Signs Of a Gaslighting Boss (Is Your Manager Gaslighting You?)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 พ.ค. 2024
- Signs Of a Gaslighting Boss - Is Your Manager Gaslighting You? Gaslighting is a manipulation of your reality, it’s a subtle technique often employed slowly by a toxic boss. If you are constantly second guessing yourself while interacting with your manager, if you constantly doubt and ask yourself “am I good enough?”, if any conversation with them leaves you feeling confused and insecure about what to do next, chances are that your boss is gaslighting you. Gaslighting at work happens when you work for a boss who is clearly toxic, a type of manager which doesn't want you to succeed. These managers will do anything to prevent you from being successful at your job. Their goal is to control you, to make you leave or even to get you fired. This is why they start gaslighting you.
I’ve made more videos on how to deal with a toxic situation at work, check it out:
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How to Deal With a Toxic Boss and a Toxic Work Environment - • How to Deal With a Tox...
Signs You Should Decline A Job Offer - The Hiring Process Red Flags: • Signs You Should Decli...
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5 Signs Of a Burnout At Work (Signs You Are Burnt Out) - • 5 Signs Of a Burnout A...
Interview Red Flags: Signs of a Toxic Work Environment - • Interview Red Flags: S...
"Work Family" is a LIE - Why Coworkers Are NOT Your Family - • "Work Family" is a LIE...
Coworkers Are NOT Your Friends - Reasons Why - • Coworkers Are NOT Your...
7 Signs You’re About To Get Fired (Your Job Is In Danger) - • 7 Signs You’re About T...
7 Signs You Should Quit Your Job (How to know when to quit) - • 7 Signs You Should QUI...
Anyone who has worked for a toxic and a gaslighting boss knows how they can impact all the aspects of your life! Your confidence, your self-esteem tend to go away. But not when you stop being afraid! Working in a constant state of fear is extremely damaging. Think of the worst which could happen to you at work? Getting fired! Which is nowhere as bad as turning into a walking zombie. Researcher who did studies on more than 3000 people, found out that employees who have managers with toxic traits are 60 percent more likely to suffer a heart attack or other life-threatening condition.
I am Marat from EMMOTION, myemmotion.com, Recruitment and Career Services Agency, look me up on LinkedIn. On this channel I train and coach you to ace your job interviews fast, to gain confidence as a professional and learn how to deal with corporate politics, being a better person yourself first.
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#gaslightingboss #toxicboss #EmmotionbyMarat #badboss #gaslighting #gaslightingatwork
Have you ever been gaslighted at work? Who was your gaslighter and how to you deal with them?
I finally left
@@lucyslivingroom5087 Me too. Much happier now (and better paid) !!!
It’s hard to leave, I felt afraid that nobody wanted to hire me
Yep, was gaslighted by my line manager and didn't not realise until I saw a therapist.
@@lucyslivingroom5087 You did the right thing!
"The longer you stay, the longer it takes for you to recover"...
So true 💯
I’ve been at my place for 15 months now. Always told I’m not good enough to progress but when I ask for training to get me to the right level they refuse saying I can’t do my current job well enough
I have now quit that job and started at my new place Monday
@@matttv94 Sorry to hear. I think leaving and starting somewhere else is better if you have exhausted all your effort into bettering your job. Goodluck on your new adventure ✨️
Yes they tell me doing right things
Good signs!
#1 - Whatever happens is your fault!
#2. You just take it personal or over sensitive. key phrases.
#3. They DENY saying something and make you question your memory/sanity.
#4. They compare you to others. Not encouragement either.
#5. They make you feel incompetent.
#6. They play favorites!
You're welcome.
The longer you stay, the longer it takes for you to recover!!
Yep, I feel like I get some of those things.
I got into an arguing match with my ex-boss when they said they didn't say something that they did and they made sure they got the last word. I just assumed that they were incompetent but now after seeing this, I think they were gaslighting.
At my current job my first supervisor did this to everyone, the next supervisor did this and now my current supervisor does this . He always says your taking it to personal , he just says ask someone else
Perfectly describes all the previous companies I worked in.😂
I left a job today because of a manager like this. I was only there 4 weeks. I don’t know how these people get leadership roles. 🙄
Unfortunately leadership is filled with evil people like that
My boss loved making me feel incompetent, he wanted everyone to perceive this version of me.I seriously felt scared of him
I can actually relate to that. Once we've been through a similar situation your vision of things changes, you start being much more selective and careful when it comes to working with different companies/professionals.
My boss is so subtle I feel like I'm imagining it
You don,t have to be scared after all & a boss who is being disrespectful you would never want to speak to him perminently & i was in a similar situation to & i was gas lite by my boss not once but twice & i decided to cut him off perminently for it was disrespectful just like twitter banning donald trump for life.
Here are some tips to deal with these guy dont engage these guys keep it short and to the point pay down all debts to zero build a savings account do thing after work to develope skills and things that bring you joy till you find better work its suprising how much less it bothers you if you accomplish goasl after work
My current boss is having a field day trying to make me feel this way. Like what happened to yourself, she is also trying to whip up group acceptance of this dorky, incompetent image she is projecting on to me.
A gaslighting boss is a narcissist! 💯
In America, I sometimes see on the TV news about an office shooting where the employee shot and kill the boss and I always wondered why, but now I think I got some clues as to why.
Yes. My experience is small errors get magnified and rhe hundreds of good things I do get unnoticed.
This was true for me in a job I did for five months. Never complimented me on the Herculean tasks I accomplished with inadequate materials and time. The toxic boss had five people reporting to her and of the five only a young woman named Elizabeth got any praise (and she got tons of it while the rest of us were basically talked down to). Fortunately, I have a different job now and have put that boss in my rear-view mirror. Hopefully for their sakes, the other three who were treated as I was will fare well and get better jobs or have done so already.
