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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ส.ค. 2024
- Do you have "the disease to please"? People pleasing syndrome refers to a person who has an emotional need to please others often at the expense of his or her own needs or desires. Though you may have good intentions, people pleasing is disrespectful to yourself and others because it is inauthentic. It does not allow others to know what you truly feel. It is also exhausting, depleting, and often un-rewarding. , to help you stop people pleasing, in this video, we will talk about what causes people pleasing and how to stop being a people pleaser.
Previously, we also made a video on the signs you may be a people pleaser: • 5 Signs You're a Peopl...
Writer: Sara Del Villar
Script Editor: Riley Lin
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
VO: Amanda Silvera
Animator: Anita (new animator)
TH-cam Manager: Cindy Cheong
References:
bit.ly/2Y15rmB
If you have any topic requests or stories to share with us, feel free to email us at editorial@psych2go.net
1. Validate yourself 1:15
2. Say no 2:05
3. Take time for yourself 2:40
4. Know where you're going 3:11
5. Remove toxic people from your life 3:42
6. Stop apologizing 4:11
I hope I could help! :)
I'm a time traveler too👀
Hello fellow time travelers 👀
Hello :)
Also ty 😁
Keep up the good work.
“When you say yes to others, make sure you arent saying no to yourself.”
-Paulo Coehlo
♥️♥️♥️
That's why I love Paulo Coelho ❤️
Love that author
@ HIXHAM Great advice. Thank you for this! 😊🥰❤️
So true!
“Slowly losing friends is a part of growing up. It’s ok to have less but real ones.” 🙏🏽
You got that right!
I agree. Nowadays, people like to take advantage of the gullible people pleasers to gain what they want, to manipulate and possess them.
thank uu
It’s ok to have less real friends than more fake ones.
True and there's only one person left now
"Putting your wants above someone's needs is selfish.Putting your needs above someone's wants is self-care."
Yeah it’s true. There is a fine line between unconsciously wielding power in a thoughtless and hurtful way ie ‘I’ll see you when I want!’ and compromise. It can be very upsetting when people close to you suddenly don’t appear to care about having friends, except when it suits them. In this case they are now simply using you, as and when it suits them. Diplomacy and considerate compromise goes a long way, whereas cruel rejection leaves damaged souls in its wake. People pleasers might need to take extra care, not to go to the other extreme and blame their previous agreeableness on the other person - especially if that person could never be considered toxic, was always open to compromise, but had never been made aware they were ever unwelcome in the first place.
Wow, that's actually pretty clever.
@@rosegladville1935 Thank you 😊
@@Timothymcshaw57438 I was talking about what avidha haldar said...no offence but I didn't read your comment. 😅
@@rosegladville1935 😂 Damn! I was hoping you were a ‘people pleaser!’ 😂 Seriously though, I wasn’t being a ‘narcissist’ (everything has a name these days!) 😂 It was only because it popped up in correspondence to my comment - technical glitch I guess.
When she said you’re just as important as anyone else, I cried
It's true should always keep it in mind :)
Love you ❤️
It tugged at my heart too. I have others in my life tell me the same thing but I find that I can't really soak it in to believe what they say. Sometimes, it hits hard when you least expect someone to say "you matter".
Mee
I felt that deep down.
I’ve been a people pleaser for as long as I can remember. I think part of it is from me being terrified of negative reactions/criticism and not being able to handle them well, so I end up doing what would make others happy to avoid it. I’ve tried getting better at prioritizing myself but it’s really hard…..I feel like my progress always gets reset when the slightest thing goes wrong. Plus my anxiety makes me imagine all kinds of scenarios where someone yells at me for doing something wrong….it’s a pain in the ass and I hate it.
I understand
Same here..
Yaa I can relate with you
It’s really hard to shake it, I completely relate. Therapy has helped, it takes time but it really is a great tool
Keep fighting and do not give up. I know it's hard but it's worth fighting for. Growth is never linear.
When I think about myself for 1 second over someone else, I feel selfish.
Any advice for someone in your shoes?
same
i feel the same. but now thinking about it I would say that it's okey to put yourself as a top priority sometimes, that does not make u a bad person. Of course it isn't very good being selfish, but sometimes giving some time to yourself can be really helpful.
Pretty sure there is a thick line between selfishness and self-consciousness 😁. I'm also feeling selfish of my ignorance toward others these days. But when I ask them, to my surprize, they totally understood.
