I held my mothers hand the other day . I held her hand and looked at her eyes , I said to her I wish you could of loved me the way I love my 5 year old daughter . My mother is now 70 years of age . She caused me so much pain. Rage , violence , neglect. I pitty her now , she has lost her looks and has had no relationship with her twin daughters, even her son has gone overseas . Her eyes are empty vessels . She will pass over never knowing how it was to love her children or love herself . The greatest tragedy . Generational trauma . It ends with me .
Exactly the same here omg. My daughter is 6, my mom is 67 and I cut her off in Jan. She is now going through a divorce and falling apart. I just have a therapist identified for her.
That's so heartbreaking. I'm really sorry. My narcissistic mother died in July of 2020. I hadn't seen her in over 20 years. Despite everything she'd done, I felt guilty.
@@onyxwelborne did she ever apologize or try to get in contact . ? I am in contact with my mom, limited however . My twin sister has said she will never see her again .she went through more violence with my mum than me , because she spoke up where as I learned to be a people pleaser so I wasn’t beaten as much . 10 years of foster care really scarred my sister . So she will never talk to our mother again
"The grandiose person is never really free ; first because he is excessively dependent on admiration from others, and second, because his self respect is dependent on qualities, functions and achievements that can suddenly fail" Alice Miller-The drama of the gifted child.
Di you ever read her son's (Martin) book? It was quite interesting to read that she of all people could not follow her own advise. It makes sense that people with extreme trauma cannot face it and have to avoid it at all cost, even if it means to nearly kill her own child
They are self sabotaging! Their unwillingness to care for others is what hurts them the most! Deep down under all the glory and pride is a hurt little child that never had a healthy environment to thrive there for they only understand how to create chaos and survive in turmoil, pain and confusion constantly concerned for their own self! Which is not surviving at all! It is a constant circle of chaos! They not only hurt everyone around then but hurt their selves. Most of the time we can choose to leave a bad situation. However, they can never leave! They will just change the people around them, their jobs and whatever else but there problem will always be their self! 🙏 This is what happens when you live for the flesh, for your self! Imagine as a child thinking that you have to learn to survive instead of feeling cared and loved for! Reminds me how the King's and Queens was ruled the world! Or even today in politics. Like the movie, The house of cards! Always scheming and plotting in life trying to get farther up the chain of power. Trying to keep it but they always lose it in the end. I wonder if power can ever be kept. Queen Elizabeth seemed to stay in power but paid a heavy price! Most of the time during the process of sabotaging people will end up destroying their self!
I think Narcissists are not aware that they’re mostly gifted and intelligent people . They deserve to be acknowledged as long as they don’t harm others . Dr. Vaknin, I’m so sorry for what you have underwent during your childhood which haunts you till now. I could feel your pain. I consider you with very high regards being so open and honest how you think you are. I could see that there is so much good in you. and good emotions. And I think you have so much empathy. I wish you All The Best and all the contentment’s you desire 🙏🏼
I am really amazed by your clarity of communication. I am a psychologist myself and your channel is by far the best source on the subject of narcissism. I´m listening all day long. Thank you!
Dr. Vaknin, thank you for the raw and excrutiatingly painful truth about your childhood and your life! My mother was extremely cruel I believe she was a narcissist. I was beaten my skull cracked open also! It is because of you, and your videos, that I am a living survivor of her cruel mental and physical abuse! I am a Black American 62 years of age and I am grateful that I found your TH-cam videos and again I am ever grateful to you! I wish you the best!
@@evka24 thank you that was extremely sweet of you! But it is with Dr. Vaknin that I am learning to survive! I know that he does not believe in God, but I have watched this video three times, and I have prayed for his health, for a full recovery! And God bless you too Madame Butterfly! 💝💝❤💝💝
@@tulinbeyduz920 I married twice and both were narcissistic! They both were extremely cruel, verbally and mentally! I did not have any children, my choice for the reasons of both being cruel. I don't trust people after three hurtful narcissists in my life. This is why I'm extremely grateful to Dr. Vaknin, he explains how they became and how to survive them. My mother and my second husband were almost the physical death of me.
@@mskitt49 I’m incredibly sorry . I wish I could of Shown you what love was like when you were a child . My daughter has been my healing . I vow to end the trauma with me ! I wonder what had happens to your mother to make her the way she was ? Not that it existed any behavior . I really like pema chodrons work too . ❤️
I cried so much listening to you, Sam. I've often been afraid that I was a narcissist because I suffered so much neglect and abuse and a child. I'm not afraid of that anymore.
The cerebral approach cannot heal narcissism because, as you mention, it was developed primarily as a coping mechanism in order not to feel. It would make sense then that a narcissist would have to bypass the neural blocks in order to access the unconscious memories and process them and be able to feel through the emotional body. I have read some anecdotal stories where certain narcissists were able to break through to experience these suppressed overwhelming emotions that created their narcissism. Naturally, if this process is terrifying and actively avoided by a narcissist, it would create the idea that narcissism is incurable because few if any would be purposefully willing to bypass the false self in order to see their painful reality, though perhaps the potential of healing would entice one to take the risk.
I did it 😂 Problem I have, is the shadow gets hardcore anchored, usually in a severely bad place, and it's hard to re anchor yourself as you age. So in some sense, you kinda just become your shadow, as that's sort of your true repressed self in totality, I'd argue the time lost, and time using the false self nukes proper healing forever. Expectations from people will always supercede a severely behind person or brain and others tend to not be compassionate enough in people's lives or they wouldn't be where they were in the first place 🤷 Best solution? Complete environment change with the want to change, not to bring your BS with you, and this might be helpful 😂 lots of people self report not be BPD diagnosed simply from moving out of a bad family system or bad relationship 😂😂😂
Is there a proof that being exposed to severe pain from childchood heals anything? I do not understand how being re traumatised is ought to solved your deep emotional problems
This is the best comment ive seen on this subject. The only reason I even became aware of my narcissistic tendencies (im not sure if im full blown NPD) is when I started doing emotional work. I realized then that something wasn't right. The shame was too much. The emotional reactions didn't match my current situation. It was something deeper & scarier. Just reading about it never made me think I had the tendencies, because there was a blockage there mentally. I very slowly have allowed emotions to come up and its the only thing that has helped me change in anyway. I started with Michael Browns THE PRESENCE PROCESS, but had to go much slower bcuz its so overhwelming. In some ways im lucky that I dont have kids or a partner triggering me, so I can go much slower, which I think is necessary for more unstable types. I still get greatly triggered just by walking out my door, driving, going to work, etc. I have days where im just numb, but it is what it is. Therapy helps some also, to have someone show yoi your blind spots. The thing is, you have to wake up everyday with the intention to be present. Thats the hard part. Willing ro be present & feel every single day.
My wife recently got me to go to therapy and after a couple sessions, my therapist suspects NPD. I can't tell you how grateful I am to have found a well of knowledge about it that isn't entirely about surviving and avoiding narcissists. You're really giving me hope that I don't have to lock myself up in a room to be forgotten. Thank you so much for that.
I have encountered a narcissist for the first time in my life recently in the most vulnerable loving state and it was like a car crash unfolding infront of your eyes. Narcissist also actively destroy healthy psyche of another person, i actually experienced their intention to destroy me because they can't feel of what i feel and they suddenly feel the void and emptiness and they hated it realizing their lack of emotions and direct that hate onto partner to prove they are right to be devoid and will devoid you of emotions and gaslight you( put doubt in your own feelings) to devalue you so they can comeback to justified state of narcissism. The irony is they destroy what they seek the most, the very canvass of humility that is inside of a partner because they can't feel themselves. Its a social tragedy. However i really appreciate this candid conversation, its helping to construct my own self after this damage. Thank you.
Having lived almost 50 years with a narcissist I came away, at his death from cancer, feeling like the biggest schmuck in the universe. A lot of my life was over and I had spent a lifetime running along - often in a panic - attempting to cope with the havoc he created and trying to survive the emotional onslaughts he constantly caused. If someone took a photo his arm would be draped around me affectionately yet I was often treated like “the help” in the household when it was clear his audiences alway received his extreme focus. I tried to leave but he tricked me and I blame myself for my naive upbringing and the neuroses which kept me bound to that too long destructive marriage. I have a responsibility for staying - for which I have to forgive myself - and realize that, with a mother who was a narcissist, I was programmed to think that behavior was acceptable and routine almost from birth.
32:38 hello Sharon My mother was also NPD, it was very difficult l also married 1 , you no nothing else and it feels normal . I walked away after 20 yr's.. living my way from now on no more people pleasing..
The sadest confession I ever heard. And I can relate to the feelings of never embodied my own life even as a non narcissist. Existencial misteries of the mind that destroy us to protect us.
Dr. Vaknin, I am impressed by what you have to share, really appreciate that. If you consider this appropriate, could you share how do you experience working with your patients? It shouldn't be like playing chess if you experience secondary trauma as a result.. what emotions you have access to and how you feel them if you report yourself being indifferent?
If this is not you, I can't imagine the "you" behind the narcissist. You have a brilliant mind and are helping a lot of people. You have my narcissist scared, LOL. I wish for you that you could heal.
I have gotten only 10 minutes into the video but I feel I must express that the way you communicate is wonderful. I am in awe of you in a positive way and have much appreciation of your works.
I have wanted to hear this from you for years, Sam. I have wondered for so long how you manage this balance. You may feel this work is in the service of your grandiosity, and in large part you may be correct. But I know in my heart that there resides within you a kernel of intent that cannot help but shine through. This video proves it to me. Continue this good fight, my brother. I cannot fathom the absence of loving intent in your efforts; it exists too plainly for me to see. You may find it poorly connected, weakly understood or buried deeply by "pollution" or other factors, but I have always sensed a purposeful, universal love to your work. It is bravery beyond bravery and I am deeply inspired by its persistence; it is another battle against an evil Cloud of Unknowing. The impacts you are making are significant and far-reaching. Thank you for making this video.
