Why You Don't Need to Be Exceptional
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ธ.ค. 2024
- Many of us walk the earth with a feeling that, in order to acceptable, we need to be something very special indeed. It could sound like ambition, but it's closer to neurosis - and a source of constant and unnecessary pain. Here are some tips to unwind the affliction.
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“It’s a rather simple question that quickly gets to the core of someone’s sense of well-being and legitimacy: did your childhood leave you feeling that you were - on balance - OK as you were? Or did you somewhere along the way derive an impression that you needed to be extraordinary in order to deserve a place on the earth? And, to raise an associated question: are you therefore now relaxed about your status in life? Or have you become either a manic overachiever or filled with shame at your so-called mediocrity?”
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This absolutely speaks to my experience. Growing up with a mother that struggled with depression, I always wanted to provide comfort and hope. My sibling failed out of high school so I pushed myself to get into the best programs and often bit off more than I could chew. Senior year I had a breakdown that led to me dropping out of the program I was in, but led me to where I am today, happily in college & on my own.
I just want to know one thing: How do you know all this ? Did you endure this in your childhood ?
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said“ Indeed the best of my friends is a believer of simple means, given to prayer, who has been excellent in the worship of his Lord and has obeyed him in secret, who was obscure among people and not famous, whose sustenance was barely sufficient, yet he bore this patiently.” The Prophet then rapped his hands and said, “ His death comes quickly, his mourners are few, and his inheritance is little.”
thank you so much for the video! I thought there was something wrong with me for not wanting to achieve the stereotypical success all my peers strive for. But you explained it perfectly and I am now more confident in my choice. I also love your references to art and literature in your videos :)
Such an unburdening and relieving concept. To heck with "striving" to be unique, special and outstanding, so strainfully vain afterall. Dang!, the design, animation and art of this video is mouth-watering eyecandy!!! Soo good!!!
“I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody.”
― J.D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey
And I'm fucking tired of being a nobody.
@@mrtyrant1680 that's what the quote actually means, if you really think about it. To be contented with being a 'nobody' is hard. We grow tired of feeling like nobody and wish we were okay with being a nobody. I hope I'm making sense 🤣
thats the best
@@mrtyrant1680 same but theres nothing we can do
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
The paradox is that once you come to terms with your own mediocrity, you will be much more likely to reach excellence.
Igree! Because somehow when the pressure is off, you can finally fly without the fear of falling/failing. It's like a bad paradoxe.
"The acceptance of one's negative experience is itself a positive experience"-Mark Manson
Probably because you now know your own weaknesses you can channel activity into proper paths of excellence.
Ah ben bout d'criss
Didn't work for me.
“There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?”
- The Office (US) final ever line.
Ok Becky
What office ??
Words told by Pam when she took off her own painting of the wall and brought it home. The painting of the Dunder Mifflin Paper company building in Scranton. The building where she was working as a secretary, sales woman and an office administrator and where she created her family and made lifelong friendships.
I am so shocked at how accurately this describes my life.
I was a perfectionist since I was a small child. An overachiever.
Had to have the best grades, wear the best clothes, have the best manners and please everyone!
Last year, I had developed an eating disorder, depression and an anxiety disorder due to me always trying to be “perfect” and keep it together.
I broke down and I had to take a two month long break from school!
I am trying to rewire my mind and get rid of the perfectionist mindset, even though I still want to be “perfect at being imperfect”!
The fact that you recognize the pattern is the biggest step that will help you to change. I have gone through the exact same thing. Please hold on! It may take a while but you will definitely make it!
Oh girl, i know what it’s like. It might take some time, but i’m telling you, at some point you’ll realise that if you let some things go or stop controlling every single thing, life will still go on and you will still be alive and you will be successful, you just need to give yourself some rest at times. Remember who you are and what you are capable of and just do your thing, you don’t need to prove anything to anyone! ✨
I completely feel you.
My mother always said me "if you don't have the perfect grades and you aren't the best on your class then forget your dreams of living in your favorite country"
So I always was the best of my class and the best of generation but I'm really tired for that :( i feel the "burnout"
@@coria6231 sounds like my mom. They can be real pieces of nasty work...did your mom compare herself to God as well?
@@spencervance8484 Nah, she's just too exigent and I understand she does that for my future and bla bla but she kinda exaggerates sometimes with grades and school
"Do you really have to be special? Do you really need people's recognition? I don't think so. When it comes to my child... He doesn't need to become great. Why would he have to be better than anyone else? After all, just look at him... He's so cute. He's already great. Because he was... born into this world."
-Eren's mother, Attack On Titan
that was epic goes to show how he succumbed to expectations as a scout leader and then suffered with infiriority complex.
and now he's a monster
Ayyy Attack in Titan!!!!! Erens mother 😍😍😍
Ron 😂
@@Ron-hr5uf bruH
Took myself out for some cake and coffee at a really nice cafe yesterday and it was amazing! Just sat there and watched TH-cam videos and enjoyed my own company. Probably the highlight of my weekend so far
That sounds lovely! I recently moved to my own house and I found myself enjoying tidying up and making my house look nice, and for some reason I felt embarrassed about it - like it wasn't a big enough thing to take pride in. But the little things actually bring so much joy if we take the time to appreciate them
make sure its all vegan 💜
I love taking myself out. Love yourself no matter what
Self-dating 🥰
Ah... Time alone to reflect is the best time.
You might have just saved me a lifetime of trouble. Thanks
Johan Stephan that was a great video!
😂😂
me, after most School of Life videos.
I just want to thank him. You articulate it well :)
If you think that a 7.47 minutes video going to save you a lifetime of trouble then you're already in deep shit.
There are so many joys in ordinary life. The problem is that most people don’t truly appreciate those joys until they are either taken away or threatened. Stop focusing so much on what you don’t have, and appreciate what you do, because nothing lasts forever ❤️
we gonna die they said it in news today
Couldn't have said it better myself - 100% agree.
Ellie Lindsey im agree with you
True!
I do
*Sometimes the people around you won't understand your journey. They don't need to, it's not for them.* - Joubert Botha
Is this true? To be honest all i wanted is to live my life on the edge that so others can understand me that’s all i wanted so by doing so no one will understand ?
