Interesting thing: when you started this off, I thought “oh, I’m definitely a growth mindset, I don’t think anything is fixed!” But then you started to describe it as “do you think you can get better at things” and I realized I believe PEOPLE grow, but I do not believe that I grow. As if somehow, I’m not people. I always feel very stuck in problems that feel like they’ve always been there, as if I can’t ever get good enough to get out of those problems. I’m interested to see where this goes, because that alone is a very interesting revelation for me.
I think this is an excellent insight! I honestly believe we all have our fixed areas (just as we all have limiting beliefs). We hide them from ourselves, though, so it’s a powerful thing to be able to see this. The next step is to start to unlock them. I hope you enjoy the rest of the series 🖤
Holy crap…I feel totally called out! Sheesh. Can’t wait for the rest of these videos! P.S. I love love your authenticity in your whole channel. I love the way you dress, how you style and present everything, how you speak. It’s all so different from everything I’m used to seeing and radiates incredible realness. Guess my soul must be craving some intense authenticity from my own self… Thanks again for these videos. 👌
Oh, thank you!! I’m so glad it’s resonating. I tend to (only) make videos about things I’m really interested in, so we’re clearly on the same wavelength 🖤
I'm a really good listener and I love to learn things about other people, but I'm really afraid of asking questions for fear of coming across as intrusive or out of touch. It's isolating and I'm not sure what to do.
That’s a really interesting insight! Do you know where this patterns began? I’d say _most_ people enjoy being asked questions about themselves in general.
it took me a while to understand what you are saying here (i am just having my morning coffee lol). in my late teens to late 20s i enjoyed being the centre of the party. I am a self assured libra sun sign, it came naturally. then I became a busy mother and didn't have the time or energy to be as social, though i still liked giving big parties. as i learnt more about people and myself i now much prefer one-one-one or two. i also believe i can't put myself in someone else's shoes. i am still getting to know myself how can i assume anything about anyone else? maybe i am just not good at it as i have made big mistakes. i am a continuous learner, and have never worried about getting friends. i don't often worry about what people will think of me, rarely notice what people wear etc. So what do i think is the secret to my success? It was always honesty and a joyful mien, but lately when i have asked people what they like about me - it is authenticity. Much of my coaching is helping people be themselves, it has an amazing effect!
I have a growth mindset (and anxiety about that from time to time), but I don't like being around fixed mindset people because of their limitations. it always comes to a point where we talk about things that can be fixed with just a little effort, and they won't do that. for the long run, if you think about the darwin's laws, it has been proven that people who cannot adapt are the ones who will die first. so being able to change and adapt, and have resilience is a big asset in life: if we think about life as "the one surviving is the one winning". of course we can also think about life as "the happier one is the winning one", and in that case, one can consciously choose to die instead of having a miserable life, and some people DO that, they prefer being dead than being ruined, ill, or alone. I just wanted to share my doubts about the end of that game. what do you think? thanks for sharing. I am changing myself these days (again) and these questions are some of the many ones I ask myself a lot. so thank you for giving me the opportunity to read other people's insight.
Yes, I think these are excellent points. I believe that, for some people, putting an end to life will actually be the preferable option (especially in the case of terminal or chronic illness, but not only those things), and I would never want to take that option away from anyone, or judge it either. I do, however, also think that we'd see an improvement in quality of life and general wellness if we lived in a more growth-oriented society. Patriarchy and capitalism have a lot to answer for in that respect. And, in response to your first comment, I also realise we can absolutely have a growth mindset and anxiety at the same time! In fact, as you said, sometimes acting on our desire for growth can be the cause of stress to the system... I should probably have made that extra clear in the video. I wouldn't want people to think I'm touting the growth mindset as some kind of panacea :-/
@@Betwixt_App it was very clear, Gale. and I was acknowledging that it is not a panacea for me either. I sometimes need to consciously give myself a break, and accept that my work will not be "perfect" (in my eyes).
I didn't get it. You talked of fixed mindset, and finished that section saying it leads to you being confident that you're funny, creative or nice, that will always be true, and these (fixed) skills will always come easily. On the other hand, the growth mindset, this person is (also) confident that they are good at some things. But this is not good, because it can backfire. Why? Because they try to do things they're not good at? Isn't this just the difference between a realist mindset: "I am good at some things and not so good at others" and a irrealistic or wishful mindset: "I can be good at anything, if I only put effort and time into it" which one can easily see is not true.
Hi! The difference is that the fixed mindset only allows you to feel confident in your perceived talents _until_ the point at which you start to make mistakes, feel challenged and have a few (inevitable) failures. After that, someone with a fixed mindset can lose confidence entirely and believe it (their talent) was actually never their thing after all. This is what happens to a lot of people who find school easy but then suffer a huge crisis of confidence as soon as they have to try and make it in the real world. While in a growth mindset, however, we find it much, much easier to handle challenge and setbacks, which makes us more resilient and able to become more skilful in the long run.
