WHY I RELAPSED & WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING SINCE...The Ugly Truth
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ค. 2020
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I Noah Thomas, the creator of this channel, have been diagnosed hypogonadism by a medical doctor and legally prescribed the medically indicated treatment of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
My Story
My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a medication called VIVITROL and consequently, spiraled into a suicidal depression with depersonalization and anxiety. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who, along with many siblings and friends, had to watch me 24/7 as I was a danger to myself. Eventually I was hospitalized in the Psych Ward for a week. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different doctor prescribed SSRI's SNRI's Tricyclics, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I had an explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started legally prescribed testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 6 years, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Treating my low testosterone has been 1 HUGE part of the puzzle but I have had to continue to work hard to hold on to my mental stability with many set backs. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need I was able to successfully come off my Seroquel and Pamelor.
I work out all the time as a part of my mental health recovery!!! Weight training and all kinds of cardio rule much of my free time and I also share this on my channel.
Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked
![[TH] VCT Pacific Stage 2 - Week 4 Day 1 // PRX vs RRQ | GE vs GEN](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/iIi2_04jGr0/mqdefault.jpg)
I know this was tough to watch for a few reasons and trust me... it was hard for me to edit and put out there. I knew I was getting drunk and recording myself at times when I was feelings particularly emotional or overwhelmed by the cycle I have been in but I had not once watched back any of the footage until I edited and released this video. Seeing myself in such a repetitive and sad state was hard and uncomfortable for me but I know for a fact I am just one of many who feel this way and look this way at times when they drink. I will always fight to be free of this monster but I will never hide the monster from you guys if I think my story can help even 1 person not feel alone and or 1 person feel bolstered in their resolved to stay sober and stay FREE. I can't see myself ever giving up and I don't want anybody else to give up either. Be well team.
Ever thought about taking ibogaine? Apparently has an 85% success rate in combatting addiction. And works in 1-3 days.
you've probably heard it all.. but your inspiring to me bro ~ remain true
I know why I struggle with drinking sometimes. Sometimes its towards the end of the day and it's like 'well what now? Just watch tv etc?' Other times itll be mid day, nothing really going bad but this thought pops in my head. And that's drinking. It's out of no where and you know you're going to buy booze but you try to fight it and it gets depressing trying to fight it so I cave. I'll be good for months, not even wanting to drink. The thought isn't appealing at all, then I'll go months drinking every night.
One thing that has slowed it down a lot was an SGB shot in my neck. I suffered from horrific panic attacks that would come out of no where. I heard about it on JRE from a combat vet that had PTSD. Theres studies that show it helps with alcoholism as well.
I think you're amazing.
Didn't drink last night, first time in about 3 weeks. It's nice to wake up with no hangover! Going to try to carry on. Good luck.
The hang over is the worst!!! How’s things going now?
Same here!
I relapsed after three years of sobriety. By the grace of God I bounced back. Instead of beating myself up, I learned an important lesson. Sobriety is a lifelong journey and commitment and we must be brave as we battle our demons. Yes I lost a battle, but I won the war. Sending everybody so much peace, health, and love. We got this.
Me too man. Just under 3 years sober then relapsed and I was back in the madness for 3 years. About 2 years back in now. I wouldn't say I have won the war as I don't want to get to sure of myself haha
Never say you "won the war"
This is tough to watch (only because it hits home to anyone who has struggled) but hopefully it'll silence those who were saying they were sick of it. Sadly this is the reality. But the reality is also that usually sobriety comes after repeated relapses and not necessarily in a magical moment of realisation...sometimes you just get so sick of it you stop wanting to do it anymore.
Hang in there man, it's important people see the real battle, not a sugar-coated social media battle.
That is pretty much how it happened for me. I would drink super heavy 2,3,4 times a week, like hard alcohol, and occasionally beer, but it would take me like 12-15 beers to get sloshed like I did in just a glass and a half of whiskey. It took me literally getting SICK of it. Sick of the hangover anxiety eating away at me all day, blistering head aches, sometimes vomiting all day throughout the day, sick of losing a whole day afterwards laying in bed, nursing on water, and sweating my ass off with a racing heart. I just got sick of it, and not fully getting back to my "normal" self till like 2 days after the fact. The first month of not drinking was the hardest as far as cravings went. But after like a self made year off any alcohol what's so ever, and wasn't wanting it or craving it. Wasn't tempted by it. I drink maybe once every 2-3 weeks, on a night off work, and I only catch like a decent buzz, eat food which I normally didn't back then, and drink more water than I was alcohol. By the time the night is over I am almost completely sober. Some people literally shouldn't drink and I get that. They can't like my mom or brother.. For me, it's very much a rare occasion social thing with a friend that comes over every other weekend for me and I learned to keep myself in check now after finally getting sick of my own binging habits which I formed out of straight boredom and living alone for the first time in my almost 23 years at that point. I am gonna be 26 this year and I have learned so much from myself and why I was drinking so much, what the triggers were, and I am glad it doesn't rule my world anymore.
