I was so ,thin to be small. Tiny.is that crazy? The sound thing always be careful how you sound. Micromanaging everything. I was always Overwhelmed work 6 to 7 Days a week . Doing everything they want and when
I just had a session with my counselor 10 minutes ago and kept "pausing mid sentence". I was sitting here thinking if she thought I was strange. My father was a narcissist. Explains a lot! Replying here since it would not allow me to comment. 😊
Loud noises, loud thumping, raised voices, when my neighbours have a lot of people over and it is very loud I get very 'angry', I wish none of it on anyone.
Relate to virtually everything in here. Forgot one though: the constant need to essentially cater to both sides of anything, even to one's own detriment, out of fear of what may happen if you don't keep everyone happy all of the time. Regardless of the fact that from the outside looking in, they think you're being two faced when in reality you're literally just trying to survive because the world feels that dangerous.
Yes very different living through it to just knowing about it. I was lucky we had a fiercely God-fearing Nana who also taught everyone how to be independent and have a reserve account with what she called Mad money (just in caae) plus understanding that not everyone of us would marry a good man or could end up in a difficult situation where we needed to escape pronto
I think joining the Air Force helped me. Of course I was no fan of the yelling in basic training, but at least I knew it wasn't personal because everybody was catching that.
Feel you 🍀❤️ At yoga, yoga teacher covers with blanket my foot, it was outside off under the blanket. And tears just started and I was crying. I just couldn’t believed she / someone see me and care.
I know the feeling. There was nothing so freeing as hearing a psychologist tell me that there was nothing wrong with me; there was a screw loose with my abuser. It’s NOT YOU. It was NEVER you. It was THEM and their need to lie and manipulate. Just tell yourself that repeatedly until you know it because it’s TRUE.
(1) Pausing mid-sentence (2) Nervous laugher during uncomfortable situations (3) Nervously repeating phrases (4) Speaking very quickly (5) Refusing to take up space (6) Over-checking their phone (7) Micromanaging their tone (8) Over-preparing for simple tasks (9) Suddenly withdrawing from conversations when feeling overwhelmed (10) Nervous throat clearing 8/10 😞
@@kathyeverett355 as a Christian I got in the habit of asking for forgiveness for things I was accused of, not what I was actually doing. If I sin I can go to God and He will forgive me for MY mistakes and I’ll get peace that passes all understanding. When I ask God to forgive me for the things my accusers say about me I just get a pile of stress.
I apologize for running into things or if I slam something mistakenly I say I'm sorry loudly so my neighbors know it was an accident. To be honest they don't care.
Double-checking everything? Being a perfectionist slowed me down at work. As a child I was severely punished for any mistakes. Yes, when I freed myself from abusers I had to learn to speak slowly and I often stop mid-sentence, and others assume this is it and won't let me finish. As a child I was not allowed to speak first and anybody could and did interrupt me. In addition, I always have plan 'B' for anything that is important in my life. Have to rely on myself only, always. I don't trust anyone with what matters to me.
I didn't know I had a voice! NAS- now that I've found my voice I find I'm insecure about what I speak of. I'm free now of my tormenting parents but still am not sure if my mind works right!
How about realizing when you’re in your 30s and you can come out of your bedroom because you have a whole house to live in. You don’t have to keep all your stuff right beside you in safe space anymore. Or wanting to stay far away from most people because you’ve been hurt by the people who mattered most when young. You learn you can’t trust or depend on them, they let you down too often and you can’t take much more of that. You’re overly suspicious of people because you’ve seen how people that are supposed to love you can be so why would a stranger be better? I’ve come a long way and I pray for others that have suffered this abuse and may still be suffering today.
I have a lot of credentials and credibility and when I begin to speak in groups, people stop to listen and give me attention. I immediately forget what I’m going to say because I am SO STARTLED by the fact that I’m being given attention or positive regard. It’s so terrible. I remind myself in my mind that I’m smart, I know what I’m talking about, it’s okay to get attention. But often, I’ve started babbling and the moment is lost.
I hear you. I often wonder what and why they are listening. I often get asked to do speeches or speak to large groups due to how I speak. Yet I freak out mid sentence thinking why are u listening and why do u want to hear from me? I find it really difficult. I also think about how I will say it. I analyse it before it comes out. At school during speeches I'd be on the verge of crying with anxiety and would need to write double the length coz I speak so fast
Hoping for the best and prepare for the worst... Just to find out the worst you prepared for was not the worst at all, what really happened was 100 times worse and impossible to predict...
Literally me getting ready to.divorce a narcissistic who has physically and emotionally abused me for years. Trained to second guess everything I did...always fighting a losing battle. Nervous laughter....I have that!
I once asked a friend, "Do you often feel a sense of anxiety when a message arrives unexpectedly from a friend or family member, as if the message might tell you that you've done something wrong?", and they responded as if I had said the most obvious thing in the world.
I always feel guilty if someone wants to “talk to me”. Even though I have done nothing wrong. It took me 20 years in a wonderful second marriage to stop saying “sorry” 20x a day.
I almost panic, not just with unexpected messages, but phone calls and knocks at the door. Even if someone tries to get my attention in public, my knee-jerk reaction is: oh shit.
When someone tells me "hey I want to talk to you" or " I need to tell you something", I automatically thunk it's something horrible and I always say " I don't want to know, please don't tell me anything." For some reason I always think it's something bad that will affect me in a negative way, but most of the time when someone says they want to tell me something it's never anything that pertains to me or it's not bad. My mom had a very negative world view, she viewed everything in a negative light, joy and happiness, this woman knows nothing of and her actions always brought on negative consequences so I think growing up seeing that as a child you think something bad is going to happen around every corner. I'm always on alert.
This reminds me of my father. Sometimes he'd blow up at me and say" don't you talk to me like that"!, even though I'd spoken quite normally. Then there was my mother who, if someone spoke to me in her presence, she woukd answer for me before I could open my mouth. People often remark about how quiet I am. You can guess why.
My father was the same. It took me 22 years to stand up to my father. To tell him what is not his business and whats not. Suprisingly my father understood his place.
That is very similar to me. I've always been extremely quiet. My mom always thought anything that didn't sound pleasant or in complete agreement with her was me being rude and judgmental. So I agreed with her out of fear of getting yelled at or rejected. I was completely ignored when I gave any input into a conversation, too, so I think that's part of why I don't really talk that much. Now, I am so anxious and tense when I have conversations with people that I avoid them after a few words are exchanged. Even online conversations are difficult for me, and I do the same thing. It is pretty, um sad, I guess. It is actually really sad. And sometimes lonely to be so afraid of people. 😑
The video missed mine . . constantly apologizing in any situation, whether I had anything to apologize for or not. It was a way to prevent eruption over small things that worked sometimes. The Narc is gone now, along with all the positive things once in my life, but I still can't stop apologizing
My cousin told me one time that you're only aloud to say sorry once a day so you have to make it count. lol that stuck with me. I still say sorry a lot, maybe 10 times a day, but not like a 100 times a day anymore.
I realized this last year that my father was a narcissist. Some of your points in this video are some coping mechanics I do, but I never knew why. Thank you!
Talking with a relative- I was continuously told I was naive and didn't know what I was talking about. Gave up on the conversation. Was then charged with "running and hiding," "not able to hold an intelligent conversation." It wasn't even an important topic.
