You won’t feel like that ever sober. Ghb worked much much better than alcohol for socializing - the problem is it wore off and I’d go back to bring an asocial guy
I've found that the amount of alcohol I need to feel "okay" in a social situation makes me totally not okay in a social situation-- from the perspective of everyone else.
Only alcohol can give me the confidence to talk in social situations. It also helps me process my environment to actually interact and comment on things. It just slows everything down for me and dulls my senses to socialize
I don't mask when I drink. It's like I can finally be myself and blame the eccentricity on the alcohol lol. But I dont drink very often because it makes my already-not-very-good executive functioning worse. This topic really needed to be talked about though. So thank you 😊
I specifically searched TH-cam for this topic because I too didn’t see many videos on the asd or audhd channels I’ve found. I recently self diagnosed as audhd. I first realized that I had adhd a little over a year ago. A few months later I realized it was a bit more than just ADHD and my mom even confirmed that she had suspected I was on the spectrum when I was younger (but never told me 🙄). I REALLY relate to your story with alcohol. I started in high school-because my group did - and hit it hard. I realized I felt way more comfortable and my friends actually liked me more when I drank. I felt like I could actually show my interesting self but also be very charismatic and socially adept. It became a social crutch for me, not just with extreme situations (going out, crowds/ strangers), but also friends and family. Everyone preferred the buzzed me. This continued into my 20s and then my 30s, and I began to build up a bit of a tolerance-which gave me a sense of pride. And I tended to be the only one in the group that could keep a sensible head while drinking. I’m not sure if that’s an asd thing or adhd thing. Now as I approach 40 I have a pretty heavy dependence on alcohol, even when I’m not doing anything social. I too used alcohol to get through the stress of raising my first (and only) child, and still use it today to cope with any/all kinds of stress in my life. I don’t get drunk usually ( because of my high tolerance), but I know it’s taking a toll on my physical and mental health. But I don’t really know what to do about it. I'm not in a stable place, so i don't feel like i could stop.. but i really don't want to leave my daughter early due to this problem. And because of the audhd it's extremely hard for me to decide on and then adhere to a plan… especially being as isolated as i feel. i know no one will probably read this, but i just felt compelled to write it out because i really can relate. maybe the silver lining is knowing we aren't alone ? well here's to the hope we can find our way out of this mess. 🍻
my dad passed at 59 from alcoholism. i’m afraid my mom may follow. i believe my dad was neurodivergent and i believe i am. i believe my mom might, but idk. i tend to wanna diagnose everyone at this point in my learning. i’m finally not drinking more than three times a week. i can feel myself getting healthier. alcohol really throws me into a place of anxiety, fear, delusion, self-hate unless i’m partying. my doc says my liver was showing signs of damage last year. i’m 26 and began drinking at age 20. i just want you to know that making small chanhes to drink less WILL BE WORTH IT IN ALL WAYS 💜💜💜 i can truly say that now. i used to think changing was impossible and maybe not worth the effort.
I’ve recently come to the realization that I’m autistic. And It’s really helping feel less alone knowing I’m not the only one who has this issue with drinking. I was basically nonverbal before I started drinking when I was around 19. It seems to bring a version of me out that actually feels connected to people. I don’t really like drinking, and how it makes me feel physically, but it being the only way I can get some sort of relief from the constant loneliness, and exhaustion I feel from masking all the time makes it feel kind of worth it.
Late diagnosis (34) Adhd/Aspie- As soon as I discovered liquor at 14, I used it specifically to mask my nervousness. When I drank I was engaging, funny, interesting, I could flirt and dance and sing. I was no longer just weird, I was the weird fun guy. I still drink and desperately want to stop. It's cost me more than I know how to deal with.
Same age but too scared to break the law when I was young. As soon as I was 21 Alcohol blurred the lines on a lot of shit for me and I don't like what I was becoming.
I can’t say it’s better being “normal” in a social sense but intrinsically it’s been better for me. To be successful at dealing with others I still feel I need a couple of shots.
I am an African-American Alcoholic Addict Aspie! I was diagnosed at age 58. I grew up in an alcoholic family. I wasn't going to drink, but I started when I was 18 years old. I immediately I changed my mind. I was intensely introverted and socially awkward. Alcohol solved that issue. I spent the next 18 years drinking. I also smoked Marijuana. It slowed down my mind so that I could focus. One of the habits I picked up was playing chess while smoking pot! After 18 years of this lifestyle I crashed and burned. I tried many different drugs over those 18 years, but cocaine brought an end to my drinking and drugging career and launched my recovery. I've been sober in AA for 31 years. When I was 22 years sober I was diagnosed with Aspergers. That diagnosis explained the unexplainable and helped me account for things I experienced in recovery. I have been in therapy for Aspergers for 10 years, uncovering the riddle that is my life. I have met several autistic people in recovery who were diagnosed late in life. We have a common experience with drugs, alcohol and masking. I recently heard a statistic that says 25 percent of alcoholics are undiagnosed autistics. That makes sense to me. If you are having a problem with drugs and alcohol, you are not alone. What started as a solution becomes a major problem over time. If this is so, it may do you well to go to an AA meeting and explore what they offer. It worked for me.
I was diagnosed a few years ago (I’m 56) and I was a drinker since my early 20’s. For me, it was definitely a coping mechanism during social activities but eventually turned into a problem and I decided to stop - coincidentally around the time I started to suspect I was autistic. On reflection I can now see how alcohol affected me differently than most people. I would usually end up assuming the court jester character (as I call it), my guard would come down and stuff I would say would either be hilarious or shocking or both judging by the reactions. I was always aware of the fact that I was ‘acting’ and sometimes called out on it (not often). Now, as a complete non drinker, I don’t socialise anymore and am better for it in my opinion. I’m often asked why I stopped drinking as it surprised my friends - I just tell them that I felt that I had reached an age where it didn’t make sense to keep doing it - so I stopped.
The more I drank, the more of a social life I had, and the more I drank. It felt nice to fit in with what looked like normal life, but after quitting drinking I find that managing a smaller life is what my brain needs. The day to day is busy enough without having to process all the extra.
Am am a 59 year old male and only just learned that I am on the spectrum about a month ago. Alcohol made it possible for me to have a social life. I am not promoting alcohol, or recommending it, I am merely saying what it was for me. If I was out in a social situation, I was drinking or drunk. Looking back, I wonder what my life would have been / would be if I had been diagnosed as a child. People were pretty mean to me and I never understood why. It all makes sense to me now. And I would not recommend anyone to use alcohol as a crutch in this way. Be yourself, if you can.
I hear you. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 38 which was last year. I look back on the confusion and damage done and don’t know what to make of it. I hate to say it but during my teen years - if it weren’t for alcohol I would have no social life at all.. booze allowed me to go out and want to meet and talk to people. As the years drag on it works less and less .. been sober for years but am pretty asocial and reclusive now.
@@brianmeen2158 same here (on the asocial and reclusive front). The strange thing, for me at least, is that it doesn’t bother me as much as I believe it should. I’m kind of OK with being an outsider now. I know what I’m missing and isn’t worth much.
I'm 36, I was diagnosed ADHD just last year. Someone yesterday randomly said to me 'I think you might have autism because you're just like me. I just googled 'autism and alcoholism' as this is where the conversation came from originally. I couldn't find anything. Your video is all that came up and I'm grateful for your video. I don't know if I'm on the the autism spectrum however it gave me a feeling of understanding
I've realized during this pandemic that I am most likely autistic; I have found so much joy in getting to have hobbies, wear comfortable clothes 24/7, and not listen to authority figures despite losing my job/apartment/friend group. As I feel less and less pressure to "behave like a normal human person," it's like I am able to breathe for the first time. (Note: I'm incredibly privileged to be able to say this!!! I'm lucky as hell, and have safety nets out the wazzoo!!) I also have not felt the urge to drink alcohol to the same extent. Much like you, I began drinking early on and discovered that it helped me to mask. I drank alone, at work, at parties, before parties, etc. In college, I even took great pride in my ability to drink every day of the week. (I also dropped out of college shortly thereafter LOL). Without getting too deep into my personal life, I think I was motivated largely by seeing addiction around me. On TV, especially, I only ever related to characters like Dr. House, Effie Stonem, Sherlock. They were coded as autistic, but their entire story lines involved substance abuse. In my mind, it was perfectly normal for a person who can't communicate with others to rely on drugs/alcohol as a crutch. I was not taught interpersonal skills or distress tolerance skills until I was 20 years old. At this point in my life, I have decided to replace alcohol with cannabis. I find it less complicated to tell people "sorry, I'm just pretty stoned" when I do something "bizarre". When I tell them that I think I'm autistic, most folks argue, as if I wanted their opinion at all. But, they tend to just "yeah, that makes sense!" when I blame it on the kush. There do seem to be some studies on medical marijuana as a treatment for autism, so that's kind of interesting. Overall, I hope you know that you're not alone. I will be pursuing therapy and support groups as I come to terms with being an addict, and have found a lot of solidarity in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy groups. DBT has been a big help for me when it comes to understanding my brain and the brains of others without judgement. Thank you for making this video. As an "edgy autistic" person, it's nice to see more conversations about the real battles autistic people face while living in a world dominated by neurotypicals. Sending you much love. And, as a former Coloradan, I love the buch!
Thank you for sharing your story! I relate so much!! I’ve definitely smoked a lot of mj or done edibles, especially in my 20’s but ultimately found my anxiety to skyrocket unfortunately... lots of auditory processing issues and well, just processing in general! I could never keep up with conversation and in my case, everyone around me thinks I’m really stupid (nope, just autistic) so it didn’t help. I’m in a different stage of my life so maybe I could retry. Have you ever tried CBD? I haven’t, but curious to know if you or other find it helpful. It’s so hard for me to even fathom not drinking at a social event and with the pandemic well, it didn’t help. People just are so completely clueless to what autism can actually entail so they don’t get it. I also have a very privileged life like you mentioned, so I totally get it. It’s hard to say “I struggle “ while people only know the masked version of myself. Good luck on your journey!!!
@@plantthemoon2418 Thank you! I really liked taking CBD baths and the occasional supplement when I was trying not to smoke so much, but I think that's partially because I'm quite dependent on MJ at this point. I totally understand the anxiety around attending events sober, though! If it's any comfort, I had a therapist who used to tell me that my only job is to "not make things worse," rather than always try to make things better. So, if right now, alcohol allows you to expand your social circle and isn't causing you or your loved ones to suffer, it's probably not the worst thing you can do, y'know? Anyway, privileges aside, I want to validate the fact that shit fucking sucks out there, and masking can be a very lonely experience, no matter where we come from. Best of luck to you, too!! We are not alone.
I feel all of this thread!!! I'm 53 and i have been down this rabbit hole of autism for a couple weeks now because my grandson seems autistic and now I have an overwhelming feeling that I have been misdiagnosed for years!
I too enjoy thc, but taken medicinally it doesn't seem to get me high. Just relaxed, and calm. Not sleepy or hyper. Different from the commune days of 1972! LOL!
When I was a teen, alcohol was the only time I ever felt normal talking to people. I was always shy and didn’t know how to talk to people & wanted to interact with others. One thing that kept me from being an alcoholic is the fact I got extremely hungover every time I drank. The other reason was that once I got to know people, I found them boring and didn’t want to interact as much anymore. I have my small circle of old friends who know my quirks and I am comfortable around them so I don’t need to make more friends 😂. Btw, got diagnosed at 53 but always felt I was an alien! lol
If I don't use alcohol to cope and mask, then I always get comments like "what's wrong? Seriously tell me! Somethings wrong! What is it!?" Or later get told that I had been "grumpy" or down or something. In all these situations, I had been very very happy, relaxed, enjoying being around my friends or family, but I'm very quiet, I'm not showing a ton of facial expressions etc. I speak super politely to everyone, all the time, and smile quite a bit when talking to friends. So it's actually heartbreaking and humiliating to recieve these comments. I'm not allowed to just relax and be myself. If I'm not super hyper and animated then I'm seen in a negative light. Makes me wanna crawl under a rock for the rest of my life, it really makes things much more uncomfortable, and like I can't trust anyone. I don't even act "grumpy" at people ever, because I think that's impolite, if I'm unhappy I'll go be alone and process it, I don't take out my emotions or problems on other people. But somehow that's how it's perceived when I'm just being quiet.
I felt Every. Single. Word. I was recently diagnosed at 21 after many incorrect diagnoses and medicine, but I have been drinking for years. I used to think all I was was a functional alcoholic with severe anxiety and depression, but after my diagnosis, so much makes sense. Thank you for this video. Thank you for sharing your feelings, because a lot of us feel the same and can’t articulate it. I wish you the best, you are not alone in this feeling.
I can definitely relate to this. I’m in the process of being diagnosed currently... I have always needed to drink to cope with social situations, even with people I’m close to.... and like you say, I always seem to need ‘more’ than the people I’m with. I also find that I can usually drink a lot, maybe I’ve developed a high tolerance than the people I’m with. I don’t say that to brag but merely as a point that’s interesting. I definitely use alcohol as a tool rather than a pastime like most people.... and like you, I hope that one day I can tolerate socialising without alcohol but I don’t think I’m there yet. Anyway, thanks for making this video, I’m glad to hear I’m not alone 💖
Thank you for sharing!! I find that a lot of autistic social media creators I see never mention it, and I felt like there’s gotta be others out there who drink like I do. It’s funny you made sure to comment that you’re not bragging about drinking more than others, because I definitely read that statement as literal , like it’s just a fact, and I can SO relate with feeling like having to explain further. I’m thinking that’s a masking while writing thing too and never feeling totally understood... I write the same way you do haha!! But yes, I too drink more simply because I feel I need to and now I can handle more. (Hopefully that makes sense). I do drink for fun as well, but I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m so use to it now that it’s all I know. Thank you so much for watching and sharing!!!
