Are You Undiagnosed Autistic? How To Tell If You're On The Autism Spectrum | Patron's Choice
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 มิ.ย. 2024
- Want to know if you're autistic or not? What is autism anyway? These common experiences will help you get beneath what it means to be on the spectrum and figure out whether or not it applies to you.
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Patreon: / aspergersfromtheinside
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Email: aspergersfromtheinside@gmail.com
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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!
My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.
If you're new you can check out a playlist of some of my most popular videos here: / aspergersfromtheinside
Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.
As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.
I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.
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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG
I value your time which means there are NO TH-cam ADS on my videos.
You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.
The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).
In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)
Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests
Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)
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// ABOUT ME
I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.
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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING
I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:
emotionsexplained.com.au
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// CONTACT
Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.
Email: aspergersfromtheinside@gmail.com
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!
Peace,
~Paul
When my daughter was diagnosed on the spectrum, I kept thinking, “but she’s just like me”. Then it clicked.
😂 I’m sorry this made me laugh
@@bTheNomad. It was quite the epiphany sitting at a red light. 😂
My dad said the same thing :)
That's actually how most adults find out they're autistic is when they have children. I'm non-neurotypical and I was doing a lecture for a group of Educators and parents of autistic kids, and watching them all wiggle twirl and flap in the audience almost made me laugh out loud from the podium..lol
yes!!! same. ppl would say to me ‘she’s just like her mum’ . then it clicked
I always felt everyone else was given a book at birth called “social relationships and how to conduct them” but I never got a copy.
me too! i always wished there was a book or class on how to behave normal and how to read people and common sense, because based on reviews, I have none
@@kaitoyuu1925
🤪
Movies, series and books are like this to me, you know, a social guide-ish. Specially when I admire the main character, I just try to copy and absorve his personality. Its weird. I dont nullify mylsef, but I try to get some hints and lines that I could use when I judge its appropriated
If you write this book I will buy it.
HELL YEAH
#1. I always used to joke about being abandoned on earth by the mother ship.
#2. My mom thought I was lazy or stubborn, because I was good at some things and terrible at others. I got punished so much for this.
3. People say I overthink and obsess about the dumbest things. I'm 62, and I stay away from people whenever possible
I’ve always been afraid of people finding out I’m not so clever as I seem. At 57 I’m only just realising that it’s not right to be punished for being unable to do some things others find easy.
Yes I’m 51 and just started to realize how obvious it is that I must me on the spectrum. I would stem and my parents told me to stop every time so I mostly did except for twirling my hair. My mom would say things like “you are just trying to be different” when I would say things and I was not trying to be different, I was trying so hard to be normal and blend in so it just made me feel even more alienated.
There with you
@@michaeldidion1015 Thank you kindred spirit :)
omg are you me? ❤️ I get what you’re saying and if they only knew that treating us that way only makes things worse for us. ❤️🩹
I opened up to my therapist about my thoughts that I have undiagnosed autism. Her reaction was so appalling. I’ve never felt so misunderstood. This video helped me so much. Thank you.
I just saw a new PCP today. I told him I’m getting tested for autism in two weeks. He said “you don’t have autism”, it’s all ADHD.
I said because I’m looking at you when you’re speaking? He said yes…I said I’m actually looking at your eyebrows and reading your lips. Really devaluing. He also said I’m a “nightmare patient”. However, he did find 4 out of 17 meds that shouldn’t be taken together. Still…I’ve dealt with all this since I can remember, but I’m 49 and burnt out. He sat with me for an hour and came to several conclusions. Even if my tests show I’m not autistic…I still know I self identify and I’m not alone.
@@sharonvaldez9059he's a new PCP to you...and he's already called you a nightmare patient? I'm not denying your experience. I'm just curious. You take or were taking 17 medications?
I know this a place to vent and sometimes be validated but I feel like I'm missing a lot from your comment.
@jocelynb495 I'm sorry! That's so frustrating. When I told my therapist, I caught him completely off guard, but he did the therapist thing ("so...uh... what feelings does this bring up? 😅), and he was completely validating, even though it took him several weeks to be willing to say the word autism in our sessions. Even with his support, I was still way more devastated than I thought I would be when the psychologist I went to for testing told my I'm not. I am, by the way. Professionals don't always know how to tell, but therapists should still be validating of your feelings.
Never dawned on me to walk with the group. I walked behind the group. I was never a part of any group.
I would never tell anyone. I am 67. So, it doesn't matter if someone with initials after their name tells me that. I have to agree that this video is "normal" for my condition.
I have enough evidence that I have no doubt. For some reason, my 85-year-mother became a fan of the big bang theory--which came as a surprise to my wife and I. Mom said she liked it because one of the boys reminded her of me. I took that as sort of a summary of the behaviors she subconsciously observed while i grew up, decades before Aspergers was in the DSM. (I have much more objective data, but that was one of those son of a gun moments. In case I have been too obtuse, my mom had no idea of Sheldon's characterization--she has never heard of Aspergers, and would have no earthly idea what she was suggesting.
Funny thing about eye contact: my dad taught me to always look people in the eye when speaking. I took this very literally, and learned quickly that teachers find it incredibly unsettling when you stare them in the eye the entire time they are speaking.
Lol 😂 I think body language experts would rather say that *one should look in the eye when the other person is talking* and *look away when you yourself are talking.*
Because, when listening you want to attend to every part of the communication and this includes non-verbal stuff. Human eyes have actually developed to communicate a lot that can't be said otherwise. That's partly why we developed the white parts around our pupils.
So, when you are the one talking, you don't need to assess the face and eye movements of the listener constantly because now you're the one communicating your thoughts and you can use your eyes to orient your thoughts and feelings. (I think they call it neuro-linguistic programming)
Welp, this was a rather long response lol
@@Ivkovifi what if the other person is also following this? When you look away how do they make eye contact and vice versa?
@@annabelreader8488 Hmm... Let's say it's like 60% in the eyes and 40% away. Or maybe even 70:30.
If you have a longer sentence or sentences, and especially if it's something someone would have to think hard about, that's the best time to look for thoughts (like you're imagining what you're saying, so your eyes have to go away from the other person's face) Have you looked up NLP? I know it's a pseudoscience, but the "Eye Accessing Cue Chart" is pretty accurate if you ask a body language expert or communications trainer.
Also, you don't want to stress or intimidate the listener by constantly looking for their facial reactions and possibly making them feel like you are expecting a reaction, etc. As far as I know, there is a circuit in our brain that is activated every time we register that someone is looking at us. And somehow I find it so strange that we can distinguish whether someone 20 meters away from us is looking at our face or just a couple of inches beside it.
So, to finally answer your question properly, it should work perfectly if both people follow this (either consciously or unconsciously) because it's not like you're turning your face or body away from them, you just shouldn't be penetrating their soul through their eyes when you're talking and they're doing nothing but listening.
I find that people get sweaty when I look too long, and I personally feel that someone is hiding something when he/she is able to talk about a difficult and thought-provoking idea without looking away even once. I mean, how can you remember and recite all that while paying attention to facial reactions when it's a genuine and perhaps spontaneous thought? I don't think I can explain it any better in this comment box lol
@@Ivkovifi from what ive gathered, you're supposed to look away for few seconds then look back. i try to practice this but i still find myself either avoiding eye contact or looking too long
@@hamluk_ Bruh yess. Then your gaze ends up being inconsistent like a guilty dog 😂. I can't naturally look someone in the eyes, bc when I do it's intense & causes the other visible discomfort, even when it's an elder scolding me. I'm like "👽" and they're subtly like "👁👄👁💧..." LOL.
Idk if I'm on the spectrum, but I'm thinking of talking to my parents maybe. Too many things seem to fit.
anybody "rehearse" conversations before they actually say anything lol
Oh yes there are people out in the world that do this, and feel like they need to.
If its an emotional/need to discuss/confront a romantic partner i realized what helps me is write it down and have it near me if i dont use it directly when i need to talk to them. With deep emotions can get overwhelmed and become deer in headlights. Lol. I'm not sure i have autism but have epilepsy which i heard is a touch of autism and have complex ptsd.
I'm not sure if I am autistic but I remember a distinct period in my life where I spent a great deal of time learning to laugh at the right spots.
I think of conversations all the time, albeit in a fictional world I see in my mind. It's a habit I've had for most of my life.
Yes, I have so many stored responses and in the end non of them get used. Then in real life the amount of nonsense that come out from both me and the other person is so bazare. I have recorded conversations where people have said I have said something which I have not said. Or I have said something reactionary. Listening back is very eye opening.
When I was working in a supermarket I noticed that every Monday people would say to each other "did you have a good weekend?" So I thought that would be a good thing to do. So I thought I would try it out. So the first person I said it to was a female manager. When I said "did you have a good weekend" she started shouting at me and saying that I never say that to her. I later learnt that she had a bit of a fling with another manager on the weekend. And I think people were gossiping about it.
I was working with Yale university on a particular problem they had. They asked me about autism and I was like I know nothing about it. They said everyone there knew I was autistic except for me. I went through a variety of rigorous tests and sure enough what they all apparently knew was true. I was 50 years old at the time. Since that diagnosis. My life is so much better. I learned how to deal with certain things that had plagued me my entire life. They use to call it Apsergers now they just say on the spectrum. Whatever the term, it sure made my life better. Videos like this channel has helped my family immensely.
How to let someone know?
Autism is fictional. You learned to share fiction? You think and act as if its non-fiction?
ya we were told by a date of ours around age 30
he worked as a teacher with special needs kids
didn’t mean it negatively at all like we have #ADHD and are very sympathetic we we could tell there was no ill intent or insecurity
also a coworker of ours tried to indirectly tell us one day cause her grandson is autistic but we didn’t get that till years later
it’s hard for us to pick up in implied messages at all
#autism #audhd #ottawa #toronto
@@KhaoticDeterminism special needs is fictional.