I grew up with a narcissistic mother, then married a narcissistic man. We were together for 7 years. I finally left, and I'm in the best relationship today. He knew me before I was married, and he sees what my ex did to me. It changes you. He's such an angel for being there for me in the early days of my healing. During the sleepless nights when I had nightmare after nightmare of my ex finding me and killing me. The many times I'd flinch or jump, even though he had the softest touch. We're working on 8 years together now, and I'm doing a lot better than what I was. Having a strong support system really helped.
Thank you for this comment. I recently had a counselor shame me because in her opinion it should have only taken me a year to heal a lifetime of abuse. Needless to say she isn't my counselor anymore.
@@tearsong8744I’m so sorry you experienced this. That sounds so counterproductive. Especially if the counselor gave you no tools to help you process the trauma. Also value you for you. Do not see yourself as only having value when in a relationship or if another person needs or wants you. Be a whole ass person first. I hope you are doing better now and have healed some. You deserve to be happy and healthy, remember you’re worth it.
@@EmilyWebster-sj5kq I’m sorry to hear that. For what little comfort it may bring you are not alone and there are people who will understand what you’re going through. I do most of the behaviors but not all. Since anxious is my default setting it’s hard for me to identify when something is causing me abnormal amounts of stress. Usually I can only tell because I will have strange dreams/nightmares. Do you experience this as well? Do you have any insights as to how to manage your anxiety? My counselors have recommended deep breathing, positive self talk, and an imaginary friend of a sort. In essence you picture a person you love and respect in moments where you are feeling anxious and imagine what advice or pep talk they would give you. I find that they help a little but I’m hoping with practice they will be more effective.
@@klm_shadow Thank you 🙏🏻 for your kind words. I think people often forget how powerful words can be. I’m still working on myself and healing but I am doing much better than I was. Thank you for the advice as well. It is a much needed reminder to live life for myself and not let others determine my self worth. I hope you are happy and healthy. Have a blessed day 🤍
@@fts-r1x, no it is not normal. It is a trauma response. If you think it is normal, you may have suffered childhood abuse. Kinda like a daughter being SA'd by her father thinks that's normal. But people that were not abused will tell you it is not normal. That is abuse.
This is the most ON POINT video I have ever seen! The pausing immediately got my attention! I do this when nervous and YES it spawned from my lengthy abusive relationship! I would pause and sometimes not even finish what I was going to say and say nevermind because I knew my abuser would have a sarcastic at best or a vengeful at worst response. It just wasn't worth it. I still find myself doing it but less and less. Its a horrible feeling. All of these are so true!
In my opinion... If you grin or laugh while being accused, it automatically makes you guilty... No matter what you say, they always twist it around on you and say that you are Guilty. So move away and break contact at the first opportunity. And DON'T LOOK BACK!
💯 it doesn't matter what you say, it will be twisted, judged, to make you seem insane, guilty, the bully or whatever "character" they want you to be perceived to be 😢
Working in a corporate environment was both a familiar and secure family like structure and a pressure cooker of social anxiety for me. And confusing when I was constantly bombarded with mixed signals and unattainable expectations from management that I would be shamed for not achieving. I had grown up on a background of social exclusion so being commanded to look people directly in the eyes at all times was bewildering to me,I didn't know how to feel secure or act naturally in what felt like an aggression provoking situation.
If you laugh or sigh, say anything under your breath like geez, then you're in for a full-blown rant rage that lasts for 10 mins to an hour. I finally learned to say I'm not doing this and walk away. Lol, that got me thrown out of the house with the clothes I could carry in a grocery bag. That was....yea.
When my narcissistic daughter would rant rage, I adopted a blank face and said ok every few minutes. Of course, nothing passified her until she ran out of rage. One never knew when or what would set her off. It was like constantly walking on glass.
I'm blessed to say I made it out. I still get triggered I still scan parking lots. But I'm doing a lot better! It was hard to break contact completely but I managed after years. And it was well worth it!
Wow … I’m 57 now and have all of these . Had the worst narc parents and runs deep in both families . Of course my older sisters were their flying monkeys and I was belittled , put down , couldnt speak up and when I did put done always. When I got older and spoke the truth and was called crazy and lit . Had anxiety and panic attacks my whole life and never knew why , now I know . So stopped talking to my family and they trash me and left me of of the Will
Every felt stuck and unable to move out of your abusive narcissistic mother and stepfather simply because your mother has programmed you to believing that despite the fact that she makes your life a living hell, there's no one out there who can genuinely help you and you'll always come back to her because she's your mother. Then she devalues everything you try to do for yourself and throws a fit when you try to leave the house with your son. So you're stuck not being financially independent and feeling like you can't do anything whilst she enjoys telling people that she takes care of you and your son. All of this happening to me and I'm 27. I want to move out with my son but there's a voice at the back of my head that tells me I'll never make it out there. She uses my aunt, narcissistic grandma and my step brothers as flying monkeys
@@krisleshiba3390I feel for you & your predicament ❤️🩹 This might sound a bit left field; but the voice that persuades you to stay is 'her' introject in your mind - the narc' implants this voice to keep you stuck. The good news is that there's vid's to get rid of 'their' Introjects ✨ Prof Sam Vaknin has some very helpful vid's on removing these 💫 Try to create some emotional distance & little escapes for yourself & son ❤ Especially if you can meet up with friends whom are a real support & maybe join some hobby & activity groups 💕 I know only too well the pain of being the family scapegoat... 🐐 There's some amazing support on here for recovery ✨ In the meantime, quietly save & get your ducks in a row, whilst doing a bit of yellow rock with 'the family' keeping them out of the loop of your real plans until both you & your son are a safe distance from them 💖 I personally went no contact once I thoroughly new what 'mother' was ✨ I only wish I'd realised sooner! Take care & blessings for your escape & recovery 🙏🌸
F*ck them, even if you are reserved or shy, it is you your nature and it is beautiful and nothing wrong. Those kind of “advice” never helped, it is passive aggressive.
Thank you for this. My mother was a narcissist. She was also manic depressive, on medication, and she was also an alcoholic. The combination of medication and alcohol is horrendous. She was sectioned a few times and died of liver cirrhosis aged 43 when I was 21. A lot of what you’ve said here is me and my sister❤😊
I had no idea how bad it was until I watched this. I thought I was crazy for rehearsing how conversations might go in my head. My mom and my abusive ex husband are both narcissists and I’m learning how to live sharing without that toxicity in my life.
For point #1, another reason why we stop mid sentence is due to the fact that if we say anything the Narc will speak over us while we're talking and we can't ever get a full sentence or thought out before we are forced to take on another.
My brothers wife does this with my brother-whenever she does it, i ignore her and focus on my brother to finish. I told her my sister used to do the same thing and my mother used to tell her to let him finish so he didn't grow up with a stutter. It is also manners. She stared at me like she wanted to ...fill in the gap xx
They clear their throats because their throat chakras have been closed one too many times through the encounters from the abuse and so it's kind of like having a frog in the throat feeling. It happens because it has put a stagnation in them that they don't know how to repair. Parental figures mistreat people even workplaces have gotten to a point these days where they are abusive towards their employees and the employees are afraid to speak their true and their mind even at work places not just at home any longer because that's how bad it's truly gotten out there. It's become acceptable for one group of people to mistreat another and even get them harmed and still seems like they get away with it. And that's because they're really good at keeping everybody in their corner to smear that one individual or the few that they have their sights on. I understand this because I've been mistreated for a long time by my who I think my family is. And it's okay for me to speak about it now I wasn't able to before. It's difficult to get help in this world because sometimes the only people you have to tell are in on it. Or you tell authority figures and they don't even care but they'll be right there for them for any time they need them and they know there's no way they don't know that they're lying. The people I live with they will physical and mental harm and then call the police and tell them lies to further the damage and the police in this area have been helping them and they don't take the accurate statements down like they should be.
