@rfd6175 I’m still in the process of getting better, so I haven’t necessarily arrived where I want to be quite yet. While there are many things I could mention, in this moment, I am aware of just how important a sense of safety is. I’ve had very distressing feelings in my body for many many years, and so I was attracted to scary things in the world, like conspiracy theories. I make sure now to protect myself from any influence that causes me more fear. At the same time, I’m stronger now, so I don’t find myself as susceptible to believing what I used to. Cultivate a loving and supportive relationship with yourself, going slow and gentle, yet be fiercely protective of yourself when you need to be. When you can sit calmly with fear in your body and not feel compelled to do something about it, I think that’s a big milestone. If you have not seen Scott Eiler‘s TH-cam channel, I would recommend that one. I think it’s the best mental health channel on TH-cam.
I did lots of somatic experiencing but it was HIS books that finally opened the door to healing for me. So many years looking for relief from my mind and bodily sensations - finally at 58 I am becoming more free. The somatic experiencing was great, and helpful and moved me closer but his books and ideas made the complete connection to healing.
@rfd6175 Hello - strangely - I never check this email and I did today and saw this question for help. Yes - I will try to help. Trauma is awful and for me it controlled everything for most of my life. I feel now - a year later - that I have healed. I feel totally free, safe, alive and I love myself. All new experiences. So here is how I did it - number one, you can't give up. The most helpful for me has been EMDR which I spent all of 2023 working with a therapist. It works so easily - it feels like a trick or magic - but it is real. Let me tell you what trauma is - it is a wound in your nervous system. This wound happened many years ago and it is still there. You probably feel some stuckness. You are jumpy, quick to react and feel criticized. You won't have to "talk" about yourself so much as allow yourself to tell the story of pain (I had many) and while doing EMDR (which is performed in multiple ways) you end up finishing the story or changing it. This sounds odd I know. Example - I had a memory of being punished in front of my friends and I went through the memory and then i decided to kick the person and yell and scream at him. This didn't really happen BUT your body does not know time. It felt so good to kick and defend myself and my body really enjoyed it - I had a burst of energy and joy - and the pain disappeared, evaporated, poof. 30 years ago is still today. Time is only a construct - it isn't real so all painful events can be healed in this moment. Cognitive Therapy will never heal your pain. You need to work with your subconscious where all this is stuck. Somatic therapy recognizes all the body movements while you talk - your subconscious is revealed in those moments. The therapist can see where you want to run because you are afraid, or where you are angy because your fists are tight. They pick up on more than that, but that is what they doing - not so much listening, as watching. Healing is real and possible. You do NOT have to carry this forever - you have just done it so long you don't know how to put it down and it steals your energy. Find an EMDR therapist and heal it all - I even worked on memories that weren't that bad because I kept finding release and aliveness there.
Grief of not loving ourselves Grief of abandoning self Is effect of the trauma Our relationship with ourselves is relationship that was modelled to us Biggest development trauma is, to not have positive relationship with ourselves. There's no safety in there,.. shame, judgement, worrying, futurising negative things happening.. Good news "With practice and structures I'm advocating you, you can reduce that." Bad news It is painful.
I have question for one my friend struggling with mental health issues But he doesn’t feel he needs to know any He believes in homely path , professor , doctors etc He says he knows enough what he needs to know . He clearly needs help . He is struggling even to carry out daily task and regulate his mood . Advice will be appreciated
it is difficult to help anyone who is unwilling to accept that they need help. notice, be compassionate and kind, but also create boundaries for yourself. you can care about someone and still not make yourself responsible for their well being. you are here when they are ready to do the work, but you cannot make anyone do the work. the best way i've found is to be a mirror for them. show them the possibility of what it could be like to do work on yourself and to be free from unhelpful belief systems. the best you can do is work hard on yourself. be honest, be vulnerable, be courageous. and also, let go of what you cannot control.
Pete is the greatest. His books have helped me way more than all of the others I’ve read.
i agree. but since you are here and of similar mind, can you recommend any other books that were helpful as well?
Me too brother.
@@Sh0n0The Complex PTSD handbook, Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists, The Narcissist in Your Life.
