I completely agree with Jeannie. Before you live with someone, everyone is on their best behavior. You don't really know someone until you live with them. I think that's the case whether it's a spouse, boyfriend, or best friend.
ilamillad Exactly!! Even co-workers, too. Most people look their best and put their best foot forward when out in public, like at work or on a date. Live with someone long enough and you can find out a lot more of their true personality and habits!
Yup. I have a cousin and we loved being around each other growing up, but when we had to live in the same house as teens at one point things changed. I started to see a different side of her and it was like we hated each other most days. When we were not in the same house things were perfect all over again.
I remember having this conversation in a grad school Sociology class about the statistics of co-habitating and divorce rates. People who don't cohabitate before marriage are generally more conservative with their views on marriage and divorce - making it less likely that they would consider divorce due to religious reasons, etc; whereas, people who choose to co-habitate before marriage tend to be more liberal in their views of marriage and divorce, making it more likely that they might consider and file for divorce more quickly.
Lol my parents didn't live together before they got married and they've been married for 25 years. My mom learned when they lived together that my dad is messy but she never saw that as a reason to get divorced that's petty. They've both learned to adapt and compromise and now the only time you'll see my dad make a huge mess with in his own car lol and in his photography studio. You don't have to live together to figure out how the other person lives all you need to do is have an honest conversation about what things are really looking like at home and how you do certain things and find a way to balance it all out a compromise.
My parents were dating for about a year before they moved in together and then lived together for 5 years before they got married. They have been married for 23 years and I don't think living situations have much to do with it. It's all about the couple
That's the way I'd do it. It's harder to deal with other people's living habits the older you are before getting married because you become set in your ways.
I agree with Tamera completely. Personally I don't want to live with any man until he puts a ring on my finger.... Sometimes men get too comfortable and expect you to do "wifely" things just because your living with them. I'm not giving away those perks until it's official.
Kim, coming from a man, I agree, not until engagement 💍 if anything, and there should be an agreed time range on that. Us men do have reservations about committing to a woman who has lived with 3 or so etc. different men in the past. Do some realize how very intimate that is. "So you just shack up with men easily" but, I will refrain from judgement. Also Tamera is the most prudent and valid opinion in this matter.
exactly if Marriage is the plan---there needs to be cut off period of when you are no longer "cohabiting" some of yall will have children, buy a home, have more kids and 10 years later you are wondering where the ring is at...
I may be waaaay too analytical but I just cringe when I hear people say 'statistics' or 'research/a study has shown'.. I'm always left wondering what that means. Where was this research conducted, how big was the sample? Which country? Which culture, which age group/generation, socio-economic status. All these things affect the results. 😕
The Young Professional Lol that's exactly what I was thinking as Tamera was making her point! Even though I agree with her point, I find it awkward when people use statistics to prove a point but don't back it up further...statistics can be very biased/subjective...
Statistics only matter to a degree. In the end it's the person. There are people out their who value the sanctity of a monogamous relationship before and after marriage and some who don't. I am also wondering what type of people they did the study on and their age and stuff. I have lived with a few exes in my life, one of them was my ex husband, clearly I'm part of that 30% that got a divorce. I don't think that study specifically applies because it ended because he wasn't a good guy period. I personally don't want to live with a person before marriage because I have a daughter and I don't want her getting attached to another man unless he's around forever. If I did not have a child I would because I don't mind it and I'm not too hung up on those things.
LeeLou I agree. I waited and 3 years later divorced. Wish I would’ve seen what I saw before marriage bc I would’ve bounced and not felt obligated to stay bc we were married Ijs. Real talk...#differentstrokesfordifferentfolks🤷🏽♂️
That’s redundant. U could say do whatever u want on any topic. The point is to figure out which is actually more useful when you want a long lasting marriage
To comment on that last bit Tamera said, yes people who live together before marriage do have higher divorce rates. That is mostly because those who choose to live together before marriage tend to have less traditional views on marriage and divorce. So they are more likely to divorce if things don't work out.
I respect those who choose to not cohabitate before marriage due to religious reasons. If thats what you believe in and it works for you, great. I think it really all depends on that specific couple. I have a friend who was so excited about getting married to her fiance after 2 years (they never lived together), but asked me "how I go about using the restroom with my man in the house." She was marrying this man the following week and was uncomfortable pooping with him in the house. That was crazy to me!! I have plenty of examples of both sides and it just shows there is no real "right way" to go about it.
I agree, I think it depends on the couple. I know for me it wouldn't matter to me either way, I'd actually prefer leaving together before so you get used to each other and know each other's habits so that when you are married you already kind of have a routine. I live with my dad and so I kinda have an idea of what its like living with a guy so I think I would be prepared for living with my boyfriend.
My sister didn't move out until she was married. During their engagement they did a lot of sleepovers though. After they were married, they bought a house together and that's when they learned A LOT about each other. Jeannie is right. Sleepovers isn't the same as actually living together.
Lived together for 3 years before we got married. I didn't want to get married initially. I honestly don't understand people's obsession with marriage! Trust me people, NOTHING changes after you get married. If you were a happy couple before, you will remain a happy couple after marriage and if you were an unhappy couple...well you know the ending to this one. I think society bases women's worth on whether or not she's married. That's archaic. I would have happily stayed common-law. Here's a little trick, do what's best for you as a couple. You don't have to get married and you definitely don't have to have kids. Stop letting society dictate how you live your life.
The Childfree Curly Girl I completely disagree with this. If something happens to your significant other, you can’t even VISIT in the hospital or make decisions because you’re considered a “girlfriend. It isn’t legitimate .
So true. Marriage doesnt change a relationship. Absolute trash she talks. Some people just dont believe in marriage, it doesnt make their relationship any less legit than hers.
I would like this a million times if I could!! I’ve lived with my fiancé way before he proposed, best decision ever! Marriage was always a goal for us as a couple. I appreciated seeing him in his truest form before taking that next step!
My husband and I did not live together literally until after we got married! Best decision we made because we had to learn and explore and accept our differences. Its made us stronger and i wouldnt change it for anything! Because we waited i feel like there was a special blessing on our home.
I'm 21 and moved in with my boyfriend. We're both students and it was better for both of us to split rent at a place next to our university. Before, we were both living farther from campus and paying more in rent. After 10 months I have no regrets. Since we both have demanding majors it's hard to find time to spend together. I love being able to get home from class and having time in the evening to cook a homemade meal with someone I love
My boyfriend and I are in the exact same situation, moved in after 10 months. I am a student, he is working full time. It is so nice to come home to the one I love.
Ugh these comments warmed my heart sm 🥺 me & my bf are going off to school soon & getting a place is on our list in the next year. I feel selfish for wanting to come home to him after a long day of school & work but idk it’s just what I want! I hope y’all & your significant others are doing well. ❤️
Started dating my boyfriend in 2011 Moved in summer of 2015 Engaged December 2016 Married summer of 2017 Through the years our conversations get deeper and more meaningful, the experiences we share hold more value to us. Really nothing changed except my last name
Once you get married, you are going to live with your partner FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! Enjoy the times that your separate because you'll want that time for yourself even more later in your life. I also think that life is more exciting and the connection between you and your partner becomes stronger when you have time apart :)
Plus I think you need to have an exciting thing happen in your life after you get married and come back from your honeymoon, cause if there isn't anything, life will be back to just the way it was...
Totally with Tamera,if a man wants you,best believe he will do EVERYTHING and ANYTHING to have you.There's no two ways about it.Before moving in with a man,I would have to be engaged.Life is not a rehearsal.
I moved in with my boyfriend after two weeks of knowing each other, we’ve been inseparable ever since. 2.5 years later and we’re getting married in 8 days!! 08/13/2019 🥰
Jeannie is soooooo good at explaining herself. Every time she starts a story about Freddie, it always sounds like it could end potentially in a bad way. But the deeper she gets into the explanation, the more sense it makes and I always end up agreeing with her!
I love seeing the differences of opinion in this feed! I've been living with my partner now for over a year unmarried & no children (both of us are 26-dating since 24/25). I honestly think it depends on the people & the relationship they have. I'm not going to go comparing myself to a cow (lol) because everything we do now together (house chores, bills etc) will remain the same after we decide to take that plunge. My partner is my best friend and confidant, & our morals and view points are parallel. Kudos to every one being and doing what they want to do with out listening to what society tells you to do! 💕💕
Michelle Gutierrez Go girl. Marriage will still happen when it's right. I think age has a lot to do with it. I've been with my now husband since I was 22 and I knew then that we'd be together forever, moved in together shortly after, but we didn't get married til I was 30 and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. We grew together til we were ready for marriage and it was beautiful.
