I think trauma is also a result of situations where you cannot apply normal ethics and so you find it hard to digest. But also - the traumatic event changes your understanding of yourself/the world and it's the new understanding that's so hard to get used to.
It's called repetition compulsion. We repeat our own trauma in an attempt to resolve it. We need to be compassionate with ourselves if we keep on harming ourselves.
The future of Psychiatry . Right there. We could also throw away the DSMV for good and make a fresh start. Treating Trauma is enough for the majority of all suffering people.
I've been told attempts to add CPTSD to the big book, having much documented research, have been declined. Pretty sure from #4 into #5. Obviously insurance won't cover such claims, which puts providers in the uncomfortable position of having to file for other diagnoses to get paid. Whether the whole book can be rewritten and approved anytime soon, I posit that that diagnosis needs to show up asap, for health providers and clients alike.
I've always been told that there was something wrong with me after every single trauma in my life. I've been molested by an uncle, beaten and degraded by another, lost all 4 of my children, lost my parents, been raped twice before I was 18, been kicked out of everyone I've ever known's lives, deserted, abandoned, and broken. I can't function day to day, and everyone always tells me it's all my fault. I'm just screwed up. Hearing someone official affirm how I've been feeling literally brought me to tears. Thank you.
Stay strong, start your healing process now, do yoga, meditation 🧘♀️, dancing 💃, writing ✍, exercise, running 🏃♂️ etc. Work on healing process read books like The body keeps the score , the invisible lion, waking up the tiger etc. Don't loose hope, we have to heal ourselves, we deserve a better life, please take care of yourself. All the best on your healing journey 😊.
Big hug for you. I'm so sorry that you have had so many difficulties and challenges on your road. And you're still here. Facing it all. You must be soooo strong. Be proud of where you already are after all of this shit and keep moving forward. You've already come so far.
It's not your fault you just don't know how to release the pain that you have stored. I've been molested and Im 38 and just now trying to attempt to acknowledge that I'm no longer in danger. I carried this pain over to my own son because I was hurt by men as a kid. It's so sad. I cry all the time I rage at those I love but I know I can move past this.
I cried reading ‘the body keeps the score’ because I finally understood my (c) PTSD symptoms. Had a lot of EMDR. Still come back to his book regularly and do my own (creative) therapeutic work with clients today. Also love the work of Gabor Maté. Thanks for your great videos. Very informative.
Wow. Thank you all 3 for the most informative conversation. I-am woman 64, victim of developmental trauma. Now I finally understand my internalized shame,. I was an Innocent small girl. My parents abused me in multible ways. Been dealing wirh incurable cancer, depression, anxiety. Now I understand my Self-hatred and Self´-loathing, I b.. I blamed my self not them. I am a hero to have survived hell, I can be proud of my self. Self-compassion is vital, re-parenting the little innocent child. I wish there are affordable therapists in Iceland, I want to be completely cured, Thank you again.
@@vivacemaxvictor2765 thank you so much. You are an angel. Been crying listening to the book of Bessel van der Kolk, also crying listening the podcasts, the interviews, the lectures with Kolk.
Precisely traumatized people do recognize the social differences in the world and feel them intrinsically I would say. My deepest gratitude to you all three for this interview. Dr Bessel Van De Kolk one the greatest gifts to our world. Thank you indeed for being there.
This episode is such a blessing After a life of addiction and disordered eating, I am finally getting healing, and am studying to be a somatic psychotherapist. Thank you all so much !
Forrest is a gem 💎 of a person, as are his 2 guests. But this note is to acknowledge Forrest as a role model for inquiry, insight, compassion and reverence for truth and healing.
thank god for the intelligence of this and it helps me as I go forward healing my life of intense trauma. At 73 with a life of being frozen and not understanding why I was so angry and paranoid. It's a long story, but I am only now at 73 finding a way out - thru counseling, a twelve step program for sex addicts and listening to pod casts, motivational tapes, speakers in AA and SLAA and meditation that I'm beginning to understand what an amazing and courageous person I am. Thank you for this podcast. It is extremely helpful, especially the part of not lumping everyone's journey who survived a common horror.
Yep, and likewise my thx to Bessel and especially for his tips re: using yoga to help physically integrate the healing process w/ the mental & emotional journey. BTW, aside from recovery, have always had the most difficulty with what to *_do_* with all those traumatic childhood 'memories. And if there's any truth to 'reincarnation', have realized that we've already _forgotten_ countless previous lives, and deaths, and this has helped me to better provide some broader 'context' for my own past life experiences, including integrating and _accepting_ both the good and the traumatic ones.
Until the day before my 21st birthday, I grew up isolated in a 4-person household with an emotionally and mentally abusive mother; a stepfather the age of a grandfather who blended in with the furniture all day until it was time to eat; and a half-brother (whom I cherished) who was my responsibility, from diaper changing to escorting him anywhere I went. When my stepfather moved it, he was living in a hotel room with no history of romantic relationships or experience with basic household responsibilities. My mother would often suggest he “just go off somewhere and die.” There was NO extended family and NO friends for either parent. So I genuinely was not aware of any possible alternatives! So, yes, I thought my life could or would never change! At least until my mother or myself died-and I didn’t care which it was as long as it would make the pain stop. Eventually, I just left the house and didn’t return, with no extra clothes, a small checking account, and a car that was made only 4 years after I was born. The escape wasn’t neat, smart, or pretty, but it was the only way I still believe it could have been done. Every year after that was spent desperate for something I’d never had, couldn’t articulate, and was certain I didn’t deserve. I just kept trying to fit every new opportunity into the only box I’d ever had. Ive just been winging it all these years. At 58, I finally see that it never did and isn’t now, working well. I’ve also never been able to convince myself that I’m inherently deserving of love or compassion. Makes my understanding of God, Christ and Holy Spirit sound about as true as those affirmations that were like some kind of voodoo that could change your life. I didn’t even know my mother was “abusive”; I just thought she was mean and terrifying. I figured she’d never hit me. She simply would ignore me for 1-3 days as punishment. She often gave me two choices with me having no idea which one was right on any given day. When I was 9, she one day told me the people from the local orphanage would be coming to get me. She told me they’d put me in a closet, feeding me when they felt like it. When they didn’t show up by bedtime I asked where they were, and she plainly told me they’d must have forgotten and would pick me up tomorrow. She never retracted it. No therapist knew what to make of it. They’d think along the lines of me living with a woman who’d learned all she knew from living with alcoholism all around her. The only book that came close to addressing my life was called “Toxic Parents.” The work done by your revolutionary guest today, Levine, Mate and so many others has not only been able to put bones and flesh to our pain, giving it an identity; they’ve made it possible for Us to feel seen for the first time and to put words to our pain, making it real. Pain has always been expressed in creative arts - from the poetry and prose of Maya Angelou to the comedy of Robin Williams. But now it doesn’t need to be expressed in shame or in isolation. Thank you for this podcast! (I’m too tired to proofread. 🤞🏼)
I understand. Both my parents had problems, and they kept us isolated from others, so the four of us children were so painfully affected. I was also molested for a number of years. I have disassociated and have memory loss for periods of my life. It has affected every area of my life, like you, and I am 68 now. Looking back, I see some things that I am thankful for. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in my late teens and God and church became very important. I married unwisely and had 4 children, but God and my church walked with me and my children. I did not harm my children like I was harmed, and God and church guided me. I left their father to protect them, which was a good thing; it was extremely hard, but God and church supported me and counseled me in many things. Life has been hard, but I am getting healed and healthier. This morning, God brought me understanding in areas I have been struggling and again He helped me. I am also receiving help from wonderful people like my brother, who provided this podcast and others. (I call him brother because he is like a wonderful caring brother.) My children are doing well and are continuing their relationships with God. I have been able to help others because of what I have gone through. I can have the love and empathy they need. I do have to be careful I don't get overwhelmed. I do reach out to Christian counselors from time to time. I am continuing to become stronger and stronger and pray for you to see the positive side as you heal. My prayers are with you. We understand many things others have no understanding of, and as we discover the path of healing, we can bless others. We are very unique and have unique potential. Praying for you and all the others!
@@maureenczoch9129 thank you for your prayers because sometimes I have a reflex reaction to triggers and pull back to protect myself. I trust God, feel punished or untrusting and pull back. That’s when I can’t pray anything but “Why?! What did I do wrong?” And I can say that I am so grateful that I don’t need to recover from physical or sexual trauma as well. I know pain is pain, but there’s no was to endure physical or sexual abuse without emotional abuse, too. It’s selfish for anyone, especially a person you trust or depend on for food and shelter, to use their power over a child! I’m so glad there are those like you who have been successful in making things better for your children and yourself! As you said, it’s so good to have love and support along the way, and not everyone has that yet. I pray they can find that and trust it enough to find even a little peace and self-affection, sooner than later!