@@mouhamedboudjahem For others, it is more to do with 'acceptance and trust' rather than 'understanding' your journey.
Well said.
"The world divides into the privileged who can be ordinary and the damned compelled to be remarkable" That line hit me hard
💔
I would rather be damned then forgotten
@@wren_. almost everyone gets forgotton in the end. The highest chance of getting remembered is doing something so great that it gets taught in history lessons. Even then, tons of students would forget you even when they are trying their hardest to study and remember you. Why spend your entire life just to (at best) end up being another person in the history books students are forced to remember.
@@joesr31 because (if immortality isn’t created in my lifetime) it means some part of me will live on. it may be forgotten EVENTUALLY, but hopefully that’ll take a couple hundred years
@@wren_. why does it matter that you'll be remembered though, you'll be dead, you won't feel any changes whether you are remembered or not. The only impact is how it would affect your life now but if you spend your life miserably trying to do something memorable then its not really worth it. Unless of course it happens naturally by doing what you like but often that is not the case as doing great things often requires sacrifice.
*Being exceptional for your own self, not in the eyes of others.*
If you are content and do things out of love, with minimum stress and anxiety, you already are exceptional.
Definitely true
So true! If more people did things out of love we would live in a more balanced and happier society.
Beautifully put! Completely agree!
Brilliant. Well said.
what if the eyes of others have made you look at yourself at the same way? after being raised this way, then you can't be content with yourself, you hate yourself because you have learned to compare yourself to higher standards, so it is you that now makes you suffer, what then?
Creativity without an audience!!! Ppl have really lost sight of this one!
Wyatt B trueeeee
I'm gonna try it now
Though the audience does make it fun in the way it can enlighten your understanding of creativity and varieties of preferences. What people see can be so unexpected as to be delightful.
this one phrase really made me stop the video and think about everything surrounding me, including myself. That one hit rly hard...
There is nobody greater of an audience than yourself. You're the witness to what you once were and what you are now. If anyone should know best, that would be you.
I was going to say if you’re a writer than this applies and then I remembered all of those ppl who post their unfinished rough drafts of stories and only continue to completion because they received comments or likes from other ppl, so you’re right. I think a lot of ppl don’t understand that creative hibernation and working without external input is actually a GOOD thing for artists.
I’m finally learning at the age of 28 that it’s okay to have an average life and it’s so peaceful.
me too !
28? That’s so early!
What does staying peaceful feel like? I have this constant anger at the life I lived, I don't know how to stay seated on my place of power.
For people who like to write like me, and who have always written because they were passionate about story making: please don’t stop because you don’t have an “audience” or you think it is a waste of time if you cannot get published. You have one life. If you have promised to yourself as a kid that you were going to write a book some day, do it for him/her. In the end, this kid will be the only audience that mattered.
❤️
Oh my god you made me cry!
I've actually been stuck in this phase of my life for a long, long time now... I've been making efforts on and off to do something... But the lack of an audience seriously bugged me.. It made me feel like what I'm doing is worthless...
Thank you, thank you so much for your comment. I needed to hear this!
Underrated comment. Thank u❤
This made me emotional, thanks. Thanks.
Oh my god i can't hold my tears
This is exactly what embedded in Attack on titan season 3 episode 11 when eren mum's ask the question 'is it wrong not to be special?'. It really brought tears to my eyes. If anyone know what i m talking about. The constant exposure to the idea that we have to be exceptional and extraordinary in order to be worthy is detrimental. Sometimes all we need is a assuring someone to tell us that ' Is OK to be ordinary'.
ahhh AOT!! and damn I'd completely forgotten about that, but it is so so devastatingly true - that scene hit me hard, but now I understand just a little bit more why.
I knew it i would find this comment in this thread.. really man... the series as a whole is so enlightening.. but that episode just pushed me over the edge (i mean that in a good way)... as long as i am able to afford to satisfy my basic human needs and maybe travel now and then , i am pretty content with that. .
Omg yes! I was looking for such a comment. I found that scene to be extremely moving and enlightening as well. Why has being special/ extraordinary become the measure for worthiness in life? Carla was so wise and mature in that scene. I loved her.
Same bruh 😭
Aren't most of us all Keith sadies? Most of us - 99.9999999999% of all the people who lived and will live are mere bystanders. Special people do exist it's just that I am not one of them.
"Life is too short and the American dream is a lie." That statement couldn't be truer.
It is called American dream because you have to be asleep to believe in that nonsense ( not mine )
What is American dream?
@@saig2007 what is American dream?
@@saig2007 George Carlin
@@Alien_rajput That you have to be successful, have a nice, big house, fancy cars, a beautiful wife, kids, pets and lots of wealth.
This is a great point! Many people suffer cause they don't realize that success can be just being okay instead of needing to be exceptional
Success is individually defined
The person on your avatar is gorgeous, and I admire you’re attempt at clarifying what this video has to say (be it for yourself, others or both). If you were to be considered successful at doing so is a subjective conclusion each individual who reads your comment will reach; a form of judgement you may say. All said, this was an attempt at showing my positive feelings towards your opinion, which’s success is also subjective. Or maybe i was just subconsciously forging a very long paragraph, strengthening what you say to have an excuse to look at the beautiful façade on your avatar and not have an existential crisis for wasting twenty minutes staring at the digital representation when I could have used those twenty minutes to get closer to meeting the parameters in my life I assume will make me feel an emotion that i define as “successful.” One which, I’m aware, might not exist (pondering emoji goes here)
I'm not comfortable with being mediocre. 🤔
You are wrong. You have to be exceptional. They want us to keep us poor.
We are here, and then we are gone. Have as much fun as you can and help others too along the way.
❤❤
So true, it’s the best thing you can do
"we imagine that a quite life is something that only a failed person without option would ever seek"
I have since childhood obsessed over the idea of being special and extraordinary. But only now at the age of 23 do I realize that without ordinary there can be no extraordinary. Thankyou for this wisdom.
Exactly, 👍. Every famous person was once ordinary...