I'm 22, and I'm in my first relationship. I don't ever plan on "co-habiting". I don't wanna be living with "boyfriends". I don't get people that say "well, don't you want to know how he is before you marry him blah blah blah" NO. That's so dumb to base me marrying someone just by how they live. If I'm ever gonna live with a man, it will be my husband. Plus, once you get married, you're supposed to look forward to living together, so what's there to look forward to when you're already past that step?
I agree with Tamera. Yes it's scary to dive into the unknown with someone, but isn't the point of marriage loving someone enough to make things work? I believe that if the couple is willing to put in the time and effort, they'll learn to compromise.
Maybe because I'm not traditional I see nothing wrong with cohabiting before marriage. Even nowadays a marriage isn't promised people getting divorces left and right and I personally believe people are moving too quick in this generation and can't identify what a unhealthy relationship is from healthy one.
Maia Tisdon tru tru, that's the tea. But maybe it's because people now a days need some traditional views on their marriage in order for them to have a greater chance at being successful.
Me and my boyfriend moved together after 3 months 😅 and been living together happily for 3 1/2 years now and now there's talks of marriage and we've been going ring shopping 😊 first comes love then comes marriage then comes the baby with the baby carriage 😁🙏🏾
I vividly remember when I got my 1st apartment and my boyfriend AT THE TIME (so blessed God removed him from my path) moved in with me for a WHOLE DAY (KICK HIS ASS OUT THE NEXT MORNING)😂😂😂 because his ass was really expecting to live in my gated community condominium, for FREE ! His excuse was that he had just moved out of state! He was expecting me to work, come home, cook, clean and pay all the bills! To say the least he's happily gay now ! Taking advantage of a fool, cause he damn sure wasn't gonna take advantage of me ! Daddy ain't raise a fool!
I don't understand why you say to NEVER do it. I'd rather learn the truth about a man before marrying him than have to learn and go through a divorce later. I agree you shouldn't BUY a house with a man you're not married to, cause if you break up then you'll still be bound by a contract, but you can rent together.
digthewarmth Then you have commitment problems. "Together till death do us part" Divorce is a sin against God. That's just how it is. People are not cars that you test drive to see if they work, they are people, souls who bare an image. There are just many reasons as to why I believe couples cohabiting is wrong. Nothing can change my mind on that. My Fiancé and I both believe this. Is it hard? YES! Am I tired of waiting? YES! But it's more special and more rewarding once you're finally married. I'm really looking forward to it.
Porsche' Green ummm yeahhh.... she has literally no input in this matter.. and im not being mean. really what is she gonna teach ? let her sip her green tea
I disagree with what Tamera said about marriage showing you the true colors. That's a self fulfilling prophecy. My husband and I didn't have a big wedding or go through all the hoops. We didn't place that much importance on the legal paperwork and we are still exactly the same couple we were before we got married. If you hype up marriage it will change the rhythm and dynamic of your relationship. I don't believe that marriage is anything but a signed piece of legal documentation. Before you get legally married you should already be married by heart and soul. Idk but it always throws me when people think the marriage ceremony is like the final stage of a relationship instead of it just being a celebration of a level you both already ascended to.
AshleyLaGata Sadly, that's not the case with everyone. So glad though your marriage got off to an amazing start. Some people just act different in certain situations
Finally a comment that makes sense! I totally agree you have yo be married by heart first bcs marriage is nothing but legal paper work ! Besides ive been living with my bf for 2 years now and we both have seen the ugliest of each other and are still happily together ..i dont regret living with him before marriage because if i didnt know who he truly was until i married him idk if this would have worked out ..we now know everything about eachother and enjoying every moment why rush?
I disagreed with Tamera too, and Agree with your comment. I dont believe a signed paper should bring out someones true self. I want to know the person as a whole beforehand and then continue onto having a ceremony. I guess it's up to everyone's self believe, or partially religion. Maybe even tradition, but generation after generation believes change. And it shouldnt take an I Do to see someone be their true self.
Ladies, I hear all of your opinions and you make some great points, BUT I definitely do not regret moving in with my bf. That's the man I'm gonna marry one day and don't want no surprises. I always felt like moving in until marriage would be like going into a deep pool without knowing how to swim, now I know exactly what I'm dealing with and it calms my nerves, haha. But I do get where you're coming from, don't drag my ass into the dirt for this comment, lol.
I AGREE WITH JEANIE 100%. i was always told that i should not live with anyone unless i was married, but i lived with my ex for two years and if i had not lived with him, i would have married the wrong person. it's so crucial. if you're even considering being with someone for the rest of your life, you need to see if the living situation is good, or you'll be miserable.
My husband and I moved in together, 5 years after being together and that’s really amazing. Living together shows you a person of who he really is. and you can know his weakness. Your relationship with your partner become stronger. You can discover lots of his personalities and also he is.
Nowadays with the cost of living so high, ppl live together based on finance over anything. And yea, I may be a lil old school but it’s no necessary to live with a person before you marry. You can simply ask them all the questions you want to know. What can you cook? How often do you wash? How do you wash dishes? Etc. If you feel they will lie then you shouldn’t marry that person. When you do get married, marriage is supposed to mean so much that you will not divorce someone just because they leave their socks on the floor, or just cuz they fart in the bed. Whatever minor bad habit u find out after yall move in should not make or break you.
With my Caribbean parents🇭🇹,they don't want me living with a man before marriage. And I am very religious, but at the same time I don't want to be surpised about who you are. so ima just say. when I'm engaged,before making anything official
This was a funny girl chat. And btw I think it's so interesting how now that Tamar is gone, the commenters have hopped on the hate on Adrienne train. And if she left yall would pick the next person to hate on in every girl chat. This show promotes positivity so why in the hell you watching to be so negative?! I've even seen people hate Tamera... TAMERA. Geesh.
Tamera was annoying before Tamar left and she's still annoying now. But that's just me. I don't want her to leave the show because there are times when i enjoy what she brings to the table. However there are many times when I'm just like ". . . .Tamera shut up." I absolutely love Jeannie but even she has rubbed me wrong a few times. I think it's safe to say that all 4 (previously 5) women are great but are still gonna be annoying or say something crazy that you completely disagree with at one time or the other. Tamar was cool at times but I couldn't stand how she acted as if only her opinion was valid therefore she was the only one "keeping it real". And as for Adrienne I think people are noticing that she's different now that she is married. And it just so happens to be that she got married after Tamar left. So maybe it's not that we're jumping on the "Tamar is gone so let's all gang up on Adrienne" bandwagon. But maybe more of us aren't feeling this new Adrienne.
That god loving fool is the most judgemental at the table. I cant stand her. And how dare she talk down those who chose not to get married as if her relationship is more valid. Newsflash its not
I will never move in with my partner before he puts a ring on it. No offence but thats how you have some young women who have like 2 kids with a man and have been with him for 5 something years and are still "the girlfriend ". Why would he buy the cow if he's getting the milk for free?
ypm 123 I would rather be the loved girlfriend living in a loving happy family before marriage than just be the mother who he has to be with out of obligation. having the ring means nothing to me. a ring doesn't guarantee you loyalty love and security.
+ypm 123 not every man just wants to get milk or whatever that analogy implies. if thats the case, maybe the girl is with the wrong guy. Plus, lots of women, including myself, are not keen to get married. if he is living with you, hes already made a commitment . plenty of people that live together go on to get married. and at least they know what it is like to live with each other! less possibility of nasty surprises. its a good idea even from a purely practical point of view.
spybubbble It's just that if you expect a marriage to come out of it, you're in bad luck. He already has the benefit of a wifey, without actually going through the trouble of making you his wifey.
All the comments shouting "I will never move in with a man before marriage". I really don't see how marriage changes anything. How can you have the mentality of I won't do xyz until he puts a ring on it. What's a ring gonna do? If y'all were having problems before, ain't no marriage gonna change that. I think there's a reason why some people go through a rough years early in their marriages because you just didn't know the other person that well---you didn't know what it was gonna be like living with them. If I met the right person, I'm not gonna wait for a ring to find out how they are when "they let it all out" no mam. Not this girl.
Right?! What is a ring really gonna do? Because 50% of marriages still end in divorce. So time and energy will still get wasted at the end of the day. A lot of the "he aint gonna buy the cow if the milk is free." mentality which is ridiculous. Doesn't matter if he buys the cow or not, he can still get another cow's milk if that is who he is. He can return cow, sell the cow to someone else, etc. There is no real guaranteed here. At the end of the day it is all about faith and trust (and pixie dust lol). You need to trust the person you want to spend your life with, and have faith that they will be by your side through it all. And for me living with that person helps determine whether or not you are really my ride or die. I think if you need a ring or marriage for that assurance, maybe you need to reevaluate your partner and yourself.
miniimufin Right!!!! I dont see what a ring will do for a couple, like if it makes problems disappear, I also dont see what waiting til marriage is going to do? I truly believe people who wait until that special day is just following traditional religious beliefs. Which is not Wrong, but not everyone is religious and its not wrong to move in before marriage because at the end its up to the couple to make the relationship work. Some woman focus to much on the title first and i dont get why
It's not about the ring itself. It's about choosing to be with someone permanently. That makes a huge difference in a couple's goals. Marriage takes effort, and it's effort I'm willing to take for a man who has promised to love me unconditionally for the rest of his life. But if he says he loves me right now and has no interest in a covenant, I don't want to share my life with him on such an intimate basis as living together.
