Finally someone who said it. I'm glad to hear this. I struggle with motherhood and still feel ashamed of these struggles. I'm trying to be what I haven't experienced myself and it's like a... task... without a role model. There's so much guilt and shame and feelings of being inadequate. Thank you for being honest, I'm glad I found this channel.
Oh my goodness! 19 years into this parenting gig and only now just starting to heal my childhood trauma. You articulate this perfectly as to how I’ve had to navigate and ‘break the cycle’. ❤ all unconscious of what I was actually doing. Wow…
You are telling my story again, Dr Ingrid, except that I came up in an earlier generation. I was born in 1955, raised in dysfunction, and then read everything I could get my hands on to help me to be the best parent I could be to my children. Nothing ever pointed me in the direction of working on my own triggers. I am consoled to know that my now-adult children have more good information to help them recover from the mistakes I made. And my own recovery is underway at last. Thank you for your part in all that. 💜
When challenging what was learned in your own childhood, it has the potential to feel like a personal attack on what has already been learned and ingrained into our bodies. Speaking about these struggles is so critical when teaching children how to express their own thoughts and feelings.
You hit the nail on the head for me Dr Ingrid! Parenting is so triggering for me that though being a parent was one on the things l desired the most, l sometimes feel maybe l wasn't meant for it. This video explains it all. Thank you for being so honest. I find working thru my own childhood trauma and parenting at the same time very exausting.
I feel so burdened by this parenting thing. I struggle to hold boundaries with my child and then it makes me feel resentful towards him. I wish to break this generational trauma and don’t want him to go through what I had to endure yet I am clueless. I have felt everything that you mentioned. Thank you for what you’re doing
My son is a year and a half and I just started trauma therapy. This video spoke directly to me thank you for your honesty and courage it is helpful to know i’m not alone. When he throws a fit or is upset I just say I love you. I’m here. Let it out it’s ok. I was never aloud to feel
As someone who doesn't have kids this is also something that I can apply to healing. Having internalised the controling critical parent. If I think of both of these as my job. My job to set boundaries and validate and empathize with what I'm feeling and then express and communicate it (in a healthy way). My internal critic is harsh and means I'm often confused about what I should do. It is an echo of my mother. I struggle to trust myself. Validation and boundaries here we go.
And that is exactly why I decided not to have kids. I knew when I would babysit for friend's and family that I couldn't handle kids without responding with inappropriate anger and shame, just like my parents did to me. I had no words for it at the time, but I knew I didn't want to treat kids the way I was treated as a kid. Thank you for sharing your experience, strength, and hope.
Parents are to set boundaries validate and empathize ... I'm so glad there is a discussion around this even on a low level it's best. (I've got resentment as well) none of this was ever allowed for me..either
OMG thank you for this video. The mechanism is so well articulated. It helps to lay it down in the open, so that we can take a deep breathe and choose something else while understanding why it is so FREAKING hard. The hardest part for me is when I mess up.
When I became a step parent, that’s when I realized how dysfunctional my family was. I am convinced it made me a better step mother. It took a while with triggers but I understand now. My stepdaughters are 24 and we have a fabulous relationship. Way better than my bio situation! I became the mother my mother wasn’t if that makes sense.
I need Dr.Becky because I have made so many mistakes.. I do set boundaries as I am screaming because he doesn’t listen to me.. I know he needs help and I want to help him. Help me Dr.Becky..
4:45. Nail on the head again! Grace for ourselves and trying to learn. I am also thinking many of our parents were not allowed to have big feelings. My mother constantly told us 'my dad would slap me over the face if I said that!' And what we said wasn't mean or disrespectful. It was maybe a different opinion than hers. NOT ALLOWED. No response allowed other than agreement. I'm totally consciously trying to let my kids be themselves. It is an interesting experience for sure.
Therapy has not been helpful for me. Because of the guilt and shame were pounded into my head, I cannot open up. To hear you bravely say these things that cause you discomfort blows me away. I wish I could speak as honestly as you do!
If you will, I'd like to learn about social skills after trauma. The people I meet, who share that they have a trauma past, are socially awkward people. Maybe I'm just attracting those (they are very lovely people btw), but is there a connection between a trauma past and social skillset? Just wondering.
![Recovery Workshop - Berlin Friendly Circle - [Full Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Lh1bcg6BLlo/mqdefault.jpg)
"You had to know. And if you missed the mark, you are in trouble" - this!!!
Finally someone who said it. I'm glad to hear this. I struggle with motherhood and still feel ashamed of these struggles. I'm trying to be what I haven't experienced myself and it's like a... task... without a role model.
There's so much guilt and shame and feelings of being inadequate.
Thank you for being honest, I'm glad I found this channel.
What an amazing authentic and completely relatable video. 💚
Oh my goodness!