@Fissionchips223 *Agreed!* I too see the "loving intent". I cried reading your comment cos it's so accurate about one who blames himself so intently; it's as if he has introjected all the criticism on the internet & critical comments he's made himself - in service of a very critical voice inside: in a way, it's a way of being loyal to his parents. I hear and see his soul, and like you, see that light in him, and the love of truth telling. Or of trying to be factual in this strange, uncertain world (worlds) we all live in. There is a truth beyond "facts" - I believe that, may be wrong of course! Quantum physics shows us how strange the world we live in is. I got into a digression there! Thanks for the talk, Sam
Thank you for your comment. There is reality beyond “facts”…. You sense this. It is our intentions that fuel all of this. Stay strong, flow like water and be hard to kill!❤️🙏
I was romantically involved with two narcissistic men recently (and others in the past I suspect)… I saw them both break down, and I saw the profound sadness in their eyes. They looked like terrified children in those moments. They both also told me how broken and alien and confused and hopeless they often felt. I wonder if those men felt safe enough with me to show glimpses of who they were at the core. Both of my parents are narcissists, and I’m getting my doctorate in clinical psych because my whole life I couldn’t figure them out, and needed help figuring myself out because they could not help me with that. I’m crying watching this video because I think of all of the people I love who cannot love themselves.
If they broke in front of you they showed you feelings. I would not call it narcisism at all. Narcisist is a con artist as Sam says with no empathy for you or self
@@orianam9835I don’t believe that your assessment is correct. Of course narcissists can cry- the fragile narcissist will have tears in their arsenal and because they cannot reach their authentic selves, it does not mean they cannot display emotions to confirm this. The wounded inner child knows well to cry, rage and breakdown too. The tears are possibly an extension and acknowledgment of this.
One of your most profound videos that delves into your soul, or lack thereof. Thank you. You did touch on your health towards the end & can only say I wish you many more years! You have been a most interesting teacher for me .
I can't understand how one can dislike this video. It's a subjective description of a narcissist's view of himself and the world. Thank you, Prof. Vaknin!
I completely understood everything that you explained. I was a source of supply for 20 years. Because of your brilliance, to spend your time explaining the intricacies of narcissism, I am able to understand what happened to me. Thank you Sam. You redeem yourself & the rest of us who exist, in the wasteland. ❤️
Thank you so so so much for opening up and describing what a narcissist may feel. I am a narcissist’s wife and this helps me understand the foundations of actions. Specially when you said “ I don’t know what to tell you about me…” I never understood why it is so hard for my husband to answer simple questions about himself.
Your life matters. You matter. A lot. Being or not being. You are leaving a trace. You, not experiencing your own core, your own soul... you touch many hearts, many souls.
I relate to everything you said except I don't aspire to be like a machine. I aspire to be like other feeling loving connected people even if it means I die in the process of trying. All these years of being alone in my struggle, no one to put words to my pain. Thank you for being the first to put words to what I experience. It is fascinating to see how you appear so jaded, hurt, and tortured for a few brief moments before seemingly pushing it away and maintaining a more detached affect. This too reminds me of myself. I am angry and deeply sad and hurt that there is no cure. No one to relate to me. And no one seemed to ever notice my horror and inner war. Only difference is in these moments I push it away and quickly seek something that will humor me. My humor of course being much different than anyone elses. I am not a genius. I have a fair amount of knowledge as I've tried desperately for years to find answers. But in finding no answers outside of myself I've attempted, desperately, to find answers within myself. After years of re-experiencing abuse that reminded me of my childhood and nearly brought me to my end I did finally find something that has helped me have some quality of life. That is mindfulness meditation. I thought I would die when I faced the absolute horrors inside of me. Whether from a heart attack or... Well... I thought I could not possibly survive feeling it all. I had zero confidence that any human could bear it. But as I practiced mindfulness meditation within the safety of a locked unit I started to realize I could feel through it. Actually it won't kill me. Little bit at a time. Even physical symptoms like my chest pain that was caused by my extreme anxiety evaporated. I've worked through maybe 1 percent of the trauma my body holds. But I've gained confidence that I can nurture my inner child, listen to the child's pain, nurture the child, and nothing horrible will happen. It will just feel unbearably horrible at first until I realized it is bearable for no other reason than the fact that emotional pain can not kill me even if I wanted it to end me. If I commit to feeling through it then there is nothing my emotions can do to stop me from doing just that. there is no longer a choice except to push through or die (I would've probably chose the latter if I wasn't in a locked unit when I first did this) And for the first time ever I've begun to feel happiness on rare occasions. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I do know I related to almost every word you spoke in this video. So if mindfulness meditation (mindfulness practices in general) helped me I figured it's worth mentioning in hopes that it can help you. The way I imagine it for me is there is this horrifying abyss inside me. This abyss wants to suck everything into it. It is what craves for people to say great things about me. But as soon as I get the admiration it is quickly consumed. I stand at the edge of the abyss, staring into it, tempted to jump in after all the the things the abyss swallows. Behind me is a monster. I try to make light of this monster by calling it twinkle toes. Twinkle toes wants me to jump into the abyss. I'm not sure why. But twinkle toes can only do certain things to try to push me in. I have certain rules that twinkle toes must abide by or it knows I'll end us both. Everyday is a battle. Trying to get close to the abyss without falling in. One extra unexpected push and I may be gone forever. Impending doom everyday. Uncertain of what will happen if I go in I fight hard to stay away. But if I stay too far away twinkle toes steps up it's game. Torments me. Punishes me. Drives me insane until I go closer to the abyss. My inner wounded child cries terrified in the corner not knowing what will happen. If I dare suffer the wrath of twinkle toes I can tend to my inner child. Overtime twinkle toes is getting less and less menacing and less powerful. It is only by sitting with my inner child, practicing mindfulness, aware but not reacting to twinkle toes that I am able to heal my inner child and show my inner child that it is safe now. I'm the adult now ready to do whatever I must to protect her.
Your video has given me such freedom. For so long I’ve been trying to heal from my recent relationship with a narcissist, but was only coming at it with information. Your experience and vulnerability brought the emotion to what I’ve been learning, and thus, brought me to a place that I didn’t think I’d be able to arrive at. Forgiveness. I didn’t think I could ever forgive him. Today, I believe I can. Thank you for the sharing the most pertinent information about this.
I am in awe after listening to this video. I am so sorry to hear that the false self is winning the battle against the true self. I feel your pain and sorrow Sam and I wish I can hug you. Please take care of yourself because you are an enlighment to the World. Love ❤L
It's one thing to hug and comfort. It's another to want to take on another person's burdens and pain as your own. That's when you are steering into toxic codependent territory 💖
Sam, I had to step away from the whole 'understanding' of Narcissism because it was a very dark period; however, I remember over a decade ago how your work made so many things crystal clear. I commend, respect and appreciate your courage to share, to continue to advance understanding. So much of what is offered out here is a watered down version, words will never express the value and authenticity of your work.
My in laws are textbook narcissists. I exhibited narcissistic behavior during my alcoholism. It takes a lot of guts to admit your narcissism. Thank you for the courage to open up and help us all.
@@eart5657 I've watched Tudor, and many others talking about the subject not only in English, but yet for me he is the best. He has approached as many perspectives as possible about the subject! Plus many other reasons.
Truly appreciate your candor and courage in sharing the painful sufferings of your life story. I hope it’s obvious to you that many of us find you a valuable well spring of knowledge to try and understand the complexities of not only narcissism, but many of the topics you’ve lectured on so extensively. In my opinion, the sacrifices you’ve made with your personal time and freely sharing your vast wealth of life experience as a narcissist, is priceless and life saving to people like me who just couldn’t understand what we were dealing with... In my case an ex husband who may have killed me in the end, had I continued down my then path. After listening to you, I’ve come to realize so much. I know you don’t believe in God,..but I believe something led me to you, as it was in the final moments of his physical abuse and discard that I happened to stumble upon one of your old audio interviews which opened my mind to things I’ve never even heard of before. After learning much from you, I made the decision never to go back, eventually realizing even tho alone, I was better off. I wish that you never had to go through all of those horrendous things, but my heart is grateful to you and the raw truth you give us through your life experience. Where my church, my family, and many tried to put a well intentioned “forgiveness bandaid” on my ex husband’s actions slipping me into a deeper hole of confusion, eventually getting sick with cancer, and more terrible advice to stay with him (as it was the “right” thing to do and not divorce)... it was you sir who actually opened my eyes to the truth of that unhealthy situation, the danger I was in, and also some understanding of the personality issues my ex was possibly dealing with. Your knowledge is gold. Thank you for helping me and being such a gift to many, albeit through your own pain & sorrows 😔 . May you feel surrounded by our love today as you press on. Hugs ❤️🙏🏼... Ps. you don’t look a day over 50 😃... must be the wine or whatever’s in that mini mouse cup 😉
I am a professor of psychology and have been studying narcissism for 26 years. My work is based only in a very small measure on my personal experiences.
Yes, Professor, but it is this very video where you talk about yourself that humanizes all of your talks. Sharing your own struggle is the most vulnerable thing! It is a gift to us all! I appreciate all of your videos, which are so enlightening, but they're now even better knowing that they come from someone who experiences Narcissism from inside and out.
@samvaknin Yes, Professor, but it is this very video where you talk about yourself that humanizes all of your talks. Sharing your own struggle is the most vulnerable thing! It is a gift to us all! I appreciate all of your videos, which are so enlightening, but they're now even better knowing that they come from someone who experiences Narcissism from inside and out.
Ugh the invalidation ! True narcissist not even a thank you Come on Sam . lol . My dad used to one and through your help I was able to understand his sickness .