But why would you move in before you commit to someone? A marriage is really stating vows or responsibility. I'd rather wait for that and then get married vs without it.. Do people just say vows? They sure do but that is what dating/courting is. You supposed to get to know them, spot any red flags, and see if you connect. You avoid sex because that clouds your judgement like that is my understanding to dating and marriage
There's no way I'm making big life changing moves with a temporary title. FOH I'm not signing a lease with a boyfriend. If we break up, someone is going to get stuck & now they have to rearrange their life & living situation with nothing but resentment to show for it. Marriage isn't the end all to be all but I'm not into making those kind of moves if the relationship isn't that serious. I value my time, my life & myself. If I'm going to put in the work for someone, it has to be all or nothing.
You're ready to live together I believe when you're able to have conversations without having heated arguments. Be able to listen & understand why your partner acts the way they do.
Started dating my hubby mid 2006, moved in with him late 2007, got married in mid 2009 and still happily married with 3 little ones. I told him that I had to live with him 1st before we got married. To see if we could handle each other.
I agree with Tamera. We were in our relationship for 5 years before we got married and moved together. The first year as a married couple was the hardest. For both of us. We had to learn how to make this marriage a happy and safe and comforting place. We cried, we screamed and we prayed to God. It was a tough process but God stepped in and opend our eyes for eachother. It is still a learning process but he shifted my thoughts. The marriage is NOT a happy end for your relationship. Marriage is a never ending adventure with the person you love the most. ♡
I agree with Tamera. I wouldn't move in with a guy until marraige and have sex with a guy until marriage (unfortunately I learned the hard way) cause God always bother me when I'm living wrong so I'd rather for God to be pleased with me so my mind won't go crazy. Sex makes you blind guys. I really suggest virgins stay virgins and people who learned the hard way and figured out sex is really more than just a feeling to stay celibate until marriage. I KNOW God won't allow me to sleep well if I did what I wanted to do KNOWING what fornicating leads to. Cause you're basically fornicating when you don't have a covenant with the person you're dealing with. I'm sorry y'all but I'm trying to go to heaven lol. This world especially America is lacking morals bruh. Don't fall for unrighteous propaganda.
My fiancé and I started living together after 3 months...partially because my father passed away so he moved in to help us. Being a little older I think helps, we had both been in previous relationships, he has a daughter. Now we’ve been together a year are engaged and expecting a little boy. ❤️
Marina Mas You clearly don't understand the Catholic religion. We do make decisions for ourselves. However, our knowledge of God, morals, and values assist us in make the right ones. I'm not trying to convince to convert, but don't attack something that you are clearly ignorant about.
kel 097 I've studied the catholic religion, and you can believe in whatever you want but really, all these people living their lifes based in what can or can't do because otherwise it's a "sin" it's sickening to see. First of all, they say "God loves you" but you have to follow his rules or you'll be punished and burn in hell. That is not love, that is dictatorship, because if someone loves you won't threat you if you don't follow its rules. Based on the bible itslef, it is ok threat people who you love? We live in 21th century, use common sense.
Marina Mas I do have common sense. I, too, have studied the catholic religion. God doesn't dictate us. He provided guidelines that assist us in making reasonable decisions that will bring us closer to him. Everyone sins and God knows that. He doesn't punish you because you don't do what he wants. He punishes you for purposely disobeying him and not feeling remorse. It is love. Regardless of the century, God is real and he will always lead his followers, including me, the right way.
When I got kicked out at 17 I had to move in with my boyfriend because that was my only option and it was HARD. It was forced on us, we fought a lot, but we got through it. Couples should wait two years or more to move in together because wow, it’s hard.
I don't see the big deal in wanting to wait till marriage to move in with a spouse. If a person's living habits is a major deal breaker for you, then y'all were never going to last anyway. Unless the person is some serial killer psycho who's living some double life, I don't understand how moving in with your husband or wife who sometimes leaves a box of cereal on the kitchen counter or doesn't put the cap back on some toothpaste is a cause for divorce. 😕
You don't really know someone until you live with them. How can you marry someone you don't really know? I thought I KNEW everything about my boyfriend before we started living together, because we had been together for over 4 years at that point. NOPE. Lol. We plan on getting married one day but my point is I would never say yes to a man I've never lived with. Things change, people get comfortable and you start seeing different sides of that person, good or bad. Sorry, but I'm NOT tryna be surprised about ANYTHING after I take your last name.
yes exactly! I don't want to get married and realize I hate living with that person, then I end up being miserable and wanting to end it. I plan to marry and STAY married.
Mira 72498 most couples who live together before marriage never end up getting married. It’s statistically proven. So what if he’s not interested in marriage but you are ? He’s gotten so used to living the married lifestyle without the actual commitment he doesn’t even want to get married anymore. I know a lot of couples like that. The man isn’t interested in marriage but the woman is. So it’s obvious that relationship isn’t going to work n
Nhylia Burl our that statistic was proven in 2014 new studies actually corrected it and said that moving in before marriage doesn’t automatically makes you a divorce statistics. Choosing a partner early when your not ready whether moving before or after marriage will guarantee you to divorce early. A man only marry a woman because he knows she want the wedding and will do anything to get her based on her beliefs. No man actually dream about walking down the aisle in a white gown, marriage isn’t a man goal but his mother goal.
I met my boyfriend because we were housemates in our first year at uni. We started dating only a month after uni start, our relationship has been so real and honest since the very beginning, I never tried to be someone I wasn't. I think that being forced to be our true selves in our home together has made us stronger. We don't live together right now but will be moving in with 2 friends in September. And truthfully I cannot wait, this year living apart hasn't been fun. I can't wait to spend my down time with the person I love. I really believe all couples should live together before getting married, you don't really no someone until you've lived with them.
Moving in with your partner is a very crucial thing in your relationship, you really have to be prepared because there are so many struggles that will come along the way that you didn't see it coming. Living together also serves as your training ground whether you both are compatible for a life long commitment.
I'd want to live together before getting married. I'm in my early 30's & am set in my ways. I know the older you are before getting married, the harder it is to change your ways. For example, I REFUSE to clean up after a man like I'm his mother or a housewife. We're both working meaning we share house duties. I can't live in filth so if he just can't change his messy/nasty ways, it'll be a problem. Some people adapt easily & others don't.
Girl chat honestly needs to be longer! i love hearing their opinion, especially as someone who is approaching her 20's. I live very blissfully about relationships, and these ladies show reality
DeAndre Johnson but what difference does it make? Still sounds like she's saying she would change her mind if she knew how it was. (Not saying that's what she means).
I didn’t move in with my husband until we were married and I’m now so so grateful, because we moved in knowing we were in it for the long run and that made everything so much more special. Just knowing that we were experiencing everything for the first time together made our marriage feel so real, and not something small where we’d already been living together and getting married wasn’t a big deal. Marriage is such a huge milestone, and I think our generation forgets that it’s actually a lifelong commitment and if you don’t think you want to be with a person forever, why go through those milestones? (Of course stuff can unexpectedly happen and change life’s course. NOT talking about that)
Why should I live with a man if not married,I'm married now but never even crossed my mind about living with him before marriage,no thanks #noregrets #obeyingthebible
ilovepeaches400 lies from the pit of hell... ao they just casually had a getaway in mexico a month after the man "finalized" his divorce... this show annoys me sometimes.. i have a problem with ppl like this trying to preach one thing but live the other... the sad thing is that young girls out there who dont know better follow suit and end up making unnecessary mistakes..
I get that. I didn't live with my husband pre-marriage, and there was a lot I wasn't prepared for. Especially because I had NO GUYS in my household, only a mom and sister. Even my pets were female haha. But we couldn't be happier three years later and still going!
For me personally, I'm waiting till after marriage to move in so I also don't get tempted. Holding on to my innocents till the day I stand at the altar and say, "I do".