At this day and age I don't understand how is this still allowed at work? Managers like that should get locked up
Unfortunately this happens at work and in life as well.
I agree but a narc boss will always be
That’s why retirement is a joy!!
Because it's impossible to prove........ but do what I do and record everything.
This IS the day and age of the Narcissist
There should be a vote every two years for these goons
Please, listen carefully what Marat says: every single word, advice is correct. DO NOT EVER confront those type of bosses, do not! The moment you have done so, you will experience the evil of another level. If you think, what they are doing is hard to take, wait until you see what happens after confronting them. There is not limit of their evil !
Once someone says do not take it personally - run, run for your life. That is indeed the very first indication of what type of humans those people are.
My boss just ambushed me with three other women he’s a man and said we’re not trying to indict you. It was like a dog whistle. In my head I’m sittin there like yea imma start looking elsewhere. I’m a PI at that smh
Absolute truth!
True!!!
I’m currently suspended at work because I’ve become the prime target of a narcissistic driven manager.
Yeah, this is 100% true. My boss showed his true evil self after I fought back. I won the battle, but I’m losing the war. Can’t win with these people. What comes around, goes around though😊
These kind of bosses will prevent your promotion and career development. They are insecure in their positions and view you as a threat. They also spread gossip and slander you behind your back to further diminish you. They are straight up dangerous to your mental and physical health as well as your career. The best solution is for them to be gone if you are not in a position to quit.
Absolutely agree. Everything parts from their insecurities and the need of "showing their power off". True leadership never goes for such petty and cruel ways of treating people.
@@myemmotion HR always supports these toxic bosses over the employee and will even go after the employee especially if the boss's behavior isn't technically illegal. Then the employee is flagged and will never get a promotion.
@@chelsi227 You are right! That's how the corporate world works. The company will always support the manager, unless there is a clear evidence against them. Otherwise, as a part of a protocol, HR flags the employee as a problematic one.
@@myemmotion what would you suggest an employee do when there is only one CEO, clinical director, and HR personnel. I've noted they are all in cahoots with each other with the bullying, gaslighting manipulation, and backing the CEO to turn it around and blame the employee. I've learned speaking up voicing concerns or giving suggestions does absolutely nothing but make it worse to get tag teamed against even worse. It's really unfortunate when there's no one safe to support or protect the employee.
@@chelsi227 you are absolutely right. It's all about control and power. I've noticed HR isn't there to protect the employees rather protect corporate agendas. It's unfortunate those in leadership positions with power get by with doing this. I've noticed this myself where I'm being prevented and sabotaged from advancing in my career.
They come across as perpetually innocent of any ownership of their abuse
I am a recently promoted supervisor. It's interesting how my thinking has changed since switching side but I will never belittle someone, especially in front of their peers. I also maintain a neutral demeanor at work, even with the employees who produce 10% the normal workload. Underperformers get personal discussion and constructive criticism. I have been under toxic leadership in the past. I never want to recreate that environment.
It is good for supervisors and leaders to watch this so they can be careful not to demotivate staff by being controlling. Collaboration and praise is more effective than blame and criticism. My best boss ever said "how can WE fix this” when I had made a mistake. She didn’t micromanage and gave me autonomy to get on with my job, plus she was very kind and this is why we gave 100% to the job, had no problem going above and beyond because we knew we were very lucky.
I’m so shall an over performer at all my jobs and most places didn’t appreciate me. Also the other workers hated me bc I made them look bad and they’re the type that do very little and you have to push them to get moving.
But I always seem to get passed up for promotions and now I feel the managers that do very little would be uncomfortable working close to me and make them look bad. I once asked a floor manager at a big retail chain how many workers ask for more work and we were in different departments. He thought for a minute and said only you.
Don't forget were you came from
My boss just did that to another employee! He’s out right bullying someone who was sick.
It took me years to finally realise - that the gaslighters and narcissists out there are demons. They are “literally” dealing with inner demons. This is more than just bad behaviour, these individuals are demonic and often don’t even realise the possession that’s taken hold of them. This is what’s going on with them, and what good intended souls are dealing with…stay on guard. ✝️🙏🏻
Why am I also just realising the same thing? When I started to look under the rug and saw just how dark it is there, I couldn't come to a different conclusion.
I recently quit without a back up because of a boss like this.
My life had been make a living hell. This felt validating. Thank you!
Same here . Quit a job because of a boss that talks down & abuse his employer by talking bad about an employee in a meeting after he talk to her about a complaint the day before .
I recently walked out of my 3yr job bc the gaslighting had me so unwell I was worried I might be schizophrenic or have something else mentally wrong with me. Only took 2 days of blocking her & I’m already in a significantly better headspace.
We can’t do anything only leave the job , Hr is not on your side ..
They're there to protect the company from lawsuits. Always trace documentations in their behavior of any form of harassment from hostile work environment, I always keep my stuff Incase of anything if they try to retailiate I don't mess with anyone I will build my case !
we can do something but then we end up in jail
Facts!
Last year, I went o HR on a Thursday at 4:00p. Monday at 8:50a, I got called into a 9a meeting with my Boss and HR.
My HR idiot was sucked in by the narcissists toxic trio that are always targeting people. The HR idiot told me her and the Narcissists were going to clean up the toxic behavior...I was like sure....They literally have this idiot targeting their enemies who are the victims.
@@monawilliams286then you got lay off
My boss said they were a nice person, after convincing me my coworkers thought I was lying and pretending to have anxiety. I keep telling myself, nice people don't go around advertising it.
Yeah this is so true. I think when people have to try to convince you of this then that should be a major red flag! I have a boss who does this. Always talking about their accomplishments and how they’re so nice and get along with everyone and never have problems. It’s so funny because they keep running into problems with previous staff. It’s like a pattern and now I’m starting to see her real side! Should’ve listened to my gut earlier
No the people who project there great are covering there back by trying to look like the good guy nothing worse than a two faced person especially with a little bit of authority
My boss is gaslightng and abusing me. She's working me to the core. I'm exhausted and having trouble being motivated to go in.