Dear Sam (hope you won't feel annoyed by this familiarity), I always thought of your brilliant interventions like an astonishing recording of a self-surgery without anesthesia of a rare disease suffering surgeon. Your words always brought me illuminating and helpful insights to an exit from the dark labyrinth of narcissist abuse, though, unfortunately YOU were the torch self burning and consuming to light the path... I really wish you can take care of your physical health! We all need your nearly superhuman brilliant mind! Having dealt with a narcissist for many years (without even knowing it was nacissism) I always felt the incommensurable pain for being unable to make this individual literally recognise and feel love and empathy, rejecting the only possible cure for the suffering, just like a color blind person who cannot / wants to wear the special glasses that would give him back the vision of colors. And after the pain, the rage and resentment, now I finally found peace and compassion. You showed me the tragedy of our tormentors and perpetrators. I'm deeply moved by this confession, and really wish you'll be better soon. It's such a pity you miss the receptors of affection, since I'm sure that, just like me, a lot of people appreciate and admire your work and find you big fun, smart and charming (just like most of the narcs) and care for your person.
I watched your video today and am stunned at the truly honest account of your experience in being a Narcissist. I found this to lecture to be outstanding. Thank you for all you do to help us understand this horrible disorder. I wish you well.
I am half way thru listening to this lecture and I am feeling very sorry for anybody being narcissist. Completely lost cases not knowing and being incapable of ever expeierencing how beautiful it is to be human, even during difficult times. After having listened to many more of Prof Vaknin's lectures before, I really understood why it is so important for humanity and for my own sake to stay away from them. -- Many thanks to Prof Vaknin, your lectures are truly helpful
The raw and brutal honesty of your introspection had me in tears. I am that I am. You are the sum of your actions and reactions, thought and feelings. I can’t imagine living a life without love or passion.
Imagine 50 years from now or more, someone's going to come across this and think uh ah....Now I finally understand myself. Thanks Sam. May you be at ☮️ my friend.
@tamradasilva2102 It’s really not, you can accept yourself and live a decent life, even if you are á narcisist. I still feel sorry for them, but we all have our problems so each one is responsible for his own faith.
@@corinamihai3802 what if you deeply love a covert narcisist? I reconnected with love of my life. Was hard to take back his attacks or when he was telling me he apologised 100 times when in fact he never had... Heart crushing
@@orianam9835 well, you need to accept that you are not dealing with a person, you are dealing with a character, so you need to expect to be lied to, insulted, etc. All narcissistic people will stay if you offer them narcissistic supply. If you really love a narcissist, RUN AWAY, far away, so you can stop loving them. And if you stay, don't take them serious and lie to them. That should do the trick, but never expect happiness with them, that is just a myth...
@@corinamihai3802 as sad as it sounds. I will always love my old love. He has good heart. Mind. I feel for what he went through and how a horrible, abusive upbringing destroyed his ability to show love. He has love. Has feelings. He express them when far away.... Thanks God he had one loving person - his beloved great grandmother who as one person loved him and showed him care and feelings. Perhaps he is covert or with narcistic traits but being devalued and never apologised to is perhaps beyond my ability of acceptance unless i just stoped caring. Bit then what is the point
Oh Sam...this breaks my heart! You have helped me so much over the past year, I wish so much that I could return the favor somehow. Although it may not be meaningful to you, know that you are so admired by those whom you have helped.
🧚🏾♀️ I loveeeee you! 🌹 I love how you share yourself & in your sharing I feel I am healing. 🧘🏾♀️ You are helping me heal. 💖 I thank you. 💖 God, how I thank you, Sir!!! 🌹
When you told about your health it struck me deeply. Also when you spoke about your childhood. I feel the pain in the heart for you sufferings. You are a good person truly
My mom is borderline and she had a horrible childhood. I also think all the bad stuff that happened during my childhood is because she could not cope with the pain - - in fact she was reexperiencing trauma every day and acting like a hurt child (but to her children she seemed adult like and scary)
This was a very good video, Prof. Vaknin. You have really informed the public of narcissism in a way that they can finally understand. So many people do not understand, or care to understand why a narcissist is the way he is. And so many people need to know who he is. As soon as the narcissist recalls such things, he observes his pain, is darkened in mind because of it, and tucks it back into its place, for he cannot bear to look at his child for too long, lest he wither away completely. "I cannot leave myself, for I must protect myself from the outside world. This I must do." he says. Returning to his inhumanity, he continues his existence, never looking back at his pain, and what could've been.
I am very moved by your honesty. I thank you for your courage to face your truth. My husband is a narcissist, and this scares the heck out of me. How you think, or don’t think is unbelievable. I am sorry to hear you are not well, and I pray that by a miracle you find true love before you die. Thank you for educating me about this terrible disorder. I needed to understand what is truly going on. There is a God and He loves you unconditionally. There is hope. Don’t give up. Sincerely sorry for the life you’ve had to live.
Mr Vaknin, you are the most human creature I have ever heard and understood. Please dont say you are a narcissist. You have the dippest look in to the pain we all have experienced in childhood. I thimk that you are calling yourself narcissist as a coping mechanism.
Thank you Sam for sharing with us your pain, the majority of people have no idea of the pain you went through as a child. I feel so sad that I too could cry at the brokenness you experience. It appears to me that your parents were evil entities, a concept I fully accept that you do not believe in. I firmly believe that children never survive a bad mother, they can survive an abusive and monstrous father but if their mother is good and loving the damage is never so terribly profound. For all your brokenness you generously give over and over to all of us your viewers. Bless you and thank you Sam
I appreciate your candor. I discovered your channel about 7-8 months ago. Originally I wondered how on earth someone with this disorder is capable of being honest and straightforward regarding this disorder when they are not in reality themselves. But, Periodically I find myself going back to your videos for more clarity regarding this disorder. Knowing someone with this disorder personally, I cannot deny your real, accurate description. I appreciate another video where you explain the NPD is not a diabolical person but just trying to maneuver through life with the lens they have, just trying to get basic needs met. That makes the most sense to me. Even though other channels prefer to vilify NPD. Yet, I know my sympathy doesn’t change the sad fact that a relationship with this person os not possible. There is only give; there is no take. No feelings to tie this person to me. So sad for this person and for me.
the real pain is that he can't cry while saying devastating things about himself, Sam Vaknin is a fighter, even if narcissism is like cancer of the soul but he keeps giving these insights, even though narcissists are unable to give insight but we perceive his work insightful and will be helpful and remembered
I feel obsessed with you the way you talk. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and started medication, the clarity that has come with that has lead to deep introspection. I feel as though I oscillate between atleast 2 people or mindsets. Anyway. Thank you for the content and your enjoyable voice.
This video should be required watching for all psychology students, lawyers, social workers, etc. The most honest thing from you, Prof. Varkin I've heard. You have answered a lot of questions for me regarding someone in my life. I cannot thank you enough. Dear sir, I wish you peace.
First of all, I can’t even imagine what having a childhood like yours would have done to me!! I had a hard time dealing with my challenges, but, if I had the same hand you did? I know that I would have gone insane and possibly become only God knows what.... 😔 I’m so sorry to hear that Sam. My heart goes out to anybody who dealt with what you did. Thank you 🙏 for sharing and enlightening us on these things.
I can empathize with all animals... literally feel their pain as my own if I see them being hurt. So I believe it is possible to empathize with things we cannot identify with... Similarity with the subject in pain is not a requirement in order to empathize. In fact I would go as far as to say empathy is becoming the other.
same here, I was thinking about it while listening. But I think that empathy is based on projection, you become other by projecting your own pain, or the memory of the pain you have suffered, and to be able to project (make this other more same) you got to have access to your pain, some established link. As I understood Sam Vaknin - it is all or nothing in his case: acting false self or horrible pain in abyss, and if the latter happens there is no one left to project pain on anyone or anything. And even empaths projections have some limits, although I admit I happen to comfort my teddybear :-/ Anyways, it was probably the saddest and most tragic un-antropology I have ever heard.
This is very sad. You are not alone prof, we support you and we admire you. I salute your courage in exposing yourself like this, this is real strength.
I had tears 😢 coming for your losses. Ive experienced 2 narcs and while I do have empathy, they do not bother me as much so much. I will.not allow them to disregulate my emotions. You have helped immensely in my understanding. Thank you, Sam for just being you!
This ARTicle may just be one of the most profound and reaviling masterpiece presented in the most lively compelling presentation subject ever!! Thank you very much from a survivor of narcissistic ex-wife!!
Thank you Sir Sam Vaknin. If I may, I would like to extend my gratitude. You sure are easy to take in and I have learned so much from you. Your pain hasn't been wasted Sir. ♥️
Thank you so much Sam! And this comes deep from my heart. I am in tears now, as I finally understood what is going on in the head of the girl I loved for two years. So much suffering and sadness. May it mean something to you that you helped me. All the best to you, also for your health. You ARE human and a strong and admirable one!
Sam , your ability to be so open and raw about who you are is so very moving and is helping many many others understand the intricacies of such a beautifully misunderstood personality.
Wow I can’t even find words to say much I’m don’t think I have been able to really absorb this, however awareness is a huge step not many narcissistic people want to be aware, wishing you all the peace you can get, thanks for sharing your life with us🙏🏽
The experience of the Dr. Sam is amazing, amazing for the learners. By hearing the story of the Dr. Sam I felt sad for my ex husband, he never could sleep, he always forgot the places we visited and he was so mean by devaluating me, devaluating my skills (skills that I know are good). At the end I felt so sad for the people who lives with NPD 😢 but I’m so grateful that the Dr. Sam can share with us this very useful information. I’m Spanish speaker and I believe that this videos must be translated to ALL languages and used in awareness campaigns.
I am a psychologist and psychotherapist trained at the English School of Psychoanalysis. I must thank you for your enormous contribution to a more comprehensive understanding of the complex narcissistic personality disorder, both for professionals and the general public. Thank you very much Professor Vaknin
@@mikewallis2987 that’s why there are advocates and pediatric professionals to support this concept, as much as possible. Children have the right to parents who can be good to them and provide for their needs on all levels, not just physical. And parents need support to be able to do this, as well. It’s a dysfunctional system.
Dear Sam Vaknin, I never saw anyone being so honest.. Just for that you deserve to be recogneized. But ir's not obly that. The truth is that you know so much and are such a good speaker.. You deserve to be on the top! And I agree with you, and believe I'm not the only one, you are a good and altristic person! And an excelent teacher!