Wow, I can relate to this. I haven't yet been diagnosed but am starting to realize that I am almost certainly autistic. Challenges I've had all my life are starting to make sense, if I am right in my self-diagnosis. The first time I drank, in high school, I remember thinking, "Wow, I'm actually socializing with people! I'm having fun!" It was like finding something in myself that I didn't know existed. And drinking became a regular thing for the rest of high school. I couldn't imagine going out without drinking, and I couldn't imagine a weekend without going out. Like you, I also have always thought of myself as an introvert, and you've just made me consider the possibility that I've been wrong about that. I went through a brief period after high school when I didn't drink much, but then I went to college (5 years late) and got into the drinking pattern that I continued to follow well into my 40's. Blackouts had been a problem from early on in my drinking, even in high school, but they were only occasional. They progressively got more frequent, of course, until it was pretty much normal. For a while, it just became an assumption that I'm going to black out, whenever I went out. I hated waking up and not remembering what I did, but I didn't know how to socialize without drinking, and any time I drank enough to feel "buzzed," I didn't know how to stop until there was no more alcohol or I passed out. I have now learned that I can stop after a couple drinks and it's been about 4 years since I've crossed that line where I feel unable to stop. After far too many regrettable experiences, I finally figured out that I can't get drunk--I just don't handle it well at all. But, I still drink. I just set myself a hard rule: no more than 3 drinks in any 3 hour period. That seems to work for me. No more blackouts and no more needing to apologize for things I don't even remember doing. I stopped enjoying drunkenness a long time ago, anyway. Alcohol has helped me learn how to socialize. It helped me meet people. I might never have lost my virginity without it. I think because of it, I even got better at socializing when I'm not drinking (though it's still easier when I do). I hope I never need to give it up entirely, but I never want to drink the way I used to.
I'm 46, soon to be 47 and self diagnosed autistic as of October 2023. Diagnosed with ADHD in March 2023, diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder in Feb 2020. Been in counseling off and on since then. I started drinking when I was 17 years old and literally almost never stopped until the day before cannabis became legal in Canada in 2018. I'd never touched it before then because that's how it is..."booze is good, drugs are bad". I would knock back 4 dozen beers every weekend to help cope with the stress from the week of having to be 'normal'. I always knew there was something "off" about me, but could never explain it because I felt no one listened, or cared. I'd always kept to myself as a kid, but once I got hold of booze, that was it. I couldn't wait until the next time I got to socialize so I could get hammered. Wouldn't go anywhere or do anything unless booze was involved because I couldn't handle it otherwise. The first time I got high, it was the first time my brain shut up. That was what set me on the road to where I am now. ADHD, Autism, and other disorders are massively under diagnosed. Society is not built to accommodate ND people. I haven't touched a drop of booze, nor had the desire to since I switched to cannabis. The difference I've noticed in myself is unreal. I am a completely different person than I used to be, because I'm actually starting to find out who I am. I owe a lot of it to resources like this on youtube. Thank you for sharing. Your story resonates with me a lot as I also had an abusive mother and didn't even realize it for so long. We need to help each other because the system isn't designed to lift us up, only tear us down. Take care
Thanks for this video. I have ADHD and have recently come to realize that I am on the autism spectrum as well. I have also come to realize that my drinking's main function was to mask. Alcohol seems to work like magic: I can be personable, I can talk in ways that seem strange to me normally (but I recognize as common/NORMAL), and it it kills my stimming, which I have had ALL my life. I have decided to stop drinking for anything but celebration. So I now go into situations without a mask, without anything to help with my stimming, etc. People are asking me what's wrong, why I am down, things I now remember people saying before I started drinking at the age of almost 21 (I am now 46). People, I think, regarded me as simply alcoholic, but I always knew it was more complicated than that. Now I know better. I resisted going to AA, etc., even though I got in more than enough trouble to convince many people I should. I am very glad I resisted it, personally. But our paths are different, each of us. To drink or not to drink: it is different for all of us. I would never say that others should do the same as I, but I can say that I am eliminating many seriously problematic situations by not drinking like this anymore. But it's easy for me right now: I don't have to be in social situations much like I used to, and so I am not much anymore. Anyway, in my light research in the last couple years, I also have not really come across anything about drinking and autism, so, again, thank you for this video. BTW, you were right the first time: "I had drunk." It's just that the past perfect is the same as the adjective, so people think maybe it's wrong. "I had drunk before the party, so after I drank a lot more at the party, I became drunk." It's the same for other words, though. Like "to take.": "I wish had taken (p.p.) some earlier, because by the time I took some, the best were already taken (adj.). (Oops, SORRY!! Grammar nerd here ;) Thanks! Good luck with everything!!
You are a functioning alcoholic. Im 42 with 4 kids. Two are grown. Two live with me. Undiagnosed but have a 13 year old son with autism and adhd. My oldest daughter has adhd and asd. I had bad anxiety since i was about two. It got worse in third grade. I didn't complete school due to anxiety. I got my GED. I started drinking around the same time you did. I went to clubs and blacked out a lot too after. I also slept with a lot of guys and hated it. I just wanted to be wanted. I still drink beer. Daily. I need it cause I get nervous around anyone other than my kids. You are not alone. Me and my 13 year old and my 9 year old have been in therapy for years
So I’m 29, originally my therapist thought my diagnosis was borderline, but now they’re thinking I might be on the spectrum. It’s a lot to take in, but I can relate to this sooo much. I didn’t drink because I wanted to necessarily, but I couldn’t socialize without it with most people. I also had to drink before work as well. Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve actually stopped drinking because it was becoming sooo toxic for me. But it’s made it a lot more difficult to do much of anything. Hugs to you!
Hi. Yes this is me too. I started as a very young girl. It helped me as my parents divorced and I moved to go to another new school for gr.7 I was always awkward, clumsy and annoying others with my constant questions. Anyway, as a progressive addiction, by the time I was 51, and in my umpteenth treatment facility for addiction and concurrent disorders. I was diagnosed with depression at 27, SAD and GAD in my early 40's and yah. This time around after refusing to see the same old geezer that had been over medicating me. Pills i really did not need. I was seen by a fresh set of eyes. This new Doctor, female and mid 40 recongnized ADHD and OCD. After a month of meds for ADHD and OCD therapy treatments she looked at me and said she was certain I had ASD....that rang a bell as my cousins 2 sons are Autistic but are very clear presenting and live at home. Geeez, sorry this got long winded! Bottom line is it all makes sense now. School failures, hate the phone, small talk is absurd, scolded for crying and not wanting to wear tights...you know. It's been 1 month out of Treatment and I am trying so hard. But I've already "slipped". I'll pull it together but now I know why my coping skills are so minimal. MY BRAIN WAS BEING TAUGHT NUERO TYPICAL METHODS!!! I have hope now. Good luck, its so hard. Alchol has ravaged my life physically and on evey layer of my life. I hope you can get help and support moving forward.
I self diagnosed in the last year. My brother has aspergers and doesnt drink. He will pretend he does but he doesn't enjoy it much. I, on the other hand, do use it to cope. My body is sensitive though and doesnt react well with too much of anything. I have learned over the years to achieve and maintain a high buzz without crossing the drunk threshold and that is because I cannot black out, i immediately throw up and am miserable for 24 hrs if I drink too much. I am honestly grateful for this bc it keeps me from being addicted. I went through a period of drinking a bit everyday though. And yeah I would have to "pre-game" before meeting people. If I don't, I usually get ignored and feel exhausted so easily trying to be cohesive with the group. If I drink, then I can keep up the energy to mask without my anxiety weighing me down. I appreciate you sharing your experience! I also have a troubled relationship with my mom lol
Just watching this now and so grateful to see someone I can relate to! 30 yo diagnosed autistic last year. Drink has always been my "social potion" and can sometimes help me just when I'm overwhelmed, socially or not. Thank you for this honest content!
I can relate to that alot. I'm 28 and started drinking with 15. I was diagnosed just recently, after 1,5 years of being in the rabbit-research-hole about autism. I drunk before parties, at parties, sometimes even after a stressful day. Being the son of a single mother, which was and is covertly narcissistic I started drinking at the age of 16 like a child, that gets into a room full of sweets. I drunk at home when I was scared of being hit or smashed against the wall - then I found out about weed, so I smoked 2 or 3 years excessively, like 3-4 grams per day, dropped out of school, sold drugs and just started to make myself a name as a petty criminal. Well, I found back, made A-levels and wanted to study. That just said for the background context. Nowadays I know, that I've an above average IQ, which doesn't mean anything to me, just because you mentioned the relation between alcohol usage and IQ in your video - it made sense. Because: I never felt addicted to alcohol, because if I'm just on my own I never come on the idea about having a drink. But I'm working, still trying to study, I managed it to divorce from my narcistic wife after 7 years, in which I worked my ass off in so many side-jobs, I did 100 to 110 working hours on a regular basis per week to support my wifes studies and pay the flat while I tried to study for my own subject. On the free days I exploded with drinking alcohol at times, did cocaine and acted - in the retrospect - at some evenings like a maniac, having CPTSD as well I did even stuff, that was hurting myself deeply inside. I am now living alone in a new city and started university again, again a new subject. The only way for me to connect to people - and I needed to connect to people, because I was extremely lonely and desolate, was of course via alcohol. It's still a thing and I've the feeling I can't get drunk over the limit anymore. When we were at a club recently I felt back into this manic behavior and ordered 2 bottles of vodka and drunk them almost alone and afterwards I felt a bit drunk, but it was totally okay, I think I might have developed a tolerance of a siberian alcoholic. After a hard work day - I work as well as phone line employee - I come out of the building and I'm extremely shaken by everything, the sounds, the cars, the bright light, the scraps of conversations I hear from people walking by - I just manage it to get home and because it's evening and already 8pm I think: alright, I can drink a wine. It gives me then chills. At days I'm out of routine or something happens, that interrupt my routine, I just can't do anything until it's evening and then most likely I drink something. Now that I'm diagnosed I really hope to get help from specialized folks, because I'm so good at maths for example, but just can't function on this world properly. What I also realize is, that I oftentimes don't even feel how I feel or that I'm overwhelmed, but the feeling of wanting a drink tells me nowadays, that I must be totally stressed out again. Thanks for this video, I'm glad I'm not alone with this. Greetings from Germany.
Hello, I am Autistic I was diagnosed young. Alcohol is the only thing that makes me feel "normal." I don't get sensory over load, I can convey my emotions with others, hold conversation, and enjoy it. My OCD and anxiety disappear. Thank you for your video and for sharing your experiences. I wish you the best it's hard, but at least you're not alone.
I was a huge drinker and stoner for most of my adult life. It enabled me to numb my hypersensitivity and be social. Now I've gone fully sober for my health, and the sensitivity and need to recluse are so overwhelming. I wish there was a comfortable middle ground, but I slide so quickly back into addiction. Edit: a lot of ppl here say they don't mask anymore when they're drunk... for me I think that maybe my mask slips more, but also masking feels more effortless, if that makes sense.
I drink a lot at parties to mask my Aspergers. I HATE tripping over my words and blanking out what to say to other people. I feel severely flawed and really hate myself. I think about the type of life I could have lived if I didn’t have this demon in my head. Owning my own house, finding a girlfriend who’d accept me for who am as I’ve never been loved in a romantic/sexual way in my entire 34 years on Earth.
@@MichaelBerry-yr9ev Thank you the love bro ❤. My anxiety plays a huge role as well. I sadly may have early stages of liver cirrhosis (I’m 37 so I may have only 10 more years of life) due to my heavy drinking. 500 ml of vodka on Friday nights after a week of work.
@@Jotinko same here! You may want to go to a health food store and see if you can get some kind of supplement to help detox your liver, that's what I've been doing.
@@MichaelBerry-yr9ev I've sadly lost my mom and dad (in 2018 and 2023) and I see myself as an 80 year old who's in his last years and see nothing to look forward to. I would never take my own life but am fine with passing away at 50 or even 40.
I absolutely relate to your video PTM - all my life (I am now 50) I have suffered with crippling and soul destroying social anxiety and GAD but much more severe in social situations, especially if there is a group of people or the possibility of having to speak, so, alcohol became my medication to cope.Unfortunately the rebound anxiety was so terrifying that now I try to limit my drinking and social interaction,which is horrible because it severely limits the scope of your life and ability to “participate” as much as one would like to, but, despite all kinds of treatment down the years - nothing has worked, having forced myself into treatments that were excruciating and just made me worse (though you have to try I suppose).I was diagnosed with Bipolar, 22 years ago, having been sectioned under the Mental Health Act whilst working as a Mental Health Nurse, oh, the irony, though I struggled terribly everyday through the course and all my placements - using avoidance,alcohol,benzos but it all caught up with me and ended in incarceration.I now believe that I was probably misdiagnosed and probably autistic and ADD with high IQ (154),I have decided to reengage with services and will explore this with my Psychiatrist.Dealing with incoming information is very difficult for me, terrible memory issues too and yes, it makes me seem very stupid at times, which is not really the case.At the moment, I cannot handle people (even family), coming to our home as the anxiety is so bad that I just want to die, despite practicing meditation,CBT, Mindfulness,Wim Hof Technique etc - I cannot think straight, my humour and wit vanishes as I succumb to the overstimulation and fear that I fully understand is totally disproportionate but the primitive power of the response is overwhelming and therefore so many people never get to see or know the real me, UNLESS, I have alcohol or benzos first, then the eccentric in me appears and I am “released” for a while, expressing myself way more and engaging,which is probably overcompensation as it’s so good to have the fear dissolved for a little while.I use the benzos infrequently as aware of addiction issues.Anyway, many thanks for making this video and I hope you cope and manage your life and condition. Ps. I too have always needed “ more” than my peers, obviously because of elevated levels of adrenaline and glutamate and overactive amygdala etc to be “damped down”.