I am right there with you. I don't know your age. I'm 70 and went through eleven interviews before I was hired. The poison at work is flood level all evening. Leaving work at midnight after all the invective, and using mass transit is really draining. You are on my prayer list.
My boss is like you described, she killed all the motivation I ever had for the job. She always blames me for everything, complaining and comparing me with someone else. im still considered new at work and I am not outgoing, sometimes shy and people tend to take advantage of me because I am not voicing my ideas. But I am not going to blame myself anymore, my other colleagues and other ex-employees also experienced the same thing, so it's not my fault that she is so crazy toxic.
I can't wait to leave this job
It's definitely a complex situation to be in, don't stop applying to jobs. I really hope you manage to leave as soon as possible.
The sad aspect is that the direct leader, HR and Sr. Mgt. most likely stick together and points the blame at the employee.
@@lawrenceanderson7326 Basically that's how most of the businesses work. If you are not getting on with your boss, it's time to look for another job.
@@myemmotion very odd isn't it! Organizations demand we take Ethics training and act as such. Yet they are immune to the same principles. I know one company who can't fill openings bc of awful leadership. Of course the top leader protects his croonies and makes excuses why they have so many openings.
It's worse for me as he is the small business owner. There's nobody to report to. I'll try applying elsewhere but I have little experience. Like you, I am very shy but feel under a boss who cares about my progression instead of keeping me in the dark I would have overcome this!
People who are that toxic evil should never be allowed to be a manager or in leadership. How can they thrive with 6 figure salaries while being so sh*t at their “jobs”. WTH? Karma will find them.
It is because connections matter more than competence. Plus, they can always just blame their underlings for their own incompetence.
Everything you listed I experienced with an ex boss. It was horrible and affected my self-esteem and resulted in me falling into a deep depression. My ex boss did everything in her power to fire me after I had been with the company for 33 years. I had always received excellent reviews until I ran into her. Its something that I will never forget. I have a disability and she treated me like crap because of it. Thank God they removed her and put her on another assignment with no direct reports.
What you experienced is heartbreaking. I'm the international best-selling & award-winning author of HUSH MONEY: HOW ONE WOMAN PROVED SYSTEMIC RACISM IN HER WORKPLACE & KEPT HER JOB. It may surprise you to know that the strategy used to successfully fight racism in the workplace is the same strategy that is effective with fighting narcissists, bullies, and any other toxic boss who gets their jollies from tormenting you. I've taken down more than a half a dozen racist/toxic bosses and never walked away empty-handed. Here's a little more about me: th-cam.com/video/doC1mDldyv0/w-d-xo.html
What kind of disability; anxiety and depression?
I pray for your mental peace. Karma will take care of her don't you worry sister, stay strong and always happy.
Most definitely!! Do NOT confront them or report them!! That's where I went wrong and got conductively dismissed. Glad I am gone though.
I am glad that you agree! Confronting them is not worth it, it's only going to make things more complicated. Btw, I took your advice on making a video on Gaslighting, it was surprising to see such few videos on this subjects so I needed to contribute into it.
And of course you should be glad for not being there anymore, it's a huge positive change and you can actually have a fulfilling job now!
@@myemmotion most definitely and thats why I asked you to do this video as there is not much information on being gaslighted at work. Great video and thank you so much for your encouragement! I really appreciate it!
@@vikki8699 I also appreciate your kind feedback and sharing your vision on the subject. Once we understand and start identifying these behaviours, it's much easier to deal with them. Because your don't allow self-doubt anymore, you see them through, so their manipulation doesn't affect you as much as before!
This is true. I tried to report it to a higher dept and with HR. They sided with my boss. :( and saw nothing wrong about her shaming me on our GC and comparing me to other employees.
I had another coworker tell me that I should confront this person but I told her I already know about this chick, and “alerted the proper people” and when we got our new clinical supervisor, she made it her duty to move me over to another side but the same gaslighter, she makes it a point to pop up where I am.
They kept reminding me how long I’ve been on the job as a way to micromanage me. As a result I made more mistakes. Will be jobless soon
This happening to me now. I keep praying about the situation. God sees all and will answer your prayers.
Mine keeps reminding me my probation is coming up and makes out like I won’t pass it. He’s been saying this for the past month, and yes I get nervous then make mistakes so he can then blame me. My self esteem is rock bottom right now.
Fuck micromanagers
Two weeks into a part time office job with a Chiropractic office my manger who was training me, told me I was the slowest person she had ever trained and why couldn’t I understand what she was showing me the first time because she herself never needed to be shown something twice😳 I should have run immediately when the first patient through the door my first day said “Oh, another new girl”.
Yep! That was the #1 RED FLAG. Large turnover.
Yes, this is exactly right💯 I have had all of these things happen to me. They will make you feel like you’re wrong 100% of the time, can’t do anything right, they seem to have an answer for everything, and they are always full of excuses.
Exactly what my line manager was like. Even when I caught her in her lies in front of senior managers, she would just say "moving on" and would deflect.
Absolutely! Such people won't ever acknowledge any of their mistakes, they also surround themselves by people that are easy to manipulate and whenever someone doesn't see things that way, they would make their lives a living hell.
@@vikki8699 When the top management supports them, they become vicious. Which is why it's such a relief not having any contact with them anymore. They eventually get what they deserve.
I agree with you 100%. I'm the international best-selling & award-winning author of HUSH MONEY: HOW ONE WOMAN PROVED SYSTEMIC RACISM IN HER WORKPLACE & KEPT HER JOB. It may surprise you to know that the strategy used to successfully fight racism in the workplace is the same strategy that is effective with fighting narcissists, bullies, and any other toxic boss who gets their jollies from tormenting you. I've taken down more than a half a dozen racist/toxic bosses and never walked away empty-handed. Here's a little more about me: th-cam.com/video/doC1mDldyv0/w-d-xo.html
I get that "Don't take it personally" or "You're too sensitive" a lot!