@@blank.9301 And they still are.
Fame does not change your initial status of human.
“a manic over-achiever or filled with shame at your mediocracy” - wow I feel attacked
same here.
Same here.
Just being alive is more than enough take it easy and trust the universe
@@Prabash_Prabhu thank you.
It's not that bad to be both.
The need to be exceptional doesn't come just from high and unreasonable parental expections. It can also come from an upbringing where you parents didn't value or nurture you or didnt care very much about you.
Then high achievement and wanting to be special becomes about trying to "earn" your value as a person. It's about trying to feel that you matter.
I normally love Dr. Nerdlove's dating and relationship advice, but I feel like some of it-- namely, his "what do you bring to the table besides being nice?" can subtly put you in "gotta prove myself" mode.
As advice to Nice Guys TM, he says that being nice and polite in the bare minimum, and that to be truly attractive to romantic prospects, you need to level up. He's realistic about it, but I can see where it would easily turn into "must be exceptional to be worthy of a date".
Just like it's tough dealing with the pressure of being *the best* job applicant, it's tough dealing with the pressure to be *the best* possible date/partner.
I'm sick of feeling like I have to be exceptional just to financially survive or meet my basic emotional needs!
@@PaninaroAurora I thought the exact same when I read that. Maybe he defines nice differently than me. I think nice is being caring, generous, helpful, patient, listening, things like that. That is FAR beyond bare minimum. If you can find all those things in a person then they are a great partner for you.
If he means nice like hold the door open then ya whatever.
That's spot on, Cye!
Exactly...👏👏👏
Yes just being you wasn't enough
I must’ve been about 10 at the time when I asked my friend what she wanted to be. She was 12 and replied that she wanted to be a writer (she studies English Literature at Nottingham now).
I asked her if she wanted to be famous, to which she replied no. ‘Why?’I queried.
She told me that being famous would cause hindrances and expressed that she wanted to live a peaceful life doing what she liked best - just writing.
At the time I couldn’t fathom why she wouldn’t want to be famous (I wanted to be a pop star) but now I think I realise what she meant that day and I think about it quite often.
How will your friend ever earn enough to sustain herself, honour the gods, and give back to society on a writer's pay?
Rohit she shall honour the gods with the liFE OF HER FIRSTBORN SON!
As a kid I wrote a lot of short fiction stories and eventually ‘grew out of it’. Now, at 25 I have tried and failed for the past 6 years to write and publish a book but failed over and over again. It suddenly hit me a few months ago: I can’t deal with the stress and expectations of writing to publish. When I was a kid I wrote stories I knew NO ONE would ever read but me. I lost all those stories over the years due to moving and such, and I don’t even miss them. Back then, I wrote for the pure and simple joy of writing, not to share a story with the world. I feel that true art, in all its forms, must be seen like this in order to be fulfilling - once we market art it’s no longer art, it’s a product. Sure, art can be controversial on purpose (like the million dollar banana piece recently lol), but it’s hard in the modern day to remind oneself that art is first and foremost an expression....not a product. Least that’s how I see it, and it helped me get back into art after years of struggling to find inspiration.
@@whattheshit4936 That's a great story and now I want to be friends with you.
i feel u. i was treated as a princess child and grew up wanting to be a pop star, artist, model, fashion designer. nowadays i just feel ashamed of being mediocre.
This is what I’ve always said. The parents that pushed their kids typically lacked self worth and instead were vicariously living through their poor kid. The parents who had self esteem typically left their kids alone.
very true.
Not always though. Some kids pressure themselves. I was one of those, and the consequences are the same: you’ll be exhausted and wealthy if you succeed and depressed and broke if you fail. I wish I had parents who pushed me because it might have made all the difference. Being exhausted, depressed, and broke is the worst combination.
It’s easy to put the blame on someone like parents..
@@tvtv4745the day kids start to raise themselves maybe we can change the accusations
@@SoundsSilver sad bro! But isn't this a very generalised statement ? I don't wanna end up being nothing :(
Creativity without having an audience speaks to my heart. I constantly find more reasons to stay away from social media.
*Life is short, make sure that you don't live somebody else's.*
I think media want us to live somebody else's life... Here in Portugal in tv every day there us reports about the lives of Cristiano Ronaldo, the carreira family ( music business family) etc.... ahhhhhhrgghhhhhh! !!!
Do you have a bot that comments on every video?
I see you everywhere
Life is so so long, you just don't try to live it.
Too true, I want to move out of my parents house and live an simple life, I don't care for riches or great luxuries or achieving greatness as my parents do, I'm sick of living their lives for them and not living my own. I hope one day they will understand.
i think the constant pressure of being exceptional nowadays come from collective anxiety of being insignificant in this ever-growing population of the world, always showcased on screens and social medias.
Coukdnt say it better
Everyone's highlight reel
Social media nowadays teaches everyone that they're special and will become rich with hard work. That is not the case.
Are you saying that hard work bearing fruit ( wealth) is not the case for everyone?
Thabo Kgwele I think so.
@@kmkmea Why? Are you referring to factors which are outside of one's control? If so, then which?
Thabo Kgwele It's not my comment. Although, it's my belief that some things are not in our control.
Agreed!….Not only is that not the case, it will take you 100 grand of schooling to get you there, at the end of which your guaranteed nothing. Huge Scam!
There's a great movie on this topic called 3 Idiots, one of my favorite films. Somehow, though, I can't kick this feeling that I'm always behind, that if I just spent more time doing XY or Z, I could finally make it. No matter how hard I try to be an artist, an athlete etc, it's never enough and there's always someone better. The truth is, I'm really happiest when I get to be a good dad for my daughter and being a good driver (0 accidents, 0 tickets), and occasionally cooking a good meal for my friends.
i had that breakdown young, at 14. Developed severe anxiety, body dysmorphia and dissociative disorders because of the pressure i put on myself to always be on top, and how terrible i felt after failing every now and then, i felt really bad because i was not naturally good at physics and maths and sciences. I thought i was stupid. I was so very jealous of my friend who would not study at all and achieve hundreds, where as i worked day and night to reach her level. This breakdown taught me valuable lessons- it made me change the way i viewed the world. I discovered that, while i was not naturally inclined towards sciences, i was phenomenal at politics, economics, business and liberal arts. I still work hard, but i accept failures and allow them to help me learn.
just described my life !
everyone will get that breakdown in their life when they will finally find out the reality which is depressing. The more cognitively superior one is, the earlier they get this breakdown, generally i feel like.