I know after years of going through hell then I had to put up with a neighbor that moved in that was a whack job that had a friend as a cop in that town with the landlord so they could write whatever they want but didn't really write my true side and threatened homelessness it was living hell male stolen that was on top of discovering the dark abuse that home was held there was always stress
I've spent a life of being falsely accused. My working life has been an abject failure despite being very earnest, conscientious and unfailingly responsible. I've just spent nearly 7 years unemployed and unemployable because a kid said l bashed him with an iron bar. That l did nothing of the sort l was considered guilty and tarred with the falsehood. This on top C-PTSI. It reminds me having to walk in 43°C / 110°F for 38kms / 24m .mv with no water, money or food. There was absolutely nothing l could do about it.
I am so damaged from a narcissist, i think i am in a coma sometimes. Like my life has been so destroyed that its almost unreal. I was raised by a narcissist, so I was an easy target for the sociopath that destroyed me from the inside out. If i didnt believe in God, i would have taken my own life already.
My mother has always tried micromanaging my tone my entire life. I guess I never understood it? I've always thought everyone has some kind of tone ... Plus tone expresses ur feelings behind it... She was the only one that ever had a problem with how I speak... I won't ever back down but I wish she could've understood me 😢
My partner is learning how to manage his tone for me. Growing up, a change in tone meant bad news so when we first started dating i was always worried and asking "what's wrong".
Now that im out of the abuse, and have realized that i had two narcs in my life and thats when my depression and Low self esteem began I feel so much better. Much of these behaiviors are now gone ❤️🩹
It's not just daughters. Sons can also clutter. Men are less likely to hoard cats than women, but I find it amazing that I, a diehard dog person, have a cat (spoiled), and doubled down on clutter, nail biting, and seclusion after starting the journey to normal thoughts and behaviors.
I can relate to this definitely. Repeating sentences because I felt not being heard and yes I laugh nervously when in uncomfortable conversations/situations! This is a much needed video for people like me right now for those who have not under gone abuse will never understand our emotions and what we went through! 😏😔💖😇🙏.
I have an eyebrow tick that gets triggered when I'm feeling anxious/hypervigilant in public. I get self-conscious that people will think I'm winking at them. Prayers for your grandson.
My narcissist abuse prepared me to handle anything that came along. If there is a crisis I'm fully functional because I've lived in crisis all my life. It took a while to get there but I'm there. Best to all who watched this.
@Wiolka: I hear you. Two things: First, by now you (hopefully) will have noticed those who take notice of any of your “weird” mannerisms. These R the ppl who “study you” when they get together w/ you. So, do not give those ppl access to you. Second, the word “weird” is SUBJECTIVE. What u might fear coming out as “weird” to those who want to “study” you in gatherings might come across as cute, eccentric, or even mundane to those who meet you for the first time 🌼🌸🌹🌺. You can bring new ppl into your life. They see u with fresh eyes.
@@lourdeswright, says the devil as he tries to lure you into a trap. @Wiolka, do not listen to this person's advice. This is the advice of an insecure human being trying to manipulate you with fear. Classic Narcissistic tactic.
“In the way” feeling is my lifelong curse. The words weren’t used but being a burden and in the way were the unspoken atmosphere. Retired I live alone in the forest.
5:35 I actually undercheck my phone. I’m still hiding even the most innocent things. Past fear of something leading to an argument and getting accused of cheating. Like, it’s a text to confirm my therapy appointment…why do I now feel guilty? Hide it to avoid it
You ruined three relationships? I bet you must be proud. I bet the children thank you for taking their father away. Did you ask police to become violent and use weapons on people? Did anyone get killed by police because of your actions? Are the children running the streets without a man to look after them now because the male figure isn't there to protect them and mother is out being a drunken whore and doesn't want the kids to know about it. Is she kicking the kids out when they turn 16 to run away with a boy for his money? No real man wants disgusting women like you anywhere near them.
@@fts-r1x Lol. I found a narc!!! Well done helping those women. My best friend pulled me from a narcissistic relationship. Helped me and my son heal. He spews venom to his flying monkeys and his language is much like this comment.
I feel you. And being criticized for it is very frustrating because all you need/needed the first or second time was to be acknowledged, so you could feel hear. And not passed over or ignored or unimportant.😢
Wow, my husband does nervous throat clearing A LOT!!! I knew his parents were narcissistic and my husband has turned it inward and become very stoic but I never knew the throat clearing!!! Thanks for the info!!!
I’m starting to lose my hypervigilance after losing my abuser three years ago. That was the worst part of my reaction to the abuse. I never knew when I would get a Poison Pen Email or find a snarky remark on my Facebook. I had to block my mother repeatedly to keep her in line after I got treatment and learned how to handle her. But she had me wanting to check out permanently and I almost waited too long to get psychological counseling. Please go get help if you haven’t. Trust me, there’s nothing like hearing from a DOCTOR that it is NOT YOU and there is NOTHING WRONG with you. There’s something wrong with your abuser!!!
This is me. I start in one place talking and often end up in a complete other. I also do the laughing thing, but I’ve learned to throw a joke in front so I don’t sound like a lunatic.
Pretty spot on. I was raised by a covert. I also heavily isolate myself with no desire to change it. Only feel safe alone. Racing thoughts 24/8 about everything I've done wrong and everything I could do wrong. Everyone's emotions are my fault (This ones super toxic, working on it) Loads of guilt and shame that I can't shake. Definitely a bit on the control freak side now since I had none growing up. If your narc is your parent like mine, life gets better when you're an adult and finally get out. A lot to unlearn, but real life outside of the system is what life should be. Just be prepared if you plan to cut out, that family you thought also could see the abuse will show themselves as the narc enablers instead. They see it but "They're family." Good information to have, but it's hurts to lose more people than you thought you would escaping the abuse❤️ Stay strong. It's not your fault. You didn't ruin the family system, the abuse did.
Usually I agree with you but not this time laughter and uncomfortable situation breaks attention and a lot of times you have to Laugh to Keep from Crying you can't go around just crying on people you're uncomfortable with literally everything I mean a lot of people think they can do that but that's not fair to anyone if you can't learn to laugh at yourself for your in a situation where you played it out over and over and you can't do anything else about it eventually you just have to laugh it off I know nervous laughter is not for everyone but it breaks attention and it really helps a lot of things if you if it's genuine you're just laughing to get over the moment then that's different
Those of us with empathy and compassion for others, are seen as stupid, by their kind. We need to be more careful to use logic, and understand that we are not stupid, or an easy hit, to their kind. A blank non expressive face helps a lot to stop bully’s, from attacking or getting anything at all from us. Education is key! I got used to HG Tudor, as he is known and in The Knowing of his kind, to build his own legacy. I followed him for many years and benefited greatly, by understanding that, getting out and staying out, go no contact, works.