@@CristinaAcosta Isn’t it amazing all the things that can be said or done to some to tell them that you’re insignificant or worthless, or of no value - without actually saying, “You are nothing and you deserve nothing.” It’s painful to spend every day of your life thinking you must create your own worth to matter but also knowing that it’s impossible because you figure they’ll always find you out, and no one likes a liar or deceiver! Is it any wonder so many can tell others to keep hanging in there because people care so much about them, that the world needs them? I’ve often given up arguing with my encourager because I figure they’re either lying to me because they think they’re supposed to do the right thing, or they’re delusional enough to believe life is worth living (any here’s the kicker!) just because that’s what they were told! What irony!! I found a quote that summed it up for me: ‘I’m just wait for you to hate me as much as I hate myself.’ Try to convince me otherwise when you truly know me. Not as well as my abuser did. I’ve wondered if it wouldn’t help more to meet me where I am and agree with me at first, draw out some of the lies I believe, and then pull me away from those comfortable convictions. Just don’t tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about! After all, I’m not crazy, I’m just worthless and unlovable. My coworker’s sister killed herself (the second one to do so). My boss said to me that he didn’t understand why some people kill themselves. I said that they can’t understand why some people don’t. After all, who told you that you were allowed to like yourself and to enjoy your life? May peace be a friend to you, your siblings, and to all the rest of us who need it. By the way Cristina, your mother was a liar. She didn’t understand how to enjoy the wonder of a child, and she missed out! And as long as you believe those lies, you’ll leave this world without ever enjoying the wonder of you. (I’m still working that one out myself. 😉 Wish me luck! 🤞🏼
Thank you so much for this! Our politics and all of our goverment systems are definitely mirroring the dynamics of an abusive family. Thank you for speaking these very true words. I have multiple and severe traumas, abuses, neglect, abandonment, etc., since before I was born that has continued through adulthood despite my best efforts. I am just now, after the latest abuses and literally not being able to handle it or cope with it any longer, really coming to terms with and processing them. Growing up and as an adult the most egregious things were normalized by and normal for everyone around me and who were supposed to care for me. To deal with it I was just matter of fact about it all and focused on meeting my own needs, but it all came knocking at around 40 after the latest abuses. Loved ones and friends addictions that I tried to care for and be understanding toward, at the expense of my own well-being, have caused me the most pain. I removed all of those people from my life and to do that I had to face isolation, homelessness, severe depression and hopelessness, etc., which has been almost as detrimental as the abuse. Almost immediately after I began ridding my life of abuse, and enduring immense suffering to do so, the pandemic hit. I lost my business that I had worked and sacrificed for 20 years to build, amid great opposition and disdain and being told to get a "real" job, which in rural TN means a factory or retail by those here without a degree who are bitter and struggling. I have said many times that what I have been through since the pandemic began just feels like even more abuse and trauma. I appreciate so much that you made this comment because rather than being made to feel crazy for saying that for the last year, I now have validation. I don't have a problem with knowing right from wrong or seeing what is truly there, but not having anyone else around me who thinks on my level to provide that validation I question myself or hold back way too often. After I lost my business, I was denied ppp loans so I could meet basic needs while others were approved for multiples for fake businesses and buying lavish cars and vacations. I fought that and lost. As a self-employed person I could apply for unemployment for the first time ever, not much but better than nothing. I had to survive on $48 a week because I had one job designing books for Google Rivet through upwork 1-5 hours per week where I was considered an employee even though I was a freelancer, so they based it on that 1-5 hours per week and ignored my other 30,000 in self-employment income, which would have entitled me to the maximum of $275. I fought that fight for almost two years, amidst not having many of the most basic necessities, and lost. Then just as I am starting to get my business back, I wind up with a completely disabling vaccine injury in September of 2021. I have been completely on my own as far as help or treatment and forced even further into extreme poverty and distress. Doctors will not even consider it as a factor, let alone acknowledge it, and have been dismissive and demeaning and keep passing me around to more doctors who do the same, so I have had to do my own research while severely impaired physically, mentally/cognitively, and emotionally to try to get even the smallest bit of relief and quality of life back and it is still very little. I have been told I deserve to die by anti-vaxxers, despite being coerced into getting it against my better judgment by a doctor who told my preemie nephew would die if I didn't. And completely ignored and dismissed by pro vaxxers because they don't want anyone who is injured discouraging anyone from getting the vaccine. I have had no support at all through any of it (aside from an inadequate amount of food and energy assistance) even though I was doing all of the "right" things. Just like the rest of my life and my childhood. I've always had to do everything for myself as long as far back as I have memories. I am one of the children you mentioned who as early as 5-6 was looking at the adults and the world around me like this is complete insanity. The way people treat each other, the suffering, wars, inefficient and slow goverment systems, religion, hate, injustices, etc., and it has only become more evident, depressing, and infuriating, as I have gotten older and seen, experienced, and learned even more. As a child, I became the protector, the advocate, the mediator, etc., for other children and adults because I felt their pain and suffering so deeply because I have never had that for myself. I know how it feels and don't want anyone else to have to experience it. Because of those things, I observe everything and have a very open mind and can always see both sides of any stance or argument and can listen to others with differing opinions, often tweaking my own. I have never agreed completely with any one side and don't have an issue pointing out flaws on both lol, so I am accepted or supported by no one and I don't "fit in" anywhere. I used to love that, and still do, but at this point it's hard not to see what has come of it. I think my entire life, my real issue has been environment. I'm a very self-aware, observant, rational, and critical thinking person in a sea of irrational, oblivious, very self-unaware, and abusive people. The only time I truly excelled was in school because I was blessed to have teachers who were similar and encouraged thinking, creativity, talents, etc. Those things didn't count in my world outside of school. They were an annoyance, a flaw. They still are. I have had to fight for crumbs since my first memories and now with my physical limitations I'm tired and I don't have the energy, willpower, or ability to do it any longer. All of that fighting my entire life seems to have been for naught when I look at where I am now. I know it's not, and even in writing this I guess I am still fighting in the only way I am able. But I am also struggling and barely keeping it all together. I loved what you said in another video about how the people and children who had a safe, stable home to go to where their needs were met weren't traumatized by the same events as the people and children who didn't. That rang so true for me. I have desperately tried to create that stability and safe place for myself since I was a child and I have fought so hard for it. The wrong people, politics, the systems we have in place, etc., don't allow that or make it nearly impossible. Then to add insult to injury, most successful people or the ones who did have a stable home, support systems and/or just got lucky because of social status and connections, and have managed to make it are condescending and judgmental and tell people like me we just must not be trying hard enough. That is devastating and infuriating for people like me who have always had to fight and try harder than most. That is true for some, yes, but not for me or other like me and it is offensive and demeaning on so many levels. Sorry to babble on so much lol. Your thoughts, viewpoints, teachings, and research have been such a comfort and help to me. I hope to one day I have a victory story to share instead. Thank you all for all you do and have done! ❤️
Your story is a massive victory. The you that came in to this world and the you that leaves one day will have improved tremendously due to your struggles. You are not alone, keep on keeping on.
I am one of those people who decided at age eight that my family was crazy and that I just had to wait it out until I could get out of there. It didn't prove to be that easy because by the time I was fifteen I suffered a major depression, which curtailed my ability to act in my own best interests. I guess I was stuck in a trauma bond. Once I started university, I was able to move out of home, but have suffered from anxiety and depression ever since. As far as healing modalities are concerned, I agree that an eclectic approach is best. I would steer clear of psychedelics myself, but accept that others may find it helpful. Over the years I have found mindfulness meditation, CBT, ACT and feldenkrais incredibly helpful.
@Carol Gartner I am genuinely interested in your opinion. Why would you steer clear of psychedelics? I am interested from a scientific perspective. Thanks.
@@jenniferg6818 I don't know for sure why he wouldn't but I can tell you my experience. I had went to Santa Fe and had gotten me some chocolate edibles and they contained CBD, THC, and Sativa. I took half a square and waited an hour and nothing happened (I should have waited longer) so I took the other half. From reading and asking people about that strand they said it was more of a head high. Let me tell you it scared the shit out of me, it was like someone put a blindfold on me and put me on a roller coaster and said have fun. My wife said that I was basically hyperventilating for 2 straight hours. Toward the end when it started wearing off I suppose I did have this feeling of floating and that everything was okay, but I still get some of those emotions as if it's going to happen again, but it's just me analyzing what went wrong or even to make any sense out of it. Now I know I'm going to get a lot of crap saying I'm a weak person or whatever because it effected me the way that it did. I've never been drunk and only smoked pot once when I was 17. The problem that I was having was just being miserable and sick of life. Looking at it now I would choose that feeling anytime over what I experienced. I feel as though I have a lot of pinned up negativity built up within myself and that was what it was trying to show me and it scared me so much that I honestly thought my head was going to explode. I wished I could be one of those people who could take a psychedelic and experience what everyone else does, maybe if I had taken an even smaller dose it would have been so much better, I really don't know.
At age 8 I ran away from home, my dad found me and brought me back to hell. I've done a few EMDR sessions but still feel frozen in a emotional flashback I've relived it several times which gives relief but it just seems to start the cycle all of again. The guilt of being alive is the worse
Why don't we treat complex trauma as the public health crisis that it is? I wish every community could implement a step by step action plan to prevent and treat this growing crisis.
Death of an ego (including mine, the victim of violence) is a very hard process and a everyday life time process. Thank God for this channel that is helping that process begin. So glad I was led here!
I have CPTSD and am 71 years old. What Dr Bessel van der Kolk is saying is what Pete Walker says in his book "CPTSD From Surviving To Thriving" is to "normalise" your feelings and sensations, to befriend them. This makes a lot of sense, and I am working on getting in touch with those feelings and being curious and feeling them rather than dumbing down, repressing them. It takes time and patience, and can be uncomfortable and difficult, but slowly I notice it does give me some relief. What he says is so true that quite often I haven't done, is that I have forgotten what happened to me is done, is not happening any more, it happened when I was a child, but it is still held in my body like it was yesterday that it happened. I need to release it.
Super - thank you all. I'm in my late 50s and am only realising that fateful decision I made as a child I continued to live with all my life with very damaging consequences. Now, things are starting to make sense and I'm waking up to a whole new world. It's extraordinarily validating to hear discussions like this. Thank you .
In my case, now 72, no choice by which to decide was presented until in my mid 60's. I was simply too enmeshed with a string of toxic people that seemed essential to my own existence. TBKtS was my 1st real peep into a plausible escape from the decades of abuse. Color me grateful for such pioneers as I seek further recovery.
Bessell is a hero for me. Heard him at naropa university long ago. Now I can help others. IMAGINATION. Grounding. The issue I find today is the inability to introvert and embrace humility and empathy
Can you have him on again soon?! He’s brilliant. This was so good but I wish it was longer. Feels like there’s so much more to discuss. Thank you for putting these on TH-cam. ❤
work in progress, useless treaters for so many years no one explaining just throwing drugs at me. i have done lots of DBT, day treatment. my health at 56 is so bad its all im focussing on and getting a trauma therapist who actually knows whats they are doing beyond validation. just learned last week my psych and therapist rarely talk! i was right all along, the psychiatrist knows nothing about me refuses to read my history, has left prescriptions unsent or unwritten. i think shes going to kill whats left of me. i havent had a decent therapist but twice in my life. how can a psychiatrist treat you without history and updates? i know im not the only one suffering. i havecadd from truama and cannotvread stuff anymore so its the healing is coming thru my youtube. thank you for bringing on this awesome man. im now listening to the book i bought a decade ago. its hard when something is said thats a mindblower and i need to collapse and bawl. but im not going to let bad treaters slow me down much ive be trying to heal since i realized i was suicidal at 7. Oddly enough i knew what that meant. from seeing the movie Mash. suicide is not painless. try to remember you may be alone where you are but theres so many of us. Be strong be safe❤❤❤
Psychedelics freed me from my C-PTSD EXACTLY the way he mentioned. After 2 decades of healing work, nothing had a more profound effect. I'm superbly thankful, humbled, and freed. Wishing the same freeing for all those suffering. Sending love, light, peace, and joy! 💞💫🕊🌻
I wish folks that are pronouncing the amazing effects, psychedelic therapy would say where they're from, and how were they able to access it. So many of us would love to be involved, but have no idea how to move forward, because, as bessel says it's often all about the money... and that FDA trying figuring out how they can make the most profit off of it.
@@sheilabrennan4481 people don’t say it because many of us are partaking illegally. It’s still a class 1 felony federally in the US. I have some information about my process on my channel, but I didn’t get too specific because it’s still illegal. I was desperate to take my healing into my own hands. It took almost a year of preparation before I could actually access the medicine. It’s not just about taking it. You have to prepare and set intentions. After the sessions, you need someone to help you process and integrate what you’ve seen and experienced. I created a plan. Had my support system in place. And did tons of research before even considering this journey. It’s everyone’s responsibility. Not to mention, if someone is taking MEOI’s and other prescribed medications, it can be as little as ineffective and as dangerous as severe reactions and more. None of us commenting are doctors. My healing is my responsibility and my journey. I had to seek it out. What worked for me, doesn’t work for everyone, and the journey didn’t end with the mushrooms. In fact, it just opened a door to a new path and new work to do. Nonetheless, the work I did was worth. I encourage you to do you own work and your own research.
