I’m a former kindergarten teacher- and I just want any parents out there to know that the teachers rarely get to decide how their class is run- I was expected to teach the same thing at the same time as all the other teachers. Since the introduction of Common Core, the standards for kindergarten are developmentally inappropriate and most of not all kindergarten teachers know this. We KNOW that the best thing for kids that age is to play. When I taught kindergarten, my class had LOTS of play time, but I was nervous every day that my principal would walk in because I knew that I would be in trouble for allowing them to just play (instead of teaching a formal lesson). One of my colleagues, who had been teaching for 12 years, often lamented the fact that we no longer had time for “fun stuff” like arts and crafts. Kindergarten should be about learning social skills, motor and fine motor skills, and some basics letters, numbers, etc. There were ZERO early education teachers involved in writing the common core standards. I believe there were something like 172 authors, and 12 of them were teachers. None of them taught any grade 3 or under. So these people, most of whom were unqualified, decided the standards which your kindergartener is expected to perform, without taking into account the developmental appropriateness of the standards. It makes me want to rip my fucking hair out.
I was training to be a K-12 teacher and I got to train in a 2nd grade classroom. It was so depressing seeing how much the kids wanted to play. I felt especially bad for a kid who was sat away from the other kids. I tried to pay extra attention to him during my time and the kid was perfectly normal, poor thing just wanted to talk. After a while I noticed even the quietest kids would randomly want to chat during the lessons but being a student myself, I couldn't do much about it. Sometimes I consider going back for lateral entry, but there is no way I'm teaching children through Zoom and shooing them away from each other.
If Piaget is correct, students don’t have the ability to abstractly think. Common core standards in math ask students as young as kindergarten to reason conceptually and abstractly. Why does the math work? Why do you carry/borrow when you add/subtract? Many adults can’t answer these questions and yet we want kids in 2nd/3rd grade to answer these questions using academic vocabulary. I’ve always thought it was ridiculous.
I used to always tell my husband to stop when playing rough with my daughter, but watched one of your videos that talked about it being important so now I just let it happen and my daughter loves it so much, she can't get enough of him holding her upside down and throwing her in the air. It is funny how it is a natural thing for men.
I'm a dad and I love doing it with my daughter as well. She needs stimulation from both male and female parents to develop all areas of her brain/emotions/personality.
It ALWAYS comes back to humans not living naturally. It's not natural for children to be sat in a classroom for hours. It's not natural for us to not be with our children all day, live in tribes, sit by a fire and talk. We're living an unnatural life so unnatural behaviours develop. Stress, depression, aggression etc in adulthood.
@@BabesbyJanea I agree. Sometimes I look around at people's values and their priorities and it's so sad. I home educate my children in the hopes I can start them off on a happier more fulfilled path.
@@K8rtotsnKermitsauce ah thank you. I do crave those simple things but know i can't have them. Especially sitting around a fire at night with a tribe so to speak. Feeling connected. Life now is unnatural.
I plan on homeschooling my daughter . No one cares about your childs life and education like their own parent . I realized being a teacher is JUST A JOB to most of them . They wake up miserable to go to work for a small check. Most don’t really care if our child had a good day or not .
We foster particularly aggressive elementary age boys. My husband wrestles and plays rough with every one of them and they love it. The progress we see in them when he does is amazing.
Aggressive kids are like aggressive breeds of dogs. They're not inherently aggressive, they just got a stupid amount of energy and need to let it out. When that energy is suppressed it is expressed in a dysfunctional way. Glad you and your husband recognize this and are helping the more enrgentic kids learn to channel their energy into something positive and productive.
@@joannamonique707 Some breeds of dogs genuinely are more prone to being aggressive than others. Behavioural traits can be bred for. My own dog comes from a lineage bred to be a little more aggressive and despite having raised her from when she was 8 weeks old and given her all the play, love and socialisation she needs we still have issues with her going into attack mode at only slight provocation. We've trained it out of her a little but it's a part of her nature and I've come to accept it is impossible to fully train away. Fortunately she's a small dog so she can't do much harm when she gets aggressive. Where I am there's a lot of Staffordshire terriers around and many of them come from lineages where one or more of their ancestors has been cross bred with American bulldogs specifically for the purpose of making fighting dogs. There's now an over abundance of this particular mixed breed even amongst the normal breeding stock. When it comes to temperament that mix of breeds produces a world of difference. The Staffie is called the nannie dog because it's a breed known for being extremely protective of youngsters. It will protect a human baby from its own parents if it thinks those parents are putting the baby at risk. That willingness to be stubborn somehow gets twisted with the American bulldog input and it produces a real problem dog. I've lost count of how many times I've heard stories of Staffies attacking other dogs in my area and have seen it a few times as well. Even one that frequents a park I go to and my dog liked to play with when they were young has now become a problem dog. The owner is a lovely guy who's a bit at a loss of how to deal with the change. We've had two Staffies attack an old man wandering through the nearby dog park and I know of two instances of small dogs being killed. There's definitely a strong element of nature involved. It's not all nurture. Huskies are another one to be a little wary of. They're delightful most of the time but they are one of the ones who have a little bit of the wolf still in them and it comes out when they get in a pack with other Huskies.
@@sonofsoweto He became very ill. Looks like he is doing better now, happily. Find the update from june 2020 for some insights. It is quite complicated to describe.
@@jimtownsend3910 he became addicted to psychoactive anti-anxiety meds and then suffered severe withdrawal when he stop he took those pills to deal with his wife close to dying of cancer …no diet there buddy and you probably know him personally thinking he knows everything 🙄
@@alecnolastname4362 "Hold the line men! Hold the liiiiiiiine!" As the young kids line their little G.I. Joe's, Army men and Barbies into flanks of toys ready to stand for justice, truth, and Jolly Ranchers. 😂
I wrestled for all 4 years of high-school and spent 8 years training in jiu jitsu and judo. Me and my 3 year old son play fight all the time. He'll literally come up to me and ask me to attack or fight him. I weigh 210 pounds and have never hurt him a single time, he's never cried after our little grappling sessions. The other day he grabbed my beard and yanked it and I had to tell him to let go and tnat it hurt. He said " no it doesn't hurt" so I tugged on the hair on the back of his neck just a little and he said ow that hurts. It was a great moment and he never grabbed my beard again while grappling. We even box with each other. I'll tap him in the head and body (when I say tap I actually mean tap very softly) he swings at me and it's fun. I've even taught him that only me and him can do this or with his older brother but never with his mom and sister who have no interest in doing that. I was able to set a boundary between how we can treat boys and girls differently physically. I'm hoping to inspire my son to get into wrestling and other martial arts since it has been such a huge positive influence for myself. I definitely support Jordan on this one
That's awesome man! Great parenting. This is why fathers are so damn important. Especially for little boys. The only way they'll ever learn healthy and positive ways to deal with aggression and other emotions associated with natural male hormones as they mature and grow into young men, is to learn it from a man. They need a strong masculine figure to emulate. Without that, they'll find their own ways to deal with their emotional development, and they will not be healthy or positive.
Damn, that last line was perfect: "If you're good at one thing, that sometimes means you cant be good at the other thing at the same time." Man thats good life advice to keep in mind for EVERYTHING. Putting yourself in any kind of Juxtaposition is only going to bring negative effects I'd assume. Hope everyone has an awesome day today!
@@ladymercy5275 Dude, you got the order of operations backwards lol. It goes that you apply the rule to everything. That rule being that SOMETIMES you cant be good at two things at the same time. Its an overlaying statement. Theres no reason you can't apply that rule to every situation and disregard it when necessary... After all, *_sometimes_* you *_CAN_* be good at two things at once. The saying implies deciding which situation it falls under. True or false.
Watching this video was a lightbulb moment! My son and I lost his dad to cancer when he was just 4 years old. Up until the last year of my husband’s life he used to play “WWE” (wrestling) with our son. After the death of my husband my son became “violent” with all males. After watching this video I now know he was only trying to play wrestling but obviously hadn’t learned how to fully modify his play with children. He was labelled as a violent child at nursery but I couldn’t understand why or accept it as he was never violent before! Thankfully after he received counselling and started primary school he learned how to play gently. Also my husband’s best friend and his wife helped us a lot by inviting us round for dinner twice a week and playing WWE with my son. A massive big thank you to Dr. Peterson for this video!
Children are processing information and events naturally by physical exercise in fresh air. It increases the blood flow and prevents negative chemicals produced in the brain by stress to get stored in the body. You should take your child on a very long walk every day and make it also the time of a very stimulating conversation. Don't make it a power walk. Let the child stop to look at things and the freedom to enjoy what happens naturally. Also - sing with your child. I grew up in Germany after WWII. Every child was traumatized. All teachers made us sing all the time and school started every day with a song. It made such a difference in a very sad time.
Sounds like you have a good father. Rough play is a great way to teach cooperation and competition. Don't lose that teaching later on in life, it will help you go a long way. All the best to you!
@@MasteryOrder Thanks, this feels very good to hear from you. I'm currently 18 and I have high hopes and dreams about having at least 3 children ( I don't bloody know how I'm gonna pay for everything). And rough play is something I'm very much looking forward to doing with them. I hope you're doing good
@@user-yq3fv3fd1e One thing I can share with you. Your dreams will be challenged throughout your life and sometimes you won't know what the next day brings. Don't let anything destroy your vision. Keep your word to yourself and to others and push through no matter what comes. You'll find a way even to finance your dream. From the way you write you seem like you are on the right track. Respecting others and able to take a good word while being humbled by the proportions of your dream. Respect. You will have your rough play with your kids. All the best to you!
