I will never forget that one woman on Twitter who tweeted out "I love spending the mornings with my husband in my garden. We drink coffee together and are in love :)" and all of the responses were like "WOW I cant believe youd tweet something so insensitive. I cant relax in the morning because I need to work 24/7 to survive and my ex-husband was abusive to me so youve ruined my day and are a terrible person for tweeting this."
I had a coworker who trauma dumped on me every single day when I first met her. It made my depression so severe to the point where I had to beg her to stop sharing things with me and ended up exploding on her about how I literally couldn’t handle all of her stuff when I had my own stuff to deal with 😭 rule of thumb: please just ask if the person has emotional capacity/space to listen to you
Exactly! I’m a tattoo artist and a client trauma dumped on me about her past abusive relationship, not knowing she was triggering the hell out of me the whole time. I had the worst panic attack the moment she left.
i think social media just has desensitized us to what REAL trauma is…one of my siblings said our dad making us drink milk as children was traumatic and i looked at her in disbelief as this is what our generation thinks trauma is.
I understand your sentiment about trauma not necessarily being something as insignificant as that, but the opposite of what you’re suggesting is the idea of “Trauma Olympics” in which the most extreme scenario counts as real trauma Sometimes trauma is insignificant things because what causes trauma isn’t the event itself but the unprocessed emotion from that occurrence. Therefore, trauma can quite literally happen from anything, it just all depends on an individual’s temperament
@@ShadowJinxXOX agreed! trauma can also be a collection of seemingly insignificant events that reinforce an idea. it's a little cruel to say someone doesn't know what trauma is, because at the end of the day you don't know the full context of their experience and how it affected them. it's frankly more humane to have conversations about these seemingly small things, if it's an option.
Trauma Olympics ....yes .... I do think one person's trauma can be way more traumatic then another person's 😂 leaving the toilet seat up and falling down a toilet wouldn't cause the same level of trauma as say someone being molested in a bathroom and forever having a fear of the sound of the toilet flushing , both would have a toilet trauma but one would end up with a trauma to the level of phobias they can't even comprehend
what’s even worse is that, it’s made up. she’s never been married, she dated the “husband” but he passed away. they were NEVER engaged too. she’s selling a book about it and the whole starbucks situation was to promote it, but the cashier/barista was real. she needs help, and i feel for the barista edit: the family even stated that they were never THAT close to be considered engaged/married.
I remember when the internet was constantly full of warnings where you shouldn't post your identity online, and you should keep personal identifying information to yourself unless you really, really trusted someone. what a complete 180 the internet has accomplished in that aspect. now you're the odd one out for being more private online.
That line "just because you encounter hardship does not mean you are traumatised". My 12yo is so often exposed to this trauma dump culture that they equate everything difficult or upsetting with "traumatising"
@delial.1040 they're not on tiktok but they see stuff on instagram. I'm very aware of my kid's internet usage and they talk about what they watch with me all the time which is how I know this.
@@_salemtovar_legit, what my narcissistic family members do. One legit bad or sad thing happens and they have to ride it and blow it out of proportion months after it happened and use it as a trump card over everyone else, use it as ammunition against people they hurt. Accusing people of being the actual toxic ones.
can you see how even your comment comes across as competitive? none of us are not guilty of this. neither holding it all in or being out of control in how you express yourself is healthy, or good. both of those things are direct results of trauma in different personalities. what defines if a person has a victim complex or not is if they have a low tolerance for mistreatment, and call literally everything trauma. @@veronicatiffany777
I work at a Dairy Queen, and the amount of times a customer has unleashed their deepest, most depressing issues to me it’s insane. I have this one regular who tells me EVERYTIME she sees me, about how awful she is doing. Whenever I try to give advice or be nice, she just KEEPS trauma dumping. It’s exhausting, it’s to the point where I actually hide now when she comes in because it kills my mood 😅
scary how that’s a common thing. literally cut off a friend for doing this to me for HOURS non stop on my birthday. i cried so long after. i was just burned out from that alone (i have major health issues and disabled so it was hard to bare)
@@makthamenaceNah, if you give them advice and they don't take it, consider them as trying to manipulate you and leave them. They don't want to get better and are probs seeking attention if all they do is talk but never try to get better like speaking to a professional
There’s a difference between discussing trauma and trauma dumping. Trauma Dumping: Inappropriately complaining about your feelings and problems, chasing sympathy and attention with no intention of trying to help yourself. Discussing Trauma: Talking about something you’ve gone through/going through in an attempt to understand, relate to or help someone (including yourself) in an appropriate manner. It’s ok to talk about struggles but like….right time, right place, right listener ya know? Common sense, people.
I feel like the inappropriate part of trauma dumping comes from the other person not consenting to listening to it. In a mutual conversation, one can talk about their trauma ofc. You can even ask „hey this may be a heavy topic, are you okay with me telling you about xy?“ so the other person can say yes or no. But if it’s just you telling another person out of the blue and wanting them to respond empathically right away? That’s dumping. You can’t expect people to immediately cater to your needs. Double yikes if it’s dumping on people working service jobs as they have to be nice and accommodating as part of their job.
Not even just common sense, that's basic social etiquette. Something that's lacking due to numerous reasons, which I mostly blame mass internet usage and the pandemic-related lockdowns for the newer generation's misunderstanding of social situations.
@@lilalizzard This is it. I find people believe consent only goes for physical things or topics but it is not. Trauma dumping root problem is the lack of consent and agency people who are forced into these topics must bare. It's taking away the chance of them preparing themselves for something heavy, something that might reflect their own experiences they don't want to relive so you can get a gratification of something. I don't think many people trauma dump to negatively impact others but we are now in a culture that celebrates oversharing and people who despite everything seem to lack social awareness/boundaries even more [not just in a ND way such as myself being autistic but in a 'what I on social media doesn't impact anyone really which is teaching me it's okay to do the same to customer service']. Inviting people into a discussion where they can agree and have the right to back out of the topic at any time is okay; trauma topics aren't inherently evil and need not be spoken of less you're a bad person only looking to gain something from others but it's about finding a mindful way to bring it up. Often with strangers they aren't going to be it. To foster a space people want to listen and feel safe in to expression their own emotions and not have to just sit in what is told to them. It's a benefit to online spaces that are more than just Tiktok and Reels to find like-minded people who can understand, can listen, and know how to help rather than your hairstylist or barista.
I didn’t realize how bad trauma dumping got until I went to checkout some groceries a few days ago. The cashier asked how I was doing today and I jokingly said I’m great no trauma dumping here! And I saw them sigh from relief and relax their shoulders. I asked if people dumping their problems was common. They told me it’s easier to count the people who don’t and thanked me for not contributing. Definitely an eye opener
@@Atria777 Because God is real. And when I was younger I did not understand that everything that was going in my way was sent by God. I thought I was little and unimportant to God, how could I possibly do something big? I was not. I never was. God was speaking to me personally the whole time. He used all kind of people and symbols to speak to me... And I had prayed some years ago he made my life a prayer and he did. He did listen. I was more important that I thought. I was never invisible. If you ask God for a great task he will give it to you. Even if nobody is seeing even if it is just the prayers between you and the Lord in the private space... Do not think you cannot be big.
I hate how people treat TikTok like research or as a replacement for therapy. People are ruining friendships/relationships by psychoanalyzing everyone. Also thinking mental illnesses as “quirky”
Agreed! I just don't take anything off of TikTok seriously because it's all for attention. Most of them are bs statements and not enough research to post. I deleted the app long ago and feel a lot better.
I remember commenting on that Starbucks video saying that would ruin my whole day and someone said "I think there's something is wrong with you if just hearing about someone's tragedy ruins your whole day. You lack empathy." As a former customer service rep for Walmart the returns line is not a therapy session.
Which is hilarious because literally the reason it would ruin your day is because you *do* have empathy. If you didn't, someone trauma dumping on you wouldn't even register.
It’s obvious that person never had to work with the public 😭 because after dealing with a a rush, and having to argue with customers abt expired coupons, the last thing I want to use my remaining sanity is on someone trauma dumping to me. Cause I will straight up tell them to go seek profession help and walk away 😭
I met a girl at the beginning of the year in one of my classes (I couldn’t escape because it was walking class and we all walk together) who all day everyday would just talk about how she had a shitty childhood, her boyfriend cheated on her, she was insecure, she was raped, she had sexual trauma, she used to be addicted to drugs, she tried to kill herself, she self harmed all the time, etc. I would come out of those classes so fucking drained and exhausted and hadn’t even said a word. One single time I commented on how I was depressed when my grandma had died for a long time afterwards and she said “you weren’t depressed. You were just really sad. There’s a difference.” Spending an hour a day with this girl fucking damaged me. Everytime I feel sad about something I feel like it’s not valid because it’s not extreme trauma. If this girl sounds like you or someone you know, you need to check yourself because you can fucking damage people by doing this.
Istg if I read this as a description and not a story I think I wouldve thought you met the same girl I was friends with before. I hope youre doing well now though, people like this are too draining and you shouldnt feel like your feelings are invalid
I remember I also had a friend like this, who would always completely get mad at me and my other friends when we tried to genuinely vent. It’s crazy how some people just trauma dump, without thinking of how others feel. It’s really sad, and damaging.
As someone with diagnosed PTSD, I would give anything to not have trauma. I really hate that it’s become a trend to have trauma and any mental illness for that matter. Reducing stigma and talking about mental health can be done without making it the newest trend.
Love your comment. Also have PTSD and a few other mental issues and it’s hard to be okay sometimes, like you said I’d give anything to not have so much trauma. One girl on instagram was sobbing over losing ten followers and saying “it’s so traumatic oh my god how can they do this to me” and I was just rolling my eyes. Like girl… please.
@@annihilxte I hear ya, it’s really frustrating. Trauma isn’t fun, living with trauma isn’t fun, GETTING traumatized? ISNT FUN. I’d love for the girl you mentioned to pay for my counseling sessions and my medical bills for problems I’m sure have resulted from said trauma. I feel like if people that use it as a buzz word understood just what having trauma entailed they’d stop pretending they have it.
God, I know. PTSD, ADHD, Bipolar. Diagnosed. I would give so much to not have to deal with the persistent barriers and challenges those disorders throw in my way CONSTANTLY. I just want to be "normal".
came here to say this, I have C-PTSD and I'd give anything to not have it. It's hell. I go to therapy every week and it helps, people don't have to dump it all over the internet. Sometimes I'll post an occasional story on my instragram venting but most of followers have no idea how much I've been through and I prefer that. Only people close to me get to have access to my trauma because people can also use that against you to manipulate you.
C-PTSD diagnosed and I feel you. Also, my partner has PTSD. We talk a lot about our traumas and listen to each other. I hate it how it has become such a trend to be "traumatised". Everything, nowadays, is traumatising. Someone got the wrong coffee order? Traumatised. They dropped a spoon? Traumatised. I would give anything to not re-live my traumatising childhood events on a daily basis, and be "normal" and sleep peacefully. I wish I wasn't triggered and went into a spiral. Calling people out is not being insesitive. Using these real life issues as a way to gain money, views, clout and a couple giggles is insesitive. This new era of internet has turned everything into a "trend".
The clip of the girls saying “I love my mental disorders, my mental disorders are me!” They don’t understand how tiring and miserable it is. It’s so triggering when so many people try to be “relatable” for attention, negating from people who genuinely suffer- you’re taking away help from people who actually need it.
It's such a disrespectful thing to say, especially to yourself. I know mental illnesses can be life changing and many of them are impossible to cure, so patients of those illnesses have no choice but to accept them and cope with them. But to make them into something positive and your entire identity? Unbelievable
They definitely missed the point so much I think mental disorders should be something that, you have to accept as part of yourself and yes, it does change your identity a lot (I mean, without it you literally wouldn't be the same person), and it's great to see something positive in that disorder and even embrace that you have one. HOWEVER, you also have to acknowledge that it affects your life in a lot of negative ways. It's considered a disorder for a REASON. Disorders have a negative impact on your life and mental health, which is not something to celebrate. That clip made me cringe physically when I heard it It's not an overall positive experience, so saying you love your mental disorders is... strange, to say the least
@@reidalyn2328 this right here. Most people I know who actually have mental illnesses don’t really talk about it… myself included. I talk to my husband, for communication purposes. In fact my husband and I made a pact to just straight up not tell people everything that has happened to us because it’s not fair to people.
As a mental health student, this video is absolutely necessary. People are normalising mental health problems. Words lose their meaning. I hear people calling each names in a playful way and with a normality that it really doesn't seem ok. One I hear a lot, in my country is adolescents calling each other "autists" just... Because.
@@foolishlyfoolhardy6004 i've noticed this as well. i've also seen a slight rise in popularity of using "special needs" as an insult, which IMO is just the politically correct way of calling someone the r slur.
I know a guy whose ENTIRE PERSONALITY is "being autistic" (in a tiktok way), and for him, pretty much everyone is autistic. You have a few foods you like or dislike? You have one or two interests? You consider yourself "anti-social"? One single trait and you're automatically autist for him. Also, guess what? He is in his thirties and is engaged with a girl who just got into her 18. She, just like him, is a dumbass who swears she is autistic (because they think it's soo quirky and "not like other people, we're so special and unique", he wants a manic pixie dream girl for himself and she is currently collecting every single popular and convenient enough "not-like-other-peopleness" from Twitter and tiktok) and says dumb shits like "this apple tastes purple".
Brene Brown talks about this problem in many of her books on authentic vulnerability and emotional intimacy. Her conclusion on the trauma dump is that yes, its inherently selfish because the dumper is trying to get the benefits of real emotional intimacy without doing any of the labor of being authentically vulnerable. She calls it the smash and grab tactic.
We really need to fight this hyperindependent and hyperindividualistic culture. I constantly see people online fighting for it and its so weird? Like why would you fight for your own misery? We as humans like it or not are social creatures and we need community.
Thank you! I’m so sick and tired of people telling others to cut people off and be all about themselves. When at the end of the day they’re crying into their pillow because they feel so lonely and isolated.
So agreed. There’s so much weird pride around wanting to spend 100% of your time alone that it definitely ends up making me feel needy for just wanting in-person plans that are actually kept once or twice a month, but is it that wild to want to spend time with someone I don’t live with, work with or see at the shops on my errands? Humans are a social species and while I won’t act like there aren’t a handful of 100% hermits out there in the world, that’s definitely not most of us. We need connection, community and genuine in-person intimacy!
@@LoveAndSnappleas someone that cannot make friends due to my autism making it impossible to be social w people that nightime feeling of isolation is CRAZY i cant imagine people striving to purposely cut people out.
@@LoveAndSnapple I apologize for assuming, but most of the time I hear people encouraging other to cut people off, it's usually due to legitamately serious reasons such as toxicity and even ab*se. Maybe it's because I specifcally have to deal with cutting off ab*sive people, but that's what I generally hear it in reference to. Unless you're talking about it in another context, which in that case, my bad
girl once I was in Disneyland with my mom and we asked a woman for a bandaid and she told us EVERYTHING about how her husband was having an affair and she was leaving him. I remember thinking "wtf this is the line for radiator springs, not your therapy session". It's just so uncomfortable to have strangers tell you every personal detail that they're going through
@@loanicastillo3327This isn’t about not wanting to listen. If they don’t want to listen to someone trauma dump, then that’s a boundary they should be able to create. There is no reason for someone to HAVE to listen to someone trauma dump, especially a stranger, when they are trying to enjoy themselves at Disney Land.
@@loanicastillo3327 maybe people should learn that others may be uncomfortable with uncalled for trauma dumping that they did not consent to hearing, especially when it can trigger an emotional or mental response for them I get it if it's a friend or a family member, especially if it's a partner. But a complete stranger? I'm sorry, as if those people don't have enough to deal with already? What if they're trying to enjoy themselves and cope with an event in their life, or take their mind off of things by doing something fun, or working. Are they supposed to listen to someone else's problems while trying to deal with their own?
There needs to be a new disorder name for those who are "mid breakdown" and think "wait a minute, i need to set up my camera so my followers can see this" or those that trauma dump in person without even knowing you. Its scary that nobody knows how to self soothe anymore and the constant need for others to validate our feelings. Also those that do the videos that say something like "idk who need to hear this but my therapist told me _________ ...." like your therapist told YOU that because theyve of YOUR story, that doesnt mean that suits everyone in a similar circumstance.
Preachhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh💯💯💯 hate the “my therapist told me videos” like these are private sessions for you to heal YOURSELF!! What kind of hero complex are you attempting to resolve by sharing their two cents on ur scenario w the world giving no context ?? So much advice is taken in the wrong way when given that way :(
The worst part imo is how it makes it impossible to talk to your friends about things going on in your life. Because people are so exhausted seeing all these random strangers' problems, you can't go to a friend anymore and say "this bad thing happened to me today, so annoying." There's this really weird expectation that anything bad going on should be held onto until you can talk to a therapist, or you should journal it out, and it's just... since when is that the case? I used to be able to talk to my friends about everything, the good AND the bad. But now, if I bring up one negative feeling or event, no one has the patience or compassion to talk. It's so isolating and upsetting.
And the irony is that's exactly what leads to ppl randomly trauma-dumping... many ppl have no one to talk to anymore so when they do have the chance to speak to someone, whatever is weighing on them suddenly spills out.
As a librarian in a public library, I can confirm that many people are using it as their "third place," and as a convenient place to trauma dump. This is true with patrons of all ages, and the pandemic absolutely worsened it. Pretty much every day, I hear about a divorce, a surgery, a crime, a tragedy, from patrons who don't even know my name. It's pretty common for folks to go to a funeral and then go directly to the library, to tell a librarian about it. It's exhausting. I sympathize and feel for these folks, but I'm trained to check out books, not provide emotional counseling. Thank you for making this video - I extremely related to it. If you're interested in getting deeper into this topic (I'd be super interested in watching more!), you might look into the overlap between the recent loneliness epidemic and the upturn in public rudeness/rage. There's a lot of fascinating articles on it, including the fact that loneliness is a form of being self-obsessed, and this often comes out as aggression, especially in men. Once I learned that connection, I haven't been able to unsee it.