This interview is a keeper! So appreciate the discussion around language and the DSM, a terribly limiting tool. Also the power of imagination and development.
Dr. van der Kulk’s body of work is phenomenal and has educated a multitude of people in such a groundbreaking manner that it has changed the way an entire field of professionals and laymen alike see this convoluted field that is otherwise very confusing! No small feat. This man is a real live Hero! Salute’
The hypervigilance I experienced from cptsd in childhood, I've now learned to perceive stress and trauma from my patients so I can offer a comforting approach, bring them a safe space so the examination isn't traumatizing them further.
Awesome guest, he hasn't done a lot of podcasts yet that I can find. Great you guys got him for this podcast! Hope to see him doing more podcasts in the future.
Thank you so much for this conversation. I’m living in the U.K. through turbulent times and when you were talking about politics operating like an abusive family etc that was so resonant for me right now. I love also that you spoke of the complexity of healing and not one size fits all - the creativity aspect and the self compassion. In fact I’m definitely going to re listen to this episode coz there’s so much gold in there. ❤🙏
This was amazing. Than you so much. The way i speak to myself and attack myself physically, have always been a huge source of shame. I have been diagnosed with CPTSD and convincing me that i am the problem, the defective one was a big part of the problem for me. And all the self hateing behaviors worked as a confirmation that deep down, my parent and family system were and are right. Your video and what was said about internalised abuse, and the fact that the abuse shapes the child and futur adult moved me deeply. Thank you so much. I realise now just how deeply i have always been convinced that my abusif parent was right and that the enablers excusing of the violence was just more proof that she was right and justified.
I love hearing you all have such a generous, respectful, engaging conversation. Well done boys. So good to see and hear good men collaborating well. More of this on planet earth please!
What an incredible interview. I love the language that he uses. “Getting to know the creature”. Rick and Forrest- your interviewing styles are so helpful in opening up your guests and helping them to relay information they may not when being interviewed by another person. Thank you!
Wipe! There’s so so much here! And I just found the book club for The Buddy Keeps The Score on the Trauma Research Foundation channel! Excited about that. Thank you so much for this episode.
Very grounded, thoughtful and helpful conversation. Appreciated the explorative aspects of the use of various therapies and the importance of context /interrelatedness as key components of mental health. Especially liked the discussion on human development and the impact of family/caregivers on the development of self. Thank-you
The part about pooling resources ❤️🔥 I have had this massive project in mind through my own trauma and am working on being able to communicate the concepts of creating a new global health resource using technology and integrative health to help more people access resources to reduce suffering. Ambitious but the more I realize how much I survived, the more I realize this is not actually impossible. Thanks for this!!
I actually have had a similar thought. I have a dream of creating a Trauma Center that offers many different modalities including psychedelics. I was fortunate to do Ayahuasca in Peru and it healed things I've been trying to work on for decades. Of course psychedelics will have to be approved first but that's my vision.
Forrest, great work! I'm so glad my wife, Sungshim, suggested I watch (and listen) to your podcast. She initially suggested I watch it to see if my son (Zachariah) and I could learn from you and your dad. You do inspire us and give us some creative ideas. Thank you! Then, I am able to watch and learn from your presence and the way you engage your conversation partners.
I am currently reading the doctor's book. It has brought up traumas in my life. I have decided to seek out help to deal with these long ago memories that have continued periodically to return me to episodes of depression that keeps me stuck. Perhaps I can learn self compassion.I so enjoyed this podcast and Bessell's honesty and brilliance. I will continue to watch for more eye opening truths about the world we live in.
Thanks for Sharing, Sigmarecovery! Wow i feel this in my own life too. I am an empath that have been giving away my Energy, abandoning my self and just feel worn out all the time.. i have a difficult time to maintain a job, relationships etc ..have been abused as a child . and there is no way you could guess that i walk with PTSD.. and exactly.. people just find you weak is you give away to much of your self.. i am glad that i was introduced to EMDR that seems to reduce trauma quite well.. i am going to try it out.. and start yoga again.. i been a christian for a couple of years and they look down on everything that is not in the bible so i am glad that i now go to a church where i am not under "control" by leaders and pastors.. keep it real ya´ll bless u.
Thank you so very much for this interview! I used to follow people unfolding these topics for personal growth and to have a better understanding of some of my students’ challenges. I’m becoming a professional counsellor soon and the words of luminaries like Dr Kolk, Dr Mate, your dad and so many others touch deep chords in my heart, deepen my awareness, and make me very proud of myself for having chosen this field, as a professional platform, to spend the remainder of my life journey. A heartfelt thank you to you Forrest (your end of talks’ summaries/musings are fantastic.: deep appreciation to your dad and the wonderful guests that both of you bring to this platform. The world becomes a better place for it🙏🙏🙏despite all the barriers put by the politics & corporations that are loyal to greed and power: thank you for addressing this too. This talk did great advocacy work as well. Haydee Windey
I always enjoy your podcasts. This was was excellent. As a child of the sixties, let me give warning to anyone thinking they can effectively use psychedelic drugs without someone who can guide & support them if they need that. I have seen them used to great benefit & also, unfortunately, to great detriment when used as party favors. You must give them due respect, as you would all other treatment modalities. Keep up the good work. Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk’s book The Body Keeps the Score literally changed my life. I would recommend it for any survivor of trauma. Grateful in Indian Country.
What about folks with chronic diseases? It is not a "failure of imagination", but a sad reality, that no matter what I do, or how I live my life, because of heredity and circumstance, I will STILL have this condition. I will never be "safe" from the event. The best I can hope for is to mitigate as much I can with lifestyle changes. I am doing PTSD work, but as yet, no therapist seems to understand this. Granted, a person could die by getting hit by a bus tomorrow, but there is something different about waking up every day for 16 years, 3 months, and 16 days (and counting) with the possibility that this day will be the one that your heart decides to go on permanent strike, for example.
Abuse especially long term may or may not kill you, but the stress will destroy you because no one wants to listen or to be aware of your clients suffering. if i stop this validation only therapy i wont get my psych meds so i continue to suffer alone. yes i know theres others out there, but i live just outside of Boston and im meetihg people who have had horrible tradgedy and their on waiting lists for help a therapist. i saw let them go first I've made it this far. ill get the healing thru the internet. try Dr. Ramani Durvasala or the others truly educated and here to help for free.
Really love the way you lead the questions in all your interviews Forrest, particularly so in this one … and with two experts offering answers from their vast experience, this interview has been both revealing and enlightening. Just hope people with fixed ideas will consider other possibilities 🤞🏻 Thank you Forrest, Rick and Bessel - a formidable team on this topic 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Forest, your summaries are excellent. This summary in particular, took the important topics in this wide-ranging conversation and glued it all together for me, thank you!
Great job doing these talks. For me, especially when men are talking to other men and explaining a few past misconceptions that being a man needs to be heavy handed to both mom and child tells me alot. It gives me hope. But also what is clear coming from these sons of men is that there has been a God-sent mutation happening thru them that is geared to sending us all grown ups to the drawing board of awareness. For someone growing in christianity, I see the role of the prophets being played and like the people of the past not always eager to here the message and act on it.We are being asked to be aware of how our actions come to bite us if they are ill and how rewarding they can be if they are generated from knowledge of what is harmful to us and what is good for replication. On imagination, the fact spoke by Dr. B Van Der Kolk "if one cannot imagine it, it does not exist." If our imagination is tampered with, that's it for us.There is Neville Godard in TH-cam who insists that God is an image in our skull otherwise we cannot know God. These men are speaking bars and I hope their time spent talking can bring us closer to closing the gap in how we treat one another. Jesus is quoted to have said we do unto others (including kids) what we would like them to do to us (xcuse my paraphrasing) when they are in our care we must be intentional in showing them how we would like to be treated when they eventually become our carers. It happens quicker than we think folks. All the best
Im reading his book right now and I truly had a breakthrough listening to this episode. My eye started producing tears and I started crying without my brain having even processed the emotion. Having been through trauma this left me feeling very grateful to have experienced what I did and moving in a direction where it can positively impact people in the future through my actions.
45:20 This! I'm in the justice movement for work and it's not just failing to unite, it's us eating each other alive. I feel like our movement needs trauma awareness training more than anything else!
I think we can easily fall into a quagmire if we politicize psychology, but when our focus is on helping and healing consensus is much more achievable. We all have a particular world view that shapes and frames our understanding of cause and effect relationships, which narrows our perspective. I like Bessell’s emphasis on complexity and how no one model fits all. This applies to socioeconomic and political systems as well.
I understand that friend, it took me almost a yr to read the 1st book I attempted about CPTSD. Plus I found Bessels book a bit too 'dry' for lack of a better term. I personally find Gabor Mate`s books to be geared more to the 'layman'. His interview from a few weeks ago on this channel was very informative. Just my opinion of course but check his work if you're not already familiar with it. Good luck in your healing journey. ✌️🇨🇦
Oh my God, what he just said about our political systems increasingly mirroring abusive family dynamics is SPOT ON and has got to be part of why the entire Trump situation was beyond triggering for myself and so many others here in the States. 🙏🏼
I realised my parent was abusive when I was 9 or 10, though I still defended them until I was 18, and would never admit to anyone what was happening at home. I started planning my future at a very early age. Unfortunately, somehow, some time around 19-20, whilst in a mildly abusive relationship, I "forgot" about it. I forgot there was such a thing as emotional abuse, and later ended up in a highly abusive and damaging relationship. Reading my diary from age 9-14 is like looking into a world I can't recall at all. I wrote about abuse and depression, using the appropriate words, yet I can't remember much of that time. I did not remember that I knew it was abuse, I only realized when reading my diaries. I don't really understand how I could forget it all.
During mindfulness not making value judgments about what how our bodies from moment to moment is behaving is for sure so very important while reaching our full potential instead of remaining in the boxes which the narcissists from our past and in our present like to put us and other human beings in.
What I can't comprehend is how people aren't interested in one's trauma. Many plead with their family members and friends to listen and want to foster understanding. They seem impenetrable, the issues rarely if ever addressed. As a consequence, misunderstandings persist. Isolation doesn't necessarily indicate disinterest. Physical pain isn't necessarily indicative of aging. Lack of energy might not be laziness. This sort of thing. It just leaves people alone and further isolated. And it's partially frustrating when efforts are made. The person having had experienced trauma begins to believe that they'll never be understood. What they went through isn't validated as real. Instead of discussing it with the person, a lot of talking goes on among those that don't know anything about the experiences or the behaviors associated with it. Sometimes there's quite a lot of dysfunction in these families as well. Ignorance and denial of issues prolongs the suffering and is painful in and of itself...What to do! If you've experienced something like this yourself, just please know that you're not alone. We really need to pay attention and be loving towards one another.
