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Can you do a video on how to be humble, kind, respectable, and why it matters? There's a reason customer service sucks so badly today, for the reps & the customers, for instance.
Every time I watch these videos I realize more and more how severely my entire family messed me up. I was trained to always go with the flow, never raise concerns, never speak up for my needs, never complain... and in return I was called a "good child". Other parents would always tell my mom how much they wished their kids could be like me. It made me feel like I was doing something right, but turns out it was the WORST thing for my self-development.
@shredded guy I'm not sure how you think that stating the fact that someone's parents haven't been the best at parenting is blaming them. It doesn't mean that if we forgive or accept our parents' flaws we should stop aknowledging them. And how exactly do you assume it was a stable family or that they had her best interest in mind? Do you know her story? No, then how can you call someone weak if you have no idea what they went through? That's not quite a good mindset for you either, maybe you might need to work on that. I don't think being aware of your parents' mistakes and accepting that it wasn't entirely your fault for growing up in a certain way is being ungrateful or something. At one point in our lives we must accept ourselves and our flaws and understand that some things aren't rooted in our personality, but have been taught to us just so we can change them. Learning to grow out of that mindset doesn't mean we have to ignore what put us there in the first place and not ignoring it doesn't mean we hate or disrespect the people who did that. It is what it is, we accept it and try to grow out of it.
At least you were a good child in the end! I did all that things and they always complained how other children are better. My parents made me believe no matter what I do, I'm never good enough
To be fair we are all under the process of domesticating,We grew up a certain way and now what we are aware of the truth we try to untangle ourselves from the whole process.
Sometimes we try to give people the clues, and when people don't get it, we feel disappointed and unheard. The truth is we need to say it as it is. That's how improve understanding.
Yeah. We aren’t mind readers and the day we realize the need and fairness to clarify ourselves to people, things unfold so easily. We can see things deserving slip apart and can walk away from people. We can connect more. We can do so many more honest things... I personally just wish there was some sort of teddy bear to hug when we take risks of straightforwardness.... gets scary haha
@@kristianxventura Too true! Say it how it is! Oh! But this is so much easier said than done when you’re afraid of hurting or offending others! But not doing so hurts both people more in the end. Ah!
My parents tried so hard to raise me to be a "good boy", they just ended up crippling me emotionally for most of my early adulthood. This video speaks to me. I'm finally trying to get better.
Man...relax..you have to know when or not to speak..imagine..there is these teacher who is a dick, but you need her class to pass, sow..there is not need to fight because you will loose the teacher...you can only..work hard and be nice and pass the class..all depends the situation
Don't confuse being a good boy with being a nice boy, they are 2 completely different things. You would benefit from learning from Jordan peterson if you haven't already heard of him. Type into youtube, nice guys vs good guys jordan peterson
Stupid idiots replying don't even understand the op. He expressed very simply and he isn't confused at all. Don't listen to idiots like in the comments. Abusive people are abusive wether they are parents, teachers, they have good intentions and all that horse shit.
This channel has high-quality content, but please, don't underestimate the healing quality of a therapeutic relationship, with an actual human being, that listens to us, responds to us, and gives us tools expecting us to recover and be well.
@Blind Sighted I really wish I could afford therapy, but I lost my job and health insurance. If I still had my job, I would gladly pay $100 a month for it, though, on top of the $170/mo I was paying for insurance premiums.
Not being straightforward is strongly associated with lack of self-esteem. When you see yourself as a person who lacks value, it is normal to assume that what other people think of you is more important than what you think of yourself. When you don’t assume complete ownership over your own mental space, you automatically degrade your personal value and you let it get affected by the mental space of others. It is crucial to recognize that we are all different and, consequently, most of us have different needs. And that is ok. Assertiveness and being straightforward is the best tool to communicate those needs in an effective and elegant way. p.s. Assertiveness is the sweet spot between passivity and aggression. This is very crucial to understand because most people fail to identify this sweet spot and usually end up confusing assertiveness with aggression. By all means, assertive does not mean aggressive.
As one who suffers from low self esteem this really did hit hard and made me contemplate how I actually am not assertive and straightforward and do mistake assertiveness with rudeness. I’m just not sure how to go about getting better on this matter. I know I need to change, I want to change so I can have mental peace, but it feels like such a tall, insurmountable mountain to climb.
@@myriadmediamusings when it comes to anything that makes us uncomfortable, the more we put it off and the more we exaggerate it’s difficulties, the higher the mountain seems to become. It’s a lot more manageable when you don’t focus on the end goal and just tackle what’s directly in front of you so for example if the waiter or cashier messes up your order, correct them as opposed to smiling and nodding. The more you do this, the more natural it’ll become and then you’ll start realizing you’re capable of being assertive even if just for a little while and that is an accomplishment in itself
Maria Joan, it's difficult to be assertive with bad tempered people. However with others, they may also find it difficult to speak up. You may like a way of speaking like, "Well I'd enjoy ... but what would you like?" If others don't like your idea, remember that doesn't mean your idea was stupid but just they may have different preferences.
One of the best parts of the School of life is the quality of the followers. We currently see comment like yours which is as rich as the video itself. Thanks for share. I full agree with your words.
Being tactful is also good. Sometimes speaking up is good and Sometimes going along with a situation works best. Some people give a strong message that they don't want honesty because they're too fragile.
I’m always amazed by how emotionally intelligent these creators are. To be able to create pieces like this that give you the truth you need to hear, but somehow always wrap it in a warm hug. That’s usually something that only very skilled counselors can accomplish and yet they do it effortlessly every time here at TSOL
That's the word! Yes how incredibly emotionally intelligent.Very thankful for people like them that make much needed content so accessible and digestible.
Exactly. A child that is taught you must “put on a happy face” learns early on that expression of anger, is wrong. Hence, a passive aggressive tendency emerges as a pattern. It’s up to each of us, to recognize our own patterns. Learning to be more assertive, respectfully setting boundaries, is one of the keys to inner peace and happiness. I’m a work in progress. ✌️☺️❤️
I hate all conflict. Being a people pleaser leads me into much misery. But conflict and being bullied or dominated is much worse. Sort of lose lose situation.
Time Watching Video: 6:28 Reading Comments: 1 hour.. This community is just awesome their is so much to learn from everyone's experience.. The school of Life should start a forum or something.
Have a look into nonviolent communication :) Im doing my bachelors project on the topic right now and I feel it would be real helpful with this particular issue.
When I was 8 years old, I had a nervous breakdown because I wanted to go to a classmate’s birthday party but was too afraid of asking my dad. My big brother saw me crying and asked him on my behalf, and he said yes. I love my brother.
I legitimately cried when I finished this video, I never realised till this point that not everyone did these mental gymnastics during a conversation about their wants or needs. This was extremely eye opening.
Being straight forward can help you avoid really painful and unnecessary situations in the future. It is hard to do now but will be harder in the future!
I used to be misunderstood and sometimes taken to be rude because of my straightforwardness. I tried to suppress it to the point that I get so anxious speaking up. But I realized the importance of being able to speak your mind even if your voice shakes.
I think looking into the skills people like diplomats/ambassadors utilize can help with that! They learn how to be straightforward but still make the other person comfortable... or at least do what they can. 😅 Some people just don't react well no matter what... Edit: my voice shakes too, i am conflict avoidant 🤣 but can put my foot down if needed by now
@@rilaxkumah Agree! I think it’s important to be able to express yourself and be understood. It takes a lot of guts to stand up and speak but it’s better than feeling like crap keeping it all in while having regrets. I think that’s a form of self-abuse we should stop.
@Exhilirous sorry, I’m not sure which statement you’re referring to but we all have our own criteria in differentiating being rude from straightforwardness. What you find to be obnoxious can be the norm in some other culture or personalities so it still depends on who’s talking, who are you talking to and the kind of relationship that exists between the 2.
My entire immediate family has always been extremely passive aggressive and as I started to become more aware of it in them and in myself, I realized that I really dislike it and how it’s directly related to my anxiety. So the passed few years I’ve challenged myself to be more straightforward and honest about how I feel and what I want. Sometimes I might even get the impression from someone that they think I’m a prick, but I don’t care, I don’t have to please everyone and honestly it’s made my life better and me generally more happy. You’ll also start to find out who really should be in your life and who you really want around! So take it from me, just always be unapologetically yourself! You won’t regret it.
If it was the LAST place on Earth, would you fight: too keep it??? You may see your self as A Spiritual Being in a MATERIALISTIC World, but what if I told you the Esoteric, and the Physical was connected, and if one World or Realm Dies, both Cease Too exist… If you have not caught on with this WAR OF THE WORLDS [life] @QBALL /_\ we are all living in this Celestial Sphere: The GREAT WORK of Purgatory……., than you are probably still under INDOCTRINATION and “infatuation” with FAKE Space, and FAKE Galaxies, and FAKE Star Ships that are nothing more than “Fantasy” made by FANTASIST!!! I was once like you…., and when I heard about Planet X..., and then FLAT EARTH.., no one would take “the time” too explain PROJECT BLUE BEAM to me where our Media be it Printed Works too the Moving Images on our Cell Phones TV Screens are all part of the DISTRACTION while our {World Leaders} plan to blow up the whole wide world in one Last Great Nuclear Hydrogen “War” in the hopes THEY LIVE can Cease to Exist., and stop all their [De-Ja-Vu] +=+ FREE MASON Lives… Considering you probably have never heard of these People possessed by Evil Spirits, and Evil Thoughts, and Evil Intentions because you are a “nonmason” CITIZEN of your U.N. FLAG, let me tell you OUR STORY’ for WE THE PEOPLE are all children of {Incubator Babies} [{**}] from the GREAT NUCLEAR HYDROGEN WAR of 1853 to 1854 that ended in 1855….., and all our Parents, and our “Old People” on this side of FLAT EARTH in this Celestial Sphere were murdered……, and killed in numbers that make this (covid19) Agenda 21 + 30 of JADE HELM 15 and REX 84 look like Darth Vader “playing” with children in a blender… You see…….., once the people from the Other Side of FLAT EARTH killed all our “Grown Ups” on this side of FLAT EARTH: they raised us to be their source of Food……..., and “THEY LIVE” feed off of WE ARE as we watch their U.N. FLAGS {NEWS} World Order of death, and mayhem, and WAR IS MURDER for Murder is all any FREE MASON Lodge Member knows… However, let me get back to the “Spiritual” War between good and evil, and we can all be GOOD, and we can all be EVIL, but what has been lost is that Chaos, and Null, and Void: are destroying all things in the places you go to when you sleep and dream, and as that world dies, so do our Father Earth and Mother Heaven` The Dome of The Rock… Look at the Trees, do they look “healthy” this Autumn, or are their leaves just turning UGLY.?.?.?.?.?, and no more “Shimmers” of Gold, and Yellow, and Orange, and Red??? Maybe you are too young to “remember” that Trees in the FALL that once filled the Mountain Sides as FIRE after FIRE of Supernatural Means burns [our world] [{*}] into oblivion??? It is said: All life will end in 2094 C.E., and that by “2025” this next ATOMIC WAR will reduce 75% of all life before then, and by 2030 there will too few “humans” to do anything but let Automation Android Robots, and A.I. care for them… I know many of you here in Halloween of 2020 were “raised” too be cowards, and never talk back to these TV SCREENS in your [bedrooms] / * \ that Watch You as you are “Hypnotized” by RAPTURE of the amazing distraction known as ENTERTAINMENT, and now you are “forced” too Wear a Muzzle called the Corona Mask when the Corona is just the COMMON COLD, but we are being Depopulated by the FREE MASON whom took over Our Police, Our Religions, Our Schools of Thoughts, Our Governments, OUR CORPORATIONS, and THEY LIVE are these {U.N. Troops} and their U.N. World Police Death Star “EMPIRE” on our side of flat earth, and if you do not kill “them” my nonmason; they will not just kill you: they will destroy [our side] of FLAT EARTH just as they decimated their side of FLAT EARTH called the WORLD OF THE DEAD in the Old Testament Bible, and that is our FATE, so what are you going to do about it??? Johnny Exodice videos.utahgunexchange.com/watch/the-most-powerful-military-weapons-that-are-on-a-new-level_InGr1hrW9BulCy3.html We have a way out, and it is called: OUR WORLD REPUBLIC CONSTITUTION “Coalition” where all human UNITY can be restored, and all people no matter “your sex” are to be treated as family - friends - community: fighting all “U.N. FLAGS” for it is THE FLAG that says: Kill for Me, Die for Me, Bow Down….., and TAKE A KNEE TOO ME!!!! However, that is these OLD PEOPLE, and their ways, and “they are” the OLD WINE SKINS in the NEW TESTAMENT, and only we the “Young” can become the NEW WINE SKINS` that save our World, and Planet, and Plane from OLD PEOPLE whom have gone mad, and lost their minds, and THEY LIVE will Turn Earth into “Krypton” where this time: no one leaves like Super man and Super girl` cause we live inside a Bubble called Our Celestial Sphere… The Society of nonmason~ [///|||\\\] +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Being straightforward and communicating in a clear way can be impossible for some of us. I was silenced so effectively during childhood, that I was phisically unable to express myself with my voice when being in a "dangerous" situation (= in the family I was born in). Later in therapy, this blockage often repeated itself. I would just breathe, stutter or utter just an aaaah or a cough. It had nothing to do with thinking straight. So I wrote a lot of stuff out of my system. Writing was my rescue.
