the biggest one for me, and it's the worst feeling ever for me too, is a sense of "i want to go home", but you dont exactly know where "home" is. feeling homesick in your own bedroom. feeling like everything that brings you comfort is out of reach or just feels bland to you. thinking about your favorite things gives you a wave of unease in your stomach. your family and friends feel like strangers, you feel out of place, disassociated, and you constantly feel zoned out and in a dream-like state. you're aware, but you don't feel "there". its horrible. Gonna add another thing too about losing interest in stuff. I imagine it like changing through tv channels in my head, each one with a favorite thing that I love. And flipping through, none of them are appealing at all. Sometimes thinking about my favorite things makes me feel sick. It’s like when you don’t have an appetite and nothing sounds good.
It’s weird how you can get used to living with depression that it starts to feel “normal” like it’s almost as if you “forget” that you’re totally irreversibly depressed. It’s EXHAUSTING.
During last year, at some point, I was getting a little better and felt genuine happiness "for the first time", since I couldn't remember what it was like, having had depression since my childhood. It devasted me when things got worse again, I felt so much more miserable than I ever had, and the worst was that I tried to deny it, because I had lived like that before. How was I not able to do it again this time? I hated myself for that even more, felt stupid and useless. But I know, logically, that it's only normal to struggle that much with something as difficult at depression. My brain won't listen, though, and it sucks
I wonder if what I'm experiencing is a high functioning depression? I be totally fine for a week, feeling a little bit like I'm gaslighting myself to be in okay mood, but I'm funtioning. I go to work, it goes smoothly, I come home, cook dinner, clean my place (I do cleaning for a living so I'm kinda freaky about having a clean space), read, hang out with my bf having a great time. Then suddenly, in the middle of a great day, I just feel this wave of "I don't want to be here, I want to DISSAPEAR" and suddenly everything is bad. I go anxious, angry, sad, overwhelmed and then... just numb. It goes on for a few days and I can't let go of my boyfriend's side for longer than I'm at work because I'm worried I'll harm myself. It's exhausting, always feeling like I'm losing my mind and then suddenly I feel like I have my shit together but only for a few days.
I’ve even said to myself I’ll never come back it’s been to long. I’ve been down to long to ever come back. That’s sad. I guess at least now that I realize that it can make me just be ok with it, o guess.
The anger. No one talks about the anger. The rage I constantly feel is so overwhelming. I lash out. I'm not myself. I see it but I can't stop. Depression is a disability
I especially get this before going to bed. I feel so frustrated, so tired of the way I am, so pissed at dealing with my own issues over and over again without seeing the end of it.
I don't have a constant rage, but once some mild inconvenience sets me off, it's hard to calm back down, and then everything begins to look like a problem and it makes it worse.
Normal people look like superheroes. Yes. How the hell do they commute, work full time, cook healthy meals, keep the house clean and still have enough energy for relationships and hobbies? I have days when I'm proud of myself for going to the supermarket and buy food instead of staying at home and being hungry and miserable because there is no food in the house.
They also look far more beautiful than I feel. No matter how homely they are. Growing up, I heard people tell me I was pretty, but I "knew" I was hideously ugly, and wanted to hide from the world.
There’s something to be said about nutrition and the cycle of feeding your body and your body’s energy output. I was in the worst depression of my life for the last several years, and this spring I watched a video that inspired me to try and lose weight (I was doing it originally only for aesthetic purposes because I hated the way I looked) but then I was shocked at how different I felt when I was eating better. And eating better doesn’t mean cooking every meal, there are ways to eat healthy enough, low effort, and low cost, you just have to get creative. But anyway I still definitely am depressed, but I am far better than I was. I have more energy and I can do a bit more in my day which then in turn makes me feel better about myself. That’s why it’s a cycle. So idk this probably didn’t help you at all and I don’t want to sound like a health nut, but really don’t underestimate how much better your brain can function when properly nourished.
And you know that whatever they have that you don't is something they don't even know they have, so you can't tell them to be grateful for it. And when you know most people don't have your problem, what can you conclude but that there is something terribly wrong with you?
One that I never see anyone mention is cognitive impairment. I literally felt like I had dementia at one point because my brain was straight up not working. I couldn't form thoughts, I couldn't carry on conversation, it was impacting every major relationship I had in my life. I wish society knew that depression is not just feeling sad.
I portray myself as an idiot to everyone in my life because that's all I see myself as, and so they don't expect anything from me. No matter how much people tell me that I'm smart, I can not believe them. My brain feels like it rotted away.
After I went through a serious bout of COVID running temps of 102, spiking to 103 over four or five days, I ended up with a bad case of brain fog. I had to step down from an intense high pressure position at work, because I just couldn't handle the mental work.
Sometimes, a person can have those symptoms on a long-term basis while still maintaining a "functional" disposition. That is, you can still go to work, provide for your family, participate (though minimally) in "family life", etc. You can even be "self-aware" that you're in that depressed state, but you're feeling so alone that you just can't see how to break free and "wake up".
I totally understand. I feel this way most of the time. It got much worse after my mom died. I’ve begun to wonder if all of my homesickness isn’t actually for my hometown or state but rather for a time when I was a child and felt safe in my mom’s presence. 😢
The envy of watching 'normal people' literally just waking up at a normal time and then somehow magically getting up and then washing and shopping and having this somehow pre set to being on repeat daily, and not an everyday ordeal. This can blow my mind, managing to do this is such a good day for me, and can be rare if iv been stuck in depression for a while. Thank you for helping me feel like others are also amazed at people literally just being people. xxx
@The Hayley 555 I feel the same I have felt stuck in depression for 8 months, I have been pushing myself everyday to do daily task like going shopping. Cooking is also very hard, I just feel like I can't do anything anymore, I just want to be normal again , this so hard. I just felt I was feeling like this.
I think being older and depressed, people can get very nostalgic and sentimental. Thinking of memories in the past. Often going back to childhood neighborhoods, driving by the schools you attended as a child. Doing things you did as a child. I think mainly because this was a time when you felt like you had potential in life
I’m 29 but I’ve found myself doing this a lot over the past few years. I wouldn’t go back to my childhood, but I do wish I could re experience how it feels to look forward to the future.
Yes, I feel this ALL the time. It makes me so sad to see how far i’ve grown apart from that little girl who once had a spark in her eye. Now, I can’t even recognize the monster that looks back in the mirror.
I think that’s absolutely true! Though I’ve always been a little child at heart my entire life going back to childhood is when I was the happiest in my life! I was blessed with loving parents as an only child. Unfortunately they both had passed by the time I was 23. I still see the beautiful vibrant colors and beauty in the world though!
I’m 16 and I’ve definitely felt this.. school used to be a safe place that I loved going to, and now I feel like it’s a place where everyone is actively trying to hurt me. School used to be really fun, where I enjoyed learning and felt good but now it just feels like wasted potential. Playing on playgrounds is another thing, it’s not socially acceptable to play on them when you get older but imo it should be
Thank you for this video. Checked off every one of these oddly specific signs of depression. So, I have my constant muttering in my brain like this: "Get up. Just keep going. It'll be okay. Get dressed. Just keep going. Get going. Feed the pets. Drive to work. Do work. Talk to co-workers. Check emails but don't delete anything. Be nice. Eat. Do one extra thing. Talk to daughter. Be normal. Drive home. Get gas and food. It'll be okay. Just keep going. Check house didn't burn down. Check pets are still alive. Watch Netflix. Pay bills. Do laundry. Wash dishes. Etc.". I feel like a displaced robot with no feelings for anything anymore. It hurts to do anything that I used to love to do.
Sadly, I feel nothing when friends or family tell me that I'm important to them. It doesn't matter to me -- I don't believe them anyway. I wish it did; I wish I could.
I understand. And the only thing I'm good for is to serve them and take care of them. Literally, my mom's parents are late 70s-early 80s, mom is mid/late 50s, dad's not here atm, all got one foot in the grave and the other in crisco, and I am cook, waitress, chauffeur, personal shopper, house Dr/nurse, computer tech, (and I am jon snow when it comes to fixing computers other than basic maintenance), and mother essentially, as i even make and take thwm to their dr appts on my one day off a week, while keeping a full time job, being trained to run my own store. Fuck...help me, please. 😮💨
@@Khaleesi_Jack wish my son was around. He is in prison again. so things could be worse for you. Things could be worse for all of us. could have bombs going off war zone. yikes we all need somebody to care. I care about you Khaleesi jack.
It's weird. I would think i have physical ailment. But it's highly selective. I can exercise, i do it a lot. That takes energy. But straightening and cleaning the house....doing almost any task i supposed to do....no energy...weakness in the limbs
I remember when I realized the the song "Trapped Under Ice" by Metallica is most likely about depression - I had been listening to it my whole life but never realized until one day when it hit me - a similar sentiment to your description of depression as "swimming through pudding."
I try to set aside one day a week to go to an appointment, shop for necessities, and run errands. I dread that day. Sometimes, I change my mind and decide not to go out after all. Then, after a while, I feel guilty for being lazy, so I force myself to go out. The entire time, I have an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. Traffic, Waiting in Line, Interacting with people... all of that stresses me out. Then, when I FINALLY arrive home, I breathe a sigh of relief and I say, "That was horrible. I never want to do that again!"
Yes, so relatable! Having to go get my haircut is so draining. I've been trying to psych myself up to make a dentist appointment. Months have gone by and I still haven't done it.
To me, its actually my bed that makes me addicted. And it honestly feels like an addiction. I was addicted to drugs so i know what it feels like and everything in my mind and body centers around "when will i be back in my bed". Its honestly a lot more harmful than it might sound but everything i do, where I'm not in bed, feels wrong. It feels like just a step that is neccessary for me to then end up in my bed as fast as possible.
If you like to have something covering or wrapped around your body while in bed, being in bed is maybe comforting because it's like being in the womb again where when the body was there there was the absence of feeling fear, trauma-hurt, worry.
Okay, this is honesty. Ive never been able to admit even internally. Everything I do outside of my bed. Im like okay I can do this, and get back to my bedroom and lay down . Just get everything done in one day, so you can get back to existing, but barely. My bed is my best friend. I'm so incredibly chronically exhausted to my core.
Wow. I've got the same thing. I've never thought of it as an addictiveness though. I think all the covid woes were a part of this. What else was there to do when you are already depressed.
I notice that it sometimes feels like I lost time. like suddenly I will look around and see that dishes have piled up, laundry has piled up, nothing has gotten cleaned, and I become acutely aware and am able to get these things done and have an overwhelming feeling that a lot of time elapsed and I was functioning, but was unaware of how minimal the basis of my functioning was…like I don’t even recall how I got from A to B each day.
I think I might just really stand there and ruminate, and because it is so distressing/my mind feels compelled/preoccupied almost obsessive over it. That's when I know I have to be strict about my thoughts, when I feel the compulsion and I can't choose to follow my schedule. Routines help. I have a whiteboard chore/schedule list that helps me keep track of things so they're not gross.
I wonder if I would be videotaped and it would prove exactly how slowly I move. I can’t account for the loss of or slowness of time. Yet other times time has vanished.
it’s such a surreal feeling, accepting that you will never be like normal people, and you just have to live like this. i have already realized that i will never experience life like other people and i will never experience normal emotions without constantly being controlled by depression
I’ve had a diagnosis of depression for 15 years. Why have none of my therapists told me about these? Especially the anger one. All this time I thought I was just a monster who was too inept to control my anger.
