Just leaving a 27 year marriage with a Cluster B, I am drained, empty, and crushed. This video really helps just to let me know I am not alone. Thank you.
I am visiting your vomment 5 years later.... and wandering ... I hope you regained ground under your 2 feet. It might be interesting to hear how did you manage the process. I wouldn't be surprised if Entitled NPD Goddess suddenly gave you a call from nowhere and wanted to see you and reLOVE you. (* sounds like She wanted to put yoo from her freezer back into her microwave for 5 min. as she feel so hungry ( because delicious promissing meal just left from her table into the might)( leaving her in anger). I got same SMS 11 years later ...dude ... They are GALACTIC Recyclers and Scrspp metal reussers. 🎉
I’ll never understand why psychology isn’t a mandatory subject in schools. This information is so much more relevant and beneficial to life than calculus, trigonometry, chemistry, etc. I’ll stand by that claim tooth and nail. So many lives could maybe be saved if this was taught in schools. Young men and women could grow up armed with the knowledge to avoid toxic unhealthy situations and save themselves both emotionally and financially if this was taught in schools. Where have I ever used calculus? Nowhere. But if I knew then what I know now, I would never have been so manipulated and exploited financially. Forget about the emotional aspect. That’s awful itself yes. But I wish I learned in school the signs of a predator to have prevented the financial destruction that these toxic individuals cause.
Sociopath Survivor I totally agree with you. I mentioned this several times to friends, just escaping from a relationship with a female narcissist/borderline... It's not an easy topic to teach in a well balanced matter though, but the benefits offsets the potential risks (misuse of this knowledge and possible labelling and bullying).
Sociopath Survivor , I agree we need to be taught this when we are 12, people get married really young and don't even know what a good relationship e en looks like, makes doctors and lawyers rich
Just a moment before I noticed your post, I was thinking the same thing. I could have saved myself a lot of hard-learned life lessons had I known even just what is presented in this video. We are talking years. And yes, I've studied Calculus. And, no, I have never used it outside of those courses. I wish I had known about narcissists and psychopaths a decade ago.
The problem is that the way gov. schools educate, er re educate, you would learn all men are abusive potential rapists; all women are victims of a male dominated culture. Women good men bad.
I couldn't agree with you more! If I were to go back to college I'd definitely get a degree in psychology! Too bad the human condition has deteriorated to the point that we need to be armed with training .
@@shrink4men i am relieved after nearly 17 years i ended it 5 weeks ago. My spirit is broken i still love him. But it was me me me forget about my feelings he would never say sorry if he said hurtful things. I came last every time.
Thank you for the kind words but, more importantly, thank you for the liberation and insight your work has provided. Things are better now that I no longer live with crazy town but unfortunately I spent seventeen years as the proverbial boiling frog and suffered literally every negative consequence you describe besides (thank God) suicide or failing health...but I am well aware of the fact that one or both of those were in my future. The part I'm most bitter and hopeless about us how long it's taken me to even figure out what happened, but more importantly why I've spent the 10 years since it ended still floundering in life, nearly as hopeless and despairing as when I was still voluntaring for the torture.. I feel like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football... Videos and literature such as you provide have been vindicating and enlightening, but I am a case study in how devastating this mind-fk and the ensuing cptsd can be to a formerly vivacious, intelligent, compassionate person with a bright future ahead can be .
@@shrink4menThank you for the kind words but, more importantly, thank you for the liberation and insight your work has provided. Things are better now that I no longer live with crazy town but unfortunately I spent seventeen years as the proverbial boiling frog and suffered literally every negative consequence you describe besides (thank God) suicide or failing health...but I am well aware of the fact that one or both of those were in my future. The part I'm most bitter and hopeless about us how long it's taken me to even figure out what happened, but more importantly why I've spent the 10 years since it ended still floundering in life, nearly as hopeless and despairing as when I was still voluntaring for the torture.. I feel like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football... Videos and literature such as you provide have been vindicating and enlightening, but I am a case study in how devastating this mind-fk and the ensuing cptsd can be to a formerly vivacious, intelligent, compassionate person with a bright future ahead.
@@watchin_kc yes.i surecan relate to all that has been stated ..I have lived in this HELL FOR 25 YEARS B C I JUST FOUND OUT THIS YEAR ABOUT NARCOS ..IT HAS BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE EXPERIENCE !!!! MY MOM ..HER BROTHERS SISTER AND MY HUSBAND HAVE USED ME AS THEIR SUPPLY ! THANK GOD HE AND MY WOLF SPIRIT ..AM Native American ... have kept as sane as possible . Where do I go from here ..I am disabled financialy depend on him and he KNOWS this ....I KEEP ASKING God for a answer b c I know his narc ways will never change ..he LOVES HIS SELF .PRAYERS TO ALL WHO SUFFER
Just broke it off with BPD almost 3 weeks ago after a 4 year crazy relationship and started researching the disorder. After i read some articles, watching some vids i blocked her from my phone and SM. I am going to try and block my work e mail as well. I also made a counseling appt for this week as i want to work on this as soon as possible. Thanks for your great advice.
@@MsAli-wx1oo Of course. And you’re expected to continue the charade-pick up your script for “your side” in their own soap opera called “My Life-Because It’s The Only One Matters.”
@@MsAli-wx1oo in the five months i have been seeing her, she has left/ghosted to come back around 6-7 times now. every time she comes back she acts like nothing happened and wants sex immediately
A Narc guy can smear a girl big time after the abuse gets to critical levels. My ex "accidentally" discharged his gun when I came home to my apt after work. He cashed a check n stole my money. My family thought I overreacted about the gun thing because he smoozed them so good. Boo hoo to you guys getting notes on your car. That happens to girls (me at least) a lot. I'm sure you have a lot to be afraid of. Just dont get on the angry man MGTOW bandwagon. Some girls are crappy & lazy. If they have long painted up 💅 don't expect them to put much effort into life. Once she goes ape sh*t on you, get your house key back. Dont be stupid!
They Love playing the 'victim' ... even at the cost of stigmatizing real violence victims including Their own victim... they are so dangerous and destructive, hate with out end...
Norman P. Chesterton - I can vouch for that. I was arrested for the worst imaginable crime. Fortunately I wasn’t the first victim so the result was favourable for me. But she still roams dating websites ....
@@shrink4men yes Ma'am...that was one way I found out about his cheating ..texted messages to and from young girls and whores then pics of porn ...I was sick to my stomach and wanted to strangle him ..the lies are endless and my hurt feelings to him are euohora ..SICK sick sick plus him playing the victim to others as if I were the abuser ..THANK GOD he sends knowledgeable ppl like you to guide us from your own experience though I am sorry you had to be a victim yourself .
So true about health issues. I had stage 4 endometriosis that resulted in a bowel resection, high blood pressure, alcoholism, panic attacks, 40 pounds overweight and I was pre-diabetic. I have reversed all of those things with self care and divorce.
This is exactly what I went through with a borderline. Unfortunately for most, they'll experience this before they learn what these disorders are. Share this stuff...
3 in a row... Last one was diagnosed as she discarded me. Painful process but lessons learned from the first two meant my boundaries were strong enough to trigger the third nice and early
Only relationship I ever fell apart after the breakup was with a woman who I suspect had bpd w/ narc tendencies. Never in my life had I experienced depression, anxiety, and just an overwhelming loss of self. Learning this information has helped tremendously, thank you.
It ends ugly. I'm in the process of leaving a relationship with a borderline. She's threatening to go out and find a guy "since I don't want her". Telling me how many guys she has in her contacts that would jump at the chance if she says the word. I feel sick. She knows the thought of it kills me. This is after I've been called every name in the book and accused of all sorts of things that never happened. It's been such a rollercoaster, I can't remember the last time I felt human, joy or passion for anything or anyone. Just a husk.
Hi Brian, I'm sorry for your situation and millions of people who have been involved in a BPD relationship. Keep working on your process of leaving. Don't feel guilty, that once you have finally ended your very unhealthy BPD relationship, that you need to go back to her and care for her as it is part of the abuse she's done and is doing to you and it is a pattern. Seek counseling if need be to move forward with your life. Focus and Prioritize yourself and Rebuild you. Brian, like you, millions have been through emotional torture. I've finally ended a 2 year relationship with a BPD lady. I had a nervous breakdown from it and with wonderful support from family and my counselor, I was able to free myself at last. I sometimes wondered if she was having a side salad with a guy or 2. I don't care. I'm free and working on me to heal and move on to a new healthy chapter of my life. And you will to Brian. Take care my friend. Dave.
im in same position as you. Said dame things to me. Got all the accusations too, other women in my house that never where there, name calling, guilt tripping etc etc.you gotta find yourself again. Its not easy but it can be done!!!!