I work in a library as well, and I cannot agree more! My commute home is 40 minutes and I spend it exhausted and depleted after a day of trauma unloaded onto me... I'm just here to help fax, y'all.
@@sparkstudies1675 Sorry, my wording wasn't super clear! Basically there's research that shows that in some cases of extreme isolation, people's social skills start to worsen (pretty sure we all witnessed this in public during/after the pandemic). Another way of describing loneliness could be the lack of any/enough interaction with others. If you only have yourself to turn to, and you feel terrible, you could easily start to spiral into a place where your bad feelings are the main thing you're thinking about, all the time. This can sometimes be the root of public rudeness or aggression. (My apologies if it sounded like I was saying all lonely people are self-obsessed! Not at all.) There's lots of interesting recent coverage of this, both scholarly and anecdotal. When I google "loneliness rudeness," the first result is a reddit page that says, perfectly, "being lonely makes you rude and being rude makes you lonely." Lynne Truss's excellent book "Talk to the Hand" also covers this idea.
I cannot imagine trauma dumping to my librarians, good lord. The library has always been a third place and is the last place that you can exist for free, but you're supposed to meet friends there to study/draw/have book club, not unload on the librarian 😭 Honestly with all the cuts to open hours and funding, policing of the collection, paying back your student loans (only found out almost 2 years ago that you need a masters to be a librarian 😅) and rudeness epidemic the last thing y'all need is trauma dumpers. Thank you for showing up despite all that though
This is the reason I limit my social media. I don’t have tiktok anymore , I open insta for work purposes once a week, and what little presence I do have, I never share anything. I’m happy with my life, and I’m tired of pretending to hate it so I can be accepted in my depressed friend groups’. Lives.
As a call center representative, I can absolutely relate to that Starbucks barista, standing there helplessly because you can't ask them to stop no matter how politely you may put it. It makes you feel so helpless and resentful all at once
I literally pretend the phone is going out. I will start talking then hang up in the middle of my sentence so it looks like the call dropped. I can’t deal with trauma dumpers anymore.
The only time I truly cried at work was from working at a call center on Christmas Day. My first 3 calls were each worse than the last. I’ll never go back
As a hairstylist, trauma dumping is my least favorite part of the day. I'll have a new client in my chair that I've never met and before I can even ask how they want their hair done, they're telling me that their brother is dying or something crazy. It is literally insane how much worse it's gotten since lockdown. So draining.
Ugh that sucks. I get a lot of this as a healthcare worker (who doesn’t work in mental health. I just do physical therapy. People trauma dump on me alllll day). I never trauma dump on my hairstylist. In fact I usually prefer to listen to my AirPods and relax. It’s my downtime :)
@@hamham5978im not a talkative person so I dont even say a word when I went to my hair stylist 😂, besides the pleasantries and describing my preferred cut. I always felt awkward about my lack of conversation but what Im hearing is I was probably the most calm client to deal with, so that makes me feel better 😅
there has to be balance, if you’re one of those people that feels like you’ll ruin someone’s life by telling them about your problems so you keep everything in, you’re not going to be in good shape either. there’s nothing wrong with sharing negative experiences amongst friends, just don’t ambush them.
As a former customer service worker (including during the panini), I can 100% confirm that random trauma dumping is very harmful. But I just wanted to specify that the people who trauma dumped on me the MOST were the older generations (40-75 yrs old). Like this man that started telling me he wanted to push his old mother off a cliff in her wheelchair because he was tired of her needs… SIR WHAT?!???? I’m over here trying to sell lipsticks, why?!?!?
Omg really tho the older generation is so accustomed to just talking to strangers. I was at the grocery store getting hot food when an old lady also getting hot food started telling me how she was getting mashed potatoes for her husband because he had surgery like I didn't ask or anything (not trauma dumping but just over sharing)
Even as someone working in the medical industry, having people trauma dump on you is incredibly awkward. (And yes, I agree, it's usually older people.) I'm just drawing your blood honey, please don't tell me about your miscarriage.
i study psychology and there was one psychopathology class where the teacher listed a bunch of symptoms and told us to raise our hands if we felt that. everyone did at some degree, and she said that was the criteria dsm had for severe depression. not everyone there was depressed for sure, but she said it shows how you can’t diagnose based on only symptoms. those tiktoks just raise isolated symptoms and people believe they have a certain mental illness because they fall in that criteria, but you can’t base yourself only on that! that’s why in my country we freaking spend five years studying before being able to have a diagnosis (i’m on my fourth year and i don’t feel confident enough to do so) and then a person who read a google article/saw a tiktok thinks they can? that’s insane. i feel like the whole tiktok mental health area does more damage than good. if everything is a mental illness then nothing is a mental illness and thus the treatment is damaged
This!! Plus so many traits & disorders overlap with all kinds of other things so it takes time to sort through. Some are just normal human behaviors that are a normal response to a current situation. A true disorder comes with clumps of consistent symptoms & behaviors. Spotting one or 2 flags does not a diagnosis make.
I'd put all self-diagnosed people in that category to be honest. Somehow nowadays it's "popular" to have ADHD and most of those "influencers" from instagram are proudly saying they are self-diagnosed and say how stupid all doctors and people around are and don't understand their fragile souls. I don't know how many I've blocked already but some new pop up in my reels feed again and again. I don't even know why I get such videos but all this self-diagnosing thing makes me mad and i'm not even a psychologist neither a person with some mental illness.
Some of us actually know our bodies and dont have the time or money to convince a doctor to test us - i know my own body better than a doctor@spiritus_iris
@@katc2040 How would you? You know your body but not how to do a thorough, proper medical assessment of it. You don't know which tests to run and how to run them/analyze them. You don't know how to x out the overlapping conditions. You wouldn't know how to prescribe a medicine/treatment. So knowing your body I would say is a great start, but it would have to be complemented by working with a doctor who knows what to do with this information.
i also feel like there is an opposite side of the spectrum. where people will try to force you to not talk about ANYTHING relating to trauma because they learned about the word "traumadump" and ran with it. people often confuse DISCUSSING trauma with traumadumping. there is definitely a distinction there lol (that being said, i think that distinction is only present irl and with online friends. not something like a comment section)
yeah, like the kinds of people who constantly talk about how they “can’t deal with your negative energy right now” if you express a single negative opinion.
THANK YOU! To me trauma dumping is when you do it to unsuspecting people. Like when you are at an event that is supposed to be fun and light hearted like a birthday dinner or something and you start bringing the mood down and make everything about yourself, or when you just start unloading on a random stranger like a hairdresser or nurse. But talking about your problems to your friends (at appropriate occassions) is normal and a fundamental part of friendship
So true! It only makes ppl feel more isolated, like they have no one to let these things out with. So that when the time comes that they have a chance to finally speak, they accidentally unload.
@@elwyn5286 just look for some basic rules and you’ll be fine. Do you know the person well? Do they also come to you with their issues? Do you discuss things besides upsetting things? If those things are all true you should be good
Trauma dumping isnt even normalizing mental illness, it’s just reinforcing “woe is me” victim mentalities. They need to get off the phone and get a journal tbh
so dont talk about any traumas ever happening to anyone ever and just keep it in a journal. why is it always a victim mentality to talk about trauama and never an oppressor mentality telling ppl to get over it and just write about it in a journal and burn it so no one else ever has to see it. just wondering. people cant even 'trauma dump' or even mention their traumas to their therapist these days without getting terminated cos of this mentality. therapists dont even want to treat ppl with traumas anymore theyd rather treat people who dont have such issues.
i always found it strange when people would just randomly trauma dump unprompted then get mad when the person they’ve dumped on doesn’t know how to properly respond to it. social media - especially in recent years - has made people either emotionally void or extremely reactionary.
Fr, like when I hear trauma dump my association with it is as a bad thing you shouldn't do in a social interaction without like informed consent of some kind. These people seem so bizarre, and I definitely had people do it to me when I worked in service, sometimes it was really scary. Like feel free to not give the canned "I'm fine, you?" response to "How are you tonight?", but keep it surface level unless the asker gets interested in the tea and you want to share, "Oh not great, had a bad breakup. How about you?" "Oh that's too bad. I'm alright, a bit burnt out. Hope the rest of your night goes better." "Yours too." Just be a normal person! Jeeze!
@@darkshadowrule2952 i absolutely agree! i feel like people, for lack of better words, are so chronically online that they don’t know how to have small talk. i’ve worked in service as well and someone just dumping heavy subjects onto you without any form of consent can be really worrisome and discomforting, like you said. to me, people seem to not be able to differentiate interactions in person vs online and that line gets blurred. i think one that jarred me the most was when i served a table of high schoolers and one of them had a meltdown over the rolls we served then sobbed to me about this, that, and the third and all i could do was just stand there and apologize. it’s bread, man!
I graduated highschool during the pandemic, and this was very much my experience. I got involved in some online groups, made some friends, and ended up talking to a lot of hurting people. Taking on their emotions on top of my own absolutely hurt my mental health, and it was only when I found videos like this that I realized I needed to set boundaries for myself. I stopped participating in conversations which went in those directions or told the other person I was uncomfortable and needed them to tell me if they wanted support instead of suddenly dropping their baggage on me. It helped me exponentially, and I really recommend (if you are in a similar situation) that you consider doing the same. You can't take care of other people if you can't take care of yourself first.
I got a sew in once and the stylist made me a straight up BADDIE when he was done! He didn’t know I was going through a nasty divorce and my now ex was dragging me all over social media and the internet for that matter. I wasn’t fixing to share that. I came to get done up so I can look GOOD and feel even better. Mission was accomplished!
@@Threebananaforaeuro Nah, they were sharing an example. Trauma dumping would have been going into detail on just how nasty said divorce was and what her ex was saying about her on social media. None of which she just did.
@@Threebananaforaeuro Their comment is directly related to the topic of this video. It's not trauma dumping. And IMO you can't even truly trauma dump via a comment online. Anyone has the ability to scroll by and not reply. It's not like in person where you're literally just stuck there listening to them.
i had no idea that loneliness/friend drought was an actual generational problem. i always see all of my "friends" (aka old classmates or roommates that i haven't talked to in years) posting insta stories of the social gatherings they go to and it's always made me feel so wrong in comparison. this video made me feel really valid. and now i'm realizing that i'm trauma dumping in the youtube comments.. damn
hey, i get how you feel! its that feeling of fomo, right? i hope the best for you, and that you find some really good friends, if you dont have some already! ❤❤
i dont think this is traumadumping however i cant rly say why exactly it isnt. what differentiates a normal comment like this about a sensitive topic from a traumadumping one? can someone sayv
I work at a grocery store. The way that people easily talk about their issues or trauma is so weird. I was giving out a sample to this guy and I asked him what he thought. He finished the food and said “my dad used to beat me if I talked with my mouth open” like BRO i just wanted to know what you thought 💀
I have a theory about part of the reason there's so much trauma dumping online: it's because if you keep doing that behavior toward real people in your life, people will stop wanting to spend time with you and then the internet becomes the ONLY place you can share it. People turn to strangers because they've already exhausted their close connections.
There's also way more people who could see your comment, video, etc. online versus in person, so statistically there are more people who would see and care about your post, too
exactly! people don't understand balance anymore and aren't considerate of their friends' needs! friends can be there to listen, but you have to be a good friend in return and know their limits + be there if they need you!
@imechko_familia -- Start with meetup groups or other activities based around a hobby or sport or whatever you already like, so that way you know you and whoever else is there already have at least one thing in common to talk about, and they're less likely to mind you blathering on and on about your special interest hobby because it's *their* special interest hobby, too.
On top of needing third places, I think we should also work on making those third places more welcoming environments. It's not uncommon to get the stink eye if you attempt to strike up a conversation with a stranger in a third place anymore, and it's kind of sad.
I saw an ADHD video and it was about super common symptoms, and in the comments someone said they were tested for ADHD and they dont have it, but they have all the symptoms in the video, and people replied back saying it must be from trauma then. It blew my mind how easy people were diagnosing strangers and saying its a trauma response.
people need to realize that you can have all the symptoms, but unless its actually getting in the way of you living your life, its not something that needs a diagnosis
To be fair, there is actually plenty of research showing that long term effects from trauma can create effects similar to ADHD. The cause behind the behaviors is obviously different, which means the treatments can be different, but there can also be overlap in the causes and treatments too. So, those suggestions aren’t coming from thin air. That being said, armchair diagnosing needs take several steps back. There’s a difference between someone asking for info and a suggestion for what to research (especially if they can’t currently afford/access therapy or treatment) versus “It must be this in my (uninformed) opinion” which there is way too much of online.
Trauma and ADHD have behavior overlap. They are entwined because the ADHD causes ppl to have behaviors others look on as unfavorable and then they are treated poorly as a result which creates trauma. That being said, trauma doesn't mean ADHD. The only real way to know is to talk to a professional and try ADHD meds. ADHD meds only work on ADHD ppl. Which will help sort out trauma from ADHD.
@@dragonstooth4223 I realize that, however this video was symptoms like playing the same song over and over again, and being picky. They were insanely simplified to the extent that every human relates, and then when the person said they didn't have ADHD people replied telling them its a trauma response. Being a picky eater and liking to play the same songs are not trauma responses. These are over simplified symptoms to the point where they aren't even ADHD specific anymore.
I feel like the root of the problem is not having a good support system. people who trauma dump aren’t necessarily horrible people, it’s that they have no one to go to.
this is literally it. not having a healthy support outlet is the reason why people trauma dump so much. I not only have a therapist, but my many of my friends and family are open communicators where we're allowed to talk about heavy topics and vent to each other in healthy ways. I don't feel the need to dump all my problems on a stranger. And it's sad that so many people either don't have friends, or feel like they can't depend on their friends for that kind of stuff
True. However, if you’re pulling out your phone and using the camera to get a service worker on camera my sympathy dies. I just view them as a clout chaser and it pisses me off.
I feel this is true but also some may not understand boundaries online. Or even both. It just sucks to see because especially nowadays I feel like everyone is lonely & that- I’m sure - makes it worse😮💨
A couple years ago i made a pact with myself so go out of my way to find people who I shared common interests with because not having people around me who enjoyed the same things as me was taking a serious toll on my mental health. And now i feel like i have an incredibly fulfilling social life and a lot of people i care about. Finding those people is probably the single most important thing i did for myself.
Could you share some details about what you did? Just curious if it is hobby related or something different, as I can quite relate to what you said at the beginning
Your analysis of the loneliness crisis is very well done. I’m 23 myself and don’t think I’ve ever felt this secluded. Sometimes it can be beneficial for me, but mostly it’s very emotionally heavy
I hate how horribly relatable this is. My niece has been going through the same thing and she's 23 as well. She has her best friend and husband and they're not handling it well either. They use door dash or use Amazon to get most of what they need. I know they all miss pre-panini life.
i feel so called out reading this seeing as i had a mental breakdown recently because I have a group of friends but have never felt more alone in my entire life. More so alone then when I didn't have any friends at all. I genuinely hope you can make great, long lasting friends soon because feeling alone is the most empty, painful, bitter feeling
How to stop trauma dumping on random people on the internet: 1. Go to therapy 2. Journal 3. Talk to friends or family that consents to listening Not that hard guys❤
A lot of people do not have friends in this day and age. At least where I live, it’s pretty hard to find friend groups in university. The price of therapy is much to high for a normal 15-25 year old too, even one session can break 200$. Journaling is also kind of like putting a tiny bandaid over a large wound. I think the issue of why people are trauma dumping is at part due to our increasing loneliness and isolation in younger generations. We have no close friends to vent to, and if we do, it’s also kind of like trauma dumping on just them… many people don’t have family to vent to either (cause for a lot of people trauma is their family). I think this is a really tough video. On one hand convulsing on camera is an extreme thing that shouldn’t be shared, and on the other, this is just real life. It’s not happy all the time. I don’t mind when people share things with me at work, it might make me sad for them for a minute, but it might have kept them alive for the next few days.
We know that not everyone has money for therapy or friends, the commenter was just trying to be helpful, don’t write paragraphs stating that they’re being insensitive. Sometimes we forget people are in difficult situations, please don’t try and make them look bad by arguing. Everyone has hard times, that doesn’t mean that this isn’t helpful.
@@Midnightlunar10 well the ‘not that hard guys’ at the end of their comment does make it seem kind of out of touch because yeah, *it is that hard* for some people. That’s literally the reason why this is happening. I think people are underestimating how much the isolation of the pandemic affected people socially. It certainly happened to me. Also people have had to move to more remote areas because of the rising cost of living. My friend group definitely took a hit, plus my age because I’m in my late 30s and a lot of my existing friends are just too busy or don’t care to make time. And before you say ‘well your friends suck then’ that kind of comment isn’t terribly helpful either because it is hard to make genuinely good friends. You could put a lot of effort into a friendship and then when you need people to be there for you, most will not come through. You don’t always know how people will react until you’re in certain situations so it’s not like you can blame the person for not knowing their friends would turn out to be shtbags. This is not at all me defending the weird social media trend of harassing service industry workers and dumping on them for tiktok views. Or dumping too much on anyone, stranger or friend. But these solutions listed above are certainly easier said than done for some.
i’m studying abroad in italy (florence) and the culture here is so different. there is no lack of a third place. there are always locals at cafes, on stoops in stores or just outside spending time with each other. i wish i could take this back to America with me
I'm from Croatia and that is also the case here. Our cafes and bars are always full, people are constantly on the streets, life here is not nearly as fast as in bigger countries and I absolutely love that. I wasn't aware that some societies have this third place problem to that extend and watching this video has made me more appreciative of my people and my community
@@tamcon72 yea, i think w good amount of issues americans have are really only a issue in america. there’s a great sense of community here, people are so welcoming and if anyone is ever acting in a way that’s not really “okay”, it’s most likely a tourist
who is actually doing that, beyond the rare obviously poorly adjusted person? i see comments like this acting like its something that happens en masse but ive never seen it. it feels like a straw-man atp
I have dealt with this problem for decades ever since my personal trauma went public. Everyone assumed that I would be the most relatable, down to earth, empathetic person. The reality is, I could barely handle stress. I'm Autistic and cannot properly handle someone else's trauma without having to fight the urge to also overshare / disassociate so I'm not emotionally affected in a negative way. I haven't socialized outside of work in over 7 years, and I can honestly say I haven't been happier. I feel like I have total control over my boundaries and never have a worry about being lonely (I have a family) .