I actually read the exact study Tamera is talking about here for my university research project. The reason the divorce rate tended to be higher with couples who cohabitated before marriage was essentially because of "sunken cost fallacy". Essentially, the study said that couples who had already been living together were more likely to get married BECAUSE they were already living together, and felt the pressure to take what they thought would be the next "logical" step in their relationship. Many couples likely felt pressured due to the amount of time/money/energy they had already put into their relationship and into living together, that they decided to get married based on what they had already invested and not based on the quality of the relationship. This was the reason they were more likely to get divorced: because they got married for the wrong reasons. However, for those who were engaged before cohabitating, it was posited that since a tangible commitment was made BEFORE living together, then the couple likely made the decision to get married without the added pressure. This means that these engaged couples genuinely got married because they wanted to be committed to eachother, and not just because they were already living together so "might as well" or "they have to" because "its the next step". These couples who were engaged before living together likely had lower divorce rates because they got married for the right reasons (aka genuinely wanting to be committed to eachother, and not just because they felt they had to)
The timing is different for everybody ladies! I moved in with my bf after 9 months of being together in a distance relationship. I don’t regret it at all because at the end on the day if someone really wants to marry you he will do it if you live together or not. Anyway me and my boyfriend knew after very little time that we were soulmates 🤷🏻♀️ We love each other more and more after almost 2 years and we are now saving up to get married.
She is 100% correct before I married my wife we live together for a year and I discover a lot of stuff about her that wasn't too nice , but we work on it and got things in place and after a year we got married and continued a happy live and a happy home. It's a huge different seeing someone everyday than seeing someone just few hours or weekend all makeup and dress up
Yes Tamera!! I think people don't realise there is a difference between 'cohabiting' and 'being married (or being engaged)'. You truly know the person once you're at that stage of 'oh this is serious now. its a commitment'. The little uncomfortable things of living alone can be fixed... its all about getting used to it, those are not the real issues. But at the end, it all comes down to how serious you are about each other... honestly people move in too fast and it never works.. Allow time to take its place.
5 different guys ? she's had 2 other spouses besides isreal. Not all relationships work out at all , why this hate on adrienne ? She was good to Rob Kardashian ,and in all of her relationships . Rob ended up cheating on her and she came to realization later on that she didn't want to be engaged to lenny anymore. Thats life ! i don't get why people come for her !!
I saw that show for the first time and I can say I loved it xd I usually do not prefer the watch "girl chat shows" but I have to admit, they were real, they really talked the truth
Tamera is so spot on when she says that people that live together or are engaged before marriage usually split up afterwards is so damn true, you get so sick of the other person that why get married!
I do agree with Tamara here. It's definitely not a guarantee that if you move in together before marriage, the relationship will live longer. I think sometimes it can have a counter affect. Now, if you wait until marriage to move in together, you have a sense of a stronger commitment and respect of doing it in a certain way. And most than likely you have waited to give the cookie away ... therefore the man also holds you to that until marriage.
I moved in with him in the first month, it started being weekends and then i moved in completely, I've been married now for 8 years and don't regret it!!! I guess we are compatible.
I truly believe that you can know someone inside and out without living with them. You just have to spend time with them and PAY ATTENTION to their actions more than their words. I think some ppl use "you don't know someone until u live with them" as an excuse for when things go south. If you love someone, you know their heart. Thats all you need to marry them. All of their ways and habits are things that you should accept unconditionally. You accept all of them. U don't need to live together to get to that point.
I enjoy hearing other cultures' approach on relationships, moving in and what not. In my culture (and maybe even religion) we don't move in with our significant other before we're married to them. Now this may sound crazy to some of y'all, that's how we've been raised and I gotta say, I appreciate that. It's going to be tough in the beginning, but the Lord will put those obstacles in our way to test our endurance and strength, and most importantly our patience. =)
Jeannie is so REAL! I admire her care free spirit, wish I could be as candid. I'm the total opposite! Shoot, I don't like others (not even females) knowing when it's that time of the month. Hats off to you, Jeannie Mai!
Tamera, I don't know if you'll ever see this, but in case you do, please DON'T EVER CHANGE!!!! Please don't ever compromise for hollywood fame. Thank you for being a true representation of a godly woman in this corrupt, unrighteous, vile, and hateful world. To know that someone like you is on television, is black, intelligent, beautiful, tender-hearted, and most importantly, godly, amidst all of the trash out there is extremely encouraging. Thank you, and please know that you are a bright light and are a much needed representation.
Jeannie flipped her bangs... I am completely 💀!!! She's deserves a REAL award lol
I love her.
I love her too
Her stylist did it.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Myronn Coleman she is so true
I completely agree with Jeannie. Before you live with someone, everyone is on their best behavior. You don't really know someone until you live with them. I think that's the case whether it's a spouse, boyfriend, or best friend.
tbaby731 You better say that!!!! 👍
tbaby731 that's even the case with certain family too.
ilamillad Exactly!! Even co-workers, too. Most people look their best and put their best foot forward when out in public, like at work or on a date. Live with someone long enough and you can find out a lot more of their true personality and habits!
Yup. I have a cousin and we loved being around each other growing up, but when we had to live in the same house as teens at one point things changed. I started to see a different side of her and it was like we hated each other most days. When we were not in the same house things were perfect all over again.
You comment is truth !! Sleepover , holidays and stuff don't count
I remember having this conversation in a grad school Sociology class about the statistics of co-habitating and divorce rates. People who don't cohabitate before marriage are generally more conservative with their views on marriage and divorce - making it less likely that they would consider divorce due to religious reasons, etc; whereas, people who choose to co-habitate before marriage tend to be more liberal in their views of marriage and divorce, making it more likely that they might consider and file for divorce more quickly.
WifeandWife. You got a new sub and can u post more
That’s right!
Thank you!!! Tamera was missing this insight
Lol my parents didn't live together before they got married and they've been married for 25 years. My mom learned when they lived together that my dad is messy but she never saw that as a reason to get divorced that's petty. They've both learned to adapt and compromise and now the only time you'll see my dad make a huge mess with in his own car lol and in his photography studio. You don't have to live together to figure out how the other person lives all you need to do is have an honest conversation about what things are really looking like at home and how you do certain things and find a way to balance it all out a compromise.
Exactly what i was thinking, glad the science agrees
"I was trying to keep my kitty in it's little pocket." I'm crying. Gosh I love Jeannie.
lol
itsjackson91 I'm slow at that still not sure what it meant
Becky Cruz She's trying to not have sex
Me Too Lmao🤣🤣🤣
But she was married?
My parents were dating for about a year before they moved in together and then lived together for 5 years before they got married. They have been married for 23 years and I don't think living situations have much to do with it. It's all about the couple
Lisa Hamilton very true
That's the way I'd do it. It's harder to deal with other people's living habits the older you are before getting married because you become set in your ways.
Thank You for your message!
I agree
I agree with Tamera completely. Personally I don't want to live with any man until he puts a ring on my finger.... Sometimes men get too comfortable and expect you to do "wifely" things just because your living with them. I'm not giving away those perks until it's official.
Absolutely!
Kim, coming from a man, I agree, not until engagement 💍 if anything, and there should be an agreed time range on that. Us men do have reservations about committing to a woman who has lived with 3 or so etc. different men in the past. Do some realize how very intimate that is. "So you just shack up with men easily" but, I will refrain from judgement. Also Tamera is the most prudent and valid opinion in this matter.
I agree 100%.
Kim 👏👏
exactly if Marriage is the plan---there needs to be cut off period of when you are no longer "cohabiting" some of yall will have children, buy a home, have more kids and 10 years later you are wondering where the ring is at...
I may be waaaay too analytical but I just cringe when I hear people say 'statistics' or 'research/a study has shown'..
I'm always left wondering what that means. Where was this research conducted, how big was the sample? Which country? Which culture, which age group/generation, socio-economic status. All these things affect the results. 😕
LOOOL. Exactly. And to think its a huge show with a big audience. They expect us to take their word for it
The Young Professional I didn't even think about all if that you're so right and they probably conducted it in America
The Young Professional Lol that's exactly what I was thinking as Tamera was making her point! Even though I agree with her point, I find it awkward when people use statistics to prove a point but don't back it up further...statistics can be very biased/subjective...
Statistics only matter to a degree. In the end it's the person. There are people out their who value the sanctity of a monogamous relationship before and after marriage and some who don't. I am also wondering what type of people they did the study on and their age and stuff. I have lived with a few exes in my life, one of them was my ex husband, clearly I'm part of that 30% that got a divorce. I don't think that study specifically applies because it ended because he wasn't a good guy period. I personally don't want to live with a person before marriage because I have a daughter and I don't want her getting attached to another man unless he's around forever. If I did not have a child I would because I don't mind it and I'm not too hung up on those things.
The Young Professional completely agree
"You never lived with a man before???" As if that's the norm...
Well it is now it seems for a lot of communities, especially in 2017.
Right! Like, are you a Christian or what??
Blah Blue agree!