@@user-yq3fv3fd1e You're welcome. I think it's important to support people that want to pick up a big challenge and hustle a way to get it. I always think to act as the man I wish to be would act and that man acts in the service of others. All the best to you! Hustle your way through!
I have also noticed that my kids' injuries are more severe when they do simple things in play that we did all the time growing up. They don't have the balance or the physical awareness that I had as a child. It's strange and scary. I wish I had let them play outside more when they were younger.
My nephews, 8, 6, don't have a father, recently I've been wrestling and playing ball a them and realized they didn't know how to do those things, the 8 year old throws elbows and wants to kick, I've been trying to teach an what hurts and equal, opposite pressure, I think it'll do so some good, they just want to rough house every time I go over now.
@@gandolphthered9239 Good for you. I even loved wrestling with my Dad and Brothers as a kid. Bear hugs always started it off LOL! It's some of the best play and a great way to learn limits with yourself and others.The last thing you want to do when playing with your friends or family is harm them seriously.
I know what you mean but think two things are at play. Like before I broke my elbow at age 16 I was about the only person in my classes who hadn't broken a bone yet, didn't have a facial scar even if it's small and we had people with really bad injuries like a kid messing with a lawn mower and needing the bottom part of his leg amputated I don't know exactly how much more coordinated we were and by that token, my father broke his spine horse riding in a dangerous region, was hit by lightning, had a filing cabinet fall onto him on a staircase and his brothers and sisters all have scars they can attribute to one or more of the other siblings!!
My father, whose an uneducated alcoholic, used to explain exactly this when playing with children. Every single interaction he has with kids is educational in some way, and I never realized it until I started watching Jordan Peterson. Just think about what he could've become if alcohol hadn't grabbed hold of him.
I have a 3-year-old who has spent the last 12 weeks in lockdown with only his 6-month-old sister for a peer. It's looking like we will have to wait at least another 2-3 months before we can get him to resume socialising with other kids. This critical phase of development is entirely dependent on his interactions with me and my wife. At 5:38 in this video raises my biggest concern - there is going to be a massive fallout from keeping toddlers in lockdown for 6 months.
Exactly. My daughter has a developmental delay. I’m a single mother with no family anywhere close and she just turned 4. I’ve struggled so much and no matter what I do she seems to fall farther behind. This has been terrible for her.
@@MaloneMantooth It's not about giving a child tasks to do. It's about them learning how to socialise. Kids don't learn that by sitting at home with parents.
@@xxnario7286: So since people have been on this planet they have always relied on school and other kids to learn how to socialize? Lol.....if you can't teach your kids how to interact with other human beings maybe you should not have had them Lol.
What lockdown... you can go to parks, go hiking, go have fun outside. Bunch of things you can do with your kids. I take my 3.5 year old into the woods with her hiking toys/equipment and we explore and learn the nature around us. This lockdown is a joke.
When my children were new ...I bought a paperback by Eric Erikson (psychologist) and devoured every page. It was a great help to me listing the development of a child throughout various ages. It was my Bible.. Years later I handed the dog eared book over to my daughter... It contained all that information Jordan Peterson has said to his class and more. The development of children is not a new thing as I am sure Mr. Peterson would readily agree. But he does manage via You Tube to make it more widely known to a larger audience, which has to be a good thing.
I rough play with my daughter at least once a day (i work horrible hours) and it usually gets her right in the tired zone for a nap. Reading your childs face and body language could help you know exactly what they need. I never wanted kids but now i cant imagine my life without one ❤️
@@OokamiKageGinGetsu ah silly me. i heard it as 32- 33 year olds and the subtittles said it was 32-33 year olds. I thought peterson made a mistake in speech.
@@rowdy7480 That must've been horrible. I'm sorry you've had to live with that and whilst I'm not sure how you feel about his passing, I'll say I'm sorry to hear about that as well.
Every parent, everywhere, every age. Literally every parent needs to watch this over and over. Each time I consume this video, I feel in my gut that I increase my value as a father to my son. Thank God for TH-cam, because I can't keep up with the density of his wisdom, I need to rewind and ponder. Great name for JP's next book actually. "Rewind And Ponder". Mr. Peterson, call me for the rights to the name :) And thank you for bringing us facts in such a consistently unique, thoughtful and provoking style of delivery. You are an uncommonly generous man and I am grateful for you.
"You're throwing the child out there into a world where every single face that they see is either hostile or lying." I've never been more fucked up by something peterson has said.
Sounds like my life honestly so when I finally met someone actually nice and like me, I’m still paranoid. I have Asperger’s, so I don’t get most things and I put people off by my odd interests.
You can in a way. With the internet! I don't think he's teaching anymore. Not sure if he's on medical leave or quit the U of T but he had a health stint over the past couple of years that he had to travel off of continent for. One way I like to look at it is this; he's recorded a lot of his own lectures and posted them on the internet. Now his university style of lectures are available for free here. What he know's is said and recorded for us to look at whenever we want as many times as we would like. He's doing new books and now doing interview podcasts with some really wild guests. Always something new he's rolling on instead of the same old repeated tenured process at a post-secondary institution. He's one of those minds you want to quit doing repetitive things and have him innovating and being creative and learning more so that he may pass it on to us.
I took custody of my male nephew at 5. He was neglected by his mother until we took him. He is now in kindergarten and he is being pushed away by his classmates just like Jordan describes and he is responding by hitting the other kids because they won’t be his friend.
I’m so sorry to hear that, I can’t imagine what that’s like to be a guardian for him. If you don’t mind me asking, how do you have those conversations with him that you can’t hit people in a situation like that?
My nephew was the same in that way. He is HUGE. Like 115% for his height and weight, so he's at the time a 6 year old, the size of a nearly 10-12 year old and him trying to play like they did was awkward, and so they stayed away and he responded with more anger and aggression. Once his parents finally realized what I was saying and started to teach him the "cool" role he could play in this environment of being the bigger kid that can lift them of reach stuff and how he has skills they don't, the other kids started to realize that he was ok. And he learned that he can be different and make it a good thing. He needed an outlet for energy and a direction and he was fine. But he was super aggressive.
As silly as it sounds... it’s his way of looking for connection because some is better than none. He could be feeling unsafe if his mum never really allowed any kind of attachment. Being around these other kids will be a bit like being at home again?
Its Not only hitting out of Frustration. There is no other way at this moment he can get the other Childrens attention. Try to Teach him other ways to establish Contact, practice at home with dolls, habe Friends over. Kids do what Works. And if hitting is the only Thing that Works they will continue doing it.
A person will act in the way you treat them. Treat them like a child and they will act like one, treat and talk to children like they are adults and see what happens.
I unfortunately spent the first couple of years of my daughter’s life following in the foot steps of my own crappy parents. Demanding, yelling, etc. Her behavior spiraled. Finally I realized that I was the problem and began a much more respectful approach, and the changes have been amazing within just a few months. My daughter can now identify her feelings, calm down after a good but short cry, and understand boundaries. Hopefully I can mitigate any damage I’ve already done through my mistakes, but talking to my child like she’s a full person worthy of respect has indeed yielded a more kind, empathetic, and well-behaved child, who I can rest assured is finally receiving the love she has always deserved.
It will happen! Learn what your boundaries are, when you need to step back, and self-regulate. Then you will be more able to parent consciously rather than reactively. Best of luck to you!
I wish I had the money to hire Mr. Peterson as a psychologist.. It'd be nice to have that kind of logic & guidance on a personal level ever so often... I feel like I missed out on something important as a kid every time I watch one of his clips. Like I didn't get enough hugs or something? I say this jokingly, but serious at the same time.
Even with the amount of information s we have today It is hard to make the right decisions raising kids. Maybe your parents did the best they could. Maybe you are toughter then someone raised overprotected and this helps you everyday. Parenting is so tought. Take care man.
I have a 4 year old girl who’s been pretty aggressive in school but she’s such a doll at home. She’s very strong willed and extremely Intelligent. All her teachers told me they never met a 4 year old as smart as her in their whole career. Normally all her bad days in school start off with her not wanting to participate in the structural part of class. This gave me more of an insight as to possibly why thank you!
I was very aggressive as a child. My last year in public school (7th grade), I'd been suspended about 12 times (super ghetto school). My parents took me out and put me into homeschool. I then went on to get a scholarship, get my dual major bs in physics and math, and started my career as an engineer. Still....I noticed I was outperformed by everyone despite being good at what I did. Realized they were more personable and worked great in groups. More over, I was very uncomfortable in any social situation. And then realized, I hadn't developed social skills to be dangerous. I could rely on my physical reaction to fight in school but not in the workplace. I had no mechanism to interact with people and not be steamrolled without resorting to physical violence. Was homeschooling good? I think so. Was it good for developing a good social persona? Nah. It was utter shit for that.
K here. Most home schoolers I know have their kids in town sports like baseball, soccer etc. Or have kids in dance, music, meet for play dates at parks, a swimming pool etc. Sorry that didnt work out.
I am the mother of a 6 yr old boy who loves to rough play. I didn't grow this way as my father was emotionally unavailable. I would see my son's father rough play with him and get worried. I know realize the value of this. Thank you so much!
I had an about 15 minutes toy sword fighting with my 6 year old grandson this past weekend. He absolutely loved it, I’ll make sure to play rough with him more often. His grandpa and my son, his dad, always play a bit rough and I complaint. I will not anymore. Thank you so much Dr. Peterson, I’ve learned so many great things from you.