Achievement Anesthesia, the dullness of life, not wanting to participate in fickle conversations...all of it...finally a voice which so eloquently describes the torment
The tiredness and complete lack of energy or motivation is overwhelming. I've been experiencing the restless agitation for the past several days, but been totally unable to rest or relax. Everything Dr Eilers is saying - everything on this list - is correct and identifiable. Nobody else has ever recognised or discussed these symptoms, not even doctors, therapists or counsellors. For the first time, someone is describing my life exactly.
I particularly relate to the specific fatigue you described….theres nothing else quite like it . Thank you for your articulation of these factors in depression ❤
@@KaylaEchols221I'm still like that going on 30 years 😢 started when I was 25 and now I'm 56. I have never really slept since I was born. The tiredness never used to hit me as bad as it has the past couple of years.
I have a lot of these. There's also another symptom: fear of homelessness. I've experienced this one. I always feel as if I'm going to amount to nothing and end up on the street. It's one of my biggest fears.
Homelessness (habitual), can lead to Bi-Polar Disorder because of the Amygdala’s ‘Flight-or-Flight’ response can lead to, (in instances of habitual), abnormal/prolonged neural-stimulation of instinctive avoidance-reflexes to escape a pervasively aversive situation.
I keep getting urges to move away from where I live because I've lost everything in the city where I live....this geographic region constantly reminds me of everything I've lost
Try moving. Maybe it will help. It helped me when I had issues w addiction. Still depressed tho. 😂😂😂. And still like, halfway thinking “ugh if only I could have stayed, but I’m punished to live in Indiana”.
I feel you there, I refer to my old place of residence as "The City that Never Loved Me" or "the Armpit of the Midwest" if you can move, do it. It's freeing.
Yeah I've been there and actually maybe you do need to move. I think sometimes even just having the feeling that you're doing something for yourself and trying to change it can be enough to jump start a feeling of getting better. I know that I once got really depressed when I moved to a different city and it was mainly because I had difficulty building and maintaining friendships, finding things to do there that I enjoyed, I constantly felt like an outsider because I'd grown up in the country and wasn't used to city life, and I just basically had no support system. So I moved back home and instantly started to feel better because I had friends there, family, activities that I knew I enjoyed, and I didn't feel so lost and out of place. Honestly sometimes finding a place where you can build that feeling and it feels like there's potential is such a good thing for depression. I do honestly think that sometimes our environment and the way that we know how to navigate it (or if we don't know how to navigate it) can influence whether or not we feel stuck. I think that feeling like we don't have choices and options, feeling like our needs cannot be met, etc can lead us into depression very easily. Or sometimes rather than changing our surroundings, we need to learn how to think about things differently so that we don't feel stuck. Look for the options and reduce the perfectionism. Accept that things will be uncomfortable and imperfect, but at least we're doing something for ourselves.
Bourdain and the others were suffering, afraid, tired, likely overwhelmed by painful anxiety, and felt like they couldn`t take it anymore. It hurts in ways "normal" people can`t imagine. I`ve set a schedule for myself to do at least this one thing every morning at the break of dawn...I take food out for a squirrel and the birds and make sure they have clean water. When I call to them several of them answer like the Cardinal pair who nest here, a woodpecker, and a little Titmouse pair. I`m slowly getting to know a pair of Doves who are beginning to trust me too. A raccoon comes in the evening if I call him. I helped a bunny during the extreme heat and drought last year, dug a puddle for the frogs who put their eggs in Bunny`s water bowl, and fed a Raccoon who was eating the bird seeds. Bunny trusts me and put her nest of babies in my vegetable garden this year. I discovered this yesterday. Ha! I`ve planted over 15 fruit trees this year...enough to share and help the wildlife when I become unable. I plan to root 50 cuttings to give away at a small local church that has a food pantry that helps me. These things are how I created purpose in my life. I was homeless before and had nothing so I enjoy helping these animals here, being friends with them, and feeling needed instead of worthless.
@@artglass00 I was watering my peas and okra yesterday and started seeing glimpses of "rats" scurrying around. I was spraying water on the baby bunnies. Ha! I finally saw one. They`re eating leaves on some of the peas but I`m not gonna bother them. They need to eat and get healthy and the peas are so thick the big owls around here can`t see them. Their mom knew they`d be safe there. I planted her plenty of peas around all the fruit trees and along the blackberry patch. Their leaves (various black eyed pea varieties) can be up to 40% protein and are considered an overlooked superfood. I let her eat from my garden last year because it didn`t rain for nearly six months and there was nothing else for her to eat so she knew the babies would be in the perfect spot there and the owls wouldn`t come around with me out there all the time. I had noticed her hanging around close to the garden but had no idea she had a nest in there.
@@artglass00 I just looked around in the pea patch and saw two of the little bunnies. They`re about 5 inches long but very plump and healthy and very nervous too. When I would talk to them they`d hop around and move the peas so that`s how I spotted them. I noticed the plants moving when I watered them for the past several days and thought it was toads in there because I saw one recently. I`m gonna have to put a bowl of water under the peas for them tonight. It has been HOT in Louisiana lately and it`s about to get even hotter. If I would have known about this I would have bought some rabbit food for babies.
The sad is thing is no one is hearing you and dismisses your feelings and saying you just need to be positive. What I most feel is to be ignored, and I feel like yelling and not being heard. You are describing exactly what I am going through.
The sad truth is no one IS listening. No one listens to me, so I’ve gone silent. People are so distracted by so much now, if you even try to start a conversation with many or most of them, they listen for like maybe one minute. …then they’re off on their own tangent or scrolling on their phone. As a matter of fact, I’m not just silent with them, I’ve literally extricated myself from them. I see my adult son on a regular basis as he lives with me. He listens and he also talks. Other than that, and the occasional interaction on social media -like this- I stay quiet. 🤔🫤
@@katblehm2119 Exactly my experience on trying to speak out to my father about my issues. Its hard to listen to him keep on berating me to "learn how to communicate" when everytime I try to speak, He deny, reject, demean or belittle my feelings.
I’ve concluded that people who haven’t been clinically depressed or had other mental health issues just cannot relate. They may want to be supportive, but they do not know how. I stopped talking about what I’m feeling a long time ago with people. It doesn’t help. One thing I’ve noticed is when I want to talk about a problem, the other person wants to offer solutions. I don’t want solutions. I want someone to listen to me, and may be reassure me. Just sit there and listen. I don’t want advice.
Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it's just so hard to source out here
I’ve been researching on psychedelics and it’s benefits to individuals dealing with Anxiety, Depression, ADHD and from my findings, they really work and I’ve been eager to get some for a while but its been difficult to get my hands on them.
The Trips I've been having really helped me a lot. I’m now able to meditate and I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
@@JamesFJohnson I feel the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of this community.
definitely feeling the spiritual level of tiredness, you wake up and feel just as tired as you went to sleep, food just feeds your body but doesn't help, caffeine will amp up the brain but it won't get rid of the tiredness, nothing seems as enjoyable, and you kinda feel invisible, even if people greet you and talk to you
Anthony Bourdain admitted in at least one episode, that his lifestyle with that TV show filming was amazing, because he traveled all over the world, but he felt lonely, because he'd make friends with people and then never see them again. He always had to keep moving to a new location where he didn't know anybody, over and over and over. Always a new location every week. I knew he was depressed. 😢❤
It makes it very easy to make casual friends, but very hard to maintain longer deeper relationships. A lot of jobs have this type of problem built into the job.
I think he also said that when he was traveling he was wishing he was home, but when he was at home, he would wish he was traveling. So he never felt happy no matter where he was.
A kid, 16 year old here I've been experiencing these symptoms in different intensities over the course of my life so far (especially during the pandemic?). Lately, I've been mainly experiencing the displacement and achievement anesthesia, and I'm pretty relieved to see there was someone who could put the problem into words. Thank you for this video. I aspire to get better with self-help and eventually go to therapy when I'm independent.
Also 16, been struggling with the tiredness and angry perfectionism. And it’s just a wonderful loop of, “man I’m tired and burnt out and I’m supposed to be an AP kid but I can’t even handle one assignment and everyone else can do a lot more than me consistently” I’ve also been struggling with the physical issues for over a year and just came to terms with my addiction to video games. I’ve dismissed it a lot as just stress in the moment, but even when there’s nothing to stress about, I still just feel out of it. I’m sure it will come to pass eventually, but I have to agree that this video was able to put into words exactly how I’ve been feeling, and really just calling it for what it is. It’s depression, and that’s ok.
1 - fantasy world - check 2- soul crushing tiredness - check 4 - angry perfectionism - check 5 - achievement amnesia - check 6 - normal people are viewed as superheroes - check 7 - sense of being out of place in todays world/society - check 8 - emotion creating activities - check out of all these I probably feel most in tune with 1 and 7. Like your friend I feel connected to Japan. my way feeling of fanatical loyalty to a friend is out of fashion in todays "me first" world. there is far more to it but not something for an open forum like youtube. I do experience all of these expect to a degree expect subdued color (4)
For me it’s all of them except 1 and 6. I just don’t believe that other people are that happy. Also for me 8 used to be really strong. But since covid, very little stirs emotion in me.
This „normal people resemble super heroes“ is so true. I had some pretty dark times with depression and was always wondering how everyone else lived their lives. Just get up and get on with things? But how?
I am in this place too, where I will look at people going from here to there and driving and walking and shopping and conversing…and all the while thinking how do they do all of this? It’s so overwhelming! I go to work and come home and collapse from the weight of just making it thru another day. And having my boss say it is so good to just see you here, and looking at her and thinking why are you saying that? Why would you possibly want to have me around?
@@beverlysettle8235 I am better now with this comparison thing. But it took me years to understand that I have to do things my way and just ignore the others. There are multiple ways to get things done. Just have to find your way.
@@alicepirola7077 Comparing yourself to neurotypical people just leads to disappointment in your own abilities. Find your own way of doing things and let the neurotypicals just be. And if someone asks why you are doing it like this, just say: because I can.
This one hit deep. The other day I was watching The Hunchback of Notre Dame and I started weeping when Quasi sang “Out There”. The whole damn song is so relatable but especially “Out there among the millers and the weavers and their wives Through the roofs and gables I can see them Every day they shout and scold and go about their lives Heedless of the gift it is to be them If I was in their skin I'd treasure every instant”
I just want someone to love and someone to love me and help me, I'm lost and 60 years old, my significant other doesn't care anymore, he's has no interest anymore, i do everything around the house and yard with no help, its exhausting and miserable making me physically ill, My brain is on overdrive constantly, thanks for reading and listening , blessings too all❤
husband might be depressed too. I know I have been married and felt alone. It is sad to feel this way. Now I am alone husband died of cancer. that was hard to watch him slowly go. omg. God lift us up help us see we are blessed. Be my friend zenfan.. ?
Thank you, im suffering from severe depression at the moment and don't think people understand when I say I'm tired what it actually means. It is comforting to hear someone else say it
I used to get fussed out by family members bc they were frustrated with me. They didn’t understand my depression. They’d say, “get out of Lala land”. I didn’t understand that statement but to them it looks like I’m just doing makeup, wearing elf ears and just being a lazy creep that can’t step outside. I’m literally a prisoner of my depression rn.