It's just different when you're selfless in the first place I guess
Same
My father had a stupid saying:
"You decrease so that others can increase." It led me to do such things as bend over backwards for the wrong people.
You're right, that's stupid!
the thing is, they don't further explain their "sayings" *sigh. My parents too gave us advices tho some of them worked by 90% of it didn't. I just wished they explained it more rather than just saying their advice.
@@Moon_lulu This is so true. When I questioned my parents, I was told "just do what I tell you."
😂 What the heck?! Does he mean that you be "nice" to others by putting them a step forward than you?
@@princemichael9128 oh so truue :/
Some people are still mad at you because they failed at destroying you. They believe everything is a competition, and will try to sabotage anyone that they perceive as doing or achieving more than them. Be careful who you open up to. Not everyone has the same heart as you. Hope our channel can help you find yourself 🙏
Thank you for the reminder!
Wow facts. Thanks.
Sounds really like me comparing myself to too many people and can't stop anymore
Thank you 💗
@@Moon_lulu Pleasure!
My social anxiety causes me to worry a lot about the worst possible outcomes of saying "no" to others. It sucks because I end up being treated like a doormat 😢
Same! 😔
Hmm.. I dont have the best advice or qualifications to say that my advice is okay, but... Have you tried, perhaps, listing down all the outcomes you are thinking of on two pieces of paper, on the first one, begin to cross out the ones you wouldnt do, and the second, go through it with someone else you trust and are comfortable with, to see how many outcomes are just you worrying. I hope it helps you to gain confidence to say no ;;
same
I feel the same
Make the decision/choice non biased by using a completely random technique to make your response.. i.e. FLIP A COIN! you place accountability on chance rather than yourself & there's at least a 50/50 chance you'll get to say No rather than 100% chance of saying yes. 😊
I stop pleasing people by:
- Having no facebook since Dec 2020
- Doing what I love, and loving what I do
- I accept unfavorable circumstances
Good for you!! Keep it up 💕💕
Will write your list in my journal and work on it
Yep
Having no social media is a game changer! I haven’t had it for 5 years and I feel so much more peace.
Just words of advice: There is only one of you. Don’t change that rare personality to please someone you won’t spend a month with. And you should never have to give up anything that you need to please others! Burt Curtis out!
Interesting. Ever considered Who you will spend eternity with, and whether or not it would be a good idea to please Him? If you are not a believer in Yahshua (Jesus), if your faith is not in Him as your Lord and Savior, you are failing to please YHWH, the Almighty God.
There's going to be a SHTF moment soon. Be ready.
@@natashamudford4011 What I’m trying to say is literally take care of/be yourself.
@@WhyHeEepy
Ok, but you mentioned "a person you won't spend a month with," and that's why I brought up eternity. You will be spending eternity somewhere, with someone. These videos are very interesting, but they are very self-focused. I just wanted to take this opportunity to encourage you (and anyone else reading this) to be eternity focused. And there is a sense of urgency to my message. Don't wait.
@@natashamudford4011 tf are you on about? That already happened with COVID
@@GoldenMushroom64
Covid is a big cluster f*ck. It is a "pull-the-wool-over-their-eyes" moment, not a shtf moment.
Toxic people almost ruined my life completely. Im happy that i got them out of my life :D
Happy for you!
Better be alone or in a small circle than be around people who don't take me how i am. Im sooo done with that kinda person's or energy.. The same with a romantic relationship i want someone who really want me like they see me and want mine number or take me out. I want people to look at me as a gift not just a other energy/person. Amen 🙏⚡♥️♥️💯
👍👍
Yes! There is a huge difference between doing something out of generosity and sincere desire than obligation and need for approval 🙏
Well, my problem is that I can't distinguish whether I'm being genuine or if I'm just seeking approval
In my opinion, wanting to please someone in the sense that you want to make them happy even if you have to make some kind of a sacrifice can be genuine, too. Also, being sincerely altruistic doesn't make you immune to people who just want to use that for their own benefit and who ignore your feelings along the way. Speaking from personal experience 😅
While it's always best to be there for others because you truly want to, I think it's also important to keep in mind that there are people who will still appreciate and respect you even if you can't do something for them. On the other hand, there are people who won't actually appreciate you even if you help them, but will like keeping you around just because it's convenient for them. Those people only care about their own feelings and will gaslight you when you try to focus on taking care of yourself. I need to keep reminding myself this in order to stop that kind of people pleasing which leaves me hurt and manipulated by others, no matter how sincere that desire to help others might be.
So true !