19 years into this parenting gig and only now just starting to heal my childhood trauma. You articulate this perfectly as to how I’ve had to navigate and ‘break the cycle’. ❤ all unconscious of what I was actually doing. Wow…
You are telling my story again, Dr Ingrid, except that I came up in an earlier generation. I was born in 1955, raised in dysfunction, and then read everything I could get my hands on to help me to be the best parent I could be to my children. Nothing ever pointed me in the direction of working on my own triggers. I am consoled to know that my now-adult children have more good information to help them recover from the mistakes I made. And my own recovery is underway at last. Thank you for your part in all that. 💜
When challenging what was learned in your own childhood, it has the potential to feel like a personal attack on what has already been learned and ingrained into our bodies. Speaking about these struggles is so critical when teaching children how to express their own thoughts and feelings.
Your honesty is healing my heart. Thank you so much🌱🌸💗
You hit the nail on the head for me Dr Ingrid! Parenting is so triggering for me that though being a parent was one on the things l desired the most, l sometimes feel maybe l wasn't meant for it. This video explains it all. Thank you for being so honest. I find working thru my own childhood trauma and parenting at the same time very exausting.
I feel so burdened by this parenting thing. I struggle to hold boundaries with my child and then it makes me feel resentful towards him. I wish to break this generational trauma and don’t want him to go through what I had to endure yet I am clueless. I have felt everything that you mentioned. Thank you for what you’re doing
My son is a year and a half and I just started trauma therapy. This video spoke directly to me thank you for your honesty and courage it is helpful to know i’m not alone. When he throws a fit or is upset I just say I love you. I’m here. Let it out it’s ok.
I was never aloud to feel
As someone who doesn't have kids this is also something that I can apply to healing. Having internalised the controling critical parent. If I think of both of these as my job. My job to set boundaries and validate and empathize with what I'm feeling and then express and communicate it (in a healthy way). My internal critic is harsh and means I'm often confused about what I should do. It is an echo of my mother. I struggle to trust myself. Validation and boundaries here we go.
Truly enjoying your book~ a lot of triggers for me😮💨. So I’m taking my time🙏🏻 it’s encouraging me to write my own😊
I've always said I may understand the destination, yet I have no road map. Endlessly frustrating.
And that is exactly why I decided not to have kids. I knew when I would babysit for friend's and family that I couldn't handle kids without responding with inappropriate anger and shame, just like my parents did to me. I had no words for it at the time, but I knew I didn't want to treat kids the way I was treated as a kid. Thank you for sharing your experience, strength, and hope.
It's what a lot of ppl feel. I'm a parent and a trumama survivor. It's a radically different universe. We all want to be better
Parents are to set boundaries validate and empathize ... I'm so glad there is a discussion around this even on a low level it's best. (I've got resentment as well) none of this was ever allowed for me..either
OMG thank you for this video. The mechanism is so well articulated. It helps to lay it down in the open, so that we can take a deep breathe and choose something else while understanding why it is so FREAKING hard. The hardest part for me is when I mess up.
Phew! Thank you❤
When I became a step parent, that’s when I realized how dysfunctional my family was. I am convinced it made me a better step mother. It took a while with triggers but I understand now. My stepdaughters are 24 and we have a fabulous relationship. Way better than my bio situation! I became the mother my mother wasn’t if that makes sense.
Good job! 😌🙌🏻
I need Dr.Becky because I have made so many mistakes.. I do set boundaries as I am screaming because he doesn’t listen to me.. I know he needs help and I want to help him. Help me Dr.Becky..
Thank you for another helpful video. I love how you talk about the body’s response to triggers. You articulate it so well. I can relate to this 100%.
Thank you!!!
4:45. Nail on the head again! Grace for ourselves and trying to learn. I am also thinking many of our parents were not allowed to have big feelings. My mother constantly told us 'my dad would slap me over the face if I said that!' And what we said wasn't mean or disrespectful. It was maybe a different opinion than hers. NOT ALLOWED. No response allowed other than agreement. I'm totally consciously trying to let my kids be themselves. It is an interesting experience for sure.
you are so right on! I sighed, even💜🙏
P.S. I just unsubscribed and resubscribed cuz I haven't been getting notifications. (supposedly A "thing" that works 🤷🏻♀️)
Therapy has not been helpful for me. Because of the guilt and shame were pounded into my head, I cannot open up. To hear you bravely say these things that cause you discomfort blows me away. I wish I could speak as honestly as you do!
Don’t give up. You’re worth fighting for!
Thank you for sharing!
Oh heck yeah! I'm so looking forward to this🙌❤️🙌
If you will, I'd like to learn about social skills after trauma. The people I meet, who share that they have a trauma past, are socially awkward people. Maybe I'm just attracting those (they are very lovely people btw), but is there a connection between a trauma past and social skillset? Just wondering.
For sure. Get into therapy and work on your social skills.
Thank you ❤️🩹