I read this: Give someone something one time and they appreciate. 2nd time they anticipate. 3rd time they expecte. 4th time they are entitled. 5th time they become dependent. Not a good situation.
@@timelessmusicfamilymusic9175 If the entitled are resentful after being told no, that is THEIR problem. Guess they'll have to find (or try and find) new people to mooch off of. Hopefully, they'll hear NO that time, too.
If it were me, I wouldn’t “resent” her, but I would have some issues with the fact that I’m not paying. I actually would’ve had a conversation with her about it by now and see if there is a reason she is. For me, I make pretty decent money, and I don’t like people paying for me. I can take care of myself. A treat every now and then is fine, but I generally I don’t like someone paying for it because it feels like they are paying me for my time, as if I wouldn’t want to come along to enjoy their company. But, that’s just me. Edit: I hit send before I finished.
I feel bad for her. There is nothing worse than a family that takes advantage of another family members kindness. She needs to set the expectation or otherwise she will feel resentful.
Surely there's a way to fulfill her lifelong dream of treating her family to Disney World while establishing healthy money boundaries going forward. She just needed to find that way *before* the Disney World trip.
And don't fall for the trap of "splitting the bill" equally; where some folks have a simple sandwich and a tea and others order lobster and expect you to help them pay for it.
Nope, I say up front separate checks. I drink water and eat cheaper priced food regardless of who is paying. Those with a bologna budget cannot afford caviar tastebud dinner buddies.
Mid-30s is around the time adults begin to realize how toxic their parents and siblings are. You're 34. Would you hang out with these A-holes if you weren't related? Ask yourself that.
Amy is a typical emotionally damaged MARTYR queen who can't say no because she's a self important self righteous child. She needs to cut the crap with these freeloaders and just say NO!!!
Same happened to us on a trip to see family, 3rd night husband said we are going to split the bill, you would think their eyes were popping out of their heads. It was okay that we were never, not even once offered a meal cooked except one time the whole week we were there. We rented a van, paid for a hotel the entire week we were there. It was amazing to see how fast someone goes from ordering a full course meal to ordering an appetizer and splitting it, instead of ordering huge meal and taking home a to go box. A couple of years later same sister in law started sending me a meal plan to cook when she was here. I was livid. Told hubby I work full time, she is coming to my house and I don't appreciate the fact she sends me a meal plan to buy, prepare, cook and clean while they are staying in my home free of charge. I simply sent a message back to her and asked her, have I ever when you where here not had food for you to eat, clean sheets on a bed or drinks for you to enjoy? Why now do you feel you need to send a meal plan to me? That plus a call from my husband to inform her I was unable to get off work the meals would be from a crock pot, or something I could cook long and slowly in the oven while at work. Plus he said he would buy a huge pan of frozen lasagna so I did nit have to get up at 5 am to prepare crockpot meals. Meanwhile the other sister in law insisted on a gift card to Publix to help offset the costs of their trip to visit and was nonstop in the kitchen helping to clean as we cooked together. Some people just do not know boundaries. I really would rather have the helpful sister in law visit so at least I too can sit and visit rather than be expected to be a hand maid. And with that said my husband does help with the putting away if the food and dry dishes.
I *so* appreciate when people are upfront about what is expected when the bill comes. Are we splitting the bill? Are we getting separate checks? Is someone treating? Having unspoken expectations takes the enjoyment out of it for me.
I was in the same situation, and I totally agree. Do it in advance, clear and straightforward. They invite you, you say: "everybody is paying for themselves." Period.
People that assume that the person making more is ALWAYS 😮automatically paying are trash. It's pathetic. Thank goodness my Dad and I have fun both sneaking off to pay the server after a quick trip to the bathroom.
With coworkers you have to say no the very first time. We had some doing a Susu which is like a way of savings for people that don't save and I warned them what happens if somebody leaves the job
I have a cousin who makes bank and he always pick the tab, but I make sure I buy drinks afterwards. I have a friend who makes 1/2 mil a yr and he picks up the tab all the time. But when I visit, I always bring a bottle of expensive booze or some good high end foods.
🏆That's what the old folks call good manners and class. You're accepting their generosity and also showing appreciation for it with a nice gesture or host gift. Even if you couldn't afford to do that, a sincere "thank you" goes a long way.
I finally got in a position to be able to treat my family to Christmas "dinner" at a restaurant a few years ago, and I can still do it now. No dishes after nor cleaning house before, just a nice time every year to sit down and enjoy each other's company. I get a nice bonus each year, and I enjoy sharing it. 1 sibling is not financially prudent, and the other is, but I enjoy paying for the meal. The caller has to set boundaries, or just suck up and enjoy the company. Her choice.
Agreed, but if they know what you and/or your spouse do for work, they'll guess or make assumptions anyway. Edit: Also, many govt employees have their salaries listed on a public website. My family can look me up. 😒
I can feel her, I earn more than my sister, and my families are always taking the advantage on me ! I leart to say NO to them once I realised that they treat my money like free money ! thanks for this video, I was also thinking to treat my family for a trip.
I don’t like anyone paying for my stuff, I feel like at some point they’re going to bring it up when asking for an uncomfortable favor. Maybe I’m just a little bit paranoid.
I’m in the same situation. Where my family expects me to give them money or pay for things all the time. I just say “NO” or I don’t have money. I don’t go out with family because of this. Coz they just always expect and expect and expect that I as the older child sponsor everyone and everything. No thanks
What worked for me when a family member asked for a loan. I said, " I was just getting ready to call YOU to ask to borrow some money. The IRS told me I owe more tax."