Thanks always for your wisdom! From November 3rd when I discovered you from a very tragic abuse that led me to have surgery. All I can say is thank you, I’ve never been so informed on a subject I wasn’t aware of . Your work and time is greatly appreciated and your words of wisdom will carry with me forever. Thank you again all the way from Charleston, SC USA.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am a self aware covert female narcissist, struggling to understand how to go on, as this is my entire personality and always has been.
I cannot express myself well enough to show how much I appreciate your brilliant mind. Knowledgeable is power, and you share your power freely with those who haven't put in the work you have, to even deserve it, never mind the reason, or motivation behind it, it is irrelevant. You couldn't help and touch the lives of so many, if you haven't been though your what makes you, you. So thank you for being you.
I love you Sam. I think my brother is a narcissist. Now I empathise with him rather than attack him with criticism. I’m so glad I came across you. Elizabeth Claire Ryder. X
I am so profoundly moved by your story. One thing you didn't mention is your wonderful sense of humor which I so appreciate. You have become my friend through video. I come to you for knowledge in an attempt to figure out who and what I am and you have taught me so much about the why of what I am. I do have empathy for raccoons! They are an ever-present part of the colony of feral cats I care for, also opossums and skunks; all creatures most mocked and despised by humans. Being with animals is where I feel most safe, I guess because my mother (narcissist) abandoned the only animals I loved and was loved by as a child, my two cats. I tell you this because I want you to know that you (the false self and the traumatized child) have become really, really important to me. I watch your videos with enthusiasm and anticipation. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing so much of yourself. As you can probably surmise (having been raised by a Narcissist) I have spent my adult life seeking naricissists to re-establish the only love that I felt comfortable and safe with from my narcissistic mother. It has helped me to understand who it is I have longed to have in my life. Since narcissists have been such a big part of my life I think I can safely say some false-selfs are so much more fun to be around than others! Now, at age 77, I no longer want to have humans in my life except for my two best friends and my video friend, Sam Vaknin. Living with and caring for animals has become my life's happy work. Thank you for all you have given me.
Thank you Professor Vaknin for sharing your videos. I am sorry that you are sad and I hope that you have much more time and good health than you think.
Touching, heartbreaking, inspiring. .Thank you Dr. Vaknin for such an honest and human , truly human , testimonial. It may be of very little help to you, as it is clear you have suffered and are suffering now, and faced with ill health. If only you could truly appreciate how many people have benefitted from your lectures, from your knowledge, from your insights, your humor, and your admissions and how many are now better for it. If only there was a way we could translate the gratitude that most of us who have gained understanding of this pernicious condition/disorder have for you into a language of "feeling" that you could absorb and integrate. I hope that one day your mind and your heart will be restful, peaceful even, knowing that your experience of everything in this lifetime and your analysis of a condition you know intimately , shared with others so courageously, has been so helpful to so many, alleviating their suffering greatly. I know there are others on this comment board, and people who listen to your lectures who feel the same way. Much love and appreciation Dr. Vaknin. It may sound trite, but the journey is not over yet. You have reached another juncture and you choose how your story is written, what experiences you can gift yourself (a man who has given so much to others).
I am only at minute 21 and I have to say how comforting it is to hear you say all of this how real it feels to me. I absolutely love that you are expressing this you’re clearly someone who is a hybrid model or is someone who is very centre between any extreme you’re someone who is intelligent enough that you can sit between two polar opposites and see both sides. You can see all the facets
I see you Sam... Thank you dearly for your courage, and powerful insights and wisdom. You have helped to make the world a brighter place. Much love to you, and your beautiful wife.. Bless you always.🙏🕊
id agree with Sam - noone knows better about Narcissism than him, wht a supreme intellectual he is, self delivering and honest to a degree tht is just extremely rare as of today.....this 1 hour lecture should suffice for most tht want to dive into the world of a narcissist, and their internal torments, the continous battles within , to maintain some sort of (paradoxical) balance to survive the reality and coping with others, as we all must on a daily basis...
I love how Sam uses his own experiences and vulnerability to educate and impart knowledge. I have no words, but to say THANK YOU! I certainly have a lot to work on myself and my psyche and being young, I have a rare & golden opportunity to better myself.
I'm a happy single but I can't stop watching your lecures :) I'm not sure if I'm not narcissistic myself. However I decided to stay alone. I'm not able to create any relationship. Art has been always more important than anything else.
It’s always said that if a person wonders if they are a narcissist that they are not one, as they have no capability of self-reflection. Obviously, Dr. Vaknin disproves that premise. Or is that just an anomaly?
@@ecnoto , I heard the same from my psychologist but after that lecture I wouldn;t be so sure that I'm not... I can use emotions in art but it's hard in so called reality... I often don't even know what I feel but a kind of anxiety. I'm so much afraid of failure that it becomes an obsession- to make everything perfectly. To control. To get what I want. And my work has been always my nr one.
@@paulinakowalczyk8765 Well, we can say that “typically” the narcissist would never truly wonder if they were one. However, it is a spectrum disorder and I’m not too familiar with the degree of behaviors for which someone could be officially diagnosed. Which begs the question - has your psychologist diagnosed you? That should be your answer.
@@ecnoto she said I wasn't because I can use emotions in my art, however I ve been always afraid of closeness with the other person and wasn't able to say what I feel. When it comes to reflectiveness, I know sth doesn't work as it should... I wouldn't agree that narcissits r unaware of their disfunction. Some might be not, but some know perfectly they have a problem. My ex, a diagnosed narcissitst, knew about his disorder. Btw, that was a specific relationship. Two people so similat to each other with similar fears, unable to get closer.., extremely competetive,. My mother, who's also a diagnosed narcissit, is also aware of her disorder but I don't think she would ever decide to undergo treatment ( I mean psychotherapy... to learn how to deal with fears, etc....). That's a v complex issue. One is sure- not everyone is ready to admit: " yes, I have a problem". I guess that most people would rather deny it and continue their perfect social act. To be perceived as successful and flawless people what I used to do through almost all my entire life...
I have never experienced such raw courage and honesty, than in this video. Thank you. Your journey, your intensive study, your intelligence, your ability and willingness to shine a light on narcissism, has changed my life. I have tried to understand why the people in my life have done the things they did to me, but until finding your videos, I could not comprehend what happened. You have given me peace of mind. I hope you find that for yourself, as well. I truly do wish that for you. You deserve it.
This is such a disturbing watch. I want to acknowledge the pain of your wife, as her heart must be breaking again and again. I feel your pain. I wish you both the very best, especially in your personal life. Take care
this is beautiful and i empathise with your pain and suffering alot. It is really wonderful for you to show the power of full self acceptance, and how even through your unfathomable disorientation of life, have immense power to educate, help and assist others in their own self awareness, as harsh as that may be to come to terms with. Thank you for your work. Your time here is not wasted.
Thankyou Sam.I appreciate your honesty. I am sorry for the inhumane and excruciatingly painful treatment you received as a child, it is unfathomable, heartbreaking and inexcusable! I honour the man you've become and inner child and part of you which was inexplicably broken. You are unique, funny and valued by many! Your extensive knowledge and insights have helped a staggering amount of individuals around the world and as such, an invaluable legacy to leave... Best wishes Sam x
My childhood was traumatic to an extent. My father was physically abusive and my loving mother died when I was a teenager. I believe I am currently experiencing mortification aged 37. However, I actually really yearn for a return to my childhood. I enjoyed both primary and secondary school. I’d happily return to my childhood in an instant!
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I held my mothers hand the other day . I held her hand and looked at her eyes , I said to her I wish you could of loved me the way I love my 5 year old daughter . My mother is now 70 years of age . She caused me so much pain. Rage , violence , neglect. I pitty her now , she has lost her looks and has had no relationship with her twin daughters, even her son has gone overseas . Her eyes are empty vessels . She will pass over never knowing how it was to love her children or love herself . The greatest tragedy . Generational trauma . It ends with me .
Exactly the same here omg. My daughter is 6, my mom is 67 and I cut her off in Jan. She is now going through a divorce and falling apart. I just have a therapist identified for her.
That's so heartbreaking. I'm really sorry. My narcissistic mother died in July of 2020. I hadn't seen her in over 20 years. Despite everything she'd done, I felt guilty.
@@lynnv8501 I’m sorry 😢
@@shaundaross123 sometimes it’s healing having space . Good luck 🍀
@@onyxwelborne did she ever apologize or try to get in contact . ? I am in contact with my mom, limited however . My twin sister has said she will never see her again .she went through more violence with my mum than me , because she spoke up where as I learned to be a people pleaser so I wasn’t beaten as much . 10 years of foster care really scarred my sister . So she will never talk to our mother again
"The grandiose person is never really free ; first because he is excessively dependent on admiration from others, and second, because his self respect is dependent on qualities, functions and achievements that can suddenly fail" Alice Miller-The drama of the gifted child.
Alice Miller yes. I made an interview with her many yeats ago. And I read the book you mentioned mentioned reasently.
Di you ever read her son's (Martin) book? It was quite interesting to read that she of all people could not follow her own advise. It makes sense that people with extreme trauma cannot face it and have to avoid it at all cost, even if it means to nearly kill
her own child
@@dailyclips7171what is that one called?
@@DelSunflower33The true drama of the giften child - Martin Miller
"the drama of the gifted child" sounds like victim blaming.
i think im actually going to cry, hearing such honest confession.
Love his honesty. God bless him! ❤️❤️❤️ Im doing similar introspection since over two years now
I dunno but I just want to say 15 months post escape and I am still obsessed with Narcissism, and I dont want to do it anymore 🤣
me too
you actually make me understand my malignant narcissist mom. I have such compassion for her suffering.
it's heartbreaking...
Dr. Vaknin, I just want to let you know that I appreciate all the knowledge you have given me for free.