You're amazing. You have no idea how much you got me through some of the hardest parts of my life.
I’m battling alcoholism along side with depression and anxiety. Every time I have a few I feel so confident. The problem with that is when I’m amongst people having a good time, speaking my mind I get way into it and just keep drinking. I go to bed and black out. The next days is the worst.... Trying to retrace my steps to verify I didn’t say anything wrong or did anything wrong.
Here's what worked for me, when I realized the bad out weighed the good I was getting from drinking. The hangovers were really getting bad, spending tons of money, drinking and driving, anxiety was out of control and many more added up that the bad GREATLY out weighed the good I got from drinking! When I'm feeling weak these are the things I think of. Good luck!
5 am sober can't sleep... So worth it waiting it out many hard nights ahead
Thanks appreciate the support
Same here man I've spent over $1,000 on alcohol in the last month and have had the worst bringing episodes since this quarantine started. Drank last night amd have been sober since about 4 am this morning so tomorrow i hope to start a new! Hope you pull through man it's not easy but it will definitely be worth it!
Yes, the early morning is worst
Tick rock four am keep pushing
@w I'm using benadryl. Working for me so far in first few days sober. That combo sounds like it would knock my ass out! Lol
Hey bud, I been a subscriber for about two years. I remember when I had deep anxiety and panic disorder and no doctor wanted to work with me. I use to watch your videos to help me feel at ease when I’m driving home. I was in rehab from age 14 to 16, drug of choice was ecstasy and marijuana. I cheated my way through rehab and basically graduated for nothing. The next day my probation officer surprised drug tested me and i was positive for like 3/12 adulterants. Long story short I’ll tell you what he told me. “I’m not mad at you. I’m not disappointed. It’s not you, but the addict inside you. You will always be an addict. Whether you’re clean for a day or for 20 years. You will always miss that feeling so I don’t blame you.” Keep your head up man thanks for everything
Keep ur head high
this comment made me cry. i have panic disorder as well but i’m having trouble with alcohol. i really hope you’re doing better ❤️
@@mirameyer9118 well im not worst from 9 months ago. still getting better every day. i hope you can find help for your panic disorder. its really hard but I read this book called Power VS Force (not a self help book) and it changed my mind a lot.
There's something in your life that isn't fulfilling. Part of you knows what it is and you mask it with drinking. For you to go to rehab and come out I believe you didn't address something very deep you're afraid to bring to the surface. Are you fully happy with your Marriage? Career? Are you a parent or afraid to be one of it's in the conversation? Do you have guilt of something in the past you did and haven't forgiven yourself for ? There's something you're afraid or ashamed to address you absolutely have to and forgive yourself for it and that's one of the best ways to try to move on.
Thats a really good answer because its 💯 true...i was just writing that...i live that everyday.....u hit the nail on the head with that answer...people that use, are trying to mask emotional pain that they usually can pinpoint...its just a question of “can u be honest with yourself”? Most times its easier to numb it with a substance...
Rumble Reviews Great questions and observations, stay with Noah, he’s so lovable.
True I also struggle with drinking cause I’m not comfortable in my own skin, my childhood was shit, had no escape bullied at school and come home to abusive family, everyone says it was normal back then to get discipline but there was no lessons in the beatings, just them lashing out of anger and drilling it into my head that I’m worthless, and the sad part of it is it turned me into a horrible person who did horrible things and that just further justified the way they treated me
How does one forgive themselves from life decisions that have destroyed ones life. At least my friend’s are very supportive!
@@MalcolmStewart61 that's good your friends are supportive. Are you new to Noah's channel? He's been through A lot you should follow his journey. Also sounds like you may need to forgiveness to yourself in your life.
Seeing the ups and downs throughout your videos has just gone to show anyone struggling with addiction that these things happen. You never stop trying to quit and that’s what’s really inspiring. I think we can all agree that quarantine has been the worst, especially with people trying not to relapse.
always trying to grow isn't healthy either, it's like you always need to improve, do something. I used to be like that, going to the gym 3 hours a day, 2 jobs, maybe 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night. but I know now that relaxing or even hanging in there is perfectly fine as well.
Yup! Relax and let God (The Universe) do the work.
There is a lot of wisdom in this. The Western culture instills that we are not good enough unless we are "doing" and "being" more than we are and it's a toxic cycle.
I believe in you, even though I don't know you that well.. I feel there's something about you. You are doing good. I know at times it doesn't feel like that but you are.. 🙏 I'm a witch so you better believe me 😉
Learning how to be ok with just “being” is so much harder than it sounds.
Painkiller kudos to you for sure!
