When You Realize Your Dealing w/ a Covert Narcissist
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My Covert Narc moment was listening to a TH-camr who said.. "If you can't quite put your finger on what it is about someone, they are probably a Covert Narc." I knew what a grandious narc was but had never heard about the Covert variety. I researched it and my mind was blown. At last I had the answer and everything I had experienced made sense now. I would never have realised how insecrure my CN was and all their contolling behaviour was designed to protect their fragile ego.
Yes. Same experience. Soooo confused because the malignant narcissist is soooo outwardly boisterous and pompous. These sneaky devil’s are environmentalists and “humble”.
A covert narcissist may respond in a variety of ways when discovered, depending on the particular circumstance and the person. When their behavior is criticized, a covert narcissist may occasionally become aggressive or defensive and reject or abdicate responsibility for their actions. They might try to gaslight the person who exposed them by getting them to doubt their own sense of truth or perspective. Narcissists frequently employ this strategy to keep control of the relationship. In other situations, a covert narcissist could act more violently or aggressively in an effort to retake control or establish dominance. They could try to control or intimidate the person who has exposed them, or they might lash out with abusive language or actions. A covert narcissist may also retreat or isolate themselves if their actual nature is discovered. They might make an effort to separate themselves from the person who exposed them or try to avoid any sort of conflict. Being masters of manipulation, narcissistic people frequently possess a special ability for charm, which allows them to get away with manipulating others. They might be able to beguile people into believing they are not actually narcissists and convince them that they are to blame. The process of exposing a covert narcissist may be extremely taxing and even dangerous, so it’s vital to keep that in mind. It’s crucial to exercise prudence and have a solid support network in place, including friends, family, and a therapist. You can process your experience and develop a strategy for dealing with the circumstance in a secure and healthy manner with the aid of a therapist or counselor. Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
Spot on! Narcisists go to therapy with a mindset : how do I avoid getting caught?!! And turn the therapist against my target?! That is exactly what those horrible abusers do!
Yup. Spend hundred's of dollars on couple therapy and she just say there denying any issues what so ever. She even told me " don't try to get the therapist on your side". The red flags were waving in my face smh.
My mother.
😢🙏💕
Ditto
Dito
I have been under the narc spell for 21 years and 3 kids. As I was leaving, again, and she said I was messed up and needed therapy for narcissism. That hit too hard because I was always thinking there may be something wrong with me. As I researched more about narcissism, I realized that it wasn't describing me. More and more research I started the 'no contact" and everything that's been described began to happen. The blame, excuses, diversions, and the smear campaign began. I have 3 children(20,15, and 12) and she turned the oldest into a flying monkey and a supply(money). She is doing everything to destroy me now. I left with only my kids and clothes. My youngest 2 are beginning to see the hold she had on all of us. We just can't believe there are people like this that exist. As I keep going on this road to self-recovery I am seeing that there is a light still in me and it's never going to be put out. Silence has been my best friend.
It is a very complex dynamic. I originally thought that my BPD-ex was a covert narcissist (and certainly her behavior displayed that way). Later after I'd ended things, I realized (in therapy) that there was far more going on. Eventually I had to come to terms with my own narcissistic mother and the codependency that she instilled in me. That is what made me a vulnerable target.
Today I no longer try to psychoanalyize people or worry about every person who enters my life. If they are Cluster B, I let it display itself first and then gently "ghost them through disinterest". It is not my job to "be right" or "change them". (It is quite liberating).
Right on! Not even my job to understand the frankly, psychotic, behavior.
That's some awesome empath insight. Good share, I have been searching for answers as to what does attract us to them. I also have a narcissist mother, so your perspective is right on.
I love that. Ghost them through disinterest. ❤👏
Married to the same woman for 32 years. My lightbulb moment happened when I was online. I had searched something on Google (don't remember what) and part way down the search results was "What is NPD?". Out of curiosity, I clicked on it. When I got to the list of typical traits and behaviours I literally said out loud "So that's what this is!". She ticked every box. It was like the mist cleared. Like a huge weight had lifted. It took me about 18 months to leave. We're still working through financial settlement. I see a counsellor for an hour every week. She's covert NPD (my diagnosis, but I'm certain). It's very isolating because nobody has seen the abuse and people look at you like you're making it up. However, as horrible as the separation process has been, there's no way I will go back. I just want to get on with whatever is left of my life and rediscovering who I actually am.
