People telling me to "just write notes" appears to assume it's not something I already DO and assumes it's not something I already KNOW... as if in 5 decades of life it never occurred to me to write notes. haha. And it's amazing how we can sometimes forget we took notes!
My adult children and myself have all recently been diagnosed with either ADHD, ASD or both. Your stories are very similar to mine. I only realised that I had ADHD during my daughter’s assessment and I found myself saying throughout “Oh I thought that was normal because I do that!”
What has helped me with my rejection sensitivity rsd is to understand that people are thinking about themselves. I took it personally if people made faces. Or make condescending jokes or condescending tone of voice. Or laughed at me. I had understand people like to act superior in different ways. If they critical or laughing at people it makes them feel better about themselves. They love like being in the superior position. If someone say no then someone else will say yes.
It is plainly a curse. Especially when you never got a diagnosis, and didn't learn about it until your 40's, and you see all the dreams and potentials were lost and wasted. Getting treatment for ADHD, let alone a diagnosis, is a great privilege. I can't help but feel I'm worthless and shouldn't even exist because of that.
Yes. I have to do lots of multitasking and organising as part of my job… even accounting stuff. After doing bookkeeping and tax work for 8 of my boss’s companies (with no formal training)… My own financial stuff and taxes get put on the back burner. Im too exhausted to even look at them. It’s not a healthy existence neglecting your own needs and priorities like that. I think most people with ADHD who do well have partners with REALLY strong executive functioning skills to compensate + lighten the load.
AuDHD single parent here... Needed this today after various meltdowns over shoes this morning from the kids. They're not diagnosed but its certainly looking that way....
Well, if they are younger kids (under 8 years) it's pretty normal for a child so young to have such a reaction to a trivial matter. If your kids are acting like kids, it doesn't mean they have a diagnosis. Throwing diagnoses on children for acting like children is what leads to misdiagnosis.
This is my experience with being organised and on time. I think, as a mother we find ways to cope with the hustle of motherhood and present as if we have it together. It was complete and utter burnout that led me to my ADHD diagnosis. With appointments; As soon as I hang the phone up from making the appointment I have already forgotten when it is. So I put everything in my calendar straight away and add reminders or call back to ask. I leave the reminders on my phone's home screen for a few days in advance. I'm on stand-by the day of the appointment which doesn't mean I can necessarily shower or dress well. When I make the appointment and the day of, I research where I'm going, study the map, and look at the street view. Figure out where to enter, leave 30 minutes early because I WILL get lost even with the GPS. It's a good day if I arrive in time to use the toilet, that way I have the best chance of focusing on what I'm there for. SMS reminders are a life saver if I have forgotten to note the appointment. All this behaviour was born out of shame, intense shame from criticism for forgetting appointments and getting *really* lost. What's worse is having a complete meltdown in front of my children.
You explained my life and coping strategies before I moved and became childless and alone with one partner. I live in a different state after being with the same people, locations etc.. And raising children for 27 years. Now I can't seem to get hired onto a job, make friends or new relationships because it took moving and being isolated to realize and see all the ways I used to cope and cover up (sub consciously ) for all the ways I struggle. I break down and cry if I get lost and I will get lost if I don't have navigation on in the car. I got lost twice two days ago. I cried once out of those two times.
For me, 42 and finally close to finishing a degree in a field I like, the job interviews are killing me. I have the experience , the skills, and the work ethic. I just have a shit time of proving it in a concise cover letter and interviews when I'm given no time to process the questions. Group assessments with manipulative personal questions designed to answer a different question seem unfair and don't consider my very literal autistic traits. I feel like a trail blaser who nobody sees and is ignorant of the possibility that they could miss an opportunity.
Maybe you’re applying for the wrong type of workplaces? I know a lot of people who would push you straight to the top of list to chat to first, based on your age and life experience, to avoid wasting time interviewing. Maybe target smaller companies that interest you.,. You approach them/see if you can have a chat?
I have just received a clinical diagnosis of ASD, ADHD and dyslexia aged 53. This was prompted by investigations for my four children how fave the same challenges..
Writing has been proven to enhance memory. Don't worry if u don't look again at your lists! If u find them again , it can work as a cuurent reminder, or to rejoice over what u remembered to accomplish on your own.
