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I’m at such a weird point where I feel broken and unfixable and it’s constant negative self thoughts but when I try positively reinforce myself I feel like it’s narcissism so I squash it.
@@pHeyoooo It can be a mix of " impostor syndrom" and the opposite effect of the " dunning kruger effect"+ trauma from childhood. And as pointed out here, if you feel it is narcissism then it probably aint, they lack the abillity to self refreflect
We may immediately think of a few people in our lives that we think are immature, but we sometimes fail to see that we also show some immature characteristics at certain times. Seeing yourself honestly is sometimes the hardest part.
Nope, I'm well aware of my immature behaviors and will readily admit to them. I also don't begrudge others who point out my own immature behaviors. I am not perfect nor am I beyond reproached. I welcome constructive criticism, as it helps me become a better human. I don't want to hold onto mal-adaptive or self-destructive behaviors.
People who are immature is like a quote of Plato: "we can easily forgive a child afraid of dark but when an adult is afraid of light is detrimental to our society”.
Oh!! I am such a stupid guy, I even have to google detrimental to know what is the meaning. My English is so bad AF can anyone please teach me some basics of it in the comment section. 😢 I feel ashamed of myself 😢 I am learning it but not seeing any improvements in my english.
@@mountyania9321 if it’s just vocabulary, just write down any words you come across that you’re not familiar with and look up the meaning, then try to commit to memory. Reading widely is the best way to improve vocabulary.
@@jackdawcaw4514 i agree with you. But to a certain extent it still affects an adult i believe that maturity is not static.. Its a dynamic concept which changes every day.
Exacty. When you are raised or forever surrounded immature selfish ppl it is easy to fall back on things. When if you disagree they ice you out. So hard to not be passive agressive as the punish direct open honest communication.
Thank you. Thank you thank you. For achnolaging if someone loves you first it makes loving yourself much much easier. I was always so dismissed in primary school and high school when i explained why i was sad.
I hope, as a parent, I find the right balance of providing enough encouragement and trust in my little ones without being too dominant a part of their self confidence development.
This is what i find the hardest part of parenthood. And that is precisely why I am going to be child-free. I don't know if I'd change my mind once I get married. But parenting is too much work for someone who's struggling to know about himself.
@@mynameiskhan47 my father admitted this morning how making sure your children grow up to be decent adults is one of the hardest things he's ever done. I feel for him but I also think he hasn't sorted out things about himself in the first place and I fear he's wasting his life just to hold on his responsibility as a father, he's a human first I hope he can find himself again. plus I think he's adding unnecessary stress because he's trying to make ends meet but doesn't know how to connect with others including us, he needs to work on that first. I love him regardless though :3
@@mynameiskhan47 yes parents play a big role in our development but there are also other things as well such as society which is the worst one, also school, friends, teachers, something could even happen to you up the street that could impact you for the rest of your life or you could even see something on tv. What im trying to say is its not completely our parents fault that we become who we are today but rather the entire world and so i think we shouldn’t put to much pressure or blame on our parents because they were only one influence out of 1000. Even if someone was the best version of themselves (if thats what you’d call it) and had children, it would still be unlikely that child would grow up perfect because of all the other influences in the world.
Human beings are so complicated and messed up that in order to hide one's own insecurities we make others feel insecure about themselves. I hope it changes someday.
it will never completely change. at least not unless every parent on the face of the earth is 100% the ideal, perfect parent towards their child, enabling them to develop secure attachments that prevent future immaturity. this is impossible, considering perfection in behavior is unattainable. i'm not saying this to be negative and cynical, just to point out that humans are flawed, biologically - we are heavily dependent on our primary caregivers - imperfect creatures themselves - for our sense of self-worth. perhaps, though, with resources (like TSOL!) being so much more freely available these days, some people can learn more about themselves and change!
@Martha Speaks So childhood spent with Stalin, Hitler, Mao, HW and Gengis Khan is not a good idea....? Well, too late now. I'm determined to either slaughter, enslave or dictate to all humans on earth. Or maybe people can change and behave according to principles not espoused by any other 5 people in their lives.
How to be less immature: 1. Understand the past. (What happened in your childhood that caused the immature behaviors?). 2. Share your wounds. (Talk about these behaviors and causes with others going through similar hardships). 3. Build reparative relationships. (Surround yourself with people that encourage your healthy behaviors and not the other way around).
@@priyankanarayan3774I guess one starts by understanding one's so called 'self' better, know what's healthy for it, and, doing the hard work as mentioned in the video after 05:30. Basically, it'll be surrounding oneself with people that contribute to what's healthy for oneself, and avoiding the ones who don't. The question of where to find them would be easy once we know what's healthy for us. School of Life has many videos on YT, and also books on relationships and such other topics.
I love the metaphor that the effects of a less-than-nurturing childhood are a tax that we'll have to pay through life. Very good. Not insurmountable, but always there.
psychoanalysis has a deep root in psychology u cannot ignore, I can certainly feel my past experience that shapes my ill developed emotional response to social situation. the video makes a good point about looking at the wound properly. Being mindful of the suffering actually relieves it. I firmly and calmly disagree with your arguement that Reliving childhood does little good to managing the present.
the most immature people think that they're really mature. They're very good at judging others and pulling them down, but almost incapable of seeing faults in themselves. They're in denial of their own weaknesses, and are not willing to admit that they're human and less than perfect just like everyone else.
Maturity comes with problems dealing with problems. U become wise with every experience. That's a choice. To face the problem or ignore. Immature people are those who don't face their problems or fears
And of the parent instils that the child is helpless and assumes responsibility to solve their problems, rather than support them solving their own problems? … The child does not have the awareness to see all that. Neither does a young ‘adult child..’ it takes years of not knowing what’s normal.
Facing fears is both a choice and a skill. People who have had this skill modelled for them are more likely to make the choice to face problems and fears and are more capable of moving thru them rather than destroying themselves by attempting to escape from lifes challenges.
each sentence felt like a slap. im hypercompetitive, i feel insecure everytime someone is better than me in literally anything XD coupled with overthinking and no action being taken, I'm in shambles. i made big progress towards maturity through your video. 1. i have to take action and not overthink 2. i have to accept myself the way i am and not get needlessly competitve/jealous
I totally understand why most school of life contents, has something to do with your childhood, now as an adult all the trauma I had experienced from my childhood still haunting me in tears every night without even thinking it. I'm still in the emotional process of accepting the past and living my best life today.
I have been doing inventories of my for sometime now and has helped me a lot. But it Is recommended to fo it on paper and then read your inventory to a person you can trust ( trust issues?) Then you can read to a person who has done this same thing.
@@liinliin7128 It doesn't necessarily mean being in the trauma bond. It's an idea to put in mind so we can learn to trust others as it represents one of the reasons one is immature according to the video. It's easier, and the temptation of our mind is to take the easy way.
In the end we are all human. Everyone has experienced their own path to maturity or where they are right now. It would be ignorant to call your parents immature. If they didn't make it, make sure you do.
Yes, a stable, non-traumatic childhood is so important for ensuring a happy, fulfilled life. The rest of us have to struggle for a sense of normalcy every single day.
the irony is that their brain shrinks proportionally to apparently fulfilled and happier they are, also shallower. less they know more successful they become. Seems to me that more emotionally unpleasent the childhood is more activates the epigenes of intelligence, the need for a deeper understand. those who are not in doubt, not confused, not lonely are definitely not understanding anything about life. they think they have some worth when actually they a waste of organic matter. life is a double blind. you can choose: 1. Be a complete idiot and do not struggle much throughout it. or 2. Idiot be not, but struggle through your entire life (mainly by having to tolerate people and relationships .
@@pratikroutray3707 same but after so much shit and depression/meds...birth control. I simply got tired and sat down with my self to see everything as an outside person looking in. It helped me reflect and view things easier.