@@atis9061 When people state their reasons for their struggles, offer them some compassion instead of a "tough love" lecture. Most people know what they need to do but are broken from the abuse. They just need some encouragement.
This video is one of the few SOL videos that actually hurts deep down. Usually they are very good at balancing constructive criticism with empathy. I take offense knowing that people who can't understand me and don't try to know the reasons I might be more passive see me as "difficult", because if they'd slow down for a second we could easily get to a resolution. Instead they bludgeon me with their demands and I feel raw and confused. If a room full of non straightforward people are working through problems constructively, and then a "straightforward" person walks in, demands everyone suddenly be more assertive in order to work with him, and the result is his confusion, isn't that person being an asshole at that point?
@@littlestbroccoli I agree. Relationships take time and in that time you can build up trust. Not everyone welcomes straight talk and you need to discover what kind of person you're in a relationship with.
littlestbroccoli hey here’s a tip - you can be straightforward in saying “hey, I need a little time to think about this”, or hey, I’m not sure exactly how I’m feeling. Let me get back to you” I agree - “straightforward” people shouldn’t get a pass for being rude, overly aggressive, or impatient. Those people aren’t “straightforward”, they’re assholes. They’re not the same thing. Hope this helps
Being a STRAIGHT FORWARD person, there is one thing which I can assure you: People like me have less friends compared to others but those friends and family lasts forever . To be a straight forward person one needs to develop these skills: 1. Have no fear of failure 2. Have no fear of being judged 3. Not to be a people pleaser 4. At times one needs to be stoic to others feelings
I will admit that I’m rarely, if ever, straightforward. But the video detailing why that could be really hit close to home, and reminded me of my self-esteem and sensitivity issues.
Growing up with a narcissist, you learn that what you say is not important and annoying. For my own personal health, I've had to literally not give a f*ck what people think about me and speak up. I care deeply about people but I have to be my own emotional bodyguard because no one in this world will look after me the way I could look after myself. I've grown up feeling that no one truly cares about me in this world, so I've learned to fight for myself and be my own best friend. I'm not saying you have to "love yourself," but I believe coming to a point of acceptance and compassion will allow you to grow and heal thus allowing you to be more assertive and honest with your communication.
Lol.. I am still working on getting past being frozen by anxiety... So lots of respect for people who can fight afraid!! I'm always worried I'll get too worked up. 😅🙃 But this video helped. 😙
@@rilaxkumah I wouldn’t say I fight afraid, but listen to and speak to it. It’s been a lot of therapy, and lessons. The sky never fell, no one is going to laugh at me, and I might be (I truly am) a dork, but I have a good heart and am allowed to have preferences. Same for you, too. I wish you the best.
@@claudettes9697 Aw thanks. I still think that we can at least call it bravery! :D I always try to remember the same for myself and others too. People's reasons for being them. Sometimes their intentions aren't to hurt you but to protect themself. 😅 Video covered it tho I think lol.
I was literally raised with “no matter how wrong it feels, do not disobey or disrespect your parents for they are always right and know what’s best” LMAO help
I'm just here to emphasize that the straightforward person handles things with honesty *and diplomacy.* There is a kind of complicated people that confuses coarseness and meanness with honesty and directness in order to justify roughly accosting someone or, worse, hurting them. They are not straightforward, they are complicated since the underlying issues go explicitly unaddressed in their communication style and they shift the burden on their partner to parse what's happening, much like the meek fox example in the above video.
I have a "friend" just like this. She thinks she's being honest and straight forward when all shes being is an stubborn asshole. Just a rude person, who is always on the defense. And goes out of her way to get what she wants.. even if it means hurting who's ever in the way. And whenever I call her out on it, she says I'm being sensitive and weak and needs to get over it and she's just keeping it "real" I honestly fucking hate her if I think about it. But our relationship is kinda inevitable. I am not weak. I just dont use and abuse people and I'm not thinking about myself all damn day.
Agreed! There's no pride in crossing the line from straightforward over to "brutally honest," as some like to describe themselves. You can make your point without making an enemy.
@@Noneofyourbyisness My heart goes out to you. I walked away from those types a long time ago to feel the sweet taste of life free from vindictive exaggerations and the constant conflation of honesty and abrasiveness. Those folks are struggling with something far beyond my powers to consistently give, and I say this as a person who constantly promised others that I was "just being real." Honestly, I was just being hurt and allowed that pain to lacquer my lens, and I viewed everything from that hurt. Hopefully, they figure that out because when I discovered I was hurt, it was unnerving to reflect on how many people I spread that hurt to.
Some people claim to "tell it like it is" or are "just keeping real" but in reality are just assholes who focus on on slinging a barrage of insults and focus on negativity. One can be straight forward without be a complete asshole.
As someone who grew up from being agreeable to a fault, to someone assertive but in a kind manner I can attest to the fact it's possible to change. When you grow up in a conservative household and an emotionally charged parent you learn to walk around eggshells. It's never something you want to do, all it does is build up hate and resentment in yourself for no reason. What helped me change was gaining more independence and by extension, more confidence. You're more likely to stand up for yourself when you know you're capable of putting up a fight should one be presented to you. The advantage is you always feel genuine to yourself, and you'll eventually meet someone who appreciates you for the real you. When you consider yourself strong the opinions of others are never enough to change your convictions. I remember after a guest speaker left (who clearly was just spewing nonsense) my professor asked what we thought. I was the only person to put my hand up and tell her what me and the rest of the glass where thinking. Of course being assertive doesn't imply you have to be mean and that's what people forget. Offer up a compliment or something you appreciate about the other person before you tell them what you don't agree with. And it's important to not tell someone their way is wrong, just different from your way. Then the focus goes to persuading the person to your way, which is received better than attacking their stance.
As a therapist, I so appreciate how you present this information in a clear and concise way, making these truths accessible to anyone with an internet connection.
Being straightforward is something I've had to work on. Now I have to work on being straightforward with diplomacy, without being blunt/hurtful. It's like it all built up for so long that now I want my truth to be heard at any cost.
I think it’s inevitable when we’re practicing new skills that we may be ham handed to start with. I’m trying to be compassionate with myself about that. Better to have said my truth even badly than not at all… I can only improve with practice…
I do want to add that a crucial point when practicing being straightforward is also carefully selecting your audience. Sometimes it is not the need to be straightforward in the moment that is important, but rather the need to get better at identifying safe friends and close ones to be around in the first place.
It's always nice not to make a guessing game out of everything. Most people like it when others at least behave predictably (and that's far easier to deal with) - humans hate uncertainty
@@mangakasaide2166 There is nothing wrong with being playful, but if you are using playfulness as a way to hide your fear of being straightforward, the playfulness becomes disingenuous, and that is an issue. Also, if you play like that ALL the time, that is also when it becomes an issue. We should try to balance being playful, with being serious and straightforward.
If it was the LAST place on Earth, would you fight: too keep it??? You may see your self as A Spiritual Being in a MATERIALISTIC World, but what if I told you the Esoteric, and the Physical was connected, and if one World or Realm Dies, both Cease Too exist… If you have not caught on with this WAR OF THE WORLDS [life] @QBALL /_\ we are all living in this Celestial Sphere: The GREAT WORK of Purgatory……., than you are probably still under INDOCTRINATION and “infatuation” with FAKE Space, and FAKE Galaxies, and FAKE Star Ships that are nothing more than “Fantasy” made by FANTASIST!!! I was once like you…., and when I heard about Planet X..., and then FLAT EARTH.., no one would take “the time” too explain PROJECT BLUE BEAM to me where our Media be it Printed Works too the Moving Images on our Cell Phones TV Screens are all part of the DISTRACTION while our {World Leaders} plan to blow up the whole wide world in one Last Great Nuclear Hydrogen “War” in the hopes THEY LIVE can Cease to Exist., and stop all their [De-Ja-Vu] +=+ FREE MASON Lives… Considering you probably have never heard of these People possessed by Evil Spirits, and Evil Thoughts, and Evil Intentions because you are a “nonmason” CITIZEN of your U.N. FLAG, let me tell you OUR STORY’ for WE THE PEOPLE are all children of {Incubator Babies} [{**}] from the GREAT NUCLEAR HYDROGEN WAR of 1853 to 1854 that ended in 1855….., and all our Parents, and our “Old People” on this side of FLAT EARTH in this Celestial Sphere were murdered……, and killed in numbers that make this (covid19) Agenda 21 + 30 of JADE HELM 15 and REX 84 look like Darth Vader “playing” with children in a blender… You see…….., once the people from the Other Side of FLAT EARTH killed all our “Grown Ups” on this side of FLAT EARTH: they raised us to be their source of Food……..., and “THEY LIVE” feed off of WE ARE as we watch their U.N. FLAGS {NEWS} World Order of death, and mayhem, and WAR IS MURDER for Murder is all any FREE MASON Lodge Member knows… However, let me get back to the “Spiritual” War between good and evil, and we can all be GOOD, and we can all be EVIL, but what has been lost is that Chaos, and Null, and Void: are destroying all things in the places you go to when you sleep and dream, and as that world dies, so do our Father Earth and Mother Heaven` The Dome of The Rock… Look at the Trees, do they look “healthy” this Autumn, or are their leaves just turning UGLY.?.?.?.?.?, and no more “Shimmers” of Gold, and Yellow, and Orange, and Red??? Maybe you are too young to “remember” that Trees in the FALL that once filled the Mountain Sides as FIRE after FIRE of Supernatural Means burns [our world] [{*}] into oblivion??? It is said: All life will end in 2094 C.E., and that by “2025” this next ATOMIC WAR will reduce 75% of all life before then, and by 2030 there will too few “humans” to do anything but let Automation Android Robots, and A.I. care for them… I know many of you here in Halloween of 2020 were “raised” too be cowards, and never talk back to these TV SCREENS in your [bedrooms] / * \ that Watch You as you are “Hypnotized” by RAPTURE of the amazing distraction known as ENTERTAINMENT, and now you are “forced” too Wear a Muzzle called the Corona Mask when the Corona is just the COMMON COLD, but we are being Depopulated by the FREE MASON whom took over Our Police, Our Religions, Our Schools of Thoughts, Our Governments, OUR CORPORATIONS, and THEY LIVE are these {U.N. Troops} and their U.N. World Police Death Star “EMPIRE” on our side of flat earth, and if you do not kill “them” my nonmason; they will not just kill you: they will destroy [our side] of FLAT EARTH just as they decimated their side of FLAT EARTH called the WORLD OF THE DEAD in the Old Testament Bible, and that is our FATE, so what are you going to do about it??? Johnny Exodice videos.utahgunexchange.com/watch/the-most-powerful-military-weapons-that-are-on-a-new-level_InGr1hrW9BulCy3.html We have a way out, and it is called: OUR WORLD REPUBLIC CONSTITUTION “Coalition” where all human UNITY can be restored, and all people no matter “your sex” are to be treated as family - friends - community: fighting all “U.N. FLAGS” for it is THE FLAG that says: Kill for Me, Die for Me, Bow Down….., and TAKE A KNEE TOO ME!!!! However, that is these OLD PEOPLE, and their ways, and “they are” the OLD WINE SKINS in the NEW TESTAMENT, and only we the “Young” can become the NEW WINE SKINS` that save our World, and Planet, and Plane from OLD PEOPLE whom have gone mad, and lost their minds, and THEY LIVE will Turn Earth into “Krypton” where this time: no one leaves like Super man and Super girl` cause we live inside a Bubble called Our Celestial Sphere… The Society of nonmason~ [///|||\\\] +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
As someone who is striving to be more and more straightforward, i found this vid to be a timely reminder. It took a long while to just to validate myself, my needs and my desires. But now that i'm aware, i see little value in returning to not just expressing myself when i am in a position to do so. A reason i always overlooked my own desires is that internalized the attitude of not wanting to be a bother and that began in childhood. That usual left me wishing I'd spoken my mind plenty of times. I had to unlearn my self destructive patterns and learn how to be emotionally intelligent. It's still tough but it's been soooo worth it. And let me say, the sooner you speak up for yourself and know what you need in life, the sooner you'll get to where you want to be emotionally and the healthier you will be psychologically. Thanks for coming to my ted talk
how did u do it?? I've been wanting to be more expressive I've been so emotionally unavailable for so long I'm sick of this.. and I wanted to learn but I don't know where to start :(((
Most of the complicated people often don't even know what they want in a social situation/interaction. This is because they learned to focus on the opinion and thoughts of others and don't have any capacity left for their own. When we then try to listen to what we want, it can feel extremly hard, but it is actually quite simple to build up that utterly important connection to ourselfs. Just start listening on your own thoughts, show interest in your needs and the more you do that, the easier it gets to know intuitive what you whant and thus, tell that to your opposite.
