As a muslim, I am happy to hear that. One, it lets you know that despite our faith differs, our human day to day life and struggles don't differ that much. Two, it shows that you are non judgemental and are open minded to hearing about human experiences and struggles within their societal norms despite the speakers might not speak from a background than you might not want to hear from.. I welcome you to my community ❤🥰 I extend my friendship to my christian sisters as well.
@@tiyyas3022 The earlier the better... Be *FROM* a broken home than live *IN* one. Out of it, you're slowly picking up your life. Inside it, you're daily *HAMMERING* it!
💯 I filed for divorce when my daughter was 6 months old. We had been separated since she 6 weeks old. When our marriage counselor confided in me “off the record” that my ex husband had NPD was emotionally abusive, and was never going to change I decided that if this was inevitable, that the trauma on our daughter would be far less at 6 months old than at 6 or 16 years old. It’s never an easy choice.
Am going through a divorce at the moment just felling for this topic. Sisters going through divorce brings me closer to Allah and decided to take up hijab as am sending this massage tonight is my 7 night wearing hijab am very happy sisters pray for me not to give up.
I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima) My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is +8801307320559.email is kaficou@gmail dot com
I am not a Muslim and watching these video's out of interest. But my parents are divorced and I honestly feel that was the best decision they could have made. As children we are not blind to what's going on in the household. It was a difficult decision to make, I am sure. But as a family we were not happy. Seeing my parents not being happy together also had a huge effect on us. I'd rather see my parents happy and be their best selves (and thus being good parents) than to stay in an unhappy marriage for our sake. Thank you for shedding some light on this topic.
But what about after divorce? The loneliness, the struggle, the heartbreak, the deception, the difficulity to accept the qaddar when it hits you really hard? I'd love to hear from you on that
Dearest sisters, this situation is a crash course in tawakkal. We need to turn away from creation and seek Allah alone, and find our strength in the walk with Allah. In this way, this experience is a blessed purification from shirk. Yes, it is hard, my dear sister, we have walked those paths. Looking back, it was never people but Allah and myself that took care of me... and Allah only took away the chaff. The wheat is Allah, our soul, our kids. It is not preferred to break the family, but it is permissible, and comfort ourselves with Allah. We are loved by Allah.
What I learned from my failed marriage: You BOTH put in the work, you support eachother, you work on yourselves with the support of the other not the other working on you or vice versa, there should be good times and bad times but it should not be a love bombing cycle. Know what you want and look for that, lower your expectations but not your worth.
I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima) My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is +8801307320559.email is kaficou@gmail dot com
I have the feeling I'm the only one keeping this ship afloat. Pregnant now with the second, now sure if I can keep this marriage up with two. I feel by lowering my expectations, I'm losing myself not only as sfor who I am, but also as a human being. He uses his work as excuse not to do anything & says he feels pressured to do stuff & that's why he does less and less. I'm not even getting Salam 3leykom half of the time when he enters the door, or goodnight, or goodmorning. Jumu3a breakfast he stays in bed al morning, Just like the rest of the weekend. I'm alone with supper 6 out of 7 days. Morning and evening routine of our child is done by me only. At the same time I always need to listen to whatever he wants to tell me for at least 30 min, and comfort him when he's 'had a hard day'. Just never feeling validated when I say to him what you say here. I think you are strong and courageous and I hope I can follow in your footsteps one day if this situation will continue after the birth.
@@monakeulen5622 I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima) My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is +8801307320559.email is kaficou@gmail dot com
@@Dreamersworld728 maybe it's more polite to visit an imam you trust with this? I'm sure there are sisters coming to him with the same request & he can help you find a match.
I am a Judeo Christian woman, this so speaks to me and my process of finding myself after devorce from a twenty year marriage. Many blessings to you beautiful ladies of faith.
I love you girls so much!i got divorced 1 year a go after 16 years!!! Please keep me and my daughter who is 13 in your dua!!! Please keep doing what you do best!!! May Allah bless you guys and your offspring!!!
May Allah bless you and your doughter my dear sister; and facilitate you the kind of life style that you wish to have. Sometimes, to divorce better than to stay togrther that is why Allah made it permissible for us.
I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima) My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is +8801307320559.email is kaficou@gmail dot com
Aslamualkum dear brother and sisters!!! May Allah shower you with his mercy and protect you all Ameen!! My daughter and I are doing wonderful compre to last year. We are leaving in our own home and she is about to graduate high school. She only 14 and last year in high school. Allhamdulillah allhamdulillah please brother and sister hold on Allah when things go the way you don't understand. It will turn out in your favor! Thank you for Allah the dua we are ever grateful! Ya Allah bring us together In the companion of our beloved prophets. Grant us janna!!!
I loved Sumaya's addition to the discussion when she started talking about what's behind the decision to stay "because of the kids." jazakunna Allahu khairan.