I was a people pleaser when I was younger. I forgot that I had the power all along. I just didn't show it at the time. Gradually, I started to set boundaries and said no more often. I stopped apologizing as well. I cut off all the toxic people after graduating. I decided that I had enough, and I wasn't going to continue to be taken advantage of. I set boundaries. I know when to speak up and say no. I protect my boundaries. I know how to stand up for myself to prevent resentment from building up. Don't be so nice that others start to use your good nature against you.
Great job! Your the type of person I'd actually enjoy to please daily!
"learn to separate what others think about you from what you think about you"
i've been a people pleaser for so long i don't even know how to think for myself. every opinion i've had, i've made, has been based off what other people think. im an empath and that makes it even worse cause i constantly change myself to fit into peoples standards. the more i know someone, the more detailed this "persona" will get. i've kinda forgotten what it feels like to be myself so much so that i don't even know if i have my own personality anymore.
yeah same here tbh 😅
I feel this! I actually plan on talking with my therapist about this all today. I very much am someone who goes above and beyond for others and am an empathetic person. If the people in my life aren't happy I am not happy. If people in my life are sad I am sad, etc... I struggle to say no to the people I love out of fear of angering them and or being rejected or both or worse... I am on a path to be kinder to myself and find myself again. I come from a broken home myself and have dealt with physical and verbal abuse. I moved out at 17, I packed all my things into garbage bags and moved in with my grandparents and I have been here since. I am now 24 and have been diagnosed with autism and bipolar disorder as well as with anxiety and chronic depression. I take medication and am a big advocate for self love and just love in general. I always call out gaslighting and manipulation when I see it in play.
I firmly believe that everyone is deserving of love. I hope that any of you who are reading this can find the courage and respect to love yourselves and put yourselves first again as I am trying to do so. We need more people encouraging others rather than tearing them down! Much love to you all! Stay strong!
omg LITERALLY ME
i relate to this so badddd
People pleasing is so exhausting. Glad I can finally realize this and move on from it.
I have been a people pleaser since forever. Last year my teacher showed me a video like this one and said that I had several passive tendencies that she could help me move past. I didn’t think being a people pleaser was bad so I said that it wasn’t a problem. She asked me if I would sacrifice myself to save someone else and I said absolutely. Yesterday I lost a friend that had been taking advantage of me for 6 years and for some reason I feel like I’m in the wrong. Being a people pleaser is my addiction that I can’t get rid of and it’s killing me from the inside out.
Hi, just want to say that you deserve better self love than how you're loving yourself. There's no one else like you in the world, so please cherish yourself. I hope you can healthy way of dealing with other people. All the best
I grew up in a Christian home where I constantly felt like I had to act a certain way to keep my parents happy with me or to make sure they still loved me or was proud of me... now I know why I struggle with people pleasing so damn much. I'm on the journey to recovery. Peace!!
I didn’t realize being the peacemaker between my mom and sister would make me end up with this trait. Also didn’t help my parents only ever cared about me when I accomplished something.
oh my gosh! same here, now i understand how i got this trait. i was the constant peacemaker between my dad and brother growing up. now it all makes sense....
same except with all my friends, no matter the group, the person it was always me and they only cared about me when they either were lonely or needed something
Number 5 really hit home for me. If you’re in a situation where you are surrounded by toxic or negative people, don’t be afraid to step away. Don’t listen to anything negative they say to you. Also, look after yourself. Is there something you’ve wanted to do for a while, but were too nervous or scared to do? Do it.
Also, don’t think about the people trying to bring you down. Try to see the positive side in every situation. Change ‘I don’t have many friends’ to ‘I don’t need lots of friends, I just need a few really good ones’. The smallest things can make the biggest difference.
I don’t NEED to be liked, it’s almost like I dislike people so much that I’ll do anything for them to not bother me... basically bullying myself at this point. 😖
You put it into words!😱
Do you know someone who is a people pleaser? Comment below ;)
Hm idk....
Edit: oh wait I think I might be a pleaser... (idk)
But I don’t really try to ask people for help when I’m struggling
me
I am one
...me😔😅🤚🥺
Myself and it's so draining but i do it unconsciously😪
I’ve always been a people pleaser, it’s like embedded in my brain. For me saying no makes my heart drop, it makes me feel like I’m taking away from that person, so it’s really hard to say no. I’ll try to say no and with this channel I might get through it. Pray for me guys
Another tip i heard: say thank you instead of apologizing
For example "thank you for listening to me" instead of "i'm sorry i spam you so much". It changes perspective!