@@HarryF-tz5fo .....mmm I see you zooming in but what about all the times in history of men having Mistresses,love children, double life... we took it and would stay the majority of the time. Idk why your going on a female hate speech. The shit swings both ways. They are life choices we take and either learn from sooner or later when we’re on our death bed regretting as we slip off. I really don’t want to sound sexist but MEN have been doing it it’s just that now most women aren’t taking it quietly anymore. In the end we fuck each other up (lol figuratively and physically)
Alexandru Gheorghe Right and an adult can have an adult body and development, but act like a 12 year old boy or girl. So yea, unhealed trauma is usually the case.
The narcissist is the most immature of all. A dried up flower that doesn't grow - unable to be reached, wrapped up in a blanket of pseudo 'enlightenment'. They decieve themselves with their immature construct of self-awareness, unaware of the shallowness of it. It only serves to hide from their darkness & trauma, and avoid having to confront it.
@Matt Ludwig Those are manifestations we generally associate with narcicists, which we can observe. Underlying their behaviour is someone with an incredibly emotionally shallow experience, hiding a deep darkness within that is unresolved and they hide from: a basis of their self loathing. They lack empathy, though may be masters of reading emotions for their own gain - including emotional abuse of others. The narcicist hides their true self from themselves, their unstable identity, and creates a reality to keep that darkness at bay at all costs; a false reality very unlike like ours - far removed from reasonable objectivity. If you should show them up, not give in or call them out, their response is RAGE! An unforgiving infantile anger, like a little child having a tantrum, only far worse and with means of an adult to exact themselves with. The narcicist I experienced was emotionally infantile at best, wholly unaware of self and committed to a story of their own fiction because of their incredible fragile emotional immaturity. Sadly, it's often rooted in childhood trauma and may never be resolved when they may deny any need to, unaware, trapping them. There is also insuffient support for those rare special ones who seek help, sadly.
@@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307 Long is better than never, and wanting to change is surely huge achievement in itself, because without it 'long' would be more certainly 'never'. 👍👍 It means you can. ❤❤
It's also true that narcissism is a commonly misunderstood conception, often mixed up with a lot of different conditions and smaller problems, and misusing this label when not knowing better can cause a lot of damage for the person targeted, problems in workplaces, social circles etc. This is actually a tactic one narcissist used against me, to turn people against me for their own gain. There are several types of narcissists, but they all lack the responsibility for their actions part, hence immaturity. The fact is that our society often rewards bad behaviour which is why narcissists gain power, causing more confusion and troubles for all. Everyone should learn about this huge problem - preferably from somewhere more legit than a TH-cam comment section. Knowing and owning up to our own weaknesses is the best way to go, the only way to grow as a person (the point of this video exactly).
this made me cry because while i was listening to the person’s voice i realised that i’ve forever needed somebody to explain things to me so calmly and politely.
For me, the most important in early life was that my father gave me uninterrupted attention. He would listen, explain, and discuss. Unfortunately, he died when I was 7. But I'm worried about kids today with their parents always on the smartphone. They may be physically present but are absent-minded, following the latest news or gossip. I also wonder what taking in all this nonsense does to those parents' brains.
i am in my early twenties but whenever i learn some interesting information i go to my dad and tell him like i did in my childhood .and he listens to me carefully . and then tells his opinion about that . with him i feel listened and understood.
Excellet observation and sadly very viable reason for concern. The many harmful effects of modern tech in our "constantly connected" world on everyone, but most especially on children, becomes more evident and pervasive each passing year.
Wow, this touches me. I’m glad I’ve had the courage to fight my inner demons and have difficult conversations with loved ones, but because now I’m out the other end I’ve never felt lighter! A positive mindset and the right support group goes a long way in helping bring someone from the brink, back into the light :)
I love how this video starts with how we probably perceived it - about others - and gradually turns it inward so you start thinking of the inner work YOU need to do 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Very often, if you run from your pain, you often end up alone and struggling with it. But there are people out there who would help you share the burden, if you would let them.
I wanna cry this perfectly explains me and I really want to change because I’m so tired of being unhappy and drained out with all these thoughts my bf recently called me immature because I don’t know how to talk about my feelings with him anymore since I lost the trust there and I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed I know it’s time to move on and work on myself
Good luck darling. I really to relate to what you said. Plus you need to find the right people to be able to express. Even for me, I'm very expressive and always on edge when I'm with some of my friends. And when I'm with my parents I just never got to be myself and I haven't laughed for a good minute since the pandemic. I'm always very quiet and repressed. I feel colder and colder day by day. But I still hold on to the hope of getting back with my friends because when I'm with them I just have a chance to explode and laugh and share something effortlessly through humour or sincerity
No-one comes into life knowing how to do what they need to do. That's why we need parents, and learn how to do these things in a safe environment. Not everyone gets that, and has to learn that stuff without the assistance. Learn how to manage your emotions is a skill that can be learned. I think you bf is being unfair because as this film shows we're all immature in one way or another. That's how we are. Perhaps he's uncertain or anxious and is projecting that on you. Don't take this personally. What he says may be more about him than you. If you are unhappy and feeling drained, and demands are being made on you that you can't cope with, you have to say 'No' to them. Ask for the space to recuperate and rest so you can find out what exactly you do need. Right now you need compassion and kindness right now. It is an anxious time for everyone, because nobody is certain what is going to happen, and we might need to just focus on taking care of each other right now. Whatever happens you need to find the mental space to take deal with what ails you. Start by looking after yourself as best as you can. Get enough sleep, eat the right food, and try and get into the fresh air once a day and take a walk in a safe environment. Follow the guidelines for staying safe for Coronavirus.
1. For friends with low self esteem like myself, I would like to share a couple of lines from one of the most heart warming poems I know. It is called "Love": "Love means to learn to look at yourself The way one looks at distant things For you are only one thing among many. And whoever sees that way heals his heart, Without knowing it, from various ills. A bird and a tree say to him: Friend. Czesław Milosz Our trust issues begin with ourselves... I remember Anne Lammot saying that she felt like her mind was "a dangerous neighbourhood that she didn't want to go alone." But if we take the advice from the poem above, in our dark moments, we could watch our minds from a distance: with compassion and curiosity. Just like a bad movie you 'll have to watch because it was made by a friend you love: " yourself" in this case. And as we know even in the worst movie, there is always something "interesting" to be found! What keeps us from trusting others is the feeling of being isolated, cut off and disconnected. That's why there is also a lot of comfort in seeing yourself as " one thing among many" too. In order to confirm this, it is enough to listen to a beautiful song, reading a poem that speaks to our heart or watching a movie where we find ourselves in one character. This is what art is for! James Baldwin describes it so beautifully: “You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive.” 2. Despite being obsessed with the idea of " brotherhood", I find it very hard to trust people too. But here are a couple of resources that I have found very helpful: - The book " Talking to strangers" by Malcolm Gladwell is truly eye opening and full of valuable insights. - Also, I am deeply impressed by the amount of trust Malcolm has in strangers! There is a brilliant episode of his podcast "Revisionist History" called " Hamlet was wrong", where he talks about his hiring process. It makes a profound point, but it is very funny too! - There is a wonderful podcast called " The Happiness Lab" , made by the most beloved psychology professor at Yale University, Laurie Santos.In one episode they talk about the value of talking to strangers. Turns out that most people don't want to do it, and think it would be awkward. But when they do, they feel much more serene and connected afterwards. Talking to strangers makes us feel more " at home" in this world. The episode is called:" Mistakenly Seeking Solitude". The title is a bit misleading, because they don't deny the value of solitude. But they rather encourage us to be more open and brave and to talk to people, so that we can see how much we have in common with any random stranger indeed. Thank you for this very valuable lesson!