Survival skill, I practiced a blank face all my childhood. People read me like a book now but because I am trying to be a person. A real person. People mostly talk over me…so I just shut up. Feel sad. Feel left out. Don’t reach out much.
I find myself trying to leave myself out of things like partys, because my mom said that partys are of the world and that having friends over was wrong.😢 You can get used to being alone and not associate with others out of fear that they may try to control your life. And I find it hard to trust in Jesus to be there for me, I am the only one who has a hard time with trusting the Lord and believe that he loves you anyway.
I can certainly relate to your words. Different situation, though, but finding rest in God's love for me isn't easy. What really helps me is considering the cross and what he did to save "a wretch like me"! This is real, feelings keep changing.
I do number 9 more. Thank you for sharing because I was wondering and I’m able to recognize certain traits. I don’t like to speak in speed that I call in 78, I’m more like 45 and sometimes 33 but only if I’m really tired. Too much 33 isn’t good.
I find myself talking really fast and that's just not like the real me at all! I constantly ask the person I'm talking to if I make sense. I say sorry to much. I have a problem with cutting people off. I gotta say what I think of right when I think of it cause I'm scared I'll forget or I basically want all facts stated when the subject is at hand. I probably do some more signs just haven't noticed yet. Remember it's not your fault ❤❤
My narcissistic abuser is my mother, its been s lifetime, and she is getting worse. Everyone be,ieves her over me and because she has turned the whole family against me and someof my friends and past partners, it can be very isolating. I dont feel worthy and as long as she can use a phone she will systema5ically destroy my life, she has taken everything as she has no limits, literally, she even tried to kill me twice and now i am too scared to try to get away as it only ends in her using authorities to hurt me too. So i have to pretend, i cant help but love her but it hurts so much and she has also hurt my kids too as they dont live with me, the web she wove around me is so tight and even though she is proved to be a liar, no one want to fix it?!
I alwaysb stop talking mid sentence because I was rarely allowed to complete a sentence so my brain has a misfire when I'm talking. I can write no problem, but verbal conversations are difficult unless I have a comfortable foundation with someone.
This is eye opening and makes me feel a little better that im constantly pausing mid sentence. I was left to feel like what i had to say had no significance by my Dad and also recently in a romantic entanglement.
On point.
Thank you for this video.
God Bless. 😊
I’m glad this video resonated with you.
@@spotthenarcissistI have a picture of a ghost on a tv.
You are never sure of what you say. To them.
Its always wrong. God help you,if in a rage period
I was so ,thin to be small.
Tiny.is that crazy? The sound thing always be careful how you sound.
Micromanaging everything. I was always
Overwhelmed work 6 to 7
Days a week . Doing everything they want and when
I just had a session with my counselor 10 minutes ago and kept "pausing mid sentence". I was sitting here thinking if she thought I was strange. My father was a narcissist. Explains a lot!
Replying here since it would not allow me to comment. 😊
You mentioned some good points. For me I am also jumpy to loud noises, also constantly apologizing and not trusting your own judgment.
I feel immense fear everytime I hear people shouting in the house then I feel anxious and unable to do anything
@ 😕😕😕
@@kinyaalexander7252 💔
Loud noises, loud thumping, raised voices, when my neighbours have a lot of people over and it is very loud I get very 'angry', I wish none of it on anyone.
This!!
Relate to virtually everything in here. Forgot one though: the constant need to essentially cater to both sides of anything, even to one's own detriment, out of fear of what may happen if you don't keep everyone happy all of the time. Regardless of the fact that from the outside looking in, they think you're being two faced when in reality you're literally just trying to survive because the world feels that dangerous.
Omg, yes to this, I do this constantly
I don't believe anyone would believe it unless they experience it.
Yes very different living through it to just knowing about it. I was lucky we had a fiercely God-fearing Nana who also taught everyone how to be independent and have a reserve account with what she called Mad money (just in caae) plus understanding that not everyone of us would marry a good man or could end up in a difficult situation where we needed to escape pronto
AMEN . NO ONE BELIEVES YOU....
For sure. 😒
I didn't because I still believed my narcissists.... now I see it with clarity and nobody will believe me unless they've been through it
@Bonsqueesquee it's really hard. 👈🤷Not very profound.....just very weary.
The lack of self-confidence is brutal.
So true!
Agreed I lack confidence:(
Indeed. Worse is the self loathing.
@@sharksbean I even developed ED and body dysmorphia because of it...
I think joining the Air Force helped me. Of course I was no fan of the yelling in basic training, but at least I knew it wasn't personal because everybody was catching that.
Who else burst out crying because it was so nice to be understood?
Feel you 🍀❤️ At yoga, yoga teacher covers with blanket my foot, it was outside off under the blanket. And tears just started and I was crying. I just couldn’t believed she / someone see me and care.
The amount of pain that weld up in chest forced tears out of my eyes
I know the feeling. There was nothing so freeing as hearing a psychologist tell me that there was nothing wrong with me; there was a screw loose with my abuser. It’s NOT YOU. It was NEVER you. It was THEM and their need to lie and manipulate. Just tell yourself that repeatedly until you know it because it’s TRUE.
Yes
Me but it's rare
(1) Pausing mid-sentence
(2) Nervous laugher during uncomfortable situations
(3) Nervously repeating phrases
(4) Speaking very quickly
(5) Refusing to take up space
(6) Over-checking their phone
(7) Micromanaging their tone
(8) Over-preparing for simple tasks
(9) Suddenly withdrawing from conversations when feeling overwhelmed
(10) Nervous throat clearing
8/10 😞
Me 10/10. First time I've been a 10 at anything
7 out of 10
8/10
Oh crap 🥴😳 I do either 9/10 or 10/10
💕💞💕💞💕💞💞💞💕💕
Constantly saying sorry for things that don’t require an apology.
Yea, that would be me. That and a silly giggle at weird times.
@@kathyeverett355 as a Christian I got in the habit of asking for forgiveness for things I was accused of, not what I was actually doing. If I sin I can go to God and He will forgive me for MY mistakes and I’ll get peace that passes all understanding. When I ask God to forgive me for the things my accusers say about me I just get a pile of stress.
Well that's me. Out of habit or whatever it's me. Pausing yeap that's me. Lord heal me.
I apologize for running into things or if I slam something mistakenly I say I'm sorry loudly so my neighbors know it was an accident. To be honest they don't care.
😑 same.... Being Aware of this now, I WILL absolutely work on this! Yeah . Sorry ... Not Sorry!! unless truly appropriate.
💕🙏✨✨
Double-checking everything? Being a perfectionist slowed me down at work. As a child I was severely punished for any mistakes. Yes, when I freed myself from abusers I had to learn to speak slowly and I often stop mid-sentence, and others assume this is it and won't let me finish. As a child I was not allowed to speak first and anybody could and did interrupt me. In addition, I always have plan 'B' for anything that is important in my life. Have to rely on myself only, always. I don't trust anyone with what matters to me.
Thank you for sharing. Hugs
I didn't know I had a voice!
NAS- now that I've found my voice I find I'm insecure about what I speak of. I'm free now of my tormenting parents but still am not sure if my mind works right!
This feels really familiar. I’m sorry, my friend. 😔
@@MelodyJanne 😥
I still speak fast before someone interupts me 😢
How about withdrawing and isolating?