@rfd6175 I’m still in the process of getting better, so I haven’t necessarily arrived where I want to be quite yet. While there are many things I could mention, in this moment, I am aware of just how important a sense of safety is. I’ve had very distressing feelings in my body for many many years, and so I was attracted to scary things in the world, like conspiracy theories. I make sure now to protect myself from any influence that causes me more fear. At the same time, I’m stronger now, so I don’t find myself as susceptible to believing what I used to. Cultivate a loving and supportive relationship with yourself, going slow and gentle, yet be fiercely protective of yourself when you need to be. When you can sit calmly with fear in your body and not feel compelled to do something about it, I think that’s a big milestone. If you have not seen Scott Eiler‘s TH-cam channel, I would recommend that one. I think it’s the best mental health channel on TH-cam.
Agreed
Its hard to let out the pain and cry
I did lots of somatic experiencing but it was HIS books that finally opened the door to healing for me. So many years looking for relief from my mind and bodily sensations - finally at 58 I am becoming more free. The somatic experiencing was great, and helpful and moved me closer but his books and ideas made the complete connection to healing.
@rfd6175 Hello - strangely - I never check this email and I did today and saw this question for help. Yes - I will try to help. Trauma is awful and for me it controlled everything for most of my life. I feel now - a year later - that I have healed. I feel totally free, safe, alive and I love myself. All new experiences. So here is how I did it - number one, you can't give up. The most helpful for me has been EMDR which I spent all of 2023 working with a therapist. It works so easily - it feels like a trick or magic - but it is real. Let me tell you what trauma is - it is a wound in your nervous system. This wound happened many years ago and it is still there. You probably feel some stuckness. You are jumpy, quick to react and feel criticized. You won't have to "talk" about yourself so much as allow yourself to tell the story of pain (I had many) and while doing EMDR (which is performed in multiple ways) you end up finishing the story or changing it. This sounds odd I know. Example - I had a memory of being punished in front of my friends and I went through the memory and then i decided to kick the person and yell and scream at him. This didn't really happen BUT your body does not know time. It felt so good to kick and defend myself and my body really enjoyed it - I had a burst of energy and joy - and the pain disappeared, evaporated, poof. 30 years ago is still today. Time is only a construct - it isn't real so all painful events can be healed in this moment. Cognitive Therapy will never heal your pain. You need to work with your subconscious where all this is stuck. Somatic therapy recognizes all the body movements while you talk - your subconscious is revealed in those moments. The therapist can see where you want to run because you are afraid, or where you are angy because your fists are tight. They pick up on more than that, but that is what they doing - not so much listening, as watching. Healing is real and possible. You do NOT have to carry this forever - you have just done it so long you don't know how to put it down and it steals your energy. Find an EMDR therapist and heal it all - I even worked on memories that weren't that bad because I kept finding release and aliveness there.
❤️thank you so much for your contribution to mental health ❤️ you help so many people who are suffering
Grief of not loving ourselves
Grief of abandoning self
Is effect of the trauma
Our relationship with ourselves is relationship that was modelled to us
Biggest development trauma is, to not have positive relationship with ourselves. There's no safety in there,.. shame, judgement, worrying, futurising negative things happening..
Good news
"With practice and structures I'm advocating you, you can reduce that."
Bad news
It is painful.
Short pain better than long pain!
Thank you
Question for Pete…at what point that self-soothing with a good cry becomes too frequent warning for professional help?
Developmental Trauma
I have question for one my friend struggling with mental health issues
But he doesn’t feel he needs to know any
He believes in homely path , professor , doctors etc
He says he knows enough what he needs to know .
He clearly needs help . He is struggling even to carry out daily task and regulate his mood . Advice will be appreciated
it is difficult to help anyone who is unwilling to accept that they need help. notice, be compassionate and kind, but also create boundaries for yourself. you can care about someone and still not make yourself responsible for their well being. you are here when they are ready to do the work, but you cannot make anyone do the work.
the best way i've found is to be a mirror for them. show them the possibility of what it could be like to do work on yourself and to be free from unhelpful belief systems. the best you can do is work hard on yourself. be honest, be vulnerable, be courageous. and also, let go of what you cannot control.