Authenticity: How to “Be Yourself” | Being Well Podcast
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 มิ.ย. 2024
- We’re often told to “be true to ourselves:” to line-up the person we are on the outside with the person we are on the inside. In a word, to be authentic. But what does it mean to “be who we are,” “get in touch with ourselves,” or to go full new-age “live in alignment with our higher purpose?” What even is authenticity really?
In this episode @RickHanson and I explore what authenticity is, where it comes from, and whether it’s actually a good thing to be more authentic. We talk about what we really mean when we use the word “authenticity,” the fragmented nature of the self, and problems with unregulated self expression. We then turn towards how we can include all of ourselves, act from our values, and become at peace with who we are.
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
2:30 How Rick thinks about authenticity
6:20 Congruence, presentation, and the difference between honest and good
13:50 A personal example of authenticity from Rick and Forrest
17:00 Self-disclosure as a factor of intimacy
19:55 What parts of ourselves are we being authentic to?
23:30 Vulnerability and aspiration
28:50 Carl Rogers’ idea of the perceived self and the ideal self
33:00 Is self-improvement authentic?
36:30 Unconditional positive regard, and embodiment
40:05 Naming what you’re feeling, the vastness of the psyche, and self-honesty
46:36 Having a secure environment for aspirational change
48:55 Individualism, social roles, and intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation
53:25 Archetypes, the shadow, and integration
59:50 Recap
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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 www.forresthanson.com
📸 / f.hanson
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So blessed to have a father who listens.....
This was another really lovely insightful and compassionately framed chat. I’ve huge love for the podcast and the two of you. Thank you both for being good leaders and example setters of where a real compassion-driven inner work can help to take people.
Thank you!
I'm here as soon as I saw the cast was posted. .. within 24hrs. The amazing part was that 3k+ were before me with 200 likes ..under 24hour out.
Always, all content exploration is really really liked. it just takes a few more re-views to fully unpack. I did find Carl Rogers book. Thank-you.
Unpacked so far.... we all are either running away from something in ourselves or running towards something in ourselves. You-all give us something to run towards in ourselves. I do enjoy a good jog in the park.
The amazing part of these cast is the broad and balaned relationship between the technicially trained with the insightful. How you two natures got put together is more than serendipitous.
This kind of relate to the Carl Jung “shadow self”. We subconsciously suppress parts of our character, some of which are very messed up and unconventional. But nevertheless, it is part of us, and it is important to still be aware of the shadow self so we can work to find that balance in the free choices we make.
Amazing video by the way! Probably the best explanation of authenticity I have heard and believe me, I’ve been watching videos on authenticity for a LONG time! Just found this channel last week and I’m just trying not to be completely addicted to it😅keep it up!
This is my favorite podcast. It helps to align my mind to my heart, something i have always struggled with my entire life. Thank you for having these important conversations, helping me grow, and improving my life on this earth.
This is my favorite podcast. I really appreciate how wise Rick is in his experience. Since Forrest is so eager to learn, it makes me excited to see how wise he'll be at Rick's age.
May they both live long!!!
My hope is that we never arrive. Individually and collectively we should strive in always becoming more compassionate and reflective with ourselves and others.
Authenticity for me, is being as transparent and accountable as I am able in that moment in time.
I recognize the authenticity in others by the way they unknowingly help me expand and become a better version of myself.
From a Christian perspective, our goal is to mirror Christ to the best of our ability along our walk with Christ as we grow and develop in Christ. We never can attain the authenticity of Christ which is perfect, pure and Holy but by reaching and striving for his model of character and values we are ultimately always becoming more whole and authentic by that measure.
Great podcast!
I see authenticity (and I’ve believed this since the age of 12) to be me, minus the conditioning 💕🌹🙏
Spoiler warning. Saved 3/4 of the talk for later. In the opening I thought of this: is authenticity a goal or part of a journey? Or as Rilke said, ‘Winning does not tempt that man. This is how he grows, by being defeated, decisively, by greater and greater beings.‘
I had been contemplating Consolations by David Whyte this morning on the essay on Procrastination. So I post this as a source of inspiration.
