Toxic Boss for 4 yrs, cried every 2 to 3 mths. Sleepless night. What she said is nt wrong like wat u said, slow, square, 10yrs dwn the road will still be the same but only targeting on me. Scold n nag non stopped. I scare of cant get a new job due to my lack of qualification. I wont get terminated becos i in a govt sector. As long as i dont do anything wrong. She is nt wrong but her tone can be better n i told her that but she still treat me the same way. End up she will ask me to cover others n nt assigning any new job to me. What should i do?
Forget about the money. We get so caught up with the money issue, it is almost like we get Stokholm Syndrom and make excuses for horrid behavior. I stayed in that crap job because I was making $33.50 an hour....it wasn't worth it. I make way less than that (for now...raise is coming) and it is a joy to go to work. I got out and while I was waiting to become a flight attendant, I sold handmade chocolates, cakes, and pies from my home, baked specialty pie in a professional kitchen, and sold Tupperware. Do not wait till the Straw breaks the Camel's back like I did and it turns into a shouting/cussing match.....don't let anybody cuss you at work for that matter......YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
@@MarcosRodriguez-es4gz You have nothing to be sorry about then, it's on the other person. You've gone your best and hope you've moved into a much better environment now.
@@davedogge2280 that’s where I’m at man….I love this job I have currently, but the guy I’m working with is a complete scumbag! He misses a whole week straight, but doesn’t notify our headquarters, so he still gets paid. My first day on the job, my grandmother passed, second day army battle buddy passed, third day I was in pretty bad car accident…..I didn’t miss any of these days! This guy is a narcissist, he’s driven the company vehicle drunk, etc etc, and the only life line I have, is that someone I was in the army with, but wasn’t super close with is the CEO, but apparently they’ve become somewhat close friends within the last three years, so I’ve been hesitant to reach out….anyways I recently reached out, explained that I’ve wanted to reach out for months now but have been holding back from doing so, and explained, that, “this guy talks to me like he can’t get punched in the teeth” I’m in no shape or form, fearful of this dude, from a “man to man” aspect, I just have a family to feed, so I’ve been dealing with this corrupt dirtbag
I found a different job and then did not return to my very toxic job. My health is more important than dealing with her! It permeated every aspect of my life!
I loved my job, enjoyed the work but my team leader is a big time bully and always targets me. Got so tired and had to cry and force myself to work. Finally I resigned coz life is too short, you should never feel like this at work!
Notes: 1. Deliver results, keep them informed, and document. 2. Don't sink to their level. It contradicts your values. 3. Stop being afraid but do not confront them. 4. Don't complain to coworkers about your boss. Your comments will get back to your manager. 5. Stop blaming yourself. It is not your fault. 6. Stop expecting them to change and giving them constructive feedback. 7. Learn to stop caring, no amount of effort will make them change. 8. Grey rock, become unresponsive, short, and factual. 9. Take charge of your career and well being.
Gotta disagree with the "do not confront them" one... if you're being abused and harassed by your boss, start documenting what they're doing and file formal complaints with HR... forget that noise about quitting... quitting looks bad on your resume... I made that mistake and wish I had called out my boss who was harassing me (and the other black guy on the team btw). Once you've formally logged complaints, you're building evidence of workplace harassment which is ILLEGAL... start using phrases like "what you're doing is a crime" and see how things change.
You HAVE to confront the toxic boss. They are simply the playground bully who picks on you until they fight back. It's not easy, but if they get in your face and yell...yell back.
Well said, but sometimes, you stand up for yourself. Also, is it worth going through all this? Maybe, yes, or no,. That is up to the person. If no, look for another job.
@@bluehorseshoe444 yes, HR will do something. It happened to me, a few times. I had to state my claim. Yes, there care about their company, but if you have strong evidence, about real bad job absue, HR will take you seriously.
The worst part about mine is that literally every other person in my office is so kind and supportive and encouraging. It’s just ONE person making my dream job shit. 😞
I work in a toxic environment. All my coworkers do is gossip and run back and tell the managers anything they feel they could use to earn cool points. My supervisor is the ringleader that puts them up to the challenge to be untrustworthy towards others. The job is very easy, but it’s management with all of their trickery that makes the job more difficult than what it has to be. It’s their ego’s and foolishness that makes the work atmosphere very toxic. Some people are just not cut out to be managers or supervisors. You treat your workers with respect and chances are you will get it right back.
I was abused as a kid, when a toxic boss tries to bring me down I actually enjoy the conflict. Without knowing it my parents gave me so much practice at dealing with self centeted toxic people. Thanks traumatic childhood :) Top tip, make it work for you. If someone attacks you, it means you're doing things right. If you are invisible it means you're not moving forward.
I've been working 16 years for a toxic boss. I was a dedicated and loyal employee. Now forced to retire and not even a word of goodbye or gratitude. I'm just upset that this toxic boss gets away with it and continues to be toxic and narcissistic.
send him a long laughing email ''hahaha... '' and grey rock after. Enjoy the boss get tense and eventually emotional about it. Anyhow, no one wins anything :(
I walked out of a role yesterday without a backup plan. He wasn’t a micromanager on a daily basis but had every other trait of a toxic manager. I lasted 3 months in that role and the damage my confidence and self esteem had been exponential. It’s been as my first time dealing with someone like this. The damage they can do is insane
It’s even worse now because the world has romanticized narcissist, socios and psychopaths. Shows like Game of thrones, House of Dragon and this new Hunger games have people believing that if you act like a cold backstabbing sociopath you will rise to the top. You may rise to the top but your turn over will be high.
Yes, you are speaking facts. I was pushed to leave my job and even bullied the last 6 months I was in that toxic company. HR was aware and they did not fix it. I was placed on antidepressants after I had two panic attacks. Believe me, is not worth it. You won't win, leave with your chin up and knowing that you placed your wellbeing first. You will find something much better.
I kept my mouth shut for years, until my boss started gaslighting me. I only had to scratch the surface to find she was toxic to others as well, and that the supervisors who reported to her were also toxic. It became kind of a sport once we discovered each other, and yes, it did bite me in the *ss. It was validating, though. I really needed to know it wasn't just my perception. I'd never experienced a covert narcissist / covert bully before, so I had no idea what I was dealing with. A boss can be a bully without raising his/her voice!
Absolutely! I am actually working on the video about a gaslighting boss, it's incredible how difficult it is to get a proof on being gaslighted. They always cover up their tracks and it's a relatively slow process to continue destroying an employee's self-confidence.
I'm going through the exact same thing where I work. It's a lot of narcissistic manipulative gaslighting abuse. It's all about image, power, and control with these types. I needed that validation too to confirm my gut instincts were true. I understand what you mean.
@@anitaknight3915 It’s incredibly difficult going through such times. A breaking point is usually realizing what is going on and identifying that gaslighting/manupulation. Hope you manage to get out of there soon!
@@myemmotion yeah the point of realizing all the manipulation and gaslighting has been my breaking point. It just gives me further confirmation of leaving. Haven't found the right opportunity yet. Do you have specific guidance on how to best leave/quit the job? I am concerned of them giving a bad reference or trying to escalate the harrassment bullying when you send them them the notice of resignation. I understand it's a toxic no win situation with these covert narcs and to just leave, but I'm unsure how to best answer them when they bully you if they question why you are leaving/offer exit interview. I don't want to lower myself to their toxic level but I also would feel fake if I just say I'm leaving for an opportunity and not share at all how I've been treated. I don't even think it's worth it to report to HR because they are toxic manipulator and CEO right person unless I report it to corporate after I am gone.
I work at a flower shop run by a married couple. The wife is a manipulative "know it all" gaslighter. The husband makes excuses and enables her while trying to smooth things over. The workspace is a hoarder's dream and we're not allowed to organize or throw away anything. It's a pigsty physically and mentally. I've dealt with it for twelve years and am finally working on an exit plan to take place in the near future.
Another thing you'll learn is that HR isn't there for you. They are there for the bosses and the company. I got a promotion at the hands of my bosses supervisor. My boss didn't like it as our relationship has never been good. He made my job hell. Empowering my direct reports over me, depowering me, defending other coworkers bad treatment towards me. Complete narcissist and gaslighter. He will take your complaint about his bad behavior and others and make it your fault. It's sad companies have people like this running their business and don't care enough about you to help you.
Sarcasm helped me. I respond in my Alexa voice with "Thank you for your feedback, I shall take it into great consideration. I'm really glad we had this conversation. You have motivated me to do better. Thank you for being so professional" Should have seen her face. LOL. They expect perfect robots? Ok, perfect patronising robot coming up.