You can fail to be straightforward while being incredibly confrontational actually. I quickly and frequently speak up if I don’t appreciate something or someone, what I struggle to do is to be straightforward with people I do love or respect, because the relationship means so much
i was isolated as a child. no grandparents, mom was sick, dad was a verbally abusive and explosive alcoholic, brother in prison, and bad tensions in the family. no one was really available. now i isolate because it’s what i knew. it stunted me socially. it’s taking a lot to overcome these obstacles. but my willpower is strong. these videos make things easier. i find words for my feelings and my situations. thank you.
👍Get your thinking straight. The most common source of confusing messages is muddled thinking. Say what you mean. Say exactly what you mean. Get to the point. Effective communicators don't beat around the bush
If you are reading this, may you attract everything you’ve been patiently waiting for & be passionate to pursue it whole-heartedly. It will naturally flow into your life when you are ready to receive it. Hope our channel helps you on your journey 🙏
My parents always say when we cry " you laugh with ppl , you cry alone" what they means is you're annoying when you cry so you will left lonely. And my father always when I cry say "DONT CRY , BE A MAN" , "I DON'T LIKE PPL WHO CRY" Im 21 y.o I swear years pass by without me crying , i dont remember the last time i cried. And you may think oh that's cool, no it is painful, when Im in grief i feel like my hear will explode out of pain. I also suffer from what ppl thinks about me.
I used to speak in emotional code but I realized that it only caused more pain. Throughout this process of change, I’ve been faced with people who remind me of who I used to be. As much as it hurt, I had to let them go.
Nicely done. The key to this video for me was the line "...we can use the freedoms of adulthood to dare to own up to more of who we actually are." I also like the phrase "thoughtful diplomacy" when describing how to be true to one's self and others.
I am neither of that models, because I am often straightforvard, but still trying to avoid conflicts and causing unnecessary bad feelings. I won't be going through the crowd telling people 'you're ugly', 'you are the only beautiful person in this room', 'you are stupid and annoying me'. For me it's not that bad to ask for forgiveness if another person caused the conflict, i don't say that "it's all my fault", and i don't lie when i say that i want to resolve the conflict. This is why I didn't start gaslighting myself after watching the whole video
This is exactly me. I'm a very complicated person. I always try to be too nice, when actually I hate some people I'm dealing with. I don't have the courage to let them know what I think. I always settle for less. I don't talk back to those who say rude, hurtful words. But inside I'll be praying for their death. Am I a bad person for being like this? But I always consider others feelings when I'm talking, and I am a good listener to everyone. Even if I don't voluntarily help anyone I don't harm anyone either. And when someone seeks help I do help them. But I'm lazy and depressed most of the time. When I get any achievement, jealous people always makes some negative comments and it affects me. And I'm a very less confident person. I'm an emotional fool. And a bit slow person who gets good grades. I'm kind of a nerd who tries to fit in the normal people gang. An introvert trying to act like an extrovert with great difficulty and unsatisfaction inside. I'm a pathetic person. I wanna be more bold and brave.
You need to learn assertiveness, it's probably the most important social skill most people don't learn, because they don't know it can be trained. Look up an article called "Assertiveness is a virtue that anyone can develop with practice" to get started, it's a great first point. You might also need someone to help you with that, consider therapy if you can afford it.
For a long time, resentment and accusations of lack of commitment or lack of love from others became common place for me, all backed up by an even more overwhelming sense of personal judgment and either praise or condemnation. These gestures came from people that I loved, respected, held dear, and even looked up to. Now these figures of admiration are falling off their pedestals and I'm trying to find ways to unlearn the bad practices and vices that have lead me to be as broken as I have come to be at some point in my life. I have messed up plenty in various aspects but I'm still pushing forward and this channel has helped me a great big deal in understanding the roots of some of my most important issues. Thank you so much for everything you've done for me and the rest of us who are struggling to become who we really want and deserve to be.
Recently I reached 30 years of age, and had a mind-changing realization: in order to be happy, you mandatory have to be WHO-YOU-ARE. It's sounds like a clichè, but it's not so easy to achieve from the perspective of a non-straightforwart person. Once you realice that the effort put in make everyone else happy never returns the same way, you reach a point when you question yourself: "is this really worth it?". Then, the next step is to have a inner conversation with yourself about your fears: "what am I afraid of when talking to my friends?" "why I think they will leave me?" "why do I always search clues for conspirancy in others?" "why am I always so resentful and angry to the world?". When you ask those questions to yourself, and take the time to respond without prejudges and without self-shame of blame, then you can begin to understand why been straightforward (basically: who you realy are) is much more realiable in the long run, and you will hear others better, and have better relationships. It's a hard pill to swallow, but if you try to do it in some point, you will never be the same angry person you once were. Thanks for your videos. The insights you give make the path a lot easier to walk through.
Time Watching Video: 6:28 Reading Comments: 1 hour.. This community is just awesome their is so much to learn from everyone's experience.. The school of Life should start a forum or something.
Even as a straightforward person, this is a must-watch. I recognise that there are infrequent occasions when situations seem so complex, I uncharacteristically behave contrary to my nature, by which hell usually ensues, eventually. This is a good refresher/affirmation of why it's best to be gently and non-defensively open-hearted.
I literally don't know how to interact with people in a non-people pleasing way. The only way I can figure is to keep interactions/conversations to a minimum I truly don't see what other halfway point there is.
@Zorba Apollo well there's only one definition as to being straightforward. You can either be a straightforward asshole or a kind straightforward person.
The difference between straightforward and being rude is your intention. If your intention of being honest is strictly to help and give them clarity, you're good. If you tell the truth with the purpose of hurting people, then it's bad.
I definitely needed this video today. I've struggled with this with one parent, in particular, my whole life, even now. It is so tiring to not just tell them how I feel and what I want to do. I needed to hear this today. Great video!
Being straightforward definitely helps in the long run. You may hurt some people being so honest, but if you are compassionate, those people will understand you.
I'm improving here and yet, I still find myself resorting to people pleasing at time for tough topics. It's a long road to fully correct and it's worth the journey. I always feel best when I speak my honest truth
@@seithdaniel9013 Hello Seth, It's not that simple. In some cultures, for example, if your host offered you a cup of tea, declining with a straightforward "No, thank you" would be considered an insult. The appropriate reply would be; "May God bless you and your family for your wonderful hospitality". The tea is offered again with a similar reply, then again for the 3rd time. The host has to exhaust every way of offering or he would be considered rude. Both their reputation is at stake. I know, it's crazy to us, but that's how different cultures work.
@@seithdaniel9013 I would not call it outright deception but more white lies and differing levels of "shallow friendliness". Eg. the US is much less straightforward than German culture. So much so, that as someone with a German background you're never quite sure if the American really means it. Eg if you get a compliment from an American it might be just small talk, unless it sounds totally over the top to German ears. If you get any compliment from a German, that really means something. Americans, in turn, often find Germans rude because from their POV, the Germans didn't use enough "social greasing". I remember when I was a kid and US shows were a novelty on TV and we shook our heads at these scenes where someone got badly hurt and their friends asked "are you ok?" and the standard answer was "I'm fine" even if they just lost a limb. A stereotypical German would always answer "no, I just lost a limb, can't you see, you idiot?". Also the whole thing with friends never telling their friend that eg something they wear looks stupid and pretending it looks good so as not to hurt the other person's feelings. As a German, you'd probably end the friendship if you find out your friends didn't immediately tell you the hard truth and let you run around looking like an idiot. There's even a saying in German that translates basically to "if you were not chastised, that already counts as praise". So, totally no shallow compliments there while other cultures even require them as a form of normal small talk. There's even quite a difference in this between German culture and Austrian culture and we're neighboring countries who share the same language. Austria is much less straightforward. Eg in Austria people often answer along the lines of "I'll see what I can do" instead of outright turning down a request. My family has German roots and then moved to Austria and we actually did call the different culture here "deceptive" in the beginning. And then you're in the country for a while and suddenly you know how to interpret stuff and now German culture feels kinda rude to me in comparison.
@@Milestonemonger It is a grave pity that the veneer of hospitality is rooted in a selfish game of upholding one's reputation. This implies that the host does not do it to be hospitable, but does so in order to look hospitable. You either respect my polite declination, or you remove me from your house. It really is quite simple. I understand that some cultures are venerable and want to make sure that the guest is properly accommodated, but anything beyond the first offer and the proceeding declination is no more than a vain attempt at looking good. Adherence to such archaic practises, while understandable because of thousand-years tradition, is somewhat questionable. At least, for me.
@@TheFeldhamster I'm gonna be honest with you, I didn't read your entire comment. I think it's too long to prove a simple point. White lies are deception. If someone asks you if you're okay, and you're not, and you answer yes, you're lying to them regardless of the situation. People do this. This isn't a cultural thing.
I grew up as that kid explained in this video where my guardian's were weak in ego therefore always reminded me to thread lightly in their presence. I am aware that I have developed this attitude to always be on alert for weak egos and took great care to be liked. My reality has definitely changed though. I find myself and people like me cumbersome and inauthentic to deal with so I strive to change who I have become day by day. This video helped me understand my behavior better. It is liberating to be real with yourself and be honest about it with other people. Thank you for this video.
I have to say that this hit me so hard even though I knew already a large portion if not all of what mentioned, but something is really powerful about hearing your own thoughts out loud, I guess. I was going downhill and I really had issues trying to be a straight forward person and then bam! I'm a mother looking at this most beautiful thing that thinks the world of me and follow me as an example. At that point something grew in me. It was unstoppable force to change I wanted to be the best example he could have and to let him know that he matters, what he feels and say matters and we are going to discuss it until we all feel a little better about it at least. I'm thankful for this little creature beyond words.