I was stuck in a marriage with a bpd, narc for 13 years, she did all that to me including the legal issues. I was naive enough to think the rage was directed at me only till last year my daughter 10 opened up about years of abuse physical and emotional going back to her first memory of life for months she burned in my arms while I had her mom removed. She left us in utter ruins financially, emotionally and physically. Now I am going through divorce and I have a 12 month restraining order on her. She is still fighting for the child and the child tells her she would rather die or go to foster care. It took months for her to come to terms with her self worth and confidence she just couldn't understand why her own mom didn't love her. I started teaching her about the brain, it's function and then mental illness causes and effects. Now she is a psychologist on her own. She went from the bottom of her class to top. Getting praises from her teachers every day. I stayed the dependable, strong pillar for her to lean on but in private I was still am devastated. I thought I was a good family man who was doing his best to help and hold his family. I lost it all don't ever try it don't spend on it. Get a hold of yourself take charge and go on the offensive get rid of them at any cost except your children save them if you don't want them to physically emotionally die and turn into monsters like them. DO NOT LIE TO YOURSELF. KICK THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT YOU DIDNT MAKE THEM LIKE THAT WHY SHOULD YOU PAY FOR IT. HEAVEN AND HELL IS RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW.
They don’t necessarily have to be diagnosed as being on the cluster B spectrum to wreak havoc and turmoil on your life.. Sometimes them being simply highly emotional thinkers/reactors is enough to pulverize your sense of self. Gaslighting is one of their favorite weapons. Thank you Doctor T.
That is the most accurate information I’ve listened to on the borderline. I could fill a book about the borderline. It’s no joke people run don’t walk run from the borderline.
“The once Disney fairytale romance gone grim”. Couldn’t have phrased the mess of a relationship I was in better. Completely insane time of my life-So glad to me out of it and moving on. How can another human being treat someone which such disrespect?!
I have wondered the same thing. It seemed incredibly sadistic. Part of it is that it's incredibly easy to do so in our atomized society. People can treat others as disposable, are globally mobile, can find thousands of dates through a hand held device, and lie about them to millions of people in the span of hours. And men in particular are disposable nowadays. Women are even incentivized to do so. Hurting a man is portrayed as being empowering for a woman. We are also encouraged to simply believe women nowadays, so it's especially easy for women to smear men after a discard.
Norman P. Chesterton Absolutely. I couldn’t agree more. I think the fact I met my ex in the natural way was the reason I wanted to stay and try to get it back to what it was, or what I perceived it to be When she broke up with me, i told her I thought she felt that people are dispensable. She hated it! And attacked me for months afterwards. She is completely blocked on all platforms now! Exactly that! She was empowered by the whole thing. And her so called friends revered her for treating me badly before getting rid of me. Makes it hard to trust people, do you agree with that?
Out of all your videos DR. T, this is, for me, a complete albeit it brief understanding of the mindset and characteristics of these afflicted people. Anyone who finds this video should watch it multiple times, reflect and take stock, then watch again! Essential content! X love to all x🙏🏻
at my low point i wish a stroke did happen and would just end the pain,,but once you learn what the hell is going on you can get help and move on away from this person.Last i heard my ex was engaged,this poor soul doesnt have any idea what is about to happen to him once they are married..The love bombing itself is dangerous because its not genuine
All men pay attention. Don't wait till you lose control. Listen, understand, and make the changes. Be grateful for people like Dr.T I should add......I discovered all this too late, and payed the usual price.
Well when I met my ex Narc I was warned by a friend who was aware of who she was. I was so captivated and in love by the love bombing and idealization that I was already ensnared in her web and was trapped in the relationship. i had to let it run its course. That course took 14 years but Hey, I am a slow learner and gluten for punishment. LOL
be grateful you didnt pay the ultimate price as some probably have with suicide,,because at its low point for some,,death would seem a better reality than going through the pain..these people are very evil but they dont even know what they are doing,,its like dealing with a child at times,,but man in the beginning its the best thing you ever had,,,talk about a total mind rape
@@buzzingbee6380 I feel you. I beat myself up for being in such denial for so many years. The longer I am out I memory pops up in my head and realize the things I missed or was in denial about. I found another lonely person that I text everyday. It has been a good send to fill that void left behind by the toxic relationship.
Diagnosed quiet BPD ghosted me and monkey branched. After discard conversation IRL where she called me "stalker" I never contacted her again. Then she started smear campaign on TikTok. Why to do that when you are the one who left and no one is bothering you?
Incredibly powerful information that hits home in an unnerving, "were you hiding in my closet the whole time?" way. All of what you say is spot-on; I'm so glad I got out.
I just ended a one year relationship with a woman who had varying degrees of many of these traits. I did not have this knowledge at the time, but my spider senses said "run Forrest, run", so I did. This vid does nail the aftermath tactics well and I did get subjected to some of the tactics, which is what prompted me to research and learn about narcissism.
Always trust your spidey senses. If you get too curious why that little alarm is ringing , like the deer in the headlights, you probably won't survive unscathed.
@@JohnSmith-qs5fg Yes! For me this is my 5th month with this guy and my track sneakers are laced up and I am ready to run 🏃🏿♀️. The past 2 months have been eye opening. I will be breaking up ASAP within the next few hours as I'm looking up information on how best to do it and what to expect. I am so grateful I live an hour away from this man too.
Mine didn’t end well, I have received the most damaging smear campaign of an earthquake proportion. Two years after I decided to end our 12 years ordeal of emotional abuse, she smeared me from my school, employment, friends, and everywhere she could. On top of smear campaigns she added multiple false litigations which led to me losing my practice in human services. I currently live a secluded life while waiting for God to show me a new direction in life.
@@newoaknl OMG ..I am so sorry ..I live this way now smear campaign complete control of my life it is ALL about him ..he has sucluided me from friends family and money ...my animals are my sanitary ..I couldn't begin to know how or where to start again without the abuse ..I pray God gives you new direction and peace finally
That's very typical for those kinds of relationships. Some of the people who collaborated with her got satisfaction from conspiring against another, others bought the fake persona - just like you did. There is a silver lining: the worst of them can't help it. They will have to keep moving and can't stay in the same circle. Social media in particular lend themselves to smear campaigns. One productive thing you can do is enlist a friend to have your back, to keep you from any urges to strike back, for example. Keep records of everything, if you can stand to look at any of it without sending you into depression. Neatly organized, it could make the difference in your eventual defense or in a defamation lawsuit. More and more people are in your situation and, as dysfunctional as the Internet is, I hope it can also become a tool for people to finally band together against this kind of relational violence. It's particularly hard for men to find support in those cases.
@@newoaknl I am trying to work towards bringing more attention in the legal realm towards this kind of relational aggression. It is ironic that feminism tries very hard to bring relational and psychological aggression into the realm of domestic violence, yet, primarily points the finger at men, while women are far more likely to use this kind of relational aggression. I know many cases like yours now. If you've ended up in the hospital, it was probably when you were blind sided by the emotional discard and taken off guard by what must have seem as copious amounts of callousness. These discards are usually planned way ahead of time and executed at times of greatest vulnerability, in order to maximize damage. Women are encouraged nowadays to do so.
I feel with you. It's impossible to understand what those people are capable of doing. And also, it's nearly impssible to protect your good name in public after what they have done. Shame on your ex. Try to keep strong! You're a survival!! :-)
Mine has done the same. I was only with them several months, but they have contacted, and continue to do so, with anyone they can locate. Even friends from 40 years ago!
I stayed in for 24 years! She made up a blown up domestic violence scene, together with my two daughters (16 and 17 at the time ) , I got taken by police , one night in jail , next day I come back to get my stuff I could not get into the house , she a restriction order on me - I cannot approach her or the daughters for three years, lost contact with daughter completely and she stole U$100.000 From me, kept deeds to our properties out of country and wanted me to pay her debts : 60.000 in Mercedes cars and 40.000 in credit cards !! This video is put together very simply but hits the nail in the head ! We need to educate ourselves every day , all the time , May need to view everybody as a potencial predator first , then maybe, build some trust Thank you for this message
This is just brilliant in its blunt glory. I am still dealing with the aftermath but I am immensely proud of having cut my abuser and every single link to it out of my life the second I recognized the pattern. The withdrawal during the first couple of months was the worst experience of my life, I was insanely difficult to not fall for the baiting and teasing to get me to contact it but dear God it is worth it
I got up one morning, (last Christmas day), grabbed my clothing, and my dog, and ran out the door into my car and left. Eight and half years of senseless anger tantrums and me walking on eggshells trying to not trigger her. I could be perfect, I could be giving, I could be loving and generous, none of that would matter. She would pull somthing out of her butt to get angry at me for. Never, ever, an apology, not once. She, would later say I was exaggerating, she would minimise the abuse, or gaslight it, claiming it never really happened. I feel now, I have to start all over again. I’m determined to excersise, eat perfectly and claw my way back into the rational world. Now, it all makes sense, the women I choose. Knowledge is power. Thanks Dr. Palmatier.