Honestly I accidentally trauma dumped during an interview. It was two months after I quit a job after working for two years but my dumbass was talking to this complete stranger despite her being nice about it. Honestly, I’m glad she didn’t call back otherwise it would’ve been super awkward or whatever. 😅
NO SAME. i was suddenly talking about how my old job and how it affected my mental health. they also didn’t call me back, and i forgot about it until now 😭
Me too but with a zoom meeting, it's this "social" activity online from uni which is weird like why... in a zoom call. Was so sleepy and everyone talking about stuff suddenly they ask me and i was just not processing and keep blabbering e.e
It can happen in friendships, too. I had to end a 12 year friendship because of her trauma dumping, SINCE we were kids. Now as an adult with full comprehensive skills, I realized that her trauma dumping would also effect my mood and mental health as well. It was a constant thing. Eventually I went through something traumatic of my own, and not once did she bother asking if I was okay. I realized I was just there for her to unload on. It hurt me so much to end the friendship, but it's HARD. Especially when we're all going through our own "trauma" and the ones closest to you don't ask if you're okay.
Its insane to me that people wanna be known because of their “mental illnesses.” As someone who experiences crippling depression, I RARELY talk about it to people. I don’t wanna be known for something that makes it hard for me to even take care if myself. I wanna be known for my hard-work and my passions! Mental illness is not you!
When the one lady said she “loved” her mental illness, it infuriated me. I had crippling depression at one point as well and everyday felt like I was physically slowly dying. How could you love that Let alone make it your entire personality
@jessicaamy6711 I kind of get her point because I do think my mental health issues have contributed a lot to who I've become, but because of learning to cope with them and push myself while also recognizing when I can't and that it is okay to struggle and not be okay. My mental illnesses have helped me become resilient, brave, and more empathetic, and I love that. But for sure, that's a far cry from "loving" your mental illness.
@@loveinstars Some people say crippling others would say debilitating. I think they can be used interchangeably to mean “impactful in a way that heavily disrupts daily functioning.”
The thing that gets me the most is that people expect friends to be texting nonstop. If you aren't, you're not a real friend. It feels like people who want to be friends in the real world, and control their time online are perceived as distant or cold.
I don’t expect a text back right away, I’m old school and believe your phone is for your convenience, not theirs. I’m always surprised when I text someone and it’s only been like 15 minutes and they apologize for not responding sooner. If it were THAT important I’d have called 911 not you!
Trauma and mental illness has become a lot of people’s whole personality. Everyone wants to be a victim. It’s giving “pick me/look at me.” I did not have a traumatic childhood but as an adult, I can look back in hindsight on my upbringing and pinpoint the things that still stick with me that I want to do differently as a parent. That’s the best way to heal, not vomit your issues all over innocent people who didn’t ask. That’s what therapy is for.
I’m on a mission for friendships. I have a few moms from my daughter’s daycare I’m getting to know, but I have been frustrated by how surface level it feels - so thank you for the reminder that ITS OKAY for friendships to start out that way. I was used to immediately building intimate bonds with people in high school and I’m needing to unlearn that as my standard for relationships.
@@Lighthouse6104they really do! I’m lucky to have two super close friends from high school but other than that I feel like it’s really hard to make any new friends. My circle definitely has gotten way smaller since my early twenties.
its so hard making real friends, and yes it takes time and effort, but it is so incredibly fulfilling and rewarding. your friends bring something out in you that really sparkles and makes you shine
I dont even vent to my friends when I know theyre going through a tough time, now imagine trauma dumping to someone not knowing if theyre okay themselves
This is an amazing video and I completed it feeling so inspired! I run a 16 week program that’s an alternative sentence for 1st offender DUI. By the end of someone’s 16 weeks in my class I have had so many attendants tear up because they cannot continue past their 16 weeks. I’ve noticed this need for connection but didn’t have a term for it, now I do and I’ll be encouraging this message in my class. Thanks so much for your well thought out and presented videos!!
Trauma dumping is not only harmful to other people, but to the person sharing the trauma as well, i think. People open up their deepest fears to complete strangers online, and while most people would try to just ignore it or help, some use those things to actively harm the traumatized person. There's just no good sides to this behavior and i'm glad you took the time to point it out
yes, this. an online safe space is safe as long as nobody decides to make it not safe. I completely stopped posting about my personal life anywhere online, even in support groups, when I realized that if someone wanted to weaponize what I said against I'm making it super easy for them
Agreed, also the other person won't be able to respond with deep interest and empathy (because they can't really *care* about a stranger, even with good intentions) and the one who was trauma dumping is going to feel rejected and disappointed in humanity even more
I understand trauma dumping to a friend when you have not had the ability to express your emotions and experiences before, but there is a point where you have to recognize your friends aren't your therapist. 🦆
It’s best practice to ask if someone is in the right place to hear some venting. But even then I feel like some people will feel obligated to say yes! So minimize that as much as possible because good friends can get burnt out too.
Yep. Also sucks when someone wants to openly trauma dump on a near daily basis, but then when their friend wants to vent about anything too, they're unwilling to reciprocate that support. It has really shocked and disappointed me, the amount of times I've encountered that. Something about my nature seems to invite people to treat me as the "therapist friend", and I would listen to people / support them / be there for them through so many really dark and emotional conversations, but then as soon as I wanted to open up even a little bit they would completely shut down and say they can't handle it. It's really not fair to treat someone as your emotional dumping ground but then be entirely unwilling to return even a small amount of that same support for the other person, especially when all they want is just to be listened to and have done so for you on countless occasions. After experiencing that several times, I finally stopped allowing myself to be treated as anyone's therapist, because it's really not fair for me to be there for somebody so much when they'll never be there for me when I need them.
I agree ENTIRELY. I’m currently dealing with an issue like this now, and it’s so hard for some people to understand boundaries when it comes to venting.
" It take time to know people". YES. Most people engage with small talk first because they don't know you. It take times to have meaningful deep conversations. Forcing people to share their deepest feeling with strangers is a cult tactic 🙃
I think oversharing in general and especially traumas is a trauma response too. In face-to-face social interactions it is really noticeable. I discussed this in therapy and had an issue about this myself, where after hiding all your issues from everyone and starting addressing them, I kind of fell to the other extreme of dumping trauma in completely unrelated situations, without being asked. It is after one realizes that they can express their deeper feelings that they can start learning when and when not to do that. Of course, social media is insane and leeches into how people speak, so I try to focus on discussing mental health in real life. People don't want nuances here, go to therapy or at least talk privately with people that are willing to listen of you can't afford that.
I very much relate to this. I went from hiding all my issues from all my loved ones and friends to oversharing. However, over time, I've had to learn how or when to communicate these issues and to who. I think it's important to be able to talk about your issues and what you're going to but there's a time and place. Therapy is a great place but also finding friends who you trust is important. But it's also important to ask or get consent before you drop things off on someone because people may not be in a good mental state to receive that information at that time.
I 100% agree also. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and I started oversharing my learnings with friends, my parents, and even a coworker just because it felt like something I needed to do as part of accepting the diagnosis, and in identifying my traumatic responses since I had been living with it undiagnosed for so long that I just kind of accepted a lot of my responses as either anxiety or "I'm just weird". Luckily my friends and parents are great and let me talk about it and my therapist has helped me learn that I can ask people first and let them decide if they're willing to listen rather than assuming that it is or isn't okay, because often loved ones do want to be there and be an ear to listen but I shouldn't and don't have to make that decision for them.
I had the same, thing happen with me, and accidentally took out my trauma on my friends. We all always ask consent to “lore drop”, lol, and we had several discussions as a group in what the problem was and how to work through it. I have found that assuming a baseline of trust with good friends is VERY helpful.
My grandma has been trauma dumping about her childhood to my sibling and i while spending time with us. She’s realized that she’s had many unconscious trauma responses due to her childhood and im glad that she’s kind of working on that but we think she needs to talk to a therapist instead of us in the car on the way to get ice cream. She thinks she’s okay without therapy but my dad thinks that she doesn’t want to go because my grandpa didn’t like therapists. It’s a whole situation
Can confirm- I used to be someone who trauma dumped because I was trauma dumped on and because I had no healthy way to express my pain. Now, I’m super embarrassed of my past habit (and even often was embarrassed of my trauma dumping back then). It created a cycle where I was not processing anything, but instead just feeling entitled to my friends’ emotional availability. Now that I’m older I’m a lot more contained, mature and *slowly* taking better steps to take responsibility for my mental health. Honestly it feels good not to compulsively rehash issues and feel shame for it the next day when I’m more self aware. Edit: Also wanted to add- I even trauma dumped on Tiktok at one point during quarantine, went viral for it (got "good" attention) and can acknowledge IT DOESN'T HELP. I stopped using that app, for my own good. This shouldn't be normalized and Salem hits home with these points.
I'm glad that you recognized that trauma dumping is harmful, and there are other healthier ways to express yourself. I went through a similar experience. I've had people be nasty towards me as a way to cope with trauma. I in turn treated people the same way. It was not good and very crippling. Thankfully going to therapy was very helpful.
That is literally me. After some years, I realized that trauma dumping on each other solved nothing and made the feeling worse, and also it was incredibly selfish and rude of me to trauma dump on people to the point where they were relieved when I stopped texting them for months.
@@soominlee5747 been there. I was so eager to hear them respond, fully with their energy and time and occasionally they did- but it shouldn't have ever been a thing for me to text walls complaining and lamenting my life experiences excessively. Just like you...yeah, I know they were relieved when I stopped. And I don't blame them.
Trauma dumping feels like to me where someone is so lonely and alone they dont feel like they can talk to friends or family about their problems, i used to work in a charity store and alot of people would come to me and express their feelings of their loved ones passing away i worked in charity retail btw (in the uk) i have asbolutley no problem comforting people when they are at their lowest and honestly it makes me sad that people are derogatory towards these people. Where has empathy or compassion gone. We are at a point where society is so individualistic that people who crave a little bit of community are posted online talked bad about, called narcisstic, when all they really want is someone to listen to them. Sometimes, we forget that we are all human and we are social animals, people are now saying we have a lonelyliness epidemic, and i wonder why this is a symptom of a larger issue. To me it sounds like people just want others to be quiet and go about their day and not ruin theirs with "negative energy". This gives the same energy as game "review bombing" when a video game is actually critised for being bad and people disagree so much with it for no reason or just for the sake of it they call it review bombing to belittle the criticism. I also have a mental health disorder that involves around relationships with people, so actually, being their for customers was actually really helpful for meto understand when someone was upset and learn how to comfort them. We need to realise that some human beings might not have friends or family to unload off too, the only people they can is a professional and sometimes that might be local hairdresser. I wasn't trained to deal with people who had mental health issues or passed away parents or siblings, but i did what i could to cheer them up and bring a little happiness to their life, you can never be trained to be compassionate to others.
What confuses me about trauma dumping is that there are SO many online spaces for people to talk about basically any trauma/illness/difficult life situation/etc that they're experiencing. I'm in a few myself and they've been incredibly helpful! I can relate, rant, get valuable advice, all of the things that a stressed out random stranger understandably doesn't want. It's not 1900 anymore. If you have internet access, you have access to support groups/communities. Leave the poor service workers alone and go to an online group where everyone there has consented to hearing about your entire life story or daily struggles.
are there really? most of groups I have been were ableist, transphobic / homophobic and heavily pro-capitalistic and I only got retraumatized and "put in my place", told "others have worse" and that I'm not trying enough and I can't blame capitalism for the issues created by capitalism
@@eurodarathere are absolutely a ton of awful groups out there and I'm really sorry you had that experience because no one deserves that kind of crap. I know this is gonna generate a lot of doubt but I've found my favorite ones on reddit. I always lurk for a few days before participating and there were some that were just bad. But one example of a good one is r/bipolar (I have Bipolar 1 Disorder). They are so kind, so supportive, and the mods are crazy diligent about shutting down anything in the universe of bigotry or disrespect. Like I remember a recent post where a member posted pictures about cleaning their room for the first time in years and I teared up myself from all of the kindness I saw. Online communities aren't right for everyone which is totally fine! And the type you're looking for probably makes a difference, like how specific it is (like a group for people with fibromyalgia vs a general group for people with invisible illnesses). I've just found a lot of support and healing through carefully selected ones so it is an option for some people to consider.
@@ashantiwrlds6119 we are literally talking about SUPPORT groups so about people who are supposed to want to listen about other people problems and trauma also, "get a therapist" is such a fucking priviledged statement, when so many people cannot afford basic healthcare
@@ashantiwrlds6119 they stated going on specific online groups for support not on random strangers and was treated poorly when it shouldn’t have yet somehow you missed all that, also there are therapists that could be transphobic, ableist, homophobic, classist, etc
Breathing is a trauma response. We were all gaslighted at birth by the doctor slapping our buttocks into thinking we rely on oxygen but what if it was never invented? 💁🏻♀️
Wow, part three especially was incredibly insightful and I really appreciate your explanations! I've never heard of the "third place" concept before but it really resonated with me. My favorite thing about social media is accidentally encountering new ideas and perspectives that change how I see the world (and myself), and there are a lot of thought-provoking concepts in this video that I've never really thought about before. Thank you!
Social media has made us so desensitized to traumatic events. Once I saw this tiktok of a mother crying over a portrait of her son in his cap and gown; he died before he could graduate. And I know it could be staged, but seeing that made me feel something… weird. The tiktok had thousands of likes and comments and it just made me think; we showcase grief like this? Like mass-media, for us to consume, feel for a few moments, and continue on with our doomscroll? It felt so wrong. This is to say nothing of people who literally throw their huge amounts of trauma on short form videos. It’s all so dystopian
@@chilling_koala The whole concept of the video is how easily people on the internet lay out extremely sensitive and traumatic info out for everyone to see, and do it under the guise of wanting support. I don't deny that it can be done for support and awareness. But when is enough enough? My point here is that it's voyeuristic. We feel, we like and we comment and we move on. It's not treated with the gravity it deserves; it's reduced to content, shares and likes. Some things don't need to be on the internet. When you post moments like that to the internet, I'd argue that you open yourself up to possible judgement. My judgement is that it's voyeuristic as hell and I sure as hell didn't want to watch this grieving mother sob over her son, but go off, I guess.
I love the point that even if you ARE an introvert, you need people. Everyone needs social and alone time, even if at different ratios. The best thing I’ve done as an introvert was finding spaces based on common interests. Going to college was also really eye opening. I was in a major that wasn’t for me, and I saw how many other people in my degree program loved what they do and were able to connect over it. Seeing their passion and connections made me realize that 1) I was in the wrong degree program and needed to find what I loved & 2) how much more fun life was when you have those spaces and people to share your interests and goals with. I’ve started the process of changing majors (my school makes it a pain in the ass) and I’ve already met new people in classes and student groups. I was nervous that I wouldn’t make connections until I was officially in that major, but I think people could see how much I cared for the same things they cared for and we were drawn to each other.
i consider myself an introvert but I'm also very in love with the concept of socializing and like to be around people (the right people), to the point that people consider me to be an extrovert. but after hanging out or being social for a while i feel very tired and don't want to be around other people, and need my time alone and i start to wish to go home. I've never liked when people act like introverts are shy/unsocial etc, most of the times we just find ourselves in spaces we don't thrive in and it gets really tiring fast
I will never forget when a uber driver told me he was going thru a divorce and how horrible his ex-spouse was, bc of him trauma dumping I got late at work, just straight up pulled over in front of my workplace but didn't finalize the trip until he finished ranting about his ex, dude was almost crying 💀
I have a friend who is an English Professor. He said he got a failing student email him that he couldn't turn in a major essay because of "academic trauma." Apparently the student couldn't handle the grades they got for not turning in their (half assed) work in on time. And that's when they did decide to turn stuff in too. He was in disbelief at that one.
@@Toccata. oh right, it's not a medical diagnosis, but people struggling with trauma caused by the education they went through exist whether you want them to or not
The student needs to talk to a counselor or a therapist. Or disenroll from school. Whatever issue they have is their responsibility to deal with and workout
okay but as someone whose been told some absolutely insane stuff at my hotel job, its so hard to not just blink at them, like im at my minimum pay job, im traumatized myself and suddenly im a trained therapist???
I think I got “mean world syndrome” after attempting to date via dating apps. Got treated so inhumanely so many times that I gave up on trying to connect with people in the real world.
Thank for you talking about this. I used to think I hated people too, I agreed with thinking people suck and I wanted to avoid social situations at all costs. But now that I'm almost 33 I feel incredibly lonely. Whenever I see people bragging about how much they avoid each other and are glad that they can buy food/items without human interaction honestly makes me sad. I miss having a social circle and the feeling of belonging. Building up my social skills again has been sooo hard, but I think it's 100% worth doing. We need each other.
It's hard to schedule hangouts as an adult. I'm about to be 24 and definitely felt the same way. Years ago, a friend who moved away had the idea of hosting weekly "friend meetups" at the same time and same place, so anyone could come anytime with no pressure whatsoever. I stole that idea. It's been super helpful for maintaining relationships while having a ton of things going on. And for the anxious friends, I give an "earliest arrival" time and a "usually people pass out by this point" time. Because it's truly just to be together with no obligation. :)
Well how is anyone supposed to have human relationships these days? People are high in dark tetrad traits, they want to outsource negative aspects of relationships to "mental health professionals", they're fair weather friends, faux "accept people different from you, prejudice, invalidating. What exactly is the benefit of being around people?
@The_Bean It really is. I have two friends that I see every few months due to busy schedules but I still would like to make deeper connections. That friend sounds so lovely and its great that you're following the example. Putting pressure on a hangout can be super difficult for people, and not everyone can come out on the same day, so this is a wonderful way include people when they're available. I hope to implement that at some point! Thank you for the idea.