Psychonaut I don’t hold him like a god, he’s human and he has flaws obviously. But that doesn’t delegitimize his years of research. The truth he speaks isn’t his own, he’s simply amplifying the ideas discovered long ago. And anyone who will find ways to undermine that is either willingly ignorant or doesn’t agree with the emphasis of the individual.
Psychonaut well since my life has been tremendously better ever since I could understand the importance of conducting myself properly in the world, I’d say that I learned something useful from Jordan Peterson. Observing how the ideas he speaks of guided many people thousands of years before me aswell, I think that’s enough evidence for me to listen as if he knows something I don’t. 😊
I’ve had a theory of this. I’ve been left out of the social spiral for a long time but since caught up. It takes a lot of brain for someone who haven’t experienced something to understand it and explain it to this level of detail. I’m generally a likable person, but my relationship with my mother seems irreparable
I love this! My son is very physical, aggressive and competitive. And so are most of his friends. They engage in a great deal of physical play. This serves him well in academics and sports because he strives to be the best. My husband and I won’t let anyone squash this in him and imply it’s wrong. Boys are different than girls and shouldn’t be treated the same.
My sons pre-k teacher was absolutely terrible! When I realized, I had him moved to another class but the damage was done. To this day we are still dealing with it. I’ll never forgive myself for not doing something sooner. I am now very involved in how he is treated.
My husband's nephew was on ADD medication. He would come to the farm for the summer and his grandparents didn't give him his medication. He was always outside and always busy. He was tired by the end of the day and never had any problems when he stayed with them. One summer he and his cousin stayed at the same time and my husband caught them in a huge fight at the end of the field he was working. He broke it up and they were well behaved for the rest of the summer. These boys lived in town with video games all the time or running around with their friends. Getting them outside doing actual work and even play was a game changer.
I’m 21 in university hoping to become a father by age 30 and when you explain this to be your making me realize just how much of a task parenting is. I’m kinda nervous about it. I wouldn’t want to mess up my child because of ignorance especially considering that I myself was a messed up child.
The fact you seeking to educate youself all ready about how to rear a child. Means your doing a pretty good job already and are ahead of the game and everyone else allready 👍
@@taz12184 Agree with Taz. But don’t worry about setting a time limit. Whether by 30-35 or 40, just keep that mindset, keep focused, and stay healthy and yours will be just fine ✌🏽
I wish these videos had Spanish subtitles so I could share them with family and friends who have children. His lectures are invaluable, doesn’t matter if you’re a new parent or have multiple children.
Very well isolated!!! I'm 47 and what you are describing happened to me got thrown in sped in 1st grade. I had asked my parents why i didn't have any interaction by time I was three they said there were no kids to play with they thought family was enough i,e cousins (of course I'm an only child).
This is why siblings close in age are SO NECESSARY. Siblings socialize eachother with unapologetic truth. But since parents are commonly both working, it's not practical to have more than one or two children in childcare.
This is basically my method of raising my kids. I'm on the floor with them, tossing them around, showing them what's okay and what isn't. I realized we were doing a really good job when at 2 years old, she was having conversations with adults and playing with 7 year olds at the park (like today..she played with two four year olds and a seven year old for about an hour). We focus on real world cause and effect, choice and the consequence. We explain why something happened and teach her to fix it. Really simple stuff. She spilled her cup of water in the living room. No more drinking out of an open glass in the livingroom, and she has to clean it. I have sympathy, but I also believe in real world consequence teachings from very early on. Best way to prepare a child for the real world of consequences is for them to have always lived in them.
The very best education I have ever seen was the man that lived across the road from me took care of his grandsons while the parents worked. Those boys took every step he took helping him work on the family cars especially the mommy and grandma cars, taking care of the property, home repairs. Helping neighbor and friends. They never had fast food they cooked inside and outside together. Ate together. The played together. They went shopping together. Those boys were with their grandfather from 6am to 7 pm. Eventually they all homeschooled with him. I saw them with their books here and there.. They all grew up with awesome productive lives. All happy and healthy. It made me think how kids who grow up following their father helping really are some of the happiest people I know. Too bad every child doesn't get that opportunity.
I feel that heavily feminised education system is partially responsible for children being made to sit for hours without causing trouble. Most men appreciate feisty and competitive children and will allow them to vent every now and then while women tend to inhibit these behaviours seeing them as something 100% undesirable.
@@BBountyHunter Women too, but who cares right? Why is it that jobs that are female-dominated are so badly paid (and therefore so little valued)? Even when it employs highly educated professionals and when the purpose of their work is arguably "important" to society? Cuz I can't think of a more important responsibility than raising the next generation. Yet teachers are underpaid and undervalued. Just why?
@@quinncreel6091 wrong. Women are after job security/safety more than money. No idea, why it’s such a low paid job, man. I used to be a teacher when I was 23-25. I quit after 2 years because the career progression and pay were crap. Maybe because it’s relatively easy compared to other, more specialised professions?
We have to let kids understand what it's like to hurt and be hurt. That way they learn. Not only for social acceptance but their own well being. Dr. Peterson is a gift to modern mankind.
I have 5 little girls ages 3-16 and had my first little boy a year ago. The difference between the two genders was shocking, from things like how easy it was to put him to sleep, to how poor of a nurser he was, to now where he’s been walking for months (way sooner than any of my girls) and he is constantly on the move. He does not sit still. He also started hitting before he even turned one, and we don’t hit in my family. We don’t spank or even really raise our voices at our kids so it’s been concerning me about this hitting, and how to discipline a 1 year old. I really feel like I don’t know what I’m doing even though I’ve been a parent for so long, I have dealt with some very difficult children and some easy ones, but this is new territory. It’s good to hear about the need for active play and how it benefits boys specifically, I will be keeping this in mind moving forward.
I’ve heard about the importance of rough and tumble play for decades. Luckily for me my husband engages in it with my five-year-old all the time. As a mom it’s annoying for me to see but I don’t get involved because I know it’s natural and normal for boys
My son and his father play fight every day. My son loves it. And he is strong. It is pretty annoying though! Especially when it's on my bed or when they fall into me. So I understand!! Lol!!
Especially with boys in a classroom setting. Boys have more advanced gross motor in comparison to girls, if I correctly remember, so the classroom setting severely inhibits boys (and some girls) in their development. We need to allow for more “play rough” activities in the classroom. When I was a little girl, I used to play fight with boys a lot in school, race against them, arm wrestle them (I also played with girls btw) and I found that when I entered the classroom setting, I and the boys had very good concentration because we had the chance to let out our inhibitions in the playground. I noticed that those, however, who didn’t know how to exhibit playful aggression in the playground were often very disruptive/had low attention span in the classroom.
Rough & tumble play is also SUPER important for dogs & cats. They learn what's too much from their moms..it's why dogs taken too early from their moms have behavioural issues. But my dad used to do a lot of fun play with us but he was so ADHD he would often hurt me & ended up making me claustrophobic and have anxiety 🥴 Him and my mom would hold me down like one grab my arms and one sit on me and tickle like my neck and armpits. I would laugh from tickling but also cry hysterically until they believed me that I was crying for real. I am now super aggressive when people tickle me and I think it's from that. My dad did too much like think scaring me was funny & once would shoot me with bb guns laughing. When he gets into his playful mood, he is crazy. Thankfully over time he stopped but only because my step mom jumps his ass about it.
Last year while my son was in kindergarten his soccer git taken away with covid and he started to be rough at school with his play. I ended up having to play fight him after school everyday to remedy it. Luckily I was a play fighting kid so I knew he needed that.
Yes!!! I've watched this happen over and over. Kids need physical exertions, but gym classes aren't daily, nor for the full year like they used to be. They really need to have daily energy release.
Doing it of their own volition is best, too. Cycling, running/climbing, even skateboarding (which arguably isn't great for your health, it's like the athletic equivalent of smoking) are good for kids and adults alike provided you can do them without breaking your skull or your spine--or your bank account if you live in the USA. Gym class is not voluntary--it's school. Many kids forced into physical activity without choosing it themselves will probably refuse to do it for the rest of their lives simply for that reason, much the same way I loved reading as a little kid and can't be arsed to do it anymore. That sucks.
When kids are hyper aggressive it often means they are highly intelligent, bored out of their mind and left without stimulation or guidance. It's a clear sign of neglect.
Recess should be mandatory a minimum of three times a day: once in the morning (almost first thing), once before or after lunch, once near the end of the day. This is essential for little boys.
I knew middle school removing recess was a problem. I noticed I was more aggressive during that time!! While k-5 we had recess twice with lunch break, I enjoyed school more and learned better.
My father tried to play with me when I was young And I always attacked him in response because he use to get extremely angry and then act like nothing happened. I felt genuinely threatened by him because of that. I’m in a path to repair my aggressive side now, because it grew twisted and misplaced
I have court tomorrow… twins dad wants physical custody after 29 of not showing face. My Aquarian fraternal twins 💙💜 are aggressive 20 month olds. I’m teaching them Spanish, English and ASL so they can better communicate with me. But they just kick and scream to get their way! They’re SOOO smart! They know how to get me to slave away for them without a word, when they want some thing. They do love order/patterns. But i end up breaking down and cry sometimes because I don’t know what else to do to connect and get them to understand me and just breath, when, needed. I feel like a horrible mom that can’t educate her 20 month old babies so this is exactly what I needed before tomorrow morning! Thank you!