They do it’s called revenue drop and the landlord is asking for more money to keep the lights on but toxic workplace has a hard time retaining thier customers because the service is always shitty unless the customer is lucky enough to find the good employee but even those employees days are numbered and once they’re gone customers are stuck to deal with everyone else which nine times out of ten they just go to a different store and find another good employee what toxic workplace fail to realize is that it’s not always about money it’s about service
This happens more often than we think and more often than most employed individuals will admit. Such experiences can be very debilitating and leave you with PTSD symptoms many years afterwards. Often times it makes you question your mental sanilty... Thank you for so bluntly putting realistic content out there and stay blessed.
Debilitating? I’ve never give anybody enough power to get under my skin that much in a work environment. The last place I worked with so toxic, it might as well have been run by a crazed pack of leaderless wolves, but I realize they were the problem. They certainly didn’t like to be called out. That’s why I do it as often as possible. 🙂
It's because people eventually find something else & move on. I think most don't want to bother w/ the headaches by getting HR or attorneys involved. That's why bullying bosses take a while before they finally get their comeuppance (which they eventually do).
@@LeahIsHereNowI'm not sure where you are in your career. I've been in the workforce for going on 30 years and until this year had never experienced a truly toxic, narcissistic boss. I had experienced a&$hole bosses before, but they were blatant and obvious, and because I was young and hungry, I had no problem simply moving on to the next, higher paying thing. Heck, one time when I finished a contract, I walked out with 3 of my a$$hole manager's employees in tow. He had been telling them they'd never be able to get employed anywhere else because they sucked at their jobs... it was just a tactic to keep them and at low rates. I spent my time letting them know they were good at what they did, and brought them with me when I left. They are all now high performers with great careers. But with this last job, it crept up on me and was much more stealth and narcissistic in nature. My company had a great culture when I arrived, but that has now flipped, so it was shocking. It was a blow to my ego when they started to force me out, and I'm no longer young and hungry and was hoping to stay at this place for the long term, so it's really hard! Count yourself lucky if you haven't experienced this yet, but don't think for a second it couldn't happen to you at some point, and be careful!
I have had it for every single one of my seven jobs over a period of 29 years. They are everywhere. Or if you start a new job and all is ok, your good boss leaves and a new but awful one joins to take their place.
I am sorry to hear that you've had to go through that. But you know it's part of a learning process, as I said, try your best in taking it as a gift because now you know how to manage these work situations!
Same i cried almost every 2 to 3 mths n countless sleepless night for 4 yrs. Obviously she is targeting on me as my colleague if do anything wrong... she will not scold them but me.
Boss is annoyed that I’m too smart for the job. When he sees me say something intelligent I see the nasty expression in his face. Then he put me down and asked me if I was smart. What am I supposed to say no?!
I called in sick today, because my Boss treated me like crap all day yesterday. He panics and then puts it on me. By the end of the day i just didnt care anymore and actually thought getting fired would be not so bad. Today I left him in a situation that he wont forget. Today he needed me. Im leaving soon anyway and rarely call in sick. So will see what happens tomorrow.
.@@Happiness379 He wanted my Doctors certificate which i had. He kept asking me during the day if i was ok. Im pretty sure he got the message though, He's not stupid. But yes, you can play the sick card, but not too often. Btw, he has been good to me ever since.
You are so welcome, Marie! You can't believe how happy I am for you and for having been able to contribute to it at least a little bit. Hope this past birthday weekend was wonderful! Stay awesome! :)
I am currently dealing with all these things. I've told my coworker i wont stoop to their level. We continue to work hard and do what they ask without complaining and i feel like it makes my boss more angry because he cant get a reactiion out of me. At the end of the day, i will always do everything in my power to help the company even if they dont help me succeed. i know who i am.
I made the mistake of believing I have co- workers I can trust. I am so disgruntled that I find security in only 2 co-workers who feel the same, but I wonder if they are tellling others or even the boss???
My daughter is dealing with a toxic boss and environment right now. I shared this with her. It's beautiful how you explain it all so clearly because when you in the thick of it, it's so hard to focus on facts and not the injustice - the emotional side. Thank you for your gentle way of explaining that they are not to blame. People seem to find meek prey and feel they can abuse them. This was an excellent video.
I know. I hate that. For some reason it happens to me. But, these people realize, I do not tolerate that. You can push me so far. Then, I come out in full force
I told a work friend who was on a salary how much I earned in overtime and she went straight to the boss. At the end of the day her hourly rate is higher than mine and I'm sacrificing my personal life for the OT yet she felt heart done by 😢 Never talk about wage in work!
When the student is ready, the teacher comes. This is exactly what I needed because I have a toxic colleague. Thanks for the tips and for sharing this with us. I would just add that in my case, it is important to get rid of fear and, above all, to constantly remind myself that I am capable of doing work as well as anyone. I believe he is afraid of me and my knowledge.
This is right on time for me. You are the most real with the truth about toxicity. I just started this job in October. Everyone keeps telling me because it is Federal and that I'm hitting my 17th year in January to keep hanging in there. I watched another of your videos two hours ago that empowered me to put together a resume and to start looking. I'll be 43 in January. I desire peace in my life.
This is BY FAR the BEST advice I have found so far!! Thank you so much! Everyone out there saying that you should tell your boss that you take responsibility for the breakdown in the professional relationship has possibly not actually dealt with an abuser. Abusers look for your weaknesses and capitalize on them. If you try to be humble and “go under” them, you take the risk of that backfiring on you and incurring even more abuse. Finally! Advice that is actually empowering!! 💪🏻
Seriously. I can't begin to name drop which government companies I've worked for as I also can't begin to name my PMs with their linkedin profiles for full display. But this video helped a lot. Early in my career I used to think I can solve and help toxic management be less toxic simply because I embrace a Servant-Leader Mentality thanks to my parents, my community, and how I was raised. However, after watching this video it looks like I can't assist them at all. In fact, it's funny because I remember one boss in particular when I was working for the Department of Homeland Security I recall not being able to login timely (while working remote) because of a city-wide power outage. When the power tripped? So did every electronic in my home such as my alarm clock, and my charging station. By the time I woke up it was an hour past my original start time. After charging my phone I noticed I had a voicemail. Guess who called? My boss expressing empathy which made me think "his toxic behavior" was caused by being overworked as I've never seen this side of him. Fast forward a month later? The toxicity continued. The end result? I got terminated for reasons outside of my control. Again, this video was very helpful.
I made the mistake of complaining to my coworker about my boss, I thought he my close friends. I realize that he was going into the boss’s office, and telling him everything that I was saying. 😑
Quite a few of us in my industry, having worked at a few different companies, have come to the conclusion that the entire industry has a culture of promoting people to managers who are toxic because they “get things done” AND they’ll tow the line. It’s an industry cultural issue many of us either stay trapped in because we love the work…or are figuring out how to jump to a new career altogether.
I quitted my job before I find a new job. It's tough when opportunities are limited but rebuilding my self esteem was also time consuming so I guess it wasn't wasted. I'm fine now, ready for work.
I complained today to my department manager about my line manager, and I feel awful about this. My line manager is so very subtle at putting people down, jeopardising our work, making us look incompetent, small and stupid by withholding vital information and documentation. She can be so sweet, and so invisibly vicious. I was listening to myself talking to my dep manager and I kept thinking: you are sounding ridiculous, this is the example you're going with? My manager was sceptical and defended my line manager. I wish I hadn't said anything. Dang it, why do we always have to learn things the hard way? 😔 At the same time, he supported me in my desire to move departments. He said he would rather I'd stayed but then he also said that if I really needed to leave he would facilitate this if I promised to help him transition a new person into my role. I know he will deliver on this promise, and I will help him out as much as I can. I just wish I never said anything about that horrible line manager to him. Thank you for helping me stay sane through all this, Marat.
Shalom! Thank you for this video. I am going through this right now with three managers ( one male, two female). One employee who used to "have my back" has now turned on me. The managers are trying to put enough pressure on me that I will quit my job. I cannot leave right now.
This is very good. Actually I have encountered this situation now and was scrutinized for everything I do. I did not watch your video until now, but looking at your advises I can say that they work. I completely distanced myself from the toxic person in the team and focused on my performance and it worked. Actions speak louder than words and decency always prevails. My toxic boss actually wanted to get rid of me and feels like I am a threat. She used all the tactics you mentioned, but it did not work. I think the key here is to stay resilient, if it becomes unbearable, just go to another job. There is always a way.
I am so glad it’s been functioning for you. As soon as you get less and less emotionally involved, you get to the turning point and you liberate yourself from a lot of negative pressure and negative energy.
You haven’t really felt this until your boss brandished “your feeling psychologically unsafe” to you with a smile. It’s like working for Hannibal Lecter.
