I just came across a video of yours (the alcohol one) and I related so much, so then I sat here and watched all of your videos. I can see you quit posting-- I just wanted to tell you I relate a lot to everything you say and have similar family relationships so I even teared up a little watching this. I was diagnosed recently with ADHD and I am already 53 -- then I finally accepted through videos like yours that I'm 99% sure I'm autistic, but I have pretended so well all these years that no one really believes me 😐 I hope you're doing well in life now :) I'm going to subscribe just in case you ever decide to give a life update. Take care!!
Again, me too! I just left a ramble on one of your vidoe about being a 51 yr late diagnosed alcoholic. Totally relate to the masking and now my fam can't understand..."but you do so well with people.." Put me anywhere and i will charm many...however, I've had snuck booze secretly into the bathroom and chugged a couple minis of vodka. Everything you are saying is so relatable to me. How to feel about self and life now. How to behave? Feeling like my diagnosis is not taken seriously. WTF does one do indeed?
“I’m burnt out” Yeah I’m in the same spot. Diagnosed last year at the age of 38(last year).. it explains so much but I see the amount of damage it has caused to pretty much everything. I’ve masked so long that I don’t even know who I am anymore. And yes now that I’m diagnosed I wonder”ok now what?”.. I have no answer and socializing is stranger now than it’s ever been .. I can mask well but it’s getting harder and it’s taking longer to recharge . So I hear you and get it but one thing that scares me is I’ve noticed my body slowing down a bit. I honestly cannot imagine going into old age with this disorder.
“Being autistic and not knowing until you are older fucks with you” It really does. All of my relationships were formed through masking and I see all social interactions through neurotypical lens - I have no idea how to operate in social situations with a neurodivergent lens or how to do it without masking. I’ve molded my mask around each person I encounter. I’ve tried to not mask but it doesn’t work so at this point I’m just avoiding people more which doesn’t seem healthy either . A nagging problem I’ve noticed is when I mask around others it just leads me to have to mask more if that makes sense..? It’s all such a mess
Im a serious rambler but wanted to comment anyway. I recently found your video’s (the alcohol one?was the first) and find your stories relatable. however, i haven’t been diagnosed. Im pretty sure it’s not even necessary since I’m 52 and hopeless to change. Perhaps knowing would help with coping. I dunno, the subject of me possibly being autistic is new. I sometimes describe myself as a 13 year old tomboy stuck in an old lady’s body because sometimes I just say and do the strangest things, even in my opinion:/ I let that weird stuff slip a lot. Im exhausted all the time after work and after socializing. I have few friends because I’m exhausting too. I have Kaiser and their mental health system sucks! They’ve diagnosed with me with other mental disorders which I never believed were true but are in my medical records forever. I just lived with my untreated “diagnosis’s” feeling broken but unable to repair myself. I would like to know what my IQ is . I sometimes feel I have potential to be smart but also suffered an abusive childhood (every abuse imaginable) so I always felt damaged from that. I feel most comfortable when I’m alone but I’m sometimes outgoing too. However, drinking helps with that unless I over do it, obviously. My mother’s dad was extremely smart, don’t know his IQ but was told he was genius level. The family suspected he had Aspergers. He was not a people person and to me I felt he was a cold robot. He was very eccentric which I admired as a kid but other than that he wasn’t someone you could rely on. Anyway, I hope it’s ok that I shared some thoughts on your channel even though I’m not even sure if I’m autistic or not. Now I’m going to watch your other videos.
I’ve realized from making these videos that I do a masked stim of licking my lips a lot, sorry! Also, i meant to talk about sensory issues and a few other things that I just forgot while on ramble mode. Maybe I’ll have to do more focused vids 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t know, still figuring out this TH-cam platform and how I want to go about it. Thanks for watching!
yeah!! i was told i was lazy, forgetfull and slow and uncompliant... but my iq test on the assessment showed an IQ above 130.. so... i actually have a master's degreee... i just can't call the pizza place and deal with random show ups in my house from my mother-in-law hahaha
So well said! I can relate to pretty much everything you have said. I’m seeing a neurodivergent therapist and that is helping without an emphasis on masking.
I cried a lot when I first found out I was autistic, too. Thank you for your videos. I get excited every time I find another creator who is an adult and late diagnosed/discovered. I can't get enough of listening to people's experiences with this. It's only been like 6 or 7 weeks since I discovered this finally. And it's been great finding resources here on TH-cam. Thank you for contributing to the neurodivergent movement and for sharing your experiences with us.
It’s so hard to put yourself out there, but I’m in the same boat as you... listening to so many people’s stories; specifically people who are late diagnosed. Thought the more voices out there the better. Good luck to you, I know it’s mind altering to figure it out about yourself!
