Great job!!! Self-government is always contagious. :) This course will give you all the words to say and the calmness help you need to master yourself and help the children in the hard situations. teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I am that passive aggresive person. And occasionally it explodes and i feel just like your foster daughter. I just bought your kids books and parenting a house united and am trying to help my preschool son, who is much like me and very strong willed. Realizing i need to learn these skills for myself if i want my child to learn them.
My favorite memory from my 6 years in foster care was this time that one other foster child finally reached his breaking point, went into a rage and hulk smashed the entire family room. I never had the guts to do that so I lived vicariously through that little boy. That foster family closed their home the next day which was for the best since they were terrible foster parents. But I think your type of advice is what leads to that happening. The reason that little boy smashed up that living room was the lack of being heard. I internalized everything rather than exploding with anger, but I still hated every one of my foster parents and wish I could have raged at them. None of them wanted to deal with understanding why we were angry. They only wanted us to put on a happy face and pretend everything was ok. But it wasn't. Unless you deal with the fact that kids are angry, kids will keep smashing things.
My little one had a brain injury when he was close to 2. I am thinking that causes his anger. He was so happy and loving before the injury then overnight he changed. Thank you for sharing. I want to make sure I am equipped to help him manage his anger.
I think the hardest part is the script…. I need the script of what to say and when to little kids… im gonna try and piece it outta the videos. Also gonna work on writing the 4 skills out on cards to work on in Homeschool. From what we have worked on over the last year there has been a ton of improvement but i think i and my husband need the script. It would sure help us stay calmer
Hi Jennifer! I give lots of detailed scripts in my online TSG Parenting Course. If you're looking for the best way to implement what you're seeing on the videos, that would be one of the best ways. Here's a link with more information, in case you're interested: teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
Ok I’ve watched your videos and bought your book and seen that episode of those British teens… and wish my kids could spend a week at your family’s house, too! If we weren’t in the process of moving cross country and finally selling our ok’d home and trading in for our forever home, I’d take your online course with my husband but he needs all his time off to help get our things out of storage… but we’ll sign up for the next round! Our home has become so filled with animosity, it’s just easier to put everyone on their own entertainment screen than spend time together. And that doesn’t breed better relationships. Duh! 🙄 So, I’m willing to learn and get open minded and work on my patience… and practice self government as a parent so I can model it and teach it to my kids. M 3/4 kids are currently living with us (one is not a kid anymore and stayed in the ok’d state for school and work) : a 9y/o, just turned 6 y/o special needs, and just turned 5 y/o. The 6 y/o learned not to hit, kick, bite etc before preschool, but has returned to those physical tantrums and uses them against Mom almost every day. Not sure why. But have suspicions… Just trying to make sure he doesn’t try to steal my push-button SUV (life sized, not PowerWheels) is challenge enough as an example. When I pull him out for everybody’s safety, he kicks, hits, scratches, and bites me. He screams “You’re not my mom” (he’s the only one I didn’t c-section, and was my fave birth but also the riskiest and earned him some brain developement issues unfortunately). He recently learned the words for body parts at school and now tells me he’ll “punch [me] in the breast” anytime I say “no” to him or he doesn’t get what he wants. I’m beside myself. It’s beyond normal tantrums. Now his little brother has begun following suit, threatening to cut my head off with a knife any time I say it’s time to change from jammies to play clothes. Um. Where have I gone wrong and how do I get back on track?
Wowzers! Look at you guys go! The nice about my online TSG Parenting Course is that you can buy it whenever and work on it at your own pace. Once you buy it, you have it for a lifetime. I know of many couples who watch one video each night and have a short discussion about it before bed. That way, they're always on the same page and have some connection and bonding time together as well. I hope you can get into it soon! teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ About your question: The full answer to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
@@TeachingSelfGovernment thank you! We have been on wait lists for other forms of counseling and had done Parenting With Love and Logic when we just had our 2nd, before the other 2 came along. I feel bad for just focusing on the negative with my last comment. I was in the moment of despair when I reached out. Usually they are great children, a parents' dream. Each has challenges but each also has unique super traits. One is amazingly strong, one is wildly creative and friendly, another is very smart plus dedicated to his dream of becoming am author which is fostering his drive fo learn to read. They all love to make us and each other laugh and can light up a room with their presence. Most of the time we feel very blessed... But certain moments come almost every day now that I just feel beside myself. I don't know where they get this stuff... And I feel scared if my now 6 y/o is still trying to beat me up when he turns 16. The communicating only when calm rule is already helping. Thank you! Will sign up for the online while we wait on the list for further counseling. Bless you for putting this together. So thrilled to learn how to create a peaceful presence in our home that is more comforting than combative. Grateful for you, Sister in Christ. Thanks!