My baby is almost 39 now. I raised him differently than I was raised. He has high self esteem, confidence, and is a no BS person. He neither manipulates, nor is he manipulated. He's a straight talker. He says what he means and he means what he says. He's not rude; he's diplomatic. I admire and respect him and others do, too. I hope the same for your child.
This channel is seriously changing lives. I see a therapist and often it feels like we're just beating around the bush (not the therapist's fault) trying uncover some of the ideas which this video puts forward so eloquently. The school of life, I appreciate you all very much.
more and more honesty is a process and everyone has work to do to find and share truth and learn to trust the right people, some people may not be trustworthy for you personally so there is no perfect formula
It's not suffering itself that makes me mad. It's rather denial of suffering and fear of truly feeling it- that's what i learned today about myself today through this vid and few other events. It's ok to suffer.
1:56 Well, the problem is that I have couter-conditioned myself to the point that I find it impossible to identify what I "truly want" to do, so I try to keep all options on the table, feeling helpless and maybe obligated to prioritize the social option.
I'm mostly straitforward, but complicated in the sense that I mostly keep quiet, thereby not expressing my honest thoughts and feelings unless prompted to. Inherent in that is a fear of creating unnecessary drama or conflict depending if course in my audience. It's good to be reminded on this, though.
And that's the truth...other than some hormonal differences we all at first just the empty vessels who gets filled with their surrounding's teachings and behaviour of the people around us. We are just the mix of everything we consume in our childhood and up till this moment.
i noted tht too..bt then it also depends on the nature of the individual, like me n my brother have been raised by same parents but he has a high self esteem, while i have issues in self esteem. So may be its not all the fault of our parents, but yes, different ppl have to be raised differently..critical job indeed.
wholly untrue. I am direct, without being rude, but still like my friends who beat around the bush to get to a point. I also don't confuse being straightforward with giving out unsolicited advice and/or opinions. Everyone has an opinion, thus being discerning as to whether it is warranted at any given moment is where tact truly lies.
Being a straightforward person it can be hard because people see you as the villain a lot for expressing your truth, but I’m glad I do because there’s no weight on my shoulders. I feel free saying exactly how I feel and expressing my needs.politely ofcourse.
It’s pretty shocking how unprepared most parents were raising their children. To grow up in a dysfunctional household is way more widespread than I realized. Very few children are actually embraced, loved and supported in life.
i love this channel--it's my fave youtube channel. i just wish they'd have Q&A sometimes. i feel like it's important to remember there's ALSO a lot to be said about tact--not just oversharing our feelings and acting out whenever we're unhappy. if a friend says "i feel like staying in", we don't have to say "I AM SO DISAPPOINTED" just because those are our "true feelings". we can be disappointed, but express understanding. "i feel you, it's all good, let's hang out tomorrow/next weekend/etc". understanding and empathy goes a long way. sometimes we need a night in too, right? of course. and we want our friends to be chill and understanding. my dad used to say (and he's been quoted so often): "don't sweat the small stuff." don't get worked up over little things that don't really matter. if that girl you like doesn't text back right away, just chill. it doesn't mean "OMG SHE HATES ME" or "LOOKS LIKE I BLEW IT AGAIN!" odds are she's just doing something else. just like when we don't text someone back right away. tact. above all, learn and practice tact. choose your battles carefully and wisely. and never sweat the small stuff, because it tends to take care of itself.
This video's about being straightforward so i'm gonna be straightforward with you and please don't undermine my idea. You say being clear about your thoughts/demands to people is always the right way to do things. No! Not always. If you're dealing with self-righteous people who think what they know is the only right thing and don't have the capacity to absorb new ideas, people who see every clash of ideas a war then you shouldn't tell them everything. Especially if they're family/frequent acquaintances/colleagues.Because expressing that u don't believe in what they believe in will get u in a never-ending arguments that Will leave you burnt out and bring you nothing but hatred, eventhough all u were trying to do is express your own thoughts. No more! Not saying u should pretend to agree with what other people say or be someone you're not but...some things, with specific people..better remain unspoken. For your own mental health's sake.
Damn for the first time in a School of life video, I'm on the "better" side i. e. straight forward! EDIT: I wasn't always like this. I worked and changed myself :)
As a person who does this more than I care for, to listen to this makes me realize how being so evasive sucks. Thanks for making this video. I’m going to change starting today.
I wish I could send a link to this video to someone in my therapy group. Two weeks ago, let's call him Rob, came into the video meeting, and in a (seeming) good mood, told us he had a story to tell us about something that happened. He also claimed he didn't want anything from us, then briefly told a somewhat confusing story and sat back waiting for our thoughts. Some of us just sort of shrugged and others had minor reactions, like, "That sounds awkward." So then Rob gets angry, tells us we're dishonest and disappointing, and yells at the therapist leading the group when the leader tries to connect with him. Now we're all pissed off, except the leader of course. This episode takes up the entire group session except for the 5 minutes before the guy started his story. (And btw, Rob has hijacked other sessions in the past with his stories, although nothing quite like this.) Fast forward to this week. Rob comes in and looks angry, glowering like a storm cloud, but won't speak to us other than to say in a low, tight voice he "doesn't have the energy" and that he will leave the meeting if pushed too hard. At first others express concern and care for him, but as his angry presence continues to affect us, we become angry too. We feel manipulated, used, and unable to move on for the most part. It's difficult to ignore his sullen appearance in our midst. One person, who was absent the previous week, does manage to speak about something else for about ten minutes. Finally Rob starts talking, addressing the person who was absent for last week's session. This time he tells the story more fully and says about the previous week that "maybe I overreacted" but also complains about our response to him last week. Now it seems he's less talking to anyone in particular and really delivering a monologue, listing all the difficulties and disappointments in his life in an angry but low-energy voice, droning on and on. Finally one of us interrupts this tirade to say she's listened to enough. Rob abruptly leaves the meeting without saying anything further. So yeah, it would've been great at the outset if he had been able to say, "Something happened to me the other day that really threw me for a loop emotionally, and I'd like to share it with you all", instead of pretending it was nothing and then treating us like sh*t for not getting it.
Anything that happens subconsciously is essentially a habit which is a neural pathway, so get in the habit of acting how you'd like to act all the time
This is me. I find it daunting to speak up whenever I have an opinion. So i just blend into the conversation and almost become nonexistent to others around me. But I so badly want them to know how/what i feel. It's just too stressful and scary to know that whatever you say might upset someone elses feelings :( i think i need help guys ...
it remimds me of the soothing video. "We can sort this out! We have conversation with them! People will understand and screw them if they don't. What matters is you! You are good and valuable." the nicest thing i ever heard in my entire life :)
The most dangerous people are those who act straightforward but are very cunning and complicated. When you find that kind of person, use every trick of diplomacy with them to get your work done and never consider them friend.
It occurred to me years ago, that I experienced a duality in this. At work, I'm much more straightforward than I am in my personal life: my working life has been much more straightforward than my personal life thereby. So I know this, but can I apply it where it's needed? Nope... Thanks, the video will help me think more about it!
Interesting...someone else just commented the opposite, straightforward at home but not at work. What type of work do you do, just out of curiosity? And also out of curiosity, what's the gender breakdown at work?
@@camez2345 I'm out of work at the moment, unfortunately, but up until last year I was a truck driver. Before that my background was engineering and garage work. All heavily male biased trades (although key jobs within those which required important communication, were heavily female biased), and all jobs with complex factors feeding into the targets. Problem solving and suggesting better ways, I'm good at, and I know people mostly appreciated that. In relationships, I'm so afraid of losing people (although not necessarily what they think of me per se) that I tie myself up in knots and make a mess of it quite often. I give too much too often and don't put myself first, cos I was brought up to believe that was somehow noble, and as such it's a hard trait to overcome. It's been such that despite knowing it, I could only watch the car crash coming, and wish I'd been able to use my skills in clarity and straightforwardness to my benefit. I can say in complete honesty, that if I'd transferred those skills years ago, I might not have ended up in the mess I'm in, or perhaps not as badly. But hindsight is 20/20 as they say...!
Thank you - this video was very illuminating. The statement that: 'the problem with complicated people is that they are painfully unsure about the legitimacy of their own desires' hit like a tonne of bricks.
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Please help me access the videos for translation... these videos need to be translated ..
This channel was cool until it started peddling post-modernism and social Marxism.
How's that for straightforward?
Please make a video on how to be patient.
@@anthonyburke3000 😂
Can you do a video on how to be humble, kind, respectable, and why it matters?
There's a reason customer service sucks so badly today, for the reps & the customers, for instance.
Every time I watch these videos I realize more and more how severely my entire family messed me up. I was trained to always go with the flow, never raise concerns, never speak up for my needs, never complain... and in return I was called a "good child". Other parents would always tell my mom how much they wished their kids could be like me. It made me feel like I was doing something right, but turns out it was the WORST thing for my self-development.
@shredded guy legit
@shredded guy I'm not sure how you think that stating the fact that someone's parents haven't been the best at parenting is blaming them. It doesn't mean that if we forgive or accept our parents' flaws we should stop aknowledging them. And how exactly do you assume it was a stable family or that they had her best interest in mind? Do you know her story? No, then how can you call someone weak if you have no idea what they went through? That's not quite a good mindset for you either, maybe you might need to work on that. I don't think being aware of your parents' mistakes and accepting that it wasn't entirely your fault for growing up in a certain way is being ungrateful or something. At one point in our lives we must accept ourselves and our flaws and understand that some things aren't rooted in our personality, but have been taught to us just so we can change them. Learning to grow out of that mindset doesn't mean we have to ignore what put us there in the first place and not ignoring it doesn't mean we hate or disrespect the people who did that. It is what it is, we accept it and try to grow out of it.
At least you were a good child in the end! I did all that things and they always complained how other children are better. My parents made me believe no matter what I do, I'm never good enough
To be fair we are all under the process of domesticating,We grew up a certain way and now what we are aware of the truth we try to untangle ourselves from the whole process.
Same.
Sometimes we try to give people the clues, and when people don't get it, we feel disappointed and unheard. The truth is we need to say it as it is. That's how improve understanding.
Exactly
Yeah. We aren’t mind readers and the day we realize the need and fairness to clarify ourselves to people, things unfold so easily. We can see things deserving slip apart and can walk away from people. We can connect more. We can do so many more honest things... I personally just wish there was some sort of teddy bear to hug when we take risks of straightforwardness.... gets scary haha
Yes! Say it as it is. Calmly but surely. And do as you say... please!
@@kristianxventura really does get scary
@@kristianxventura Too true! Say it how it is! Oh! But this is so much easier said than done when you’re afraid of hurting or offending others! But not doing so hurts both people more in the end. Ah!
My parents tried so hard to raise me to be a "good boy", they just ended up crippling me emotionally for most of my early adulthood. This video speaks to me. I'm finally trying to get better.
Man...relax..you have to know when or not to speak..imagine..there is these teacher who is a dick, but you need her class to pass, sow..there is not need to fight because you will loose the teacher...you can only..work hard and be nice and pass the class..all depends the situation
Same
Yep sounds familiar man
Don't confuse being a good boy with being a nice boy, they are 2 completely different things. You would benefit from learning from Jordan peterson if you haven't already heard of him. Type into youtube, nice guys vs good guys jordan peterson
Stupid idiots replying don't even understand the op. He expressed very simply and he isn't confused at all. Don't listen to idiots like in the comments. Abusive people are abusive wether they are parents, teachers, they have good intentions and all that horse shit.
Therapy: EXPENSIVE
This Channel: FREE
Exactly 😍
@Blind Sighted same ❤️
This channel has high-quality content, but please, don't underestimate the healing quality of a therapeutic relationship, with an actual human being, that listens to us, responds to us, and gives us tools expecting us to recover and be well.
@Blind Sighted I really wish I could afford therapy, but I lost my job and health insurance. If I still had my job, I would gladly pay $100 a month for it, though, on top of the $170/mo I was paying for insurance premiums.