Out of all that he said, it is not also right to teach children to smile at everyone just to make them likable bc “the other child/parent wants it”. As a parent, they should be raised to be who they are with the knowledge of the consequences of their actions.
I don’t agree with this at all. I was raised that it’s simply good manners and common courtesy to smile at people. You don’t need to do anything more than that but you can simply smile and be friendly. There are no good outcomes for a person who walks around with a mean and unwelcoming face. I can say for a fact that my smile has gotten me lots of things. People treat me better, people give me things for free, I get better customer service, I get better deals, and I almost always get hired when I go on interviews. Overall I have a lot of positive interactions in my life. I can guarantee that anyone who is conditioned not to smile (unless they want to) are people who do not get what I get from people the same way a likable smiling person does. Never underestimate the power of being likable. Now, I don’t condone people-pleasing. My child will have a backbone and he will learn to set boundaries and when to say no to people. But I will teach him the societal benefits of being likable.
My son was all over the place at 4 y.o. To the point of exhaustion.. He is now 12 yo and is mellowed out but it took prayer, fasting and a lot of talking,training, re-directing and discipline
This was very helpful. Thank you. I have a 3 year old boy and he is aggressive. I have been beating myself up over it. Now I know how to handle it, where it's coming from and feel a little more comfortable.
Man I wish he could be my therapist. Or, I never went to college but I would absolutely love to take a class and have him be my professor. I know I would succeed.
This is interesting. I’m not a parent yet, but I wasn’t a fan of rough and tumble play but I’m now seeing for some kids it’s essential. As long as it’s consensual, I think structured rough play can be positive. If a child doesn’t want to be roughed up, they shouldn’t be though.
@J B Also, if you think babies can’t consent you’re either greatly misinformed or you haven’t spent much time with babies...believe me when they don’t consent to something, you’ll know. They voice their opinions through screaming their heads off...
@@laurenj432 exactly and that's how they learn how to play, and when to stop. And set their boundaries. Cause you can't expect everyone to respect them you have to learn to enforce them. And learning to respect others. especially boys, they're strong when they grow up and need to learn when it's still fun and when it's actually hurting or a no go topic or whatever. Their partner will thank you later.
RE; the ad about Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting--the problem was the kid who was shooting was supposed to go to a mental hospital but the school psychologist had boundary issues with the parent and so he was allowed to wait for a nicer residence, but he should have been hospitalized right away.
Dealing with this with my 14 month old girl. She’s SO physical. Has been since she was born. She’s started hitting and biting me lately. She’s rough With other kids but most of the other kids parents do not want any of that kind of play.
My daughter did the same at that age. You just have to teach her how to do the opposite and what is appropriate touch... what "no" and "nice" is. Have her pet a dog and say "nice", touch her face softly and say "nice", when she hits say '"no" that hurts ouch'...and follow by showing her something "nice". Works pretty quickly.
Some years ago I heard about a study where they mixed children with good behavior and children from correctional institutions in a summer camp with the hope that the bad behaving kids will change their behavior. Long story short the exact opposite happened, has any one come across this study, can you tell me it's name?
In 1986, quite by accident, I took a job in a rural school district as an 8th grade math teacher. The district was so "backwards," they actually operated by much of what Dr. Peterson, common sense, and experience has taught us. The district's Board consisted of hard working folks for whom common sense and discipline ruled the day. Fast forward twenty years later when all the "experts" showed up and I can tell you no teacher lasts in that school more than just a few years now before leaving the profession.
Aggression is a good trait. Violence is not. Sexual perversion is not. Perversion in particular, is the worst, and is really just a different kind of violence.
I hate now that the population is trying to phase out the phrase "boys will be boys". Well yes, boys WILL be boys, what else are they going to be? It would be like telling a lion cub or bear cub not to play wrestle. Animals play-wrestle for a reason, it's helping them prepare for the future, which is exactly what wrestling does for boys.
I think it depends how you use the term. Rough and tumble play is certainly important for their development, but some people take it too far, and use "boys will be boys" as an excuse for bullying or other bad behavior. It's important to give kids the chance to develop properly, but part of that involves giving them feedback when their behavior crosses a line.
My son had small behavioral issues in prep. I decided to left him at home every Wednesday to have a break. School was very annoyed but I did it and thank you Dr Peterson for confirming my decision as correct.
What about the naturally bad kids, thrown to the wolves in their youth by very bad parents? How can society deal with the singed heart? How can we re-educate those who have been dumbed - down by the globalist infiltration of our education system, where does one begin to reach out to them? Remember tough love? In some cases that are not insanity but are struggling emotionally and who may have a proclivity for violence? Some cases may take many many years to heal. Thank you Jordan B.
I was a very aggressive child up until 10 and I still got angry easily but not aggressive up until 14 and since then I've been very laid back and it is very rare that I let anything or anyone get to me
I’m a former kindergarten teacher- and I just want any parents out there to know that the teachers rarely get to decide how their class is run- I was expected to teach the same thing at the same time as all the other teachers. Since the introduction of Common Core, the standards for kindergarten are developmentally inappropriate and most of not all kindergarten teachers know this. We KNOW that the best thing for kids that age is to play. When I taught kindergarten, my class had LOTS of play time, but I was nervous every day that my principal would walk in because I knew that I would be in trouble for allowing them to just play (instead of teaching a formal lesson).
One of my colleagues, who had been teaching for 12 years, often lamented the fact that we no longer had time for “fun stuff” like arts and crafts. Kindergarten should be about learning social skills, motor and fine motor skills, and some basics letters, numbers, etc. There were ZERO early education teachers involved in writing the common core standards. I believe there were something like 172 authors, and 12 of them were teachers. None of them taught any grade 3 or under. So these people, most of whom were unqualified, decided the standards which your kindergartener is expected to perform, without taking into account the developmental appropriateness of the standards. It makes me want to rip my fucking hair out.
For kindergarden id figure arts and crafts IS the lesson.
@@jakewebb7995 it should be!
I was training to be a K-12 teacher and I got to train in a 2nd grade classroom. It was so depressing seeing how much the kids wanted to play. I felt especially bad for a kid who was sat away from the other kids. I tried to pay extra attention to him during my time and the kid was perfectly normal, poor thing just wanted to talk. After a while I noticed even the quietest kids would randomly want to chat during the lessons but being a student myself, I couldn't do much about it. Sometimes I consider going back for lateral entry, but there is no way I'm teaching children through Zoom and shooing them away from each other.
If Piaget is correct, students don’t have the ability to abstractly think. Common core standards in math ask students as young as kindergarten to reason conceptually and abstractly. Why does the math work? Why do you carry/borrow when you add/subtract? Many adults can’t answer these questions and yet we want kids in 2nd/3rd grade to answer these questions using academic vocabulary.
I’ve always thought it was ridiculous.
Last part made me fall off my chair. I understand your point and agree tho
I used to always tell my husband to stop when playing rough with my daughter, but watched one of your videos that talked about it being important so now I just let it happen and my daughter loves it so much, she can't get enough of him holding her upside down and throwing her in the air. It is funny how it is a natural thing for men.
Holding upside down? 😂😂😂😂
@@johnnk3256 yeah as if she is doing a handstand, she loves it
@@brunettesweetie21: Its just that I picked up my nephew like that two weeks ago and he bit my knee...🤣🤣🤣
@Astropathix XIII what is that supposed to mean?
I'm a dad and I love doing it with my daughter as well. She needs stimulation from both male and female parents to develop all areas of her brain/emotions/personality.
It ALWAYS comes back to humans not living naturally. It's not natural for children to be sat in a classroom for hours. It's not natural for us to not be with our children all day, live in tribes, sit by a fire and talk. We're living an unnatural life so unnatural behaviours develop.
Stress, depression, aggression etc in adulthood.
The way of the world today is sad and depressing
@@BabesbyJanea I agree. Sometimes I look around at people's values and their priorities and it's so sad. I home educate my children in the hopes I can start them off on a happier more fulfilled path.
This is absolutely the best way you could attempt to describe this. You are correct in my book, friend.
@@K8rtotsnKermitsauce ah thank you. I do crave those simple things but know i can't have them. Especially sitting around a fire at night with a tribe so to speak. Feeling connected. Life now is unnatural.
I plan on homeschooling my daughter . No one cares about your childs life and education like their own parent . I realized being a teacher is JUST A JOB to most of them . They wake up miserable to go to work for a small check. Most don’t really care if our child had a good day or not .
We foster particularly aggressive elementary age boys. My husband wrestles and plays rough with every one of them and they love it. The progress we see in them when he does is amazing.
Bless you both
Aggressive kids are like aggressive breeds of dogs. They're not inherently aggressive, they just got a stupid amount of energy and need to let it out. When that energy is suppressed it is expressed in a dysfunctional way. Glad you and your husband recognize this and are helping the more enrgentic kids learn to channel their energy into something positive and productive.
Thank you for the share
@@joannamonique707 Some breeds of dogs genuinely are more prone to being aggressive than others. Behavioural traits can be bred for. My own dog comes from a lineage bred to be a little more aggressive and despite having raised her from when she was 8 weeks old and given her all the play, love and socialisation she needs we still have issues with her going into attack mode at only slight provocation. We've trained it out of her a little but it's a part of her nature and I've come to accept it is impossible to fully train away.
Fortunately she's a small dog so she can't do much harm when she gets aggressive.