Alhamdulillah for this message. Im a sister who's divorce will be finalized soon and I must say for me My husband introduced me to Islam but AllahSWT gave me the motivation to seek knowledge. During my separation Ive grown closer to AllahSWT so Im thankful for what's ordained.Funny Your speaking parts of my story but its opposite. My husband started to loose his Deen while I was finding my during our marriage and now he's Astray and Im taking each day walking the straight way. SubhanAllah
I'm also suffering in this situation and now I start reading Quran and 5 time prayer and Sahih Hadess Allah SWT showing me the right path and Alhumdulilah I'm try to raju to my wife. kindly pray for me Allah SWT make it easy for me
It's worth asking yourself "How would I advise my own daughter if she was in a marriage like this?" because some women sacrifice and compromise and stay in miserable marriages but would not want that for their own daughters and in fact would be horrified if they had children in the same type of unhappy marriage.... but children learn from behaviour modelled by their parents so if the parent doesn't want children to be in that sort of marriage, then think about what sort of example is being set.
The classic “I love you but not in love with you” is very fixable and expected. I watched some great lectures about this, the honeymoon phase is over and the couple is left in this robotic type routine. The solution is not divorce, because you’ll just go through the same thing with the next guy. It’s a cycle. That is definitely fixable. Real love is not a Bollywood movie.
Aisha Zee But what if you went into the marriage without actually being in love with the other person? When you go in with Iman that you’ll be happy despite not being in love because Allah swt will make it possible? And 11 years and two kids later, you’re still not in love with your spouse, although they’re a good person and you genuinely care for them. But you know you’re not getting all you want and need out of your marriage? This is another scenario where that classic statement applies. And it’s not easy to walk away from this type of situation either.
Tell that to the people stuck in miserable marriages. In some cases divorce was the best decision, i personally know someone that was stuck in a marriage with a very kind man but he would not show his wife any affection or give her the attention a wife should get even after she would tell him continuously how she felt, he would continue to neglect her. A sexless and loveless marriage where they were just living as room mates? Now divorced and still remain friends even though they have moved on to find better marriage mates who accept and meet the others needs.
Good job! I will kindly like to advice sisters don't rush with kid's. Becouse we don't know what and who we are getting . it is better to get to know one another well then plan kids It is always easier to get it out for sister in case it doesn't work. Be smart
Exactly. We muslims don't get to go through the fiasco of dating and getting to know each other stage. So we should not rush the after marriage process at least. We should not skip the getting to know each other and dating, instead we postpone it to after marriage then slowly decide for kids inSyaaAllah with time. Divorce with kids in the equation can get very messy :S
😭I’m not happy with my husband , I don’t have kids ! My father passed away my mother doesn’t knows what to decide but my father did , but he’s no longer with me anymore
I have been thinking about converting for some years now. I hear so many different things. You Ladies are so amazing at breaking things down and it has helped me so much. I still have so many questions, but watching you ladies has been a big help. I TRULY APPRECIATE EACH OF YOU. THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU EACH DO.
That’s one subject I love to hate and still haunts me 3yrs later since my wife divorced me, with no fault of my own but a lack of communication brought about by illness and psychological problems of my past. I still love my wife children dearly but she would never have me back . Inshallah am in a better place now and keep asking Allah to increase my strength and iman
It's amazing how you spoke about how I'm actually feeling in words, especially the words where you end up questioning your sanity and validity of feeling how you feel in a marriage where it's not violent. May Allaah enable us to make the right decisions and guide our paths always. You guys are doing an amazing job at clarifying how some of us feel but cannot speak about as bravely as you do.
Aoa, I really like your program. This is my story, I'm a divorced woman with two daughters. It was really difficult to be in non healthy marriage where man always torture his wife mentally and emotionally. I'm really thankful to ALLAH Almighty that I'm out of that situation. No doubt I was in state of deep depression but I keep on praying from ALLAH to erase all my memories I had spent with that man. And now Allhumdulillah suma Allhumdulillah I'm happy raising my daughters. May ALLAH bless my daughters a life full of imaan. Ameen Allahuma Ameen
I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima) My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is +8801307320559.email is kaficou@gmail dot com
For sure this needs a part 2, please do a part 2 sisters. I feel this was more of for those thinking of making that decision or having just made it, but not for sisters who’ve went through it and now dealing with things. Just when it was getting good it’s ended. 😩
I'm loving these shows but just one thing. Just because a woman removes her hajab doesn't mean she lost her iman. I'm divorced a revert who actually removed my hajab years after divorce as I was struggling with it and I realized I put hajab on because my ex wanted me to, I wanted to have the feeling of putting it on for Allah, no one else. Alhamdulillah it went back on within around a year but at not point during that time did I lose my faith.
I took off my hijab and I'm still Muslim. I pray every day and I read Quran but the hijab is not for me at the time. You have to be ready for it. Also my husband is so supportive and he wants me to be myself and practice in my way and make my own journey.
@@hyrunnisa997 lol there is nothing called "to be myself " in Islam! Wearing Hijab is a command from Allah its not an option! Weather you feeling it or not . If you walk around without Hijab, you have directly disobeyed the command of Allah! Hence you sinned, just like any other command from God.