Oh wow! I've only been in the rabbit hole a few months, and this is the first I'm seeing anyone talk about this. It's a little weird to look back and view drinking from that perspective. Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing your experiences!❤❤
Yeah thats how i feel people dont understand how smart we are at masking our symptoms but the people you trust the most are always the most judgy thats why i also mask i need to get diagnosed though this gave me courage to find an answer to why i feel so outcasted most of the time
Yes... I first drank when I was 15 years old (the legal drinking age here was 16 back then, it's 18 now). I was with a group of friends and kind of did it on a dare. I was the first of my friends to have ever drank it gave me a lot of positive attention. After that the drinking never really stopped. The problematic drinking didn't really start until a few years later when I started failing classes, but it was undenyable to me (at the time) that drinking made me a more likeable person (I was wrong). I'm 27 now, drinking pretty much daily. I've been to some doctors recently after I self-diagnosed as having asperger's. I had basically accepted my alcoholism as just me "enjoying life" but now I realised I'm just doing this to mask who I really am. I've been on a waiting list to get an official diagnosis for a couple months now... I guess we'll see.
YES! I FOUND MY MATCH! THANK YOU FOR SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH!🙏💜 I don't have a diagnosis yet but I know, it explains my life and I've been medicated WRONG and made me worse. Then because a drug and alcohol addict to manage symptoms or to "fit in" to make it easier to "mask" .. how do I get the correct diagnosis and evaluation?
I felt like you were reading my mind. I still struggle today…I hope you are doing well now. Your video made me feel like I’m not alone. I haven’t been diagnosed by a doctor but a lot of people close to me have suggested it…my stimming is rocking back and forth and listening to music and smoke cigs incessantly for hours a day. I know I’m killing myself but it’s like I just can’t deal with people like you said. I feel free when I’m drinking. I know I’m a straight up alcoholic and I have gotten in trouble with the law. Sometimes I get very angry with men that are close to me like my husband, dad,stepdad,ex boyfriends … I was charged with domestic violence 4 times and I have been to treatment centers at least 10 times and the same with Mental institutions. I hate living this way😢thank you for sharing your experience and I like your Lone wolf shirt too❤
I'm 20, and autistic with ADHD. I smoke weed daily and have a medical card. I find that I either feel more anxious, or I feel less anxious and drop my mask more. I got drunk for the first time a few months ago at a party. And I was high af on top of that. I found that it made me more numb to my anxieties. At least a little. I did like the feeling I got from it. Although I do worry about it becoming more of a problem. I have a family history of alcohol abuse. Specifically on my mom's side. My mom started drinking from a young age, and she was also autistic. She became a bit a functioning alcoholic later in life. And a couple years ago she passed away from liver cirrhosis. Decades of drinking caught up with her. So, I do worry about repeating those patterns in myself. Even though I only drink here and there.
i'm a total lightweight, and i grew up in a culture where wine with dinner from a young age was normal. i've never had a problem with drinking too much... smoking on the other hand: three mins of fidgeting with your hands to roll one, four or five mins where you can just leave the room and be outside to smoke it, no judgement for being weird like you'd get if you wanted to do literally any other calming stim in the workplace... why is it so easy to get a smoke break in the carpark every hour, but ask for a five min ADHD break to walk around the carpark every two hours and just get some air, and you're being disruptive?
I was very much like you in that I'd have to get drunk before showing up to a party and I could tell there was a difference with my reasons for drinking in comparison to my peers. I liked my peers a lot but the truth is, if there wasn't alcohol or some sort of mind altering substance available to me, then I would never have hung out with them. Not because I didn't want to but because it was just painful for me to socialize. Drinking led to me to other things I got addicted to but I got clean (somewhat) when I was 26. I have a drink now about once a year maybe, however, I don't hang out with anyone now. I'm close with two women, I love them dearly and can text them all day but I don't hang out with them one on one, because the anxiety it causes is just not worth it. And it does suck. Thank you so much for talking about your experience with this because I also haven't seen any other creators share about autism and masking via alcohol or whatever substance.
I resonate with all of this so much. Diagnosed at 48, plus adhd diagnosis. Drinking and smoking have been a crutch for social situations, and when alone to shut my head up (apart from self harm) since a teen. Totally get this. I can drink, or not drink, there's no in between. There's no moderation anymore. And I can't face large (and by large, I mean any more than 1 person), groups without drinking. I go from quiet and unable to talk, to can't shut up and massively oversharing, to making very bad life choices. Those seem to be my only settings 😒
Thanks for sharing, this explains my drinking behaviour. Im 18 yo and have just been receantly diagnosed. I have been using alcohol to cope with social situations for years (In germany you start at the age of 15-16 to start drinking with your friends) I always drink the most compared to all my friends and never went to a party or weekend gathering sober. But I never drink when im alone, just when i enter social situations.
When i'm with friends i drink to get more social and to get along talking, but when i'm alone i only drink for relax from stress and enjoy the flavor and how does feel in my mouth the diffefent kinds of beers and red wines (but just a bit, not as much as i drink when i'm with friends and/or family) that's when i'm i alone i drink for sensory seeking reasons.
Sorry to be tardy to the party- TH-cam only just decided to recommend you to me. But I so jive with this. I'm (currently self-diagnosed) ASD/ADHD & have a very similar experience as you. I drink to be social but I can drink so much more than everyone and act fine- better than fine. I can act normal & not be scared of everyone around me. I've also learned to moderate a lot better these days. (Late 30's now) When I was younger, I could still drink a lot but I got freaked out by how it made me feel so I didn't do it much then. I did pot instead. Similar social lubrication, with minimal to no actual impairment or after affects. I didn't get into alcohol until things just became too much for me & my normal (pot) meds weren't doing it anymore. And I've struggled with alcohol abuse but I've mostly overcome it now. I notice you haven't been making vids in a while but I hope that if you feel yourself able to, you do more often again. We should be friends
Im 40 and newly diagnosed. Booze was how i was able to socialize. I was able to 'shut the engine room door' with all the noise and i could feel free to be more myself.
Yes omg, I just found out I was autistic last year and it explains so much. I actually have been drinking in secret every time I had to deal with anyone since I was 18. But anything beyond drinking like psych drugs will totally mess my head up. So drinking is what I stick with even though people would likely think i'm an alcoholic if they knew how much sometimes. When i'm alone im totally sober, but with social situations.. If I can't completely avoid them, I drink and people think im too much or sometimes even fun. lol most of the time im still just weird to people and honestly I've yet to figure out why so I can stop it.
Same, sorta. Thanks for the memories. I stopped drinking after my first appearance as a father. Before that, drinking and sociability went hand and hand. I would leave beer at people's homes so it would be available for me when I came back around. Chewing the inside of my mouth still. I don't need to mask much anymore because I don't have a life anymore. My life is very small, I can't handle any drama. I am also over 50 years old. You have a nice smile. That is something I don't do well, I am maskless.
I am 40, I ve diagnosed 4 years ago, and fro 16 to 26 I used to drink in every social evening/night situation ,but a looot . After having some health problems alcohol related, I've stopped drinking, now I became almost allergic to it, and I don't like to go do party disco. I've realized that was a mechanism to be "Normale" to feel relaxed .
I haven't been diagnosed with Autism. Anxiety, Shyness, and alcoholism is common in the males from my father's side. I drink and instantly become extremely social dance etc. When I wake up the next day and my siblings tell me stories of what happened while I was drunk I don't believe them. I always black out when I drink.
34, just became acquainted with a great group that helped me. The bond we have goes beyond anything. I think I may be the only one there, but I don't feel alone at all and I feel so safe in front of these strangers. I've been at this sober thing for 5 days now. It's a big thing for me. Alcohol was my mask like you. But I smashed my mask and went in because I'll die if I don't. My best friend committed suicide in 2010 because of the goddamn shit. Please, check out a group that has that common bond in alcoholism. I was skeptical at first, but fuck, they're literally saving my life right now. I'm just not confident enough to share that with them yet... smashing my last 6 pack in the dumpster is the best thing I've ever done for myself. It's all thanks to them.
I’m 46, I used to drink alcohol for like 25 years. I quit alcohol 6 months ago, and now I think I’ve been authistic all my life. I’m looking for a diagnosis.
Just found your video and I am an Alcoholic. I’m 47 years old. I have not been diagnosed yet and never really thought about being autistic until I started to go to the VA for issues in my life. The first two therapists I spoke to both asked me if I had ever been tested for autism. I was like “no, what are you talking about”. Then I started thinking about it. I may never be diagnosed(or tested) because the VA health care is pretty crap but I would not be surprised if I am on the spectrum. Discussing alcohol and autism, I can see where the studies went wrong. I am pretty functional, went to war, have a great job, pretty good family life(other than when my drinking Fs things up). Why would a study be interested in me for being autistic. The point is, autism is pretty easy to hide if you are high functioning. In my 47 years, I have learned to mask so well most would be shocked if I was diagnosed. Inside is a whole different story. From 4pm to 9pm I am pretty useless. I can drink 20 beers a day and just want to be alone. My family are saints. Wife and two kids. They just know dad needs to be alone a lot. That’s not to say it is every day but a lot. I am in treatment for Alcoholism and trying to get Better.
Love!! No one understands why I drink. I'm called an alcoholic, but really just do it for masking I'm undiagnosed. I can't figure out how to get diagnosed without lots of money. My family says stop lying, your just an alcoholic. They say I'm drunk when I'm sober for a month or if I've drank for month. I drink to be....well you..I'm an introvert with trauma. Will someone please help me!!!!!!!
I drink and it makes me feel normal. I can actually talk normally to people. Naturally I’m reserved I guess, I just don’t see the need to talk much unless I have to and it feels exhausting after a while. But when I drink I actually feel like talking and people say things like “I didn’t know you were actually funny” or they ask why im not normally like that. It sucks that people like me more when I’ve had a few drinks. It also takes all my anxiety away and stops my brain from hyper focusing on negative thoughts. Without a drink I am just living with anxiety, even at home.
I am also late diagnosed and I am a benge drinking alcoholic. I drink to function but after several years I can't function so well. It is a problem more than a solution. The social anxiety melts when I'm drinking. I also don't struggle as much with executive function. I make bad decisions though. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I drink when my mother in law comes over. She is very rude and judgemental, and my best shot at masking is never enough. Getting the just right, perfect goldilocks buzz helps me put on an act that is acceptable to her. A fake, bubbly person. This causes me way less stress than my best regular mask, or not masking at all. She also doesn't know i am autistic, and never will.
I hear you and I do the same thing around family - I usually have a drink or two and put on the mask where I come off as interested, joyful and engaged .. it’s exhausting though and I usually can’t wait to leave .. but yes, telling them about my autism is not in the cards .. I hope you are never on The verge of yelling at your mother in law 😉 Even socializing with friends I mask and it’s getting harder and I’m not sure why I do it because masking just leads to needing to mask again and again
I relate to this so much. It's odd because I don't think I'm addicted to alcohol, as I have been able to quit before. However, I feel so much better when drinking. I drink vodka water every day and now prefer to drink by myself. I also used to have an eating disorder, and I kind of replaced it with drinking. I believe it's a habitual thing that makes me feel better. I also take Adderall, which seemed to really help at the beginning, but now I can't tell.
I’m on the spectrum and deal with anxiety. It’s easy to understand the need to self-medicate. For me, working with a therapist and psychiatrist has been helpful and it doesn’t have the downsides that alcohol does. But everyone’s situation is different.
I am 46 and recently self-diagnosed (in process of getting that confirmed.) I have a drink almost every day. Fortunately I have a sensitive system and can't drink a ton. Some days it feels like that's the only way I can deal with the amount of tension that builds up every day. But it especially makes uncomfortable social situations a little bit easier for me.
I’m not diagnosed but have had many people believe that I am and was recently told by Dr that she believes I do have signs of autism. I’ve been told by many people that when I’ve had drink, I don’t stop talk and when I’ve not drank I’m a mute. I don’t like to drink though. I can over do it at times and also don’t like the lack of control that I have when sober. I do like that anxiety fade quite a bit when drinking but when you haven’t really got a social life it hard to organise anything that does allow me to be me.
A specialist in aspergers and autism in general, Tony Attwood, talked about the struggles of his son who found out he had autism relatively late. By that time he was already adicted to alcohol and drugs. He used those to relieve stress and anxiety, but it slowly got out of hand. After his diagnosis, he found other ways to cope with life. You seem to handle your alcohol responsibly and only when you need it in social situations. That can be done and I am sure it is a great help. I suspect that I might be autistic myself, so I understand the need for a coping mechanism that works. I just hope you don't become too dependent on alcohol alone and find something else that also helps but that is less dangerous. Take care
Thank you very much! Yes, unfortunately alcohol is the only thing I’ve ever really been able to rely on, but hopefully over time I’ll feel comfortable to be myself; just not there yet. Good luck on your journey!