Thank you so much for this! Here in Norway bosses can't fire you "just like that", so what they do instead is to squeeze you out by using tricks like micro- managing, gazlighting, passive aggression and bringing their toxic energy with them to your office or to your precense.
Make their home lives disagreable. Everyone lives somewhere, everyone commutes by one method or another to work. Ex. I had a shitty bullyboy manager once, he used to bicyle to work, sports bike, lycra, etc, i knew where he lived thru small talk , and the only road home was through a long country lane, with big hills.. When he cycled off i left a while later, overtook in my car, then out of view 1km away, i threw down carpet tacks on the cycle path. He couldnt understand why whenever it was bad weather, really hot, he always got punctures, or when he went to unlock his bicycle, the lock was jammed, or bolts were loose, or a buckled wheel, or chain snapped on the way home. Only small victories, but i did chuckle :-) that on top of other work-related "efforts" i did enjoy ot.
@@jonsimmons4150That’s too much. I mean why waste such energies, your energy is better spent on looking for another job. And it’s something you shouldn’t be doing. You could also risk getting caught and your actions are actually criminal. You could go to jail for that. Not wise.
Great video, These situations are very difficult. The advice here is excellent. Always remember this, a supervisor may hold a position of power and authority, however that authority is limited and restrained by the bounds of the law. There is a reason there are labor laws and employee rights to prevent the abuse of power from those in authority. Remember, you do have employee rights. But, If your boss continues to exhibit bullying or toxic behaviors, and refuses to respect you after seeking to address the issue, it's best to shift your focus onto preparing to find another job. I’ve been there many times before in my life. There are supervisors out there that will treat you the way you deserve, or you may find that entrepreneurship and being your own supervisor might be a better avenue for you too. Remember, at the end of the day, those in a position of authority are no different from others and are fallible human beings just like everyone else, and don't have absolute power and authority over you. There is only one sovereign over all and that is Almighty God.
This happen to me At a big law firm I got a new job At a different law firm My mistake was telling the old hr what happen to me They found me and bad mouthed got me fired 10 years job to job I had to leave town and start over. Now life is great again
While employed with the Coca-Cola Company, I had a Jehovah's Witness manager that me his personal conversion project. I learned methods in which to avoid him: I would start at 5:00 and he would routinely arrive at 7:58. At 7:55 I would go for a morning coffee break during which he would annoy everyone in the room. When I would get back at 8:15 at which time he had settled down on his office pc. At 9:00 he would go to a meeting. By 10:00 he'd come back which would be first daily contact. At 11:00 lunch. At 14:00 I would go home having spent less than half my shift dealing with this nut. I did this daily for 8 months until someone else noticed the pattern and dobbed me in. I stayed at Coca-Cola for 10 years because the pay was outstanding. I learned coping mechanisms and tried not to take things personally since most middle managers were dicks. Each had a personal scapegoat and a sycophant.
@EMMOTION by Marat I got out of that department and moved into another department. My problem is I am left with anxiety, and doubts in myself. I feel I have lost myself from the toxic abuse.
I literally made the decision today to start looking for a new job. My job is remote, and it’s been almost 6 months. At first it was great, but it has become very toxic and unsafe. My boss yelled/cussed at two of my co-workers about being “unprofessional” in a teams chat and made them both cry. Then they started micromanaging. Example they saw me and a coworker on a call on teams and told us to get back to work. I was actually helping them learn something, but they were immediately aggressive. They’re an ex-Marine and they seem to be really dead set about making this job like the military. Thank you for these tips, I know this is the right decision for me. Life is too short.
I was in a toxic work environment over a decade ago. Everything you have said is spot on. I wish I heard this advice at that time. Keep up the great work!
Thank you so much for this. I’ve spent whole journey home crying after passive aggressive texts/emails/phone calls. Completely unreasonable behaviour. It’s so hard not to have an emotional reaction and self blame is too easy. I’ve left it too long and need to work on my self confidence. Thank you for your advice.
"don't sink to their behavior" very good advice... managers back each other up, then they will always make you look bad, hence, just ignore them, find a new place and at the end just slap them in the face with courtesy: especially when you are younger it's satisfying to tell them they are rotting there while you already got at their same level of experience... the notion of fear is real then for them hahaha.
Thank you for this.. currently in a toxic job.. it's only been a month, yesterday i felt so emotional when i was picked on by my boss,she would always find fault and would mostly shout at me and say I'm no good
@@Happiness379 according to psychological tests - no but I believe I am very close to. I don't deal well with stressful situations and I take many things too personal, while other people don't care I always remember what someone said or did. I also feel other people mood very well and I have rich inner life in my mind etc :)
@@jam-se8yq Tell yourself, the more sensitive you are, the more it works against you. So either stop caring or you know it be worse. Tell yourself which route you prefer?
This really helps... I'm in this situation right now, I can't resign cuz I have debts to pay. So I'll try your advices... I'll update if what will happen. Wish me luck
Thank you so much for this! I am struggling with major depression and burnout because of my boss. I am looking for new job, but appreciate the "stop caring and don't be afraid" until I am able to leave
I'm glad I found your videos today because today I had the hardest day at work since my favorite nurse manager was sent to different building. I just can't stand my temporarily nurse manager not only she's a rude person, but also very lazy one. I'm more upset about how my head nurse (DNS) thinks that she's a good person and care about the residents. She's far being a good nurse. In fact, she's the worse human being I have ever met in my entire life especially labeled her as a head nurse..
It's a shame that your manager has been sent to a different building and I hope the current head nurse is there temporarily. In any case, try to remain professional and don't show her anything you might feel about her. How long is she going to be your manager for? If she becomes your permanent manager things might become more complicated.
Today the second day early. I quit. I was very professional. They were very disrespectful. They asked me to stay but I knew they would continue to disrespect me.
It's not so much about what is tight as it is survival. Yes they are toxic but toxic bosses can often flourish in these environments. Its about keeping the exit option open just in case forcing then out doesn't work as well as you hoped. Try this what do you do if you can't force them out they are dug in too well, and now you can't leave because because your windows of opportunity closed now your stuck. Nothing wrong with having an escape plan so your not cornered.
Such brilliant advice delivered so clearly and eloquently. Thank you. My career suffered 2 years ago when I went through this. They are everywhere so I’m encouraging my own teenage son ( and later on the other two younger sons) to run their own business / company when they grow up to avoid having to deal with narcissistic bosses throughout their lives. I have since educated myself, my experience nearly broke me and I have some PTSD 2+ years later, they want to destroy you and want you to fail, even at the organisation’s expense IMO.
I want to leave my job! I do not know which direction to GO yet??? Which career to change to or just another location until? Pray 4 me. It has always been a culture of toxicity that is tolerated from the very top and with the association, which isn't a union.
It’s important to note HR can be aligned with your company’s best interests- not those of the employee. Escalating issues to them seems like for me has fallen on “deaf” ears.
This was so helpful. I was forever in catch 22 situatioms and they even persisted with their behaviour after I was given new line management. So I walked.
And you did the right thing. First trying possible options available but if it's not working not, you can't end up living an unnecessary stress and anxiety. Hope you find a nice and healthy environment to work at very soon!
You’re amazing; I honestly wanted to cry after watching this video, the toxicity has been so intense at work. This is excellent advice. I can’t thank you enough for posting this. I’m going through unimaginable hell with a new boss who is extremely toxic, and I’ve already implemented some of what you mentioned and the strategies are so effective. I look forward to implementing all the other tips you’ve shared! Bless your heart and thank you 💝
Marat, thankyou so much. I apprecaite your clear, concise help. John (Australia)....This has happened to me, and near gave me a mental breakdown. It is starting up somewhere else, but I am going to use your advice.
Thank you so much, this advice helped me tremendously, aswell as to confirm that I have been taking this approach already, my manager just hated my face and is out to get me, such a toxic environment, I'm gladly going to leave!
Here's the kicker...if you go grey rock on a boss who has officially decided, you're 'it', they will be relentless in getting a reaction from you, and step up the abuse until you reach your ultimate breaking point. I work in a small company where there are only five other people including myself. And the toxic boss absolutely LOVES them! Meanwhile, every day he finds fault with me, and I constantly grey rock him, but as he has nobody else to turn to, he keeps hitting me up for a fix! I'm interviewing like crazy, but, post pandemic, when you have over a hundred people applying to one job, even ones in your field, not easy getting out! The other day, he publicly humiliated me with a nasty comment, and, as I know he's narcissistic, the smart money was on him prolonging the agony the following day...or not saying a word, going into total denial! He chose the latter option, and I iced him for the entire shift. But he tricks me into communicating by using other staff members and it's not like I can't talk to them! But, no reaction can be perceived that you are letting them get away with their behaviour by not saying something, and, fighting your corner by calling them on their lack of professionalism gives them the reaction they want! It's win/win...for the toxic boss!
