Never married, no kids, no friends, no real family. And I couldnt be happier. After the past half a century I have learnt what people are capable of, even my own family. Hang out with people, hell no.
I wish I found a solid partner. I don't need marriage anymore.. I would have loved kids, yet this economy and what is going on today...enough kids with horrible parents It would be nice to have a solid family but they are abusive.. Yet glad you are thoroughly happy.
its peoples, narcissists are the worst oviously, but average peoples are low trashbags nonetheless... we wouldn't be in the catastrophic ecological situation with honorable mass of peoples.
I was born an introvert/extrovert there is nothing that can be done about that. I accecpt myself as i am. My family does not. So ive had to distance myself from them. Add Social Anxiety to the mix because i just dont fit. And depression. Its hard. But at 70 years of age the greatest gift i can give myself is accepting who I am. I like myself and thats what matters.
Wow ~ you describe my feelings exactly! I’m 77 and have social anxiety, even with family. I actually have no problems staying home and being reclusive. My motivation to do anything is a struggle daily. You write it’s a gift you give yourself…my family and/or children don’t accept this part of me and fills me with alot of guilt.
I've definitely taken it to an unhealthy level. For almost 10 years, since I went on disability, I've gradually isolated myself to the point where I'm now completely alone. No husband, no kids and it's too late to do anything about it now. I'm too old to have babies, I'll be 46 this year, and I'm too much of a mess to have a husband. I don't talk to any of my friends anymore either. I used to at least keep in touch with them on Facebook but I quit using that like 5 years ago. I feel like I've forgotten how to even have friends or relationships 😂 and I've lived alone even longer than I've been alone, since 2013. So the idea of living with someone ever again is actually kind of scary. 😱 Yet at the same time I want to because I am lonely. The conflicting emotions drive me crazy lol
I identify with you in some respects having been house bound for 2 years due to physical n then mental health problems I've been on disability benefits since 2001 I've never had kids as I can't n I dealt/accepted that in my 30s I'm now 51 n I've been getting outside of this building since January Its little steps in everything but I'm gradually getting there I don't have family to support me or proper/close friends I'm isolated n lonely too I know exactly how that feels n this Dr has educated me n now I realise some of what's been going on in my head. I'm so grateful to this channel 😊 Self care is so important on lots of different levels Sorry this is so long winded..go well folks n take care
I hear you. Im 64. Separated. I have parkinsons so i started joining some physio class, then a choir, then my little parish choir. My ideas and beliefs have changed but i did reach out for one or two friends. And a craft group. Still have loneliness but not as acute. Maybe you could explore further. Friendship is the most perfect sort of love. And even though you may find it difficult to believe there is love in the world. You are 46. You are still young. Disability doesnt mean death. And its easier with true friends.
My God, you sound exactly like me! Except I'm 77 and I'm not looking for a romantic relationship any more. But when I was your age, I still wanted one. I had a friend at that time who said that she got along in life pretty well, but after a while, she would realize that something was bothering her. Eventually she realized that she was lonely. Then she thought about all of the things she could do to stop being lonely and then she realized all of the reasons why she didn't want to do any of those things. And slowly it would go away. And then she would get busy in her life and was distracted for a while from those feelings. I knew exactly what she meant because I would go through each one of those stages myself. I say that I am independent to an unhealthy level. I need to learn interdependence but I don't trust anyone any more in order to do that.
1:51 "For some of us, we have family at home - and no matter how much we love family, they are humans, and all human interaction drains our social battery to some degree." This is me. 100%. I've been saying this for years now. I'm a die-hard introvert and stay home most of the time. Going to a doctor appointment or the grocery store completely drains me. Social engagements drain me, even a phone call with a friend. Add to that autism, anxiety, low-grade depression, chronic pain and illness, deep financial debt, a very dirty and messy house, too many things to do that continue to pile up and make all of the above worse. And it feels like a lifetime since I've done anything just for me. I love to read, write, play my instruments, crochet, take walks - and many other things. So the only thing I really want in life at this point is to be completely left alone so I can focus on my health and my project list. The constant intrusions and expectations of my family (mainly one extremely hyper and extroverted person) make this impossible, though. I try to communicate this, I set boundaries, they begrudgingly respect most of my boundaries most of the time, but not always. But even when they do, I FEEL their presence in the house and their mental tugging on me. I know they hate my boundaries. It's an awful, horrible feeling. It's rare if nobody's home, so I absolutely relish those times when I have the house entirely to myself. I feel like a different person - a happy person - a person at peace. I feel exhilarating freedom and have so much energy! And all I can think of during those times is how much I NEED days and WEEKS of completely uninterrupted time. One time many, many years ago, when I was 27, single and working full time, I took my first staycation. I lived by myself in my childhood home next to the river. That week, I cleaned and organized my home. I went shopping one night to get a few things for my home. It was Halloween night and the stores were quiet, so it was actually very energizing. In the days that followed, I played my new CDs in my new stereo system, as I putzed around cleaning and dancing and singing. The weather was perfect, in the 70s, the sun shining every day, sparkling off the river. I didn't call or talk to anyone that whole week. It was the MOST PERFECT week of my entire life. I absolutely loathed going back to work after that, and ever since then, I have sought that kind of peaceful, blissful existence again. I've always said I would be perfectly happy to be a hermit living on top of a mountain (or next to my childhood river), as long as I had my books, music, etc. all around me. I'll probably never know in this lifetime if I could really exist that way, but I'm pretty sure I could and not miss being part of the wider world. A visit from family and friends from time to time would be enough to satisfy my need for connection.
I completely relate! I love the beautiful peace and quiet when I am alone! I enjoy reading and writing, playing guitar and arts and crafts. I love being home with my cats and doing work around my house. I thank God every day that I live in the country and can avoid neighbors for the most part. I am so introverted I only take jobs where I can mostly avoid people. I worked night shift for 6 years and it was so peaceful but I left the job after they tried to put way too much work on me. I have another job now where I have minimal interaction with others.
Why is it that one rarely finds a video urging extroverts to sit in a chair and be quiet for two hours? It seems that introverts are supposed to "step out of their comfort zone" to push themselves into social situations or risk mental illness. Why is it that you rarely hear extroverts being told to "step out of their comfort zone" and shut up for a while or risk mental illness? I read somewhere that, when an introvert is faced with an extrovert pressing them to attend a party because "it will be fun!", they should look them straight in the eye and say, "When was the last time I tried to force you to go to the library?" I'm so very tired of stepping outside my comfort zone. At times, I think I live out there and, boy, do I pay a price for it. How about a parallel to this excellent video, but telling extroverts they risk mental illness if they don't force themselves into solitude every once in a while?
Exactly! I work in a noisy environment with machines going off all day with about 20 other people. It definitely feels like extroverts are rewarded for their outgoing nature, having lots of banter, shouting, etc. I've always been told that I need to talk more, but that's exactly like me asking an extrovert to be quiet and not talk to other people.
Extroverts are praised in society for absolutely no reason. Introverts are the creatives, the inventors, the people in society that think outside of the box. Extroverts are the people that just like to hear themselves talk but never actually have anything important to say.
I am completely isolated now. I’m lonely but I trust no one. Ive always been left out of everything so I now I can’t stand the world. I feel safe in my home and find it hard to even go to the mailbox now. I live alone with my pets.
I’m the same way, I struggle to walk to my mailbox to get mail. I avoid people as much as I can after being betrayed multiple times and people are just exhausting.
When I was a "returning student" (I went back to college in my 30s), I would schedule "time for me" and put them on my calendar. When friends would call and want to do something during those times, I would simply say, "I'm sorry, I already have an appointment at that time." I didn't have to tell them that it was an appointment with myself. Everyone would say, "Oh, I'm sorry! Can we meet another time?" Worked perfectly.
Yup, both my husband and I learned a long time ago that if you give people a reason, like "We're working on a landscaping project today," that gives them something to latch onto and try to talk you out of. So we just say, "Sorry, we have plans." Then they never question us. This has been most effective with one particular person who would ALWAYS try to talk us out of our plans. In fact, he was the reason we had to come up with this, because he was a good friend and we didn't want to hurt his feelings, but he was always asking us to do stuff and was incessant.
The problem is two fold for me: I am lonely. People make me very anxious. I never WANT to go out. If I push myself, I can't wait to get home again. I have not always been like this.
I am the same way. I found friends online that share similar interests. I hope you can meet some kind like minded individuals. I like online friendships because it’s not so draining and a lot of my friends are also introverts so there is no hard feelings if we don’t keep in touch constantly.
Justification for isolation: At least I'm not making other people miserable all the time. They don't have to do the hard work being friends with me. I'm less of a burden on my family. It's my service to humanity. You're welcome.
THANK YOU! I deal with depression and anxiety, and when counselors talk with me about socializing, I tell them "sometimes I feel too drained to go out." They respond every time "Don't isolate, you shouldn't isolate." I explqin things again....and they just don't get it.
Church is another challenge. I ran our church's pantry for 8 yrs, but doing that, as well as just the expectations of church life wore me and my husband out. It actually felt Painful to have to bolster ourselves up before going to church. We couldn't take it anymore and finally quit going. Sad, but so much relief for us......
@@mph1ishsame for me; Lord is healing but sometimes churches want congregation to constantly get involved in many volunteer activities and that can really get draining over time. Not to mention if there’s a some kind of spiritual or social misalignment happening in the church.
I have lived alone (no humans), in the middle of nowhere, for 20 years, and I am content. I have pets that fill my need for love and companionship. I'm not anti society, I just don't want to be a part of it. People trigger depression, anxiety, and distrust in me. I have a sign on my door that says it best: "I live in my own little world, but it's ok...they know me here."
I'm an introvert turned socially anxious person, so I know I isolate myself for the wrong reasons a lot of the time. I feel uncomfortable around most people, after many many disappointments, I don't really understand people's attitudes and can't figure out the best way to respond ever. It's really complicated. Thank you for this video. I can relate to all of what you said. 🌷
wish I could completely isolate for a while, but people keep imposing themselves ( I dont have the balls to tell anyone to leave me be for a while) or I find myself in circumstances where I have to be around people. I'm so exhausted
Same for me, my job exhausted me and most people are just draining. I’m keeping to myself as much as I can. I actually love being alone at home with my cats!