I’m 41 and can relate to this. I consider my alcohol use, as self-medication. I think it’s a slippery slope though but I’m more scared of pharmaceuticals. There’s also a negative stigma attached to depending on substances unless they’re prescribed.
i got diagnosed with autism when i was 17 and when i turned 18 i tried my first alcoholic drink. it was at a bar with a friend, but it was still controlled drinking. side note, i also have adhd so the alcohol is really mixing up my already weird brain. but i definetly wanted to try it and it was good. i got dizzy after drinking half a glass over 2 hours. my friend said she noticed that i was more energetic and happy. she also had to grab me to get me to stop sipping on my drink, bc we were gonna miss the train. i wanted to drink more, i liked this feeling of letting go. i know that people with adhd tend to get addicted easier, so ill ofc be carefull when drinking in the future and ill have my supportive friends with me to keep me at bay :)
I've always been awkward, didnt know I was autistic, but alcohol would give me a "super power" with being social. but now it's 10 years later, and I'm still doing the same routine. I'm dissociating more than ever between drinks, and over doing it more when i drink.
I switch between an eating disorder and drinking to cope but since finding out I am autistic I think I use them to dull my senses so I can cope when socialising with others. I never saw myself as an introvert just easily overwhelmed by communicating with others plus becoming overwhelmed by my senses that happens whilst socialising.
I just got diagnosed autistic and am an alcoholic too. I’m 49 years old. There are many reasons why I drink. One is the social lubricant effect. I have been working with a psychologist to help me stop. Nothing yet, I still drink. I’m in a lot of pain due to bad hips. I am very high functioning autistic, dyslexic and dyspraxic.
I used to drink every day and it was good for masking and especially for allowing me to sleep every night. About 5 years ago I started drinking a lot less and would go for months without it sometimes. It was incredibly difficult but I would much rather be rested and happy in the long term than to have that artificial depression hanging over me constantly. I also would say things to people when I was drunk and coming down off alcohol that I would regret and it would lower my self esteem even further. Now I drink once every two weeks, sometimes once a week and I feel that I can handle that though it still does mess with my equilibrium quite a lot and I will get grumpy for a few days after.
Hi am jesi. Im in colorado too. I just learned i was autistic in January amd getting diagnosis formally in winter. And it was always a coping skill. Its been a struggle and caused me issues and now i know more why i do it. But i wpuld like to control it significantly and more likely stop completely.
It’s truly so good to know “why do I do things the way I do” and also how it impacts everything and any interactions with people including the people I your own life!!! And of course, the relationship with alcohol! I totally feel you on the wanting to be able to not do it, good luck! I’m not there yet mainly because I realize that so many people in my life just don’t understand me and autism in general, which makes it so damn tough
Alcohol makes me a lot more sociable, confident and relaxed when it comes to talking to new people, but I also find that it makes it harder to mask. Though at that point most people just take it as I drank too much and they think that’s just how I am when I’m drunk when in reality I’m just a bit tipsy and autistic
I love and have noticed the autistic garnening dynamic. Thinking of this, their was also a alchoholic link in ones i have followed or seen. Im aware of the nature adhd link, must also go to asd anxiety management. It certainly is my biggest special interest!
i drink fairly frequently, just for fun. i did pregame my class today, and it did feel like "not being autistic," i was cracking a few jokes here and there in a rather social class, and i got some good reactions. i definitely dont use it just for a charisma boost, as i had therapy to help me with my autism when i was younger, and im very high functioning, and people already like me. its just something fun to do for me. i understand drinking it for masking and stuff though.
Completely how I feel. I didn't know until I was maybe 24. So maybe 10 years. Having alot of issues still. Thanks for the video. Hope things get better.
I was diagnosed this year in my early 40s. I have to drink prior to any social activity, always have. And, yes, I also drank when I worked. I have a friend who was an undiagnosed autistic friend who drank himself to death a couple of years back. I still have to drink. Even if it makes me sick.
I have autism and I am a alcoholic and I smoke cigarettes. I'm a hap and empath. I'm usually very quiet and i like to drink because it makes me feel not so scared of the world and I'm more brave and talk more. I'm not medically diagnosed but I'm in the process.
Hello thanks for the video . I'm 28 and I resonated alot with what u said. I'm soon to be diagnosed but very sure I'm aspie by watching various females videos and forums. I have drank since 17 when I was senior in high school. It helped me be more myself , worry less, And loosen up. I made a little more friends. Most superficial. But overall made things less miserable. I knew I had anxiety and depression from a young age and only now researching autism are things starting to fall in place. I used to smoke alotttttt of weed. It began to give me panic attacks so i drank more. I still drink alot and actually 🍻 cheered u when u drank lol. I want to drink less but it's been sich a coping help that not having it brings alot of discomfort. I am trying ti journal more ??? I really enjoy it and my feelings tend to make more since and it seems to be overall good. Also I tried a good dose of mushroom first time a few weeks ago and had a profound experience that showed me how angry I am and how much my bottled emotions really take a toll. So overall new perspective but still drinking.
You meet one person with autism, you've met one person with autism. We all have somewhat unique experiences. I'm in my late 50s and only discovered I was on the spectrum just a couple of years ago after a lifetime of WTF. I get it better now but I still have a long way to go. I've drank alcohol since I was young. I can build up a tolerance with practice but I've lost interest in the past couple of years. I drank socially when I was younger but I gave up socializing and kept on drinking. I prefer drinking alone where I can be alone with my thoughts. Fortunately I had other interests that I didn't let alcohol get in the way of. I still typically drank every day but only in the evening when I could enjoy it without guilt. Day drinking is just a bad idea. I have ongoing anxiety with or without socializing. It's exhausting. When I burn out from anxiety I go into deep depressions. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older. The alcohol took away the pain and let me feel normal for a time. I liked to immerse myself in music and other forms of beauty. I like to indulge myself in sensory experiences and some types of alcohol can be a real enhancer. It always feels good not feeling bad. The next day isn't worth it. Late diagnosis likely comes with an accumulation of other disorders. If you want to unravel personality or mood disorders from the autism, alcohol isn't much help. You can heal from mood and personality disorders but autism is a part of who we are. I want to make peace with my autism without the other issues. I wouldn't say I've quit alcohol altogether, I've had some good experiences with it. I can resume anytime I want. It's hard on physical health and it's really hard on mental health. If you have a child, make sure your child's needs come first. What if your child has autism? They'll need your special understanding. The one good thing about being autistic is that we often tend to be black or white, all or nothing. If you stop drinking you'll just stop drinking. It wont take but a couple of days before you stop reaching for something to drink. If you want to deal with deeper personal issues or disorders, put alcohol away for a while. You'll quickly find you don't miss it.
I was diagnosed when I was 34 even though I suspected since I was 12, my mum wouldn't support me at that age though and thought I was just being silly. Now she has woken up to the reality (somewhat) and now says she thought it was something I would grow out of. I'm 2 and a half years into my recovery, but I DID drink to self medicate and my mental health has just been getting worse as time goes on what with the pandemic and now this damn war (It is just one thing after another). I have essentially given up a medication that stabilised my thoughts (but then the bad withdrawls would set in at night) , even though I know I can't drink now as it would eventually kill me. I am taking anti depressants, but I just don't think I am on the right ones and as I suspect I have OCD I have to ask myself (How much mindfulness do I have to practice before it takes over my life?). I think right now I could do all of the talking therapies in the world and I still wouldn't get anything out of it, and I have done lots of therapy, it is now simply a case of finding a medication that works for me. I have been to the emergency room more times I can count due to anxiety and panic, so something is not right here. I would only pretty much drink on my own to cope with the overload of thoughts and sensations.
Can’t they make a medication that is similar to the depressant effects of alcohol for social anxiety / Autism/ adhd ? I mean nvmd they have Xanax for anxiety but something NONADDICTIVE??
I found drinking to help me socialize from 13 year old to 40. But recently doing research on the effects of alcohol on the brain and seeing brain scans freaked me out. So recently I've changed my ways. Alcohol shrinks the brain and is bad for our mental health. Eating healthy and getting regular exercise has been really helping me with my depression anxiety.
I feel the same way, drinking makes it wayy easier to socialize. I don't know though if it's because I become more "normal" or if it's cause usually if I'm drinking, everyone else around me is drinking so they don't notice my weirdness as much. Sometimes I think I might have a problem because I can have a drink on a daily basis. However I don't get drunk on a daily basis, that happens much less frequent. Besides, I haven't found myself struggling much with substance addiction like your average person. Take caffeine for example. I'm not addicted to it at all. I can go perfectly fine without any coffee or tea for days or weeks. I mostly drink those because I like them. Caffeine has a somewhat opposite effect on me anyway 😄
When I finally realized that i wasn't drinking for me, that I was drinking so others would be comfortable around me, I quit doing it. I stopped masking almost 7 years ago. And since I stopped, I haven't been able to successfully date or really have any friends because I no longer mask for others comfort I am me pretty much 100% of the time. And people really hate that about me. The biggest complaints i've gotten since I stopped. 1. you don't do enough for me. 2. You aren't entertaining enough (laughing, telling jokes) 3. you don't text me "good morning, beautiful" at 6am. 4. "Oh, you're one of those smart guys." 5. You're too intimidating and unapproachable. 6. "My friend's don't like you." (i'm better one one one and tend to do poorly in social situations that require group participation. As you can see, most people only see life from their POV, and don't bother to try to understand how others experience life. If any one of these people really were able to care for someone other than themselves, they would be able to accept that life is not all about them.
I just recently got diagnosed at 35 and looking back it all makes sense , I started drinking at 15 after the death of my father and drinking has been the only way I can connect with people unfortunately
54 and just diagnosed. Drank a lot to mask the feelings of rage and anxiety from what I was feeling. I have found that with some therapy with LSD and consuming weed every day, I feel a lot better. The LSD has helped me stop drinking. I have it about once every month. You need to see a professional about this though. I suggest eating the marijuana instead of smoking it, as it is much healthier. Stay well! Thanks for the video.
Yes yes yes! I am in my 60’s & just diagnosed. I have used alcohol to blend in, if everybody is tipsy nobody notices how weird I am! Amazing I am not addicted. 2-6 oz vodka mixed drinks per night! Then I gave up grain & sugar to lose 60 lbs…. All good but after a few months I noticed what I cal the “hum” & it drove me crazy- so I now use a CBD product, and a CBD/THC product - problem solved!
The hum? Omgoodness in 53 and I just keep finding more and more proof im autistic.... do you men like an electrical buzz/humm? I describe it as like hearing tons of crickets in the far distance or like your standing under power lines or something. It doesn't really bother me but nobody ever hears it but me
Diagnosed at age 52. Started drinking at 20 and discovered that I could be social and even talk to girls when intoxinated. Loads of stuff happened in my 20ies, both funny, dangerous, and plain bad. Now I drink more moderately, but it still dampens my anxiety. I don't think that I'm addicted since if I'm in a good place I have no urge for drinking
Smoked cigarettes from 11 years old Smoked cannibis in teens was to scared to drink alcohol for fear of losing control. Starting drinking at 20. Social life improved eating different foods improved. Been told my anxiety and depression could be from alcohol consumption. Diagnosed with aspergers at 40 tried to give up alcohol two years ago. Ive probably drank 10 times in the last two years . My life is worse since not drinking. Crippling anxiety and rumaling. Not working full time living with family because of another failed relationship. 46 years old now. I think i can honestly say my life was better with alcohol. Sounds like an alcoholic.
I'm 59. As a child I remember having to see Counselors and remember the world Aspergers. Diagnosed with being on the Autistic Spectrum 2 years ago. I HAD TO self medicate with alcohol and started when I was 13 years old. Unfortunately, I've been sober for 2 years. No medications I've been prescribed work. None. I've been existing with no relief for 2 years.
Im a 49 yr old bloke, diagnosed in last 6 months, also adhd. Your experience is also mine. I am avoidant more than oytgoing, but was wanting to belong as you describe.
I know that this is not a recent upload, but its still such an interresting story. I wont go too much into the details since its not a dm. But I wish you the best of luck in life, and I would be happy to talk futher about this topic more privately if possible.
I'm convinced that the connection between Autism, Masking, and self medicating with alcohol must be studied more. Just think of how many suffering people could be helped.
When i drink i feel like I’m finally present and i want to find that feeling without drinks
Oh my God amazing interpretation and spot on for how I feel.
Amen
You won’t feel like that ever sober. Ghb worked much much better than alcohol for socializing - the problem is it wore off and I’d go back to bring an asocial guy
Try anti anxiety meds. Alcoholism only leads to death and destruction.
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I've found that the amount of alcohol I need to feel "okay" in a social situation makes me totally not okay in a social situation-- from the perspective of everyone else.
Only alcohol can give me the confidence to talk in social situations. It also helps me process my environment to actually interact and comment on things. It just slows everything down for me and dulls my senses to socialize
i find its easier for me to actually be present and fully enoy the environment
I don't mask when I drink. It's like I can finally be myself and blame the eccentricity on the alcohol lol. But I dont drink very often because it makes my already-not-very-good executive functioning worse.
This topic really needed to be talked about though. So thank you 😊
I agree
I specifically searched TH-cam for this topic because I too didn’t see many videos on the asd or audhd channels I’ve found. I recently self diagnosed as audhd. I first realized that I had adhd a little over a year ago. A few months later I realized it was a bit more than just ADHD and my mom even confirmed that she had suspected I was on the spectrum when I was younger (but never told me 🙄).