Is the pressure of being productive getting to you? You don't have to conquer this addiction AND be incredibly productive. Better to have an average day sober than a productive/stressful day that leads to drinking the next day.
I can't stay sober either. Longest is a month. Hitting my first meeting tomorrow wish me luck guys. This poison has ruined my life
Good luck Eric 😊☘️☘️☘️
much luck to you Eric, I’m rooting for you! ❤️
Thanks guys. If it helps anyone I can keep updating.
10 days sober. AA has been great to me. Us alcoholics are the issue internally. Drinking is just the solution we choose to numb our internal defects. Feeling good and little to no cravings
Eric K good luck man. Keep it up. I relapsed last Tuesday night and when I woke up the next day I was shaky so I had a beer to fix it and then drank till Wednesday night 😭 I’ll tell you I’m just now 6 days later feeling normal again. Those “ I can have just one now you got this” whispers are a lie because you won’t - and not worth the feeling I just felt for a week straight. I hope and pray that I never will too. I’m Reconditioning my mind of how to live life. hope this helps. 6 days sober here 👊🏼
This was really heartbreaking to watch. I struggle just as you do and I thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. I’ve found sobriety for myself by the grace of god and I pray you find it too.
Thank you for your honesty, you have great self awareness. My husband is at the start of 3 months of residential rehab and I have started visiting al anon to learn about addiction and how my own behaviour has impacted him. It's a tiring journey but one that's worth 100% effort from both sides just like you and Jess. Bless us (all the way from Galway Ireland)
I respect the hell out of you for sharing this information after having already built a reputation for yourself revolving around recovery. In the early stages of my sobriety i binge watched a crap load of recovery stories and a lot of your videos helped me many of times!! showing the truth like this is so we don't feel like we are alone is the exact reason that i recently started my own channel for recovery from mental illness and substance abuse. I think its so important to be helping the sick and suffering and even the ones who don't suffer but want to understand.
I look forward to your upcoming content. You help a lot more people than your youtube channel allows you to see. Thank you for your service!!
feel for you man, its a hard time to rehab, and its also a very tough time for mental health and addictions in general. currently going through alcohism myself. its a very uncertain time of everyones lives. i believe in you bro.
May God bless and protect you through this struggle. I’m sending you love and strength. I also appreciate the fact that you are not allowing alcohol to totally rob the world of your potential. You are contributing what you can at the moment, and your openness is helping others. When you decide that it’s time for you to be sober, you will help more people (including yourself) to an even greater degree. You will decide when that chapter begins. You are a healer, my friend. By that I mean you are one who heals himself, and one who heals others. Look back at some of your most triumphant moments, and you will know that I’m right. You have healed and rebuilt your own body many times over, and you’ve helped others to do the same for themselves. You already know what to do. I’ll be here cheering when you decide to start your next chapter. ♥️
All the respect to you and your journey because I know how damn hard it is... but one thing I see is your still not ready. When you are done done, it wont matter what happens, who goes out of town, how much life is sucking around us... we struggle. we cry. we scream. we do anything but pick up. no matter what. We dont just give in the moment things dont go to plan. There will never be a right time, or a right set of circumstances that align perfectly for you. You have to dig deep within. I hope you reach that point Noah!
What a video! That was heartbreaking. You definitely got a new sub here. Stay strong dude.
I am praying for complete healing for you brother! I thank you for making videos that have helped me so much. While I do not struggle with addiction I do struggle with anxiety, depression and ruminating thoughts. I'm excited to see what videos are next! I am very interested in your take on these topics and also what medication if any helped with your condition of OCD, anxiety and depression. God bless you Noah! 💪
Addiction had ruined my life, i found mindfulness and gratitude helped! small steps and one day at a time
You’ll be in my prayers. We all have faith in you. Everyone’s journey has a few hiccups you will get through it.
Hey Noah. My heart goes out to you and others who struggle with addiction during this time. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. My depression and anxiety have been on fire since quarantine and I know how hard that is, so I can empathize. Stay strong bud, and know you have many others walking along side you-even if it’s digitally.
Thank you so much for your raw honesty and work in editing these videos and sharing. I sincerely appreciate it and I hope you find your rainbow and happiness. You are an amazing guy Noah and you inspire me every step of your journey.
Thank you for your honesty and bravery. You will get where you want to be even if there are a few detours along the way!