Not fun when everyone thinks you’re crazy. My question has always been why did everyone believe the lies about me? I’m as angry at them as I am at my abusers. Once the slander starts and the abuser is believed, it becomes harder and harder to keep your sanity and self worth.
I’m 60. Oldest sister and mother are narcissists. They’ve destroyed my life and I’m just figuring it out. 60 yrs of isolation, no self worth, and yrs of lies and ridicule. I’m pissed off!!
Weep not at the stolen years, or they will drain you - but instead guard the coming ones with ferocity!! Grab your new found freedom and let them be more p'd off that you actually woke up and got away. Bravo. I was a late learner but God says He will restore the years that the locusts have eaten. There's hope, please believe 🙏🏻
I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I have gone through this with my mother and aunt. My Dad died and everything kicked off with no support from the narc (divorced) mother, I am no contact now and have been for 3 years and rebuilding my life and confidence. I am angry too but my advice to you is be successful with everything you do in life and don’t allow those that hurt you share this, they hate to lose control and their narc supply. This is the only way I found to move on, Christmas is lovely now rather than walking on eggshells all the time. I hope from the bottom of my heart that you are able to move on and enjoy life. Hugs ❤.
@@boodle2418 Ty ❤️ I was raised by these people and always the scapegoat so my self worth and social skills are very low. I have cut them off. I’m trying. It’s hard to believe I’ve been duped this long. Financially destroyed and left with nothing and no one. I’m now going to try to fix my life. The hardest part is accepting that what I thought was some kind of love, was really nothing. Ty for your words of support. ❤️
@@hn5842keep going, I'm 59, same story, awful people. Jerry wise for parental narcs, Narcdaily with Andrew helpful as well. Narcs are everywhere, you escaped ❤
Are you sure we don't have the same sister?
Very sound observations , especially about the urge to explain to a narcissist who they are and who we are and what the relationship has been all about. All that is is a continuation of wanting the narcissist to respond with care and empathy and to listen .
They CANNOT.
I became the scapegoat of a narcissist family dynamic. I don't know whats worst, the abuse and disrespect from the expert manipulator, or not being able to convince others about it. My mother still tries to make me feel worthless by subtle but consistent invalidation. Just went to a wake for a family member who passed away and as I went to hug this mans wife she suddenly stepped in front of me quickly and hugged her first, even though I was clearly standing in front her. ( it was her way of saying you don't matter ) Its scary how good they are at coming up with tactics like this. I remember reading the book Surviving aggressive people by Shawn T Smith. In it he says these type of people love to BREAK with SOCIAL CONVENTION. In other words,do what they clearly know is wrong in ANY situation.
It was 2016 & a fb post said "a narcissist will hurt you secretly then blame you publicly for your reaction" 🎯 started researching, then had 20++ years of abuse explained. I fled, as it got worse when i wouldn't react (crying). Thank you God for waking me up 🙏🏻
Yeah .. I noticed my brothers’ offensive remarks and behavior but knew about grey rock .. the more I grey rocked the worse and far more aggressive his behavior became till I could escape (unemployed during Covid lockdowns)
You really said that well. This is the primary tactic.. triangulation right?
@@custsea6976 that's very kind of you, thank you. Yes, triangulation, gaslighting & re-writing history ✨️💕
@johncorson6599 sounds excruciating not being able to escape... well done for coming through it 👏🏻 👍🏻
It slowly dawned on me that I surrounded myself with narcissists. I had a nasty encounter with a covert one. I had the gut feeling that it"s gonna hurt to let them in. It did. After the unavoidable drama happened I reserched on YT the various behaviours (eggshells, jealousy, stonewalling etc.) they engage in, so I understood what gaslighting and hoovering was, and... I realized I went from one overt to another covert and on and on, all the while believeing it's me who should just try harder and be better to get on with people. Now I know I'm gullible and I'm a narc magnet and I think I know how I do it. I think I'm chosing them, because that's what I knew. I'm slowly learning to trust my gut again and de-gaslight myself, and see my own narc tendencies and see the new ones trying to trick me. Wish I knew these things when I was young. I talk about these things with my children a lot. I'm so glad this "behaviour" has a name, it helps a lot to understand things when you see it as a system, not isolated incidents.