Being you is being exceptional. Chasing after other things or other people.. makes you the same as everyone else..
"It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable" - Socrates
@@cellardoor199991 one thing need not take the other. you can reach success without worrying about reaching it.
J. Schwandi Socrates was beyond exceptional.
Sócrates didnt exercise or lift so...
@@saneman7449 I dont think that this phrase relates to just physical strength, it's about making use of your talents and skills. If youre capable of achieving something and it's good for you then you should do it and it's not necesserily in conflict with the teachings of this video
Sane Man I though Socrates was noted as having a muscular physique. Maybe I’m wrong.
“Every decision you make can change the world. The best life is the one the gods don't notice. You want to live free, boy, live quietly." Steven Erikson, Gardens of the Moon, Malazan book series.
wow that one hit me hard i should read more.... 😭
It's called going with the flow no worries and just living freely.
This video is about me. I always feel the need to be exeptional at literally everything I do. I had the best grades at school, I went to music school, later went to the best university... And when I started to fail, I broke down. I spent entire last year at home, not working, feeling sorry for myself. I needed a lot of time processing my emotions and I am slowly learning not to put so much pressure on myself. It's ok to be mediocre. It's enough. I am going to therapy and taking meds now. It's hard, but I'm getting there.
me too !
Accepting mediocrity gives me comfort for a shortwhile but I know this is just intoxicating my self worth ,self beleif in disguise and in my subconscious.
It's a very complex feeling and that hurts more...
@@SukumarChatterjee-dp6un Whilst accepting the average life is necessary to achieve greater things, I think that it's important to find what you're passionate about and what you enjoy about life so that it doesn't feel repetitive or boring.
Of course living an ordinary life is fine and everything, but I believe we also need some kind of purpose which makes the difference between surviving and thriving in our lives.
I think that working towards a personal goal or improving in your hobbies can help you with your self confidence.
However, it is important to remember that your worth cannot be measured by the things you do or what you have. Your existence alone is worth so much, as cliché as that may sound, and working towards some life goals of yours can make you feel like your life is worth living as well. It's easy to forget that we all are ordinary people, and at our core we don't know what we are exactly doing with our lives. You have already done half the work in improving your life, now you've just got some self discovery to go after.
Go learn more about who you are, what you enjoy and discover the things which make you feel fulfilled. Try to think about what you'd like to do with your life, and remember it's normal to feel unsure and confused.
Somewhere down the line you'll realise that your life is more than just 'mediocre', it can also be fulfilling, enjoyable and among many other things. I wish you the best with your life, I know you're doing great.
Take it easy and look after yourself
can relate with this comment so much. I hope you have been doing well
I'm 32 and I have no idea what I'm doing for a decent job or with my life in general...
so this is good to hear. This shame hurts so many people. Just try to be happy and appreciate what you have!
I recently turned 30. I got a doctorate level education in healthcare only to now realize (barely 1 year out) that this path is not for me. I feel like such a failure for spending my entire 20's on a dream I see collapsing so quickly. I wanted to be the best, but I feel like I will never catch up to my peers in terms of career or relationships. I guess this video really is for me...haha
@@tylerasmith52 The world can seem like a race, until you realise no race has everyone moving along different paths towards different finish lines.
@@callanc3925 Well said.
@@callanc3925 Exactly what I was going to comment. life's not a race.
@@tylerasmith52 👆. I studied commerce out of high school only to realise in my second year I wasn't interested in it anymore. however I don't regret choosing that course because it was the main one I wanted to study after school and my parents didn't go to university. I'm now narrowing down my 1-7 career paths to now at 23 knowing what I want to do, still being indecisive at times.
I really needed this. I have been plagued recently with stress and frustration of not being extraordinary enough and watching this has comforted me in ways that nobody can. This is why I love The School of Life, it's like a teacher I am in desperate need of but cannot find otherwise.
Why do u torture yourself with stress and anxiety let loose and enjoy life u won't regret it😆.
Nonsense. Absolute freedom demands that we are absolute in our ability. Better dead than mediocre.
@@comradebear9477 and what is absolute freedom, to you
@@ThePeanutButterCup13 To be beholden upon none
@@comradebear9477 sounds impossible in society
It’s easy to feel mediocre if you spend your time admiring peoples social media façades
We always compare someone’s best with our worst
That's why it's good to stay away from social media
And all it actually is for them is a business. It’s like comparing how a store looks to how your house looks. The store is MEANT to be the way it is in order to sell product.
Indeed!
True
*concisely*
1. Ordinary life much better/peaceful then remarkably succeeded life.
2. Don't be slave to others expectations.
I had a discussion with someone last year about this. They kept stating there was no point in life if you didn't contribute, if you weren't great and successful, and how superior an action packed big city life was. My idea of a successful happy life is living in a quiet little town where everyone knows one another and there's a lot of nature and i can have a small family and a painting studio. That kind of peace and quiet happiness is my dream. They wanted to become famous and travel the world and do all those things we're told we should want. Being able to appreciate the small things in life and seeing beauty in everything has made me happier and them not being able to do so made them a stressed anxious overachiever. Not to say you can't be like that without it but that's our situation. I just wish we didn't have to be brought up believing one idea of what success and happiness is. I think people would be a lot happier without that pressure.
I used to keep pushing myself to achieve and try to reach an ideal. I ended up having multiple breakdowns so I finally gave up and accepted mediocrity.. it was absolutely the best decision I’d made in decades.
For the longests of times, as a child and a teen, I thought I had to be the best version of my parents wanted of me in order for my family to be stable. Overachiever, perfect child, sister, student. Somehow, I thought all my hardwork would somehow fix my poor family environment, which it never did. It was somehow never enough.