Where I am there's a lot of Staffordshire terriers around and many of them come from lineages where one or more of their ancestors has been cross bred with American bulldogs specifically for the purpose of making fighting dogs. There's now an over abundance of this particular mixed breed even amongst the normal breeding stock.
When it comes to temperament that mix of breeds produces a world of difference. The Staffie is called the nannie dog because it's a breed known for being extremely protective of youngsters. It will protect a human baby from its own parents if it thinks those parents are putting the baby at risk. That willingness to be stubborn somehow gets twisted with the American bulldog input and it produces a real problem dog.
I've lost count of how many times I've heard stories of Staffies attacking other dogs in my area and have seen it a few times as well. Even one that frequents a park I go to and my dog liked to play with when they were young has now become a problem dog. The owner is a lovely guy who's a bit at a loss of how to deal with the change. We've had two Staffies attack an old man wandering through the nearby dog park and I know of two instances of small dogs being killed.
There's definitely a strong element of nature involved. It's not all nurture.
Huskies are another one to be a little wary of. They're delightful most of the time but they are one of the ones who have a little bit of the wolf still in them and it comes out when they get in a pack with other Huskies.
You guys probably don’t get enough recognition for what you do. Bless you both
Forbidding children to play and stuff them with amphetamines to regulate behaviour should fall under the criminal offense of child abuse.
I thoroughly agree
It might be conditioning. Get children addicted early for the life of madness and despair they will have to take on
You say that like mutilating them with hormones and surgery isn't currently being touted as the height of proper parenting.
@@UnbeltedSundew that's far less common but also a very big problem.
Hey, amphetamines are great.😃
Maybe not for little kids though.
Hope Dr. Peterson is doing well.
Best wishes. These lectures are golden
What happened to him?
@@sonofsoweto
He became very ill. Looks like he is doing better now, happily.
Find the update from june 2020 for some insights. It is quite complicated to describe.
He became very ill because of an illogical diet. People like him think they know everything. He paid a price for it.
@@jimtownsend3910 he became addicted to psychoactive anti-anxiety meds and then suffered severe withdrawal when he stop he took those pills to deal with his wife close to dying of cancer …no diet there buddy and you probably know him personally thinking he knows everything 🙄
@@knolose1 actually he was on those meds for years before his wife got sick. He's been on meds his whole life.
Try not to hit the other kids with a truck any more than is absolutely necessary” lol 🤣
Some times it's necessary
@@richix64
absolutely, need to draw a line in the sand, need to defend the line as well.
🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂 legit.
@@alecnolastname4362 "Hold the line men! Hold the liiiiiiiine!" As the young kids line their little G.I. Joe's, Army men and Barbies into flanks of toys ready to stand for justice, truth, and Jolly Ranchers. 😂
I wrestled for all 4 years of high-school and spent 8 years training in jiu jitsu and judo. Me and my 3 year old son play fight all the time. He'll literally come up to me and ask me to attack or fight him. I weigh 210 pounds and have never hurt him a single time, he's never cried after our little grappling sessions. The other day he grabbed my beard and yanked it and I had to tell him to let go and tnat it hurt. He said " no it doesn't hurt" so I tugged on the hair on the back of his neck just a little and he said ow that hurts. It was a great moment and he never grabbed my beard again while grappling. We even box with each other. I'll tap him in the head and body (when I say tap I actually mean tap very softly) he swings at me and it's fun. I've even taught him that only me and him can do this or with his older brother but never with his mom and sister who have no interest in doing that. I was able to set a boundary between how we can treat boys and girls differently physically.
I'm hoping to inspire my son to get into wrestling and other martial arts since it has been such a huge positive influence for myself. I definitely support Jordan on this one
This os amazing parenting. Keep enjoying your time with your children!!!
I’m 6 10”, you’d look like a baby next to me 🤣
That's awesome man! Great parenting. This is why fathers are so damn important. Especially for little boys. The only way they'll ever learn healthy and positive ways to deal with aggression and other emotions associated with natural male hormones as they mature and grow into young men, is to learn it from a man. They need a strong masculine figure to emulate. Without that, they'll find their own ways to deal with their emotional development, and they will not be healthy or positive.
@@LESTIFISA You seem really cool and chill to hang with.
@@ToastyWag hahaha thought the same thing
Damn, that last line was perfect: "If you're good at one thing, that sometimes means you cant be good at the other thing at the same time." Man thats good life advice to keep in mind for EVERYTHING. Putting yourself in any kind of Juxtaposition is only going to bring negative effects I'd assume. Hope everyone has an awesome day today!
No, sometimes doesn't have the same meaning as everything. You may try again.
@@ladymercy5275 Dude, you got the order of operations backwards lol. It goes that you apply the rule to everything. That rule being that SOMETIMES you cant be good at two things at the same time. Its an overlaying statement. Theres no reason you can't apply that rule to every situation and disregard it when necessary... After all, *_sometimes_* you *_CAN_* be good at two things at once. The saying implies deciding which situation it falls under. True or false.
Keep shining light on how the public education system is failing our children boys especially.
Watching this video was a lightbulb moment!
My son and I lost his dad to cancer when he was just 4 years old. Up until the last year of my husband’s life he used to play “WWE” (wrestling) with our son. After the death of my husband my son became “violent” with all males. After watching this video I now know he was only trying to play wrestling but obviously hadn’t learned how to fully modify his play with children. He was labelled as a violent child at nursery but I couldn’t understand why or accept it as he was never violent before! Thankfully after he received counselling and started primary school he learned how to play gently. Also my husband’s best friend and his wife helped us a lot by inviting us round for dinner twice a week and playing WWE with my son.
A massive big thank you to Dr. Peterson for this video!
That’s beautiful. Sorry to hear about your husband, my condolences. However it warms my heart that you still have support 💗.
Children are processing information and events naturally by physical exercise in fresh air. It increases the blood flow and prevents negative chemicals produced in the brain by stress to get stored in the body.
You should take your child on a very long walk every day and make it also the time of a very stimulating conversation. Don't make it a power walk. Let the child stop to look at things and the freedom to enjoy what happens naturally. Also - sing with your child. I grew up in Germany after WWII. Every child was traumatized. All teachers made us sing all the time and school started every day with a song. It made such a difference in a very sad time.
"kids love rough and tumble play" I am 18 , I loved when my dad would rough play with me and my brothers, and I still bloody love rough play
Sounds like you have a good father. Rough play is a great way to teach cooperation and competition. Don't lose that teaching later on in life, it will help you go a long way. All the best to you!
@@MasteryOrder Thanks, this feels very good to hear from you. I'm currently 18 and I have high hopes and dreams about having at least 3 children ( I don't bloody know how I'm gonna pay for everything). And rough play is something I'm very much looking forward to doing with them.
I hope you're doing good
@@user-yq3fv3fd1e One thing I can share with you. Your dreams will be challenged throughout your life and sometimes you won't know what the next day brings.
Don't let anything destroy your vision. Keep your word to yourself and to others and push through no matter what comes. You'll find a way even to finance your dream.
From the way you write you seem like you are on the right track. Respecting others and able to take a good word while being humbled by the proportions of your dream. Respect.
You will have your rough play with your kids.
All the best to you!
@@MasteryOrder Thanks man I really appreciate you. It's not every day you get such great words of encouragement on the internet.
@@user-yq3fv3fd1e You're welcome. I think it's important to support people that want to pick up a big challenge and hustle a way to get it. I always think to act as the man I wish to be would act and that man acts in the service of others.
All the best to you! Hustle your way through!
I have also noticed that my kids' injuries are more severe when they do simple things in play that we did all the time growing up. They don't have the balance or the physical awareness that I had as a child. It's strange and scary. I wish I had let them play outside more when they were younger.
My nephews, 8, 6, don't have a father, recently I've been wrestling and playing ball a them and realized they didn't know how to do those things, the 8 year old throws elbows and wants to kick, I've been trying to teach an what hurts and equal, opposite pressure, I think it'll do so some good, they just want to rough house every time I go over now.
Yes! We have a trampoline with the protective netting around it. Remember when we were kids we had to balance and not fall off.
Yes this is so true.
@@gandolphthered9239 Good for you. I even loved wrestling with my Dad and Brothers as a kid. Bear hugs always started it off LOL! It's some of the best play and a great way to learn limits with yourself and others.The last thing you want to do when playing with your friends or family is harm them seriously.
I know what you mean but think two things are at play.
Like before I broke my elbow at age 16 I was about the only person in my classes who hadn't broken a bone yet, didn't have a facial scar even if it's small and we had people with really bad injuries like a kid messing with a lawn mower and needing the bottom part of his leg amputated
I don't know exactly how much more coordinated we were and by that token, my father broke his spine horse riding in a dangerous region, was hit by lightning, had a filing cabinet fall onto him on a staircase and his brothers and sisters all have scars they can attribute to one or more of the other siblings!!
My father, whose an uneducated alcoholic, used to explain exactly this when playing with children. Every single interaction he has with kids is educational in some way, and I never realized it until I started watching Jordan Peterson. Just think about what he could've become if alcohol hadn't grabbed hold of him.
I have a 3-year-old who has spent the last 12 weeks in lockdown with only his 6-month-old sister for a peer. It's looking like we will have to wait at least another 2-3 months before we can get him to resume socialising with other kids. This critical phase of development is entirely dependent on his interactions with me and my wife. At 5:38 in this video raises my biggest concern - there is going to be a massive fallout from keeping toddlers in lockdown for 6 months.
