Dealing with Emotionally Immature People (and Parents) | Dr. Lindsay Gibson, Being Well Podcast
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 พ.ค. 2024
- Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins the podcast to share her groundbreaking work on emotional maturity. Dr. Gibson and I explore how growing up with emotionally immature caregivers can affect our adult relationships, and what we can do to recover from these experiences, build healthier patterns, and disentangle from emotionally immature people. We start by discussing what emotional immaturity means, some of its key characteristics, and the consequences of growing up with emotionally immature parents. We then talk about how we can move away from “role-self” and develop a deeper connection with who we really are. You’ll learn practical tools for recognizing emotionally immature people, managing your relationships with them effectively, and establishing healthy boundaries.
About our Guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and the author of a number of books including Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People. Her most recent work is the Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents Guided Journal.
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:10 What is emotional immaturity?
7:30 Affective realism and involuntary coping mechanisms
14:25 An example of a childhood with emotionally immature caregivers
19:25 The “role-self,” and how children respond to a parent’s lack of empathy
26:10 Receiving guidance and stability from the authentic self
30:25 How the role-self affects relationships in adulthood
41:50 Connecting with the authentic self, and having healthier relationships
51:00 Letting go of healing fantasies in adult relationships
57:05 Guilt, emotional coercion, fear of loneliness, and finding optimal distance
1:04:05 How to identify with yourself as a secure base
1:07:35 Recap
Subscribe to Being Well on:
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/5d87ZU1...
Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
I'm not a clinician, and what I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 www.forresthanson.com
📸 / f.hanson
Not me watching this to find ways to deal with myself 😂
😂
Same 😅
Honestly, respect.
a nice amount of comments
Me too 🙏🏾 @@zahra7985
I hope she writes a book specifically for “spouses of emotionally immature spouses”
Im no pro but i would guess that you ( or they ) are unconsciously trying to resolve the trauma of the emotionally immature parent by getting in a relationship with a similar person in hopes that you will succeed in changing them. This is of course impossible because people will always double down on what theyre doing when they suspect that someone is trying to change them to satisfy their own needs. This is manipulative yes, but in a deeply unconscious way. So theres no need to feed guilty about it. I heard someone say that most hetero ( and non hetero for that matter ) relationships end because the woman wants the man to change, but he doesnt. And the man hopes the woman doesnt leave him, but she does. This is an overgeneralisation of course, but it is true for many cases. So it is a common pattern. Essentially what im saying is that by healing your relationship to the immature parent, you are healing your relationships in general. And by trying to do the opposite ( healing a specific relationship to try and heal the trauma that the parent left you with ) you will probably fail, because we project our parental relationships to all other relationships.
@@tool-enjoyer666 no. That’s not the case here. But thanks for your input.
Yes 🎉 need a book on eip spouse's
Figure out what their attachment style is , then start listening to things on that specifically. You’ll be able to tell how immature or “insecurely attached” they are.
Yeah, my wife'd need that. I'm impossible 😔
I've realized that my people pleasing tendencies come from my relationship with my parents. It was obvious but also really confusing.
Watching this on Mother's Day which, by choice, I decided to take a temporary break from my mom who is emotionally immature and this is my own self-care gift. It's been an extra stressful number of years, as she ages, being blamed, shamed and demeaned. Sometimes you have to take a break to heal.
Same.
I did the same. It‘s already working.
I did the same
If you can't handle permanent relationships, don't get married either. All of you sound like nightmare children, and teens who shout "I wish I was never born!" before slamming the bedroom door.
This is a culture issue. Some cultures would never DISHONOR PARENTS in such ways. So stop patting each other on the back. There's no such thing as perfect parents or kids. Comparing yourselves to other ppls' projected illusions is making you vain and bitter.
I took a break to heal too, it’s been four years and I’m healing, which I couldn’t do in the ongoing toxicity and trauma. I read the guest’s book a year ago, which helped a lot. I see things much more clearly and have set very firm boundaries and my number one priority is my health and healing. I wish the same for you.
The book was outstanding, it resonated massively, having been raised by two emotionally immature parents. It made sense of the statement my college boyfriend at the time made about my mother, “I feel sorry for her, she’s like a 5-yr old girl who never had her needs met.” When my alcoholic brother drank himself to death ten years ago, she said to me, “he was an emotional midget,” and I thought, it takes one to know one and to create one.
Yes!
ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO THIS INTERVIEWER!!! He was kind, respectful and compassionate. You sir got a new subscriber.
What Dr. Gibson says at approximately minute 33 feels revolutionary. She says that at first emotionally immature people are people pleasers and then they expect to receive unconditional love from their partner as if they were a little children and should be able to do anything without losing the love of their partner including putting demands on them that mutual adult partners should not put on each other that relate to control. In other words, they seem to be the child in the relationship with an unconditionally loving parent. But the strain that that puts on the other partner means that the other partner would have to become like a parent but to a grown person
Both are parents to each other to a degree, and both are children to a degree… what happened to Eric Berne and ego states theory? Now we are seeing pathology in it - but is it necessary indeed? Is the discomfort (to person and others) is significant to a degree we should bother about this?
I don’t know, I’m not convinced yet we should improve something that works or happens too often in society.
@@kognitivescientistperhaps it’s a matter of degree?
@@kognitivescientistI can understand why you say this but it’s very hard on those who do decide to move and an mature, to continue to feel that they have to “go back” to try to sooty another adult who won’t do the work to grow up.
This doesn’t mean that the person that stays immature is not a good person or worthy of friendship or love. It just makes life charged with a lot more drama because they see things from a child’s perspective.
What helped me to work at growing up was EFT. You can find it here on TH-cam by Brad Yates or the sort nerd and many others.
Our life experience is what formed our personality and it’s up to the adult to learn to sift through that, to see what’s true and viable and what they should let go of.
My siblings (that are long ago senior citizens) are this way and it’s excruciating to deal with their drama. They don’t want to put the effort into learning how to self-regulate. It took me over 20 years of therapy and changing everything about myself and it’s been painful and expensive but it’s been worth it to me and I have mature friends, which are a tremendous gift. They hung in there with me as they watched me struggle to get better.
On the other side, as I matured, other immature friends no longer wanted to be with me, because I wouldn’t baby them anymore. That was very painful for me too, but that is their choice and I have to live with it.
It’s been a long hard road but I would never go back to being immature and I wish others could also enjoy this great feeling.
She didn't say emotionally immature people do that, she said that people raised by emotionally immature parents do that.
@@EarInn it’s important that we realize that this can apply in many settings, and not just one.
What's scary is when you're casually listening to these podcasts and one of the guest speakers perfectly describes a situation that is hours away from happening in your very day.
This is exactly what happened to me. I gave way too much then eventually expected my partner to serve me because, after all, I had met all my mother's needs to stay safe. He refused and I was devastated for years. Emotionally Immature parents set you up for a lifetime of struggle because you are trying to get what you can't get from them from others. If you change the cycle, you get the hit of the loss without the compensation of passing it on so that someone takes care of you. You just care for others inappropriately at first and then appropriately (if you have kids). It's so so hard.
Yeah its hard and painful also. But we have to heal ourselves as much as possible.
I totally relate to that
You've put that so well. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about.
I agree. It's hard to relearn to live better.
She's such a great guest. If you don't have her books, pick them up or check them out digitally from your library.
yeh, listening to disentangling on audible nwo, it's so good, it has the questions that torment you.. (and some answers)
Hey wich one of her books she talked about the RO self . Thanks in advance.
It's rare to see someone's smile reach their eyes. This guy's smile is very genuine and warm. Something comforting about it😢
It is comforting !!! Like a hug!! 😊😯🤗
Is it so rare? It’s beautiful to be sure, but it’s not rare. …
@@MellowBellow1 in your opinion. From my perspective, it is rare.
@@Mushroom321- it is !! 💛
@@TheYazmanian yes. But that’s my point. … you don’t see how much it happens. It’s not rare. That’s not an opinion. It’s a fact. Your opinion is that it’s rare. Because you don’t see it.
What joy it is not only to receive such support, but to simply see the joy and humor in your eyes and smile; a beautiful amalgam of adult and cherished child!❤
This exchange made me cry. After years of therapy I have began to have the courage of asking for my needs to be met and boundaries however my emotionally immature friends rejected me, they are so used to me being their care giver that they called me arrogante for once asking not to be their therapist or their support system without reciprociry.
Why would you ask your friends for the *right* to be a happy individual though?
@@livejadeliveyou obviously don't understand the video or OP's comment. No one is saying anyone is responsible for their happiness, OP is clearly saying her friends are emotionally immature and don't respect her boundaries which disrupts her peace aka makes it so she can't be happy around them.