I wrote covert narcasist in the middle of a piece of paper.. and then started to write characteristics. The covert in my life is a parent.. I've been working here for 4 months because the other parent needs support.. declining cognitive abilities from aging.. and thier home was riddled woth tripping hazards and its easy to lose things in the mess.. I cleaned, organized, dug up old memories.. built a shed, cleaned the garage.. the yard.. trimmed a 60ft tree etc.. ran out of money.. and when I asked for compensation for some of the work so I could have a little but of fun.. one parent tried to kick me out.. my sister.. the golden child.. let me live with her for a week.. this is like the 5th major time I've depleted myself and gave up my stability as a young adult. Always taking care of my parents responsibilities.. getting used and blamed..
Weather this parent is full narc or not she is certainly high on the spectrum..
Thanks for creating a place to express this.
I've been aware for ages about my father and one of my exes but the AHA moment came when I read a book on the recommendation of my therapist. It was written by a psychiatrist in my country specialised on NPD and narcissistic spectrum as a whole. I would not even call it as an AHA moment, as it was a 400 pages book, and I have not stopped thinking about it from time to time. But that was the turning point when I realised that there is absolutely no way a pathological narcissist could change to an extent that makes them capable of loving and having a real relationship. I've been deeply saddened by that realisation, but at the same time it brought me relief. I think since then I have managed to move on with my grieving process: the denial, the bargaining is over, I stopped blaming myself and I'm shifting to acceptance. That's a good place to be for survivors, but total healing ( if possible at all) is still a long way to go.
What book?
@@kendalltucker4768 It is in Hungarian. I am Hungarian, too.
In 2018, our family businesses was as busy as its ever been and successful. Yet, my brother very suddenly treated me like I no longer existed physically. I was so confused and devastated trying to find answers from him, his friends, employees, family, my inner circle etc. What I started to realize was everyone was suddenly looking at me like a problem, people who never have before started avoiding me saying bad things that had no basis of where it came from no explanations. I eventually stumbled across an article that at first I laughed saying he does that, he does that, then it’s stopped being funny as the entire things described my brother. It was an article on narcissism and I had no idea what that was until that moment and I’ve never stopped learning. I’ve cleared up a lot since then, though I can’t unsee everything now and will never be able to get back to how things were before I was suddenly emotionally discarded
My Covert Narc was my ex-spouse. For the better part of three years they'd been picking these fights out of nowhere, and I could never quite figure out what it was that I was doing wrong. I started using the term "walking on egg shells" years before hand, because that's what it was. There were two events that heralded the end for us;
1) They tried spending almost a thousand dollars to send me to my sisters tiny justice of the peace wedding on the other side of the country after both I and my sister had told her "No, we don't want that." According to them I suddenly (almost over night) had grown this desire that they not talk to me sister, when absolutely nothing close to that was true. I loved that the two of them were that close. I wished I could have been that close with their siblings.
2) We took a road trip and fond a beautiful place that we talked about possibly retiring to. Within weeks My spouse had applied for a number of jobs across the country. And I was not okay with that for multiple reasons, not least of which was because one of our best friends had just died, their mother was fighting sepsis, and my mother would soon need elder-care. So I told them on two occasions, "I'm not cool with you applying places. I don't want to move." Finally my therapist who was helping me through this suggested I rip the band-aid off and tell them forcefully because it sounded like I was dealing with a narcissist. So I did. And that's the night two other things happened. They told me they got the job, and they told me they wanted a divorce.
The last thing they said to me before walking out the door the next day was that what we had was toxic and that I was codependent. I eventually got into CoDA and while things made sense, it wasn't until I found the subreddit Narcissistic Abuse. Suddenly everything clicked. People were telling stories that I were identical to mine. People were using terms I'd coined years earlier in the exact same way. But I was suspicious of labeling my ex with something so powerful, so I did my research. Weeks of it. And everything agreed with the diagnosis... to an almost perverse extent - future faking, triangulation, gaslighting, boundary crossing... all of it. But the day I knew for certain was the day Dr. Ramani posted her video about the "cool bird" test. My ex and I shared an appreciation of nature. And for the past year I'd literally been sending them pictures of beautiful exotically colored birds. And the most I ever heard was... "Cool." Suddenly there was no escaping it. Not only did I mirror Dr. Ramani's personal story almost to a tee... but I now had dozens and dozens of other people with stories IDENTICAL to mine. My only real mistake was thinking... no believing that they would want to change if they knew the truth. I copped to a lot of bad behavior too, but they couldn't even take the responsibility for a single thing. I still miss them. Even beyond the trauma bond, I know that I really did love the person they presented themself as originally. But it was genetic for them. Their siblings and parents all had this sense of grandiose superiority that always went completely unchecked - eating at the finest restaurants, staying at the most luxurious hotels, driving the newest cars... I'm sure they would have some excuse why it was still all my fault... The day I removed their pictures from my Facebook wall was the last time I had given them a glimmer of hope in my heart. When I removed over 100 photos I suddenly realized - they would not have to remove a single image of me over the course of our 14 year marriage. I was nothing but a foot note to them, and I never really had a chance to be anything more. no matter what I did - then or now.