@@ИапГоревичim 18 too and i’ve had depression for all of my life. i just want you to know that pills aren’t evil. they aren’t for everybody, but if you’re diagnosed and ready, they can really help you get back on the right track. especially if you know your depression is largely due to your living situation/period in your life. i hope you feel better, and don’t let anybody scare you off of medication if therapy doesn’t work.
I remember being a tween (about 12/13) and going online for the first time, starting to learn about different things (because I live learning, doesn't matter what!) and I came across signs of depression and went "oh boy, that sure sounds like me. Anyways..." turns out of course I was depressed, it flared up when I was around 15 during the pandemic I could even get ou of bed nor even bother to connect to online classes. I had first been diagnosed when I was 9, but I couldn't remember that because the period of my life was overall pretty traumatic, so happy 10 year anniversary of my depression to me, I guess! Serious talk, I just wanted to say that if this resonates with you, to please look into anything that can help you. I get sick of everything trying Journaling, meditation, therapy, going to the gym, picking up hobbies an dropping them over and over again... But for me, it's the only way to stay afloat, as I still haven't managed to find any way to get better. But it's certainly better to try and get help before you can't even pick yourself up off the floor when you hit the bottom. Please try, you're worth it
after internalizing for over 10 years its started coming out more, it's a feeling of being fed up with struggling to meet bare minimum standards for absolutely nothing, no joy, no comfort, no happiness. People around don't appreciate the lengths i go to keep up, the pain i'm always masking just to function, and i'm fed up with the lack of perspective and understanding on top of the struggle.
You just explained my entire life. I’ve been depressed since I was very young. (And, yes, I can trace it to an event and a narcissistic person.) I almost skipped this video. I’m so glad I didn’t. Thank you.
Bright lights and colors hurt my eyes when I’m depressed. I want to retreat to shadows, shaded, or dark places. If I can’t get away, I’ve been known to wear sunglasses. Fluorescent lights get me agitated to the point I have to run away.
I recognise exactly what you are saying, to me it's both bright light and sound, they feel like an overwhelming physical pain almost like being stabbed into my eyes and ears, it makes me really struggle trying to be around other people or go out into the world to do anything. It's really hard to explain this to people who tell you to just go for a walk or speak to a friend when dealing with depression. It is really comforting for me just to be wrapped up in a soft blanket in the dark.
This also sounds like a processing disorder. A sensory integration difficulty. Some people who have a form of autism have described similar feelings toward light, etc. Just something to check into as well.
On point! There is one thing I would like to add. I always have the feeling, that the only feeling that gives me a kind of drive, is anger. There is a crippling sense of, there is no other feeling that gives me motivation.
Holy F man, this is even more spot on than the standard diagnosis. Regarding point 8: At the deepest point of depression, I've wanted to listen to music that makes me sadder (for some reason)
“I want to go home.” Is something I’ve said to God a lot when I’m down. And I’ve definitely experienced the dulling of colors in my worst states. I recall it in particular in my worst depression and worst spiritual state. It’s awful. Edit: I absolutely relate to all these.
All of the above but the angry perfectionism really hits home. I've experienced it both at work and with my hobby. At work I would snap at people for the smallest mistakes and with my hobby I could not finish anything and would be so angry at myself, desperate for a win that would never come because I wouldn't let it. If I finished something and it wasn't perfect I saw it as a waste of time, not even congratulating myself for this small achievement as I should have.
I’ve suffered from chronic depression for decades yet didn’t know some of these effects were part of my depression! This video was incredibly enlightening. Thank you so much.
I've been professionally diagnosed 4 times in my life by different doctors/psychiatrists with severe depression/severe anxiety. I have all of these, but I didn't know they had terms. Thinking on these from watching this video made me realize I am actually incredibly struggling right now internally/in my life; that this is actually not normal. I'm glad to know that things can be a lot better for me. Thankfully, I have a therapist appointment next week in order to get help. Thank you for your education.
8:54 achievement anesthesia. i’ve been feeling like this since i was a little kid. it’s been so hard to explain to people, but you described it perfectly. i accomplish amazing things (when i’m up for it) but i never FEEL anything from them. i’ve asked so many people what fulfillment feels like because it’s apparently something that’s real. thanks for making this video.
My grandmother was my home. She died in 1989. I often feel like the nerd of my family and/or I do most things “bass ackwards”. I grieve the life I had before depression took over. I thank you for being you. Today’s video was as if you were reading my biography.
Of all the videos on U Tube( thousands) I have never had someone touch my soul as you have. You have described me perfectly. The one issue I can't ever get over( and makes me extremely depressed) is, that I lost 3 children. Thwy were all young healthy adults. My youngest child, Paul, I can never accept that he is gone. We had such a special relationship, not even the other family members didn't question. My world will never be the same. Another issue,( not that losing my children were issues) that I have is my age. I'm 72yrs. old snd a widow. My daughter doesn't live near me, and that makes it so much harder. Lateky I've been saying; death is easy , living is hard. And that is not healthy.
I'm a 16yo and had depression symptoms when I was 13yo and diagnosed with depression at 14yo and wow. I've never really heard any of my therapists talk about this. So thank you for this video.
I don't know if you read comments on your videos, but one thing I would love to hear you talk about is neglecting your body as a form of covert self-harm. It was a big realization moment for me when I found out that my poor sleeping habit was not just a symptom and side effect of depression but was functionally a form of self-harm similar to cutting or binging, it was simply a way for me to harm myself and subtly Express self hatred
That's so interesting.. what you've said. I have horrible Insomnia.. I have severe depression, and suffer terribly. I have depression because of foolish mistakes and decisions I made, that altered my life forever and devastated me. I've had so much guilt, regret and I self blame. Just living is horrible for me.
Your comment hit home with me. I recently expressed to a friend, who loves to read and does so daily, that, for me, reading is a form of self care. It takes being quiet, still, in the moment, is enjoyable or informative, etc. I seem to be unable to have or do any of that. Ask do is distract from what is. I have an enviable life, but my anhedonia is ever-present. Self care is “as needed” and sleep? A tough one. I appreciated your insight. Hugs to us all❤
@@klanderkal I relate to that so much... foolish mistakes and dumb decisions that have altered my life. The guilt and regret. I also have horrible insomnia. An interesting take on it.
When I was a child I noticed things becoming grey, like a haze in the air no one else could see. I also noticed that things got claustrophobic. Walls closing in was something that happened a lot, the house felt tight around me so there was nowhere to escape to. And muted sound, not hearing people when they spoke, music didn't have the same depth. You know in vampire books they describe seeing and hearing things so vividly after they turn? The moments it all lifted briefly were like that. Pure joy, like being reborn and seeing things for the first time. Feeling superhuman because now you had enough energy to laugh and run. And think clearly. Only for it to lapse back into the dullness so long those moments felt like a dream of another time.
For me, the creative escape, angry perfectionism, and addiction to emotion creatinf activities are the most prominent. I thought my anger and frustration about others' not doing something in the way I deemed right was just because of my higher intelligence(that's sounds so pretentious, I'm not trying to be cocky). And I thought that I just really liked making characters and roleplaying. I have known that SH can be addicting, but its informitive to know that my art is also a sort of addiction. Looking back, I've basically went through withdrawls when I don't do any art. This video was super fascinating and I'd love to watch more of your content!
As a teen, I thought I was going to be a serial killer. I dreaded turning 18 because I thought that my intrusive thoughts would become actions. I only started feeling a little better when I turned 29 and had not merked anyone. Just imagine hating everyone because they could go to a party and be happy and if you went to the same party, you still felt alone in a sea of noisy-happy people. Depression is a feckin’ terminal illness.😢
I always look at "normal" people and wonder how they are able to deal with everything. I can't even work a damn part time job... I hate my brain so much!
I don't think that after years and years and years of therapy, I'm listening to someone who is describing me. I've been in inpatient recovery also. And yes, these things have all helped, but you are absolutely SPOT ON. I am astounded. Absolutely astounded. I cannot believe that I've found you and I feel that there are no coincidences, so here I am! Thank you, I am deeply grateful. Words can't describe how grateful I am.
Your openness about your own struggles makes you a really good therapist. My therapist is nice enough but feels like I'm talking to a wall sometimes which just makes me less likely to open up
I've said, "Normal people look superhuman to me." I feel so inferior, & it's awful. I'm so sorry other people feel the same terrible feeling, but I'm also glad I'm not alone. ❤ to everyone who's experiencing any of these symptoms!
Completely agree on all points. I had to break up with a therapist who thought I was odd for mentioning these things. I found it hard to believe I was the only one with these thoughts when depressed.
Thank you for this. Fantasy and 'appreciation anisthesia' really are specific to me and my depression. I also find that ordinary people do look like superheroes... I feel like they have their act together and I don't.
Having depression my whole life ( 68 years ) I refer to depression as a " thief " everything you have that matters and makes you happy is stolen , over time you get back some of it, but the " thief " is lurking in the background and it's scary living like this.
I can relate to feeling tired, no matter how much sleep I get, the smallest activity just feels exhausting. When you talked about seeing other people as super hero’s - that completely described how I feel most days, and the tired feeling is connected because I just can’t do more than something as simple as getting up to eat because I know I am supposed to. Or only getting part of a house chore completed because I don’t seem to have the energy to finish it. In my brain or my mind, I know what I “should” do. Some how, I can’t physically make myself do those things. I struggle to keep a job because I can’t get out of bed. I know I need a job, I need money to live like the rest of the world, but I just can’t. I have often felt like I shouldn’t have left the house even if I did manage to get myself together because I have no positive feelings towards being out in the world. It just exhausts me. I do like your videos because you really know the struggle and how it feels to have depression at a real level. I find most people who don’t have it do not understand. It’s not just a sad day or feeling that you can just get over. So thank you, and I hope you continue to make these videos.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
The color blindness is something I never noticed before but is so true. I’ve been a burnt out artist and the year of artwork I’ve made before taking a break was grayer, bluer, and more muted than my previously bright and vibrant colors that I was known for. I already knew I chose those colors because that’s how I saw life, but I never linked that my depression made me see life in this way. It was exaggerated in my artwork, and makes total sense now!
Looking through the comments, I'm absolutely *floored* by how many of them could have been written by me! I've gone through most of my life feeling like I had a special personality disorder called "Steve Syndrome", and here I discover that so many are suffering through the same kinds of experiences! *Why* don't our shrinks listen to us? How does a man go through 40 years of depression and anxiety; through countless doctors & therapists without *any* of them really understanding what is going on? 😰
This is so true. I’m 41 and I kinda have come to the conclusion that I just have to exist this way. I try to be grateful for the good in life, and I know there are people who have much harder lives than I do. Nobody really gets it or hears it, at least outside of the internet. I wonder if some of these professionals that are supposed to help us perhaps rely too much on the textbook way of addressing these ailments. It’s much more nuanced and complicated than any textbook makes it out to be.