The more you know 🌈
Also you deserve better friends, remember they aren't family so you don't need to find reasons to keep them in your life if you don't feel they are showing up for you or respecting your boundaries.
@@jclyntoledo Oh my....
@@jclyntoledo isn't it the same family - friends, to me it 'had' to be seen that this is the situation (sadly), not because a person is family, that it's 'must be good and i'll force myself till i drop' - what i did...
"we have a view that people are more like machines"
yes but paradoxically we live in a culture that doesn't recognize that our machine needs maintenance and repairs. And that redlining an engine all day will result in catastrophic failure.
Worst of all worlds.
The realization hit me about a week ago that my mother (76) is actually a covert narcissist. And my dad one of the other types. My brother and I never had half a chance at a half ways decent childhood. He’s an alcoholic. I’m not. I went into perfectionism, neuroticism, never being good enough or doing something well enough, etc., the whole lot for decades. I’m slowly finding my way out.
Realising how many times I didn't even notice my pain, and the pain caused by others to protect the 'connection' was such a difficult process, and sometimes it still is. The neglect and bypassing was so 'normal' and familiar and it didn't register as something wrong with the way the other one treats me, but something wrong with me, and I am just too sensitive and difficult as I have so often heard during my childhood, and as a woman born into this patriarchal structure later on too. This messaging is everywhere. In films, advertising, songs, literature etc. This realisation has been both freeing and devastating at the same time.
I resonate 100% with this. It takes courage to begin to validate our own pain because we may realize we have to sever the connection in order to preserve our own emotional well-being.
Have you heard of HSP? (Highly sensitive person) you might want to look into it.
Self care is essential when dealing with people like this, who even border in narcissistic behavior
@@spinnettdesigns There was a period in my process when I explored the HSP narrative, however personally I didn’t find it helpful. My difficulties are connected to recognizing highly insensitive people :)) Jokes aside being raised by such people, and living in a society where the messaging is pretty dehumanizing and desentatizing it’s a process to finally realize that the problem is not my ‘sensitivity’. Leaving that mindset was freeing. The sad part was facing how my own lack of knowledge, role models and healthy experience prevented me to exit that self blaming dynamic much earlier. It is what it is. Wish you all the best on your journey! ✨
Emotional abuse is when your partner says you are too sensitive when they are undermining your self esteem whenever they can
I totally agree with you. Through this podcast I indeed realised that it is my habit and familiarity with abuse and neglect, to not notice it at first. Though later on I did wonder why I Iet it all happen, the way it did. Now I understand why and that is a pretty shocking realisation! I also know that every time when I am confronted with this kind of behaviour of others, it will be a challenge and a test, what my reaction will be. As the realisation is there now, everytime will be a new chance for the slowly scaving away of the old pattern so the new healthy pattern can start to emerge.
She is basically describing personality disorders and attachment styles without labeling anything. This is a terrific discussion for anyone wanting the base roots explanation of why some people just don't have it in them to arrive maturely in a relationship.
Here's a tip: you are not their father or mother. Emoting onto these dynamics is INCESTUOUS AND WRONG ON EVERY LEVEL. There are people whose job it is to help them - no need to make it yours.
What a great interview and also a wonderful overview! And a wonderful discussion here in the comments!
Being the youngest of 10 children, with elderly parents who were just worn out not narcissistic, I was not nurtured or taught how to self soothe etc. So I am emotionally immature and I raised 2 sons and I realized now as a teenage parent I thought I did a good job but I passed on that emotional immaturity.
I’m 60 now and my sons are 43 and 40 and are fathers with great jobs. But they both married emotionally immature women who have caused lots of drama and separation in our family. I’m grateful to live 4,000 miles away from all of them! I’m just keeping the peace on my side of the street to be able to see my grandchildren once a year. I’m working on accepting my responsibility and releasing any resentment towards my parents or siblings who have passed on. I’ve listened to this interview 3 times by myself and once with my husband. It was so eye opening to me! Like looking at my real self reflection in the mirror. Bringing it to my therapist attention on Thursday! Thanks so much Forrest for walking with all of us on this self discovery journey of healing and living the best life that was there for us as newborn babies before other stuff changed that. Grateful to connect with my little girl inside!! 💖
Thanks for sharing... it gave me confirmation about my dad... he was last of 8th with mother exhausted due to being after war generation... i never blamed him but wondered what was wrong with him.... back in a day noone talked about it properly.. thry just diagnosed you with shitso and locked u up in hospital.. it took me 20 years study psychology to put this in my mind to rest. Thank you.such stuff noone learns in therapy. ... time shows it.. my father also learnt before he died. But he shut it down woth alkohol..wish he lived and we could talk about it
I hear you!
what i’ve noticed is it’s the entire family, myself included.
i love how she mentioned we compartmentalize and mature in different threads. i definitely cope better with work stress and i act like a 7 year old in close relationships, and like a 2 year old with my immediate family. very enlightening stuff.