Should have gave them some tasks to do.
Exactly. My daughter has a developmental delay. I’m a single mother with no family anywhere close and she just turned 4. I’ve struggled so much and no matter what I do she seems to fall farther behind. This has been terrible for her.
@@MaloneMantooth It's not about giving a child tasks to do. It's about them learning how to socialise. Kids don't learn that by sitting at home with parents.
@@xxnario7286: So since people have been on this planet they have always relied on school and other kids to learn how to socialize? Lol.....if you can't teach your kids how to interact with other human beings maybe you should not have had them Lol.
What lockdown... you can go to parks, go hiking, go have fun outside. Bunch of things you can do with your kids. I take my 3.5 year old into the woods with her hiking toys/equipment and we explore and learn the nature around us. This lockdown is a joke.
When my children were new ...I bought a paperback by Eric Erikson (psychologist) and devoured every page. It was a great help to me listing the development of a child throughout various ages. It was my Bible.. Years later I handed the dog eared book over to my daughter... It contained all that information Jordan Peterson has said to his class and more. The development of children is not a new thing as I am sure Mr. Peterson would readily agree. But he does manage via You Tube to make it more widely known to a larger audience, which has to be a good thing.
Which book?
Yep Erickson..taught him to grad and undergrad students also Piaget...human development
Yeah which book :p
This should be taught to all expecting parents.
Truly
It’s sad that it has to be taught. It’s a natural thing to do, especially for fathers to do with their kids.
Why? This is such a basic shit
@@valenciasaintilus9573not as basic as it seems especialy to "progressive" countries. Progressing backwards imo.
Mostly people in the comment section of Jordan Peterson videos are civil, educated and nice I love that
This should be taught to all the school teachers who expect all the students to behave in the same way.
7:07 "try not to hit the other kids over the head with the truck any more than is absolutely necessary" this is the best JP quote
I don’t care how much you’re into the lecture, that nobody laughed at that was weird!
I can't stop laughing at it. It gets me every time. I wonder if he did mean it as a flippant statement or not.
And make no mistake....sometimes its necessary.
This explains my son so well. He loves to be “rowdy” but doesn’t get the chance often and tends to be highly emotional in a negative way.
I feel you there
I rough play with my daughter at least once a day (i work horrible hours) and it usually gets her right in the tired zone for a nap. Reading your childs face and body language could help you know exactly what they need. I never wanted kids but now i cant imagine my life without one ❤️
Jordan has a way to explain a subject i would normally never find interesting, and make it very interesting.
I think its the passion within him, you can see that he really cares about raising awareness for this.🤍
It's that one thing, regardless of all else, that gives someone the makings of being a good teacher.
Took me a second. I was wondering, "Why are 32 year olds and 33y year olds kicking, biting, and fighting?"
i still dont get it please help
@@TheReaper569 He's talking about a group of thirty 2-year-olds and a group of thirty 3-year-olds.
@@OokamiKageGinGetsu ah silly me. i heard it as 32- 33 year olds and the subtittles said it was 32-33 year olds. I thought peterson made a mistake in speech.
@@TheReaper569 No, just a mistake in language. English is funny sometimes. Language in general can be funny sometimes.
Because I really didn't want to do that damn report. Now I'm sitting in HR
I was always told growing up that my Dad's family felt that he never grew out of the terrible two's
What was/is he like as an adult? Very aggressive?
@@D4n1t0o i
@@D4n1t0o yes he was. We were always walking on eggshells growing up, never knowing what would set him off. He passed away July of 2020
@@rowdy7480 That must've been horrible. I'm sorry you've had to live with that and whilst I'm not sure how you feel about his passing, I'll say I'm sorry to hear about that as well.
I wonder if he was bipolar, but his family never knew because he was never diagnosed.
Every parent, everywhere, every age. Literally every parent needs to watch this over and over. Each time I consume this video, I feel in my gut that I increase my value as a father to my son. Thank God for TH-cam, because I can't keep up with the density of his wisdom, I need to rewind and ponder. Great name for JP's next book actually. "Rewind And Ponder". Mr. Peterson, call me for the rights to the name :) And thank you for bringing us facts in such a consistently unique, thoughtful and provoking style of delivery. You are an uncommonly generous man and I am grateful for you.
watching him talk about his kids is sooooo WHOLESOME *MAN!*
"So what you're saying is that my 2yr old is a rat."
-Cathy Newman
Ded.
😂😂😂🤣
Lmao
"You're throwing the child out there into a world where every single face that they see is either hostile or lying."
I've never been more fucked up by something peterson has said.
Sounds like my life honestly so when I finally met someone actually nice and like me, I’m still paranoid. I have Asperger’s, so I don’t get most things and I put people off by my odd interests.
I could listen to him talk all damn day, I would love to take any class he taught.
You can in a way. With the internet! I don't think he's teaching anymore. Not sure if he's on medical leave or quit the U of T but he had a health stint over the past couple of years that he had to travel off of continent for. One way I like to look at it is this; he's recorded a lot of his own lectures and posted them on the internet. Now his university style of lectures are available for free here. What he know's is said and recorded for us to look at whenever we want as many times as we would like. He's doing new books and now doing interview podcasts with some really wild guests. Always something new he's rolling on instead of the same old repeated tenured process at a post-secondary institution. He's one of those minds you want to quit doing repetitive things and have him innovating and being creative and learning more so that he may pass it on to us.
My brain would explode
I took two classes from him tho really good
Check our his playlists
I took custody of my male nephew at 5. He was neglected by his mother until we took him. He is now in kindergarten and he is being pushed away by his classmates just like Jordan describes and he is responding by hitting the other kids because they won’t be his friend.
I’m so sorry to hear that, I can’t imagine what that’s like to be a guardian for him. If you don’t mind me asking, how do you have those conversations with him that you can’t hit people in a situation like that?
My nephew was the same in that way. He is HUGE. Like 115% for his height and weight, so he's at the time a 6 year old, the size of a nearly 10-12 year old and him trying to play like they did was awkward, and so they stayed away and he responded with more anger and aggression. Once his parents finally realized what I was saying and started to teach him the "cool" role he could play in this environment of being the bigger kid that can lift them of reach stuff and how he has skills they don't, the other kids started to realize that he was ok. And he learned that he can be different and make it a good thing. He needed an outlet for energy and a direction and he was fine. But he was super aggressive.
As silly as it sounds... it’s his way of looking for connection because some is better than none. He could be feeling unsafe if his mum never really allowed any kind of attachment. Being around these other kids will be a bit like being at home again?
Its Not only hitting out of Frustration. There is no other way at this moment he can get the other Childrens attention. Try to Teach him other ways to establish Contact, practice at home with dolls, habe Friends over. Kids do what Works. And if hitting is the only Thing that Works they will continue doing it.
I hope he will turn around with more stability and structure. Kids are resilient, it’s good if you to step up.
A person will act in the way you treat them. Treat them like a child and they will act like one, treat and talk to children like they are adults and see what happens.
I unfortunately spent the first couple of years of my daughter’s life following in the foot steps of my own crappy parents. Demanding, yelling, etc. Her behavior spiraled. Finally I realized that I was the problem and began a much more respectful approach, and the changes have been amazing within just a few months. My daughter can now identify her feelings, calm down after a good but short cry, and understand boundaries. Hopefully I can mitigate any damage I’ve already done through my mistakes, but talking to my child like she’s a full person worthy of respect has indeed yielded a more kind, empathetic, and well-behaved child, who I can rest assured is finally receiving the love she has always deserved.
Absolutely correct 👍.
@@nothinglikeburntvag Good job parent, I hope I will also be there soon since I really struggle with this myself as a mother.
It will happen! Learn what your boundaries are, when you need to step back, and self-regulate. Then you will be more able to parent consciously rather than reactively. Best of luck to you!
@@nothinglikeburntvag Thank you for the advice, I will excercise that approach!
You need both mercy of a mother and discipline from a dad.
Yes both parents are essential.
Not all fathers discipline. I did not my ex.
Okay assholes! Too many single moms and absent dads done ✅
Single dads with children better then moms ?
What if the discipline comes from the mom and the mercy from the dad?
Oh dang he just checked me so hard 😩😩😩 The Holy Spirit told me to tune into this. Thank you Lord! This was sooo educational
I wish I had the money to hire Mr. Peterson as a psychologist..
It'd be nice to have that kind of logic & guidance on a personal level ever so often...
I feel like I missed out on something important as a kid every time I watch one of his clips.
Like I didn't get enough hugs or something?
I say this jokingly, but serious at the same time.
Even with the amount of information s
we have today It is hard to make the right decisions raising kids. Maybe your parents did the best they could. Maybe you are toughter then someone raised overprotected and this helps you everyday. Parenting is so tought. Take care man.
Start with one of his books.
@@kylegibbard Thanks for the suggestion. I actually have read one of his books. But.. that's just not the same
as, talking things through.
@@MRSketch09 I hear you, that’s fair. Never be afraid to have a mentor or someone you trust that can give you sound advice.
I have a 4 year old girl who’s been pretty aggressive in school but she’s such a doll at home. She’s very strong willed and extremely Intelligent. All her teachers told me they never met a 4 year old as smart as her in their whole career. Normally all her bad days in school start off with her not wanting to participate in the structural part of class. This gave me more of an insight as to possibly why thank you!
You know that they say that to everyone’s parent. Your kid isn’t the smartest in her “whole career” unless it’s her first year teaching.