Y'all are pretty nasty and rude. People would prefer women to cover their hair before knowing and learning the religion. Like I said it's a journey, but you dont care about that. Everyone has to do things your way or the highway. This kind of ridiculing and shaming women who dont "look" the way you want them to is disgusting. Muslims carry more about appearances than actual faith. You feel like you can say that because my sins are apparent for you to see. But Allah knows your sins as well and that is the only person who matters. People should practice a part of the religion when they realize they are ready. You dont know anything about me or my life. There is no compulsion in the religion( 2:256). لَكُمۡ دِينُكُمۡ وَلِيَ دِينِ To you be your Way, and to me mine.(109:6)
Thank you for this frank discussion! I found deep wisdom and common sense about this difficult topic. My marriage was a roller coaster ride and divorce was discussed multiple times. After years of difficulties we found our love again.
Times like these are when I am so grateful I have such a progress family behind me Divorce is a decision that needs to be made w/out judgement. You don't know what went down in that marriage
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu..Be patient but but but do something about it too sister..because there is a Hadeeth which says.."Trust Allah but for your camel too." Remember that!
I think it’s time to think carefully as an ummah how we are advising our sisters , it is never ok to allow abuse to happen to us , we are told to take action for what is wrong , and if sisters have tried to wait through these times and nothing has improved then they should take necessary action to protect themselves, I am very disappointed in some Muslims that promote the idea that sisters have to stay with abusive husbands , such a sad world we are creating for ourselves, women are suffering globally
Having been married a few years, I would say that it's up to both husband and wife to maintain their marriage. It's so important to do this to avoid 'loveless' marriages because routine sets in, children come into your lives and you become two different people leading two different lives. You go into marriage thinking your spouse is great and lovely, then after a few years with nothing major occurring and both still being good people, you fall out of love. Before divorce, try to salvage it, afterall you'll be opposing the shaytan and pleasing Allah. Try to have deep, meaningful and honest discussion about what you appreciate in one another, go out together on dates, set yourselves a target of doing at least one good thing to each other each week, and saying something nice to each other every day. This requires both, not just the woman.
Marriage is a team work and not 1, 2 ,3 divorce. If we flipped the argument around, then it would sound really bad and cruel. Imagine a man leaving his wife because she put on an extra 10 pounds and he fell out of love, or a man leaving his wife because she just don’t look like she she used to before. As a team both parties have to work together to make each other happy. Marriage is not a all sunshine and rainbows, it’s the union of two beautiful souls, and has in it Divine blessings. Marriage is blessed and the only way for society to avoid corruptions, adultery, and other social ills. Marriage requires some patience.
I really appreciate you Your program bze women are those who are strangling their children in eny situation Allah SWT will reward us in janah inshaalla
Successful marriage starts when husband and wife constantly put good efforts to each other Divorce is a serious step to take because once taken it can not be undone May Allah make their marriage a blessing not a trial for them
if you look at surah At Talaaq (Divorce) the word that's always repeated in the verses is taqwa ومن يتق الله يجعل له مخرجا ومن يتق الله يكفر عنه سيئاته ومن يتق الله يجعل له من أمره يسرا فاتقوا الله يآاولي الألباب واتقوا الله ........and whosoever have taqwa in Allah...... if both partners are muttaqeen and end up divorce then divorve to them is a mercy unto them and nothing will go wrong everyone will carry out their responsibilities. the sahabas divorced and nothing went wrong coz there was taqwa, now due to lack of taqwa from both women and men is what makes divorce look so bad/evil decision.
I love this sis. I wish they pinned this comment since it wasn't mentioned in their discussion. It's so important to base topics like this on what Quran al Kareem says.
Ameen. May Allah make us among the mutaqqeen, bcoz whatever happens you're in a win win situation. the prophet s.a.w said عجبا لأمر المؤمن إن أمره كله خير وليس ذلك لأحد إلا المؤمن: إن أصابته سراء شكر فكان خيرا له، وإن أصابته ضراء صبر فكان خيرا له How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him.
@@My.Lifes.JourneyWe didn't mention the verse, specifically, but taqwa is consciousness of Allah, and that's exactly what we directed sisters to in the episode by placing Allah first.
usually after a traumatic experience, you will want to distance yourself from anything that not only reminds you of this painful experience but also did not protect you.
Assalamu Alaikum! JazakiAllahu khairan for addressing such issue! I’ve recently been divorced, like 4 months ago. It’s true that if you have the means, like to support yourself, it’s easier to just go forth and leave. However, it’s the after process of divorce that’s really hurtful. It’s like a daily torture where you would always blame yourself, that perhaps you have made the wrong decision, maybe you have not done enough, that maybe I didn’t have sabr, that you are the wrong one even though you are the victim. (I got divorced cause my husband’s father was hostile and he wanted to control my husband’s life, and my husband do not have spine to even stand up for me, for us.) It’s really hard and till now the struggle to get over it. It’s a daily mental torture...
Finding yourself after separation is hard. You question your own value, your own existence at some point. It becomes hard to understand the reasons why things happened this or that way. Your existence is a struggle. You dont understand why you're here. It pains you to see yourself in the mirror and think about all the things that in reality may not be true, but your mind is speaking them to you, like "nobody likes you" "you are worthless" "you're not attractive" etc. It hurts. Living like this can be a hurdle.