Sorry for the narrative.
Good share, seems like a little of my story there too. Just know we are worth more than they made us. Being away from the covert narcissist and educated we can see our inner strength. You are worth it.
@@Michael-us9po Thank you. You are worth it too. Never forget.
Thank you for posting this, especially the end, my brain is so scrambled and this is the hardest part for me to grasp. It feels like I was never really there.
@@violasimmons7519 Stay true to yourself! It's difficult, but no one else is ever going to advocate as strongly for you and you do for yourself. Realizing that was a sobering turning point for me. I wish you the best of luck.
@@Play-All-The-Games Thank you 💖
Great video ❤ I've been so hard on myself my whole life. It's only more recently that I started to realise and see the abuse for what it is.
A couple of years ago, I decided to look up what a narcissist actually was.. my mother kept calling her sister one, and I was unsure. I didn't know what it meant. Then it took maybe a year or so to realise oh I've been abused by these people. That's when I looked up narcissist abuse and stumbled upon videos like yours ❤since then my eyes have continued to open. It's incredibly painful. It's heartbreaking but also reassuring to see that others have been through the same thing ❤ it feels a little easier knowing I am not alone and that maybe it wasn't me all along
like a broken record, i will always say; the worst part of dealing with one, is not knowing. the 2nd thing i always push is 0 contact. no contact = no control/manipulation.
My kids still think my wife is the greatest person on earth and the worst thing is after being discarded I can't even warn them.
Your children will ultimately figure it out. Give it time.
When my mom started to need help in her eightees I soon realised that mom wasn't coping better, I just hadn't spent so much time with her and in fact she was worse. I googled how to cope with an extremely difficult elderly person and that's how I ended up realising. I saw a video titled 10 signs of covert narsissistic abuse and I thought that I'd rule out that she is a narcissist by watching the video - surely her behavior didn't qualify as abuse. Well, wellcome to my childhood....
I have a friend who I suspect might have a covert narcissistic mother.
But she also has dementia. But there are things that she's done and said before she started having so many memory issues that makes me feel like she is a covert narcissist. All the little jabs that they do (I was married to one for 26 years).
And the woman is obsessive about cutting the grass.
My friend was talking to her dad on the phone a few days ago and her mother was cutting grass. Four times he told my friend to hold on and my friend finally asked what was going on and he said that her mother was coming right beside him so he has to stop until he goes away.
I told her that sounded intentional and she said it was. So, is it the dementia or the covert narcissism?
My 91yo narc mom has developed dementia. She's still a narc, but now she's a confused and forgetful narc. She suddenly becomes vindictive at innocent people and suddenly loves her enemies, because she can't remember who she hates or loves. She used to fool people with her charming act, but she's not sharp enough to fool anybody anymore. Elderly narcs typically get worse as they age.
You need to go no contact no contact no contact give your self time to heal kill the delusion that they’ve created There’s a lot of good TH-cam videos out there. Educate yourself learn to self love yourself only you can do that.
My mother used to watch me as I made protein drinks and commented on how I drink right from the blender.
I also raved about owning a classic white Champion T shirt to her once.
And I was watched closely as I pressed the trash down in the barrel under the sink with my bare hands.
In a few days I made a drink in the blender and nearly choked to death on a toothpick that somehow got inside it.
Went to put on my champion T shirt and noticed dark yellow stains on it as if someone poured bleach directly on it.
And pressed the trash down and nearly cut the tip of my thumb off because she had left the metal top of a caramel popcorn lid within the trash. PLEASE TELL ME PEOPLE, CAN ALL THIS JUST BE COINCIDENCE. ARE THEY THIS CRAZY TO DO STUFF LIKE THIS.? I could have died if that toothpick got stuck in my throat.