What a great episode!
I’m so glad I found these 2 beautiful souls.They both are amazing xo
Woahhh! Loved this one! You guys are awesome. Thank you!
“Pulling carrots” 🤣
I love this kind of deep conversation with all its nooks and crannies! I rarely find someone who feels the same way. Great work! I hope you'll do more like this.
Excellent show. Some may think authenticity includes expressing emotions.... it is very confusing. The culture I come from, lots of expression of emotions and verbal as well. It is a complicated subject and you did an excellent job at it. Maybe authenticity is bottom line learning to accept all aspects of ourselves and then the wisdom to reveal aspects appropriate to the person or the situation. I suspect, the journey is a solo unique journey to the person in all its configurations but then learning to discern the persons or situations we are in, and being authentic within that context. Complicated subject and for sure, will listen to this episode again. Thank you so much for these podcasts. So very helpful! 💖
New listener here and I’ve heard about 3 convos now between you two and I have felt them in my heart. Thank you.
That's a really nice way to put it =)
Loved the topic! I watched it twice. The second time just to observe the 2 of you interacting with each other. Love it!
I used to have performance anxiety because of the false self - I was performing to be nice and listen and be polite etc etc etc.... but I was still not transformed or integrated. I had to slow down to do the inner work - over time I had to learn about what was going on with me on the inner plane. I found out, surprise to me, I had lots of anger, fear and ignorance....I was unaware. I had to hide those parts from others because I felt they were my afflictions and I had shame about them.
I was raised sheltered and also mainly in survival mode. I had no idea about my inner self and unaware as the programming I had within me was to care for others and that my issues are my issues to keep hidden. My journey has been a challenge because I was alone and had to find my way - but also, it was good to be alone for that may have made it more challenging to do "this work" with others who may not be interested and therefore, I may have felt even more alone. I have been working at this since 1977. I had gone through what they call, the dark night of the soul... that was the big motivator to diligently search for the answer. These days, what I do mostly is take time out for challenging stuff to get clear about what is going on and also to transform the venom and muster enough courage, when I get ready, to communicate it mindfully. All this is work. To me, I call life: work and that we are work in progress.
That is what it is to me. I ran away from my original culture because in some ways it was confining and I was in search about what this life is all about. I am truly happy and more at peace to be where I am - the only little glitch being - it gets a bit lonely re being able to be completely myself with others.... . I do enjoy solitude and am so grateful to have that. But I had changed countries and survival and learning how to do things for myself was another big challenge. most people do not relate. BUT I learnt to be self reliant and self empowered but have not found the right community or group for my needs... and I do not want to compromise myself. I want to be authentic and be who I am - I want to feel safe to be who I am and also connect with others in a healthy way. I have learnt to accept that aspect and leave it to the energetic forces in the Universe to reveal to me if there is any I need to be doing re that.
A long sharing I know. But thanks for the space and for your work that helps in making me feel I have a community on line with whom I connect. Namaste 🙏💖 p.s. I am 80 and started the journey in my 30's. 🙏😉
Talking about the privilege of authenticity is striking. The subcultures within the dominant culture are often more or less open to authenticity based on how those subcultures are welcomed or rejected by the dominant society. The more unwelcome thata group is the more inauthenticity seems a part of acceptance or even safety within that at risk group.
I've been listening to, and LOVING this podcast for a while now. It's so very enriching in all kinds of ways personally and professionally. Goddess bless you two beautiful humans ♥️ I've realized now, that Sir Rick received his graduate degree a bit "later" in life. I'm becoming more and more curious about what he did (other than being a dad and husband) BEFORE psychotherapy!!! Omg, all the things possible! A carpenter? Professional surfer? Buddhist monk? Taxi can driver? Oooo, the possibilities are endless...😉♥️
I'm fascinated with the concept of reclaiming my interior , thank you Rick for putting language to this nuance. It resonates particularly for those of us who are processing early trauma and doing the work to understand where we are on our authentic continuum.
It's a life long process .
I appreciate the respectful and insightful conversation.
Another gem. Thank you for creating and sharing!