I’m going to stop being a people pleaser and I’ll prioritize myself more often.
Yesss!!!! Im so proud of uuuu!!! U can do it!!!
Amen. I'm rooting for you!
for so long I've mostly said and done things that would make others happy. I always told others and myself that if they are happy, I am happy. I always tried being an uplifter for people and I never wanted to be the reason someone felt sad or any sort of inconvenience. watching this made me realize how much of myself I have put off for the sake of other's happiness. I never really cared much for myself or my well being and mostly just focused on how to make others feel good. I'm still learning and working towards improving myself and finding who I am, but I just wanted to say thank you for helping me recognize my habits. Thank you psych2go
my people pleasing behaviour is because of child hood trauma , emotional neglect , comparing my self with others , people's criticism, and my sensitive nature 😓
AMEN! Same here. Grew up feeling like I was never enough unless I bent over backwards to try to earn love from family. I try still goes on, but maybe if we tell ourselves that we’re enough and important, then maybe eventually we’ll learn we don’t need to give ourselves away to be valued by others? Maybe 🤔??
*Ha, um, just got told I'm a people pleaser, then this video shows up. I'm terrified.*
“remove toxic people from your life” oh so, basically my whole family?
both of my parents are toxic.. especially my mom. I really wanted to go outside the house, and breath fresh air...
Same problem here. My mother won't let me do any of those things the video mentioned
@@Moon_lulu Samee, but stay strong, you're amazing ❤
It's hard for teens and young kids but as an adult learn and do not repeat.
☹️
I've started to slowly accept the fact there is alwasy going to be one person that dislikes you for no reason. So why bother stress over it. Its taken me a really long time to accept that but I am learning a lot as I get older.
I had a great childhood, I just had a rough teenage experience due to a series of poor decisions. I've struggled with people pleasing for 15+ years. My biggest desire is to end this terrible cycle for good. I'm working towards it each day, one day at a time.
🦋
I am a people pleaser... A friend pointed it out recently. It was absolutely serial watching this as I tick every box especially apologizing unnecessarily. I am definitely going to practice these steps and I've already started when I realised that I have a problem it has made me aware of myself. Honestly amazing.
I have been a people pleaser all my life. And I started realising it now. Earlier I just to believe it was ok, it was necessary to keep others first because otherwise they will not accept me. But now are started realising that it wasn't like that. I think for others, they become happy, just one mistake or just once if I want to think about myself, they start calling me selfish. I have given away my self respect, confidence, mental health, to please other who are never satisfied. No matter what you do for others, they are still gonna talk behind your back. I don't know how to say no. If someone is harming me, and I know it, I still don't wanna hurt that person the same way and continue let them hurt me. I am so tired of all this now. I have given away my life and priorities to satisfy those people who'll never become happy. Maybe because I was taught this way from childhood that prioritising yourself is selfish. And now I have become a people pleaser and now my parents wonder why I never care about myself or speak for myself😔
Love the calming voice of the narrator! Removing toxic people is one of the keys to stop people pleasing - if the toxic person is not in your life, you don't have to worry about people pleasing them!
being a people pleaser is sometimes mentally exhausting. I didn't choose to be a people pleaser but I am one and the hardest thing is the people you please don't even care about you in any way.
by the end of this year, we all need to stop people-pleasing asap
hope yall great,thank you Psycho2Go
I used to be a hardcore people pleaser. Your words : "the people you please don't even care about you in any way" has become my standard now when to stop pleasing the wrong people. I use that energy on myself or to people who truly appreciate me instead. Hope you're getting better.
@@miirasaika6437 yeah we should give love to the people who love us :)
yeah im getting better,hope you are doingg fine
I definitely grew up with a caretaker who didn’t care about me unless I had an accomplishment, did well in school, etc and I was CONSTANTLY trying to make them proud. Of course nothing I did was ever enough ans now I have that people pleasing trait
Are you bringing this to life in therapy? This was something I too worked on...well continue to improve
@@tommygunn6901 yess I’m working on it!!!
@@SamElle great to hear! It's like a never ending nightmare when you try to accomplish everything, make everyone proud, yet some will just make you feel it wasn't good enough. Even when I became a Marine, it still wasn't good enough for my family. Hell, to this day, they don't even know I'm close to getting my Bachelor's degree
@@tommygunn6901 You were a Marine and they were meh about it? That's awful! Unfortunately, sometimes one's family is not the loving, supportive entity it should be, and you need to walk away. Congrats on your future degree and thank you for your service!
