By describing herself she's describing my sister so perfectly (I also have ADHD) but my sister is very anti science and narcissistic which makes it impossible to tell her about the possibility of ADHD so I dream that one day she will see this video and something will click in her mind to finally realise that she have the same struggle that our whole family has
Thank you lady. I am struggling with my daughter of 57 yrs was trying for pass 30 yrs to a light bulb moment. It never happen. Siblings and parents are also SUFFERING. Support is needed in a family setting. Lives are being destroyed 😅😅😅
"Connection before correction" . . . Thank you, Jannine Perryman. An idea whose time is come . . . Let's hope, pray, and ACT to insure, that this idea be unstoppable. As Victor Hugo said, "Nothing else in the world…not all the armies…is so powerful as an idea whose time has come.” - Victor Hugo "Connection before correction" can save lives. Joseph A Vargas Ph.D.
Too much and not enough sums up how I have felt my entire life with undiagnosed ADHD. I'd love to coach people through it now I have gained the knowledge and compassion. Resonating a lot with this episode.
Jannine Perryman, you might just be my spirit animal 😆 everything you said resonated with me, at times I was crying, thinking OMG yessss!!! Thank you both so much for sharing your wisdom ❤️
Wow, wow, wow! Thank you Jannine and Alex!. Jannine what a beautiful way of talking about ADHD! The way you have handled your own Children with ADHD is such a lovely example of how to do it correctly! Such a powerful loving way of addressing our Neurodivergences! A lot of things resonated as an ADHD and as a parent of two ADHDers. I was alsovery excited as a teacher and I was bashed! I was finding treasures in children that other teachers gave up to work with, and it was so hard! I find myself hiding, trying to be invisible, masking and at the same time feeling like I can't breathe! Then the slightest sign of finding someone I can share something with, I end up overflowing with what I haven't been able to be for long!
This has been the one interview that has resonated so closely with my own experiences. Especially when I come home from work and I talk to my nine year old, well he talks at me and I respond, but with my older child I barely speak. I feel like I need to explain to her why I do this. As if it was the other way around I'd feel like I done something wrong.
Did u explain to ur older child why you do this? As u said; if the shoe was on the other foot, you would feel like u done something wrong so if u have already seen it from ur child’s perspective….I would love to hear that u had a lovely conversation about why u do this & how it’s not ur child’s fault & how to move forward to change that behaviour & check in with each other…. Would really encourage ur child in so many ways & that way ur child will be less critical of you & And won’t feel rejection- would possibly bring u closer as a family & potentially stop self-harming or sabotaging behaviour by said child in the future. Be their allie ❤ 🤗❤️🩹 Remember connection not correction. Love is the light, forward is the motion.
Great interview. You are very personable Janine. Nearly didn't watch as I thought it would be too child-focussed and my kids are now in their early 20s, but found it very interesting and good company.
Remember the SENCO at primary school complaining in an angry and frustrated voice about my daughter suddenly commenting on the colour of the curtain rather than concentrating on getting her spelling right! She was NOT suited to that job :-(
This is the best episode I’ve seen so far. I can relate to her in so many ways and agree with so much of what she’s saying. I never knew that the uber empathy was related to my adhd, but it makes so much sense. Thank you for this podcast, Alex!
Ah, I thought you were off Alex. I'm glad you were able to settle in. I know it's hard to do. I really appreciate this interview and the insights given. Thank you both.