I REALLY relate to your story with alcohol. I started in high school-because my group did - and hit it hard. I realized I felt way more comfortable and my friends actually liked me more when I drank. I felt like I could actually show my interesting self but also be very charismatic and socially adept. It became a social crutch for me, not just with extreme situations (going out, crowds/ strangers), but also friends and family. Everyone preferred the buzzed me. This continued into my 20s and then my 30s, and I began to build up a bit of a tolerance-which gave me a sense of pride. And I tended to be the only one in the group that could keep a sensible head while drinking. I’m not sure if that’s an asd thing or adhd thing. Now as I approach 40 I have a pretty heavy dependence on alcohol, even when I’m not doing anything social. I too used alcohol to get through the stress of raising my first (and only) child, and still use it today to cope with any/all kinds of stress in my life. I don’t get drunk usually ( because of my high tolerance), but I know it’s taking a toll on my physical and mental health. But I don’t really know what to do about it. I'm not in a stable place, so i don't feel like i could stop.. but i really don't want to leave my daughter early due to this problem. And because of the audhd it's extremely hard for me to decide on and then adhere to a plan… especially being as isolated as i feel.
i know no one will probably read this, but i just felt compelled to write it out because i really can relate. maybe the silver lining is knowing we aren't alone ?
well here's to the hope we can find our way out of this mess. 🍻
my dad passed at 59 from alcoholism. i’m afraid my mom may follow. i believe my dad was neurodivergent and i believe i am. i believe my mom might, but idk. i tend to wanna diagnose everyone at this point in my learning.
i’m finally not drinking more than three times a week. i can feel myself getting healthier. alcohol really throws me into a place of anxiety, fear, delusion, self-hate unless i’m partying.
my doc says my liver was showing signs of damage last year. i’m 26 and began drinking at age 20.
i just want you to know that making small chanhes to drink less WILL BE WORTH IT IN ALL WAYS 💜💜💜 i can truly say that now. i used to think changing was impossible and maybe not worth the effort.
I don't think you have any idea how much our community needed this video
👏👏👏👏 I WHOLE HEARTEDLY THANK YOU ❣️
I agree.
Agreed 👍 ❤
I’ve recently come to the realization that I’m autistic. And It’s really helping feel less alone knowing I’m not the only one who has this issue with drinking. I was basically nonverbal before I started drinking when I was around 19. It seems to bring a version of me out that actually feels connected to people. I don’t really like drinking, and how it makes me feel physically, but it being the only way I can get some sort of relief from the constant loneliness, and exhaustion I feel from masking all the time makes it feel kind of worth it.
Late diagnosis (34) Adhd/Aspie- As soon as I discovered liquor at 14, I used it specifically to mask my nervousness. When I drank I was engaging, funny, interesting, I could flirt and dance and sing. I was no longer just weird, I was the weird fun guy. I still drink and desperately want to stop. It's cost me more than I know how to deal with.
Same age but too scared to break the law when I was young. As soon as I was 21 Alcohol blurred the lines on a lot of shit for me and I don't like what I was becoming.
I can’t say it’s better being “normal” in a social sense but intrinsically it’s been better for me. To be successful at dealing with others I still feel I need a couple of shots.
@Aqua snek exactly the same for me. This is such an unknown to non autistic issue. I feel.
I am an African-American Alcoholic Addict Aspie! I was diagnosed at age 58. I grew up in an alcoholic family. I wasn't going to drink, but I started when I was 18 years old. I immediately I changed my mind. I was intensely introverted and socially awkward. Alcohol solved that issue. I spent the next 18 years drinking. I also smoked Marijuana. It slowed down my mind so that I could focus. One of the habits I picked up was playing chess while smoking pot! After 18 years of this lifestyle I crashed and burned. I tried many different drugs over those 18 years, but cocaine brought an end to my drinking and drugging career and launched my recovery. I've been sober in AA for 31 years. When I was 22 years sober I was diagnosed with Aspergers. That diagnosis explained the unexplainable and helped me account for things I experienced in recovery. I have been in therapy for Aspergers for 10 years, uncovering the riddle that is my life. I have met several autistic people in recovery who were diagnosed late in life. We have a common experience with drugs, alcohol and masking. I recently heard a statistic that says 25 percent of alcoholics are undiagnosed autistics. That makes sense to me. If you are having a problem with drugs and alcohol, you are not alone. What started as a solution becomes a major problem over time. If this is so, it may do you well to go to an AA meeting and explore what they offer. It worked for me.
I was diagnosed a few years ago (I’m 56) and I was a drinker since my early 20’s. For me, it was definitely a coping mechanism during social activities but eventually turned into a problem and I decided to stop - coincidentally around the time I started to suspect I was autistic. On reflection I can now see how alcohol affected me differently than most people. I would usually end up assuming the court jester character (as I call it), my guard would come down and stuff I would say would either be hilarious or shocking or both judging by the reactions. I was always aware of the fact that I was ‘acting’ and sometimes called out on it (not often). Now, as a complete non drinker, I don’t socialise anymore and am better for it in my opinion. I’m often asked why I stopped drinking as it surprised my friends - I just tell them that I felt that I had reached an age where it didn’t make sense to keep doing it - so I stopped.
Ditto
The more I drank, the more of a social life I had, and the more I drank. It felt nice to fit in with what looked like normal life, but after quitting drinking I find that managing a smaller life is what my brain needs. The day to day is busy enough without having to process all the extra.
Am am a 59 year old male and only just learned that I am on the spectrum about a month ago. Alcohol made it possible for me to have a social life. I am not promoting alcohol, or recommending it, I am merely saying what it was for me. If I was out in a social situation, I was drinking or drunk. Looking back, I wonder what my life would have been / would be if I had been diagnosed as a child. People were pretty mean to me and I never understood why. It all makes sense to me now. And I would not recommend anyone to use alcohol as a crutch in this way. Be yourself, if you can.
I hear you. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 38 which was last year. I look back on the confusion and damage done and don’t know what to make of it. I hate to say it but during my teen years - if it weren’t for alcohol I would have no social life at all.. booze allowed me to go out and want to meet and talk to people. As the years drag on it works less and less .. been sober for years but am pretty asocial and reclusive now.
@@brianmeen2158 same here (on the asocial and reclusive front). The strange thing, for me at least, is that it doesn’t bother me as much as I believe it should. I’m kind of OK with being an outsider now. I know what I’m missing and isn’t worth much.
Beer tastes great though.
I'm 36, I was diagnosed ADHD just last year. Someone yesterday randomly said to me 'I think you might have autism because you're just like me. I just googled 'autism and alcoholism' as this is where the conversation came from originally. I couldn't find anything. Your video is all that came up and I'm grateful for your video. I don't know if I'm on the the autism spectrum however it gave me a feeling of understanding
I've realized during this pandemic that I am most likely autistic; I have found so much joy in getting to have hobbies, wear comfortable clothes 24/7, and not listen to authority figures despite losing my job/apartment/friend group. As I feel less and less pressure to "behave like a normal human person," it's like I am able to breathe for the first time. (Note: I'm incredibly privileged to be able to say this!!! I'm lucky as hell, and have safety nets out the wazzoo!!) I also have not felt the urge to drink alcohol to the same extent.
Much like you, I began drinking early on and discovered that it helped me to mask. I drank alone, at work, at parties, before parties, etc. In college, I even took great pride in my ability to drink every day of the week. (I also dropped out of college shortly thereafter LOL). Without getting too deep into my personal life, I think I was motivated largely by seeing addiction around me. On TV, especially, I only ever related to characters like Dr. House, Effie Stonem, Sherlock. They were coded as autistic, but their entire story lines involved substance abuse. In my mind, it was perfectly normal for a person who can't communicate with others to rely on drugs/alcohol as a crutch. I was not taught interpersonal skills or distress tolerance skills until I was 20 years old.
At this point in my life, I have decided to replace alcohol with cannabis. I find it less complicated to tell people "sorry, I'm just pretty stoned" when I do something "bizarre". When I tell them that I think I'm autistic, most folks argue, as if I wanted their opinion at all. But, they tend to just "yeah, that makes sense!" when I blame it on the kush. There do seem to be some studies on medical marijuana as a treatment for autism, so that's kind of interesting.
Overall, I hope you know that you're not alone. I will be pursuing therapy and support groups as I come to terms with being an addict, and have found a lot of solidarity in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy groups. DBT has been a big help for me when it comes to understanding my brain and the brains of others without judgement.
Thank you for making this video. As an "edgy autistic" person, it's nice to see more conversations about the real battles autistic people face while living in a world dominated by neurotypicals. Sending you much love. And, as a former Coloradan, I love the buch!
Thank you for sharing your story! I relate so much!! I’ve definitely smoked a lot of mj or done edibles, especially in my 20’s but ultimately found my anxiety to skyrocket unfortunately... lots of auditory processing issues and well,
just processing in general! I could never keep up with conversation and in my case, everyone around me thinks I’m really stupid (nope, just autistic) so it didn’t help. I’m in a different stage of my life so maybe I could retry. Have you ever tried CBD? I haven’t, but curious to know if you or other find it helpful.
It’s so hard for me to even fathom not drinking at a social event and with the pandemic well, it didn’t help. People just are so completely clueless to what autism can actually entail so they don’t get it. I also have a very privileged life like you mentioned, so I totally get it. It’s hard to say “I struggle “ while people only know the masked version of myself.
Good luck on your journey!!!
@@plantthemoon2418 Thank you! I really liked taking CBD baths and the occasional supplement when I was trying not to smoke so much, but I think that's partially because I'm quite dependent on MJ at this point.
I totally understand the anxiety around attending events sober, though! If it's any comfort, I had a therapist who used to tell me that my only job is to "not make things worse," rather than always try to make things better. So, if right now, alcohol allows you to expand your social circle and isn't causing you or your loved ones to suffer, it's probably not the worst thing you can do, y'know? Anyway, privileges aside, I want to validate the fact that shit fucking sucks out there, and masking can be a very lonely experience, no matter where we come from. Best of luck to you, too!! We are not alone.
I feel all of this thread!!! I'm 53 and i have been down this rabbit hole of autism for a couple weeks now because my grandson seems autistic and now I have an overwhelming feeling that I have been misdiagnosed for years!
I too enjoy thc, but taken medicinally it doesn't seem to get me high. Just relaxed, and calm. Not sleepy or hyper. Different from the commune days of 1972! LOL!
When I was a teen, alcohol was the only time I ever felt normal talking to people. I was always shy and didn’t know how to talk to people & wanted to interact with others. One thing that kept me from being an alcoholic is the fact I got extremely hungover every time I drank. The other reason was that once I got to know people, I found them boring and didn’t want to interact as much anymore. I have my small circle of old friends who know my quirks and I am comfortable around them so I don’t need to make more friends 😂. Btw, got diagnosed at 53 but always felt I was an alien! lol
If I don't use alcohol to cope and mask, then I always get comments like "what's wrong? Seriously tell me! Somethings wrong! What is it!?" Or later get told that I had been "grumpy" or down or something. In all these situations, I had been very very happy, relaxed, enjoying being around my friends or family, but I'm very quiet, I'm not showing a ton of facial expressions etc. I speak super politely to everyone, all the time, and smile quite a bit when talking to friends. So it's actually heartbreaking and humiliating to recieve these comments. I'm not allowed to just relax and be myself. If I'm not super hyper and animated then I'm seen in a negative light. Makes me wanna crawl under a rock for the rest of my life, it really makes things much more uncomfortable, and like I can't trust anyone. I don't even act "grumpy" at people ever, because I think that's impolite, if I'm unhappy I'll go be alone and process it, I don't take out my emotions or problems on other people. But somehow that's how it's perceived when I'm just being quiet.
I felt Every. Single. Word.
I was recently diagnosed at 21 after many incorrect diagnoses and medicine, but I have been drinking for years. I used to think all I was was a functional alcoholic with severe anxiety and depression, but after my diagnosis, so much makes sense. Thank you for this video. Thank you for sharing your feelings, because a lot of us feel the same and can’t articulate it. I wish you the best, you are not alone in this feeling.
I can definitely relate to this. I’m in the process of being diagnosed currently... I have always needed to drink to cope with social situations, even with people I’m close to.... and like you say, I always seem to need ‘more’ than the people I’m with. I also find that I can usually drink a lot, maybe I’ve developed a high tolerance than the people I’m with. I don’t say that to brag but merely as a point that’s interesting. I definitely use alcohol as a tool rather than a pastime like most people.... and like you, I hope that one day I can tolerate socialising without alcohol but I don’t think I’m there yet. Anyway, thanks for making this video, I’m glad to hear I’m not alone 💖
Thank you for sharing!! I find that a lot of autistic social media creators I see never mention it, and I felt like there’s gotta be others out there who drink like I do. It’s funny you made sure to comment that you’re not bragging about drinking more than others, because I definitely read that statement as literal , like it’s just a fact, and I can SO relate with feeling like having to explain further. I’m thinking that’s a masking while writing thing too and never feeling totally understood... I write the same way you do haha!! But yes, I too drink more simply because I feel I need to and now I can handle more. (Hopefully that makes sense). I do drink for fun as well, but I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m so use to it now that it’s all I know. Thank you so much for watching and sharing!!!