Can I also add set boundaries. This should be done anyways in all facets of life but it's super important here. Toxic bosses are the ones that tend to cross boundaries the most. If you can't work on a Sat night, make that clear and don't allow them to cross it. Don't give up other parts of your life for a toxic boss. Make sure they are real boundaries though, don't set a boundary just to "Stick it to the man." That just instigates a toxic boss to be more toxic. Make boundaries that are NECESSARY and stick to them at all costs. For instance, I lead worship at a church on Sunday mornings and Sunday mornings were not in my original contract to work. I've had to put my foot down multiple times because they've tried to "Require" me to work that day.
Boss is not going to change. But after quitting the job (or firing) you can write nice, juicy review about the business and write a review on employment reviews site. I did and I feel quite happy about it 😊
Thank you! As you suggested I kept record of our interactions. I presented my resignation on Monday, and when my boss asked for reasons I simply said “one year ago I presented a list with suggestions to improve our environment, and they were ignored”, his answer was: “ok”.
Great video! I have a toxic coworker and a pushover boss who it seems like the coworker controls. I agree with all your steps but I do think making the boss aware of the coworker’s behavior is important. If nothing happened then start looking for a new job but I do think making the boss aware of the situation is important.
I've had several toxic bosses over the years both men and women. They were abusers and bullies plain and simple. I can only conclude they were abused as children and grew up to become abusers. Sadly, too many are allowed to continue for whatever reason.
Going through this right now. 4 months into a new job. The boss is unpredictable. One min he is nice the next he is a angry toxic man. Doesn’t communicate and blames me on mistakes I make due to lack of communication and training on his behalf. I’ll own a mistake but when you haven’t been trained properly and than made to feel you’re the worst person on earth , it’s a horrible feeling. Never know what version I’m going to get.
This is spot on for me and what I am dealing with right now. Why do they get away with this? I greatly appreciate your advice and exactly what I needed today. Thank you so very much!
If you walk away from a conversation with someone at work feeling totally confused (this is a big one) OR feeling way "lower" than them (less smart, less cultured, less sophisticated, less worthy, less important, less powerful, less capable, etc), ASSUME they're toxic and limit contact with them. It's more about going with how you feel than what you think, if you want to build a "radar" system for this junk. I say "junk" because people who use tactics to lower the esteem of someone or intentionally confuse them are literally garbage people. I don't care how much money they have, if they can't treat people right and see them as humans, they belong in a trash colony among their own type. 🙂
This is the exact video and information I've been searching for for the past year. THANK YOU. Like a light on the dark of the quiet hell I've been going through working under a narcissist. Thank you for your wisdom and kind and helpful words.
These 8 tips are great. I am up in the middle of the night fretting about my toxic new job. I had been managing okay until yesterday, then I felt they had broken me. But tomorrow I can put on my armor and stop caring. It's so true that more work, effort, skipped breaks and stress won't ever change a toxic work situation. I'm gonna do my thing for 8 hours and review Indeed during lunch!
Thanks for the video. The restaurant I worked at sent home two managers for a week. Two coworkers walked out. Than I was sent home for a week with no cause. That was crazy.
Looking for a new job almost immediately gives one hope and a focus on oneself and the future. Bring focus back to move forward and not how you’ve been mishandled at work. You can still deal with them (in court, HR, abrupt quit) but your life is first.
Thank you for the video, I’m dealing with one right now and it really gets a toll on my mental health and affects me physically. I’ll use your strategies while planning my exit 😢
Thanks for the tips. Unfortunately this works only depending on culture and country you are in. As for the majority I guess, it’s unfortunate that the boss is always right (he thinks he is) no matter what. It’s no point to reason to a one-sided biased person who is stubborn and communicates only one way (he talks you listen, like a radio). Best is just to quit your job and find a better one. Because at the end of the day, either it’s really about person’s character (that he willingly doesn’t want to change) or a mental issue (that he doesn’t want treatment) that causes turmoil or peace in the workplace.
In my profession, most of the time you get toxic bosses. A lot of people get out of nursing and never come back. I have had quite a few toxic bosses. Dealing with this has made my schizoaffective disorder so bad that now I need disability. I have had so many. My worst was in an endoscopy department of hospital and telemetry unit of a hospital. But, I have had many and it’s so easy for me to be bullied. As, I was bullied from the time I started school all the way to the present. Mainly because I am different. But, now it would be dangerous for me to go to work and in order to protect my clients, I won’t work. The one thing that they were right about was that I was slow and had trouble with stress.
Yes, medical field has become asylum. But, this is true for wvery field nowdays. They are permitted to behave like that to get employees to comply with their agendas.
Thank you for the tips. I’m currently going through this with my boss and yesterday we had a meeting and he decided to throw me up under the bus to make himself look better. I just try my best not to let him get to me but it’s really hard.
You are so very welcome. It's so complex to keep the right perspective on things when it's your day to day and when it's so emotionally draining. The best is to switch into survival mode and make the most of everything you can in this situation.
Have you ever had an abusive boss? What is your advice when dealing with toxic management?
I used to just say yes everything and kept it cool until she fired me
Toxic Boss for 4 yrs, cried every 2 to 3 mths. Sleepless night.
What she said is nt wrong like wat u said, slow, square, 10yrs dwn the road will still be the same but only targeting on me. Scold n nag non stopped.
I scare of cant get a new job due to my lack of qualification. I wont get terminated becos i in a govt sector. As long as i dont do anything wrong. She is nt wrong but her tone can be better n i told her that but she still treat me the same way.
End up she will ask me to cover others n nt assigning any new job to me. What should i do?
@SG me 4 yrs n still enduring her. I mean u can ask me to leave if i nt up to yr expectations but never toxic me with words tat hurts.
Forget about the money. We get so caught up with the money issue, it is almost like we get Stokholm Syndrom and make excuses for horrid behavior. I stayed in that crap job because I was making $33.50 an hour....it wasn't worth it. I make way less than that (for now...raise is coming) and it is a joy to go to work. I got out and while I was waiting to become a flight attendant, I sold handmade chocolates, cakes, and pies from my home, baked specialty pie in a professional kitchen, and sold Tupperware. Do not wait till the Straw breaks the Camel's back like I did and it turns into a shouting/cussing match.....don't let anybody cuss you at work for that matter......YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
@@MarcosRodriguez-es4gz You have nothing to be sorry about then, it's on the other person. You've gone your best and hope you've moved into a much better environment now.
There's only one way to deal with a toxic boss: quit and find a different job. Life is too short to deal with these kinds of people.
Just walk into a meeting with a boss and say "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass and I'm all out of bubblegum !"
@@davedogge2280 that’s where I’m at man….I love this job I have currently, but the guy I’m working with is a complete scumbag! He misses a whole week straight, but doesn’t notify our headquarters, so he still gets paid. My first day on the job, my grandmother passed, second day army battle buddy passed, third day I was in pretty bad car accident…..I didn’t miss any of these days! This guy is a narcissist, he’s driven the company vehicle drunk, etc etc, and the only life line I have, is that someone I was in the army with, but wasn’t super close with is the CEO, but apparently they’ve become somewhat close friends within the last three years, so I’ve been hesitant to reach out….anyways I recently reached out, explained that I’ve wanted to reach out for months now but have been holding back from doing so, and explained, that, “this guy talks to me like he can’t get punched in the teeth” I’m in no shape or form, fearful of this dude, from a “man to man” aspect, I just have a family to feed, so I’ve been dealing with this corrupt dirtbag
I found a different job and then did not return to my very toxic job. My health is more important than dealing with her! It permeated every aspect of my life!
I am in a very toxic job now, i have only worked for one year and quitting aftet one year in the job will look bad on my cv.
I wish,but getting job is not easy here
I think a toxic boss is like a school bully - at heart they are unhappy and insecure.
This
Yes, I have told toxic bosses, that to their face
most likely a narcissist.
Exactly. I worked for a blind School. And the superintendent was toxic and so was the finance director, HR and outreach. Lead by example
Exactly
Literally i wanna cry when I'm at work 😢😢😢
Me too!
You should never cry at work. If you're crying, something is wrong. It's time to look for another job.
@@Teresa-hvnreally?
Going though it 😢
I loved my job, enjoyed the work but my team leader is a big time bully and always targets me. Got so tired and had to cry and force myself to work. Finally I resigned coz life is too short, you should never feel like this at work!