Salaam MashAllah. I am a brother following your talk show. May Allah reward all the women who sacrifice for the sake of their children. My mom was one of them. AlhamdulilAh we had the chance to let her know that we all appreciate her sacrifice. She passed away last December. She was the home tutor, the ustaz, the friend thought we were all boys and 1 girl, the younger. Mom was able to manager us all perfectly. Today if I were to feel like taking a second wife, I will do my utmost best to show care for my first wife. I will make sure I will never hurt a sister.....
As Salamu alaikum.. I've never seen this channel before and came right into this episode. This is truly meant for me as this is my current struggle. 14 year marriage where I have laid myself down like a door mat.. My children see it and understand it but they rather be happy and have me be happy as well. I feel I'll have to flip our whole life upside down while he changes nothing but the woman in front of him. His "character" had been molded in our community and the woman who leave those type of women are ignored and laughed at. I'm sorry this is so long, but it just makes me want to cry.
From the perspective of a child whose parents chose to stay together for the sake of us. Disclaimer: everyone's situation and story is different ofc. Being small and naive ofc you fear your parents are going to split and you having to choose between either of them but honestly I really wished they divorced. The dynamic between 2 people who are just not a match for each other is just a pain for children to see. Funny thing is my parents were actually thinking they were doing a good job 'hiding' the problems from us. Let's face it children are not dumb and they will pick up on smth if there are problems. It impacted me more negatively than a divorce could ever have, I believe.
U are all speaking my mind exactly. Im so grateful to u guys for making this conversation. No one understands a mother's emotions who goes through so much. Puts up with husband, in -laws, etc. And its very easy for husbands to get away if the shelter, food, security accounts are looked after by him but no one watches him demeaning the wife emotionally.
I think the other challenges that people don't know that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. It's hard being alone regardless of which ever country you live in and to ask your brothers or your dad for support
@@AtharAfzal it is indeed but a country like UK offers a great help for single mothers and there are several charities for abused,single parents and homeless..some are even content with the place they have for themselves and their children and would rather stay in abuse just for that ..the one who keep themselves and their children under too much abuse for too long are not seen any better by Allah than the abusers themselves ..plus Allah said,He will provide ..and indeed He will in shaa Allah unless His plan is different than ours
@@andreeaboloca4440 I am aware of the charities - women who are genuinely abused should use that services. However there are other women who still use such a service and are not abused. I've seen women 'claiming' abuse when none happened and falsely laid charges against their husband or ex husbands and even going as far as obtaining a restraining order when he never harmed her and just wanted to meet his kids
Marriage is a 2way street regardless on culture background etc differences it involves both to work on things and themselves and compromise if the couple arent willing to grow together it wont work
As salaamu alaikum sister’s thank you for the insight on this topic. I am currently going in the direction of divorce from my husband of 8 yrs. We have four children together and I am currently pregnant with our last which are twins. He is planning on leaving me before the babies are born. I live in a state with no family and I just am praying to Allah for protect for me and my children. I don’t know what is to come. I came to Islam in 2012 and then married my husband shortly after. He’s all I’ve known in regards to Islam and my family are non-Muslims. Trying to figure out how will I survive Insha Allah with 6 kids insha Allah on my own Allahs knows I don’t know what to do. Like what happens after divorce, me and him , the kids. It’s all an unknown. Then I also have the feeling of no one will want me with 6 kids. Love after this divorce seems slim for me.
That is not true, you can always find a husband to love you and your kids. But your ex husband needs to send you money for your kids so you can afford everything for them financially. May Allah help you !
Focus your energy on loving yourself again post-divorce, navigating parenting on your own and helping your children thrive. Having love in your life may not come in the form of a man so create a life that feeds your soul. Don’t wait for someone else to do that for you. Find joy in becoming a better person, sharing your talents/ volunteering, laughter, learning, gardening and so on. May Allah light your path and make the crooked places straight. Aameen.
Assalamu'alaikum sister. I just came across this comment and I'm concerned about how you're doing. I have two kids with one on the way, so I can't even imagine how hard it must be with 6 in this situation. Please let us know how you're doing to see how we can help inshaa-Allah
Very good talk mashalah. The thing is sometimes divorce has never been on woman's mind and she has taken eveything but then because there is no boundaries in the marriage, the husband does the ultimate heartbreak. She finds out that he had been with another woman for a long time and her and kids heads no idea . He abbandons kids and leaves to live with the other woman . The woman who had taken everything from him for 25 years and had kids with him, now has no choice but to divorce. But it's amazing after eveything the man has done ,it is still the woman who is judged and looked down.