This is just part 1, so there is going to be more. I’ll post part two tomorrow. And yes, for this leg, the perspective-taking exercise (a way of practising empathy) is the key ingredient 🖤
I like the idea behind the video but I just don’t think reality is that simple. You’re basically saying there’s two mindsets people can have: a good(growth) and bad(fixed). People can learn, sure, but can they truly change ? I don’t know. People’s core features and natural predispositions don’t really change. You can minimise some of your faults or weaknesses, you can work on them but you can never become different. I believe people change only if they suffer trauma or have an awakening of some sort. Ive met people who have changed and have become different and have worked on their issues, I have done so myself but their true core personality and a lot of the internal dialogue and interpersonal dynamics are still the same from high school, some people show less some people show more. The “growth” mindset isn’t really growth. Someone can naturally be inclined to learning and improving, they naturally feel the urge to try new things and they naturally don’t feel much shame in failure. It’s just one other personality trait which means it’s their fixed way of being. Hence a growth mindset is still a fixed mindset, just a better type.
I expect it’s coming over as simplistic because I’ve conveyed it in a 3.5min vid (and I’ve tried to make it easy to grasp, especially for this first episode). The reality is that mindset is a continuum and that we can all shift from end to end depending on our emotional state, context, etc. There will be parts of our personalities that don’t change much, certainly (in some ways, we become _more_ of what we already were as we grow), but I strongly believe that every _skill_ can be developed, which opens up a world of possibilities, especially for those of us who feel trapped by our perceived flaws. That’s the key message I wanted to convey here 🖤
Not so good of an advice for people who tend to be in fawn response or grew up denying themselves and pleasing others. People pleasers are doomed with putting themselves in the other person shoes.
Are you the best youtuber ever? Quite possibly. 3.5 mins=max value
Hahaha! I doubt that, but _thank you!_
Efficiency at its finest 👌✨
And Betwixt is similar. It gives you new insights (of your own) in 10 minute chapters ❤
Interesting thing: when you started this off, I thought “oh, I’m definitely a growth mindset, I don’t think anything is fixed!” But then you started to describe it as “do you think you can get better at things” and I realized I believe PEOPLE grow, but I do not believe that I grow. As if somehow, I’m not people. I always feel very stuck in problems that feel like they’ve always been there, as if I can’t ever get good enough to get out of those problems.
I’m interested to see where this goes, because that alone is a very interesting revelation for me.
I think this is an excellent insight! I honestly believe we all have our fixed areas (just as we all have limiting beliefs). We hide them from ourselves, though, so it’s a powerful thing to be able to see this. The next step is to start to unlock them.
I hope you enjoy the rest of the series 🖤
Holy crap…I feel totally called out! Sheesh. Can’t wait for the rest of these videos!
P.S. I love love your authenticity in your whole channel. I love the way you dress, how you style and present everything, how you speak. It’s all so different from everything I’m used to seeing and radiates incredible realness. Guess my soul must be craving some intense authenticity from my own self…
Thanks again for these videos. 👌
Oh, thank you!! I’m so glad it’s resonating. I tend to (only) make videos about things I’m really interested in, so we’re clearly on the same wavelength 🖤
I can't wait to hear more about how to move out of this mindset.
I'm looking forward to this series. ❤❤❤
I hope you enjoy it! I plan to post one video per day for the remainder of this week 🖤
I'm a really good listener and I love to learn things about other people, but I'm really afraid of asking questions for fear of coming across as intrusive or out of touch. It's isolating and I'm not sure what to do.
That’s a really interesting insight! Do you know where this patterns began? I’d say _most_ people enjoy being asked questions about themselves in general.
You are amazing and so helpful...
Thank you! I’m so glad this landed 🖤
I think there are a lot of people who think they’re in a growth mindset but they’re not!
it took me a while to understand what you are saying here (i am just having my morning coffee lol). in my late teens to late 20s i enjoyed being the centre of the party. I am a self assured libra sun sign, it came naturally. then I became a busy mother and didn't have the time or energy to be as social, though i still liked giving big parties. as i learnt more about people and myself i now much prefer one-one-one or two. i also believe i can't put myself in someone else's shoes. i am still getting to know myself how can i assume anything about anyone else? maybe i am just not good at it as i have made big mistakes. i am a continuous learner, and have never worried about getting friends. i don't often worry about what people will think of me, rarely notice what people wear etc. So what do i think is the secret to my success? It was always honesty and a joyful mien, but lately when i have asked people what they like about me - it is authenticity. Much of my coaching is helping people be themselves, it has an amazing effect!
Looking forward!
I hope you enjoy it!
I have a growth mindset (and anxiety about that from time to time), but I don't like being around fixed mindset people because of their limitations. it always comes to a point where we talk about things that can be fixed with just a little effort, and they won't do that.
for the long run, if you think about the darwin's laws, it has been proven that people who cannot adapt are the ones who will die first. so being able to change and adapt, and have resilience is a big asset in life: if we think about life as "the one surviving is the one winning".
of course we can also think about life as "the happier one is the winning one", and in that case, one can consciously choose to die instead of having a miserable life, and some people DO that, they prefer being dead than being ruined, ill, or alone.