I’m loving your information. I’m just confused about how you say anger is a habit. Isn’t anger an emotion and shouldn’t it be looked at as all emotions are ok to have? But it’s how we process/ or express that emotion that maybe appropriate or inappropriate ? For example, With my 2 year old twins, I do say, “ it’s ok to be upset but it’s not ok to hit”. So this is where I’m a little confused. Ty
Anger is a bit different from other emotions because it is more like a veil, a shell, a protective mechanism. Anger is a “directed” emotion - either outwardly or inwardly. We don’t feel sad AT somebody, but we do feel ANGRY at somebody. “Upset” is different from anger. Upset implies you are sad or otherwise dysregulated. Using the word upset is good because it implies that the situation is under the persons control, they merely need to become “set” again, whereas anger externalizes the causes, which is not helpful. Another difference is that anger is actually “generated” - its an emotion that we choose to create within ourselves based on a story in our minds. When we generate anger, we are actually generating a toxic biochemical called cortisol. When we choose to be angry, it is like poisoning ourselves and expecting somebody else to die. Hopefully these statements have helped clarify things for you! Do respond if you would like to know more. Best of luck raising your little geniuses!
That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ You can also look into my online TSG Parenting Course, which guides you through creating a foundation for a self-governing family and teaching skills and principles to promote logical thinking and calm, happy interactions. teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope this helps!
Dear Nicholeen- greetings from Slovakia, Europe - I want to thank you for your work. I want to ask you how should I teach my children to differentiate between the motivators and motivators which are bribes - how to present it to the child becuase ven I do not get it properly as a parent where is the difference .... how should I communicate it? Thank you !
Hello, Lucia! That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
I have a 4 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. My problem is I always do power struggle every time he’s sleepy especially right after kinder school. It really drained me a lot especially when I can’t control myself and do something unpleasant to him . Please help me ma’am nicholeen.
You can try practicing meditation 10 minutes in the morning and before bed, and 5 minutes before picking him up from school. That way you can show up as a calming, loving presence
Yes, it does. I have multiple videos addressing autism and how to use Self-Government with it. Here are a couple links to those videos: th-cam.com/video/0xoRfsicy7E/w-d-xo.html th-cam.com/video/Hjdd1pDPBEk/w-d-xo.html I hope this helps!
😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 g r r r r r I cannot believe this did I have to watch this video about the anger management this is not what I accept for I have to remove this video and try again later!
I'm sorry you're still upset! Hopefully you can learn how to be calm and get some more skills under your belt! Here's the link, in case you want it: teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/ I hope this helps!
Anger is a struggle for me as an adult, I'm learning these things for myself so I don't keep passing on bad habits to my children.
Great job!!! Self-government is always contagious. :) This course will give you all the words to say and the calmness help you need to master yourself and help the children in the hard situations. teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I need this video more than my child. Can’t teach skills to someone that I need to learn myself ❤thank you for your videos
100% truth, right there! I love that you're internalizing these things for yourself!
I am working accepting “No answers.”
So good, and so hard! Wish I had learned these in my youth. Thank you Nicoleen!!
It's hard but you can do it Ashley
I am that passive aggresive person. And occasionally it explodes and i feel just like your foster daughter. I just bought your kids books and parenting a house united and am trying to help my preschool son, who is much like me and very strong willed. Realizing i need to learn these skills for myself if i want my child to learn them.
My favorite memory from my 6 years in foster care was this time that one other foster child finally reached his breaking point, went into a rage and hulk smashed the entire family room. I never had the guts to do that so I lived vicariously through that little boy. That foster family closed their home the next day which was for the best since they were terrible foster parents. But I think your type of advice is what leads to that happening. The reason that little boy smashed up that living room was the lack of being heard. I internalized everything rather than exploding with anger, but I still hated every one of my foster parents and wish I could have raged at them. None of them wanted to deal with understanding why we were angry. They only wanted us to put on a happy face and pretend everything was ok. But it wasn't. Unless you deal with the fact that kids are angry, kids will keep smashing things.
What about ODD and or PDA?
My little one had a brain injury when he was close to 2. I am thinking that causes his anger. He was so happy and loving before the injury then overnight he changed. Thank you for sharing. I want to make sure I am equipped to help him manage his anger.
If he has a brain injury, perhaps he acts angry because he is in pain
I think the hardest part is the script…. I need the script of what to say and when to little kids… im gonna try and piece it outta the videos. Also gonna work on writing the 4 skills out on cards to work on in Homeschool. From what we have worked on over the last year there has been a ton of improvement but i think i and my husband need the script. It would sure help us stay calmer
Hi Jennifer! I give lots of detailed scripts in my online TSG Parenting Course. If you're looking for the best way to implement what you're seeing on the videos, that would be one of the best ways. Here's a link with more information, in case you're interested: teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
So thankful for this!!!!!!!!
Thanks
Ok I’ve watched your videos and bought your book and seen that episode of those British teens… and wish my kids could spend a week at your family’s house, too!
If we weren’t in the process of moving cross country and finally selling our ok’d home and trading in for our forever home, I’d take your online course with my husband but he needs all his time off to help get our things out of storage… but we’ll sign up for the next round!
Our home has become so filled with animosity, it’s just easier to put everyone on their own entertainment screen than spend time together. And that doesn’t breed better relationships. Duh! 🙄
So, I’m willing to learn and get open minded and work on my patience… and practice self government as a parent so I can model it and teach it to my kids. M
3/4 kids are currently living with us (one is not a kid anymore and stayed in the ok’d state for school and work) : a 9y/o, just turned 6 y/o special needs, and just turned 5 y/o.