My best friend used to only invite me out when he could cover it. After around the 3rd outing I caught on but just to show my appreciation anytime after I either offered to treat, paid my way or had the discussion you all suggested beforehand letting him know my funds weren't in order Still one of my best friends now. He constantly calls me with new money opportunities
The all expense paid trip to Disney was nice but I think that was the catalyst to this problem. Sometimes, letting people see that you "can", causes them to feel like you "should". Not at all an excuse for anyone to take advantage of you though. Be kind but firm.
Listen, if your family expects it or stands there with there hands out, to hell with them, never ever pay for them under any circumstances ever. At some point people have to grow up, some of them won’t, and they will hate you for it. Tough.
@@sami-9233 maybe, the military took me around the world and decided to stay on the other side of the states. No real reason to move back to the east coast.
I have an example of this with my hubby and his family. We drove 5 hours for a 'trip' to see them. I forget what event it was for. Hubby said he would take them out for a meal (I think breakfast), meaning the immediate people we would be visiting. Maybe 5-6 others, not counting we two. By the time this greedy family got through, the count (not hubby and I) was up to 19! I told my hubby to not pay for everyone, but he did anyway! And they were ordering the most expensive on the menu, and some double ordered! They always did that to him!
Do what I tell my wife own it. Meaning when something like that happens treat it has it means nothing and it was cool with you guys to treat the whole family etc but never do it again.
FIRST of All, I LOVE THE WAY John Delanoy Approaches The Callers with His STRAIGHTFORWARD Business Acumens. Keep Up The Good work at Ramset Solutions! 👍🙏
All they need to know is what you do for a living or where you live (I had a cousin comment on how "expensive my apartment complex is"), the house you have, car, the quality of items you buy, etc. etc. Yes, you can have a certain life and be in debt but for the most part, the people who are leeches don't care and will still act entitled. My family doesn't know what I do for a living and I act broke but they still act entitled.
My late husband was the baby of six and only boy. Also, the most successful. Those five sisters-in-law made him feel so guilty if he didn't pay. It caused so many arguments between us.
I jist forwarded this video to a friend who 5 days ago, invited her half sister for lunch, and then she showed up with 3 more family members, all of them expecting to be “all expenses paid guests”
My friends and family have often "kidded" us about "oh you guys are getting this right?" We paid off our house and only told the safe ones that do not see us as a bank. I hate that. Two that we told about the early pay off have treated us a few times and had us over hundreds of times we have treated twice bigtime lately. I have a friend right now in dire straits that did not prepare at all who really thinks we're going to bail her out. I used to send her food but I had to quit that foolishness and it was a very long time ago. She expects it again. What da heck?
I've learned that many people in need are not really needy. They just need to learn how to prioritize wants and needs, plus learn how to budget. There was this sister at church, a single mom with 3 kids, that my mom would help out. She always falls for sob stories. One day my mother dropped by and there was nothing to eat in the house, so she gave her some money. She called one of her sons to go get Chinese take out! My mother was always part of some charity or the other and also the help the needy department in church. That's how I learned that people claiming to be needy really aren't. The truly needy ones are too ashamed to ask for help and suffer in silence until a third party who knows their situation, asks on their behalf.
@@sblijheid Same here the gal I sent food to got $40 and spent it on Round Table Pizza and Salad. Instead she could've gotten a week of food for 3 people instead of eating just one night. Not sure that would work nowadays though, lol with Inflation. Teach a gal to shop and she will shop for a lifetime. Let her order pizza and she will eat for just one night.
@@mandysimmons2769 even these days you could get like a 20 pound bag of rice, some chicken and soy sauce, maybe a few bags of frozen vegetables and have a week of stir fry.
Similar to John's story, I accidentally did this without realising. Went out to lunch with my father (first time ever!) and as it was a pub lunch, you pay when you place the order. I went up and ordered, paid. He bought the soft drinks. At the end he said something about going to pay for the food part, and I told him I had done that at ordering. He looked really hurt. I then felt awkward.
@samanthah2226 I tried that with a friend, told her that unless it was a real emergency I couldn't keep helping her out, but it didn't work (sadly) because there was always some type of bad crisis going on in her life on a monthly basis, regardless of the fact that I had told her that I couldn't help all the time due to some other family financial issues I had. I had to break off the friendship. Hopefully it would work with someone who wasn't a leech though. They figure if you've helped them once, you'll continue helping, even when you've told them several times that you can't do that continually. There are just some people who constantly look to others to help them, when they'd be better off if they learned how to help themselves instead.
IMO - just be honest up front. If the family is jealous that is their problem. My Mom became jealous of after my income surpassed hers. She would make snide comments.
As the doctor/investor in the family, this is how it works. If I choose the restaurant, then I pay for dinner. If anybody else chooses the restaurant, then (once again) I pay for dinner.
Well go to lunch and pay for only what you eat, take a cab and as soon as possible pay your fair only letting them know you're going dutch, want to go to vacation pay only for yourself , and make sure that you don't ever pay
Argh, I'm doing extremely well financially right now and I'm still trying to figure out how to help my family out without falling into the same trap as this caller.
To be honest, I don't think that I would just because I'd be afraid they would expect it all the time. Maybe at most give them $50. But I wouldn't let them know how well you are doing financially or they may look at you as their own personal ATM machine.
I bought my family the books "The total money makeover" by Dave Ramsey and "Quit like a millionaire" by Kristy Shen. Give a child a fish, you feed them for a day. Teach a child to fish, you feed them for life.