@@christiewright1457 nice opinion
Aggressive at school and a doll a home.
Bipolar disorder
Or
Perhaps you refuse to see that your child without loving eyes.
I am reminded of that quote from Fight Club
"We are the First Generation to be raised by women."
I was very aggressive as a child. My last year in public school (7th grade), I'd been suspended about 12 times (super ghetto school). My parents took me out and put me into homeschool. I then went on to get a scholarship, get my dual major bs in physics and math, and started my career as an engineer. Still....I noticed I was outperformed by everyone despite being good at what I did. Realized they were more personable and worked great in groups. More over, I was very uncomfortable in any social situation. And then realized, I hadn't developed social skills to be dangerous. I could rely on my physical reaction to fight in school but not in the workplace. I had no mechanism to interact with people and not be steamrolled without resorting to physical violence.
Was homeschooling good? I think so. Was it good for developing a good social persona? Nah. It was utter shit for that.
K here. Most home schoolers I know have their kids in town sports like baseball, soccer etc. Or have kids in dance, music, meet for play dates at parks, a swimming pool etc. Sorry that didnt work out.
I am the mother of a 6 yr old boy who loves to rough play. I didn't grow this way as my father was emotionally unavailable. I would see my son's father rough play with him and get worried. I know realize the value of this. Thank you so much!
I have a 3 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. This is so helpful! Thank you Dr Peterson.
My son is 10 months old, he gets really excited when i put him on my shoulder or when i throw him in the air. This was a very useful lecture.
I had an about 15 minutes toy sword fighting with my 6 year old grandson this past weekend. He absolutely loved it, I’ll make sure to play rough with him more often. His grandpa and my son, his dad, always play a bit rough and I complaint. I will not anymore. Thank you so much Dr. Peterson, I’ve learned so many great things from you.
Tracking a cohort of aggressive 2-year-olds across time sounds like a badass action movie plot tbh
We need Peterson’s wisdom now more than ever. A voice of reason in the hellish crowds of anger.
lol
Elly Queen not really that funny.
Psychonaut see how no one agrees with you.
Psychonaut I don’t hold him like a god, he’s human and he has flaws obviously. But that doesn’t delegitimize his years of research. The truth he speaks isn’t his own, he’s simply amplifying the ideas discovered long ago. And anyone who will find ways to undermine that is either willingly ignorant or doesn’t agree with the emphasis of the individual.
Psychonaut well since my life has been tremendously better ever since I could understand the importance of conducting myself properly in the world, I’d say that I learned something useful from Jordan Peterson. Observing how the ideas he speaks of guided many people thousands of years before me aswell, I think that’s enough evidence for me to listen as if he knows something I don’t. 😊
I would absolutely love to have Jordan as a professor. Makes me want to go back to school
I’ve had a theory of this. I’ve been left out of the social spiral for a long time but since caught up. It takes a lot of brain for someone who haven’t experienced something to understand it and explain it to this level of detail.
I’m generally a likable person, but my relationship with my mother seems irreparable
Same
I love this! My son is very physical, aggressive and competitive. And so are most of his friends. They engage in a great deal of physical play. This serves him well in academics and sports because he strives to be the best. My husband and I won’t let anyone squash this in him and imply it’s wrong. Boys are different than girls and shouldn’t be treated the same.
My youngest brother is at an all boys school that encourages this in healthy ways
My sons pre-k teacher was absolutely terrible! When I realized, I had him moved to another class but the damage was done. To this day we are still dealing with it. I’ll never forgive myself for not doing something sooner. I am now very involved in how he is treated.
My husband's nephew was on ADD medication. He would come to the farm for the summer and his grandparents didn't give him his medication. He was always outside and always busy. He was tired by the end of the day and never had any problems when he stayed with them. One summer he and his cousin stayed at the same time and my husband caught them in a huge fight at the end of the field he was working. He broke it up and they were well behaved for the rest of the summer. These boys lived in town with video games all the time or running around with their friends. Getting them outside doing actual work and even play was a game changer.
Did that help his executive functioning also?
I’m 21 in university hoping to become a father by age 30 and when you explain this to be your making me realize just how much of a task parenting is. I’m kinda nervous about it. I wouldn’t want to mess up my child because of ignorance especially considering that I myself was a messed up child.
The fact you seeking to educate youself all ready about how to rear a child. Means your doing a pretty good job already and are ahead of the game and everyone else allready 👍
You are going to be a great father one day. All a child really needs is love, discipline and understanding.
You will do well especially considering you were a messed up kid.
@@michil75 explain the logic behind that
@@taz12184 Agree with Taz. But don’t worry about setting a time limit. Whether by 30-35 or 40, just keep that mindset, keep focused, and stay healthy and yours will be just fine ✌🏽
I wish these videos had Spanish subtitles so I could share them with family and friends who have children. His lectures are invaluable, doesn’t matter if you’re a new parent or have multiple children.
I miss you so much Dr Peterson
Very well isolated!!! I'm 47 and what you are describing happened to me got thrown in sped in 1st grade. I had asked my parents why i didn't have any interaction by time I was three they said there were no kids to play with they thought family was enough i,e cousins (of course I'm an only child).
This is why siblings close in age are SO NECESSARY. Siblings socialize eachother with unapologetic truth. But since parents are commonly both working, it's not practical to have more than one or two children in childcare.
This is basically my method of raising my kids. I'm on the floor with them, tossing them around, showing them what's okay and what isn't. I realized we were doing a really good job when at 2 years old, she was having conversations with adults and playing with 7 year olds at the park (like today..she played with two four year olds and a seven year old for about an hour). We focus on real world cause and effect, choice and the consequence. We explain why something happened and teach her to fix it. Really simple stuff. She spilled her cup of water in the living room. No more drinking out of an open glass in the livingroom, and she has to clean it. I have sympathy, but I also believe in real world consequence teachings from very early on. Best way to prepare a child for the real world of consequences is for them to have always lived in them.
The very best education I have ever seen was the man that lived across the road from me took care of his grandsons while the parents worked. Those boys took every step he took helping him work on the family cars especially the mommy and grandma cars, taking care of the property, home repairs. Helping neighbor and friends. They never had fast food they cooked inside and outside together. Ate together. The played together. They went shopping together. Those boys were with their grandfather from 6am to 7 pm. Eventually they all homeschooled with him. I saw them with their books here and there.. They all grew up with awesome productive lives. All happy and healthy.
It made me think how kids who grow up following their father helping really are some of the happiest people I know. Too bad every child doesn't get that opportunity.
I feel that heavily feminised education system is partially responsible for children being made to sit for hours without causing trouble. Most men appreciate feisty and competitive children and will allow them to vent every now and then while women tend to inhibit these behaviours seeing them as something 100% undesirable.
That’s a good point. More men should become teachers then.
@@EB-gt1pq men usually want to earn decent money.
@@BBountyHunter Women too, but who cares right? Why is it that jobs that are female-dominated are so badly paid (and therefore so little valued)? Even when it employs highly educated professionals and when the purpose of their work is arguably "important" to society? Cuz I can't think of a more important responsibility than raising the next generation. Yet teachers are underpaid and undervalued. Just why?
@@quinncreel6091 wrong. Women are after job security/safety more than money.
No idea, why it’s such a low paid job, man. I used to be a teacher when I was 23-25. I quit after 2 years because the career progression and pay were crap.
Maybe because it’s relatively easy compared to other, more specialised professions?
It is proven that our current education system favors women. It is modular. Men thrive in a more linear environment.
We have to let kids understand what it's like to hurt and be hurt. That way they learn. Not only for social acceptance but their own well being. Dr. Peterson is a gift to modern mankind.
I have 5 little girls ages 3-16 and had my first little boy a year ago. The difference between the two genders was shocking, from things like how easy it was to put him to sleep, to how poor of a nurser he was, to now where he’s been walking for months (way sooner than any of my girls) and he is constantly on the move. He does not sit still. He also started hitting before he even turned one, and we don’t hit in my family. We don’t spank or even really raise our voices at our kids so it’s been concerning me about this hitting, and how to discipline a 1 year old. I really feel like I don’t know what I’m doing even though I’ve been a parent for so long, I have dealt with some very difficult children and some easy ones, but this is new territory. It’s good to hear about the need for active play and how it benefits boys specifically, I will be keeping this in mind moving forward.
I really needed this reminder today for my boys. ❤
I’ve heard about the importance of rough and tumble play for decades. Luckily for me my husband engages in it with my five-year-old all the time. As a mom it’s annoying for me to see but I don’t get involved because I know it’s natural and normal for boys
Lol to overprotective let em play Damn man
And for girls too. He talks about that also.
My son and his father play fight every day. My son loves it. And he is strong. It is pretty annoying though! Especially when it's on my bed or when they fall into me. So I understand!! Lol!!
Especially with boys in a classroom setting. Boys have more advanced gross motor in comparison to girls, if I correctly remember, so the classroom setting severely inhibits boys (and some girls) in their development. We need to allow for more “play rough” activities in the classroom. When I was a little girl, I used to play fight with boys a lot in school, race against them, arm wrestle them (I also played with girls btw) and I found that when I entered the classroom setting, I and the boys had very good concentration because we had the chance to let out our inhibitions in the playground. I noticed that those, however, who didn’t know how to exhibit playful aggression in the playground were often very disruptive/had low attention span in the classroom.
2022: cleansed and reborn and delighted and in love, and so it is❣
Rough & tumble play is also SUPER important for dogs & cats. They learn what's too much from their moms..it's why dogs taken too early from their moms have behavioural issues.