Its not for free when you're giving a narcissist attention. That's all they really want
You shouldn’t praise a narcissist. It’s morally apprehensive
"Your health is failing and you don't have long". Sorry to hear this😔🤦♀️
They are self sabotaging! Their unwillingness to care for others is what hurts them the most! Deep down under all the glory and pride is a hurt little child that never had a healthy environment to thrive there for they only understand how to create chaos and survive in turmoil, pain and confusion constantly concerned for their own self! Which is not surviving at all! It is a constant circle of chaos! They not only hurt everyone around then but hurt their selves. Most of the time we can choose to leave a bad situation. However, they can never leave! They will just change the people around them, their jobs and whatever else but there problem will always be their self! 🙏 This is what happens when you live for the flesh, for your self! Imagine as a child thinking that you have to learn to survive instead of feeling cared and loved for! Reminds me how the King's and Queens was ruled the world! Or even today in politics. Like the movie, The house of cards! Always scheming and plotting in life trying to get farther up the chain of power. Trying to keep it but they always lose it in the end. I wonder if power can ever be kept. Queen Elizabeth seemed to stay in power but paid a heavy price! Most of the time during the process of sabotaging people will end up destroying their self!
I think Narcissists are not aware that they’re mostly gifted and intelligent people . They deserve to be acknowledged as long as they don’t harm others .
Dr. Vaknin, I’m so sorry for what you have underwent during your childhood which haunts you till now. I could feel your pain. I consider you with very high regards being so open and honest how you think you are. I could see that there is so much good in you. and good emotions. And I think you have so much empathy. I wish you All The Best and all the contentment’s you desire 🙏🏼
I am really amazed by your clarity of communication. I am a psychologist myself and your channel is by far the best source on the subject of narcissism. I´m listening all day long. Thank you!
Dr. Vaknin, thank you for the raw and excrutiatingly painful truth about your childhood and your life! My mother was extremely cruel I believe she was a narcissist. I was beaten my skull cracked open also! It is because of you, and your videos, that I am a living survivor of her cruel mental and physical abuse! I am a Black American 62 years of age and I am grateful that I found your TH-cam videos and again I am ever grateful to you! I wish you the best!
sending you love....i am sorry for your pain.....
@@evka24 thank you that was extremely sweet of you! But it is with Dr. Vaknin that I am learning to survive! I know that he does not believe in God, but I have watched this video three times, and I have prayed for his health, for a full recovery! And God bless you too Madame Butterfly! 💝💝❤💝💝
I understand your pain . I hope you have found some peace ☮️ did this affect your parenting ? Your relationships ? Your attachment style
@@tulinbeyduz920 I married twice and both were narcissistic! They both were extremely cruel, verbally and mentally! I did not have any children, my choice for the reasons of both being cruel. I don't trust people after three hurtful narcissists in my life. This is why I'm extremely grateful to Dr. Vaknin, he explains how they became and how to survive them. My mother and my second husband were almost the physical death of me.
@@mskitt49 I’m incredibly sorry . I wish I could of Shown you what love was like when you were a child . My daughter has been my healing . I vow to end the trauma with me ! I wonder what had happens to your mother to make her the way she was ? Not that it existed any behavior . I really like pema chodrons work too . ❤️
I cried so much listening to you, Sam. I've often been afraid that I was a narcissist because I suffered so much neglect and abuse and a child. I'm not afraid of that anymore.
The cerebral approach cannot heal narcissism because, as you mention, it was developed primarily as a coping mechanism in order not to feel. It would make sense then that a narcissist would have to bypass the neural blocks in order to access the unconscious memories and process them and be able to feel through the emotional body. I have read some anecdotal stories where certain narcissists were able to break through to experience these suppressed overwhelming emotions that created their narcissism. Naturally, if this process is terrifying and actively avoided by a narcissist, it would create the idea that narcissism is incurable because few if any would be purposefully willing to bypass the false self in order to see their painful reality, though perhaps the potential of healing would entice one to take the risk.
I did it 😂
Problem I have, is the shadow gets hardcore anchored, usually in a severely bad place, and it's hard to re anchor yourself as you age.
So in some sense, you kinda just become your shadow, as that's sort of your true repressed self in totality, I'd argue the time lost, and time using the false self nukes proper healing forever.
Expectations from people will always supercede a severely behind person or brain and others tend to not be compassionate enough in people's lives or they wouldn't be where they were in the first place 🤷
Best solution? Complete environment change with the want to change, not to bring your BS with you, and this might be helpful 😂 lots of people self report not be BPD diagnosed simply from moving out of a bad family system or bad relationship 😂😂😂
Is there a proof that being exposed to severe pain from childchood heals anything?
I do not understand how being re traumatised is ought to solved your deep emotional problems
This is the best comment ive seen on this subject. The only reason I even became aware of my narcissistic tendencies (im not sure if im full blown NPD) is when I started doing emotional work. I realized then that something wasn't right. The shame was too much. The emotional reactions didn't match my current situation. It was something deeper & scarier. Just reading about it never made me think I had the tendencies, because there was a blockage there mentally.
I very slowly have allowed emotions to come up and its the only thing that has helped me change in anyway. I started with Michael Browns THE PRESENCE PROCESS, but had to go much slower bcuz its so overhwelming. In some ways im lucky that I dont have kids or a partner triggering me, so I can go much slower, which I think is necessary for more unstable types. I still get greatly triggered just by walking out my door, driving, going to work, etc. I have days where im just numb, but it is what it is. Therapy helps some also, to have someone show yoi your blind spots. The thing is, you have to wake up everyday with the intention to be present. Thats the hard part. Willing ro be present & feel every single day.
My wife recently got me to go to therapy and after a couple sessions, my therapist suspects NPD. I can't tell you how grateful I am to have found a well of knowledge about it that isn't entirely about surviving and avoiding narcissists. You're really giving me hope that I don't have to lock myself up in a room to be forgotten. Thank you so much for that.
I have encountered a narcissist for the first time in my life recently in the most vulnerable loving state and it was like a car crash unfolding infront of your eyes. Narcissist also actively destroy healthy psyche of another person, i actually experienced their intention to destroy me because they can't feel of what i feel and they suddenly feel the void and emptiness and they hated it realizing their lack of emotions and direct that hate onto partner to prove they are right to be devoid and will devoid you of emotions and gaslight you( put doubt in your own feelings) to devalue you so they can comeback to justified state of narcissism. The irony is they destroy what they seek the most, the very canvass of humility that is inside of a partner because they can't feel themselves. Its a social tragedy.
However i really appreciate this candid conversation, its helping to construct my own self after this damage. Thank you.
Having lived almost 50 years with a narcissist I came away, at his death from cancer, feeling like the biggest schmuck in the universe. A lot of my life was over and I had spent a lifetime running along - often in a panic - attempting to cope with the havoc he created and trying to survive the emotional onslaughts he constantly caused. If someone took a photo his arm would be draped around me affectionately yet I was often treated like “the help” in the household when it was clear his audiences alway received his extreme focus. I tried to leave but he tricked me and I blame myself for my naive upbringing and the neuroses which kept me bound to that too long destructive marriage. I have a responsibility for staying - for which I have to forgive myself - and realize that, with a mother who was a narcissist, I was programmed to think that behavior was acceptable and routine almost from birth.
32:38 hello Sharon
My mother was also NPD, it was very difficult l also married 1 , you no nothing else and it feels normal . I walked away after 20 yr's.. living my way from now on no more people pleasing..
The sadest confession I ever heard. And I can relate to the feelings of never embodied my own life even as a non narcissist. Existencial misteries of the mind that destroy us to protect us.
Thank you Professor Vaknin
This lecture is outstanding.
Dr. Vaknin, I am impressed by what you have to share, really appreciate that. If you consider this appropriate, could you share how do you experience working with your patients? It shouldn't be like playing chess if you experience secondary trauma as a result.. what emotions you have access to and how you feel them if you report yourself being indifferent?
If this is not you, I can't imagine the "you" behind the narcissist. You have a brilliant mind and are helping a lot of people. You have my narcissist scared, LOL. I wish for you that you could heal.
Judy Lee: don’t worry about what I label anybody. Go comment on some else’s comment. I wasn’t talking to you.
I have gotten only 10 minutes into the video but I feel I must express that the way you communicate is wonderful. I am in awe of you in a positive way and have much appreciation of your works.
I have wanted to hear this from you for years, Sam. I have wondered for so long how you manage this balance.
You may feel this work is in the service of your grandiosity, and in large part you may be correct.
But I know in my heart that there resides within you a kernel of intent that cannot help but shine through. This video proves it to me. Continue this good fight, my brother. I cannot fathom the absence of loving intent in your efforts; it exists too plainly for me to see. You may find it poorly connected, weakly understood or buried deeply by "pollution" or other factors, but I have always sensed a purposeful, universal love to your work. It is bravery beyond bravery and I am deeply inspired by its persistence; it is another battle against an evil Cloud of Unknowing. The impacts you are making are significant and far-reaching. Thank you for making this video.
Fissionchips223: you are absolutely correct, there is a kernel in Sam that shines through.
You have words for what i'm been thinking. Thank you
This❤
@Fissionchips223
*Agreed!* I too see the "loving intent".
I cried reading your comment cos it's so accurate about one who blames himself so intently; it's as if he has introjected all the criticism on the internet & critical comments he's made himself
- in service of a very critical voice inside:
in a way, it's a way of being loyal to his parents.
I hear and see his soul, and like you, see that light in him, and the love of truth telling. Or of trying to be factual in this strange, uncertain world (worlds) we all live in.
There is a truth beyond "facts"
- I believe that, may be wrong of course!
Quantum physics shows us how strange the world we live in is. I got into a digression there!
Thanks for the talk, Sam
Thank you for your comment. There is reality beyond “facts”…. You sense this. It is our intentions that fuel all of this. Stay strong, flow like water and be hard to kill!❤️🙏
I was romantically involved with two narcissistic men recently (and others in the past I suspect)… I saw them both break down, and I saw the profound sadness in their eyes. They looked like terrified children in those moments. They both also told me how broken and alien and confused and hopeless they often felt. I wonder if those men felt safe enough with me to show glimpses of who they were at the core. Both of my parents are narcissists, and I’m getting my doctorate in clinical psych because my whole life I couldn’t figure them out, and needed help figuring myself out because they could not help me with that. I’m crying watching this video because I think of all of the people I love who cannot love themselves.