@feliznavidad6958 I used to have this opinion too, but it was killing my mental well-being because I was being so negative and isolated myself all the time, and that doesn't attract friends. Ofc there are shitty people and unfortunately a lot of them. But there are still good people in the world, and while it's hard to find them, they're still worth looking for.
I can relate to this so much. I cut off so many friendships from my youth because I told myself I didn’t need them when, in reality, I was just horribly insecure. Now, at 28, I’m trying to rebuild a social life, but it’s much harder as a mom and adult, and I feel lonely often. Treasure your friendships, y’all. They matter.
Thank you for this video. I’m a Esthetician and I do brows, and the amount of people dumping there problems on me is crazy. And I’m trying to heal from my own trauma. Even when I started to have boundaries bc I couldn’t take it anymore, they would literally try to trick me and ask about me only to turn and make it about themselves to dump on me. I literally now have to tell people that I feel uncomfortable knowing this information, and then I just turn up my music. People really need to go to therapy.
Ngl I feel some clients do it for us to feel sympathy for them so we’ll give them a discount & I’ve emotionally discounted way too many times in my career that they need to understand these services are a luxury at the end of the day not a NEED , but WE NEED our bills to be paid & this is our livelihood so like wtf 😐
@@chiafashionista preaching for the choir. I worked at a hotel as a receptionist and the sobs story from people for discounts were CONSTANT it was so emotionally exhausting. Good on you for setting those boundaries!
I realize now when ppl want to trauma dump. They ask about how you’re feeling and try to get you to talk about your problems 😂😂. I’m like na, I’m not gunna get caught in this trickery.
I’d never dump my problems on anyone I just talk about normal stuff like pets and travel but never my own personal problems and I don’t get how anyone can do that.
Agreed! I have problems myself instead I talk about them to people that I trust who I'm close with not to strangers. Therapy can help and I recommend people doing it.
its epsecially bad for service workers, cuz often they have a limited amount of time for each customer, or aren't even allowed to give opinions to customers or have no work related convos
When I was a cashier in my teens, I finished ringing up an elderly lady and as she was leaving the register, she turned back toward me and said "my husband died this morning". It was only 10am so he had just died. All I could say was "I'm so sorry" because another customer had entered my line. I didn't know what to say or do beyond that. She just left when she saw the other customer. I hope she found someone to talk to.
I don't know how new trauma dumping really is. As a teen and a young adult in the early 2000s, random people would trauma dump on me all the time, especially when I was just waiting for a bus to arrive. Nothing like just wanting to go home and some dude you don't know telling you about his very fucked up childhood. My mother also said it happened to her all of her life as well. Strangers loved to tell her their personal life stories and often within seconds of meeting here. I think it's probably as old as time, but now, people have an even larger platform to do it on.
I used to have people trauma dump on me constantly, as well. (Now I don’t go out that often.) I think it’s become much more performative now with the advent of social media.
I’ve been complaining to my husband that nobody wants to hang out anymore. I want to have friends I want to visit with people and have community, but feels like people in my life just full away. It’s really sad.
This is honestly so gross. Trauma dumping is so dehumanizing. They have no care for your well-being, they just want to throw everything on you as if you're a trash can and walk away feeling better while you're left picking up the pieces.
Most ppl who trauma-dump aren't doing it on purpose or because they lack care or empathy for someone else or even expecting another person to fix things for them. A lot of times, it's totally unintentional & many ppl do feel embarrassed about doing it afterwards like "wtf did I just do?"
@@Justanothercog24 more people know what they are doing than I think you’d realize. It’s one thing to accidentally over share it’s another when service workers have to deal with regulars who come to their place of work to trauma dump (and yes that is something a LOT of people deal with)
@@yougotgamesonyourphone6947 self-awareness is a habitual process of growth. If someone recognizes what they did & feels embarrassed, that's awareness. The ones to really watch out for are those who make excuses & no apologies for the way they treat others.
As someone with seasonal ‘sadness’ this couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve realized a lot of people kinda trauma dump around me and on social media it’s been kinda refreshing to know that I’m not an a-hole for not wanting to hear something triggering at 10am. Edit: I also use to work at a call center and this was a constant theme even for situations that were simple and required little effort to fix. I feel like due to the pandemic a lot of people just want someone to talk to and that’s fine but like the context of the conversations that took place during my job were sooo bad that I was formally diagnosed with anxiety disorder which made it harder to continue. So I quit.
Yes I work from home and do call center stuff for a product pretty much only old people buy and they'll be calling about updating their cc and then go into how their wife had cancer or that their husband died this year and it's just a lot to deal with over and over. Ive taken 2 loa already and I couldn't understand why I didn't want to go back til right now.
I'm thinking of quitting my job too. I'm a receptionist so I answer phones too and God the amount of trauma dumping I experience on a daily basis is ridiculous.
@@marslara honestly no cap I’ve been wondering that cuz people will literally tell me about being assaulted out of nowhere and I’m like why did you choose me? Out of all people why me???
your insight on losing the third place was very revolutionary and validating to me! you put into words perfectly what i've been trying tog rasp at and figure out myself: people only operate on necessity now, and thats themselves, and work. the lack of an interstitial commune is definitely killing the ability for many to create meaningful relationships.
🦆 I’m actually not in your age bracket, I’m more like your mother or grandmothers age but I have to tell you I really loved all the points you made and I will be sharing this post with my daughter and pre-teen granddaughter because I think they could really benefit from the whole session. You really have a way of being able to cover true to life relevant topics without sounding judgy or lecturing. Also, the sound of your voice actually caries quite a calming tone that relaxes the listener and creates a tension free mood that makes the listener/viewer want to stick around to hear ALL that you have to say. Keep up the Great content my dear and your audience will continue growing!! ❤😊
Your kindness is a blessing to this world. Even if not every person who posts a video sees your words, I hope you know that you're having a very positive effect on everyone who comes across your light. Thank you ❤
I’m honestly quite concerned how so many people on the Internet especially tiktok feel so comfortable sharing such personal stuff so nonchalantly on social media.
And the crazy thing is I’ve seen people come up with stories to make their "trauma"seem tragic. There was this comment on TH-cam and this person was talking about her being in an abusive relationship and I kid you not under a different video their was a person who commented the exact same thing word for word and it was a different account.
Great video, it gave me a lot to chew on. I used to be that lonely introvert that convinced myself I didn't need anyone and have only started to release those unhelpful beliefs in the past year once I figured myself out and connected with friends irl. Funnily enough, someone in my (online) community came out with a poop take that the entire concept of Trauma Dumping is ableist and that we should normalize talking about heavy topics and my reaction was"???!!!" Like clearly, someone has never, (like that poor barista) been a captive audience to a rando's complete history of tragedy while they're trying to mind their own and flip through Highlights for Children in the dental office waiting room! I must have one of those faces, or just a vibe or whatever, because it happens, more often than I'd like (which is never), and I don't think its brave or liberating to shed basic frickin boundaries around others and putting it on them to assert theirs! For one thing, you never know how the trauma dumper is going to react if you do, especially since they're telling you right to your face that they have emotional troubles. Like come, on.
Omg I’m so glad you touched on this. I’m 33 so a bit older and I suffered from anxiety from a very young age and my family had no idea how to help me UNTIL people started talking about mental health more. But the way mental health is exploited on the internet for attention is so frustrating. I’ve been struggling with managing my mental health for 20 years. As an adult, I pay $250 a month to go to a private psychotherapist, which I can hardly afford but it’s the thing I found that works for me. I’m someone who has to really INVEST in my mental health treatment, mentally and financially. It’s hard for me to take someone serious who doesn’t even bother trying to treat their trauma, they just want attention on the internet. Meanwhile people are really trying to make their trauma LESS of their personality, not their whole personality
Fighting your own mental illness is a personal journey that should be carried out with people you love, who are close to you. It’s definitely questionable when people -who don’t want to change their behavior - will post loads of content about it. tying their behaviors to the rush of likes and comments. It becomes a crutch instead of a method of healing
@@loanicastillo3327 no I totally understand that a lot of people can’t pay for it. I hardly get by myself trust me lol. I went to public health clinics for all my mental health treatment for 15yrs. There are free options but unfortunately these social services are already so underfunded. I was homeless and walked miles to my clinic, there are free options if you’re committed and want treatment bad enough🤷🏼♀️ I guess that’s my point. If you’re truly suffering with a real mental illness, you’re gonna find a way. Only thing that bothers me is when people use mental health to milk attention out of people, but refuse to even TRY to get a diagnosis or even discuss a treatment plan from a mental health professional OR even a support group🤷🏼♀️ they’re free and community based. If you’re not seeking some kind of help or treatment, it’s hard for me to play into the victim mentality. However, mental health is a journey and timing matters. 20+yrs later in this fight and I’m still figuring it out🤷🏼♀️ so it’s no judgement there
@@macybray4542 exactly!! It also muddies the waters for people who deal with social stigma around their mental health issues. People will incorrectly self-diagnose, push a certain narrative surrounding their mental health, but if they actually went to a mental health professional, they would get a completely different diagnosis! Sometimes this is harmless, sometimes it could be damaging. People think they have BPD and find out they’re actually schizophrenic. I first went to a psych for depression, found out im bipolar, which shifted my own mindset, my treatment plan and helped me manage🤷🏼♀️ knowledge is power. Im actually convinced some people don’t wanna go get a diagnosis because they might find out they actually have nothing at all lol. Which might be embarrassing if you’ve already been seeking attention… just sayin🤷🏼♀️
It's wild because I don't like to tell my problems to strangers, and put on a smile to avoid making my problems or sadness into other people's problems -- not in a "toxic positivity" way, just in an "I respect you and don't think I need to tell you exactly what my issues are today." So some people get angry at the idea that I "don't have problems" or feel like I'm "fake." No -- I just don't like to dump on people I barely know! I hardly like to dump on people I *do* know! It feels like basic decency. That frequently leads me to self-isolate more, which negatively impacts my mental health and causes people to think I'm "fake" when I fail to unleash my sadness onto the public.
You said "privacy doesnt exist" right as my dog started going to the bathroom and it was just incredible timing. She watches me go too🤷♀️ we definitely dont get any privacy😂
I don’t do this as much but when I was younger I would trauma dump on my best friend all the time. I lived in an unsafe, narcissistic household and had no one to talk to nor did I have a sense of what and when was appropriate to bring up and share such info. We talked recently now that we’re almost 40 and she admitted how that was so hard back then because we were literally kids and she had no idea what to do. I’m so grateful that she’s still my bestie (30+) years now. I can’t imagine just dumping on a fast food employee or hairstylist. Like please, go see a therapist, that’s literally what they’re paid to do.
It's so great that you included the positive call to action at the end. I'm a musician and an artist so I've had third places and community since high school, but I do get so disheartened by seeing young people with nowhere to go. I strongly urge anyone who loves music or art to find their local scene and just hang out! There's so much out there.
I was a hairdresser, clients have absolutely been doing this since the dawn of time. We know what we’re signing up for, and are nowadays often trained specifically for it. Some people just can’t deal with it. I don’t personally mind at all!
Same, I was a bartender for awhile and I knew going in that I was signing up to be an untrained therapist at least some of the time. I did also get specific training about how to get a guest to shut up if they were going too far, lol.
When I was in cosmetology school, my instructor spent a whole class on the topic of the interaction that happens between client/hairdresser. I remember him telling us “your clients will tell you EEEVERYTHING, but be careful when it comes to answering. Don’t comment on their personal life, even if they tell you all about it. It is a transactional relationship, and people will feel comfortable with you because you make them feel good about themselves. But if they perceive you’ve gone too far you could lose them as a client.” Now that I’ve been working beauty for a while I definitely agree with some of the things he told us. I never could have been fully prepared for what it’s like to work in beauty but I’m glad he mentioned it. It’s definitely a topic that has layers to it.
Deleting social media has definitely let me get a more accurate assessment of my current mental state and what I actually need help with. You're absolutely right that the constant oversharing makes us jaded and miserable, it's just not good to consume that stuff.
Really valuable and important message at the end. People don‘t like to be challenged in this way and don‘t like to hear it: but we need others. We need each other as humans. *Hating people* says more about your unhealed and untreated social issues than about anything else. We all need to work on that.
We went from dismissing everyone's trauma unless it made the person a borderline disruption to everyone's surrounding them. To make everything about trauma and forcing people to bear with our baggage, amazing how we skipped the middle ground on this social shift
I will never forget that one woman on Twitter who tweeted out "I love spending the mornings with my husband in my garden. We drink coffee together and are in love :)" and all of the responses were like "WOW I cant believe youd tweet something so insensitive. I cant relax in the morning because I need to work 24/7 to survive and my ex-husband was abusive to me so youve ruined my day and are a terrible person for tweeting this."
Victim complex!
Twitter (or "X" lol) is where happiness goes to die. Don't go posting about anything positive over there or you'll get raked across the coals.
😂😂😂😂😂
ikr I saw this I was like smh
i remember that
I feel like trauma dumping can be so harmful because, you never know someone else's mental state which can be so dangerous
Yes 👏🏼
It’s literally giving 100lbs of candy to someone with diabetes
I had a coworker who trauma dumped on me every single day when I first met her. It made my depression so severe to the point where I had to beg her to stop sharing things with me and ended up exploding on her about how I literally couldn’t handle all of her stuff when I had my own stuff to deal with 😭 rule of thumb: please just ask if the person has emotional capacity/space to listen to you
Exactly! I’m a tattoo artist and a client trauma dumped on me about her past abusive relationship, not knowing she was triggering the hell out of me the whole time. I had the worst panic attack the moment she left.
even harmful to one self cuz you never know if that person is gonna use it against you if it's indeed a real trauma
dont group me into that ik what trauma is
Girl- 💀✋🏻you'll never catch me putting my "mental breakdown" shaking convulsively like that on the internet
fr like i was AGHAST.
i would get judged so hard, i b lookin more goofy than traumatized
@@wrdwhtupcuh no fr 😭 be looking a whole mess
i think social media just has desensitized us to what REAL trauma is…one of my siblings said our dad making us drink milk as children was traumatic and i looked at her in disbelief as this is what our generation thinks trauma is.
LMAO WHAT? I feel the same way though, I saw someone said that their mom taking away their phone was "invading" her "boundaries" like girl...
I understand your sentiment about trauma not necessarily being something as insignificant as that, but the opposite of what you’re suggesting is the idea of “Trauma Olympics” in which the most extreme scenario counts as real trauma
Sometimes trauma is insignificant things because what causes trauma isn’t the event itself but the unprocessed emotion from that occurrence. Therefore, trauma can quite literally happen from anything, it just all depends on an individual’s temperament
@@ShadowJinxXOX agreed! trauma can also be a collection of seemingly insignificant events that reinforce an idea. it's a little cruel to say someone doesn't know what trauma is, because at the end of the day you don't know the full context of their experience and how it affected them. it's frankly more humane to have conversations about these seemingly small things, if it's an option.
Trauma Olympics ....yes .... I do think one person's trauma can be way more traumatic then another person's 😂 leaving the toilet seat up and falling down a toilet wouldn't cause the same level of trauma as say someone being molested in a bathroom and forever having a fear of the sound of the toilet flushing , both would have a toilet trauma but one would end up with a trauma to the level of phobias they can't even comprehend
Agreed. More and more do people think that trauma = thing that mildly inconvenienced me
That’s really disturbing to see what that woman did to that Starbucks worker… she needs actual help.
what’s even worse is that, it’s made up. she’s never been married, she dated the “husband” but he passed away. they were NEVER engaged too.
she’s selling a book about it and the whole starbucks situation was to promote it, but the cashier/barista was real.
she needs help, and i feel for the barista
edit: the family even stated that they were never THAT close to be considered engaged/married.
@@almondmilk07 …. Are you joking?!!!!
I think the Starbucks worker needs help
@@gabimaza780 they’re not joking. She’s really done that. There really aren’t words…
@@almondmilk07Fr 🤭🤭?
It's not that privacy doesn't exist anymore. It's that people don't seem to want to keep anything private anymore.
They want validation from strangers instead of actually trying to fix the issue
@@PartyMarty321 This is it
@@PartyMarty321 so true, and it’s like a competition to them to see who’s more traumatized.
Everything can be monetized at this point
I remember when the internet was constantly full of warnings where you shouldn't post your identity online, and you should keep personal identifying information to yourself unless you really, really trusted someone.
what a complete 180 the internet has accomplished in that aspect. now you're the odd one out for being more private online.
That line "just because you encounter hardship does not mean you are traumatised". My 12yo is so often exposed to this trauma dump culture that they equate everything difficult or upsetting with "traumatising"
for the love of God take tiktok away from your kid
Like what for example? Be specific please. Many abusive parents have the exact same mindset as you
@@intrusive-th0t I'm not a parent but it's true, some ppl act like struggling with homework is the same as a war veteran having ptsd
It's insulting to the people who have actually experienced real trauma too. Now when people hear the word "trauma" it has so much less impact.
@delial.1040 they're not on tiktok but they see stuff on instagram. I'm very aware of my kid's internet usage and they talk about what they watch with me all the time which is how I know this.
I feel like trauma dumping has caused people to develop victim complexes
oh 1000% and ironically now actual toxic people can misuse the over-used verbiage to their advantage :/
Yes like it's a competition... meanwhile I walk around holding it all in, pretending that nothing has ever happened to me lol
@@_salemtovar_ it’s called the weaponization of mental health terms and it’s absolutely an issue.
@@_salemtovar_legit, what my narcissistic family members do. One legit bad or sad thing happens and they have to ride it and blow it out of proportion months after it happened and use it as a trump card over everyone else, use it as ammunition against people they hurt. Accusing people of being the actual toxic ones.
can you see how even your comment comes across as competitive? none of us are not guilty of this. neither holding it all in or being out of control in how you express yourself is healthy, or good. both of those things are direct results of trauma in different personalities. what defines if a person has a victim complex or not is if they have a low tolerance for mistreatment, and call literally everything trauma. @@veronicatiffany777
I work at a Dairy Queen, and the amount of times a customer has unleashed their deepest, most depressing issues to me it’s insane. I have this one regular who tells me EVERYTIME she sees me, about how awful she is doing. Whenever I try to give advice or be nice, she just KEEPS trauma dumping. It’s exhausting, it’s to the point where I actually hide now when she comes in because it kills my mood 😅
YES like sometimes I feel bad because they usually don’t have anyone else to talk to but why is it my problem now 😫 depressing af
scary how that’s a common thing. literally cut off a friend for doing this to me for HOURS non stop on my birthday. i cried so long after. i was just burned out from that alone (i have major health issues and disabled so it was hard to bare)
@@makthamenaceNah, if you give them advice and they don't take it, consider them as trying to manipulate you and leave them.