I chose 7, but I'm still struggling not to return to her after going no contact for the past 7 months.. it really is like trying to overcome some hardcore drug
you are helping me so much. This person took almost every psychological and emotional resource i had away from me and led me to a point i feel i just wanna quit on living cause i can't cope with the level of injustice i'm going through right now. They have such an ability to manipulate everything and everyone and leave you just like that turning everyone to their side and being happy without you and not caring at all about all the years or support you gave to them. At the end is all about them, and they don't care what happens to you or your wellbeing
The part about getting arrested rings true. It never happened to me, but it could have, when she would have one of her signature tantrums in public. All of a sudden with no input from me she would start screaming and crying at me. Angry and beat red. Anyone seeing that would naturally think this woman has just been abused in some way. My only recourse was to turn and walk quickly away. Luckily this always worked. If there were police near by they would have stopped me and at least questioned me. What would I say? “I didn’t do anything,”? Would they believe me? She, would be screaming as if someone, (I’m not making this up.) punched her. I was so shocked by this behavior, (In a park in NYC), I actually dissociated for several seconds as if I were watching a movie!
LOL.. yes... my ex-narc said he and his ex-wife divorced amicably. He never paid alimony, said, she was too demanding and all kinds of bs which only had me realize that there was nothing amicably about it. He even said that she hated their son because he reminded her of him ... how could this ever have been an "amicable" divorce?!! Even their therapy failed. He abandoned his own children just like his father abandoned him, but keeps complaining about his father abandoning him. What a hypocrite.
My Narc husband abandoned his own children and always told me that the mom pleaded for him to stay away. I questioned why a mother would do that? He said because she was seeing soneone and wanted him out the picture. What a coincidence that he ghosted me and the kids.. I got a text that he had moved out of our family home and changed his cell number so we could not reach him.
Mine called his ex-wife a monster, said that she chose to have natural birth because she hated and was willing to kill their first-born. Talk about projection of his own hate-filled self! Talked about her constantly.
I have been watching these types of videos for months, but this is by far the best I have ever seen. I am five months no contact, but this was a three year relationship off and on twenty times, each time reinforcing the trauma bond. I have watched all your videos, keep them comming. Paul
My way of ending a borderline relationship. Make her realize what she is. I had her at the psychologist office. After first visit she told me straight up I'm the bad guys and always will be 😳. Three months later she has a boyfriend and filing for divorce. And currently makes my life hell every chance she gets by using the children we share against me.
Poor bastard. Just keep remembering of a great bloke you are and your character is what theyre jealous of. Keep up the work and youll be awsome when its all over.
I emotionally detached and disengaged at the end, as Tara puts it. In fact that's when she left; she lost her power in a sense. I started reading about the silent treatment and new her cronies probably pointed to that and said; " see he's using the silent treatment!"; I was just emotionally and mentally exhausted from the abuse and resignation that things were not going to get better.
A big help Doctor and yes, thank you!! It's been two years since the break up and I initiated it, she was in another relationship in no time flat. For me the red flags were other men coming around showing interest, she going out more often, less communication, forced sounding and feeling texts, her showing more interest in other men. I went no contact but was still heart broken to the extreme and am only now starting to get better. After listening to your presentation I know and feel that I made the right decision to leave. Her new supply has no clue what he's in for. I warned her that one day she would meet the wrong guy and that it would end with deadly consequences. She just shrugged her shoulders, she didn't care or understand that I was trying to save her life. I knew that something wasn't right and things didn't feel right either.
Fist time watcher of your channel here. I am four months out of a toxic relationship with a Narcissist of 14 years. Lots of good facts and putting into perspective on what it is like to be in a relationship with a Borderline/Narc. I am learning and healing as I move forward leaving the toxic relationship behind. Good Video, hearing the truth in this video about the use and abuse of yourself is still a bit hurtful, but the hurt and pain of the relationship is fading day by day. Thank you for sharing it was a good message.
Hi there, i feel for you, my former life is so much the same as yours as far as time in and time out. Im making progress i think. Its up and down depending on the day,,, stay strong
You are both brave and stay uplifted and encouraged. I am 3 months out and sometimes I'm good but sometimes I am angry. Mainly at my self for staying in this relationship for 17 yrs! I gave up 17 yrs on a lie... On a wish and hope that things would change. Things continued to get worse...
did 16 years here. divorce is exactly as described. still not done with it. I selfishly wish she finds some new sucker to marry as it looks like the only way I'll be out of this situation without sustaining much more abuse by proxy (through the courts) and allll the money to attorneys. I hope you don't have many legal issues to deal with in your aftermath!
your are one of the best i have ever heard explaining the psychopath , i can thank you and peace and harmony for my recovery and i cannot put into word how much i appreciate what you do . merry christmas
5:31 “It’s as if the narcissist verbal act of abdicating personal responsibility in blame-shifting on to another person, usually the actual victim, makes it so.” This is so spot on. Have you listened to young children engaged in cooperative imaginative play? In the creation of the narrative the one who speaks first manifests the plot. This is 5 year old magical thinking at work in an adult's alternate reality where the plot is your relationship.
You are amazing, thank you for this its been very reasuring. I was sure there was hope for my relationship, but I'm begining to understand that there isn't. Two thumbs up for Skyrim!!
Thank you so much, prior to this video I had to choose option 7 taking my life back. I originally did it for my children but later realised that it was also for myself. Thank you for what you do. These videos are clarity on a scale I have not felt in 7 years!
Correct, NO CONTACT is the ONLY way to survive. I am at 22 days no contact. I feel much better. I have been learning about the Narc. I am taking my life back. I'm not going to be used anymore. Hang in there. We are here
Zoe Stallone hello yes ask God for help . He will help you . Move on with your life .this door is closed .and a new one will open for you .stay strong and keep busy .😊
@@stevemellin5806 Yes. That is the only way. I myself (at stage seven and beyond on this video) have no earthly way out. Only God can help me now (not said in despair, but hope and faith.)
I have researched this for 2 years now bc I felt this abuse happened to me. This video is the best at describing EXACTLY what happened. I’ve watched so many videos on this subject trying to understand what exactly I went through. Thx for the blessing of this video. It has helped me tremendously. Thx also for the comments. I know I’m not alone in this. Take care of yourself if you’ve suffered through this hell. God bless. 👍
You make me laugh at myself. That or I will cry. I did have a mini stroke. I had 6 stents. Left broke at 63 Smeared to anyone who will listen. Her partner in literal crime is her 50 year old extreme narc daughter. She got away with murder. Police didnt care. Thanks for your delivery. Smart and spot on.
Only one way Borderline relationships end .... BADLY! Chk DSM difficulties with interpersonal relationships. Avoid these dysfunctional abusers. Be safe.
I've been through too much to end up popping a vain in my brain, or ending up in jail because they hurt or took my dog. The only solution is to pull a Houdini act on them.
I had suspected my ex was cheating while on business trips. I was told it was in my imagination. I became depressed. After the discard, I discovered that she was indeed involved with a coworker. She was the stereotypical traveling salesman. She had shared with me that she did cheat on her first husband. I should have seen it then.
15:00 Is one of the most important parts: impact that relational aggression can have and calling attention to the legal weapons available against men, in particular.
In my experience, one of the big predictors of a false allegation of abuse and restraining order is if the NPD/BPD woman has been violent and/or separation and divorce.
oh my goodness, "your dog disappears". My ex wife tried to put my cat to sleep. That's the day I left. You understand what we've been through. Thank you for this video. It helps me understand and know that I'm not completely crazy.
Prior to the 5 min mark you nailed me so right and so hard it made me cry... Your words were spot on to my experiences for decades. What killed her was my severe disability and although plenty of pain I raised my children in spite of her. Last divorce brought her need to pay me spousal support every month (trust me her lies and court prejudices the amount was vastly reduced yet every penny hurts her!)
My ex cheated on me and left me for someone else, and said that she thought we could still stay friends just without the sex, which I obviously declined. For years, I was dumbstruck how anyone could possibly come to that conclusion, but this video answers a lot of questions.