I started working night shift 6 years ago so I don’t have to deal with coworkers. I am in my early 40s now and after years of working with others I just can’t do it anymore. I seek out jobs where I have the least interaction with others. I have never been diagnosed but I have all the traits of autism in a female and I just find most people exhausting.
Ive often felt like i was two very different people being an intervert/extrovert and its taken me a long time to accept myself as i am. Strangely enough it took criticism from my family and alot of self examination, tears and sleepless nights to finally come to terms that im ok being who i am. Yes people think im strange but its ok. Be who you are. Become comfortable with yourself. Try not to let how others feel about you get you down. Youre special just the way you are.
school=hell, as an autistic person, it was the worst experience of my life, the bullies were just equal as zombies, 30 years after, i can still hear them 24/7, leaving no silence in my head
It’s been 45 years almost for me since my first experiences of bullying, and I have many of those memories still and they still greatly affect me. I feel like such a loser idiot still letting it affect me all these years later
@@EphemeralProductions not your fault, the first experiences of life will linger for life, i personally would if someone asked me what school was like, my ansaw will be: "school was like a zombie apocalypse"
Omgosh- tired empath!!! You’re speaking my language!!! lol I’ve been isolated for over ten years!! Started with a severe car accident, but actually even before that!! Married for almost 40 years to a narcissistic abusive man. Very controlling. In early years, I naively believed the control was out of love. Fast forward, with knowledge and wisdom, realized the manipulation, gaslighting, belittling, bullying, emotional, verbal, financial abuse was ever present. Severe depression set it, then self isolation, anhedonia, and now social anxiety. Side note: car accident also gave me an additional gift….. narcolepsy. Incurable, but not fatal! For years I have just tried to accept it, even be able to laugh at myself for all the silly, weird nonsense that comes with it. At one point, kind of tongue in cheek, offered to start a group of other narcoleptics. Those who were also isolated, lost friends, and missed out on so many opportunities or events because of it. I said, “if nothing else, maybe we could all get together for a sleepover!”. lol (I thought it was funny!😊). But no takers. 😢 Now, I feel so damaged, and truly alone almost all the time. I think about my former self-full of energy, never able or wanting to sit still, or miss out on anything! This version of myself, however, longs for the moment I can go to bed, as soon as I wake up every morning!! And, more days than not, the only thing that could possibly wake me and get me moving is maybe if my hair was on fire! lol Wanting friends, but don’t have the energy to see or even call anyone. Sometimes just the thought of going out with friends is exhausting!!! Quite paradoxical. Depression so deep, I cannot find the strength to even “pretend” for a short time. Feeling lost….every fiber of my being wants to give up. But intellectually, I know that’s not what I want!!! I’m confused, ashamed, frustrated, lonely, and too exhausted to do anything about it. I feel like an idiot!! No one is coming to “save me”, I know that. If I want anything to change, I know I must do it myself. Praying for the strength to be able to fight through my pathologies, and just do it!! Fighting with yourself constantly is really taxing, right? Yet, here I sit, day after day, duking it out with myself. Wondering which version of me will win out in the end!! Lord, help me!!😢
I don't think people understand really what it's like to have disabilities and how it makes things so complex. I find also that being a senior I feel no one cares and services for seniors are shrinking in my city that is such a city of rich people. I dunno....I hope my mood can lift. I have been trying to change my personal and financial situation but feel that if I get another rejection I'll get even worse emotionally. Anyway.....I guess living is work for the young and old apparently when I read the comments on this video. It amazes me. It seems people who are young and have functioning bodies should be joyous...but it's not the case apparently. I do think it's important to work at making our lives better no matter what age or what problems we have physically. It is not as easy as it sounds when people say it....well, just try this or just try that. Maybe, just taking on one day at a time and staying busy. I'm not good on advice anymore
Absolutely! The advice in the video is great for certain situations, but if the only social interactions available to you most of the time are ones that you don’t enjoy, it’s very hard. If you are able to put yourself in (comfortable) situations where there is the potential to meet new people, there is always the opportunity to find people who you actually want to spend time with… but again, easier said than done, I know! ❤
Yes! Last summer, I saw some people at a graduation party that I hadn't seen since before the pandemic. The husband invited me over for movie night at their house, but the wife was overtly hostile (as was her mother, who I didn't even know!) and I thought, who needs this? I don't understand what was going on there, but they can stuff it. Mind you, I've known these people for 30 years. What the actual * is wrong with people?
You sound like you're an introvert. I learned that I was an introvert from reading the difference between an introvert and an extrovert: the extrovert gets energy from being around people, while the introvert has their energy drained from being around other people. They say that introverts have to go home and read a book to recover, which is exactly what I do.😅
I think the idea of framing this in terms of "isolation" and "solitude" is brilliant. In my own situation, I spent decades trying to not honor my solitude because society had convinced me that isolation and solitude were the same thing. I had finally started getting my hypervigilance under control and actually learning (forcing myself?) to enjoy social situations...around Feb. 2020. We all know what happened next. I said back then that if and when things opened back up, I wasn't opening back up. Too many of the social rules I had worked so hard to learn had permanently changed, and I wasn't about to start over like Sisyphus rolling that damned boulder up the hill. Here I am 4 yrs. later, age 58, and I have very, very few regrets about my decision. I have plenty of fun at home and out in the woods. Sometimes I wish I could get my own groceries, and my favorite band will be in concert 3 hours from here in May, but I've weighed the pros and cons, and I'm good right where I am.😊
I am a happy recluse. People exhaust me and my free time away from work is spent alone. Thankfully I mainly home -work now and I relish solitude after decades of people-pleasing .
Congrats! I mostly work alone and I’ve been so much happier ever since. I’ve accepted myself as an introvert and stopped forcing myself to be more extroverted. Unfortunately the world mostly caters to extroverts so I’ve had to get creative in finding income where I can work alone in peace.
Great advice, Dr. Scott. It's so true that society unfairly caters toward extroverts; there's one at my workplace who is so extroverted it almost seems like she can't stand to *not* be going all the time, and the end result is that even though she's not the most talented person there, she has the most extensive resume full of extracurriculars and other types of things that extroverts just naturally seek out. But at the same time, I agree with you that we introverts can't just use that as an excuse if we want to grow and experience the full breadth of things the world has to offer.
I've finally figured out that I'm a "sociable introvert". I need to spend time with people each day to have good mental health. I can feel extremely lonely if I'm just by myself for long periods of time (like more than 12 hours). I NEED some sort of social interaction every single day! However, I have a pretty limited social battery. I like to spend a couple of hours with a friend, but not all day (and definitely NOT all weekend!! Unless there's downtime factored into the weekend). So I'm always trying to balance my dual needs for connection with others and time for solitude. This is one of my biggest struggles!! I'm a semi-retired pharmacist who 6 months ago was extremely burned out by interactions with too many people making demands on me (healthcare workers are often faced with lots of responsibilities and not enough support staff). All I wanted to do was retire!! But now, if I don't work at least 2-3 days a week, and have at least one social activity on my non-work days, I feel bereft! 🤣🤣 It's been a great learning experience as I'm trying to figure out this optimal balance for my best mental well-being
Socializing? It's a fine line between necessary evil and total agony. Trust me, I've been there. Just do what makes you less miserable. As Larry David would say, "Pretty, pretty good advice, huh?"
I suffered a big trauma two years ago, I started isolating to heal and protect myself now I don’t leave my home unless I have to I do not go out socially at all
Why? I dont like going/doing alone. 😮I really have no friends. And, there's pure exhaustion, fear of looking rough, fear of seeing people I know, fear of not seeing anyone I know, fear of panic attack, feeling physically & emotionally & mentally sick.
For me as an autist it was really helpful to learn that social-detox (as I like to call it) is essential to prevent autistic burnout. And what is also absolutely important to know is that talking with neuro-peers is fundamentally different from socialising with neurotypical people.
This is good to know. I have one neice and one nephew who are on the autism spectrum who I adore and love spending time with. I've had to learn that they have a definite need for downtime, and sometimes don't respond to messages, etc. I no longer take it personally
Then there's the issue that even if it is the unhealthy version -isolation-, this still doesn't always mean you should go out and socialize. It entirely depends on what the social situation is; whether it's too far out of your comfort zone or in an acceptable range to push yourself. I've gone out before knowing I desperately wanted to avoid something because of my social anxiety, but pushed myself in the name of exposure/growth, and the experience was awful because I was panicky and overwhelmed the whole time. Slightly out of your comfort zone should be the goal eith anxiety; going too far outside it can actually exacerbate your social fears. Just wanted to throw in the other extreme.
Thanks, Dr. Scott.😊 I know most of my withdrawal is the unhealthy type. I have the double whammy of being an introvert and shy. I've been this way all my life. And yes, I've missed many opportunities because of it. Now, the only events I get invited to are family-related. I used to say yes all the time out of guilt, but now in my life, I say no about half the time. That part is the need for solitude but the unhealthy part is not having friends and not knowing how/where to make them. I don't belong to any organized group, because yeah, shy introvert. 🙃 I know if I could make a friend or two, I'd be okay, but I'm definitely not the type of person to go looking. It was so much easier when I was in school/college or worked at a place with lots of people. Invariably, someone would approach me and then I was able to talk to them. My job now is just me and one other person. I only interact with the clients who come in. I'm hoping once I get help with a physical health issue I'm dealing with, I'll muster the courage to join some type of group.
It's not only that social interactions are draining, but people do not reciprocate, so actually I don't miss anything if I don't participate. People who have time to loose in such gatherings are just searching someone to follow, to show them the way
I'm primarily an introvert, but I have a social ambivert side as well, I do find that I need a good mix of both alone time and social time. when I was young I was very shy and did not have much in the way of social skills. These issues are something I've been working on my whole life. I'm at the point where I can go out and chat with random people. If you're a shy introvert, and you would like to challenge that aspect of yourself sometimes, I would say go out there and push yourself out of your shell....even just in small, manageable doses -- over time it can be life-changing.
I feel the same.. I am 34 and sometimes I feel like I've lived in a cave or in a cabin alone in the woods... No friends only one.... And I'm driving her away.. I only go to work and then return home..
I realize the difference between being an introvert vs. an oddball loner. I had to go against my nature -- become more social -- to achieve certain goals.