Trust your instinct, it knows more than you do. Make an exit plan, silently and with professional help if possible. Hope you are healing 🙏🏻
My lightening bolt moment was...I had been searching & searching for answers...I came across one of YOUR videos!!! And FINALLY I knew/confirmed that THIS is what was/has been happening!!! That's a moment that I will never forget...Thank you for All the teaching that you do!!! Blessings!!!
My lightbulb moment was when she told me I had not been insulted. Like she knew my feelings better than I did. I knew it was her.
Amen! Preach! This is the sacred truth! Thank you for doing the research on this complicated subject that's hard to articulate. I see this as a spiritual dilemma and only people like you that are anointed by God can discern the spiritual deception that Satan uses against empaths to influence them into self destruction using social ostracization. Crazy times we're living in. We have to be careful around these types of narcs, because they will kill (poison) those whom love you and speak up for you and eventually will seek to destroy you.
its not just narcs, the population as a whole is very self centered, hate oriented; it is actually embraced, and considered to be normal behavior.
@@lilfairycupcake unfortunately you're right. Sad world we live in. Now we have to find ways to navigate within it without falling out of character or losing our identity
@@Anointed1s_TV my character, identity, always stays intact, no matter what. many of my actions are just bi products of my negative environment.
Thank you thank you thank you!!! 👍❤❤❤
I was hospitalized a little over a month ago, when both my parents made my medical situation about them. My father even told my wife he, “didn’t care if [I] lived or died!!!” (I know this because my wife and I were still connected via cell phone as he said this).
I had to ban my mother from my hospital room as she would recount stories about herself while I was in bed suffering from the first couple of nights of the stroke.
Contrast that with my wife and extended family, who were nothing but sympathetic and supportive.
I refuse to have anything to do with either of my parents or my brother (he couldn’t be bothered to at least call with sympathies).
You nailed it! I went to therapy with my wife for years. It took a long time before I realized that efforts to get me to express my feelings, were simply intended to expose my weaknesses. And any discussion about suspicious behaviors was responded to with greater efforts to hide the behaviors. Therapy felt like I was checking in with the inquisitor trying to break me down. And the therapist was well intentioned but completely blind to the process.
My narc sis had convinced me that I was the problem. I was so completely mixed up that I compulsively "confessed" to everyone, even strangers, that I was a horrible sister. I was hanging out with my sis and her friends a lot. Her friends had their own problems, but fortunately none of them were flying monkeys, and they had gotten to know me quite well, and they liked me. On 3 separate occasions I confessed to 3 of sis's friends that I was a terrible sister. One by one they insisted I had it exactly backwards. I didn't believe the 1st one and I argued with her, insisting I was really a bad sister. I didn't believe the 2nd one either, but doubts about my confession were starting to sink in just a little. By the time the 3rd one set me straight I knew I had to rethink my own guilt. Those 3 precious women saved my life. I realized that I only believed them because they were my sister's friends. If they had been MY friends I would have thought, "sure, you're gonna take my side, because you're MY friends." So my sis's friends were more convincing than my own friends.
Then the horror of my own self-betrayal hit me very hard. And the clumsy work of forgiving myself, and deprogramming myself, started. And I grey-rocked sis. It was clumsy work because neither I nor my therapist knew anything about narcissism. That was 23 years ago. But only 3.5 years ago I first learned about narcissism from a Dr Ramani video, and that led to me finding Michele, Tamie M Joyce, Dr Les Carter, Jerry Wise, and a few others. I listened to a few videos every day while taking notes, and studying my notes, and journaling to myself. And that has speeded up my healing LOTS, thank goodness! 🤗
I realized it after 20 yrs of marriage- i was in therapy after we seperated because i thought i was a narcisisst or sociopath after being told that for many yrs by her. My therapist asked me why do i think that about myself? I was like a deer in the head lights- i never heard of a covert-
I had a knife held to my throat, punched in the face, my windshield smashed out with a shovel in her fits of rage when i would call her out- no one would believe me because she was so nice, helpful and so christian- my moment was in therapy- he finally made sense out of it for me-
My father is a malignant narc and my mother is a covert narcissist. My brother is their golden child. I’m the scapegoat. I found out pretty early in childhood but couldn’t find a name for their “behaviour” but I was always tiptoeing around them to keep daily life mostly far from escalating - I don’t know how to describe it but you get it.