I truly appreciate your honesty & am definitely cheering for your sobriety. I also truly appreciate you making these videos to help others- it really does. I think you can do it too. Please stay strong 🙏 my prayers
Man I lost a 10 year relationship, the last 3 years I drunk a lot over the weekend and she just had enough and left me. A quit 3 months after we split up, nearly 2 months sober, then thought I was cured, pink cloud mine thinking everything’s good again when it wasn’t. I honestly drink, I stop and relapse like you and can relate so much 6 days in now have had my first weekend off since a year ago when I quit the first time, was so depressed but I know how much more I will be depressed if I go back, it’s one day at a time! And that’s it! Did it 3 days a week and heavily, cut it down and still did it 3 days a week. Still is ruining my life and taking aware the person I know I can be and was which was a fit motivated loving caring person. Anyhow 6 days in and if anyone is struggling please hold strong, it’s not worth it. Thankyou so much for your video Noah, watching while I do cardio.
I’ve been following you for years stopped watching for a while came back and I’m so sad and surprised to find you relapsed thanks for showing the human side of recovery
You are helping a lot of people. It shows in the comments over the years. The authenticity is really how the struggle is. I get it. Wish you well.
Hi I love how honest you are and the strength you have to keep going
I'm sure you will make it to where you want to be
So proud of you xx
Alcohol almost killed me. I had a MELD score of 32 and had lost the physical strength to walk. When I was wheeled out of the hospital after 10 days (and swollen beyond recognition) I knew if I took another drink I’d die. My family and my 16 year old son (now 18 and Class of 2020), deserved better than what I was putting them through. It was no longer about me. My health is much better now but I still struggle with terrible Alcoholic neuropathy, chronic pain, and the occasional “speed wobble” when I walk. I’m now 2 years and 2 months sober and I am on a mission. God bless you on your personal journey and may you find the peace you seek and break out of the prison that is alcoholism. I truly hope I helped you with my story (feel blessed I left out a lot of details) ;-)
Painkiller I’ve been sober 2 years and 2 months. I have cirrhosis so any type of medication is off the table! I eat very well . I’m stable for now but the neuropathy is very present. I did it to myself so I complain very little. I’m just lucky to be alive!!
My brother is 47 yrs old and an alcoholic. I can't even begin to tell you what his drinking has done to our family. BUT, we never gave up on him. Today, he is 15 months sober. We all joined him at his one year coin ceremony.
Go to AA and get a sponsor, 12 step works! Good luck to you.
There can always be an external excuse, but do not be influenced by what happens around you. Strengthen your inner determination every day and every minute. God bless you my friend, I feel your pain.
I wish you the best of luck in this struggle and believe in your dream. Don't be so hard on yourself. I believe you will succeed. Love your channel.
I know how hard it can be brother. I suffer from BPD. Boarderline Personality Disorder. I have very bad emotional ups and downs. I struggle with self identity and belive alot of the time that I don't deserve to be here. BUT. There is something deep inside me that says other wise. I always get 10 days then fall. The anxiety and emotional over load takes over. The obsessive thinking over turns the want to stop and before I even know it I'm banging on a table saying how did I get here again. I'm off to treatment in a little over a month. I so can't wait to get there. I have so many things to get off my chest. I'm ready to open up and release the pain. Thank you for all your videos they are an inspiration and a reality that I'm just as human as you and should not beat my self up so much for my down falls. God bless and keep trucking.
I'm a chronic relapser, too. I am also a fitness professional. All I can say is that finally, after 10 years of relapsing, I had to come to terms that I would need to stop being so extreme with fasting, exercise and fitness/diet discipline if I was going to stay sober.
You are so brave!! Exposing yourself in this short amount of time after relapsing. After every relapse I have, it takes weeks for me to finally feel a decent human being. Thank you for sharing this and being so honest!! I personally chose to start following Sinclair method, ready to start today after a weekend of binge drinking and black out and put my beautiful 2 year old daughter in danger. I wish you all the success!!
COVID-19 has drastically changed our lives. We lost our employment, income, house, furniture, the losses just continue. If I had an addiction in this coronavirus environment it would of been hell trying to be sober or straight. Many ppl have spoken about dealing with addictions during COVID-19. How dangerous and vulnerable they are with relapse. Your not a happy drunk either, your super depressed and in the dark shadows, even scary. That’s tough. Actually, considering all this, am impressed. Your still keeping it real, being aware, sharing and walking through this hard time. Stay safe. Your always in our hearts. ❤️ you always warm my heart, as well.
I pray you find the “gift of desperation,” sooner than later! God bless you, bro.
Take good care.
Hang In there man! We do recover!
I’m right there with you, Noah. ❤️
Noah, my heart shatters for you..truthfully. You were doing so good, things were working out. Things happen though, and for sure this corona pandemic has made my mental health worse from those things being taken from me, the gym at least just do even do cardio on my day’s off. It sucks seeing you get upset when you drink, seeing the pain in your eyes and I can feel it as an empath. I feel even though we all live different lives *speaking for all of the subscribers* some things we experience make us feel like family from understanding the pain of the episode of the situation. These vices can take control of us and destroy us from the inside out and we just need enough faith and will power to get through it. I know as a grocery store employee I’ve been facing a lot more DP/DR, massive anxiety, the whole nine yards. I’ve just been trying to hold it together but I’ve had days where I break down and just want to lay in bed to take away the pain. Know I’m always routing for you and care much about you.