Notes:
1. Deliver results, keep them informed, and document.
2. Don't sink to their level. It contradicts your values.
3. Stop being afraid but do not confront them.
4. Don't complain to coworkers about your boss. Your comments will get back to your manager.
5. Stop blaming yourself. It is not your fault.
6. Stop expecting them to change and giving them constructive feedback.
7. Learn to stop caring, no amount of effort will make them change.
8. Grey rock, become unresponsive, short, and factual.
9. Take charge of your career and well being.
Gotta disagree with the "do not confront them" one... if you're being abused and harassed by your boss, start documenting what they're doing and file formal complaints with HR... forget that noise about quitting... quitting looks bad on your resume... I made that mistake and wish I had called out my boss who was harassing me (and the other black guy on the team btw). Once you've formally logged complaints, you're building evidence of workplace harassment which is ILLEGAL... start using phrases like "what you're doing is a crime" and see how things change.
Bravo 🙌
You HAVE to confront the toxic boss. They are simply the playground bully who picks on you until they fight back. It's not easy, but if they get in your face and yell...yell back.
Well said, but sometimes, you stand up for yourself. Also, is it worth going through all this? Maybe, yes, or no,. That is up to the person. If no, look for another job.
@@bluehorseshoe444 yes, HR will do something. It happened to me, a few times. I had to state my claim. Yes, there care about their company, but if you have strong evidence, about real bad job absue, HR will take you seriously.
The worst part about mine is that literally every other person in my office is so kind and supportive and encouraging. It’s just ONE person making my dream job shit. 😞
I work in a toxic environment. All my coworkers do is gossip and run back and tell the managers anything they feel they could use to earn cool points. My supervisor is the ringleader that puts them up to the challenge to be untrustworthy towards others. The job is very easy, but it’s management with all of their trickery that makes the job more difficult than what it has to be. It’s their ego’s and foolishness that makes the work atmosphere very toxic. Some people are just not cut out to be managers or supervisors. You treat your workers with respect and chances are you will get it right back.
My manager would purposely make up ridiculous rules to make the work harder.🙄
You nailed it
@@beasaroseco5840. Yes and change rules on the fly. They’ll watch you do the work and then lie and say that you didn’t do it v
Yes the supervisor is the ring leader and she LOVES having everyone fight for her favor. It’s actually nauseating
Attention seekers and narcissist bosses are the worst.
I was abused as a kid, when a toxic boss tries to bring me down I actually enjoy the conflict. Without knowing it my parents gave me so much practice at dealing with self centeted toxic people. Thanks traumatic childhood :)
Top tip, make it work for you. If someone attacks you, it means you're doing things right. If you are invisible it means you're not moving forward.
crazy how that abuse ends up helping you later in life
@@Bigtexdraw People tend to become stronger when they go trough pain.
You go for it 😉
Thank you, something must be said and done.
@john P
100%
I've been working 16 years for a toxic boss. I was a dedicated and loyal employee. Now forced to retire and not even a word of goodbye or gratitude.
I'm just upset that this toxic boss gets away with it and continues to be toxic and narcissistic.
send him a long laughing email ''hahaha... '' and grey rock after. Enjoy the boss get tense and eventually emotional about it. Anyhow, no one wins anything :(
I walked out of a role yesterday without a backup plan. He wasn’t a micromanager on a daily basis but had every other trait of a toxic manager. I lasted 3 months in that role and the damage my confidence and self esteem had been exponential. It’s been as my first time dealing with someone like this. The damage they can do is insane
It’s even worse now because the world has romanticized narcissist, socios and psychopaths. Shows like Game of thrones, House of Dragon and this new Hunger games have people believing that if you act like a cold backstabbing sociopath you will rise to the top. You may rise to the top but your turn over will be high.
Yes, you are speaking facts. I was pushed to leave my job and even bullied the last 6 months I was in that toxic company. HR was aware and they did not fix it. I was placed on antidepressants after I had two panic attacks. Believe me, is not worth it. You won't win, leave with your chin up and knowing that you placed your wellbeing first. You will find something much better.
Get a lawyer next time... file formal complains with HR and start building evidence... they're an old saying "talk is cheap until you get a lawyer"
Thankfully, they eventually get their comeuppance.
I kept my mouth shut for years, until my boss started gaslighting me. I only had to scratch the surface to find she was toxic to others as well, and that the supervisors who reported to her were also toxic. It became kind of a sport once we discovered each other, and yes, it did bite me in the *ss. It was validating, though. I really needed to know it wasn't just my perception. I'd never experienced a covert narcissist / covert bully before, so I had no idea what I was dealing with. A boss can be a bully without raising his/her voice!
Absolutely! I am actually working on the video about a gaslighting boss, it's incredible how difficult it is to get a proof on being gaslighted. They always cover up their tracks and it's a relatively slow process to continue destroying an employee's self-confidence.
I'm going through the exact same thing where I work. It's a lot of narcissistic manipulative gaslighting abuse. It's all about image, power, and control with these types. I needed that validation too to confirm my gut instincts were true. I understand what you mean.
@@anitaknight3915 It’s incredibly difficult going through such times. A breaking point is usually realizing what is going on and identifying that gaslighting/manupulation. Hope you manage to get out of there soon!
@@myemmotion yeah the point of realizing all the manipulation and gaslighting has been my breaking point. It just gives me further confirmation of leaving. Haven't found the right opportunity yet. Do you have specific guidance on how to best leave/quit the job? I am concerned of them giving a bad reference or trying to escalate the harrassment bullying when you send them them the notice of resignation. I understand it's a toxic no win situation with these covert narcs and to just leave, but I'm unsure how to best answer them when they bully you if they question why you are leaving/offer exit interview. I don't want to lower myself to their toxic level but I also would feel fake if I just say I'm leaving for an opportunity and not share at all how I've been treated. I don't even think it's worth it to report to HR because they are toxic manipulator and CEO right person unless I report it to corporate after I am gone.
I work at a flower shop run by a married couple. The wife is a manipulative "know it all" gaslighter. The husband makes excuses and enables her while trying to smooth things over. The workspace is a hoarder's dream and we're not allowed to organize or throw away anything. It's a pigsty physically and mentally. I've dealt with it for twelve years and am finally working on an exit plan to take place in the near future.
I'm currently in a job for 3 months and already seen red flags. Got into a meeting with my managers. Currently working my way out of this job.
how did it go Mr/Ms
Another thing you'll learn is that HR isn't there for you. They are there for the bosses and the company. I got a promotion at the hands of my bosses supervisor. My boss didn't like it as our relationship has never been good. He made my job hell. Empowering my direct reports over me, depowering me, defending other coworkers bad treatment towards me. Complete narcissist and gaslighter. He will take your complaint about his bad behavior and others and make it your fault. It's sad companies have people like this running their business and don't care enough about you to help you.
Spot-on Marcus. HR are the lowest form of life within the Corporate Structure. They protect the Psychopaths.
Sarcasm helped me.
I respond in my Alexa voice with
"Thank you for your feedback, I shall take it into great consideration. I'm really glad we had this conversation. You have motivated me to do better. Thank you for being so professional"
Should have seen her face. LOL. They expect perfect robots? Ok, perfect patronising robot coming up.
😂😂😂
This, I like! I wish I had this yesterday.
That kind of approach worked for me on a couple of occasions. I enjoyed it.
Toxic bosses need some KARMA
They do!
Eventually! What you sow you will reap. ❤
They usually get karma back 10x worse of what they have done in my 20+ years of experience. It’s how this world works; what goes around comes around.
They do it’s called revenue drop and the landlord is asking for more money to keep the lights on but toxic workplace has a hard time retaining thier customers because the service is always shitty unless the customer is lucky enough to find the good employee but even those employees days are numbered and once they’re gone customers are stuck to deal with everyone else which nine times out of ten they just go to a different store and find another good employee what toxic workplace fail to realize is that it’s not always about money it’s about service
They are always depressed, mine just quit and I bought champagne to Feast
Number 4 is so true. This recent happened to me. Never again I will tell a co worker anything.. I don’t trust anyone..
Me too! I keep to myself.
just small talk...nothing deeper than the surface !!! They are not your friend...
@@DesignsByDenaSo true! I'm keeping it Superficial from now on. They definitely cannot be trusted.
This happens more often than we think and more often than most employed individuals will admit. Such experiences can be very debilitating and leave you with PTSD symptoms many years afterwards. Often times it makes you question your mental sanilty...
Thank you for so bluntly putting realistic content out there and stay blessed.
Debilitating? I’ve never give anybody enough power to get under my skin that much in a work environment. The last place I worked with so toxic, it might as well have been run by a crazed pack of leaderless wolves, but I realize they were the problem. They certainly didn’t like to be called out. That’s why I do it as often as possible. 🙂
I have bad anxiety and ptsd from work place bullying it’s horrible 😢
It's because people eventually find something else & move on.