@@KhaoticDeterminism So true. "it’s hard for us to pick up in implied messages at all"
I have fooled the humans for years.
For years, my machinations lay undetected.
kudos!
The correct term is "normies"
Literally
Maybe they are muggles?
Any one else watching this just trying to figure out what’s wrong with themselves?
Devin Hyde nothing wrong with you
Nah, I've had a pretty good idea for quite a while. Well, I always knew there was something wrong with me. Was diagnosed with ADHD/PI when I was 21 (almost 39 now)...I took the ASQ a while ago and scored 29/50. Wasn't surprised at all. Oh, also I'm a self-taught programmer. So, I mean...duh.
a8lg6p i don’t see the link with you being a programmer
@@thibaultgrognet3085 i think its just kinda a stereotype
Devin Hyde I clicked cuz the guy is handsome
I've known I was on the spectrum for years, and my "feeling different" actually came in handy. It manifests as a sort of sixth sense. I don't truly believe in ESP, but I do believe that we can be subconsciously aware of a bunch of different environmental factors that can evoke a visceral response. In my case, any time there was a house party, I instinctively knew when it was time to bail because the police were about to arrive. My track record is 100%, and people started calling me The Canary lol.
It seems to me like autistic people either tend to be more sensitive or pay more attention to environmental signals (visual details, smells, sounds, etc) yeah like it is hard to filter things out and so when you are also hyper vigilant it leads to picking up on a lot of things others seem to miss but seem obnoxiously present to some autistic people
@@kirinschlabitz4085yeah, i have that in a way with people, too. I can barely describe it, but I feel like through 'studying'them for so long, I know what they feel, what they intend to say and where it could stem from.
While on the other hand I still feel like an outsider and it's hard to get across what i think and need. I feel like people don't get me, no matter how hard I try. Yet I feel like I often get them and can make them feel seen.
I do this. To the point where we avoided several arrests as teens just because my friends knew to trust me when I would say, “it’s time to go”.
You tend to get way too much information and its hard to juggle, so when you focus on any of that information you end up over doing it where it can be blinded. Kinda how when you focus on things like how should I sit or am I being too loud, youre way too focused on the thinking than actually just naturally acting it out@@kirinschlabitz4085
@@piiinkDeluxeI was once told that Im "easy to talk to" by a coworker, which was absolutely insane to me given how stressful even casual conversation is to me, but hey seems hyper-vigilance comes with some perks at least. Very strange experience being told you really understand people when you've spent most of your life baffled by how to even behave like a normal human 😂
OMGosh! Your description of social confusion describes how I've felt my entire life! It's just exhausting! I think that's why, despite sometimes feeling lonely, I often avoid social situations.
I have always been exactly the same throughout my entire life and still am despite a you say with times of loneliness. I have always Been a sociable person, but always found myself needing to be in the corner, or at the back of large gatherings or social events.
Me too ❤
Me also!
We should organize our own meeting groups..lol
Anyone else been told "you're weird" your whole life yet you thought the same of everyone else? 😅
Yes but I knew IT was different
My family always have called me 'different'. But I have always felt like I I don't feel like I I connect with people easily. It takes a long time to trust people, and to know how to act around them I guess. I find so many things more overwhelming than most people, so parties I have always felt like I'm an outsider. I just block my ears and want to leave because I feel so overwhelmed.
yes that would be me.
Hearing that always fucked with me as a kid and caused me to push further away from people. I assume that many of you have a similar experience.
YOU LAUGH AT ME BECAUSE I'M DIFFERENT . . . anyone?
so hard to figure this out when your entire childhood you were praised for being gifted and told you acted like an adult ://
Exactly right. It fools you into thinking that all the reasons you feel like an outcast is because of those two things as opposed to neuro-divergence. Reading your comment kind of clicked a lot of things into place, thank you.
Acting like an adult or being wise beyond your years can come from having a terminally ill parent or trauma.i have been told this all the time all though I am in a traumatic situation and my dad was terminally ill most of my life.
yes
@@KBird204 being gifted is actually considered neurodivergence I’m pretty sure-
You were the chosen one Anikan.
The affliction of disappointment hurts regardless of who to whom in relation with us.
At 22 years old, I am questioning for the very first time if I might be autistic. It had never occurred to me until my older sister was diagnosed with ADHD and I started doing research on ADHD and ASD. But every single thing I read about the autistic experience fits me perfectly. Always feeling like an outsider or an alien, gaslighting about my experiences, being “the little anthropologist.” I have a masters degree and I was the top of my class in undergrad, where I ironically enough studied anthropology, and whenever I have brought up wanting a diagnosis to my parents, they question me endlessly and gaslight me about my symptoms. It’s incredibly validating to learn that what I thought was myself being wrong has a name and can help me understand myself better. Here’s to a potential diagnosis in the works.
Autism is fictional. Its used to market humans being abused, tortured and/or killed in specific ways.
I was diagnosed with ADHD, yet I’ve considered that I might be on the spectrum, I’m like halfway through this video as I write this and it’s kinda overwhelming to think…. I was at the lowest of my classes in high school but yet in smaller settings I could be a A student… I was once in high school but the setting was perfect after the other years of high school it was just too much commotion and I couldn’t focus… school was boring for me also but I study history of antiquity for side hobby and love science. My grandmother thinks I’m a genius because of my vast knowledge of the human anatomy, the things I know about ancient history and modern history. I don’t really have friends so I just utilize my time and energy learning things I deem valuable I have so many books it’s pathetic I still haven’t read them all but I have hundreds and hundreds of books everywhere…
@@nashambenyisrael7689 In university I failed my easily classes and as a child I got distracted easily.
What are your plans for university?
A LOT OF THINGS PUT IN FOODS, ARE CAUSING ADHD, ETC....YELLOW #5 OR RED DYE, MSG, ETC.
Many people are missdiagnosed with ADHD I think when older as they have mastered masking so a professional can't see any symptoms. My sister's partner was diagnosed autistic as a child like me but recently a new Psychologists changed his diagnosis to ADHD yet his behaviour (past and present) and other relevent areas all matches autism not ADHD. I would doubt if they could diagnose me these days correctly.
I believe the feeling that can best describe my pov is “How can everyone do it? What’s their secret?” and by “it” I mean literally and objectively LIFE. How do people live? Just how? They’re just out there doing this thing and they make it look so natural and spontaneous, THERES GOTTA BE SOMETHING ELSE people just can’t function like that DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY FUNCTION? ON COMMAND? like
H
O
W
yup. No fun
so real
I think about this ALL THE TIME
For me I tend to chalk it up to the fact that Im paying way to much attention on how I should act, and just act instead. Accepting that you might be weird and stand out, but as long as whatever youre doing isnt morally wrong, who cares, yknow?
❤So true❤ But also the spoons❤
Yeah how?
In school I was too Nerdy for the Cool kids and not Smart enough for the Nerdy kids.
I didn't fit in with anyone. I was attractive but low self esteem, depressed, socially awkward.
Datman totally, yes 100 %
We didn’t have a smart nerdy group in school...that I was aware of. I ended up in the misfits group. I decided to give up on friends and spent my lunches alone. Another friend felt the same way. We both sat at computers writing stories so we didn’t have to look like loners (a step up from hiding in the toilet cubicles) so we became friends chatting side by side. Then another girl who looked lost latched on. Then she dragged in another lost girl. It was an odd group but we liked each other and enjoyed that we were quirky
@@francessadler6878 I found refuge in the smoker/druggie misfits even tho I did neither. They welcomed anyone. I didn't even fit in with them but they welcomed anyone as long they were respectful. It was all so painful and confusing. And when I had a friend they'd end up moving.
ah, ill bet you have an IQ of about 120-130. Right on the edge of Mensa; same here. Too smart to see the folly of "average stupidity" but not quite smart enough to run with the really smart kids. We are condemned: either "play dumb" to fit in with the first group, OR struggle and drag down the smarties; either way it feels disingenuous, or play alone.... and end up analysis board game strategy or simplex methods or other logistical problems, just for, well, i would say fun, but its more "something to do".
You're telling me people dont usually think about how to respond to texts for like 20 straight minutes?
Umm depends on the text? If its a casual text with someone you trust it isn’t really normal, but if it’s an important text then yes, people usually take a long time
@@impmadness you’re seriously telling me it’s not normal to spend an almost unnecessary and immense amount of time deciding on how to and if you should respond to a text regardless of the importance?
@@impmadness because I do this literally with every text I get
@@PruppetMaster So does my husband. 😢
@@PruppetMaster I mean it is unusual but don’t let it get the best of you, honestly that’s more of an anxiety thing than 100% an autism sign. Everyone has their own fears and anxieties
I got diagnosed last Tuesday. I'm extremely overwhelmed. My diagnosis feels like a blessing and a curse. I'm really enjoying your videos though. Make me feel not so alone. Thank you for doing what you do 🖤
Take it as a blessing. Now you know you were not "crazy", you are part of a very misunderstood group of people. I'm hoping my test is positive. It would validate all my experiences in my childhood and teens. We are all here for you!
@@andreabertua417 Hmmm. If someone has an overwhelming urge to eat others, And then they're diagnosed as some kind of psychopath, Would they then say "So I'm not crazy!"
It seems like its not that you're not crazy, Its just now you know why you're crazy right?
@@Cha4k are you comparing a murderous psychopath to a person with ASD? Wow, you should re-think your comment.