Wow this is incredibly helpful. I have C-PTSD and have lived both sides of maturity. I completed these steps in recovery as my partner and I moved away from the places my traumas happened. Since then, I published a book about my experiences. That helped me process and accept my horrific past. Therapy continues to help me cope and has offered a proper guide to help me face everyday struggles. I may always long for love and guidance to have come from a family member but that's simply not the case for me. At the end of the day I would rather acknowledge my pain then go back to the suppressed trauma/ dark cave I used to live in. Its been years of hard work but it's worth it. Nobody else in my family got away and well...this video makes some sense of that. They haven't made it past understanding the past. I'm not saying I'm better than anyone. I just feel peace knowing that I did (and am doing) the best I can.
"We need to understand the past. This is less obvious than it can sound; it takes a great deal of courage to explore at the necessary level of detail, what really happened to us and why. The mind's temptation is to flee such uncomfortable material for easier subjects. But real recovery requires a proper engagement with the humiliations and agonies of yesteryear."
In the end, most of our judgement are us, projecting what we do not like on others. When we do not like immaturity, we tend to criticize it in others. We probably wouldn't even notice it otherwise
I believe that the reason why we are the way we are is due to past experiences; childhood especially. And as someone who went through a difficult one, I believe a bit of compassion, a little love and patient for yourself and others helps a lot.
It is difficult to blame our parents for it . They did it with good intention i.e. to make us better and stronger . We sadly ended up weaker and stranger
@@pikazzor4186: If you've seen the real world, then you've developed the skills to be discerning, and therefore know better who to trust and who not to trust. And to also know that the very act of trusting requires risk.
I learned to value myself after a man who "loved" and "valued" me and abused me. 😒 He showed me a lot of love and attention, but he abused my pure feelings for him, forced me to do what i didn't want to, limited me making me fear that I will lose him. It was the first time ever that I thought I was really beautiful and I loved myself, I didn't want to lose him because his love was so comforting, in this cruel world, and I accepted being tortured, just for some love. And after I left him, I started having trust issues as he has absued my trust too.
This video described me so well and why I'm so immature, that I got a little worried. I already expected to have some things like the video would describe, but it was so precise that I was honestly shocked.
I'm so lost for words all that can come out of my mouth is, "Wow." I've watched countless videos from School of Life and their videos seem to only get better and better as time continues. Thank you from the bottom of all of your viewers hearts, what an amazing job all of you are doing!!♡ ❤ ❣♡ ❤ ❣
I think its a lot more complicated than this. Often times an early struggle can make you stronger, or weaker depending upon circumstances. And there are trustworthy and untrustworthy people, which we need to be able to identify. And often people with high self esteem have serious issues. More often people who have struggled have more insight than those who haven't. I think this video presents a very hand waving analysis.
This one hit home!!! I grow up with daily humiliation from my mother and brother. Father who I depends on never home . All my life experiences humiliations from others. I am afraid I am deeply flawed. Sometimes I think world is place to eat you up. Spitting you out . I tried really hard to have good experiences with others. But always felt judged and outcast. I don’t know what I can do to make changes. This video helps !!!!
Immaturity- inability or choice not to consider alternative perspectives, to empathize with others and see oneself subjectively so we can consider oneself and ones needs as no more or less important than anyone else’s.
Thank you so much for this and thank you to the whole School of Life Team for all you do 👏👏👏👏 💚💚💚💚 Love from a healthcare worker in a children’s hospital trying to keep it together
That supportive voice from childhood seems to have the most meaning when it comes from someone you look up to. I find myself constantly trying to verify if other people really appreciate something about me or are just being modest, mostly cause I never really got that affirmation from those I looked up to... It truly is a tax as accurately described. Thank you for your channel! Hopefully I can begin to pay off this debt and see wonderful returns.
Hi there, I strongly agree that anything which has happened in the past especially during childhood has constructed one into what one is today, and unfortunately, we can't go back and take our pictures and tell ourselves to be the best version as these days and teachings would define our entire life ahead of us and this kills. So could you help a little with courses, lessons, philosophies, ideas, and suggestions as to how could we rebuild ourselves being in our early 20s or mid or late. Especially for people who are a little beaten up mentally, who's bruises are only meant to be seen by themselves and they are the ones who could heal or at least beautify those scars as not be scared of them and come out of rough shells as pretty smart flies for the remaining years. I truly appreciate the hard work and compassion and choice of subjects you all pick to work on, thank you so much. Hope to see a great deal of help❤️
i watched this video now, and by the time i watch more times and understand it. it feels like all my mental ill will vanish. and i can help ppl around me as well. thank you School of Life.
Introspection is the greatest quality a human can own. Because from this one quality comes the understanding of the importance of all other positive qualities.
Funny I felt that way 45 years ago when I was 8. I never did have children and was just married when I was 50. Worst mistake of my life. We all need to find happiness inside of ourselves before we can share a life with someone else.
In my opinion, that doesn’t change much about happiness. For me sometimes it makes me feel small and worthless. I have some good days some really bad. It’s like a problem I can’t see and sometimes distracts me from the great things I am fortunate to have in my life.
In a scientific point of view we're indeed insignificant since we're alone in this vast universe but when it comes to religion I think it's good to think that we're the sons and daughters of the creator of this universe at least in Christianity
Trusting too much, not trusting at all, loving yourself too much or not liking yourself at all are what lead to immaturity. I understand immaturity as being unrealistic. It's not knowing yourself, other people and life enough with unrealistic expectations. You became more mature by being closer to being realistic (neither very optimistic or very pessimistic)
Thanks to that person who has somehow helped me to e less suspicious of myself. Straight up told me the issues I have when I thought I was far from having them. Although the person got tired and ran out of patience cos of immaturity, I value the lessons the person has brought to my life. Thanks, D!
He's referring to people with near debilitating amounts. Its whats caused dismissive avoidant in some circles, their symptoms are much worst than most peoples to the point they can't keep a relationship because their symptoms sabotage normal communication.
While that's true about some [people, expecting everyone to be untrustworthy would be bigoted against humans in general. Yes, people can be bigoted against their own "kind." A person can be bigoted towards their own race (the human race for instance), or bigoted towards their own gender etc.
@@BlaqueCzar - I agree with you. DAs are an interest of mine, as a former therapist who never learned about them in school. I know one who never kept any relationships in his life until age 38, when he married. He's stayed married for 31 yrs. and I would love to know how he's managed that, and how his wife can put up with it. There does not seem to be much research on attachment types yet.
I don't think you can find a person who had a perfect childhood. We were raised by imperfect people, and if we were lucky, despite their imperfection, they did their best to raise us. We all have baggage, and at some point in our lives, we're going to feel the weight of that baggage. When we look inside and see that baggage, we'll see past fears and hurts and will want to slam the lid shut on it. But it's when we look carefully at these fears and hurts that we realize we aren't the same person as we were when we experienced those negative incidents. So, it's OK to let those things go and feel that we have become more than the traumas.
High self worth comes from ACHIEVEMENT and immaturity prevents achievement. Your ‘reason’ for it is a symptom. Strong people often had poor parents BUT had another relative or teacher who did.
Introspection should be mandatorily taught in schools. The vast majority of problems arise from people not looking inwards and questioning their points of view and actions.
Immaturity is too nice a word. Let's call it what it is: narcissism. And let's treat it as an illness, not an unfortunate condition. But I do appreciate the video and your effort.
Far too many people abuse the idea of this word, "immature." One is said to be immature because one does not agree with those who might seem to have authority on that subject. Some say "mature" people become conservative, for example. I see that conservative, older people are people who have never held to better principles and values, who lost their courage to do the better thing.