I thank you for your strength, courage, and honesty! I haven't posted about my addiction openly till now. I drink anywhere from a half pint to a whole pint, nightly. Both of my parents are active addicts, and they're in their 60s. I used to be a really bad drunk but, I'm trying my hardest to reduce the amount I intake. I struggle in the evenings as well, and drink alone. I know I should choose not to buy the alcohol but, 9 times out of 10, I get it anyways. Pretty much everything you've said, I can 100% relate to! I love you & your family! Yall are great, caring, and genuinely care for others, and I appreciate all of y'alls content! Thank you for everything! Y'alls video's bring joy & happiness to my days! God Bless You all! Hang in there sweetie! I know how incredibly difficult it is to say no to alcohol & IT SUCKS! It's extremely hard also because, it's extremely available, everywhere we go! Thanks again Noah!
I'm trying to get up the courage to make my 1st TH-cam video. It's SO hard! I struggle with many health issues, from heart problems, seizures, etc... Im 40 and am still struggling with diagnosis, and it's a lot of the reason I drink. Im trying to mask my physical & emotional pain. Anyways... If you or anyone has ideas for how/what to make my 1st video, I'd greatly appreciate it! 😊✌💙🙏
I had relapsed recently and has been three days since i am not drinking. I feel you and i know that hell man. Just know that you are not alone and keep coming back it works!
I don’t often comment on YT but wow. I really relate and feel you and your vids are a big help to me. Thanks.
I appreciate how open and honest you are with yourself about the situation. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time. My boyfriend has alcohol use disorder and recently relapsed. He gets extremely down on himself and cries saying the last thing he wants to do is drink...but he can’t stop. It started slow. He would function at about half capacity daily due to the drinking. Now, he’s to the point of practically being in a constant black-out state. The tapering process sparks severe anxiety for him. He is going back to treatment here in Washington State soon. Your videos help me understand what he’s going through. I appreciate your insight and truly wish you the best!
Good on you for sticking by his side Amanda
Best wishes to both of you! 💞
He is lucky to have you
Hey Noah same thing happened to me after 1 month of completion of my third rehab I went dog sitting and after a week slipped and went back to drinking and other stuff eventually bad things started happening after every time I drank were I couldn’t handle it from hospital visits to police coming for me now I’m 3 years and a bit sober man and for a long time I never believed I could get sober but everything your doing is making that part of your mind that wants to change stronger stay in there man you’ll make it out try not to beat yourself up man one day you’ll get there much love
Don’t give up! Odds are in your favor if you keep going. The more you reach in that direction, the more likely it is you’ll get it!
I can relate to a degree. Although I don't have a addiction to alcohol, I've abused it a lot in my past. It's my go-to drug when I can't handle the stress in my life. And I can handle quite a bit! I like social contact and a bar is the easiest way for me. Especially this time of the year. I haven't seen a bar now since last fall. I think about it all the time. The friends I had there. Only see there. I stay home and go to work now. I workout at home. It's easy to say I don't have a life but I'm doing what I want to do right now in my life. I'll keep you and your affliction in my thoughts and prayers.
I’m really sorry man, but ur so damn self aware and that’s amazing. I’m in the PNW and if u ever need a friend, I got u.
I feel you brother ! I’ve been following you for 4 years
stay away from whiskey or vodka being your primary drink. its hell withdrawals :(
Thanks for sharing my friend. You are a warrior.
Noah, I truly hope the fact that the negative videos get the most views doesn’t perpetuate your relapses 🙁 personally I enjoy most the videos of when you’re well. I enjoy seeing how happy and alive you are when you’re not drinking. I enjoy you sharing your healthy routines, recipes, etc. just wanna let you know that I’ll watch your vids no matter what you post as I enjoy watching you 😊 with that said I deeply appreciate you sharing such personal struggles as it helps so many people not feel alone or like they’re the only ones, self included
P.S. cute puppy in the background! 🥰
Thx Rach
Thank you for sharing. I struggle also, and it helps to know I'm not alone.
I wish you all the best man. Main thing I'm seeing is you aren't focusing on your alcoholism. You talk so much about supplements, fasting, working out, all these things....you really need to stop thinking about any of that stuff. Focus on your sobriety. Put the time you put into that into getting sober. Get into an Oxford House if you have to. There are plenty of options. You only have one job right now and that's not to drink. Everything else is secondary. Until you make sobriety the most important thing in your life (over your wife, your job, your house, your TH-cam channel), you won't get sober. That was my experience at least.
What does your wife do while you’re sitting around crying and stacking beers on her coffee table?