If they broke in front of you they showed you feelings. I would not call it narcisism at all.
Narcisist is a con artist as Sam says with no empathy for you or self
@@orianam9835I don’t believe that your assessment is correct. Of course narcissists can cry- the fragile narcissist will have tears in their arsenal and because they cannot reach their authentic selves, it does not mean they cannot display emotions to confirm this. The wounded inner child knows well to cry, rage and breakdown too. The tears are possibly an extension and acknowledgment of this.
One of your most profound videos that delves into your soul, or lack thereof. Thank you. You did touch on your health towards the end & can only say I wish you many more years! You have been a most interesting teacher for me .
I can't understand how one can dislike this video. It's a subjective description of a narcissist's view of himself and the world. Thank you, Prof. Vaknin!
I completely understood everything that you explained. I was a source of supply for 20 years. Because of your brilliance, to spend your time explaining the intricacies of narcissism, I am able to understand what happened to me. Thank you Sam. You redeem yourself & the rest of us who exist, in the wasteland. ❤️
IT TAKES TOO MUCH HONESTY, STRENGTH AND COURAGE TO TELL THIS.Thank you
Lmao. Not at all.
@@andbe7581 go on, start your channel and upload your un-filtered self.
Thank you so so so much for opening up and describing what a narcissist may feel. I am a narcissist’s wife and this helps me understand the foundations of actions.
Specially when you said “ I don’t know what to tell you about me…” I never understood why it is so hard for my husband to answer simple questions about himself.
So you are with a biggest con artist in a family.
How do you cope with emotional abuse ?
Your life matters. You matter. A lot.
Being or not being.
You are leaving a trace.
You, not experiencing your own core, your own soul...
you touch many hearts, many souls.
There is possibly 1 bridge between us Sam. You have a subtle sense of humor that I enjoy. Machines don't posses this.
I relate to everything you said except I don't aspire to be like a machine. I aspire to be like other feeling loving connected people even if it means I die in the process of trying. All these years of being alone in my struggle, no one to put words to my pain. Thank you for being the first to put words to what I experience. It is fascinating to see how you appear so jaded, hurt, and tortured for a few brief moments before seemingly pushing it away and maintaining a more detached affect. This too reminds me of myself. I am angry and deeply sad and hurt that there is no cure. No one to relate to me. And no one seemed to ever notice my horror and inner war. Only difference is in these moments I push it away and quickly seek something that will humor me. My humor of course being much different than anyone elses. I am not a genius. I have a fair amount of knowledge as I've tried desperately for years to find answers. But in finding no answers outside of myself I've attempted, desperately, to find answers within myself. After years of re-experiencing abuse that reminded me of my childhood and nearly brought me to my end I did finally find something that has helped me have some quality of life. That is mindfulness meditation. I thought I would die when I faced the absolute horrors inside of me. Whether from a heart attack or... Well... I thought I could not possibly survive feeling it all. I had zero confidence that any human could bear it. But as I practiced mindfulness meditation within the safety of a locked unit I started to realize I could feel through it. Actually it won't kill me. Little bit at a time. Even physical symptoms like my chest pain that was caused by my extreme anxiety evaporated. I've worked through maybe 1 percent of the trauma my body holds. But I've gained confidence that I can nurture my inner child, listen to the child's pain, nurture the child, and nothing horrible will happen. It will just feel unbearably horrible at first until I realized it is bearable for no other reason than the fact that emotional pain can not kill me even if I wanted it to end me. If I commit to feeling through it then there is nothing my emotions can do to stop me from doing just that. there is no longer a choice except to push through or die (I would've probably chose the latter if I wasn't in a locked unit when I first did this) And for the first time ever I've begun to feel happiness on rare occasions. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I do know I related to almost every word you spoke in this video. So if mindfulness meditation (mindfulness practices in general) helped me I figured it's worth mentioning in hopes that it can help you.
The way I imagine it for me is there is this horrifying abyss inside me. This abyss wants to suck everything into it. It is what craves for people to say great things about me. But as soon as I get the admiration it is quickly consumed. I stand at the edge of the abyss, staring into it, tempted to jump in after all the the things the abyss swallows. Behind me is a monster. I try to make light of this monster by calling it twinkle toes. Twinkle toes wants me to jump into the abyss. I'm not sure why. But twinkle toes can only do certain things to try to push me in. I have certain rules that twinkle toes must abide by or it knows I'll end us both. Everyday is a battle. Trying to get close to the abyss without falling in. One extra unexpected push and I may be gone forever. Impending doom everyday. Uncertain of what will happen if I go in I fight hard to stay away. But if I stay too far away twinkle toes steps up it's game. Torments me. Punishes me. Drives me insane until I go closer to the abyss. My inner wounded child cries terrified in the corner not knowing what will happen. If I dare suffer the wrath of twinkle toes I can tend to my inner child. Overtime twinkle toes is getting less and less menacing and less powerful. It is only by sitting with my inner child, practicing mindfulness, aware but not reacting to twinkle toes that I am able to heal my inner child and show my inner child that it is safe now. I'm the adult now ready to do whatever I must to protect her.
@@formepvp thank you
What a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing and good luck on your journey to healing.
Thank you. May you be guided. May you be profoundly loved. My you know the enormous power that is You.
@Tabatha Gentry
PROFOUND!!!!!!
Write a book.....🙏
Thank you for sharing this. I hope you find some peace. Truly
He may know the answer, but he doesn’t feel or experienced the answer 👏🏻 this is spot on! No one has ever described better how it feels.
Está idea es impresionante, el llegar a este punto es indescriptible
Your video has given me such freedom. For so long I’ve been trying to heal from my recent relationship with a narcissist, but was only coming at it with information. Your experience and vulnerability brought the emotion to what I’ve been learning, and thus, brought me to a place that I didn’t think I’d be able to arrive at. Forgiveness. I didn’t think I could ever forgive him. Today, I believe I can. Thank you for the sharing the most pertinent information about this.
Hi, what happened to You after forgiveness?
I must be mentally ill myself if I just want to hug you and comfort you...
Keep up the good work professor 👍
Not mentally ill, just human.
I am in awe after listening to this video. I am so sorry to hear that the false self is winning the battle against the true self. I feel your pain and sorrow Sam and I wish I can hug you. Please take care of yourself because you are an enlighment to the World. Love ❤L
@@samvaknin ❤
Yes! I felt the same! I thought i had turned off my emotions but.. here we go.
It's one thing to hug and comfort. It's another to want to take on another person's burdens and pain as your own. That's when you are steering into toxic codependent territory 💖
Sam, I had to step away from the whole 'understanding' of Narcissism because it was a very dark period; however, I remember over a decade ago how your work made so many things crystal clear. I commend, respect and appreciate your courage to share, to continue to advance understanding. So much of what is offered out here is a watered down version, words will never express the value and authenticity of your work.
I've watch you a lot. You've helped me a lot. I'm now crying, a lot. 😣😓
Most profound insight into NPD I have ever watched. Ever. Thank you.
My in laws are textbook narcissists. I exhibited narcissistic behavior during my alcoholism. It takes a lot of guts to admit your narcissism. Thank you for the courage to open up and help us all.
Alhoholics exhibit narcisistic behaviour due to addiction. They are often not narcisist
Am speechless! For me there is nobody else that knows more and better about narcissism, than Mr.Vaknin.
What a brain and way of expressing. Thank you.
@@eart5657 I've watched Tudor, and many others talking about the subject not only in English, but yet for me he is the best. He has approached as many perspectives as possible about the subject! Plus many other reasons.
Truly appreciate your candor and courage in sharing the painful sufferings of your life story. I hope it’s obvious to you that many of us find you a valuable well spring of knowledge to try and understand the complexities of not only narcissism, but many of the topics you’ve lectured on so extensively. In my opinion, the sacrifices you’ve made with your personal time and freely sharing your vast wealth of life experience as a narcissist, is priceless and life saving to people like me who just couldn’t understand what we were dealing with... In my case an ex husband who may have killed me in the end, had I continued down my then path. After listening to you, I’ve come to realize so much. I know you don’t believe in God,..but I believe something led me to you, as it was in the final moments of his physical abuse and discard that I happened to stumble upon one of your old audio interviews which opened my mind to things I’ve never even heard of before. After learning much from you, I made the decision never to go back, eventually realizing even tho alone, I was better off. I wish that you never had to go through all of those horrendous things, but my heart is grateful to you and the raw truth you give us through your life experience. Where my church, my family, and many tried to put a well intentioned
“forgiveness bandaid” on my ex husband’s actions slipping me into a deeper hole of confusion, eventually getting sick with cancer, and more terrible advice to stay with him (as it was the “right” thing to do and not divorce)... it was you sir who actually opened my eyes to the truth of that unhealthy situation, the danger I was in, and also some understanding of the personality issues my ex was possibly dealing with. Your knowledge is gold.
Thank you for helping me and being such a gift to many, albeit through your own pain & sorrows 😔 . May you feel surrounded by our love today as you press on. Hugs ❤️🙏🏼... Ps. you don’t look a day over 50 😃... must be the wine or whatever’s in that mini mouse cup 😉
I am a professor of psychology and have been studying narcissism for 26 years. My work is based only in a very small measure on my personal experiences.
Yes, Professor, but it is this very video where you talk about yourself that humanizes all of your talks. Sharing your own struggle is the most vulnerable thing! It is a gift to us all! I appreciate all of your videos, which are so enlightening, but they're now even better knowing that they come from someone who experiences Narcissism from inside and out.
@samvaknin Yes, Professor, but it is this very video where you talk about yourself that humanizes all of your talks. Sharing your own struggle is the most vulnerable thing! It is a gift to us all! I appreciate all of your videos, which are so enlightening, but they're now even better knowing that they come from someone who experiences Narcissism from inside and out.