@@joanhoffman3702 not one person thought I could do it! The second they found out, they just couldn't admit they were wrong. The knew they underestimated me. Hell even now that I'm closing in on a bachelor's degree, they just show up when I'm successful, never cared to ask how school is going or whatever...SUNSHINE FANS is all they are
Definitely needed this for a refresher, since sometimes I fall back on old habits 😅
There's no doubt that this channel has helped a lot of people. God bless, stay healthy!
I have NEVER once cared for myself. I had to start caring for my dad at a very young age due to his alcoholism. And I was always the outcast from everyone and wanted to please them to like me. It never worked. Ugh.
I'm a huge people-pleaser and it's stronger than me. Recently, I started living with my friends and I'm so tired because I'm the only person that cleans, does laundry or cooks, I sometimes cook even for 5 people and I can't even cook well. I don't know how to stop it, sometimes I'm sooo tired and have no power to clean or do one more thing but I still do it
Hi Julianna! It sounds like your love language might be acts of service, which is a beautiful thing! Be sure to place some boundaries to conserve your energy. Your friends might think you enjoy doing these things, and quite frankly - it is rare that someone will question or stop someone from doing chores. I am a people pleaser, too!
Fun fact: most of Psych2go's viewers are introvert 👉💌👈
That's kind of true of majority on TH-cam!
Im a extrovert :P
Im an ambivert
@@eletgres519 cool ^_^
@@Psych2go I knew it!💖
I’m going to challenge myself to be less of a people pleaser and instead be more of myself.
Growing up I was definitely the one always trying to keep the peace, and it was so emotionally draining.
Since I got to college I’ve been trying to be more open about who I am and not what others want me to be, but it’s been hard to break the habit and be myself when I hardly know who I really am.
But it’s worth all of the trying and learning once I look back and see my improvement.
Videos like this r so encouraging and I love the practical help they give, thank u! ☺️
HELLO TIME TRAVELERS :D
although it isnt neccessary to time travel, please become a member
Oh..
Good advice. I struggle with this issue so I need to try this. Thank you for the advice! 😄
POV: You are seeing time travelers
I remember clearly as a child saying straight up "No." To other ppl & they would always persuade me into thinking that I should be more polite or open to what they ask.
The only ppl that I could never say no to was my family, it's been a long journey & 50% says no & 50% says yes.
It's a long journey that the Lord has helped me w/ in the short span of 2yrs. I'm here w/ God ready to stop ppl pleasing 💟✝️
5:15 "Stop seeking your worth from others and learn to live free of other people's expectations" Thank you for this reminder.
I feel like I’ve improved a lot since childhood, but I still feel internally guilty/egoistic for standing up for myself.
Yo psych... I just wanna say thank you for all the help you've given me over the last year... It was the time I've gotten into my first relationship and all of your videos really helped all the way until today. Your channel is a lifesaver and it's really one of my fav channels. I know you're gonna keep it up and I'm glad :)
this is a tough one...been this way, most of my life...self respect comes first...when people see that within you...that's when they start to respect and validate you and your opinion and decisions...so true...♡♡
Likewise dear.
For me it is simple:
Just starting caring for yourself and you see how bad you are trying to please everyone.
Now I only use it on occasion. I am an empath, enfj specifically. So my life goal is to get everyone to the best version of themselves. My goal in life to help people wherever possible to make this blue marble a better place. I leave my footprint behind on all souls. Even if I were to die, I will still be part of life for a lot of people. I am a way of living. I changed bullies into good people, the bullied into happy people, anxious people into confident people, sad into happy.
And I’m only 16!
This was actually one of my biggest problem..I always want to please people so that they'll like me like I can't say no when someone want me to do something that I don't really want to do...Now I'm trying to do all this things and hoping this will change myself and learn to love myself💗
YES finally i have attained time travel
H o w
TELL ME YOUR SECRET
What the hell..
Four days?!
@@user-eh3vn1qg6b the ppl who like pay to be members of the channel
Being late and not applogizing for it is wrong. Excessively applogizing after you expressed that you're running late and clearly described the unforseen circumstances to it is people pleasing. There is a fine line and one needs to practice to avoid people pleasing without being rude or unconsiderate.
Regarding self-validation: It can often be helpful, and even enlightening, to engage in self-dialogue. It's kind of awkward at first admittedly, but when you get used to essentially getting to know yourself, you can more easily pick out the things about yourself that you like. One thing my therapist possibly unintentionally taught me is that you have to be your own best friend. The sayings go "You are your own worst critic" and "You are your own worst enemy", and the saddening thing is for a lot of people, it's true. Changing your perception of yourself can lead to a noticeable impact in many areas of your life. It's pretty strange to think about.