“ somehow never enough “
Try being from another planet,
There's just no hope in concerning ones self with others ways and truths...
When you're from Venus you tend to trust yourself...
And sleep content matter what.
Try being from another planet,
There's just no hope in concerning ones self with others ways and truths...
When you're from Venus you tend to trust yourself...
And sleep content matter what.
The school of life is one of the some giving extra ordinary content to their viewers. I really love it.
YES; so glad some (few and far between) people still make real content out here.
(...insert self-promo, yadda yadda...)
You should read Alain de botton's (the founder and narrator of the school of life) book, The consolations of Philosophy, it's cheap to buy and such a brilliant life changing read.
If you like their content then you should check out academy of ideas.
Inspirational Backpack the point is the advice is not extraordinary. Life just IS.
Check pursuit of wonder it’s also a great channel
Literally deleted my thought, “be great and exceptional”. Me and my gf came to this conclusion after a deep conversation. We both agreed that being simple or average is okay. I always felt that I needed to be known and great in my passions. I felt like my whole life was to “make it”. But what am I supposed to “make”? I’ve been enamored with popularity and money and recognition after seeing how those who are exceptional get treated. I wanted that. I wanted the gold, the mansion, the cars, the lavish. Then my gf and I let go of all those thoughts. We are normal. We do things just like everybody else, but without a care if people know or not. We share on Instagram as a form to let friends and family know how we are. I don’t care for likes anymore. I try to live in the moment. Thank you for this.
Recently...I just started thinking like you. I am glad you and your partner are happy. I also just want richness of the heart. I want peace and quiet. The fame the fortunes I don't want that anymore
lucky you have a partner/lover, I'm 29 now and still don't have one. I want to achieve exceptionally so that I could attract one, because I am short and have emotional control problem
@@williampan29 There is someone out there that you will meet and find a connection with. It may not be tomorrow, but it will be in your lifetime. I am short too! But i've found that being a good person will surpass all flaws. Have hope and find your inner peace. Never give up! And talk to a friend or a professional if possible, you never know how much that could help you. Peace, my friend.
My goal is to be successful like you.
@@demencha-1 This is literally the most cookie-cutter advice that never works, just feels like a fucking insult
Perfect video! I'm a recovering perfectionist and feel that this realization--that it's okay to be average and that I don't have to be exceptional--is the final blow to my perfectionist mind. Accepting that being average is good, normal and something that I don't have to strive to be is extremely freeing.
"whereas the characters who -without agony- can bear an ordinary life, the so-called contented ‘mediocrities’, may in fact be the emotional superstars, the aristocrats of the spirit, the captains of the heart.” this hits hard, especially after watching Soul
We think having ideals is a healthy way to live and motivate ourselves. What most people fail to recognize is that they bring huge amounts of suffering because we end up comparing present selves with future ideals. What if we are happy now and still strive for stuff, without falling into the illusion that the future will bring the happiness we deserve.
Well said
Absolutely. Happiness is not something over the horizon. Otherwise we are forever living for the future, and never appreciate what we have now.
Inerize well said.
Well this is uncomfortably illuminating.
It took me _three_ breakdowns to see the truth and I haven’t physically recovered from the last one from almost four years ago.
Bless you Bianca, I hope you are well. Been down this path too.
I'm fairly sure I'm part of that 20%.
I've already had a breakdown dealing with anxiety and depression, but I'm still not fixed. Not only I feel like a failure because I have not achieved being exceptional, but also because I'm falling to achieve happiness without it
Same....and I'm currently having thoughts of killing my self if I don't achieve certain goals
I used to feel the exact same way until I had the break down like the video prophesied 3-4 years ago and it really was the best thing to happen to me. I feel like a lot of shame and discontent with oneself comes from not knowing oneself or not accepting oneself. I now am 100% accepting of myself, my true self and not the sham of myself in once thought I was. As Socrates once said, 'He is richest who is content with the least, for contentment is the wealth of nature.' I am happy with what I have and don't necessarily want or need other things to be happy. True Buddhists are amongst the happiest of people for they understand the virtue of walking the middle path. I also very much recommend Teal Swan on TH-cam, for she will set you on a path of healing and understanding of oneself. Good luck to you all, you are in my prayers x
@@younesm98 Reach out for help - the world is better with you in it..
I think you need to listen to osho
@@younesm98 why ? All those worthless people living and you dead!! Don't you ever think like this? As Martin Luther King said, if you can only crawl, crawl
I grew up with a narcissistic mother and inherited a lot pf narcissistic traits from her. Here is what I have learned through years of therapy and self healing from past trauma:
Narcissism + low self esteem (yes they are directly correlated) makes people think they are special and simultaneously unworthy of love.
High self esteem means knowing you are not special and flawed in many ways but absolutely worthy of love.
thaanks
"Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans."
--Allen Saunders
I've been missing out on real life for years because my head was in the clouds about a dream I needed to achieve. Insanity now that I type it.
Same here. I ended up going through a bout of depression and midlife crisis for a couple years before I fought back at my thoughts and calmed my mind. I’m feeling much better now that I won that battle but it’s also been a long process to get my mind right. Now my anxiety and stress is minimal to none. I sleep much better but there’s still times where the fear and anxiety try to rear it’s head but fortunately I’ve learned how to quiet my mind and overcome these moments. I’m now in the process of learning to embrace my life as it is and not to chase something that I won’t ever reach or be content with anyway. I’m learning that being calm, relaxed, and mediocre is not a bad thing and that I don’t need to constantly push myself. I’ve always been my worst critic and I’m slowly leaving that mindset. I’m convinced that soon enough I will have completely left that state of mind and to live in the moment and stop chasing dreams that realistically I will never achieve. I’m at my midlife now and honestly have become tired of pushing myself and am ready to relax and just live and be happy.
Love this; it was pounded into me from an early age that I had to be twice as good because I was black. But it was exhausting and I couldn't keep up. I can't control how or what people think. Once I accepted this, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. Living life on your own terms is such a blessing.
“You gotta be twice as good in order to get half as far. Your ancestors are watching you…” I was in my middle 30s when I finally accepted that I wasn’t wired to play, forget about win, that game. Glad for it, too!