They don't want to get better and are probs seeking attention if all they do is talk but never try to get better like speaking to a professional
Imagine if that woman finds your comment 💀
I worked at dairy queen for two years and got the same thing. It was so odd, and made me feel off for the rest of the day.
There’s a difference between discussing trauma and trauma dumping.
Trauma Dumping: Inappropriately complaining about your feelings and problems, chasing sympathy and attention with no intention of trying to help yourself.
Discussing Trauma: Talking about something you’ve gone through/going through in an attempt to understand, relate to or help someone (including yourself) in an appropriate manner.
It’s ok to talk about struggles but like….right time, right place, right listener ya know? Common sense, people.
Thank you. It eases my concerns about myself rn
Thank you for making this distinction. I feel like some of the comments here are kinda misinterpreting trauma dumping.
I feel like the inappropriate part of trauma dumping comes from the other person not consenting to listening to it. In a mutual conversation, one can talk about their trauma ofc. You can even ask „hey this may be a heavy topic, are you okay with me telling you about xy?“ so the other person can say yes or no.
But if it’s just you telling another person out of the blue and wanting them to respond empathically right away? That’s dumping. You can’t expect people to immediately cater to your needs.
Double yikes if it’s dumping on people working service jobs as they have to be nice and accommodating as part of their job.
Not even just common sense, that's basic social etiquette. Something that's lacking due to numerous reasons, which I mostly blame mass internet usage and the pandemic-related lockdowns for the newer generation's misunderstanding of social situations.
@@lilalizzard This is it. I find people believe consent only goes for physical things or topics but it is not. Trauma dumping root problem is the lack of consent and agency people who are forced into these topics must bare. It's taking away the chance of them preparing themselves for something heavy, something that might reflect their own experiences they don't want to relive so you can get a gratification of something. I don't think many people trauma dump to negatively impact others but we are now in a culture that celebrates oversharing and people who despite everything seem to lack social awareness/boundaries even more [not just in a ND way such as myself being autistic but in a 'what I on social media doesn't impact anyone really which is teaching me it's okay to do the same to customer service'].
Inviting people into a discussion where they can agree and have the right to back out of the topic at any time is okay; trauma topics aren't inherently evil and need not be spoken of less you're a bad person only looking to gain something from others but it's about finding a mindful way to bring it up. Often with strangers they aren't going to be it. To foster a space people want to listen and feel safe in to expression their own emotions and not have to just sit in what is told to them. It's a benefit to online spaces that are more than just Tiktok and Reels to find like-minded people who can understand, can listen, and know how to help rather than your hairstylist or barista.
I didn’t realize how bad trauma dumping got until I went to checkout some groceries a few days ago. The cashier asked how I was doing today and I jokingly said I’m great no trauma dumping here! And I saw them sigh from relief and relax their shoulders. I asked if people dumping their problems was common. They told me it’s easier to count the people who don’t and thanked me for not contributing. Definitely an eye opener
That is not common at all in my country. Maybe you should look around you and ask what is affecting people so much and do something.
@@loanicastillo3327 Easier said than done, dude. Sorry some countries are struggling more than yours?
@@loanicastillo3327Why is she the one who should do this?
@@Atria777 Because God is real. And when I was younger I did not understand that everything that was going in my way was sent by God. I thought I was little and unimportant to God, how could I possibly do something big? I was not. I never was. God was speaking to me personally the whole time. He used all kind of people and symbols to speak to me... And I had prayed some years ago he made my life a prayer and he did. He did listen. I was more important that I thought. I was never invisible. If you ask God for a great task he will give it to you. Even if nobody is seeing even if it is just the prayers between you and the Lord in the private space... Do not think you cannot be big.
Wow!
I hate how people treat TikTok like research or as a replacement for therapy. People are ruining friendships/relationships by psychoanalyzing everyone. Also thinking mental illnesses as “quirky”
Agreed! I just don't take anything off of TikTok seriously because it's all for attention. Most of them are bs statements and not enough research to post.
I deleted the app long ago and feel a lot better.
I remember commenting on that Starbucks video saying that would ruin my whole day and someone said "I think there's something is wrong with you if just hearing about someone's tragedy ruins your whole day. You lack empathy." As a former customer service rep for Walmart the returns line is not a therapy session.
Which is hilarious because literally the reason it would ruin your day is because you *do* have empathy. If you didn't, someone trauma dumping on you wouldn't even register.
But… wouldn’t that actually make you … empathetic?
@@ndawn90 fr if we didn't have empathy we wouldn't even care about their trauma dumping in the first place.
So basically they said “There’s something wrong with you of hearing about an awful tragedy makes you upset” wtf 💀
It’s obvious that person never had to work with the public 😭 because after dealing with a a rush, and having to argue with customers abt expired coupons, the last thing I want to use my remaining sanity is on someone trauma dumping to me. Cause I will straight up tell them to go seek profession help and walk away 😭
I’m tired of everything being labeled trauma, gaslighting or narcissism.
True! Some people would rather hear soft lies than hard truths.
Agreed. I’ve started referring to things as behavior creating events because I’m tired of the overuse.
Just a classic case of people with TikTok brain rot overusing words they don’t understand because they heard it once
Omg thanku for saying this .
Lol people throw out the term narcissist like it’s nothing 😂 Everyone claims to have met a narcissist.
I met a girl at the beginning of the year in one of my classes (I couldn’t escape because it was walking class and we all walk together) who all day everyday would just talk about how she had a shitty childhood, her boyfriend cheated on her, she was insecure, she was raped, she had sexual trauma, she used to be addicted to drugs, she tried to kill herself, she self harmed all the time, etc. I would come out of those classes so fucking drained and exhausted and hadn’t even said a word. One single time I commented on how I was depressed when my grandma had died for a long time afterwards and she said “you weren’t depressed. You were just really sad. There’s a difference.” Spending an hour a day with this girl fucking damaged me. Everytime I feel sad about something I feel like it’s not valid because it’s not extreme trauma. If this girl sounds like you or someone you know, you need to check yourself because you can fucking damage people by doing this.
Istg if I read this as a description and not a story I think I wouldve thought you met the same girl I was friends with before. I hope youre doing well now though, people like this are too draining and you shouldnt feel like your feelings are invalid
I remember I also had a friend like this, who would always completely get mad at me and my other friends when we tried to genuinely vent. It’s crazy how some people just trauma dump, without thinking of how others feel. It’s really sad, and damaging.
As someone with diagnosed PTSD, I would give anything to not have trauma. I really hate that it’s become a trend to have trauma and any mental illness for that matter.
Reducing stigma and talking about mental health can be done without making it the newest trend.
Love your comment. Also have PTSD and a few other mental issues and it’s hard to be okay sometimes, like you said I’d give anything to not have so much trauma. One girl on instagram was sobbing over losing ten followers and saying “it’s so traumatic oh my god how can they do this to me” and I was just rolling my eyes. Like girl… please.
@@annihilxte I hear ya, it’s really frustrating. Trauma isn’t fun, living with trauma isn’t fun, GETTING traumatized? ISNT FUN.
I’d love for the girl you mentioned to pay for my counseling sessions and my medical bills for problems I’m sure have resulted from said trauma. I feel like if people that use it as a buzz word understood just what having trauma entailed they’d stop pretending they have it.
God, I know. PTSD, ADHD, Bipolar. Diagnosed. I would give so much to not have to deal with the persistent barriers and challenges those disorders throw in my way CONSTANTLY. I just want to be "normal".
came here to say this, I have C-PTSD and I'd give anything to not have it.
It's hell. I go to therapy every week and it helps, people don't have to dump it all over the internet. Sometimes I'll post an occasional story on my instragram venting but most of followers have no idea how much I've been through and I prefer that. Only people close to me get to have access to my trauma because people can also use that against you to manipulate you.
C-PTSD diagnosed and I feel you. Also, my partner has PTSD. We talk a lot about our traumas and listen to each other. I hate it how it has become such a trend to be "traumatised". Everything, nowadays, is traumatising. Someone got the wrong coffee order? Traumatised. They dropped a spoon? Traumatised. I would give anything to not re-live my traumatising childhood events on a daily basis, and be "normal" and sleep peacefully. I wish I wasn't triggered and went into a spiral. Calling people out is not being insesitive. Using these real life issues as a way to gain money, views, clout and a couple giggles is insesitive. This new era of internet has turned everything into a "trend".
The clip of the girls saying “I love my mental disorders, my mental disorders are me!”
They don’t understand how tiring and miserable it is. It’s so triggering when so many people try to be “relatable” for attention, negating from people who genuinely suffer- you’re taking away help from people who actually need it.
my jaw dropped. they don't know how a mental disorder feels im 100 percent certain of it.
It's such a disrespectful thing to say, especially to yourself. I know mental illnesses can be life changing and many of them are impossible to cure, so patients of those illnesses have no choice but to accept them and cope with them. But to make them into something positive and your entire identity? Unbelievable
They definitely missed the point so much
I think mental disorders should be something that, you have to accept as part of yourself and yes, it does change your identity a lot (I mean, without it you literally wouldn't be the same person), and it's great to see something positive in that disorder and even embrace that you have one. HOWEVER, you also have to acknowledge that it affects your life in a lot of negative ways. It's considered a disorder for a REASON. Disorders have a negative impact on your life and mental health, which is not something to celebrate. That clip made me cringe physically when I heard it
It's not an overall positive experience, so saying you love your mental disorders is... strange, to say the least
@@DeadVoxel it’s so tone deaf
@@reidalyn2328 this right here. Most people I know who actually have mental illnesses don’t really talk about it… myself included. I talk to my husband, for communication purposes. In fact my husband and I made a pact to just straight up not tell people everything that has happened to us because it’s not fair to people.
"I love my mental illness" is telling me you don't have any.
I do and I hate it. It makes me so angry how especially my illness is so romanticized
Honestly, they should put a "no filming" sign at the gyms.
Even outside they filmed so I buy a bike 😂😂😂 and stay at home
Some gyms have this in place. I know the gym I work out at has it and it’s a great place to get a workout in.
I only see it in bathrooms at the gym where I go to. Thankfully, I haven't seen people taking videos in the gym, though.
u do realize bodybuilders exist right
I disagree, filming is a good way to see if your form is good after an injury when you work out alone.
As a mental health student, this video is absolutely necessary. People are normalising mental health problems. Words lose their meaning. I hear people calling each names in a playful way and with a normality that it really doesn't seem ok. One I hear a lot, in my country is adolescents calling each other "autists" just... Because.
@@CaitJoSmitis your sister having a diagnosis?
@@foolishlyfoolhardy6004 i've noticed this as well. i've also seen a slight rise in popularity of using "special needs" as an insult, which IMO is just the politically correct way of calling someone the r slur.
I know a guy whose ENTIRE PERSONALITY is "being autistic" (in a tiktok way), and for him, pretty much everyone is autistic. You have a few foods you like or dislike? You have one or two interests? You consider yourself "anti-social"? One single trait and you're automatically autist for him.
Also, guess what? He is in his thirties and is engaged with a girl who just got into her 18. She, just like him, is a dumbass who swears she is autistic (because they think it's soo quirky and "not like other people, we're so special and unique", he wants a manic pixie dream girl for himself and she is currently collecting every single popular and convenient enough "not-like-other-peopleness" from Twitter and tiktok) and says dumb shits like "this apple tastes purple".
@@bruna7534 oh my gosh?? someone get that poor girl away from him
Yes so true! Good luck on your education. We definitely need more mental health professionals out here.
Brene Brown talks about this problem in many of her books on authentic vulnerability and emotional intimacy. Her conclusion on the trauma dump is that yes, its inherently selfish because the dumper is trying to get the benefits of real emotional intimacy without doing any of the labor of being authentically vulnerable. She calls it the smash and grab tactic.
We really need to fight this hyperindependent and hyperindividualistic culture. I constantly see people online fighting for it and its so weird? Like why would you fight for your own misery? We as humans like it or not are social creatures and we need community.
Thank you! I’m so sick and tired of people telling others to cut people off and be all about themselves. When at the end of the day they’re crying into their pillow because they feel so lonely and isolated.
So agreed. There’s so much weird pride around wanting to spend 100% of your time alone that it definitely ends up making me feel needy for just wanting in-person plans that are actually kept once or twice a month, but is it that wild to want to spend time with someone I don’t live with, work with or see at the shops on my errands? Humans are a social species and while I won’t act like there aren’t a handful of 100% hermits out there in the world, that’s definitely not most of us. We need connection, community and genuine in-person intimacy!
@@LoveAndSnappleas someone that cannot make friends due to my autism making it impossible to be social w people that nightime feeling of isolation is CRAZY i cant imagine people striving to purposely cut people out.
@@LoveAndSnapple I apologize for assuming, but most of the time I hear people encouraging other to cut people off, it's usually due to legitamately serious reasons such as toxicity and even ab*se. Maybe it's because I specifcally have to deal with cutting off ab*sive people, but that's what I generally hear it in reference to. Unless you're talking about it in another context, which in that case, my bad
they have collective support, they just take it for granted and don't acknowledge it
girl once I was in Disneyland with my mom and we asked a woman for a bandaid and she told us EVERYTHING about how her husband was having an affair and she was leaving him. I remember thinking "wtf this is the line for radiator springs, not your therapy session". It's just so uncomfortable to have strangers tell you every personal detail that they're going through
Maybe you should just learn to listen.
@@loanicastillo3327This isn’t about not wanting to listen. If they don’t want to listen to someone trauma dump, then that’s a boundary they should be able to create. There is no reason for someone to HAVE to listen to someone trauma dump, especially a stranger, when they are trying to enjoy themselves at Disney Land.
@loanicastillo3327 no one is obligated to listen to someone else's problems
@@loanicastillo3327 maybe people should learn that others may be uncomfortable with uncalled for trauma dumping that they did not consent to hearing, especially when it can trigger an emotional or mental response for them
I get it if it's a friend or a family member, especially if it's a partner. But a complete stranger? I'm sorry, as if those people don't have enough to deal with already? What if they're trying to enjoy themselves and cope with an event in their life, or take their mind off of things by doing something fun, or working. Are they supposed to listen to someone else's problems while trying to deal with their own?
@@pamplemousselacroix God obviously think the same about silly human prayers.
There needs to be a new disorder name for those who are "mid breakdown" and think "wait a minute, i need to set up my camera so my followers can see this" or those that trauma dump in person without even knowing you. Its scary that nobody knows how to self soothe anymore and the constant need for others to validate our feelings. Also those that do the videos that say something like "idk who need to hear this but my therapist told me _________ ...." like your therapist told YOU that because theyve of YOUR story, that doesnt mean that suits everyone in a similar circumstance.
Preachhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh💯💯💯 hate the “my therapist told me videos” like these are private sessions for you to heal YOURSELF!! What kind of hero complex are you attempting to resolve by sharing their two cents on ur scenario w the world giving no context ?? So much advice is taken in the wrong way when given that way :(
I think that is probably called narcism :,) But totally agreed!!!
This phenomenon is Histrionic Valetudinarianism. Peformative and fueled by a need for attention and sympathy.
@@sseven_tv Labelling everything as narcissism is just as toxic and harmful as traumadumping. That's literally part of the problem.
@@sseven_tvyou’re just as bad lmao
The worst part imo is how it makes it impossible to talk to your friends about things going on in your life. Because people are so exhausted seeing all these random strangers' problems, you can't go to a friend anymore and say "this bad thing happened to me today, so annoying." There's this really weird expectation that anything bad going on should be held onto until you can talk to a therapist, or you should journal it out, and it's just... since when is that the case? I used to be able to talk to my friends about everything, the good AND the bad. But now, if I bring up one negative feeling or event, no one has the patience or compassion to talk. It's so isolating and upsetting.
exactly
you literally just put into words what has been really heavy on my mind!
I agree. Therapy is often inaccessible or unaffordable, and I think in moderation it should be okay to open up to friends.
You put it in to words, omff
And the irony is that's exactly what leads to ppl randomly trauma-dumping... many ppl have no one to talk to anymore so when they do have the chance to speak to someone, whatever is weighing on them suddenly spills out.
As a librarian in a public library, I can confirm that many people are using it as their "third place," and as a convenient place to trauma dump. This is true with patrons of all ages, and the pandemic absolutely worsened it. Pretty much every day, I hear about a divorce, a surgery, a crime, a tragedy, from patrons who don't even know my name. It's pretty common for folks to go to a funeral and then go directly to the library, to tell a librarian about it. It's exhausting. I sympathize and feel for these folks, but I'm trained to check out books, not provide emotional counseling.
Thank you for making this video - I extremely related to it. If you're interested in getting deeper into this topic (I'd be super interested in watching more!), you might look into the overlap between the recent loneliness epidemic and the upturn in public rudeness/rage. There's a lot of fascinating articles on it, including the fact that loneliness is a form of being self-obsessed, and this often comes out as aggression, especially in men. Once I learned that connection, I haven't been able to unsee it.
I work in a library as well, and I cannot agree more! My commute home is 40 minutes and I spend it exhausted and depleted after a day of trauma unloaded onto me... I'm just here to help fax, y'all.
Would you mind elaborating on the loneliness and self-obsession connection, please? It's not quite clear to me the point you are trying to make
@@sparkstudies1675 Sorry, my wording wasn't super clear! Basically there's research that shows that in some cases of extreme isolation, people's social skills start to worsen (pretty sure we all witnessed this in public during/after the pandemic). Another way of describing loneliness could be the lack of any/enough interaction with others. If you only have yourself to turn to, and you feel terrible, you could easily start to spiral into a place where your bad feelings are the main thing you're thinking about, all the time. This can sometimes be the root of public rudeness or aggression.