Forrest nailed it "The GAME we're all playing" BAM💥 This is exactly why I stay to myself. I don't like the game!
I bought your Dad's book few years ago. I had no idea who he was It is one of a number of books still waiting to be read! It has been good to now know for sure. This is a fine channel, and always very wise & engaging.
Great episode! I thought it was very useful to think about authenticity as expressing my entire ‘country’, as Rick said. I never would have thought of that analogy myself. 🙏
I have been binging your videos since I recently discovered your channel. I have to say I really love your conversations and they help me a lot.
This is so good. Thank you!!!
This was beyond excellent
This is so rich, so nourishing, not in least because of the subtext of your interactions with each other. The notion of masking up with the unexpressed aspects of one's self is brilliant; I have an inner Woods-woman who was deeply appreciative of that.
Intelligent life in 2 generations!!! You gentlemen validate my reality and restore my hope in men and in humanity. Thank you!
Enjoyed this conversation!!
I disagree about choosing within a range in situation IF it's ongoing circumstances because if you are choosing inauthentically all the time within the context, it's like perpetually having to lie. It's one thing if it's a one off situation, but long term, it's better to have confrontation or leave the situation then to behave falsely because it moves one further and further away from oneself and promotes one to continuously squash oneself in order to remain in the given situation.
I make my life as performatively authentic . I dress in ways that feel genuine to my core I wanna stand out because in my deepest self, I want to stand out. And so I live my life authentically albeit in a theatrical way
Very happy to hear the topic of creating "personas" in pursuit of authenticity and exploration talked about, and the concept of multi-minded self in general. I'm both an identity coach and a person with an intentionally plural identity structure, and it's a practice I've found incredibly helpful in exploring who we are, whether it's by roleplaying, tulpas/intentional plurality, Internal Family Systems, or any other means by which we explore branches of who we are, or who we might like to be. Constructing an identity as an anchoring point to explore facets of ourselves can give a lot of direction and structure to a process that is often overwhelmingly vague and amorphous. Love your videos/podcast! Perhaps someday I can be a guest if you're looking to discuss the topic of identity further.
Okay, I listen to a great number of podcasts, and this was one of the most helpful I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Not exaggerating. I’m grateful for the both of you sharing all this. Wisdom is just flowing freely here. This impacted me (positively) more than you’ll know.
Really appreciate that.
I love this podcast! I am really working on boundaries and not over sharing. I do have neurodivergent issues and sometimes I have the hardest time knowing how to be around people and just start yacking about my personal stuff. This helped me so much.
Bless you both. I appreciate your wisdom. Thank you.
About to listen to the video and already compelled to say, mmmmmm, delicious food for thought, cant wait
I completely resonate with this entire podcast.
Thank you both!!
Thank you both
I believe in calming practices that "naturally" reduce impulsive responses that may come up in me.
I put it in quotes because nature, outdoors, exercise, mindful practices like humming or chanting Om, breathwork, meditation (various), journaling, gratitude, intention setting.
Optimal sleep.
Sleep is based partly on my practices. It's based on the kinds of foods and when eaten.
Mood is tied to gut-health, so I embrace fiber, food variety, less sugar, and micronutrients, polyphenols, and carrying a helpful body weight.
I look for ways to engage with others, intersect in a mutually beneficial way with curiosity and openness.
Love your podcast! Topics are always relevant, thought provoking, and a great resource for self- awareness and personal growth. Thank you so much for such valuable insights!
What I am noticing at the beginning of your conversation reminds me of what I have heard about taking calcium supplements... it is best to take with magnesium to ensure absorption = authenticity best partnered with Trust / Secure environments to allow a healthy, responsible expression to blossom 🌸 take a look at the seed and take a look at the soil
I love your videos, thanks for the amazing insightful and interesting content.
If my orientation is love or truth, authenticity can become less complicated than we make it out to be.
At a meeting recently, a young woman helped me see this in the moment.
(funny how it can take years of practice and exposure for an idea to land)
She simply said, "Is how I'm being pulled to react instinctively in alignment with who I want to be, or who I know I am? Does this response lead me to more love, more joy or more distress, more isolation?"