I don’t think this video is saying: be content with a dead beat life. It’s more along the lines of: if you’re just a regular family doctor or a regular programmer or a regular carpenter, and you like to just chill on the weekends, you’re still worth it :) We should /strive/ to be an average productive member of society instead of striving to be the next Elon Musk or Pewdiepie.
I think it is saying you can in fact be content with a “dead beat” life.
@Trips How is it better?
If you're striving to be Nikola Tesla and end up being a regular engineer you are more likely to be loser probability is against you. By striving to be a regular engineer you have greater probability that you'll achieve that, of course if you didn't you're more of a loser but at least you're less likely to be one.
Nikola Tesla probably didn't strived to be Nikola Tesla. He was just borned a genius
I agree
I prefer Plato, Socrates, Joan of Arc, Lilith for comparison, personally. Pewds is funny but not reality. Elon Musk is detached IMO.
This is my all-time favorite school of life video. Life changing. I realized my parents' expectations that I have internalized over the years were at the core of my depression and unhappiness. I'm still actively trying to clear the message engraved in my brain (that you are worthless unless you are conventionally successful) and I don't think it will ever truly go away, but I feel much less burdened. Everything about myself makes so much sense, and there is a huge relief in that alone.
*Don't have faith in anyone other than yourself
*Stop holding high standards
*Appreciate the little things and enjoy the position of life you're in now
I am in a dark period of my life and these videos are a breath of fresh air to me. Thank you for this incomparable wisdom.
I hope you will find the light soon 💕💕
Am just tired of telling my self that it's okay if you don't want to do great things and also telling myself that it's okay if your friends are doing amazing things .
It's okay to know that you have a talent but don't want to show to the world . It's okay to not be on social media .
It's okay to find happiness in solitude .
It takes courage to be "boring". It takes immense belief in one's self as the thinker and doer, not the external world imposing the thinking and doing. Most people will not understand this.
Simplicity, quiet, friendship based on vulnerability, creativity without an audience, love without too much hope or despair
I was working in a Embassy in London and end up suffering a burn-out. That was two years ago, now I came back to my hometown in Southern Bolivia and I am living a more simple life, though now is a bit difficult to find a job that allows me more independence. I think this is a great video!
Eres Boliviano! Como yo! Vives en Tarija?
@@alejandrosantivanezmendiza340 vivo en Sucre :)
I am currently in London and about to burn out. I am thinking of going back home to either France or Senegal (I am bi-national). It’s hard because I feel like if I leave, I will be giving up in a way and therefore am weak.
@@kyni87 you are not weak if you leave, it will actually be very brave if you quit that way of life which at this moment in your life is not doing well to your health
@@kyni87 I think you also need to reevaluate what you're spending on. Aside from basic living, having a family, etc. Are you spending a lot on commodities to create a sort of identity? That's how I got burned out, I instead turned to history, sociology, science, arts, politics, etc. to get away from the social status bs.
As someone who follows the channel and watches all the videos, this one is definitely one of the best. We see so many people postponing happiness assuming it is something that is to be achieved after a struggle to greatness. In the process they don't cherish the little things which matter the most.
Wonderful job at articulating the emotions perfectly.
Being told you have to be the best of the best is the epitome of growing up Asian in America.
Pretty much any Asian anywhere else in the world, too, sadly :(
Hey Cobalt, I am glad you wrote this. I live in Vancouver, half-Asian city, and I see the pain people go through and the hard parenting and expectations they have to endure. Not just Asians, but especially Chinese immigrants, I always feel you guys have a lot to overcome and wish you well, hugs.
I'm Asian and back in the day when I got a 95 on a test the first thing my mom would say is why didn't you get a 100. I just cannot fathom why they demand us to meet such high expectations.
@@mishalzee4659 man seems like every Asian mom says that same line. 🙃
I have Asian friends that have been beaten so severely by their parents simply for not getting a perfect test score or grades. One of them was so scared to go home after getting a B grade. He cried and it was so sad. That's too much pressure.
One of the most enriching experiences I've had was a week of pure idleness with my friends. We are all extreme over achievers, and we didn't allow eachother to do a single ounce of work. Not even checking emails. It was so fun, peaceful and lovely to put a stop to our productivity and simply watch movies together. We each came back home with this lesson of ballance. Work, do your best, but be patient on yourself and don't forget to rest. I recommend trying at least one day of this to anyone who can.
That's just one more trick to achieve more.
This is my life in a nutshell. I was told by my dad that I must decide if I want to be a part of the flock/ rat race or stand out. I used to get super anxious if I thought in a certain exam I wouldn’t get perfect scores or win a competition. I was reading books of high school in middle school “to stay ahead of others”. Accolades are like an addiction. At the same time I started to fear mediocrity, almost the same anxiety like Sylvia Plath. After a point the habit of always standing first starts to cripple and drain the vital energy out of you and you begin to fail because you start to fear the results.
My professor in med school once said one needs to be proudly imperfect and perfection is a disease.
There is so much of comfort in the ordinary and understanding life is no competition. It is just a journey. All the lows and burnout in med school has taught me this.
Thank God because I’m a total failure at everything.
Well, at least you have the self-deprecating sense of humor
Focus on the things you achieved each day... even if it's only one or two things! Be kind to yourself, maybe you need a break xxx
Lol
If you don't have one try to get a job. It can give you a sense of meaning and purpose. Everyone who has a job is important even if they don't get compensated well or respected. Imagine a world without garbage collectors, we would be covered in trash. Security guards protect people and property from damage. Teachers teach the younger generation how to be better people. Construction workers build everything around us from roads to buildings. Just because you aren't a doctor or CEO doesn't mean that you don't help and impact thousands of people in small ways every day. Make those impacts positive and the world will be better because you were in it.
@@ccrow3355 i agree, everyone who contributes something has my respect. A lot of people don't get enough respect for what they do in my opinion. Even if they're struggling to get a job and do volunteer work, or spend some time with an eldery person; that is contrbuting towards a better society. 😊
I've been suffering from this mentality for over 15 years now, yet have never been able to put it into words or figure out a solution. All I can say is thank you. I hope this feeling of clarity and realization you've given me can hold on long enough to make a lasting change, and I can start actually enjoying life again.
the wisdom and compassion in this content makes me cry
I always wondered how I would live if I didn't live under the pressure of being good at the things I do.