It's getting to the point where even your words don't comfort me. With my life long depression and the recent loss of my son through s**cide, I just don't want to be here anymore
I’m learning how to use that word no because when I grew up, we said yes to everything and everybody Sometimes I want to protect myself by staying home, and not being around certain people that drain me, and I involve myself and my hobbies, or whatever or take long walks for me, being alone is safer
I'm trying to get out of isolation. It's so hard. I want to do things again, but i also want to hide from the world. My self-loathing is such that I'm ashamed to be seen by anyone. I am indeed in a very deep rut. I'm dealing with depression and very low self worth. Plus i have trust issues, so i push people away so i don't have to risk trusting them. That said, in my "normal" state I'm naturally introverted. I liked talking to people but at the end of the day having alone time was my haven for sorting my thoughts and recovering from overstimulation. I'd like to get back to that state of normalcy again.
Off topic but: Doc Scott, you’ve made a lot of great content about how to get out of the stuckness of not functioning when you’re depressed. But I’d like to suggest another roadblock: can u address how lack of safe touch, and time with emotionally safe people, can dis-regulate you? even to the point of not being able to function or giving you mental fogginess? Additionally, discuss how continuous contact/ isolation with toxic or severely mentally ill people can dis regulate your executive functioning even more? I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone address depression& functioning from this perspective. And I think it’s very relevant considering that evidence exists that humans ‘fail to thrive’ when they are not touched.
I can totally relate to the first question. I've been alone for 10 years, no dates, hook ups or anything else. I also live alone and don't have friends as I'm very introverted. I've found that I have brain fog and have trouble functioning because of depression. It was only when I joined a talk group where they often hug each other, that I realised I was desperate for the connection of a safe hug. I have really benefitted from that human touch.
Jeah being touch-starved is a real thing, and also touch and intimacy, when they are with the right person, creates safety and comfort in itself. If those are lacking for a prolonged period of time, it's hard to feel loved, and sometimes you just need a hug, even introverted people.
Man I’ve been putting myself out there ever since I was 18 because I used to feel ashamed of myself and I wanted to change. I picked up hobbies, traveled to another country, studied abroad, became a nurse, worked with a ton of different people especially during the pandemic. I’m now 35 and could care less, quit my job to pursue the lonely path of entrepreneurship as a single individual business and started isolating again with zero shame. Let me isolate peacefully for once in my life.
It's possible for isolation to be helpful, depending on the context. This post-pandemic push by the Surgeon General and others that everyone is lonely now and needs constant contact in order to survive feels like a bro science overcorrection to me.
When you have Anhedonia, it's so incredibly difficult to know what your actual truth is, as you don't have a benchmark on what you enjoy doing. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
My word Scott this video really spoke to me this morning.,Thank you so very much. I have always been "a loner who likes people" I have my limits. I ,unlike my husband, don't recharge well in social settings or groups. I am 75 and ,have of late, become aware of isolating myself. I now feel positive I can , with practise, get into the best place for me having listened to your explanations and tips to help myself.
My husband’s been gone for almost ten years and his family is ostracizing me, not inviting to showers, weddings etc. They’ve never really talked to me it’s always been surface talk, “hi, how are you, oh there’s so in so, I have to go talk to them.” That’s been the MO for years. I just realized I’m auadhd with very strong RSD. My husband would gaslight me on his family’s behavior towards me. Somehow I’m this awful person but my life has been extremely hard for 20+ years and I’ve always had to put on the happy happy attitude just to get through the extreme amounts of get togethers. I stopped working because of chronic stress that was getting really bad, does anyone care no, I see no one from the family except my son and grandkids once a month. I’m so over people, I feel like I’m starting over. Therapy is worthless 45 just talking, as per usual I have to take care of it myself. If I sold the house and moved that would be just as stressful and I would miss the few times I get to see the kids! But I am over people.
My grandmother hated my mother and didn't want my father to marry her. He defied her and married my mother anyway. Then he had to go off and fight in WWII. He parked my mother and my older sister at his parents' house while he was away at the war. (My God, how oblivious was he?) Needless to say, my grandmother made my mother miserable while she was there. My father died a few years after getting back from the war, and my grandmother hated my mother until the day she died. P.S. One of the reasons why my dad married my mother before he went off to war was because he knew that if anything happened to him, his parents wouldn't even inform my mother. As his wife, though, she was his next of kin.
@@susanmercurio1060 poor thing! On one hand he knew but still put her in her path! You know I used to complain to my hub about his sibs and mom and his answer was always “you’re just imagining it”, and I listened to that for years. When he was dying I came home from work one day and he said “I see what you mean about my sisters!” Great it’s a little late for that observation!
As for me I just don't feel the need too try and be around people and hangout because it's always something pretty much there's the fake one's, entitled one's, the over welling one, and the one's that's just make me sick🤔 but you don't realizes their behavior until you be around them for a few so with all that being said I now enjoy my own company every now and then I feel a little lonely but it don't last long.so I'm good just doing me. I'll be 63 year's young in August I just don't have time too feel the need to enter act with people no more then I have too🤷🏾♀️ it's been very two Year's now that I care less about company.
Man! It's gotten so bad that if I hear the gate (at home) open, my heart pumps so fast, I sweat uncontrollably and run to my room and hide. I just cannot anymore. I feel like if I would get just a month or two of TOTAL isolation, I could come back craving social interactions again. But I just can't seem to fully isolate. Feel like socializing is always imposed on me at every turn. Just need a minute please Universe!!!
Thank you, Dr Eilers. YT recommended your channel and you have been very helpful. I realized a few years ago that our society was geared towards extroversion and that wasn't good for me, an introvert. I can do well sometimes with people: for example, I talk well in public, so I'm kind of a mixed case.
I went on a drive that was over six hours round trip yesterday. I tell myself it’s just exploring, I do enjoy seeing new places but it’s not just that.
This was really helpful in getting honest with myself with isolation vs solitude, need vs want. I live alone. No nearby friends or family and work from home with no opportunity to get into an office. I'm an Ambivert. I force myself to get at least 4 hours a week to get out of the house and be with other human beings, be that walk about in the town, arranging to meet for a coffee or a walk in the park etc. Solitude for me is content, and time flies by. Isolation warning bells is getting lost in my own thoughts or ruminating or a feeling of dread or being low or 'what's the point' thoughts. Deliberately getting out of my comfort zone is my current mental wellbeing gym.
I see it not so much as isolation but as insulation from self absorbed people who drain my life force when I am around them. As I get older I just cant seem to manage their interference like I did when I was younger...so I stay away.
Same for me. I am 43 now and in my 30s it just got hard for me to deal with people on a daily basis so I started working night shift where I work alone.
not sure how to feel anything but not wanting to be around people, collectively, much anymore… especially after this horrible horrifying attack in Moscow.. seriously, i just can’t anymore..
I'm an introvert and I feel so tired of being around others after work that I just have no social energy to socialize with anyone, which over time means I only have acquaintances related to work.
This is true some isolation is unhealthy. In the last couple of years I have barely seen my friends and avoid everyone pretty much - as work just drains the living soul out of me - and my batteries definitely need recharging alone - but Ive taken it to an unhealthy level - my 'default' setting is always to do nothing and stay at home. But Ive missed out on a lot and it doesn't feel great.
The past six months or so I'm increasingly becoming more insular..I used to be very social at work, and going to the local bar etc etc.. Now I just want to be alone. My wife has gone back to her family, and it's just me. I'm not depressed, but can't deal with people.
Great video! I have some topics that I think could be great videos to make that I’m currently struggling with: - Decided to start a journey of self improvement but don’t know where or how to start - How to work on the feeling that everyone hates me? - My days always feel like they’re getting away from me while I’m batting anxiety and depression, how do you take control of your days? - Not everyday can be a good day, how do you rebound from bad days?
Thank you, Dr. Scott. This helped me realize I've been isolating myself to attempt to cope with a sexual assault a year and a half ago. Thank you. Love and appreciation from NYC
I used to be a homemaker with a good 6 hours of alone time each day and it was glorious. Then the lockdowns began and my husband still hasn’t gone back to the office. I’m at the point that I wish I’d never married and had children. White-knuckling it is simply unsustainable.
@@hbennett5640 I don't really know. That's just what I read. I'm American, in Iowa, a couple of hours from where Dr. Scott is located. Never been to Finland. All I know is that they have more metal bands per capita than any other country on earth. Maybe that accounts for some of their happiness LOL?? 🤘🎸😁
I just read an article that says the way the survey question was worded influenced the results so Finland may not be the happiest per se. They found that wording the wushu produced vastly different results
I'm getting more withdrawn, and have removed myself from a lot of social relationships. Not completely isolated, as there are still lots of soft touch situations : coffee after church, a friendly chat with coffeeshop contacts, or a chance meeting about town. . If I told the younger me, this how Id become, I would have been shocked, but its the default position I feel most at peace with right now. I do second guess it at times. but being solo and having the opportunity to pursue hobbles, and learn, really over rides those doubts. . I am animal lover, and getting a pet will be next. I do think about a romantic involvement at times, but its transitory.
Covid Lockdowns were a great shake up. Because everybody was told to isolate for a while companies & societal norms innovated more to accomodate. A part of me misses that progress.
I understand that. I find that feeding my curious mind, trying to stay healthy, appreciating the small things and having some sort of Spiritual practice or leaning, all help to fill the void.
As an ambivert, I did feel attacked on behalf of my extroverted part, so you saying you were one yourself came as a surprise. I wanted to learn to avoid isolating myself to such a degree where I let in no one and all interactions seem shallow and drain me, but I’m repulsed by the judgment in the beginning of the video and in the comments. I always envied introverts cause the lifestyle I’m living out of self-protections comes at much lower cost for them, and in social settings they are not judged nor have the same expectation placed on them just because they once acted as extroverts and all the initiative and organisations suddenly became their responsibility, nor do they have all their thoughts written on their face. I wish I could be more introverted without any extroversion left in me so that by isolating myself I wouldn’t neglect the need in communication, just because the need in solitude is much louder as I’m so burnt out from my 20s and having lead an extroverted life, after having been convinced by my introverted friends, who probably were just using me to get ahead in life and save their own energy, that I am one.
I am taking a few weeks away from people I have anxiety and depression but I’ve found that I’m getting to the root causes of why I feel the way I do and understanding how to know wat works for me and I’m learning every day about myself
This presentation really hits the spot with me! Isolation vs Solitude dichotomy was very helpful to me. At present, I’m very much on the Isolationist track……
Personally, I consider my self an introvert and sweet relief say when I get home from work. Have been working in a night club for years. Now if I was to be a part of a team say, I would prefer to lead that team than simply be a part of it. This is no doubt because I've been a supervisor for years. I avoid a good portion of social interaction. That being said, I would rather be with 1 perhaps 2 friends tops at a time than being in a big group. I value being alone a lot, obviously with something to do.