I just found your Channel today. How amazing that I find it with one of the leading experts on trauma in the whole world LOL fantastic job, love your spirit love your heart love that you and your dad are working together. And wow that should be required viewing for everyone when they hit, I don't know age 12
Wow, enlightening. After many years of therapy and antidepressants tried, psychedelics and neurofeedback sound like the treatments that will address my issues the most. I really appreciate the information. Finding qualified practitioners is the difficult part. Any help with that?
You should also look in to somatic therapies. The trauma needs to be moved through your body. Talk therapy only reinforces the trauma. Info coming from a trauma informed coach.
I tried so hard to be in recovery, work on myself,20 years of therapy. I seemed to relapse every few years, with catastrophic results. I have been abandoned by every single person in my life, with the exception of my jusband. I’m 63 now. I am frozen. I have no energy, I’ve lost so much. But I still have hope.
At about 15 - 16mins in I realized omg they're talking about me… then me at 9 yrs old realizing what's happening, that it's not me, it's you Feels very profound + listening to Bessel + your Dad right there feels very validating Thanx for that
Trauma and it's consequences are huge. I got told as 46 yr old female, my trauma of 38 yrs couldn't possibly have led to CPTSD? Even Medical professionals find it hard to believe. Cause and effect were made out to be invalid by family etc. The Police have proven it now, the only validation in 38 yrs! My body and mind are struggling, but I am blessed that there are intelligent and insightful and informative. Hoping there is hope our there for others. Thank you for speaking up! We really appreciate you all!
Wow. I learned so much. An RN. Trauma survivor. Years of various treatment. Did medical coding as well. So much great news information and ideas. Makes me feel better because all the antidepressants aren't working for me. Thinking I was faulty. Now I have new paths to explore. I do have questions about the need for connection in some form as social creature vs how attachment might be different in nuanced ways. As a practicing Buddhist that seems to decrease my suffering through no attachment and living in mindfulul moments, I even need to rethink how far I go down that path. I wish there was a transcript because his accent was thick at times I couldn't understand his words. Also will look if he has a new book about what he discussed. Adding references to this episode would be great. Thank you.
on collective trauma: for me pandemic was the final cut in my family relationships, plus acceleration of my pre-existing health problems that was not checked to be diagnosed and dealt with for 2 years, due to the peak of covid issues; and because I live alone and was ill, I had nobody to even book a doctor visit for me; my colleagues complained of having one months their kids at home. I had nobody to touch for a long time. this world is all unfair.
What about those people who have gone through some terrible and consistent trauma but have not been able to move forward with healing due to lack of resources or not being able to get care either because their insurance doesn't cover it, or they don't have the funds to access care that actually works? How can these people get the help they need?
Yes ,this is a really painful situation wherein one has awareness and capacity but no resources (family ,friends ,tangible resources ) to truly heal and thrive. Nature does help to some extent -building a connection with few constants in life -sun ,moon ,breath,creative abilities ,good memories -Using your instrictic resources and resources provided by nature helps to a certain extent to ground and heal.
There are many good TH-cam channels that offer help. I hear what you are saying but unfortunately there's only so much progress that can be made with articles books and videos. Each individual needs personal support. Look into your community services and see if they offer anything. There are also free groups like Alcoholic Anonymous co-dependents Anonymous Narcotics Anonymous Etc. I hope you find the support you're looking for
16:19 I’m one of those children/individuals although I didn’t chose to become estranged (from my family of origin) and I wouldn’t perhaps ever have been able to leave on my own. In my particular case, I was made to leave by them, and they created an image of me and my inherent badness etc. that had the effect of my also being isolated from any existing extended family, family friends, etc. I think this is perhaps rare or at least I have never met anyone who have experienced something similar, although I am aware it happens. I can’t describe how difficult this aspect makes it (it not being talked of or considered to be something real) because it seems while people may seem like they take it in if I talk about it, I don’t actually feel that they can understand. The amount of shame involved in this is extraordinary. I feel though that for me, in particular Kristin Neff and Chris Germer’s work (Mindful Self-Compassion) has enabled me to gradually change my inner dialogue. I suppose I wanted to share this in the event it could help someone to feel less alone. With the holidays approaching, it is a particularly difficult time for anyone in this situation.
my whole estranged family that brought about this cracked foundation, their abuse, neglect, etc. They dont believe im at all ill. disabled officially since 1997. damn flying monkeys my life is hard and not happy but ill get there as long as i dont go back to those people ever again.❤❤❤
Psychedelic’s definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it’s just so hard to source here
Psychedelics are the reason why i didn’t take my life when i was at my end. I was stripped of my ego and saw the beauty of life and interconnectivity and even though i still battle anxiety and depression, I’m doing better everyday and will never think in such a self destructive way again.
LSD and mushrooms completely changed my whole outlook on life. I became a better version of myself This experience gave me a lot of confidence about my self and my body. A bunch of bad thought / behavior patterns were broken. One of these was pretty bad OCD that made me wash my hands a lot. It gave me a lot of hope that things will be fine, this is the one thing that I heard throughout the trip: Everything is alright. The main reason for the trip was my severe depression and it definitely helped me (although it's not gone). Before all I could do was lay in bed. Now I am trying to rebuild my life one step at a time which wasn't possible before."
This video maybe be useful for everyone but for those who have had unique experiences in life, it is incredibly validating, informative and very helpful. Especially when you feel down. Those who have suffered will understand this. Only if societies can understand.
How about coming to this realization in your late 50’s? Because of horrific fundamentalism religious abuse, mental and emotional by my mother- i never knew i could walk away - good Christian girls just stay and remain obedient to mom - turning from abusive mom is turning on God, literally. Then there’s dad, that’s another story- and a 30 year marriage to a closet alcoholic (while in the fundamental religion). I finally walked away from it all seven years ago, but now totally alone. When you trained from a tiny child and brought up in such a toxic environment, one can’t comprehend or even entertaining leaving, regardless that it almost left (me) dead - i’m a survivor though!
JC C, your comment resonated with me. Many similarities. I understand what you mean about being a survivor... But at this point, being all alone I'm feeling like I don't know how to keep going.
@@beckykip4905 Yes, this is true and I feel God's love and hearing and answering my prayers, but I'm 61 years old and am still traumatized by my abusive Mother who always made us feel like if we didn't accept her physical and mental abuse, it was a sin, and she is still in that mentality living hours away from me, and I still can't sleep or function well hearing her cruel and mentally torturing words to this day. Our Heavenly Father is helping, but I still haven't risen above it all yet. But I feel positive and hopeful.
I’ve been following BVK for months since diagnosis. Fighting w Psychs, meds 🙄 This is the only thing that makes sense after misdiagnosis of Bipolar and severe Akathesia from anti psychotics. I’m now off them and benzos after 3 wks in trauma center. What I’d give for an appointment with him ❤
I used to think how lucky to have no childhood trauma , abuse …. the absolute opposite …,. THEN I realised I had my TRAUMA in MEDiCAL procedures , accidents , severing my finger age 7 , I went from confident , lover of school , keen student …….to a little 7 almost 8 yo , crying 😅 not wanting to go to school , developing nervous twitch in eye eye ….my plastic surgeon lovely , my mum concerned said ‘ DOES MERRiLYN lIKE DANCING ?’ Not only did it renew my spirit . Merrilyn just happened to have incredibly inherent gift BALLET , she fell in love with ballet day one , and danced until 28 Hugh level now mentoring ….. SO , my body was MOVING and away from the trauma .! 3 total before age 8 . All medical trauma ! I am living proof of your remedies . Outstanding you are . I L know addicts , loved addicts and lost them ….., both were never loved by mother . Sexual abuse . Bless all .,
When he said you end up treating yourself as badly or worse than the peoples who actions traumatized you - was profound
I think trauma is also a result of situations where you cannot apply normal ethics and so you find it hard to digest. But also - the traumatic event changes your understanding of yourself/the world and it's the new understanding that's so hard to get used to.
@@poetlaureate7334I agree...
The threat they made when acting out still resonates, why .
Because that is what you are conditioned to believe about oneself
It's called repetition compulsion. We repeat our own trauma in an attempt to resolve it. We need to be compassionate with ourselves if we keep on harming ourselves.
The future of Psychiatry . Right there. We could also throw away the DSMV for good and make a fresh start. Treating Trauma is enough for the majority of all suffering people.
THIS! ❤
As well as for physical disease
I've been told attempts to add CPTSD to the big book, having much documented research, have been declined. Pretty sure from #4 into #5. Obviously insurance won't cover such claims, which puts providers in the uncomfortable position of having to file for other diagnoses to get paid. Whether the whole book can be rewritten and approved anytime soon, I posit that that diagnosis needs to show up asap, for health providers and clients alike.
I've always been told that there was something wrong with me after every single trauma in my life. I've been molested by an uncle, beaten and degraded by another, lost all 4 of my children, lost my parents, been raped twice before I was 18, been kicked out of everyone I've ever known's lives, deserted, abandoned, and broken. I can't function day to day, and everyone always tells me it's all my fault. I'm just screwed up. Hearing someone official affirm how I've been feeling literally brought me to tears. Thank you.
It not your fault
Stay strong, start your healing process now, do yoga, meditation 🧘♀️, dancing 💃, writing ✍, exercise, running 🏃♂️ etc. Work on healing process read books like The body keeps the score , the invisible lion, waking up the tiger etc. Don't loose hope, we have to heal ourselves, we deserve a better life, please take care of yourself. All the best on your healing journey 😊.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Big hug for you. I'm so sorry that you have had so many difficulties and challenges on your road. And you're still here. Facing it all. You must be soooo strong. Be proud of where you already are after all of this shit and keep moving forward. You've already come so far.
It's not your fault you just don't know how to release the pain that you have stored. I've been molested and Im 38 and just now trying to attempt to acknowledge that I'm no longer in danger. I carried this pain over to my own son because I was hurt by men as a kid. It's so sad. I cry all the time I rage at those I love but I know I can move past this.
I cried reading ‘the body keeps the score’ because I finally understood my (c) PTSD symptoms. Had a lot of EMDR. Still come back to his book regularly and do my own (creative) therapeutic work with clients today. Also love the work of Gabor Maté. Thanks for your great videos. Very informative.
Same, I sobbed through that book. And it's helped me tremendously.
I reread Bessel’s Body Keeps the Score three times. This book has transformed my therapy practice and elementary school counseling interventions.
Me too. Stay strong
I tried being in a group using this book and it was just too overwhelming to me.. depressing hard to hear.
Gabor Mate is incredible
Wow. Thank you all 3 for the most informative conversation. I-am woman 64, victim of developmental trauma. Now I finally understand my internalized shame,. I was an Innocent small girl. My parents abused me in multible ways. Been dealing wirh incurable cancer, depression, anxiety. Now I understand my Self-hatred and Self´-loathing, I b.. I blamed my self not them. I am a hero to have survived hell, I can be proud of my self. Self-compassion is vital, re-parenting the little innocent child. I wish there are affordable therapists in Iceland, I want to be completely cured, Thank you again.