I just wanted to share my doubts about the end of that game.
what do you think?
thanks for sharing. I am changing myself these days (again) and these questions are some of the many ones I ask myself a lot. so thank you for giving me the opportunity to read other people's insight.
Yes, I think these are excellent points. I believe that, for some people, putting an end to life will actually be the preferable option (especially in the case of terminal or chronic illness, but not only those things), and I would never want to take that option away from anyone, or judge it either.
I do, however, also think that we'd see an improvement in quality of life and general wellness if we lived in a more growth-oriented society. Patriarchy and capitalism have a lot to answer for in that respect.
And, in response to your first comment, I also realise we can absolutely have a growth mindset and anxiety at the same time! In fact, as you said, sometimes acting on our desire for growth can be the cause of stress to the system... I should probably have made that extra clear in the video. I wouldn't want people to think I'm touting the growth mindset as some kind of panacea :-/
@@Betwixt_App it was very clear, Gale.
I was acknowledging that it is not a panacea for me either.
@@Betwixt_App it was very clear, Gale. and I was acknowledging that it is not a panacea for me either.
I sometimes need to consciously give myself a break, and accept that my work will not be "perfect" (in my eyes).
So good. Thankyou. Excited for the next videos 🎉
Thank you! So glad you enjoyed it :-)
My therapist calls this positive and constructive envy
Excellent video.
Thank you! 🖤
I didn't get it. You talked of fixed mindset, and finished that section saying it leads to you being confident that you're funny, creative or nice, that will always be true, and these (fixed) skills will always come easily. On the other hand, the growth mindset, this person is (also) confident that they are good at some things. But this is not good, because it can backfire. Why? Because they try to do things they're not good at?
Isn't this just the difference between a realist mindset: "I am good at some things and not so good at others" and a irrealistic or wishful mindset: "I can be good at anything, if I only put effort and time into it" which one can easily see is not true.
Hi! The difference is that the fixed mindset only allows you to feel confident in your perceived talents _until_ the point at which you start to make mistakes, feel challenged and have a few (inevitable) failures. After that, someone with a fixed mindset can lose confidence entirely and believe it (their talent) was actually never their thing after all.
This is what happens to a lot of people who find school easy but then suffer a huge crisis of confidence as soon as they have to try and make it in the real world.
While in a growth mindset, however, we find it much, much easier to handle challenge and setbacks, which makes us more resilient and able to become more skilful in the long run.
Aw, I thought there'd be more...
What I got was the basic magic ingredient: Empathy, or developing empathy.
This is just part 1, so there is going to be more. I’ll post part two tomorrow.
And yes, for this leg, the perspective-taking exercise (a way of practising empathy) is the key ingredient 🖤
Is this not good enough? It is the simple truth, which never changes.
I'm watching this video only to do the opposite of what she says
Solid plan 😂
I like the idea behind the video but I just don’t think reality is that simple.
You’re basically saying there’s two mindsets people can have: a good(growth) and bad(fixed).
People can learn, sure, but can they truly change ? I don’t know.
People’s core features and natural predispositions don’t really change. You can minimise some of your faults or weaknesses, you can work on them but you can never become different.
I believe people change only if they suffer trauma or have an awakening of some sort.
Ive met people who have changed and have become different and have worked on their issues, I have done so myself but their true core personality and a lot of the internal dialogue and interpersonal dynamics are still the same from high school, some people show less some people show more.
The “growth” mindset isn’t really growth.
Someone can naturally be inclined to learning and improving, they naturally feel the urge to try new things and they naturally don’t feel much shame in failure. It’s just one other personality trait which means it’s their fixed way of being. Hence a growth mindset is still a fixed mindset, just a better type.
sooo interesting ! thank you so much for sharing your point.
"Growth mindset" is just the new "pull yourself up by your bootstraps". Same thing, different wording.
I expect it’s coming over as simplistic because I’ve conveyed it in a 3.5min vid (and I’ve tried to make it easy to grasp, especially for this first episode). The reality is that mindset is a continuum and that we can all shift from end to end depending on our emotional state, context, etc. There will be parts of our personalities that don’t change much, certainly (in some ways, we become _more_ of what we already were as we grow), but I strongly believe that every _skill_ can be developed, which opens up a world of possibilities, especially for those of us who feel trapped by our perceived flaws. That’s the key message I wanted to convey here 🖤
@@Betwixt_App thank you ❤️
Not so good of an advice for people who tend to be in fawn response or grew up denying themselves and pleasing others. People pleasers are doomed with putting themselves in the other person shoes.
Very true! Great point. The rest of the content (outside of the exercise at the end) is still relevant for people-pleasers, though 🖤
Ugh 😞
Hazel creates another series and I rejoice 🩶
😂😂😂