You described my tiredness perfectly I'm a74 widowed of 3years after 52 years marriage suddenly on my own medication has been changed a number of times just don't want just want to go bed and not get up 😢
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. If you're able, please consider finding or leaning into a community. (Exercise-based club, social club, volunteer, religion, etc.) You deserve to have happiness ❤
I’m so sorry for your loss. My nephew was only 22 and passed away in 2022, I prayed to God to send me signs that my nephew is ok and lives on somewhere and I got multiple signs. There is a book called E-Squared by Pam Grout that’s helps you connect to God/the universe and spirit. I have recommended this book to so many people because it has changed my life.
watching this in a grey and brown world right now. words would not be able to express how nice it feels to watch someone explain all these things people called me crazy for experiencing exactly as i experienced them. thank you and have an amazing life
For some people it is "living in This society". But you will Not have the Power and the Money to move from country to country until you find a good one to live in, in Most cases.
@@IcknardJones Depression is a Mix of genetic&Life. Bipolar Depression is 100% genetic and Life can make it worse. --- But every Depression is different to another Depression. Because of that Not every psychotherapy or every Meds will Work.
Can involve flashbacks. I call 'em flashblacks cuz there's no visual. Kinesthetic. I noticed in my late 40's after I had quit drinking. The next thought was "But I've been having these all my life" Better late than never. I'm 70. Some of the shock has worn off guffaw
I'm experiencing all of these right now. I'm well aware that I'm depressed. but seeing a video like this is like a double confirmation and it's really scary.
I don’t think I have ever related to anything more than this entire video. EVER. I battle with several different chronic illnesses and have a very traumatic background. I have assumed these were why I’ve felt this way pretty much most of my life. As a Christian, I’ve felt a lot of shame for struggling with all of this. I understand and live my life with the perspective that what I know trumps how I feel. But it really stinks to feel stuck in a low baseline. Then when real life stress happens, I feel like I can’t keep my head above water. I’ve sought and continue to pray for relief.
I'm a Christian too so thought I'd chime in. This message is directed to myself as well: I don't think you must feel shame for struggling with depression and its hurdles. Often in church or the community an excessive need for positivity is pushed. There's benefits in that but I believe it's a disservice to people as well. God did not take offense when Job asked Him "why" during his suffering. (If anything He encourages questioning.) So why must so many Christians shame it, thinking it somehow indicates a lack of faith? If you're hurting, you're hurting. All who are sick or hurting require patience, love, and healing, nothing less. Find a means to meet and accept yourself where you are, not where you "should" be. Find love and understanding for yourself, thinking of it as loving a dear friend who's been with you since the beginning.
In my experience, I have gotten a lot of these lately daily. I used to be able to crawl out of the black hole. It seems impossible right now. I also feel like I'm just existing and not living for very long periods of my life. Like I want to live now, but I never used to. But that way of living is coming back to me. I go day to day doing my usual routine, but everything just seems more bleak. I guess that is part of the anhedonia. Like I am more of a robot rather than a person. Thank God we have someone like you in our lives to explain what we feel but can't put it into words. Much appreciated, Dr. Scott bless you ❤🙏
I sleep about 20 hours a day. When I visit my parents, who are 7 minutes aways fall asleep not long after I get there. The doctors just keep checking my thyroid, for 30 years. Nothing helps. It has gotten worse over the years. I was able to work years ago and just come home and sleep. I haven't been able to work in years. I pray everyday I don't wake up.
This happened to me as well when I lost my father. I thought it was my imagination at first. Everything was dull and yellowish like an old newspaper. Very strange…
@@SallyBowles5050yeah, I can imagine. It wasn't back to normal before mid September in my case. Colors, that is. And all that after initial shock when you can barely talk or walk, and your stomach hurts like you have been exercising.
The description of that particular type of tiredness brought tears to my eyes. I’ve tried with all I have to articulate the feeling and the depth that accompanies me in my day to day without success. So when you explain it, it felt like I could breathe . 🙏🏾
I feel that way... I wasn't like this before. Too much tragedy, trauma, and terrible losses... had a very bad affect on my mental health. And. I just lost it. I have severe depression now , It's like my life ended already,
When I am lost in my mind, I remind myself of the saying that someone said to me one time. And I've had the opportunity to see this saying to many many people and I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me.. "YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE END OF THE ROAD WHILE YOU'RE TRAVELING IT". PEACE WITHIN......
Honestly what you said about being addicted to S/H is so real. Every single year, I make a goals list. 5 years I have had to stop S/H on my goals list and I haven’t been able to cross it off the list because I couldn’t stop long enough before I fell back into it. I was so attached to the habit because when I was angry at myself or in despair, I desperately felt I needed to create real pain to mirror what I felt because it could be tended to… cleaned up. My brain I could not clean up. I fully believed I would never be able to be kind enough to myself and heal in a way where I could finally cross that goal off the list. I am so happy to say that ever since I started, I am finally a year clean. No matter the depression-induced addiction, you can break it. No matter how harmful, you can create space between you and the compulsion until you can officially say enough . Keep trying. It’s possible…. even if it takes 5 years of trying.
12:53 hits home hard, the first time I had been hospitalized for my depression and anxiety, I found myself looking out of the window of the hospital towards the freeway that ran next to it, wondering about how all those 'superhero' people in all those cars going by were figuring out how to live and get stuff done... 😅 Turns out, that's just another sign of depression.
I can relate! I have dysthymia. I feel as if I'm walking around with a pack on my back. Sometimes it's heavier and sometimes it's lighter but it's always there.
I'm not spiritual and your videos are way outside of my usual viewing types but I think I was meant to see this video yesterday of all days. #5 is a huge one and I finally have a way to explain it and understand that it's not just me. I sent it to my husband so he could finally understand what I'm feeling because anyone would see me and think I should feel really proud and I don't - I feel shame, disappointment, or nothing at all when I think about accomplishments or get recognized.
Very informative. Was on Prozac for a half year. The fatigue Prozac provided was so frustrating. Went off P and found much more energy. Wasn’t tired during every moment of my existence. The only two benefits of Proz. Was, very easy to fall asleep at night, an overall numb feeling. 210 pounds, 40 mg. a day. Went off this RX in one day, not recommended. So, now I force myself to walk or hike every other day. Walks/hikes help tremendously. Also, the best tool for me, a loyal dog! 🐶 Dr. Scott is quick but in depth and to the point, thank you sir! 😁
You nailed it. I compare myself to friends and it makes me feel just Lazy and useless. I have started isolating. Sleeping is my best time. Thank you for the validation.
That whole “getting overly invested in either world building or existing story realm” is me. I forgot I had this video on my playlist but holy hell you got my attention. It’s nice to finally get some sort of validation in this specific thing because I always felt scared to get too in to something due to that particular reason. I recognize that almost obsession and desire to be in that world. And I hate it but love it.
the biggest one for me, and it's the worst feeling ever for me too, is a sense of "i want to go home", but you dont exactly know where "home" is. feeling homesick in your own bedroom. feeling like everything that brings you comfort is out of reach or just feels bland to you. thinking about your favorite things gives you a wave of unease in your stomach. your family and friends feel like strangers, you feel out of place, disassociated, and you constantly feel zoned out and in a dream-like state. you're aware, but you don't feel "there". its horrible.
Gonna add another thing too about losing interest in stuff. I imagine it like changing through tv channels in my head, each one with a favorite thing that I love. And flipping through, none of them are appealing at all. Sometimes thinking about my favorite things makes me feel sick. It’s like when you don’t have an appetite and nothing sounds good.
This.
Bless you for ur work
Homesick for a place you never knew. It must be Heaven
Exactly
You are probably a starseed ❤ I'm the same. Moving has never bothered me because I never feel anywhere is home.
It’s weird how you can get used to living with depression that it starts to feel “normal” like it’s almost as if you “forget” that you’re totally irreversibly depressed. It’s EXHAUSTING.
❤😢
During last year, at some point, I was getting a little better and felt genuine happiness "for the first time", since I couldn't remember what it was like, having had depression since my childhood. It devasted me when things got worse again, I felt so much more miserable than I ever had, and the worst was that I tried to deny it, because I had lived like that before. How was I not able to do it again this time? I hated myself for that even more, felt stupid and useless. But I know, logically, that it's only normal to struggle that much with something as difficult at depression. My brain won't listen, though, and it sucks
I wonder if what I'm experiencing is a high functioning depression? I be totally fine for a week, feeling a little bit like I'm gaslighting myself to be in okay mood, but I'm funtioning. I go to work, it goes smoothly, I come home, cook dinner, clean my place (I do cleaning for a living so I'm kinda freaky about having a clean space), read, hang out with my bf having a great time. Then suddenly, in the middle of a great day, I just feel this wave of "I don't want to be here, I want to DISSAPEAR" and suddenly everything is bad. I go anxious, angry, sad, overwhelmed and then... just numb. It goes on for a few days and I can't let go of my boyfriend's side for longer than I'm at work because I'm worried I'll harm myself. It's exhausting, always feeling like I'm losing my mind and then suddenly I feel like I have my shit together but only for a few days.
I’ve even said to myself I’ll never come back it’s been to long. I’ve been down to long to ever come back. That’s sad. I guess at least now that I realize that it can make me just be ok with it, o guess.
YESS. This 100%
The anger. No one talks about the anger. The rage I constantly feel is so overwhelming. I lash out. I'm not myself. I see it but I can't stop. Depression is a disability
I especially get this before going to bed. I feel so frustrated, so tired of the way I am, so pissed at dealing with my own issues over and over again without seeing the end of it.
I've had uncontrollable rage for most of my life. It turns out I have PTSD as well as depression.
I don't have a constant rage, but once some mild inconvenience sets me off, it's hard to calm back down, and then everything begins to look like a problem and it makes it worse.
I have experienced that, too. Drawing, esp zentangle, has helped immensely. Basically art therapy I can do anywhere. I hope you feel at peace soon.
It’s a room in HELL.
Normal people look like superheroes.
Yes. How the hell do they commute, work full time, cook healthy meals, keep the house clean and still have enough energy for relationships and hobbies?
I have days when I'm proud of myself for going to the supermarket and buy food instead of staying at home and being hungry and miserable because there is no food in the house.
They also look far more beautiful than I feel. No matter how homely they are. Growing up, I heard people tell me I was pretty, but I "knew" I was hideously ugly, and wanted to hide from the world.
@@RatedArggg When You look at old pictures of Yourself, do You see that the people who called You pretty were right?
@@Flugkaninchen When I look at old pictures I realize that the last time I looked pretty to myself was when I was six.
There’s something to be said about nutrition and the cycle of feeding your body and your body’s energy output. I was in the worst depression of my life for the last several years, and this spring I watched a video that inspired me to try and lose weight (I was doing it originally only for aesthetic purposes because I hated the way I looked) but then I was shocked at how different I felt when I was eating better. And eating better doesn’t mean cooking every meal, there are ways to eat healthy enough, low effort, and low cost, you just have to get creative. But anyway I still definitely am depressed, but I am far better than I was. I have more energy and I can do a bit more in my day which then in turn makes me feel better about myself. That’s why it’s a cycle. So idk this probably didn’t help you at all and I don’t want to sound like a health nut, but really don’t underestimate how much better your brain can function when properly nourished.
And you know that whatever they have that you don't is something they don't even know they have, so you can't tell them to be grateful for it. And when you know most people don't have your problem, what can you conclude but that there is something terribly wrong with you?
