How to Communicate Your Wants and Needs | Being Well Podcast
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 มิ.ย. 2024
- On the previous episode of Being Well, we talked about how to identify our wants and needs. But identifying our needs is just the first step. After that comes the tricky business of coming to terms with those needs, and communicating them effectively to other people.
In this episode, Dr. Rick Hanson and I explore best practices for claiming and expressing our needs. This includes how to navigate shame and inhibition, make effective agreements, be considerate of the person on the receiving end of our wants, and become more skillful at negotiation and repair.
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:55 What supports people in getting real about meeting their needs?
7:05 Suppressing needs due to challenges around self-worth
8:40 Patience, making your offering, and tipping points
11:55 Inhibitions and negotiating our needs with other people
18:50 Non-Violent Communication and Wise Speech models of communication
27:00 The need for multiple cycles of communication
29:55 Expecting defeat and two big pain moments
33:30 Addressing the broader topic of keeping agreements
39:15 Confidence in the ability to repair
41:20 Considering the person on the receiving end of your want
45:00 Generosity
47:25 Questions to ask when feeling uncertain how to express a need
52:00 Death by a thousand cuts and facing discomfort
54:40 Asking others-what else do you want from me?
57:20 Recap
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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 www.forresthanson.com
📸 / f.hanson
The most beautiful is the Father and son talk. The love flowing between the two. So lovely. Even that vibration is felt in us also.
Non-Violent Communication by Marshal Rosenberg was a life changer! I’ve read it at least three times and refer back to it when I feel disregulated. ❤ thanks for the great material 🤓👍
I really like the deliberate aware choices of words and the tone of the safe conversation between Rick and Forrest..Bravo! and much gratitude in modeling better respectful communication
Just a note on how the podcast is set up. The post show summary is so helpful. You could almost do shorts (videos) with those alone.
Such a beautiful teaching on graceful & skillful negotiation. Great Forrest: "a lot of Life is about sustaining the effort until we get to [our goal]/tipping point", + Rick's "tactful persistence & accurately communicating a need or meeting a goal".
Forrest, I hope you advance your education and get a PhD in clinical or social psychology. You have a great temperament and are clearly intellectually curious and a solid thinker. I've really been enjoying your channel. PS: Your dad has patient and compassionate energy. He seems like a fabulous man--as you are. At 16:55, your dad says: "What would it look like if you got your needs met?" I had to pause the video for like 30 minutes. I don't know the answer. I almost never get those needs met. That was such an insightful question. Simple--but not at all simplistic.
I can relate to your sentiment. I believe it’s part of our soul’s choice this lifetime as prime area of growth and expansion
@@meg01968 “our soul’s choice”. A really nice combination of words and meaning. Many thanks. I’m going to think on that. :-)
Most kids come from parents who should have not had kids n u don't feel heard or seen or loved by them so what do u do when we grown ups n have no good parents how do u get over that life family chaos until u leave at a teen n take care of yr self as best as I could with what I came from. God has tooken my pain to move. Forward I'm good now. Amen
Their preceding episode really helps people get in touch with what their needs might be. I found it very useful.
So far, this episode has stirred up the most discomfort in the pit of my stomach. I am grateful for the opportunity to be more in touch with my body and the physical manifestations of my feelings.
I am a highly sensitive person, and often I do not ask for what I need, or I can’t seem to be direct enough, because the pain of rejection is too great a risk. It’s so hard to find someone tolerant and patient enough to open up to about what I need. Trusting someone else and also myself has become a painful issue for me. Do you have any thoughts or advice for me?
Study manifesting look up Aaron Doughty and Manifest with Jasmine. They helped me a lot. Also hard to find but try to find a real INFJ or Infp or enfp friend. MBTI personality type. I've been all those. We're sensitive and caring. Every INFJ guy friend I've had is so caring and respectful and I am dating one now it's like heaven...just focus on loving yourself and believe you are worth being loved. You are!
Turn that pain of rejection into your ultimate tool.
If you get that rejection there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
However you inadvertently learn from that rejection that the person you're interacting with isn't the right person for you.
The right person will tolerate and have the patients you desire.
Rejection is the best way to make sure you're not wasting your time.
You're time belongs to the ones that won't reject. To the ones who care enough to exuberant the patients necessary to understanding.
Good luck.
(Just an opinion)
The book "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most" by Bruce Patton, Douglas Stone, and Sheila Heen helped me so much. It breaks down why difficult conversations are so hard and how to lean into your feelings.
I hadn't thought about looking at life that way before. It will take much courage, but deep down I know you're right.@@xXxbmxxXx1
Thank you so much to both of you RIck and Forrest for having this deeply valuable conversation and for sharing your wisdom and insights with compassion, humor and an open and generous heart! It's also really beautiful to see a father and son with such a wonderful relationship. It is touching to see. Much gratitude.