Check out the book Cured by Jeffrey Retiger. I think you may find it super helpful.
@@vivacemaxvictor2765 thank you so much. You are an angel. Been crying listening to the book of Bessel van der Kolk, also crying listening the podcasts, the interviews, the lectures with Kolk.
Some people MTHFR gene like me so they need active B vitamins I take Thorne basic b complex. Read 'the optimal dose' book.
@@helgaleifsdottir5191 Me too, especially today. My ADHD is truly unbearable right now because of the PTSD from child abuse. Love to you all
Yes, you are a hero. Much love. Thanks for sharing. I have similar experiences.
Fantastic :three people who are wanting to make the world a better place.
Precisely traumatized people do recognize the social differences in the world and feel them intrinsically I would say. My deepest gratitude to you all three for this interview. Dr Bessel Van De Kolk one the greatest gifts to our world. Thank you indeed for being there.
Indeed...he suffered trauma himself, so has personal experience.
This episode is such a blessing After a life of addiction and disordered eating, I am finally getting healing, and am studying to be a somatic psychotherapist. Thank you all so much !
Forrest is a gem 💎 of a person, as are his 2 guests. But this note is to acknowledge Forrest as a role model for inquiry, insight, compassion and reverence for truth and healing.
thank god for the intelligence of this and it helps me as I go forward healing my life of intense trauma. At 73 with a life of being frozen and not understanding why I was so angry and paranoid. It's a long story, but I am only now at 73 finding a way out - thru counseling, a twelve step program for sex addicts and listening to pod casts, motivational tapes, speakers in AA and SLAA and meditation that I'm beginning to understand what an amazing and courageous person I am. Thank you for this podcast. It is extremely helpful, especially the part of not lumping everyone's journey who survived a common horror.
How fantastic for you 💜🌻
Yep, and likewise my thx to Bessel and especially for his tips re: using yoga to help physically integrate the healing process w/ the mental & emotional journey.
BTW, aside from recovery, have always had the most difficulty with what to *_do_* with all those traumatic childhood 'memories. And if there's any truth to 'reincarnation', have realized that we've already _forgotten_ countless previous lives, and deaths, and this has helped me to better provide some broader 'context' for my own past life experiences, including integrating and _accepting_ both the good and the traumatic ones.
Until the day before my 21st birthday, I grew up isolated in a 4-person household with an emotionally and mentally abusive mother; a stepfather the age of a grandfather who blended in with the furniture all day until it was time to eat; and a half-brother (whom I cherished) who was my responsibility, from diaper changing to escorting him anywhere I went. When my stepfather moved it, he was living in a hotel room with no history of romantic relationships or experience with basic household responsibilities. My mother would often suggest he “just go off somewhere and die.” There was NO extended family and NO friends for either parent. So I genuinely was not aware of any possible alternatives! So, yes, I thought my life could or would never change! At least until my mother or myself died-and I didn’t care which it was as long as it would make the pain stop. Eventually, I just left the house and didn’t return, with no extra clothes, a small checking account, and a car that was made only 4 years after I was born. The escape wasn’t neat, smart, or pretty, but it was the only way I still believe it could have been done. Every year after that was spent desperate for something I’d never had, couldn’t articulate, and was certain I didn’t deserve. I just kept trying to fit every new opportunity into the only box I’d ever had. Ive just been winging it all these years. At 58, I finally see that it never did and isn’t now, working well.
I’ve also never been able to convince myself that I’m inherently deserving of love or compassion. Makes my understanding of God, Christ and Holy Spirit sound about as true as those affirmations that were like some kind of voodoo that could change your life.
I didn’t even know my mother was “abusive”; I just thought she was mean and terrifying. I figured she’d never hit me. She simply would ignore me for 1-3 days as punishment. She often gave me two choices with me having no idea which one was right on any given day. When I was 9, she one day told me the people from the local orphanage would be coming to get me. She told me they’d put me in a closet, feeding me when they felt like it. When they didn’t show up by bedtime I asked where they were, and she plainly told me they’d must have forgotten and would pick me up tomorrow. She never retracted it. No therapist knew what to make of it. They’d think along the lines of me living with a woman who’d learned all she knew from living with alcoholism all around her. The only book that came close to addressing my life was called “Toxic Parents.”
The work done by your revolutionary guest today, Levine, Mate and so many others has not only been able to put
bones and flesh to our pain, giving it an identity; they’ve made it possible for Us to feel seen for the first time and to put words to our pain, making it real. Pain has always been expressed in creative arts - from the poetry and prose of Maya Angelou to the comedy of Robin Williams. But now it doesn’t need to be expressed in shame or in isolation. Thank you for this podcast! (I’m too tired to proofread. 🤞🏼)
I understand. Both my parents had problems, and they kept us isolated from others, so the four of us children were so painfully affected. I was also molested for a number of years. I have disassociated and have memory loss for periods of my life. It has affected every area of my life, like you, and I am 68 now. Looking back, I see some things that I am thankful for. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in my late teens and God and church became very important. I married unwisely and had 4 children, but God and my church walked with me and my children. I did not harm my children like I was harmed, and God and church guided me. I left their father to protect them, which was a good thing; it was extremely hard, but God and church supported me and counseled me in many things. Life has been hard, but I am getting healed and healthier. This morning, God brought me understanding in areas I have been struggling and again He helped me. I am also receiving help from wonderful people like my brother, who provided this podcast and others. (I call him brother because he is like a wonderful caring brother.)
My children are doing well and are continuing their relationships with God. I have been able to help others because of what I have gone through. I can have the love and empathy they need. I do have to be careful I don't get overwhelmed. I do reach out to Christian counselors from time to time. I am continuing to become stronger and stronger and pray for you to see the positive side as you heal. My prayers are with you. We understand many things others have no understanding of, and as we discover the path of healing, we can bless others. We are very unique and have unique potential. Praying for you and all the others!
@@maureenczoch9129 thank you for your prayers because sometimes I have a reflex reaction to triggers and pull back to protect myself. I trust God, feel punished or untrusting and pull back. That’s when I can’t pray anything but “Why?! What did I do wrong?” And I can say that I am so grateful that I don’t need to recover from physical or sexual trauma as well. I know pain is pain, but there’s no was to endure physical or sexual abuse without emotional abuse, too. It’s selfish for anyone, especially a person you trust or depend on for food and shelter, to use their power over a child! I’m so glad there are those like you who have been successful in making things better for your children and yourself! As you said, it’s so good to have love and support along the way, and not everyone has that yet. I pray they can find that and trust it enough to find even a little peace and self-affection, sooner than later!
My mother threatened me and siblings with an orphanage. Unnecessary and cruel.
@@CristinaAcosta Isn’t it amazing all the things that can be said or done to some to tell them that you’re insignificant or worthless, or of no value - without actually saying, “You are nothing and you deserve nothing.” It’s painful to spend every day of your life thinking you must create your own worth to matter but also knowing that it’s impossible because you figure they’ll always find you out, and no one likes a liar or deceiver! Is it any wonder so many can tell others to keep hanging in there because people care so much about them, that the world needs them? I’ve often given up arguing with my encourager because I figure they’re either lying to me because they think they’re supposed to do the right thing, or they’re delusional enough to believe life is worth living (any here’s the kicker!) just because that’s what they were told! What irony!! I found a quote that summed it up for me: ‘I’m just wait for you to hate me as much as I hate myself.’ Try to convince me otherwise when you truly know me. Not as well as my abuser did. I’ve wondered if it wouldn’t help more to meet me where I am and agree with me at first, draw out some of the lies I believe, and then pull me away from those comfortable convictions. Just don’t tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about! After all, I’m not crazy, I’m just worthless and unlovable. My coworker’s sister killed herself (the second one to do so). My boss said to me that he didn’t understand why some people kill themselves. I said that they can’t understand why some people don’t. After all, who told you that you were allowed to like yourself and to enjoy your life? May peace be a friend to you, your siblings, and to all the rest of us who need it. By the way Cristina, your mother was a liar. She didn’t understand how to enjoy the wonder of a child, and she missed out! And as long as you believe those lies, you’ll leave this world without ever enjoying the wonder of you. (I’m still working that one out myself. 😉 Wish me luck! 🤞🏼
LOVE Dr. Bessel van der Kolk 🥰 He is a Divine gift to humanity 🙏
Thank you so much for this! Our politics and all of our goverment systems are definitely mirroring the dynamics of an abusive family. Thank you for speaking these very true words.
I have multiple and severe traumas, abuses, neglect, abandonment, etc., since before I was born that has continued through adulthood despite my best efforts. I am just now, after the latest abuses and literally not being able to handle it or cope with it any longer, really coming to terms with and processing them.
Growing up and as an adult the most egregious things were normalized by and normal for everyone around me and who were supposed to care for me. To deal with it I was just matter of fact about it all and focused on meeting my own needs, but it all came knocking at around 40 after the latest abuses. Loved ones and friends addictions that I tried to care for and be understanding toward, at the expense of my own well-being, have caused me the most pain.
I removed all of those people from my life and to do that I had to face isolation, homelessness, severe depression and hopelessness, etc., which has been almost as detrimental as the abuse. Almost immediately after I began ridding my life of abuse, and enduring immense suffering to do so, the pandemic hit.
I lost my business that I had worked and sacrificed for 20 years to build, amid great opposition and disdain and being told to get a "real" job, which in rural TN means a factory or retail by those here without a degree who are bitter and struggling.
I have said many times that what I have been through since the pandemic began just feels like even more abuse and trauma. I appreciate so much that you made this comment because rather than being made to feel crazy for saying that for the last year, I now have validation. I don't have a problem with knowing right from wrong or seeing what is truly there, but not having anyone else around me who thinks on my level to provide that validation I question myself or hold back way too often.
After I lost my business, I was denied ppp loans so I could meet basic needs while others were approved for multiples for fake businesses and buying lavish cars and vacations. I fought that and lost.
As a self-employed person I could apply for unemployment for the first time ever, not much but better than nothing. I had to survive on $48 a week because I had one job designing books for Google Rivet through upwork 1-5 hours per week where I was considered an employee even though I was a freelancer, so they based it on that 1-5 hours per week and ignored my other 30,000 in self-employment income, which would have entitled me to the maximum of $275. I fought that fight for almost two years, amidst not having many of the most basic necessities, and lost.
Then just as I am starting to get my business back, I wind up with a completely disabling vaccine injury in September of 2021. I have been completely on my own as far as help or treatment and forced even further into extreme poverty and distress. Doctors will not even consider it as a factor, let alone acknowledge it, and have been dismissive and demeaning and keep passing me around to more doctors who do the same, so I have had to do my own research while severely impaired physically, mentally/cognitively, and emotionally to try to get even the smallest bit of relief and quality of life back and it is still very little.
I have been told I deserve to die by anti-vaxxers, despite being coerced into getting it against my better judgment by a doctor who told my preemie nephew would die if I didn't. And completely ignored and dismissed by pro vaxxers because they don't want anyone who is injured discouraging anyone from getting the vaccine.
