. Most of the people who can accept him in a group is shallow, probably because the model they were grown up. I found the values created by 4+ children socialised on their own most of the cases shallow. So, why should we teach our children to fight to become a member of a group that just does not worth anything? I am curious what you are thinking about it.
Jordan you helped me become better
I’m ashamed you have sold out
If some countries in Europe and America you're not allowed to
"Child's"*
...when theý learn to sit 6 hours, theý later are able to sit 8 hours
putting 4 year old boys from moving to a sitting mode for plenty of hours daily would dramatically increase their testosterone i would say.... so the second boost at the age of 16teen wouold be far more bigger... not moving prisones emotions... and it will go out later...very volatile.
I've always said that boys just take longer to bake, and that most are finished by age 25. I was right!! 😂
My kid is one of this stubborn, independent souls, he will go to school after summer. His peers loves him, I mean everybody loves him as he is this adventorous, happy, bright type that makes everybody laugh... But... He is rebelious and very, very active kid. He won't listen when he feels bored or just don't feel like it 🙄 I am really afraid about this 'sitting still' skill. At preshool, we know, that he is usually not attending 'lessons' just doing his own things... He is smart though, got special classes for 'math' minds. I am afraid that he will be black sheep for teachers..
Homeschool or his bright light will be extinguished.
Problem is parents are lazy nowadays, and don’t play with their children. I’m a teacher and see it a lot in schools. It’s easy and convenient now to put them in front of a screen or tablet. Job done. It’s really sad and the next generation are going to greatly suffer because of it.
Or with a nanny, or daycare, it's a lonely existence...
X I'm a Barbarian Queen 👑
I was a criminal age 16-25!
I thought you would say Give em Hell
I sometimes wonder how I have not eaten mine, yet.
Lol
However, a homeschooled child without that socialization still acclimates to society with no issues…doesn’t follow these ideas of socialization. Relying on children to socialize children creates children, large children…we all know more large children then we do men
Interesting to listen to, but I am glad not to be a student in his lecture trying to capture all that content for the next test.
My kids a monster of sorts. I guess my only choice is to prove you wrong.
I find this juxtaposition interesting. On one hand he says children suffer from the “sit down, shut up, do what your told and conform” type classroom setting. I 100% agree. It teaches obedience to be the highest moral code. But then says the goal of parenting is to get society to accept the child.
Society wants children that sit down, shut up, and do what they’re told. I see a base level contradiction.
If my child has an opinion that is unpopular or doesn’t want to be coerced into certain activities via conformity, society will not accept him because he isn’t predictably obedient. In fact, Jordan emphasizes the importance of external validation and approval as the number one goal, yet says do not force your child to participate in the conformity training that is expected by society.
Why so much emphasis on societal conformity? I would agree if society were mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy. Then there would be infinite role models to copy. However, I want my child to be motivated by the opposite of what motivates the herd… personal responsibility vs codependency. By default, a healthy person with boundaries who does not participate in group think will be outcast by society at some level. Why teach the child that the measuring stick of right thinking or behavior is if others approve? This isn’t mental health.
Look at Jordan himself. I don’t think taking his own advice of getting society to accept children via correct thinking/actions (conformity) would have led him to where he is now… an independent thinker and a voice against groupthink. Society gives Jordan the false approval signals he says to avoid.
Why not teach children how to emotionally regulate in spite of others attempting to make their anger, frustration, disapproval, unhappiness, etc the child’s fault? Not doing this sets up the narcissist abuse cycle where shame guilt and fear are used as the motivators for the child to conform and to get others to like them. The child learns to attempt to regulate other’s emotional state… so they like the child in their own unregulated emotional state. Again, this isn’t mental health.
Any emotionally regulated adult can look at a child “doing something inappropriate” and see that the child is figuring it out and that the emotions and thoughts of the adult are not the fault of the child. A regulated individual does not abandon a child because they don’t conform.
Children copy. This is how they learn. A child only learns emotional regulation by watching. Not by “getting others to like them.” I don’t want my child to be completely welcomed by a society that requires conformity and group think to be considered safe and moral. This is how we get more groupthink, codependency, and depression.
“I don’t hit because others won’t like me.” Is VERY different than “I don’t hit because I respect the property of others and what to help them meet their needs.” Motivation is everything.
No one's gonna read your Bible story
says the person trying to attract an audience with 105 uploaded videos and only 330 subscribers…
Your comment reveals much about yourself. Thanks for sharing your projections.
For all of his success he comes across as such a tragic figure, lacking love and run by fear.
Should be an apostrophe in the thumbnail - ironic