Mw:YEEEEEE
Not being straightforward is strongly associated with lack of self-esteem. When you see yourself as a person who lacks value, it is normal to assume that what other people think of you is more important than what you think of yourself. When you don’t assume complete ownership over your own mental space, you automatically degrade your personal value and you let it get affected by the mental space of others.
It is crucial to recognize that we are all different and, consequently, most of us have different needs. And that is ok. Assertiveness and being straightforward is the best tool to communicate those needs in an effective and elegant way.
p.s. Assertiveness is the sweet spot between passivity and aggression. This is very crucial to understand because most people fail to identify this sweet spot and usually end up confusing assertiveness with aggression. By all means, assertive does not mean aggressive.
As one who suffers from low self esteem this really did hit hard and made me contemplate how I actually am not assertive and straightforward and do mistake assertiveness with rudeness.
I’m just not sure how to go about getting better on this matter. I know I need to change, I want to change so I can have mental peace, but it feels like such a tall, insurmountable mountain to climb.
@@myriadmediamusings when it comes to anything that makes us uncomfortable, the more we put it off and the more we exaggerate it’s difficulties, the higher the mountain seems to become. It’s a lot more manageable when you don’t focus on the end goal and just tackle what’s directly in front of you so for example if the waiter or cashier messes up your order, correct them as opposed to smiling and nodding. The more you do this, the more natural it’ll become and then you’ll start realizing you’re capable of being assertive even if just for a little while and that is an accomplishment in itself
Gosh, thanks.. i really think i have a lot to learn yet about being straightforward and assertive. I need help, can someone suggest somehthing?
Maria Joan, it's difficult to be assertive with bad tempered people. However with others, they may also find it difficult to speak up. You may like a way of speaking like, "Well I'd enjoy ... but what would you like?" If others don't like your idea, remember that doesn't mean your idea was stupid but just they may have different preferences.
One of the best parts of the School of life is the quality of the followers. We currently see comment like yours which is as rich as the video itself. Thanks for share. I full agree with your words.
Being straightforward is easy. Just be prepared to lose relationships with everyone who expects you to lie to them. That's hard.
Process of being at peace with one's self
@@CDines You need to find a balance
@@sarsax123 The only balance you need to find is in yourself and everything else will fall into place
Hence... the challenge in being straightforward... fear of consequences 🙄
Being tactful is also good. Sometimes speaking up is good and Sometimes going along with a situation works best. Some people give a strong message that they don't want honesty because they're too fragile.
As a not straightforward person, this is a must watch
Approved by the non straightforward people's society 👍
Ikr? I would've have read this particular blogpost for 10 times atleast. It seems as if they're telling my story.
Approved by the straightforward gang too :)
Indeed
@@AninditaaD *our* story(communism intensifies)
I’m always amazed by how emotionally intelligent these creators are. To be able to create pieces like this that give you the truth you need to hear, but somehow always wrap it in a warm hug. That’s usually something that only very skilled counselors can accomplish and yet they do it effortlessly every time here at TSOL
The creator is a renowned and regarded shrink btw
@@lizzi7128 Oh that’s amazing and explains a lot
@@lizzi7128 Alain de Botton is a philosopher, not a shrink. The school of Life does have a team of psychologists though.
They’re a big corporate team with a budget so it is to be expected. It’s awesome!
That's the word! Yes how incredibly emotionally intelligent.Very thankful for people like them that make much needed content so accessible and digestible.
05:00 "use your freedom to dare to own up to who you actually are."
Very liberating quote.
Exactly. A child that is taught you must “put on a happy face” learns early on that expression of anger, is wrong. Hence, a passive aggressive tendency emerges as a pattern. It’s up to each of us, to recognize our own patterns. Learning to be more assertive, respectfully setting boundaries, is one of the keys to inner peace and happiness. I’m a work in progress. ✌️☺️❤️
Nice comment, I'm cheering for you here, Barbara! Go for it o/\o
I hate all conflict. Being a people pleaser leads me into much misery. But conflict and being bullied or dominated is much worse. Sort of lose lose situation.
Time Watching Video: 6:28
Reading Comments: 1 hour..
This community is just awesome their is so much to learn from everyone's experience.. The school of Life should start a forum or something.
@@rushabhgothi8880 This is a forum.
Extent of harm done by passive aggression is huge
"painfully unsure about the legitimacy of their own desires"
DAMN lol calling me out 😅
I felt that so much too I took a screenshot
Have a look into nonviolent communication :) Im doing my bachelors project on the topic right now and I feel it would be real helpful with this particular issue.
I had to stop the video as the statement kept echoing in my head. JUST RIGHT for me
When I was 8 years old, I had a nervous breakdown because I wanted to go to a classmate’s birthday party but was too afraid of asking my dad. My big brother saw me crying and asked him on my behalf, and he said yes. I love my brother.
Well at least you were straightforward to your brother
Nice comment....
😢
I legitimately cried when I finished this video, I never realised till this point that not everyone did these mental gymnastics during a conversation about their wants or needs. This was extremely eye opening.
Being straight forward can help you avoid really painful and unnecessary situations in the future. It is hard to do now but will be harder in the future!
5:52 "We can accept that what we want is almost never impossible for others to bear."
I used to be misunderstood and sometimes taken to be rude because of my straightforwardness. I tried to suppress it to the point that I get so anxious speaking up. But I realized the importance of being able to speak your mind even if your voice shakes.
I think looking into the skills people like diplomats/ambassadors utilize can help with that! They learn how to be straightforward but still make the other person comfortable... or at least do what they can. 😅 Some people just don't react well no matter what...
Edit: my voice shakes too, i am conflict avoidant 🤣 but can put my foot down if needed by now
@@rilaxkumah Agree! I think it’s important to be able to express yourself and be understood. It takes a lot of guts to stand up and speak but it’s better than feeling like crap keeping it all in while having regrets. I think that’s a form of self-abuse we should stop.
@Exhilirous sorry, I’m not sure which statement you’re referring to but we all have our own criteria in differentiating being rude from straightforwardness. What you find to be obnoxious can be the norm in some other culture or personalities so it still depends on who’s talking, who are you talking to and the kind of relationship that exists between the 2.
Bad Unnie love this
Going through the same thing here
Most of us are unconsciously dishonest most of the time. Honestly.
Especially around fears
Exactly wearing masks as that was required growing up. Sadly
Lies
I read somewhere that the average person lies 2 to 3 times for every 10 minutes of conversation.
My entire immediate family has always been extremely passive aggressive and as I started to become more aware of it in them and in myself, I realized that I really dislike it and how it’s directly related to my anxiety. So the passed few years I’ve challenged myself to be more straightforward and honest about how I feel and what I want. Sometimes I might even get the impression from someone that they think I’m a prick, but I don’t care, I don’t have to please everyone and honestly it’s made my life better and me generally more happy. You’ll also start to find out who really should be in your life and who you really want around! So take it from me, just always be unapologetically yourself! You won’t regret it.
Very well said! Thanks - I needed this. :)
love this. thank you for sharing your truth.
@@Mayuthrive thank you for being you and being here. I strive to live in truth, and to do so one must share it as much as possible.
next video: How to accept the truth from someone who is straightforward without being offended
If it was the LAST place on Earth, would you fight: too keep it???
You may see your self as A Spiritual Being in a MATERIALISTIC World, but what if I told you the Esoteric, and the Physical was connected, and if one World or Realm Dies, both Cease Too exist… If you have not caught on with this WAR OF THE WORLDS [life] @QBALL /_\ we are all living in this Celestial Sphere: The GREAT WORK of Purgatory……., than you are probably still under INDOCTRINATION and “infatuation” with FAKE Space, and FAKE Galaxies, and FAKE Star Ships that are nothing more than “Fantasy” made by FANTASIST!!! I was once like you…., and when I heard about Planet X..., and then FLAT EARTH.., no one would take “the time” too explain PROJECT BLUE BEAM to me where our Media be it Printed Works too the Moving Images on our Cell Phones TV Screens are all part of the DISTRACTION while our {World Leaders} plan to blow up the whole wide world in one Last Great Nuclear Hydrogen “War” in the hopes THEY LIVE can Cease to Exist., and stop all their [De-Ja-Vu] +=+ FREE MASON Lives…
Considering you probably have never heard of these People possessed by Evil Spirits, and Evil Thoughts, and Evil Intentions because you are a “nonmason” CITIZEN of your U.N. FLAG, let me tell you OUR STORY’ for WE THE PEOPLE are all children of {Incubator Babies} [{**}] from the GREAT NUCLEAR HYDROGEN WAR of 1853 to 1854 that ended in 1855….., and all our Parents, and our “Old People” on this side of FLAT EARTH in this Celestial Sphere were murdered……, and killed in numbers that make this (covid19) Agenda 21 + 30 of JADE HELM 15 and REX 84 look like Darth Vader “playing” with children in a blender… You see…….., once the people from the Other Side of FLAT EARTH killed all our “Grown Ups” on this side of FLAT EARTH: they raised us to be their source of Food……..., and “THEY LIVE” feed off of WE ARE as we watch their U.N. FLAGS {NEWS} World Order of death, and mayhem, and WAR IS MURDER for Murder is all any FREE MASON Lodge Member knows…
However, let me get back to the “Spiritual” War between good and evil, and we can all be GOOD, and we can all be EVIL, but what has been lost is that Chaos, and Null, and Void: are destroying all things in the places you go to when you sleep and dream, and as that world dies, so do our Father Earth and Mother Heaven` The Dome of The Rock… Look at the Trees, do they look “healthy” this Autumn, or are their leaves just turning UGLY.?.?.?.?.?, and no more “Shimmers” of Gold, and Yellow, and Orange, and Red??? Maybe you are too young to “remember” that Trees in the FALL that once filled the Mountain Sides as FIRE after FIRE of Supernatural Means burns [our world] [{*}] into oblivion??? It is said: All life will end in 2094 C.E., and that by “2025” this next ATOMIC WAR will reduce 75% of all life before then, and by 2030 there will too few “humans” to do anything but let Automation Android Robots, and A.I. care for them…
I know many of you here in Halloween of 2020 were “raised” too be cowards, and never talk back to these TV SCREENS in your [bedrooms] / * \ that Watch You as you are “Hypnotized” by RAPTURE of the amazing distraction known as ENTERTAINMENT, and now you are “forced” too Wear a Muzzle called the Corona Mask when the Corona is just the COMMON COLD, but we are being Depopulated by the FREE MASON whom took over Our Police, Our Religions, Our Schools of Thoughts, Our Governments, OUR CORPORATIONS, and THEY LIVE are these {U.N. Troops} and their U.N. World Police Death Star “EMPIRE” on our side of flat earth, and if you do not kill “them” my nonmason; they will not just kill you: they will destroy [our side] of FLAT EARTH just as they decimated their side of FLAT EARTH called the WORLD OF THE DEAD in the Old Testament Bible, and that is our FATE, so what are you going to do about it???
Johnny Exodice
videos.utahgunexchange.com/watch/the-most-powerful-military-weapons-that-are-on-a-new-level_InGr1hrW9BulCy3.html
We have a way out, and it is called: OUR WORLD REPUBLIC CONSTITUTION “Coalition” where all human UNITY can be restored, and all people no matter “your sex” are to be treated as family - friends - community: fighting all “U.N. FLAGS” for it is THE FLAG that says: Kill for Me, Die for Me, Bow Down….., and TAKE A KNEE TOO ME!!!!
However, that is these OLD PEOPLE, and their ways, and “they are” the OLD WINE SKINS in the NEW TESTAMENT, and only we the “Young” can become the NEW WINE SKINS` that save our World, and Planet, and Plane from OLD PEOPLE whom have gone mad, and lost their minds, and THEY LIVE will Turn Earth into “Krypton” where this time: no one leaves like Super man and Super girl` cause we live inside a Bubble called Our Celestial Sphere…
The Society of nonmason~
[///|||\\\]
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Easy, grow up.
@@191. Why'd you respond with that statement? (Genuinely confused).
Good point!!
Yeah but their truth may not be your truth .