AAAAAAAGHH!!! Straighten your frame on the wall! Straighten the picture, yeah!!! Ugh, it’s all I can look at, I can’t hear what you’re saying. If I were in your office with you, I would HAVE to immediately walk behind you and fix it; THEN we could talk. Omg, I need to do some breathing exercises. Fix your shit, Dr. Scott! Oh, btw, I just got your book; it got to my house at 9pm last night. Super excited to read it! In spite of my tirade about your dysfunctional wall decor, your content has helped me tremendously. I bring up stuff from your videos fairly often with my therapist as a jumping off point for a topic. I’m also considering your coaching program. I’ve made a ton of progress over the last 6 months with my therapist and psych NP, and we’ve been talking about next steps. Thanks so much for everything you do. I’m so incredibly thankful for all that you do without a paywall. It sucks that a person has to be financially well off in order to access decent mental health care, at least here in the US. Poverty is traumatizing in so many ways. So yeah, thanks! ❤❤❤❤❤
I am introvert, people think I am friendly and social but I hate socializing. I started a business that grew and the clients love me but still deep inside I prefer to be alone.
"Unless you're a shockingly introverted person with a very socially demanding life" its me, hi Lmao im a preschool teacher. I am high energy super social all day with children that need a lot from me emotionally. So at the end of the day im done, and at the end of the week im even more done! I feel isolated but im so tired!!! 😫
Thank you for this video! It's such a hard thing for me to figure out what I need. I'm somewhere in the middle of introvert and extrovert, but with depression, anxiety and the experience that when I do to much it will worse my chronic pain.... Sometimes I miss the times I did everything, were everywhere involved and had fun. The costs were high. I paid with my mental health. But I didn't regret missing out anything ...
The thing that I dislike about introverts is that they quite often are so condemning of people who are introverted. I was once trapped on a trip with a women who thought it was her right to lecture me about how quiet I am. And this woman was not a relative or a friend, just a very shallow, narrow minded person. I was tempted to inform her that it was people like her that were the cause of my introversion., but an attempt at an intellegent conversation with her would have been pointless.
@@hbennett5640 Sometimes I wonder, is it shallowness, even vacuousness, that prompts extroverts condemnation, or, in more philosophical moments, I wonder if it is because of human's discomfort of being observed, analyzed, even judged? The classic childhood complaint, "He's looking at me!" Who knows? All I do know is, as Vita, Duchess de Boheme said, "When I am alone, that is when I am most myself."
Shoutout to all the schizoids (not to be confused with similarly spelled schizophrenia) schizoids like being alone nonstop and limiting all social contact as realistically possible. We thrive when alone. Never-rarely crave human interaction. I do however miss intellectual philosophical discussions over tea. I also enjoy non-interactive being among people e.i. In a quiet office, quiet cafe. I derive satisfaction from reading YT comments and adding comments. Human interaction offline exhausts me as mentioned in the video. I feel I „should” find people who I share interests with to take care of my mental health.
This is helpful, thanks. Yet another reason why I’m glad that I don’t have the skill set to work in an office setting. The social aspect alone would be overwhelming.
I'm no longer interested in people. I have my mom and my dad at home and a few regular people I talk to online and beyond that I don't need anyone. Of course I'd love the kind of unbreakable connections I see in my books and video games, but that's not reality. My peers are abysmal at socializing, connection, loyalty, and friendship. So am I, of course. There's more damage to be caused and experienced by trying to connect with people than benefit-I've given up and so far I don't feel I'm missing much unless you want to count all the pain of people failing me and me failing people. Not to mention being in a group setting makes me realize how messed up I am; not comparing myself to others is impossible especially when their social skills are miles above my own, and I come out feeling worse than when I went in.
Totally relate. Only person I see daily is my husband. Other than him I only keep in touch with my immediate family and a few friends online. Me and my husband have a few local friends we see on a rare occasion and that is more than enough social interaction for me. I have no desire to meet new people. Sometimes I will have a friendly chat with a stranger at the store but otherwise I am very happy to vibe alone most of the time. For years I was forced to be social at school and jobs. Now I only work jobs where I have minimal interaction.
I have no desire to go out. I have problems commiting to zoom weekly meetings as i am not sure how i will be feeling that day. When i do manage to go out i wish i was home. I have been on antidepressants for 2 n half years and diagnosed with mdd. How can i make myself look forward to anything.
What I've found as an introvert is that I need to have social interaction, but I hate being around a lot of people at a time. The best thing for me is to spend time with one or two people at a time, like go on a walk with a friend for example.
My mom dealt with similar stuff after my dad died. She eventually did what you are doing...being done with people. My mom and i were very close, and after she died, the symptomology started. I'm moving that way myself.
One thing i never realised was just how hard marriage really is when you need social isolation. I realise now i am best alone, pretty much all the time. Im late to married life and despite loving my wife, i still feel i have to escape. She must be very patient to put up with me?
Same here. I had to gently teach hubby over the years that if I go away (even if it's just upstairs in the same house), I will always, always come back to him. LIke the old "If you love something, set it free" saying. And yes, he is very patient putting up with me. Best wishes to you and your wife as you both figure out what works best for you individually and as a couple. ❤💞
Before seeing this video, I was just thinking about how I often have a feeling like "people don't relate to me in the way I want", but that I couldn't even define what that way even is. Social encounters always feel like they are specifically in service of everyone else, to the detriment of me. I do not feel like there is anything to even offer to me- I end up feeling angrier, more isolated, more disconnected, and less authentic. Even though I feel extremely isolated and lonely, because I don't see any value for the effort, so there are not "social opportunities", only "social tribulations". I don't know if my feeling is "introversion", because it just feels like a mechanism of life just doesn't work for me, rather than working differently or having a cost. So the only way I can register "regret" for not going is if and only if I seek to go out specifically to manipulate people to some practical end (e.g. I might be able to argue I "should network and look for someone I can use toward a career goal", but socializing and connection cannot be the ends even though I and struggling to fulfill that). Genuine connection, as far as I can tell, is just a mutual delusion.
57 here...fun out in the woods, that's me!!!..trail running🌲, talking to myself. Love me some me time. What group were you going to see 3 hours away, curious?
Sabaton, a metal band from Sweden. Discovered them a year ago and absolutely positively adore them! They're in Minneapolis May 2 with Judas Priest, a band I've loved for 40 years and actually did see in concert back before the world got too crazy to deal with...sigh...
Heh pretty cool to find the guy who diagnosed me with GAD in person just randomly on TH-cam. Thanks for your videos! You’re helping me out once again 💜
I got a motorcycle at age 62. As a woman I get a few raised eyebrows but being on my bike is solitude for me and even riding in a group is solitude for me. Nobody rides on the back of my bike ever!!!! Lol
I was recently invited to a wedding and the reception afterwards (I'm in the UK, I don't know how these things work elsewhere). It stressed the hell out of me when I realised that it did not say on the invitation when the event was expected to end. That was just an oversight of the bride and groom, but I didn't know if I would have to be social for half a day, or well into the evening. Raised my anxiety in ways that my extrovert partner didn't really "get".
It feels like a catch-22. I push myself to socialize when i always feel nasty. I expend energy to get there and then I have to mask and sometimes I don't talk to anybody because I cant push past my feelings. im a broken extrovert so its never a good day to socialize but the only way to trust people again is to try again and again and again ad nauseam
Today you could... But you still don't want to. When you REALLY think about putting yourself in a social situation will it give you what you're looking for? If you learn fomo isn't real and you DO pursue the interests that bring you happiness you may want less and less humans around. Humans are inherently unpleasant. Limiting your experience to one is enough.
Never married, no kids, no friends, no real family. And I couldnt be happier. After the past half a century I have learnt what people are capable of, even my own family. Hang out with people, hell no.
I wish I found a solid partner. I don't need marriage anymore..
I would have loved kids, yet this economy and what is going on today...enough kids with horrible parents
It would be nice to have a solid family but they are abusive..
Yet glad you are thoroughly happy.
Same here❤.
Its not people its narcissist! One would think one would have figured that out after half a century.
Same.
its peoples, narcissists are the worst oviously, but average peoples are low trashbags nonetheless... we wouldn't be in the catastrophic ecological situation with honorable mass of peoples.
I was born an introvert/extrovert there is nothing that can be done about that. I accecpt myself as i am. My family does not. So ive had to distance myself from them. Add Social Anxiety to the mix because i just dont fit. And depression. Its hard. But at 70 years of age the greatest gift i can give myself is accepting who I am. I like myself and thats what matters.
Wow ~ you describe my feelings exactly! I’m 77 and have social anxiety, even with family. I actually have no problems staying home and being reclusive. My motivation to do anything is a struggle daily. You write it’s a gift you give yourself…my family and/or children don’t accept this part of me and fills me with alot of guilt.
I could easily have written this very same comment, except there is no extrovert in me.
I like you too!
I feel exactly the same way you do.
I've definitely taken it to an unhealthy level. For almost 10 years, since I went on disability, I've gradually isolated myself to the point where I'm now completely alone. No husband, no kids and it's too late to do anything about it now. I'm too old to have babies, I'll be 46 this year, and I'm too much of a mess to have a husband. I don't talk to any of my friends anymore either. I used to at least keep in touch with them on Facebook but I quit using that like 5 years ago. I feel like I've forgotten how to even have friends or relationships 😂 and I've lived alone even longer than I've been alone, since 2013. So the idea of living with someone ever again is actually kind of scary. 😱 Yet at the same time I want to because I am lonely. The conflicting emotions drive me crazy lol
Yes same here. The conflicting emotions. I want a relationship, but I'm too afraid😢😢
I identify with you in some respects having been house bound for 2 years due to physical n then mental health problems I've been on disability benefits since 2001 I've never had kids as I can't n I dealt/accepted that in my 30s I'm now 51 n I've been getting outside of this building since January Its little steps in everything but I'm gradually getting there I don't have family to support me or proper/close friends I'm isolated n lonely too I know exactly how that feels n this Dr has educated me n now I realise some of what's been going on in my head. I'm so grateful to this channel 😊 Self care is so important on lots of different levels Sorry this is so long winded..go well folks n take care
I hear you. Im 64. Separated. I have parkinsons so i started joining some physio class, then a choir, then my little parish choir. My ideas and beliefs have changed but i did reach out for one or two friends. And a craft group. Still have loneliness but not as acute. Maybe you could explore further. Friendship is the most perfect sort of love. And even though you may find it difficult to believe there is love in the world. You are 46. You are still young. Disability doesnt mean death. And its easier with true friends.