I think most don't want to bother w/ the headaches by getting HR or attorneys involved. That's why bullying bosses take a while before they finally get their comeuppance (which they eventually do).
@@LeahIsHereNowI'm not sure where you are in your career. I've been in the workforce for going on 30 years and until this year had never experienced a truly toxic, narcissistic boss. I had experienced a&$hole bosses before, but they were blatant and obvious, and because I was young and hungry, I had no problem simply moving on to the next, higher paying thing. Heck, one time when I finished a contract, I walked out with 3 of my a$$hole manager's employees in tow. He had been telling them they'd never be able to get employed anywhere else because they sucked at their jobs... it was just a tactic to keep them and at low rates. I spent my time letting them know they were good at what they did, and brought them with me when I left. They are all now high performers with great careers.
But with this last job, it crept up on me and was much more stealth and narcissistic in nature. My company had a great culture when I arrived, but that has now flipped, so it was shocking. It was a blow to my ego when they started to force me out, and I'm no longer young and hungry and was hoping to stay at this place for the long term, so it's really hard!
Count yourself lucky if you haven't experienced this yet, but don't think for a second it couldn't happen to you at some point, and be careful!
Everything you said is true. It's very important to stop being afraid of your toxic boss. Perform well and record everything.
I have had it for every single one of my seven jobs over a period of 29 years. They are everywhere. Or if you start a new job and all is ok, your good boss leaves and a new but awful one joins to take their place.
I wish I saw this 2 years ago would've saved me so much trouble, tears and health.Good content!
Same.
I am sorry to hear that you've had to go through that. But you know it's part of a learning process, as I said, try your best in taking it as a gift because now you know how to manage these work situations!
@@muizzkhan2426 Good luck at your new job! :)
Same i cried almost every 2 to 3 mths n countless sleepless night for 4 yrs. Obviously she is targeting on me as my colleague if do anything wrong... she will not scold them but me.
Boss is annoyed that I’m too smart for the job. When he sees me say something intelligent I see the nasty expression in his face. Then he put me down and asked me if I was smart. What am I supposed to say no?!
Very true 🥺I'm actually going through the same
I called in sick today, because my Boss treated me like crap all day yesterday. He panics and then puts it on me.
By the end of the day i just didnt care anymore and actually thought getting fired would be not so bad.
Today I left him in a situation that he wont forget. Today he needed me.
Im leaving soon anyway and rarely call in sick. So will see what happens tomorrow.
Any update?
.@@Happiness379 He wanted my Doctors certificate which i had.
He kept asking me during the day if i was ok.
Im pretty sure he got the message though,
He's not stupid.
But yes, you can play the sick card, but not too often.
Btw, he has been good to me ever since.
@@gcsoulsurfer thanks for your reply. Looks like he’s getting the hint now. I’m glad he’s treating you better now.
@@gcsoulsurfer Start looking for another job if this occurs again.
Learn to stop caring is what i take most,all the messages are amazing ..
So many tears I have cried on your virtual shoulder. Thank you so much for being there for me. I would not be where I am now without your help.
You are so welcome, Marie! You can't believe how happy I am for you and for having been able to contribute to it at least a little bit. Hope this past birthday weekend was wonderful! Stay awesome! :)
I am currently dealing with all these things. I've told my coworker i wont stoop to their level. We continue to work hard and do what they ask without complaining and i feel like it makes my boss more angry because he cant get a reactiion out of me. At the end of the day, i will always do everything in my power to help the company even if they dont help me succeed. i know who i am.
I made the mistake of believing I have co- workers I can trust. I am so disgruntled that I find security in only 2 co-workers who feel the same, but I wonder if they are tellling others or even the boss???
My daughter is dealing with a toxic boss and environment right now. I shared this with her. It's beautiful how you explain it all so clearly because when you in the thick of it, it's so hard to focus on facts and not the injustice - the emotional side. Thank you for your gentle way of explaining that they are not to blame. People seem to find meek prey and feel they can abuse them. This was an excellent video.
I know. I hate that. For some reason it happens to me. But, these people realize, I do not tolerate that. You can push me so far. Then, I come out in full force
I told a work friend who was on a salary how much I earned in overtime and she went straight to the boss. At the end of the day her hourly rate is higher than mine and I'm sacrificing my personal life for the OT yet she felt heart done by 😢 Never talk about wage in work!
When the student is ready, the teacher comes. This is exactly what I needed because I have a toxic colleague. Thanks for the tips and for sharing this with us. I would just add that in my case, it is important to get rid of fear and, above all, to constantly remind myself that I am capable of doing work as well as anyone. I believe he is afraid of me and my knowledge.
You are very welcome! Best of luck!
This is right on time for me. You are the most real with the truth about toxicity. I just started this job in October. Everyone keeps telling me because it is Federal and that I'm hitting my 17th year in January to keep hanging in there. I watched another of your videos two hours ago that empowered me to put together a resume and to start looking. I'll be 43 in January. I desire peace in my life.
That’s it!! Plenty of opportunity out there!
This video should have 1 millions views.
That is really kind of you! I hope you manage to get out of this toxic situation very soon. Keep me updated on how thing go!
This is BY FAR the BEST advice I have found so far!! Thank you so much! Everyone out there saying that you should tell your boss that you take responsibility for the breakdown in the professional relationship has possibly not actually dealt with an abuser. Abusers look for your weaknesses and capitalize on them. If you try to be humble and “go under” them, you take the risk of that backfiring on you and incurring even more abuse. Finally! Advice that is actually empowering!! 💪🏻
Seriously. I can't begin to name drop which government companies I've worked for as I also can't begin to name my PMs with their linkedin profiles for full display. But this video helped a lot. Early in my career I used to think I can solve and help toxic management be less toxic simply because I embrace a Servant-Leader Mentality thanks to my parents, my community, and how I was raised. However, after watching this video it looks like I can't assist them at all. In fact, it's funny because I remember one boss in particular when I was working for the Department of Homeland Security I recall not being able to login timely (while working remote) because of a city-wide power outage. When the power tripped? So did every electronic in my home such as my alarm clock, and my charging station. By the time I woke up it was an hour past my original start time. After charging my phone I noticed I had a voicemail. Guess who called? My boss expressing empathy which made me think "his toxic behavior" was caused by being overworked as I've never seen this side of him. Fast forward a month later? The toxicity continued. The end result? I got terminated for reasons outside of my control. Again, this video was very helpful.
🤮
I made the mistake of complaining to my coworker about my boss, I thought he my close friends. I realize that he was going into the boss’s office, and telling him everything that I was saying. 😑
Coworkers are NOt friends never confide in a coworker.
Quite a few of us in my industry, having worked at a few different companies, have come to the conclusion that the entire industry has a culture of promoting people to managers who are toxic because they “get things done” AND they’ll tow the line. It’s an industry cultural issue many of us either stay trapped in because we love the work…or are figuring out how to jump to a new career altogether.
I quitted my job before I find a new job. It's tough when opportunities are limited but rebuilding my self esteem was also time consuming so I guess it wasn't wasted. I'm fine now, ready for work.
I complained today to my department manager about my line manager, and I feel awful about this. My line manager is so very subtle at putting people down, jeopardising our work, making us look incompetent, small and stupid by withholding vital information and documentation. She can be so sweet, and so invisibly vicious. I was listening to myself talking to my dep manager and I kept thinking: you are sounding ridiculous, this is the example you're going with?
My manager was sceptical and defended my line manager. I wish I hadn't said anything. Dang it, why do we always have to learn things the hard way? 😔
At the same time, he supported me in my desire to move departments. He said he would rather I'd stayed but then he also said that if I really needed to leave he would facilitate this if I promised to help him transition a new person into my role. I know he will deliver on this promise, and I will help him out as much as I can. I just wish I never said anything about that horrible line manager to him.
Thank you for helping me stay sane through all this, Marat.
Shalom! Thank you for this video. I am going through this right now with three managers ( one male, two female). One employee who used to "have my back" has now turned on me. The managers are trying to put enough pressure on me that I will quit my job. I cannot leave right now.
Find a new job and give 5 minutes notice at the end of the day.
This is very good. Actually I have encountered this situation now and was scrutinized for everything I do. I did not watch your video until now, but looking at your advises I can say that they work. I completely distanced myself from the toxic person in the team and focused on my performance and it worked. Actions speak louder than words and decency always prevails. My toxic boss actually wanted to get rid of me and feels like I am a threat. She used all the tactics you mentioned, but it did not work. I think the key here is to stay resilient, if it becomes unbearable, just go to another job. There is always a way.
I am so glad it’s been functioning for you. As soon as you get less and less emotionally involved, you get to the turning point and you liberate yourself from a lot of negative pressure and negative energy.