Jonetta Knight ikr! Smh
Jonetta Knight stop being a bitch. In NY it is the norm.i have had plenty of male roommates. That is ny life
I think it's super cool to see so many people want to wait until marriage to live together!
VeganBrownGirl it's not realistic
LeeLou maybe not you. But for some it is
@@AshantiLouise It absolutely is.
It's Biblical, it works and if people don't like it they can learn the hard way lol I've had my share of experience. No thank you. Ring or no keys.
LeeLou I agree. I waited and 3 years later divorced. Wish I would’ve seen what I saw before marriage bc I would’ve bounced and not felt obligated to stay bc we were married Ijs. Real talk...#differentstrokesfordifferentfolks🤷🏽♂️
my opinion: do whatever u want. Move in after a day if you want, it's your life.
Thands TV I couldn’t agree with you more
Thank you for saying this
That’s redundant. U could say do whatever u want on any topic. The point is to figure out which is actually more useful when you want a long lasting marriage
this is my kind of advice 😂
To comment on that last bit Tamera said, yes people who live together before marriage do have higher divorce rates. That is mostly because those who choose to live together before marriage tend to have less traditional views on marriage and divorce. So they are more likely to divorce if things don't work out.
Aunjelice Williiams ^Xactly!
Or they have unrealistic views of marriage and bounce the first sign of trouble.
I respect those who choose to not cohabitate before marriage due to religious reasons. If thats what you believe in and it works for you, great. I think it really all depends on that specific couple. I have a friend who was so excited about getting married to her fiance after 2 years (they never lived together), but asked me "how I go about using the restroom with my man in the house." She was marrying this man the following week and was uncomfortable pooping with him in the house. That was crazy to me!! I have plenty of examples of both sides and it just shows there is no real "right way" to go about it.
Aunjelice Williams if she couldn't poop with her man in the house,could she allow him to see her nekkid and have sex with him? damnnnnnn
I agree, I think it depends on the couple. I know for me it wouldn't matter to me either way, I'd actually prefer leaving together before so you get used to each other and know each other's habits so that when you are married you already kind of have a routine. I live with my dad and so I kinda have an idea of what its like living with a guy so I think I would be prepared for living with my boyfriend.
Personally, I think it’s good to know wether you can stand each other living together BEFORE getting married to prevent getting divorced.
I agree. Id rather find out that we cant peacefully live together and break up then get a whole divorce
People still get divorce anyway
My sister didn't move out until she was married. During their engagement they did a lot of sleepovers though. After they were married, they bought a house together and that's when they learned A LOT about each other. Jeannie is right. Sleepovers isn't the same as actually living together.
I hate sleepovers😂. He wanted to move me into his house within a month. Left his parents and said here, live in my house
Lived together for 3 years before we got married. I didn't want to get married initially. I honestly don't understand people's obsession with marriage! Trust me people, NOTHING changes after you get married. If you were a happy couple before, you will remain a happy couple after marriage and if you were an unhappy couple...well you know the ending to this one.
I think society bases women's worth on whether or not she's married. That's archaic. I would have happily stayed common-law.
Here's a little trick, do what's best for you as a couple. You don't have to get married and you definitely don't have to have kids. Stop letting society dictate how you live your life.
The Childfree Curly Girl preach!!!
The Childfree Curly Girl I completely disagree with this. If something happens to your significant other, you can’t even VISIT in the hospital or make decisions because you’re considered a “girlfriend. It isn’t legitimate .
Saved One
You can visit them, it's just that you aren't the emergency contact.
So true. Marriage doesnt change a relationship. Absolute trash she talks. Some people just dont believe in marriage, it doesnt make their relationship any less legit than hers.
I would like this a million times if I could!! I’ve lived with my fiancé way before he proposed, best decision ever! Marriage was always a goal for us as a couple. I appreciated seeing him in his truest form before taking that next step!
My husband and I did not live together literally until after we got married! Best decision we made because we had to learn and explore and accept our differences. Its made us stronger and i wouldnt change it for anything! Because we waited i feel like there was a special blessing on our home.
IAmEssence Are you still married?
I don't like that. It sounds like settling and being stuck. Get engaged, then do a trial run.
That's great! We did the same. 12 years and counting. Best decision ever
I'm 21 and moved in with my boyfriend. We're both students and it was better for both of us to split rent at a place next to our university. Before, we were both living farther from campus and paying more in rent. After 10 months I have no regrets. Since we both have demanding majors it's hard to find time to spend together. I love being able to get home from class and having time in the evening to cook a homemade meal with someone I love
My boyfriend and I are in the exact same situation, moved in after 10 months. I am a student, he is working full time. It is so nice to come home to the one I love.
Ugh these comments warmed my heart sm 🥺 me & my bf are going off to school soon & getting a place is on our list in the next year. I feel selfish for wanting to come home to him after a long day of school & work but idk it’s just what I want! I hope y’all & your significant others are doing well. ❤️
Started dating my boyfriend in 2011
Moved in summer of 2015
Engaged December 2016
Married summer of 2017
Through the years our conversations get deeper and more meaningful, the experiences we share hold more value to us. Really nothing changed except my last name
🥰❤️🔥🥺😩 thisssssss
How it’s supposed to be 🥺
Once you get married, you are going to live with your partner FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! Enjoy the times that your separate because you'll want that time for yourself even more later in your life. I also think that life is more exciting and the connection between you and your partner becomes stronger when you have time apart :)
Plus I think you need to have an exciting thing happen in your life after you get married and come back from your honeymoon, cause if there isn't anything, life will be back to just the way it was...
Let's be honest though. Half of the people who get married won't be so with in a few years.
Totally with Tamera,if a man wants you,best believe he will do EVERYTHING and ANYTHING to have you.There's no two ways about it.Before moving in with a man,I would have to be engaged.Life is not a rehearsal.
Right! He need to pop out that engagement ring.
I moved in with my boyfriend after two weeks of knowing each other, we’ve been inseparable ever since. 2.5 years later and we’re getting married in 8 days!! 08/13/2019 🥰
I hope you two are still going strong
Congrats!! Are yall still together?
Jeannie is soooooo good at explaining herself. Every time she starts a story about Freddie, it always sounds like it could end potentially in a bad way. But the deeper she gets into the explanation, the more sense it makes and I always end up agreeing with her!
I love seeing the differences of opinion in this feed! I've been living with my partner now for over a year unmarried & no children (both of us are 26-dating since 24/25). I honestly think it depends on the people & the relationship they have. I'm not going to go comparing myself to a cow (lol) because everything we do now together (house chores, bills etc) will remain the same after we decide to take that plunge. My partner is my best friend and confidant, & our morals and view points are parallel. Kudos to every one being and doing what they want to do with out listening to what society tells you to do! 💕💕
Michelle Gutierrez Go girl. Marriage will still happen when it's right. I think age has a lot to do with it. I've been with my now husband since I was 22 and I knew then that we'd be together forever, moved in together shortly after, but we didn't get married til I was 30 and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. We grew together til we were ready for marriage and it was beautiful.
That is amazing!! I hope I am as lucky as you two!
Awesome how did it work out 5 years later?
I'm 22, and I'm in my first relationship. I don't ever plan on "co-habiting". I don't wanna be living with "boyfriends". I don't get people that say "well, don't you want to know how he is before you marry him blah blah blah" NO. That's so dumb to base me marrying someone just by how they live. If I'm ever gonna live with a man, it will be my husband. Plus, once you get married, you're supposed to look forward to living together, so what's there to look forward to when you're already past that step?
Kat Mez: preach sista
Kat Mez AMEN!
OMG DKM! :D
Kat Mez yupp you accept the husband with flaws and all just like they would accept us and love each other no matter what
Kat Mez bravo...mama and daddy raised you right
I stopped listening after Jeannie flipped up her clip on bang. I'm shook for centuries. 🤣
Sergio Flores 😂😂😂
Sergio Flores 😂🤣😭😂🤣😭
🤦😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I agree with Tamera. Yes it's scary to dive into the unknown with someone, but isn't the point of marriage loving someone enough to make things work? I believe that if the couple is willing to put in the time and effort, they'll learn to compromise.
Kristen Clark Amen
I feel the same
Maybe because I'm not traditional I see nothing wrong with cohabiting before marriage. Even nowadays a marriage isn't promised people getting divorces left and right and I personally believe people are moving too quick in this generation and can't identify what a unhealthy relationship is from healthy one.
Maia Tisdon tru tru, that's the tea. But maybe it's because people now a days need some traditional views on their marriage in order for them to have a greater chance at being successful.
Actually divorce rates are declining because people are waiting longer to get married
My boyfriend and I lived together before getting married and still got married. It works for some people and it doesn't work for others.