You shouldn't have to have "thick skin" to work at a company. I get that you have to know how to handle disgruntled customers, but your leadership should not be making you not want to do your job.
I got, " I have to remember that you take things so literally."
I think it’s dangerous to stay in a toxic work environment for more than 6 months!
That’s why my cut off date is 6months! I’m just hanging on to have a cushiony savings for a few months until I find something else. It’s just taking forever to get here
Yes this “technique” is real and I’ve been through it at a professional level. It was a year of being marginalized and crapped on in a effort to get me to quit. It cost me some real health issues, but in the end I got canned with a $40k severance package.
What's important is that you managed to get out of there, your physical and mental health is far more important than any material aspects. I hope you are already getting recovered, thanks for stopping by!
I'm getting myself canned with nothing 👍🏻
I just happened to me i got HR involved and after to hat i am going to Administration of Labor.
What happened to you is disturbing. I'm the international best-selling & award-winning author of HUSH MONEY: HOW ONE WOMAN PROVED SYSTEMIC RACISM IN HER WORKPLACE & KEPT HER JOB. It may surprise you to know that the strategy used to successfully fight racism in the workplace is the same strategy that is effective with fighting narcissists, bullies, and any other toxic boss who gets their jollies from tormenting you. I've taken down more than a half a dozen racist/toxic bosses and never walked away empty-handed. Here's a little more about me: th-cam.com/video/doC1mDldyv0/w-d-xo.html
even if illegal, record them for your own personal use and use that to keep a written record of what they said and use it against them.
I told my toxic boss (and personnel department) I was transferring to another location, and she said, “That’s fine.” She was very rude and short with me after that for a few days (her usual reaction), then she took time off for a few days. Fast forward a few days after that when I get my transfer date. I was called into the office by the head of personnel and my boss. The personnel lady said”I know that you are leaving, but we haven’t found a replacement yet..” (finding a replacement was my boss’s job). My boss rudely interrupted and said, “This is the first I have heard about this” in a shocked voice. She knew. We had that conversation and she was mad at me. This is usual for her, denying she yelled at me in front of customers and co workers, denying my vacation request when we had coverage, blaming other people for mistakes she has made, making inappropriate remarks of a personal nature about someone’s family situation, gossiping about her employees, etc. We have had a lot of turnover and she is the main reason why. She is extremely toxic. Needless to say, I’m handing in my resignation today. Boy will there be fireworks as I do most of the morning work plus half of hers. She just doesn’t want to let me go! Abusive to the max!
I'm in this situation right now and it's killing me. It started out as my dream job and now I don't even want to get out of bed to come in. I do not have the luxury of just walking away. I need the paycheck and I need to be making at least what I'm making here. This is a small, family owned company, with no HR. The boss is HR and she is the one doing the gaslighting. I left a job after 25 years and they did not want me to go. I'm in this job and I'm feeling completely useless. Like I have nothing to offer. Can't believe the damage that has already been done and I've only been here a year.
Hey Carrie, you deserve a better boss :) start looking out or maybe if possible try boomeranging back to your old organisation. I went through the same thing in my previous role and found another job. Wish you the best and hang in there!
Yes, I agree with the advice. Start looking for another
My manager was exactly, EXACTLY, as you described. I tried to deal with things and “get a tough skin” but after seeing physical signs of stress, I finally quit. It was horrible.
My therapist and I came to the same conclusion that my boss is gaslighting me. This video really reinforces behaviors of hers that were manipulative. I am looking forward to starting a new role away from her. Thanks for this video!
You are very welcome. Wishing you the best possible start, keep me updated!
Sadly, gaslighters come in all shapes and sizes and the chances of working for another one is high. I'm the international best-selling & award-winning author of HUSH MONEY: HOW ONE WOMAN PROVED SYSTEMIC RACISM IN HER WORKPLACE & KEPT HER JOB. It may surprise you to know that the strategy used to successfully fight racism in the workplace is the same strategy that is effective with fighting narcissists, bullies, and any other toxic boss who gets their jollies from tormenting you. I've taken down more than a half a dozen racist/toxic bosses and never walked away empty-handed. Here's a little more about me: th-cam.com/video/doC1mDldyv0/w-d-xo.html
The 'You're being oversensitive' when my manager called me 'coloured' and when I told him it wasn't ok, his response was 'That's how I talk'. Also, indirectly saying other co-workers doing better than you. Favouritism had me in therapy for years.
My boss is so subtle (and so charming to everybody else) I'd be fucked if I spoke out. He's my only reference. Similar to you, he called me a "stupid woman" when I was alone in the office. Fast forward a few months later and he has a new female employee and he accused a client of being a misogynist, saying "I wouldn't put you in front of him"!
@@Black.Sabbath
Sending my best thoughts to you. Know that they're the assholes and not you. Hope you find something else
Since I was a child people of colour have been called many different terms, we’ve had negro, coloured, black, African Irish and people of colour, so it can be hard to keep up without causing offence, however, I am probably the same age as your boss and if I was told the new term that applies I would thank you for your advice and start to use it right away where needed. Not that whatever colour anyone is should have any effect anyway. I would basically just show you the respect you deserve as a fellow human. Your boss was an AH.. I hope you are in a better position now, where you are respected and where you enjoy your work.
on a similar situation, I got a "don't be so emotional" as an answer
I didn't think I was being gas lighted. In fact I wasn't sure there was a label for that kind of manipulation. That's why its hard to justify because they trick you into playing their game!
That's why it's quite hard to detect, unless you really know what the gaslighting is about. But toxic workplaces really install such culture, it's hard to think clearly and to put your finger on something concrete.