@@takemypainaway9517 Sure I don't mind sharing. Men experience different forms of emotions than a woman would (I can only speak on a man with children in divorce). 1. Parental alienation - the children (even though) they don't want to pick sides end up picking sides - and no matter what the father does - he becomes alienated from his own children (yes even after he has been with them since birth, changed their diapers, fed them albeit from a bottle, bathed them, etc.) 2. Laws are more favorable to a woman in divorce of children - and most men end up paying child support / spousal support. Restraining orders, etc. Many men tend to lose heavily in courts. Even in Islamic courts - it's hard to win a case of men having shared or sole custody of his children. 3. Being single and lonely - as easy as many see it - we men now have children. Most women wouldn't consider marrying us - also it becomes hard for men to consider marrying a woman with sons if he has daughters from another relationship. He ends up supporting his own children (whether they're with him) and a new wife. 4. Loss of friends - probability of friends citing with his (ex)wife are far greater than siding with him. Men are 'generally viewed' as the ones who broke up the marriage. 5. Financially being responsible to the other parent - many 'claim' this is for the children - my counter to that is - I'd rather keep the children and have a great time with them on the money I earn vs. paying the other parent - especially when she left the marriage. Many many many men are financially constrained post divorce. These are just some that either I have experienced OR I've heard from other single dads.
This is true and the stigma there is around it, it’s like when a man divorces the woman no one says anything but when the woman does she’s looked at like a failure and that she was the one who ruined the marriage.
Ava Khan it’s the same if a man gets divorced by a woman - his rights are pretty much terminated- and in many cases the mother can ask for the sole custody of the children. Also many people do provide empathy and support towards women - if you take a look at how many women shelters there are run by Islamic organizations- it’s a lot more than men.
Assalamu-aleikoum. This is a good episode and I can relate to that because I've been aware of stories where the woman is just stuck in her marriage. I think the "kids" is just an excuse. There's many reasons why a woman can't live : 1) She doesnt have any job or any degrees. If she leaves, how can she take care of herself or the kids ? Women NEEDS to get a work or study in case something happens. 2) The age. Women fear to leave because after hitting the 40's they think no one will want them anymore.. this is not true,there's too many good brothers who wants a wife just so they can live a happy life and sometimes they have been suffering too. Women can get any guy no matter how old they are 3) Pressure from the family and society. If she leaves the marriage she's considered as a bad mother or wife. But if a man leaves a marriage no one will tell him anything wrong. This cultural stereotypes goes against islam and we need to erase that way of thinking. Women needs to work, study, be financially independant so in case the husband is bad she can just leave him. Women needs to teach their son to be good men, and to be good men especially towards women. They need to teach their son that they are in charge of their sisters if something happens and she get divorced. Women needs to understand that life doesnt stop after a divorce. Its a new reborn. And in some cases, its a new starting and a better one. May Allah protect my sisters who are struggling in their marriage, all my love and my duaa's go for you if you are reading me. ♥ Assalamu-aleikoum.
Patient has its limitations, i saw many mothers who face marriage problems. Children know what is going on in the house even if you pretend that you are happy, some of them hate their father because they remember the struggle their mom went through so such kind of abuse is not good for your mental health and its not good for your children and if you are with him just for financial it's good to do everything and get tired physically instead of mentally
Amazing, please have a part 2, I need to hear more, I love these talks so much and looking forward to the next one in sha Allah, may Allah reward you all ameen.
This was such a fantastic episode sisters, keep them coming! We need more heart to heart honest conversations about these "hot topics" in a modern islamic perspective. Bless you all!
Allahiyabaarikfeekum! It is so very important to talk about this topic. I feel that some sisters may have distanced themself from the deen after divorce, bcs of the discourse that prevailed all these years in the muslim community. So they started searching for comforting answers somewhere else. There is alot of toxic empowerment talk on non-muslim platforms and if you are in a vulnerable state Shaytaan has easier access and stronger influence on you. But I think it got much better. Even... Divorce is not only not a taboo anymore, but it's almost taken too lightly by some. I don't forget the shock, when I first heard the suggestion of getting married with the idea of divorce. So just giving it a try and if things don't seem right we can divorce anytime, wich is another extreme. Allahulmusta'an
Thank you for this video. I did not feel fulfilled in my marriage so I decided to make the difficult decision to divorce my wife. Thankfully there were no kids involved. We are both good people but we are simply incompatible. I was miserable, losing weight, and very unhappy in my relationship which is why I decided to divorce. A mistake we made was rushing into ktab without truly getting to know one another. Could you make a video on things to ask and know about a partner BEFORE doing ktab?
I respect you when you said "we both good people", I was listening to man talking about marriages he said sometimes the women is like mint tea and the man is a Turkish coffee both are excellent and beautiful but not mixed together
Masha Allah allahumma barik!! THANK YOU so much!! ❤ Ich love your Episodes and im looking forward for the next Episode of parenting because thats my big struggle... Im sorry for my english. Big hugs from germany ❤️
This is definitely a topic that needs at least 3 hours to get to the bottom and discuss as much as. 22 mns is not enough. It is very true though. If none of them are as strong in religion as well, they are affected much worse.