I'm sorry you are falling into the same trap because the irony is that we are all immature in many ways. No-one is perfect. No-one. Have a look into Transactional Analysis which draws on Freud's model of the Psyche, and explains how Maturity is a transactional process, where the quality of our interaction with the world we are in is determined in part by our history and environment. And as the world has become more complex, maturity is even more difficult to achieve. The lives we are leading today are heavily influenced by factors that depend on our immaturity. Indeed, our modern societies depend on it and function accordingly. So, I would caution you not lose your compassion - for yourself, and your fellow human beings because we are all suffering from the same disease. Why? Because we all have fears, wants and needs that we barely understand, or even recognise and a lot of what we do is solely about them. The urge to blame, engage in othering and scapegoating is instinctive fear dressed up with faulty logic where we project and oversimplify our interpretation to feel better. Do not follow your feelings, observe them knowing they are reactions, then engage your intellect to devise a strategy to cope with the world. Know this: Liberals and Conservative are labels for people who want the same things but just disagree on how to get it. And why they can't get it is because they have given away their power. The people with the real power and influence are using various binary divisions to keep people off balance and divided. We need not to buy into that. We need to find our common ground and protect that, because the only binary that is relevant is that of the Powerful and the Powerless. Keeping that common ground allows us to step back, and look at our immediate circumstances and start uniting and building new connections there. Check out Beau of the Fifth Column's TH-cam channel for ideas. Ideas break down barriers more than labels.
@@BigHenFor I minored in Psychology. Citing authorities beyond your own supposed authority is not a sign of maturity. It is a sign. of struggle. No one is mature as he or she might be. What will always be resentable, though, is the assumption of maturity from those who have few answers.
Ageism is essentially the same thing as racism, nationalism or any other form of bigotry. Sure it's true that as some (or even most if that's factually true) get older, they tend to cling to more fear, and thus become more conservative. But this is not even close to always true, only a tendency. Therefore it is bigoted when used as a generalization. You said yourself they were conservative to begin with.
Immaturity is simply a person's psychological age is lower than their chronological age. A person could be in their 40s but still act like they're 17 years old, usually due to arrested development (emotional intelligence was stunted) and narcissism.
I like how you aded the last part where you suggest ways of being more mature and allowing ourselves to be loved by others. In the past you would mostly analyse but not give a solution, so thanks for that.
Thanx for all ur efforts into making better sense of inner workings of our fragile yet complex minds . I am trying to understand victimhood and cynicalism better for my loved ones .. both of them end up manifesting alot of physical illnesses due to this. I'd really appreciate someone professional to draw light upon victim mindsets and what can help them through this chalk drawn box of helplessness self pity cage !
Superb video. I have a brother who lived with our schizophrenic brother for decades. Throughout those years he has turned into an alcoholic. The alcohol numbs his pain. Our schizophrenic brother died a few years ago. My brother continues drinking. It's sad that he doesn't take an interest in understanding his past. He doesn't have the courage. Yet facing the agonies of a difficult life and understanding them can be his redemption, his preservation, and his peace. His answer is to always flee the uncomfortable material of his life.…
And the long journey begins. Keep in mind the suggestions of the video. The slow process to loving self, finding your worth and your path while finding folks that can love you and assist you. Good Luck!
When it comes to "immature people" and psychological damage in childhood,most of it can be explained by Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The trouble is, a person, even if they are a good psychotherapist,can only understand NPD and narcissistic abuse if they experienced it themselves. If they didn't,they might do more damage to the victim than help. Though I think hearing a lot of stories of patients or knowing someone intimately who is/was a victim of a person with NPD might help really understanding that pathology even if one was never a victim themselves. But the video is right on point about the consequences of a childhood with emotional abuse of an immature and/or NPD parent-low self esteem and being attracted to people who dont treat you well etc. It would be good to hear some suggestions on how to fix that once we are aware of it.
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Hi I want to reserve this comment for future just in case if I ever want to edit it to reply someone based on debates here.........
Needed this today. Thank you.
”connect with fellow sufferers” that's not a good advise
@@browneyesjesus Why not?
Please don't ever replace Alain's voice-over!!!! We couldn't possibly listen to someone else
Low self worth tends to be the common ground for most personality problems
I’m at such a weird point where I feel broken and unfixable and it’s constant negative self thoughts but when I try positively reinforce myself I feel like it’s narcissism so I squash it.
@@pHeyoooo you are not a narcissist when you think you are a narcissist.
Israel Nathan ya narcissists never once think they could be a narcissist.
Hv u ever had low self worth Reyna?
@@pHeyoooo It can be a mix of " impostor syndrom" and the opposite effect of the " dunning kruger effect"+ trauma from childhood. And as pointed out here, if you feel it is narcissism then it probably aint, they lack the abillity to self refreflect
We may immediately think of a few people in our lives that we think are immature, but we sometimes fail to see that we also show some immature characteristics at certain times. Seeing yourself honestly is sometimes the hardest part.
Understanding that one is human themselves and to accept that is a very difficult task not many people our age can do
Its in our nature, its not bad to succumb to them sometimes, its a our way of letting go a bit😊
Always.
Nope, I'm well aware of my immature behaviors and will readily admit to them. I also don't begrudge others who point out my own immature behaviors. I am not perfect nor am I beyond reproached. I welcome constructive criticism, as it helps me become a better human. I don't want to hold onto mal-adaptive or self-destructive behaviors.
I could never grasp the how immaturity and maturity contrast each other ,what matters to mevat the end of the day is that we should all coexist.
People who are immature is like a quote of Plato: "we can easily forgive a child afraid of dark but when an adult is afraid of light is detrimental to our society”.
Oh!! I am such a stupid guy, I even have to google detrimental to know what is the meaning. My English is so bad AF can anyone please teach me some basics of it in the comment section. 😢 I feel ashamed of myself 😢 I am learning it but not seeing any improvements in my english.
@@mountyania9321 Based on your comment , your english doesn't sound too bad man..
@@mountyania9321 if it’s just vocabulary, just write down any words you come across that you’re not familiar with and look up the meaning, then try to commit to memory. Reading widely is the best way to improve vocabulary.
never heard that before! brilliant quotation
Never more appropriate than now
The surrounding environment play a lot in a person's maturity.
If you mean the early environment, yes. If you mean the environment of an adult, I would say that's not taking very much responsibility for yourself.
The internal environment play a lot in a person's maturity.
@@jackdawcaw4514 i agree with you. But to a certain extent it still affects an adult i believe that maturity is not static.. Its a dynamic concept which changes every day.
Exacty. When you are raised or forever surrounded immature selfish ppl it is easy to fall back on things. When if you disagree they ice you out. So hard to not be passive agressive as the punish direct open honest communication.
Thank you. Thank you thank you. For achnolaging if someone loves you first it makes loving yourself much much easier. I was always so dismissed in primary school and high school when i explained why i was sad.
I hope, as a parent, I find the right balance of providing enough encouragement and trust in my little ones without being too dominant a part of their self confidence development.
This is what i find the hardest part of parenthood. And that is precisely why I am going to be child-free. I don't know if I'd change my mind once I get married. But parenting is too much work for someone who's struggling to know about himself.
@@mynameiskhan47 my father admitted this morning how making sure your children grow up to be decent adults is one of the hardest things he's ever done. I feel for him but I also think he hasn't sorted out things about himself in the first place and I fear he's wasting his life just to hold on his responsibility as a father, he's a human first I hope he can find himself again.
plus I think he's adding unnecessary stress because he's trying to make ends meet but doesn't know how to connect with others including us, he needs to work on that first.
I love him regardless though :3
@@mynameiskhan47 low self worth mentalit. It’s tough, but you can do it it’s part of our life we have to grownup
you will do great! seeing parents actively seeking out knowledge about parenting/trying to be better gives me so much happiness
@@mynameiskhan47 yes parents play a big role in our development but there are also other things as well such as society which is the worst one, also school, friends, teachers, something could even happen to you up the street that could impact you for the rest of your life or you could even see something on tv. What im trying to say is its not completely our parents fault that we become who we are today but rather the entire world and so i think we shouldn’t put to much pressure or blame on our parents because they were only one influence out of 1000. Even if someone was the best version of themselves (if thats what you’d call it) and had children, it would still be unlikely that child would grow up perfect because of all the other influences in the world.
It’s unfortunate that we have no control over the experiences in our childhood, but yet it shapes us forever.