Hi, are you ok 🦋
❤
I have a 5 year old daughter who was diagnosed with ASD. After realizing my daughter is on the spectrum and doing a lot of research on ASD, it really made me realize that she inherited this from me. Now I am flashing back to my childhood and everything makes sense now! I experienced all things mentioned in this video, and it is a very profound moment in my life (I am now 37 yr old).
High school was hell for me, but I was a late bloomer and started getting comfortable in my skin in college. Now, I am now happily married with children and a pretty successful software engineer, but I can't help to wonder what my life would look like if I was diagnosed as a child.
It's how I got my diagnosis too. My son was diagnosed with ASD at 12. I started researching it hyper fixation style, and I realized that he got it from me. I got diagnosed at 47 lol. Kind of funny too because our family called it before I did. They would tell me my son has my personality that we acted and reacted a lot alike. Taking care of him turned into taking care of myself too. The diagnosis has been the most freeing thing in my life, my son is 22 now and he says the same thing.
Same! I also wonder what my life could have looked like had I been diagnosed as a kid, but my parents didn’t pay much attention to me as a kid.
Besides, I’m pretty sure I inherited my ADHD from my dad and I suspect my mum could be on the spectrum as well - she’s a bit socially awkward and anxious on main - so if they have ADHD and possibly ASD themselves, how could I expect them to see something wrong with me? To them I’m just normal, but they have a skewed view of “normal” because they are clueless about their own problems.
I’m a software engineer myself, but it’s just my job title - I don’t actually have an engineering degree. I have a BA and two MAs but the only technical training I have is a bootcamp and several online courses.
I switched careers recently so I don’t have a lot of training or experience. I got fired from my previous job and I just started a new one in a decent company, but I’m scared I’ll get fired again because I still suck at my job and I really wanna keep this job.
Everyone gets better with time but I don’t make much progress because I struggle with abstract thinking. I also have trouble learning something if I don’t understand all of its parts. I won’t learn something if I don’t understand 1% of it.
When I told the psychiatrist that diagnosed me with ADHD about my struggle with abstract thinking, he told me it is an ASD trait.
So between my ASD-induced lack of abstract thinking, and my ADHD-induced faulty working memory, I’m having a very hard time becoming a good developer.
Did you struggle with abstract thinking as well? If so, do you have any tips? I feel so alone and hopeless. I really wanna be good at my job but I wonder if it’s gonna happen for me. I had a really bad experience in my previous job and I don’t want a repeat.
@@Sylphadorahey thanks for sharing. I definitely relate to struggling with abstract thinking and the thing about not wanting to learn something if I don’t understand 1% of it. I struggled with this earlier in my career and I have been laid off a few times. My best advice would be, know that you’re not as bad as you’re telling yourself you are! Speaking for me personally, having confidence that I bring value to my team is important. The more you practice things that make you uncomfortable, the more you may realize you’re not as bad as you thought and sometimes better than your colleagues. The fact that you’re thorough can be a great asset. We may have ASD but I’ve learned that because of my ASD, I have a unique perspective and able to catch problems/solutions that neurotypical people are not able to see. Because of this, people like to work with me (at least I’m told this haha).
Also it sounds like you’re doing well for yourself, you should be proud of your accomplishments. Good luck on your new job, you will get it, give it some time.
Pretty sure this is me too. My oldest (10) is getting formally evaluated in September, but we can already tell you he's on the spectrum. I (36) was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago but that didn't explain a lot of my idiosyncrasies. While I was researching ASD I started thinking, "I do a lot of this stuff; I feel like I could also have ASD, but some of my behavior just doesn't quite fit". Then I watched Yo Samdy Sam's video on how ADHD masks autism and just sat slack-jawed thinking, "Oh my God. There it is". I'm considering getting evaluated myself just for the closure of the whole thing.
No one takes me seriously when I speak. They skip me over and continue the conversation without me. Idk what I am doing wrong, but it has always made me feel so undervalued. When everyone in the room has silently agreed that I have nothing important to say...... that hurts.
Brother of pain... I know that SO well ..
Ah I have this within my inlaws...they are rude and mean on purpose and it feels aweful painful and deliberate when it happens...I just sit there fuming inside my body language is like ok I give up...I as a result have no respect for them and slight resentment...one day about 13 of them were around for Xmas...and mid way through me cooking the Xmas Dinner. I said to my self F' it...I dumped the turkey in the kitchen sink and abandoned the meal and went to my bedroom and watched tv..that day it felt great I got my power back and never bothered with them again. It took me 20 years to take control!!! Thankfully we have phones when I'm in a group of rude assholes... I just get my phone out and read the news or what ever I'm into at that moment. I'm sorry you are being treated this way .I hope you find your power and always keep your humour!
I always get people that cut me off and change the topic, or just walk away... Leaves me hanging and doesn't feel good. Like there is something wrong with me...
That is exactly my story! People include me in their circle just because of my wife. But so often when I speak they just tLk over me. So I sit in silence. I like mynown company, thankfully
i feel you so bad, i started to think maybe i don’t speak loud enough for them to hear.. hurts so much to the point i think it’s better not to say anything :(
One way I knew: I prefer being alone and hanging out with people is EXHAUSTING, always felt more like an “observer”
That and always being called “weird” 😂😂
Sounds like an introvert
Over simplified?
@@TheNathanael315 There are a lot of similarities between introversion and autism.
Isn't that what they call being "introverted", because that's what I call myself for feeling like that about socializing
'Not being believed,' instant trauma 😢
same
That issue about how to walk properly with your classmates hit my soul ; I remember walking with ( or attempting to properly ) a close high school friend from one class to the next, and I had decided to walk directly behind him. It just seemed the most rational method of traversing through the stampede and to avoid oncoming traffic. I was passively called out for it ( "You know you don't *have* to walk behind me"). After careful observation of others' behavior, I determined the socially proper way to walk with a friend was still slightly behind them but at one side ; the person leading should have the better social skills.
Me.
I let a schoolmate lead, but when I'm with the person I’m close with, I have that confidence whenever this situation occurs.
People think that I dislike people, what they can't see is that I dislike feeling alone around people. It's like they're the other side of glass 6 feet thick.
It's not just you bro, they are putting up glass and trying to keep people 6 feet apart cause of the virus!
@@wraith8988 😂
@@vip3re We practiced social distancing before it was cool!
THIS!!
@@wraith8988 LOL!
Allowing yourself to be stupid is actually quite relaxing and easy to do. No more overthinking etc, acting spontaneously, being funny etc is really gratifying
Every single day, without fail, I silently (or sometimes vocally) wish with all my heart that I could just be dumb.
I don't know how to be dumb. I want to, but don't know how to turn off my brain.
If you've found a way to shut off this thing in my head, please tell me.
i would love to live like that.
@@waynetec13 mindfullness
this is too relatable
So true. Why am I unable to join in with the 'banter'? I have never found it entertaining but I have always wanted to join in cause its how the group is 'playing' together and you want to join in the game. Flirting and banter, those are impossible to me, yet I'm quite good at appearing confident and having like 5 mins of small talk.
OMG THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL
I have never seen autism being described in this way in my whole life! I have felt different from everyone for my entire life, that I am strange, weird and cringe, I always struggled to connect and interact with people in a way that I developed an extreme social anxiety and I have always felt that people never believe me when I am talking, like I had no value or that I am not a person that makes sense or something like that, idk but that is REALLY frustrating
And at the same time that I feel that I must be autistic, I feel guilt to think about it beacuse I don’t “act” like that steriotypical autistic person with repetitive behaviors and everything and I don’t want to be “lying” :(
You’re not strange, weird or cringe … you do matter and I’m glad you’re still here ❤
You're just like me. I always belittled myself...I did not feel like a person whose experiences were human-like to be deemed a person...idk how to explain. My whole life I felt insignificant from everyone else and felt like everyone else was better than me in a way. Doesnt help that I am the oldest daughter who always gets chewed out because I dont meet the expectations of that. My little brother, 3 years younger than me, (Im 16 and hes 13) has the stereotypical, clinically researched autism. He hums, giggles for no reason, and screams/gets violent when he's overstimulated. All my life i was just seen as quirky and because of my brother I was overlooked and also my parents demonized the hell out of autism, which brought me to have a big misunderstanding about it as well, leaving me to not fully grasp the fact that it is a spectrum. I always wondered how people made friends so suddenly and could be so close to people 🥲 It took me 2 years to be close to these friends I have right now in highschool, at first I just saw them as people who didn't mind being around me but I couldnt be myself around. I act like a different person with different people I talk to, whether it be texting or irl. I accomodate to a lot of people, and Ive been doing it my whole life. I remember being a church and hearing these people talk and thinking "I wish I could talk normal like that" whatever that meant???😭
Wow Didi I really relate to that... I've never felt like there's a place for me in this world and I've always been seen as quirky and I feel as if I've created a character that's a performer bit it makes me feel so alone because my "self" is so much more ordinary than what I put a front of... I haven't found my passions yet but I hyperfixate into many different things (art/music/researching sociology/psychology/history sporatically) but I've never been able to fully commit to anything aside from my ojibwe culture. I feel like an imposter because I know I'm different but I'm not quite like other autistic people even though I can very much relate to others who are autistic and understand and appreciate them so much... I'm still on the fence if I am or not
thats exactly my type of autism. i’m glad you’re here too.
@@Didi...... OMG YES!!!
I FEEL YOU!
I am also the oldest daughter, the “older sister” and I don’t even fit this, I do not feel or act like and older sister
And my sisters are 11 and 18 years younger then me…
I always felt like an “error” or a “failure”, and I was never able to trully connect with someone…
Sobbing throughout the video. This breaks my heart, specifically for my younger self
Decades of “wanting to join in but not knowing how to “ turned into me telling myself I’m fine over here on my own
So how I felt also
That's how I've felt for a long time.