Very hard to do if you live with a narc under the same roof. Or, when you move to get away from them, they hunt you down.
@@KirstenLambert-nt8iythat’s so true
Yes I am so tired of navigating relationships because the narc exhausts me. I just want to hide in my house for the rest of my life
I hermit, but my narc died years ago.
@@KirstenLambert-nt8iy that was my case before I broke the trauma bond and got away from my ex!!!!!!!...
Now I understand why I'm always trying to be invisible 😮
Me too.
I refer to invisibility as my superpower 😔
I love how the narrator explains each behavior and follows up with positive affirmations.
How about realizing when you’re in your 30s and you can come out of your bedroom because you have a whole house to live in. You don’t have to keep all your stuff right beside you in safe space anymore. Or wanting to stay far away from most people because you’ve been hurt by the people who mattered most when young. You learn you can’t trust or depend on them, they let you down too often and you can’t take much more of that. You’re overly suspicious of people because you’ve seen how people that are supposed to love you can be so why would a stranger be better? I’ve come a long way and I pray for others that have suffered this abuse and may still be suffering today.
I have a lot of credentials and credibility and when I begin to speak in groups, people stop to listen and give me attention. I immediately forget what I’m going to say because I am SO STARTLED by the fact that I’m being given attention or positive regard. It’s so terrible. I remind myself in my mind that I’m smart, I know what I’m talking about, it’s okay to get attention. But often, I’ve started babbling and the moment is lost.
Yes, I clam up and forget what I'm saying or forget what question I was asked.
Yeah.if I get a full sentence in anywhere without being interrupted I am terribly thrown off.
😢
I hear you. I often wonder what and why they are listening. I often get asked to do speeches or speak to large groups due to how I speak. Yet I freak out mid sentence thinking why are u listening and why do u want to hear from me? I find it really difficult. I also think about how I will say it. I analyse it before it comes out.
At school during speeches I'd be on the verge of crying with anxiety and would need to write double the length coz I speak so fast
Thank you for putting it into words! Screen shotting for future ❤
Preparing for the worst cuz the worst is always what happens.
That effing shoe
Boy, that's the truth
Hoping for the best and prepare for the worst... Just to find out the worst you prepared for was not the worst at all, what really happened was 100 times worse and impossible to predict...
I don't look forward or get excited about ANYTHING As soon as I do it slaps me upside the head
Literally me getting ready to.divorce a narcissistic who has physically and emotionally abused me for years. Trained to second guess everything I did...always fighting a losing battle. Nervous laughter....I have that!
Like a child pushed down every time it stood up and tried to walk. 🤕
Exactly this. It happens to much
❤Well said❤
You just described my life
And my father dared to be suprised why I grew wings.
@ WAY TO FLY AWAY
I once asked a friend, "Do you often feel a sense of anxiety when a message arrives unexpectedly from a friend or family member, as if the message might tell you that you've done something wrong?", and they responded as if I had said the most obvious thing in the world.
I always feel guilty if someone wants to “talk to me”. Even though I have done nothing wrong. It took me 20 years in a wonderful second marriage to stop saying “sorry” 20x a day.
Yes i do what is the cause by that
I almost panic, not just with unexpected messages, but phone calls and knocks at the door. Even if someone tries to get my attention in public, my knee-jerk reaction is: oh shit.
When someone tells me "hey I want to talk to you" or " I need to tell you something", I automatically thunk it's something horrible and I always say " I don't want to know, please don't tell me anything." For some reason I always think it's something bad that will affect me in a negative way, but most of the time when someone says they want to tell me something it's never anything that pertains to me or it's not bad. My mom had a very negative world view, she viewed everything in a negative light, joy and happiness, this woman knows nothing of and her actions always brought on negative consequences so I think growing up seeing that as a child you think something bad is going to happen around every corner. I'm always on alert.
This reminds me of my father. Sometimes he'd blow up at me and say" don't you talk to me like that"!, even though I'd spoken quite normally. Then there was my mother who, if someone spoke to me in her presence, she woukd answer for me before I could open my mouth. People often remark about how quiet I am. You can guess why.
My father was the same. It took me 22 years to stand up to my father. To tell him what is not his business and whats not. Suprisingly my father understood his place.
Wow that's wild my parents did that too! I totally hear you.
That is very similar to me. I've always been extremely quiet.
My mom always thought anything that didn't sound pleasant or in complete agreement with her was me being rude and judgmental. So I agreed with her out of fear of getting yelled at or rejected. I was completely ignored when I gave any input into a conversation, too, so I think that's part of why I don't really talk that much.
Now, I am so anxious and tense when I have conversations with people that I avoid them after a few words are exchanged. Even online conversations are difficult for me, and I do the same thing. It is pretty, um sad, I guess. It is actually really sad. And sometimes lonely to be so afraid of people. 😑
The video missed mine . . constantly apologizing in any situation, whether I had anything to apologize for or not. It was a way to prevent eruption over small things that worked sometimes. The Narc is gone now, along with all the positive things once in my life, but I still can't stop apologizing
My cousin told me one time that you're only aloud to say sorry once a day so you have to make it count. lol that stuck with me. I still say sorry a lot, maybe 10 times a day, but not like a 100 times a day anymore.
Social media has pushed narcissism to a different level.
Absolutely 💯
And then you have the woke epidemic on top of the narcissist's epidemic making things 100 times worse...
Don't know if it has, or if it's just given the existing narcissists more of a platform without even the pretence of being decent human beings.
I agree, I also don't like that social media has made people throw terms like narcissism out there so casually without understanding its meaning
I realized this last year that my father was a narcissist. Some of your points in this video are some coping mechanics I do, but I never knew why. Thank you!
Talking with a relative- I was continuously told I was naive and didn't know what I was talking about. Gave up on the conversation. Was then charged with "running and hiding," "not able to hold an intelligent conversation." It wasn't even an important topic.
Charged by those gaslighters, no doubt.
I grew up with a narcissistic mother, then married a narcissistic man. We were together for 7 years. I finally left, and I'm in the best relationship today. He knew me before I was married, and he sees what my ex did to me. It changes you. He's such an angel for being there for me in the early days of my healing. During the sleepless nights when I had nightmare after nightmare of my ex finding me and killing me. The many times I'd flinch or jump, even though he had the softest touch. We're working on 8 years together now, and I'm doing a lot better than what I was. Having a strong support system really helped.
I had narcissistic mother and I think I'm in a narcissist marriage, been married 20 years
A narcissistic mother and spouse. No wonder I'm considered strange in social situations.
Same.
Here too
They stare like I’m peculiar as well….same look from ppl throughout the years 😢
Me too......my mom is a saint! I think it started with my older brothers .... then husband and ex's after....and then...the last 2 jobs i had...
6 - or ignoring the phone altogether.
I've been verbally abused for most of my life, so I have many of these mannerisms. I've been in therapy for years because of it.
Thank you for this comment. I recently had a counselor shame me because in her opinion it should have only taken me a year to heal a lifetime of abuse. Needless to say she isn't my counselor anymore.
@@tearsong8744 I do all these, have terrible anxiety
@@tearsong8744I’m so sorry you experienced this. That sounds so counterproductive. Especially if the counselor gave you no tools to help you process the trauma. Also value you for you. Do not see yourself as only having value when in a relationship or if another person needs or wants you. Be a whole ass person first. I hope you are doing better now and have healed some. You deserve to be happy and healthy, remember you’re worth it.