Love your honesty. Even though painful to swallow must be digested to heal. Forever grateful. Love the dogs. Especially Lucy who sits on the couch in the videos.
When I ripped off the mask I was told ... “No one will believe you because I’m such a good actor and pretender”. I was sick for weeks after hearing that. Pure evil!
Great videos! These videos are incredibly on point! I wish i could have had this understanding in the beginning. Still really helpful in figuring out what happened. $100 and hour with the current shrink hasnt even touched on any of this
I had to get a restraining order to get rid of my psycho. That's a tactic normally used by women. But it works for men just as well. She had hit me a couple of times. And once she picked up my HDTV and made motions like she was going to hit me in the head with it. That was enough to get the RO.
Tara, thank you for making these videos. I find your delivery style to be very direct and eye opening. Please keep making great content. I just found your channel yesterday. And so far it has helped me a lot to bring closure to a recent dealing with an ex narc.
Shrink for men helping out a sistah. Thank you. Spot on. You'd be surprised how many people are skeptical when I describe my ex as a BPD. It's the weirdest thing I have ever experienced.
In my early 20s, I spent 6 months in a relationship with one of these. It ended when the police arrested him and removed him from my home. I learned a lot in those 6 months and thank God it was over quickly and I never repeated that idiocy.
15 years of this now and I'm trying to get my life back. To make it worse I lost everything sacrificing it all for us to make it. Nothing is mine anymore. This video is extremely helpful.
Holy Crap! In the 90s I got engaged to an Indian/Malaysian girl at Uni. Our relationship got worse and worse until she found out that the law was changed and simple engagement would no longer grant you permanent residence ... then it got violent. I managed to get her out of the flat (she had already organised to move in with a new guy) and she convinced me that it would be a good idea if we just told our mutual friends that we had split up (not mention the details of her violence, the new guy, the residence thing) and I agreed. That monday at Uni all my friends were behaving distant. I found out that she had contacted ALL of them and told them I had been abusing HER - and none of them checked with me. She also made a formal complaint to the Honours board about my grade. A year later she wrote to me asking if we could be friends. Just how by-the-numbers is a Borderline personality?!
People who do not check with you and also alert you to the fact that someone is calling them up or approaching them with awful stories about you AND believe the person or are wondering if it is true without asking for your side of things, are akin to the person who is/was abusing you and they are weak and they are drama whores who need a fix. I understand it happens, as I have left behind most family members and "friends"& aquaintances who sided with the abuser without even caring to ask me my side. It is a pathetic show of ALL of these persons lack of integrity and lack of any significant charactor. We all (victims of this sick and hurtful nonsense) must be grateful for finding out how many people in our lives have zero backbone. We are better than this. It really is a spotlight shining onto the fact that we would be much better off being the one to leave these people behind after they bought into a smear campaign against us.
cheatednomore that’s exactly how I felt about it - I ghosted them all and dropped social media too. Then I get texts from the ex NPD - did you leave a note on so in sos car?...wtf? It’s 80 mile one way to their house just more proof I wasn’t wrong and it clears up the dissonance
Great video this Tara. I choose the 8th option. Waited for her to do something stupid, then I used that as an excuse to break up. Blocked her everywhere, and haven't looked back. If I didn't do that, I know she would make my life hell afterwards, which I know because I tried that before and I almost lost my job and lost my driver license.
Shrink4Men - Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD Sure, she threatened me suicide if I left her three times, and the two times I literally ATTEMPTED -I suffered from a stress-related psychosis and PTSD, she made my symptoms worse- she blamed me for threatening her as well. I blocked her on every outlet avoiding every contact with her. I still feel sorry because she suffers a lot, though.
Wow I just broke up with someone with BPD. And she broke up without giving any closure and doesn’t even return my texts and I haven’t been able to get an answer, and I feel so confused and messed up
This was brilliant Dr. Tara I absored your words carefully and intensely. I wonder why this hit me as it does. Resonates as rolling thunder.. An impact that is frightening yet welcoming. I am not alone. thank you very much
Thank you ! What a knowledge exactly what happens Personally experiensed it twice , horrible experience - lesson not learnt Takes months to recover Abuse like this should be prosecuted or regulated by Law Run people run run Massive Thank you !!!!
There are laws about physical and sexual abuse. Emotional abuse would be far too difficult to regulate and litigate and I don't think we should try. Particularly because so many narcissists and borderlines accuse their victims of having abused them. Best to get the heck out and away from them. Far, far away if possible (i.e., no shared minor kids.)
Looks like I'm late to the party, but I really appreciate this video. After being discarded, just like all the previous men before me I filed for divorce 2 days ago. She wanted to remain married but separated indefinitely with no contact, because divorce would be a sin 🙄. After months of basically no contact, she called when she got the papers. I didn't answer though. It was a 4 year relationship and 2 year marriage. No kids. No assets to divide. It's crazy. When you love a borderline, it feels at first like, "Finally! I found the person God created just for me." Love bombing is so powerful. It's addictive. Like a drug. I see now that I loved the way she made me feel during the love bombing way more than I loved her. Oxytocin is a powerful thing. I'm sad, but I'm at peace. And I'm more hopeful about the future than I've ever been.
Ahhh,my second viewing in as many weeks and I still lament not listening to my gut feeling. Thanks again Dr Tara for all the help you administer to your loyal following.
Just leaving a 27 year marriage with a Cluster B, I am drained, empty, and crushed. This video really helps just to let me know I am not alone. Thank you.
I am visiting your vomment 5 years later.... and wandering ...
I hope you regained ground under your 2 feet.
It might be interesting to hear how did you manage the process.
I wouldn't be surprised if Entitled NPD Goddess suddenly gave you a call from nowhere and wanted to see you and reLOVE you.
(* sounds like She wanted to put yoo from her freezer back into her microwave for 5 min. as she feel so hungry ( because delicious promissing meal just left from her table into the might)( leaving her in anger).
I got same SMS 11 years later ...dude
... They are GALACTIC Recyclers and Scrspp metal reussers.
🎉
I’ll never understand why psychology isn’t a mandatory subject in schools. This information is so much more relevant and beneficial to life than calculus, trigonometry, chemistry, etc. I’ll stand by that claim tooth and nail. So many lives could maybe be saved if this was taught in schools. Young men and women could grow up armed with the knowledge to avoid toxic unhealthy situations and save themselves both emotionally and financially if this was taught in schools. Where have I ever used calculus? Nowhere. But if I knew then what I know now, I would never have been so manipulated and exploited financially. Forget about the emotional aspect. That’s awful itself yes. But I wish I learned in school the signs of a predator to have prevented the financial destruction that these toxic individuals cause.
Sociopath Survivor I totally agree with you. I mentioned this several times to friends, just escaping from a relationship with a female narcissist/borderline... It's not an easy topic to teach in a well balanced matter though, but the benefits offsets the potential risks (misuse of this knowledge and possible labelling and bullying).
Sociopath Survivor , I agree we need to be taught this when we are 12, people get married really young and don't even know what a good relationship e en looks like, makes doctors and lawyers rich
Just a moment before I noticed your post, I was thinking the same thing. I could have saved myself a lot of hard-learned life lessons had I known even just what is presented in this video. We are talking years. And yes, I've studied Calculus. And, no, I have never used it outside of those courses. I wish I had known about narcissists and psychopaths a decade ago.
The problem is that the way gov. schools educate, er re educate, you would learn all men are abusive potential rapists; all women are victims of a male dominated culture. Women good men bad.
I couldn't agree with you more! If I were to go back to college I'd definitely get a degree in psychology! Too bad the human condition has deteriorated to the point that we need to be armed with training .
Listen to your gut ,, it's only thing that won't let you down
Also engage the rational mind and try to get some objective third party perspective.
@mark rylander hhhhhhhhhhhhhh
My gut isn’t reliable . It has let me down many times
spot on.
jennings your gut was telling you but other parts overided it!
Exactly what happened. I decided to leave. I was under so much stress. I was dying. I was suicidal for 10 years. I drove 3000 miles away.
Andrew Mass me too I drove 2000
Good on you for getting out, getting away and putting yourself back together. Hope you're in a much better place in your life now.
@@shrink4men i am relieved after nearly 17 years i ended it 5 weeks ago. My spirit is broken i still love him. But it was me me me forget about my feelings he would never say sorry if he said hurtful things. I came last every time.
Andrew Mass - Great job! You escaped - stay far far away from the person who victimized you and anyone like them.
Lived every bit of what is discussed..
Save yourself.
She isn't worth it.