Al hamdu lillah it's Ramadan 2023, and I listened as open minded as possible. May Allah reward you sisters for having needed conversations, and give you all husbands that aid you to the Pleasure of Allah. Ameen. At the end of the video it is clear to me why divorce is in the hands of the man. La hawla wala quwata illa billah . We've learned in the Sunnah that it's okay for a woman to ask for a kullah with good reasons and what she has to return of the Dowry. Islam is easy, we make it difficult when we follow our emotions instead. TRUST that ALLAH KNOWS BEST. Respect
Watched this before I got married almost 3 years ago now as a divorced woman with no children subhanAllah I must say letting that man go was the best thing I’ve ever done it’s only been a little over a month but Alhamdullilah my eman has increased and I’m focused on my goals a real reset you might feel alone and without much support for awhile but it’s for you to level up the wrong man isn’t worth the fights , stress , weight loss and weight gain, lack of support , balwad etc. Alhamdullilah
sumeya at 18:00 may Allah bless u all i was actually surfing the internet today over this issue and how, subhan Allah, most of the fatawas i read and saw were saying have sabr few points were always given as valid reasons and others weren't entertained i just wanted a woman's perspective and I'm glad I came here may Allah increase u all in goodness and beneficial knowledge we need more of u in this world
I really appreciate your concern about women problems..i m from Pakistan.tonight for the first time I saw your TH-cam channel and starting hearing your thoughts.i m going through hard times in marriage these days .and this talk help me.💞💞💞
I have learned from my own experiences witnessing a marriage where the woman is unhappy with her husband, never to stay in a marriage if you're unhappy, and you have children. especially when infidelity is involved. I understand the sacrifice women make for their children, but if you're unhappy it is hard for you to help anyone else. And it becomes very toxic and unhealthy to live like that, especially for the kids. They grow up with so much resentment towards their father and an unhealthy depiction of what marriage is. May Allah protect every woman and man from an unfaithful or unlawful marriage, and spouse. May Allah place barakah, and happiness in your unions and your homes and protect you all from being married to someone who makes you unhappy. A'meen.
lol, how it was hijacked and seem very undoable, and the unjust manipulation to those who happen to be in it. Al Wasatiyya(middle path) is the only solution to almost every problem the ummah is facing. we need to bring this back. not to be toooo westernized and forget our Deen(we take what's good and leave the garbage) and also separate religion from culture and norms. in short the middle path is the answer to all the questions.
I didn't realise you guys were inspired by Red Table Talk! I absolutely LOVVVvvvvvE that show! And I love how you guys have taken that idea and made it your own. Great show ladies.
I jus found this channel. I can totally appreciate how realistic these women are. I sometimes find Islamic discussions can be very bias and not realistic or from a modern perspective. This topic really hit home for me. “Whether she stays or goes she needs at that point to strengthen herself as a woman and strengthen her imaan bc both requires her to be powerful” Sigh 😢 thank you for this convo may Allah swt bless these women and their family. Amen
SubhanaAllah "its by the grace of Allah and His mercy I remain on my Deen." I continue to seek knowledge for "me" and strengthen my Eman, ( curling-up reading a Good book, along with the Noble Qur'an) how to better myself as a Muslim wife.
Who needs a sociologist when you on the show, sisters of H/T Talk you really help me in every way shukran....on top of it I'm a convert and not that I got married I fall inlove with the Religion Allah knows the best! Alhamdulillah
It's so soothing to see intellectual accomplished Muslim women talk about important subjects like this. It's very validating and calming. I wish I could hug each of you 🥺 Allah ybarek feekom ❤️
Hi I am a partly sighted person my marriage was arranged and I was married for 23 years my husband mentally abused me he did so much bad thing and I kept giving him chance after chance just for my children
Oh Allah I cry when I hear this talk, it’s exactly my life what I am living now in my marriage. I know AllahSWT test us in every moment. I will say Alhamdulillah I am alive for my kids. Because it’s hard to woman who has no support from outside and nowhere to welcome her to live. She has no choice just stay being patient with that.....May AllahSWT make our akhirah beautiful Ameen.
My father has cheated on my illiterate mother countless of times. I'm the only one in my family who knows and don't want to say anything. It will break my family apart - we have enough financial issues as it is. Whenever I see my father come home, I feel disgust. I found drugs in his bag one time and empty cans of beer under the couch when I was cleaning the house. We're a muslim family but no matter how much my father talks about jannah and what a good man he is, I can't help but hate him even more because of his hypocrisy. I used to respect him immensely. He's recently started hitting my mother and me as well. I don't talk to him anymore and he doesn't speak to me either. I hate him and because of his example, I'm doubting if I ever want to get married. I used to think that if a man is muslim, he is a good man. I don't think that anymore.
I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima) My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is +8801307320559.email is kaficou@gmail dot com
May Allah help you and your mother. In that case I really think someone else needs to enter in the circle and talk to your father at least. Contact any imam or sheikh to get into it. Your mom cannot stay in a marriage like this.
As Salaamu Alaykum, know that what is Haram, is still Haram, and not Al-Islam. Shaitan is constantly waging a war against our iman, all of ours iman, your father has his struggles , and in retaliation he may hates himself for it and is unintentionally taking it out on your mother and the family. Make Dua for him, and find a safe place where you remain safe, and if it becomes to dangerous, Allah reminds us what is done in dark, will be brought into the light, find an Imam, Shaykh or a sincere family adviser and if none of these things works, there are always places (shelters, women’s centers) that there only goal is to protect women and children.