😢😢😢
We can control how we respond to it
@@kdpwtNot all of it.
maybe that's a lesson to be learnt. if we cant control our childhood we should make sure the next gen doesnt get treated the same way!
Human beings are so complicated and messed up that in order to hide one's own insecurities we make others feel insecure about themselves. I hope it changes someday.
_"messed up"_ Or maybe we're just right and we unconsciously set up the conditions to learn certain things that we otherwise could not learn. .
it will never completely change. at least not unless every parent on the face of the earth is 100% the ideal, perfect parent towards their child, enabling them to develop secure attachments that prevent future immaturity. this is impossible, considering perfection in behavior is unattainable. i'm not saying this to be negative and cynical, just to point out that humans are flawed, biologically - we are heavily dependent on our primary caregivers - imperfect creatures themselves - for our sense of self-worth. perhaps, though, with resources (like TSOL!) being so much more freely available these days, some people can learn more about themselves and change!
@Martha Speaks That's not a good thing with you only hang out with one other person, who you don't even like. Better off alone
@Martha Speaks So childhood spent with Stalin, Hitler, Mao, HW and Gengis Khan is not a good idea....? Well, too late now. I'm determined to either slaughter, enslave or dictate to all humans on earth. Or maybe people can change and behave according to principles not espoused by any other 5 people in their lives.
@@aylbdrmadison1051 how are we “right”?
How to be less immature:
1. Understand the past. (What happened in your childhood that caused the immature behaviors?).
2. Share your wounds. (Talk about these behaviors and causes with others going through similar hardships).
3. Build reparative relationships. (Surround yourself with people that encourage your healthy behaviors and not the other way around).
Lol where can i find reparative relationships???
Im immature and very happy about it. Maturity looks a lot like hopeless boredom.
@@kurtlamprecht93 Ill likely never be content, I agree. My mind is too flighty and this world too limited.
Thanks man 👍🏻
@@priyankanarayan3774I guess one starts by understanding one's so called 'self' better, know what's healthy for it, and, doing the hard work as mentioned in the video after 05:30. Basically, it'll be surrounding oneself with people that contribute to what's healthy for oneself, and avoiding the ones who don't. The question of where to find them would be easy once we know what's healthy for us. School of Life has many videos on YT, and also books on relationships and such other topics.
Low self worth.... the wound of humiliation in childhood, been there, and still fighting against it.. thank you very much for this video!
You, me, and many others! :(
I love the metaphor that the effects of a less-than-nurturing childhood are a tax that we'll have to pay through life. Very good. Not insurmountable, but always there.
Unfortunately, that's very true.
Person: has a problem
School of Life: Childhood.
Psychology says it
Oh but it is, this channel might as well be a Good Parenting channel for would-be parents.....
@@agstinacueva1673 No, most psychology now accepts it is erroneous thinking. Reliving childhood does little good to managing the present.
Yes, it's unfortunate how often they haul out this old chestnut. CBT is vastly more effective.
psychoanalysis has a deep root in psychology u cannot ignore, I can certainly feel my past experience that shapes my ill developed emotional response to social situation. the video makes a good point about looking at the wound properly. Being mindful of the suffering actually relieves it. I firmly and calmly disagree with your arguement that Reliving childhood does little good to managing the present.
the most immature people think that they're really mature. They're very good at judging others and pulling them down, but almost incapable of seeing faults in themselves. They're in denial of their own weaknesses, and are not willing to admit that they're human and less than perfect just like everyone else.
why you gotta talk about my Mom like that?
Wait.. That sounds like my ex sup
I use to tell my ex that I knew he was acting like an ass just to make himself feel better and make me feel bad but it wasnt working.😲
I imagine two people saying the such thing against each other. Dog eat dog.
"Accuse your opponent of what you yourself are guilty of"
Maturity comes with problems dealing with problems. U become wise with every experience. That's a choice. To face the problem or ignore. Immature people are those who don't face their problems or fears
And of the parent instils that the child is helpless and assumes responsibility to solve their problems, rather than support them solving their own problems? …
The child does not have the awareness to see all that. Neither does a young ‘adult child..’ it takes years of not knowing what’s normal.
Facing fears is both a choice and a skill. People who have had this skill modelled for them are more likely to make the choice to face problems and fears and are more capable of moving thru them rather than destroying themselves by attempting to escape from lifes challenges.
each sentence felt like a slap. im hypercompetitive, i feel insecure everytime someone is better than me in literally anything XD
coupled with overthinking and no action being taken, I'm in shambles.
i made big progress towards maturity through your video.
1. i have to take action and not overthink
2. i have to accept myself the way i am and not get needlessly competitve/jealous
I totally understand why most school of life contents, has something to do with your childhood, now as an adult all the trauma I had experienced from my childhood still haunting me in tears every night without even thinking it. I'm still in the emotional process of accepting the past and living my best life today.
I have been doing inventories of my for sometime now and has helped me a lot. But it Is recommended to fo it on paper and then read your inventory to a person you can trust ( trust issues?) Then you can read to a person who has done this same thing.
"We can build connections with fellow sufferers."
I don’t think trauma bonding is a good thing to do
@@liinliin7128
It doesn't necessarily mean being in the trauma bond.
It's an idea to put in mind so we can learn to trust others as it represents one of the reasons one is immature according to the video. It's easier, and the temptation of our mind is to take the easy way.
@Grey Bear Yes. Chances of healing up are probably low when they are both sick.
@Mossad, Israel did 9-11 who?
@Mossad, Israel did 9-11 maybe, but not everyone can get manipulated that easily, and I don't get the goal behind this act.
When that immature person is your parent 💀
I can relate uh.
I have immature parents
my parents are toddlers
In the end we are all human. Everyone has experienced their own path to maturity or where they are right now. It would be ignorant to call your parents immature. If they didn't make it, make sure you do.
@@Tobertus you‘te right, i guess
Yes, a stable, non-traumatic childhood is so important for ensuring a happy, fulfilled life. The rest of us have to struggle for a sense of normalcy every single day.
That makes me kind of sad that for the rest of my life I’ll struggle with that
@@rah-misecraig322 me too
the irony is that their brain shrinks proportionally to apparently fulfilled and happier they are, also shallower. less they know more successful they become. Seems to me that more emotionally unpleasent the childhood is more activates the epigenes of intelligence, the need for a deeper understand. those who are not in doubt, not confused, not lonely are definitely not understanding anything about life. they think they have some worth when actually they a waste of organic matter. life is a double blind. you can choose: 1. Be a complete idiot and do not struggle much throughout it. or 2. Idiot be not, but struggle through your entire life (mainly by having to tolerate people and relationships .
Immaturity (as an adult) I feel is trauma that was never fully address.
perfectly said
I have dealt with this predicament in my younger years,its a terrible situation
@@pratikroutray3707 same but after so much shit and depression/meds...birth control. I simply got tired and sat down with my self to see everything as an outside person looking in. It helped me reflect and view things easier.
@@HarryF-tz5fo .....mmm I see you zooming in but what about all the times in history of men having Mistresses,love children, double life... we took it and would stay the majority of the time. Idk why your going on a female hate speech. The shit swings both ways. They are life choices we take and either learn from sooner or later when we’re on our death bed regretting as we slip off. I really don’t want to sound sexist but MEN have been doing it it’s just that now most women aren’t taking it quietly anymore. In the end we fuck each other up (lol figuratively and physically)
Alexandru Gheorghe Right and an adult can have an adult body and development, but act like a 12 year old boy or girl. So yea, unhealed trauma is usually the case.
Immaturity: Our inability to bridge individuality with togetherness.
I love your channel. Great seeing you here (:
@@lifeisgood5619 :))
Who looking for some privacy..will looks like you meant.. but for secure who care...
The narcissist is the most immature of all. A dried up flower that doesn't grow - unable to be reached, wrapped up in a blanket of pseudo 'enlightenment'. They decieve themselves with their immature construct of self-awareness, unaware of the shallowness of it. It only serves to hide from their darkness & trauma, and avoid having to confront it.