Wow, I can relate to this. I haven't yet been diagnosed but am starting to realize that I am almost certainly autistic. Challenges I've had all my life are starting to make sense, if I am right in my self-diagnosis. The first time I drank, in high school, I remember thinking, "Wow, I'm actually socializing with people! I'm having fun!" It was like finding something in myself that I didn't know existed. And drinking became a regular thing for the rest of high school. I couldn't imagine going out without drinking, and I couldn't imagine a weekend without going out. Like you, I also have always thought of myself as an introvert, and you've just made me consider the possibility that I've been wrong about that.
I went through a brief period after high school when I didn't drink much, but then I went to college (5 years late) and got into the drinking pattern that I continued to follow well into my 40's. Blackouts had been a problem from early on in my drinking, even in high school, but they were only occasional. They progressively got more frequent, of course, until it was pretty much normal. For a while, it just became an assumption that I'm going to black out, whenever I went out. I hated waking up and not remembering what I did, but I didn't know how to socialize without drinking, and any time I drank enough to feel "buzzed," I didn't know how to stop until there was no more alcohol or I passed out. I have now learned that I can stop after a couple drinks and it's been about 4 years since I've crossed that line where I feel unable to stop. After far too many regrettable experiences, I finally figured out that I can't get drunk--I just don't handle it well at all. But, I still drink. I just set myself a hard rule: no more than 3 drinks in any 3 hour period. That seems to work for me. No more blackouts and no more needing to apologize for things I don't even remember doing. I stopped enjoying drunkenness a long time ago, anyway.
Alcohol has helped me learn how to socialize. It helped me meet people. I might never have lost my virginity without it. I think because of it, I even got better at socializing when I'm not drinking (though it's still easier when I do). I hope I never need to give it up entirely, but I never want to drink the way I used to.
I'm 46, soon to be 47 and self diagnosed autistic as of October 2023. Diagnosed with ADHD in March 2023, diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder in Feb 2020. Been in counseling off and on since then. I started drinking when I was 17 years old and literally almost never stopped until the day before cannabis became legal in Canada in 2018. I'd never touched it before then because that's how it is..."booze is good, drugs are bad".
I would knock back 4 dozen beers every weekend to help cope with the stress from the week of having to be 'normal'. I always knew there was something "off" about me, but could never explain it because I felt no one listened, or cared. I'd always kept to myself as a kid, but once I got hold of booze, that was it. I couldn't wait until the next time I got to socialize so I could get hammered. Wouldn't go anywhere or do anything unless booze was involved because I couldn't handle it otherwise.
The first time I got high, it was the first time my brain shut up. That was what set me on the road to where I am now. ADHD, Autism, and other disorders are massively under diagnosed. Society is not built to accommodate ND people. I haven't touched a drop of booze, nor had the desire to since I switched to cannabis. The difference I've noticed in myself is unreal. I am a completely different person than I used to be, because I'm actually starting to find out who I am. I owe a lot of it to resources like this on youtube. Thank you for sharing. Your story resonates with me a lot as I also had an abusive mother and didn't even realize it for so long.
We need to help each other because the system isn't designed to lift us up, only tear us down. Take care
Thanks for this video. I have ADHD and have recently come to realize that I am on the autism spectrum as well. I have also come to realize that my drinking's main function was to mask. Alcohol seems to work like magic: I can be personable, I can talk in ways that seem strange to me normally (but I recognize as common/NORMAL), and it it kills my stimming, which I have had ALL my life.
I have decided to stop drinking for anything but celebration. So I now go into situations without a mask, without anything to help with my stimming, etc. People are asking me what's wrong, why I am down, things I now remember people saying before I started drinking at the age of almost 21 (I am now 46).
People, I think, regarded me as simply alcoholic, but I always knew it was more complicated than that. Now I know better. I resisted going to AA, etc., even though I got in more than enough trouble to convince many people I should. I am very glad I resisted it, personally. But our paths are different, each of us. To drink or not to drink: it is different for all of us. I would never say that others should do the same as I, but I can say that I am eliminating many seriously problematic situations by not drinking like this anymore.
But it's easy for me right now: I don't have to be in social situations much like I used to, and so I am not much anymore.
Anyway, in my light research in the last couple years, I also have not really come across anything about drinking and autism, so, again, thank you for this video.
BTW, you were right the first time: "I had drunk." It's just that the past perfect is the same as the adjective, so people think maybe it's wrong. "I had drunk before the party, so after I drank a lot more at the party, I became drunk." It's the same for other words, though. Like "to take.": "I wish had taken (p.p.) some earlier, because by the time I took some, the best were already taken (adj.). (Oops, SORRY!! Grammar nerd here ;)
Thanks! Good luck with everything!!
You are a functioning alcoholic. Im 42 with 4 kids. Two are grown. Two live with me. Undiagnosed but have a 13 year old son with autism and adhd. My oldest daughter has adhd and asd. I had bad anxiety since i was about two. It got worse in third grade. I didn't complete school due to anxiety. I got my GED. I started drinking around the same time you did. I went to clubs and blacked out a lot too after. I also slept with a lot of guys and hated it. I just wanted to be wanted. I still drink beer. Daily. I need it cause I get nervous around anyone other than my kids. You are not alone. Me and my 13 year old and my 9 year old have been in therapy for years
So I’m 29, originally my therapist thought my diagnosis was borderline, but now they’re thinking I might be on the spectrum. It’s a lot to take in, but I can relate to this sooo much. I didn’t drink because I wanted to necessarily, but I couldn’t socialize without it with most people. I also had to drink before work as well.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve actually stopped drinking because it was becoming sooo toxic for me. But it’s made it a lot more difficult to do much of anything. Hugs to you!
Hi. Yes this is me too. I started as a very young girl. It helped me as my parents divorced and I moved to go to another new school for gr.7
I was always awkward, clumsy and annoying others with my constant questions.
Anyway, as a progressive addiction, by the time I was 51, and in my umpteenth treatment facility for addiction and concurrent disorders. I was diagnosed with depression at 27, SAD and GAD in my early 40's and yah. This time around after refusing to see the same old geezer that had been over medicating me. Pills i really did not need. I was seen by a fresh set of eyes. This new Doctor, female and mid 40 recongnized ADHD and OCD. After a month of meds for ADHD and OCD therapy treatments she looked at me and said she was certain I had ASD....that rang a bell as my cousins 2 sons are Autistic but are very clear presenting and live at home. Geeez, sorry this got long winded!
Bottom line is it all makes sense now. School failures, hate the phone, small talk is absurd, scolded for crying and not wanting to wear tights...you know.
It's been 1 month out of Treatment and I am trying so hard. But I've already "slipped".
I'll pull it together but now I know why my coping skills are so minimal. MY BRAIN WAS BEING TAUGHT NUERO TYPICAL METHODS!!!
I have hope now.
Good luck, its so hard. Alchol has ravaged my life physically and on evey layer of my life. I hope you can get help and support moving forward.
I self diagnosed in the last year. My brother has aspergers and doesnt drink. He will pretend he does but he doesn't enjoy it much. I, on the other hand, do use it to cope. My body is sensitive though and doesnt react well with too much of anything. I have learned over the years to achieve and maintain a high buzz without crossing the drunk threshold and that is because I cannot black out, i immediately throw up and am miserable for 24 hrs if I drink too much. I am honestly grateful for this bc it keeps me from being addicted. I went through a period of drinking a bit everyday though. And yeah I would have to "pre-game" before meeting people. If I don't, I usually get ignored and feel exhausted so easily trying to be cohesive with the group. If I drink, then I can keep up the energy to mask without my anxiety weighing me down.
I appreciate you sharing your experience! I also have a troubled relationship with my mom lol
Great topic! I’m definitely a coping mechanism drinker
Just watching this now and so grateful to see someone I can relate to! 30 yo diagnosed autistic last year. Drink has always been my "social potion" and can sometimes help me just when I'm overwhelmed, socially or not. Thank you for this honest content!
I can relate to that alot.
I'm 28 and started drinking with 15. I was diagnosed just recently, after 1,5 years of being in the rabbit-research-hole about autism.
I drunk before parties, at parties, sometimes even after a stressful day. Being the son of a single mother, which was and is covertly narcissistic I started drinking at the age of 16 like a child, that gets into a room full of sweets. I drunk at home when I was scared of being hit or smashed against the wall - then I found out about weed, so I smoked 2 or 3 years excessively, like 3-4 grams per day, dropped out of school, sold drugs and just started to make myself a name as a petty criminal. Well, I found back, made A-levels and wanted to study.
That just said for the background context. Nowadays I know, that I've an above average IQ, which doesn't mean anything to me, just because you mentioned the relation between alcohol usage and IQ in your video - it made sense.
Because: I never felt addicted to alcohol, because if I'm just on my own I never come on the idea about having a drink. But I'm working, still trying to study, I managed it to divorce from my narcistic wife after 7 years, in which I worked my ass off in so many side-jobs, I did 100 to 110 working hours on a regular basis per week to support my wifes studies and pay the flat while I tried to study for my own subject. On the free days I exploded with drinking alcohol at times, did cocaine and acted - in the retrospect - at some evenings like a maniac, having CPTSD as well I did even stuff, that was hurting myself deeply inside.
I am now living alone in a new city and started university again, again a new subject. The only way for me to connect to people - and I needed to connect to people, because I was extremely lonely and desolate, was of course via alcohol.
It's still a thing and I've the feeling I can't get drunk over the limit anymore. When we were at a club recently I felt back into this manic behavior and ordered 2 bottles of vodka and drunk them almost alone and afterwards I felt a bit drunk, but it was totally okay, I think I might have developed a tolerance of a siberian alcoholic.
After a hard work day - I work as well as phone line employee - I come out of the building and I'm extremely shaken by everything, the sounds, the cars, the bright light, the scraps of conversations I hear from people walking by - I just manage it to get home and because it's evening and already 8pm I think: alright, I can drink a wine. It gives me then chills.
At days I'm out of routine or something happens, that interrupt my routine, I just can't do anything until it's evening and then most likely I drink something.
Now that I'm diagnosed I really hope to get help from specialized folks, because I'm so good at maths for example, but just can't function on this world properly.
What I also realize is, that I oftentimes don't even feel how I feel or that I'm overwhelmed, but the feeling of wanting a drink tells me nowadays, that I must be totally stressed out again.
Thanks for this video, I'm glad I'm not alone with this.
Greetings from Germany.
Hello, I am Autistic I was diagnosed young. Alcohol is the only thing that makes me feel "normal." I don't get sensory over load, I can convey my emotions with others, hold conversation, and enjoy it. My OCD and anxiety disappear. Thank you for your video and for sharing your experiences. I wish you the best it's hard, but at least you're not alone.
I was a huge drinker and stoner for most of my adult life. It enabled me to numb my hypersensitivity and be social. Now I've gone fully sober for my health, and the sensitivity and need to recluse are so overwhelming. I wish there was a comfortable middle ground, but I slide so quickly back into addiction.
Edit: a lot of ppl here say they don't mask anymore when they're drunk... for me I think that maybe my mask slips more, but also masking feels more effortless, if that makes sense.
I drink a lot at parties to mask my Aspergers. I HATE tripping over my words and blanking out what to say to other people. I feel severely flawed and really hate myself. I think about the type of life I could have lived if I didn’t have this demon in my head. Owning my own house, finding a girlfriend who’d accept me for who am as I’ve never been loved in a romantic/sexual way in my entire 34 years on Earth.
Know exactly how you feel👍
@@MichaelBerry-yr9ev Thank you the love bro ❤. My anxiety plays a huge role as well. I sadly may have early stages of liver cirrhosis (I’m 37 so I may have only 10 more years of life) due to my heavy drinking. 500 ml of vodka on Friday nights after a week of work.
@@Jotinko same here! You may want to go to a health food store and see if you can get some kind of supplement to help detox your liver, that's what I've been doing.
@@MichaelBerry-yr9ev I've sadly lost my mom and dad (in 2018 and 2023) and I see myself as an 80 year old who's in his last years and see nothing to look forward to. I would never take my own life but am fine with passing away at 50 or even 40.
@@Jotinko I definitely hear you there, especially with all of this crap that's going on in this world 2day.
I absolutely relate to your video PTM - all my life (I am now 50) I have suffered with crippling and soul destroying social anxiety and GAD but much more severe in social situations, especially if there is a group of people or the possibility of having to speak, so, alcohol became my medication to cope.Unfortunately the rebound anxiety was so terrifying that now I try to limit my drinking and social interaction,which is horrible because it severely limits the scope of your life and ability to “participate” as much as one would like to, but, despite all kinds of treatment down the years - nothing has worked, having forced myself into treatments that were excruciating and just made me worse (though you have to try I suppose).I was diagnosed with Bipolar, 22 years ago, having been sectioned under the Mental Health Act whilst working as a Mental Health Nurse, oh, the irony, though I struggled terribly everyday through the course and all my placements - using avoidance,alcohol,benzos but it all caught up with me and ended in incarceration.I now believe that I was probably misdiagnosed and probably autistic and ADD with high IQ (154),I have decided to reengage with services and will explore this with my Psychiatrist.Dealing with incoming information is very difficult for me, terrible memory issues too and yes, it makes me seem very stupid at times, which is not really the case.At the moment, I cannot handle people (even family), coming to our home as the anxiety is so bad that I just want to die, despite practicing meditation,CBT, Mindfulness,Wim Hof Technique etc - I cannot think straight, my humour and wit vanishes as I succumb to the overstimulation and fear that I fully understand is totally disproportionate but the primitive power of the response is overwhelming and therefore so many people never get to see or know the real me, UNLESS, I have alcohol or benzos first, then the eccentric in me appears and I am “released” for a while, expressing myself way more and engaging,which is probably overcompensation as it’s so good to have the fear dissolved for a little while.I use the benzos infrequently as aware of addiction issues.Anyway, many thanks for making this video and I hope you cope and manage your life and condition.