Being straightforward and communicating in a clear way can be impossible for some of us. I was silenced so effectively during childhood, that I was phisically unable to express myself with my voice when being in a "dangerous" situation (= in the family I was born in). Later in therapy, this blockage often repeated itself. I would just breathe, stutter or utter just an aaaah or a cough. It had nothing to do with thinking straight. So I wrote a lot of stuff out of my system. Writing was my rescue.
Exactly. When, as a child, you're screamed at or mocked for expressing yourself, it creates a huge obstacle to overcome with regard to assertiveness.
@@atis9061 When people state their reasons for their struggles, offer them some compassion instead of a "tough love" lecture. Most people know what they need to do but are broken from the abuse. They just need some encouragement.
This video is one of the few SOL videos that actually hurts deep down. Usually they are very good at balancing constructive criticism with empathy. I take offense knowing that people who can't understand me and don't try to know the reasons I might be more passive see me as "difficult", because if they'd slow down for a second we could easily get to a resolution. Instead they bludgeon me with their demands and I feel raw and confused. If a room full of non straightforward people are working through problems constructively, and then a "straightforward" person walks in, demands everyone suddenly be more assertive in order to work with him, and the result is his confusion, isn't that person being an asshole at that point?
@@littlestbroccoli I agree. Relationships take time and in that time you can build up trust. Not everyone welcomes straight talk and you need to discover what kind of person you're in a relationship with.
littlestbroccoli
hey here’s a tip - you can be straightforward in saying “hey, I need a little time to think about this”, or hey, I’m not sure exactly how I’m feeling. Let me get back to you”
I agree - “straightforward” people shouldn’t get a pass for being rude, overly aggressive, or impatient. Those people aren’t “straightforward”, they’re assholes. They’re not the same thing.
Hope this helps
I love the German title: "Wie man weniger kompliziert und unkomplizierter ist" meaning "How to be less complicated and more uncomplicated".
LOL pure poetry!
This is very uncomplicated title :)
yesss
I've seen the same German title and went "well okay now.. uhm.. what the.. okay nvm I'll just watch to see what's up with that"
Being a STRAIGHT FORWARD person, there is one thing which I can assure you:
People like me have less friends compared to others but those friends and family lasts forever .
To be a straight forward person one needs to develop these skills:
1. Have no fear of failure
2. Have no fear of being judged
3. Not to be a people pleaser
4. At times one needs to be stoic to others feelings
I will admit that I’m rarely, if ever, straightforward. But the video detailing why that could be really hit close to home, and reminded me of my self-esteem and sensitivity issues.
I am with you on the sensitivity issues. I learned to take things personal. I have come to realize that is rarely the case.
Growing up with a narcissist, you learn that what you say is not important and annoying. For my own personal health, I've had to literally not give a f*ck what people think about me and speak up. I care deeply about people but I have to be my own emotional bodyguard because no one in this world will look after me the way I could look after myself. I've grown up feeling that no one truly cares about me in this world, so I've learned to fight for myself and be my own best friend. I'm not saying you have to "love yourself," but I believe coming to a point of acceptance and compassion will allow you to grow and heal thus allowing you to be more assertive and honest with your communication.
My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion.
I said "yeah, it's pretty straightforward"
👍
When mine asked if I understood curved space time I said sort of in a round and about way
It is. Unless you’re dumb af
@@meghnasharma4654 stfu , thanks 😊
@@meghnasharma4654 Oh the irony
😂😂😂😂
I’m pretty straightforward, but it takes so much anxiety to get me there. I have to get past the anxiety. Good luck.
Lol.. I am still working on getting past being frozen by anxiety... So lots of respect for people who can fight afraid!!
I'm always worried I'll get too worked up. 😅🙃 But this video helped. 😙
@@rilaxkumah I wouldn’t say I fight afraid, but listen to and speak to it. It’s been a lot of therapy, and lessons. The sky never fell, no one is going to laugh at me, and I might be (I truly am) a dork, but I have a good heart and am allowed to have preferences. Same for you, too. I wish you the best.
@@mojojojomayo Ugh! That gave me goose bumps. Ppl pleasing is a form of control and abuse, and I won’t have it. 😉
@@claudettes9697 Aw thanks. I still think that we can at least call it bravery! :D
I always try to remember the same for myself and others too. People's reasons for being them. Sometimes their intentions aren't to hurt you but to protect themself. 😅 Video covered it tho I think lol.
How did you tho🥺💔teach me
Sometimes people mistake straightforwardness as being too blunt or rude.
Honesty without Tact is cruelty
Yes and that’s one of things I don’t like but at the end of the day it is what it is .
"Am I ugly?"
"Yes you are, and I wont add anything else to my opinion cause I dont want to be complicated. I'm so straightforward yay me"
I may be wrong, but I believe it's considered more rude and blunt if the straightforward person is a female.
I was literally raised with “no matter how wrong it feels, do not disobey or disrespect your parents for they are always right and know what’s best” LMAO help
I'm just here to emphasize that the straightforward person handles things with honesty *and diplomacy.*
There is a kind of complicated people that confuses coarseness and meanness with honesty and directness in order to justify roughly accosting someone or, worse, hurting them. They are not straightforward, they are complicated since the underlying issues go explicitly unaddressed in their communication style and they shift the burden on their partner to parse what's happening, much like the meek fox example in the above video.
I have a "friend" just like this. She thinks she's being honest and straight forward when all shes being is an stubborn asshole. Just a rude person, who is always on the defense. And goes out of her way to get what she wants.. even if it means hurting who's ever in the way. And whenever I call her out on it, she says I'm being sensitive and weak and needs to get over it and she's just keeping it "real"
I honestly fucking hate her if I think about it. But our relationship is kinda inevitable.
I am not weak. I just dont use and abuse people and I'm not thinking about myself all damn day.
Agreed! There's no pride in crossing the line from straightforward over to "brutally honest," as some like to describe themselves. You can make your point without making an enemy.
@@Noneofyourbyisness My heart goes out to you. I walked away from those types a long time ago to feel the sweet taste of life free from vindictive exaggerations and the constant conflation of honesty and abrasiveness.
Those folks are struggling with something far beyond my powers to consistently give, and I say this as a person who constantly promised others that I was "just being real." Honestly, I was just being hurt and allowed that pain to lacquer my lens, and I viewed everything from that hurt. Hopefully, they figure that out because when I discovered I was hurt, it was unnerving to reflect on how many people I spread that hurt to.
Some people claim to "tell it like it is" or are "just keeping real" but in reality are just assholes who focus on on slinging a barrage of insults and focus on negativity. One can be straight forward without be a complete asshole.
Leaving a comment to comeback to this. You couldn't have stated better.
Tactful bluntness is a valuable skill!
As someone who grew up from being agreeable to a fault, to someone assertive but in a kind manner I can attest to the fact it's possible to change. When you grow up in a conservative household and an emotionally charged parent you learn to walk around eggshells. It's never something you want to do, all it does is build up hate and resentment in yourself for no reason.
What helped me change was gaining more independence and by extension, more confidence. You're more likely to stand up for yourself when you know you're capable of putting up a fight should one be presented to you. The advantage is you always feel genuine to yourself, and you'll eventually meet someone who appreciates you for the real you. When you consider yourself strong the opinions of others are never enough to change your convictions.
I remember after a guest speaker left (who clearly was just spewing nonsense) my professor asked what we thought. I was the only person to put my hand up and tell her what me and the rest of the glass where thinking. Of course being assertive doesn't imply you have to be mean and that's what people forget. Offer up a compliment or something you appreciate about the other person before you tell them what you don't agree with. And it's important to not tell someone their way is wrong, just different from your way. Then the focus goes to persuading the person to your way, which is received better than attacking their stance.
As a therapist, I so appreciate how you present this information in a clear and concise way, making these truths accessible to anyone with an internet connection.
Being straightforward is something I've had to work on. Now I have to work on being straightforward with diplomacy, without being blunt/hurtful. It's like it all built up for so long that now I want my truth to be heard at any cost.
I think it’s inevitable when we’re practicing new skills that we may be ham handed to start with. I’m trying to be compassionate with myself about that. Better to have said my truth even badly than not at all… I can only improve with practice…
I do want to add that a crucial point when practicing being straightforward is also carefully selecting your audience. Sometimes it is not the need to be straightforward in the moment that is important, but rather the need to get better at identifying safe friends and close ones to be around in the first place.
It's always nice not to make a guessing game out of everything. Most people like it when others at least behave predictably (and that's far easier to deal with) - humans hate uncertainty
when you are in a playful mood i dont see what it is wrong with that
@@mangakasaide2166 There is nothing wrong with being playful, but if you are using playfulness as a way to hide your fear of being straightforward, the playfulness becomes disingenuous, and that is an issue. Also, if you play like that ALL the time, that is also when it becomes an issue. We should try to balance being playful, with being serious and straightforward.
If it was the LAST place on Earth, would you fight: too keep it???
You may see your self as A Spiritual Being in a MATERIALISTIC World, but what if I told you the Esoteric, and the Physical was connected, and if one World or Realm Dies, both Cease Too exist… If you have not caught on with this WAR OF THE WORLDS [life] @QBALL /_\ we are all living in this Celestial Sphere: The GREAT WORK of Purgatory……., than you are probably still under INDOCTRINATION and “infatuation” with FAKE Space, and FAKE Galaxies, and FAKE Star Ships that are nothing more than “Fantasy” made by FANTASIST!!! I was once like you…., and when I heard about Planet X..., and then FLAT EARTH.., no one would take “the time” too explain PROJECT BLUE BEAM to me where our Media be it Printed Works too the Moving Images on our Cell Phones TV Screens are all part of the DISTRACTION while our {World Leaders} plan to blow up the whole wide world in one Last Great Nuclear Hydrogen “War” in the hopes THEY LIVE can Cease to Exist., and stop all their [De-Ja-Vu] +=+ FREE MASON Lives…
Considering you probably have never heard of these People possessed by Evil Spirits, and Evil Thoughts, and Evil Intentions because you are a “nonmason” CITIZEN of your U.N. FLAG, let me tell you OUR STORY’ for WE THE PEOPLE are all children of {Incubator Babies} [{**}] from the GREAT NUCLEAR HYDROGEN WAR of 1853 to 1854 that ended in 1855….., and all our Parents, and our “Old People” on this side of FLAT EARTH in this Celestial Sphere were murdered……, and killed in numbers that make this (covid19) Agenda 21 + 30 of JADE HELM 15 and REX 84 look like Darth Vader “playing” with children in a blender… You see…….., once the people from the Other Side of FLAT EARTH killed all our “Grown Ups” on this side of FLAT EARTH: they raised us to be their source of Food……..., and “THEY LIVE” feed off of WE ARE as we watch their U.N. FLAGS {NEWS} World Order of death, and mayhem, and WAR IS MURDER for Murder is all any FREE MASON Lodge Member knows…
However, let me get back to the “Spiritual” War between good and evil, and we can all be GOOD, and we can all be EVIL, but what has been lost is that Chaos, and Null, and Void: are destroying all things in the places you go to when you sleep and dream, and as that world dies, so do our Father Earth and Mother Heaven` The Dome of The Rock… Look at the Trees, do they look “healthy” this Autumn, or are their leaves just turning UGLY.?.?.?.?.?, and no more “Shimmers” of Gold, and Yellow, and Orange, and Red??? Maybe you are too young to “remember” that Trees in the FALL that once filled the Mountain Sides as FIRE after FIRE of Supernatural Means burns [our world] [{*}] into oblivion??? It is said: All life will end in 2094 C.E., and that by “2025” this next ATOMIC WAR will reduce 75% of all life before then, and by 2030 there will too few “humans” to do anything but let Automation Android Robots, and A.I. care for them…
I know many of you here in Halloween of 2020 were “raised” too be cowards, and never talk back to these TV SCREENS in your [bedrooms] / * \ that Watch You as you are “Hypnotized” by RAPTURE of the amazing distraction known as ENTERTAINMENT, and now you are “forced” too Wear a Muzzle called the Corona Mask when the Corona is just the COMMON COLD, but we are being Depopulated by the FREE MASON whom took over Our Police, Our Religions, Our Schools of Thoughts, Our Governments, OUR CORPORATIONS, and THEY LIVE are these {U.N. Troops} and their U.N. World Police Death Star “EMPIRE” on our side of flat earth, and if you do not kill “them” my nonmason; they will not just kill you: they will destroy [our side] of FLAT EARTH just as they decimated their side of FLAT EARTH called the WORLD OF THE DEAD in the Old Testament Bible, and that is our FATE, so what are you going to do about it???