But you can reach your full potential! How do you define potential? I held on to a victim mentality for years after I first began to realize I was Autistic. I was officially diagnosed at 36, 5 years after I realized I was clearly Autistic. I was surprised when the psychologist in the first session suggested we'd explore ADHD. My husband is very hyperactive ADHD, and he was diagnosed at 5 and put in play therapy for two years. It's amazing to me how, because he got diagnosed and had parents that believed in him, he never hated his brain and always leaned into the pros of having a brain wired like his. After my extensive process to get a diagnosis, I was diagnosed as ASD Level 1, ADHD Inattentive Presenting Moderate, and severe GAD (from a life time of not being diagnosed!). I still held onto the victim mentality. Then, about two years ago something happened, and my perspective suddenly shifted. I am not a super hero, my brain is not a super power. I still struggle with things neuronormative people don't, and there is still an AuDHD tax for the accommodations we need to function in this world as a neurodivergent family. But laying down the hatred for my brain, and instead focusing on the amazing things I can do has been freeing. Every day, I ask myself, "how am I going to add light into this world?", and I pray for the strength to be able to do just that. I'm fortunate that every time someone was cruel to me at my Church, I was able to see that individual as an outlier, so I was able to hold onto my faith. So many have been traumatized by religion, and before my diagnosis, a therapist I saw kept telling me my religion was the reason I was depressed because it was too demanding of me. That never sat right with me because my religion was the only thing that kept me in this world! That, and punk rock music (my two hyperfocus points). I hope you can find peace with your brain as well, and see what qualities you possess that could allow you to bring light into this world. I have often thought if more neurodivergent people could band together, we could solve so many of the problems this world has! But too many in the community still are too frustrated with themselves or believe the lies that they are either super-heroes or drains on their loved ones. The truth is much too multi-faceted than one extreme or the other. I hope that all made sense. It's been a long day. But I highly recommend every person read the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Even if you don't have children, I feel it could be beneficial!! My husband was raised in a family that embraced his spirited, positive side and got him help to overcome the difficult parts of his temperament and disposition. I am grateful my in-laws showed me the same unconditional love when I married him, and showed me a better way to raise our children.
Yes, so much effort to do some typical thing ...... I keep hearing ADD can't get anything else done the day of an appointment. I can not relate. I will rush around before leaving, taking advantage of the energy boost.
More recently I have been researching about my family history dating back 1000 years…. and it’s open up a whole new understand for me and my autism…. on the spectrum my family have tended to be two extremes…. very intelligent or very tyrannical. I recently visited one of the stately homes and seen some of the stories associated to my family and it’s made me realise that being on the Autistic spectrum or having ADHD is normal. We are not the ‘different or difficult one in the family’. it just most likely means that in some cases of a family generation that people are on different ends of the spectrum. In some cases out numbered by one end…. So we should not feel bad for being who we are…. by being view as difficult or difficult by what is normal to others …
Good program, great discussion. Is it just me (adhd me)? But, it frustrates me that the video timer only shows how much time is left (on the left) and the fixed, non- changing length of the video (on the right: 51:09). Hence, I can't fast forward or skip to a subject of which I'm particularly interested. Perhaps, if I click on the topic it'll leap to it. However, if that's so, why include the time each topic begins? (Yes, I know, one can subtract the shown time left from the total length of the video to know how far along we are, then determine how many minutes until a particular topic will come up, but really?😉🙄😊) GOOD GRIEF! I just serendipitously discovered that IF YOU TAP THE LEFT SIDE OF THE TIMER, it switches from showing time left, time past! How about that?! I did not know that 😂! 🤔 I'll leave this in versus delete since solved in case someone felt the same. 😅😏
I'm a mother with ADHD and Autism in a house full of boys, a neurotypical partner, a 24 year old NT son (genetically like his father) and a 17 year old son on the spectrum too (genetically like my side of the family). I have an incredibly difficult time keeping any authority, dignity, respect or just taken seriously at all, regardless of high average/ superior assessment reports and uni HD's. My triggers are well known (not to me), and used. People don't seem to CARE to educate themselves on the subject, even if the challenges affect their lives daily. It's heartbreaking on my RSD and a serious catch 22 between my teenager and I.
From the episode - Holly Morris Opens Up About Late ADHD Diagnosis: "The pros and cons in my relationship!" Its her ADHD item because Zumba classes give her dopamine.