@@plantthemoon2418 @Plant The Moon I know I'm struggling wrestling with the idea of putting myself out there. That's especially why I wanted to thank you for creating these videos. The more people I see, the more confident I am starting to feel about potentially recording a video one day. I see so much of myself in you and other creators and it is absolutely making me visualize myself doing it. I'm so self conscious about recording myself and even taking pictures of myself. So yeah mind altering is absolutely correct. It's allowed me to remember so many more memories from my childhood in this whole journey. And I'm really proud of how strong I been uncovering lots of trauma I've been deeply repressing. I didn't think I would be capable of actually coming to terms with a lot this. And I can finally stop hating my age. I'm almost 32. And my age has been so depressing to me since I turned 30. I knew it wasn't because it was "so old"... But it did feel like I was really falling behind. Now I feel my life can really start for real.
@@TH-camperson1337 sorry for this incredibly late response, it’s been hard for me to get in the mind set to answer people back, let alone make more videos (also time too). Making my first video was tough for sure. Everything I’ve put out so far I can’t even rewatch because it gives me so much anxiety. I feel like the more autistic voices out there, the more it can be destigmatized (sp?) but do what’s right for you! Your comment is from three months ago, so maybe you have? I definitely feel better about myself and that my struggles in life come with an answer of being autistic rather than just being lazy or dumb, which I’m pretty sure is how a lot of people in my own life saw me. So glad to hear that you’re feeling better about your own circumstances as well!
Glad you made another video. I feel like I can relate to you more than any other autistic female I’ve seen on TH-cam... I’m going through the same thing rn although not officially diagnosed yet (waiting for my appointment). I like literally relate to everything you’ve said, it’s like listening to myself 😂 also relate to the people pleasing, abuse etc it’s so wild finally realising all of this. And as for the unmasking process I’m going through the same thing and it’s hard for sure. I don’t really have any advice but just know I’m right there with you 😅
Honestly that’s so great to hear! I feel like a lot of the female autistic social media people are incredibly good at speaking to the camera, and although I can mask really well with people in person...talking to the camera has never been my forté haha! Making these videos is so scary and I’m so glad to know at least one person out there can relate!! Good luck at your appointment when you finally go!
I'm also veggie =) I've been 'acting' more too, but it feels like 'letting the hard part go off', like if i've been always masking and now i'm finding out who i am, and being in a pandemic yeahhh it takes a great load and talking to people seems to be harder! i'm always exausthed.. people pleaser here too, is hard
You looked gorgeous plant the moon❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I just came across a video of yours (the alcohol one) and I related so much, so then I sat here and watched all of your videos. I can see you quit posting-- I just wanted to tell you I relate a lot to everything you say and have similar family relationships so I even teared up a little watching this. I was diagnosed recently with ADHD and I am already 53 -- then I finally accepted through videos like yours that I'm 99% sure I'm autistic, but I have pretended so well all these years that no one really believes me 😐 I hope you're doing well in life now :) I'm going to subscribe just in case you ever decide to give a life update. Take care!!
Same here, I'm 52. Everything she's talking about I can relate to.
Again, me too! I just left a ramble on one of your vidoe about being a 51 yr late diagnosed alcoholic.
Totally relate to the masking and now my fam can't understand..."but you do so well with people.."
Put me anywhere and i will charm many...however, I've had snuck booze secretly into the bathroom and chugged a couple minis of vodka.
Everything you are saying is so relatable to me. How to feel about self and life now. How to behave? Feeling like my diagnosis is not taken seriously. WTF does one do indeed?
“I’m burnt out”
Yeah I’m in the same spot. Diagnosed last year at the age of 38(last year).. it explains so much but I see the amount of damage it has caused to pretty much everything. I’ve masked so long that I don’t even know who I am anymore. And yes now that I’m diagnosed I wonder”ok now what?”.. I have no answer and socializing is stranger now than it’s ever been .. I can mask well but it’s getting harder and it’s taking longer to recharge .
So I hear you and get it but one thing that scares me is I’ve noticed my body slowing down a bit. I honestly cannot imagine going into old age with this disorder.
“Being autistic and not knowing until you are older fucks with you”
It really does. All of my relationships were formed through masking and I see all social interactions through neurotypical lens - I have no idea how to operate in social situations with a neurodivergent lens or how to do it without masking. I’ve molded my mask around each person I encounter. I’ve tried to not mask but it doesn’t work so at this point I’m just avoiding people more which doesn’t seem healthy either . A nagging problem I’ve noticed is when I mask around others it just leads me to have to mask more if that makes sense..? It’s all such a mess
Im a serious rambler but wanted to comment anyway. I recently found your video’s (the alcohol one?was the first) and find your stories relatable. however, i haven’t been diagnosed. Im pretty sure it’s not even necessary since I’m 52 and hopeless to change. Perhaps knowing would help with coping. I dunno, the subject of me possibly being autistic is new. I sometimes describe myself as a 13 year old tomboy stuck in an old lady’s body because sometimes I just say and do the strangest things, even in my opinion:/ I let that weird stuff slip a lot. Im exhausted all the time after work and after socializing. I have few friends because I’m exhausting too.
I have Kaiser and their mental health system sucks! They’ve diagnosed with me with other mental disorders which I never believed were true but are in my medical records forever. I just lived with my untreated “diagnosis’s” feeling broken but unable to repair myself.