Have I achieved the time travel? ALAS
Yes
wtf
😂😂
What-
😦
Definitely something I needed to watch as I turn a new corner in my life.
Every time my life becomes more fragile my go to is people pleasing and I lose myself completely. Confusion is one of the hardest to battle. The way back is hard.
At my former church I people pleased a lot and did a lot of "helpful" things at the expense of my energy and well being. When I finally started to say no and decline helping out cause I didn't want to do too much...they would laugh at me and say "I'll see you there"...then when I didn't show up or sign on to help they would try to get me to help, then couldn't believe I was serious then got angry! They would end with "You'll be back, just watch." But I didn't and I felt SO much better that I was doing more of what I wanted! =) (I've left that church, btw)
I thought I stopped being a people pleaser when i was able to cut all toxic people from my life, learned to say no and stopped apologising, but since getting my first real job where I work alone and without a supervisor (i sell ice cream) I've found myself having to deal with customers who don't respect my authority when I tell them to wear a mask and personally attack me. It's come to the point where I've had panic attacks at work because I can't stand being made into a bad person. I don't know what to do, it feels like there's no way to control it and it's made me dislike my job just because I have so many regulars which means i have to serve people who have called me rude every day. I'm able to set boundaries and say no in my personal life, but at work or with strangers in general i really struggle.
I struggled with this for a long time, and I still am. I sometimes actually wonder if I was like majority of people who’re into all these pop culture stuff, maybe I’ll have more friends. It even got to a point where I had to just stop myself because I caught myself going above and beyond just to be liked and or fit in.
I’ve been in a community for 6 years, but never was good enough for the majority of it.
Most people were rude and criticizing me for literally all my interests. I rejoined over 30 times to try to impress and gain their approval.
I do have friends there who support me, but I barely could be relevant in convos.
My experience would probably be, I finally muster up the courage to do something for myself. A little treat like going to see a movie or go on a shopping trip. I'm ready to finally have a day for me...and then, someone asks for help and I just...cave in.
And these are good people I'm talking about. Friends, family, work colleagues, who would almost certainly understand if I said no. But I just get this compulsion to put myself second. And, it hurts. It honestly sucks because I was so happy and excited for that Day Out and I cancel it because I wasn't brave enough to risk a conflict that either wouldn't happen or wouldn't have been as bad as I thought it would be.
I've always been a bit of a peacekeeper. I don't like fights and I wanted people to like me or at least not be mad at me.
But, identifying it is the first step towards getting better and, this vid has helped. At this point, I'd honestly rather deal with a conflict than feel like this every time I turn myself down for the sake of keeping up appearances.
Yes. I know someone who is a pleaser.
This video helps a lot!
🙏🏼
To be honest. Ever since this lockdown there really havent been many "people" to "please" lately
lol isn't that good news for you? Now you can focus that people-pleasing energy on yourself and transform into a healthier version of you :)
@@miirasaika6437 nah not rlly. I was nvr rlly much of a "ppl pleaser" to begin with so I wasn't actually very concerned with that. At this point I just miss my friends. We're nearly a year into quarantine now and I'm kind of sick of only having myself to think abt. Feels like I'm missing out on life.
Basically there were moments of my life when I just wanted to be useful to someone so I can stop feeling worthless. I often think that I am stupid, ugly, friendless and most importantly- a bad person. Helping others helped me to feel a little bit better, but over time I became obsessed with helping people to the point where I didn't do anything for me at all...
I was such a people pleaser, just like a week ago.
But then I realized something. If I keep pleasing the toxic people, it won’t be worth it.
So I’m planning to stop. Because from when I thought of that, I finally felt that I found my dream on Earth!
I want to make it come true someday, by the power of God! 🤩
I pleased them for years. Not because I really wanted to.
But the reasons are:
- My big kindness
- I love to help
- I felt good
But at the same time, I could feel those too:
- Saying *NO:* Regretting if I didn’t help (For a moment)
- I could feel bad too, because of the toxic people I’ve pleased (Because they don’t appreciate me enough. They were a user)
*- That’s it? Can’t remember.*
Example of 2 toxic people in my life:
- My older sister
- One of my cousins (It’s a boy)
If I didn’t help my cousin just like about 1 year ago, _(He never came to visit my family again for now)_ he would say “Please” a lot. And if it didn’t work, then he would say “I will be mad at you.”