First off, it is admirable that you want to help. Just exactly what do you hope to accomplish? I come from a big family and the older siblings stayed with Aunts & Uncles until they were established in a new area, younger siblings stayed with older. That is one kind of help. My sister hired me to babysit during the Summer, so I had money to buy school clothes. That is another form of help. I raised chickens and took my folks several cleaned and cut up chickens, a quarter beef and a half a hog. That is another type of help. But I learned very early that to give someone money and then they spent it on something other than what I intended it to be spent on, that was not for me.
@@diceportz7107 Exactly what you're describing, I think. I want to uplift/bless my elderly relatives who for various reasons can't retire comfortably. They're not greedy people so offering them financial help in a way that maximizes their dignity is the relationship challenge on my end.
I'm a school teacher and I do OK, but most of my family and friends make far more than I do. I am super careful not to take advantage of them. I'm knida paranoid about it. It sometimes makes it hard to get together but I would just hate it if they ever thought I was mooching.
Gotta set boundaries but! Big butt you can't get angry with a family member if they don't want to or can't go on a planned family trip if they are expected to pay for their own expenses. They might not be able to afford or really want to spend money on that particular thing or trip.
The best response IMO is to preface the next invitation out with "we're tapped out". Works best if there's a special reason, like buying a house or having a baby, but you don't have to make it about that. The other option is to downgrade in restaurants and just say you're going to the local breakfast cafe or to the pizzeria this time. Cut the budget in their choices, maybe get a list of what toppings people like and order a few pizzas. Even now you can feed 20 people for $200-300 that way.
Hang out less with family or don’t bring your wallet. Carry enough cash for your meal or activity. Bring a couple of 20’s & smaller denomination of bills.
In June I set up a vacation to Montrèal with my family, I paid for the hotel, I was thinking of driving my car there, when I found out to many people going I suggested we get a rental, when I asked for some money everyone have other plans, I ended up going by myself lol
Don't go anywhere that costs money with the siblings, unless you make it clear up front. If they have a problem with that, it's on them. We have friends we take weekend trips with. I usually cover the hotel because I get discounts, and they buy a couple dinners and pay for gas. No arguments and we're all happy.
For years.. a friend and I have gone for lunch and about half the time, I pay, about half the time he pays. He's VERY well off financially. Not Dave's plan, just but high enough paying job and decent management. I'm barely $0 debt running disability check to disability check... For me to pay, I have to grab the bill before he sees it... I have no intention of mooching. HE wouldnt mind if I did. "It's just lunch at iHop" (or rough equal pricing level) But turning into a mooch, I'm sure would destroy the friendship over time.
I had a Buddy in high school he was notorious for showing up to the restaurant or the bar and when it was time to pay the bill. Without fail it was oh i FORGOT MY WALLET !!!!
I would start leaving first… be the first to leave and let them deal with it. You should be comfortable talking to your family. Before I go anywhere with my siblings, we work out if we’re splitting. It’s not gonna be a guessing game.
So what do you do with a family member that always insists on paying? My recourse became that I would not eat with this sibling. We don't speak any more.
One of the blessings of growing up with not so smart parents is you learn "no" is heartbreaking, but the only real choice you have. If you want to keep any respect for yourself, AND your family, you're honest with them. Don't let them be foolishly dishonest with you. When you catch a kid with its hand in the cookie jar, you don't ask them if they stole a cookie, you ask them why they stole a cookie. Make them address their bad decisions, and let them know they don't get to look at you like a fool who will play their fools game
what can I do? I have been disabled since 2009 and I am 58 years old at the verge of retirement. My portfoliio of $750k is down to $492k, How can I profit from the present market" , I mean I've heard of people making upto $250k in couple weeks during this crash and I'd like to know how.
The market is volatile at this time, hence i will suggest you get yourself a financial-advisor that can provide you with entry and exit points on the shares/ETF you focus on.
Very true , I diversified my $400K portfolio across multiple market with the aid of an investment advisor, I have been able to generate over $900k in net profit across high dividend yield stocks, ETF and bonds in few months.
Nicole Desiree Simon is my portfolio coach, and my trading account basically mirrors that of hers, it's quite transparent and automated, so I don't have to be active during trades. You can vet her if you like.
I think it also depends on if she invited the family to go out to a place that they can't afford then it would be more appropriate for her to pay but if they're all just going out to a regular place that the family can afford then they should pay for themselves.
Ughhh......this used to be a thing with 1 skinflint that would tag along our friend group. Would eat out with us and shameless not even reach for his wallet after we split the bill. I would text "guys I'm bringing the beers" and would get a texted wish list by said cheapskate who was buying nothing. Took 2-3 really blunt calling outs to not see him tag along anymore. Frugal and freeloading cheapskate are 2 different things.....cut out freeloading asap imo
I love when people shout a meal, it’s so nice! It makes me want to be kind the next time and pay for theirs, which I do! I can’t imagine freeloading constantly, I’d feel too guilty! The only people I go out with and expect them to pay is my parents 😂 I will free load off them anytime 😂 granted I’ve also lent them money and also if they take me on a trip I take them out for a meal that usually winds up being 500-1000 as a thank you
When the family plans get-togethers, make it clear in advance that everyone will pay their own way (you will not be paying for everybody)--if it meeting a a restaurant, request a separate check. Turn down the invitations. When people take you aside to guilt you into paying "just for their family" be ready to stand by your decision. If they have to leave for no money, it is not your shame.