Ugh the invalidation ! True narcissist not even a thank you Come on Sam . lol . My dad used to one and through your help I was able to understand his sickness .
Dear Sam (hope you won't feel annoyed by this familiarity), I always thought of your brilliant interventions like an astonishing recording of a self-surgery without anesthesia of a rare disease suffering surgeon. Your words always brought me illuminating and helpful insights to an exit from the dark labyrinth of narcissist abuse, though, unfortunately YOU were the torch self burning and consuming to light the path... I really wish you can take care of your physical health! We all need your nearly superhuman brilliant mind!
Having dealt with a narcissist for many years (without even knowing it was nacissism) I always felt the incommensurable pain for being unable to make this individual literally recognise and feel love and empathy, rejecting the only possible cure for the suffering, just like a color blind person who cannot / wants to wear the special glasses that would give him back the vision of colors. And after the pain, the rage and resentment, now I finally found peace and compassion. You showed me the tragedy of our tormentors and perpetrators. I'm deeply moved by this confession, and really wish you'll be better soon. It's such a pity you miss the receptors of affection, since I'm sure that, just like me, a lot of people appreciate and admire your work and find you big fun, smart and charming (just like most of the narcs) and care for your person.
I watched your video today and am stunned at the truly honest account of your experience in being a Narcissist. I found this to lecture to be outstanding. Thank you for all you do to help us understand this horrible disorder. I wish you well.
I am half way thru listening to this lecture and I am feeling very sorry for anybody being narcissist. Completely lost cases not knowing and being incapable of ever expeierencing how beautiful it is to be human, even during difficult times. After having listened to many more of Prof Vaknin's lectures before, I really understood why it is so important for humanity and for my own sake to stay away from them. -- Many thanks to Prof Vaknin, your lectures are truly helpful
The raw and brutal honesty of your introspection had me in tears. I am that I am. You are the sum of your actions and reactions, thought and feelings. I can’t imagine living a life without love or passion.
Imagine 50 years from now or more, someone's going to come across this and think uh ah....Now I finally understand myself. Thanks Sam. May you be at ☮️ my friend.
This broke my heart. Not just for Dr. Vaknin, but it made me realize that all hope is gone.
@tamradasilva2102 It’s really not, you can accept yourself and live a decent life, even if you are á narcisist. I still feel sorry for them, but we all have our problems so each one is responsible for his own faith.
@@corinamihai3802 what if you deeply love a covert narcisist?
I reconnected with love of my life.
Was hard to take back his attacks or when he was telling me he apologised 100 times when in fact he never had...
Heart crushing
@@orianam9835 well, you need to accept that you are not dealing with a person, you are dealing with a character, so you need to expect to be lied to, insulted, etc. All narcissistic people will stay if you offer them narcissistic supply. If you really love a narcissist, RUN AWAY, far away, so you can stop loving them. And if you stay, don't take them serious and lie to them. That should do the trick, but never expect happiness with them, that is just a myth...
@@corinamihai3802 as sad as it sounds. I will always love my old love. He has good heart. Mind. I feel for what he went through and how a horrible, abusive upbringing destroyed his ability to show love. He has love. Has feelings. He express them when far away....
Thanks God he had one loving person - his beloved great grandmother who as one person loved him and showed him care and feelings.
Perhaps he is covert or with narcistic traits but being devalued and never apologised to is perhaps beyond my ability of acceptance unless i just stoped caring. Bit then what is the point
Oh Sam...this breaks my heart! You have helped me so much over the past year, I wish so much that I could return the favor somehow. Although it may not be meaningful to you, know that you are so admired by those whom you have helped.
🧚🏾♀️ I loveeeee you! 🌹 I love how you share yourself & in your sharing I feel I am healing. 🧘🏾♀️ You are helping me heal. 💖 I thank you. 💖 God, how I thank you, Sir!!! 🌹
When you told about your health it struck me deeply. Also when you spoke about your childhood. I feel the pain in the heart for you sufferings. You are a good person truly
My mom is borderline and she had a horrible childhood. I also think all the bad stuff that happened during my childhood is because she could not cope with the pain - - in fact she was reexperiencing trauma every day and acting like a hurt child (but to her children she seemed adult like and scary)
Thank you for being candidly honest.
This was a very good video, Prof. Vaknin. You have really informed the public of narcissism in a way that they can finally understand. So many people do not understand, or care to understand why a narcissist is the way he is. And so many people need to know who he is.
As soon as the narcissist recalls such things, he observes his pain, is darkened in mind because of it, and tucks it back into its place, for he cannot bear to look at his child for too long, lest he wither away completely. "I cannot leave myself, for I must protect myself from the outside world. This I must do." he says. Returning to his inhumanity, he continues his existence, never looking back at his pain, and what could've been.
I am very moved by your honesty. I thank you for your courage to face your truth. My husband is a narcissist, and this scares the heck out of me. How you think, or don’t think is unbelievable. I am sorry to hear you are not well, and I pray that by a miracle you find true love before you die. Thank you for educating me about this terrible disorder. I needed to understand what is truly going on. There is a God and He loves you unconditionally. There is hope. Don’t give up. Sincerely sorry for the life you’ve had to live.
You are an outstanding writer. Your insight and story is incredible
What a stunning talk! It tears my heart out to listen to you, Prof. Vaknin. You are so brave!!!!!
Mr Vaknin, you are the most human creature I have ever heard and understood. Please dont say you are a narcissist. You have the dippest look in to the pain we all have experienced in childhood. I thimk that you are calling yourself narcissist as a coping mechanism.
It seems that narcissism is the worst condition a human being can be in. Deeply saddening.
@@sjoe6282 that sounds horrific. So sorry.
This has been the most helpful articulation of what a narcissist experiences that I have ever heard! Thank you for your transparency.
Thank you Sam for sharing with us your pain, the majority of people have no idea of the pain you went through as a child. I feel so sad that I too could cry at the brokenness you experience. It appears to me that your parents were evil entities, a concept I fully accept that you do not believe in. I firmly believe that children never survive a bad mother, they can survive an abusive and monstrous father but if their mother is good and loving the damage is never so terribly profound. For all your brokenness you generously give over and over to all of us your viewers. Bless you and thank you Sam
I appreciate your candor. I discovered your channel about 7-8 months ago. Originally I wondered how on earth someone with this disorder is capable of being honest and straightforward regarding this disorder when they are not in reality themselves. But, Periodically I find myself going back to your videos for more clarity regarding this disorder. Knowing someone with this disorder personally, I cannot deny your real, accurate description. I appreciate another video where you explain the NPD is not a diabolical person but just trying to maneuver through life with the lens they have, just trying to get basic needs met. That makes the most sense to me. Even though other channels prefer to vilify NPD. Yet, I know my sympathy doesn’t change the sad fact that a relationship with this person os not possible. There is only give; there is no take. No feelings to tie this person to me. So sad for this person and for me.
the real pain is that he can't cry while saying devastating things about himself, Sam Vaknin is a fighter, even if narcissism is like cancer of the soul but he keeps giving these insights, even though narcissists are unable to give insight but we perceive his work insightful and will be helpful and remembered
I feel obsessed with you the way you talk.
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and started medication, the clarity that has come with that has lead to deep introspection.
I feel as though I oscillate between atleast 2 people or mindsets.
Anyway. Thank you for the content and your enjoyable voice.
This video should be required watching for all psychology students, lawyers, social workers, etc. The most honest thing from you, Prof. Varkin I've heard. You have answered a lot of questions for me regarding someone in my life. I cannot thank you enough. Dear sir, I wish you peace.
First of all, I can’t even imagine what having a childhood like yours would have done to me!! I had a hard time dealing with my challenges, but, if I had the same hand you did? I know that I would have gone insane and possibly become only God knows what.... 😔 I’m so sorry to hear that Sam. My heart goes out to anybody who dealt with what you did. Thank you 🙏 for sharing and enlightening us on these things.
I can empathize with all animals... literally feel their pain as my own if I see them being hurt. So I believe it is possible to empathize with things we cannot identify with... Similarity with the subject in pain is not a requirement in order to empathize. In fact I would go as far as to say empathy is becoming the other.
same here, I was thinking about it while listening. But I think that empathy is based on projection, you become other by projecting your own pain, or the memory of the pain you have suffered, and to be able to project (make this other more same) you got to have access to your pain, some established link. As I understood Sam Vaknin - it is all or nothing in his case: acting false self or horrible pain in abyss, and if the latter happens there is no one left to project pain on anyone or anything. And even empaths projections have some limits, although I admit I happen to comfort my teddybear :-/
Anyways, it was probably the saddest and most tragic un-antropology I have ever heard.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. No child should ever have to endure what you did.
This was the most detailed description of narcissism I’ve ever heard. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you Professor Samuel Vakin! This is the best video to understand the narcissist! I hope i can heal from this abuse
This is very sad.
You are not alone prof, we support you and we admire you.
I salute your courage in exposing yourself like this, this is real strength.
I had tears 😢 coming for your losses. Ive experienced 2 narcs and while I do have empathy, they do not bother me as much so much. I will.not allow them to disregulate my emotions. You have helped immensely in my understanding.
Thank you, Sam for just being you!
This ARTicle may just be one of the most profound and reaviling masterpiece presented in the most lively compelling presentation subject ever!!
Thank you very much from a survivor of narcissistic ex-wife!!
Thank you Sir Sam Vaknin. If I may, I would like to extend my gratitude. You sure are easy to take in and I have learned so much from you. Your pain hasn't been wasted Sir. ♥️
Thank you so much Sam! And this comes deep from my heart.
I am in tears now, as I finally understood what is going on in the head of the girl I loved for two years.
So much suffering and sadness.
May it mean something to you that you helped me. All the best to you, also for your health. You ARE human and a strong and admirable one!
Sam , your ability to be so open and raw about who you are is so very moving and is helping many many others understand the intricacies of such a beautifully misunderstood personality.