I'm sorry you lived through that. I hope things are better on the other of it now.
Thank you for the kind words but, more importantly, thank you for the liberation and insight your work has provided.
Things are better now that I no longer live with crazy town but unfortunately I spent seventeen years as the proverbial boiling frog and suffered literally every negative consequence you describe besides (thank God) suicide or failing health...but I am well aware of the fact that one or both of those were in my future.
The part I'm most bitter and hopeless about us how long it's taken me to even figure out what happened, but more importantly why I've spent the 10 years since it ended still floundering in life, nearly as hopeless and despairing as when I was still voluntaring for the torture..
I feel like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football...
Videos and literature such as you provide have been vindicating and enlightening, but I am a case study in how devastating this mind-fk and the ensuing cptsd can be to a formerly vivacious, intelligent, compassionate person with a bright future ahead can be .
@@shrink4menThank you for the kind words but, more importantly, thank you for the liberation and insight your work has provided.
Things are better now that I no longer live with crazy town but unfortunately I spent seventeen years as the proverbial boiling frog and suffered literally every negative consequence you describe besides (thank God) suicide or failing health...but I am well aware of the fact that one or both of those were in my future.
The part I'm most bitter and hopeless about us how long it's taken me to even figure out what happened, but more importantly why I've spent the 10 years since it ended still floundering in life, nearly as hopeless and despairing as when I was still voluntaring for the torture..
I feel like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football...
Videos and literature such as you provide have been vindicating and enlightening, but I am a case study in how devastating this mind-fk and the ensuing cptsd can be to a formerly vivacious, intelligent, compassionate person with a bright future ahead.
Amen Brother, Amen.
@@watchin_kc yes.i surecan relate to all that has been stated ..I have lived in this HELL FOR 25 YEARS B C I JUST FOUND OUT THIS YEAR ABOUT NARCOS ..IT HAS BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE EXPERIENCE !!!! MY MOM ..HER BROTHERS SISTER AND MY HUSBAND HAVE USED ME AS THEIR SUPPLY ! THANK GOD HE AND
MY WOLF SPIRIT ..AM Native American ... have kept as sane as possible . Where do I go from here ..I am disabled financialy depend on him and he KNOWS this ....I KEEP ASKING God for a answer b c I know his narc ways will never change ..he LOVES HIS SELF .PRAYERS TO ALL WHO SUFFER
Just broke it off with BPD almost 3 weeks ago after a 4 year crazy relationship and started researching the disorder. After i read some articles, watching some vids i blocked her from my phone and SM. I am going to try and block my work e mail as well. I also made a counseling appt for this week as i want to work on this as soon as possible. Thanks for your great advice.
Does the BPD, leave abruptly, gives you the silent treatment only to return later and continue the cycle?
@@MsAli-wx1oo Of course. And you’re expected to continue the charade-pick up your script for “your side” in their own soap opera called “My Life-Because It’s The Only One Matters.”
@@MsAli-wx1oo in the five months i have been seeing her, she has left/ghosted to come back around 6-7 times now. every time she comes back she acts like nothing happened and wants sex immediately
False abuse allegations are especially common now for abusive women during the discard.
It's become a far too common strategy in gaining an unfair advantage in custody cases.
A Narc guy can smear a girl big time after the abuse gets to critical levels. My ex "accidentally" discharged his gun when I came home to my apt after work. He cashed a check n stole my money. My family thought I overreacted about the gun thing because he smoozed them so good.
Boo hoo to you guys getting notes on your car. That happens to girls (me at least) a lot. I'm sure you have a lot to be afraid of. Just dont get on the angry man MGTOW bandwagon. Some girls are crappy & lazy. If they have long painted up 💅 don't expect them to put much effort into life.
Once she goes ape sh*t on you, get your house key back. Dont be stupid!
They Love playing the 'victim' ... even at the cost of stigmatizing real violence victims including Their own victim... they are so dangerous and destructive, hate with out end...
Cough cough... Jonny Depp
Norman P. Chesterton - I can vouch for that. I was arrested for the worst imaginable crime. Fortunately I wasn’t the first victim so the result was favourable for me. But she still roams dating websites ....
New supply is only a on line date away!! They always have a phone full of them. . . Their phone is their life line for new supply...
To quote Jack McFarland (aka Sean Hayes of Will & Grace), "If [you] keep swiping you're going to get finger herpes."
@@shrink4men yes Ma'am...that was one way I found out about his cheating ..texted messages to and from young girls and whores then pics of porn ...I was sick to my stomach and wanted to strangle him ..the lies are endless and my hurt feelings to him are euohora ..SICK sick sick plus him playing the victim to others as if I were the abuser ..THANK GOD he sends knowledgeable ppl like you to guide us from your own experience though I am sorry you had to be a victim yourself .
This is me
Correct
OMG yes!! You should've seen all the blocked numbers. I was wondering how a person could have that many blocked numbers.... Easily over 100
Their new victim is merely their next future ex.
So true about health issues. I had stage 4 endometriosis that resulted in a bowel resection, high blood pressure, alcoholism, panic attacks, 40 pounds overweight and I was pre-diabetic. I have reversed all of those things with self care and divorce.
Welcome back Tara.This is so concise. Comes about a decade late for me... but I don't know if I would understood your genius back then..
Thanks, John. The information might be a little late for the old relationship, but you don't have to do that again.
This is exactly what I went through with a borderline. Unfortunately for most, they'll experience this before they learn what these disorders are. Share this stuff...
I had no idea until just now, after the fact. She told me she was borderline when we met, I never looked into it.
3 in a row... Last one was diagnosed as she discarded me. Painful process but lessons learned from the first two meant my boundaries were strong enough to trigger the third nice and early
This is the best clip on this narcissist/ bpd theme on TH-cam . I have watched 100 videos.
Only relationship I ever fell apart after the breakup was with a woman who I suspect had bpd w/ narc tendencies. Never in my life had I experienced depression, anxiety, and just an overwhelming loss of self. Learning this information has helped tremendously, thank you.
It ends ugly. I'm in the process of leaving a relationship with a borderline. She's threatening to go out and find a guy "since I don't want her". Telling me how many guys she has in her contacts that would jump at the chance if she says the word. I feel sick. She knows the thought of it kills me. This is after I've been called every name in the book and accused of all sorts of things that never happened. It's been such a rollercoaster, I can't remember the last time I felt human, joy or passion for anything or anyone. Just a husk.
Hi Brian, I'm sorry for your situation and millions of people who have been involved in a BPD relationship. Keep working on your process of leaving. Don't feel guilty, that once you have finally ended your very unhealthy BPD relationship, that you need to go back to her and care for her as it is part of the abuse she's done and is doing to you and it is a pattern. Seek counseling if need be to move forward with your life. Focus and Prioritize yourself and Rebuild you. Brian, like you, millions have been through emotional torture. I've finally ended a 2 year relationship with a BPD lady. I had a nervous breakdown from it and with wonderful support from family and my counselor, I was able to free myself at last. I sometimes wondered if she was having a side salad with a guy or 2. I don't care. I'm free and working on me to heal and move on to a new healthy chapter of my life. And you will to Brian. Take care my friend. Dave.
Ditto.
im in same position as you. Said dame things to me. Got all the accusations too, other women in my house that never where there, name calling, guilt tripping etc etc.you gotta find yourself again. Its not easy but it can be done!!!!
So, I see you've met my ex. . .
For people who believe they're so unique, they're actually quite commonplace.
You dated her too??
LOLz
N it's awful.btw, I am going through hell atm.🤐😥🤗🤗
trexpaddock- LMAO!!
Been smeared. Big time. Probably won't get involved again. Through these videos, learning how often I meet narcissists.
It can be like the NPD version of the kid in The Sixth Sense. "I see disordered people. They're everywhere."
@@shrink4men No, seriously, if I could make money from this, I'd be down south right now on a beach. Alone.
Smear campaigns seem really common.
U too....I'm thinking the pop of Narcs is on a all time high
I was arrested four times, but eventually cleared.
Today, a decade later, I'm remarried and happy.
It can happen. Recovery is possible.
Good to hear!