It's an easy resolve for me. I just said, 1. I am not paying for all of it 2. I can't afford it 3. No I am not rich you just think I am. And the game was over.
Also, when you change back to paying for your own meal, PLEASE don't expect people to go to expensive restaurants. Some of us only have Taco bell money.
This is clearly sitting on her conscience. Don't EVER go against your conscience! Any time you do, you're eroding it, and then you start to do more that you regret later until you're just jaded about morality in general. Your conscience is a gift from God. Once you lose it, the worst stuff ever happens. Keep your conscience alive and let these guys learn what they need to learn that you can't depend on freebies, especially for things that are not necessary. Food is, but restaurants aren't.
Might depend on who's idea it is to go out. If it is alway's Amy's idea, that could be why she is expected to pick up the tab. If it is their idea, Amy might want to thank that person for their "generous" offer to take HER out as soon as the idea comes up.
Give a mouse a cookie and they’ll ask for a glass of milk I know how this goes with family. I’m the youngest and the highest earner too. Not a fun place to be but you’re gonna have to put your foot down. Or live on the opposite side of the country like I do! Lol
This has happened to myself and my husband with his family. They were from the same area as us. They all moved North last 2 to 3 yrs every vacation was spent going up to them. Which is a 12 hr drive renting a hotel room. Since we only saw them twice a yr always came with expensive gifts for the kids and spent a lot on them. Fine we wanted to do that. We always gave them money for food chipped in. Never offered to buy us dinner not once. Always separate checks when we went out. This family was the type that they just spent money everyday. Always a new car, trips etc. They came down once and the amount of money spent didn’t chip in for food nothing and stayed in our home. After this last trip this yr I told my husband no more. And they don’t even bother to acknowledge our daughter. I have cut ties. My husband maintains a relationship w them but I refuse.
She better stop loving to pay for it. She saw what happened as a result of taking the whole family to Disney World. Does she really want more? Makes me wonder how their parents raised them.
The problem is that you set a precedent that you were paying for things and now it’s expected and it really sucks.
The ability to say no to people particularly family, is one of the hardest yet most critical skill you can learn in life. Good luck.
It's easy. Just a dry no.
@@sblijheid For millions of people, including this caller its not easy at all.
Easiest thing in the world if you value yourself properly.
Say that again.
@thegenxgamerr - Very true, when it comes to family, but I AM working to get better at it.
I read this: Give someone something one time and they appreciate. 2nd time they anticipate. 3rd time they expecte. 4th time they are entitled. 5th time they become dependent. Not a good situation.
Then, when you take a stand & say NO MORE, expect resentment from here on out.
@@timelessmusicfamilymusic9175 If the entitled are resentful after being told no, that is THEIR problem. Guess they'll have to find (or try and find) new people to mooch off of. Hopefully, they'll hear NO that time, too.
Yup
I'm really good w/NO. If they don't get it, I would say, "I'm sorry I can't be your bank anymore."
Even though she’s paying for everything, I guarantee you her family still resents her.😂
Can you blame the family?
Yes, moochers are awful people. I never met a welfare person who was grateful. Never.
@@Primitive_Code Deep down, she loves that she has so much more than the rest of her family.
If it were me, I wouldn’t “resent” her, but I would have some issues with the fact that I’m not paying. I actually would’ve had a conversation with her about it by now and see if there is a reason she is. For me, I make pretty decent money, and I don’t like people paying for me. I can take care of myself. A treat every now and then is fine, but I generally I don’t like someone paying for it because it feels like they are paying me for my time, as if I wouldn’t want to come along to enjoy their company. But, that’s just me.
Edit: I hit send before I finished.
100%
I feel bad for her. There is nothing worse than a family that takes advantage of another family members kindness. She needs to set the expectation or otherwise she will feel resentful.
I think the first mistake was paying for everyone's Disney trip! It's a nice thing to do but if they have that entitled spirit it's over!
I agree. She could just have paid for the Disney hotel and then tell them that everyone pays for their own food and their entrance into the park.
Surely there's a way to fulfill her lifelong dream of treating her family to Disney World while establishing healthy money boundaries going forward. She just needed to find that way *before* the Disney World trip.
And don't fall for the trap of "splitting the bill" equally; where some folks have a simple sandwich and a tea and others order lobster and expect you to help them pay for it.
Exactly I hate groups like that. Why should I pay for a portion of your 30 meal when mine was 10?
Nope, I say up front separate checks. I drink water and eat cheaper priced food regardless of who is paying. Those with a bologna budget cannot afford caviar tastebud dinner buddies.
“He didn’t have a Coke! Yeah right” ~Morty S.
and those who order lots of expensive alcoholic drinks and want to split the bill.
I just refuse to split things evenly if it's like that. I tell the server separate checks please and then tip well.
Mid-30s is around the time adults begin to realize how toxic their parents and siblings are. You're 34. Would you hang out with these A-holes if you weren't related? Ask yourself that.
Perfectly said!!
Ugh....I don't like how you just called me out lol. 34 and learning this....*sigh*.
NO is a complete sentence. NO is a okay word. NO is an answer. NO is a good word. NO is an underused word.
Thank you...needed to be reminded of this.
Amy is a typical emotionally damaged MARTYR queen who can't say no because she's a self important self righteous child. She needs to cut the crap with these freeloaders and just say NO!!!
Yes, it is. But only people who've grown a pair and aren't spineless people pleasing cowards.
Bet they have little or no gratitude for all your generosity!