It’s no coincidence that I happened to come across this video/ channel today. I’ve been dealing with this for 5 months in the workplace. It’s definitely traumatizing me currently. I know I must make some changes. Thank you for this.
you are worthy and nice . don t let their rotten soul get to you ...imagine them like big piece of shits ...it helps you to kill your fear and be rooted in your being a worthy and nice worker.....
I was about to go to HR but before doing that I talked to my brother and his GF! They both told me the same thing! HR is not your friend,I thought about it and decided to not contact HR! Probably a good decision! Later that week I learned that someone from a different department went to HR to complain about their manager, after 30+ years he was told that he was too old for the job and was given 3 more months of work and was going to let go by the company! He is now gone! Good thing I reached out to my brother before talking to HR!
Another indicator is if your boss is bossy toward you.
Thank you for this video. I didn't realize I was being gaslighted. Ever since I took a day (of three I could have taken, but didn't) for bereavement after my grandfather passed, my boss has been all over me. I don't understand why she started treating me so different after that. She complains about my work, which she used to praise. She will tell me one thing and the next day she'll tell me another thing. She's been pointing out all my mistakes openly in front of everyone in my dept, which is humiliating--and I am blamed for mistakes of other coworkers, as well as mistakes my boss has made! It has come to the point that I've been dreading going into work each morning for the last three months. I go into work miserable, thinking what she is going to do today, and I no longer enjoy my workplace. I started considering looking for a new job, but I am feeling stuck because I have medical debts.
You can do it - look for another job I mean. My boss is the same way and I would think everything was my fault when she suddenly changed from praise to open criticism in department meeting. She’s said I make the entire department look bad, but then promoted me without me asking - to control me financially. The contrast in messaging has f**kd with my mental health and self esteem. I’ve been applying to jobs like crazy - use JobScan to get faster interviews. I hesitated at first bc I have a pending 401k loan but am so fed up with anxiety from her I don’t care anymore.
My supervisor is exactly the same, it’s a great job but now I hate going to work because of her
Just like what my ex-manager had done to me. Trying to make me like a failure. 😒 But, right now I was finally being able to set free by quitting my job because it's useless if we stay longer when the boss didn't like us anymore
I had a couple of bosses which compared employees, always hated to be compared as you say it makes you feel lesser :-/ Interesting to learn about gaslighting tactic. powerful video
When they make you feel lesser it's a small victory for them, because your self-confidence is reduced and you are easier to manipulate. Thank you very much for your kind feedback!
I experience that now.
I decided to keep fighting, tried to prove being gaslighted and regretted it. So indeed "the longer you stay, the longer it takes for you to recover"
I’ve been working at this company for 1.5 years. I always felt something was off about my boss, I never felt comfortable near him and now it all makes sense. He does ALL THE THINGS you mention in this video and he managed to shatter a coworker’s self-confidence and self-worth, it’s so sad to witness. However, I finally quit a week ago, now doing my 1 month notice. I’m so happy I’m gonna leave the bastard soon.
thank god I don't have to deal with this at my new job. I always tried to be careful and not being too involved with work politics, keeping distance from my manager but he was an a$$.
At some point we eventually need to deal with certain situation at work, but I agree, the more professional you keep it, the better.
Nobody should ever be able to control you with words. A weak mind is an angry mind. Self control is the way to go
Not surprisingly, the toxic work environment mirrors the family of origin. Emails can come across really nasty! I have to be really careful on those chats, and I wish my subordinates would be mindful of same.
This video was SO good and validating. There was one thing I would have added in terms of their methods. The best of them do not use direct and obvious insults, but instead condescending micro aggressions like "Oh you may not know that because you need more experience." "Or, maybe it will take a year or two for you to do this without my telling you." And you forgot the ones that talk over you or tell you you're not listening to them when you're answering THEIR question (and sometimes don't get more than two words out).
My boss compares me to herself!! When I asked her how can I improve it, her answer was "Well, I can do it."
Unfortunately it is impossible to prove being gaslighted by your manager or by a coworker
As long as it’s clear to you, as long as it doesn’t damage your self esteem any longer, that’s what matters the most!
In my case I opted to consult an outside Industrial Psychologist which helped tremendously. I was able to implement strategies that safeguarded me up until the time I retired early.
@@9gje9 Exactly! That’s what’s really matters, not being further affected by such gaslighters. Developing the strategies to deal with them. How long did you still work under such management?
@@9gje9 Speaking with a therapist is incredibly helpful!
@@myemmotion that's what is crazy that I'm a therapist and being gaslighted in the mental health field by a CEO, clinical director, and HR person!!! I'm the one who helps counsel my own clients cope, heal, and transition out of toxic work environments and abusive relationships yet this is being done to me LOL.
Next to food and shelter I think this is one of the biggest reasons to have a good sized emergency fund. Not just in case you get laid off, but so you can quit if your workplace is bad for your mental health. I just resigned 3 weeks ago and am interviewing and applying now. I have enough put aside that I am actually more relaxed than I have been in years. Healing takes time being away from the toxicity.
Just think how much better you may be able to deal with a toxic boss if you know you can just walk out and not have to worry. Maybe you'll have the courage to go to their boss and explain the problem. Or some other route that is appropriate.
Very well explained! This was disturbing and hilarious at the same time for me. 😂 I just thought I'd share 3 progressively cruder mind games I remember an ex TV exec boss playing with a group of writing colleagues on a daily drama. When she first joined the team, she asked all the writers to introduce themselves and reveal one thing they liked about themselves, loathed in others and one thing commonly misunderstood by people about them. Once everyone had obliged, she smugly revealed that what we liked about ourselves was our mask or public face and what we hated in others was our true face. The theory wasn't hers but it set a decidedly cat and mouse tone that worsened over the years.