You haven’t really felt this until your boss brandished “your feeling psychologically unsafe” to you with a smile. It’s like working for Hannibal Lecter.
This is one of the best channels on TH-cam. You get to the point without a bunch of talking! Thanks very much!
Thank you so much for this! Here in Norway bosses can't fire you "just like that", so what they do instead is to squeeze you out by using tricks like micro- managing, gazlighting, passive aggression and bringing their toxic energy with them to your office or to your precense.
Make their home lives disagreable.
Everyone lives somewhere, everyone commutes by one method or another to work.
Ex. I had a shitty bullyboy manager once, he used to bicyle to work, sports bike, lycra, etc, i knew where he lived thru small talk , and the only road home was through a long country lane, with big hills..
When he cycled off i left a while later, overtook in my car, then out of view 1km away, i threw down carpet tacks on the cycle path.
He couldnt understand why whenever it was bad weather, really hot, he always got punctures, or when he went to unlock his bicycle, the lock was jammed, or bolts were loose, or a buckled wheel, or chain snapped on the way home.
Only small victories, but i did chuckle :-) that on top of other work-related "efforts" i did enjoy ot.
@@jonsimmons4150 that is psychotic…
You guys need power harassment laws. In where I live people sue companies for such poor treatment and abuse of power, and employees actually win.
@@jonsimmons4150That’s too much. I mean why waste such energies, your energy is better spent on looking for another job. And it’s something you shouldn’t be doing. You could also risk getting caught and your actions are actually criminal. You could go to jail for that. Not wise.
@@Fauskoablefuck around find out.
Great video, These situations are very difficult. The advice here is excellent. Always remember this, a supervisor may hold a position of power and authority, however that authority is limited and restrained by the bounds of the law. There is a reason there are labor laws and employee rights to prevent the abuse of power from those in authority. Remember, you do have employee rights. But, If your boss continues to exhibit bullying or toxic behaviors, and refuses to respect you after seeking to address the issue, it's best to shift your focus onto preparing to find another job. I’ve been there many times before in my life. There are supervisors out there that will treat you the way you deserve, or you may find that entrepreneurship and being your own supervisor might be a better avenue for you too. Remember, at the end of the day, those in a position of authority are no different from others and are fallible human beings just like everyone else, and don't have absolute power and authority over you. There is only one sovereign over all and that is Almighty God.
This happen to me
At a big law firm
I got a new job
At a different law firm
My mistake was telling the old hr what happen to me
They found me and bad mouthed got me fired
10 years job to job
I had to leave town and start over.
Now life is great again
While employed with the Coca-Cola Company, I had a Jehovah's Witness manager that me his personal conversion project. I learned methods in which to avoid him: I would start at 5:00 and he would routinely arrive at 7:58. At 7:55 I would go for a morning coffee break during which he would annoy everyone in the room. When I would get back at 8:15 at which time he had settled down on his office pc. At 9:00 he would go to a meeting. By 10:00 he'd come back which would be first daily contact. At 11:00 lunch. At 14:00 I would go home having spent less than half my shift dealing with this nut. I did this daily for 8 months until someone else noticed the pattern and dobbed me in. I stayed at Coca-Cola for 10 years because the pay was outstanding. I learned coping mechanisms and tried not to take things personally since most middle managers were dicks. Each had a personal scapegoat and a sycophant.
Yeah, really shouldn't try to convert your workforce, everyone is there just for the pay cheque.
Thanks. You said every single thing that I am experiencing to the T, and you gave me understanding and the most realistic approach to manage.
You are very welcome!
You've got this
@EMMOTION by Marat I got out of that department and moved into another department. My problem is I am left with anxiety, and doubts in myself. I feel I have lost myself from the toxic abuse.
another sign of a toxic boss:
when you make a mistake, you apologize,
and he says "it doesnt seem like you're genuine in your apology"
I literally made the decision today to start looking for a new job.
My job is remote, and it’s been almost 6 months. At first it was great, but it has become very toxic and unsafe.
My boss yelled/cussed at two of my co-workers about being “unprofessional” in a teams chat and made them both cry. Then they started micromanaging. Example they saw me and a coworker on a call on teams and told us to get back to work. I was actually helping them learn something, but they were immediately aggressive. They’re an ex-Marine and they seem to be really dead set about making this job like the military.
Thank you for these tips, I know this is the right decision for me. Life is too short.
I was in a toxic work environment over a decade ago. Everything you have said is spot on. I wish I heard this advice at that time. Keep up the great work!
The universe is pointing me to these videos for a reason. I am taking notes.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve spent whole journey home crying after passive aggressive texts/emails/phone calls. Completely unreasonable behaviour. It’s so hard not to have an emotional reaction and self blame is too easy. I’ve left it too long and need to work on my self confidence. Thank you for your advice.
You’re not alone , things will get better ❤️🩹
@@kristin2491thank you ❤ hope you are doing well
This is true, you can’t trust your colleagues. You hit the nail on the head.
As soon as you start to see the red flags 🚩 🚩 start looking for a new job.
Doing that right now - job is good , boss is not … sigh
"don't sink to their behavior" very good advice... managers back each other up, then they will always make you look bad, hence, just ignore them, find a new place and at the end just slap them in the face with courtesy: especially when you are younger it's satisfying to tell them they are rotting there while you already got at their same level of experience... the notion of fear is real then for them hahaha.
Thank you for this.. currently in a toxic job.. it's only been a month, yesterday i felt so emotional when i was picked on by my boss,she would always find fault and would mostly shout at me and say I'm no good
Just one more thing. I don't know how to stop caring about my toxic boss. I feel like I am too sensitive :( I hate it :(
Are you an HSP like myself?
@@Happiness379 according to psychological tests - no but I believe I am very close to. I don't deal well with stressful situations and I take many things too personal, while other people don't care I always remember what someone said or did. I also feel other people mood very well and I have rich inner life in my mind etc :)
@@jam-se8yq Tell yourself, the more sensitive you are, the more it works against you. So either stop caring or you know it be worse. Tell yourself which route you prefer?
This really helps... I'm in this situation right now, I can't resign cuz I have debts to pay. So I'll try your advices... I'll update if what will happen. Wish me luck
Thank you so much for this! I am struggling with major depression and burnout because of my boss. I am looking for new job, but appreciate the "stop caring and don't be afraid" until I am able to leave
I'm glad I found your videos today because today I had the hardest day at work since my favorite nurse manager was sent to different building. I just can't stand my temporarily nurse manager not only she's a rude person, but also very lazy one. I'm more upset about how my head nurse (DNS) thinks that she's a good person and care about the residents. She's far being a good nurse. In fact, she's the worse human being I have ever met in my entire life especially labeled her as a head nurse..
It's a shame that your manager has been sent to a different building and I hope the current head nurse is there temporarily. In any case, try to remain professional and don't show her anything you might feel about her. How long is she going to be your manager for? If she becomes your permanent manager things might become more complicated.
Today the second day early. I quit. I was very professional. They were very disrespectful. They asked me to stay but I knew they would continue to disrespect me.
But why should we leave, we should make them leave as they are causing toxicity at work place
That's right.
The wicked in charge are the ones who need to be rid of
Agreed…that puts the burden back on those being abused rather than the perpetrators
It's not so much about what is tight as it is survival. Yes they are toxic but toxic bosses can often flourish in these environments. Its about keeping the exit option open just in case forcing then out doesn't work as well as you hoped. Try this what do you do if you can't force them out they are dug in too well, and now you can't leave because because your windows of opportunity closed now your stuck. Nothing wrong with having an escape plan so your not cornered.
Such brilliant advice delivered so clearly and eloquently. Thank you. My career suffered 2 years ago when I went through this. They are everywhere so I’m encouraging my own teenage son ( and later on the other two younger sons) to run their own business / company when they grow up to avoid having to deal with narcissistic bosses throughout their lives. I have since educated myself, my experience nearly broke me and I have some PTSD 2+ years later, they want to destroy you and want you to fail, even at the organisation’s expense IMO.
Big facts… I’ve been there and yet again I’m once again in a toxic work environment. Great video even though I’m watching years later. Thank you!
I want to leave my job! I do not know which direction to GO yet??? Which career to change to or just another location until? Pray 4 me. It has always been a culture of toxicity that is tolerated from the very top and with the association, which isn't a union.
It’s important to note HR can be aligned with your company’s best interests- not those of the employee. Escalating issues to them seems like for me has fallen on “deaf” ears.
You have no idea how helpful this video is to people like me who are in toxic work environments. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
This was so helpful. I was forever in catch 22 situatioms and they even persisted with their behaviour after I was given new line management. So I walked.
And you did the right thing. First trying possible options available but if it's not working not, you can't end up living an unnecessary stress and anxiety.