I have ADHD, I was diagnosed at 7 years old and was on ritalin from age 7 until I aged out of my mother's medical insurance at age 21...and I had absolutely zero idea what it did for me except make me calmer and sleepy when they would increase my dosage 💀. I've recently had the realization that ADULTS can have ADHD too, and it's not just a childhood issue that you grow out. I've been obsessively learning more about my silly childhood diagnosis and realizing that it's not just the root cause for most of my problems at work, my self hatred and insecurities, but also for my few defining personality traits that I actually like about myself! Like my art, I love painting and drawing and have always show an aptitude for creating beautiful things. Also writing, I've been writing poems and short stories since I was 10, as well as music, and even my wicked sense of humor...I'm gobsmacked from all of this!! I know I probably sound crazy, because how can someone have a medical diagnosis and know literally the bare minimum for upwards of 30 years? My family didn't talk to me about my ADHD, except to remind me to take my medicine, and didn't even talk to the neurologist about test results (or anything else really) while I was present, they would always go and discuss my "problems" in another room in hushed voices. I thought my neurologist genuinely hated me and I hated going there to be questioned, poked and prodded, and then judged for being the way I was. For my first year after my diagnosis I saw that hated neurologist every month, was given EEG's at each visit, was constantly pulled out of class to take long tests that took almost all of my school day, and I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. (This was during the late 80's and early 90's) I honestly don't even know if those interviews and tests had anything to do with my ADHD diagnosis but they did start that same school semester. Maybe they thought I was autistic? But what on earth does a monthly EEG have to do with that. My mother says she doesn't remember because I mostly lived with my grandmother, other than the fact I was always VERY emotional. Emotional to the point I was, and still am, unable to control the extreme tidal waves that are my feelings and it's been this way my entire life, yes I did experience a large amount of criticism, bullying by my peers, and had trouble fitting in....But my inability to control my feelings has always been a major issue my entire life and the root cause of most of the said criticism. When one of my great grandmother's passed away (that I was pretty close to and I still remember her) when I was 6 I was inconsolable and cried for days, wouldn't eat, clawed my face and pulled my hair out, and was sent home from school several times after I went back because I wasn't able to control my grieving and wasn't able to calm myself. I overheard my mother and grandmother talking after the school sent me home the first time and they were saying how something is really wrong with me and I'm not like a normal person. I was always terrified to ask what they meant, and they never explained anything to me regarding my ADHD other than the basic "can't focus on" important things like my classes. I was always told growing up that I was lazy because I would forget to bathe and left messes everywhere, forgetful because I was always losing important things and never did my homework, obnoxious because I talked too much especially about dinosaurs or other things that excited me, like science and poetry, that I saw in books at the library and I wanted to learn everything there was to know about my new discovery, and dramatic and embarrassing because I had emotional outbursts and was so overwhelmed with fear, stress, or just uncontrolled rage, and I hurt myself. Sometimes I hurt myself in public because i completely was overwhelmed and lost all control, but mostly I hurt myself in private as a way to quietly vent out the pressure so I wouldn't explode in front of anyone, so I could seem more normal. That started when I was 9 and I had absolutely no idea other people did that, that was my biggest secret and I thought if anyone found out nobody would want me and I would go into foster care because I was unwanted by my mother and a burden to my grandmother who was trying to raise me but was also gradually being cared for by me because she was dying from cancer. I was grateful to have the time I had with her, but I knew I didn't want to make her life any harder than it already was with my stupid problems. I had NO idea until just recently that ANY of those things had to do with my ADHD (I'm honestly still not sure about the self harm, but it's a coping mechanism for me)! I've always thought I was a freak, someone who cares too much while others seem cold and unobservant. Am I rarity or is the emotional disregulation fairly common? I've never met anyone like myself before and it's so strange to hear people touch on these unspoken parts of myself lol. I just didn't know if other people with ADHD experienced any of the same problems I had as a child or are their emotional problems the result of constant negativity. At least, on my end, the way my family views me is through the lens of "Platymapuss has been a disappointment her whole life. She was smart but never applied herself or lived up to her potential. Always causing negative attention on herself and her family because she likes to embarrass us and be dramatic. She's not just a disappointment as an adult, she has always been a disappointment and very strange her entire life. So much wasted potential."
