10 Ways to Avoid Divorce: Honest Marriage Advice for Muslim Men and Women
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ส.ค. 2024
- Hard-hitting advice for Muslims to avoid the scourge of divorce.
Which of the 10 points resonated with you the most?
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I am not a Muslim, but I subscribed to your channel because of the way you explain the values of relationships. My husband and I have been married for thirty years. We get along well with one another. We have had our differences, at times, but God has been good to us. We are from different cultures and languages. Our daughters grew up. One is having marriage challenges. Both of my daughters have adopted a bit of a "feminist" attitude, I believe influenced by friends and society. One daughter asked me how my husband and I make marriage look so easy. I informed her that she wasn't living in reality. That she needed to appreciate her husband more and not be negative. She told me that she has given up on him. That I was too old fashioned. I informed her that she was almost thirty years old. That she had six kids. That no other man would take her seriously. That no other man would be a better father to her children. That she needed to "wake up" and improve her marriage. She looked at me surprised. I apologized for being so direct. That I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but she needed to realize that bad days come, but the good days come back. That if she focused on positivity, she would have more good days.
Thank you so much!
Beautiful comment !!!!
@@NaimaBRobertTV thank you for sharing your perspective.
@@mufasahm8238 thank you.
@@muslimah42 thank you.
1. Managing expectations. 00:00
2. Correcting intentions. Work as team mates not rivals. 05:00
3. Mind your own business first: are you fulfilling *your* responsibilities? Don't compare with other couples. Be graceful, grateful. We all make mistakes. 06:45
4. Don't raise proposal of divorce so easily especially after children. 10:15
5. Focus on good and be grateful. Control the narrative in your head. 12:00
6. Stop fantasising about being divorced. 14:30
7. Let go of the fairy tale "happily ever after". 19:00
8. Keep company of people positive in their marriages and avoid those with negative attitudes to their spouses. 22:00
9. Communication and compromise 25:30
10. Remember end goal of accountability to God for your trusts and the building of a legacy. 26:00
The single best work I found that teaches one how to be healthy with disappointments and anxieties in life is Hikam Ibn Ata Illah (d. 709/1309). It's a work that has received considerable attention in our Sunni heritage East and West.
There is a handsome edition by White Thread Press worth buying. I have no ties to them. I simply benefitted from the book.
JazakAllahu khairan for the time stamps
Thank You
I love this! Thank you.
Our biggest issue is that he proclaims to have a right to cheat basing it on the Quran in Surah 4. Right hand posses
Jazaakallaahu khoyran for this
If I may add: I work with Families and I give them small Naseehahs. 1. Know your role as per Sunnah and help each other when they are strogglling. 2. Your Home comes first. Not your Mums home, Not your Brothers or Sisters Home. Your home. 3. Your Children are both your Responsibilities. 4. We are all Emotional Beings...dont push buttons that will trigger pain. May Allah swt guide us all.
More men need #3 and more women need to hear #4. Great advise
Needed
And as for those who are guilty of an indecency from among your women, call to witnesses against them four (witnesses) from among you; then if they bear witness confine them to the houses until death takes them away or Allah opens some way for them. Quran 4:15
Narrated Sahl bin Sad Saidi: "Allah's Apostle said "If there is any evil omen in anything, then it is in the woman, the horse and the house." Sahih Bukhari 4:52:111
Ameen!
1. Managing Expectations
2. Checking your intentions
3. Minding your business
4. Take divorce off the table
5. Stop fantazising about being single
6. Letting go of the fairytale
6. Keep company of good wives and good husbands
7. Communication and compromise
8. Remember the end goal
Thank you for this summary 👌
True
MashaAllah
Life is definitely up and down period. Marriage is up and down, our children can be up and down...no one is perfect, Check yourself first.
Communication and patience is key.
Exactly
You are very intelligent may Allah bless you and keep our unions intact
I am grateful for your wisdom sister. I appreciate your hardwork, Jazakallahu Khairan from the bottom of my heart. I wish all my brothers and sisters out there could watch this and learn and understand life isn't meant to be easy. We need to learn to live simple so that others may simply live.
Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah.
Sometimes we tend to forget that after a divorce the husband still has his role to continue which is to maintain his kids. It is not solely the responsibility of the mother to provide for the kids.
Maybe you can touch a bit on The Role of a Husband After a Divorce so men would know their role as a father and provider still continues after divorce.
Beautiful advice you send as always. This is indeed an eye opener.