Set the rules before you do anything!!
Same happened to us on a trip to see family, 3rd night husband said we are going to split the bill, you would think their eyes were popping out of their heads. It was okay that we were never, not even once offered a meal cooked except one time the whole week we were there. We rented a van, paid for a hotel the entire week we were there. It was amazing to see how fast someone goes from ordering a full course meal to ordering an appetizer and splitting it, instead of ordering huge meal and taking home a to go box.
A couple of years later same sister in law started sending me a meal plan to cook when she was here. I was livid. Told hubby I work full time, she is coming to my house and I don't appreciate the fact she sends me a meal plan to buy, prepare, cook and clean while they are staying in my home free of charge. I simply sent a message back to her and asked her, have I ever when you where here not had food for you to eat, clean sheets on a bed or drinks for you to enjoy? Why now do you feel you need to send a meal plan to me? That plus a call from my husband to inform her I was unable to get off work the meals would be from a crock pot, or something I could cook long and slowly in the oven while at work. Plus he said he would buy a huge pan of frozen lasagna so I did nit have to get up at 5 am to prepare crockpot meals.
Meanwhile the other sister in law insisted on a gift card to Publix to help offset the costs of their trip to visit and was nonstop in the kitchen helping to clean as we cooked together.
Some people just do not know boundaries. I really would rather have the helpful sister in law visit so at least I too can sit and visit rather than be expected to be a hand maid. And with that said my husband does help with the putting away if the food and dry dishes.
wow - you sound like a good person and I admire you standing up for yourself without getting really mad and nasty to the SIL.
That’s a long TH-cam comment.
@@2012goodjoke Unlike you they had something to say.
@@2012goodjokeTook less time than watching Dave's vid so I'm ok with it
Wow, the entitlement of some people! Glad you spoke up about it.
When you don’t mind it eventually become expected.
Never in my life could I imagine expecting someone to pay my way. Where do people get off?
You'd be surprised.
I *so* appreciate when people are upfront about what is expected when the bill comes. Are we splitting the bill? Are we getting separate checks? Is someone treating? Having unspoken expectations takes the enjoyment out of it for me.
I was in the same situation, and I totally agree. Do it in advance, clear and straightforward. They invite you, you say: "everybody is paying for themselves." Period.
If my family did that to me then everyone is having a ham & cheese sammich.
Maybe a trip to the Costco foodcourt!
People that assume that the person making more is ALWAYS 😮automatically paying are trash. It's pathetic. Thank goodness my Dad and I have fun both sneaking off to pay the server after a quick trip to the bathroom.
John is gonna be like….Are you safe? 😂
I was waiting for it 😂
So accurate 😭
😂😂
I have a couple of coworkers who always mooch off of me. I no longer want to even speak with them.
With coworkers you have to say no the very first time. We had some doing a Susu which is like a way of savings for people that don't save and I warned them what happens if somebody leaves the job
I have a cousin who makes bank and he always pick the tab, but I make sure I buy drinks afterwards. I have a friend who makes 1/2 mil a yr and he picks up the tab all the time. But when I visit, I always bring a bottle of expensive booze or some good high end foods.
🏆That's what the old folks call good manners and class. You're accepting their generosity and also showing appreciation for it with a nice gesture or host gift. Even if you couldn't afford to do that, a sincere "thank you" goes a long way.
Among my parents' friends, if someone gave a dinner party the other people always brought a gift of some kind.
Practice these words: "Go out together? Not if I'm going to have to pay for it!" Passive agressiveness works.
😂
"Separate checks" works for me.
I finally got in a position to be able to treat my family to Christmas "dinner" at a restaurant a few years ago, and I can still do it now. No dishes after nor cleaning house before, just a nice time every year to sit down and enjoy each other's company. I get a nice bonus each year, and I enjoy sharing it. 1 sibling is not financially prudent, and the other is, but I enjoy paying for the meal. The caller has to set boundaries, or just suck up and enjoy the company. Her choice.
I always pay the restaurant bill because my immediate family is broke as hell. Hence I only offer to take em out to eat once in a blue moon.
Never tell people what you make
Agreed, but if they know what you and/or your spouse do for work, they'll guess or make assumptions anyway. Edit: Also, many govt employees have their salaries listed on a public website. My family can look me up. 😒
If I ever hit it big, we will probably tell nobody.
I can feel her, I earn more than my sister, and my families are always taking the advantage on me ! I leart to say NO to them once I realised that they treat my money like free money ! thanks for this video, I was also thinking to treat my family for a trip.
Next time they invite you out, explain to them you have to stay home eating sandwiches, because you're saving up for a Lake House.
I don’t like anyone paying for my stuff, I feel like at some point they’re going to bring it up when asking for an uncomfortable favor. Maybe I’m just a little bit paranoid.
You're not paranoid. It's unhealthy to be in the "need to say thank you position". When something happens, they'll throw it in your face.
Amy needs to leave the restaurant FIRST for a change!
I’m in the same situation.
Where my family expects me to give them money or pay for things all the time. I just say “NO” or I don’t have money.
I don’t go out with family because of this. Coz they just always expect and expect and expect that I as the older child sponsor everyone and everything. No thanks
What worked for me when a family member asked for a loan. I said, " I was just getting ready to call YOU to ask to borrow some money. The IRS told me I owe more tax."