*Now my sister.*
(Started from 2018-2019, from as I remember, to be more of a toxic person)
If I didn’t help her:
- Getting angry at me
- Starting to rise her voice
- Saying bad words and/or hitting me
*- Putting me down*
*See? That’s how people manipulate and abuse us. Don’t listen to people like this! I’m begging you. My life wasn’t worth it for them. Still it isn’t.*
I know my cousin didn’t change at all.
Maybe more of a toxic person, now.
Example:
- My sister told our mother that he smokes. And then she told our mother again, to not tell our cousin’s mother
- Our mother did
- My cousin got mad, so he started to say bad words to my sister (Texting her)
- From as my sister said, our cousin’s cousin, *(K ._.)* came to her and started fighting with her in *PUBLIC*
⚠️ *I just realized something again. My cousin isn’t my cousin. He’s my nephew. He’s more older than me, but I’m still his aunt.*
*My family liked to call him, our cousin. So that’s why we call him, cousin.* ⚠️
But I thought of something. 🤔
People say “Have respect for the older one’s.”
Well. I guess it’s like:
- The gender and ages don’t matter
- If you’re young, and your rank is higher than someone older than you, it means she or he must respect you
*I think it’s this way.*
Well. He (nephew) didn’t respect me at all.
He just used me.
*But worser is my sister...*
This is one of the things I can't stop...
like I can't
at all
*Hello guys! Hope you all have a great day, though I dont know you, and the art style is so cute-*
Thanks for the support!
@@Psych2go np
I don't really know why I seek validation from others. It's like I think that when other people are happy with me, I'll be happy. I've been forced to be the good girl since I was young (I never met my parents' expectations though) and it has been ingrained into my brain. So I started to be nice to people even at my own expense. But I'm starting to change, starting to understand that what people think of me is not me. I am what I am no matter whoever differs in opinion. I still crave for praises then and there, but I hope I can be free from basing my happiness on other people 😭
I have been a people pleaser all of my life. It’s probably in my nature because I’m an only child and my whole life has been about satisfying my parents’s needs. I have always been hypersensitive to what other people think about how I present myself and the decisions I make. It has majorly damaged me socially. Even though a big part of me doesn’t really care, I feel very lonely. Thanks to videos like this, I can carry on my life understanding that I am not alone and I can’t satisfy everyone all the time. I know myself and no one else knows me like me.
But I just want to keep people happy...even if it means not being happy...
I guess you need to ask yourself why is that, in healthy relationships you give up somethings but also have boundaries, so does the other person, people who truly love you are not going to be happy if you're not happy too, just as you're not happy when the people you love are unhappy, there's a difference between being selfless and being dependent of other people's validation, hope that helps 😊💙
You can never give anyone true happiness when you are not happy yourself😁
It's not necessary that you are a people pleaser then..You might just love making people happy
I hear you loud and clear, don't you worry. You're not the only one feelin that way
Same
When it said to stop apologizing i literally said "I don't think I can, im sorry". I then realized what I just did. I don't know how stop even when I'm talking to myself....
I have definitely been a people pleaser, and still can be at times. It started as a kid, partly from bullying, and partly trying to overcompensate for my volatile; violent temper. Nowadays, it's more an attempt to draw negative attention away from me, because I don't really fit in at work. I tend to fight it by refusing to do things that go against my goals, or moral standards. Great video, and keep up the wonderful work 😊
Used to pride myself in being a super-friendly person not realizing I was so happy, open and willing to others because I was afraid if I didn't have this uplifting personality and say "yeah, sure ofcourse I can" to everything it would create a beef and they wouldn't like me anymore, probably tell others how awful I am. If someone stops liking you because you don't want to do something for them or have boundaries they're not a person to call company.
It just feels like nobody cares
Like actually, nobody cares how you feel
And people-pleasing is being ok with that
Damn Pysch2go be more supportive than myself, my friends, my family! Thank u so much
Same mate
@@deejasart7766 ayyy ur not alone lol
@@fatematharoo7537 I’m depressed a lot so : (
@@deejasart7766 ayyyyy again ur not alone 🥲
We are your family :0
I have always been a people pleaser… I had to quit my job as a waiter to get sober. I’ll be one year completely sober, April 10th, 2023. Best decisions I’ve made in my adult life. I now look within myself more often for validation. Although I still struggle with anxiety, relationships and other things, I now see myself as more than capable of being a responsible adult. I don’t stretch myself too thin, much anymore. I’m moved out of my parents house now and signing up for Hospitality Management at a college close to where I live. Gratitude is for everyone, but I deserve full credit, to and from myself.