@Nick P I just learned that lesson at 50 yrs old, after being alienated even by my wife and adult children. Just imagine, even my own children reject me. What a crazy world...I'm done. It's just me, myself, and I from now on, thank you very much.
yep, this is what has happened to me, years of being exlcuded from things or not knowing how to interreact, led to me very antisocial outside close family, I don't have friends.
Yeah, this.
The hardest social situation for me is when someone asks “what’s new with you?”. I repeat the same monotonous activities every single day so the correct answer is “nothing” but that just stops the conversation and makes me seem rude. So I find myself feeling pressure to make up things that I could have done like “I went out with friends on Saturday night” and stuff like that. Then I feel guilty for lying. It seems neurotypical people ask questions so you can entertain them with your answers, witch is a dynamic I’ve never understood. I ask questions because I want to know the answer, not for entertainment.
I invent things I have done all of the time but my face gives the lie away sometimes so now I say I spent the weekend "chilling". I do keep a list of fake things that I can say I did just in case it's needed...hahahaha.
Yeah… i just answer nothing but elaboration about same job, same town, etc. As i assume it’s this kind of big changes they want to know… but yeah it’s a sad response…
They want to know what the same monotonous behaviour is, the specifics of said nothing. At least for me, it not for entertainment, its information clarification. What you value as nothing is valued as an activity from someone else. Do you watch TH-cam Videos all day long: scroll thru your social media of choice or do you just stare blankly into space while your mind drifts away? I’m curious about your day to day. If it’s the same, say so. But I understand the difficulty behind that request. Just note: most people aren’t asking you to get entertainment points in their day, they’re just asking you because they wanna know. Everyone has their own way of thinking and processing information. Find ways that seem easiest to communicate said feelings and thoughts and confusions.
Vibe
@@mild2616 This is great advice. A while ago my significant mentioned to me that they would like to hear more about what I do during the day (long distance relationship), and I genuinely went blank because the day to day tasks I complete just don't feel particularly important.
I then realized that they *wanted* to hear about the unimportant things.
Yes. I hate answering the question “how’s your weekend?” It’s always the same and I like it that way.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
Thank you!!!!! I’m 70, I’m not crazy, there’s people like me, you are helping me tremendously , I’m ball my eyes out cause I’m so happy, I now know now, I’m autistic, so much amazing information, thank you !!!!!!
"You are just being shy, you have to talk with people more."
"You can't concentrate because you don't have discipline"
My mother keeps saying that, and I'm almost 42 😂
PERIOD EXACTLY
How do you know that about me?
I've not known concentration to be a thing of Autism. More like just a lack of relating to a particular subject.
Same
What do you mean by recommending this to me, youtube?
:)
IKR! Its either this, WWII dockies, horror/scifi, or anime.
Yea youtube seems to think we all got autism now
Everyone seems to call everyone Autistic on TH-cam these days so why wouldn't it 🤣
It doesn’t have to mean anything, I was diagnosed with autism at 7, I’m about to graduate high school with my bachelors
I relate A LOT to autistic people, and have wondered if I am as well. However, because I don't typically have the social issues, think it may just be my ADHD. I've learned a lot from my neurodivergent community and it's nice to know others have the same or similar experiences.
Same idk if it’s my ADHD or if I’m on the Spectrum.
same, I can handle socializing well but I have a bunch of quirks that autistic individuals have. I did take an autism spectrum test and it said I have asperbergs, so i’m on the threshold of not being autistic.
@@PS-lv1mr The tests I take also say I'm likely on the spectrum. I have thought this through more and think the social aspect is more nuanced, because I've learned to mask well.
I have been a psychiatric nurse for just short of 25 years. I am now just figuring out that I am likely on the spectrum. These videos really resonated with me. One thing that really explained a lot was how much I identify with other people on the spectrum. I cared for a profoundly autistic gentleman as a patient about 10 years ago. He was entirely nonverbal, extremely violent, and impulsive. He would punch, bite, kick, charge, and headbutt people without any warning. Normally, people who are that violent need to be sedated and restrained but that was completely out of the question given his diagnosis. I was assigned to be with him 1:1. My 'knowing how to be present with him' in a way that gave him a sense of calm and security was nearly instantaneous. My manager asked me how much experience I had caring for profoundly autistic persons of his acuity. I replied, "About 3 hours so far." My favorite part was when he sat down in the middle of the hallway on the locked unit, and I plopped down cross-legged about a foot away, facing 30 degrees away from him. He immediately scooted over the tile and entangled his arms and legs with me like we shared the same crib as children. I developed a ten-point care plan for other staff titled, "How ways to 'be present' with Bill (not his real name)." For those who are not nurses, care plans are usually geared toward the patient, not toward the staff caring for the patient.
Damn, does my autism show enough that even the TH-cam algorithm knows.
Honestly I got this after checking out Terraria videos so yeah 100%
@@greenhowie The hell, man. Me too. 😆
You the composer William Walton? You're not autistic, mate, you're dead. Ask your widow.
The feels
Yup, me too
Does anyone else cringe at conversations or interactions that are only in their head and never happened? Like visibly cringing because you just cant bare the thought of something that awkward happening, and then people call me out for it and are like "Why did you just flinch?" And I dont know how to explain it to them-
Omg yes!! I also get embarrasing flashbacks of things I didn't say in that situation 10 years ago but I could have said. Like accidentally making vasectomy-joke when meeting boyfriends parents first time. Ooooh god Brains whyyyyyyy
like I just saw this video randomly and clicked it, I've imagined it before, didn't at all expect to entertain the idea at all, but a couple things got in my head and made me interested in the comments, then I saw this comment like right away and it made my eye go like fully open like a cartoon character for like 5 seconds because of how much I never imagined in my wildest dreams someone else would do that. I've been trying to deal with something that I can only come up with saying "I think I have like really bad social anxiety.. or something?" to the first person I've tried to explain it to out loud.
Omg me in my bed at 1 AM reminiscing about the one time I did that one thing 15 years ago and groaning loudly in my pillow enough to wake my boyfriend.
"What's wrong honey?"
"Nothing. Just a leg cramp. Go back to sleep"
I mean I can't possibly expect him to understand about how I should have worn something else on that field trip to the museum in primary school. I hated yellow ochre anyway, why the hell did I wear this thing? Ah yes, I had a crush on a guy whose favourite colour was yellow. But then he told me I looked like a corn dog. Was he making fun of me? Did he like corn dogs? Would my life be different If I wore something purple instead? A corn dog? Really? Ugh. I can't.
I FEEL SO HEARD AND SEEN RN I HAVE VISIBLE STIMS WHEN I THINK OF SMTH LIKE THAT!!!!! ITS LIKE INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS I CANT CONTROL
I do that when thinking back about things that I've done my past that I'm ashamed of too
I’m so grateful I stumbled upon your channel today. I’m undiagnosed but pretty much 99.999% sure I’m on the spectrum with Asperger’s. I related so so much with you and everything you talked about in this video. Both my kids are on the spectrum so I’ve learnt so much from them and have learnt over the past couple of years to be more accepting of my differences, challenges and quirks and try to unmask when I can, but it’s not easy when it’s been my auto mode for so long. It’s extremely exhausting though and I have found with age I’ve become less sociable due to how exhausting it is. I wish I could just socialise more easily.
I'm 41 next week and have l been masking for much of my adult life, to a point where I can appear neurotypical in many situations... but 3 specific social situations that I still really struggle with are:
1: Being with a group in a bright, loud environment.
2: Keeping conversations going: I can start a conversation, but find maintaining the flow of conversation very arduous.
3: Small talk.
I can also 100% identify with the point you, and the content creator make about masking being exhausting.
I was at a week long work function last month... I somehow got through it, but I literally collapsed with exhaustion when I got back home... I literally needed a week off work to recover!
The example of walking between classes is an excellent example of the difference between ADHD and autism. Both individuals are likely to experience some challenges in this situation but for different reasons.
As a person with ADHD I relate to the challenge but not to the why. I distinctly remember two versions of this. I would be so engaged thinking about something or talking to someone that I wouldn’t be fully conscious of transferring from one location to another. I would find myself thinking “wait, how did I get here?”.
Alternatively, I would be acutely aware of the fact that I’m “forced” to do something structured/boring and find a way to make it entertaining (goof off/walk funny/play pranks on others). Yes, I was the kid who would forget my backpack in the previous classroom OR I was the kid who talked or clowned around due to a low tolerance of boredom.
I wouldn’t be odd because of treating it like an anthropological study, I intuitively know how close/far apart to walk (this doesn’t even cross my mind to think about it just happened naturally) but because of my intense engagement vs low engagement (attention/inattention) it wouldn’t necessarily be a friction free or smooth transfer between two locations.
In one scenario I’m forgetting to bring my backpack and in the other I’m testing the limits of my backpack (i.e I’m hurling it in the air and catching it to relieve boredom).
I don’t know if this is helpful for distinguishing between ADHD and Autism. When I got older I could still have the urge to throw my backpack in the air, but social convention would stop me😉.
Ugh this is is so relatable to me as someone who has pretty bad adhd but probably isn’t autistic. Couldn’t have said it better myself
The second he said 'Wrong Planet Syndrome'
Me: "Awwwww shit."
Same.
Here.
Me
Fukk
For real
Even as a kid, I thought other kids were idiots for not understanding how the world works for example. Always felt like I was viewing myself as if I was being filmed and I was behind the camera or a mirror following me.