@Fred2-123 Lol I'll definitely try this trick as well 🤣
This kind of stuff breaks families. When u put boundaries they get mad and dont talk to u anymore
My best friend used to only invite me out when he could cover it. After around the 3rd outing I caught on but just to show my appreciation anytime after I either offered to treat, paid my way or had the discussion you all suggested beforehand letting him know my funds weren't in order
Still one of my best friends now. He constantly calls me with new money opportunities
The all expense paid trip to Disney was nice but I think that was the catalyst to this problem. Sometimes, letting people see that you "can", causes them to feel like you "should".
Not at all an excuse for anyone to take advantage of you though. Be kind but firm.
Listen, if your family expects it or stands there with there hands out, to hell with them, never ever pay for them under any circumstances ever. At some point people have to grow up, some of them won’t, and they will hate you for it. Tough.
This is why I live several states away from my family.
Go through all that just for that reason then you got bigger issues likely
@@sami-9233 maybe, the military took me around the world and decided to stay on the other side of the states. No real reason to move back to the east coast.
Tell them before you go to the restaurant, not on the way, you're not paying.
I have an example of this with my hubby and his family. We drove 5 hours for a 'trip' to see them. I forget what event it was for. Hubby said he would take them out for a meal (I think breakfast), meaning the immediate people we would be visiting. Maybe 5-6 others, not counting we two. By the time this greedy family got through, the count (not hubby and I) was up to 19! I told my hubby to not pay for everyone, but he did anyway! And they were ordering the most expensive on the menu, and some double ordered! They always did that to him!
Do what I tell my wife own it. Meaning when something like that happens treat it has it means nothing and it was cool with you guys to treat the whole family etc but never do it again.
Learn to say, “We gotta get going”.
What is “double ordering”?
@@WolverineIncognito ordering extra stuff so they get to take it home. loool
Where does the rest come from? Who informed them? Did you specify to your hubby immediate family that only them not the rest of the big family?
It's really sad when it's your birthday & everyone on the table expects you to pick up tap and also the tip. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! 😮🎉
I go through this every time i visit my sister and her children out of state, at their invitation. It gets old.
FIRST of All, I LOVE THE WAY John Delanoy Approaches The Callers with His STRAIGHTFORWARD Business Acumens. Keep Up The Good work at Ramset Solutions! 👍🙏
Personally I find it humiliating other people paying. I prefer to not go. I'm not a charity case and I have my dignity.
The real issue is why does your family know how much you make. Act broke and keep your financials to yourself
🔥 🔥 🔥 💯
All they need to know is what you do for a living or where you live (I had a cousin comment on how "expensive my apartment complex is"), the house you have, car, the quality of items you buy, etc. etc. Yes, you can have a certain life and be in debt but for the most part, the people who are leeches don't care and will still act entitled. My family doesn't know what I do for a living and I act broke but they still act entitled.
My late husband was the baby of six and only boy. Also, the most successful. Those five sisters-in-law made him feel so guilty if he didn't pay. It caused so many arguments between us.
a "gift" that is taken from you isn't a gift. Givers are happier than takers.....
I jist forwarded this video to a friend who 5 days ago, invited her half sister for lunch, and then she showed up with 3 more family members, all of them expecting to be “all expenses paid guests”
@senorbautista6143 😢
My friends and family have often "kidded" us about "oh you guys are getting this right?" We paid off our house and only told the safe ones that do not see us as a bank. I hate that. Two that we told about the early pay off have treated us a few times and had us over hundreds of times we have treated twice bigtime lately. I have a friend right now in dire straits that did not prepare at all who really thinks we're going to bail her out. I used to send her food but I had to quit that foolishness and it was a very long time ago. She expects it again. What da heck?
I've learned that many people in need are not really needy. They just need to learn how to prioritize wants and needs, plus learn how to budget.
There was this sister at church, a single mom with 3 kids, that my mom would help out. She always falls for sob stories. One day my mother dropped by and there was nothing to eat in the house, so she gave her some money. She called one of her sons to go get Chinese take out!
My mother was always part of some charity or the other and also the help the needy department in church. That's how I learned that people claiming to be needy really aren't. The truly needy ones are too ashamed to ask for help and suffer in silence until a third party who knows their situation, asks on their behalf.
@@sblijheid Same here the gal I sent food to got $40 and spent it on Round Table Pizza and Salad. Instead she could've gotten a week of food for 3 people instead of eating just one night. Not sure that would work nowadays though, lol with Inflation. Teach a gal to shop and she will shop for a lifetime. Let her order pizza and she will eat for just one night.
@@mandysimmons2769 even these days you could get like a 20 pound bag of rice, some chicken and soy sauce, maybe a few bags of frozen vegetables and have a week of stir fry.
@@Excalibur2 yeah that's true.
Once you start paying for things you become that person.
@joeeberstein5752 sad but true!
The main reason I believe in stealth wealth. Never let them see or realize how much money you actually have.
@jimhandler - Yup, even if you aren't actually wealthy, keep your finances secret from relatives.
@@CarlaQuattlebaum I'll never tell
Similar to John's story, I accidentally did this without realising. Went out to lunch with my father (first time ever!) and as it was a pub lunch, you pay when you place the order. I went up and ordered, paid. He bought the soft drinks. At the end he said something about going to pay for the food part, and I told him I had done that at ordering. He looked really hurt. I then felt awkward.
I would do one last dinner. When the bill comes say "I will get this one, but it is the last one."