I'm pretty sure my entire family is neurodiverse. It's... 🤯😳😲 And only one cousin has been ADHD diagnosed... Both my mom and my dad I'm pretty sure ADHD and my dad I think is autistic also or they both are autistic and ADHD.. me and my brothers I think are AuDHD... It's bonkers
Overdiagnosis of autism and ADHD nowadays. I can see how some of her kids can meet the criteria. But her, I don't know. Not so much. Autism and AD HD are very present and persuasive in childhood. Throughout your whole life, it doesn't just start later in your f****** life. Here's an example. I'm diagnosed with ADH. D. And anti-social personality disorder. I was diagnosed with AD HD when I was 8 years old that was over 20 years ago. Later on in life I was diagnosed with a personality disorder. But apart from that I exhibited signs of autism as a child that never met the full criteria to be diagnosed with it. Just because you have some sensory issues. Etc doesn't mean you're f****** autistic!!!! I am so sick of this trend and if anyone wants to come at me and say it's not a trend, it's a trend. I appreciate this channel But can we please get some people on here? That were diagnosed 20 plus years ago when clinicians weren't overdiagnosing. all these people do project this disorder like it. 's some badge of honor it's not the disorders. I have are not fun. It's not cute z. I dont launted around on TikTok. Like it's some kind of identity. It's not. It's made my life whole lot harder than the average person because of my brain.
Some people present later because they have a higher IQ or have had good family supports, plus every ND person is different. She has also has quite high anxiety of letting others down and puts things in place which masks her symptoms. Plus it is 70-80% heritable…
People telling me to "just write notes" appears to assume it's not something I already DO and assumes it's not something I already KNOW... as if in 5 decades of life it never occurred to me to write notes. haha. And it's amazing how we can sometimes forget we took notes!
My adult children and myself have all recently been diagnosed with either ADHD, ASD or both. Your stories are very similar to mine. I only realised that I had ADHD during my daughter’s assessment and I found myself saying throughout “Oh I thought that was normal because I do that!”
Thank you for sharing this! It's such a common theme , we see ourselves in our children and think it's normal, then the light bulb moment!
What has helped me with my rejection sensitivity rsd is to understand that people are thinking about themselves. I took it personally if people made faces. Or make condescending jokes or condescending tone of voice. Or laughed at me. I had understand people like to act superior in different ways. If they critical or laughing at people it makes them feel better about themselves. They love like being in the superior position. If someone say no then someone else will say yes.
It is plainly a curse. Especially when you never got a diagnosis, and didn't learn about it until your 40's, and you see all the dreams and potentials were lost and wasted. Getting treatment for ADHD, let alone a diagnosis, is a great privilege. I can't help but feel I'm worthless and shouldn't even exist because of that.
I don't remember writing that comment... Oh, wait..someone else did.
Its the energy it takes to be organised that is exhausting. Which is why i can only work part-time
Yes. I have to do lots of multitasking and organising as part of my job… even accounting stuff. After doing bookkeeping and tax work for 8 of my boss’s companies (with no formal training)… My own financial stuff and taxes get put on the back burner. Im too exhausted to even look at them. It’s not a healthy existence neglecting your own needs and priorities like that. I think most people with ADHD who do well have partners with REALLY strong executive functioning skills to compensate + lighten the load.
I'm a single parent with 2 teens dx with ADHD. I don't do personal admin
AuDHD single parent here... Needed this today after various meltdowns over shoes this morning from the kids. They're not diagnosed but its certainly looking that way....
Well, if they are younger kids (under 8 years) it's pretty normal for a child so young to have such a reaction to a trivial matter. If your kids are acting like kids, it doesn't mean they have a diagnosis. Throwing diagnoses on children for acting like children is what leads to misdiagnosis.
This is my experience with being organised and on time. I think, as a mother we find ways to cope with the hustle of motherhood and present as if we have it together. It was complete and utter burnout that led me to my ADHD diagnosis.
With appointments; As soon as I hang the phone up from making the appointment I have already forgotten when it is. So I put everything in my calendar straight away and add reminders or call back to ask. I leave the reminders on my phone's home screen for a few days in advance. I'm on stand-by the day of the appointment which doesn't mean I can necessarily shower or dress well. When I make the appointment and the day of, I research where I'm going, study the map, and look at the street view. Figure out where to enter, leave 30 minutes early because I WILL get lost even with the GPS. It's a good day if I arrive in time to use the toilet, that way I have the best chance of focusing on what I'm there for. SMS reminders are a life saver if I have forgotten to note the appointment.