Thank you everyone! It's nice to know I'm not the only one and it's helpful to hear how you cope. 😊
My God, you sound exactly like me! Except I'm 77 and I'm not looking for a romantic relationship any more. But when I was your age, I still wanted one.
I had a friend at that time who said that she got along in life pretty well, but after a while, she would realize that something was bothering her. Eventually she realized that she was lonely. Then she thought about all of the things she could do to stop being lonely and then she realized all of the reasons why she didn't want to do any of those things. And slowly it would go away. And then she would get busy in her life and was distracted for a while from those feelings.
I knew exactly what she meant because I would go through each one of those stages myself.
I say that I am independent to an unhealthy level. I need to learn interdependence but I don't trust anyone any more in order to do that.
1:51 "For some of us, we have family at home - and no matter how much we love family, they are humans, and all human interaction drains our social battery to some degree."
This is me. 100%. I've been saying this for years now. I'm a die-hard introvert and stay home most of the time. Going to a doctor appointment or the grocery store completely drains me. Social engagements drain me, even a phone call with a friend.
Add to that autism, anxiety, low-grade depression, chronic pain and illness, deep financial debt, a very dirty and messy house, too many things to do that continue to pile up and make all of the above worse. And it feels like a lifetime since I've done anything just for me. I love to read, write, play my instruments, crochet, take walks - and many other things. So the only thing I really want in life at this point is to be completely left alone so I can focus on my health and my project list. The constant intrusions and expectations of my family (mainly one extremely hyper and extroverted person) make this impossible, though. I try to communicate this, I set boundaries, they begrudgingly respect most of my boundaries most of the time, but not always. But even when they do, I FEEL their presence in the house and their mental tugging on me. I know they hate my boundaries. It's an awful, horrible feeling.
It's rare if nobody's home, so I absolutely relish those times when I have the house entirely to myself. I feel like a different person - a happy person - a person at peace. I feel exhilarating freedom and have so much energy! And all I can think of during those times is how much I NEED days and WEEKS of completely uninterrupted time.
One time many, many years ago, when I was 27, single and working full time, I took my first staycation. I lived by myself in my childhood home next to the river. That week, I cleaned and organized my home. I went shopping one night to get a few things for my home. It was Halloween night and the stores were quiet, so it was actually very energizing. In the days that followed, I played my new CDs in my new stereo system, as I putzed around cleaning and dancing and singing. The weather was perfect, in the 70s, the sun shining every day, sparkling off the river. I didn't call or talk to anyone that whole week. It was the MOST PERFECT week of my entire life. I absolutely loathed going back to work after that, and ever since then, I have sought that kind of peaceful, blissful existence again.
I've always said I would be perfectly happy to be a hermit living on top of a mountain (or next to my childhood river), as long as I had my books, music, etc. all around me. I'll probably never know in this lifetime if I could really exist that way, but I'm pretty sure I could and not miss being part of the wider world. A visit from family and friends from time to time would be enough to satisfy my need for connection.
I completely relate! I love the beautiful peace and quiet when I am alone! I enjoy reading and writing, playing guitar and arts and crafts. I love being home with my cats and doing work around my house. I thank God every day that I live in the country and can avoid neighbors for the most part. I am so introverted I only take jobs where I can mostly avoid people. I worked night shift for 6 years and it was so peaceful but I left the job after they tried to put way too much work on me. I have another job now where I have minimal interaction with others.
Why is it that one rarely finds a video urging extroverts to sit in a chair and be quiet for two hours? It seems that introverts are supposed to "step out of their comfort zone" to push themselves into social situations or risk mental illness. Why is it that you rarely hear extroverts being told to "step out of their comfort zone" and shut up for a while or risk mental illness? I read somewhere that, when an introvert is faced with an extrovert pressing them to attend a party because "it will be fun!", they should look them straight in the eye and say, "When was the last time I tried to force you to go to the library?" I'm so very tired of stepping outside my comfort zone. At times, I think I live out there and, boy, do I pay a price for it. How about a parallel to this excellent video, but telling extroverts they risk mental illness if they don't force themselves into solitude every once in a while?
Exactly! I work in a noisy environment with machines going off all day with about 20 other people. It definitely feels like extroverts are rewarded for their outgoing nature, having lots of banter, shouting, etc. I've always been told that I need to talk more, but that's exactly like me asking an extrovert to be quiet and not talk to other people.
Extroverts are praised in society for absolutely no reason. Introverts are the creatives, the inventors, the people in society that think outside of the box. Extroverts are the people that just like to hear themselves talk but never actually have anything important to say.
I am completely isolated now. I’m lonely but I trust no one. Ive always been left out of everything so I now I can’t stand the world. I feel safe in my home and find it hard to even go to the mailbox now. I live alone with my pets.
I’m the same way, I struggle to walk to my mailbox to get mail. I avoid people as much as I can after being betrayed multiple times and people are just exhausting.
When I was a "returning student" (I went back to college in my 30s), I would schedule "time for me" and put them on my calendar. When friends would call and want to do something during those times, I would simply say, "I'm sorry, I already have an appointment at that time." I didn't have to tell them that it was an appointment with myself. Everyone would say, "Oh, I'm sorry! Can we meet another time?"
Worked perfectly.
🙌🫶🙏🙌 "No, I'm sorry" . .. ... ...😀
That's a great idea!
Yup, both my husband and I learned a long time ago that if you give people a reason, like "We're working on a landscaping project today," that gives them something to latch onto and try to talk you out of. So we just say, "Sorry, we have plans." Then they never question us. This has been most effective with one particular person who would ALWAYS try to talk us out of our plans. In fact, he was the reason we had to come up with this, because he was a good friend and we didn't want to hurt his feelings, but he was always asking us to do stuff and was incessant.
The problem is two fold for me: I am lonely. People make me very anxious. I never WANT to go out. If I push myself, I can't wait to get home again. I have not always been like this.
I am the same way. I found friends online that share similar interests. I hope you can meet some kind like minded individuals. I like online friendships because it’s not so draining and a lot of my friends are also introverts so there is no hard feelings if we don’t keep in touch constantly.
Justification for isolation: At least I'm not making other people miserable all the time. They don't have to do the hard work being friends with me. I'm less of a burden on my family. It's my service to humanity. You're welcome.
😑same👍
God I feel that!
Same
THANK YOU! I deal with depression and anxiety, and when counselors talk with me about socializing, I tell them "sometimes I feel too drained to go out." They respond every time "Don't isolate, you shouldn't isolate." I explqin things again....and they just don't get it.
Sounds like they are trying to force everyone to be extroverts! As an introvert I need a lot of alone time to recharge.
Church is another challenge. I ran our church's pantry for 8 yrs, but doing that, as well as just the expectations of church life wore me and my husband out. It actually felt Painful to have to bolster ourselves up before going to church. We couldn't take it anymore and finally quit going. Sad, but so much relief for us......
Opposite for me...Church is where I find most peace and no pressure. Just spending time with The Lord is so healing for me.
@@mph1ishsame for me; Lord is healing but sometimes churches want congregation to constantly get involved in many volunteer activities and that can really get draining over time. Not to mention if there’s a some kind of spiritual or social misalignment happening in the church.
I have lived alone (no humans), in the middle of nowhere, for 20 years, and I am content. I have pets that fill my need for love and companionship. I'm not anti society, I just don't want to be a part of it. People trigger depression, anxiety, and distrust in me. I have a sign on my door that says it best: "I live in my own little world, but it's ok...they know me here."
Don’t mind me asking but how do you manage to earn a living that way?
Introverts rise up!!! Tell extroverts NO MEANS NO!
Yes.....NO!❤
Introverts of the world unite! Or wait...maybe not. 😂😂😂
@@DriftlessWarriorlol😂😂
Indeed dear! 👍🏼😘
I'm an introvert turned socially anxious person, so I know I isolate myself for the wrong reasons a lot of the time. I feel uncomfortable around most people, after many many disappointments, I don't really understand people's attitudes and can't figure out the best way to respond ever. It's really complicated. Thank you for this video. I can relate to all of what you said. 🌷
I no longer want to be around anyone! After some bad things that happened about 4 months ago. I honestly rather isolate, just seems easier and safer.
I've been isolating for the past 2+ years. People seem to be more trouble than they are worth so I stay home and hang out with my cat.
wish I could completely isolate for a while, but people keep imposing themselves ( I dont have the balls to tell anyone to leave me be for a while) or I find myself in circumstances where I have to be around people. I'm so exhausted
@@DjDeja Cats are SO much better than people! 😻
The book, Boundary Boss helped me.
Same for me, my job exhausted me and most people are just draining. I’m keeping to myself as much as I can. I actually love being alone at home with my cats!
This video really hits the mark for an introvert. A lot of jobs in particular seem to want extroverts.
For sure! Please just let me sit and do my job.
I started working night shift 6 years ago so I don’t have to deal with coworkers. I am in my early 40s now and after years of working with others I just can’t do it anymore. I seek out jobs where I have the least interaction with others. I have never been diagnosed but I have all the traits of autism in a female and I just find most people exhausting.
Ive often felt like i was two very different people being an intervert/extrovert and its taken me a long time to accept myself as i am. Strangely enough it took criticism from my family and alot of self examination, tears and sleepless nights to finally come to terms that im ok being who i am. Yes people think im strange but its ok. Be who you are. Become comfortable with yourself. Try not to let how others feel about you get you down. Youre special just the way you are.
Awe, sweet comment. I always felt awkward, but I am more okay with it now....❤
school=hell, as an autistic person, it was the worst experience of my life, the bullies were just equal as zombies, 30 years after, i can still hear them 24/7, leaving no silence in my head
I hear them too
It’s been 45 years almost for me since my first experiences of bullying, and I have many of those memories still and they still greatly affect me. I feel like such a loser idiot still letting it affect me all these years later
@@EphemeralProductions not your fault, the first experiences of life will linger for life, i personally would if someone asked me what school was like, my ansaw will be: "school was like a zombie apocalypse"
I can relate. I am 63, disabled and for the past decade I have completely become a recluse
Omgosh- tired empath!!! You’re speaking my language!!! lol
I’ve been isolated for over ten years!! Started with a severe car accident, but actually even before that!!
