Dealing With Daddy Issues: Attachment Wounding and Becoming Securely Attached | Being Well
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 มิ.ย. 2024
- You've probably heard of the phrase "daddy issues," which is more accurately understood as a form of attachment wounding. Attachment wounding describes situations where our adult relationships are affected by past difficult or traumatic experiences. I'm finally talking with my dad, psychologist @RickHanson, about what daddy issues are, common forms they take, and what we can do about them.
We explore how daddy issues relate to attachment theory, sexism and the broader social and historical context, different forms of attachment wounding, and a simple way to understand your attachment style. We then walk through four typical sets of symptoms and related challenges that can come from attachment wounding, and talk about what a person can do to move toward a more secure attachment style.
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
3:35 What are daddy issues?
6:35 Parental roles and attachment wounding symptoms
13:45 How attachment patterns are created
20:30 Yearning for narcissistic supplies
23:00 Gendered dynamics, and the pejorative use of the phrase “daddy issues”
28:45 Claiming your power
31:50 Forming a coherent narrative, and looking for what was missing
35:35 A simple method for assessing your attachment style
42:30 Social support
45:05 Who you are to others, and meeting person to person
51:10 Situation #1: How to deal with fears of abandonment and being alone
55:20 Situation #2: “I need a lot of reassurance and external validation.”
58:40 Situation #3: Fears related to emotional vulnerability
1:05:55 Situation #4: “I keep dating the same (problematic) kind of person.”
1:11:25 Making deliberate effort
1:16:10 Recap
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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 www.forresthanson.com
📸 / f.hanson
I have daddy issues bc i have no daddy. But rick's soothing fatherly presence warms my heart! lol
You two guys are great together. Lovely to see such pleasant harmony between father and son.
I was just thinking that between you two, you together thoroughly model what you speak of.
Coming from a cpsid background, it's really good to see and experience a healthy relationship. Watching how you interact, I'm learning that deeply, slowly but deeply.
I am so jealous of this father-child duo. I can tell how loving their relationship is. Nothing is perfect, but as long as both parties are rooted in love and come from a place of compassion for each other, it's a healthy and wondrous connection.
I think you’re envious not jealous. Envy means you want something similar.
I hope you do a mommy issues too. Both my parents were the type that you wouldn't get attention or validation unless "you got all A's" all the time. I struggle with the notion of being lovable for existing vs performance based lovability.
You are definitely NOT alone! My parents were the same. If I brought a B or C home I would be punished and bitched at for an hour. The rest of the time I was pretty much ignored.
Until they do talk about mommy issues, thought I would recommend you a book that might aid you.
TH-cam doesnt let me link or mention anything directly, but suffice to say it's about "Mother Hunger" and easy to find.
Check out the book The Emotionally Absent Mother (and, a complement, The Unavailable Father)
It hits so hard, mommies and their performance based affection can also make daddies pushed away from being close to kids of daddy is also not a high performer..
1:04:16 is it. That is IT! Ultimately partners may or may not be willing to work with us re:: what we need.
Talk about mother wound pleaseee
1:10:17 is huge too: being honest with ourselves about what we’re really looking for in relationships.
Ive always imagined my son would have an amazing open conscious father however my trauma affected my choosing of the kind of the kind of man i co-created with. I have so much sadness about it and yet I’m transmuting the energy and I hope I meet an amazing man who is a great father. Thank you for this podcast.
You deserve more subs mate. Always a quality show. Cheers.
I agree with Rick’s description of movies he likes! I am exactly the same way!! 😂
Great video from the two of you! Much appreciated. 🙏🏻
You two are so kind and strong. Love how helpful you both are. ❤️
I already arrived giving this video the thumbs up just for the title. Lol. Love ur podcast!
I think it's my best thumbnail work yet.
Thanks so much to you Forest and to your Dad for this wonderful Podcast !! So insightful and needed amongst all of us who grew up in dysfunctional homes where all this education was locking. You are are a Blessing ⭐️❤️🙏🕊. Keep up the great work. 😊
Amazing podcast! So very informative and helpful. Thank you Forrest and Dr. Rick for the interesting topics you cover and all the knowledge you share with generosity, kindness and enthusiasm!!