One that I never see anyone mention is cognitive impairment. I literally felt like I had dementia at one point because my brain was straight up not working. I couldn't form thoughts, I couldn't carry on conversation, it was impacting every major relationship I had in my life. I wish society knew that depression is not just feeling sad.
I portray myself as an idiot to everyone in my life because that's all I see myself as, and so they don't expect anything from me. No matter how much people tell me that I'm smart, I can not believe them. My brain feels like it rotted away.
Depression brain fog is real. Chronic depression sucks.
Same...
After I went through a serious bout of COVID running temps of 102, spiking to 103 over four or five days, I ended up with a bad case of brain fog. I had to step down from an intense high pressure position at work, because I just couldn't handle the mental work.
@@Arcusfp1has it resolved in time or did it get better for you…?
Sometimes, a person can have those symptoms on a long-term basis while still maintaining a "functional" disposition. That is, you can still go to work, provide for your family, participate (though minimally) in "family life", etc. You can even be "self-aware" that you're in that depressed state, but you're feeling so alone that you just can't see how to break free and "wake up".
So true
Yes!
That’s me.
That’s my life. How’d you know.
✋
I am sometimes overwhelmed by the feeling that I want to go home. But I do not know where home is. The empty feeling is painful.
I totally understand. I feel this way most of the time. It got much worse after my mom died. I’ve begun to wonder if all of my homesickness isn’t actually for my hometown or state but rather for a time when I was a child and felt safe in my mom’s presence. 😢
We're all going home. Don't worry.
Me too
here is a question about it - what was your relationship with your mother? and what were conditions during her pregnancy?
@@orborn3580Did you EVER feel that safe though? I’m starting to wonder if I ever did.
The envy of watching 'normal people' literally just waking up at a normal time and then somehow magically getting up and then washing and shopping and having this somehow pre set to being on repeat daily, and not an everyday ordeal. This can blow my mind, managing to do this is such a good day for me, and can be rare if iv been stuck in depression for a while. Thank you for helping me feel like others are also amazed at people literally just being people. xxx
My world shifted from drab to vibrant and colorful overnight. It was amazing.
OMG. And then even you pair this with adhd and autism?
Like how do normal just FUNCTION???
Luckily I have to work or I simply do nothing …I’m not very good at free time …
I know this "stuck" feeling. It has varying degrees of stuckness and I'm never sure to what degree I'm going to feel it.
@The Hayley 555 I feel the same I have felt stuck in depression for 8 months, I have been pushing myself everyday to do daily task like going shopping. Cooking is also very hard, I just feel like I can't do anything anymore, I just want to be normal again , this so hard. I just felt I was feeling like this.
I think being older and depressed, people can get very nostalgic and sentimental. Thinking of memories in the past. Often going back to childhood neighborhoods, driving by the schools you attended as a child. Doing things you did as a child. I think mainly because this was a time when you felt like you had potential in life
I’m 29 but I’ve found myself doing this a lot over the past few years. I wouldn’t go back to my childhood, but I do wish I could re experience how it feels to look forward to the future.
Yes, I feel this ALL the time. It makes me so sad to see how far i’ve grown apart from that little girl who once had a spark in her eye. Now, I can’t even recognize the monster that looks back in the mirror.
Oh my Gawd this has been me the past several months and then its worse when you see your kids getting older
I think that’s absolutely true! Though I’ve always been a little child at heart my entire life going back to childhood is when I was the happiest in my life! I was blessed with loving parents as an only child. Unfortunately they both had passed by the time I was 23. I still see the beautiful vibrant colors and beauty in the world though!
I’m 16 and I’ve definitely felt this.. school used to be a safe place that I loved going to, and now I feel like it’s a place where everyone is actively trying to hurt me. School used to be really fun, where I enjoyed learning and felt good but now it just feels like wasted potential. Playing on playgrounds is another thing, it’s not socially acceptable to play on them when you get older but imo it should be
Thank you for this video. Checked off every one of these oddly specific signs of depression. So, I have my constant muttering in my brain like this: "Get up. Just keep going. It'll be okay. Get dressed. Just keep going. Get going. Feed the pets. Drive to work. Do work. Talk to co-workers. Check emails but don't delete anything. Be nice. Eat. Do one extra thing. Talk to daughter. Be normal. Drive home. Get gas and food. It'll be okay. Just keep going. Check house didn't burn down. Check pets are still alive. Watch Netflix. Pay bills. Do laundry. Wash dishes. Etc.". I feel like a displaced robot with no feelings for anything anymore. It hurts to do anything that I used to love to do.
Exactly!!
Well said. You're not the only one. I also talk to myself like this, too. Going through life like a robot.
I call it “drudging”. You just drudge through life. Head down, putting one foot in front of the other.
Sadly, I feel nothing when friends or family tell me that I'm important to them. It doesn't matter to me -- I don't believe them anyway. I wish it did; I wish I could.
I feel so sad for you, and for myself
It happens to me too sometimes… the only thing that makes me feel loved is when my family act like they love me.. words don’t cut it..
I understand. And the only thing I'm good for is to serve them and take care of them. Literally, my mom's parents are late 70s-early 80s, mom is mid/late 50s, dad's not here atm, all got one foot in the grave and the other in crisco, and I am cook, waitress, chauffeur, personal shopper, house Dr/nurse, computer tech, (and I am jon snow when it comes to fixing computers other than basic maintenance), and mother essentially, as i even make and take thwm to their dr appts on my one day off a week, while keeping a full time job, being trained to run my own store. Fuck...help me, please. 😮💨
@@Khaleesi_Jack wish my son was around. He is in prison again. so things could be worse for you. Things could be worse for all of us. could have bombs going off war zone. yikes we all need somebody to care. I care about you Khaleesi jack.
This is so true. I am currently having a manic episode and my sister said "I love you very much" and it meant nothing .. for many reasons...
I describe the tiredness as "swimming through pudding." Everything is just soooo hard.
Lol i always use molasses or tar for my description
Agree
It's weird.
I would think i have physical ailment. But it's highly selective. I can exercise, i do it a lot. That takes energy.
But straightening and cleaning the house....doing almost any task i supposed to do....no energy...weakness in the limbs
I remember when I realized the the song "Trapped Under Ice" by Metallica is most likely about depression - I had been listening to it my whole life but never realized until one day when it hit me - a similar sentiment to your description of depression as "swimming through pudding."
How funny! That’s weirdly close to mine. I call it “swimming though peanut butter.”
I try to set aside one day a week to go to an appointment, shop for necessities, and run errands. I dread that day. Sometimes, I change my mind and decide not to go out after all. Then, after a while, I feel guilty for being lazy, so I force myself to go out. The entire time, I have an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. Traffic, Waiting in Line, Interacting with people... all of that stresses me out. Then, when I FINALLY arrive home, I breathe a sigh of relief and I say, "That was horrible. I never want to do that again!"
So relatable, as if this comment was written by myself. Hang in there hon 🤍
@maryn4150 Thank you! Hugs and blessings to you!
This is my life, every day.. Thank you for your comment. 💓
Yes, so relatable! Having to go get my haircut is so draining. I've been trying to psych myself up to make a dentist appointment. Months have gone by and I still haven't done it.
To me, its actually my bed that makes me addicted. And it honestly feels like an addiction. I was addicted to drugs so i know what it feels like and everything in my mind and body centers around "when will i be back in my bed". Its honestly a lot more harmful than it might sound but everything i do, where I'm not in bed, feels wrong. It feels like just a step that is neccessary for me to then end up in my bed as fast as possible.
Holy cow I feel this so hard
If you like to have something covering or wrapped around your body while in bed, being in bed is maybe comforting because it's like being in the womb again where when the body was there there was the absence of feeling fear, trauma-hurt, worry.
Okay, this is honesty. Ive never been able to admit even internally. Everything I do outside of my bed. Im like okay I can do this, and get back to my bedroom and lay down . Just get everything done in one day, so you can get back to existing, but barely. My bed is my best friend. I'm so incredibly chronically exhausted to my core.
Me too
Wow. I've got the same thing. I've never thought of it as an addictiveness though. I think all the covid woes were a part of this. What else was there to do when you are already depressed.
Colours being dull. During my Depressive episodes I find everything is dull. Colours, conversation, books, tv, everything.
Yes. A few times, I completely lost colour for a short time. It was bizarre to pretty much see the world more in black and white it was so bad.
I think its a part of Anhedonia I remember starting SSRI's and noticing colours again
YES!
I have lost color once !!! I called it a grey world bc everything was in shades of grey, black and white !!!
Yeah. It makes depression even worse.
I notice that it sometimes feels like I lost time. like suddenly I will look around and see that dishes have piled up, laundry has piled up, nothing has gotten cleaned, and I become acutely aware and am able to get these things done and have an overwhelming feeling that a lot of time elapsed and I was functioning, but was unaware of how minimal the basis of my functioning was…like I don’t even recall how I got from A to B each day.
I notice this too!! More often when I ruminate.
I think I might just really stand there and ruminate, and because it is so distressing/my mind feels compelled/preoccupied almost obsessive over it. That's when I know I have to be strict about my thoughts, when I feel the compulsion and I can't choose to follow my schedule. Routines help. I have a whiteboard chore/schedule list that helps me keep track of things so they're not gross.
Are you on anti depressants?
I have this, too!
I wonder if I would be videotaped and it would prove exactly how slowly I move. I can’t account for the loss of or slowness of time. Yet other times time has vanished.
it’s such a surreal feeling, accepting that you will never be like normal people, and you just have to live like this. i have already realized that i will never experience life like other people and i will never experience normal emotions without constantly being controlled by depression
I’ve had a diagnosis of depression for 15 years. Why have none of my therapists told me about these? Especially the anger one. All this time I thought I was just a monster who was too inept to control my anger.
Chronic sense of displacement resonates with me from when I was a child.
Too bad we can't choose our families.
I always thought this was just some kind of past life or parallel life weird phenomenon.
Me 5, me too,
yeah especially with my parents' divorce and moving multiple times throughout my childhood
Achievement Anesthesia, the dullness of life, not wanting to participate in fickle conversations...all of it...finally a voice which so eloquently describes the torment
The tiredness and complete lack of energy or motivation is overwhelming. I've been experiencing the restless agitation for the past several days, but been totally unable to rest or relax. Everything Dr Eilers is saying - everything on this list - is correct and identifiable. Nobody else has ever recognised or discussed these symptoms, not even doctors, therapists or counsellors. For the first time, someone is describing my life exactly.
I particularly relate to the specific fatigue you described….theres nothing else quite like it . Thank you for your articulation of these factors in depression ❤
I've been there related to the agitation and fatigue. I spent about 16 years not sleeping more than 1-2 hours a night.
@@KaylaEchols221I wonder if that is the same as being “tired but wired”?
@@thestace7777 If tired, but wired feels absolutely miserable, then, yes.
@@KaylaEchols221I'm still like that going on 30 years 😢 started when I was 25 and now I'm 56. I have never really slept since I was born. The tiredness never used to hit me as bad as it has the past couple of years.
I have a lot of these. There's also another symptom: fear of homelessness. I've experienced this one. I always feel as if I'm going to amount to nothing and end up on the street. It's one of my biggest fears.
Homelessness (habitual), can lead to Bi-Polar Disorder because of the Amygdala’s ‘Flight-or-Flight’ response can lead to, (in instances of habitual), abnormal/prolonged neural-stimulation of instinctive avoidance-reflexes to escape a pervasively aversive situation.