At least you have the insight and that for sure is a start! :)
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her/him?
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
@@wangcheng5188 dude either you’re a scammer or being scammed. If you’re not the scammer, go to therapy and learn about codependency.
How painful for you. It surprising that a sense of something wrong in your relationship was not evident. Look back to think about the quality of both of your communication skills to problem solve. It might not be too late. Express to her that your desire to resolve what issues have resulted in this separation. It might be a solution for both you and your Partner to resolve the issues that resulted in the separation. It might help to offer counselling or input to both from a Facilitator. Total forgiveness to one another could help to start over witho😊ut emotional baggage. Imagine success until it is apparent there is no trust or respect between you. Good luck.
It’s only been a month. Chill.
Having a narcissist for a mother who trained my daughter has had such an impact on my life. I didn't know about narcissists until about a year ago. So many things have come into focus now. Mother has passed and I've had to move 2 states away and go no contact with my daughter. I'll always love her but will not subject myself to the abuse again.
Same here, except my mother is still alive. Moved states away from them both
This sounds absolutely painful! Glad you are treating yourself well in establishing boundaries.
Same ! 🎉
Its taken me years to figure out I had an enmeshed relationship with my mother. The space and freedom I feel now that I speak with her once a week has been painful but freeing. I also realise that I tried to also recreate enmeshed relationships with others in my life, thinking it was normal. And that has also been painful to realise. I'm discovering who I am and what I want.
Bravo! Once a week would be a dream-so far, I’ve whittled it down to calling every other day, and even that’s been a struggle 😅 I’ve only recently realized I need to unpack my relationship w/ my mom. It’s tricky to try to rethink the relationship with the parent who was “the nice one.”
@@NP_is_not_here Have you guys checked out Jerry Wise here in You Tube?? His work has been really helpful in DIFFERENTIATION and INDIVIDUATING and getting my family of origin out of me. Best of Luck❤
I am 74 and it is so interesting to see people of late expecting that anyone is anything but a work in progress. I remember being younger and thinking every generation would naturally do better than the last. My children were almost grown before I realized life was much more of a crap shoot and nobody ended up with the wisdom or access to the whole story, an all around even development and especially I began to have more sympathy for my peers my parents and hopefully my children as they make their way through life. Right now I find myself amazed at how much more I need to learn and need to change. I thought learning would be done by now. I struggle.
At 31 I have just learned what is my problem. Now I have the knowledge to break down these old habits. Just thank you.
Never too late!
I have been subconsciously recreating the kind of relationships where i ‘needed’ to become the role self. Until it became intolerable. Adult children can leave. (Kids cannot).
But we adult ‘recreators’ must introspect learn and grieve to stop recreating a pattern we cannot solve. We cannot change or ‘help’ an immature person. Only they can change. So we must choose an emotionally mature person.
and be emotionally mature ourselves...
kind of tired for relying on myself tbh, but I can at least acknowledge it is certainly nice to have that much security for myself. I know a decent relationship for me will come along at some point. it's just hard to feel like it's going to be anything other than another 3 decades before I once again feel the kind of happiness that made me realize who I am and what I want for myself in the first place.
thank you for hosting another wonderful talk with seeds being planted for introspection. hope it helps others as well 💖
People are wired to have connection with each other and and feel accepted and involved in “tribe”/community. Where does relying on yourself coming from, as a role model? Why?
It kinda makes society even more sick and therapists making more from lonely patients… What everyone should actually work on is a quality of own connections with others - if there is any questions in own dynamic there…
We must realize when our energy gets drained by negative & by we put the healthy boundries! 🎉🎉
My algorithm is hitting different atm. Thank you so much both.
I was in a book club with Lindsay and others last April. She’s revolutionary and her writing is the most eye opening stuff I’ve read. (And I have read every self help book in existence since’87!😂) Life changing!