Ive never met anyone like myself before until your comment. It’s kinda weird because I mean I could’ve wrote it.! This is my life story, minus a few particulars. Even you sharing this in this way is what ADHDers do. I see nothing wrong with leaving paragraphs like this to communicate with people, others think this is alot 😅
I can relate 😂❤️🩹✌🏾 why the EEG’s though…that’s really puzzling; I’d want to see my medical notes if I was you; saying that I really think I should request my medical notes too!! Sending u love and light and I read all of it easily not a problem; I would love to read one of ur novels, ur a great writer!! ❤
My 10yr old daughter, has Uber Empathy for her classmates and the Senco said right we need to make her more Resilient to other peoples feelings/emotions! Madness!!! 😢
Related to the email stuff- that 'just send them a quick email..don't make it War and Peace' says the boss lol. Guess what - 3hrs of overthinking later, a very comprehensive (ie stupidly long and detailed) email that answers all their queries - including ones they didn't even know they had :-) - with several helpful links and attachments is sent. And I am exhausted, having given it all my brain energy, cos you have to do it RIGHT no? Am never sure if they are being genuine or sarcastic with the 'thanks for the very comprehensive reply' I get one week later, when I've finally got round to sending the email 😃
The people that disregard ADHD as a trend should pass one day with an ADHD brain to then come back crawling and begging to have their typical brain back
41:25 No you don’t. You don’t owe anything to anybody. There is no need to be anything other than yourself, for us or anyone else, including yourself. The good days are not the only ones that matter, the truth of the bad days does too. No more hiding.
Fatigue oh my god I have a dual diagnosis of Asperger’s and combined ADHD with complex maths disabilities late diagnosed in late adulthood. I was bullied all my life found the workforce so toxic I suffer from CPTSD so I don’t work
By describing herself she's describing my sister so perfectly (I also have ADHD) but my sister is very anti science and narcissistic which makes it impossible to tell her about the possibility of ADHD so I dream that one day she will see this video and something will click in her mind to finally realise that she have the same struggle that our whole family has
Thank you lady. I am struggling with my daughter of 57 yrs was trying for pass 30 yrs to a light bulb moment. It never happen.
Siblings and parents are also SUFFERING.
Support is needed in a family setting. Lives are being destroyed 😅😅😅
She's def smart; she articulate well her thoughts and exactly what she wants to say.
"Connection before correction" . . .
Thank you, Jannine Perryman.
An idea whose time is come . . .
Let's hope, pray, and ACT to insure, that this idea be unstoppable. As Victor Hugo said, "Nothing else in the world…not all the armies…is so powerful as an idea whose time has come.” - Victor Hugo
"Connection before correction" can save lives.
Joseph A Vargas Ph.D.
Too much and not enough sums up how I have felt my entire life with undiagnosed ADHD. I'd love to coach people through it now I have gained the knowledge and compassion. Resonating a lot with this episode.
Jannine Perryman, you might just be my spirit animal 😆 everything you said resonated with me, at times I was crying, thinking OMG yessss!!! Thank you both so much for sharing your wisdom ❤️
Wow, wow, wow! Thank you Jannine and Alex!.
Jannine what a beautiful way of talking about ADHD! The way you have handled your own Children with ADHD is such a lovely example of how to do it correctly! Such a powerful loving way of addressing our Neurodivergences! A lot of things resonated as an ADHD and as a parent of two ADHDers. I was alsovery excited as a teacher and I was bashed! I was finding treasures in children that other teachers gave up to work with, and it was so hard! I find myself hiding, trying to be invisible, masking and at the same time feeling like I can't breathe! Then the slightest sign of finding someone I can share something with, I end up overflowing with what I haven't been able to be for long!
What a fabulous interview. So much resonated with me & that I can share with the parents I support. 🙏🏽
Thank you thank you! As a adult that was diagnosed at 49, this interview was so validating! All of it especially the email example ❤
This has been the one interview that has resonated so closely with my own experiences. Especially when I come home from work and I talk to my nine year old, well he talks at me and I respond, but with my older child I barely speak. I feel like I need to explain to her why I do this. As if it was the other way around I'd feel like I done something wrong.