This is SUCH good information! Thank you for being so clear and concise. It is exactly spot on. It is so nice to be validated on all of this!
My aha moment was a TH-cam video that showed a very simple animation of two people dancing. The voice over was talking about how a covert narcissist and an unaware empath are like two perfect dance partners. They get locked into this dance for years or maybe decades and the empath has no idea what is happening to them. It showed the empath slowly falling on their back while the narcissist leaned over them. After that other TH-camrs like yourself have explained "the dance" in detail over the past 7 years.
When you are the narcissist in your life yet ethical enough to not abuse others then things get weird and very lonely...
Covert Narcissism doesn’t mean hidden, it means VULNERABLE NARCISSISM. It’s different. Look at dr Ramanis channel. She’s a specialist at this 👍🏻
When I finally realized the person I fell in love with was in fact a covert narcissist it was my own Spider-Man: Far From Home moment where I deflected the next attack and said "You can't trick me anymore."
You know when they lack integrity.
I knew it was an abusive relationship about 2 months in, but it blew my mind when I discovered what NPD was. It’s like we all dated the same person.
Malignant and Covert are two different types of NPD
A person an be both - my sister in law
Agree. My sis is also both.🤨
It’s been 2 1/2 years and I still don’t get it, mine is adult children’s spouse affecting adult child’s complete personality…so confusing
Now I don’t know who’s the narc, child, or spouse, been discarded and don’t know why, not a clue
I know it’s not us(per psychologist ) but I still think it might be me….screwed up!
Yes - my SIL has brought me untold heartache. My daughter and i were so very close, and he seemed like the world’s BEST son in law…..until shortly after they got married. Overnight he suddenly hated me, and my relationship with my daughter became strained and distant. It’s been 12 years of the deepest pain of my life……
@@MB-sg8dx I’m so sorry you are going through this, it is very painful. It’s hard in this day and age to be believed, lots do not understand and blame us, the parents for the alienation. I hope both our beautiful daughters figure it out. It so hard to wrap our heads around why our daughters are not standing up to them but I know it’s abuse from the spouse. Unfortunately we can only hope. Have a beautiful grandaughter that doesn’t get to know us, but has great relationship with other grandparents, makes it even worse.
Hang in there, let’s hoe together that it changes and it’s not too late💕
@@Sally-ih6ls amen. I’m sorry for u as well. And I am agreeing with you in prayer.
First thing I noticed was my learned helplessness and that I was following a script (Eric Berne). Then a novel came to me: Jezebel by the Ucranian writer Irene Nemirovski. Finally, searching on TH-cam I was hit by a video. I don't remember which one but it was in Spanish and it was a trauma by itself. I became anorexic and I had sudden amnesia or let's say it was a switch. My short memory spam got destroyed while I was constantly bombarded by traumatic memories.
El dique reventó.
I always knew something was wrong with the relationship. I could never quite put my finger on it. I had googled and read about a bunch of disorders. I read about Bi-polar, Schizophrenia, Borderline, and even Narcissism among others. At this point, I still was unaware that there were different types of narcissism, let alone something called a covert narc. I always thought that there was just the classic narcissism that everyone associates with. The narcs that are easy to identify. While reading about these disorders, I could identify that she had some of the signs of various disorders, but none were enough to definitively say that that was the issue. So, the relationship trudged on. We were "Off and On" constantly. In my job, I have a lot of downtime, so I usually occupy that time watching TH-cam. One day while watching, in the right hand column, the algorithm suggested a video with the words "Vulnerable Narcissist" in the title. I remember thinking to myself WTF is a vulnerable narcissist? So, out of curiosity, I clicked it. As I recall the video was only about 10-12 minutes long. When the video was over, my jaw was on the floor. I sat there for several minutes after it ended in stunned silence. I could not believe what I had just watched. In it, the lady described a relationship with a covert narc. At that moment in time, I would have bet that she was talking specifically about my relationship with my covert narc. The hair on my arms stood on end. Ever since then, I've watched hundreds, if not thousands of hours of videos on narcissism and trauma bonds. Read books on the same. It was definitely a life changing video for me. The relationship is now over for good, but healing that trauma bond is chore.