I was stuck in a marriage with a bpd, narc for 13 years, she did all that to me including the legal issues. I was naive enough to think the rage was directed at me only till last year my daughter 10 opened up about years of abuse physical and emotional going back to her first memory of life for months she burned in my arms while I had her mom removed. She left us in utter ruins financially, emotionally and physically. Now I am going through divorce and I have a 12 month restraining order on her. She is still fighting for the child and the child tells her she would rather die or go to foster care. It took months for her to come to terms with her self worth and confidence she just couldn't understand why her own mom didn't love her. I started teaching her about the brain, it's function and then mental illness causes and effects. Now she is a psychologist on her own. She went from the bottom of her class to top. Getting praises from her teachers every day. I stayed the dependable, strong pillar for her to lean on but in private I was still am devastated. I thought I was a good family man who was doing his best to help and hold his family. I lost it all don't ever try it don't spend on it. Get a hold of yourself take charge and go on the offensive get rid of them at any cost except your children save them if you don't want them to physically emotionally die and turn into monsters like them. DO NOT LIE TO YOURSELF. KICK THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT YOU DIDNT MAKE THEM LIKE THAT WHY SHOULD YOU PAY FOR IT. HEAVEN AND HELL IS RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW.
Oh wow. I can't say enough about your videos. It's unreal just how accurate you are.
Thank you for making more!
Thank you for watching and you're welcome!
They don’t necessarily have to be diagnosed as being on the cluster B spectrum to wreak havoc and turmoil on your life.. Sometimes them being simply highly emotional thinkers/reactors is enough to pulverize your sense of self. Gaslighting is one of their favorite weapons. Thank you Doctor T.
That is the most accurate information I’ve listened to on the borderline.
I could fill a book about the borderline.
It’s no joke people run don’t walk run from the borderline.
I like the book idea. been thinking the same thing.
Thank you for laying this out academically, logically and thoroughly--and for not soft pedaling the horror of surviving narcissistic abuse.
I love ur sense of humor. As a fellow survivor, l just have to laugh as u shared experiences we all can relate to Ty so much for sharing.
You're welcome and thanks for watching. I appreciate it!
“The once Disney fairytale romance gone grim”. Couldn’t have phrased the mess of a relationship I was in better.
Completely insane time of my life-So glad to me out of it and moving on.
How can another human being treat someone which such disrespect?!
I have wondered the same thing. It seemed incredibly sadistic. Part of it is that it's incredibly easy to do so in our atomized society. People can treat others as disposable, are globally mobile, can find thousands of dates through a hand held device, and lie about them to millions of people in the span of hours.
And men in particular are disposable nowadays. Women are even incentivized to do so. Hurting a man is portrayed as being empowering for a woman.
We are also encouraged to simply believe women nowadays, so it's especially easy for women to smear men after a discard.
Norman P. Chesterton Absolutely. I couldn’t agree more. I think the fact I met my ex in the natural way was the reason I wanted to stay and try to get it back to what it was, or what I perceived it to be
When she broke up with me, i told her I thought she felt that people are dispensable. She hated it! And attacked me for months afterwards. She is completely blocked on all platforms now!
Exactly that! She was empowered by the whole thing. And her so called friends revered her for treating me badly before getting rid of me. Makes it hard to trust people, do you agree with that?
Out of all your videos DR. T, this is, for me, a complete albeit it brief understanding of the mindset and characteristics of these afflicted people. Anyone who finds this video should watch it multiple times, reflect and take stock, then watch again! Essential content! X love to all x🙏🏻
at my low point i wish a stroke did happen and would just end the pain,,but once you learn what the hell is going on you can get help and move on away from this person.Last i heard my ex was engaged,this poor soul doesnt have any idea what is about to happen to him once they are married..The love bombing itself is dangerous because its not genuine
Correct
i had actually wished that i would get cancer or get covid. this shit is so fucked up.
All men pay attention. Don't wait till you lose control. Listen, understand, and make the changes. Be grateful for people like Dr.T
I should add......I discovered all this too late, and payed the usual price.
Altprop I bet I paid more. Hah. But no competition...just some retrospective laughs.
Well when I met my ex Narc I was warned by a friend who was aware of who she was. I was so captivated and in love by the love bombing and idealization that I was already ensnared in her web and was trapped in the relationship. i had to let it run its course. That course took 14 years but Hey, I am a slow learner and gluten for punishment. LOL
be grateful you didnt pay the ultimate price as some probably have with suicide,,because at its low point for some,,death would seem a better reality than going through the pain..these people are very evil but they dont even know what they are doing,,its like dealing with a child at times,,but man in the beginning its the best thing you ever had,,,talk about a total mind rape
Altprop
Im a female watching this. Its a nightmare of pain and fear suffering from cptsd 15 years 2 kids its horrible
@@buzzingbee6380 I feel you. I beat myself up for being in such denial for so many years. The longer I am out I memory pops up in my head and realize the things I missed or was in denial about. I found another lonely person that I text everyday. It has been a good send to fill that void left behind by the toxic relationship.
Diagnosed quiet BPD ghosted me and monkey branched. After discard conversation IRL where she called me "stalker" I never contacted her again. Then she started smear campaign on TikTok. Why to do that when you are the one who left and no one is bothering you?
Incredibly powerful information that hits home in an unnerving, "were you hiding in my closet the whole time?" way. All of what you say is spot-on; I'm so glad I got out.
I just ended a one year relationship with a woman who had varying degrees of many of these traits. I did not have this knowledge at the time, but my spider senses said "run Forrest, run", so I did. This vid does nail the aftermath tactics well and I did get subjected to some of the tactics, which is what prompted me to research and learn about narcissism.
Always trust your spidey senses. If you get too curious why that little alarm is ringing , like the deer in the headlights, you probably won't survive unscathed.
@@JohnSmith-qs5fg Yes! For me this is my 5th month with this guy and my track sneakers are laced up and I am ready to run 🏃🏿♀️. The past 2 months have been eye opening. I will be breaking up ASAP within the next few hours as I'm looking up information on how best to do it and what to expect. I am so grateful I live an hour away from this man too.
I just re-watched this video after a couple years and it's full of valuable information just as when I fist watched it. Excellent.
I had the unicorn type of divorce. Mine was locked in on a new supply and wanted a fast divorce. My escape was as clean as it could have been.
Mine didn’t end well, I have received the most damaging smear campaign of an earthquake proportion. Two years after I decided to end our 12 years ordeal of emotional abuse, she smeared me from my school, employment, friends, and everywhere she could. On top of smear campaigns she added multiple false litigations which led to me losing my practice in human services. I currently live a secluded life while waiting for God to show me a new direction in life.
@@newoaknl OMG ..I am so sorry ..I live this way now smear campaign complete control of my life it is ALL about him ..he has sucluided me from friends family and money ...my animals are my sanitary ..I couldn't begin to know how or where to start again without the abuse ..I pray God gives you new direction and peace finally
That's very typical for those kinds of relationships. Some of the people who collaborated with her got satisfaction from conspiring against another, others bought the fake persona - just like you did. There is a silver lining: the worst of them can't help it. They will have to keep moving and can't stay in the same circle. Social media in particular lend themselves to smear campaigns.
One productive thing you can do is enlist a friend to have your back, to keep you from any urges to strike back, for example. Keep records of everything, if you can stand to look at any of it without sending you into depression. Neatly organized, it could make the difference in your eventual defense or in a defamation lawsuit.
More and more people are in your situation and, as dysfunctional as the Internet is, I hope it can also become a tool for people to finally band together against this kind of relational violence. It's particularly hard for men to find support in those cases.
@@newoaknl I am trying to work towards bringing more attention in the legal realm towards this kind of relational aggression. It is ironic that feminism tries very hard to bring relational and psychological aggression into the realm of domestic violence, yet, primarily points the finger at men, while women are far more likely to use this kind of relational aggression.
I know many cases like yours now. If you've ended up in the hospital, it was probably when you were blind sided by the emotional discard and taken off guard by what must have seem as copious amounts of callousness.
These discards are usually planned way ahead of time and executed at times of greatest vulnerability, in order to maximize damage. Women are encouraged nowadays to do so.
I feel with you. It's impossible to understand what those people are capable of doing. And also, it's nearly impssible to protect your good name in public after what they have done. Shame on your ex. Try to keep strong! You're a survival!! :-)
Mine has done the same. I was only with them several months, but they have contacted, and continue to do so, with anyone they can locate. Even friends from 40 years ago!
I stayed in for 24 years! She made up a blown up domestic violence scene, together with my two daughters (16 and 17 at the time ) , I got taken by police , one night in jail , next day I come back to get my stuff I could not get into the house , she a restriction order on me - I cannot approach her or the daughters for three years, lost contact with daughter completely and she stole U$100.000
From me, kept deeds to our properties out of country and wanted me to pay her debts : 60.000 in Mercedes cars and 40.000 in credit cards !!
This video is put together very simply but hits the nail in the head ! We need to educate ourselves every day , all the time , May need to view everybody as a potencial predator first , then maybe, build some trust
Thank you for this message
Terrible. Please get well.