So when is your self-help book coming out???😛
Adults saying they don’t have a choice is a bit misleading. At some point they do have a choice. We all have a choice to make a right or wrong decision. They have the choice to grow up, to get help, to change. It’s just that some people choose not to grow up. Again, that’s a choice.
Agreed Dawn 😉
Dawn, I agree with you.
Only will
They ask for help if they actually realise they have a problem.
You've got it, Crystalclear6864. A personality disorder may prevent them from understanding that their behavior is inappropriate. @@crystalclear6864
Hi Forrest -
I have been listening to your podcast for a couple of years. Almost every single episode has resonated with me in some way and I want to thank you for all that you do.
This episode with Dr Lindsay Gibson resonated with me most of all. One of my biggest struggles to date has been romantic relationships. I’ve had therapy, read endless books, journaled and listened to helpful podcasts. Maybe it was a matter of time and all of these things working together but I have to say I had the biggest AHA moments listening to this particular episode.
Dr Gibson has a way of explaining things that makes so much sense. I absorbed every word and will listen to this several more times. It was also very validating. I am forever grateful you had her as a guest.
Thank you again.
Thank you!
this video alone is doing such heavy lifting in understanding this topic. thank you so much
I wonder how many times people are called narcissistic but they’re really emotionally immature.
Lots
dealing w/emotionally immaturity.... really good vid on the subject. I awakened to the fact that my father was a narcissist and mother was borderline. Absolutely showed no love. I was so unconscious to this reality but my brother saw it and often spoke about it. I thought he was nuts because the bread crumbs I got I thought was huge love and took it that way. My older sisters took it another way and became narcissist themselves giving their kids no connection or love. It pains me that they are unconscious to their own behaviors and in their eyes will always be inferior.
59 years old and only now recognise that my parents have been and still are emotionally teenagers . 😱🤯😱
58 here and 4 years in to the KNOWLEDGE that my parents are either Narcissists, Narcissistic or extremely immature. It played havoc on my life until 4 years ago.. i'm not sure which each of them is. What I DO KNOW is that doesn't matter. What matters is discovering my own fault lines and healing myself. I can't bring my parents up any longer. I was killing myself trying to set a good example ....for my parents!! Lol!!
All my life I've been trying to understand emotions.
For now, what keeps my attention and helps ease my suffering as an emotionally immature person (all of us have been kids and most become parents) is knowing my own parents were short-changed, and their parents as well.
The echo carries on.
When people genuinely express love toward me every fiber in my body cringes, goes numb, or stutters in confusion. It's entirely possible I may be this way for the rest of my life, but the question that snaps me out of self pity and depression is, "Can you (I) work with that?"
At 57, realizing this isn't all my "fault" (like little kids think), and that most of my people generationally and linearly suffer or have suffered the same confusions and sorrow keeps me from isolation. Absolutely, I choose to deny or limit contact with family because of my lack of ability, but also, over the years I've seen how helpful it is to be with non-family to work out feelings or lack of them.
Receiving love can be so difficult when you were taught you were unlovable. Good for you to be insightful enough to realize this and work on it. Lean into the discomfort of being loved! Hopefully it will slowly lose its edge and you can truly feel the love of others or your own self love.
Therapy can also help with this especially DBT 😇.
It's so funny when you talk about how the authentic self is different...... I realized I had to change my profession when someone told me, "Your voice sounds different." I asked, "What do you mean?" "When you started talking about boats, you sound happy." (Thank you so much, Chraci! 😁)
At the one hour mark, the content goes over the exact issue I've been dealing with for the last decade. People are not all bad or all good. We are all in the mix. This information was exactly what I needed to hear today.
Life is a journey of learning. Learning there is no such thing as perfection should be one of our first lessons. No one is a perfect parent, a perfect child, a perfect friend or a perfect spouse. If perfection isn’t always the goal in society then maybe we can reach emotional maturity!
And maybe if parents didn’t both need to work two jobs to pay the bills and buy groceries, they could spend more quality time with their kids.
Be loyal to yourself :)
Excellent guest. Would you be open to a Part II of this that included people raised by emotionally immature parents telling their stories of how they eventually found healthy romantic relationships, how they had to change in order to do this, etc.?
I would love a part 2 also!
My husband and I are both from large families, with emotionally immature parents, siblings and we are both emotionally immature! We just married 4 years ago, I was the first person he told about how he was abused in his family from his brother who was 13 years older than him.