(My apologies if it sounded like I was saying all lonely people are self-obsessed! Not at all.)
There's lots of interesting recent coverage of this, both scholarly and anecdotal. When I google "loneliness rudeness," the first result is a reddit page that says, perfectly, "being lonely makes you rude and being rude makes you lonely." Lynne Truss's excellent book "Talk to the Hand" also covers this idea.
i would've never thought libraries would be such a breeding ground for trauma-dumpers. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through.
I cannot imagine trauma dumping to my librarians, good lord. The library has always been a third place and is the last place that you can exist for free, but you're supposed to meet friends there to study/draw/have book club, not unload on the librarian 😭 Honestly with all the cuts to open hours and funding, policing of the collection, paying back your student loans (only found out almost 2 years ago that you need a masters to be a librarian 😅) and rudeness epidemic the last thing y'all need is trauma dumpers. Thank you for showing up despite all that though
This is the reason I limit my social media. I don’t have tiktok anymore , I open insta for work purposes once a week, and what little presence I do have, I never share anything. I’m happy with my life, and I’m tired of pretending to hate it so I can be accepted in my depressed friend groups’. Lives.
As a call center representative, I can absolutely relate to that Starbucks barista, standing there helplessly because you can't ask them to stop no matter how politely you may put it. It makes you feel so helpless and resentful all at once
The way I turn the volume up and go about my work until they’re done.
I literally pretend the phone is going out. I will start talking then hang up in the middle of my sentence so it looks like the call dropped. I can’t deal with trauma dumpers anymore.
The only time I truly cried at work was from working at a call center on Christmas Day. My first 3 calls were each worse than the last. I’ll never go back
And you can't zone out 'cause of quality assurance might be listening or being recorded.
yuppppp
As a hairstylist, trauma dumping is my least favorite part of the day. I'll have a new client in my chair that I've never met and before I can even ask how they want their hair done, they're telling me that their brother is dying or something crazy. It is literally insane how much worse it's gotten since lockdown. So draining.
Ugh that sucks. I get a lot of this as a healthcare worker (who doesn’t work in mental health. I just do physical therapy. People trauma dump on me alllll day). I never trauma dump on my hairstylist. In fact I usually prefer to listen to my AirPods and relax. It’s my downtime :)
@@Randompotatoes-qs7bm ugh I'm jealous of your hairdresser. That would be a dream for me lol
@@hamham5978im not a talkative person so I dont even say a word when I went to my hair stylist 😂, besides the pleasantries and describing my preferred cut. I always felt awkward about my lack of conversation but what Im hearing is I was probably the most calm client to deal with, so that makes me feel better 😅
Yes!!! I’m a Esthetician and it has gotten so bad
This! I was waiting for a cosmetologist to talk about this, the amount of trauma dumping we hear on a daily basis is WILD
there has to be balance, if you’re one of those people that feels like you’ll ruin someone’s life by telling them about your problems so you keep everything in, you’re not going to be in good shape either. there’s nothing wrong with sharing negative experiences amongst friends, just don’t ambush them.
As a former customer service worker (including during the panini), I can 100% confirm that random trauma dumping is very harmful. But I just wanted to specify that the people who trauma dumped on me the MOST were the older generations (40-75 yrs old). Like this man that started telling me he wanted to push his old mother off a cliff in her wheelchair because he was tired of her needs… SIR WHAT?!???? I’m over here trying to sell lipsticks, why?!?!?
“During the panini” 🤣🤣🤣
Also that guy is so out of pocket
And that says a lot about the older generation
Omg really tho the older generation is so accustomed to just talking to strangers. I was at the grocery store getting hot food when an old lady also getting hot food started telling me how she was getting mashed potatoes for her husband because he had surgery like I didn't ask or anything (not trauma dumping but just over sharing)
I beg your pardon?!?
Even as someone working in the medical industry, having people trauma dump on you is incredibly awkward. (And yes, I agree, it's usually older people.) I'm just drawing your blood honey, please don't tell me about your miscarriage.
i study psychology and there was one psychopathology class where the teacher listed a bunch of symptoms and told us to raise our hands if we felt that. everyone did at some degree, and she said that was the criteria dsm had for severe depression. not everyone there was depressed for sure, but she said it shows how you can’t diagnose based on only symptoms. those tiktoks just raise isolated symptoms and people believe they have a certain mental illness because they fall in that criteria, but you can’t base yourself only on that! that’s why in my country we freaking spend five years studying before being able to have a diagnosis (i’m on my fourth year and i don’t feel confident enough to do so) and then a person who read a google article/saw a tiktok thinks they can? that’s insane. i feel like the whole tiktok mental health area does more damage than good. if everything is a mental illness then nothing is a mental illness and thus the treatment is damaged
This!! Plus so many traits & disorders overlap with all kinds of other things so it takes time to sort through. Some are just normal human behaviors that are a normal response to a current situation. A true disorder comes with clumps of consistent symptoms & behaviors. Spotting one or 2 flags does not a diagnosis make.
Pardon bizarre typos. I have a fever of 103 and will miss everything while proofreading right now.
I'd put all self-diagnosed people in that category to be honest. Somehow nowadays it's "popular" to have ADHD and most of those "influencers" from instagram are proudly saying they are self-diagnosed and say how stupid all doctors and people around are and don't understand their fragile souls. I don't know how many I've blocked already but some new pop up in my reels feed again and again. I don't even know why I get such videos but all this self-diagnosing thing makes me mad and i'm not even a psychologist neither a person with some mental illness.
Some of us actually know our bodies and dont have the time or money to convince a doctor to test us - i know my own body better than a doctor@spiritus_iris
@@katc2040 How would you? You know your body but not how to do a thorough, proper medical assessment of it. You don't know which tests to run and how to run them/analyze them. You don't know how to x out the overlapping conditions. You wouldn't know how to prescribe a medicine/treatment. So knowing your body I would say is a great start, but it would have to be complemented by working with a doctor who knows what to do with this information.
i also feel like there is an opposite side of the spectrum. where people will try to force you to not talk about ANYTHING relating to trauma because they learned about the word "traumadump" and ran with it. people often confuse DISCUSSING trauma with traumadumping. there is definitely a distinction there lol (that being said, i think that distinction is only present irl and with online friends. not something like a comment section)
yeah, like the kinds of people who constantly talk about how they “can’t deal with your negative energy right now” if you express a single negative opinion.
THANK YOU! To me trauma dumping is when you do it to unsuspecting people. Like when you are at an event that is supposed to be fun and light hearted like a birthday dinner or something and you start bringing the mood down and make everything about yourself, or when you just start unloading on a random stranger like a hairdresser or nurse. But talking about your problems to your friends (at appropriate occassions) is normal and a fundamental part of friendship
So true! It only makes ppl feel more isolated, like they have no one to let these things out with. So that when the time comes that they have a chance to finally speak, they accidentally unload.
This I always fear I'm traumadumping when I'm upset thanks to this
@@elwyn5286 just look for some basic rules and you’ll be fine. Do you know the person well? Do they also come to you with their issues? Do you discuss things besides upsetting things?
If those things are all true you should be good
Trauma dumping isnt even normalizing mental illness, it’s just reinforcing “woe is me” victim mentalities. They need to get off the phone and get a journal tbh
I actually think most people with actual mental illness don’t trauma dump. I’d say they’re the opposite
THANK YOU!!!
I agree, taking note of of what you said - it's a lot more than that...
Universal healthcare would be nice. Not $90,000 for a week in a psych ward
so dont talk about any traumas ever happening to anyone ever and just keep it in a journal. why is it always a victim mentality to talk about trauama and never an oppressor mentality telling ppl to get over it and just write about it in a journal and burn it so no one else ever has to see it. just wondering. people cant even 'trauma dump' or even mention their traumas to their therapist these days without getting terminated cos of this mentality. therapists dont even want to treat ppl with traumas anymore theyd rather treat people who dont have such issues.
i always found it strange when people would just randomly trauma dump unprompted then get mad when the person they’ve dumped on doesn’t know how to properly respond to it. social media - especially in recent years - has made people either emotionally void or extremely reactionary.
Ikr
Fr, like when I hear trauma dump my association with it is as a bad thing you shouldn't do in a social interaction without like informed consent of some kind. These people seem so bizarre, and I definitely had people do it to me when I worked in service, sometimes it was really scary. Like feel free to not give the canned "I'm fine, you?" response to "How are you tonight?", but keep it surface level unless the asker gets interested in the tea and you want to share, "Oh not great, had a bad breakup. How about you?" "Oh that's too bad. I'm alright, a bit burnt out. Hope the rest of your night goes better." "Yours too."
Just be a normal person! Jeeze!
@@darkshadowrule2952 i absolutely agree! i feel like people, for lack of better words, are so chronically online that they don’t know how to have small talk. i’ve worked in service as well and someone just dumping heavy subjects onto you without any form of consent can be really worrisome and discomforting, like you said. to me, people seem to not be able to differentiate interactions in person vs online and that line gets blurred. i think one that jarred me the most was when i served a table of high schoolers and one of them had a meltdown over the rolls we served then sobbed to me about this, that, and the third and all i could do was just stand there and apologize. it’s bread, man!
I graduated highschool during the pandemic, and this was very much my experience. I got involved in some online groups, made some friends, and ended up talking to a lot of hurting people. Taking on their emotions on top of my own absolutely hurt my mental health, and it was only when I found videos like this that I realized I needed to set boundaries for myself. I stopped participating in conversations which went in those directions or told the other person I was uncomfortable and needed them to tell me if they wanted support instead of suddenly dropping their baggage on me. It helped me exponentially, and I really recommend (if you are in a similar situation) that you consider doing the same. You can't take care of other people if you can't take care of yourself first.
I got a sew in once and the stylist made me a straight up BADDIE when he was done! He didn’t know I was going through a nasty divorce and my now ex was dragging me all over social media and the internet for that matter. I wasn’t fixing to share that. I came to get done up so I can look GOOD and feel even better. Mission was accomplished!
You just traumadumped…
@@Threebananaforaeuro Nah, they were sharing an example. Trauma dumping would have been going into detail on just how nasty said divorce was and what her ex was saying about her on social media. None of which she just did.
Go on with your bad self, Kimmie gurl!
@@Threebananaforaeuro Their comment is directly related to the topic of this video. It's not trauma dumping. And IMO you can't even truly trauma dump via a comment online. Anyone has the ability to scroll by and not reply. It's not like in person where you're literally just stuck there listening to them.
@@tikusblue That's a very good point!
i had no idea that loneliness/friend drought was an actual generational problem. i always see all of my "friends" (aka old classmates or roommates that i haven't talked to in years) posting insta stories of the social gatherings they go to and it's always made me feel so wrong in comparison. this video made me feel really valid. and now i'm realizing that i'm trauma dumping in the youtube comments.. damn
hey, i get how you feel! its that feeling of fomo, right?
i hope the best for you, and that you find some really good friends, if you dont have some already! ❤❤
I wouldn’t say you’re trauma dumping
i dont think this is traumadumping however i cant rly say why exactly it isnt. what differentiates a normal comment like this about a sensitive topic from a traumadumping one? can someone sayv
You're not trauma dumping. You were on topic for this video and were short and concise about the point you were making. You're good, no worries.
it's not dumping if you are just willing to listen from the others. that's the difference
I work at a grocery store. The way that people easily talk about their issues or trauma is so weird. I was giving out a sample to this guy and I asked him what he thought. He finished the food and said “my dad used to beat me if I talked with my mouth open” like BRO i just wanted to know what you thought 💀
it’s unfortunate because that guy probably never had a proper outlet to express himself and it’s probably all catching up to him now
I have a theory about part of the reason there's so much trauma dumping online: it's because if you keep doing that behavior toward real people in your life, people will stop wanting to spend time with you and then the internet becomes the ONLY place you can share it. People turn to strangers because they've already exhausted their close connections.
True that!!
There's also way more people who could see your comment, video, etc. online versus in person, so statistically there are more people who would see and care about your post, too
exactly! people don't understand balance anymore and aren't considerate of their friends' needs! friends can be there to listen, but you have to be a good friend in return and know their limits + be there if they need you!
Underrated comment
This or because their closest connections don’t care, and don’t listen.
“It takes time to get to know people” YES! As an adult on my journey to building stronger friendships this is so important
can you give any advice? I feel like it's impossible to make friends as an adult
Its okay to vent to your friends once in awhile but if you're only running to them when you need something they will notice
@imechko_familia -- Start with meetup groups or other activities based around a hobby or sport or whatever you already like, so that way you know you and whoever else is there already have at least one thing in common to talk about, and they're less likely to mind you blathering on and on about your special interest hobby because it's *their* special interest hobby, too.
On top of needing third places, I think we should also work on making those third places more welcoming environments. It's not uncommon to get the stink eye if you attempt to strike up a conversation with a stranger in a third place anymore, and it's kind of sad.
I think that's because people are scared you're going to make things uncomfortable and be a weirdo. People lack boundaries.
Omg, I've definitely experienced this more than once, even been randomly insulted just for being polite or acknowledging the ppl around me.
Some ppl simply don’t want to talk to you and there is nothing wrong with that. It’s not like they owe you a conversation just for existing
I saw an ADHD video and it was about super common symptoms, and in the comments someone said they were tested for ADHD and they dont have it, but they have all the symptoms in the video, and people replied back saying it must be from trauma then. It blew my mind how easy people were diagnosing strangers and saying its a trauma response.
people need to realize that you can have all the symptoms, but unless its actually getting in the way of you living your life, its not something that needs a diagnosis
To be fair, there is actually plenty of research showing that long term effects from trauma can create effects similar to ADHD. The cause behind the behaviors is obviously different, which means the treatments can be different, but there can also be overlap in the causes and treatments too. So, those suggestions aren’t coming from thin air. That being said, armchair diagnosing needs take several steps back. There’s a difference between someone asking for info and a suggestion for what to research (especially if they can’t currently afford/access therapy or treatment) versus “It must be this in my (uninformed) opinion” which there is way too much of online.
Trauma and ADHD have behavior overlap. They are entwined because the ADHD causes ppl to have behaviors others look on as unfavorable and then they are treated poorly as a result which creates trauma.
That being said, trauma doesn't mean ADHD. The only real way to know is to talk to a professional and try ADHD meds. ADHD meds only work on ADHD ppl. Which will help sort out trauma from ADHD.
@@dragonstooth4223 I realize that, however this video was symptoms like playing the same song over and over again, and being picky. They were insanely simplified to the extent that every human relates, and then when the person said they didn't have ADHD people replied telling them its a trauma response. Being a picky eater and liking to play the same songs are not trauma responses. These are over simplified symptoms to the point where they aren't even ADHD specific anymore.
@@isdeirinnme I realize this, please read my above response.
I feel like the root of the problem is not having a good support system. people who trauma dump aren’t necessarily horrible people, it’s that they have no one to go to.
this is literally it. not having a healthy support outlet is the reason why people trauma dump so much. I not only have a therapist, but my many of my friends and family are open communicators where we're allowed to talk about heavy topics and vent to each other in healthy ways. I don't feel the need to dump all my problems on a stranger. And it's sad that so many people either don't have friends, or feel like they can't depend on their friends for that kind of stuff
True. However, if you’re pulling out your phone and using the camera to get a service worker on camera my sympathy dies. I just view them as a clout chaser and it pisses me off.
@@sabersky1134 ofc that’s not the people i sympathize with, it’s weird that they are trying to make a profit off of mental issues.
This was the comment I was looking for
There is a difference
I feel this is true but also some may not understand boundaries online. Or even both. It just sucks to see because especially nowadays I feel like everyone is lonely & that- I’m sure - makes it worse😮💨
A couple years ago i made a pact with myself so go out of my way to find people who I shared common interests with because not having people around me who enjoyed the same things as me was taking a serious toll on my mental health. And now i feel like i have an incredibly fulfilling social life and a lot of people i care about. Finding those people is probably the single most important thing i did for myself.
Could you share some details about what you did? Just curious if it is hobby related or something different, as I can quite relate to what you said at the beginning
Your analysis of the loneliness crisis is very well done. I’m 23 myself and don’t think I’ve ever felt this secluded. Sometimes it can be beneficial for me, but mostly it’s very emotionally heavy
this is….horribly relatable.
I hate how horribly relatable this is. My niece has been going through the same thing and she's 23 as well. She has her best friend and husband and they're not handling it well either. They use door dash or use Amazon to get most of what they need. I know they all miss pre-panini life.
i feel so called out reading this seeing as i had a mental breakdown recently because I have a group of friends but have never felt more alone in my entire life. More so alone then when I didn't have any friends at all. I genuinely hope you can make great, long lasting friends soon because feeling alone is the most empty, painful, bitter feeling
I’m 23 as well and feel very isolated from the people around me. It sucks
Same. 24 and i crave human connection, but the anxiety of going out and trying to find it petrifies me. It makes me feel so sick.
YES! I’ve been saying that lack of community is why the world is hurting so much. People NEED people. People NEED connection. People NEED community.
How to stop trauma dumping on random people on the internet:
1. Go to therapy
2. Journal
3. Talk to friends or family that consents to listening
Not that hard guys❤
A lot of people do not have friends in this day and age. At least where I live, it’s pretty hard to find friend groups in university. The price of therapy is much to high for a normal 15-25 year old too, even one session can break 200$. Journaling is also kind of like putting a tiny bandaid over a large wound. I think the issue of why people are trauma dumping is at part due to our increasing loneliness and isolation in younger generations. We have no close friends to vent to, and if we do, it’s also kind of like trauma dumping on just them… many people don’t have family to vent to either (cause for a lot of people trauma is their family). I think this is a really tough video. On one hand convulsing on camera is an extreme thing that shouldn’t be shared, and on the other, this is just real life. It’s not happy all the time. I don’t mind when people share things with me at work, it might make me sad for them for a minute, but it might have kept them alive for the next few days.