Ps. I too have always needed “ more” than my peers, obviously because of elevated levels of adrenaline and glutamate and overactive amygdala etc to be “damped down”.
Oh wow! I've only been in the rabbit hole a few months, and this is the first I'm seeing anyone talk about this. It's a little weird to look back and view drinking from that perspective. Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing your experiences!❤❤
Yeah thats how i feel people dont understand how smart we are at masking our symptoms but the people you trust the most are always the most judgy thats why i also mask i need to get diagnosed though this gave me courage to find an answer to why i feel so outcasted most of the time
Yes... I first drank when I was 15 years old (the legal drinking age here was 16 back then, it's 18 now). I was with a group of friends and kind of did it on a dare. I was the first of my friends to have ever drank it gave me a lot of positive attention. After that the drinking never really stopped. The problematic drinking didn't really start until a few years later when I started failing classes, but it was undenyable to me (at the time) that drinking made me a more likeable person (I was wrong).
I'm 27 now, drinking pretty much daily. I've been to some doctors recently after I self-diagnosed as having asperger's. I had basically accepted my alcoholism as just me "enjoying life" but now I realised I'm just doing this to mask who I really am. I've been on a waiting list to get an official diagnosis for a couple months now... I guess we'll see.
YES! I FOUND MY MATCH! THANK YOU FOR SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH!🙏💜 I don't have a diagnosis yet but I know, it explains my life and I've been medicated WRONG and made me worse. Then because a drug and alcohol addict to manage symptoms or to "fit in" to make it easier to "mask" .. how do I get the correct diagnosis and evaluation?
I felt like you were reading my mind. I still struggle today…I hope you are doing well now. Your video made me feel like I’m not alone. I haven’t been diagnosed by a doctor but a lot of people close to me have suggested it…my stimming is rocking back and forth and listening to music and smoke cigs incessantly for hours a day. I know I’m killing myself but it’s like I just can’t deal with people like you said. I feel free when I’m drinking. I know I’m a straight up alcoholic and I have gotten in trouble with the law. Sometimes I get very angry with men that are close to me like my husband, dad,stepdad,ex boyfriends … I was charged with domestic violence 4 times and I have been to treatment centers at least 10 times and the same with Mental institutions. I hate living this way😢thank you for sharing your experience and I like your Lone wolf shirt too❤
I'm 20, and autistic with ADHD. I smoke weed daily and have a medical card. I find that I either feel more anxious, or I feel less anxious and drop my mask more. I got drunk for the first time a few months ago at a party. And I was high af on top of that. I found that it made me more numb to my anxieties. At least a little. I did like the feeling I got from it. Although I do worry about it becoming more of a problem. I have a family history of alcohol abuse. Specifically on my mom's side. My mom started drinking from a young age, and she was also autistic. She became a bit a functioning alcoholic later in life. And a couple years ago she passed away from liver cirrhosis. Decades of drinking caught up with her. So, I do worry about repeating those patterns in myself. Even though I only drink here and there.
i'm a total lightweight, and i grew up in a culture where wine with dinner from a young age was normal. i've never had a problem with drinking too much... smoking on the other hand:
three mins of fidgeting with your hands to roll one, four or five mins where you can just leave the room and be outside to smoke it, no judgement for being weird like you'd get if you wanted to do literally any other calming stim in the workplace... why is it so easy to get a smoke break in the carpark every hour, but ask for a five min ADHD break to walk around the carpark every two hours and just get some air, and you're being disruptive?
I was very much like you in that I'd have to get drunk before showing up to a party and I could tell there was a difference with my reasons for drinking in comparison to my peers. I liked my peers a lot but the truth is, if there wasn't alcohol or some sort of mind altering substance available to me, then I would never have hung out with them. Not because I didn't want to but because it was just painful for me to socialize. Drinking led to me to other things I got addicted to but I got clean (somewhat) when I was 26. I have a drink now about once a year maybe, however, I don't hang out with anyone now. I'm close with two women, I love them dearly and can text them all day but I don't hang out with them one on one, because the anxiety it causes is just not worth it. And it does suck.
Thank you so much for talking about your experience with this because I also haven't seen any other creators share about autism and masking via alcohol or whatever substance.
I resonate with all of this so much. Diagnosed at 48, plus adhd diagnosis.
Drinking and smoking have been a crutch for social situations, and when alone to shut my head up (apart from self harm) since a teen.
Totally get this. I can drink, or not drink, there's no in between. There's no moderation anymore.
And I can't face large (and by large, I mean any more than 1 person), groups without drinking.
I go from quiet and unable to talk, to can't shut up and massively oversharing, to making very bad life choices. Those seem to be my only settings 😒
Thanks for sharing, this explains my drinking behaviour.
Im 18 yo and have just been receantly diagnosed.
I have been using alcohol to cope with social situations for years (In germany you start at the age of 15-16 to start drinking with your friends) I always drink the most compared to all my friends and never went to a party or weekend gathering sober.
But I never drink when im alone, just when i enter social situations.
When i'm with friends i drink to get more social and to get along talking, but when i'm alone i only drink for relax from stress and enjoy the flavor and how does feel in my mouth the diffefent kinds of beers and red wines (but just a bit, not as much as i drink when i'm with friends and/or family) that's when i'm i alone i drink for sensory seeking reasons.
Sorry to be tardy to the party- TH-cam only just decided to recommend you to me. But I so jive with this. I'm (currently self-diagnosed) ASD/ADHD & have a very similar experience as you. I drink to be social but I can drink so much more than everyone and act fine- better than fine. I can act normal & not be scared of everyone around me. I've also learned to moderate a lot better these days. (Late 30's now) When I was younger, I could still drink a lot but I got freaked out by how it made me feel so I didn't do it much then. I did pot instead. Similar social lubrication, with minimal to no actual impairment or after affects. I didn't get into alcohol until things just became too much for me & my normal (pot) meds weren't doing it anymore. And I've struggled with alcohol abuse but I've mostly overcome it now.
I notice you haven't been making vids in a while but I hope that if you feel yourself able to, you do more often again. We should be friends
Im 40 and newly diagnosed. Booze was how i was able to socialize. I was able to 'shut the engine room door' with all the noise and i could feel free to be more myself.
Yes omg, I just found out I was autistic last year and it explains so much. I actually have been drinking in secret every time I had to deal with anyone since I was 18. But anything beyond drinking like psych drugs will totally mess my head up. So drinking is what I stick with even though people would likely think i'm an alcoholic if they knew how much sometimes. When i'm alone im totally sober, but with social situations.. If I can't completely avoid them, I drink and people think im too much or sometimes even fun. lol most of the time im still just weird to people and honestly I've yet to figure out why so I can stop it.
Same, sorta. Thanks for the memories. I stopped drinking after my first appearance as a father. Before that, drinking and sociability went hand and hand. I would leave beer at people's homes so it would be available for me when I came back around. Chewing the inside of my mouth still. I don't need to mask much anymore because I don't have a life anymore. My life is very small, I can't handle any drama. I am also over 50 years old. You have a nice smile. That is something I don't do well, I am maskless.
I am 40, I ve diagnosed 4 years ago, and fro 16 to 26 I used to drink in every social evening/night situation ,but a looot . After having some health problems alcohol related, I've stopped drinking, now I became almost allergic to it, and I don't like to go do party disco. I've realized that was a mechanism to be "Normale" to feel relaxed .
I haven't been diagnosed with Autism. Anxiety, Shyness, and alcoholism is common in the males from my father's side. I drink and instantly become extremely social dance etc. When I wake up the next day and my siblings tell me stories of what happened while I was drunk I don't believe them. I always black out when I drink.
34, just became acquainted with a great group that helped me. The bond we have goes beyond anything. I think I may be the only one there, but I don't feel alone at all and I feel so safe in front of these strangers. I've been at this sober thing for 5 days now. It's a big thing for me. Alcohol was my mask like you. But I smashed my mask and went in because I'll die if I don't. My best friend committed suicide in 2010 because of the goddamn shit. Please, check out a group that has that common bond in alcoholism. I was skeptical at first, but fuck, they're literally saving my life right now. I'm just not confident enough to share that with them yet... smashing my last 6 pack in the dumpster is the best thing I've ever done for myself. It's all thanks to them.
I’m 46, I used to drink alcohol for like 25 years. I quit alcohol 6 months ago, and now I think I’ve been authistic all my life. I’m looking for a diagnosis.
I did the same with alcohol and other substances, it was the only way I could hang out with people. I hope you get the answers you’re looking for.
Just found your video and I am an Alcoholic. I’m 47 years old. I have not been diagnosed yet and never really thought about being autistic until I started to go to the VA for issues in my life.
The first two therapists I spoke to both asked me if I had ever been tested for autism. I was like “no, what are you talking about”. Then I started thinking about it.
I may never be diagnosed(or tested) because the VA health care is pretty crap but I would not be surprised if I am on the spectrum.
Discussing alcohol and autism, I can see where the studies went wrong. I am pretty functional, went to war, have a great job, pretty good family life(other than when my drinking Fs things up). Why would a study be interested in me for being autistic.
The point is, autism is pretty easy to hide if you are high functioning. In my 47 years, I have learned to mask so well most would be shocked if I was diagnosed. Inside is a whole different story.
From 4pm to 9pm I am pretty useless. I can drink 20 beers a day and just want to be alone.
My family are saints. Wife and two kids. They just know dad needs to be alone a lot. That’s not to say it is every day but a lot.
I am in treatment for Alcoholism and trying to get Better.
You said “thank you” for watching, but thank you very much for posting.
Love!! No one understands why I drink. I'm called an alcoholic, but really just do it for masking I'm undiagnosed. I can't figure out how to get diagnosed without lots of money. My family says stop lying, your just an alcoholic. They say I'm drunk when I'm sober for a month or if I've drank for month. I drink to be....well you..I'm an introvert with trauma. Will someone please help me!!!!!!!
I drink and it makes me feel normal. I can actually talk normally to people. Naturally I’m reserved I guess, I just don’t see the need to talk much unless I have to and it feels exhausting after a while. But when I drink I actually feel like talking and people say things like “I didn’t know you were actually funny” or they ask why im not normally like that. It sucks that people like me more when I’ve had a few drinks. It also takes all my anxiety away and stops my brain from hyper focusing on negative thoughts. Without a drink I am just living with anxiety, even at home.
I am also late diagnosed and I am a benge drinking alcoholic. I drink to function but after several years I can't function so well. It is a problem more than a solution. The social anxiety melts when I'm drinking. I also don't struggle as much with executive function. I make bad decisions though. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I drink when my mother in law comes over. She is very rude and judgemental, and my best shot at masking is never enough. Getting the just right, perfect goldilocks buzz helps me put on an act that is acceptable to her. A fake, bubbly person. This causes me way less stress than my best regular mask, or not masking at all. She also doesn't know i am autistic, and never will.
I hear you and I do the same thing around family - I usually have a drink or two and put on the mask where I come off as interested, joyful and engaged .. it’s exhausting though and I usually can’t wait to leave .. but yes, telling them about my autism is not in the cards .. I hope you are never on
The verge of yelling at your mother in law 😉
Even socializing with friends I mask and it’s getting harder and I’m not sure why I do it because masking just leads to needing to mask again and again
I relate to this so much.
It's odd because I don't think I'm addicted to alcohol, as I have been able to quit before. However, I feel so much better when drinking. I drink vodka water every day and now prefer to drink by myself. I also used to have an eating disorder, and I kind of replaced it with drinking. I believe it's a habitual thing that makes me feel better. I also take Adderall, which seemed to really help at the beginning, but now I can't tell.
I’m on the spectrum and deal with anxiety. It’s easy to understand the need to self-medicate. For me, working with a therapist and psychiatrist has been helpful and it doesn’t have the downsides that alcohol does. But everyone’s situation is different.
You seem like such a beautiful person!
I am 46 and recently self-diagnosed (in process of getting that confirmed.) I have a drink almost every day. Fortunately I have a sensitive system and can't drink a ton. Some days it feels like that's the only way I can deal with the amount of tension that builds up every day. But it especially makes uncomfortable social situations a little bit easier for me.
I’m not diagnosed but have had many people believe that I am and was recently told by Dr that she believes I do have signs of autism.
I’ve been told by many people that when I’ve had drink, I don’t stop talk and when I’ve not drank I’m a mute.
I don’t like to drink though. I can over do it at times and also don’t like the lack of control that I have when sober. I do like that anxiety fade quite a bit when drinking but when you haven’t really got a social life it hard to organise anything that does allow me to be me.
Hey! I drank heavily for 20 years. I'm autistic. I'll do a video!
A specialist in aspergers and autism in general, Tony Attwood, talked about the struggles of his son who found out he had autism relatively late. By that time he was already adicted to alcohol and drugs. He used those to relieve stress and anxiety, but it slowly got out of hand. After his diagnosis, he found other ways to cope with life. You seem to handle your alcohol responsibly and only when you need it in social situations. That can be done and I am sure it is a great help. I suspect that I might be autistic myself, so I understand the need for a coping mechanism that works. I just hope you don't become too dependent on alcohol alone and find something else that also helps but that is less dangerous. Take care
Thank you very much! Yes, unfortunately alcohol is the only thing I’ve ever really been able to rely on, but hopefully over time I’ll feel comfortable to be myself; just not there yet. Good luck on your journey!