I listened to this podcast 3 times yesterday and then another time with my husband in the evening. We are both in childhood trauma therapy and I am bringing this podcast to her at my next appointment! This explains so much of what we are going through in our marriage. Thanks for suggesting a part 2!
I took a break for 3 year from my mother. It really healed me and gave me the opportunity to step backwards and see things in perspective. Since I saw that her development stayed stuck in her childhood, I started seeing and approaching her in that way. It really helps.
I was watching this broadcast today about Mother Hunger when YT streamed into this episode so seamlessly. I’m accepting this right now, like letting myself feel it.
What a wonderful guest - thank you very much!
Thank you. This is helping me in my years long recovery as the black sheep, the scapegoat, the joker, and the parent to the parents in my family of origin.
I was very emotional child my whole life, still am! And was so scared my whole life. I was confused and was constantly looking for someone to help me with it.
Thank you, particularly for the concise and contextual summary at the end.
I had read her book last year and it was life-changing. Dr. Gibson is great. She's extremely knowledgable and calm while being compassionate.
What an incredibly meaningful experience it was listening to this! Thank you Forest and thank you to your guest, Dr. Gibson.
Btw, your final summary is always amazingly helpful in reviewing all the main points and connecting all the dots!
Really appreciate it
Brilliant conversation! Brilliant recap! thank you 🙏
Brilliant...very affirming. Thank you!
She is incredible I've learned so much from her and her books, in regards to my parents. She describes the experience and behaviour so well and I'm able to learn more about myself. 🙏
Thank you so much 😮❤🎉 I am closer to feeling free.
this is precisely what I needed to hear at this specific point in my life. Thank you.
This episode have been so validating in so many aspects of my life right now.
This conversation is so rich. I learned a lot and feel inspired and empowered. Thank you 😊
This was soooo eye opening for me, OMG! Thank you Forrest!
Great episode and so timely!
Thank you for this. Wonderful conversation. And your comments after the interview about growth and the pain of unhealthy relationships (that gets worse as we get more mature), resonated so much.
I can't express how useful, insightful and relevant that interview was for me and my past relationship. Unfortunately I realized some of the things too late. Thank you so much for this video.
Yes. This book was very helpful to me. Thank You for your work.
This was wonderful and helpful. Thank you for putting so much work on putting out these videos
Forrest: so wonderful with the questions you bring up! Truly amazing in how you clarify them and so very helpful!
'
This woman saved my sanity with her books. Thank you ❤
Thank you Forrest. You are so intelligent when it comes to asking questions and analysing things . Keep up .
I loved her reflection on the title story - I would have heen mortified too to start with but isn't it amazing how a simple title that talks to people works 😊
Very meaningful, worthwhile listening for someone like me who has struggled with intimacy. Thankyou for these conversations.
I really like the dynamic of this conversation. Very enjoyable and informative. This kind of podcast that hard to find on TH-cam.
Deep respect and oppreciates for Hanson and Dr.Lindsay's effort to delivered the knowledges and informations very well. :)
❤❤❤ Yep, this was my childhood experience. Thank you for this video. This is really going to help me see more clearly what is REALLY going on in my emotional reactions.
I've probably spent thousands of hours listening to "therapy videos" and this conversation between the two of you has been life changing. I've never felt so heard and validated. I really feel like the both of you understand and have made me not feel like a "bad person" for attempting to have distance from my family after realizing how emotionally immature my mother was. I've been struggling with the constant punishment, cohersion, guilt, shame, etc that my family has put on my during this time. It's very hard for people dealing with a parent like this to allow themselves to put themselves first and not feel guilty for pursuing that distance. My family is simply stunted and that's on them to heal, I can see patterns of emotional immaturity in myself too and I want to be so much better. This has been incredible healing and validating for me. I've ordered 3 of Dr. Gibson's works and subscribed to your channel as well. I'm really looking forward to the insight that I gain from the both of you. Thank you ❤
Thank you. This podcast made me cry because it resonated so much. I wished I had a therapist like her early in my life. I'm going to read her book.
What a grsat conversation! And questions were spot on too! Thank you
This is fabulous! Can't wait to read the book!!
This was a very good episode. It really expanded my understanding of myself and my parents and what I want.
I learnt so much from this. Thank you. 💛
Incredible information!!!! Life changing. THANK YOU!❤
😇 Thanks both of you!