Unless u have no money or insurance for therapy
We know that not everyone has money for therapy or friends, the commenter was just trying to be helpful, don’t write paragraphs stating that they’re being insensitive. Sometimes we forget people are in difficult situations, please don’t try and make them look bad by arguing.
Everyone has hard times, that doesn’t mean that this isn’t helpful.
@@Midnightlunar10I didn’t state that, I never said they were insensitive or try to argue. I just said that it’s difficult.
@@Midnightlunar10 well the ‘not that hard guys’ at the end of their comment does make it seem kind of out of touch because yeah, *it is that hard* for some people. That’s literally the reason why this is happening. I think people are underestimating how much the isolation of the pandemic affected people socially. It certainly happened to me. Also people have had to move to more remote areas because of the rising cost of living.
My friend group definitely took a hit, plus my age because I’m in my late 30s and a lot of my existing friends are just too busy or don’t care to make time. And before you say ‘well your friends suck then’ that kind of comment isn’t terribly helpful either because it is hard to make genuinely good friends. You could put a lot of effort into a friendship and then when you need people to be there for you, most will not come through. You don’t always know how people will react until you’re in certain situations so it’s not like you can blame the person for not knowing their friends would turn out to be shtbags.
This is not at all me defending the weird social media trend of harassing service industry workers and dumping on them for tiktok views. Or dumping too much on anyone, stranger or friend. But these solutions listed above are certainly easier said than done for some.
i’m studying abroad in italy (florence) and the culture here is so different. there is no lack of a third place. there are always locals at cafes, on stoops in stores or just outside spending time with each other. i wish i could take this back to America with me
argentina is also like this, some people spend more time outside than inside lmao
I'm from Croatia and that is also the case here. Our cafes and bars are always full, people are constantly on the streets, life here is not nearly as fast as in bigger countries and I absolutely love that. I wasn't aware that some societies have this third place problem to that extend and watching this video has made me more appreciative of my people and my community
I'm beginning to think that America is becoming uniquely pathological.
@@tamcon72 yea, i think w good amount of issues americans have are really only a issue in america. there’s a great sense of community here, people are so welcoming and if anyone is ever acting in a way that’s not really “okay”, it’s most likely a tourist
I'm a Spaniard and it's like that here as well. I'd never thought about this until now.
kinda wish people wouldn't label everything as "trauma"
being told you need to do the dishes isn't giving you a traumatic childhood eMiLy
who is actually doing that, beyond the rare obviously poorly adjusted person? i see comments like this acting like its something that happens en masse but ive never seen it. it feels like a straw-man atp
Lol no one thinks that
I have dealt with this problem for decades ever since my personal trauma went public. Everyone assumed that I would be the most relatable, down to earth, empathetic person.
The reality is, I could barely handle stress. I'm Autistic and cannot properly handle someone else's trauma without having to fight the urge to also overshare / disassociate so I'm not emotionally affected in a negative way.
I haven't socialized outside of work in over 7 years, and I can honestly say I haven't been happier. I feel like I have total control over my boundaries and never have a worry about being lonely (I have a family) .
Dude same, I cannot handle the stress of other’s trauma at all without completely shutting down or having an anxiety attack
Honestly I accidentally trauma dumped during an interview. It was two months after I quit a job after working for two years but my dumbass was talking to this complete stranger despite her being nice about it. Honestly, I’m glad she didn’t call back otherwise it would’ve been super awkward or whatever. 😅
I know this isn’t on topic at all, but I love your Kaito photo, lol.
NO SAME. i was suddenly talking about how my old job and how it affected my mental health. they also didn’t call me back, and i forgot about it until now 😭
Your not dumb 🤍
Me too but with a zoom meeting, it's this "social" activity online from uni which is weird like why... in a zoom call. Was so sleepy and everyone talking about stuff suddenly they ask me and i was just not processing and keep blabbering e.e
@@ErutaniaRose SEGAAAAAAAAA
It can happen in friendships, too. I had to end a 12 year friendship because of her trauma dumping, SINCE we were kids.
Now as an adult with full comprehensive skills, I realized that her trauma dumping would also effect my mood and mental health as well. It was a constant thing.
Eventually I went through something traumatic of my own, and not once did she bother asking if I was okay.
I realized I was just there for her to unload on. It hurt me so much to end the friendship, but it's HARD. Especially when we're all going through our own "trauma" and the ones closest to you don't ask if you're okay.
Its insane to me that people wanna be known because of their “mental illnesses.” As someone who experiences crippling depression, I RARELY talk about it to people. I don’t wanna be known for something that makes it hard for me to even take care if myself. I wanna be known for my hard-work and my passions! Mental illness is not you!
When the one lady said she “loved” her mental illness, it infuriated me. I had crippling depression at one point as well and everyday felt like I was physically slowly dying. How could you love that Let alone make it your entire personality
That part really blows my mind because I try so damn hard to hide my pain from people close to me so I could suffer in silence lol
isn’t cr******g an ableist word? /genq
@jessicaamy6711 I kind of get her point because I do think my mental health issues have contributed a lot to who I've become, but because of learning to cope with them and push myself while also recognizing when I can't and that it is okay to struggle and not be okay. My mental illnesses have helped me become resilient, brave, and more empathetic, and I love that. But for sure, that's a far cry from "loving" your mental illness.
@@loveinstars Some people say crippling others would say debilitating. I think they can be used interchangeably to mean “impactful in a way that heavily disrupts daily functioning.”
The thing that gets me the most is that people expect friends to be texting nonstop. If you aren't, you're not a real friend. It feels like people who want to be friends in the real world, and control their time online are perceived as distant or cold.
I don’t expect a text back right away, I’m old school and believe your phone is for your convenience, not theirs. I’m always surprised when I text someone and it’s only been like 15 minutes and they apologize for not responding sooner. If it were THAT important I’d have called 911 not you!
you can also just say you want to be distant, not everyone is antisocial and depressed
That just means you need to get new friends cuz I don't have that problem.
Trauma and mental illness has become a lot of people’s whole personality. Everyone wants to be a victim. It’s giving “pick me/look at me.” I did not have a traumatic childhood but as an adult, I can look back in hindsight on my upbringing and pinpoint the things that still stick with me that I want to do differently as a parent. That’s the best way to heal, not vomit your issues all over innocent people who didn’t ask. That’s what therapy is for.
People trauma dumping in drive-thru's is actually insane. Like sir... ur at a mcdonalds, can I get ur order?
💀💀
I’m on a mission for friendships. I have a few moms from my daughter’s daycare I’m getting to know, but I have been frustrated by how surface level it feels - so thank you for the reminder that ITS OKAY for friendships to start out that way. I was used to immediately building intimate bonds with people in high school and I’m needing to unlearn that as my standard for relationships.
Those high school friendships just hit differently, but I think the older you get the harder it is to make friends.
@@Lighthouse6104they really do! I’m lucky to have two super close friends from high school but other than that I feel like it’s really hard to make any new friends. My circle definitely has gotten way smaller since my early twenties.
its so hard making real friends, and yes it takes time and effort, but it is so incredibly fulfilling and rewarding. your friends bring something out in you that really sparkles and makes you shine
I dont even vent to my friends when I know theyre going through a tough time, now imagine trauma dumping to someone not knowing if theyre okay themselves
yall the girl in the first clip also lied about her whole situation- it wasn’t her husband and she barely knew the man shes talking about 💀
I THOUGHT SHE LOOKED FAMILIAR
EXACTLY
That’s wild 😀
This is an amazing video and I completed it feeling so inspired! I run a 16 week program that’s an alternative sentence for 1st offender DUI. By the end of someone’s 16 weeks in my class I have had so many attendants tear up because they cannot continue past their 16 weeks. I’ve noticed this need for connection but didn’t have a term for it, now I do and I’ll be encouraging this message in my class. Thanks so much for your well thought out and presented videos!!
Trauma dumping is not only harmful to other people, but to the person sharing the trauma as well, i think. People open up their deepest fears to complete strangers online, and while most people would try to just ignore it or help, some use those things to actively harm the traumatized person. There's just no good sides to this behavior and i'm glad you took the time to point it out
I agree. I got taken advantage of by trauma dumping online. I don't do it anymore.
yes, this. an online safe space is safe as long as nobody decides to make it not safe. I completely stopped posting about my personal life anywhere online, even in support groups, when I realized that if someone wanted to weaponize what I said against I'm making it super easy for them
Agreed, also the other person won't be able to respond with deep interest and empathy (because they can't really *care* about a stranger, even with good intentions) and the one who was trauma dumping is going to feel rejected and disappointed in humanity even more
I understand trauma dumping to a friend when you have not had the ability to express your emotions and experiences before, but there is a point where you have to recognize your friends aren't your therapist. 🦆
@morgan2338 completely agree
It’s best practice to ask if someone is in the right place to hear some venting. But even then I feel like some people will feel obligated to say yes! So minimize that as much as possible because good friends can get burnt out too.
Yep. Also sucks when someone wants to openly trauma dump on a near daily basis, but then when their friend wants to vent about anything too, they're unwilling to reciprocate that support. It has really shocked and disappointed me, the amount of times I've encountered that. Something about my nature seems to invite people to treat me as the "therapist friend", and I would listen to people / support them / be there for them through so many really dark and emotional conversations, but then as soon as I wanted to open up even a little bit they would completely shut down and say they can't handle it. It's really not fair to treat someone as your emotional dumping ground but then be entirely unwilling to return even a small amount of that same support for the other person, especially when all they want is just to be listened to and have done so for you on countless occasions. After experiencing that several times, I finally stopped allowing myself to be treated as anyone's therapist, because it's really not fair for me to be there for somebody so much when they'll never be there for me when I need them.
I agree ENTIRELY. I’m currently dealing with an issue like this now, and it’s so hard for some people to understand boundaries when it comes to venting.
I don’t understand trauma dumping to a friend
" It take time to know people". YES. Most people engage with small talk first because they don't know you. It take times to have meaningful deep conversations. Forcing people to share their deepest feeling with strangers is a cult tactic 🙃
I think oversharing in general and especially traumas is a trauma response too. In face-to-face social interactions it is really noticeable. I discussed this in therapy and had an issue about this myself, where after hiding all your issues from everyone and starting addressing them, I kind of fell to the other extreme of dumping trauma in completely unrelated situations, without being asked. It is after one realizes that they can express their deeper feelings that they can start learning when and when not to do that. Of course, social media is insane and leeches into how people speak, so I try to focus on discussing mental health in real life. People don't want nuances here, go to therapy or at least talk privately with people that are willing to listen of you can't afford that.
I very much relate to this. I went from hiding all my issues from all my loved ones and friends to oversharing. However, over time, I've had to learn how or when to communicate these issues and to who. I think it's important to be able to talk about your issues and what you're going to but there's a time and place. Therapy is a great place but also finding friends who you trust is important. But it's also important to ask or get consent before you drop things off on someone because people may not be in a good mental state to receive that information at that time.
I 100% agree also. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and I started oversharing my learnings with friends, my parents, and even a coworker just because it felt like something I needed to do as part of accepting the diagnosis, and in identifying my traumatic responses since I had been living with it undiagnosed for so long that I just kind of accepted a lot of my responses as either anxiety or "I'm just weird". Luckily my friends and parents are great and let me talk about it and my therapist has helped me learn that I can ask people first and let them decide if they're willing to listen rather than assuming that it is or isn't okay, because often loved ones do want to be there and be an ear to listen but I shouldn't and don't have to make that decision for them.
I had the same, thing happen with me, and accidentally took out my trauma on my friends. We all always ask consent to “lore drop”, lol, and we had several discussions as a group in what the problem was and how to work through it. I have found that assuming a baseline of trust with good friends is VERY helpful.
My grandma has been trauma dumping about her childhood to my sibling and i while spending time with us. She’s realized that she’s had many unconscious trauma responses due to her childhood and im glad that she’s kind of working on that but we think she needs to talk to a therapist instead of us in the car on the way to get ice cream. She thinks she’s okay without therapy but my dad thinks that she doesn’t want to go because my grandpa didn’t like therapists. It’s a whole situation
Can confirm- I used to be someone who trauma dumped because I was trauma dumped on and because I had no healthy way to express my pain. Now, I’m super embarrassed of my past habit (and even often was embarrassed of my trauma dumping back then). It created a cycle where I was not processing anything, but instead just feeling entitled to my friends’ emotional availability. Now that I’m older I’m a lot more contained, mature and *slowly* taking better steps to take responsibility for my mental health. Honestly it feels good not to compulsively rehash issues and feel shame for it the next day when I’m more self aware.
Edit: Also wanted to add- I even trauma dumped on Tiktok at one point during quarantine, went viral for it (got "good" attention) and can acknowledge IT DOESN'T HELP. I stopped using that app, for my own good. This shouldn't be normalized and Salem hits home with these points.
i did the same thing and now i have no friends and everyone hates me
@@skylarvlogs1511you’ll find your people who like you for the current you. It takes time
I'm glad that you recognized that trauma dumping is harmful, and there are other healthier ways to express yourself. I went through a similar experience. I've had people be nasty towards me as a way to cope with trauma. I in turn treated people the same way. It was not good and very crippling. Thankfully going to therapy was very helpful.
That is literally me. After some years, I realized that trauma dumping on each other solved nothing and made the feeling worse, and also it was incredibly selfish and rude of me to trauma dump on people to the point where they were relieved when I stopped texting them for months.
@@soominlee5747 been there. I was so eager to hear them respond, fully with their energy and time and occasionally they did- but it shouldn't have ever been a thing for me to text walls complaining and lamenting my life experiences excessively. Just like you...yeah, I know they were relieved when I stopped. And I don't blame them.
Trauma dumping feels like to me where someone is so lonely and alone they dont feel like they can talk to friends or family about their problems, i used to work in a charity store and alot of people would come to me and express their feelings of their loved ones passing away i worked in charity retail btw (in the uk) i have asbolutley no problem comforting people when they are at their lowest and honestly it makes me sad that people are derogatory towards these people. Where has empathy or compassion gone. We are at a point where society is so individualistic that people who crave a little bit of community are posted online talked bad about, called narcisstic, when all they really want is someone to listen to them. Sometimes, we forget that we are all human and we are social animals, people are now saying we have a lonelyliness epidemic, and i wonder why this is a symptom of a larger issue. To me it sounds like people just want others to be quiet and go about their day and not ruin theirs with "negative energy". This gives the same energy as game "review bombing" when a video game is actually critised for being bad and people disagree so much with it for no reason or just for the sake of it they call it review bombing to belittle the criticism. I also have a mental health disorder that involves around relationships with people, so actually, being their for customers was actually really helpful for meto understand when someone was upset and learn how to comfort them. We need to realise that some human beings might not have friends or family to unload off too, the only people they can is a professional and sometimes that might be local hairdresser. I wasn't trained to deal with people who had mental health issues or passed away parents or siblings, but i did what i could to cheer them up and bring a little happiness to their life, you can never be trained to be compassionate to others.
What confuses me about trauma dumping is that there are SO many online spaces for people to talk about basically any trauma/illness/difficult life situation/etc that they're experiencing. I'm in a few myself and they've been incredibly helpful! I can relate, rant, get valuable advice, all of the things that a stressed out random stranger understandably doesn't want.
It's not 1900 anymore. If you have internet access, you have access to support groups/communities. Leave the poor service workers alone and go to an online group where everyone there has consented to hearing about your entire life story or daily struggles.
are there really? most of groups I have been were ableist, transphobic / homophobic and heavily pro-capitalistic and I only got retraumatized and "put in my place", told "others have worse" and that I'm not trying enough and I can't blame capitalism for the issues created by capitalism
@@eurodarathere are absolutely a ton of awful groups out there and I'm really sorry you had that experience because no one deserves that kind of crap. I know this is gonna generate a lot of doubt but I've found my favorite ones on reddit. I always lurk for a few days before participating and there were some that were just bad. But one example of a good one is r/bipolar (I have Bipolar 1 Disorder). They are so kind, so supportive, and the mods are crazy diligent about shutting down anything in the universe of bigotry or disrespect. Like I remember a recent post where a member posted pictures about cleaning their room for the first time in years and I teared up myself from all of the kindness I saw. Online communities aren't right for everyone which is totally fine! And the type you're looking for probably makes a difference, like how specific it is (like a group for people with fibromyalgia vs a general group for people with invisible illnesses). I've just found a lot of support and healing through carefully selected ones so it is an option for some people to consider.
@@eurodara then get a therapist random stranger have other stuff if not worse going on then to wanna hear people issues
@@ashantiwrlds6119 we are literally talking about SUPPORT groups so about people who are supposed to want to listen about other people problems and trauma
also, "get a therapist" is such a fucking priviledged statement, when so many people cannot afford basic healthcare
@@ashantiwrlds6119 they stated going on specific online groups for support not on random strangers and was treated poorly when it shouldn’t have yet somehow you missed all that, also there are therapists that could be transphobic, ableist, homophobic, classist, etc
Breathing is a trauma response. We were all gaslighted at birth by the doctor slapping our buttocks into thinking we rely on oxygen but what if it was never invented? 💁🏻♀️
Women in STEM😍👩🏽⚕️
LMAO
and thank God these things aren’t really true
Bc I was so scared my whole personality was trauma response
@@Im_here_lollmoa
FARTING IS ALSO A TRAUMA RESPONSE. /j
@@vibrantgleam reverse breathing trauma 🤣
Wow, part three especially was incredibly insightful and I really appreciate your explanations! I've never heard of the "third place" concept before but it really resonated with me. My favorite thing about social media is accidentally encountering new ideas and perspectives that change how I see the world (and myself), and there are a lot of thought-provoking concepts in this video that I've never really thought about before. Thank you!