And Mothers seems to forget the right of Fathers on their children and use them as weapons against fathers and to gain as much as they can financially even which is not allowed in Islam by going to Kuffar laws where they find it suits them.
May Allah(swt) guide all Muslims to be just and not oppressive. Ameen
@@AKM145 Ameen
Sister sorry for my comment but if you have children with your husband, divorce will not be the option but rather fix your marriage. There are ups and down, no successful marriage had a smooth road. There are a lot of impacts on bringing up children by one parent. You both need to play a role. May Allah Guide us and give us subur.
Great advice. Wish my ex wife thought the same way as you before she took off and decided to leave. Another thing I would add is don't make decisions when you're angry. More likely than not, they will be decisions you regret drown the track.
I need to watch this every day!
It takes two people to make any relationship work if one party constantly neglects his duty & ignores his responsibility how long can you cling onto a relationship that’s dead??
True sister, think a woman takes on quite a lot
Not long I’m afraid. And I’m talking from personal experience.
I’m wondering the same thing.
It depends on what duties you are talking about. This should be discussed BEFORE you get married.
If the man fulfills those duties that he said he would prior to getting married, you have zero reason to be sad.
@@Jay-bc7kh you can discuss before being married, have the contract signed… ultimate litmus test is when you ARE MARRIED. No women complains unnecessarily at all!!!
1. Managing Expectations - women's problems ³
2. Checking your intentions - both
3. Minding your business - both
4. Take divorce off the table -women's problems ³
5. Stop fantazising about being single - women's problems ³
6. Letting go of the fairytale - women's problems ³
7. Keep company of good wives and good husbands -women's problems
8. Communication and compromise - both
9. Remember the end goal - both
You're right most women behave like you said but it didn't mean that every woman is irresponsible..do you have anything for men because in many places men are using their authority in wrong way.
.
These are some great messages.
There are some basic principles/tenement that people need to focus on regardless of their faith.
People forgot many of these.
I was raised as a Christian and heard these many years ago. But I know businesses want to divide so more people spend money. And they are successful. But people need to put family first. Recently a muslim man spoke to me about this in Morocoo. But he was so dead on.
Even if you have no faith or belief, it is still a top priority to focus on the family.
Masha Allah! Sister I really needed this! This message is for me! Insha Allah our marriages will improve when we focus on Allah ❤
Thank you so much for this lecture, it has keys that Ive either pondered or have never consideredand now will going forward Inshallah. May Allah bless you.
Jazak Allah kher……. May Allah bless u, ur marriage and ur children. Your advice is so valuable for couples who are facing one of the biggest difficulties in life “a breakdown of marriage “. We can over come almost everything if not everything when we have someone by our side however dealing with becoming alone is the hardest battle, in my opinion. If only this was taught to couples before their marriage, we would not suffer half as much as we do due to our own (unintentional)shortcomings.
I love u sis Allahuma barik laki. May Allah SWT protect you and your family always. Your advice is so on point for me at this time Alhamdolillah x
Some good points indeed!
and if a person stays and chooses forgiveness and sabr surely they will be rewarded.
On the other hand when it comes to matters of deen eg; continuous innovations and prolonged abandonment of Salah after guidence and education a person needs to apply a cut off point and leave.
As salamu alai kum wa rahmatula wa barkatuhu. May Allah s.w.t give you the strength like Samson to this drive of reaching out to sisters all around the globe ameen
Assalam o alykum.... you never talk about narcissistic husbands...I never expect anything from my marriage.. I'm a realistic person but the other person always took advantage of my kindness and my responsible behavior..I didn't get anything in return.. please make video about narcissistic husbands... pleeeeeze
The issue with narcissistic male or females is that they will never change. Unfortunately I had a narcissistic wife who was surprisingly self aware but not doing nothing. Many videos I have seen on narcissistic people, and many people comment pretty much the same thing. Which is RUN!. Lol
She doesn't have to talk about them...because everyone else is... she's talking about the things less spoken about.
If you are dealing with a narcissist person, there is no saving the marriage. There is no way but divorce. This video does not apply as it is for non narcissistic marriages. If you are dealing with a narcissist husband/wife, please leave. I have had experienced a narcissist before and it is no way to live. You will give everything, and soon even your identity will be lost. Please leave safely.
@@samia6888 💯. May Allah protect us from narcissist and protect us from being one too. May Allah help those narcissist to be better people.