Me and my boyfriend moved together after 3 months 😅 and been living together happily for 3 1/2 years now and now there's talks of marriage and we've been going ring shopping 😊 first comes love then comes marriage then comes the baby with the baby carriage 😁🙏🏾
I vividly remember when I got my 1st apartment and my boyfriend AT THE TIME (so blessed God removed him from my path) moved in with me for a WHOLE DAY (KICK HIS ASS OUT THE NEXT MORNING)😂😂😂 because his ass was really expecting to live in my gated community condominium, for FREE ! His excuse was that he had just moved out of state! He was expecting me to work, come home, cook, clean and pay all the bills! To say the least he's happily gay now ! Taking advantage of a fool, cause he damn sure wasn't gonna take advantage of me ! Daddy ain't raise a fool!
zreyesxo wow smh. Thank God!
Why are you making that guess?
H Douglas what? why?
Whoooo guuurl! That tea got reeeaal juicy at the end!
zulyreyes_xo ❤️❤️❤️
Trust me NEVER move in with a man before marriage I'm paying for it right now. 🌪🌪⛈⛈
I did. Best decision ever!
Thanks I appreciate it guess I found the wrong guy. Good to know some people struck gold.
me too literally
I don't understand why you say to NEVER do it. I'd rather learn the truth about a man before marrying him than have to learn and go through a divorce later. I agree you shouldn't BUY a house with a man you're not married to, cause if you break up then you'll still be bound by a contract, but you can rent together.
digthewarmth Then you have commitment problems. "Together till death do us part" Divorce is a sin against God. That's just how it is. People are not cars that you test drive to see if they work, they are people, souls who bare an image. There are just many reasons as to why I believe couples cohabiting is wrong. Nothing can change my mind on that. My Fiancé and I both believe this. Is it hard? YES! Am I tired of waiting? YES! But it's more special and more rewarding once you're finally married. I'm really looking forward to it.
Adrienne is annoyingly interrogating Jennie like Tamar use to,I don't like it slow ya roll Mrs Cee Lo Green
raineray1 the shade😂😂 ☕️
Honestly, truly!
raineray1 if she's confused on something she said why she can't ask a question that never been answered till Tamara spoke.....
I wonder how long it will take until the commenters fire the entire cast. Get over it! Jeanie can take care of herself.
raineray1
Notice she didn't say anything. She must have lived with a few if her men...
I just love how they were ignoring Adrienne 🤣😂!
Porsche' Green ummm yeahhh.... she has literally no input in this matter.. and im not being mean. really what is she gonna teach ? let her sip her green tea
I disagree with what Tamera said about marriage showing you the true colors. That's a self fulfilling prophecy. My husband and I didn't have a big wedding or go through all the hoops. We didn't place that much importance on the legal paperwork and we are still exactly the same couple we were before we got married. If you hype up marriage it will change the rhythm and dynamic of your relationship. I don't believe that marriage is anything but a signed piece of legal documentation. Before you get legally married you should already be married by heart and soul. Idk but it always throws me when people think the marriage ceremony is like the final stage of a relationship instead of it just being a celebration of a level you both already ascended to.
I like this. Well put.
Well said. I am okay with eloping and having no ceremony. So I agree with everything you have said.
AshleyLaGata Sadly, that's not the case with everyone. So glad though your marriage got off to an amazing start. Some people just act different in certain situations
Finally a comment that makes sense! I totally agree you have yo be married by heart first bcs marriage is nothing but legal paper work ! Besides ive been living with my bf for 2 years now and we both have seen the ugliest of each other and are still happily together ..i dont regret living with him before marriage because if i didnt know who he truly was until i married him idk if this would have worked out ..we now know everything about eachother and enjoying every moment why rush?
I disagreed with Tamera too, and Agree with your comment. I dont believe a signed paper should bring out someones true self. I want to know the person as a whole beforehand and then continue onto having a ceremony. I guess it's up to everyone's self believe, or partially religion. Maybe even tradition, but generation after generation believes change. And it shouldnt take an I Do to see someone be their true self.
Ladies, I hear all of your opinions and you make some great points, BUT I definitely do not regret moving in with my bf. That's the man I'm gonna marry one day and don't want no surprises. I always felt like moving in until marriage would be like going into a deep pool without knowing how to swim, now I know exactly what I'm dealing with and it calms my nerves, haha. But I do get where you're coming from, don't drag my ass into the dirt for this comment, lol.
I AGREE WITH JEANIE 100%. i was always told that i should not live with anyone unless i was married, but i lived with my ex for two years and if i had not lived with him, i would have married the wrong person. it's so crucial. if you're even considering being with someone for the rest of your life, you need to see if the living situation is good, or you'll be miserable.
My husband and I moved in together, 5 years after being together and that’s really amazing. Living together shows you a person of who he really is. and you can know his weakness. Your relationship with your partner become stronger. You can discover lots of his personalities and also he is.
Nowadays with the cost of living so high, ppl live together based on finance over anything.
And yea, I may be a lil old school but it’s no necessary to live with a person before you marry. You can simply ask them all the questions you want to know. What can you cook? How often do you wash? How do you wash dishes? Etc. If you feel they will lie then you shouldn’t marry that person.
When you do get married, marriage is supposed to mean so much that you will not divorce someone just because they leave their socks on the floor, or just cuz they fart in the bed. Whatever minor bad habit u find out after yall move in should not make or break you.
People do lie you know. It's better to see it for yourself how many times a week they do actually take a bath. Lol
With my Caribbean parents🇭🇹,they don't want me living with a man before marriage. And I am very religious, but at the same time I don't want to be surpised about who you are. so ima just say. when I'm engaged,before making anything official
That's what we did. We waited until we got engaged and then we moved in together. We married three months later. Best decision ever
This was a funny girl chat. And btw I think it's so interesting how now that Tamar is gone, the commenters have hopped on the hate on Adrienne train. And if she left yall would pick the next person to hate on in every girl chat. This show promotes positivity so why in the hell you watching to be so negative?! I've even seen people hate Tamera... TAMERA. Geesh.
pwuddycatdoll You're so right! They can't please everyone.
Tamera was annoying before Tamar left and she's still annoying now. But that's just me. I don't want her to leave the show because there are times when i enjoy what she brings to the table. However there are many times when I'm just like ". . . .Tamera shut up." I absolutely love Jeannie but even she has rubbed me wrong a few times. I think it's safe to say that all 4 (previously 5) women are great but are still gonna be annoying or say something crazy that you completely disagree with at one time or the other. Tamar was cool at times but I couldn't stand how she acted as if only her opinion was valid therefore she was the only one "keeping it real". And as for Adrienne I think people are noticing that she's different now that she is married. And it just so happens to be that she got married after Tamar left. So maybe it's not that we're jumping on the "Tamar is gone so let's all gang up on Adrienne" bandwagon. But maybe more of us aren't feeling this new Adrienne.
That god loving fool is the most judgemental at the table. I cant stand her. And how dare she talk down those who chose not to get married as if her relationship is more valid. Newsflash its not
I will never move in with my partner before he puts a ring on it. No offence but thats how you have some young women who have like 2 kids with a man and have been with him for 5 something years and are still "the girlfriend ". Why would he buy the cow if he's getting the milk for free?
It's true. Men should work for what they want, and unfortunately some of us women make it too easy on them.
ypm 123 I would rather be the loved girlfriend living in a loving happy family before marriage than just be the mother who he has to be with out of obligation. having the ring means nothing to me. a ring doesn't guarantee you loyalty love and security.
+ypm 123 not every man just wants to get milk or whatever that analogy implies. if thats the case, maybe the girl is with the wrong guy. Plus, lots of women, including myself, are not keen to get married. if he is living with you, hes already made a commitment . plenty of people that live together go on to get married. and at least they know what it is like to live with each other! less possibility of nasty surprises. its a good idea even from a purely practical point of view.
ypm 123 There's nothing wrong with being a boyfriend/girlfriend and you have kids with your partner.
spybubbble It's just that if you expect a marriage to come out of it, you're in bad luck. He already has the benefit of a wifey, without actually going through the trouble of making you his wifey.
All the comments shouting "I will never move in with a man before marriage". I really don't see how marriage changes anything. How can you have the mentality of I won't do xyz until he puts a ring on it. What's a ring gonna do? If y'all were having problems before, ain't no marriage gonna change that. I think there's a reason why some people go through a rough years early in their marriages because you just didn't know the other person that well---you didn't know what it was gonna be like living with them. If I met the right person, I'm not gonna wait for a ring to find out how they are when "they let it all out" no mam. Not this girl.