I have had no support at all through any of it (aside from an inadequate amount of food and energy assistance) even though I was doing all of the "right" things. Just like the rest of my life and my childhood.
I've always had to do everything for myself as long as far back as I have memories. I am one of the children you mentioned who as early as 5-6 was looking at the adults and the world around me like this is complete insanity. The way people treat each other, the suffering, wars, inefficient and slow goverment systems, religion, hate, injustices, etc., and it has only become more evident, depressing, and infuriating, as I have gotten older and seen, experienced, and learned even more.
As a child, I became the protector, the advocate, the mediator, etc., for other children and adults because I felt their pain and suffering so deeply because I have never had that for myself. I know how it feels and don't want anyone else to have to experience it. Because of those things, I observe everything and have a very open mind and can always see both sides of any stance or argument and can listen to others with differing opinions, often tweaking my own. I have never agreed completely with any one side and don't have an issue pointing out flaws on both lol, so I am accepted or supported by no one and I don't "fit in" anywhere.
I used to love that, and still do, but at this point it's hard not to see what has come of it. I think my entire life, my real issue has been environment. I'm a very self-aware, observant, rational, and critical thinking person in a sea of irrational, oblivious, very self-unaware, and abusive people.
The only time I truly excelled was in school because I was blessed to have teachers who were similar and encouraged thinking, creativity, talents, etc. Those things didn't count in my world outside of school. They were an annoyance, a flaw. They still are.
I have had to fight for crumbs since my first memories and now with my physical limitations I'm tired and I don't have the energy, willpower, or ability to do it any longer. All of that fighting my entire life seems to have been for naught when I look at where I am now. I know it's not, and even in writing this I guess I am still fighting in the only way I am able. But I am also struggling and barely keeping it all together.
I loved what you said in another video about how the people and children who had a safe, stable home to go to where their needs were met weren't traumatized by the same events as the people and children who didn't. That rang so true for me. I have desperately tried to create that stability and safe place for myself since I was a child and I have fought so hard for it. The wrong people, politics, the systems we have in place, etc., don't allow that or make it nearly impossible. Then to add insult to injury, most successful people or the ones who did have a stable home, support systems and/or just got lucky because of social status and connections, and have managed to make it are condescending and judgmental and tell people like me we just must not be trying hard enough. That is devastating and infuriating for people like me who have always had to fight and try harder than most. That is true for some, yes, but not for me or other like me and it is offensive and demeaning on so many levels.
Sorry to babble on so much lol. Your thoughts, viewpoints, teachings, and research have been such a comfort and help to me. I hope to one day I have a victory story to share instead. Thank you all for all you do and have done! ❤️
Your story is a massive victory. The you that came in to this world and the you that leaves one day will have improved tremendously due to your struggles. You are not alone, keep on keeping on.
I am one of those people who decided at age eight that my family was crazy and that I just had to wait it out until I could get out of there.
It didn't prove to be that easy because by the time I was fifteen I suffered a major depression, which curtailed my ability to act in my own best interests. I guess I was stuck in a trauma bond.
Once I started university, I was able to move out of home, but have suffered from anxiety and depression ever since.
As far as healing modalities are concerned, I agree that an eclectic approach is best. I would steer clear of psychedelics myself, but accept that others may find it helpful.
Over the years I have found mindfulness meditation, CBT, ACT and feldenkrais incredibly helpful.
My mother once paid for me to take group therapy given by a someone coaching us on the feldenkrais meithod of meditation and it helped me a lot too.
@Carol Gartner I am genuinely interested in your opinion. Why would you steer clear of psychedelics? I am interested from a scientific perspective. Thanks.
@@jenniferg6818 I don't know for sure why he wouldn't but I can tell you my experience. I had went to Santa Fe and had gotten me some chocolate edibles and they contained CBD, THC, and Sativa. I took half a square and waited an hour and nothing happened (I should have waited longer) so I took the other half. From reading and asking people about that strand they said it was more of a head high. Let me tell you it scared the shit out of me, it was like someone put a blindfold on me and put me on a roller coaster and said have fun. My wife said that I was basically hyperventilating for 2 straight hours. Toward the end when it started wearing off I suppose I did have this feeling of floating and that everything was okay, but I still get some of those emotions as if it's going to happen again, but it's just me analyzing what went wrong or even to make any sense out of it. Now I know I'm going to get a lot of crap saying I'm a weak person or whatever because it effected me the way that it did. I've never been drunk and only smoked pot once when I was 17. The problem that I was having was just being miserable and sick of life. Looking at it now I would choose that feeling anytime over what I experienced. I feel as though I have a lot of pinned up negativity built up within myself and that was what it was trying to show me and it scared me so much that I honestly thought my head was going to explode. I wished I could be one of those people who could take a psychedelic and experience what everyone else does, maybe if I had taken an even smaller dose it would have been so much better, I really don't know.
At age 8 I ran away from home, my dad found me and brought me back to hell. I've done a few EMDR sessions but still feel frozen in a emotional flashback I've relived it several times which gives relief but it just seems to start the cycle all of again. The guilt of being alive is the worse
@@davidnorman2134so sorry that you have suffered.
Why don't we treat complex trauma as the public health crisis that it is? I wish every community could implement a step by step action plan to prevent and treat this growing crisis.
Because we live in a culture that perpetuates trauma.
Death of an ego (including mine, the victim of violence) is a very hard process and a everyday life time process. Thank God for this channel that is helping that process begin. So glad I was led here!
😊
😊😊
😊😊😊😊😊
I have CPTSD and am 71 years old. What Dr Bessel van der Kolk is saying is what Pete Walker says in his book "CPTSD From Surviving To Thriving" is to "normalise" your feelings and sensations, to befriend them. This makes a lot of sense, and I am working on getting in touch with those feelings and being curious and feeling them rather than dumbing down, repressing them. It takes time and patience, and can be uncomfortable and difficult, but slowly I notice it does give me some relief.
What he says is so true that quite often I haven't done, is that I have forgotten what happened to me is done, is not happening any more, it happened when I was a child, but it is still held in my body like it was yesterday that it happened. I need to release it.
Best wishes in healing.❤
Super - thank you all.
I'm in my late 50s and am only realising that fateful decision I made as a child I continued to live with all my life with very damaging consequences. Now, things are starting to make sense and I'm waking up to a whole new world.
It's extraordinarily validating to hear discussions like this.
Thank you .
In my case, now 72, no choice by which to decide was presented until in my mid 60's. I was simply too enmeshed with a string of toxic people that seemed essential to my own existence. TBKtS was my 1st real peep into a plausible escape from the decades of abuse. Color me grateful for such pioneers as I seek further recovery.
Bessell is a hero for me. Heard him at naropa university long ago. Now I can help others. IMAGINATION. Grounding. The issue I find today is the inability to introvert and embrace humility and empathy
Can you have him on again soon?! He’s brilliant. This was so good but I wish it was longer. Feels like there’s so much more to discuss. Thank you for putting these on TH-cam. ❤
Thank-you to Dr. Bessel! Even you didn't over state the challenges of never having a secure connection! I'm 68 and still working on it.
Dehsa, never having a secure connection. I'm so worn out and weary... I'm afraid I'm giving up.
I know how you feel. I am trying but it is so painful
work in progress, useless treaters for so many years no one explaining just throwing drugs at me. i have done lots of DBT, day treatment. my health at 56 is so bad its all im focussing on and getting a trauma therapist who actually knows whats they are doing beyond validation. just learned last week my psych and therapist rarely talk! i was right all along, the psychiatrist knows nothing about me refuses to read my history, has left prescriptions unsent or unwritten. i think shes going to kill whats left of me. i havent had a decent therapist but twice in my life. how can a psychiatrist treat you without history and updates? i know im not the only one suffering. i havecadd from truama and cannotvread stuff anymore so its the healing is coming thru my youtube. thank you for bringing on this awesome man. im now listening to the book i bought a decade ago. its hard when something is said thats a mindblower and i need to collapse and bawl. but im not going to let bad treaters slow me down much ive be trying to heal since i realized i was suicidal at 7. Oddly enough i knew what that meant. from seeing the movie Mash. suicide is not painless. try to remember you may be alone where you are but theres so many of us. Be strong be safe❤❤❤
Psychedelics freed me from my C-PTSD EXACTLY the way he mentioned. After 2 decades of healing work, nothing had a more profound effect. I'm superbly thankful, humbled, and freed. Wishing the same freeing for all those suffering. Sending love, light, peace, and joy! 💞💫🕊🌻
I would love to try psychedelics…but don’t think affordable/accessible for me 😢
@@joywilliams401451:30 this makes me think back to John Gatto and his efforts to unmask the schooling system
I wish folks that are pronouncing the amazing effects, psychedelic therapy would say where they're from, and how were they able to access it. So many of us would love to be involved, but have no idea how to move forward, because, as bessel says it's often all about the money... and that FDA
trying figuring out how they can make the most profit off of it.
@@sheilabrennan4481 people don’t say it because many of us are partaking illegally. It’s still a class 1 felony federally in the US. I have some information about my process on my channel, but I didn’t get too specific because it’s still illegal. I was desperate to take my healing into my own hands. It took almost a year of preparation before I could actually access the medicine. It’s not just about taking it. You have to prepare and set intentions. After the sessions, you need someone to help you process and integrate what you’ve seen and experienced. I created a plan. Had my support system in place. And did tons of research before even considering this journey. It’s everyone’s responsibility. Not to mention, if someone is taking MEOI’s and other prescribed medications, it can be as little as ineffective and as dangerous as severe reactions and more. None of us commenting are doctors. My healing is my responsibility and my journey. I had to seek it out. What worked for me, doesn’t work for everyone, and the journey didn’t end with the mushrooms. In fact, it just opened a door to a new path and new work to do. Nonetheless, the work I did was worth. I encourage you to do you own work and your own research.
This interview is a keeper! So appreciate the discussion around language and the DSM, a terribly limiting tool. Also the power of imagination and development.
Dr. van der Kulk’s body of work is phenomenal and has educated a multitude of people in such a groundbreaking manner that it has changed the way an entire field of professionals and laymen alike see this convoluted field that is otherwise very confusing! No small feat. This man is a real live Hero! Salute’
This is an incredibly important conversation. Now, add Gabor to this mix, and the legend continues.
Ace.
@@SuLawn49:00 add Chino XL to the list
I won’t take him too seriously. He’s right about 70% of the time but is an ideologue.
I think Gabor is overrated...who agrees? Seems like he can't say anyhing wrong!
@@robynhope219what made you angry with him? His thoughts on Israel and it's atrocities on Palestinians?
Ich bedanke mich recht herzlich für diese nützliche Vortrag, ich leide sehr lange Zeit an Trauma. Dankeschön 🌞
Ich auch 😢schreckliche Angstattacken im Moment
The hypervigilance I experienced from cptsd in childhood, I've now learned to perceive stress and trauma from my patients so I can offer a comforting approach, bring them a safe space so the examination isn't traumatizing them further.