All this behaviour was born out of shame, intense shame from criticism for forgetting appointments and getting *really* lost. What's worse is having a complete meltdown in front of my children.
You explained my life and coping strategies before I moved and became childless and alone with one partner. I live in a different state after being with the same people, locations etc.. And raising children for 27 years. Now I can't seem to get hired onto a job, make friends or new relationships because it took moving and being isolated to realize and see all the ways I used to cope and cover up (sub consciously ) for all the ways I struggle. I break down and cry if I get lost and I will get lost if I don't have navigation on in the car. I got lost twice two days ago. I cried once out of those two times.
For me, 42 and finally close to finishing a degree in a field I like, the job interviews are killing me. I have the experience , the skills, and the work ethic. I just have a shit time of proving it in a concise cover letter and interviews when I'm given no time to process the questions. Group assessments with manipulative personal questions designed to answer a different question seem unfair and don't consider my very literal autistic traits. I feel like a trail blaser who nobody sees and is ignorant of the possibility that they could miss an opportunity.
Maybe you’re applying for the wrong type of workplaces? I know a lot of people who would push you straight to the top of list to chat to first, based on your age and life experience, to avoid wasting time interviewing. Maybe target smaller companies that interest you.,. You approach them/see if you can have a chat?
I have just received a clinical diagnosis of ASD, ADHD and dyslexia aged 53. This was prompted by investigations for my four children how fave the same challenges..
Writing has been proven to enhance memory. Don't worry if u don't look again at your lists!
If u find them again , it can work as a cuurent reminder, or to rejoice over what u remembered to accomplish on your own.
It’s definitely not a superpower I have dual diagnosis of both ASD and combined ADHD and it’s so debilitating as you can’t reach your true potential
Thanks for sharing this ❤
But you can reach your full potential! How do you define potential?
I held on to a victim mentality for years after I first began to realize I was Autistic. I was officially diagnosed at 36, 5 years after I realized I was clearly Autistic. I was surprised when the psychologist in the first session suggested we'd explore ADHD. My husband is very hyperactive ADHD, and he was diagnosed at 5 and put in play therapy for two years. It's amazing to me how, because he got diagnosed and had parents that believed in him, he never hated his brain and always leaned into the pros of having a brain wired like his.
After my extensive process to get a diagnosis, I was diagnosed as ASD Level 1, ADHD Inattentive Presenting Moderate, and severe GAD (from a life time of not being diagnosed!). I still held onto the victim mentality.
Then, about two years ago something happened, and my perspective suddenly shifted. I am not a super hero, my brain is not a super power. I still struggle with things neuronormative people don't, and there is still an AuDHD tax for the accommodations we need to function in this world as a neurodivergent family.
But laying down the hatred for my brain, and instead focusing on the amazing things I can do has been freeing. Every day, I ask myself, "how am I going to add light into this world?", and I pray for the strength to be able to do just that. I'm fortunate that every time someone was cruel to me at my Church, I was able to see that individual as an outlier, so I was able to hold onto my faith. So many have been traumatized by religion, and before my diagnosis, a therapist I saw kept telling me my religion was the reason I was depressed because it was too demanding of me. That never sat right with me because my religion was the only thing that kept me in this world! That, and punk rock music (my two hyperfocus points).
I hope you can find peace with your brain as well, and see what qualities you possess that could allow you to bring light into this world. I have often thought if more neurodivergent people could band together, we could solve so many of the problems this world has! But too many in the community still are too frustrated with themselves or believe the lies that they are either super-heroes or drains on their loved ones. The truth is much too multi-faceted than one extreme or the other. I hope that all made sense. It's been a long day. But I highly recommend every person read the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Even if you don't have children, I feel it could be beneficial!! My husband was raised in a family that embraced his spirited, positive side and got him help to overcome the difficult parts of his temperament and disposition. I am grateful my in-laws showed me the same unconditional love when I married him, and showed me a better way to raise our children.
It has been proven that writing helps memory. Don't worry if u don't always look at your list again.
Oops. That replies to her n
Never rereading her lists around 37:00. See my ADD!
Yes, so much effort to do some typical thing ......
I keep hearing ADD can't get anything else done the day of an appointment. I can not relate. I will rush around before leaving, taking advantage of the energy boost.