I’m 41 and can relate to this. I consider my alcohol use, as self-medication. I think it’s a slippery slope though but I’m more scared of pharmaceuticals. There’s also a negative stigma attached to depending on substances unless they’re prescribed.
Thank you for being so honest! ❤
i got diagnosed with autism when i was 17 and when i turned 18 i tried my first alcoholic drink. it was at a bar with a friend, but it was still controlled drinking. side note, i also have adhd so the alcohol is really mixing up my already weird brain. but i definetly wanted to try it and it was good. i got dizzy after drinking half a glass over 2 hours. my friend said she noticed that i was more energetic and happy. she also had to grab me to get me to stop sipping on my drink, bc we were gonna miss the train. i wanted to drink more, i liked this feeling of letting go. i know that people with adhd tend to get addicted easier, so ill ofc be carefull when drinking in the future and ill have my supportive friends with me to keep me at bay :)
I've always been awkward, didnt know I was autistic, but alcohol would give me a "super power" with being social. but now it's 10 years later, and I'm still doing the same routine. I'm dissociating more than ever between drinks, and over doing it more when i drink.
I switch between an eating disorder and drinking to cope but since finding out I am autistic I think I use them to dull my senses so I can cope when socialising with others. I never saw myself as an introvert just easily overwhelmed by communicating with others plus becoming overwhelmed by my senses that happens whilst socialising.
I just got diagnosed autistic and am an alcoholic too. I’m 49 years old. There are many reasons why I drink. One is the social lubricant effect. I have been working with a psychologist to help me stop. Nothing yet, I still drink. I’m in a lot of pain due to bad hips. I am very high functioning autistic, dyslexic and dyspraxic.
I used to drink every day and it was good for masking and especially for allowing me to sleep every night. About 5 years ago I started drinking a lot less and would go for months without it sometimes. It was incredibly difficult but I would much rather be rested and happy in the long term than to have that artificial depression hanging over me constantly. I also would say things to people when I was drunk and coming down off alcohol that I would regret and it would lower my self esteem even further. Now I drink once every two weeks, sometimes once a week and I feel that I can handle that though it still does mess with my equilibrium quite a lot and I will get grumpy for a few days after.
Hi am jesi. Im in colorado too. I just learned i was autistic in January amd getting diagnosis formally in winter. And it was always a coping skill. Its been a struggle and caused me issues and now i know more why i do it. But i wpuld like to control it significantly and more likely stop completely.
Also have ADHD and ptsd
It’s truly so good to know “why do I do things the way I do” and also how it impacts everything and any interactions with people including the people I your own life!!! And of course, the relationship with alcohol! I totally feel you on the wanting to be able to not do it, good luck! I’m not there yet mainly because I realize that so many people in my life just don’t understand me and autism in general, which makes it so damn tough
Alcohol makes me a lot more sociable, confident and relaxed when it comes to talking to new people, but I also find that it makes it harder to mask. Though at that point most people just take it as I drank too much and they think that’s just how I am when I’m drunk when in reality I’m just a bit tipsy and autistic
I love and have noticed the autistic garnening dynamic. Thinking of this, their was also a alchoholic link in ones i have followed or seen. Im aware of the nature adhd link, must also go to asd anxiety management. It certainly is my biggest special interest!
i drink fairly frequently, just for fun. i did pregame my class today, and it did feel like "not being autistic," i was cracking a few jokes here and there in a rather social class, and i got some good reactions. i definitely dont use it just for a charisma boost, as i had therapy to help me with my autism when i was younger, and im very high functioning, and people already like me. its just something fun to do for me. i understand drinking it for masking and stuff though.
Completely how I feel. I didn't know until I was maybe 24. So maybe 10 years. Having alot of issues still.
Thanks for the video. Hope things get better.
I was diagnosed this year in my early 40s. I have to drink prior to any social activity, always have. And, yes, I also drank when I worked.
I have a friend who was an undiagnosed autistic friend who drank himself to death a couple of years back.
I still have to drink. Even if it makes me sick.
I have autism and I am a alcoholic and I smoke cigarettes. I'm a hap and empath. I'm usually very quiet and i like to drink because it makes me feel not so scared of the world and I'm more brave and talk more. I'm not medically diagnosed but I'm in the process.
Hello thanks for the video . I'm 28 and I resonated alot with what u said. I'm soon to be diagnosed but very sure I'm aspie by watching various females videos and forums. I have drank since 17 when I was senior in high school. It helped me be more myself , worry less,
And loosen up. I made a little more friends. Most superficial. But overall made things less miserable.
I knew I had anxiety and depression from a young age and only now researching autism are things starting to fall in place.
I used to smoke alotttttt of weed. It began to give me panic attacks so i drank more. I still drink alot and actually 🍻 cheered u when u drank lol. I want to drink less but it's been sich a coping help that not having it brings alot of discomfort. I am trying ti journal more ??? I really enjoy it and my feelings tend to make more since and it seems to be overall good. Also I tried a good dose of mushroom first time a few weeks ago and had a profound experience that showed me how angry I am and how much my bottled emotions really take a toll. So overall new perspective but still drinking.
You meet one person with autism, you've met one person with autism. We all have somewhat unique experiences. I'm in my late 50s and only discovered I was on the spectrum just a couple of years ago after a lifetime of WTF. I get it better now but I still have a long way to go.
I've drank alcohol since I was young. I can build up a tolerance with practice but I've lost interest in the past couple of years. I drank socially when I was younger but I gave up socializing and kept on drinking. I prefer drinking alone where I can be alone with my thoughts. Fortunately I had other interests that I didn't let alcohol get in the way of. I still typically drank every day but only in the evening when I could enjoy it without guilt. Day drinking is just a bad idea. I have ongoing anxiety with or without socializing. It's exhausting. When I burn out from anxiety I go into deep depressions. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older. The alcohol took away the pain and let me feel normal for a time. I liked to immerse myself in music and other forms of beauty. I like to indulge myself in sensory experiences and some types of alcohol can be a real enhancer. It always feels good not feeling bad. The next day isn't worth it.
Late diagnosis likely comes with an accumulation of other disorders. If you want to unravel personality or mood disorders from the autism, alcohol isn't much help. You can heal from mood and personality disorders but autism is a part of who we are. I want to make peace with my autism without the other issues. I wouldn't say I've quit alcohol altogether, I've had some good experiences with it. I can resume anytime I want. It's hard on physical health and it's really hard on mental health. If you have a child, make sure your child's needs come first. What if your child has autism? They'll need your special understanding. The one good thing about being autistic is that we often tend to be black or white, all or nothing. If you stop drinking you'll just stop drinking. It wont take but a couple of days before you stop reaching for something to drink. If you want to deal with deeper personal issues or disorders, put alcohol away for a while. You'll quickly find you don't miss it.
You too beautiful Ma. Don’t feel like alcohol is the key.
I was diagnosed when I was 34 even though I suspected since I was 12, my mum wouldn't support me at that age though and thought I was just being silly. Now she has woken up to the reality (somewhat) and now says she thought it was something I would grow out of. I'm 2 and a half years into my recovery, but I DID drink to self medicate and my mental health has just been getting worse as time goes on what with the pandemic and now this damn war (It is just one thing after another). I have essentially given up a medication that stabilised my thoughts (but then the bad withdrawls would set in at night) , even though I know I can't drink now as it would eventually kill me. I am taking anti depressants, but I just don't think I am on the right ones and as I suspect I have OCD I have to ask myself (How much mindfulness do I have to practice before it takes over my life?). I think right now I could do all of the talking therapies in the world and I still wouldn't get anything out of it, and I have done lots of therapy, it is now simply a case of finding a medication that works for me.
I have been to the emergency room more times I can count due to anxiety and panic, so something is not right here.
I would only pretty much drink on my own to cope with the overload of thoughts and sensations.
Thank you for making this. I really identified with this.
Can’t they make a medication that is similar to the depressant effects of alcohol for social anxiety / Autism/ adhd ? I mean nvmd they have Xanax for anxiety but something NONADDICTIVE??
What a great thought. I pray they make something like this
I found drinking to help me socialize from 13 year old to 40. But recently doing research on the effects of alcohol on the brain and seeing brain scans freaked me out. So recently I've changed my ways. Alcohol shrinks the brain and is bad for our mental health. Eating healthy and getting regular exercise has been really helping me with my depression anxiety.
I am autistic and I am also an alcoholic. It helps me mask when I’m around others and it makes me seem a lot more normal to others.
Me too, it makes me feel smooth and concise.
I feel the same way, drinking makes it wayy easier to socialize. I don't know though if it's because I become more "normal" or if it's cause usually if I'm drinking, everyone else around me is drinking so they don't notice my weirdness as much. Sometimes I think I might have a problem because I can have a drink on a daily basis. However I don't get drunk on a daily basis, that happens much less frequent. Besides, I haven't found myself struggling much with substance addiction like your average person. Take caffeine for example. I'm not addicted to it at all. I can go perfectly fine without any coffee or tea for days or weeks. I mostly drink those because I like them. Caffeine has a somewhat opposite effect on me anyway 😄
When I finally realized that i wasn't drinking for me, that I was drinking so others would be comfortable around me, I quit doing it. I stopped masking almost 7 years ago. And since I stopped, I haven't been able to successfully date or really have any friends because I no longer mask for others comfort I am me pretty much 100% of the time. And people really hate that about me. The biggest complaints i've gotten since I stopped. 1. you don't do enough for me. 2. You aren't entertaining enough (laughing, telling jokes) 3. you don't text me "good morning, beautiful" at 6am. 4. "Oh, you're one of those smart guys." 5. You're too intimidating and unapproachable. 6. "My friend's don't like you." (i'm better one one one and tend to do poorly in social situations that require group participation. As you can see, most people only see life from their POV, and don't bother to try to understand how others experience life. If any one of these people really were able to care for someone other than themselves, they would be able to accept that life is not all about them.
I just recently got diagnosed at 35 and looking back it all makes sense , I started drinking at 15 after the death of my father and drinking has been the only way I can connect with people unfortunately
54 and just diagnosed. Drank a lot to mask the feelings of rage and anxiety from what I was feeling. I have found that with some therapy with LSD and consuming weed every day, I feel a lot better. The LSD has helped me stop drinking. I have it about once every month. You need to see a professional about this though. I suggest eating the marijuana instead of smoking it, as it is much healthier. Stay well! Thanks for the video.
As for me I only rely on whiskey cigarettes and black coffee does me wonders on masking to turn me as a neuro diverse type and it feels free to do so
Yes yes yes! I am in my 60’s & just diagnosed. I have used alcohol to blend in, if everybody is tipsy nobody notices how weird I am! Amazing I am not addicted. 2-6 oz vodka mixed drinks per night! Then I gave up grain & sugar to lose 60 lbs…. All good but after a few months I noticed what I cal the “hum” & it drove me crazy- so I now use a CBD product, and a CBD/THC product - problem solved!
I haven’t tried CBD, but I’ve been hearing a lot about it! I’ll have to give it a try. Thank you so much for your comment!
The hum? Omgoodness in 53 and I just keep finding more and more proof im autistic.... do you men like an electrical buzz/humm? I describe it as like hearing tons of crickets in the far distance or like your standing under power lines or something. It doesn't really bother me but nobody ever hears it but me
@@quirkycarlotta EXACTLY!
this runs deep in our community
Diagnosed at age 52. Started drinking at 20 and discovered that I could be social and even talk to girls when intoxinated. Loads of stuff happened in my 20ies, both funny, dangerous, and plain bad. Now I drink more moderately, but it still dampens my anxiety. I don't think that I'm addicted since if I'm in a good place I have no urge for drinking
I never drank till i was 21.
Now i drink almost anytime i have to leave my home when i dont have to drive. Lol.
🙄🤔🥰👍🏻👌🏻🖖🏻
Alcohol makes me confortable and dive into new videos and random things. My mom is an alcoholic and im not sure she drank while having me
Smoked cigarettes from 11 years old Smoked cannibis in teens was to scared to drink alcohol for fear of losing control. Starting drinking at 20. Social life improved eating different foods improved. Been told my anxiety and depression could be from alcohol consumption. Diagnosed with aspergers at 40 tried to give up alcohol two years ago. Ive probably drank 10 times in the last two years . My life is worse since not drinking. Crippling anxiety and rumaling. Not working full time living with family because of another failed relationship. 46 years old now. I think i can honestly say my life was better with alcohol. Sounds like an alcoholic.
I'm 59. As a child I remember having to see Counselors and remember the world Aspergers. Diagnosed with being on the Autistic Spectrum 2 years ago. I HAD TO self medicate with alcohol and started when I was 13 years old. Unfortunately, I've been sober for 2 years. No medications I've been prescribed work. None. I've been existing with no relief for 2 years.
Im a 49 yr old bloke, diagnosed in last 6 months, also adhd. Your experience is also mine. I am avoidant more than oytgoing, but was wanting to belong as you describe.
I got diagnosed in my late 30s being autistic but I drink to calm down anxiety and masking to fit in
I know that this is not a recent upload, but its still such an interresting story. I wont go too much into the details since its not a dm. But I wish you the best of luck in life, and I would be happy to talk futher about this topic more privately if possible.
I'm convinced that the connection between Autism, Masking, and self medicating with alcohol must be studied more. Just think of how many suffering people could be helped.