I always feel like I'm in a movie or TV show, being filmed all the time, and I have to act the way I would expect to see others behave in a show or movie
When I was a kid I felt like I was in a tv show and had to act like if I was being filmed and that in any minute the scene would change to another character so I stayed still for some seconds waiting, which obviously never happened
Thought it was normal?
That is exactly what I always thought: other kids are so stupid not to know basic stuff (what I thought was basic)... it wasn't an ego thing for me, I was perplexed and frustrated to be thrown into a room full of children I thought were just particularly stupid... turns out maybe I was the stupid one 🤣
@@princezzpuffypants6287 I thought people were stupid and I still think they are. They do not think. They do not use their intellect. At some point I thought I was a Vulcan. And many people are not like Captain Kirk. People get into trouble for their lack of logic.
I really appreciate this
I'm almost crying. I've always known I might be autistic, especially since one of my brothers is as well, but this really puts it into perspective for me and is driving it home. Just wanting to be myself and not have to try so hard to pretend to fit in, it's been such a struggle. I'm almost 34, and I need to start pursuing this and separate what I do to mask from who I actually am, because I've been influenced even by those I consider friends
5:47 I have felt different my whole life (I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and Im pretty sure I’m autistic as well). I didn’t understand why I felt this way and couldn’t explain it. It’s so validating to hear that you’re not alone and that there is an explanation behind your differences. Thanks to people like you, people like me can finally get the words to explain their differences. It’s really life changing.
Its so tiring being around people.
Observing, acting, mimicking can be very draining. I try to be task-oriented to stay focus to do it. Obviously I can't be "people oriented".
mimicking is just so emotionally and physically tiring. I usually need to go and lie down in a dark room afterwards for a bit
Any introvert is exhausted by other humans.
I'm so tired by socialising but I also enjoy it sometimes. I dunno if it's introversion or autism but I really need short doses of people and then breaks away.
@@siobhanvidaashmole9009 I've been described as an 'extrovert introvert', very similar to you - I can be the life and soul of a party but need 36 hours to recover afterwards. It litereally feels like an aspergers burnout afterwards, emotionally and physically exhausting but I enjoy it at the time.
One difficult thing is compulsive truthtelling. I cant lie to save my life.
growing up i was the opposite i lied my mouth off
i chose to tell the truth, i find it's a better way, you don't have to remember what you said to who, and it generally makes for a better world if people just tell the truth.
@@tuseroni6085 i agree.
Seems like that will serve you in the long run. Respect.
It doesn’t even occur to me to lie. I have learned to just omit what I feel like others might be able to handle without confrontation. But to actually say something that is untrue...I can’t. Lol.
I've been questioning myself a lot lately and your videos have been incredibly validating and enlightening. I have the same issue with reading. I have a masters degree and have published papers but reading is SO difficult for me, even when it's for fun. I've recently started using adaptive tech to read it to me like you mentioned in another video and it's been life-changing. No one believed I could've gotten that far without it being noticed, though. But, also, your description of wondering how everyone is doing the same thing and wanting to join in but having no idea how...I can't tell you how much that is my entire life. Guessing what to do based on what the people around me do, and I'm good at it, I guess? But it's been a guessing game and it's astonishing to me that other people just know what to do or say and don't second guess their every single move for years to come lol.
What a relief! I thought I was the only one to have that 'wrong planet' feeling. I took it to the point where I told a group of high school friends I was stranded here and just waiting for a ship to come and take me home. I was so 'different' they half believed me. I smile about it now, but life was so painful as a teen. Diagnosis finally came at sixty. And most days I still feel like an alien.
My autistic son who's in his 20's said to me one day " mum it always feels like people are staring and judging me and I get so riddled with anxiety I literally forget how to walk". That totally broke my heart and the overwhelming feeling of helplessness is awful.
UPDATE:
I'm sorry to say my son took his life 6 weeks ago. Please reach out to your loved ones if you are feeling down. I never want any mother to have to feel this gut wrenching pain. You are all loved, never forget that💜💜💜
you are not helpless, you are here for him and aware of his condition, that is the best situation for him. My parent never realized my condition and THAT is awful.
Yeah I feel the same way. I’ve been seeing a doctor about it but nothing seems to help. Does your son take any medication now? I’ve been seeing stuff about Xanax but I don’t want to get addicted to anything.
Those of us like your son realize that society is not about right or wrong, strong or weak, it is about either conforming or being an outsider, period. Normal people are weak and stupid and they need to suck it up that not everyone will be the way they want them to be. Unfortunately, that isn't going to happen, so those like us need to realize how to play the game, not to rely on our own perception so heavily, all the numerous things of human interaction that we need to remind ourselves of - it's possible to get in place.
He articulated what happens to me when I walk anywhere in public. It’s not a constant but there are times I get overwhelmed by the feeling of being watched and judged and my legs forget how to work. I feel like I’m walking really weird and everyone can see how weird I am. I’m 46 and just now wondering if I might be on the spectrum.
@@unitedstatesofamerica9948 Honestly most people dont really care about other people. It's not about conforming to society, its about conforming to yourself. People will find something to judge you on, autistim or not. It's all about accepting yourself to the point where your perception of other people's perception doesn't matter (if that made any sense)
I'm not autistic, but this has really opened my eyes on how easily people can gaslight those that have autism. From now on, I want to be more careful whenever people ask me about their experience and how they're struggling. It sounds really terrible to have your experience invalidated in this way.
I think my husband is, and this is shedding so much like right now.
That's love ...
Thank you for being that kind of a person.
As an autistic person who wasn’t diagnosed early on and never had the majority of people take me seriously, resulting in incredible emotional pain and trust issues, thank you.
Please also remember this if someone approaches you as trans. Is same same
Im 37 and someone recently suggested that I do an aspie test. I've came up with a score of 145 of 200 for neurodivergent, and 61 of 200 for neurotypical. Looking back at my childhood, it's crazy no one ever looked into this.
I was a very picky eater as a child and would rather starve than eat anythibg other than certain foods. I always take my socks off as I hate the feeling of them. I've been known to cut tags off. I get easily frustrated at the most mundane things and have mini meltdowns. I've never been one for social cues, I really struggle to make friends at all. I have no friends other than one acquaintance who checks in a couple times a year. I fixate on things A LOT - could be a song, a celebrity, a subject, an anime, a TV show or even a colour.
Going tk make an appointment with my Dr to see if the test I took wasn't just me being a hypochondriac
This really hit me.
I cut the tags off my tops.
I know this is an older video, but I'm sitting here crying with the validation. Thank you! I'm a 51 year old woman just figuring all of this out and will be going through neuropsych testing next month.
I'm 67 and recently retired. It's what I've been waiting for all my life. The relief is almost unbearable. No more having to fit in, no more taking a deep breath every single day before walking into work like I'm just about to jump into cold water, no more feeling like a small fish dropped into an aquarium full of big fish who are all already friends and know things I will never know.
When I first watched this video a year ago I cried. I have never cried in my life, not since I was a baby.
Thank you for providing a place I can go to begin to understand myself and how I've struggled my entire life.
Oh my god. I thought it was social anxiousness, but then you said that part about everybody else being familiar with eachother while I’m the odd one out. I dread going to work every day because of how I think people view me, and how I view myself moreover. This explains so much.
Nice
This is a beautiful response - im so happy you are finally free
❤❤❤❤❤
Same. I’m crying with knowledge it’s “not just me”. 🤗
social confusion hit HARD. i have logically broken down social interactions my entire life and wondered if other people did too, but was too scared to ask.
I've dont that my while life as well. I did make me very good at beeing likable because I've become very in tune to what other peoples needs are in all social situations.
@@Supertax2 Same here.
Same! I thought it was normal for a while
@@hannahk787 its not normal to analyze social situations ?
@@karivanpelt1035 I’m not sure 🤔 from what he said in the video I don’t so tho
Very insightful. Thank you for sharing your very personal experiences with so many people (myself included) who really don't understand.
I suspect I may have had undiagnosed autism for decades - almost everything you said here is like hearing my autobiography!
I didnt know "masking" was a thing. I assumed everyone learned how to Act Normal...
Like... walk normal... look at nose, then ear, then eye, smile. Nod. Pay attention. Dont stare too long. And utter a prepared phrase.
I’ll think of things to talk about with people I have to walk with from class to class because I never know what to ask or how to carry on a conversation 😂👌👌
Same
The "utter a prepared phrase" one really hit home with me. I resisted doing that for so long because I hate inauthenticity. To me it's just simply dishonesty, and I am not a liar.
But after crying and becoming depressed, hating myself, and ruminating for days each time some lowlife receptionist or customer service rep was rude and argumentative with me on the phone, I realized that I need to "feed" these closet trolls "crumbs" to signal to them somehow that I am of the human race otherwise I get surly bullshit like "Well I don't know what to tell you. Nobody else seems to have this problem that you claim to be experiencing" or "Ma'am, ma'am, MA'AM! I'm gonna have to ask that you not interrupt me while I'm speaking."
For some reason, you can't just call straightaway and tell them why you're calling/ who you want to talk to and expect that they do their jobs. So I have to massage my way in with the "stupid crumbs": "Oh, boy, it's hot outside today, right?"
"How are YOU doing today?"
"Thank God it's Friday, right?"
"You have a lovely speaking voice."
Ugh! I feel like a cheap hooker every time, but it works. It feels like we live in a society where lies are currency. But yeah, I guess I practice masking. It's better than being treated like a monster everywhere I go.
Mmm. Look at the nose, then ear... Is that some kind of high level technique ?
I have never heard about that.
Does it serves any purpose ?