Right?! What is a ring really gonna do? Because 50% of marriages still end in divorce. So time and energy will still get wasted at the end of the day. A lot of the "he aint gonna buy the cow if the milk is free." mentality which is ridiculous. Doesn't matter if he buys the cow or not, he can still get another cow's milk if that is who he is. He can return cow, sell the cow to someone else, etc. There is no real guaranteed here.
At the end of the day it is all about faith and trust (and pixie dust lol). You need to trust the person you want to spend your life with, and have faith that they will be by your side through it all. And for me living with that person helps determine whether or not you are really my ride or die.
I think if you need a ring or marriage for that assurance, maybe you need to reevaluate your partner and yourself.
miniimufin Right!!!! I dont see what a ring will do for a couple, like if it makes problems disappear, I also dont see what waiting til marriage is going to do? I truly believe people who wait until that special day is just following traditional religious beliefs. Which is not Wrong, but not everyone is religious and its not wrong to move in before marriage because at the end its up to the couple to make the relationship work. Some woman focus to much on the title first and i dont get why
It's not about the ring itself. It's about choosing to be with someone permanently. That makes a huge difference in a couple's goals. Marriage takes effort, and it's effort I'm willing to take for a man who has promised to love me unconditionally for the rest of his life. But if he says he loves me right now and has no interest in a covenant, I don't want to share my life with him on such an intimate basis as living together.
But why would you move in before you commit to someone? A marriage is really stating vows or responsibility. I'd rather wait for that and then get married vs without it.. Do people just say vows? They sure do but that is what dating/courting is. You supposed to get to know them, spot any red flags, and see if you connect. You avoid sex because that clouds your judgement like that is my understanding to dating and marriage
There's no way I'm making big life changing moves with a temporary title. FOH I'm not signing a lease with a boyfriend. If we break up, someone is going to get stuck & now they have to rearrange their life & living situation with nothing but resentment to show for it. Marriage isn't the end all to be all but I'm not into making those kind of moves if the relationship isn't that serious. I value my time, my life & myself. If I'm going to put in the work for someone, it has to be all or nothing.
Jeanie is speaking 100% facts
You're ready to live together I believe when you're able to have conversations without having heated arguments. Be able to listen & understand why your partner acts the way they do.
There should be a part 2 of this! I'm also gonna wait until marriage because I'm not doing wifely duties as a girlfriend
Started dating my hubby mid 2006, moved in with him late 2007, got married in mid 2009 and still happily married with 3 little ones. I told him that I had to live with him 1st before we got married. To see if we could handle each other.
See me and come live with me are two different things. If you're Jamaican you'll get it!🇯🇲
that's what my grandmother always say
kirkann spence Yes, girl!! Fellow Jamaican over here!
if yuh from the Caribbean you'll get it......#Trinibago in the house.
if you're Kittitian you'll also get it
kirkann spence If you're Caribbean tbh Cuz in Trinidad come see me and come live with me means two totally different things
I agree with Tamera.
We were in our relationship for 5 years before we got married and moved together. The first year as a married couple was the hardest. For both of us. We had to learn how to make this marriage a happy and safe and comforting place. We cried, we screamed and we prayed to God. It was a tough process but God stepped in and opend our eyes for eachother. It is still a learning process but he shifted my thoughts.
The marriage is NOT a happy end for your relationship. Marriage is a never ending adventure with the person you love the most. ♡
I knew my fella for 2 months before moving in. February will make 7 years for us🖤
I agree with Tamera. I wouldn't move in with a guy until marraige and have sex with a guy until marriage (unfortunately I learned the hard way) cause God always bother me when I'm living wrong so I'd rather for God to be pleased with me so my mind won't go crazy. Sex makes you blind guys. I really suggest virgins stay virgins and people who learned the hard way and figured out sex is really more than just a feeling to stay celibate until marriage. I KNOW God won't allow me to sleep well if I did what I wanted to do KNOWING what fornicating leads to. Cause you're basically fornicating when you don't have a covenant with the person you're dealing with. I'm sorry y'all but I'm trying to go to heaven lol. This world especially America is lacking morals bruh. Don't fall for unrighteous propaganda.
Brittany Burley amen!
Amen.Preach !
Brittany Burley well said 💯💯💯.
Yes girl! It's tough but you're so right!
Brittany Burley Amen
My fiancé and I started living together after 3 months...partially because my father passed away so he moved in to help us. Being a little older I think helps, we had both been in previous relationships, he has a daughter. Now we’ve been together a year are engaged and expecting a little boy. ❤️
hows getting married gonna make things different when ure already living with the person? the only difference is the ring and the title
ranya x the difference is that you took vows in front of your family and god
ranya x the brainwashed catholics can't make decisions by themselves, they have to follow the rules of a stupid book. It's so pathetic.
Marina Mas You clearly don't understand the Catholic religion. We do make decisions for ourselves. However, our knowledge of God, morals, and values assist us in make the right ones. I'm not trying to convince to convert, but don't attack something that you are clearly ignorant about.
kel 097 I've studied the catholic religion, and you can believe in whatever you want but really, all these people living their lifes based in what can or can't do because otherwise it's a "sin" it's sickening to see. First of all, they say "God loves you" but you have to follow his rules or you'll be punished and burn in hell. That is not love, that is dictatorship, because if someone loves you won't threat you if you don't follow its rules. Based on the bible itslef, it is ok threat people who you love? We live in 21th century, use common sense.
Marina Mas I do have common sense. I, too, have studied the catholic religion. God doesn't dictate us. He provided guidelines that assist us in making reasonable decisions that will bring us closer to him. Everyone sins and God knows that. He doesn't punish you because you don't do what he wants. He punishes you for purposely disobeying him and not feeling remorse. It is love. Regardless of the century, God is real and he will always lead his followers, including me, the right way.
When I got kicked out at 17 I had to move in with my boyfriend because that was my only option and it was HARD. It was forced on us, we fought a lot, but we got through it. Couples should wait two years or more to move in together because wow, it’s hard.
I don't see the big deal in wanting to wait till marriage to move in with a spouse.
If a person's living habits is a major deal breaker for you, then y'all were never going to last anyway. Unless the person is some serial killer psycho who's living some double life, I don't understand how moving in with your husband or wife who sometimes leaves a box of cereal on the kitchen counter or doesn't put the cap back on some toothpaste is a cause for divorce. 😕
You don't really know someone until you live with them. How can you marry someone you don't really know? I thought I KNEW everything about my boyfriend before we started living together, because we had been together for over 4 years at that point. NOPE. Lol. We plan on getting married one day but my point is I would never say yes to a man I've never lived with. Things change, people get comfortable and you start seeing different sides of that person, good or bad. Sorry, but I'm NOT tryna be surprised about ANYTHING after I take your last name.
yes exactly! I don't want to get married and realize I hate living with that person, then I end up being miserable and wanting to end it. I plan to marry and STAY married.
Mira 72498 most couples who live together before marriage never end up getting married. It’s statistically proven. So what if he’s not interested in marriage but you are ? He’s gotten so used to living the married lifestyle without the actual commitment he doesn’t even want to get married anymore. I know a lot of couples like that. The man isn’t interested in marriage but the woman is. So it’s obvious that relationship isn’t going to work n
Nhylia Burl our that statistic was proven in 2014 new studies actually corrected it and said that moving in before marriage doesn’t automatically makes you a divorce statistics. Choosing a partner early when your not ready whether moving before or after marriage will guarantee you to divorce early. A man only marry a woman because he knows she want the wedding and will do anything to get her based on her beliefs. No man actually dream about walking down the aisle in a white gown, marriage isn’t a man goal but his mother goal.
@s2Ruby after 10+ years and now you look foolish
I met my boyfriend because we were housemates in our first year at uni. We started dating only a month after uni start, our relationship has been so real and honest since the very beginning, I never tried to be someone I wasn't. I think that being forced to be our true selves in our home together has made us stronger. We don't live together right now but will be moving in with 2 friends in September. And truthfully I cannot wait, this year living apart hasn't been fun. I can't wait to spend my down time with the person I love. I really believe all couples should live together before getting married, you don't really no someone until you've lived with them.
Moving in with your partner is a very crucial thing in your relationship, you really have to be prepared because there are so many struggles that will come along the way that you didn't see it coming. Living together also serves as your training ground whether you both are compatible for a life long commitment.
I'd want to live together before getting married. I'm in my early 30's & am set in my ways. I know the older you are before getting married, the harder it is to change your ways. For example, I REFUSE to clean up after a man like I'm his mother or a housewife. We're both working meaning we share house duties. I can't live in filth so if he just can't change his messy/nasty ways, it'll be a problem. Some people adapt easily & others don't.
Girl chat honestly needs to be longer! i love hearing their opinion, especially as someone who is approaching her 20's. I live very blissfully about relationships, and these ladies show reality
I agree with Jeannie. You start seeing a whole new person when you live together. If you really wanna know someone live with them. Lol
I moved in with my husband after we got married. We were together for 6 years & I don’t regret it ! You will figure it out as you go .