I'm so happy that you had her in the podcast, I literally cried and hopped in joy when this episode popped up in my feed! I'm not exaggerating when I say her book saved my life, seriously. It came at just the right time, when I was at my lowest, and made everything in my life so far make so much sense, what was wrong, what was missing... And how to start recovering from it. And, funnily enough, yesterday I finally decided I needed to let go of my healing fantasy once and for all, I can't believe how timely everything is!
And Dr Gibson is such a joy to be around, her delivery is great and lighthearted and it was evident you two had a great time with this conversation.
Thank you so much Forrest!
Really valuable interview, thank you!!
In a nutshell, I come from a difficult and dysfunctional and psychologically abusive relationship with my father who was a covert narcissist and had robbed me of my self-worth, I was homeless with him for a very long time during my upbringing and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape that and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet, I genuinely felt that I would belong with them and I thought they felt same way, but unfortunately, I guess they didn’t. What seemed like a gift from the universe, just turned into something that only contributed to my psychological and emotional wounds, I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they were to live with, and how conditional their love and regard was towards me, couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am and only if I meet certain criteria, and had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved. It’s just really unfair to me how my upbringing pretty much got robbed by a narcissist father and is something no kid should ever have to go through, while my fully related brother got to have what they called a ‘privileged life’. Yet, some online stranger on discord invalidates me and said “you haven’t made it sound any better” when I told him that I finally got to be with my brother, and he even went on to say “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and even a former friend laughs at me and invalidates me and minimizes my feelings saying “well they raised your brother and not you so he’s their kid and not you why do you think you deserve everything what he always gotten.” and that put more salt in the wound…it’s just really unfair, my aunt didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and was like “why not come stay here?”. It has put me in a constant endless loop of rumination. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere. They treated me as equally as their 2 boys… I wanted that with my brother… every other kid gets to have a family home life, the most basic thing in the world… except for me I guess… I have had someone that recognized the validity of my feelings though, and that person said ‘how on earth can you not be allowed just the same if not more’. all that I wanted was a life there with my family… why would anyone be wrong for that?
"All I wanted was a life with my family..." you don't seem to realize you want a varped image of your family, a dissorted reality. You describe the way people related to you hurt you but still want them. Why would you want them? Does that mean you hurt them too and expected them to stay regardles? You say "their love is conditional", what is "lack of love" then? What if they needed space from you, or time to process theirsd you interpreted that as "unloving" or abandonment. Are they not allowed to be separate people? Are they NPC meant to serve purpose in your life? You say people in your life invalidate your feelings but then you describe them giving a different perspective. But also why an online stranger is getting this much credibility from you.
I'm sorry, but you sound like a poster child of emotional immaturity. Please remember that it is not due the way you are, or that you "are the only one, that this happend to", how naive it is to be the only one to ever suffer, but regardless you are definitely older now, and have more agency in your life. What about your newfound family? I hope you can find peace by growing with them
@@oriawik 😂 , You’re saying I want a “varped image” or “dissorted view of my family” that seems invalidating, why would that be? Just because I wanted to finally be with my family and receive the same love and connection with them there that my brother always did? And to finally be with my family that I feel like I should’ve been with instead of my toxic father? Isn’t that a natural and normal human thing? Like, wouldn’t it make sense to go be with the people that took care of my brother after having a hellish life with a narcissist father? They literally said I was a gift from grandma that passed. You stated that they might’ve wanted space from me, but that wasn’t the case. I felt like I needed space from them, which is why I moved out. They were baffled as to why I wanted to move out of their multimillion dollar home. And it’s not that I still want them, the people that I have described that have hurt me, I just wish it would’ve been different. And whatever those people said that invalidated my feelings, I did not describe them as ‘giving different perspectives’, they had indeed invalidated my emotions with their ‘perspectives’. I’ve been living with these emotions for quite some time now… and I will say that everything that I went through and the experiences that I’ve had, and the difficult journey that I had, I feel like I have a damaged sense of self. I believe a life with family and caregivers is the most basic thing someone can have, something I never really had. I have been diagnosed with family trauma and ptsd, and with people questioning my worthiness of love, even after being raised by narcissist father that had did that my entire life, all of these things that I’ve recently experienced is the last thing I ever needed. People like myself are coming here to these videos for healing, and to share their stories, in no way do I think I’m the only one that thinks they go through these things. But by you thinking of me as some kind of ‘poster child of emotional immaturity’ feels like to me is a lack of empathy.