While behaving in ways that bring more suffering can look like an authentic expression, it's (almost) always based on a misapprehension of our actual position and power.
It takes an incredibly wide view of what we're doing here, and from my side I need constant reminders to keep me from shutting windows and doors; to keep me from trying to prevent pain in favor of seeking love and the expression of it.
Hi Forrest and Rick. Another great topic and discussion. Your insight into authenticity highlighted that keeping it real and NOT being an arse…. Is too true. Some people can confuse the two. You mentioned being stymie concerning a feeling or inaction you felt. I did have a brief thought of the Mr Men books by Roger Hargreaves such as Mr Happy etc. I feel you can channel Mr Stymie if you like ( such a good word choice). I use to joke to my now past husband I would have been Miss Common sense or Miss Logic. ‘Tis a cross we have to bare. Rick I am sure would suit Mr …. Serene. The books concern the emotions that arise from sensations, very unadorned and simple presentation with the graphics… if any one can relate 😮. Simple pleasures.
Thank you!
Hard to be one’s authentic self when that self has been deemed unacceptable. Perhaps that’s why so many of us have cats.
Or dogs
🤷🏿♀️ 🐕 🐕 🐕
❤❤❤
8:20 that’s hilarious 😂
Too Good !!
Bro what's some best books to read for creating self belief after setbacks & developing winners mindset in any uncertainty or challenges to rise above adversity ??
Hey Forest, you might find growing potatoes in a sack an easy way to start, or a dwarf tomato plant at your window. Enjoy =)
loved this subject. could use more examples from your personal lives to increase understanding.
I have a sensitive question: as an artist, I created artworks & people can buy it. But.. they want to talk with me, spending hours on- line, being for them or even spend time physically. I tried to give what I can ("God send people to you" so..), but my authencity needs to be closer my needs, which is spending time on my own term, not being "on sale" - as I feel in those cases. Help!
I was wondering if at the bottom of this well rests the question of if there is a God and if that God has a moral compass that is a commandment not a suggestion. Hitler, Stalin, Mao had a moral compass, but it seems to not be based on a Judeo-Christian moral code. Many of our parents had a moral compass not based on obedience to love, compassion, joy, peace, patience, self-control, but rather to whatever they felt like obeying at any given moment. Hence, we have unstable, confusing programming and must decide what we believe and why we believe it. Is Hamas or Israel doing the right thing? Are we doing the right action?
My concern about believing that we are all just beautiful flowers raises the issue of the shadow self. I will never integrate our whole shadow self in our life time. Become more aware yes but not a beautiful flower with no dark spots.
I understood the woodsman from the dad but the one one the son totally confused me
Its not ccomplicated. Just making life choices through what is meaningful to you. To remain distinct and separate individuals who respect ourselves and who respect those around us, living in peace .
But it is pretty complicated to do this when trauma informs your childhood! Still simple, I get it. But also complicated.
I want to second the reply from @maryvosk9754. If you grew up in a violent and dangerous family, you learn early and deeply to hide your self. It's a matter or life and death, sometimes very literally. Trying to let go of the unconscious and instinctive reflex to keep yourself safe by concealing who you are is extremely difficult, even with expert compassionate help and a lot of time devoted to the process.
@@johnnewell5025 I'm sorry for your suffering and constantly being in fight or flight . It must have been demoralising. It's good that you know there is a better way, I hope you find it, I believe it is in us all to find our inner peace. Look for it with all your heart, mind, soul and strength.Peace to you today and every day.🔥
But I'm hated cause I'm authentic! The people they go around stealing others authenticity are Narcissist. I've Read over and over, they cannot change, it's a loss cause, get away from them. They have no self.
Being authentic comes at a social cost: being unaccepted, judged or devalued by others. You gotta choose between being authentic (thus accepted by yourself) or being accepted by others (this is what actual narcissism is about)
even when you are doing 25-life
"mirror mirror on the wall" the" doctor" knows me
A mirror is the best doctor.
Yeah, the psychopath can't be authentic!
I think it’s an interesting podcast but for anyone neurodivergent this isn’t really a possible way to understand more. It leads to internalized ableism.