I keep getting urges to move away from where I live because I've lost everything in the city where I live....this geographic region constantly reminds me of everything I've lost
Try moving. Maybe it will help. It helped me when I had issues w addiction. Still depressed tho. 😂😂😂. And still like, halfway thinking “ugh if only I could have stayed, but I’m punished to live in Indiana”.
Same. I have been dreaming of moving but can’t get up the motivation to work on it.
I feel you there, I refer to my old place of residence as "The City that Never Loved Me" or "the Armpit of the Midwest" if you can move, do it. It's freeing.
Yeah I've been there and actually maybe you do need to move. I think sometimes even just having the feeling that you're doing something for yourself and trying to change it can be enough to jump start a feeling of getting better. I know that I once got really depressed when I moved to a different city and it was mainly because I had difficulty building and maintaining friendships, finding things to do there that I enjoyed, I constantly felt like an outsider because I'd grown up in the country and wasn't used to city life, and I just basically had no support system. So I moved back home and instantly started to feel better because I had friends there, family, activities that I knew I enjoyed, and I didn't feel so lost and out of place. Honestly sometimes finding a place where you can build that feeling and it feels like there's potential is such a good thing for depression. I do honestly think that sometimes our environment and the way that we know how to navigate it (or if we don't know how to navigate it) can influence whether or not we feel stuck. I think that feeling like we don't have choices and options, feeling like our needs cannot be met, etc can lead us into depression very easily. Or sometimes rather than changing our surroundings, we need to learn how to think about things differently so that we don't feel stuck. Look for the options and reduce the perfectionism. Accept that things will be uncomfortable and imperfect, but at least we're doing something for ourselves.
@carolynmacdonald7024 thank you 🙏
The piece about watching people drive past in cars and looking at them with awe hits hard. Like where and what and how are all these people doing it.
I remember staring out my apartment window and very distinctly asking that exact question one day
I have friends that can do 2 things in a day... Like work and go to dinner. Or laundry and shopping. And I can't imagine what that's like
Bingo!
It’s no measure of health to be well adjusted in a profoundly sick society.
- Krishnamurti
Bourdain and the others were suffering, afraid, tired, likely overwhelmed by painful anxiety, and felt like they couldn`t take it anymore. It hurts in ways "normal" people can`t imagine. I`ve set a schedule for myself to do at least this one thing every morning at the break of dawn...I take food out for a squirrel and the birds and make sure they have clean water. When I call to them several of them answer like the Cardinal pair who nest here, a woodpecker, and a little Titmouse pair. I`m slowly getting to know a pair of Doves who are beginning to trust me too. A raccoon comes in the evening if I call him.
I helped a bunny during the extreme heat and drought last year, dug a puddle for the frogs who put their eggs in Bunny`s water bowl, and fed a Raccoon who was eating the bird seeds. Bunny trusts me and put her nest of babies in my vegetable garden this year. I discovered this yesterday. Ha! I`ve planted over 15 fruit trees this year...enough to share and help the wildlife when I become unable. I plan to root 50 cuttings to give away at a small local church that has a food pantry that helps me. These things are how I created purpose in my life. I was homeless before and had nothing so I enjoy helping these animals here, being friends with them, and feeling needed instead of worthless.
oh I think that is wonderful ❤️ I love animals
@@artglass00 I was watering my peas and okra yesterday and started seeing glimpses of "rats" scurrying around. I was spraying water on the baby bunnies. Ha! I finally saw one. They`re eating leaves on some of the peas but I`m not gonna bother them. They need to eat and get healthy and the peas are so thick the big owls around here can`t see them. Their mom knew they`d be safe there. I planted her plenty of peas around all the fruit trees and along the blackberry patch. Their leaves (various black eyed pea varieties) can be up to 40% protein and are considered an overlooked superfood.
I let her eat from my garden last year because it didn`t rain for nearly six months and there was nothing else for her to eat so she knew the babies would be in the perfect spot there and the owls wouldn`t come around with me out there all the time. I had noticed her hanging around close to the garden but had no idea she had a nest in there.
@@artglass00 I just looked around in the pea patch and saw two of the little bunnies. They`re about 5 inches long but very plump and healthy and very nervous too. When I would talk to them they`d hop around and move the peas so that`s how I spotted them. I noticed the plants moving when I watered them for the past several days and thought it was toads in there because I saw one recently. I`m gonna have to put a bowl of water under the peas for them tonight. It has been HOT in Louisiana lately and it`s about to get even hotter. If I would have known about this I would have bought some rabbit food for babies.
This is the best I’ve read in the past couple of days
This is so wholesome. ❤
The sad is thing is no one is hearing you and dismisses your feelings and saying you just need to be positive. What I most feel is to be ignored, and I feel like yelling and not being heard. You are describing exactly what I am going through.
The sad truth is no one IS listening. No one listens to me, so I’ve gone silent. People are so distracted by so much now, if you even try to start a conversation with many or most of them, they listen for like maybe one minute. …then they’re off on their own tangent or scrolling on their phone. As a matter of fact, I’m not just silent with them, I’ve literally extricated myself from them. I see my adult son on a regular basis as he lives with me. He listens and he also talks. Other than that, and the occasional interaction on social media -like this- I stay quiet. 🤔🫤
OMG, the "stop the negative thinking" nonsense. Or "you just need to practice gratitude." Makes me want to scream.
I always get "Maybe it's the weather".
@@katblehm2119 Exactly my experience on trying to speak out to my father about my issues. Its hard to listen to him keep on berating me to "learn how to communicate" when everytime I try to speak, He deny, reject, demean or belittle my feelings.
I’ve concluded that people who haven’t been clinically depressed or had other mental health issues just cannot relate. They may want to be supportive, but they do not know how. I stopped talking about what I’m feeling a long time ago with people. It doesn’t help.
One thing I’ve noticed is when I want to talk about a problem, the other person wants to offer solutions. I don’t want solutions. I want someone to listen to me, and may be reassure me. Just sit there and listen. I don’t want advice.
Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it's just so hard to source out here
I’ve been researching on psychedelics and it’s benefits to individuals dealing with Anxiety, Depression, ADHD and from my findings, they really work and I’ve been eager to get some for a while but its been difficult to get my hands on them.
The Trips I've been having really helped me a lot. I’m now able to meditate and I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
I was having this constant, unbearable anxiety due to work stress. Not until I came across a very intelligent mycologist. He saved my life honestly
@@JamesFJohnson
I feel the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of this community.
@@AnaSolano190Does he deliver to various locations?
definitely feeling the spiritual level of tiredness, you wake up and feel just as tired as you went to sleep, food just feeds your body but doesn't help, caffeine will amp up the brain but it won't get rid of the tiredness, nothing seems as enjoyable, and you kinda feel invisible, even if people greet you and talk to you
Yes
Anthony Bourdain admitted in at least one episode, that his lifestyle with that TV show filming was amazing, because he traveled all over the world, but he felt lonely, because he'd make friends with people and then never see them again. He always had to keep moving to a new location where he didn't know anybody, over and over and over.
Always a new location every week. I knew he was depressed. 😢❤
It makes it very easy to make casual friends, but very hard to maintain longer deeper relationships. A lot of jobs have this type of problem built into the job.
Everyone was using Bourdain and he had to dance with whoever had the next ticket. It must have eroded his joy of living.
I think he also said that when he was traveling he was wishing he was home, but when he was at home, he would wish he was traveling. So he never felt happy no matter where he was.
He was so brilliant.. Such a terrible loss. 😢
I think about him and Robin Williams often.
A kid, 16 year old here
I've been experiencing these symptoms in different intensities over the course of my life so far (especially during the pandemic?). Lately, I've been mainly experiencing the displacement and achievement anesthesia, and I'm pretty relieved to see there was someone who could put the problem into words. Thank you for this video. I aspire to get better with self-help and eventually go to therapy when I'm independent.
❤🙏
Also 16, been struggling with the tiredness and angry perfectionism. And it’s just a wonderful loop of, “man I’m tired and burnt out and I’m supposed to be an AP kid but I can’t even handle one assignment and everyone else can do a lot more than me consistently” I’ve also been struggling with the physical issues for over a year and just came to terms with my addiction to video games. I’ve dismissed it a lot as just stress in the moment, but even when there’s nothing to stress about, I still just feel out of it. I’m sure it will come to pass eventually, but I have to agree that this video was able to put into words exactly how I’ve been feeling, and really just calling it for what it is. It’s depression, and that’s ok.
1 - fantasy world - check
2- soul crushing tiredness - check
4 - angry perfectionism - check
5 - achievement amnesia - check
6 - normal people are viewed as superheroes - check
7 - sense of being out of place in todays world/society - check
8 - emotion creating activities - check
out of all these I probably feel most in tune with 1 and 7. Like your friend I feel connected to Japan. my way feeling of fanatical loyalty to a friend is out of fashion in todays "me first" world. there is far more to it but not something for an open forum like youtube. I do experience all of these expect to a degree expect subdued color (4)
I commented as well that #1 and #7 apply to me the most currently >interesting
For me it’s all of them except 1 and 6. I just don’t believe that other people are that happy. Also for me 8 used to be really strong. But since covid, very little stirs emotion in me.
This „normal people resemble super heroes“ is so true. I had some pretty dark times with depression and was always wondering how everyone else lived their lives. Just get up and get on with things? But how?
I am in this place too, where I will look at people going from here to there and driving and walking and shopping and conversing…and all the while thinking how do they do all of this? It’s so overwhelming! I go to work and come home and collapse from the weight of just making it thru another day. And having my boss say it is so good to just see you here, and looking at her and thinking why are you saying that? Why would you possibly want to have me around?
I totally feel this. My husband is neurotypical and he amazes me. "Normal" people = so jealous. How the heck?😢
@@beverlysettle8235 I am better now with this comparison thing. But it took me years to understand that I have to do things my way and just ignore the others. There are multiple ways to get things done. Just have to find your way.
@@alicepirola7077 Comparing yourself to neurotypical people just leads to disappointment in your own abilities. Find your own way of doing things and let the neurotypicals just be. And if someone asks why you are doing it like this, just say: because I can.
This one hit deep. The other day I was watching The Hunchback of Notre Dame and I started weeping when Quasi sang “Out There”. The whole damn song is so relatable but especially “Out there among the millers and the weavers and their wives
Through the roofs and gables I can see them
Every day they shout and scold and go about their lives
Heedless of the gift it is to be them
If I was in their skin
I'd treasure every instant”
I just want someone to love and someone to love me and help me, I'm lost and 60 years old, my significant other doesn't care anymore, he's has no interest anymore, i do everything around the house and yard with no help, its exhausting and miserable making me physically ill,
My brain is on overdrive constantly, thanks for reading and listening , blessings too all❤
Sounds like you need a new life. Divorce might help. Good luck
husband might be depressed too. I know I have been married and felt alone. It is sad to feel this way. Now I am alone husband died of cancer. that was hard to watch him slowly go. omg.
God lift us up help us see we are blessed. Be my friend zenfan.. ?
I too am 60 & lost.
@@sunflowerzelda45 thank you so much, I will send loving thoughts and prayers 🙏 to you.