… and then are you late for the appointment (because you did “one more thing” too many)?? 😂
More recently I have been researching about my family history dating back 1000 years…. and it’s open up a whole new understand for me and my autism…. on the spectrum my family have tended to be two extremes…. very intelligent or very tyrannical. I recently visited one of the stately homes and seen some of the stories associated to my family and it’s made me realise that being on the Autistic spectrum or having ADHD is normal. We are not the ‘different or difficult one in the family’. it just most likely means that in some cases of a family generation that people are on different ends of the spectrum. In some cases out numbered by one end…. So we should not feel bad for being who we are…. by being view as difficult or difficult by what is normal to others …
I'm ADHD and I always thought it was a pain in the ass
This is great. Keep up the good work.
Good program, great discussion. Is it just me (adhd me)? But, it frustrates me that the video timer only shows how much time is left (on the left) and the fixed, non- changing length of the video (on the right: 51:09). Hence, I can't fast forward or skip to a subject of which I'm particularly interested. Perhaps, if I click on the topic it'll leap to it. However, if that's so, why include the time each topic begins? (Yes, I know, one can subtract the shown time left from the total length of the video to know how far along we are, then determine how many minutes until a particular topic will come up, but really?😉🙄😊) GOOD GRIEF! I just serendipitously discovered that IF YOU TAP THE LEFT SIDE OF THE TIMER, it switches from showing time left, time past! How about that?! I did not know that 😂! 🤔 I'll leave this in versus delete since solved in case someone felt the same. 😅😏
I never knew about this either! 🤣
Great discussion!
It is like you would describe my children exactly....
I'm a mother with ADHD and Autism in a house full of boys, a neurotypical partner, a 24 year old NT son (genetically like his father) and a 17 year old son on the spectrum too (genetically like my side of the family). I have an incredibly difficult time keeping any authority, dignity, respect or just taken seriously at all, regardless of high average/ superior assessment reports and uni HD's. My triggers are well known (not to me), and used. People don't seem to CARE to educate themselves on the subject, even if the challenges affect their lives daily. It's heartbreaking on my RSD and a serious catch 22 between my teenager and I.
If you came here from the short, start at: @19:00
This question might be random, but can anyone tell me why that says zumba.. that would me a lot to me.
It's a prop placed there by previous guest as an example of something important to them
From the episode - Holly Morris Opens Up About Late ADHD Diagnosis: "The pros and cons in my relationship!" Its her ADHD item because Zumba classes give her dopamine.
ADHD proudly sponsors LIDL 😂.
I'm pretty sure my entire family is neurodiverse. It's... 🤯😳😲 And only one cousin has been ADHD diagnosed... Both my mom and my dad I'm pretty sure ADHD and my dad I think is autistic also or they both are autistic and ADHD.. me and my brothers I think are AuDHD... It's bonkers
Who's Kelly is that her daughter?
It’s like a sort of dementia in a way. Your brain is failing you 😢
Trueeeee
I agree it's sometimes like Parkinson's too with the lack of dopamine... My movements are jerky and not smooth and fluid
More jobs should have Neurodivergent training
Absolutely! Hate this superpower BS!
Overdiagnosis of autism and ADHD nowadays. I can see how some of her kids can meet the criteria. But her, I don't know. Not so much. Autism and AD HD are very present and persuasive in childhood. Throughout your whole life, it doesn't just start later in your f****** life. Here's an example. I'm diagnosed with ADH. D. And anti-social personality disorder. I was diagnosed with AD HD when I was 8 years old that was over 20 years ago. Later on in life I was diagnosed with a personality disorder. But apart from that I exhibited signs of autism as a child that never met the full criteria to be diagnosed with it. Just because you have some sensory issues. Etc doesn't mean you're f****** autistic!!!! I am so sick of this trend and if anyone wants to come at me and say it's not a trend, it's a trend. I appreciate this channel But can we please get some people on here? That were diagnosed 20 plus years ago when clinicians weren't overdiagnosing. all these people do project this disorder like it. 's some badge of honor it's not the disorders. I have are not fun. It's not cute z. I dont launted around on TikTok. Like it's some kind of identity. It's not. It's made my life whole lot harder than the average person because of my brain.
Some people present later because they have a higher IQ or have had good family supports, plus every ND person is different.
She has also has quite high anxiety of letting others down and puts things in place which masks her symptoms.
Plus it is 70-80% heritable…