I wish i could restart my entire life. A gun can't do it. Theripy takes too long. Fuck this world.
@@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307 Do you want to talk about it? :(
@Matt Ludwig Those are manifestations we generally associate with narcicists, which we can observe. Underlying their behaviour is someone with an incredibly emotionally shallow experience, hiding a deep darkness within that is unresolved and they hide from: a basis of their self loathing. They lack empathy, though may be masters of reading emotions for their own gain - including emotional abuse of others. The narcicist hides their true self from themselves, their unstable identity, and creates a reality to keep that darkness at bay at all costs; a false reality very unlike like ours - far removed from reasonable objectivity. If you should show them up, not give in or call them out, their response is RAGE! An unforgiving infantile anger, like a little child having a tantrum, only far worse and with means of an adult to exact themselves with. The narcicist I experienced was emotionally infantile at best, wholly unaware of self and committed to a story of their own fiction because of their incredible fragile emotional immaturity. Sadly, it's often rooted in childhood trauma and may never be resolved when they may deny any need to, unaware, trapping them. There is also insuffient support for those rare special ones who seek help, sadly.
@@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307 Long is better than never, and wanting to change is surely huge achievement in itself, because without it 'long' would be more certainly 'never'. 👍👍 It means you can. ❤❤
It's also true that narcissism is a commonly misunderstood conception, often mixed up with a lot of different conditions and smaller problems, and misusing this label when not knowing better can cause a lot of damage for the person targeted, problems in workplaces, social circles etc. This is actually a tactic one narcissist used against me, to turn people against me for their own gain. There are several types of narcissists, but they all lack the responsibility for their actions part, hence immaturity. The fact is that our society often rewards bad behaviour which is why narcissists gain power, causing more confusion and troubles for all. Everyone should learn about this huge problem - preferably from somewhere more legit than a TH-cam comment section. Knowing and owning up to our own weaknesses is the best way to go, the only way to grow as a person (the point of this video exactly).
My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up.
Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore.
Hahaha
I envy u. U have a tree house
Lol.
Maybe try to understand where she's coming from. And if her words hurt tou then do communicate it :)
Your wife?
Then again, many people seem to over value themselves to an extraordinary degree.
not you though, just other people
@@gundabalf lol
Narcissism is often so ironic and paradoxically transparent.
I wonder how many percent of people are actually mature, balanced, self-worthy people?
1%
It is very unlikely to be the majority, I can tell you that.
Subjective lol
Changes from day to day. I would say 70 percent of the time I feel like that. Some times I do not.
Relative to whom?
"True maturity is knowing when to be mature and when to be immature."-Randall Hall
this made me cry because while i was listening to the person’s voice i realised that i’ve forever needed somebody to explain things to me so calmly and politely.
Therapists do this all the time, if you find the right one. It can help re-map your internal neural networks in a positive fashion :)
Love this idea! Difficult to value ourselves until someone values us. Very helpful.
I love the silent bit at the end with some links on screen, without someone talking over it :3
Agreed, after the beautiful melodious voice to the high child like voice was always jarring to me.
For me, the most important in early life was that my father gave me uninterrupted attention. He would listen, explain, and discuss. Unfortunately, he died when I was 7. But I'm worried about kids today with their parents always on the smartphone. They may be physically present but are absent-minded, following the latest news or gossip. I also wonder what taking in all this nonsense does to those parents' brains.
i am in my early twenties but whenever i learn some interesting information i go to my dad and tell him like i did in my childhood .and he listens to me carefully . and then tells his opinion about that . with him i feel listened and understood.
I wonder the same
Excellet observation and sadly very viable reason for concern. The many harmful effects of modern tech in our "constantly connected" world on everyone, but most especially on children, becomes more evident and pervasive each passing year.
Wow, this touches me.
I’m glad I’ve had the courage to fight my inner demons and have difficult conversations with loved ones, but because now I’m out the other end I’ve never felt lighter!
A positive mindset and the right support group goes a long way in helping bring someone from the brink, back into the light :)
I love how this video starts with how we probably perceived it - about others - and gradually turns it inward so you start thinking of the inner work YOU need to do 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
good observation!
We need to ensure that we're not going to be alone with our pains
oof
Very often, if you run from your pain, you often end up alone and struggling with it. But there are people out there who would help you share the burden, if you would let them.
It is actually mind-blowing how many childish adults there are in the world.
I wanna cry this perfectly explains me and I really want to change because I’m so tired of being unhappy and drained out with all these thoughts my bf recently called me immature because I don’t know how to talk about my feelings with him anymore since I lost the trust there and I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed I know it’s time to move on and work on myself
Good luck darling. I really to relate to what you said. Plus you need to find the right people to be able to express. Even for me, I'm very expressive and always on edge when I'm with some of my friends. And when I'm with my parents I just never got to be myself and I haven't laughed for a good minute since the pandemic. I'm always very quiet and repressed. I feel colder and colder day by day. But I still hold on to the hope of getting back with my friends because when I'm with them I just have a chance to explode and laugh and share something effortlessly through humour or sincerity
No-one comes into life knowing how to do what they need to do. That's why we need parents, and learn how to do these things in a safe environment. Not everyone gets that, and has to learn that stuff without the assistance. Learn how to manage your emotions is a skill that can be learned. I think you bf is being unfair because as this film shows we're all immature in one way or another. That's how we are. Perhaps he's uncertain or anxious and is projecting that on you. Don't take this personally. What he says may be more about him than you. If you are unhappy and feeling drained, and demands are being made on you that you can't cope with, you have to say 'No' to them. Ask for the space to recuperate and rest so you can find out what exactly you do need. Right now you need compassion and kindness right now. It is an anxious time for everyone, because nobody is certain what is going to happen, and we might need to just focus on taking care of each other right now. Whatever happens you need to find the mental space to take deal with what ails you. Start by looking after yourself as best as you can. Get enough sleep, eat the right food, and try and get into the fresh air once a day and take a walk in a safe environment. Follow the guidelines for staying safe for Coronavirus.
They may have also been projecting their shortcomings onto you ... just a thought ..
Here for one of the most calming voice on youtube😊
1. For friends with low self esteem like myself, I would like to share a couple of lines from one of the most heart warming poems I know. It is called "Love":
"Love means to learn to look at yourself
The way one looks at distant things
For you are only one thing among many.
And whoever sees that way heals his heart,
Without knowing it, from various ills.
A bird and a tree say to him: Friend.
Czesław Milosz
Our trust issues begin with ourselves...
I remember Anne Lammot saying that she felt like her mind was "a dangerous neighbourhood that she didn't want to go alone."
But if we take the advice from the poem above, in our dark moments, we could watch our minds from a distance: with compassion and curiosity. Just like a bad movie you 'll have to watch because it was made by a friend you love: " yourself" in this case. And as we know even in the worst movie, there is always something "interesting" to be found!
What keeps us from trusting others is the feeling of being isolated, cut off and disconnected. That's why there is also a lot of comfort in seeing yourself as " one thing among many" too. In order to confirm this, it is enough to listen to a beautiful song, reading a poem that speaks to our heart or watching a movie where we find ourselves in one character. This is what art is for!
James Baldwin describes it so beautifully:
“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive.”
2. Despite being obsessed with the idea of " brotherhood", I find it very hard to trust people too. But here are a couple of resources that I have found very helpful:
- The book " Talking to strangers" by Malcolm Gladwell is truly eye opening and full of valuable insights.
- Also, I am deeply impressed by the amount of trust Malcolm has in strangers! There is a brilliant episode of his podcast "Revisionist History" called " Hamlet was wrong", where he talks about his hiring process. It makes a profound point, but it is very funny too!
- There is a wonderful podcast called " The Happiness Lab" , made by the most beloved psychology professor at Yale University, Laurie Santos.In one episode they talk about the value of talking to strangers. Turns out that most people don't want to do it, and think it would be awkward. But when they do, they feel much more serene and connected afterwards.