Im so sorry you relapsed . I watch your dad’s channel and that’s how I know you sort of. Just hang in there . I don’t know what it’s like because I don’t drink . But I have anxiety , social anxiety disorder and I lost my husband suddenly 5/23/18 so I suffer from loneliness because I am alone. I know it’s different . I struggle in a different way. Never give up the fight. As hard as it is it’s worth it. Take care of yourself.
I appreciate you🙏🏾. I'm currently on day 8 of sobriety. I don't usually leave comments but i just wanted to say that there's no shame in taking a medically prescribed anti anxiety med during recovery, especially for sleep. Withdrawing is brutal and the body needs to be able to rest. It's one of the things that helps me personally. (Ps its non addictive😁). Thank you for sharing your battle🤙🏾
Hi, Noah. I hope you have a great day. I hope to see some vlogs on this channel, maybe what I eat in a day?
You're going to do great things.
It's soooo hard to be honest with ourselves. Thanks for sharing!
Hi Noah, glad you made a new video and about relapsing. I've been with my boyfriend 17 months. He has anxiety, depression and alcohol addiction. We never fight about it and he's trying his best to recover. Everytime he stopped he will relapsed and he got anxious and sometimes get mad at me. He's doing fine as our new plan is to reduce number of beers everyday and hes having 3 right now which were both happy. I'm always watching you and made me understand my boyfriend that it's not really easy. You would like to have hang over everyday right? Thanks for helping us understand you guys..take care
I mean nobody wants to have hang over..
Wish you a very good luck brother.... Lots of love from Nepal :)
Thank you for your channel it has helped me through some recent times.
With your fasting and binging food would this not suggest that you also have an eating disorder waiting to happen or already in effect? Not to add to your issues but the swinging between extremes seems familiar to me and might need attention.
I am no expert though.
Good luck with it all.
Wow man this is exactly where i was 6 years ago. For 10 years i wasn't in control and just spiraled out. Lost everything, living at dads. I tried to quit so many times and relapsed after a year and a half once. For that year and a half i wanted to drink the whole time. It was pure hell. Started drinking nyquil cause i had a cold. Lol we find any excuse. I relapsed for a whole year where my drinking just got scarier than ever. Finally i read about peyote being effective with native american's alcohol abuse issues. Could only get san pedro legally so did that and on the second time something clicked. The next day i quit drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes with absolutely 0 cravings for 6 years now. I did extensive video journaling too and got hooked on people i lookes up to's stories of recovery. People like actors, musicians, writers etc.. Hearing their stories really gave me inspiration. Robert downey jr was the king of relapse and he finally got it. Guy went to prison and everything. Don't stop digging buddy. Don't stop looking for a new angle. Get hooked up with someone that has recovered and communicate. Message me on here. Trust me i get this my man. Take care.
That’s amazing. Thank you for sharing. Is there anyway I can message you personally?
what is san pedro out of curiousity? sounds amazing and am so glad it worked for you!
Robert Downey Jr..haha..they don't send their puppets to prison for substances. He clearly broke protocol and was put back into line and then they made him a star again.
I know the feeling bro. Hang in there
I love you bro! Keep it simple and shit or get off the pot. Praying for your well being.
I also agree with what was said about always having to be better. You have achieved a level of physical and mental heath that some of us only dream of. I’m 80 lbs over weight and 9 months into TRT and I’m just grateful to be feeling human again. I really think the moto, “keep it simple,” should be tattooed on your forehead so you can read it in the mirror every morning. Figuratively speaking of course.
I had anxiety + panic attacks everyday. All what you can do is deal with it and don’t stay in home and use your phone less. Try to feel outdoors life and enjoy sun. day by day you will wake up fresh
Hi mate. When you were on seroquel, did you become insulin resistant? Them meds seem to do that! I’m on them and I want to come off so bad!
Keep up the good work buddy, you’re doing great!
Omg....I know exactly what you mean by "zombie". It is so hard to put into words. I had a relapse once in which I wound up on a bar stool and to this day i dont know what lead me there. Keep fighting brother!
Thank you for sharing
I understand alcohol and benzodiazepines effect the brain in the same way and I have a dependency on my own prescribed medication! After 20 years taken daily I definitely am and it terrifies me to not have them .
So many of us are hurting we need to help each other so we don’t feel alone . We’re all secluded feeling like this I’m so glad you have the courage to make honest videos because then I know I’m Not Alone ✌️ Thank you for your honesty , much ❤️ to you my friend.
I love you and your honesty.