Did u explain to ur older child why you do this? As u said; if the shoe was on the other foot, you would feel like u done something wrong so if u have already seen it from ur child’s perspective….I would love to hear that u had a lovely conversation about why u do this & how it’s not ur child’s fault & how to move forward to change that behaviour & check in with each other…. Would really encourage ur child in so many ways & that way ur child will be less critical of you & And won’t feel rejection- would possibly bring u closer as a family & potentially stop self-harming or sabotaging behaviour by said child in the future. Be their allie ❤ 🤗❤️🩹
Remember connection not correction. Love is the light, forward is the motion.
Wow, that hit home, both for myself and my son. Made me really emotional
Thank you
Phenomenal. Brilliant. So helpful. Thanks for hosting such a wonderful guest. I have learned heaps.
Great interview. You are very personable Janine. Nearly didn't watch as I thought it would be too child-focussed and my kids are now in their early 20s, but found it very interesting and good company.
Remember the SENCO at primary school complaining in an angry and frustrated voice about my daughter suddenly commenting on the colour of the curtain rather than concentrating on getting her spelling right!
She was NOT suited to that job :-(
Totally and it's making me furious
Thank you! Very interesting chat.
Love this.. I am now finally getting my sons assessment. Its taken 4 years.. this has been so helpful
This is the best episode I’ve seen so far. I can relate to her in so many ways and agree with so much of what she’s saying. I never knew that the uber empathy was related to my adhd, but it makes so much sense. Thank you for this podcast, Alex!
Ah, I thought you were off Alex. I'm glad you were able to settle in. I know it's hard to do. I really appreciate this interview and the insights given. Thank you both.
I have ADHD, I was diagnosed at 7 years old and was on ritalin from age 7 until I aged out of my mother's medical insurance at age 21...and I had absolutely zero idea what it did for me except make me calmer and sleepy when they would increase my dosage 💀. I've recently had the realization that ADULTS can have ADHD too, and it's not just a childhood issue that you grow out. I've been obsessively learning more about my silly childhood diagnosis and realizing that it's not just the root cause for most of my problems at work, my self hatred and insecurities, but also for my few defining personality traits that I actually like about myself! Like my art, I love painting and drawing and have always show an aptitude for creating beautiful things. Also writing, I've been writing poems and short stories since I was 10, as well as music, and even my wicked sense of humor...I'm gobsmacked from all of this!!
I know I probably sound crazy, because how can someone have a medical diagnosis and know literally the bare minimum for upwards of 30 years? My family didn't talk to me about my ADHD, except to remind me to take my medicine, and didn't even talk to the neurologist about test results (or anything else really) while I was present, they would always go and discuss my "problems" in another room in hushed voices. I thought my neurologist genuinely hated me and I hated going there to be questioned, poked and prodded, and then judged for being the way I was. For my first year after my diagnosis I saw that hated neurologist every month, was given EEG's at each visit, was constantly pulled out of class to take long tests that took almost all of my school day, and I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. (This was during the late 80's and early 90's) I honestly don't even know if those interviews and tests had anything to do with my ADHD diagnosis but they did start that same school semester. Maybe they thought I was autistic? But what on earth does a monthly EEG have to do with that. My mother says she doesn't remember because I mostly lived with my grandmother, other than the fact I was always VERY emotional. Emotional to the point I was, and still am, unable to control the extreme tidal waves that are my feelings and it's been this way my entire life, yes I did experience a large amount of criticism, bullying by my peers, and had trouble fitting in....But my inability to control my feelings has always been a major issue my entire life and the root cause of most of the said criticism. When one of my great grandmother's passed away (that I was pretty close to and I still remember her) when I was 6 I was inconsolable and cried for days, wouldn't eat, clawed my face and pulled my hair out, and was sent home from school several times after I went back because I wasn't able to control my grieving and wasn't able to calm myself. I overheard my mother and grandmother talking after the school sent me home the first time and they were saying how something is really wrong with me and I'm not like a normal person. I was always terrified to ask what they meant, and they never