@@myralasavia1546
I will send you a prayer and good things to come your way 🙏💞
Thank you, im suffering from severe depression at the moment and don't think people understand when I say I'm tired what it actually means. It is comforting to hear someone else say it
0:30 in, that’s definitely why I feel like I’m really childlike kinda. I feel like it’s a great distraction… I needed to hear this.
I used to get fussed out by family members bc they were frustrated with me. They didn’t understand my depression. They’d say, “get out of Lala land”. I didn’t understand that statement but to them it looks like I’m just doing makeup, wearing elf ears and just being a lazy creep that can’t step outside. I’m literally a prisoner of my depression rn.
I am currently experiencing a majority of these, so this is depression. I thought I was going insane! Thank you so much, for explaining this!
I am experiencing all at the moment. I am just 18 :(
Keep your head up. It's bad in youth, but it gets better for most people as they age and achieve their own things.
@@ИапГоревичim 18 too and i’ve had depression for all of my life. i just want you to know that pills aren’t evil. they aren’t for everybody, but if you’re diagnosed and ready, they can really help you get back on the right track. especially if you know your depression is largely due to your living situation/period in your life. i hope you feel better, and don’t let anybody scare you off of medication if therapy doesn’t work.
@@ИапГоревичYou are just 18, so you have PLENTY of time to get better.
I remember being a tween (about 12/13) and going online for the first time, starting to learn about different things (because I live learning, doesn't matter what!) and I came across signs of depression and went "oh boy, that sure sounds like me. Anyways..." turns out of course I was depressed, it flared up when I was around 15 during the pandemic I could even get ou of bed nor even bother to connect to online classes. I had first been diagnosed when I was 9, but I couldn't remember that because the period of my life was overall pretty traumatic, so happy 10 year anniversary of my depression to me, I guess! Serious talk, I just wanted to say that if this resonates with you, to please look into anything that can help you. I get sick of everything trying Journaling, meditation, therapy, going to the gym, picking up hobbies an dropping them over and over again... But for me, it's the only way to stay afloat, as I still haven't managed to find any way to get better. But it's certainly better to try and get help before you can't even pick yourself up off the floor when you hit the bottom. Please try, you're worth it
Agreed, anger is a thing, BUT some become outwardly annoyed and impatient (and cruel) with others and some turn all of that inward.
I turn mine in & hurt myself doing that. Internalize everything. 😮
after internalizing for over 10 years its started coming out more, it's a feeling of being fed up with struggling to meet bare minimum standards for absolutely nothing, no joy, no comfort, no happiness. People around don't appreciate the lengths i go to keep up, the pain i'm always masking just to function, and i'm fed up with the lack of perspective and understanding on top of the struggle.
You just explained my entire life. I’ve been depressed since I was very young. (And, yes, I can trace it to an event and a narcissistic person.) I almost skipped this video. I’m so glad I didn’t. Thank you.
Does anyone else find that being mistreated or even abused, amplifies and worsen depression symptoms?
Absolutely
That's so logically true
Being misunderstood or misperceived, too -
All send the message that 'X' doesn't care about me.
I mean of course it does….. what else?
I mean, that's what caused mine.
Bright lights and colors hurt my eyes when I’m depressed. I want to retreat to shadows, shaded, or dark places. If I can’t get away, I’ve been known to wear sunglasses. Fluorescent lights get me agitated to the point I have to run away.
I recognise exactly what you are saying, to me it's both bright light and sound, they feel like an overwhelming physical pain almost like being stabbed into my eyes and ears, it makes me really struggle trying to be around other people or go out into the world to do anything. It's really hard to explain this to people who tell you to just go for a walk or speak to a friend when dealing with depression. It is really comforting for me just to be wrapped up in a soft blanket in the dark.
This also sounds like a processing disorder. A sensory integration difficulty. Some people who have a form of autism have described similar feelings toward light, etc. Just something to check into as well.
On point!
There is one thing I would like to add.
I always have the feeling, that the only feeling that gives me a kind of drive, is anger.
There is a crippling sense of, there is no other feeling that gives me motivation.
same
Holy F man, this is even more spot on than the standard diagnosis.
Regarding point 8: At the deepest point of depression, I've wanted to listen to music that makes me sadder (for some reason)
Yeah, I get so incredibly tired and unmotivated and wish others could really understand. I'm not sad, not lazy, and not ungrateful.
I hear and understand you. Your tiredness is not your fault and your feelings are valid.
Ask your doctor for bupropion.
I understand. I feel the same. It's like my soul is drained. I keep going to work, keep doing what I have to do to survive but inside I'm exhausted.
“I want to go home.” Is something I’ve said to God a lot when I’m down. And I’ve definitely experienced the dulling of colors in my worst states. I recall it in particular in my worst depression and worst spiritual state. It’s awful.
Edit: I absolutely relate to all these.
So true about tiredness + caffeine. That tired feeling + the caffeine jitters is such a horrible feeling.
Feeling so tired but jittery at same time is miserable. 😢
Too wired to go to sleep, but too tired to do anything.
All of the above but the angry perfectionism really hits home. I've experienced it both at work and with my hobby. At work I would snap at people for the smallest mistakes and with my hobby I could not finish anything and would be so angry at myself, desperate for a win that would never come because I wouldn't let it. If I finished something and it wasn't perfect I saw it as a waste of time, not even congratulating myself for this small achievement as I should have.
I’ve suffered from chronic depression for decades yet didn’t know some of these effects were part of my depression! This video was incredibly enlightening. Thank you so much.
The tiredness description is quite accurate. Thank you.
I've been professionally diagnosed 4 times in my life by different doctors/psychiatrists with severe depression/severe anxiety. I have all of these, but I didn't know they had terms. Thinking on these from watching this video made me realize I am actually incredibly struggling right now internally/in my life; that this is actually not normal. I'm glad to know that things can be a lot better for me. Thankfully, I have a therapist appointment next week in order to get help. Thank you for your education.
8:54 achievement anesthesia. i’ve been feeling like this since i was a little kid. it’s been so hard to explain to people, but you described it perfectly. i accomplish amazing things (when i’m up for it) but i never FEEL anything from them. i’ve asked so many people what fulfillment feels like because it’s apparently something that’s real. thanks for making this video.
Being stuck with a vicious slumlord, and constant fear of eviction... always depressing.
The insane soul exhaustion has eaten my life.
My grandmother was my home. She died in 1989. I often feel like the nerd of my family and/or I do most things “bass ackwards”. I grieve the life I had before depression took over.
I thank you for being you. Today’s video was as if you were reading my biography.
Of all the videos on U Tube( thousands) I have never had someone touch my soul as you have. You have described me perfectly. The one issue I can't ever get over( and makes me extremely depressed) is, that I lost 3 children. Thwy were all young healthy adults. My youngest child, Paul, I can never accept that he is gone. We had such a special relationship, not even the other family members didn't question. My world will never be the same. Another issue,( not that losing my children were issues) that I have is my age. I'm 72yrs. old snd a widow. My daughter doesn't live near me, and that makes it so much harder. Lateky I've been saying; death is easy , living is hard. And that is not healthy.
I'm a 16yo and had depression symptoms when I was 13yo and diagnosed with depression at 14yo and wow. I've never really heard any of my therapists talk about this. So thank you for this video.
I don't know if you read comments on your videos, but one thing I would love to hear you talk about is neglecting your body as a form of covert self-harm. It was a big realization moment for me when I found out that my poor sleeping habit was not just a symptom and side effect of depression but was functionally a form of self-harm similar to cutting or binging, it was simply a way for me to harm myself and subtly Express self hatred
That's so interesting.. what you've said.
I have horrible Insomnia..
I have severe depression, and suffer terribly. I have depression because of foolish mistakes and decisions I made, that altered my life forever and devastated me. I've had so much guilt, regret and I self blame.
Just living is horrible for me.
Your comment hit home with me. I recently expressed to a friend, who loves to read and does so daily, that, for me, reading is a form of self care. It takes being quiet, still, in the moment, is enjoyable or informative, etc. I seem to be unable to have or do any of that. Ask do is distract from what is. I have an enviable life, but my anhedonia is ever-present. Self care is “as needed” and sleep? A tough one.
I appreciated your insight.
Hugs to us all❤
@@klanderkal I relate to that so much... foolish mistakes and dumb decisions that have altered my life. The guilt and regret. I also have horrible insomnia. An interesting take on it.
@Bluebird19-ll8su It's so personally destructive. Only we know how devastated we are. I'm almost done.... its taking me out. ☠️
@@klanderkal Yes, it is personally destructive. And trying to put a mask on when facing the world. Please take care of yourself the best you can.
When I was a child I noticed things becoming grey, like a haze in the air no one else could see. I also noticed that things got claustrophobic. Walls closing in was something that happened a lot, the house felt tight around me so there was nowhere to escape to. And muted sound, not hearing people when they spoke, music didn't have the same depth. You know in vampire books they describe seeing and hearing things so vividly after they turn? The moments it all lifted briefly were like that. Pure joy, like being reborn and seeing things for the first time. Feeling superhuman because now you had enough energy to laugh and run. And think clearly. Only for it to lapse back into the dullness so long those moments felt like a dream of another time.
I hit all 8.. man its hard but I'm challenging myself everyday.... I used to be a in vegetable state for a very long time but I'm making progress.
For me, the creative escape, angry perfectionism, and addiction to emotion creatinf activities are the most prominent. I thought my anger and frustration about others' not doing something in the way I deemed right was just because of my higher intelligence(that's sounds so pretentious, I'm not trying to be cocky). And I thought that I just really liked making characters and roleplaying. I have known that SH can be addicting, but its informitive to know that my art is also a sort of addiction. Looking back, I've basically went through withdrawls when I don't do any art. This video was super fascinating and I'd love to watch more of your content!
As a teen, I thought I was going to be a serial killer. I dreaded turning 18 because I thought that my intrusive thoughts would become actions. I only started feeling a little better when I turned 29 and had not merked anyone. Just imagine hating everyone because they could go to a party and be happy and if you went to the same party, you still felt alone in a sea of noisy-happy people. Depression is a feckin’ terminal illness.😢
I always look at "normal" people and wonder how they are able to deal with everything. I can't even work a damn part time job... I hate my brain so much!
The sense of displacement resonates with me. Particularly being in the wrong time period.
I belonged to a time that has past, to which I doubt society will return anytime time
8 out of 8 for me, describes the past 7 years of my life perfectly
I don't think that after years and years and years of therapy, I'm listening to someone who is describing me. I've been in inpatient recovery also. And yes, these things have all helped, but you are absolutely SPOT ON. I am astounded. Absolutely astounded. I cannot believe that I've found you and I feel that there are no coincidences, so here I am! Thank you, I am deeply grateful. Words can't describe how grateful I am.
Your openness about your own struggles makes you a really good therapist. My therapist is nice enough but feels like I'm talking to a wall sometimes which just makes me less likely to open up
Just knowing I am not the only one going through this. You are putting a name to what I have been struggling with.
I've said, "Normal people look superhuman to me." I feel so inferior, & it's awful. I'm so sorry other people feel the same terrible feeling, but I'm also glad I'm not alone. ❤ to everyone who's experiencing any of these symptoms!
Completely agree on all points. I had to break up with a therapist who thought I was odd for mentioning these things. I found it hard to believe I was the only one with these thoughts when depressed.