I feel the same way
I've always considered my true friends to be "low effort" people. Meaning it doesnt take a lot of effort to be around them. Now I get that it means I don't have to mask
I always tell my best friend that they are my best friend because they're so low maintenance I feel comfy around them (I, in turn, try to be low maintenance too)
Yes, I have a friend who guilt trips me every time she hasn't seen me for 2 or 3 weeks and then spends most of the phone call humble bragging. She's a nice person but I find it exhausting - especially when I have to pretend I'm bothered about not seeing her for 3 weeks or interested in her stories. I like the friends you can sit in silence with and don't feel pressured.
@@JanetMacCallum I had two friends like that, one was intriguing at first (I am a very curious person) and the other was the kind of person you could sit in silence and feel okay, both were intelligent and it was great to have my first friends. Then they took me for their personal advisor or shrink, and it became SO EXHAUSTING to listen to them and never being supported back in the way I needed. I gradually stopped answering the phone, sadly.
@@Crouteceleste Yes, I sometimes avoid answering the phone and then feel guilty because I know it must upset her - unless it's a purely ego-driven call. She is a high achiever but will downplay her likely imminent achievements..not because she's modest but because she fishes for compliments ha ha. She knows she will likely achieve whatever she has her mind set on and enjoys the adulation from other people. Personally, I couldn't give a rats whether people think I'm amazing or not - as long as they are kind!
I find my best friends are the ones who can pick up the phone and carry on from the last conversation you had without recriminations that it was 9months ago. :)
I've almost cried at some point. Not because it resonated with me - it did a bit, but very far from how it should. No, I almost cried because now I understand how you guys feel, and also because recently I had a "wait, what?! that's me!" moment when listening to a few similar videos and lectures on ADHD. It's a very strong emotion, a mixture of long overdue validation and perhaps some regret that it took so much time, but also hope, clarity and comfort. I'm so happy for all of us who have and will watch these videos and realise that nothing's wrong with us as persons, it's just some fairly typical hardware glitches, and we've been doing our best despite having such hardware. ADHDers also mask like hell, it can lead to GAD, depression and all kinds of nasty problems. It's freeing to realise that we are ok the way we are. It's a nice thing that we are so diverse as a species. Let's celebrate this :)
This.
Thank you for talking about this topic. I am not on the spectrum but I am a Mum of two Autistic children, and a little one who is not on the spectrum. The sensory over sensitivity is a common feature often (vision, hearing, smell even touch). As my kids were diagnosed early I validated their feelings and it was an interesting adventure for me to discover their word. I could understand most of their reactions, so I encourage everyone on the spectrum to communicate their feelings and help for their parents/partners to explain their thoughts, point of view.
"wrong planet syndrome"
crazy. i always used to tell my mom i dont feel like i was made for this world
YES ME TOO!! I always feel like I’m not supposed to be here or like I’m some creature that just happened to land here!
Brilliant! That is exactly how I feel also. Let's be honest if the Earth was only inhabited by us it would still be the beautiful, complex, magical biosphere it had the potential to be before neurotypicals and the 'lizards' started exploiting and devastating it. Also society would be very well organised and fair but without the cities and shopping malls! Bliss. Enjoy!
Always thought I was born at the wrong time, tho during a particularly bad phase i began to wonder if I was a human form cylon lol
I wrote a poem called “I’m an Alien from Neptune.” It literally explains this exactly.
@@velvetindigonight Lizards are the best animals ever lizards are not a threat to wild life, but other than that I agree with you.
When I was a child I felt like all the kids around me know some secret rules to playing and being friends, but I didn't know them. So it was like I don't know the right pasword to enter the game. Now that I think about it, that is why I mimic people. It's easier.
Chezarcat interesting comment , food for thought .0
Well the super-secret password was that when they ask you
do you "want to play?"
you reply "Yes!"
and do not try to bite off their noses or hitting their faces with a rock.
@@deltaxcd Good heavens, so that's what I've been doing wrong all this time! Thank you for your wise and compassionate response, my collection of rocks will be going into the bin first thing tomorrow.
Wow! I can totally relate to this! I always felt that all the children around me were given instructions on how to behave, instructions that I was denied, for some reason. Either that, or it's like they were all speaking telepathically, and I couldn't follow along.
@@deltaxcd But most of us were NOT invited, despite our wanting to be. Kids weren't usually 'invited' to play. They just *naturally* came together and socialized. One of my earliest memories was in the first grade. Before class started, the other kids would talk and laugh together, and then friendships formed between them. I was always wondering how they knew what to do, how to interact and what to say to each other.
Yes I relate COMPLETELY with this little girl in the story ... I've ALWAYS been different, and I've always been rejected. All three you spoke, are all three describing me ...I also had all 20 signs of autism in a video about 20 symptoms of autism. I am so happy you posted this video!!! Always, always felt left out and I still do...even my own will leave me out...
Wow. This video is so eye opening. Thank you! Im definitely subscribing.
My niece was diagnosed not long ago, and she’s already had trouble with kids teasing her and being called weird, even by family members. Yeah, she’s weird, but she’s fully herself, which I was never allowed to be. and both her dad (my brother) and I relate so very much. Thankfully my niece has the love and support and ACCEPTANCE of not only her parents and myself but her school has been so great in supporting her. I think she’ll be fine. ❤
In the meantime, both my brother and I have been doing a lot reflecting on our own experiences and dealing with a lot of deeply held negative beliefs about ourselves. He’s embraced the idea of also being on the spectrum, but I’m hesitant because the parental voice in my head accuses me of taking on labels as an excuse. For what, I’m not sure…tbd.
Anyway, love your content. Thank you
I was always deathly afraid of "The circle." It's when a bunch of neurotypicals stand in a closed circle and talk with each other. It's like a lockout for my autistic brain.
“A lockout”. That hit me hard.
I could never seem to wedge myself in there properly. Always trying to make room for others while not losing my spot felt really hard.
OMG, same 😂😭 and walking with a bigger group, I always end up far in front of everyone or far behind... being on a side of such group is difficult and walking surrounded by others - impossible.
I also don't like when someone stands too close to me, like there has to be at least 50 cm of personal space or otherwise I get nervous and annoyed. Friendly hugs make me anxious.
SAME
@@realswobby omg I almost cried here...my whole life till I just gave up on it.
I literally replay every interaction I'm going to have in my head over and over until it happens so I can be prepared lol
Anxiety/autisim is great lol
Same, but when it does happen, I immediately forget about what I should do lmao
Same but when the situation actually happens I’m no more prepared then I would’ve been if I hadn’t
That might be a protection mechanism: trying to find the "right" answer that will stop the criticism or fear of being flogged verbally (or physically) if you don't answer "correctly". But then it seems no matter what you answer your tormentor will still tell you you're wrong.
Me too
This guy is brilliant.
A true gift to the planet and humanity.
Thank you
Yassss!!!! Omg the more I learn the more relief I feel.. 42 years in and I’m finally feeling like I’m coming home 🥹🙏🏽 Thank~You for sharing 🫶🏽 I TOTALLY relate
The part about being aware of your walking speed and distance from people resonates with me the most. Every time I walk by people too close or too slow, I think that people will think I am being creepy.
What do you do with your arms when you walk?? 😭
@@Killer_Turnip Keeping your hands in the pockets often helps. One less thing to worry about.
@@Killer_Turnip I don't know where to put my arms when I stand by 🤷🏻♂️ and while walking I try to play with fingers 🤣
@@Killer_Turnip I move them a pretty specific distance. On right arm right just past here and okay reverse.
@@Killer_Turnip I guess, a pseudo-militaristic marching movement? Just watch George Clooney explaining it in Catch-22 tv-series, seems to fit well. Offered me an anachronistic recognition.
There’s no such thing as “normal”. I was always yelled at as a child “Why can’t you be normal?!?” I’ve come to accept there’s no such thing.
what's considered normal depends on the culture and society or family and then those things change gradually so you are right. a lot of trauma has been considered normal in the past and now is being called into question, so normal isn't always good either
Parents who don't want to have challenges when raising kids tend to say that, they just don't understand what it means to have kids, they don't think about the risk and implications, they, just like animals, go by instinct and try to force the kid to be "right" or "normal" no matter how he/she/they/them were born, it's kinda sad but a lot of people are kinda like animals, they go by instinct and act on emotion alone and rarely, truly display cold thinking, but yeah, it's not your fault, people can be idiotic but it happens.
Yes, and what is considered “normal” is boring.
To be normal you have to go to a normal school LOL
@@Lucapaci0li I did. And I don’t find that humorous.
I’m fairly certain I’m on the spectrum. I’ve been looking at several videos and reading articles. This is a revelation. I’m relieved as well. Thank you.
This video was awesome. I am watching it as someone who works woth kiddos on the spectrum and has loved ones on the spectrum, and its actially really awesome to get an "inside view" to understand them better. Thank you so much!
I used to blame my parents because I thought that everyone must’ve been taught basic social cues by their parents but in reality it’s just something most people involuntarily understand and for some reason I don’t
Lol
Same
same
Oh same, my parents had a messy divorce and it was always seen that somehow only I was really affected by it. I have believed that all my life because I never considered an alternative- that I might be neurodivergent.
😂😂😂😂🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ me too!
Omg, same!
Being dismissed out of hand, being cut off in mid-sentence and people turning away leaving you talking to yourself are pretty good indicators that at least something is not right.
Or people just straight up ignoring you.
That One Weird Kid ummmm.......yeah.
Oh really.....other people experience these things too?
I thought they were unique to me!
I've gone through life wondering why the whole world was so rude to me!
What did I do to deserve being treated like that?
Who else gets that treatment?
With whom?
Nautilus1972 of course, on at least two occasions, they got their just desserts; just didn’t see it coming.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I landed on your videos two years ago, but I wasn't ready yet.