explained anything to me regarding my ADHD other than the basic "can't focus on" important things like my classes. I was always told growing up that I was lazy because I would forget to bathe and left messes everywhere, forgetful because I was always losing important things and never did my homework, obnoxious because I talked too much especially about dinosaurs or other things that excited me, like science and poetry, that I saw in books at the library and I wanted to learn everything there was to know about my new discovery, and dramatic and embarrassing because I had emotional outbursts and was so overwhelmed with fear, stress, or just uncontrolled rage, and I hurt myself. Sometimes I hurt myself in public because i completely was overwhelmed and lost all control, but mostly I hurt myself in private as a way to quietly vent out the pressure so I wouldn't explode in front of anyone, so I could seem more normal. That started when I was 9 and I had absolutely no idea other people did that, that was my biggest secret and I thought if anyone found out nobody would want me and I would go into foster care because I was unwanted by my mother and a burden to my grandmother who was trying to raise me but was also gradually being cared for by me because she was dying from cancer. I was grateful to have the time I had with her, but I knew I didn't want to make her life any harder than it already was with my stupid problems. I had NO idea until just recently that ANY of those things had to do with my ADHD (I'm honestly still not sure about the self harm, but it's a coping mechanism for me)! I've always thought I was a freak, someone who cares too much while others seem cold and unobservant. Am I rarity or is the emotional disregulation fairly common? I've never met anyone like myself before and it's so strange to hear people touch on these unspoken parts of myself lol. I just didn't know if other people with ADHD experienced any of the same problems I had as a child or are their emotional problems the result of constant negativity. At least, on my end, the way my family views me is through the lens of "Platymapuss has been a disappointment her whole life. She was smart but never applied herself or lived up to her potential. Always causing negative attention on herself and her family because she likes to embarrass us and be dramatic. She's not just a disappointment as an adult, she has always been a disappointment and very strange her entire life. So much wasted potential."
Ive never met anyone like myself before until your comment. It’s kinda weird because I mean I could’ve wrote it.! This is my life story, minus a few particulars. Even you sharing this in this way is what ADHDers do. I see nothing wrong with leaving paragraphs like this to communicate with people, others think this is alot 😅
And yes. You are a rarity. But thank you for expressing yourself because you helped me to acknowledge myself today.
I can relate 😂❤️🩹✌🏾 why the EEG’s though…that’s really puzzling; I’d want to see my medical notes if I was you; saying that I really think I should request my medical notes too!! Sending u love and light and I read all of it easily not a problem; I would love to read one of ur novels, ur a great writer!! ❤
I meant short stories not novel
This resonated with me so much 😢
My 10yr old daughter, has Uber Empathy for her classmates and the Senco said right we need to make her more Resilient to other peoples feelings/emotions! Madness!!! 😢
Related to the email stuff- that 'just send them a quick email..don't make it War and Peace' says the boss lol. Guess what - 3hrs of overthinking later, a very comprehensive (ie stupidly long and detailed) email that answers all their queries - including ones they didn't even know they had :-) - with several helpful links and attachments is sent. And I am exhausted, having given it all my brain energy, cos you have to do it RIGHT no?
Am never sure if they are being genuine or sarcastic with the 'thanks for the very comprehensive reply' I get one week later, when I've finally got round to sending the email 😃
Hahaha I am exactly the same!!! Arghhhh its exhausting 😴
The people that disregard ADHD as a trend should pass one day with an ADHD brain to then come back crawling and begging to have their typical brain back
41:25 No you don’t. You don’t owe anything to anybody. There is no need to be anything other than yourself, for us or anyone else, including yourself. The good days are not the only ones that matter, the truth of the bad days does too. No more hiding.
We already know from Avery early age we are different I knew from about age 3 but absolutely without a doubt from age 5
She's great. Do you or your children take ADHD medication? Thanks
Fatigue oh my god I have a dual diagnosis of Asperger’s and combined ADHD with complex maths disabilities late diagnosed in late adulthood. I was bullied all my life found the workforce so toxic I suffer from CPTSD so I don’t work
I don’t either been scammed by to many people unknown numbers I don’t answer
✌️