@@EmilyWebster-sj5kq I’m sorry to hear that. For what little comfort it may bring you are not alone and there are people who will understand what you’re going through. I do most of the behaviors but not all. Since anxious is my default setting it’s hard for me to identify when something is causing me abnormal amounts of stress. Usually I can only tell because I will have strange dreams/nightmares. Do you experience this as well? Do you have any insights as to how to manage your anxiety? My counselors have recommended deep breathing, positive self talk, and an imaginary friend of a sort. In essence you picture a person you love and respect in moments where you are feeling anxious and imagine what advice or pep talk they would give you. I find that they help a little but I’m hoping with practice they will be more effective.
@@klm_shadow Thank you 🙏🏻 for your kind words. I think people often forget how powerful words can be. I’m still working on myself and healing but I am doing much better than I was. Thank you for the advice as well. It is a much needed reminder to live life for myself and not let others determine my self worth. I hope you are happy and healthy. Have a blessed day 🤍
10/10. I used to think that everybody feels like this and this is normal.
It is. The post is made for normal people to be pretend they are victims. Promoting victim mentality.
@@fts-r1x, no it is not normal. It is a trauma response. If you think it is normal, you may have suffered childhood abuse. Kinda like a daughter being SA'd by her father thinks that's normal. But people that were not abused will tell you it is not normal. That is abuse.
Not normal. Good luck!
This is the most ON POINT video I have ever seen! The pausing immediately got my attention! I do this when nervous and YES it spawned from my lengthy abusive relationship! I would pause and sometimes not even finish what I was going to say and say nevermind because I knew my abuser would have a sarcastic at best or a vengeful at worst response. It just wasn't worth it. I still find myself doing it but less and less. Its a horrible feeling. All of these are so true!
Only those who have lived it, can truly, truly get it!💔
In my opinion...
If you grin or laugh while being accused, it automatically makes you guilty...
No matter what you say, they always twist it around on you and say that you are Guilty. So move away and break contact at the first opportunity. And DON'T LOOK BACK!
💯 it doesn't matter what you say, it will be twisted, judged, to make you seem insane, guilty, the bully or whatever "character" they want you to be perceived to be 😢
Or they think you are laughing or making fun of them and they get angrier
I moved away from m family for this purpose. Unfortunately, they hunted me down. They didn't get a warm welcome from my, now, ex's family.
Working in a corporate environment was both a familiar and secure family like structure and a pressure cooker of social anxiety for me.
And confusing when I was constantly bombarded with mixed signals and unattainable expectations from management that I would be shamed for not achieving.
I had grown up on a background of social exclusion so being commanded to look people directly in the eyes at all times was bewildering to me,I didn't know how to feel secure or act naturally in what felt like an aggression provoking situation.
If you laugh or sigh, say anything under your breath like geez, then you're in for a full-blown rant rage that lasts for 10 mins to an hour. I finally learned to say I'm not doing this and walk away. Lol, that got me thrown out of the house with the clothes I could carry in a grocery bag. That was....yea.
I used to be criticized for trying to say “ok” a lot. It was a nervous answer to try to diffuse the Narc rage.
I'm always saying "I'm sorry."
I used to say sorry alot. 😢
Ok... I say another word a lot that in my language is similar to saying ok, but for some reason I can not remember the word lol :)
When my narcissistic daughter would rant rage, I adopted a blank face and said ok every few minutes. Of course, nothing passified her until she ran out of rage. One never knew when or what would set her off. It was like constantly walking on glass.
I'm blessed to say I made it out. I still get triggered I still scan parking lots. But I'm doing a lot better! It was hard to break contact completely but I managed after years. And it was well worth it!
We ARE racing against the clock. We do get cut off, very disrespectfully, I might add, then our thoughts poo poo'ed anyway. :(
Wow … I’m 57 now and have all of these .
Had the worst narc parents and runs deep in both families .
Of course my older sisters were their flying monkeys and I was belittled , put down , couldnt speak up and when I did put done always. When I got older and spoke the truth and was called crazy and lit .
Had anxiety and panic attacks my whole life and never knew why , now I know .
So stopped talking to my family and they trash me and left me of of the Will
Every felt stuck and unable to move out of your abusive narcissistic mother and stepfather simply because your mother has programmed you to believing that despite the fact that she makes your life a living hell, there's no one out there who can genuinely help you and you'll always come back to her because she's your mother. Then she devalues everything you try to do for yourself and throws a fit when you try to leave the house with your son. So you're stuck not being financially independent and feeling like you can't do anything whilst she enjoys telling people that she takes care of you and your son.
All of this happening to me and I'm 27. I want to move out with my son but there's a voice at the back of my head that tells me I'll never make it out there. She uses my aunt, narcissistic grandma and my step brothers as flying monkeys
@@krisleshiba3390I feel for you & your predicament ❤️🩹 This might sound a bit left field; but the voice that persuades you to stay is 'her' introject in your mind - the narc' implants this voice to keep you stuck. The good news is that there's vid's to get rid of 'their' Introjects ✨ Prof Sam Vaknin has some very helpful vid's on removing these 💫 Try to create some emotional distance & little escapes for yourself & son ❤ Especially if you can meet up with friends whom are a real support & maybe join some hobby & activity groups 💕 I know only too well the pain of being the family scapegoat... 🐐 There's some amazing support on here for recovery ✨ In the meantime, quietly save & get your ducks in a row, whilst doing a bit of yellow rock with 'the family' keeping them out of the loop of your real plans until both you & your son are a safe distance from them 💖 I personally went no contact once I thoroughly new what 'mother' was ✨ I only wish I'd realised sooner! Take care & blessings for your escape & recovery 🙏🌸
Flying monkeys includes self talk
@@krisleshiba3390 I am sending you strength, love and all the best🍀🍀🍀
Single parent NPD survivor here with empathy...
I do # 5 a lot. But just get criticized as being “reserved or too shy” by people in general. If only they knew how much deeper it is.
❤❤❤❤❤
F*ck them, even if you are reserved or shy, it is you your nature and it is beautiful and nothing wrong. Those kind of “advice” never helped, it is passive aggressive.
Thank you for this. My mother was a narcissist. She was also manic depressive, on medication, and she was also an alcoholic. The combination of medication and alcohol is horrendous. She was sectioned a few times and died of liver cirrhosis aged 43 when I was 21. A lot of what you’ve said here is me and my sister❤😊
I had no idea how bad it was until I watched this. I thought I was crazy for rehearsing how conversations might go in my head. My mom and my abusive ex husband are both narcissists and I’m learning how to live sharing without that toxicity in my life.
For point #1, another reason why we stop mid sentence is due to the fact that if we say anything the Narc will speak over us while we're talking and we can't ever get a full sentence or thought out before we are forced to take on another.
Appreciate you naming this as impact of narcissistic abuse and not trying to paint NPD as a diagnosis everyone has.
My first husband would put me down by beginning a new conversation straight over the top of whatever it was that I was saying. I would just go silent.
My brothers wife does this with my brother-whenever she does it, i ignore her and focus on my brother to finish. I told her my sister used to do the same thing and my mother used to tell her to let him finish so he didn't grow up with a stutter. It is also manners. She stared at me like she wanted to ...fill in the gap xx
Mine would tell me HIS great idea literally 30 seconds after I said the exact same thing!!!!! He would claim it as his own idea. Serious gaslighting.