Talking to strangers makes us feel more " at home" in this world.
The episode is called:" Mistakenly Seeking Solitude".
The title is a bit misleading, because they don't deny the value of solitude. But they rather encourage us to be more open and brave and to talk to people, so that we can see how much we have in common with any random stranger indeed.
Thank you for this very valuable lesson!
Gracias
@@h3zper De nada! Muchas gracias por tu tiempo!😊
Reading your reply was very comforting. Thank you.
@@amezhamiHello there! I am very happy to hear that! Thanks a lot for your message! Much love to you and yours🥰
You are really helpful😊 thanks 🙂
Wow this is incredibly helpful. I have C-PTSD and have lived both sides of maturity. I completed these steps in recovery as my partner and I moved away from the places my traumas happened. Since then, I published a book about my experiences. That helped me process and accept my horrific past. Therapy continues to help me cope and has offered a proper guide to help me face everyday struggles. I may always long for love and guidance to have come from a family member but that's simply not the case for me. At the end of the day I would rather acknowledge my pain then go back to the suppressed trauma/ dark cave I used to live in. Its been years of hard work but it's worth it. Nobody else in my family got away and well...this video makes some sense of that. They haven't made it past understanding the past. I'm not saying I'm better than anyone. I just feel peace knowing that I did (and am doing) the best I can.
"We need to understand the past. This is less obvious than it can sound; it takes a great deal of courage to explore at the necessary level of detail, what really happened to us and why.
The mind's temptation is to flee such uncomfortable material for easier subjects. But real recovery requires a proper engagement with the humiliations and agonies of yesteryear."
In the end, most of our judgement are us, projecting what we do not like on others. When we do not like immaturity, we tend to criticize it in others. We probably wouldn't even notice it otherwise
So mature people really appreciate immaturity and don't criticize it? Me thinks that isn't quite true...
How can you not notice an adult behaving like a child?
I believe that the reason why we are the way we are is due to past experiences; childhood especially. And as someone who went through a difficult one, I believe a bit of compassion, a little love and patient for yourself and others helps a lot.
Excellent and so true. Working on ourselves and discovering our deepest fears is the hardest work a person will ever do.
school of life dropping videos when i need them most>>> talk about divine timing
This one I need most of the time. I should listen and re-listen it regularly!
It’s called synchronicity
...It feels like that on almost every Video.
It is difficult to blame our parents for it . They did it with good intention i.e. to make us better and stronger .
We sadly ended up weaker and stranger
Hahaha
You always have the right words for me to listen to.
1) Low self worth
2) Low trust in others
Isn't low trust actually a mature thing. Tells the person has seen the real world.
@@pikazzor4186 Yes but no, what's the point of living if you can not share with anyone, thus if you can not trust anyone
Check and Check, I scored a 100% on this test haha
@@pikazzor4186: If you've seen the real world, then you've developed the skills to be discerning, and therefore know better who to trust and who not to trust. And to also know that the very act of trusting requires risk.
@@robertdeskoski9783
Loved how in the end they made a collage of all the images used
I learned to value myself after a man who "loved" and "valued" me and abused me. 😒
He showed me a lot of love and attention, but he abused my pure feelings for him, forced me to do what i didn't want to, limited me making me fear that I will lose him.
It was the first time ever that I thought I was really beautiful and I loved myself, I didn't want to lose him because his love was so comforting, in this cruel world, and I accepted being tortured, just for some love. And after I left him, I started having trust issues as he has absued my trust too.
Respect isn't just given it's earned.
This is one of the biggest misunderstandings in history
Great video. Just now shared it with most of my folks. Need more videos like this. Loved the graphics and illustrations too. Couldn't thank more. 😊🤘
This video described me so well and why I'm so immature, that I got a little worried. I already expected to have some things like the video would describe, but it was so precise that I was honestly shocked.
I'm so lost for words all that can come out of my mouth is, "Wow."
I've watched countless videos from School of Life and their videos seem to only get better and better as time continues.
Thank you from the bottom of all of your viewers hearts, what an amazing job all of you are doing!!♡ ❤ ❣♡ ❤ ❣
I think its a lot more complicated than this. Often times an early struggle can make you stronger, or weaker depending upon circumstances. And there are trustworthy and untrustworthy people, which we need to be able to identify. And often people with high self esteem have serious issues. More often people who have struggled have more insight than those who haven't. I think this video presents a very hand waving analysis.
I think youtube needs this kind of channels much more than reaction or meme channels
Brilliant visuals!
Love the old-time script font!!
Well crafted message 👏 the art used in the video itself can communicate a lot with all of us.
Thanks!
This one hit home!!!
I grow up with daily humiliation from my mother and brother. Father who I depends on never home . All my life experiences humiliations from others. I am afraid I am deeply flawed. Sometimes I think world is place to eat you up. Spitting you out . I tried really hard to have good experiences with others. But always felt judged and outcast. I don’t know what I can do to make changes. This video helps !!!!
@Matt Ludwig thank you 💖
OMG 😭😭😭😭😭😭
I think this video changed my life.
Thank you so much for putting out in the world such an amazyng and important work.
Immaturity- inability or choice not to consider alternative perspectives, to empathize with others and see oneself subjectively so we can consider oneself and ones needs as no more or less important than anyone else’s.
This video should have million views. These are valuable lessons in life more than anything.
Thank you so much for this and thank you to the whole School of Life Team for all you do 👏👏👏👏 💚💚💚💚 Love from a healthcare worker in a children’s hospital trying to keep it together
That supportive voice from childhood seems to have the most meaning when it comes from someone you look up to. I find myself constantly trying to verify if other people really appreciate something about me or are just being modest, mostly cause I never really got that affirmation from those I looked up to... It truly is a tax as accurately described.
Thank you for your channel! Hopefully I can begin to pay off this debt and see wonderful returns.
Hi there, I strongly agree that anything which has happened in the past especially during childhood has constructed one into what one is today, and unfortunately, we can't go back and take our pictures and tell ourselves to be the best version as these days and teachings would define our entire life ahead of us and this kills. So could you help a little with courses, lessons, philosophies, ideas, and suggestions as to how could we rebuild ourselves being in our early 20s or mid or late. Especially for people who are a little beaten up mentally, who's bruises are only meant to be seen by themselves and they are the ones who could heal or at least beautify those scars as not be scared of them and come out of rough shells as pretty smart flies for the remaining years. I truly appreciate the hard work and compassion and choice of subjects you all pick to work on, thank you so much. Hope to see a great deal of help❤️
i watched this video now, and by the time i watch more times and understand it. it feels like all my mental ill will vanish. and i can help ppl around me as well. thank you School of Life.
So basically dismissive avoidant and anxious attachment theory.
And inconsistent attachment styles, which is all of the above
Anxious not as much, I'd say, unless you're on the more extreme end.
Introspection is the greatest quality a human can own. Because from this one quality comes the understanding of the importance of all other positive qualities.
School of Life videos sometimes are like cool, refreshing gentle winds that manage to get to you on a hot summer day.
Ohh! This channel knows me better than my parents, friends, siblings, and myself XD
The school of life spittin truth as always. Love you guys and have been with you since the early years.
We're all immature in some ways. And mature in others. My father calls me immature all the time, yet he calls me when he's in trouble.
*Your upbringing (Childhood) has a huge impact as well*
Yep. And people think spoiling their kids or treating them harshly is "good parenting"
well, that's literally the only reason.
I love your videos and their wide and deep contents! And they’re so creatively illustrated 👍😍. Thank you so much!
These videos make me not want to have children in the fear that they may be permanently scarred in the many ways that these videos describe
Ikr
Funny I felt that way 45 years ago when I was 8. I never did have children and was just married when I was 50. Worst mistake of my life. We all need to find happiness inside of ourselves before we can share a life with someone else.