Hope you find a nice and healthy environment to work at very soon!
You’re amazing; I honestly wanted to cry after watching this video, the toxicity has been so intense at work. This is excellent advice. I can’t thank you enough for posting this. I’m going through unimaginable hell with a new boss who is extremely toxic, and I’ve already implemented some of what you mentioned and the strategies are so effective. I look forward to implementing all the other tips you’ve shared! Bless your heart and thank you 💝
Wow this is so accurate. I am experiencing this now. The gaslighting, mistrust, etc. This has given me the confirmation I was seeking. Thank you.
Constructive feedback is NEVER working on toxic people. I wish I had seen this video 6 months ago! Thank you for sharing.
“Unless you have huge willpower” that’s right by the grace of god🙏🏽☺️💕 great video, I agree with everything you mentioned here!
Thank you so much! And it’s very true indeed, it’s so complicated to maintain a clear mind after being under toxic management for a long time.
Hope you manage to get out of there very soon, if you haven’t yet. Thanks a lot for stopping by and for your kind feedback :)
I smiled when he said this too. I clearly didn't have willpower because it was a living hell for me until they fired me
@@amysimmons805 I am really sorry to hear that!
If someone is tryna set you back in life means they playing with fire. That’s how I see it 💯
Great survival kit. I wish I knew this to apply on my former supervisor
Thank you so much!
Marat, thankyou so much. I apprecaite your clear, concise help. John (Australia)....This has happened to me, and near gave me a mental breakdown. It is starting up somewhere else, but I am going to use your advice.
you have to detach your emotions.
Yes, even though that's so complicated to do. But Grey Rock works!
Thank you so much, this advice helped me tremendously, aswell as to confirm that I have been taking this approach already, my manager just hated my face and is out to get me, such a toxic environment, I'm gladly going to leave!
Here's the kicker...if you go grey rock on a boss who has officially decided, you're 'it', they will be relentless in getting a reaction from you, and step up the abuse until you reach your ultimate breaking point. I work in a small company where there are only five other people including myself. And the toxic boss absolutely LOVES them! Meanwhile, every day he finds fault with me, and I constantly grey rock him, but as he has nobody else to turn to, he keeps hitting me up for a fix! I'm interviewing like crazy, but, post pandemic, when you have over a hundred people applying to one job, even ones in your field, not easy getting out! The other day, he publicly humiliated me with a nasty comment, and, as I know he's narcissistic, the smart money was on him prolonging the agony the following day...or not saying a word, going into total denial! He chose the latter option, and I iced him for the entire shift. But he tricks me into communicating by using other staff members and it's not like I can't talk to them! But, no reaction can be perceived that you are letting them get away with their behaviour by not saying something, and, fighting your corner by calling them on their lack of professionalism gives them the reaction they want! It's win/win...for the toxic boss!
Absolutely!
Can I also add set boundaries. This should be done anyways in all facets of life but it's super important here. Toxic bosses are the ones that tend to cross boundaries the most. If you can't work on a Sat night, make that clear and don't allow them to cross it. Don't give up other parts of your life for a toxic boss. Make sure they are real boundaries though, don't set a boundary just to "Stick it to the man." That just instigates a toxic boss to be more toxic. Make boundaries that are NECESSARY and stick to them at all costs. For instance, I lead worship at a church on Sunday mornings and Sunday mornings were not in my original contract to work. I've had to put my foot down multiple times because they've tried to "Require" me to work that day.
Boss is not going to change. But after quitting the job (or firing) you can write nice, juicy review about the business and write a review on employment reviews site. I did and I feel quite happy about it 😊
They remove negative comments, you do not know that?!
Still feels good 😂
Thank you! As you suggested I kept record of our interactions. I presented my resignation on Monday, and when my boss asked for reasons I simply said “one year ago I presented a list with suggestions to improve our environment, and they were ignored”, his answer was: “ok”.
Great video! I have a toxic coworker and a pushover boss who it seems like the coworker controls. I agree with all your steps but I do think making the boss aware of the coworker’s behavior is important. If nothing happened then start looking for a new job but I do think making the boss aware of the situation is important.
I've had several toxic bosses over the years both men and women. They were abusers and bullies plain and simple. I can only conclude they were abused as children and grew up to become abusers. Sadly, too many are allowed to continue for whatever reason.
This was really good. My over my toxic work environment has been off the charts and this advice helped a lot and let me know I'm not crazy
Going through this right now. 4 months into a new job. The boss is unpredictable. One min he is nice the next he is a angry toxic man. Doesn’t communicate and blames me on mistakes I make due to lack of communication and training on his behalf. I’ll own a mistake but when you haven’t been trained properly and than made to feel you’re the worst person on earth , it’s a horrible feeling. Never know what version I’m going to get.
This is spot on for me and what I am dealing with right now. Why do they get away with this? I greatly appreciate your advice and exactly what I needed today. Thank you so very much!
If you walk away from a conversation with someone at work feeling totally confused (this is a big one) OR feeling way "lower" than them (less smart, less cultured, less sophisticated, less worthy, less important, less powerful, less capable, etc), ASSUME they're toxic and limit contact with them. It's more about going with how you feel than what you think, if you want to build a "radar" system for this junk. I say "junk" because people who use tactics to lower the esteem of someone or intentionally confuse them are literally garbage people. I don't care how much money they have, if they can't treat people right and see them as humans, they belong in a trash colony among their own type. 🙂
So true….whenever someone makes you feel confused after a conversation, especially if it happens repeatedly, take that as a 🚩
This is the exact video and information I've been searching for for the past year. THANK YOU. Like a light on the dark of the quiet hell I've been going through working under a narcissist. Thank you for your wisdom and kind and helpful words.
These 8 tips are great. I am up in the middle of the night fretting about my toxic new job. I had been managing okay until yesterday, then I felt they had broken me. But tomorrow I can put on my armor and stop caring. It's so true that more work, effort, skipped breaks and stress won't ever change a toxic work situation. I'm gonna do my thing for 8 hours and review Indeed during lunch!
Thanks for the video. The restaurant I worked at sent home two managers for a week. Two coworkers walked out. Than I was sent home for a week with no cause. That was crazy.
What a chaos indeed. Is this because the business is declining or you have no idea what is going on?
Looking for a new job almost immediately gives one hope and a focus on oneself and the future. Bring focus back to move forward and not how you’ve been mishandled at work.
You can still deal with them (in court, HR, abrupt quit) but your life is first.
Oh wow! This is was the best advice I could get right now. Thank you so much for sharing!
You're so welcome! I've been there so I know exactly how it feels, hope things are easier to deal with now.
Thank you for the video, I’m dealing with one right now and it really gets a toll on my mental health and affects me physically. I’ll use your strategies while planning my exit 😢
Watching ur videos is like a therapy, it helps me understand what I was doing wrong.Thanks for all ur help
I am really glad to hear that!
100 percent agree.
@@Don.Mendoza I really appreciate that!
Thanks for the tips. Unfortunately this works only depending on culture and country you are in. As for the majority I guess, it’s unfortunate that the boss is always right (he thinks he is) no matter what. It’s no point to reason to a one-sided biased person who is stubborn and communicates only one way (he talks you listen, like a radio). Best is just to quit your job and find a better one.
Because at the end of the day, either it’s really about person’s character (that he willingly doesn’t want to change) or a mental issue (that he doesn’t want treatment) that causes turmoil or peace in the workplace.
Thank you Marat, I desperately needed this!! Yes they love the drama and to tease people who are functioning with emotions!
In my profession, most of the time you get toxic bosses. A lot of people get out of nursing and never come back. I have had quite a few toxic bosses. Dealing with this has made my schizoaffective disorder so bad that now I need disability. I have had so many. My worst was in an endoscopy department of hospital and telemetry unit of a hospital. But, I have had many and it’s so easy for me to be bullied. As, I was bullied from the time I started school all the way to the present. Mainly because I am different. But, now it would be dangerous for me to go to work and in order to protect my clients, I won’t work. The one thing that they were right about was that I was slow and had trouble with stress.
Yes, medical field has become asylum. But, this is true for wvery field nowdays. They are permitted to behave like that to get employees to comply with their agendas.
Document everything and take them to court for pain and suffering!
Thank you for the tips. I’m currently going through this with my boss and yesterday we had a meeting and he decided to throw me up under the bus to make himself look better. I just try my best not to let him get to me but it’s really hard.
I have seen this video at the right moment... i realized wat im going through and how i am exactly reacting in a wrong way.... thanks a lot
You are so very welcome. It's so complex to keep the right perspective on things when it's your day to day and when it's so emotionally draining. The best is to switch into survival mode and make the most of everything you can in this situation.