They disappear.
This is just brilliant in its blunt glory. I am still dealing with the aftermath but I am immensely proud of having cut my abuser and every single link to it out of my life the second I recognized the pattern. The withdrawal during the first couple of months was the worst experience of my life, I was insanely difficult to not fall for the baiting and teasing to get me to contact it but dear God it is worth it
We don’t “let” them do this to us. Sometimes we’re born into the family and it takes time to figure it out and courage to leave
I got up one morning, (last Christmas day), grabbed my clothing, and my dog, and ran out the door into my car and left. Eight and half years of senseless anger tantrums and me walking on eggshells trying to not trigger her. I could be perfect, I could be giving, I could be loving and generous, none of that would matter. She would pull somthing out of her butt to get angry at me for. Never, ever, an apology, not once. She, would later say I was exaggerating, she would minimise the abuse, or gaslight it, claiming it never really happened. I feel now, I have to start all over again. I’m determined to excersise, eat perfectly and claw my way back into the rational world. Now, it all makes sense, the women I choose. Knowledge is power. Thanks Dr. Palmatier.
I chose 7, but I'm still struggling not to return to her after going no contact for the past 7 months.. it really is like trying to overcome some hardcore drug
That's incredibly validating.
you are helping me so much. This person took almost every psychological and emotional resource i had away from me and led me to a point i feel i just wanna quit on living cause i can't cope with the level of injustice i'm going through right now. They have such an ability to manipulate everything and everyone and leave you just like that turning everyone to their side and being happy without you and not caring at all about all the years or support you gave to them. At the end is all about them, and they don't care what happens to you or your wellbeing
The part about getting arrested rings true. It never happened to me, but it could have, when she would have one of her signature tantrums in public. All of a sudden with no input from me she would start screaming and crying at me. Angry and beat red. Anyone seeing that would naturally think this woman has just been abused in some way. My only recourse was to turn and walk quickly away. Luckily this always worked. If there were police near by they would have stopped me and at least questioned me. What would I say? “I didn’t do anything,”? Would they believe me? She, would be screaming as if someone, (I’m not making this up.) punched her. I was so shocked by this behavior, (In a park in NYC), I actually dissociated for several seconds as if I were watching a movie!
LOL.. yes... my ex-narc said he and his ex-wife divorced amicably. He never paid alimony, said, she was too demanding and all kinds of bs which only had me realize that there was nothing amicably about it. He even said that she hated their son because he reminded her of him ... how could this ever have been an "amicable" divorce?!! Even their therapy failed. He abandoned his own children just like his father abandoned him, but keeps complaining about his father abandoning him. What a hypocrite.
My Narc husband abandoned his own children and always told me that the mom pleaded for him to stay away. I questioned why a mother would do that? He said because she was seeing soneone and wanted him out the picture. What a coincidence that he ghosted me and the kids.. I got a text that he had moved out of our family home and changed his cell number so we could not reach him.
Mine called his ex-wife a monster, said that she chose to have natural birth because she hated and was willing to kill their first-born. Talk about projection of his own hate-filled self! Talked about her constantly.
@@tameekagamble5487 jesus, Tameeka... What a terrible thing to go through...
This lady is 🔥🔥🔥 Thanks for all you do! Your channel provides a dose of much needed reality in a delusional/sick world. Thanks again ✌🏾
I have been watching these types of videos for months, but this is by far the best I have ever seen. I am five months no contact, but this was a three year relationship off and on twenty times, each time reinforcing the trauma bond.
I have watched all your videos, keep them comming.
Paul
On a different note your house always looks amazingly cosy, dogs and all 👌🏻 🐶 🐕
My way of ending a borderline relationship. Make her realize what she is. I had her at the psychologist office. After first visit she told me straight up I'm the bad guys and always will be 😳. Three months later she has a boyfriend and filing for divorce. And currently makes my life hell every chance she gets by using the children we share against me.
Poor bastard. Just keep remembering of a great bloke you are and your character is what theyre jealous of. Keep up the work and youll be awsome when its all over.
I emotionally detached and disengaged at the end, as Tara puts it. In fact that's when she left; she lost her power in a sense. I started reading about the silent treatment and new her cronies probably pointed to that and said; " see he's using the silent treatment!"; I was just emotionally and mentally exhausted from the abuse and resignation that things were not going to get better.
The silent treatment is intended to hurt, punish and control. No Contact is about healing.
A big help Doctor and yes, thank you!! It's been two years since the break up and I initiated it, she was in another relationship in no time flat. For me the red flags were other men coming around showing interest, she going out more often, less communication, forced sounding and feeling texts, her showing more interest in other men. I went no contact but was still heart broken to the extreme and am only now starting to get better. After listening to your presentation I know and feel that I made the right decision to leave. Her new supply has no clue what he's in for. I warned her that one day she would meet the wrong guy and that it would end with deadly consequences. She just shrugged her shoulders, she didn't care or understand that I was trying to save her life. I knew that something wasn't right and things didn't feel right either.
Fist time watcher of your channel here. I am four months out of a toxic relationship with a Narcissist of 14 years. Lots of good facts and putting into perspective on what it is like to be in a relationship with a Borderline/Narc. I am learning and healing as I move forward leaving the toxic relationship behind. Good Video, hearing the truth in this video about the use and abuse of yourself is still a bit hurtful, but the hurt and pain of the relationship is fading day by day. Thank you for sharing it was a good message.
Hi there, i feel for you, my former life is so much the same as yours as far as time in and time out. Im making progress i think. Its up and down depending on the day,,, stay strong
You are both brave and stay uplifted and encouraged. I am 3 months out and sometimes I'm good but sometimes I am angry. Mainly at my self for staying in this relationship for 17 yrs! I gave up 17 yrs on a lie... On a wish and hope that things would change. Things continued to get worse...
did 16 years here. divorce is exactly as described. still not done with it. I selfishly wish she finds some new sucker to marry as it looks like the only way I'll be out of this situation without sustaining much more abuse by proxy (through the courts) and allll the money to attorneys.
I hope you don't have many legal issues to deal with in your aftermath!
your are one of the best i have ever heard explaining the psychopath , i can thank you and peace and harmony for my recovery and i cannot put into word how much i appreciate what you do . merry christmas
i was innocent before meeting my ex. now i know there are devils walking amongst us every single day. i don't like where i am now.
Right there with you
5:31 “It’s as if the narcissist verbal act of abdicating personal responsibility in blame-shifting on to another person, usually the actual victim, makes it so.” This is so spot on. Have you listened to young children engaged in cooperative imaginative play? In the creation of the narrative the one who speaks first manifests the plot. This is 5 year old magical thinking at work in an adult's alternate reality where the plot is your relationship.
You are amazing, thank you for this its been very reasuring. I was sure there was hope for my relationship, but I'm begining to understand that there isn't. Two thumbs up for Skyrim!!
Thank you so much, prior to this video I had to choose option 7 taking my life back. I originally did it for my children but later realised that it was also for myself. Thank you for what you do. These videos are clarity on a scale I have not felt in 7 years!
Oh no 😱 how do we take so long to find this out,,then you feel stupid,, then angry,, then it seems so familiar well done you👍 you need a tv show
I'm so glad I found Tara's videos. They have been big help in opening my eyes coming out of a 10 relationship with a narcissist.
🌸😔SPIRITUALLY DRAINING😔🌸HELP ME LORD.🙏😔🌸
Correct, NO CONTACT is the ONLY way to survive. I am at 22 days no contact. I feel much better. I have been learning about the Narc. I am taking my life back. I'm not going to be used anymore. Hang in there. We are here
retraining the brain towards self love light, away from the toxic flashbacks. prayers
Zoe Stallone hello yes ask God for help . He will help you . Move on with your life .this door is closed .and a new one will open for you .stay strong and keep busy .😊
@@stevemellin5806 Yes. That is the only way. I myself (at stage seven and beyond on this video) have no earthly way out. Only God can help me now (not said in despair, but hope and faith.)
Soul sucking draining...May the Lord be with You
I have researched this for 2 years now bc I felt this abuse happened to me. This video is the best at describing EXACTLY what happened. I’ve watched so many videos on this subject trying to understand what exactly I went through. Thx for the blessing of this video. It has helped me tremendously. Thx also for the comments. I know I’m not alone in this. Take care of yourself if you’ve suffered through this hell. God bless. 👍
This is one of the most important videos Ive ever
You make me laugh at myself. That or I will cry. I did have a mini stroke. I had 6 stents. Left broke at 63
Smeared to anyone who will listen. Her partner in literal crime is her 50 year old extreme narc daughter.