Married for almost 40 years to a narcissistic abusive man. Very controlling. In early years, I naively believed the control was out of love. Fast forward, with knowledge and wisdom, realized the manipulation, gaslighting, belittling, bullying, emotional, verbal, financial abuse was ever present.
Severe depression set it, then self isolation, anhedonia, and now social anxiety.
Side note: car accident also gave me an additional gift….. narcolepsy.
Incurable, but not fatal! For years I have just tried to accept it, even be able to laugh at myself for all the silly, weird nonsense that comes with it. At one point, kind of tongue in cheek, offered to start a group of other narcoleptics. Those who were also isolated, lost friends, and missed out on so many opportunities or events because of it. I said, “if nothing else, maybe we could all get together for a sleepover!”. lol
(I thought it was funny!😊). But no takers. 😢
Now, I feel so damaged, and truly alone almost all the time.
I think about my former self-full of energy, never able or wanting to sit still, or miss out on anything!
This version of myself, however, longs for the moment I can go to bed, as soon as I wake up every morning!! And, more days than not, the only thing that could possibly wake me and get me moving is maybe if my hair was on fire! lol
Wanting friends, but don’t have the energy to see or even call anyone. Sometimes just the thought of going out with friends is exhausting!!!
Quite paradoxical.
Depression so deep, I cannot find the strength to even “pretend” for a short time.
Feeling lost….every fiber of my being wants to give up. But intellectually, I know that’s not what I want!!!
I’m confused, ashamed, frustrated, lonely, and too exhausted to do anything about it.
I feel like an idiot!! No one is coming to “save me”, I know that. If I want anything to change, I know I must do it myself.
Praying for the strength to be able to fight through my pathologies, and just do it!!
Fighting with yourself constantly is really taxing, right? Yet, here I sit, day after day, duking it out with myself. Wondering which version of me will win out in the end!!
Lord, help me!!😢
I don't think people understand really what it's like to have disabilities and how it makes things so complex. I find also that being a senior I feel no one cares and services for seniors are shrinking in my city that is such a city of rich people.
I dunno....I hope my mood can lift. I have been trying to change my personal and financial situation but feel that if I get another rejection I'll get even worse emotionally.
Anyway.....I guess living is work for the young and old apparently when I read the comments on this video. It amazes me. It seems people who are young and have functioning bodies should be joyous...but it's not the case apparently.
I do think it's important to work at making our lives better no matter what age or what problems we have physically. It is not as easy as it sounds when people say it....well, just try this or just try that. Maybe, just taking on one day at a time and staying busy. I'm not good on advice anymore
Hugs❤
Regardless of the nature of socializing, I ALWAYS feel as though it was a mistake.
Absolutely! The advice in the video is great for certain situations, but if the only social interactions available to you most of the time are ones that you don’t enjoy, it’s very hard. If you are able to put yourself in (comfortable) situations where there is the potential to meet new people, there is always the opportunity to find people who you actually want to spend time with… but again, easier said than done, I know! ❤
Yes! Last summer, I saw some people at a graduation party that I hadn't seen since before the pandemic. The husband invited me over for movie night at their house, but the wife was overtly hostile (as was her mother, who I didn't even know!) and I thought, who needs this? I don't understand what was going on there, but they can stuff it. Mind you, I've known these people for 30 years. What the actual * is wrong with people?
i take 2 hour drives in the car after social events. Just me and the car and the highway. I need it. Alone time can be VERY healthy
You sound like you're an introvert. I learned that I was an introvert from reading the difference between an introvert and an extrovert: the extrovert gets energy from being around people, while the introvert has their energy drained from being around other people.
They say that introverts have to go home and read a book to recover, which is exactly what I do.😅
Yes people are draining, I want solitude
I think the idea of framing this in terms of "isolation" and "solitude" is brilliant. In my own situation, I spent decades trying to not honor my solitude because society had convinced me that isolation and solitude were the same thing. I had finally started getting my hypervigilance under control and actually learning (forcing myself?) to enjoy social situations...around Feb. 2020. We all know what happened next. I said back then that if and when things opened back up, I wasn't opening back up. Too many of the social rules I had worked so hard to learn had permanently changed, and I wasn't about to start over like Sisyphus rolling that damned boulder up the hill. Here I am 4 yrs. later, age 58, and I have very, very few regrets about my decision. I have plenty of fun at home and out in the woods. Sometimes I wish I could get my own groceries, and my favorite band will be in concert 3 hours from here in May, but I've weighed the pros and cons, and I'm good right where I am.😊
I am a happy recluse. People exhaust me and my free time away from work is spent alone. Thankfully I mainly home -work now and I relish solitude after decades of people-pleasing .
❤👍🥀
Congrats! I mostly work alone and I’ve been so much happier ever since. I’ve accepted myself as an introvert and stopped forcing myself to be more extroverted. Unfortunately the world mostly caters to extroverts so I’ve had to get creative in finding income where I can work alone in peace.
Great advice, Dr. Scott. It's so true that society unfairly caters toward extroverts; there's one at my workplace who is so extroverted it almost seems like she can't stand to *not* be going all the time, and the end result is that even though she's not the most talented person there, she has the most extensive resume full of extracurriculars and other types of things that extroverts just naturally seek out. But at the same time, I agree with you that we introverts can't just use that as an excuse if we want to grow and experience the full breadth of things the world has to offer.
I've finally figured out that I'm a "sociable introvert". I need to spend time with people each day to have good mental health. I can feel extremely lonely if I'm just by myself for long periods of time (like more than 12 hours). I NEED some sort of social interaction every single day! However, I have a pretty limited social battery. I like to spend a couple of hours with a friend, but not all day (and definitely NOT all weekend!! Unless there's downtime factored into the weekend). So I'm always trying to balance my dual needs for connection with others and time for solitude. This is one of my biggest struggles!! I'm a semi-retired pharmacist who 6 months ago was extremely burned out by interactions with too many people making demands on me (healthcare workers are often faced with lots of responsibilities and not enough support staff). All I wanted to do was retire!! But now, if I don't work at least 2-3 days a week, and have at least one social activity on my non-work days, I feel bereft! 🤣🤣
It's been a great learning experience as I'm trying to figure out this optimal balance for my best mental well-being
Socializing? It's a fine line between necessary evil and total agony. Trust me, I've been there. Just do what makes you less miserable. As Larry David would say, "Pretty, pretty good advice, huh?"
I suffered a big trauma two years ago, I started isolating to heal and protect myself now I don’t leave my home unless I have to I do not go out socially at all
It’s been 4 1/2 years for me. ✌️❤️🙏
Rarely go out...worked in an office for 39 years...peaceful now some loneliness. Read watch movies, make bread, daydream a little❤.
Why? I dont like going/doing alone. 😮I really have no friends. And, there's pure exhaustion, fear of looking rough, fear of seeing people I know, fear of not seeing anyone I know, fear of panic attack, feeling physically & emotionally & mentally sick.
For me as an autist it was really helpful to learn that social-detox (as I like to call it) is essential to prevent autistic burnout. And what is also absolutely important to know is that talking with neuro-peers is fundamentally different from socialising with neurotypical people.
Amen!!!!
This is good to know. I have one neice and one nephew who are on the autism spectrum who I adore and love spending time with. I've had to learn that they have a definite need for downtime, and sometimes don't respond to messages, etc. I no longer take it personally
Then there's the issue that even if it is the unhealthy version -isolation-, this still doesn't always mean you should go out and socialize. It entirely depends on what the social situation is; whether it's too far out of your comfort zone or in an acceptable range to push yourself. I've gone out before knowing I desperately wanted to avoid something because of my social anxiety, but pushed myself in the name of exposure/growth, and the experience was awful because I was panicky and overwhelmed the whole time. Slightly out of your comfort zone should be the goal eith anxiety; going too far outside it can actually exacerbate your social fears. Just wanted to throw in the other extreme.
I want to be around other people and have friendships and relationships--but that is also the thing I'm most afraid of.
Im not afraid of it. Relationships atleast romantically are simply out of my grasp. Afraid or not. The isolation does hurt
Thanks, Dr. Scott.😊 I know most of my withdrawal is the unhealthy type. I have the double whammy of being an introvert and shy. I've been this way all my life. And yes, I've missed many opportunities because of it. Now, the only events I get invited to are family-related. I used to say yes all the time out of guilt, but now in my life, I say no about half the time. That part is the need for solitude but the unhealthy part is not having friends and not knowing how/where to make them. I don't belong to any organized group, because yeah, shy introvert. 🙃
I know if I could make a friend or two, I'd be okay, but I'm definitely not the type of person to go looking. It was so much easier when I was in school/college or worked at a place with lots of people. Invariably, someone would approach me and then I was able to talk to them. My job now is just me and one other person. I only interact with the clients who come in. I'm hoping once I get help with a physical health issue I'm dealing with, I'll muster the courage to join some type of group.
as an introvert i fully resonate with this. I need to withdraw socially in order to recharge otherwise i get overwhelmed
Same❤
It's not only that social interactions are draining, but people do not reciprocate, so actually I don't miss anything if I don't participate. People who have time to loose in such gatherings are just searching someone to follow, to show them the way
I find peace in solitude. I mingle when I have to or want to. No problem.
I'm primarily an introvert, but I have a social ambivert side as well, I do find that I need a good mix of both alone time and social time.
when I was young I was very shy and did not have much in the way of social skills. These issues are something I've been working on my whole life. I'm at the point where I can go out and chat with random people.
If you're a shy introvert, and you would like to challenge that aspect of yourself sometimes, I would say go out there and push yourself out of your shell....even just in small, manageable doses -- over time it can be life-changing.
I feel the same.. I am 34 and sometimes I feel like I've lived in a cave or in a cabin alone in the woods... No friends only one.... And I'm driving her away.. I only go to work and then return home..
I realize the difference between being an introvert vs. an oddball loner. I had to go against my nature -- become more social -- to achieve certain goals.