I did my best to do a lot of these talk points but one he put his hands on me and my child I couldn’t say I wanted to make it work. I had a wake up period and realized how bad he was treating me and talking to me and my child. Let us get you some help because you can get what you need and we can heal together. No! I got this I’m don’t need help. I still pray for you but we cannot be! Insha’Allah this process is peaceful.
Yes my sister keep it up ❤ from uk England 🇬🇧. Birmingham umar ❤ 💯 💪 🤲🤲🤲
As someone who is aiming to get married very soon. This video is invaluable. Shukran. May Allah reward you and guide all. Aameen.
Hope after when year °soon° pasted very quickly and everything is on the track, isn't it....?!!!!.
@@sahalmohamed3477 AlHamdulillah. Got married in February. Implementing what I can. Going well. Thank you for asking.
@@mistermannan : mansha'allah, barakallah-fiik. It's a blessing and hope you very sweet family life Insha'llah and blessing offspring.
May Allah arrahman bless all our marriages
Aameen aameen yarabbal aalameen
I am hindu sister but loved your videos sister
Assalamu alaikum wrwb Dear Sister, I thought you are addressing me here only!!!
Allah SWT send YOU as a Rahma for me!!!!
Lots of duas for you!
May Allah make it easy for us!
Allahumma Ameen!
Masha'Allah..great message.
Even though,am not married yet
Sister, where is the video u talked about at 17:31 „toxic relationships“ i can’t find it.
Also, barak allahu feeki for that talk.. ♥️
Thank you for sharing this so much! I'm getting married soon and I really felt that was so so helpful!
I’m 3 minutes in and I realized This video is a gold mine for men and women
Jazakillahu khair
This should have a billion views, best talk I have heard in months if not years. May Allah reward you sister. As a single father I have been looking for a wife for 3 years now and it is not easy for so many of the listed reasons you discussed.
Jazak Allaah Khairan Sister Naima. This is brilliant. Its going to save a lot of marriages in sha Allaah.
MashaAllah sister Allah bless you for your good lecture may Allah give you long life Allah barik
Asalamualeykum warahmatulahi wabarakatuhu sister ,your advice is a good one but is the divorce bad things if its necessary or if marriage can't work and if you are not happy in the marriage expecially if your spouse isn't lead you in to religious way????
Asalam Aleikum sister I love your videos watching them makes me happy sister I want to get married but I don't have any one yet to get married with I feel marriage doors are closed for me please pray for me to get married soon and find good life partner Insha'Allah
What are you looking for in a spouse, what is a must and what is a good to have? Might help you to locate the husband you want. Get married to please Allah and look for good character, you will be happy my sister inshaallah.
I am a new subscriber and I am glad that I found you!I needed your advice!Thank you for this video!Is true for me if I didn't have children I would divorce but for them I must stay because they are still little and I know they would suffer so I must bear but sometimes is unbearable and I am alone I don't have a family only him!!!If I would be alone I would divorce immediately!And this advice is good if the husband loves his wife and doesn't has hidden interests because if he has and he doesn't reach them like money,citizenship,green card etc he will show her the hell.When he is in peace and has money,work good,earning and everything smooth is ok but if he has any problems me I am guilty for them!For any bad happens I am guilty.Since the begging of the marry was hard nothing went easy and maybe was a sign but I was too young and without experience and I was stupid too not to wake up and I thought love is enough!My bad luck was that I didn't have family to teach me anything.Yarab I pray to Allah to be good for my children because they are innocent.And an advice that I can give to Muslim women here finish your studies and have a good job very well paid,have your own apartment or house only by your name,a car by your name,business to be FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT!is very important not to depend in anyone and take care before you have kids if you are really prepared for it because is very hard job I would say the hardest thing and if you don't have any help you will suffer.Personally I regret having children because he manipulates me by them and blackmails me.And him too he said he doesn't has a choice if no he would kick me!Please let the feelings and love and all of that because this will pass and you will suffer at the end.Now my point of view is that career is more important but I realized this too late.
Jzkallahu kharyan Sister Naima
Jazaki Allah kheer for this Amazing video🤍
Assalamualaikum, could you please talk about long distance marriage?