Repair ability is a new idea for me, ty for mentioning this.
How lucky for both father and son being able to engage in these sincere conversations of wisdom which you share with us. Thoroughly enjoying them and learning lots as a result. Thank you!
Millions should hear your videos 🎉life changer ❤thank youu so much very grateful 🙏🙏🙏
This is absolutely brilliant. I will be playing learning from this over and over again. Thank you both!!!!
Thank you both so much for your time sharing these wonderful healthy ways to communicate. Just listening to your gentle voices and kind, positive conversation is in itself very healing ❤
They both have a mole in the same side of their cheek😊, love this podcast esp to see a healthy father son relationship that also work well together.
Imagine if this was the norm for fathers and sons! It would be world-changing!
The reason why i watched your video is so i can visualize how to have a safe model of parent-child relationship ;)
Thanks for being a role model for me 🙏
I love the intimacy between you and your father!
I love that you brought up the other side also, of the one being asked to honor a request. You cover topics so broadly and compassionately! It’s so helpful in so many ways.
This is a powerful podcast. I like addressing the broader issues on the level of connection.
Forest and Elizabeth are literally my favorite couple! 💕
I love the mix of sensitivity & steadiness of your podcasts!
Thanks for this. It’s been years since I acknowledge my needs and wants.
I started listening to the Wednesday night Darma talks and grateful today to come across both father and son discussing some topics that I really needed at this time in my life, wants, needs and how to communicate them in a positive and respectful manner. I must say that Rick is great but Forrest is also extremely well spoken and really conveys and recaps the topic in a sequential and professional manner. Today was a breakthrough for ME when communicating with my daughter, in terms of remembering what my needs are the importance of self-respect. I shared my conflicts and feelings with my best friend whose opinion I deeply respect and with her guidance the outcome was a positive step in the right direction. I made progress communicating and at the same time maintaining my needs in a loving and compassionate manner. Thank you for all of your professional guidance ❤️ it is truly appreciated!!!!! 1:50
Such a wonderful duo! Thank you gentlemen! :)
Thank you for your work and insights! 💯😎🙏🔥💚
This vid came at exactly the time I needed it to. Ty for being there for me guys 🥰
great episode - thanks v much
This is particularly hard for those with dismissive avoidant attachment style also- because anything seen/interpreted as criticism equates telling them they’re not good enough as they are. As they are gaslighting themselves into a belief that they should be perfect and never need to grow.
I’m leaving a positive review. It was good.
would be very helpful to understand conflicting needs between a couple - eg, one wants social gatherings, other introvert, one wants clean home vs other thrives in mess. in such situations, how to get your needs met? will you discuss this in a video?
This episode really helped me to see ways in which I can better ask for what I need and to see where I make mistakes…..
Thank you both very much🤗
Great session. Very helpful
Cooooooool! Thanks.
Love this, thank you guys
Wow I've saved a link to this and will revisit it often. ..never seen two options for discomfort expressed within a personal comfort of being. That I will be working on going forward.
Thx
So encouraging. I love your voice Forrest . I believe in you!
Thanks!
Needs are the inside story we aren’t taught about 😢.
I really need a, “how to do this” class!!
We need your subscriptions 🤣. I love
What if you have a preference on how people give you support and feedback? For example, to share my needs for encouragement, to be seen and heard by direct communication to me.
But the other person doesn’t naturally have that skill and supports by offering her similar experiences… rather than directing it at me.
Is that being codependent and trying to control others? I don’t want them to feel like they are walking on eggshells with me, but it’s just not helpful to hear about them and the people in their lives experience without tying it back to me? Especially if I really need support and am in a fellowship situation.
This is a big question I struggle with.
Where is the link to support the podcast with a monthly monetary contribution?
Where might I submit a question?
We don't choose r parents who r mentally ill n we as. Kids don't kw what's happening until were15yrs old n stand up n tell them their not healthy to be abusing us no more
25:09 "Most people are bad listeners." As a woman, I have a fear of being seen as "nagging" so I try not to repeat myself but the older I get the more I think I should be repeating myself.
Micro-abrasions. As a late-identified autistic woman, I work daily to cultivate my self-worth in a world that at best doesn't see me, at worst bullies and oppresses me as a person in a marginalized category of human!
hi, what Bluetooth earphones do you use ?
In this I'm using the Sony wf-1000xm4
@@ForrestHanson thank you
We need your subscriptions😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😅😅😅😅😂😂😂😊❤I subscribed.
TH-cam unliked this video for me…. sigh 😔 again. TH-cam is like on CCP level corruption 😂
I dont know about this. This constant reminder thing can feel like nagging to a lot of people