I would like to know what my IQ is . I sometimes feel I have potential to be smart but also suffered an abusive childhood (every abuse imaginable) so I always felt damaged from that. I feel most comfortable when I’m alone but I’m sometimes outgoing too. However, drinking helps with that unless I over do it, obviously.
My mother’s dad was extremely smart, don’t know his IQ but was told he was genius level. The family suspected he had Aspergers. He was not a people person and to me I felt he was a cold robot. He was very eccentric which I admired as a kid but other than that he wasn’t someone you could rely on.
Anyway, I hope it’s ok that I shared some thoughts on your channel even though I’m not even sure if I’m autistic or not.
Now I’m going to watch your other videos.
I’ve realized from making these videos that I do a masked stim of licking my lips a lot, sorry! Also, i meant to talk about sensory issues and a few other things that I just forgot while on ramble mode. Maybe I’ll have to do more focused vids 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t know, still figuring out this TH-cam platform and how I want to go about it. Thanks for watching!
I think you think you’re more rambly than you are.... it was very easy to follow what you were saying... well at least for me haha
Haha this is very reassuring so thank you for that!!
dont be hard on yourself =) i always do videos on youtube (in portuguese, not about this subject) and we naturally mask for the video, it's ok! =)
yeah!! i was told i was lazy, forgetfull and slow and uncompliant... but my iq test on the assessment showed an IQ above 130.. so... i actually have a master's degreee... i just can't call the pizza place and deal with random show ups in my house from my mother-in-law hahaha
That is so frustrating!!
So well said! I can relate to pretty much everything you have said. I’m seeing a neurodivergent therapist and that is helping without an emphasis on masking.
I see you...i feel you....I am you. 52 and just figuring it out. It's a huge relief and very scary.
I cried a lot when I first found out I was autistic, too. Thank you for your videos. I get excited every time I find another creator who is an adult and late diagnosed/discovered. I can't get enough of listening to people's experiences with this.
It's only been like 6 or 7 weeks since I discovered this finally. And it's been great finding resources here on TH-cam. Thank you for contributing to the neurodivergent movement and for sharing your experiences with us.
It’s so hard to put yourself out there, but I’m in the same boat as you... listening to so many people’s stories; specifically people who are late diagnosed. Thought the more voices out there the better. Good luck to you, I know it’s mind altering to figure it out about yourself!
@@plantthemoon2418 @Plant The Moon I know I'm struggling wrestling with the idea of putting myself out there. That's especially why I wanted to thank you for creating these videos. The more people I see, the more confident I am starting to feel about potentially recording a video one day. I see so much of myself in you and other creators and it is absolutely making me visualize myself doing it. I'm so self conscious about recording myself and even taking pictures of myself.
So yeah mind altering is absolutely correct. It's allowed me to remember so many more memories from my childhood in this whole journey. And I'm really proud of how strong I been uncovering lots of trauma I've been deeply repressing. I didn't think I would be capable of actually coming to terms with a lot this.
And I can finally stop hating my age. I'm almost 32. And my age has been so depressing to me since I turned 30. I knew it wasn't because it was "so old"... But it did feel like I was really falling behind. Now I feel my life can really start for real.
@@TH-camperson1337 sorry for this incredibly late response, it’s been hard for me to get in the mind set to answer people back, let alone make more videos (also time too).
Making my first video was tough for sure. Everything I’ve put out so far I can’t even rewatch because it gives me so much anxiety.
I feel like the more autistic voices out there, the more it can be destigmatized (sp?) but do what’s right for you! Your comment is from three months ago, so maybe you have?
I definitely feel better about myself and that my struggles in life come with an answer of being autistic rather than just being lazy or dumb, which I’m pretty sure is how a lot of people in my own life saw me. So glad to hear that you’re feeling better about your own circumstances as well!
Everything you said was spot on!! Thanks for making me feel not so alone 😊💙👍
I love your musings and rambles. I would listen to just rambles ;)
Glad you made another video. I feel like I can relate to you more than any other autistic female I’ve seen on TH-cam... I’m going through the same thing rn although not officially diagnosed yet (waiting for my appointment). I like literally relate to everything you’ve said, it’s like listening to myself 😂 also relate to the people pleasing, abuse etc it’s so wild finally realising all of this. And as for the unmasking process I’m going through the same thing and it’s hard for sure. I don’t really have any advice but just know I’m right there with you 😅
Honestly that’s so great to hear! I feel like a lot of the female autistic social media people are incredibly good at speaking to the camera, and although I can mask really well with people in person...talking to the camera has never been my forté haha! Making these videos is so scary and I’m so glad to know at least one person out there can relate!! Good luck at your appointment when you finally go!
I'm also veggie =) I've been 'acting' more too, but it feels like 'letting the hard part go off', like if i've been always masking and now i'm finding out who i am, and being in a pandemic yeahhh it takes a great load and talking to people seems to be harder! i'm always exausthed.. people pleaser here too, is hard
It’s so hard to let go of the “people pleasing” persona. I feel you!
I'm 46, I learned only 2 months ago!
😂😂😂
(((((((((HUG)))))))))