At another meeting years later, she made an out of the blue performance of declaring that she trusted everyone in the room implicitly... before muttering, "well, except for one..." Over the awkward, nervous silence that followed, she laughed and assured us she was joking, leaving the malignant seed planted to sow self-doubt.
The last and crudest one came a year or two after that and I think she must've been having a bad day. In the middle of the weekly meeting, she bluntly asked: "Does anyone here ever look in the mirror and just hate themselves? 🙂" Of course no one answered and she moved on swiftly, leaving the room with a distinct sense that a trap had just been set and failed.
I know it's not gaslighting, per se, but mind games are definitely a precursor to it, so I thought I'd share.
Moral of the story: Work from home if you can, people! Life's WAY too short for Ulcers! 😁✌️
I got lucky with HR. They felt my pain and honored my voluntary move to a different site. I had to leave my toxic boss and my close colleague who used the toxic boss as a shield.
I’ve experienced it. Yes, all the points are quite accurate. I wish anyone facing the same situation please.. do plan for an exit before it’s too late. It is really not easy to recover even after you left the organization.
I absolutely agree, the recovery is a road, it isn't happening overnight but the wounds will definitely heal with time. As long as you manage to separate/distance yourself from this abuse.
@@myemmotion and you're correct that this is definitely abuse!!! You stated it isn't best to confront a gaslighting type of boss and the less emotion you show the better which I agree. What would be your tips on how best to distance yourself and not be pulled into the drama? What would be the best way to handle exiting/leaving? It seems due to the extreme control and manipulation tactics that they manipulate HR and other executive positions too into blaming the other person as the problem. It's a really bad abusive mindgame that takes a huge emotional toll on the psyche because there's no one to believe or support you.
@@anitaknight3915 Yes they divide and conquer, they isolate you and put people against you. They prepare the territory even before you start noticing the abuse , so when you finally wake up and fight back you find yourself already isolated with no support. They smear you exactly in the same way this happens in toxic relationships and toxic families. Please don't allow them to push you down. If you can leave . Your role is really essential, we need people like you with your profession. We need good therapists. Maybe they don't appreciate you in this company but you can offer your support in another or even better, you can work as a freelancer and practice in your own studio. I wish you well!☺️
My boss belittled me when I would do work, she would scream at me when I would ask her doubts and she has targeted me since day one. She herself doesn't know but instead make me do things and when I would ask her questions out of doubts she would say "I can't spoon feed you". May be I was easy target for her. She would always compare me to my collegue and she would just make me feel inferior everytime.
When I’ve communicated concerns with my boss, which she’s encouraged, she says; what is your fault in the situation, you’re projecting. I’ve caught her in lies that make no sense to lie about. And yes, she had denied things we had previously discussed. I’m looking for a new job now and I now know what to look for and I now understand the boundaries that I am worth setting… 😊
Indeed, I am definitely "over sensitive" towards pathological liars. Some people will actually make up entire stories about you and then believe their own narcissistic lies.
Basically everything said about my supervisor. They always have a vendetta of documentation and withholding information for me to improve in my job , my boss gaslighted me about my work and compared me to others how they were doing good when I was the new employee and comparing towards seniority. I got tired of their bs and how they just try to question myself . I got confused alot and started second guessing myself everytime I do something . But realized how much damaged was done . Never reported these incidents that affected my morale. But this was not a acceptable for me
My former boss was a consummate gaslighter. She prepared me for my next boss who is amateur by comparison. Prior boss gave me the experience and tools I need to confound my new bosses attempts to gaslight.
I’m being forced into mediation with my gaslighting boss, All these situations are so accurate. I won’t be talking about any of these situations. I had a mental breakdown because of this narcisstic boss. Now mediation is going. She’s trying to control the situation by forcing me to join the session in person.
My boss says I should train the staff but when I do train them his reply is “don’t be too hard on them.”
When I achieved great results with my team he got jealous and said “don’t lead your team like the navy seals this is not natural.” He wanted to defend his leadership because he was in charge of the same team Previously but produced no results because of playing favourites but micro managing each member without developing them. He would allow them to have a casual attitude at work and rostering them with limited time to dilute their power. Eventually he was forced to lessen his hours at work and that lead to the managements decision to hire me.
I told him “I never take away the confidence of the staff. I don’t micromanage the staff. I’m in the background for seeing everything and I handle the situations they cannot handle.” He was visibly upset as I was hired as second in charge and probably going to replace him in time.
Thanks for confirming my thoughts in your video.
Worked for my job 4 years next month. My boss had always seem unsatisfied with every single person who has worked and turned over in my department. He never really turned his ire towards me until this week. He called out of work and I was 3rd in command, then 1st in command after the 2nd left. Long story short I did my job and carried out orders given from my boss then went home. Later that night my boss texted me telling me he was going to cut my hours by half and hire a new person. This prompted a major argument in text where I remained as respectful as possible but pointed out how my packed hours for the past 4 years reflect my managers true opinion of me. I told him if he wanted to fire me to just tale me to the union then he restated that what he said was simple and easy to understand...he then apologized to me. However he is telling people that I'm immature for arguing with him and hes saying to my friends that he was joking about everything.
“You appear to be getting angry” 😂
My toxic boss claimed when her camera wouldn’t work that she wouldn’t be able to se if I, upset. When the hell have I ever been upset? She was anticipating my reaction like it was a game. She’s such a toxic gaslighting boss. I changed o her and suddfound a job in a better position than hers! See ya later toxic-gator!
My recent boss has all the signs you mentioned. I just started working for 2 weeks and she already everyone if I cannot do anything (in the meaning, I am incapable to do anything). She critizes me everytime about everything, compares to another coworker, blame me for everything (she even blamed me as the cause of her to get sick. She said I frustrated her and made her feel insane.). She did that in just 2 weeks of me working. WOW!!!
I didn’t even realize comparison was a part of gaslighting. I’m shocked at how many of these points describe my manager-and pretty miserable. Been looking for a job the moment I started and still nothing as of now, but I’m trying.