Johnny Exodice
videos.utahgunexchange.com/watch/the-most-powerful-military-weapons-that-are-on-a-new-level_InGr1hrW9BulCy3.html
We have a way out, and it is called: OUR WORLD REPUBLIC CONSTITUTION “Coalition” where all human UNITY can be restored, and all people no matter “your sex” are to be treated as family - friends - community: fighting all “U.N. FLAGS” for it is THE FLAG that says: Kill for Me, Die for Me, Bow Down….., and TAKE A KNEE TOO ME!!!!
However, that is these OLD PEOPLE, and their ways, and “they are” the OLD WINE SKINS in the NEW TESTAMENT, and only we the “Young” can become the NEW WINE SKINS` that save our World, and Planet, and Plane from OLD PEOPLE whom have gone mad, and lost their minds, and THEY LIVE will Turn Earth into “Krypton” where this time: no one leaves like Super man and Super girl` cause we live inside a Bubble called Our Celestial Sphere…
The Society of nonmason~
[///|||\\\]
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Am I ugly?"
"Yes you are, and I wont add anything else to my opinion cause I dont want to be complicated. I'm so straightforward yay me"
But I don’t mind uncertainty so I am often vague, and therein lies the problem
As someone who is striving to be more and more straightforward, i found this vid to be a timely reminder. It took a long while to just to validate myself, my needs and my desires. But now that i'm aware, i see little value in returning to not just expressing myself when i am in a position to do so. A reason i always overlooked my own desires is that internalized the attitude of not wanting to be a bother and that began in childhood. That usual left me wishing I'd spoken my mind plenty of times. I had to unlearn my self destructive patterns and learn how to be emotionally intelligent. It's still tough but it's been soooo worth it.
And let me say, the sooner you speak up for yourself and know what you need in life, the sooner you'll get to where you want to be emotionally and the healthier you will be psychologically.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk
how did u do it?? I've been wanting to be more expressive I've been so emotionally unavailable for so long I'm sick of this.. and I wanted to learn but I don't know where to start :(((
This made me emotional somehow. Like finally discovering why I felt suffocated. It was like staring at a mirror but with prescribed glasses on.
Most of the complicated people often don't even know what they want in a social situation/interaction.
This is because they learned to focus on the opinion and thoughts of others and don't have any capacity left for their own.
When we then try to listen to what we want, it can feel extremly hard, but it is actually quite simple to build up that utterly important connection to ourselfs.
Just start listening on your own thoughts, show interest in your needs and the more you do that, the easier it gets to know intuitive what you whant and thus, tell that to your opposite.
I am a complicated person only to those who I think are really really close to my heart.. for others I am straight forward..
the vanilla ice cream portrayed when sexual preferences are mentioned is such a precious detail i love it
You can fail to be straightforward while being incredibly confrontational actually.
I quickly and frequently speak up if I don’t appreciate something or someone, what I struggle to do is to be straightforward with people I do love or respect, because the relationship means so much
i was isolated as a child. no grandparents, mom was sick, dad was a verbally abusive and explosive alcoholic, brother in prison, and bad tensions in the family. no one was really available. now i isolate because it’s what i knew. it stunted me socially. it’s taking a lot to overcome these obstacles. but my willpower is strong. these videos make things easier. i find words for my feelings and my situations. thank you.
👍Get your thinking straight. The most common source of confusing messages is muddled thinking.
Say what you mean. Say exactly what you mean.
Get to the point. Effective communicators don't beat around the bush
Thank you, this helped me a lot :")
It just came across my mind that all the people watching these video are awesome. I mean not a lot of people choose growth over entertainment.
If you are reading this, may you attract everything you’ve been patiently waiting for & be passionate to pursue it whole-heartedly. It will naturally flow into your life when you are ready to receive it. Hope our channel helps you on your journey 🙏
So lovely. Be blessed!
@@theresachung703 🙏❤
My parents always say when we cry " you laugh with ppl , you cry alone" what they means is you're annoying when you cry so you will left lonely. And my father always when I cry say "DONT CRY , BE A MAN" , "I DON'T LIKE PPL WHO CRY" Im 21 y.o I swear years pass by without me crying , i dont remember the last time i cried. And you may think oh that's cool, no it is painful, when Im in grief i feel like my hear will explode out of pain. I also suffer from what ppl thinks about me.
I used to speak in emotional code but I realized that it only caused more pain. Throughout this process of change, I’ve been faced with people who remind me of who I used to be. As much as it hurt, I had to let them go.
"....they are painfully unsure about the legitimacy of their own desires"
That one hit DEEP
This feels like the first time I have ever heard praise for being direct about needs and emotions.
Sad, bad childhood and an absence of self esteem and self worth. A whole life time trying to undo the past childhood experiences
I'm extremely straightforward. So much so that I instantly know when others are not.
Nicely done.
The key to this video for me was the line "...we can use the freedoms of adulthood to dare to own up to more of who we actually are."
I also like the phrase "thoughtful diplomacy" when describing how to be true to one's self and others.
As a straight forward person, thank you for teaching people what I couldn't
When you realise you are the person they are talking about in the video.
........
I am neither of that models, because I am often straightforvard, but still trying to avoid conflicts and causing unnecessary bad feelings. I won't be going through the crowd telling people 'you're ugly', 'you are the only beautiful person in this room', 'you are stupid and annoying me'. For me it's not that bad to ask for forgiveness if another person caused the conflict, i don't say that "it's all my fault", and i don't lie when i say that i want to resolve the conflict. This is why I didn't start gaslighting myself after watching the whole video
This is exactly me. I'm a very complicated person. I always try to be too nice, when actually I hate some people I'm dealing with. I don't have the courage to let them know what I think. I always settle for less. I don't talk back to those who say rude, hurtful words. But inside I'll be praying for their death. Am I a bad person for being like this?
But I always consider others feelings when I'm talking, and I am a good listener to everyone.
Even if I don't voluntarily help anyone I don't harm anyone either. And when someone seeks help I do help them. But I'm lazy and depressed most of the time. When I get any achievement, jealous people always makes some negative comments and it affects me. And I'm a very less confident person. I'm an emotional fool. And a bit slow person who gets good grades. I'm kind of a nerd who tries to fit in the normal people gang. An introvert trying to act like an extrovert with great difficulty and unsatisfaction inside. I'm a pathetic person.
I wanna be more bold and brave.
You need to learn assertiveness, it's probably the most important social skill most people don't learn, because they don't know it can be trained. Look up an article called "Assertiveness is a virtue that anyone can develop with practice" to get started, it's a great first point. You might also need someone to help you with that, consider therapy if you can afford it.
For a long time, resentment and accusations of lack of commitment or lack of love from others became common place for me, all backed up by an even more overwhelming sense of personal judgment and either praise or condemnation. These gestures came from people that I loved, respected, held dear, and even looked up to. Now these figures of admiration are falling off their pedestals and I'm trying to find ways to unlearn the bad practices and vices that have lead me to be as broken as I have come to be at some point in my life. I have messed up plenty in various aspects but I'm still pushing forward and this channel has helped me a great big deal in understanding the roots of some of my most important issues. Thank you so much for everything you've done for me and the rest of us who are struggling to become who we really want and deserve to be.
Recently I reached 30 years of age, and had a mind-changing realization: in order to be happy, you mandatory have to be WHO-YOU-ARE. It's sounds like a clichè, but it's not so easy to achieve from the perspective of a non-straightforwart person. Once you realice that the effort put in make everyone else happy never returns the same way, you reach a point when you question yourself: "is this really worth it?". Then, the next step is to have a inner conversation with yourself about your fears: "what am I afraid of when talking to my friends?" "why I think they will leave me?" "why do I always search clues for conspirancy in others?" "why am I always so resentful and angry to the world?". When you ask those questions to yourself, and take the time to respond without prejudges and without self-shame of blame, then you can begin to understand why been straightforward (basically: who you realy are) is much more realiable in the long run, and you will hear others better, and have better relationships. It's a hard pill to swallow, but if you try to do it in some point, you will never be the same angry person you once were.
Thanks for your videos. The insights you give make the path a lot easier to walk
through.
Realized the same thing a few months back. U feel so grateful and thankful. Its lovely.
Time Watching Video: 6:28
Reading Comments: 1 hour..
This community is just awesome their is so much to learn from everyone's experience.. The school of Life should start a forum or something.
Moral of the story ; be yourself.
Even as a straightforward person, this is a must-watch. I recognise that there are infrequent occasions when situations seem so complex, I uncharacteristically behave contrary to my nature, by which hell usually ensues, eventually. This is a good refresher/affirmation of why it's best to be gently and non-defensively open-hearted.
I literally don't know how to interact with people in a non-people pleasing way. The only way I can figure is to keep interactions/conversations to a minimum I truly don't see what other halfway point there is.
"Am I ugly?"
"Yes you are, and I wont add anything else to my opinion cause I dont want to be complicated. I'm so straightforward yay me"
@Zorba Apollo well there's only one definition as to being straightforward. You can either be a straightforward asshole or a kind straightforward person.
The difference between straightforward and being rude is your intention. If your intention of being honest is strictly to help and give them clarity, you're good. If you tell the truth with the purpose of hurting people, then it's bad.
I definitely needed this video today. I've struggled with this with one parent, in particular, my whole life, even now. It is so tiring to not just tell them how I feel and what I want to do. I needed to hear this today. Great video!
Being straightforward definitely helps in the long run. You may hurt some people being so honest, but if you are compassionate, those people will understand you.
we learn our personality to our own parents.
to the future parents, i hope we let them grow and let ourselves know the right and wrong in parenting.
I'm improving here and yet, I still find myself resorting to people pleasing at time for tough topics. It's a long road to fully correct and it's worth the journey. I always feel best when I speak my honest truth
Different cultures view straightforwardness very differently. It is rewarded in one society while seen as utterly rude in another.
Which societies value deception over honesty?
@@seithdaniel9013 Hello Seth,
It's not that simple.
In some cultures, for example, if your host offered you a cup of tea, declining with a straightforward "No, thank you" would be considered an insult. The appropriate reply would be; "May God bless you and your family for your wonderful hospitality". The tea is offered again with a similar reply, then again for the 3rd time. The host has to exhaust every way of offering or he would be considered rude. Both their reputation is at stake.
I know, it's crazy to us, but that's how different cultures work.
@@seithdaniel9013 I would not call it outright deception but more white lies and differing levels of "shallow friendliness".
Eg. the US is much less straightforward than German culture. So much so, that as someone with a German background you're never quite sure if the American really means it. Eg if you get a compliment from an American it might be just small talk, unless it sounds totally over the top to German ears. If you get any compliment from a German, that really means something. Americans, in turn, often find Germans rude because from their POV, the Germans didn't use enough "social greasing".
I remember when I was a kid and US shows were a novelty on TV and we shook our heads at these scenes where someone got badly hurt and their friends asked "are you ok?" and the standard answer was "I'm fine" even if they just lost a limb. A stereotypical German would always answer "no, I just lost a limb, can't you see, you idiot?". Also the whole thing with friends never telling their friend that eg something they wear looks stupid and pretending it looks good so as not to hurt the other person's feelings. As a German, you'd probably end the friendship if you find out your friends didn't immediately tell you the hard truth and let you run around looking like an idiot.
There's even a saying in German that translates basically to "if you were not chastised, that already counts as praise". So, totally no shallow compliments there while other cultures even require them as a form of normal small talk.