The fault is not in Islam, it is in human being. We all have faults. But what you are talking about are major sins. Involve other good people in your community. Tell them what is happening. Your father needs to know what he is doing is not secret for him.
it is important for every woman to know Allah with deep knowledge even before getting married. But for women who have decided to to stay in marriage they surely needs to be steadfast and patience and very prayerful. infact my own love is Allah and this keeps me moving because i don't put my happiness in my Husband but Allah and only Allah.
Interesting discussion ladies, keep it up! To me Marriage is a control system where people are owned and this will never happily work. This is because naturally as human species we are mentally wired to be free. However, People who feel they want to be free need to separate reasonably and still stay in touch. Divorce doesn't have to mean hatred afterwards and in the end everyone could be happier including the children.
Great episode and thanks so much for being so open and candid on the discussion. If possible - can you please elaborate further on the point where the wife asks for a divorce and feels loveless in the marriage (and where there has been no abuse, infidelity, or addiction) - and wants out of her marriage? I think that topic needs more elaboration. Reason for me saying that are: 1. It takes two to agree on getting married - but only one to break it - if so then what is the definition of 'exhausting all options' - the two may disagree on this. 2. If the wife chooses leave the marriage when they have children - why should the other partner be obligated to fulfill his financial needs through to her? Many at times - I've seen many not grant a divorce due to the financial commitments to her for a very long time. This makes it harder for him to seek another marriage. In this scenario it's usually better for him to stay with the woman he has children with and he feels no emotions to him. 3. I feel the litmus test for a divorce (for either a man or woman asking for it) - is to ask themselves - am I willing to walk away with nothing. Meaning I'm leaving the marriage so I'll also leave all the assets with the other partner. Too many times - I see people asking for a divorce and asking for financial commitments (or giving none if they earn more than the other spouse). I think if we eliminate the financial obligations - that may be a better reason to think of a divorce. 4. Parental alienation - many men don't grant divorce - because they suffer from the children siding with the mother and being in financial commitments to her too. 5. Besides shaytaan - I tend to see many husbands and wives influenced and encouraged by their own family members to seek divorce 'as to an end of all their problems'. The person knows they can divorce because they have the unequivocal support of their family members. Again - thank you Jazak'Allah to all the sisters being so open minded on this topic!
1: The ways of seeking redress within a marriage is laid down in the Quran. Allah said, if they are having differences that they can't get through themselves, they should appoint arbitrators, one from his side and one from hers, and that if there minds are pure amd they wish for reconciliation, they shall get it. When this fails, is when divorce is considered. In this age, arbitration can also be through counselling, therapy in short exploring all available options. When all else fails, there is no ambiguity to actually trying. You don't sit around (when talking between the spouses doesnt work) and just say that you've tried. You would know if you've not exhausted all options because you haven't.
2: I don't know what you mean by financial obligations to her after divorce. A man is no longer responsible for a woman's maintenance after divorce is completed (i e after completing iddah). What Allah says is "Seperate in kindness" some scholars say esp in the case where she had been a full housewife within the duration of the marriage, when you divorce, give her a capital to start a business to maintain herself because the reality is many women are stopped from working by virtue of having a family to take care of. Even of the husband doesnt stop her from working, its typical that he doesnt help with household affairs hence she is too burdened and would rather stop working. Tell me, what is the fairness in letting such a woman who has sacrificed years, go out cold, when had she been unmarried, she'd definitely had made progress in being independent? This is part of ihsan and fairness that the husband separates from his wife while wishing her well and praying she succeeds. If she takes care of their children, it's in everyone's best interest that she is happy and content- being poor and needy and having to care for children can't help her parent positively. As for children, the father is obligated to provide everything for them regardless of who initiated divorce as long as those children are legal products of a a valid union. Islam recognises descent, patrilineal with attendant privileges and responsibilities; she goes to his house, he is the maintainer, and the children are called by his name. That's how Allah made it to be. He has to take care of that responsibility, failure of which he would answer for in front of Allah.
3: Are you a Muslim? I ask because these things are clear in Islam. I dont know if this question is rooted in cultural practice. A man's property is his and a woman's property is hers. The difference is that a man's property is expected to be spent in maintaining the family by providing all of her and children's needs (hence the double share of inheritance for men), while a woman's own property is hers to do as she pleases (like kindness to parents and relatives, charity etc, whatever actually, many help the husbands too with their money). This doenst change anything upon divorce. Upon divorce, a man stops maintaining the wife although he could continue as a matter of kindness if he wishes and has the means for and if it wont affect his new wife, esp if he has kids with her while some choose to give her a gift of a lump sum. *This of course is not obligatory but he would get rewarded for it if he does* His property remains his. What he is required to do is provide child support and pay all their bills if they have any children. For the wife, her property is already hers so she leaves with them. If they are into joint businesses together, then that's different and has to be treated according to it's merit and with reference to a judge since everything should have been clearly contracted. No one should lose out because of divorce, and no one should be cheated. It is important to leave amicably and face the future with optimism, and especially if there are kids involved.