My toxic boss has crossed the line so many times. Even using my allergy against me. No boundaries and she constantly gaslights pretending that I am so inefficient and incompetent, yet relies of me so much-making me do the most amount of work and increasing my workload with the least amount of time. When others ever have to do the same, they are never rudely insulted, micromanaged, or have only supposed faults pointed out. I actually have the most experience which has helped me to be more productive and efficient than average, yet my boss portrays me as the opposite-rudely to my face and to other bosses and higher ups. She has turned a fun and relatively easy going job into a stressful one where gaslighting, and patronizing and rude treatment prevails. And worst of all, all of my concerns have never been acted upon or taken seriously. She has free reign to abuse as she pleases.
“Don’t take it personally” is what a really unprofessional colleague said to me. He was truly awful.
I can testify, when the mind games didn't work she resorted to sabotaging my work schedule.
just put in my two weeks notice thank you im not doing it anymore
1:40 2:30 2:50 3:30 dont doubt urself 4:20 4:40 tell one thing then deny it, withhold info
6:30 favouritism 7:50 scared 8:20 other ways
It's not always the bosses. Sometimes, even your colleague or co-member does most of these toxicity. Especially gossiping. They come across as "everybody's friend" but when he/she doesn't like someone, will recruit her circle of friends to feel the same hate towards the victim. It's very easy to tell when someone is like this but it's very hard to prove.
Amazing! I have four weeks at the job I am currently at and I am already experiencing so much of these gaslighting signs. At the last meeting this person even said that I had called her “a bad leader” and I never said that, and when I stated that she was wrong she counter argued that yes, that’s exactly what I had said. Every time someone tells her there’s a problem she gives these elaborate stories that end up becoming incoherent as to why she didn’t do X. You get lost in her verbal nihilism. At week three I made a mistake of using a wrong sheet for a task and she said “everyone did it right but you.” I could go on with examples, and I need to underscore that I’ve only been here four weeks! It is the worst job I have ever had and since week two I’ve been planning my departure from this job.
Same here. Except that i lasted 3 months and went out without regret. Those bosses who mistreat their coworkers especially if they r new are not worth working with because obviously they have poor leadership skills and lack so much self confidence that they start imagining that an x employee is a threat or an x employee is disrespecting them. These people are garbage.
I just stumbled across your viideos today and have subscribed. I'm sitting at home after calling in sick one week ago, due to utterly diabolical management, which I have endured now for 2 years. I have wasted so many nights of sleep, and experienced my normal, positive productive self, spiralling into a husk of self-doubt, lack of condidence...just rock-bottom low self-worth. Because they have managed to create a culture where some of us are slowly and methodically lead to believe that we are just garbage, basically. Thanks so much for pointing my thoughts and feelings to a new direction!
This gentleman has described my ex- boss to a T. Absolute scumbag of an individual. Thank you for this video.
Thank you for acknowledging that it is not always possible to just leave your toxic workplace.
He's gaslighting
@@tomm1583 lol
Had a manager and a director duo that did this. They would tell you to do one thing but neither of them are on the same pg about it and expected you to execute. They’d CC everyone in an email in effort to show your incompetence. I’d screenshot EVERYTHING and highlight dates, times and other details to show off her their short term memory…..and I’d Reply All….they did.not.like.that 😅
We played the chicken game of quiet firing and quiet quitting for a few months. As soon as it was over I went on a cruise to salvage my mental health.
I had a boss that would always be overtly aggressive and then say “why are you in your feelings”. Then when you defend yourself he snaps at you and the situation gets worse.
Thank you. Thank you. You've validated my experiences completely. I thought I was going nuts. It has been a long road, but now that I see the truth, I can focus on my next steps rather than second guessing myself.
Went to HR about the portfolio manager being toxic and misleading.. instead, the portfolio manager gives me a write up on "performance" with no proof of the issues.
I considered that text book retaliation.
Oh this fits my job to a tee. It's gotten now to asking me a question and refuses to listen when I answer or tells me to be silent when I try to communicate to his inquiry or have important info pertaining to his business or regarding a customer.
Holy shit this is my Assistant Gen Manager. I am a part of management, but on a lower level. I've been told to take lead and ownership of my shifts. Yet still get yelled at if my approach differs from theirs. I get given responsibilities and then told I did them wrong. I do design work and get told 5 different things through the course of the design. I give my bosses 2 weeks to proofread before it is sent to print. Of course they don't. Then I get told there are errors in what goes in what item. Yet they are silent when I show the 4 different recipes I was given.
Somehow it's my fault. I think the fact that employees breath a sigh of relief when they know I'm the manager on duty is a clear sign. They do this to to other employees as well. They have their favorites that can do no wrong as well. In the beginning I questioned nothing. All was fine. As I grew in my position I took on more leadership and responsibilities. That's when the issues became apparent.
And it’s always going to be like that with them. I hope you manage to set the right boundaries!
I know the solution is always leave but it’s not always easy to find another job. It’s gotten very competitive out there. Very sad.
gaslighters get away with abuse because people don't have much information about it, can you do more content on how to find out if you are being gaslighted? not just by the boss
I am glad you've found my last stream about gaslighting useful :)
7:17 I literally worked so hard and have not been told anything I need to do to progress after several months. New employee comes in and gets taught more than I have in 2 days, listens to my projects then when he wants to talk to her I'm told to go back to my desk! My boss is very charming but aggressive when challenged. I have no option but to jobhop yet again.