Awesome guest, he hasn't done a lot of podcasts yet that I can find.
Great you guys got him for this podcast!
Hope to see him doing more podcasts in the future.
His book Body keeps the Score saved me. Taught me how to self regulate and stop
Ruminating.
The quality of these discussions and the guests you have been able to get, Forrest, are absolutely excellent, educational and so helpful!
Thank you so much for this conversation. I’m living in the U.K. through turbulent times and when you were talking about politics operating like an abusive family etc that was so resonant for me right now. I love also that you spoke of the complexity of healing and not one size fits all - the creativity aspect and the self compassion. In fact I’m definitely going to re listen to this episode coz there’s so much gold in there. ❤🙏
I can really relate to that, in fact I believe that many of us were triggered when they started to try and coerce us into doing certain things.
Dear Moira. I totally agree with every word you said. 🙏🙏🙏
This was amazing. Than you so much. The way i speak to myself and attack myself physically, have always been a huge source of shame. I have been diagnosed with CPTSD and convincing me that i am the problem, the defective one was a big part of the problem for me. And all the self hateing behaviors worked as a confirmation that deep down, my parent and family system were and are right. Your video and what was said about internalised abuse, and the fact that the abuse shapes the child and futur adult moved me deeply. Thank you so much. I realise now just how deeply i have always been convinced that my abusif parent was right and that the enablers excusing of the violence was just more proof that she was right and justified.
I love hearing you all have such a generous, respectful, engaging conversation. Well done boys. So good to see and hear good men collaborating well. More of this on planet earth please!
What an incredible interview. I love the language that he uses. “Getting to know the creature”.
Rick and Forrest- your interviewing styles are so helpful in opening up your guests and helping them to relay information they may not when being interviewed by another person.
Thank you!
Amazing podcast 👏 Bassel vander kolk is a great guy helping so many traumatized people.
His book The Body Keeps the Score helped me more than anything. Mainly undserstanding my problem.
Wipe! There’s so so much here! And I just found the book club for The Buddy Keeps The Score on the Trauma Research Foundation channel! Excited about that. Thank you so much for this episode.
Very grounded, thoughtful and helpful conversation. Appreciated the explorative aspects of the use of various therapies and the importance of context /interrelatedness as key components of mental health. Especially liked the discussion on human development and the impact of family/caregivers on the development of self. Thank-you
The part about pooling resources ❤️🔥 I have had this massive project in mind through my own trauma and am working on being able to communicate the concepts of creating a new global health resource using technology and integrative health to help more people access resources to reduce suffering. Ambitious but the more I realize how much I survived, the more I realize this is not actually impossible. Thanks for this!!
Go Girl!! Think HUGE!! AND THE UNIVERSE CONSPIRES...
I actually have had a similar thought. I have a dream of creating a Trauma Center that offers many different modalities including psychedelics. I was fortunate to do Ayahuasca in Peru and it healed things I've been trying to work on for decades. Of course psychedelics will have to be approved first but that's my vision.
Forrest, great work!
I'm so glad my wife, Sungshim, suggested I watch (and listen) to your podcast. She initially suggested I watch it to see if my son (Zachariah) and I could learn from you and your dad. You do inspire us and give us some creative ideas. Thank you!
Then, I am able to watch and learn from your presence and the way you engage your conversation partners.
Thank you so much for this very informative talk. It is so timely and helpful to have dialogue like this during these exceptional times. Thank you.
I am absolutely fascinated with this video. This doctor is on the right track.
I am currently reading the doctor's book. It has brought up traumas in my life. I have decided to seek out help to deal with these long ago memories that have continued periodically to return me to episodes of depression that keeps me stuck. Perhaps I can learn self compassion.I so enjoyed this podcast and Bessell's honesty and brilliance. I will continue to watch for more eye opening truths about the world we live in.
It's a pure pleasure to listen to you Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, and to all of you guys. :)
Fantastic podcast. Thank you all so much.
Thanks for Sharing, Sigmarecovery! Wow i feel this in my own life too. I am an empath that have been giving away my Energy, abandoning my self and just feel worn out all the time.. i have a difficult time to maintain a job, relationships etc ..have been abused as a child . and there is no way you could guess that i walk with PTSD.. and exactly.. people just find you weak is you give away to much of your self.. i am glad that i was introduced to EMDR that seems to reduce trauma quite well.. i am going to try it out.. and start yoga again.. i been a christian for a couple of years and they look down on everything that is not in the bible so i am glad that i now go to a church where i am not under "control" by leaders and pastors.. keep it real ya´ll bless u.
A very capable summary by Forrest, keep going.
AMAZING EPISODE.... BRILLIANT.... LOVED IT EVERY SECOND❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
58:00 where was that written
Thank you so very much for this interview! I used to follow people unfolding these topics for personal growth and to have a better understanding of some of my students’ challenges. I’m becoming a professional counsellor soon and the words of luminaries like Dr Kolk, Dr Mate, your dad and so many others touch deep chords in my heart, deepen my awareness, and make me very proud of myself for having chosen this field, as a professional platform, to spend the remainder of my life journey. A heartfelt thank you to you Forrest (your end of talks’ summaries/musings are fantastic.: deep appreciation to your dad and the wonderful guests that both of you bring to this platform. The world becomes a better place for it🙏🙏🙏despite all the barriers put by the politics & corporations that are loyal to greed and power: thank you for addressing this too. This talk did great advocacy work as well.
Haydee Windey
How does it tie into the ideas of Thomas Szasz ?
This has been a fantastic interview. I have read Dr Bessel’s book. Thank you so much, you are a fantastic interviewer. 🎉
I always enjoy your podcasts. This was was excellent. As a child of the sixties, let me give warning to anyone thinking they can effectively use psychedelic drugs without someone who can guide & support them if they need that. I have seen them used to great benefit & also, unfortunately, to great detriment when used as party favors. You must give them due respect, as you would all other treatment modalities. Keep up the good work. Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk’s book The Body Keeps the Score literally changed my life. I would recommend it for any survivor of trauma. Grateful in Indian Country.
Absolutely excellent. I am a psychiatrist and feel as if I have heard again ( I from a fellow traveler. Thank you, thank you!
What about folks with chronic diseases? It is not a "failure of imagination", but a sad reality, that no matter what I do, or how I live my life, because of heredity and circumstance, I will STILL have this condition. I will never be "safe" from the event. The best I can hope for is to mitigate as much I can with lifestyle changes. I am doing PTSD work, but as yet, no therapist seems to understand this. Granted, a person could die by getting hit by a bus tomorrow, but there is something different about waking up every day for 16 years, 3 months, and 16 days (and counting) with the possibility that this day will be the one that your heart decides to go on permanent strike, for example.
Have you tried somatic therapy?
Take care, I understand it is hard to feel 'safe in this moment' when your body is chronically unwell.
Abuse especially long term may or may not kill you, but the stress will destroy you because no one wants to listen or to be aware of your clients suffering. if i stop this validation only therapy i wont get my psych meds so i continue to suffer alone. yes i know theres others out there, but i live just outside of Boston and im meetihg people who have had horrible tradgedy and their on waiting lists for help a therapist. i saw let them go first I've made it this far. ill get the healing thru the internet. try Dr. Ramani Durvasala or the others truly educated and here to help for free.
Really love the way you lead the questions in all your interviews Forrest, particularly so in this one … and with two experts offering answers from their vast experience, this interview has been both revealing and enlightening. Just hope people with fixed ideas will consider other possibilities 🤞🏻 Thank you Forrest, Rick and Bessel - a formidable team on this topic 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Really love the way you lead the questions in all your interviews Forrest, particularly so in this one.-same
Forest, your summaries are excellent. This summary in particular, took the important topics in this wide-ranging conversation and glued it all together for me, thank you!
57:00 Amos N Wilson on self hate
Amazing podcast thank you!!!
Remarkable man and episode, thank You!!
WOW! Just WOW!!! This is such an amazing interview with a wealth of information.
Great job doing these talks. For me, especially when men are talking to other men and explaining a few past misconceptions that being a man needs to be heavy handed to both mom and child tells me alot. It gives me hope. But also what is clear coming from these sons of men is that there has been a God-sent mutation happening thru them that is geared to sending us all grown ups to the drawing board of awareness. For someone growing in christianity, I see the role of the prophets being played and like the people of the past not always eager to here the message and act on it.We are being asked to be aware of how our actions come to bite us if they are ill and how rewarding they can be if they are generated from knowledge of what is harmful to us and what is good for replication. On imagination, the fact spoke by Dr. B Van Der Kolk "if one cannot imagine it, it does not exist." If our imagination is tampered with, that's it for us.There is Neville Godard in TH-cam who insists that God is an image in our skull otherwise we cannot know God. These men are speaking bars and I hope their time spent talking can bring us closer to closing the gap in how we treat one another. Jesus is quoted to have said we do unto others (including kids) what we would like them to do to us (xcuse my paraphrasing) when they are in our care we must be intentional in showing them how we would like to be treated when they eventually become our carers. It happens quicker than we think folks. All the best
59:00 why this narrow categorisation
Takes then out of context
Im reading his book right now and I truly had a breakthrough listening to this episode. My eye started producing tears and I started crying without my brain having even processed the emotion. Having been through trauma this left me feeling very grateful to have experienced what I did and moving in a direction where it can positively impact people in the future through my actions.
45:20 This! I'm in the justice movement for work and it's not just failing to unite, it's us eating each other alive. I feel like our movement needs trauma awareness training more than anything else!
I think we can easily fall into a quagmire if we politicize psychology, but when our focus is on helping and healing consensus is much more achievable. We all have a particular world view that shapes and frames our understanding of cause and effect relationships, which narrows our perspective. I like Bessell’s emphasis on complexity and how no one model fits all. This applies to socioeconomic and political systems as well.
I wasn’t able to continue reading his book…it was too triggering to me. Thank you for this interview
I understand that friend, it took me almost a yr to read the 1st book I attempted about CPTSD. Plus I found Bessels book a bit too 'dry' for lack of a better term. I personally find Gabor Mate`s books to be geared more to the 'layman'. His interview from a few weeks ago on this channel was very informative. Just my opinion of course but check his work if you're not already familiar with it. Good luck in your healing journey. ✌️🇨🇦
My daily mantra. I am while; I trust the universe; I am live; I AM. I AM IS PRIMARY. BREATHE IN AND OUT WITH THIS MANTRA. 🙏🏽
Oh my God, what he just said about our political systems increasingly mirroring abusive family dynamics is SPOT ON and has got to be part of why the entire Trump situation was beyond triggering for myself and so many others here in the States. 🙏🏼
I realised my parent was abusive when I was 9 or 10, though I still defended them until I was 18, and would never admit to anyone what was happening at home. I started planning my future at a very early age. Unfortunately, somehow, some time around 19-20, whilst in a mildly abusive relationship, I "forgot" about it. I forgot there was such a thing as emotional abuse, and later ended up in a highly abusive and damaging relationship. Reading my diary from age 9-14 is like looking into a world I can't recall at all. I wrote about abuse and depression, using the appropriate words, yet I can't remember much of that time. I did not remember that I knew it was abuse, I only realized when reading my diaries. I don't really understand how I could forget it all.