Can relate to the experience of relapsing without knowing you’ll do it beforehand and feeling like you’re locked into going to get your drug of choice even though you know you should n’t. One thing I’ve tried is to do on the spot breath meditation every time I get a thought of using. Even a thought can be a seed planted that can grow more and more until it becomes behavior. Basically nipping the urge in the bud. I think that you can control not using, but once you use your drug the first time you’ve lost control. Still, can also recover from a relapse and not keep going with using
I relapsed after 139 days. No regrets because I went that far. However now I’m able to see more than ever the destructive nature of alcohol. It makes me anxious and depressed like mad on day 2,day3, day4 and sleep is messed for a very long time. Yet i have somehow convinced myself its ok to drink once or twice a week. I don’t ever want to really quit but I think im gonna have issues for the rest of my life. If you ask me to do another 30 day 60 day break I’ll do anything to convince you I don’t want to. Another major problem with alcoholism is how lonely both sobriety and alcohol make you feel. Lonerism is a problem.
Do you not have any Sponsors? You use them when you "catch yourself driving yourself to the store".
Your wife is stronger than I could be. Good Luck
I was working with a sponsor when I got out of treatment in March but have not been in touch for a couple months now. He is great and I do believe in sponsorship. I am going to try the Annie Grace 30 day alcohol experiment with all my might and see how that works. Hope you are well.
@@bignoknow Prayers for you guys... You got this💪
Look into Laura McKowen's We are the Luckiest One's. At least 2 zoom meetings a day. Excellent people!
No matter what, I appreciate you Noah.
I have panic disorder, dpdr, agoraphobia. This started at age 12. I am now 49. Since age 19, I have abused alcohol. There were a few years at a time when I didn't drink. But as the anxiety and mental illness got worse, I started drinking a lot more. I live in Montana....and for the last 10 years I've been on a binge. I drink almost a liter of Gin every night after 6:30 pm. Sometimes, I blame it on boredom. Sometimes I blame it on the anxiety disease. Having said that .............I totally get what you are saying about COVID. I think 1000s of people in the USA are having these same issues since 2020 started. Just had blood work done not too long ago. My liver function is 40 points above normal. I know I have got to stop, but I don't know how. But, when I drink, I feel like everything is fine. Nothing worries me. I'm not afraid. I'm not in dpdr ................................Only to wake up not feeling well. You know what's sick? Is that I'll go through absolute mental trauma trying to drive 10 miles to town to get another bottle. :( Much love to you Noah.
Hi there, I am suffering from DP/DR since 1996. I am also an alcoholic, the longest time I can stay sober or at least away from one beer is an average of 3 or 4 days. I am from Germany, the beers I drink are usually 0.5 Litre, so during the week when I have to work I drink about 0.5 to 2 litres of beer, on weekends it's usually 3 to 5 litres of beer or the equivalent of vodka or whiskey. I am not sure about the common American beer sizes so I would like to know if you are drinking about the same amount of alcohol I consume or less depending on if you drink 0.3l beer. God bless you.
Since getting sober for the last 2 years I have tried to help about 10 people get sober (all asked for help) and none of them stuck it out. They were all desperate and swore off the drink but they always had excuses to delay putting in the right actions. I feel bad for anyone who got sober just before this lockdown as I needed a lot of support and personally needed a lot of meetings in my first 6 months
Good job on getting sober. I've been sober since October 2011 ❤
Thank you for answering my questions bro. I'm sorry if it was a tough one to speak about and made you uncomfortable. However I thought it would be an interesting one to speak about. Peace.
I'm in recovery from addiction (alcohol and Adderall led to panic attacks which lead to 7 years of daily Klonopin use) and recently diagnosed with Pure O as well. Luvox is helping the intrusive thoughts. I was diagnosed and medicated inpatient. Can relate too on outpatient plans changing atm with COVID I just completed an entirely virtual partial program and have been attending and participating in RecoveryDharma groups on Zoom. Tonight is the first night I'm attending a 12 step program in person. This whole situation has been so hard on everyone, especially those of us with pre existing mental health issues.
I ask this based on the video title (I’ll watch in a moment but I’m currently helping a relative through some personal things), but have you read “The Easy To Control Alcohol” by Allen Carr?
Please consider it if you’re still struggling. It sounds like a tacky 80’s self-help book but after hearing so many people swear by it, I picked it up myself. After 12 years of being an alcoholic, it has dramatically changed the way I think and feel about my addiction.
Please, if you think there’s a sliver of value it could add, buy the book. It’s short and it doesn’t even ask you to quit drinking until you complete the book (as long as your not intoxicated while drinking. Eg; I used to read in after work prior to drinking)
Anyway, thanks for being an uplifting and transparent, dope human being. We believe in you! ✊🏽✊🏽
Yeah I don't know but we're here for you as much as you're here for us so it doesn't matter what you're going through don't feel like you doing this Channel and you're letting us down cuz honestly this is our time when you're going through a hard moment to give you the feedback you need
I realpsed also today after like 160 days...and i saw others on youtube that did in this period...whats happening? Mine was a pmo relaps
Let me recommend an audiobook for you to listen to. I’ve listened 8 times and each time its wisdom speaks to me in a deeper way. The book is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I promise it can help take your journey to a peaceful state and help you deal with these questions of identity.