It's getting to the point where even your words don't comfort me. With my life long depression and the recent loss of my son through s**cide, I just don't want to be here anymore
I'm so sorry about your situation. I light a candle for you and send a hug.
I’m so so sorry my love. You’re grief and sadness is understood. I hope you reach out for help, you can get through this ❤❤
I’m learning how to use that word no because when I grew up, we said yes to everything and everybody Sometimes I want to protect myself by staying home, and not being around certain people that drain me, and I involve myself and my hobbies, or whatever or take long walks for me, being alone is safer
Safer and more peaceful...I'm there❤.
I'm trying to get out of isolation. It's so hard. I want to do things again, but i also want to hide from the world. My self-loathing is such that I'm ashamed to be seen by anyone. I am indeed in a very deep rut. I'm dealing with depression and very low self worth. Plus i have trust issues, so i push people away so i don't have to risk trusting them.
That said, in my "normal" state I'm naturally introverted. I liked talking to people but at the end of the day having alone time was my haven for sorting my thoughts and recovering from overstimulation. I'd like to get back to that state of normalcy again.
You sound pretty normal to me! We all need time to ourselves hugs🤗
Off topic but: Doc Scott, you’ve made a lot of great content about how to get out of the stuckness of not functioning when you’re depressed. But I’d like to suggest another roadblock:
can u address how lack of safe touch, and time with emotionally safe people, can dis-regulate you? even to the point of not being able to function or giving you mental fogginess?
Additionally, discuss how continuous contact/ isolation with toxic or severely mentally ill people can dis regulate your executive functioning even more?
I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone address depression& functioning from this perspective. And I think it’s very relevant considering that evidence exists that humans ‘fail to thrive’ when they are not touched.
I can totally relate to the first question. I've been alone for 10 years, no dates, hook ups or anything else. I also live alone and don't have friends as I'm very introverted. I've found that I have brain fog and have trouble functioning because of depression. It was only when I joined a talk group where they often hug each other, that I realised I was desperate for the connection of a safe hug. I have really benefitted from that human touch.
Jeah being touch-starved is a real thing, and also touch and intimacy, when they are with the right person, creates safety and comfort in itself. If those are lacking for a prolonged period of time, it's hard to feel loved, and sometimes you just need a hug, even introverted people.
Man I’ve been putting myself out there ever since I was 18 because I used to feel ashamed of myself and I wanted to change. I picked up hobbies, traveled to another country, studied abroad, became a nurse, worked with a ton of different people especially during the pandemic. I’m now 35 and could care less, quit my job to pursue the lonely path of entrepreneurship as a single individual business and started isolating again with zero shame. Let me isolate peacefully for once in my life.
It's possible for isolation to be helpful, depending on the context. This post-pandemic push by the Surgeon General and others that everyone is lonely now and needs constant contact in order to survive feels like a bro science overcorrection to me.
When you have Anhedonia, it's so incredibly difficult to know what your actual truth is, as you don't have a benchmark on what you enjoy doing.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
My word Scott this video really spoke to me this morning.,Thank you so very much. I have always been "a loner who likes people" I have my limits. I ,unlike my husband, don't recharge well in social settings or groups. I am 75 and ,have of late, become aware of isolating myself. I now feel positive I can , with practise, get into the best place for me having listened to your explanations and tips to help myself.
I’m currently isolating.
It’s comforting to me.
I’m lonely but I’m not getting hurt by anyone.
My husband’s been gone for almost ten years and his family is ostracizing me, not inviting to showers, weddings etc. They’ve never really talked to me it’s always been surface talk, “hi, how are you, oh there’s so in so, I have to go talk to them.” That’s been the MO for years. I just realized I’m auadhd with very strong RSD. My husband would gaslight me on his family’s behavior towards me. Somehow I’m this awful person but my life has been extremely hard for 20+ years and I’ve always had to put on the happy happy attitude just to get through the extreme amounts of get togethers. I stopped working because of chronic stress that was getting really bad, does anyone care no, I see no one from the family except my son and grandkids once a month. I’m so over people, I feel like I’m starting over. Therapy is worthless 45 just talking, as per usual I have to take care of it myself. If I sold the house and moved that would be just as stressful and I would miss the few times I get to see the kids! But I am over people.
My grandmother hated my mother and didn't want my father to marry her. He defied her and married my mother anyway. Then he had to go off and fight in WWII.
He parked my mother and my older sister at his parents' house while he was away at the war. (My God, how oblivious was he?) Needless to say, my grandmother made my mother miserable while she was there.
My father died a few years after getting back from the war, and my grandmother hated my mother until the day she died.
P.S. One of the reasons why my dad married my mother before he went off to war was because he knew that if anything happened to him, his parents wouldn't even inform my mother. As his wife, though, she was his next of kin.
@@susanmercurio1060 poor thing! On one hand he knew but still put her in her path! You know I used to complain to my hub about his sibs and mom and his answer was always “you’re just imagining it”, and I listened to that for years. When he was dying I came home from work one day and he said “I see what you mean about my sisters!” Great it’s a little late for that observation!
As for me I just don't feel the need too try and be around people and hangout because it's always something pretty much there's the fake one's, entitled one's, the over welling one, and the one's that's just make me sick🤔 but you don't realizes their behavior until you be around them for a few so with all that being said I now enjoy my own company every now and then I feel a little lonely but it don't last long.so I'm good just doing me. I'll be 63 year's young in August I just don't have time too feel the need to enter act with people no more then I have too🤷🏾♀️ it's been very two Year's now that I care less about company.
Man! It's gotten so bad that if I hear the gate (at home) open, my heart pumps so fast, I sweat uncontrollably and run to my room and hide. I just cannot anymore. I feel like if I would get just a month or two of TOTAL isolation, I could come back craving social interactions again. But I just can't seem to fully isolate. Feel like socializing is always imposed on me at every turn. Just need a minute please Universe!!!
Yes I’ve been looking for a silent retreat
Amazon sells a doormat that reads, "Did you call first?" If I'm not expecting someone, I don't answer the door.
@@The-willow-fairysomewhere remote and in nature!
Thank you, Dr Eilers. YT recommended your channel and you have been very helpful.
I realized a few years ago that our society was geared towards extroversion and that wasn't good for me, an introvert.
I can do well sometimes with people: for example, I talk well in public, so I'm kind of a mixed case.
I have been avoiding people more and more these last couple of months. I am incredibly lonely, but I don't really want to show myself.
The best part is when extrovert you makes appointments with folk for next week. Next week the introvert you cancels all of them one by one.
This is my MO....lol❤️
I went on a drive that was over six hours round trip yesterday. I tell myself it’s just exploring, I do enjoy seeing new places but it’s not just that.
This was really helpful in getting honest with myself with isolation vs solitude, need vs want.
I live alone. No nearby friends or family and work from home with no opportunity to get into an office. I'm an Ambivert. I force myself to get at least 4 hours a week to get out of the house and be with other human beings, be that walk about in the town, arranging to meet for a coffee or a walk in the park etc. Solitude for me is content, and time flies by. Isolation warning bells is getting lost in my own thoughts or ruminating or a feeling of dread or being low or 'what's the point' thoughts. Deliberately getting out of my comfort zone is my current mental wellbeing gym.
I see it not so much as isolation but as insulation from self absorbed people who drain my life force when I am around them. As I get older I just cant seem to manage their interference like I did when I was younger...so I stay away.
Same for me. I am 43 now and in my 30s it just got hard for me to deal with people on a daily basis so I started working night shift where I work alone.
not sure how to feel anything but not wanting to be around people, collectively, much anymore… especially after this horrible horrifying attack in Moscow.. seriously, i just can’t anymore..
I feel the same way 😢🤗🌺❤️
I can't stand the carnage in Ukraine and the murderous rampage in Gaza, and now this....
Me either...our world is growing dark. I love all of you in introverted land❤.
I'm an introvert and I feel so tired of being around others after work that I just have no social energy to socialize with anyone, which over time means I only have acquaintances related to work.
This
Same❤
This is true some isolation is unhealthy. In the last couple of years I have barely seen my friends and avoid everyone pretty much - as work just drains the living soul out of me - and my batteries definitely need recharging alone - but Ive taken it to an unhealthy level - my 'default' setting is always to do nothing and stay at home. But Ive missed out on a lot and it doesn't feel great.
I have also, so exhausted after work.
The past six months or so I'm increasingly becoming more insular..I used to be very social at work, and going to the local bar etc etc..
Now I just want to be alone.
My wife has gone back to her family, and it's just me.
I'm not depressed, but can't deal with people.
We appreciate your insights. You'll always have our support.
Great video! I have some topics that I think could be great videos to make that I’m currently struggling with:
- Decided to start a journey of self improvement but don’t know where or how to start
- How to work on the feeling that everyone hates me?
- My days always feel like they’re getting away from me while I’m batting anxiety and depression, how do you take control of your days?
- Not everyday can be a good day, how do you rebound from bad days?
Thank you, Dr. Scott. This helped me realize I've been isolating myself to attempt to cope with a sexual assault a year and a half ago. Thank you. Love and appreciation from NYC
I used to be a homemaker with a good 6 hours of alone time each day and it was glorious. Then the lockdowns began and my husband still hasn’t gone back to the office. I’m at the point that I wish I’d never married and had children. White-knuckling it is simply unsustainable.
What you see as unhealthy is perfectly normal in Finland 😊
I just read somewhere that Finland is the happiest country on earth...hmmm...
How, explain Finland life?
@@hbennett5640 I don't really know. That's just what I read. I'm American, in Iowa, a couple of hours from where Dr. Scott is located. Never been to Finland. All I know is that they have more metal bands per capita than any other country on earth. Maybe that accounts for some of their happiness LOL?? 🤘🎸😁
I just read an article that says the way the survey question was worded influenced the results so Finland may not be the happiest per se. They found that wording the wushu produced vastly different results
@@peterevensen Who cares, it's all bullshit anyway. I was only pointing out cultural differences.
I'm getting more withdrawn, and have removed myself from a lot of social relationships. Not completely isolated, as there are still lots of soft touch situations : coffee after church, a friendly chat with coffeeshop contacts, or a chance meeting about town. . If I told the younger me, this how Id become, I would have been shocked, but its the default position I feel most at peace with right now. I do second guess it at times. but being solo and having the opportunity to pursue hobbles, and learn, really over rides those doubts. . I am animal lover, and getting a pet will be next. I do think about a romantic involvement at times, but its transitory.