Laughter is a good way to change state that’s also why we naturally do it
They clear their throats because their throat chakras have been closed one too many times through the encounters from the abuse and so it's kind of like having a frog in the throat feeling. It happens because it has put a stagnation in them that they don't know how to repair. Parental figures mistreat people even workplaces have gotten to a point these days where they are abusive towards their employees and the employees are afraid to speak their true and their mind even at work places not just at home any longer because that's how bad it's truly gotten out there. It's become acceptable for one group of people to mistreat another and even get them harmed and still seems like they get away with it. And that's because they're really good at keeping everybody in their corner to smear that one individual or the few that they have their sights on. I understand this because I've been mistreated for a long time by my who I think my family is. And it's okay for me to speak about it now I wasn't able to before. It's difficult to get help in this world because sometimes the only people you have to tell are in on it. Or you tell authority figures and they don't even care but they'll be right there for them for any time they need them and they know there's no way they don't know that they're lying. The people I live with they will physical and mental harm and then call the police and tell them lies to further the damage and the police in this area have been helping them and they don't take the accurate statements down like they should be.
I know after years of going through hell then I had to put up with a neighbor that moved in that was a whack job that had a friend as a cop in that town with the landlord so they could write whatever they want but didn't really write my true side and threatened homelessness it was living hell male stolen that was on top of discovering the dark abuse that home was held there was always stress
Reminded me of the American Demoncrat Party and Worldwide governments pushing Wokeism, etc. God's will be done on earth, Amen 🙏
Thank God for The Word and its healing power for those who devour it.🙌🏽
It's okay everyone, we all deserve to feel safe! ❤
I've spent a life of being falsely accused. My working life has been an abject failure despite being very earnest, conscientious and unfailingly responsible. I've just spent nearly 7 years unemployed and unemployable because a kid said l bashed him with an iron bar. That l did nothing of the sort l was considered guilty and tarred with the falsehood.
This on top C-PTSI. It reminds me having to walk in 43°C / 110°F for 38kms / 24m .mv with no water, money or food.
There was absolutely nothing l could do about it.
I'm absolutely shattered....
I am so damaged from a narcissist, i think i am in a coma sometimes. Like my life has been so destroyed that its almost unreal. I was raised by a narcissist, so I was an easy target for the sociopath that destroyed me from the inside out. If i didnt believe in God, i would have taken my own life already.
Same. I got trapped by a sociopath at 17. Took me 13 years to get out. I am the black sheep in my family; narcs run in my family.
@@kerryonmaui1213 I will keep you in prayer. 🙏❤️😇
My mother has always tried micromanaging my tone my entire life. I guess I never understood it? I've always thought everyone has some kind of tone ... Plus tone expresses ur feelings behind it... She was the only one that ever had a problem with how I speak... I won't ever back down but I wish she could've understood me 😢
My partner is learning how to manage his tone for me. Growing up, a change in tone meant bad news so when we first started dating i was always worried and asking "what's wrong".
Do you have these weird mannerisms?
Can you relate to one of these?
How are coping now?
Comment down and let us talk below.
Now that im out of the abuse, and have realized that i had two narcs in my life and thats when my depression and Low self esteem began I feel so much better. Much of these behaiviors are now gone ❤️🩹
I'm hyper vigilant
I am tired of coping, I just stay at home... Speak with people once 1 year or 2 years when I accidentally run into them.
I was the victim of a narcissist for 6 years, It took almost three decades for me to find my voice. I am still in recovery 31 years on.
I saw in another video that adult daughters of narcissistic mothers often live in clutter and a not too clean home.
That's nonsense
Some
Resonates with me 💯 %
@@hayleyhansen-x9xmom?
It's not just daughters. Sons can also clutter. Men are less likely to hoard cats than women, but I find it amazing that I, a diehard dog person, have a cat (spoiled), and doubled down on clutter, nail biting, and seclusion after starting the journey to normal thoughts and behaviors.
@4:15 The urgency is because the statement needs to be delivered before the other person loses patience at listening
Or before the person speaking disassociates again and loses her thread …
This explains a lot about things i don't understand about me. Thank you.
I can relate to this definitely. Repeating sentences because I felt not being heard and yes I laugh nervously when in uncomfortable conversations/situations! This is a much needed video for people like me right now for those who have not under gone abuse will never understand our emotions and what we went through! 😏😔💖😇🙏.
My grandson, who is 8 years old is raised by a narcissistic mother and developed ticks on his face.Now ,I understand better the mannerism.
Oh thats so sad. Pray for his peace and safety. 😢❤
I have an eyebrow tick that gets triggered when I'm feeling anxious/hypervigilant in public. I get self-conscious that people will think I'm winking at them. Prayers for your grandson.
I have all of these traits. Working on reprogramming myself from my upbringing.
Everything said on this video is so accurate
More like "spot the prey of the narcissist".
That's sad narcissist causing that much damage to the nervous system. It's like a car wreck that happened and nobody is responsible.
My narcissist abuse prepared me to handle anything that came along. If there is a crisis I'm fully functional because I've lived in crisis all my life. It took a while to get there but I'm there. Best to all who watched this.
I am ALWAYS rehearsing what I’m going to say 8:17
It's all hard 😢
Me too
Same
I would prefer other people have no idea about this. If I have this mannerism, I don't want people notice it. What a shame ☹️
No kidding!
@Wiolka: I hear you. Two things: First, by now you (hopefully) will have noticed those who take notice of any of your “weird” mannerisms. These R the ppl who “study you” when they get together w/ you. So, do not give those ppl access to you. Second, the word “weird” is SUBJECTIVE. What u might fear coming out as “weird” to those who want to “study” you in gatherings might come across as cute, eccentric, or even mundane to those who meet you for the first time 🌼🌸🌹🌺. You can bring new ppl into your life. They see u with fresh eyes.
@@lourdeswright, says the devil as he tries to lure you into a trap.
@Wiolka, do not listen to this person's advice. This is the advice of an insecure human being trying to manipulate you with fear. Classic Narcissistic tactic.
If they notice and judge it is their fault not yours, they are no good. Shame on those horrible people who treated you badly.
He would rage at me for standing somewhere WHERE I WAS IN THE WAY. Like in front of our own self checkout terminal. I now see that as the abuse it was
I was always in the way .My mother would step in front of me like I wasn't there.I was married with children yet treated like I was 10.
“In the way” feeling is my lifelong curse. The words weren’t used but being a burden and in the way were the unspoken atmosphere. Retired I live alone in the forest.
5:35 I actually undercheck my phone. I’m still hiding even the most innocent things. Past fear of something leading to an argument and getting accused of cheating. Like, it’s a text to confirm my therapy appointment…why do I now feel guilty? Hide it to avoid it
I have saved 3 women from abused relationships. Then work through these symptoms. 😢❤❤❤😊
God bless you hun🙌🏼😇💞
Thank you, that's hard work & you are appreciated. ❤❤
You ruined three relationships? I bet you must be proud. I bet the children thank you for taking their father away. Did you ask police to become violent and use weapons on people? Did anyone get killed by police because of your actions? Are the children running the streets without a man to look after them now because the male figure isn't there to protect them and mother is out being a drunken whore and doesn't want the kids to know about it. Is she kicking the kids out when they turn 16 to run away with a boy for his money?