@samanthah2226 I tried that with a friend, told her that unless it was a real emergency I couldn't keep helping her out, but it didn't work (sadly) because there was always some type of bad crisis going on in her life on a monthly basis, regardless of the fact that I had told her that I couldn't help all the time due to some other family financial issues I had. I had to break off the friendship. Hopefully it would work with someone who wasn't a leech though. They figure if you've helped them once, you'll continue helping, even when you've told them several times that you can't do that continually. There are just some people who constantly look to others to help them, when they'd be better off if they learned how to help themselves instead.
I like this plan!
I'll bet once you do that you won't hear from them anymore or go out anymore
You have to “grab a set” and tell them that they MUST pay their way, or there will be NO MORE family restaurant outings or “holidays”.
IMO - just be honest up front. If the family is jealous that is their problem. My Mom became jealous of after my income surpassed hers. She would make snide comments.
If it’s not your children, they’re on their own for meals.
Eh, depends. Sometimes it's worth getting the tab.
As the doctor/investor in the family, this is how it works. If I choose the restaurant, then I pay for dinner. If anybody else chooses the restaurant, then (once again) I pay for dinner.
Well go to lunch and pay for only what you eat, take a cab and as soon as possible pay your fair only letting them know you're going dutch, want to go to vacation pay only for yourself , and make sure that you don't ever pay
Argh, I'm doing extremely well financially right now and I'm still trying to figure out how to help my family out without falling into the same trap as this caller.
To be honest, I don't think that I would just because I'd be afraid they would expect it all the time. Maybe at most give them $50. But I wouldn't let them know how well you are doing financially or they may look at you as their own personal ATM machine.
I bought my family the books "The total money makeover" by Dave Ramsey and "Quit like a millionaire" by Kristy Shen. Give a child a fish, you feed them for a day. Teach a child to fish, you feed them for life.
Helping your family out isnt helping them. They need to help themselves. Stay out of it.
First off, it is admirable that you want to help. Just exactly what do you hope to accomplish?
I come from a big family and the older siblings stayed with Aunts & Uncles until they were established in a new area, younger siblings stayed with older. That is one kind of help.
My sister hired me to babysit during the Summer, so I had money to buy school clothes. That is another form of help.
I raised chickens and took my folks several cleaned and cut up chickens, a quarter beef and a half a hog. That is another type of help. But I learned very early that to give someone money and then they spent it on something other than what I intended it to be spent on, that was not for me.
@@diceportz7107 Exactly what you're describing, I think. I want to uplift/bless my elderly relatives who for various reasons can't retire comfortably. They're not greedy people so offering them financial help in a way that maximizes their dignity is the relationship challenge on my end.
Stop going out with your family. Period. 🫡
Avoid moochers
I'm a school teacher and I do OK, but most of my family and friends make far more than I do. I am super careful not to take advantage of them. I'm knida paranoid about it. It sometimes makes it hard to get together but I would just hate it if they ever thought I was mooching.
Gotta set boundaries but! Big butt you can't get angry with a family member if they don't want to or can't go on a planned family trip if they are expected to pay for their own expenses. They might not be able to afford or really want to spend money on that particular thing or trip.
The best response IMO is to preface the next invitation out with "we're tapped out". Works best if there's a special reason, like buying a house or having a baby, but you don't have to make it about that. The other option is to downgrade in restaurants and just say you're going to the local breakfast cafe or to the pizzeria this time. Cut the budget in their choices, maybe get a list of what toppings people like and order a few pizzas. Even now you can feed 20 people for $200-300 that way.
Hang out less with family or don’t bring your wallet. Carry enough cash for your meal or activity. Bring a couple of 20’s & smaller denomination of bills.
In June I set up a vacation to Montrèal with my family, I paid for the hotel, I was thinking of driving my car there, when I found out to many people going I suggested we get a rental, when I asked for some money everyone have other plans, I ended up going by myself lol
Don't go anywhere that costs money with the siblings, unless you make it clear up front. If they have a problem with that, it's on them.
We have friends we take weekend trips with. I usually cover the hotel because I get discounts, and they buy a couple dinners and pay for gas. No arguments and we're all happy.
There's a quote about giving things. Something like the 3rd time it's expected.
I forget the source.
“Thanks for lunch Amy” HA! I wish my family would try me like that
For years.. a friend and I have gone for lunch and about half the time, I pay, about half the time he pays.
He's VERY well off financially. Not Dave's plan, just but high enough paying job and decent management.
I'm barely $0 debt running disability check to disability check...
For me to pay, I have to grab the bill before he sees it...
I have no intention of mooching. HE wouldnt mind if I did. "It's just lunch at iHop" (or rough equal pricing level)
But turning into a mooch, I'm sure would destroy the friendship over time.
I had a Buddy in high school he was notorious for showing up to the restaurant or the bar and when it was time to pay the bill. Without fail it was oh i FORGOT MY WALLET !!!!
I would start leaving first… be the first to leave and let them deal with it.
You should be comfortable talking to your family. Before I go anywhere with my siblings, we work out if we’re splitting. It’s not gonna be a guessing game.
She has to not be a welcome mat to her family. She has to remove the Neon "Welcome" sign from her forehead.
So what do you do with a family member that always insists on paying? My recourse became that I would not eat with this sibling. We don't speak any more.
One of the blessings of growing up with not so smart parents is you learn "no" is heartbreaking, but the only real choice you have. If you want to keep any respect for yourself, AND your family, you're honest with them. Don't let them be foolishly dishonest with you. When you catch a kid with its hand in the cookie jar, you don't ask them if they stole a cookie, you ask them why they stole a cookie. Make them address their bad decisions, and let them know they don't get to look at you like a fool who will play their fools game
what can I do? I have been disabled since 2009 and I am 58 years old at the verge of retirement. My portfoliio of $750k is down to $492k, How can I profit from the present market" , I mean I've heard of people making upto $250k in couple weeks during this crash and I'd like to know how.