@@onepneuma8612You are so loved. There are people you don't even know yet who you will meet in your life, and they will help fill what your parents couldn't give you. Rejection by family of origin is very painful, and a deep wound. But nothing is impossible to God. God is close to the broken hearted. Sometimes it feels impossible to every heal or move forward from these pains... But there is a Heavenly Father who does care and love you with an everlasting love. He created you, your spirit, the essence of who you are. He is there to fill you, heal you, and shelter you from harm. Once I realized the love of God and yeilded my Life to Jesus Christ, I was bathed in His loving presence... and He healed me enough to give me the discernment of who I could trust in my life. I pray and hope the same for you, friend. I pray healing and restoration in your life. Hugs from afar!!! 💐💞🙏🏼🌹🌻
@@onepneuma8612don’t listen to that dork. You’re a human being that deserves a loving family, and it sucks you didn’t get that. F your dad he’s the one with issues not you. He is responsible for bringing you into this world it was his job to love and care for his child and he failed.
I've been in therapy since 2018 after a huge breakdown. Therapy has helped in some ways, esp. trauma therapy, DBT and somatic therapy.
Interviews or educational talks such as this one, where explanations of so much of the normal things that a developing mind does, are seriously more helpful than my talking therapy!
Thank you so much!
These people always blame the kids or spouse for everything they are doing wrong. Its very dissapointing. Heart breaking even.
Thank you… wonderful interview..
I love this podcast.... It's top quality and the way you don't associate real people but work through some conceived perception is really awesome too. ❤
Thank you so much for this video 🙏❤️
That was just what I needed. Thank you. Got the disentangling book.
She's spot on that it's extremely frustrating when someone won't admit that reality and how they feel about what happened is different and when they do they say "but that's how I feel" and won't allow you to push for why
Excellent content. As someone who has had emotionally immature parents; along with abuse and neglect; and have found I tend to attract and I’m attracted to those with narcissistic traits; emotionally immature; and those with extreme dismissive avoidant styles ( or personality disorders). I’m HSP; very empathic and have felt enough pain in two relationships and finally woke up and started focusing on why do I find myself in these situations when all I have done is tried to comply; work harder; and placate to whatever need they have; while mine went unmet. I didn’t even ask or maybe even understand I had any needs.
I would love to hear more about how to determine what is a reasonable needs of a partner. When you have been living for others needs all your life; and some of these “ needs” seem impossible and unreasonable and tend to be me needing control others that aren’t doing what they expect them to do; it feels like a no win; set me up for failure kind of request as I cannot control others and I don’t want to. At 48 min in this vid; I feel that may be what I’m hearing is not my responsibility. Which I have been trying to explain to him. To maintain his self esteem ( which is why he pursued me) and control others in the home (soothe any of his frustrations) Like walking on eggshells. He is so focused on others and I have asked him to focus on himself as he’s got a lot to heal and deal with.
Thank you! That was very informative ❤❤❤
WOW, THIS LADY IS BRILLIANT!!😊
I'm so glad this video was in my feed. I've read Dr. Givson's first book and definitely plan to read the second. There's so much truth that, when applied, can upgrade your quality of life exponentially. Thank you for this conversation. Each of you are empowering your listeners.💜
Thank you for this video 😭🙏💜
This is a great video. It helped me finally start to understand my mother as well as myself.
I suffered severe depression several years ago. I could remember several years ago after divorce with my husband which brought me into my disastrous journey on Alcohol and cigarettes. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with cptsd.
Not until a friend recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episodeenough to start working on my mental health
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Germany. Really need
Yes, dr.porass. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
He’s on instaa?
He’s on instaaa?
This was so illuminating, everything I've been through, everything I'm going through is very well articulated. I'm in therapy so I also got my psychologist's point of view and why they approach the things the way they do. Thank you very much ❤❤❤ Bless you 🙏🏻🌺
Just the summary at the end is excellent 👍
I learned at a young age to not show emotion to my parents because they would weaponize it against me.
Dr. Gibson you have beautiful eyes! And I loved this talk (Forest). Thank you...I will certainly be reading these books.
I love your podcast episodes. 🎉🎉 keep it up. So informative. Thanks a lot!!!!
I would like to see her on again. Very good information that she provided. Thank you.