It's sad but so often true. I keep ending up with this type of boss somehow. I'm starting to wonder whether or not I am somehow provoking this. It feels like there is a permanent "kick me" sign somewhere on me. I come home crying a couple of times a week... So frustrating... There is no point in talking to them. When you put a mirror in front of my boss, and just state facts as they are, he just gets incredibly angry. He turns it around and feels offended that would even dare say anything. He always makes me regret speaking up, while at the same time, in a one-on-one conversation he is complaining that no one gives him a straightforward answer about how they're really doing at work. When I speak up, and all of a sudden I am the only one with a problem.... No wonder the others don't speak up. Addressing any issues just directs the full storm of their pathetic weakness towards me.
Supporting more and more people with our service "you won't feel it, it's just a small group of people, hardly any work load" over and over again this happened. It's like boiling a frog to death, slowly but surely little by little they drown us, and won't even acknowledge the tremendous workload we still manage to carry.
It's never personnel shortage, we are just not organizing our work properly. But when we do, no matter how we do it, it's always wrong. Even if they only just told us how to organize it, he just flips it around so we re wrong anyway.
"We could hire 10 more people and you guys would still say there aren't enough people to get it all done".
I'm really at a breaking point, don't have the financial room to breathe in order to change jobs. The trust person at work also says there isn't really anything I can do about it. Going over their heads usually doesn't end well.
In general it usually results in the employee leaving....
The thing is I really like my job. And my co-workers. And even the place I work at makes me proud.
But my boss is really killing me
Before I even watched the video I saw the title and said YES!!!
This was one of my professors this semester…said I sound too much like I’m “reading” while presenting, when I’m really just being concise like you are in this video lol. That’s one of the many things that happened. So glad the class is finally over
Sometimes they tell you everything you want to hear- to disguise the fact they are manipulating things around you & how ppl perceive you. If you start to think differently, they punish you by not promoting you. And also they use the “are you angry? Are you mad at me?” Alot.
Been dealing with this for years
You are at that top of your game with these videos. You are spot on concerning toxic workplaces. I am at one 110 percent and HR is in kahoots with them
3:47 This really nails the truth!! Absolutely excellent advice
It is not up to your boss or anyone else to tell YOU how YOU should feel. You are the one feeling in your own body and mind.
Excellent video Marat. If you write down your words, you'll produce a professional manual to identify gaslighters. The problem here is that (some) companies do not care about having gaslighting managers and just look to the other side. Your last phrase is soooo real: "The longer you stay, the longer it takes for you to recover". If you have one of those LM, just make noise (go to HR, although "HR are not your friends") and look for another position elsewhere: you do not have to fix things, but leave the place as fast as you can. Congrats on another excellent video !!
You are so right! When you put your experiences in written words, it's much easier to see all the manipulation. If you stick to facts then the gaslighting become more clear! It's still complicated to justify it when it comes to the HR and upper management, unless there are visible negative consequences towards the business. And yes, it isn't our responsibility to "fix" things, it's much more important to look for exiting such places.
And as usual, I really appreciate your input and your wise words! You are going to rock at your new job!
I really like what you said about how you don't have to fix things. We don't owe anybody anything when it comes to asking others to treat us with basic dignity and respect. We shouldn't have to wait around for someone toxic to learn how to treat us with dignity when they should have fucking learned in kindergarten, honestly.
@@sunnywest28 I just meant there: expose the LM to HR (don't keep the person in the dark, but expose the person) and go to another company. I hate those situations where all the bulling stays in the dark. Otherwise, totally agree with you.
@@sunnywest28 Thank you so much for your comment !. We see reality with the same eyes.
I’ve been in this job for only a month and I need to leave. I ended up here running away from a previous toxic boss. I never imagine this would be worst! Never in my life I had any boss listening to conversations, following all the time , watching every step I make. I have always been trusted by all the people I’ve worked for, even with their bank accounts, personal information , kids, etc etc. I am a very trustworthy person, hard worker, reliable. This is a first for me (well, second in a row) that these bosses have made me questioning myself about imagining things. Anyway, my way out seems a little complicated because my boss is the owner of an art gallery where my husband sells his art. That’s how I got the job. This person had always been nice to us, but as soon as I started working with her she became a nightmare for me, even my husband doesn’t believe me 100% which is funny actually. Anyways, I just don’t know how to quit without damaging her relationship with my husband. Any advice please?
If he supports your enemys perspective that is 2 toxic ppl
They are doing things together behind your back. Watch their moves, how they treat one another, listen to how they talk. Dont make yourself noticeable, try to not make any type of noise with your shoes, clothes, jewelry, be very quiet. That's how I was able to listen and get feedback on coworkers that were conspiring against me. If your husband does not believe you dont try to convince him. Obviously she is jelous of you. Nice people are never nice, they act nice to get close to you. Her attitude should already tell you what shes doing against you.
what did you end up doing? ❤
@@noonecares269nice ppl can be nice.
I quit 2 years ago but I figured all this myself after going crazy for 4 years and needing to see a therapist for depression and anxiety while working there, quitting was the best move. Good to see this video up now for all the people who think there going crazy and people who have siblings or parents doing this to them
Yes, you nailed it. Have been working for a gaslighter for over a year. It’s just a part time job, and I’ve been able to brush it off for a long while, but lately I’ve been getting depressed and having some physical symptoms. He never I mean never says anything resembling gratitude or appreciation. I know it’s time to get out. Too bad, I like the work, but it’s not worth this
Thank you 🙏
Thank you!
You are helping more my mental health than the psychiatric industry.
I have left 3 high-paying jobs in the last year, for this same reason. It's very unhealthy and I don't regret it! ❤🙏
I'm dealing with this now. Questioning my reality. Leaving me off email chains. Giving me wrong information.
Have you tried talking about it to your boss?
I have been dealing with this for 2 years. Terrible!
I worked for a guy for 4 years , a new guy started who I was responsible for, my wage got cut 20% to the same wage he was getting yet I was his teacher in a sense and never got credit yet I was assigned jobs that required great skill luckily I was confident enough to leave because I was no longer valued
When your boss is the ceo, you are never right, and only his ideas or versions of things matters. I learned this the hard way.