34 years of masking have been so painful, but it doesn't really matter... I finally feel at home 🙏❤
Yes I believe I am. Online quizzes seem to confirm. Feeling overwhelmed w this information so rabbit hole I go. Thank you for this video
I absolutely dislike small talk, and don't particularly like masking that I do.
I hate small talk unless it's about something I enjoy
I cannot find a way to speak that doesn't start with small talk like how do you go up to someone and just have a meaningful conversation or just something that's not merely "oh hey the weather is decent what's your thoughts about the current temperature and cloud formations?" I wanna talk about... idk, other things.
I don't small talk, it's either big or I don't talk. People always say they learn something from me, rather then converse. Only because they're my special interests.
So exactly like half of humanity then.
Oh I hate it too, it's one reason I hate online dating apps, it's somehow expected of you, but it's just pointless. The moment that I start to hate small talk is "how are you" the social response that is expected is no less than "I'm doing good" even if you have a plan for serious things...
Aaah yes, the part about over analyzing social situations and trying to intellectualize them/ turn them into puzzles/ games, that part hit me.
i have over analysed my self for a long time even had my self believing that i had a load of mental health. its not until now after reading these messages that i know im on the spectrum
I clearly remember analyzing a situation in high school when I had an unexpected free period and considered going to the cafe where my friends normally ate lunch - but I had to consider the possibility that there might not be enough room at the booth, in which case I had 2 options: sit at another booth and try to hang out with them at a distance (odds of success: slim to nil), or act like I was just popping by and didnt actually plan to sit (same odds). I was rather proud of myself for playing it all out in my head and saving myself from the embarrassment. 🤦♂️😅🤦♂️
@@danielasutherna8191 never expected to find this type of bot. If anyone is unsure, if you get herpes, you have it for life (not in the sense it kills you, it just pops up every so often).
When I take my dog for a walk and there are other people it becomes a major problem for me. If I am behind another person and I walk a little faster than the person I literally become extremely nervous and annoyed because I know that I have to either pass them at one point or go slower than I actually want to. The thought of passing them makes me so uncomfortable that I get really angry with the other person for just being there, although the person has clearly not done anything wrong. When I spot other people coming towards me from the opposite direction, I get nervous as soon as I spot them. I become unsure about how to move appropriately, where to look, where my dog is going and I think of countless things that could go wrong passing the other person. Thats why I started to go out in the middle of the night, where I can finally experience true inner peace. Everybody is asleep and its just me with my dog floating along the streets.
@@simonschwarzmann2005 that sounds quite familiar 😅
Overanalyzing and plans backfiring due to missing social cues and trying desperately not to offend others....the story of the greeting by habit: leaving a convenience store the clerk said "have a good day," but I was just hurrying away and just assumed they were asking if I needed a bag or recept so I answer, "no thanks!". I chuckle about that every once in a while. Lol
Thank you SO much for this. This is the single most affirming content I’ve ever seen. Thank you.
I feel more comfortable within this comments section than I do around my own home. Y'all rock!
LITTERALLY
Ah my bed is pretty nice tho
How dare you feel comfortable with my warm welcome to you!!! LOL!!!
Yes. Long session of yes yes yes OMG that yes
It's beautiful
As a child I could not figure out why I could not fit in with other kids. Small talk is hard.
@J Everyone says that but that only works for some people, it doesnt work for everyone.
@J when I talk about random, insignificant crap: it's exhausting because it takes waaaay too much thought and I'm usually treated with silence and looks of confusion. I can't do small talk. I can maybe do a few short lines (what I now know to be scripting), but after that it's just unbearable. I CAN'T shut off my brain.
@@JeimiJamie
"How's the weather?", "How was the test?", "How have you been?", "How was your day?", "What are you doing?", "What have you been doing?" (only when you haven't seen the person in a while), "What's that you're eating?", "How's your family?", and the desperate, last resort, "What do you like?". Those are some I use with almost anyone. I like those because they aren't completely insignificant, since those questions have a chance of sparking a theme the person is interested in, so _they_ can carry the conversation instead of me.
I feel like some kind of evil mastermind when I can pull it off, hahah. It's funny.
Still awkward when I run out of those questions and the person doesn't say anything. Then I just stand there trying to make the person feel awkward too and say something. A true battle of endurance to awkwardness.
@@JeimiJamie nevertheless what he said is true... mostly. You just stop thinking apart from the situation. I mean i do think if things are going wrong, but otherwise I can switch off that self-consciousness. I'm an introvert, and started off with bad social skills, so I have some similar difficulties.
I find the psyche and people very interesting though, so i switch into that. I can talk with people all day long for that reason.
@@jinclay4354 haha. That's just human interaction in a nutshell. There is a bit of a struggle with some people. Other people also have weaknesses in their social skills, so really if they can't go somewhere with a question you offer then it's kinda on them.
You know the ultimate mastermind trick is to pick up on something interesting that they said and ask them about that, and then pick up on something interesting they say on that and ask, and on and on, if it's interesting to you it can become quite a buzz.
after watching this, i’m still not sure if i’m on the spectrum but just to know that i’m not alone thinking these things or feeling these things is an amazing thing. thank you
Your 25 questions if I am in the spectrum already brought me close to tears. But your examples of "feeling different" and "not being believed" made me cry very hard. Because I remember, at around the age of six, I got very close to asking my parents if I am really related to my father. We looked alike, but there was so absolutely nothing I could relate with about him - or any body else in my family. And, yes, as long as I can remember, I could do nothing at home but wonder: What must I do to fit in? When I told them why I was crying or why I was angry, they told me I'm lying in order to get attention, I'm just pretending. So I avoided the do-not emotions and put on happy face and played at confidence in order to avoid situations that I wouldn't be believed in. I tried to fit in, every day. I've spent days and nights thinking about our arguments, how to avoid them, how to act, how to pronounce a word just right, to use intonation, what timing, and so on. I still do this today and I'm scripting out dialogues on a very literal level, in order to prepare myself for difficult conversations - just to get blown away by all the stimuli and input, but I thought that's just my ADHD?
What I'm trying to say is that, well, at some point in my life the same struggles happened with my peers, and I performed badly. Previously I had hardly any friends and I didn't try to connect with them, I was the outsider, they ignored me, I ignored them, that's been the agreement of peace in every town, and my mother switched cities often. So in my childhood and youth, I had all these problems with my parents and family. When I was finally allowed to go my own way, it nearly destroyed me to realize that the problems turned up again now that I could no longer ignore my peers - and they too refused to stay out of my hair. It's not that I didn't want social relationships, quite the opposite, I love friendship and romance. It's just always been something that happens to other people who magically knew how to do it.
Sorry for writing so much, but you've adressed so many things I hardly confessed even to myself before. You gave me a lot to think about, and perhaps also the means I need to give my professional and social life that further adjustments to avoid my next burnout. I'm sure I couldn't bear another.
So I'm not the only one feeling like I'm an alien visiting a strange planet whose customs I barely understand?
Not by a long shot. I am not diagnosed, but my whole life I have felt alien from the people around me, except perhaps my grandparents (who were extremely relaxed, very loving, not demanding, and quiet/low key). School from kindergarten to university was unmitigated hell for me, primarily because of social awkwardness with students and teachers alike.
@@llkg9 he sounds like an indigo child/ starseed you can find info on them Mary Rodwell for years has written about them
Maybe autism is overlapped with introversion and being a star seed. Def I dont belong.
You are not alone. And how do people spot it as soon as they see me? I think I look normal. I have normal hair, a normal face, normal clothes, but people look at me like I walked in wearing a big red nose and clown clothes.
Short answer: Nope, definitely not the only one. :P
Long answer: I would write it up, decide to change it a couple times, then burn out and delete it. So, no long answer this time. Sorry. 🤣
Middle aged and still don't know the secret to walking and/or talking in a group.
My strategy was to walk by myself entirely oblivious to the rest and either let them adjust, or just keep walking by myself playing the "I'm just cooler than y'all" card.
Don’t overthink it. Just listen to what people are saying, and add what you have to say if you have a thought that fits their topic, if they’re on a topic at all, and walk as you converse. It’s OK to walk with them and just listen if you don’t have anything to add, or if you don’t think that they would comprehend it, because a lot of times, people these days have a very low level of comprehension.
I have found that it’s quite easy to talk over their heads in ways they can’t seem to understand, even though it’s very simple stuff. If they are talking about mainstream things, I just avoid those people anyway. I am not interested in the mainstream mind. All things mainstream and “alternative” (controlled opposition to me) are just all forms of media, magazines, radio, TV, movies, podcasts, Ted talks, blah blah, it’s all just the world puking it’s puke on anyone who voluntarily tunes into it daily, and a lot of people do. Then they like to regurgitate it all over everyone else.
I don’t listen to radio, I don’t watch TV, movies, or read magazines or have anything to do with the mainstream or alternative worlds. If I want to be puked on, I could go to a bar on a weekend night, or perhaps hang out in the ER for the weekend, or volunteer to hold sick babies. People just feed their mind mental garbage, it’s not even garbage, it’s puke. And they actually pay money for it, for their subscriptions to whatever, cable, Netflix, or whatever it is they’re into.
For the most part, you’re not missing anything...
@@misskim2058 I actually want to be a part of the discussion sometimes. And you realize you're on utube, right? That's a form of media. 🤷♀️
Same.
@@misskim2058 Oh the irony of you posting that on TH-cam.