There's even quite a difference in this between German culture and Austrian culture and we're neighboring countries who share the same language. Austria is much less straightforward. Eg in Austria people often answer along the lines of "I'll see what I can do" instead of outright turning down a request. My family has German roots and then moved to Austria and we actually did call the different culture here "deceptive" in the beginning. And then you're in the country for a while and suddenly you know how to interpret stuff and now German culture feels kinda rude to me in comparison.
@@Milestonemonger It is a grave pity that the veneer of hospitality is rooted in a selfish game of upholding one's reputation. This implies that the host does not do it to be hospitable, but does so in order to look hospitable. You either respect my polite declination, or you remove me from your house. It really is quite simple. I understand that some cultures are venerable and want to make sure that the guest is properly accommodated, but anything beyond the first offer and the proceeding declination is no more than a vain attempt at looking good. Adherence to such archaic practises, while understandable because of thousand-years tradition, is somewhat questionable. At least, for me.
@@TheFeldhamster I'm gonna be honest with you, I didn't read your entire comment. I think it's too long to prove a simple point. White lies are deception. If someone asks you if you're okay, and you're not, and you answer yes, you're lying to them regardless of the situation. People do this. This isn't a cultural thing.
I grew up as that kid explained in this video where my guardian's were weak in ego therefore always reminded me to thread lightly in their presence. I am aware that I have developed this attitude to always be on alert for weak egos and took great care to be liked. My reality has definitely changed though. I find myself and people like me cumbersome and inauthentic to deal with so I strive to change who I have become day by day. This video helped me understand my behavior better. It is liberating to be real with yourself and be honest about it with other people. Thank you for this video.
I have to say that this hit me so hard even though I knew already a large portion if not all of what mentioned, but something is really powerful about hearing your own thoughts out loud, I guess.
I was going downhill and I really had issues trying to be a straight forward person and then bam! I'm a mother looking at this most beautiful thing that thinks the world of me and follow me as an example. At that point something grew in me. It was unstoppable force to change I wanted to be the best example he could have and to let him know that he matters, what he feels and say matters and we are going to discuss it until we all feel a little better about it at least. I'm thankful for this little creature beyond words.
My baby is almost 39 now.
I raised him differently than I was raised.
He has high self esteem, confidence, and is a no BS person. He neither manipulates, nor is he manipulated. He's a straight talker. He says what he means and he means what he says. He's not rude; he's diplomatic.
I admire and respect him and others do, too.
I hope the same for your child.
@@ohdear2275 Thanks! 🙂
This channel is seriously changing lives. I see a therapist and often it feels like we're just beating around the bush (not the therapist's fault) trying uncover some of the ideas which this video puts forward so eloquently. The school of life, I appreciate you all very much.
I wish becoming a straightforward person was as easy as understanding why u should
Being one is even harder.
more and more honesty is a process and everyone has work to do to find and share truth and learn to trust the right people, some people may not be trustworthy for you personally so there is no perfect formula
I mean it isn't hard, just tell people what you want
@@bungeespeaks6081 i'm afraid it isn't that easy, they wouldn't have been making these videos if it was just like that
@@bungeespeaks6081 not that simple.. but im too complicated to be able to explain it to you;
It's not suffering itself that makes me mad. It's rather denial of suffering and fear of truly feeling it- that's what i learned today about myself today through this vid and few other events. It's ok to suffer.
2:57 "You are a child, you have no right to talk" flashbacks emerge 😢
1:56 Well, the problem is that I have couter-conditioned myself to the point that I find it impossible to identify what I "truly want" to do, so I try to keep all options on the table, feeling helpless and maybe obligated to prioritize the social option.
As always just in time, thank you!
I'm mostly straitforward, but complicated in the sense that I mostly keep quiet, thereby not expressing my honest thoughts and feelings unless prompted to. Inherent in that is a fear of creating unnecessary drama or conflict depending if course in my audience. It's good to be reminded on this, though.
No one:
The school of life: every thing, every human centered behavior stems on which type of childhood they had
Eh? what's your point?
And that's the truth...other than some hormonal differences we all at first just the empty vessels who gets filled with their surrounding's teachings and behaviour of the people around us. We are just the mix of everything we consume in our childhood and up till this moment.
@@liteviews4493 good point. But some people change after the age of 20 and they end up influencing history!!!
Where's the lie tho?
i noted tht too..bt then it also depends on the nature of the individual, like me n my brother have been raised by same parents but he has a high self esteem, while i have issues in self esteem. So may be its not all the fault of our parents, but yes, different ppl have to be raised differently..critical job indeed.
My parents are exactly like that im so glad that i found this channel so early in my life
Straightforward people really dislike people that aren't straightforward.
And if they're rude about it, they are the ones who are acting wrong and need correction.
wholly untrue. I am direct, without being rude, but still like my friends who beat around the bush to get to a point. I also don't confuse being straightforward with giving out unsolicited advice and/or opinions. Everyone has an opinion, thus being discerning as to whether it is warranted at any given moment is where tact truly lies.
True
wow this made me cry, put a lot of feelings into words..
Being a straightforward person it can be hard because people see you as the villain a lot for expressing your truth, but I’m glad I do because there’s no weight on my shoulders. I feel free saying exactly how I feel and expressing my needs.politely ofcourse.
It’s pretty shocking how unprepared most parents were raising their children. To grow up in a dysfunctional household is way more widespread than I realized. Very few children are actually embraced, loved and supported in life.
i love this channel--it's my fave youtube channel. i just wish they'd have Q&A sometimes.
i feel like it's important to remember there's ALSO a lot to be said about tact--not just oversharing our feelings and acting out whenever we're unhappy.
if a friend says "i feel like staying in", we don't have to say "I AM SO DISAPPOINTED" just because those are our "true feelings". we can be disappointed, but express understanding. "i feel you, it's all good, let's hang out tomorrow/next weekend/etc".
understanding and empathy goes a long way. sometimes we need a night in too, right? of course. and we want our friends to be chill and understanding.
my dad used to say (and he's been quoted so often): "don't sweat the small stuff." don't get worked up over little things that don't really matter.
if that girl you like doesn't text back right away, just chill. it doesn't mean "OMG SHE HATES ME" or "LOOKS LIKE I BLEW IT AGAIN!" odds are she's just doing something else. just like when we don't text someone back right away.
tact. above all, learn and practice tact. choose your battles carefully and wisely. and never sweat the small stuff, because it tends to take care of itself.
This video's about being straightforward so i'm gonna be straightforward with you and please don't undermine my idea. You say being clear about your thoughts/demands to people is always the right way to do things.
No! Not always. If you're dealing with self-righteous people who think what they know is the only right thing and don't have the capacity to absorb new ideas, people who see every clash of ideas a war then you shouldn't tell them everything. Especially if they're family/frequent acquaintances/colleagues.Because expressing that u don't believe in what they believe in will get u in a never-ending arguments that Will leave you burnt out and bring you nothing but hatred, eventhough all u were trying to do is express your own thoughts. No more!
Not saying u should pretend to agree with what other people say or be someone you're not but...some things, with specific people..better remain unspoken.
For your own mental health's sake.
I love how straightforward your explanations are.
Damn for the first time in a School of life video, I'm on the "better" side i. e. straight forward!
EDIT: I wasn't always like this. I worked and changed myself :)
Please elaborate on how you did it?
Yeah! Share with us.
Good job!! It's so worth it. :3
@@fahmiakbar1454 I did it by challenging my thoughts and actions one day at a time. It took me years though.
As a person who does this more than I care for, to listen to this makes me realize how being so evasive sucks. Thanks for making this video. I’m going to change starting today.
I wish I could send a link to this video to someone in my therapy group. Two weeks ago, let's call him Rob, came into the video meeting, and in a (seeming) good mood, told us he had a story to tell us about something that happened. He also claimed he didn't want anything from us, then briefly told a somewhat confusing story and sat back waiting for our thoughts. Some of us just sort of shrugged and others had minor reactions, like, "That sounds awkward." So then Rob gets angry, tells us we're dishonest and disappointing, and yells at the therapist leading the group when the leader tries to connect with him. Now we're all pissed off, except the leader of course. This episode takes up the entire group session except for the 5 minutes before the guy started his story. (And btw, Rob has hijacked other sessions in the past with his stories, although nothing quite like this.)
Fast forward to this week. Rob comes in and looks angry, glowering like a storm cloud, but won't speak to us other than to say in a low, tight voice he "doesn't have the energy" and that he will leave the meeting if pushed too hard. At first others express concern and care for him, but as his angry presence continues to affect us, we become angry too. We feel manipulated, used, and unable to move on for the most part. It's difficult to ignore his sullen appearance in our midst. One person, who was absent the previous week, does manage to speak about something else for about ten minutes. Finally Rob starts talking, addressing the person who was absent for last week's session. This time he tells the story more fully and says about the previous week that "maybe I overreacted" but also complains about our response to him last week. Now it seems he's less talking to anyone in particular and really delivering a monologue, listing all the difficulties and disappointments in his life in an angry but low-energy voice, droning on and on. Finally one of us interrupts this tirade to say she's listened to enough. Rob abruptly leaves the meeting without saying anything further.
So yeah, it would've been great at the outset if he had been able to say, "Something happened to me the other day that really threw me for a loop emotionally, and I'd like to share it with you all", instead of pretending it was nothing and then treating us like sh*t for not getting it.
I have never had my whole life more accurately describe
the question remains on how to become more straightforward unconsciously.
Train your unconscious mind aka sub consious mind
You look good. You don't need to hide that you like me.
Anything that happens subconsciously is essentially a habit which is a neural pathway, so get in the habit of acting how you'd like to act all the time
One step at a time challenging your thoughts and actions.
You must practice self awareness until everything in your subconscious gets completely rewritten. sometimes it can take a really long time.
Shout out to the graphic designer for making the illustrations so clear and eye pleasing
This is me. I find it daunting to speak up whenever I have an opinion. So i just blend into the conversation and almost become nonexistent to others around me. But I so badly want them to know how/what i feel. It's just too stressful and scary to know that whatever you say might upset someone elses feelings :( i think i need help guys ...
it remimds me of the soothing video.
"We can sort this out!
We have conversation with them!
People will understand and screw them if they don't.
What matters is you! You are good and valuable."
the nicest thing i ever heard in my entire life :)
So articulate and useful ♥️
The most dangerous people are those who act straightforward but are very cunning and complicated. When you find that kind of person, use every trick of diplomacy with them to get your work done and never consider them friend.
It occurred to me years ago, that I experienced a duality in this. At work, I'm much more straightforward than I am in my personal life: my working life has been much more straightforward than my personal life thereby. So I know this, but can I apply it where it's needed? Nope...
Thanks, the video will help me think more about it!
Interesting...someone else just commented the opposite, straightforward at home but not at work. What type of work do you do, just out of curiosity? And also out of curiosity, what's the gender breakdown at work?
@@camez2345 I'm out of work at the moment, unfortunately, but up until last year I was a truck driver. Before that my background was engineering and garage work. All heavily male biased trades (although key jobs within those which required important communication, were heavily female biased), and all jobs with complex factors feeding into the targets. Problem solving and suggesting better ways, I'm good at, and I know people mostly appreciated that.
In relationships, I'm so afraid of losing people (although not necessarily what they think of me per se) that I tie myself up in knots and make a mess of it quite often. I give too much too often and don't put myself first, cos I was brought up to believe that was somehow noble, and as such it's a hard trait to overcome.
It's been such that despite knowing it, I could only watch the car crash coming, and wish I'd been able to use my skills in clarity and straightforwardness to my benefit. I can say in complete honesty, that if I'd transferred those skills years ago, I might not have ended up in the mess I'm in, or perhaps not as badly. But hindsight is 20/20 as they say...!
Thank you - this video was very illuminating. The statement that: 'the problem with complicated people is that they are painfully unsure about the legitimacy of their own desires' hit like a tonne of bricks.
I’m too straightforward lol ... I don’t understand beating around a bush ... I just walk into it and piss hahahahaha
Brilliant
Haha me too