Jeannie makes it sound like she regrets marrying Freddie sometimes. She needs to chill. Lol.
she really do
Cray May lol for real
Cray May no you need to chill all she said was that she regretted not living with him first.
DeAndre Johnson EXACTLY!!!!
DeAndre Johnson but what difference does it make? Still sounds like she's saying she would change her mind if she knew how it was. (Not saying that's what she means).
I didn’t move in with my husband until we were married and I’m now so so grateful, because we moved in knowing we were in it for the long run and that made everything so much more special. Just knowing that we were experiencing everything for the first time together made our marriage feel so real, and not something small where we’d already been living together and getting married wasn’t a big deal. Marriage is such a huge milestone, and I think our generation forgets that it’s actually a lifelong commitment and if you don’t think you want to be with a person forever, why go through those milestones? (Of course stuff can unexpectedly happen and change life’s course. NOT talking about that)
Why should I live with a man if not married,I'm married now but never even crossed my mind about living with him before marriage,no thanks #noregrets #obeyingthebible
Wise
K Yan 👏🏿
K Yan ❤👏
K Yan yes girl, yessss!! You never regret obeying the Lord because He knows what's best 👏🏼👏🏼 #Hiswaysarehigherthanourways
K Yan i mean everyone is different, not all relationships are the same, what ever makes someone happy may not make you happy.
"Trying to keep my kitty in its little pocket..." 😂😂😂
Aishoo 1234 I didn't get it?
She is saying that she is trying not to have sex.
2:37 JEANNIE I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT 😂😂😂 then loni "did you just flip yo bangs" lmfaoooo
Yeah I'm not going to worry bout all that until I'm good & married.
So Adrienne and the gospel singer were shacking up before marriage.
amcra1 no, I could be wrong but I don't think they did
amcra1 they waited she said
ilovepeaches400 Not buying it
ilovepeaches400 lies from the pit of hell... ao they just casually had a getaway in mexico a month after the man "finalized" his divorce... this show annoys me sometimes.. i have a problem with ppl like this trying to preach one thing but live the other... the sad thing is that young girls out there who dont know better follow suit and end up making unnecessary mistakes..
amcra1 From the way she was coming at Jeannie, it sure seems like it?
I get that. I didn't live with my husband pre-marriage, and there was a lot I wasn't prepared for. Especially because I had NO GUYS in my household, only a mom and sister. Even my pets were female haha. But we couldn't be happier three years later and still going!
Wow I haven't seen Jeannie's forehead in a long time 😂
For me personally, I'm waiting till after marriage to move in so I also don't get tempted. Holding on to my innocents till the day I stand at the altar and say, "I do".
Thank God for Tamera's take on this segment!! 🙌
I love how real Jeannie is!!! & how down to earth she is 😂😂😂😂
I actually read the exact study Tamera is talking about here for my university research project. The reason the divorce rate tended to be higher with couples who cohabitated before marriage was essentially because of "sunken cost fallacy". Essentially, the study said that couples who had already been living together were more likely to get married BECAUSE they were already living together, and felt the pressure to take what they thought would be the next "logical" step in their relationship. Many couples likely felt pressured due to the amount of time/money/energy they had already put into their relationship and into living together, that they decided to get married based on what they had already invested and not based on the quality of the relationship. This was the reason they were more likely to get divorced: because they got married for the wrong reasons. However, for those who were engaged before cohabitating, it was posited that since a tangible commitment was made BEFORE living together, then the couple likely made the decision to get married without the added pressure. This means that these engaged couples genuinely got married because they wanted to be committed to eachother, and not just because they were already living together so "might as well" or "they have to" because "its the next step". These couples who were engaged before living together likely had lower divorce rates because they got married for the right reasons (aka genuinely wanting to be committed to eachother, and not just because they felt they had to)
Adrienne shuuuuuuttt uuupppp not everyone lives with every man they date, you been married 2 days.
I'm 100% with Jeannie on this one. You think you know someone until you live with them. Totally different story!
I 100% agree with Tamera.
The timing is different for everybody ladies! I moved in with my bf after 9 months of being together in a distance relationship. I don’t regret it at all because at the end on the day if someone really wants to marry you he will do it if you live together or not. Anyway me and my boyfriend knew after very little time that we were soulmates 🤷🏻♀️ We love each other more and more after almost 2 years and we are now saving up to get married.
She is 100% correct before I married my wife we live together for a year and I discover a lot of stuff about her that wasn't too nice , but we work on it and got things in place and after a year we got married and continued a happy live and a happy home. It's a huge different seeing someone everyday than seeing someone just few hours or weekend all makeup and dress up
Yes Tamera!! I think people don't realise there is a difference between 'cohabiting' and 'being married (or being engaged)'. You truly know the person once you're at that stage of 'oh this is serious now. its a commitment'. The little uncomfortable things of living alone can be fixed... its all about getting used to it, those are not the real issues. But at the end, it all comes down to how serious you are about each other... honestly people move in too fast and it never works.. Allow time to take its place.
Adrienne talkin like she's an expert with this when she's had like 5 different guys up in here house and they never last.... Go figure
Kay Cee: 🐸☕️
Kay Cee did all of your relationships last....
5 different guys ? she's had 2 other spouses besides isreal. Not all relationships work out at all , why this hate on adrienne ? She was good to Rob Kardashian ,and in all of her relationships . Rob ended up cheating on her and she came to realization later on that she didn't want to be engaged to lenny anymore. Thats life ! i don't get why people come for her !!
And now Jeannie's getting a divorce so whats your point?
That’s very rude.
I love Jeannie. She’s too funny. The bangs flip had me
Wait about a year or two!
I saw that show for the first time and I can say I loved it xd I usually do not prefer the watch "girl chat shows" but I have to admit, they were real, they really talked the truth
I'm never going to look at Jeannie's bangs the same again...
Tamera is so spot on when she says that people that live together or are engaged before marriage usually split up afterwards is so damn true, you get so sick of the other person that why get married!
Adrienne mad annoying this segment like girl stop it
Ra'Mazha Watkins obviously
I do agree with Tamara here. It's definitely not a guarantee that if you move in together before marriage, the relationship will live longer. I think sometimes it can have a counter affect. Now, if you wait until marriage to move in together, you have a sense of a stronger commitment and respect of doing it in a certain way. And most than likely you have waited to give the cookie away ... therefore the man also holds you to that until marriage.
I agree with Tamera, no living with a guy before he puts a ring on it.
nibizi joselyne i hope the sex is right along with it just like tamara intended to do so
I moved in with him in the first month, it started being weekends and then i moved in completely, I've been married now for 8 years and don't regret it!!! I guess we are compatible.
I truly believe that you can know someone inside and out without living with them. You just have to spend time with them and PAY ATTENTION to their actions more than their words. I think some ppl use "you don't know someone until u live with them" as an excuse for when things go south. If you love someone, you know their heart. Thats all you need to marry them. All of their ways and habits are things that you should accept unconditionally. You accept all of them. U don't need to live together to get to that point.
Cute in theory but nope
Yup Tamera preaching!👏👏👏 you never know someone until you are married to them. 100%
Loni's facial expression at 2:44 when Jeannie Mai flipped her bangs.....lmao
Well I hope I’m part of the 70% so far living with my bf he’s been the best person to live with EVER so g bless that man
Omg why adrienne acting like she's doesn't understand!
I enjoy hearing other cultures' approach on relationships, moving in and what not. In my culture (and maybe even religion) we don't move in with our significant other before we're married to them. Now this may sound crazy to some of y'all, that's how we've been raised and I gotta say, I appreciate that. It's going to be tough in the beginning, but the Lord will put those obstacles in our way to test our endurance and strength, and most importantly our patience. =)
Im done @jeanies hair flip 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
That's I Live With My Now Fiancé 8 Yrs Now..& You Don't Really Know Them Until You Move With Them So True💯💯💯
well i don't want t move in with him till it's official because of temptation
Jeannie is so REAL! I admire her care free spirit, wish I could be as candid. I'm the total opposite! Shoot, I don't like others (not even females) knowing when it's that time of the month. Hats off to you, Jeannie Mai!
Tamera, I don't know if you'll ever see this, but in case you do, please DON'T EVER CHANGE!!!! Please don't ever compromise for hollywood fame. Thank you for being a true representation of a godly woman in this corrupt, unrighteous, vile, and hateful world. To know that someone like you is on television, is black, intelligent, beautiful, tender-hearted, and most importantly, godly, amidst all of the trash out there is extremely encouraging. Thank you, and please know that you are a bright light and are a much needed representation.