Wow I can’t even find words to say much I’m don’t think I have been able to really absorb this, however awareness is a huge step not many narcissistic people want to be aware, wishing you all the peace you can get, thanks for sharing your life with us🙏🏽
I finally can hear my father talking, and this is what he would say if he could. It is amazing that you deal with it yourself and teach us. Thank you.
The experience of the Dr. Sam is amazing, amazing for the learners. By hearing the story of the Dr. Sam I felt sad for my ex husband, he never could sleep, he always forgot the places we visited and he was so mean by devaluating me, devaluating my skills (skills that I know are good). At the end I felt so sad for the people who lives with NPD 😢 but I’m so grateful that the Dr. Sam can share with us this very useful information. I’m Spanish speaker and I believe that this videos must be translated to ALL languages and used in awareness campaigns.
I am a psychologist and psychotherapist trained at the English School of Psychoanalysis. I must thank you for your enormous contribution to a more comprehensive understanding of the complex narcissistic personality disorder, both for professionals and the general public. Thank you very much Professor Vaknin
Sam, I’m sorry that you didn’t get good enough parenting. That was your birthright.
@@mikewallis2987 that’s why there are advocates and pediatric professionals to support this concept, as much as possible. Children have the right to parents who can be good to them and provide for their needs on all levels, not just physical. And parents need support to be able to do this, as well. It’s a dysfunctional system.
Dear Sam Vaknin, I never saw anyone being so honest.. Just for that you deserve to be recogneized. But ir's not obly that. The truth is that you know so much and are such a good speaker.. You deserve to be on the top! And I agree with you, and believe I'm not the only one, you are a good and altristic person! And an excelent teacher!
Thanks always for your wisdom! From November 3rd when I discovered you from a very tragic abuse that led me to have surgery. All I can say is thank you, I’ve never been so informed on a subject I wasn’t aware of . Your work and time is greatly appreciated and your words of wisdom will carry with me forever. Thank you again all the way from Charleston, SC USA.
This is sad to watch i appreciate your videos. I have been diagnosed with BPD and I know the pain of what an abusive childhood can cause.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am a self aware covert female narcissist, struggling to understand how to go on, as this is my entire personality and always has been.
❤
I cannot express myself well enough to show how much I appreciate your brilliant mind. Knowledgeable is power, and you share your power freely with those who haven't put in the work you have, to even deserve it, never mind the reason, or motivation behind it, it is irrelevant. You couldn't help and touch the lives of so many, if you haven't been though your what makes you, you. So thank you for being you.
I love you Sam. I think my brother is a narcissist. Now I empathise with him rather than attack him with criticism. I’m so glad I came across you. Elizabeth Claire Ryder. X
I am so profoundly moved by your story. One thing you didn't mention is your wonderful sense of humor which I so appreciate. You have become my friend through video. I come to you for knowledge in an attempt to figure out who and what I am and you have taught me so much about the why of what I am.
I do have empathy for raccoons! They are an ever-present part of the colony of feral cats I care for, also opossums and skunks; all creatures most mocked and despised by humans. Being with animals is where I feel most safe, I guess because my mother (narcissist) abandoned the only animals I loved and was loved by as a child, my two cats.
I tell you this because I want you to know that you (the false self and the traumatized child) have become really, really important to me. I watch your videos with enthusiasm and anticipation. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing so much of yourself. As you can probably surmise (having been raised by a Narcissist) I have spent my adult life seeking naricissists to re-establish the only love that I felt comfortable and safe with from my narcissistic mother. It has helped me to understand who it is I have longed to have in my life.
Since narcissists have been such a big part of my life I think I can safely say some false-selfs are so much more fun to be around than others! Now, at age 77, I no longer want to have humans in my life except for my two best friends and my video friend, Sam Vaknin. Living with and caring for animals has become my life's happy work.
Thank you for all you have given me.
I’m stunned by your candor. I feel your pain even if you can’t. Sending ♥️ to you.
@@christianpulisic7784 Not any longer !
Such brutal honesty Mr Vaknin ! Thank you for sharing , it’s so very brave of you.
Thank you Professor Vaknin for sharing your videos.
I am sorry that you are sad and I hope that you have much more time and good health than you think.
Touching, heartbreaking, inspiring. .Thank you Dr. Vaknin for such an honest and human , truly human , testimonial. It may be of very little help to you, as it is clear you have suffered and are suffering now, and faced with ill health. If only you could truly appreciate how many people have benefitted from your lectures, from your knowledge, from your insights, your humor, and your admissions and how many are now better for it. If only there was a way we could translate the gratitude that most of us who have gained understanding of this pernicious condition/disorder have for you into a language of "feeling" that you could absorb and integrate. I hope that one day your mind and your heart will be restful, peaceful even, knowing that your experience of everything in this lifetime and your analysis of a condition you know intimately , shared with others so courageously, has been so helpful to so many, alleviating their suffering greatly. I know there are others on this comment board, and people who listen to your lectures who feel the same way. Much love and appreciation Dr. Vaknin. It may sound trite, but the journey is not over yet. You have reached another juncture and you choose how your story is written, what experiences you can gift yourself (a man who has given so much to others).
Thank you for opening up in an honest fashion about this disorder.
This will allow us so much more understanding.
I am only at minute 21 and I have to say how comforting it is to hear you say all of this how real it feels to me. I absolutely love that you are expressing this you’re clearly someone who is a hybrid model or is someone who is very centre between any extreme you’re someone who is intelligent enough that you can sit between two polar opposites and see both sides. You can see all the facets
I see you Sam... Thank you dearly for your courage, and powerful insights and wisdom. You have helped to make the world a brighter place. Much love to you, and your beautiful wife.. Bless you always.🙏🕊
id agree with Sam - noone knows better about Narcissism than him, wht a supreme intellectual he is, self delivering and honest to a degree tht is just extremely rare as of today.....this 1 hour lecture should suffice for most tht want to dive into the world of a narcissist, and their internal torments, the continous battles within , to maintain some sort of (paradoxical) balance to survive the reality and coping with others, as we all must on a daily basis...
I love how Sam uses his own experiences and vulnerability to educate and impart knowledge. I have no words, but to say THANK YOU! I certainly have a lot to work on myself and my psyche and being young, I have a rare & golden opportunity to better myself.
I appreciate your transparency. I have forwarded on to a narcissist not that it will likely help but there's a chance
I have been so tempted to do the same. He probably would say "yes, that's you" lol
Why help them be better narcissists?
I'm a happy single but I can't stop watching your lecures :) I'm not sure if I'm not narcissistic myself. However I decided to stay alone. I'm not able to create any relationship. Art has been always more important than anything else.
It’s always said that if a person wonders if they are a narcissist that they are not one, as they have no capability of self-reflection. Obviously, Dr. Vaknin disproves that premise. Or is that just an anomaly?
@@ecnoto , I heard the same from my psychologist but after that lecture I wouldn;t be so sure that I'm not... I can use emotions in art but it's hard in so called reality... I often don't even know what I feel but a kind of anxiety. I'm so much afraid of failure that it becomes an obsession- to make everything perfectly. To control. To get what I want. And my work has been always my nr one.
@@formepvp Except that, as Dr. Vaknin asserts, healing is an impossibility for the narcissist.
@@paulinakowalczyk8765 Well, we can say that “typically” the narcissist would never truly wonder if they were one. However, it is a spectrum disorder and I’m not too familiar with the degree of behaviors for which someone could be officially diagnosed. Which begs the question - has your psychologist diagnosed you? That should be your answer.
@@ecnoto she said I wasn't because I can use emotions in my art, however I ve been always afraid of closeness with the other person and wasn't able to say what I feel. When it comes to reflectiveness, I know sth doesn't work as it should... I wouldn't agree that narcissits r unaware of their disfunction. Some might be not, but some know perfectly they have a problem. My ex, a diagnosed narcissitst, knew about his disorder. Btw, that was a specific relationship. Two people so similat to each other with similar fears, unable to get closer.., extremely competetive,. My mother, who's also a diagnosed narcissit, is also aware of her disorder but I don't think she would ever decide to undergo treatment ( I mean psychotherapy... to learn how to deal with fears, etc....). That's a v complex issue. One is sure- not everyone is ready to admit: " yes, I have a problem". I guess that most people would rather deny it and continue their perfect social act. To be perceived as successful and flawless people what I used to do through almost all my entire life...
I have never experienced such raw courage and honesty, than in this video. Thank you. Your journey, your intensive study, your intelligence, your ability and willingness to shine a light on narcissism, has changed my life. I have tried to understand why the people in my life have done the things they did to me, but until finding your videos, I could not comprehend what happened. You have given me peace of mind. I hope you find that for yourself, as well. I truly do wish that for you. You deserve it.
Your transparency goes direct to my heart. You are so inspiring ...
This is such a disturbing watch. I want to acknowledge the pain of your wife, as her heart must be breaking again and again. I feel your pain. I wish you both the very best, especially in your personal life. Take care
The depth of self reflection that this video required boggles my mind. My hat is offto you, Sir.
this is beautiful and i empathise with your pain and suffering alot. It is really wonderful for you to show the power of full self acceptance, and how even through your unfathomable disorientation of life, have immense power to educate, help and assist others in their own self awareness, as harsh as that may be to come to terms with. Thank you for your work. Your time here is not wasted.
Thankyou Sam.I appreciate your honesty. I am sorry for the inhumane and excruciatingly painful treatment you received as a child, it is unfathomable, heartbreaking and inexcusable! I honour the man you've become and inner child and part of you which was inexplicably broken. You are unique, funny and valued by many! Your extensive knowledge and insights have helped a staggering amount of individuals around the world and as such, an invaluable legacy to leave... Best wishes Sam x
Thank you Sam this is like the apology my son and I will never receive, waited 5 years for an explanation the books simply couldn't provide.
My childhood was traumatic to an extent. My father was physically abusive and my loving mother died when I was a teenager. I believe I am currently experiencing mortification aged 37. However, I actually really yearn for a return to my childhood. I enjoyed both primary and secondary school. I’d happily return to my childhood in an instant!
This is the most interesting and most captivating content about this subject available I listened to ever. I didn't miss any drop of it.