I'd like to hear about this topic also
Mashalkah ye ustazah your adivace are very important keep it up
Ma Shaa Allah your background looks so comfortable ☺️ excited for the video
The ads are annoying😩
Awesome video sister
If you lower the expectation level you open the door for people to become lax/lazy. Laziness leads to problems across the board. So, lowering expectations is not only bad for the self. Its equally baf for the spouse
My fear of getting married is that I want to be in hand of a very good Allah fearing woman and is very difficult to get that in life at this present time definitely
Allahuma barik ❤️
Mashallah Jzkl khayran sister it is very beneficial lecture.thank you for this.❤️
I am new to ur channel... Sound advice sister well researched and thought provoking x jzk from Luton x ❤️
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته كيف حالك أختى ❤️ أحببتك فى الله ... بإمكانى أن اكتب لك بالإنجليزية ولكنى أظن انك تفهمين العربية وأظن انك مشتاقة للحديث بها 🌼
أريد أن أقول
أبدعت فعلا أسأل الله سبحانه أن ينفع بك البلاد والعباد
This is very valuable the problem is that lots of family is past this and are in divorce or have already been divorced. Me as a man and have kids and have been divorced can not move forward with my life because I am stuck trying to just works so I can spend time with my kids. If I don't pay I can not see them. Making the situation bitter. But I. Realty can't move forward to find a partner and marry again. Fine a sincere partner .
Can you advise a solution or get people who have been divorced connect to marry again
Assalaamu alaikum sister. I pray you and your family are in the best of states aameen . Do you mind linking the talk you mentioned of esther perel. I can't seem to find it
Baarakallaahu feekum
Will do, sis!
Because women have lowered their expectations they suffer in their marriage period. No one goes as soon as a problem occurs. But seeing your “righteous husband” not pray and occasionally drink alcohol I will not have patience when the main points aren’t valued as it was talked in the beginning. That is a reason for a divorce for me. Who knows what else he is doing behind my back with other women, when he doesn’t even value the Rules of Allah.
May Allah make your way easy and rectify your affairs, ameen.
great words , much love naima
Thank you so much please do more videos
Amazing video
Thank you
Masha allah ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
On point Sister Naeemah
Can you please give examples of normal levels of ups and downs so this could be differentiated from events which do not allow one to maintain emotional safety?
17:00 thank you 🙏
Wallahi you are amazing
Good job
TY
How to avoid divorce is to take time to know the person before you even get married. Stop being reckless just because yoi love someone
Unfortunately, that's haram m8
@@whiteguyplays6229 no you can meet them as much as you want with a mahram present
People change with time
Well unfortunately you don’t a person until you live with them
@@whiteguyplays6229 you know what's more haram wasting someone else's time and effort by making it seem like you guys are compatible
Salams sister, where is the link for the video about toxic relationships that you mention around 17:44?
Salaam
U cant just day its shaytaan
Sometimes frm day 1 2 ppl just dont gt on even after 20yrs. That's why divorce is allowed
I'm a Revert. I became a Revert during my separation with my Wife (she is not Muslim). We have 2 children (both under 5 years of age). We have been separated since May 2021.
Long story short, she left deceptively with the assistance of her Mother, made unfounded allegations against me and then prevented me from seeing our children. I went to court etc now I can see our children.
My point is that, although, children should be put first (I strongly agree) but I cannot trust her. As long as I'm in our children's lives (physically seeing them) and financially providing for them. I can't do more than this.
The only option I have is divorce.
Note: my focus has been trying to put our children first and being positive but she left by her own will and too many things she did that cannot be mentioned in public....
جزاك الله بخير 🥺❤️❤️❤️
inshallah....inshallah
What happens if you are dealing with a narcissist
Thanks Naima for your great advices
inshallah...thankyou...wa.as.wr..wb..
Waslam rahmathulla
Thank you for the eye opening advice sister jazak allah khair 💚
I’m a bit confused here so basically we should ignore all the bad and not talk about it and just focus on the good ? Won’t the bad always like be at the back of your mind and I mean like a human can only take so much what if your partner repeatedly does things that disturbs your peace of mind ? Should we ignore it and think about the good only ? I feel like eventually bottling up feelings lead to explosion and in the end things will be said whereby both hurt each other because they never sat and spoke about the bad and fix it . I’m really confused if someone could just clarify that for me
Wallah I will keep sending u this approach message to u till Allah make it possible for u to kindly reply me right. Is nothing but how pious and serious relationship you have with you creator Allah
Al Salam alikum Naima!
i found there Alhamdulillah... i also followed you on Facebook, and your posts.
What is the video that she was talking about in 17:35?
MashaAllah very useful advice
جزاكي الله خيرا
Assalam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
I wonder if there is a way to get in touch with you for a personal consultation. Do you give any one on one consultations? I am in a desperate need to talk to a sister to help me sort out my marriage issue.