I think instead of focusing on the events that led to it, you may find it more useful to focus on the emotions that led to it, like actually dig deep and see if you gave up on the idea of staying sober that day because you had been slowly giving up for the three weeks leading up to it. At least that's how I've learned to look at relapse. I relapsed 2 days ago after 8 months of sobriety, and in some ways am lucky because it was a planned relapse so I can easily go back and track the thoughts/emotions that led to it; I think that's the only way to be prepared for the next time your addiction mind tries to take center stage. Good luck my dude!
I'm sick and tired of being in the pattern I'm in I'll go 1 month sober I'll do good, ill eat right, ill be at the gym, then something will happen that just snaps for me and its almost like I blacked out and next thing I know I'm at the store looking for my drink what was supposed to be a 6PC turned into a 3 day binge. I called off 2 days of work and now I have work today and I feel so anxious I feel so ashamed I feel so confused and I definitely made a excuse for myself I threw a pitty party for myself. And I fucking hate this feeling I feel so low of myself again. God I just want this to not be my life. I needed this video thank you! I pray everything it'll get better for all of us!!!
Have you tried AA and fully bought into the program?
How’s your stomach feeling Noah? You still have the burning sensation or you’ve healed from it? Hope all is well bro.
Trying not to relapse today. This video helps. I just can't deal with this anxiety anymore..and I'm so hurt by those who I care for.
Hey, anxiety from withdrawal? I can't resolve ,is mine from withdrawals, health anxiety , some underlying issues,but I know that a few shots woulld help. Been a month sober now. How u doin?
There is nothing wrong with falling down. Its part of life. Life is about ups and downs. I appreciate your authenticity, instead of trying to perpetuate some fake perfect person
Just fell off after 8 days. I am so tired of going around and around. Better luck tommorrow
Relapsed again on "H" a few days ago, been using for three days in a row. Not feeling the best physically but ill be alright. Hope everyone's well, much love
Shit man how are you now? I wouldn't dare to take H or opiates in 2020, its all cut with fentanyl now. Back when I quit in 2011 it was before the fake pills and fentanyl heroine became a common thing thankfully.
I never drink alchool in my life i m 22 and i never smoke ciggrate week i m so happay that i m stayaway from these bull shets
Hello I was wondering did you have gynoclamastia when you had low t
My story is so similar. I feel like I'll never stay sober. I know I have a problem, I get sober for long periods then I'm pulling the house down ontop of my head all over again. In and out is my life's theme. I just lost an amazing woman, spent loads of money, lowered my morals and I broke the woman who cares about me heart. That's the worst part. How I've affected people. I'm not like this monster that comes out but apparently he likes to destroy everything and anything good in my life
Having a sponsor is very good to have, in your case more than 1 sponsor. Sponsor's that are not family, someone who has these kind of issues. When your having thoughts call your sponsor. Have you thought of doing breathing exercises when you start to have drinking thoughts? I do them when my anxiety gets bad. The breathing relax the mind, it works for me all the time, it takes a little practice, you should try it than include your sponsor. Drinking like you are doing is a form of destruction.. Don't let it consume you.
Thanks for sharing your experience with alcohol.
1. Repetitively relapsing and recovering leads to success (rather than failure). Don’t give up on the recovery!
2(1) If a person is deeply conflicted about drinking, an exercise to understand the NEED to drink alcohol, is reflecting on the BENEFITS of liquor.
(2) The video begins such a reflection (for example) when it describes the strong preference to drink ~8 beers in an hour.
(3) Thought pathways from the benefits of drinking provide the intellectual context for the foundation of thinking about the harms and risks of alcohol.
(4) If you don’t have a safe place to reflect deeply on the benefits of drinking, then alcohol may unexpectedly ‘think’ about possessing you (so to speak).
3(1) When a person is conflicted about drinking, their meta-cognitive perceptions of their need for survival vary significantly, from time to time.
(2) “Normal” reason does not necessarily apply when it comes to the 3.5 billion-year-old drive for ‘something’ to survive.
(3) Understanding alternate ways of thinking during basic needs supports adaptive and coping responses to stress.
(a) Rumble Reviews and Sally Hall touch upon this point in their references to ‘satisfaction’ and ‘trauma’: A person’s perceptions of reality change, depending on the kinds of needs the person experiences.
(b) What does a habituated/dependent person feel when he or she decides to drink?
(c) In AA, people tell great stories to tap into the ways of thinking during the decision to drink: ‘Oh, do you think you have problems? Let me tell you about problems...’
(4) A person can try to plant attitudes about “alcohol problems,” m’kay, but those attitudes may provide little benefit from the perspective of meta-cognitive existential instincts.