I feel like it's my fault for putting my abilities out there, and now everyone's expecting something extraordinary out of me
I feel this comment. I think I’ve been quite good at a lot of things when I was younger and that this has set an expectation that I should keep being like that. Whenever things are not exceptionally great they are instantly bad
100 percent
This is the story of my life. Thanks a lot for this episode. At age 63 I am slowly recovering.
This really spoke to my heart and past experiences. I found the need to be 'outstanding' and 'exceptional' to be overrated. We are already outstanding and exceptional for being ourselves. Therefore I think you're very wise to choose things that bring you happiness and love.
It doesn't help that there are substantial _economic_ pressures in modern western society to be exceptional.
If you don't do well in your studies, or don't pick a "prestigious" line of study, you won't have the skills, certification or connections for a decent-paying job.
If you don't paint yourself on your resume and in job interviews as a can-do dynamo, you likely won't get a position, as there will always be someone who can do the song-and-dance with more conviction.
If you don't get a good job, you will have no health benefits, no retirement or savings, no money for food and rent, let alone any needless luxuries.
If you don't do any of this, especially in a country where the social safety net is being dismantled in favor of giving those who have everything even more, it becomes very likely you will die homeless, sick and hungry, with those born on third base clucking their tongues and insisting that your suffering is due a defect in your character and not the system.
And if you dare complain about any of it, you get branded as a "filthy socialist."
I would love to have a quiet life of creativity and contemplation. As it stands, I don't think I'll ever be able to afford such a life.
exactly!!!!! EXACTLY!!!!!!
This is so disheartening. I really just want to live life but I know I can’t. I have to conform in order to survive, and that really gets me down.
that's what I thought
Do what you like and you can monitize at the same time. Don't worry about beeing the best, just reach the goals you set for yourself. If you want a good job, go for it. The thing is you dont need to be the best, and the profession is just one tiny fraction of you. Just remember: you have to distingue what you really need and what the society tells that you need.
Lol it should be that way. The lazier you are, the more you should have a life that sucks. If you give value to society, society will give back.
Everyone over 18 can find a job easily. Even a blind person can get a job, why not you?
This is the reality of our world so you either succeed or suffer.
That part about breakdowns really got to me - I am current recovering from a pretty severe burnout-induced depressive episode and boy or boy could I relate
Society gives us mixed messages. From one side we hear things like "unleash your potential", "be the best you can be" but in a form of pressure that we should indeed be exceptional otherwise we fail and on the other side there will be the "you are enough" narrative, "love yourself", "you are perfect as you are" but don't forget to become a better version of you and all over again. All these words seem right. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be better or feeling enough, well unless you have to feel those feelings on the same time which is confusing. We could start from what we love to do, what we are interested in, who we aspire to be not because somebody says so but more like an inner need. Being remarkable or ordinary are just the side effects of previous choices. There are not so heavy as side affects as they can become as starting points. I feel that we are just starting from the end while we should be just learning to listen form the inside and take it from there. Maybe we should start form "I wanna play the guitar" rather than "I wanna be remarkable".
I think it really takes great courage to live life the way you want it, unhindered by the ridiculous expectations of the society which in the end only leaves most of us in despair and dissatisfaction.
"Creativity without an audience". I like that.
Everybody is *AVERAGE.* The problem is, we don’t want to be. We want to be noticed, by being the very lowest or the highest. Become acceptable with where you’re at and you’ll excel in what you need to.
Yes basically
I call that “the sperm cell syndrome “. We' were all generated by sperm cells and we keep on trying to repeat our origin, but in a different environment. Isn't that the Olympics motto, to be the fastest, the furthest, the strongest? We are natural born sperm cells, only with another shape.
I am talented, but working hard at it stresses me out.
So long time ago, I learned to ignore people urging me to "go for it", and am very happy being mediocre.
question is why we want to be noticed ............ ?
instead of spreading knowldge ........ we spread our ideal social image
My perfectionism is laughing at your attempt to convince me otherwise
This is fabulous - I was raised that I needed to BE SOMEBODY! I did very well in school just as you say, because I was supposed to. I then went into the corporate world where everyone climbs on each other’s head to try to get ahead. Finally I decided to have a family, work in the family business, raise a child and be a good mate. Much more satisfying. But there’s still the voice that I internalized from my father saying I’ve failed… backed up by other real voices who’ve told me they thought I would ‘amount to’ so much more. That’s my work now, to put those voices to bed.
*The state of contemplating on one's own life, is what derives us to achieve our goals or to be driven to them. Imho, you're left with a choice wherever to fulfill your own dreams or others'. Happiness is, on the other hand, or sadly said, has in fact nothing to do with these accomplishments. When looking backwards on your life, the path you've made is being tested by your ability to cherish other people's life on this run.*
"When you've seen beyond yourself then you may find peace of mind is waiting there
And the time will come when you see we're all one
And life flows on within you and without you" - George Harrison
My whole life I've felt the need to be exceptional. In my exams I studied for 100%, in all matters academic I really pushed myself beyond all the limits. It is only now I realize that, maybe, I don't have to be exceptional. Maybe I don't need to go to Harvard. Maybe I don't need to become I pilot. Maybe I can just live a normal and everyday life and be happy. Maybe that's all I've needed. Maybe that's why I've fallen into such a deep and seemingly inescapable depression lately. Maybe it's not that I'm incapable, maybe it's that I've just been pushing myself too hard. There are a lot of maybes that are coming to mind at the moment, but, one thing I know for certain is that, I think this video has changed my life for the better. Thank you The School of Life. Your videos are truly invaluable to me. I don't think that I would have grown as much as I have emotionally as I have without your videos. Thank you.
Are you better, fella?
"You don't ever have to do anything sensational for people to love you"-Fred Rogers, 2002
I'm 17 and I first saw this video last year and now I'm here again because I want to share it to my friends. I want them to feel what I feel whenever I fail, that it's okay.