The market is volatile at this time, hence i will suggest you get yourself a financial-advisor that can provide you with entry and exit points on the shares/ETF you focus on.
Very true , I diversified my $400K portfolio across multiple market with the aid of an investment advisor, I have been able to generate over $900k in net profit across high dividend yield stocks, ETF and bonds in few months.
please who is the expert assisting you and how do I reach out to them?.
Nicole Desiree Simon is my portfolio coach, and my trading account basically mirrors that of hers, it's quite transparent and automated, so I don't have to be active during trades. You can vet her if you like.
I just checked her out and I have sent her an email. I hope she gets back to me
You need to learn and use the magical work - No. They will not like it but after a few times they will learn your not paying.
I advise Amy speaks to the sibling she gets on with the best about this, and they speak to the rest of the family together.
I think it also depends on if she invited the family to go out to a place that they can't afford then it would be more appropriate for her to pay but if they're all just going out to a regular place that the family can afford then they should pay for themselves.
Ughhh......this used to be a thing with 1 skinflint that would tag along our friend group. Would eat out with us and shameless not even reach for his wallet after we split the bill. I would text "guys I'm bringing the beers" and would get a texted wish list by said cheapskate who was buying nothing. Took 2-3 really blunt calling outs to not see him tag along anymore. Frugal and freeloading cheapskate are 2 different things.....cut out freeloading asap imo
I love when people shout a meal, it’s so nice! It makes me want to be kind the next time and pay for theirs, which I do! I can’t imagine freeloading constantly, I’d feel too guilty!
The only people I go out with and expect them to pay is my parents 😂 I will free load off them anytime 😂 granted I’ve also lent them money and also if they take me on a trip I take them out for a meal that usually winds up being 500-1000 as a thank you
and this is why she should have never told her family and siblings how much money she makes!
Quit going out with them.
you do something for someone once to a few times it becomes a natural expectation that's just human nature
Amy should have made an announcement about the Disney trip that this is a special gift.
Yes. Announcement up front, before hand, be very clear.
When the family plans get-togethers, make it clear in advance that everyone will pay their own way (you will not be paying for everybody)--if it meeting a a restaurant, request a separate check. Turn down the invitations. When people take you aside to guilt you into paying "just for their family" be ready to stand by your decision. If they have to leave for no money, it is not your shame.
It's an easy resolve for me. I just said, 1. I am not paying for all of it 2. I can't afford it 3. No I am not rich you just think I am. And the game was over.
My brother said, "Don't offer to pay, I will always pay. I make $412/hr>>$16K/wk,
and I collect $2K/wk pension."
@@aolvaar8792 He made it pretty clear, so you both know where you're at.
Also, when you change back to paying for your own meal, PLEASE don't expect people to go to expensive restaurants. Some of us only have Taco bell money.
This is clearly sitting on her conscience. Don't EVER go against your conscience! Any time you do, you're eroding it, and then you start to do more that you regret later until you're just jaded about morality in general. Your conscience is a gift from God. Once you lose it, the worst stuff ever happens. Keep your conscience alive and let these guys learn what they need to learn that you can't depend on freebies, especially for things that are not necessary. Food is, but restaurants aren't.
Poor Amy, no good deed goes unpunished.
Amy, you are the one continuing to go out with these people. This is 100% on you! sorry
This why I "poor mouth" most of the time
Might depend on who's idea it is to go out. If it is alway's Amy's idea, that could be why she is expected to pick up the tab. If it is their idea, Amy might want to thank that person for their "generous" offer to take HER out as soon as the idea comes up.
just because its your "idea" to do things as a family in no way means you should pay for everything.
I agree, but her moocher family probably doesn't see it that way. @@BearsBeetsBattlestarGalactica1
The other night we went out to dinner with some friends. We said if you insist then we want to pick up the tip. And it was a nice tip.
Give a mouse a cookie and they’ll ask for a glass of milk
I know how this goes with family. I’m the youngest and the highest earner too. Not a fun place to be but you’re gonna have to put your foot down. Or live on the opposite side of the country like I do! Lol
This has happened to myself and my husband with his family. They were from the same area as us. They all moved North last 2 to 3 yrs every vacation was spent going up to them. Which is a 12 hr drive renting a hotel room. Since we only saw them twice a yr always came with expensive gifts for the kids and spent a lot on them. Fine we wanted to do that. We always gave them money for food chipped in. Never offered to buy us dinner not once. Always separate checks when we went out. This family was the type that they just spent money everyday. Always a new car, trips etc. They came down once and the amount of money spent didn’t chip in for food nothing and stayed in our home. After this last trip this yr I told my husband no more. And they don’t even bother to acknowledge our daughter. I have cut ties. My husband maintains a relationship w them but I refuse.
If someone is paying by surprise I always offer to leave the tip.
Yes
Just because someone has money does not mean they have to pay for others
My wife is always having her yoga instructor buying her clothes at a high end store. I'm glad they're friends!
Hope it's not a dude or her "girlfriend."
Lol. You sure it is her instructor?
She better stop loving to pay for it. She saw what happened as a result of taking the whole family to Disney World. Does she really want more? Makes me wonder how their parents raised them.
Amy, you need to have a talk with them.
Disney is not really that expensive lol
Stop paying and see who sticks around.