No real man wants disgusting women like you anywhere near them.
@@fts-r1x
Lol. I found a narc!!!
Well done helping those women.
My best friend pulled me from a narcissistic relationship. Helped me and my son heal. He spews venom to his flying monkeys and his language is much like this comment.
These mannerisms is probably why im being bullied even more
Yes, the cycle of abuse. Work on your self worth and boundaries. Wish you safety, peace and joy ❤
@veronikaljungberg7149 thank you Veronica,💐🌹🏵️
You too🙏
I seem to have a lot of signs of narcissistic abuse but I don’t know if I have a narcissist in my life. I often worry I am a narcissist
You're not because you're concerned that you could be. They wouldn't even considerate it.
@@terrivales1769yes, this is 100% true!
@@terrivales1769
👏🏼
There is an easy way to use all negatives to propel one forward and it’s free to learn!
My mom is why I tend to repeat., and micromanage myself. Also the over rehearsing, & the coughing...
As a survivor sitting in corners, yes, withdrawing yes but the other things make no sense to me.
This explains a lot!! I really appreciate that you gave us suggestions!!
I repeat myself or tell the same story over and over to be heard. I figure if I say it 10 times I might. MIGHT. be heard once
I feel you. And being criticized for it is very frustrating because all you need/needed the first or second time was to be acknowledged, so you could feel hear. And not passed over or ignored or unimportant.😢
@mbennett488 Yup. You totally get it
Wow, my husband does nervous throat clearing A LOT!!! I knew his parents were narcissistic and my husband has turned it inward and become very stoic but I never knew the throat clearing!!! Thanks for the info!!!
This is very helpful thankyou
Yes, I do all of those. But had not realized I do number 9 also. Thank you for posting
This hits so hard.
Thanks
❤😂🎉
Recovering well
Many losses still.
Toxic influencers
I prefer to bee alone
❤
That felt really cathartic.
I’m starting to lose my hypervigilance after losing my abuser three years ago. That was the worst part of my reaction to the abuse. I never knew when I would get a Poison Pen Email or find a snarky remark on my Facebook. I had to block my mother repeatedly to keep her in line after I got treatment and learned how to handle her. But she had me wanting to check out permanently and I almost waited too long to get psychological counseling. Please go get help if you haven’t. Trust me, there’s nothing like hearing from a DOCTOR that it is NOT YOU and there is NOTHING WRONG with you. There’s something wrong with your abuser!!!
It make putting words together hard
1:22 =Not in my case... I talk fast... But midway, I have mental fague and it takes me a few seconds to remember what I am meant to say..
This is me. I start in one place talking and often end up in a complete other. I also do the laughing thing, but I’ve learned to throw a joke in front so I don’t sound like a lunatic.
Pretty spot on. I was raised by a covert. I also heavily isolate myself with no desire to change it. Only feel safe alone.
Racing thoughts 24/8 about everything I've done wrong and everything I could do wrong. Everyone's emotions are my fault (This ones super toxic, working on it)
Loads of guilt and shame that I can't shake.
Definitely a bit on the control freak side now since I had none growing up.
If your narc is your parent like mine, life gets better when you're an adult and finally get out. A lot to unlearn, but real life outside of the system is what life should be.
Just be prepared if you plan to cut out, that family you thought also could see the abuse will show themselves as the narc enablers instead. They see it but "They're family." Good information to have, but it's hurts to lose more people than you thought you would escaping the abuse❤️ Stay strong. It's not your fault. You didn't ruin the family system, the abuse did.
I also do the throat clearing and nervous laughing things.
Usually I agree with you but not this time laughter and uncomfortable situation breaks attention and a lot of times you have to Laugh to Keep from Crying you can't go around just crying on people you're uncomfortable with literally everything I mean a lot of people think they can do that but that's not fair to anyone if you can't learn to laugh at yourself for your in a situation where you played it out over and over and you can't do anything else about it eventually you just have to laugh it off I know nervous laughter is not for everyone but it breaks attention and it really helps a lot of things if you if it's genuine you're just laughing to get over the moment then that's different
You validated my entire existance THANK YOU🙏 5:34
Those of us with empathy and compassion for others, are seen as stupid, by their kind. We need to be more careful to use logic, and understand that we are not stupid, or an easy hit, to their kind. A blank non expressive face helps a lot to stop bully’s, from attacking or getting anything at all from us. Education is key! I got used to HG Tudor, as he is known and in The Knowing of his kind, to build his own legacy. I followed him for many years and benefited greatly, by understanding that, getting out and staying out, go no contact, works.
Survival skill, I practiced a blank face all my childhood. People read me like a book now but because I am trying to be a person. A real person. People mostly talk over me…so I just shut up. Feel sad. Feel left out. Don’t reach out much.
Its 4:22AM and Im the 22nd
Comment...Just Saying! ❤
I find myself trying to leave myself out of things like partys, because my mom said that partys are of the world and that having friends over was wrong.😢
You can get used to being alone and not associate with others out of fear that they may try to control your life.
And I find it hard to trust in Jesus to be there for me, I am the only one who has a hard time with trusting the Lord and believe that he loves you anyway.
G❤️D JESUS H ❤️ LY SPIRIT
are the only ones that truly love me
I can certainly relate to your words. Different situation, though, but finding rest in God's love for me isn't easy.
What really helps me is considering the cross and what he did to save "a wretch like me"! This is real, feelings keep changing.
I do number 9 more. Thank you for sharing because I was wondering and I’m able to recognize certain traits. I don’t like to speak in speed that I call in 78, I’m more like 45 and sometimes 33 but only if I’m really tired. Too much 33 isn’t good.
I UNDERSTAND ALL OF THIS.‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
I needed to hear this
I find myself talking really fast and that's just not like the real me at all! I constantly ask the person I'm talking to if I make sense. I say sorry to much. I have a problem with cutting people off. I gotta say what I think of right when I think of it cause I'm scared I'll forget or I basically want all facts stated when the subject is at hand. I probably do some more signs just haven't noticed yet.
Remember it's not your fault ❤❤
My narcissistic abuser is my mother, its been s lifetime, and she is getting worse. Everyone be,ieves her over me and because she has turned the whole family against me and someof my friends and past partners, it can be very isolating. I dont feel worthy and as long as she can use a phone she will systema5ically destroy my life, she has taken everything as she has no limits, literally, she even tried to kill me twice and now i am too scared to try to get away as it only ends in her using authorities to hurt me too. So i have to pretend, i cant help but love her but it hurts so much and she has also hurt my kids too as they dont live with me, the web she wove around me is so tight and even though she is proved to be a liar, no one want to fix it?!
I have an aunt exactly like that.
She is SO SELF CENTERED its unreal.
Wow it is so sad to realize these habits in yourself
I love Dr. Ramani. She has helped me understand what narcissistic abuse is and makes me feel valid with what I went through with my father and my ex
Not me realizing how narcissistic my family is🥲
I alwaysb stop talking mid sentence because I was rarely allowed to complete a sentence so my brain has a misfire when I'm talking. I can write no problem, but verbal conversations are difficult unless I have a comfortable foundation with someone.
This is eye opening and makes me feel a little better that im constantly pausing mid sentence. I was left to feel like what i had to say had no significance by my Dad and also recently in a romantic entanglement.