But my dad used to do a lot of fun play with us but he was so ADHD he would often hurt me & ended up making me claustrophobic and have anxiety 🥴 Him and my mom would hold me down like one grab my arms and one sit on me and tickle like my neck and armpits. I would laugh from tickling but also cry hysterically until they believed me that I was crying for real. I am now super aggressive when people tickle me and I think it's from that. My dad did too much like think scaring me was funny & once would shoot me with bb guns laughing. When he gets into his playful mood, he is crazy. Thankfully over time he stopped but only because my step mom jumps his ass about it.
Last year while my son was in kindergarten his soccer git taken away with covid and he started to be rough at school with his play. I ended up having to play fight him after school everyday to remedy it. Luckily I was a play fighting kid so I knew he needed that.
Yes!!! I've watched this happen over and over. Kids need physical exertions, but gym classes aren't daily, nor for the full year like they used to be. They really need to have daily energy release.
Doing it of their own volition is best, too. Cycling, running/climbing, even skateboarding (which arguably isn't great for your health, it's like the athletic equivalent of smoking) are good for kids and adults alike provided you can do them without breaking your skull or your spine--or your bank account if you live in the USA.
Gym class is not voluntary--it's school. Many kids forced into physical activity without choosing it themselves will probably refuse to do it for the rest of their lives simply for that reason, much the same way I loved reading as a little kid and can't be arsed to do it anymore. That sucks.
Doesnt matter what the subject I just love hearing this brilliant man speak-learning new stuff is awesome too😊
I'm a woman and I was definitely one of the few hyperaggressive girls! This was enlightening
Same. The dominance thing was the defining characteristic as a kid lol😂
Yups to both of you. I swear the USA rewards such characteristics
When kids are hyper aggressive it often means they are highly intelligent, bored out of their mind and left without stimulation or guidance. It's a clear sign of neglect.
My grandsons father is absent but my husband and I wrestle and toss him around and he absolutely loves it!
That speech brings me to tears.
He’s such a gifted lecturer it’s honestly crazy
Recess should be mandatory a minimum of three times a day: once in the morning (almost first thing), once before or after lunch, once near the end of the day. This is essential for little boys.
I knew middle school removing recess was a problem. I noticed I was more aggressive during that time!! While k-5 we had recess twice with lunch break, I enjoyed school more and learned better.
My father tried to play with me when I was young And I always attacked him in response because he use to get extremely angry and then act like nothing happened. I felt genuinely threatened by him because of that. I’m in a path to repair my aggressive side now, because it grew twisted and misplaced
I have court tomorrow… twins dad wants physical custody after 29 of not showing face. My Aquarian fraternal twins 💙💜 are aggressive 20 month olds. I’m teaching them Spanish, English and ASL so they can better communicate with me. But they just kick and scream to get their way! They’re SOOO smart! They know how to get me to slave away for them without a word, when they want some thing. They do love order/patterns. But i end up breaking down and cry sometimes because I don’t know what else to do to connect and get them to understand me and just breath, when, needed. I feel like a horrible mom that can’t educate her 20 month old babies so this is exactly what I needed before tomorrow morning! Thank you!
Out of all that he said, it is not also right to teach children to smile at everyone just to make them likable bc “the other child/parent wants it”. As a parent, they should be raised to be who they are with the knowledge of the consequences of their actions.
I don’t agree with this at all. I was raised that it’s simply good manners and common courtesy to smile at people. You don’t need to do anything more than that but you can simply smile and be friendly. There are no good outcomes for a person who walks around with a mean and unwelcoming face. I can say for a fact that my smile has gotten me lots of things. People treat me better, people give me things for free, I get better customer service, I get better deals, and I almost always get hired when I go on interviews. Overall I have a lot of positive interactions in my life. I can guarantee that anyone who is conditioned not to smile (unless they want to) are people who do not get what I get from people the same way a likable smiling person does. Never underestimate the power of being likable. Now, I don’t condone people-pleasing. My child will have a backbone and he will learn to set boundaries and when to say no to people. But I will teach him the societal benefits of being likable.
My son was all over the place at 4 y.o. To the point of exhaustion.. He is now 12 yo and is mellowed out but it took prayer, fasting and a lot of talking,training, re-directing and discipline
This was very helpful. Thank you. I have a 3 year old boy and he is aggressive. I have been beating myself up over it. Now I know how to handle it, where it's coming from and feel a little more comfortable.
Knowledge is power! 🙂
Man I wish he could be my therapist. Or, I never went to college but I would absolutely love to take a class and have him be my professor. I know I would succeed.
This is interesting. I’m not a parent yet, but I wasn’t a fan of rough and tumble play but I’m now seeing for some kids it’s essential. As long as it’s consensual, I think structured rough play can be positive. If a child doesn’t want to be roughed up, they shouldn’t be though.
It also doesn't have to be throwing them in the air, pillowfighting is a great example of low risk rough and tumble play.
When you start talking “consensual” when the discussion is about a child who is maybe a year old fr starters, you have already lost the point! 🤣🤣🤣
@J B
Why the hell would anyone allow a baby to get roughed up? Jordan Peterson is logical but he’s not a psychopath...
@J B
Also, if you think babies can’t consent you’re either greatly misinformed or you haven’t spent much time with babies...believe me when they don’t consent to something, you’ll know. They voice their opinions through screaming their heads off...
@@laurenj432 exactly and that's how they learn how to play, and when to stop. And set their boundaries. Cause you can't expect everyone to respect them you have to learn to enforce them. And learning to respect others. especially boys, they're strong when they grow up and need to learn when it's still fun and when it's actually hurting or a no go topic or whatever. Their partner will thank you later.
RE; the ad about Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting--the problem was the kid who was shooting was supposed to go to a mental hospital but the school psychologist had boundary issues with the parent and so he was allowed to wait for a nicer residence, but he should have been hospitalized right away.
Dealing with this with my 14 month old girl. She’s SO physical. Has been since she was born. She’s started hitting and biting me lately. She’s rough With other kids but most of the other kids parents do not want any of that kind of play.
My daughter did the same at that age. You just have to teach her how to do the opposite and what is appropriate touch... what "no" and "nice" is. Have her pet a dog and say "nice", touch her face softly and say "nice", when she hits say '"no" that hurts ouch'...and follow by showing her something "nice". Works pretty quickly.
As a man, when I need motivation I'll hear some Jordan Petterson.
11:06 - Great photo of JP. Almost makes him look like a magician
. A magician
with words!
Some years ago I heard about a study where they mixed children with good behavior and children from correctional institutions in a summer camp with the hope that the bad behaving kids will change their behavior. Long story short the exact opposite happened, has any one come across this study, can you tell me it's name?
I used to be an aggressive kid now im socially awkward and anxious rip me
In 1986, quite by accident, I took a job in a rural school district as an 8th grade math teacher. The district was so "backwards," they actually operated by much of what Dr. Peterson, common sense, and experience has taught us. The district's Board consisted of hard working folks for whom common sense and discipline ruled the day. Fast forward twenty years later when all the "experts" showed up and I can tell you no teacher lasts in that school more than just a few years now before leaving the profession.
I am 15 and I would really like if peterson write a book on parenting sometimes in next 15 years
Jordan Peterson is a master of putting into words things that are intuitively knowable if you think hard enough, and I mean this in the best way.
How the hell does he keep obsessed people away from himself? I wish peace and all the best for Dr.Peterson
Play is so important to children so important
I'm 32 years old I was not raised and I had a massive Gap into this day I do not know how to socialize properly
This was outstanding and so well put!! I can't get enough of these lectures!!!
Aggression is a good trait.
Violence is not.
Sexual perversion is not.
Perversion in particular, is the worst, and is really just a different kind of violence.
Interesting. My dad use to wrestle with me and I never thought of it as a kind of socialization. Till now. Thank Dr. P :)
I hate now that the population is trying to phase out the phrase "boys will be boys". Well yes, boys WILL be boys, what else are they going to be? It would be like telling a lion cub or bear cub not to play wrestle. Animals play-wrestle for a reason, it's helping them prepare for the future, which is exactly what wrestling does for boys.
I think it depends how you use the term. Rough and tumble play is certainly important for their development, but some people take it too far, and use "boys will be boys" as an excuse for bullying or other bad behavior. It's important to give kids the chance to develop properly, but part of that involves giving them feedback when their behavior crosses a line.
They mean don’t use that term to excuse boys’ stupid behavior.
Even puppies are supposed to be kept with their litter for some certain time for they can grow up to be good dogs. If im not mistaken.
My son had small behavioral issues in prep. I decided to left him at home every Wednesday to have a break. School was very annoyed but I did it and thank you Dr Peterson for confirming my decision as correct.
What about the naturally bad kids, thrown to the wolves in their youth by very bad parents? How can society deal with the singed heart? How can we re-educate those who have been dumbed - down by the globalist infiltration of our education system, where does one begin to reach out to them? Remember tough love? In some cases that are not insanity but are struggling emotionally and who may have a proclivity for violence? Some cases may take many many years to heal. Thank you Jordan B.
I wish I could have watched this while I was 4, im 19 and now I understand why this is so necessary and important.
children cannot express themselves with words, pain frustration hunger exhaustion can manifest as aggressiveness
I was a very aggressive child up until 10 and I still got angry easily but not aggressive up until 14 and since then I've been very laid back and it is very rare that I let anything or anyone get to me