I realized it a week after I had broken up with her for the final time. Except at that time, the word "narcissism" was not used or even a thing in psychology. A week after the break-up, I was trying to go through all the things that happened. How did she manipulate me into doing that? I don't do that. After going through the 5 other things she did in the exact same vein, suddenly, it occurred to me that she was a Master Manipulator. OMG, that is what it was. At that time, people knew that a master manipulator was to be avoided and could even be dangerous. It was really the first time I had ever run into someone who could be described that way. And yeah, I fully prepared after that to protect myself; we had lots of close friends. But, Master Manipulator is another way to think of it and it fits.
Lmao this is so real. When I went through this, I tried to prove it to everyone, (especially my dad who refused to admit to this day about my mom) and no one believed me, it was terrible and made me go even more crazy! It was the most isolated time of my life. Don’t try it, it’ll make it worse believe me🙃just go to therapy😂
Counter intuitive, reverse psychology, quick to be offended by advice or criticism or general open conversation. They employ swatting, triangulation, gaslighting. There is a manual somewhere. Too many act from the playbook unilaterally. The offices of courts employ targeted individual tactics to destroy relationships and families for personal gain, money land business liquidation imminent domain shot blocking competition by any means necessary. The snare is set in the regimes one goes to for assistance in removing a controversy, finding a cure or remedy. It is a covert Blockchain. the wrong skin color, religion, political or cultural ties will be used against you. Tell the truth and one is a terrorist. Explain the psychological nuances of covert actions behaviors alterior motives to nefarious ends and one becomes labeled the problem. The rejected cornerstone faith prayer the narrow path is all that comes to mind in these spiritual battles. Keep your head when all are losing theirs. Be sober and vigilant, the fowlers snare is set everywhere. Good people are gold to the devil, the demon, the narcissist. God's time
My wake up moment was when we were having a fight and I was trying to tell him not to stardle me when I drove because it frightened me and we could end up having a car accident.
I finally got out of the car and he spat out in anger. "I won't tell you what to do then!"
I retorted with, " Is that all you got out from that entire conversation?"
I explained the issue two more times in two different ways. "Your behavior frightens me."
Thats when the penny dropped. He didn't hear what I was saying.
It was as if, I said monkey and he heard sky! It also hit me that he did not give a hoot about my feelings. He didn't care if his behaviour frightened me. He was too interested in winning the argument, putting me down and being right.
That's when a narc video appeared on my feed. And the more I watchy, the more my 27years of marriage made sense. It was an answer to prayer.
I'm just figuring out that I went from and overt abuser to a covert one. I was well aware of the overt behavior, but the covert one has been fooling me and everyone else for years. I'm just coming to that realization, and it's hard...
Its maybe unique to tell my story, but after two years with friend who i helped with almost everything. I one said no because i needed some boundaries for my health, in that moment she created hell on earth. :( You have no idea, after two years with helping i one said no and everything was gone she like me probably only when i making something for her, but in the beginning i... I just cant anymore. This is horrible. I dont know how long it take to heal. Worst thing about it is everything what i did was with love
Yes 24 yrs before the light went on , I was almost the zombie lap dog , her rage on me was soul destroying mi could feel my blood actually boiling only because she kicked me out I had the time to research in peace my problem which turned out to be her , calling her out on the b s was the start of my recovery this will take a while , covert narcos, she has now discarded & found a new victim .
Until you realize the narcissist is you, you'll never transcend
I told everyone who should know I have covert personality disorders. They won't listen. They want to fall in love with me. I have puppy eyes. It makes me sad. Having to isolated myself in order to protect others. I am glad I am alone now. People ask a lot of me. They want me to heal them. I want that too. Have patience.
Justice for all.
My breakthrough came when i was watching YT one day. I never noticed at first but after watching 4 different videos I noticed under every vid was about narcissist. The first 1 was by Ross Rosenberg and it sparked something. Under that was Dr Ramani vid called narcissim what you must know. While watching that it was like Id just woke up from the Matrix. Then going down the rabbit hole gave me the strength to walk away. Best decision ever made. Thank you and others,we are not alone ❤
I started googling the behaviour after I saw a tiktok sitting in my car
My lightbulb moment came after years of marriage therapy alone.. Finally looked up videos about wife won’t talk to me and my heart sank. I remembered her dad and sister joking about being narcissists a long time ago but I always just thought it was someone just stuck up or something. It’s so much deeper and the further away I get the deeper down I see. They can’t change 😢
So so so so so true can't agreed more
I was to my ex narc for 24yrs
Mid range covert narc - my own Mom
After watching this video, I was immediately compelled to watch two videos on TH-cam.