Social media has made us so desensitized to traumatic events. Once I saw this tiktok of a mother crying over a portrait of her son in his cap and gown; he died before he could graduate. And I know it could be staged, but seeing that made me feel something… weird. The tiktok had thousands of likes and comments and it just made me think; we showcase grief like this? Like mass-media, for us to consume, feel for a few moments, and continue on with our doomscroll? It felt so wrong. This is to say nothing of people who literally throw their huge amounts of trauma on short form videos. It’s all so dystopian
@@chilling_koala The whole concept of the video is how easily people on the internet lay out extremely sensitive and traumatic info out for everyone to see, and do it under the guise of wanting support. I don't deny that it can be done for support and awareness. But when is enough enough? My point here is that it's voyeuristic. We feel, we like and we comment and we move on. It's not treated with the gravity it deserves; it's reduced to content, shares and likes. Some things don't need to be on the internet. When you post moments like that to the internet, I'd argue that you open yourself up to possible judgement. My judgement is that it's voyeuristic as hell and I sure as hell didn't want to watch this grieving mother sob over her son, but go off, I guess.
I love the point that even if you ARE an introvert, you need people. Everyone needs social and alone time, even if at different ratios. The best thing I’ve done as an introvert was finding spaces based on common interests.
Going to college was also really eye opening. I was in a major that wasn’t for me, and I saw how many other people in my degree program loved what they do and were able to connect over it. Seeing their passion and connections made me realize that
1) I was in the wrong degree program and needed to find what I loved
&
2) how much more fun life was when you have those spaces and people to share your interests and goals with.
I’ve started the process of changing majors (my school makes it a pain in the ass) and I’ve already met new people in classes and student groups. I was nervous that I wouldn’t make connections until I was officially in that major, but I think people could see how much I cared for the same things they cared for and we were drawn to each other.
i consider myself an introvert but I'm also very in love with the concept of socializing and like to be around people (the right people), to the point that people consider me to be an extrovert. but after hanging out or being social for a while i feel very tired and don't want to be around other people, and need my time alone and i start to wish to go home. I've never liked when people act like introverts are shy/unsocial etc, most of the times we just find ourselves in spaces we don't thrive in and it gets really tiring fast
Exactly, there’s a big difference between being an introvert and being completely lonely.
I will never forget when a uber driver told me he was going thru a divorce and how horrible his ex-spouse was, bc of him trauma dumping I got late at work, just straight up pulled over in front of my workplace but didn't finalize the trip until he finished ranting about his ex, dude was almost crying 💀
I have a friend who is an English Professor. He said he got a failing student email him that he couldn't turn in a major essay because of "academic trauma." Apparently the student couldn't handle the grades they got for not turning in their (half assed) work in on time. And that's when they did decide to turn stuff in too. He was in disbelief at that one.
Oh that's hilarious
academic trauma is a real thing, but probably not something you can or should just casually email your professor about when you miss a deadline.
@@w0rmg0rl no it’s not 😂
@@Toccata. oh right, it's not a medical diagnosis, but people struggling with trauma caused by the education they went through exist whether you want them to or not
The student needs to talk to a counselor or a therapist. Or disenroll from school. Whatever issue they have is their responsibility to deal with and workout
okay but as someone whose been told some absolutely insane stuff at my hotel job, its so hard to not just blink at them, like im at my minimum pay job, im traumatized myself and suddenly im a trained therapist???
Lool
I think I got “mean world syndrome” after attempting to date via dating apps. Got treated so inhumanely so many times that I gave up on trying to connect with people in the real world.
Thank for you talking about this. I used to think I hated people too, I agreed with thinking people suck and I wanted to avoid social situations at all costs. But now that I'm almost 33 I feel incredibly lonely. Whenever I see people bragging about how much they avoid each other and are glad that they can buy food/items without human interaction honestly makes me sad. I miss having a social circle and the feeling of belonging. Building up my social skills again has been sooo hard, but I think it's 100% worth doing. We need each other.
It's hard to schedule hangouts as an adult. I'm about to be 24 and definitely felt the same way. Years ago, a friend who moved away had the idea of hosting weekly "friend meetups" at the same time and same place, so anyone could come anytime with no pressure whatsoever. I stole that idea. It's been super helpful for maintaining relationships while having a ton of things going on.
And for the anxious friends, I give an "earliest arrival" time and a "usually people pass out by this point" time. Because it's truly just to be together with no obligation. :)
Well how is anyone supposed to have human relationships these days? People are high in dark tetrad traits, they want to outsource negative aspects of relationships to "mental health professionals", they're fair weather friends, faux "accept people different from you, prejudice, invalidating. What exactly is the benefit of being around people?
@The_Bean It really is. I have two friends that I see every few months due to busy schedules but I still would like to make deeper connections. That friend sounds so lovely and its great that you're following the example. Putting pressure on a hangout can be super difficult for people, and not everyone can come out on the same day, so this is a wonderful way include people when they're available. I hope to implement that at some point! Thank you for the idea.
@feliznavidad6958 I used to have this opinion too, but it was killing my mental well-being because I was being so negative and isolated myself all the time, and that doesn't attract friends. Ofc there are shitty people and unfortunately a lot of them. But there are still good people in the world, and while it's hard to find them, they're still worth looking for.
I can relate to this so much. I cut off so many friendships from my youth because I told myself I didn’t need them when, in reality, I was just horribly insecure. Now, at 28, I’m trying to rebuild a social life, but it’s much harder as a mom and adult, and I feel lonely often. Treasure your friendships, y’all. They matter.
Thank you for this video. I’m a Esthetician and I do brows, and the amount of people dumping there problems on me is crazy. And I’m trying to heal from my own trauma. Even when I started to have boundaries bc I couldn’t take it anymore, they would literally try to trick me and ask about me only to turn and make it about themselves to dump on me. I literally now have to tell people that I feel uncomfortable knowing this information, and then I just turn up my music. People really need to go to therapy.
Ngl I feel some clients do it for us to feel sympathy for them so we’ll give them a discount & I’ve emotionally discounted way too many times in my career that they need to understand these services are a luxury at the end of the day not a NEED , but WE NEED our bills to be paid & this is our livelihood so like wtf 😐
@@chiafashionista preaching for the choir. I worked at a hotel as a receptionist and the sobs story from people for discounts were CONSTANT it was so emotionally exhausting. Good on you for setting those boundaries!
I realize now when ppl want to trauma dump. They ask about how you’re feeling and try to get you to talk about your problems 😂😂. I’m like na, I’m not gunna get caught in this trickery.
I’d never dump my problems on anyone I just talk about normal stuff like pets and travel but never my own personal problems and I don’t get how anyone can do that.
Agreed! I have problems myself instead I talk about them to people that I trust who I'm close with not to strangers. Therapy can help and I recommend people doing it.
Every time you say "the panini" when referring to the Great Bat-Soup Sniffles Scourge of 2020-2021, I crack tf up!! 😂😂😂
its epsecially bad for service workers, cuz often they have a limited amount of time for each customer, or aren't even allowed to give opinions to customers or have no work related convos
When I was a cashier in my teens, I finished ringing up an elderly lady and as she was leaving the register, she turned back toward me and said "my husband died this morning". It was only 10am so he had just died. All I could say was "I'm so sorry" because another customer had entered my line. I didn't know what to say or do beyond that. She just left when she saw the other customer. I hope she found someone to talk to.
I don't know how new trauma dumping really is. As a teen and a young adult in the early 2000s, random people would trauma dump on me all the time, especially when I was just waiting for a bus to arrive. Nothing like just wanting to go home and some dude you don't know telling you about his very fucked up childhood.
My mother also said it happened to her all of her life as well. Strangers loved to tell her their personal life stories and often within seconds of meeting here. I think it's probably as old as time, but now, people have an even larger platform to do it on.
I think the culture might be relatively new but does go back to about the generation of the emo kids, lol
Yeah I think it just looks different now because we’re all connected online. It’s really not new.
I used to have people trauma dump on me constantly, as well. (Now I don’t go out that often.) I think it’s become much more performative now with the advent of social media.
@@sparkstudies1675 That has less to do with emo kids bc millions of ppl who aren't already do that
I’ve been complaining to my husband that nobody wants to hang out anymore. I want to have friends I want to visit with people and have community, but feels like people in my life just full away. It’s really sad.
This is honestly so gross. Trauma dumping is so dehumanizing. They have no care for your well-being, they just want to throw everything on you as if you're a trash can and walk away feeling better while you're left picking up the pieces.
Most ppl who trauma-dump aren't doing it on purpose or because they lack care or empathy for someone else or even expecting another person to fix things for them. A lot of times, it's totally unintentional & many ppl do feel embarrassed about doing it afterwards like "wtf did I just do?"
@@Justanothercog24 more people know what they are doing than I think you’d realize. It’s one thing to accidentally over share it’s another when service workers have to deal with regulars who come to their place of work to trauma dump (and yes that is something a LOT of people deal with)
@@Justanothercog24At some point these people need to learn some self awareness
@@yougotgamesonyourphone6947 self-awareness is a habitual process of growth. If someone recognizes what they did & feels embarrassed, that's awareness. The ones to really watch out for are those who make excuses & no apologies for the way they treat others.
As someone with seasonal ‘sadness’ this couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve realized a lot of people kinda trauma dump around me and on social media it’s been kinda refreshing to know that I’m not an a-hole for not wanting to hear something triggering at 10am.
Edit: I also use to work at a call center and this was a constant theme even for situations that were simple and required little effort to fix. I feel like due to the pandemic a lot of people just want someone to talk to and that’s fine but like the context of the conversations that took place during my job were sooo bad that I was formally diagnosed with anxiety disorder which made it harder to continue.
So I quit.
It's interesting, I wonder if there's something about people prone to being anxious that also makes us prime trauma dumping candidates lol
Yes I work from home and do call center stuff for a product pretty much only old people buy and they'll be calling about updating their cc and then go into how their wife had cancer or that their husband died this year and it's just a lot to deal with over and over. Ive taken 2 loa already and I couldn't understand why I didn't want to go back til right now.
I'm thinking of quitting my job too. I'm a receptionist so I answer phones too and God the amount of trauma dumping I experience on a daily basis is ridiculous.
@@marslara honestly no cap I’ve been wondering that cuz people will literally tell me about being assaulted out of nowhere and I’m like why did you choose me?
Out of all people why me???
@@ItsOKtobeNormal my heart goes out to you because people really don’t talk about how bad it affects call center workers.
your insight on losing the third place was very revolutionary and validating to me! you put into words perfectly what i've been trying tog rasp at and figure out myself: people only operate on necessity now, and thats themselves, and work. the lack of an interstitial commune is definitely killing the ability for many to create meaningful relationships.
🦆 I’m actually not in your age bracket, I’m more like your mother or grandmothers age but I have to tell you I really loved all the points you made and I will be sharing this post with my daughter and pre-teen granddaughter because I think they could really benefit from the whole session. You really have a way of being able to cover true to life relevant topics without sounding judgy or lecturing. Also, the sound of your voice actually caries quite a calming tone that relaxes the listener and creates a tension free mood that makes the listener/viewer want to stick around to hear ALL that you have to say. Keep up the Great content my dear and your audience will continue growing!! ❤😊
Your kindness is a blessing to this world. Even if not every person who posts a video sees your words, I hope you know that you're having a very positive effect on everyone who comes across your light. Thank you ❤
I’m 38 and still feel like I learn so much from your videos. Thanks a million for educating & uplifting us 💫
I’m honestly quite concerned how so many people on the Internet especially tiktok feel so comfortable sharing such personal stuff so nonchalantly on social media.
well like she said, they have no other source of validation. ofc you'll take comfort in the only source of validation/supposed healing they have
And the crazy thing is I’ve seen people come up with stories to make their "trauma"seem tragic. There was this comment on TH-cam and this person was talking about her being in an abusive relationship and I kid you not under a different video their was a person who commented the exact same thing word for word and it was a different account.
Great video, it gave me a lot to chew on. I used to be that lonely introvert that convinced myself I didn't need anyone and have only started to release those unhelpful beliefs in the past year once I figured myself out and connected with friends irl.
Funnily enough, someone in my (online) community came out with a poop take that the entire concept of Trauma Dumping is ableist and that we should normalize talking about heavy topics and my reaction was"???!!!" Like clearly, someone has never, (like that poor barista) been a captive audience to a rando's complete history of tragedy while they're trying to mind their own and flip through Highlights for Children in the dental office waiting room! I must have one of those faces, or just a vibe or whatever, because it happens, more often than I'd like (which is never), and I don't think its brave or liberating to shed basic frickin boundaries around others and putting it on them to assert theirs! For one thing, you never know how the trauma dumper is going to react if you do, especially since they're telling you right to your face that they have emotional troubles. Like come, on.
Omg I’m so glad you touched on this. I’m 33 so a bit older and I suffered from anxiety from a very young age and my family had no idea how to help me UNTIL people started talking about mental health more. But the way mental health is exploited on the internet for attention is so frustrating. I’ve been struggling with managing my mental health for 20 years. As an adult, I pay $250 a month to go to a private psychotherapist, which I can hardly afford but it’s the thing I found that works for me. I’m someone who has to really INVEST in my mental health treatment, mentally and financially. It’s hard for me to take someone serious who doesn’t even bother trying to treat their trauma, they just want attention on the internet. Meanwhile people are really trying to make their trauma LESS of their personality, not their whole personality
Fighting your own mental illness is a personal journey that should be carried out with people you love, who are close to you. It’s definitely questionable when people -who don’t want to change their behavior - will post loads of content about it. tying their behaviors to the rush of likes and comments. It becomes a crutch instead of a method of healing
Not everyone can pay for it.
@@loanicastillo3327 no I totally understand that a lot of people can’t pay for it. I hardly get by myself trust me lol. I went to public health clinics for all my mental health treatment for 15yrs. There are free options but unfortunately these social services are already so underfunded. I was homeless and walked miles to my clinic, there are free options if you’re committed and want treatment bad enough🤷🏼♀️ I guess that’s my point. If you’re truly suffering with a real mental illness, you’re gonna find a way. Only thing that bothers me is when people use mental health to milk attention out of people, but refuse to even TRY to get a diagnosis or even discuss a treatment plan from a mental health professional OR even a support group🤷🏼♀️ they’re free and community based. If you’re not seeking some kind of help or treatment, it’s hard for me to play into the victim mentality. However, mental health is a journey and timing matters. 20+yrs later in this fight and I’m still figuring it out🤷🏼♀️ so it’s no judgement there
@@macybray4542 exactly!! It also muddies the waters for people who deal with social stigma around their mental health issues. People will incorrectly self-diagnose, push a certain narrative surrounding their mental health, but if they actually went to a mental health professional, they would get a completely different diagnosis! Sometimes this is harmless, sometimes it could be damaging. People think they have BPD and find out they’re actually schizophrenic. I first went to a psych for depression, found out im bipolar, which shifted my own mindset, my treatment plan and helped me manage🤷🏼♀️ knowledge is power. Im actually convinced some people don’t wanna go get a diagnosis because they might find out they actually have nothing at all lol. Which might be embarrassing if you’ve already been seeking attention… just sayin🤷🏼♀️
"You're not happy, you're just comfortable" That really stuck with me. Thank you. 🥰
It's wild because I don't like to tell my problems to strangers, and put on a smile to avoid making my problems or sadness into other people's problems -- not in a "toxic positivity" way, just in an "I respect you and don't think I need to tell you exactly what my issues are today."
So some people get angry at the idea that I "don't have problems" or feel like I'm "fake."
No -- I just don't like to dump on people I barely know! I hardly like to dump on people I *do* know! It feels like basic decency.
That frequently leads me to self-isolate more, which negatively impacts my mental health and causes people to think I'm "fake" when I fail to unleash my sadness onto the public.
You said "privacy doesnt exist" right as my dog started going to the bathroom and it was just incredible timing.
She watches me go too🤷♀️ we definitely dont get any privacy😂
So relatable. It's like having kids that wait till you're there and start knocking except with paws under the door and barking/meowing.
@@petunia7623Haha, mine's the opposite! She will CONFIDENTLY use it while we're in the room as if her majesty needs guards.
I don’t do this as much but when I was younger I would trauma dump on my best friend all the time. I lived in an unsafe, narcissistic household and had no one to talk to nor did I have a sense of what and when was appropriate to bring up and share such info. We talked recently now that we’re almost 40 and she admitted how that was so hard back then because we were literally kids and she had no idea what to do. I’m so grateful that she’s still my bestie (30+) years now. I can’t imagine just dumping on a fast food employee or hairstylist. Like please, go see a therapist, that’s literally what they’re paid to do.
It's so great that you included the positive call to action at the end. I'm a musician and an artist so I've had third places and community since high school, but I do get so disheartened by seeing young people with nowhere to go.
I strongly urge anyone who loves music or art to find their local scene and just hang out! There's so much out there.
I was a hairdresser, clients have absolutely been doing this since the dawn of time. We know what we’re signing up for, and are nowadays often trained specifically for it. Some people just can’t deal with it. I don’t personally mind at all!
Same, I was a bartender for awhile and I knew going in that I was signing up to be an untrained therapist at least some of the time. I did also get specific training about how to get a guest to shut up if they were going too far, lol.
Hairdressers being treated like their free personal psycologist
@@mica4977 well it’s not free lol
When I was in cosmetology school, my instructor spent a whole class on the topic of the interaction that happens between client/hairdresser. I remember him telling us “your clients will tell you EEEVERYTHING, but be careful when it comes to answering. Don’t comment on their personal life, even if they tell you all about it. It is a transactional relationship, and people will feel comfortable with you because you make them feel good about themselves. But if they perceive you’ve gone too far you could lose them as a client.”
Now that I’ve been working beauty for a while I definitely agree with some of the things he told us. I never could have been fully prepared for what it’s like to work in beauty but I’m glad he mentioned it.
It’s definitely a topic that has layers to it.
Deleting social media has definitely let me get a more accurate assessment of my current mental state and what I actually need help with. You're absolutely right that the constant oversharing makes us jaded and miserable, it's just not good to consume that stuff.
Really valuable and important message at the end. People don‘t like to be challenged in this way and don‘t like to hear it: but we need others. We need each other as humans.
*Hating people* says more about your unhealed and untreated social issues than about anything else. We all need to work on that.
traumadumping to your hairdresser is INSANE i just sit in complete silence and let them do their work in peace
We went from dismissing everyone's trauma unless it made the person a borderline disruption to everyone's surrounding them.
To make everything about trauma and forcing people to bear with our baggage, amazing how we skipped the middle ground on this social shift