Can you please provide the link about the toxic relationship!
MashaAllah
If there is absolutely zero attraction and zero chemistry, and the sex doesn't work, one needs to divorce otherwise it's a recipe for disaster and after a couple of years one is going to end up doing sins on the side.
Marriage is not always about chemistry and attraction though, as long as you both maintain good communication, you both treat each other nicely and PRIORITIES each other (putting each other first, after Allah of course) doing the small things like asking how you are? Checking in with each other, making sure the wife is emotionally stimulated (since females are known to be emotional) and the wife making sure the husband is doing good and making him feel welcomed and needed. So personally marriage can happily LAST without attraction and chemistry. If you’re after what you see in the movies where you lock eyes from across the room and you ‘accidentally’ drop your hot tea and she comes over to u to ‘clean’ it and there’s tension then I’m sorry wake up that’s not how it goes in real life.
And also why did you get married? Ask yourself and What type of person did you get married to? Did you implement what the Prophet advised us to in terms of marrying the woman who has religion? A woman who has deen will always be beautiful in my opinion
We are not living in the 70s or 80s...we are living in 2022. Have we learned from History? I tell my offspring: Read books on Human Nature, Marriages, listen to lectures. Last one: Men are egotistical and women are emotional. Learn to understand each other. Khadijah ra covered her husband when he had the first conversation with Jibraeel as.
Asw sister I did
Someone please teach me a way to memorise all these points
Asalam o alaikum wa rehmatullah e wa barakatuho
Naima are you married ? Asking for a friend of course!
🤣
Is it sinful to forget about the idea of getting married? What is the judgement for those who do not want to get married?
1. Manage your expectation
2. Correct your intention
3. Mind your own business to fulfill your partner's right
4. Take divorce off the table
5. Focus on the good of your partner and be grateful
6. Stop fantasizing for being single when facing the hard time
7. Letting go off a fairy tale
8. Do not listen to someone who are divorced or single, listen to someone with good relationship instead
9. Communication and compromise
I miss 1 point but couldnt find it..
JazakAllahu khairan!
10. Remember the end goal: Jannah 💗
Naima why is my comment not posted under your video can you elaborate with actual arguments?
What about a long 22 years of toxic relationship? Where both husband & wife are wronging each other? Is divorced an option because they are doing haram to each other and disobeying Allah. Is divorce an obligation on them even with children?? Thanks ❤
እሠላሙ አለይኩም ወራህምቱላሂ ወበርካቱሁ👍
It's 2022, everyone men/women needs to stop looking for things to be so perfect in life. Help each other in everything. Stop looking for glamor and glitter! Take examples from the prophet(saw)marriages. What's wrong with Muslims these days? What happen to ya'll Deen? Has Shaytan taken over ya'll lives? It seems that way!! Ya'll setting bad examples for people who wanna get married! "JUST STOP IT ALREADY PLEASE"
I'm not having an access to the internet. That's my difficulties of not getting in touch with you really
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:
The Prophet (ﷺ) said: "I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you."
Dear Na'ima, I love your books and considered you a great ambassador for the Islamic religion. In "Sisters" you truly spoke from the heart across all religions and to all women; your advice on marriage is very valuable for all married and aspiring to be married women, particularly those of us on the more conservative side.
As such Im extremely disappointed that you would, on your channel, promote a comment (see High Value Men 25/8) that essentially intimates that I am a prostitute because I have expressed a different viewpoint.
I'm not surprised that a certain type of man would make such a comment, but I am surprised - and disappointed - that you would promote it when I'm simply engaging in an honest discussion.
Perhaps you feel you have to pander to these extremists for clicks? Either way, as I say, I would have considered it beneath you. Women turning on women is really the bottom of the barrel.
Salaam, dear sis, I pray you are well. I’m a little confused about which comment I promoted and what was implied - I’ll have to go back and check it - but know that I would not knowingly support something like that, for clicks or otherwise. Apologies for any offence, it was unintended.
Sister Naimah, you are doing great work, dont worry about criticisms from some quarters. What you are saying was a given and understood by society since Adam peace be upon him, we really have lost our way with the western nonsense we imbibe regularly. Keep up the good work.
Mobin Rajpura ❤❤🌹🌹🤲🤲📖📖📖📖❤❤💯💯✍️✍️🌹🌹ok
Divorce lazina ifanye kazi kwasababu nilikuwanikmzuiya yeye hasikiyi anasikiza dadazake wapunzi