She got away with murder. Police didnt care. Thanks for your delivery. Smart and spot on.
Only one way Borderline relationships end .... BADLY!
Chk DSM difficulties with interpersonal relationships. Avoid these dysfunctional abusers. Be safe.
I've just ended a relationship with a Borderline, holy shit, you know your stuff.
. Thank you, I understand it a little more.
"Their level of consciousness doesn't really matter, what matters is the damage caused by their lies"
I've been through too much to end up popping a vain in my brain, or ending up in jail because they hurt or took my dog. The only solution is to pull a Houdini act on them.
In a puff of smoke.
I had suspected my ex was cheating while on business trips. I was told it was in my imagination. I became depressed. After the discard, I discovered that she was indeed involved with a coworker. She was the stereotypical traveling salesman. She had shared with me that she did cheat on her first husband. I should have seen it then.
15:00 Is one of the most important parts: impact that relational aggression can have and calling attention to the legal weapons available against men, in particular.
In my experience, one of the big predictors of a false allegation of abuse and restraining order is if the NPD/BPD woman has been violent and/or separation and divorce.
oh my goodness, "your dog disappears". My ex wife tried to put my cat to sleep. That's the day I left. You understand what we've been through. Thank you for this video. It helps me understand and know that I'm not completely crazy.
Prior to the 5 min mark you nailed me so right and so hard it made me cry... Your words were spot on to my experiences for decades. What killed her was my severe disability and although plenty of pain I raised my children in spite of her. Last divorce brought her need to pay me spousal support every month (trust me her lies and court prejudices the amount was vastly reduced yet every penny hurts her!)
Did she actually pay? If she didn't, did the court enforce the order?
13:55 LMAO OFF AS I LOOK AT the plate he left here with “yay” residue on it Smdh
My ex cheated on me and left me for someone else, and said that she thought we could still stay friends just without the sex, which I obviously declined. For years, I was dumbstruck how anyone could possibly come to that conclusion, but this video answers a lot of questions.
I was also given the same offer and I swear my brain melted when I eventually processed the ridiculousness of it. Just Wow
I got the "can we be friends?"
Love your honesty. Even though painful to swallow must be digested to heal. Forever grateful. Love the dogs. Especially Lucy who sits on the couch in the videos.
When I ripped off the mask I was told ...
“No one will believe you because I’m such a good actor and pretender”.
I was sick for weeks after hearing that.
Pure evil!
Thanks Dr. Tara.... It's been a life saver for me today :)
You're welcome :)
Great videos! These videos are incredibly on point! I wish i could have had this understanding in the beginning. Still really helpful in figuring out what happened. $100 and hour with the current shrink hasnt even touched on any of this
An bang like false dome assault charges
I had to get a restraining order to get rid of my psycho. That's a tactic normally used by women. But it works for men just as well. She had hit me a couple of times. And once she picked up my HDTV and made motions like she was going to hit me in the head with it. That was enough to get the RO.
I agree the stress caused me to have auto immune which caused vtiligo with my skin at a rapid pace.
I'm sorry.
Shrink4Men - Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD it’s ok. I rather turn white and be at peace then to be stressed over a narc and be depressed
Yeah man my thyroid's fucked, my gut also started to block vitamin D & B12.
Dang same exact thing happened to me
Tara, thank you for making these videos. I find your delivery style to be very direct and eye opening. Please keep making great content. I just found your channel yesterday. And so far it has helped me a lot to bring closure to a recent dealing with an ex narc.
Thank you so much
You're most welcome.
Thank you for making this video Dr. T
This video was great despite the dogs trying to show you up. You described it perfectly.
Yeah, Taras back
Thanks!
Shrink for men helping out a sistah. Thank you. Spot on. You'd be surprised how many people are skeptical when I describe my ex as a BPD. It's the weirdest thing I have ever experienced.
In my early 20s, I spent 6 months in a relationship with one of these. It ended when the police arrested him and removed him from my home. I learned a lot in those 6 months and thank God it was over quickly and I never repeated that idiocy.
Favorite video on this Topic so far. I've seen hundreds!! Thanks!!
This info you share and the way you share it pretty much perfect
15 years of this now and I'm trying to get my life back. To make it worse I lost everything sacrificing it all for us to make it. Nothing is mine anymore. This video is extremely helpful.
Your words hit home. Thankyou
Holy Crap!
In the 90s I got engaged to an Indian/Malaysian girl at Uni. Our relationship got worse and worse until she found out that the law was changed and simple engagement would no longer grant you permanent residence ... then it got violent.
I managed to get her out of the flat (she had already organised to move in with a new guy) and she convinced me that it would be a good idea if we just told our mutual friends that we had split up (not mention the details of her violence, the new guy, the residence thing) and I agreed.
That monday at Uni all my friends were behaving distant. I found out that she had contacted ALL of them and told them I had been abusing HER - and none of them checked with me.
She also made a formal complaint to the Honours board about my grade.
A year later she wrote to me asking if we could be friends.
Just how by-the-numbers is a Borderline personality?!
People who do not check with you and also alert you to the fact that someone is calling them up or approaching them with awful stories about you AND believe the person or are wondering if it is true without asking for your side of things, are akin to the person who
is/was abusing you and they are weak and they are drama whores who need a fix. I understand it happens, as I have left behind most family members and "friends"& aquaintances who sided with the abuser without even caring to ask me my side. It is a pathetic show of ALL of these persons lack of integrity and lack of any significant charactor. We all (victims of this sick and hurtful nonsense) must be grateful for finding out how many people in our lives have zero backbone. We are better than this. It really is a spotlight shining onto the fact that we would be much better off being the one to leave these people behind after they bought into a smear campaign against us.
cheatednomore that’s exactly how I felt about it - I ghosted them all and dropped social media too. Then I get texts from the ex NPD - did you leave a note on so in sos car?...wtf? It’s 80 mile one way to their house just more proof I wasn’t wrong and it clears up the dissonance
Thanks for sharing this .
You're welcome. (Ding! Dong!)
Thank you for sharing this information. Your perspective resonates with me, and has helped me to move on.
Great video this Tara. I choose the 8th option. Waited for her to do something stupid, then I used that as an excuse to break up. Blocked her everywhere, and haven't looked back. If I didn't do that, I know she would make my life hell afterwards, which I know because I tried that before and I almost lost my job and lost my driver license.
My abuser always told me "I don't owe you anything", or "you're not entitled to my warmth again". I used to tell her I didn't owe her anything either.
Good thing the relationship is over.
Shrink4Men - Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD Sure, she threatened me suicide if I left her three times, and the two times I literally ATTEMPTED -I suffered from a stress-related psychosis and PTSD, she made my symptoms worse- she blamed me for threatening her as well. I blocked her on every outlet avoiding every contact with her. I still feel sorry because she suffers a lot, though.
Wow I just broke up with someone with BPD. And she broke up without giving any closure and doesn’t even return my texts and I haven’t been able to get an answer, and I feel so confused and messed up
This was brilliant Dr. Tara
I absored your words carefully and intensely.
I wonder why this hit me as it does. Resonates as rolling thunder.. An impact that is frightening yet welcoming. I am not alone. thank you very much
Thank you !
What a knowledge
exactly what happens
Personally experiensed it twice , horrible experience - lesson not learnt
Takes months to recover
Abuse like this should be prosecuted or regulated by Law
Run people run run
Massive Thank you !!!!
There are laws about physical and sexual abuse. Emotional abuse would be far too difficult to regulate and litigate and I don't think we should try. Particularly because so many narcissists and borderlines accuse their victims of having abused them. Best to get the heck out and away from them. Far, far away if possible (i.e., no shared minor kids.)
Thank you for this video. this brings some closure to the disaster that was my relationship.
You're welcome. I'm glad you're out.
Looks like I'm late to the party, but I really appreciate this video. After being discarded, just like all the previous men before me I filed for divorce 2 days ago. She wanted to remain married but separated indefinitely with no contact, because divorce would be a sin 🙄. After months of basically no contact, she called when she got the papers. I didn't answer though. It was a 4 year relationship and 2 year marriage. No kids. No assets to divide. It's crazy. When you love a borderline, it feels at first like, "Finally! I found the person God created just for me." Love bombing is so powerful. It's addictive. Like a drug. I see now that I loved the way she made me feel during the love bombing way more than I loved her. Oxytocin is a powerful thing.
I'm sad, but I'm at peace. And I'm more hopeful about the future than I've ever been.
Ahhh,my second viewing in as many weeks and I still lament not listening to my gut feeling. Thanks again Dr Tara for all the help you administer to your loyal following.