No longer being a people pleaser to people who don’t even care about me anyway. Not crossing oceans any longer for people who would not jump a puddle for me. The sad thing anyway is that when you go above and beyond for other people consistently, they no longer appreciate it, they EXPECT it. I have found this to be true in personal relationships and at work. Don’t always be the one they can call on, don’t always be the responsible one, don’t always answer their midnight text, especially if you’re not getting any appreciation/compensation/recognition for it anyways. Learn to set boundaries and don’t start these “involvements” to begin with. Better off for everyone this way.
Actually I read somewhere, you can listen to what other people think but you don't have to be swayed by them. If you are someone who cares too much and about fitting in you will readjust yourself to fit in. But the people who don't care just think meh, I'm not Changing for anyone. They can like me for the way I am or not and I'm OK with it.
The thing is some people are jealous minded and would like nothing more to do you over. If you have a nice living room and you invite them over for a coffee, they will go home and redo their living room, trying to make it better, to out do you so to speak so hopefully when you come over for a cup of tea and a piece of cake they want you to see your own green monster inside of you. So worrying about what these people think will send your mind into overdrive because if someone isn't genuinely pleased for you and works to out do you then you can never please these people. In fact, if you are good at decorating the house or whatever your talent is they will view you as a source of competition.
In my humble opinion on the situation with the husband, it think he lacked empathy and compassion. When some reacts with empathy and compassion they will not only consider how things effect themselves but what the other person is suffering. They will not moralize or judge. They have a sympathy for the other person and a willingness to help. Some need to cultivate compassion more than others. I know in a relationship when there are problems usually responsibility shared in some way and I think we should accept and show love and support towards our loved ones when they are doing well AND when they're not. We shouldn't disconnect or give up on them when they're suffering something mental or emotional just like we wouldn't do that if they were suffering something physical because both are real. When you focus only on how something effects yourself this it's not possible. That's probably what the husband did. He reacted without compassion.
im not a worrier like that im more the opposite but the only person i feel judges and critisises me is my Mom and she is a worrier shes the one pulling me to one side and saying i need to think about how my actions look to other people and the biggest thing she and my sister have said to me - i dont want (my sisters husband to think badly of you) so when im just me and i say something or perhaps crack a bad joke afterwards they come down on me after and say did you not think about his feelings - when you said (because i cracked a joke and my sisters allergic to flowers my Dad even removed fake flowers because he thought they were affecting her and i said with a laugh and a smile are you trying to kill my sister as he had bought a bunch of roses over - just a remark at the time which no one found funny and even so he knows she has allergies but) after that im told bascially i cant be myself around the people i have to come into contact with. So then comes the talk, you need to think about other people, he might not like you and eventually i came into the belief that he doesnt like me and so that hurt and then i became angry and i told myself well he doesnt like me so what the hell and id do and say what i want even though daggers get thrown from across the room but i just thought hey if he dont like me whats the point in getting him to like me
It's funny how you talk about buying a house and standing back and looking at it like we are officially grown up and feeling happy about it, because you didn't go through it with your parents and getting an opinion. I, have no problem going out there and buying something I like, a house, a horse lol a new mobile and then as I'm feeling pretty proud of myself because I don't need my parents to buy something I like, however my parents will come along and go. We were very hurt you just went ahead with the purchase, we wanted to help, help and support you through this. Your young, we know more. Your Mother was very hurt you didn't ask for her opinion. That was reckless what you did and a stupid idea, and slowly they will drip it across that you shouldn't have done that. What do you know about buying a house? What is the current rate? Or... You could have been ripped off. Conned. That is why you must ask us!!! So I don't need to worry about what they think they are telling me. But I'd love to get your or someone's take on this. Of what my parents are trying to do, because I do know because of this I can't do anything without them which is stupid because I should, but at the risk of being irisponsible and seen as stupid it can sometimes stop me and I don't always feel good about myself
No longer being a people pleaser to people who don’t even care about me anyway. Not crossing oceans any longer for people who would not jump a puddle for me. The sad thing anyway is that when you go above and beyond for other people consistently, they no longer appreciate it, they EXPECT it. I have found this to be true in personal relationships and at work. Don’t always be the one they can call on, don’t always be the responsible one, don’t always answer their midnight text, especially if you’re not getting any appreciation/compensation/recognition for it anyways. Learn to set boundaries and don’t start these “involvements” to begin with. Better off for everyone this way.