The 6 y/o learned not to hit, kick, bite etc before preschool, but has returned to those physical tantrums and uses them against Mom almost every day. Not sure why. But have suspicions…
Just trying to make sure he doesn’t try to steal my push-button SUV (life sized, not PowerWheels) is challenge enough as an example.
When I pull him out for everybody’s safety, he kicks, hits, scratches, and bites me. He screams “You’re not my mom” (he’s the only one I didn’t c-section, and was my fave birth but also the riskiest and earned him some brain developement issues unfortunately).
He recently learned the words for body parts at school and now tells me he’ll “punch [me] in the breast” anytime I say “no” to him or he doesn’t get what he wants.
I’m beside myself. It’s beyond normal tantrums.
Now his little brother has begun following suit, threatening to cut my head off with a knife any time I say it’s time to change from jammies to play clothes.
Um. Where have I gone wrong and how do I get back on track?
Wowzers! Look at you guys go!
The nice about my online TSG Parenting Course is that you can buy it whenever and work on it at your own pace. Once you buy it, you have it for a lifetime. I know of many couples who watch one video each night and have a short discussion about it before bed. That way, they're always on the same page and have some connection and bonding time together as well. I hope you can get into it soon!
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
About your question: The full answer to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
@@TeachingSelfGovernment thank you! We have been on wait lists for other forms of counseling and had done Parenting With Love and Logic when we just had our 2nd, before the other 2 came along.
I feel bad for just focusing on the negative with my last comment. I was in the moment of despair when I reached out.
Usually they are great children, a parents' dream. Each has challenges but each also has unique super traits. One is amazingly strong, one is wildly creative and friendly, another is very smart plus dedicated to his dream of becoming am author which is fostering his drive fo learn to read.
They all love to make us and each other laugh and can light up a room with their presence.
Most of the time we feel very blessed... But certain moments come almost every day now that I just feel beside myself. I don't know where they get this stuff... And I feel scared if my now 6 y/o is still trying to beat me up when he turns 16.
The communicating only when calm rule is already helping.
Thank you! Will sign up for the online while we wait on the list for further counseling.
Bless you for putting this together. So thrilled to learn how to create a peaceful presence in our home that is more comforting than combative. Grateful for you, Sister in Christ. Thanks!
I’m loving your information. I’m just confused about how you say anger is a habit. Isn’t anger an emotion and shouldn’t it be looked at as all emotions are ok to have? But it’s how we process/ or express that emotion that maybe appropriate or inappropriate ?
For example, With my 2 year old twins, I do say, “ it’s ok to be upset but it’s not ok to hit”.
So this is where I’m a little confused. Ty
Anger is a bit different from other emotions because it is more like a veil, a shell, a protective mechanism. Anger is a “directed” emotion - either outwardly or inwardly. We don’t feel sad AT somebody, but we do feel ANGRY at somebody.
“Upset” is different from anger. Upset implies you are sad or otherwise dysregulated. Using the word upset is good because it implies that the situation is under the persons control, they merely need to become “set” again, whereas anger externalizes the causes, which is not helpful.
Another difference is that anger is actually “generated” - its an emotion that we choose to create within ourselves based on a story in our minds. When we generate anger, we are actually generating a toxic biochemical called cortisol. When we choose to be angry, it is like poisoning ourselves and expecting somebody else to die.
Hopefully these statements have helped clarify things for you! Do respond if you would like to know more. Best of luck raising your little geniuses!
That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
You can also look into my online TSG Parenting Course, which guides you through creating a foundation for a self-governing family and teaching skills and principles to promote logical thinking and calm, happy interactions.
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I hope this helps!
Where do I find the rule of 3 that you mentioned?
It’s in her book
Dear Nicholeen- greetings from Slovakia, Europe - I want to thank you for your work. I want to ask you how should I teach my children to differentiate between the motivators and motivators which are bribes - how to present it to the child becuase ven I do not get it properly as a parent where is the difference .... how should I communicate it? Thank you !
Hello, Lucia! That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
What if the child throws and hits the wall in the calm down spot 5yr old? Do you just ignore that or is there something else I can do? Thank you
Maybe the child needs to sit with you in order to calm down.
That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
I have a 4 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. My problem is I always do power struggle every time he’s sleepy especially right after kinder school. It really drained me a lot especially when I can’t control myself and do something unpleasant to him . Please help me ma’am nicholeen.
You can try practicing meditation 10 minutes in the morning and before bed, and 5 minutes before picking him up from school. That way you can show up as a calming, loving presence
Does this work on autistic children
Yes, it does. I have multiple videos addressing autism and how to use Self-Government with it. Here are a couple links to those videos:
th-cam.com/video/0xoRfsicy7E/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/Hjdd1pDPBEk/w-d-xo.html
I hope this helps!
😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 g r r r r r I cannot believe this did I have to watch this video about the anger management this is not what I accept for I have to remove this video and try again later!
I'm sorry you're still upset! Hopefully you can learn how to be calm and get some more skills under your belt! Here's the link, in case you want it: teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
I hope this helps!