" You are the wings beneath my wings. " with the Spanish captions... of course.😊
And the seven second video of MLK saying " Free at last... free at last... Thank God Almighty... Free at Last."
Thank you for what you do. Your videos are Phenomenal Michele !!! God Bless You and Yours.
Thank you. I only learned about this personality disorder, the actions, mindset, conditioning, false empathy, etc.
For many years being married these things have been aimed at me, while she rarely if ever apologised, and there was baiting, shame, insults, guilt, gaslighting, etc.
For years, I couldn’t figure out why she never really seem to be happy or why nothing would satisfy her. It was a if there was a black emptiness in her spirit that nothing could fill, and she would just complain. Also, sex and physical intimacy and appearance were used as weapons, and I only got the lowest self from her every day. It was as if she hated herself and hated women and wanted nothing to do with all of her best feminine traits. She also realized that that was what I wanted and so that also was used as a form of control, shaming or manipulation.
However, I was expected to be at my best self all the time and to go to work and provide money to do all sorts of things while she just took it easy and played the victim. There is always something wrong with her, and if you don’t show enough empathy, then you are attacked and told you are horrible and that you were abusing her.
When you try to talk to Counselors about the past, how you’re feeling, you are called irrational or crazy or delusional and that what you remember didn’t really happen but what she remembers is what really happened.
And on and on thank you for making videos like this because I had not understood the principal of the conditioning to where you have a long fuse and you are patient but then over time, due to the treatment you become more and more reactive trying to defend yourself and then they are calm. and they say “oh you’re the problem and I am fine and you’re abusing me, etc. “
Thank you for providing the education, analysis. we had gone to counselors for many years and nothing ever really seemed to improve. There always seemed to be this gap and the things I want or need were put WAY down the list, but the things she would want or need to be at the top; boundaries have to be walked over and you have to be criticized for wanting good things for yourself
It was as if the purpose of going to counseling was so they could lean on me as a third-party to do what she wanted. Then she would guilt me with what the counselor said or tell me I was doing bad bad because I didn’t follow with the counselor told me to do.
However, once the counselor would tell her to do something she would deny any problems and flip it back to me
✔️❤️
Whose fault is it when you wind up in this over and over?
Understanding that it is generational attraction
There's no making SENSE of IT
our fault. just being nice to someone, in any form, you just set yourself up to be taken advantage of. ive got to the point to go out of my way to avoid all people; narcs, and non narcs alike. it only took me 58yrs to understand that 97% of all life's problems ive had to deal with were caused by others, and their negative, hateful, actions. solution: stay away from people. its sad to think that everyone you come in contact with, there is a im going to fu ck you over in some way time clock attached to them, but its also reality.
@@lilfairycupcake - sad.
@@michaelgarrow3239 very.
Thank you so much for these videos! I have just recently found you, and you have already been so helpful. Quick question though: how do you get the 50% off deal that you talked about? I’m very interested in joining as I now strongly suspect that I had a narcissistic parent, and don’t want to be repeating this same cycle with my own kids as I feel like I’m in a marriage now with a narcissist. Thanks again!!
Thank you for sharing Michelle😋🌟
SMALL TYPO IN TITLE
*You're
Thank you for helping me wake up to my abuse and start initiating change!
Abbreviation is common nowadays in headlines
Yes, yes, yes
Yeah, religious covert malignant narcissist
Great video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
i have been in such a situation. i love my woman and unfortunately we separated about two years ago, but i could not let her go, so i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back, now we are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
wow, please how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach him?
Dr Ben Spell Castle is the advisor I use. Just research the name. You’d find necessary details to work with to set up an appointment
you can look his name up online and you will find all you need.
Thanks for sharing. I curiously searched for his full name and his website popped up after scrolling a bit.
Nice
*YOU'RE
After hanging with a CN for about 8 months (first two were just as friends, taking walks, hanging-she was a neighbor to 6 months of next level BS) the last couple of months I was just looking at her and thinking about our 'relationship, manipulationship, situationshit, etc' and just realized how it was going nowhere but round and round. She always was belly aching about her woes, daily and what ended up being the final week she was moaning about some nonsense and i said 'eject the tape'. Their was a pause, the conversation ended and by the end of the week we were done. She had a therapist too and all that gave her was more weaponization of her BS and looking back it was just daily victim/poor me/my life sux drama.