We will be happy the day we realise that we are imperfect and insignificant in the solar system.
In my opinion, that doesn’t change much about happiness. For me sometimes it makes me feel small and worthless. I have some good days some really bad. It’s like a problem I can’t see and sometimes distracts me from the great things I am fortunate to have in my life.
Very Mature of You 😂
This nilhistic view of world doesn’t help, it may seem to on the surface, but it doesn’t in the long run. See Jordan Peterson’s comments about this
In a scientific point of view we're indeed insignificant since we're alone in this vast universe but when it comes to religion I think it's good to think that we're the sons and daughters of the creator of this universe at least in Christianity
Trusting too much, not trusting at all, loving yourself too much or not liking yourself at all are what lead to immaturity. I understand immaturity as being unrealistic. It's not knowing yourself, other people and life enough with unrealistic expectations. You became more mature by being closer to being realistic (neither very optimistic or very pessimistic)
the shallowness and superficiality of modern living is itself a kind of immaturity that reflects the aggregate....
Agreed
Thanks to that person who has somehow helped me to e less suspicious of myself. Straight up told me the issues I have when I thought I was far from having them. Although the person got tired and ran out of patience cos of immaturity, I value the lessons the person has brought to my life. Thanks, D!
I love this 💙❤️ Thank you so much! This helped to realized I have some valuable work to do to heal my wounds from childhood.
I like how at 2:15 you said “attack” while there’s a man inside the capital building, kinda reminds me of something 🤔🤔
Its one thing to be aware of your flaws and another to overcome them.
But a lot of people aren't trustworthy to degree and/or in certain respects
He's referring to people with near debilitating amounts. Its whats caused dismissive avoidant in some circles, their symptoms are much worst than most peoples to the point they can't keep a relationship because their symptoms sabotage normal communication.
While that's true about some [people, expecting everyone to be untrustworthy would be bigoted against humans in general. Yes, people can be bigoted against their own "kind." A person can be bigoted towards their own race (the human race for instance), or bigoted towards their own gender etc.
If that's your first gut reaction, it's an opportunity to look inward.
@@BlaqueCzar - I agree with you. DAs are an interest of mine, as a former therapist who never learned about them in school. I know one who never kept any relationships in his life until age 38, when he married. He's stayed married for 31 yrs. and I would love to know how he's managed that, and how his wife can put up with it. There does not seem to be much research on attachment types yet.
True but we must sense this and avoid them
I don't think you can find a person who had a perfect childhood. We were raised by imperfect people, and if we were lucky, despite their imperfection, they did their best to raise us. We all have baggage, and at some point in our lives, we're going to feel the weight of that baggage. When we look inside and see that baggage, we'll see past fears and hurts and will want to slam the lid shut on it. But it's when we look carefully at these fears and hurts that we realize we aren't the same person as we were when we experienced those negative incidents. So, it's OK to let those things go and feel that we have become more than the traumas.
High self worth comes from ACHIEVEMENT and immaturity prevents achievement. Your ‘reason’ for it is a symptom. Strong people often had poor parents BUT had another relative or teacher who did.
Introspection should be mandatorily taught in schools. The vast majority of problems arise from people not looking inwards and questioning their points of view and actions.
Immaturity is too nice a word. Let's call it what it is: narcissism. And let's treat it as an illness, not an unfortunate condition. But I do appreciate the video and your effort.
critisism in childhood and low importance given to you , which you not supposed to , deepen the trait of immaturity.
Far too many people abuse the idea of this word, "immature." One is said to be immature because one does not agree with those who might seem to have authority on that subject. Some say "mature" people become conservative, for example. I see that conservative, older people are people who have never held to better principles and values, who lost their courage to do the better thing.
I'm sorry you are falling into the same trap because the irony is that we are all immature in many ways. No-one is perfect. No-one. Have a look into Transactional Analysis which draws on Freud's model of the Psyche, and explains how Maturity is a transactional process, where the quality of our interaction with the world we are in is determined in part by our history and environment. And as the world has become more complex, maturity is even more difficult to achieve. The lives we are leading today are heavily influenced by factors that depend on our immaturity. Indeed, our modern societies depend on it and function accordingly. So, I would caution you not lose your compassion - for yourself, and your fellow human beings because we are all suffering from the same disease. Why? Because we all have fears, wants and needs that we barely understand, or even recognise and a lot of what we do is solely about them. The urge to blame, engage in othering and scapegoating is instinctive fear dressed up with faulty logic where we project and oversimplify our interpretation to feel better. Do not follow your feelings, observe them knowing they are reactions, then engage your intellect to devise a strategy to cope with the world. Know this: Liberals and Conservative are labels for people who want the same things but just disagree on how to get it. And why they can't get it is because they have given away their power. The people with the real power and influence are using various binary divisions to keep people off balance and divided. We need not to buy into that. We need to find our common ground and protect that, because the only binary that is relevant is that of the Powerful and the Powerless. Keeping that common ground allows us to step back, and look at our immediate circumstances and start uniting and building new connections there. Check out Beau of the Fifth Column's TH-cam channel for ideas. Ideas break down barriers more than labels.
@@BigHenFor I minored in Psychology. Citing authorities beyond your own supposed authority is not a sign of maturity. It is a sign. of struggle. No one is mature as he or she might be. What will always be resentable, though, is the assumption of maturity from those who have few answers.
@@aylbdrmadison1051 Who's bigoting? I stated some often observed facts.
Ageism is essentially the same thing as racism, nationalism or any other form of bigotry. Sure it's true that as some (or even most if that's factually true) get older, they tend to cling to more fear, and thus become more conservative. But this is not even close to always true, only a tendency. Therefore it is bigoted when used as a generalization. You said yourself they were conservative to begin with.
Immaturity is simply a person's psychological age is lower than their chronological age. A person could be in their 40s but still act like they're 17 years old, usually due to arrested development (emotional intelligence was stunted) and narcissism.
The visuals of this video are very well done👌
You are beautiful, and your parents loved you deeply ❤
Thanks now I'm crying 😭
I like how you aded the last part where you suggest ways of being more mature and allowing ourselves to be loved by others. In the past you would mostly analyse but not give a solution, so thanks for that.
Thanks for this great video!
Thanx for all ur efforts into making better sense of inner workings of our fragile yet complex minds .
I am trying to understand victimhood and cynicalism better for my loved ones .. both of them end up manifesting alot of physical illnesses due to this.
I'd really appreciate someone professional to draw light upon victim mindsets and what can help them through this chalk drawn box of helplessness self pity cage !
Superb video. I have a brother who lived with our schizophrenic brother for decades. Throughout those years he has turned into an alcoholic. The alcohol numbs his pain. Our schizophrenic brother died a few years ago. My brother continues drinking. It's sad that he doesn't take an interest in understanding his past. He doesn't have the courage. Yet facing the agonies of a difficult life and understanding them can be his redemption, his preservation, and his peace. His answer is to always flee the uncomfortable material of his life.…
1:50 into it and I'm 100% sure this is literally talking about me
wow, lots to work on
The animation is really captivating. It complements the narration.
This explains me very well. TOO WELL. I makes me feel sad
And the long journey begins. Keep in mind the suggestions of the video. The slow process to loving self, finding your worth and your path while finding folks that can love you and assist you. Good Luck!
When it comes to "immature people" and psychological damage in childhood,most of it can be explained by Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The trouble is, a person, even if they are a good psychotherapist,can only understand NPD and narcissistic abuse if they experienced it themselves. If they didn't,they might do more damage to the victim than help. Though I think hearing a lot of stories of patients or knowing someone intimately who is/was a victim of a person with NPD might help really understanding that pathology even if one was never a victim themselves. But the video is right on point about the consequences of a childhood with emotional abuse of an immature and/or NPD parent-low self esteem and being attracted to people who dont treat you well etc. It would be good to hear some suggestions on how to fix that once we are aware of it.
Astoundingly beautiful is the insight this video provides. Loved it!