Thank you for this. Fantasy and 'appreciation anisthesia' really are specific to me and my depression. I also find that ordinary people do look like superheroes... I feel like they have their act together and I don't.
Having depression my whole life ( 68 years ) I refer to depression as a
" thief " everything you have that matters and makes you happy is stolen , over time you get back some of it, but the " thief " is lurking in the background and it's scary living like this.
I can relate to feeling tired, no matter how much sleep I get, the smallest activity just feels exhausting. When you talked about seeing other people as super hero’s - that completely described how I feel most days, and the tired feeling is connected because I just can’t do more than something as simple as getting up to eat because I know I am supposed to. Or only getting part of a house chore completed because I don’t seem to have the energy to finish it.
In my brain or my mind, I know what I “should” do. Some how, I can’t physically make myself do those things. I struggle to keep a job because I can’t get out of bed. I know I need a job, I need money to live like the rest of the world, but I just can’t. I have often felt like I shouldn’t have left the house even if I did manage to get myself together because I have no positive feelings towards being out in the world. It just exhausts me.
I do like your videos because you really know the struggle and how it feels to have depression at a real level. I find most people who don’t have it do not understand. It’s not just a sad day or feeling that you can just get over. So thank you, and I hope you continue to make these videos.
I have never related to someone so much. 😭 it's awful. Would love to chat with someone who understands.
I relate to how you feel so much, but if I didn't go to work, I'd be homeless! How do you survive fianancially without working?
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.
Can dr.porassss send to me in UK?
How can I get in touch with a facility that does delic therapy?
@ToniMonteroroman you can be aggressive because of mental health for sure but you do not need to tolerate it. Are you safe?
The shroom experience stands as my most remarkable journey, an awe-inspiring encounter that left an indelible mark of amazement.
The color blindness is something I never noticed before but is so true. I’ve been a burnt out artist and the year of artwork I’ve made before taking a break was grayer, bluer, and more muted than my previously bright and vibrant colors that I was known for. I already knew I chose those colors because that’s how I saw life, but I never linked that my depression made me see life in this way. It was exaggerated in my artwork, and makes total sense now!
Well now I'm crying again...
I started crying after watching this video. I felt heard and understood. Thank you for putting all these feelings into words!
Looking through the comments, I'm absolutely *floored* by how many of them could have been written by me! I've gone through most of my life feeling like I had a special personality disorder called "Steve Syndrome", and here I discover that so many are suffering through the same kinds of experiences! *Why* don't our shrinks listen to us? How does a man go through 40 years of depression and anxiety; through countless doctors & therapists without *any* of them really understanding what is going on? 😰
This is so true. I’m 41 and I kinda have come to the conclusion that I just have to exist this way. I try to be grateful for the good in life, and I know there are people who have much harder lives than I do. Nobody really gets it or hears it, at least outside of the internet. I wonder if some of these professionals that are supposed to help us perhaps rely too much on the textbook way of addressing these ailments. It’s much more nuanced and complicated than any textbook makes it out to be.
@@_Fluorescent_well said 100%
You described my tiredness perfectly I'm a74 widowed of 3years after 52 years marriage suddenly on my own medication has been changed a number of times just don't want just want to go bed and not get up 😢
I’m sorry for your loss May he Rest In Peace
I hope you start to feel better soon💕
Understand completely. Lost my DH little over year ago. Feelings hard to explain. Food doesn’t even taste the same as I remembered.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. If you're able, please consider finding or leaning into a community. (Exercise-based club, social club, volunteer, religion, etc.) You deserve to have happiness ❤
I’m so sorry for your loss. My nephew was only 22 and passed away in 2022, I prayed to God to send me signs that my nephew is ok and lives on somewhere and I got multiple signs. There is a book called E-Squared by Pam Grout that’s helps you connect to God/the universe and spirit. I have recommended this book to so many people because it has changed my life.
Grief is like a depression. A grief group may help a lot. Some funeral homes offer them and so do churches...usually free.
watching this in a grey and brown world right now. words would not be able to express how nice it feels to watch someone explain all these things people called me crazy for experiencing exactly as i experienced them. thank you and have an amazing life
Iwatched your videos,and I went for medical help,now my life go back to normal,I just can't express my appreciation in english enough,THANK YOU!!
There's always a reason for depression, it's a healthy symptom of living in a life that's killing you.
For some people it is "living in This society". But you will Not have the Power and the Money to move from country to country until you find a good one to live in, in Most cases.
I always thought depression was ANGER TURNED INWARD??
@@IcknardJones Depression is a Mix of genetic&Life.
Bipolar Depression is 100% genetic and Life can make it worse.
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But every Depression is different to another Depression. Because of that Not every psychotherapy or every Meds will Work.
@@Oma_Wetterwachs thanks Doc😉
Can involve flashbacks. I call 'em flashblacks cuz there's no visual. Kinesthetic. I noticed in my late 40's after I had quit drinking. The next thought was "But I've been having these all my life" Better late than never. I'm 70. Some of the shock has worn off guffaw
I'm experiencing all of these right now. I'm well aware that I'm depressed. but seeing a video like this is like a double confirmation and it's really scary.
I don’t think I have ever related to anything more than this entire video. EVER. I battle with several different chronic illnesses and have a very traumatic background. I have assumed these were why I’ve felt this way pretty much most of my life. As a Christian, I’ve felt a lot of shame for struggling with all of this. I understand and live my life with the perspective that what I know trumps how I feel. But it really stinks to feel stuck in a low baseline. Then when real life stress happens, I feel like I can’t keep my head above water. I’ve sought and continue to pray for relief.
I'm a Christian too so thought I'd chime in. This message is directed to myself as well:
I don't think you must feel shame for struggling with depression and its hurdles. Often in church or the community an excessive need for positivity is pushed. There's benefits in that but I believe it's a disservice to people as well. God did not take offense when Job asked Him "why" during his suffering. (If anything He encourages questioning.) So why must so many Christians shame it, thinking it somehow indicates a lack of faith?
If you're hurting, you're hurting. All who are sick or hurting require patience, love, and healing, nothing less.
Find a means to meet and accept yourself where you are, not where you "should" be. Find love and understanding for yourself, thinking of it as loving a dear friend who's been with you since the beginning.
Every symptom you explained perfectly describes my experience with depression. Thank you for speaking out on this, it means a lot to me!
In my experience, I have gotten a lot of these lately daily. I used to be able to crawl out of the black hole. It seems impossible right now. I also feel like I'm just existing and not living for very long periods of my life. Like I want to live now, but I never used to. But that way of living is coming back to me. I go day to day doing my usual routine, but everything just seems more bleak. I guess that is part of the anhedonia. Like I am more of a robot rather than a person. Thank God we have someone like you in our lives to explain what we feel but can't put it into words. Much appreciated, Dr. Scott bless you ❤🙏
I sleep about 20 hours a day. When I visit my parents, who are 7 minutes aways fall asleep not long after I get there. The doctors just keep checking my thyroid, for 30 years. Nothing helps. It has gotten worse over the years. I was able to work years ago and just come home and sleep. I haven't been able to work in years. I pray everyday I don't wake up.
Have your doctors considered narcolepsy?
I never had color blindness symptom until my mother died last year. The following summer looked like everything but summer.
Also the anger about myself syndrome.
Sorry for your lost.
This happened to me as well when I lost my father. I thought it was my imagination at first. Everything was dull and yellowish like an old newspaper. Very strange…
@@SallyBowles5050yeah, I can imagine. It wasn't back to normal before mid September in my case. Colors, that is. And all that after initial shock when you can barely talk or walk, and your stomach hurts like you have been exercising.
@@alphadog3384thank you.
The description of that particular type of tiredness brought tears to my eyes. I’ve tried with all I have to articulate the feeling and the depth that accompanies me in my day to day without success. So when you explain it, it felt like I could breathe . 🙏🏾
This is the video that made me accept i have been depressed for most my life
I always told myself "once I do this...I'll be happy". Well, 100 times that thing came and went and I never was happy. It's not in those things
I feel like the center of my being is being pulled down to the earth and I am empty.
I feel that way... I wasn't like this before.
Too much tragedy, trauma, and terrible losses... had a very bad affect on my mental health. And. I just lost it.
I have severe depression now ,
It's like my life ended already,
When I am lost in my mind, I remind myself of the saying that someone said to me one time. And I've had the opportunity to see this saying to many many people and I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me..
"YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE END OF THE ROAD WHILE YOU'RE TRAVELING IT".
PEACE WITHIN......
Honestly what you said about being addicted to S/H is so real. Every single year, I make a goals list. 5 years I have had to stop S/H on my goals list and I haven’t been able to cross it off the list because I couldn’t stop long enough before I fell back into it. I was so attached to the habit because when I was angry at myself or in despair, I desperately felt I needed to create real pain to mirror what I felt because it could be tended to… cleaned up. My brain I could not clean up.
I fully believed I would never be able to be kind enough to myself and heal in a way where I could finally cross that goal off the list. I am so happy to say that ever since I started, I am finally a year clean.
No matter the depression-induced addiction, you can break it. No matter how harmful, you can create space between you and the compulsion until you can officially say enough . Keep trying. It’s possible…. even if it takes 5 years of trying.
It's crazy how much more vivid the world seems in the happy memories i have. I never realized other people have similar experiences.
12:53 hits home hard, the first time I had been hospitalized for my depression and anxiety, I found myself looking out of the window of the hospital towards the freeway that ran next to it, wondering about how all those 'superhero' people in all those cars going by were figuring out how to live and get stuff done... 😅 Turns out, that's just another sign of depression.
I can relate! I have dysthymia. I feel as if I'm walking around with a pack on my back. Sometimes it's heavier and sometimes it's lighter but it's always there.
I'm not spiritual and your videos are way outside of my usual viewing types but I think I was meant to see this video yesterday of all days. #5 is a huge one and I finally have a way to explain it and understand that it's not just me. I sent it to my husband so he could finally understand what I'm feeling because anyone would see me and think I should feel really proud and I don't - I feel shame, disappointment, or nothing at all when I think about accomplishments or get recognized.
Very informative. Was on Prozac for a half year. The fatigue Prozac provided was so frustrating. Went off P and found much more energy. Wasn’t tired during every moment of my existence. The only two benefits of Proz. Was, very easy to fall asleep at night, an overall numb feeling. 210 pounds, 40 mg. a day. Went off this RX in one day, not recommended. So, now I force myself to walk or hike every other day. Walks/hikes help tremendously. Also, the best tool for me, a loyal dog! 🐶 Dr. Scott is quick but in depth and to the point, thank you sir! 😁
I really appreciate all of these comments. I wish I didn’t understand. Imagine what it would be like not to understand this.
Wow he nails so many things I experience! I've never told my therapist these things cuz I thought this stuff was normal, well kinda lol
You nailed it. I compare myself to friends and it makes me feel just
Lazy and useless. I have started isolating. Sleeping is my best time. Thank you for the validation.
That whole “getting overly invested in either world building or existing story realm” is me. I forgot I had this video on my playlist but holy hell you got my attention. It’s nice to finally get some sort of validation in this specific thing because I always felt scared to get too in to something due to that particular reason. I recognize that almost obsession and desire to be in that world. And I hate it but love it.