Thank you this helped me, I just had a bad day today because my friend made me go against my values I thought it was alright because she needs me and as a friend I need to be by her side, but no it was definitely wrong. I should have prioritized myself regardless of what she say and I am not selfish for choosing myself.
"Stop apologizing" my British Brain does not comprehend...
"Remove toxic people from your Life"
99% of the People: Parents. 😂
Please yourself first! Always be your #1 priority.
wow, today I was more aware that I comply with the signs of "people-pleaser" and then you come and upload this... thank you, I will try to improve.
(sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my native language and I still need to learn more).
Your English is really good!! Don't doubt yourself so much! 😊 The only thing I noticed is that I wouldn't personally use the word "comply" in that instance-- but it's not incorrect, just a personal preference =^-^= Everyone has their own preference and way of using language to express themselves, so continue to find what works for you! 🙂 You seem to be doing great so far!
Out of curiosity, what is your native language? 😊
@@sakuraRyn Thank you, I try to do my best
Why did this notification popped up AS I AM DOING THE THING IT SAYS NOT TO!!
An angel is trying to tell you something.
🤣🤣🤣 Okay but I actually wheezed from the irony of this, aww QwQ I hope you're able to break the habit soon, internet stranger! Stay strong, and know that you're worth the effort! :)
I'm definitely a person who apologizes... a lot. Almost to an unhealthy degree.
There's nothing wrong with being a people pleaser, just do it genuinely!
Sometimes, you're doing something just not because you want something from them, but bc your family, your kids can get some benefits from what you did for ppl.
Again, do it genuinely.
Being nice can almost get you anything you want from your enemies.
Just do it genuinely
I did people pleasing when I was young, and it effected me a lot in my life. I always insist on doing stuff for people, and say sorry too much. I feel like I can’t do anything and my confidence level is very low. Don’t try people pleasing please.
I feel that way
Lol! sorry it rained, that’s a whole different level of people pleasing
Why is this video only has 21 views even though it's been 2 days? Is my TH-cam broken?
No you have become a time traveller
I just gotten it now, so I must of been a serious time traveler
The Russians
They always say self love but it is so hard to love yourself especially nowadays
im boarding, and my roommate is a very, toxic, person. she is always like eating my food and saying "you bought these to share right?" and i cant even eat or use her stuff cuz she will say "no those are 'off limits'". I hate being like this, im a people pleaser, but i still want to be nice, and this video really helped me. thanks.
hiii! could you please do a video on gender dysphoria and/or emotional dependency? ive been struggling with these issues recently and psych2go has always helped me! thank you
Definitely can relate.
Hello internet stranger, I just want to say I really hope you're able to find peace with yourself and have healthy support sooner rather than later! You don't need anything to validate who you are; you *are* valid, your existence is valid, and being who you truly are is what will allow you to have the best life, no matter what others may think of you. ❤ Keep being strong, and keep existing. The world is resistant to change, but our fights to exist now will only bring about a better future for the next generation of people who will face the same issues 🙂 That's how I see it at least. I hope this perspective helps, even if only a little 😊
@@sakuraRyn thank you!! i wish the same for you :D
Who believes that you're going to find the right balance between pleasing others and getting pleased by others?🙏
i have just recently noticed how i have a major people pleasing problem and that affects me hard even tho i dont see people often. but it affects me with major stress just from mentally thinking all the time i should "help the world" even tho there is this awful feeling that comes with those thoughts.
i think its from my dad who conditioned me hard to disregard feelings and put thinking and logic over it at all cost. ive even been meditating and tried to be conscious for about a decade now. and i just realized my ibs comes from this, the pain always flares up when im in this fear state that stems from putting other things above myself out of poor self value
Now I realize my family and my parents are the main reason I grew into a people pleaser.
Sorry I can’t kick my toxic person out of my life cos she lives in my head
It’s my own mind if you didn’t get it
This video is so helpful ❤️ Please do make more videos like this to help overcome other issues as well 🙏🏼 Knowing how to overcome the issues are as important as identifying the underlying issues a person has.
Already a whole year practicing to not people pleasing EVER again. Lost many but gain much more. At least now I'm starting to feel like myself again.. after so many years.
This was so soothing. I'd love a video where you just talked to the viewer about how worthy of love and happiness they are.