During mindfulness not making value judgments about what how our bodies from moment to moment is behaving is for sure so very important while reaching our full potential instead of remaining in the boxes which the narcissists from our past and in our present like to put us and other human beings in.
Thanks!
What I can't comprehend is how people aren't interested in one's trauma. Many plead with their family members and friends to listen and want to foster understanding. They seem impenetrable, the issues rarely if ever addressed. As a consequence, misunderstandings persist. Isolation doesn't necessarily indicate disinterest. Physical pain isn't necessarily indicative of aging. Lack of energy might not be laziness. This sort of thing. It just leaves people alone and further isolated. And it's partially frustrating when efforts are made. The person having had experienced trauma begins to believe that they'll never be understood. What they went through isn't validated as real. Instead of discussing it with the person, a lot of talking goes on among those that don't know anything about the experiences or the behaviors associated with it. Sometimes there's quite a lot of dysfunction in these families as well. Ignorance and denial of issues prolongs the suffering and is painful in and of itself...What to do!
If you've experienced something like this yourself, just please know that you're not alone.
We really need to pay attention and be loving towards one another.
Another resilient extraordinary man, who has made a wonderful contribution to psychology is Boris Cyrulnik
I just found your Channel today. How amazing that I find it with one of the leading experts on trauma in the whole world LOL fantastic job, love your spirit love your heart love that you and your dad are working together. And wow that should be required viewing for everyone when they hit, I don't know age 12
Wow, enlightening. After many years of therapy and antidepressants tried, psychedelics and neurofeedback sound like the treatments that will address my issues the most. I really appreciate the information. Finding qualified practitioners is the difficult part. Any help with that?
there are many retreats and practioners. Look it up. :)
You should also look in to somatic therapies. The trauma needs to be moved through your body. Talk therapy only reinforces the trauma. Info coming from a trauma informed coach.
I tried so hard to be in recovery, work on myself,20 years of therapy. I seemed to relapse every few years, with catastrophic results. I have been abandoned by every single person in my life, with the exception of my jusband. I’m 63 now. I am frozen. I have no energy, I’ve lost so much. But I still have hope.
At about 15 - 16mins in I realized omg they're talking about me… then me at 9 yrs old realizing what's happening, that it's not me, it's you
Feels very profound + listening to Bessel + your Dad right there feels very validating
Thanx for that
Trauma and it's consequences are huge. I got told as 46 yr old female, my trauma of 38 yrs couldn't possibly have led to CPTSD? Even Medical professionals find it hard to believe. Cause and effect were made out to be invalid by family etc. The Police have proven it now, the only validation in 38 yrs! My body and mind are struggling, but I am blessed that there are intelligent and insightful and informative. Hoping there is hope our there for others. Thank you for speaking up! We really appreciate you all!
Totally amazing interview. Thank you all so much. I am listening to this on New Year's day and I found it most inspiring and full of compassion.
I have this book, thank you so much for sharing this important information.
This was fantastic. Thank You So Much for posting.
Wow. I learned so much. An RN. Trauma survivor. Years of various treatment. Did medical coding as well. So much great news information and ideas. Makes me feel better because all the antidepressants aren't working for me. Thinking I was faulty. Now I have new paths to explore. I do have questions about the need for connection in some form as social creature vs how attachment might be different in nuanced ways. As a practicing Buddhist that seems to decrease my suffering through no attachment and living in mindfulul moments, I even need to rethink how far I go down that path. I wish there was a transcript because his accent was thick at times I couldn't understand his words. Also will look if he has a new book about what he discussed. Adding references to this episode would be great. Thank you.
on collective trauma: for me pandemic was the final cut in my family relationships, plus acceleration of my pre-existing health problems that was not checked to be diagnosed and dealt with for 2 years, due to the peak of covid issues; and because I live alone and was ill, I had nobody to even book a doctor visit for me;
my colleagues complained of having one months their kids at home. I had nobody to touch for a long time.
this world is all unfair.
Lots of mature and sane psychological wisdom here.
The hunan being is complex and that is a gift, not a curse.
Best laugh ive had ,choose your faith, so human.
What about those people who have gone through some terrible and consistent trauma but have not been able to move forward with healing due to lack of resources or not being able to get care either because their insurance doesn't cover it, or they don't have the funds to access care that actually works? How can these people get the help they need?
Yes ,this is a really painful situation wherein one has awareness and capacity but no resources (family ,friends ,tangible resources ) to truly heal and thrive.
Nature does help to some extent -building a connection with few constants in life -sun ,moon ,breath,creative abilities ,good memories -Using your instrictic resources and resources provided by nature helps to a certain extent to ground and heal.
There are many good TH-cam channels that offer help. I hear what you are saying but unfortunately there's only so much progress that can be made with articles books and videos. Each individual needs personal support. Look into your community services and see if they offer anything. There are also free groups like Alcoholic Anonymous co-dependents Anonymous Narcotics Anonymous Etc. I hope you find the support you're looking for
16:19 I’m one of those children/individuals although I didn’t chose to become estranged (from my family of origin) and I wouldn’t perhaps ever have been able to leave on my own.
In my particular case, I was made to leave by them,
and they created an image of me and my inherent badness etc. that had the effect of my also being isolated from any existing extended family, family friends, etc.
I think this is perhaps rare or at least I have never met anyone who have experienced something similar, although I am aware it happens.
I can’t describe how difficult this aspect makes it (it not being talked of or considered to be something real)
because it seems while people may seem like they take it in if I talk about it, I don’t actually feel that they can understand.
The amount of shame involved in this is extraordinary.
I feel though that for me, in particular Kristin Neff and Chris Germer’s work (Mindful Self-Compassion)
has enabled me to gradually change my inner dialogue.
I suppose I wanted to share this in the event it could help someone to feel less alone.
With the holidays approaching, it is a particularly difficult time for anyone in this situation.
Trouble is many ppl say “the past is the past, time to move on”. Most ppl are ignorant, or just don’t care to hear about trauma.
Tell them your body kept the score!❤❤❤
my whole estranged family that brought about this cracked foundation, their abuse, neglect, etc. They dont believe im at all ill. disabled officially since 1997. damn flying monkeys my life is hard and not happy but ill get there as long as i dont go back to those people ever again.❤❤❤
@@MarissaDavis-s8k understood... you're on the right path 👍
@@MarissaDavis-s8k it certainly did
Thank you, that was very interesting. So true our experiences are so different even with a similar event like the covid example you gave.
Loved it! Thank you!
Psychedelic’s definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it’s just so hard to source here
Psychedelics are the reason why i didn’t take my life when i was at my end. I was stripped of my ego and saw the beauty of life and interconnectivity and even though i still battle anxiety and depression, I’m doing better everyday and will never think in such a self destructive way again.
LSD and mushrooms completely changed my whole outlook on life. I became a better version of myself
This experience gave me a lot of confidence about my self and my body. A bunch of bad thought / behavior patterns were broken. One of these was pretty bad OCD that made me wash my hands a lot. It gave me a lot of hope that things will be fine, this is the one thing that I heard throughout the trip: Everything is alright. The main reason for the trip was my severe depression and it definitely helped me (although it's not gone). Before all I could do was lay in bed. Now I am trying to rebuild my life one step at a time which wasn't possible before."
[_James_tray]
Got psychs
@@sarahh321 Where to search?? Is it IG?
@@Jerryberger9235 Yes
This video maybe be useful for everyone but for those who have had unique experiences in life, it is incredibly validating, informative and very helpful. Especially when you feel down. Those who have suffered will understand this. Only if societies can understand.
I have this book
I found it helpful to understand what was happening to me.
Money is a major factor in effective research and it’s a major factor is accessing qualified therapists.
Amazing, good thoughts by world renown researcher, The problem is, many people dont have access to the methods he speaks of (LSD, Yoga, etc)
How about coming to this realization in your late 50’s? Because of horrific fundamentalism religious abuse, mental and emotional by my mother- i never knew i could walk away - good Christian girls just stay and remain obedient to mom - turning from abusive mom is turning on God, literally. Then there’s dad, that’s another story- and a 30 year marriage to a closet alcoholic (while in the fundamental religion). I finally walked away from it all seven years ago, but now totally alone. When you trained from a tiny child and brought up in such a toxic environment, one can’t comprehend or even entertaining leaving, regardless that it almost left (me) dead - i’m a survivor though!
JC C, your comment resonated with me. Many similarities. I understand what you mean about being a survivor... But at this point, being all alone I'm feeling like I don't know how to keep going.
I’m so sorry, it so much worse when the trauma is wrapped up and done in the name of God. 😢the true and living God embodies love. This is not His way.
@@beckykip4905 Yes, this is true and I feel God's love and hearing and answering my prayers, but I'm 61 years old and am still traumatized by my abusive Mother who always made us feel like if we didn't accept her physical and mental abuse, it was a sin, and she is still in that mentality living hours away from me, and I still can't sleep or function well hearing her cruel and mentally torturing words to this day. Our Heavenly Father is helping, but I still haven't risen above it all yet. But I feel positive and hopeful.
Validation of your story. Support. I liked him saying not every method or tool is for everyone.
shame and self hatred!! All day every day! Thanks MOM!
Important and needed topic.thank yoy!
sorry i did not hear about tapping which also helps if you do it right. but this is one of the best videos on ptsd. thank you.
I’ve been following BVK for months since diagnosis. Fighting w Psychs, meds 🙄
This is the only thing that makes sense after misdiagnosis of Bipolar and severe Akathesia from anti psychotics. I’m now off them and benzos after 3 wks in trauma center. What I’d give for an appointment with him ❤
Super helpful conversation! Thank you so much! I'm curious what camera are you guys using? Its so high-quality. 💯
Good long format interview. Touching on the politics- 😬. Thanks for keeping it high level.
So glad I subscribed.
I used to think how lucky to have no childhood trauma , abuse …. the absolute opposite …,. THEN I realised I had my TRAUMA in MEDiCAL procedures , accidents , severing my finger age 7 , I went from confident , lover of school , keen student …….to a little 7 almost 8 yo , crying 😅 not wanting to go to school , developing nervous twitch in eye eye ….my plastic surgeon lovely , my mum concerned said ‘ DOES MERRiLYN lIKE DANCING ?’
Not only did it renew my spirit . Merrilyn just happened to have incredibly inherent gift BALLET , she fell in love with ballet day one , and danced until 28 Hugh level now mentoring ….. SO , my body was MOVING and away from the trauma .! 3 total before age 8 . All medical trauma ! I am living proof of your remedies . Outstanding you are . I L know addicts , loved addicts and lost them ….., both were never loved by mother . Sexual abuse . Bless all .,