Actually I read somewhere, you can listen to what other people think but you don't have to be swayed by them. If you are someone who cares too much and about fitting in you will readjust yourself to fit in. But the people who don't care just think meh, I'm not Changing for anyone. They can like me for the way I am or not and I'm OK with it.
No matter what it is you do people will always find something to criticize about you regardless this is what makes us all equally imperfect at the end
Exactly that's why guys and girls should stop judging get to no the person that's why I think being judgemintal is so stupid ignorant
Excellent
The thing is some people are jealous minded and would like nothing more to do you over.
If you have a nice living room and you invite them over for a coffee, they will go home and redo their living room, trying to make it better, to out do you so to speak so hopefully when you come over for a cup of tea and a piece of cake they want you to see your own green monster inside of you.
So worrying about what these people think will send your mind into overdrive because if someone isn't genuinely pleased for you and works to out do you then you can never please these people. In fact, if you are good at decorating the house or whatever your talent is they will view you as a source of competition.
I don't listen to anyone who quotes Byron Katie. I think the interviewer knows more than the guest.
In my humble opinion on the situation with the husband, it think he lacked empathy and compassion. When some reacts with empathy and compassion they will not only consider how things effect themselves but what the other person is suffering. They will not moralize or judge. They have a sympathy for the other person and a willingness to help. Some need to cultivate compassion more than others. I know in a relationship when there are problems usually responsibility shared in some way and I think we should accept and show love and support towards our loved ones when they are doing well AND when they're not. We shouldn't disconnect or give up on them when they're suffering something mental or emotional just like we wouldn't do that if they were suffering something physical because both are real. When you focus only on how something effects yourself this it's not possible. That's probably what the husband did. He reacted without compassion.
Why I don't give a fuck, unless it hits my conscious.
im not a worrier like that im more the opposite but the only person i feel judges and critisises me is my Mom and she is a worrier shes the one pulling me to one side and saying i need to think about how my actions look to other people and the biggest thing she and my sister have said to me - i dont want (my sisters husband to think badly of you) so when im just me and i say something or perhaps crack a bad joke afterwards they come down on me after and say did you not think about his feelings - when you said (because i cracked a joke and my sisters allergic to flowers my Dad even removed fake flowers because he thought they were affecting her and i said with a laugh and a smile are you trying to kill my sister as he had bought a bunch of roses over - just a remark at the time which no one found funny and even so he knows she has allergies but) after that im told bascially i cant be myself around the people i have to come into contact with. So then comes the talk, you need to think about other people, he might not like you and eventually i came into the belief that he doesnt like me and so that hurt and then i became angry and i told myself well he doesnt like me so what the hell and id do and say what i want even though daggers get thrown from across the room but i just thought hey if he dont like me whats the point in getting him to like me
Good channel. But men feel like women too, trust me on this
It's funny how you talk about buying a house and standing back and looking at it like we are officially grown up and feeling happy about it, because you didn't go through it with your parents and getting an opinion. I, have no problem going out there and buying something I like, a house, a horse lol a new mobile and then as I'm feeling pretty proud of myself because I don't need my parents to buy something I like, however my parents will come along and go. We were very hurt you just went ahead with the purchase, we wanted to help, help and support you through this. Your young, we know more. Your Mother was very hurt you didn't ask for her opinion. That was reckless what you did and a stupid idea, and slowly they will drip it across that you shouldn't have done that. What do you know about buying a house? What is the current rate? Or... You could have been ripped off. Conned. That is why you must ask us!!! So I don't need to worry about what they think they are telling me. But I'd love to get your or someone's take on this. Of what my parents are trying to do, because I do know because of this I can't do anything without them which is stupid because I should, but at the risk of being irisponsible and seen as stupid it can sometimes stop me and I don't always feel good about myself
Just ignore everyone