First off, so good to see you smile the way you do! I know you’ve had comments about it, and I really liked the way you addressed that. I also can react to it, like, it feeling a bit weird - in your case though it seems that it’s really YOU (one part of you). ❤️
And second, when your dad comes in - you two together are fantastic and I love it. ❤️
I laughed so hard when you asked him if he “knows what a Daddy is”😂😂😂 And also very funny because in my case me and my partner actually use my daddy issues (my dad died btw when I was 13) in our relationship, in a positive, constructive way. But that’s rare I guess - in other relationships it could have negative impacts. My relationships are based in BDSM since 2017, and it has changed everything for me, for the better. Of course that’s a whole topic in itself, with many pitfalls. You have to know what you’re doing when having relationships this way.
Aaanyway ok now I’m gonna start listening (had to stop to write this🤷🏻♀️😂).
The best example of a parent-child meeting beyond the father-son relationship is James Blount's rendering of 'Monsters' to his father, all the way to the final reassurance of his father's clap on James' arm at the end.
Thank you so much! Great helpful and practical information 💗💗💗
This is the funniest episode..especially the start 😂 I love the humour you share!
1:12:26 What I have learned is that my parents are not good at taking criticism and they think that I am brainwashed... after explaining to them my boundaries and what doesn't work for me.. They just do not understand... I wanted them to be more emotionally supportive but I got the cold shoulder and it did not feel good at all.
Oooooooh yes, this good. This is really good. Ratings gold!
OMG, Rick's face shift at 2:03. Priceless. I miss you Rick! Well done Forrest, you guys a doing great work with your podcast. Thank you.
Damn this hits home the term "orbiting" damn my friends ex partner would do this and the confusion he went through he ended up with a broken heart and blamed himself for the break up, thank you so much Forrest and your father great podcast very informative.
I have done my best to help a friend who refuses to see his mom. He doesn't have to avoid her for years, only to never reconcile and then have the anguish of feeling all that he missed when she dies or goes senile. I want the healing for both of them. Mom is honoring his no contact request. I don't see that this stance is helpful, but I don't know what I don't know. Hard to judge your mom for something that happened in your childhood over 30 years ago and not give her credit for all else that she has done "right" for him. How else can we repair relationships if not given the opportunity to create positive memories together? I suggest just give her a call and say " I am not sure yet about talking about what you did, but I do want to check in and make sure you are doing okay" (during the pandemic, etc). Just a brief hello by phone may allow him to meet with her before she is too old to enjoy and work through the issues with him. Trying to repair is not always successful, but it sure makes you feel better if you try. He is missing out on so much healing and option for ways to feel better NOW.
Your father is so nice! Lucky you! 😊
Thank you so much for sharing your insights, wisdom, togetherness, beingness and presence. This podcast was immensely healing for me, both of your individual energies, and the synergy when you are together soothed me even to the gut level. Thank you so much beautiful people, father and son!
This intro was so great and hilarious to watch 😆
😂
The narrative about father figure becoming more provider-oriented is really difficult for me to absorb when almost every household around me has both parents working full time. I don’t know how to process that focus shift.
Seeing this video made my day!
1:06 toooo good🤣
Hey, just realized you guys are in Marin! I used to live in San Rafael. Small world! Love your videos btw.
43:05 Perhaps you will get to this eventually, but another thing I’ve found that has brought opportunity for really deep healing for me has been to find the ways to reparent myself in ways that teach little traumatized me that there is a capable adult who cares what they have to say and how they feel and responds in appropriately protective ways.
This seems so mild. Our dad was sadistic, filled with hatred, violent, and alcoholic. You want to talk about daddy issues!
Too bad these descriptions are my mother……. My dad had his fair share of issues, but my mother fit the daddy descriptions.
I am unable to find the Doomed Quest podcast that you mentioned in this episode?
Hi Venus, we haven't done a full episode on it, we might do one in the future.
The episodes we've done on "Why We Don't Change" and the drama of the gifted child have some related material:
th-cam.com/video/YimcjlmDVH4/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/0vdDJ62aPAU/w-d-xo.html
You and your dad are very different because you are people pleading showing your anxiety of people. and your dad has had a good figure so you have become like this whereas … your partner is so different and just says what she wants even though she says she has cptsd but that experience has made her to be on the angry side. amazing how ppl with opposite behaviours attract each other but I think it is beautiful when similar personalities r together. Anyhow it is good you as a family show a true self but I seriously think you ll be happy with ppl similar to you 😅
This video is gone a be huge. I'm talking millions! 😁🤗
OMG the thumbnail!!! 😂😂😂
😂😂
Y'all are men with feminine energy. I'm a woman that comes from a family with masculine energy tho we sure have hurt one another with negative masculine energy.
MY Mom always suggested I should go for the opposite type but I'm usually attracted to masculine energy myself.
😃😃😃
terminally online person... 💀 😂