A TH-cam video has never this much changed my perspective on something. Thank you.
Those who achieve extraordinary things are very often, if one looks close enough, „damned”. However it all comes down to the question - do you live to have a comfortable, easy life? Or do you live to achieve the most you can with the limited time you have, no matter the cost?
Maybe there is some in-between but ultimately it’s a choice everybody has to make. And in my opinion there is no supreme answer - the world needs both types of people…
I'm head over heels in love with this video.
As a person who may be going through a quarter life crisis at the moment, I really needed to hear this. Thanks, School of Life! Keep the quality content coming.
Why did that last bit "dried fruit, walnuts and some dark chocolate" made sense to me?
I was going to comment on that bit of the video too as I am starting to develop a habit of mixing different nuts in a bowl with various dried fruit and pieces of dark chocolate. A delicious and healthy snack! :)
That stuck out to me as well. I think the additional of "dark chocolate" at the end suggests that among the nuts and bolts of life (nuts and dried fruit) there will be special moments, but they will be simple pleasures, not grandiose ones.
@@kateball530 And for the most meaningless of "no particular reason " to me also......Perhaps this is exactly the snack for tomorrow evening - with fresh coffee, and a decent beaujolais......??
Finally found good content like this. This bliss of mediocracy is one precious thing I have realised quite recently specially after my marriage. I can't say how blissful I'm in my most mediocre life as a wife.. as an employee working from home since Covid.. having read for 2 degrees I wanted excellence. But now I realise that i would never compromise my happiness contentment inner peace for anything whatsoever. Thank you for this beautiful wisdom.
"to, without agony, bear an ordinary life." god, needed to heart this.
I am in the US. I have felt pressure to be exceptional, especially in the job market. When looking for work, you can't just be the smartest, you have to be the best culture fit, and be the one the hiring manager finds the most likeable, out of dozens or even hundreds of applicants.
Stuff like that has intimidated me from applying for jobs, made me second-guess my life choices and even my personality and character; and made me feel like in order to be employable I need to go back in time and relive my life... essentially become a different person.
This competition, 75 percent of which is unnecessary, makes me heartsick. Especially when I see how many other people have felt the way I do. What lost potential and stunted joy! I also wonder how our economy manages to function at all, with such hiring practices and emotional abuse in too many workplaces.
Thank you for this video!
That's what I felt too! I left so I can find and appreciate myself again
yep 💯
The US is a sick culture. You’ll see far more people simply enjoying life in other countries and continents
Terry Summerbell the overworked people in East Asia would disagree ur over generalizating
It's not only in the US, it's not only in East Asia. It's in all the countries and continents of the world. It's called Capitalism.
I was so surprised to see you describe me as I am right now. The broken apart stage. How unbelievably every word hit the mark. Even dark chocolate was mentioned ♡ there is hope. Thank you
I found this to be very enlightening. I personally have been told since I was a child that I can be anything, do anything, reach the highest mountain. 40 years later and I haven’t come close to my lofty aspirations, partly because of limits and partly because I began to realize that those were CHILDHOOD dreams that being little happiness tl me in middle age. Once you learn to march tl the beat of your own drum the rest falls into place. Sadly most of us spend our entire young lives in desperate and tenacious pursuit of it.
We are told that life is success or bust. However, when you are also told that it’s ok and somewhat noble tl life an ordinary life the mist lifts, the superficial trapping that held you fall away, and happiness finally seems achievable.
I very much appreciate Alain's thoughts and eloquent expression of them. I lived the overachiever life for at least 25-30 years and am more or less over proving my value to others based on accomplishments or appearance. I used to put so much of my own worth into these things and it is so freeing to let that go and focus more on things like growing vegetables and cooking delicious/healthy meals for my loved ones. What lingers, though, is the feeling of wanted to be loved. Or maybe treasured is a better word. Don't we all crave to feel treasured by someone? Even just one person? Let's please all try to make the people and other creatures around us feel our love and appreciation. Everyone deserves love.
Nice words 🩷
neither ordinary nor overachievers are good. The greatest is the man that has no external pressures, yet chooses to achieve out of his own initiative and for the love of something. "To love something so much you paint it" is a good proverb.
I'll try to write a thoughtful comment without looking at others and mindlessly copying their opinions, to feel like I'm like minded or part of a group.
I do feel a need to achieve or be exceptional. I feel like the whole world is progressing and I'm behind. It's like I'm running behind a train of superiority.
But now that I'm thinking about how I feel, I've reminded myself about a question that I saw in another TH-cam video of Nathaniel Drew. "Behind on what?"
My answer is actually I feel behind and I'm not 100% sure on what I feel behind on or I'm not even sure why I need to be exceptional. Till now ai have had the feeling that success is a kind of obligation. Writing this comment made me realise, if I want success I should want it out of inspiration not obligation.
This thought and this video felt relieving.
Thank you!
Stan Nolmans “inspiration, not out of obligation” brilliant
I feel THE EXACT same way
Just from reading this comment...you're exceptional
Exactly describes my thoughts my friend!
I relate to this. Whenever I catch myself feeling like I'm running behind in life I ask myself whether I'm using someone else's life or society's expectations as a yardstick to measure my own life. Because if you think about it, that's the only way you'd be "behind": when you're not where you think you should be or where you think others expect you to be.
This video gives me hope and a sense of contentment. I have always want to live a simple life yet it's so hard to convince myself that I'm enough if I don't strive to achieving my full potential. It's so hard to strike a balance.
You are not a slave to your potential :-)
You ARE enough 💪🌸
These videos are always there for me at the right time. Thank you :)
I was raised to believe I had to earn my place, but no amount of work I put in to doing things right ever benifited me. On the contrary, I've been disabled and unable to overcome mental illness for 6 years now post burnout... I wish everyone the best and I hope less people can go through what I'm going through.
thank you so much, I've been fighting with my thoughts these past few days because i felt that i wasn't special enough or that other people were smarter or more talented than i was...
this made me realise that i don't need to be "special", as long as I'm happy and i achieve for my happiness and not for recognition :))