We don't want anyone 😞 speaking for me myself and i
Covid Lockdowns were a great shake up. Because everybody was told to isolate for a while companies & societal norms innovated more to accomodate. A part of me misses that progress.
lol I really enjoyed lockdown, wish it would come back, but without any catastrophe attached to it
I understand that. I find that feeding my curious mind, trying to stay healthy, appreciating the small things and having some sort of Spiritual practice or leaning, all help to fill the void.
As an ambivert, I did feel attacked on behalf of my extroverted part, so you saying you were one yourself came as a surprise. I wanted to learn to avoid isolating myself to such a degree where I let in no one and all interactions seem shallow and drain me, but I’m repulsed by the judgment in the beginning of the video and in the comments. I always envied introverts cause the lifestyle I’m living out of self-protections comes at much lower cost for them, and in social settings they are not judged nor have the same expectation placed on them just because they once acted as extroverts and all the initiative and organisations suddenly became their responsibility, nor do they have all their thoughts written on their face. I wish I could be more introverted without any extroversion left in me so that by isolating myself I wouldn’t neglect the need in communication, just because the need in solitude is much louder as I’m so burnt out from my 20s and having lead an extroverted life, after having been convinced by my introverted friends, who probably were just using me to get ahead in life and save their own energy, that I am one.
I’ve been in therapy for 2 years now and I haven’t asked this question before. Thank you for this channel.
I am taking a few weeks away from people I have anxiety and depression but I’ve found that I’m getting to the root causes of why I feel the way I do and understanding how to know wat works for me and I’m learning every day about myself
This presentation really hits the spot with me! Isolation vs Solitude dichotomy was very helpful to me. At present, I’m very much on the Isolationist track……
Absolutely love this channel. By far one of my favourites. Thanku Dr Scott.
Personally, I consider my self an introvert and sweet relief say when I get home from work. Have been working in a night club for years.
Now if I was to be a part of a team say, I would prefer to lead that team than simply be a part of it. This is no doubt because I've been a supervisor for years.
I avoid a good portion of social interaction. That being said, I would rather be with 1 perhaps 2 friends tops at a time than being in a big group.
I value being alone a lot, obviously with something to do.
AAAAAAAGHH!!! Straighten your frame on the wall! Straighten the picture, yeah!!! Ugh, it’s all I can look at, I can’t hear what you’re saying. If I were in your office with you, I would HAVE to immediately walk behind you and fix it; THEN we could talk. Omg, I need to do some breathing exercises. Fix your shit, Dr. Scott!
Oh, btw, I just got your book; it got to my house at 9pm last night. Super excited to read it! In spite of my tirade about your dysfunctional wall decor, your content has helped me tremendously. I bring up stuff from your videos fairly often with my therapist as a jumping off point for a topic.
I’m also considering your coaching program. I’ve made a ton of progress over the last 6 months with my therapist and psych NP, and we’ve been talking about next steps.
Thanks so much for everything you do. I’m so incredibly thankful for all that you do without a paywall. It sucks that a person has to be financially well off in order to access decent mental health care, at least here in the US. Poverty is traumatizing in so many ways. So yeah, thanks! ❤❤❤❤❤
Solitude is the best way to heal from within & grow by redefining your mindset
I am introvert, people think I am friendly and social but I hate socializing. I started a business that grew and the clients love me but still deep inside I prefer to be alone.
"Unless you're a shockingly introverted person with a very socially demanding life" its me, hi
Lmao im a preschool teacher. I am high energy super social all day with children that need a lot from me emotionally.
So at the end of the day im done, and at the end of the week im even more done!
I feel isolated but im so tired!!! 😫
Tired as well, coworker adult kids, lol. Feel your pain.
Thank you for this video! It's such a hard thing for me to figure out what I need. I'm somewhere in the middle of introvert and extrovert, but with depression, anxiety and the experience that when I do to much it will worse my chronic pain.... Sometimes I miss the times I did everything, were everywhere involved and had fun. The costs were high. I paid with my mental health. But I didn't regret missing out anything ...
The thing that I dislike about introverts is that they quite often are so condemning of people who are introverted. I was once trapped on a trip with a women who thought it was her right to lecture me about how quiet I am. And this woman was not a relative or a friend, just a very shallow, narrow minded person. I was tempted to inform her that it was people like her that were the cause of my introversion., but an attempt at an intellegent conversation with her would have been pointless.
Yes, don't people understand some are more quiet and observers, so annoying.
@@hbennett5640 Sometimes I wonder, is it shallowness, even vacuousness, that prompts extroverts condemnation, or, in more philosophical moments, I wonder if it is because of human's discomfort of being observed, analyzed, even judged? The classic childhood complaint, "He's looking at me!" Who knows? All I do know is, as Vita, Duchess de Boheme said, "When I am alone, that is when I am most myself."
Shoutout to all the schizoids (not to be confused with similarly spelled schizophrenia) schizoids like being alone nonstop and limiting all social contact as realistically possible. We thrive when alone. Never-rarely crave human interaction. I do however miss intellectual philosophical discussions over tea. I also enjoy non-interactive being among people e.i. In a quiet office, quiet cafe.
I derive satisfaction from reading YT comments and adding comments.
Human interaction offline exhausts me as mentioned in the video.
I feel I „should” find people who I share interests with to take care of my mental health.
finding your channel has been so helpful. some videos i watch with years in my eyes. been to a few therapists and never experienced that.
This is helpful, thanks. Yet another reason why I’m glad that I don’t have the skill set to work in an office setting. The social aspect alone would be overwhelming.
It is overwhelming more often than not.
I'm no longer interested in people. I have my mom and my dad at home and a few regular people I talk to online and beyond that I don't need anyone.
Of course I'd love the kind of unbreakable connections I see in my books and video games, but that's not reality. My peers are abysmal at socializing, connection, loyalty, and friendship. So am I, of course.
There's more damage to be caused and experienced by trying to connect with people than benefit-I've given up and so far I don't feel I'm missing much unless you want to count all the pain of people failing me and me failing people.
Not to mention being in a group setting makes me realize how messed up I am; not comparing myself to others is impossible especially when their social skills are miles above my own, and I come out feeling worse than when I went in.
Totally relate. Only person I see daily is my husband. Other than him I only keep in touch with my immediate family and a few friends online. Me and my husband have a few local friends we see on a rare occasion and that is more than enough social interaction for me. I have no desire to meet new people. Sometimes I will have a friendly chat with a stranger at the store but otherwise I am very happy to vibe alone most of the time. For years I was forced to be social at school and jobs. Now I only work jobs where I have minimal interaction.
Any chance u could do a video on agoraphobia ?
I have no desire to go out. I have problems commiting to zoom weekly meetings as i am not sure how i will be feeling that day. When i do manage to go out i wish i was home. I have been on antidepressants for 2 n half years and diagnosed with mdd. How can i make myself look forward to anything.
What I've found as an introvert is that I need to have social interaction, but I hate being around a lot of people at a time. The best thing for me is to spend time with one or two people at a time, like go on a walk with a friend for example.
Looking forward to this one Dr.
My mom dealt with similar stuff after my dad died. She eventually did what you are doing...being done with people. My mom and i were very close, and after she died, the symptomology started. I'm moving that way myself.
One thing i never realised was just how hard marriage really is when you need social isolation. I realise now i am best alone, pretty much all the time. Im late to married life and despite loving my wife, i still feel i have to escape. She must be very patient to put up with me?
Same here. I had to gently teach hubby over the years that if I go away (even if it's just upstairs in the same house), I will always, always come back to him. LIke the old "If you love something, set it free" saying. And yes, he is very patient putting up with me. Best wishes to you and your wife as you both figure out what works best for you individually and as a couple. ❤💞
Before seeing this video, I was just thinking about how I often have a feeling like "people don't relate to me in the way I want", but that I couldn't even define what that way even is. Social encounters always feel like they are specifically in service of everyone else, to the detriment of me. I do not feel like there is anything to even offer to me- I end up feeling angrier, more isolated, more disconnected, and less authentic. Even though I feel extremely isolated and lonely, because I don't see any value for the effort, so there are not "social opportunities", only "social tribulations".
I don't know if my feeling is "introversion", because it just feels like a mechanism of life just doesn't work for me, rather than working differently or having a cost. So the only way I can register "regret" for not going is if and only if I seek to go out specifically to manipulate people to some practical end (e.g. I might be able to argue I "should network and look for someone I can use toward a career goal", but socializing and connection cannot be the ends even though I and struggling to fulfill that). Genuine connection, as far as I can tell, is just a mutual delusion.
57 here...fun out in the woods, that's me!!!..trail running🌲, talking to myself. Love me some me time. What group were you going to see 3 hours away, curious?
Sabaton, a metal band from Sweden. Discovered them a year ago and absolutely positively adore them! They're in Minneapolis May 2 with Judas Priest, a band I've loved for 40 years and actually did see in concert back before the world got too crazy to deal with...sigh...
I love all of you in introverted land❤.
Heh pretty cool to find the guy who diagnosed me with GAD in person just randomly on TH-cam. Thanks for your videos! You’re helping me out once again 💜
I got a motorcycle at age 62. As a woman I get a few raised eyebrows but being on my bike is solitude for me and even riding in a group is solitude for me. Nobody rides on the back of my bike ever!!!! Lol
That is awesome!!
I think that is brilliant go you!❤
I was recently invited to a wedding and the reception afterwards (I'm in the UK, I don't know how these things work elsewhere). It stressed the hell out of me when I realised that it did not say on the invitation when the event was expected to end. That was just an oversight of the bride and groom, but I didn't know if I would have to be social for half a day, or well into the evening. Raised my anxiety in ways that my extrovert partner didn't really "get".
I’m a Lone Wolf 🎉🎉🎉
It feels like a catch-22. I push myself to socialize when i always feel nasty. I expend energy to get there and then I have to mask and sometimes I don't talk to anybody because I cant push past my feelings. im a broken extrovert so its never a good day to socialize but the only way to trust people again is to try again and again and again ad nauseam
People mostly are annoying and dangerous, though.
My thoughts too...well said!
Today you could... But you still don't want to. When you REALLY think about putting yourself in a social situation will it give you what you're looking for? If you learn fomo isn't real and you DO pursue the interests that bring you happiness you may want less and less humans around. Humans are inherently unpleasant. Limiting your experience to one is enough.