Thank you. My son is 12 and we just got his diagnosis. I couldn’t understand how his IQ results were so high and how capable he is of learning things, yet he is having trouble reading. Hearing you and reading all the comments made me feel like he is not alone. As you are going trough your experiences I recognize my son in almost all of them. Walking in groups and hallways in school are another one that hit close to home. I appreciate you sharing this.
Oh wow… I resonated with this so much. I think this might be why my life fell to pieces after college.. having no schedule or clear steps to follow after college was done and what to do next led me into falling into bad peer groups who took advantage of my naive nature and I fell into drug abuse and an abusive partner and friends. Am now sober and trying to figure out how to put my life back together. Used to blame myself so much for feeling different around people. Have trouble in large groups especially concerts and always wondering how to act around family. Always felt like an alien and felt gaslighted when people didn’t understand where I was coming from. Thank you for this video.
I'm 83 years old, and I realized I was on the spectrum just around 2.4 years ago. I was born before the diagnosis even existed, but ever since my earliest childhood I've felt strongly disconnected from the society at large. It never bothered me greatly, but the diagnosis brought me a deep sense of clarity.
When I was young and people posed such mundane questions as “What's going on?“ or “Do you need anything else?“ unassumingly, I always felt the correct responses should be thorough and thoughtful recounts of my situation and/or needs. Through trial and error, I learned the proper answers were more akin to “Not much. You?“ or “No, thank you.“, and I was able to assimilate into society through various similar trials. I was able to find interesting work as a floral biologist, marry the most beautiful woman I ever knew -- God rest her soul -- and to live a fulfilling life.
Some things I never quite mastered, though. Eye contact was always a particularly tricky skill for me. There's a very specific amount of contact you need to maintain, and anything more or less than the optimum is a noticeable aberration to the neurotypical observer. I consider myself quite apt at socializing through text and via phone, but in person, I still struggle to maintain a façade of normalcy. I don't stress myself with it, though, because I am content with who I am.
Very resonating comment. I'm happy you made a happy and deserving life for yourself.
Thanks for sharing this, incredibly interesting to hear from someone with as much life experience as yourself!
no way you are 83 years old making counter strike vids gtfo
I still think that 'vaccines' are responsible for our autism. Vaccines do not react the same way in everyone. I had 2 brothers and sisters who were highly intelligent. I didn't react the same way. Instead, I have a lot of common sense albeit it takes me longer to learn. It has always been numbers with me - I can remember long sets of numbers for many years. My boss declared to me one day that I must be autistic because no one can remember numbers like that. God bless you.
@@ucd2465 bro my grandpa writes shit on my computer sometimes, he do be kinda wack tho ngl, i think he a sperg for sure
I remember telling my dad that I "knew" I was adopted. He went along with it and made up a story on the spot about how I was left on the doorstep by a race of aliens who looked like purple cats. I then went to my mum on the other side of the house and told her I knew I was adopted. She went along with it and made up a story on the spot about how I was left on the doorstep by a race of aliens who looked like purple cats. Their stories were identical, despite them being well out of earshot of each other. I still wonder sometimes if they were telling the truth.
Nah they were just prepared
they probably joked about it before hand mans
Your mom probably overheard your dad but pretended she didn't. It's nice that you had funny parents!
Beautiful
Welcome to planet Earth and being Human dear soul from Purple cat Alien race.I trust that you navigate well. Blessings to you!
12 days later after finding your channel -- Thank you - I found the tests - I took 2 -- and I feel so much better being validated - I scored 37 -- I couldn't of done this without your channel and -- well -- you. I have been trying to figure this out for 2 years. I would hug you if I could -- hugging you trough the internet. I feel this is the proof I need to be able to take with me now.
Thank you so much for this video, it is so validating. I just recently started exploring this topic and was shocked by how relatable this whole thing is to me. The 3 experiences you described as well, pretty much. Several tests I did, they all point to the same thing. On top of that I suffer from a lot of other stuff and tried to understand myself for years, but I knew deep down that there's something much more than anxiety, depression and trauma. Autism feels like the missing piece I was looking for. And I'm still doubting myself.
I function reasonably well, but at the end of the day i feel drained and just want to be by myself to relax. Even having a conversation feels hard work. Also, if im in a room with people whether i know them or not, for example at Work , there always seems to be this feeling over me of discomfort and anxiety?? But if im alone in that room, it feels like a weight has been lifted from my chest....
Same for me I thought I was the only one who experienced this.
Same! It’s actually exhausting sometimes I just want to be able to hang out with people and not overthink every single interaction with them... but that’s almost impossible so being alone is just easier :/
ditto!! I agree with everything you said. I live alone and I prefer it. However, I'm not a total introvert either... I often crave human interaction; I need the approval of my family and my close friends. Sometimes I really enjoy going out to be around strangers. At times it just feels good to be seen and to be around the company of others. But when I'm with people aaallll day - or even most of the day - I feel anxious, annoyed and just overall uncomfortable. Like you said, at the end of the day it is so satisfying to just be alone and totally unwind; I feel at peace, but after too long I will get lonely. Can anybody else relate?
this. I’m a MD, and after spending the whole day treating people at work I must come home and cloister myself until the next day. Need my me time. People are draining. Mostly I only like to have family around, maybe because all of us have a somewhat small degree of functioning autism afterall.
@@nielsen462 i totally relate.
I strongly relate to the feeling of the unmasking when i'm alone. If there's a single observer in my environment, i am more tense than I would be when alone. Knowing they're watching me / hearing me means i'm expected to perform in some way. I can't just "be myself" because they'll comment on something I do if they think it's weird or odd. Basically i've trained myself to be like a perfect performing soldier at all times to avoid criticism; though I'd still receive criticism over trivial things like "why are you so quiet" or "why are you breathing so hard" or "are you okay? You sure?". And it just bugs the crap out of me cuz no matter how hard i try people can't seem to be okay with me. There's always something to pick at and diagnose or criticize. That's why I live alone. I can have my own space, my own domecile, my own little kingdom where no one controls what i do, what i say, or how i say it. It's refreshing. But sometimes I wonder where this is all leading to.
i could cry this is literally me
this comment really speaks to me. being observed is difficult. I've always taken solace in the dead of night when I can finally have peace
@@AuraSparks are you me?! I stay up all night, or at least later than I should, because it’s my peaceful ‘just being me’ time
Aghhhh why do I relate???
I have so many questions!
I can highly relate, it's so refreshing to read comments of other people's experiences that are understanding
So I just liked and subscribed. I went to a parochial school with the same kids and uniforms for eight years. So wearing the same clothes. It was great. I never had a 'best friend'. It never bothered me. High school was difficult. Relationships never worked out for me. A lot of work-life never went well. I was reading Moonwalking with Einstein. It's about the Memory Olympics and it gives a brief description of Aspergers Syndrome. I had to read that several times. It was me. I read it back to a good friend and then scheduled an appointment with the therapist I was seeing because my life kept falling apart. She gave me the child evaluation and agreed with the results. This was in 2013 when they took ASPY out of the DM5. So I'm going to be watching your videos a bit slowly so I don't overload. I'm glad you're here.
I have overanalyzed every social action my entire life eye contact, walking, eating etc. My daughter who is 7 calls others "Humans" in a way that she doesn't see them the same. It is honestly so Validating to find out that you are not " weird" and others do the same things and the reason why. I think early diagnosis is key to understanding who you were truly supposed to be. Without the unpacking journey of late diagnosis 😮 or burnout.
I have extreme anxiety and have difficulty socializing yet I can read people extremely well and often uncover what people are thinking without even speaking to them.
I agree with everything you said but I'd add that even though I can read them, I cannot understand them sometimes.
For example, I can see clearly that someone is obsessed with money or status, but it seems like such a weird concept to me.
we need to hang out!
@@miaferrari958 Exactly! It's like they are predictable in a way because you learned HOW they function, yet they still surprise you sometimes because you can't still understand WHY do they function like that.
This resonates with me. Though I wouldn't say I ever had "extreme" anxiety, I definitely struggled with human interaction, but would notice subtle cues from afar. One thing that really turned things around for me was when I decided to stop trying to put on a show for other people, and just start being open and honest, and tell people what I see and think.
Sometimes you'll miss the mark and offend someone, but more often people will be grateful for the insight about themselves. With practice you'll figure out how to be more tactful and avoid offending people.
You sound like a psychic knower or psychic empath. I have been wondering how these connect with one another, as I am a psychic empath, but can relate closely to the autistic defining questions.
anyone else near constantly sing/talk aloud when their alone also or is that just me?
🙋🏼♀️
I sing aloud in public. hahaha
I don’t like when people sing aloud in public. I always feel vulnerable and when people randomly start singing in my isle of the store It makes want to reach for my mace. I feel like, if people violate this social norm, will they try something on me too? But I am generally very paranoid about my safety in public.
Yes! I have very involved conversations with myself. I talk as though I’m, say explaining something to someone or relating a story or event.
@@Oyuki-Mayonesa get that shit checked out. I don't like loud noises and want to murder people who make them, but you've got a whooooole other level of something going on 😂😂
I felt a big urge to cry while watching this.
It's been a long time since I noticed that something about me is different, that I've noticed that people don't understand me or are uncomfortable with my ways and I often forced myself to think that the problem was me.
But it's getting more and more tiring and harder to have to just pretend that I don't care, I'm tired of hiding and not being able to do anything about it because no one understands me or experiences anything similar.
As much as it made me cry, this video is a relief, thank you.
I became aware that I’m on the autism spectrum about four months ago. It was brought to my attention by a psychotherapist. The grieving process has been horribly sad and wonderfully beautiful. When I heard the second core belief in the video, the idea of not being believed, I burst into tears. Therapy has been an extremely difficult process for this exact reason. I have dealt with this throughout my whole life. Thank you for sharing.