@@aishab.mahuta973 You raise a very interesting point because in the Western world what typically Happens is that the assets are typically 50% slide to regardless of who brought more into the marriage. There is a lot of confusion in this and many times a woman or a man loses a lot financially after a divorce if they don't follow the Islamic jurisprudence
I would say make Allah the focal point even before entering the marriage and not the man. If something bad happens Allah will guide and make things better Insha Allah. Relationship with Allah first and foremost is the key of success with other relationships around you.
I think a huge part, which plays a keyrole in the topic of divorce, is ones conscious state of mind before having entered the marriage. I see alot of sisters rushing into marriage, without having completed themselves first. I personally believe, that when I am still struggling with my innerself, failing at the basics and I still haven't found a way to find contentment through Allah, then it's not the right time to get married. It's just not fair towards the other half. Most people in my circle got divorced, bcs either they or their partner didn't marry with the right mindset and then those who aren't married are afraid to, bcs of all the unhappy divorces they've witnessed around them. I think it's important to sit down and reflect before getting re/married, asking oneself "Is this really the right time to get re/married?". It's a battle between heart and mind, but so very essential, bcs you can't give from an empty vessel. Both parties should have filled their cup before getting married, so when they add them together, their cup will be full. If we do that and then it's still not working out, I believe it's the Qadr of Allah, bcs some things are only reached after having gone through the process of trial. Allahua'lem
First of all jazakumullah khayran for talking about issues that help sisters. Second would just like to remind ourselves that when you do things such as 'sacrifice' ourselves for our kids we should do it for the sake of Allah...in everything actually that is done when enduring hardships in life, then there won't be bitterness when you don't taste the fruits of your sacrifice/hard Work etc.
Asalamu walaikum sisters.marshallah for this topic cause im seeing myself in some situation about divorce and i think we women in islam needs to be treated well and take care of by our husband but not all husband are willing to take their responsibilities as a husband and thats a pitty.some women give and sacrifice a lot but receive non by the husband
Honest Tea Talk Just a suggestion for an episode. The questions a person must ask a potential spouse before they get married. For example a complete CRB check.
@ 23:35 What an eye-opener! What sis Sumayyah said makes sense and I hadn't thought of it before. Based on that, I kinda disagree with the response from sis Aliyah. If someone learned allll they know of the Deen from a man imposing it, it does make sense why she would want to completely start from scratch. Is that the best option? Maybe not but that may be the best outcome for HER emaan in the long-run. She probably didn't know the Deen at all and had no emaan to begin with. So once that person who imposed it upon her is gone, starting from scratch could potentially give her the change to re-discover Islam from a completely different perspective. Better than altogether giving up Islam without turning back.
I think it all depends on where you were in the first place. Some people have no imaan and do exactly what their husbands say to do or follow their husbands' religion because of love. So once that person hurt them, they leave Islam as well. On the other hand, if the sister already had imaan (however small), then I get where sis Aliyah is coming from.
A question that arises is does it have to be one or the other? Can one start returning to Allah from where they are rather than from ceasing acts of worship and obedience? And what is Allah most pleased with in circumstances like these?
@@HonestTeaTalk Depending on the person and the exact situation, it can. As I said, it's understandable why a person who had no imaan to begin with would leave everything if all she did before was for her husband and not for Allah. But, in the case of someone who already had a level of imaan, it would be more dangerous to leave it all because she could get lost along the way. Allah dependa on the person. This is something I didn't understand before.
Such well articulated and educated people on this panel MashAllah, each episode is lovely to watch. I actually thank you for this, May Allah bless you for your efforts. ❤️
Assalamu alaykum from Germany dear sisters ❤ jazaki Allahu khayr for this platform and giving us honest talks about all these important topics :) I was watching this video bec of my parents current situation and I don't really know how to help them - I think they probably deal with lack of love you mentioned bec actually there are not big problems in our family alhamdulillah... keep us in our duas pls - and keep on!
In west Africa more women need to be Educated I feel sorry for young hard working teenage girls sweating under the sun. That's why I will always remind my sister to stay in school. Good job sisters
Haven’t disagreed with one word that has come out of any of their mouths from episode 1-14. May Allah grant you all success in all your endeavors and protection from the evil eye and every devil and may He grant you ease and rectify your affairs. Waiting patiently for season 2 Insha’Allah. Wish I was sitting right there with you guys on these discussions.
السلام عليكم ورحمة لله وبركاته Dear brothers and sisters, I'm so disappointed seeing the fact that the marriage responsibilities in our current Ummah is so neglected by both men and women. Some of or most of marriage tales and experiences in the comment section are so horrific and heart-melting to extent that they will cause to discourage or delay the marriage of younger Muslim generation. I'm not yet married and know nothing about these issues of marital conflicts. But, what is saddening is seeing so many dysfunctional Muslim families. The rate of family dysfunctional in the Muslim Ummah is exponential in this technological era. May Allah guide us in the right path. Assalamu aleikum.
I say there is three types of marriages. 1. The perfect spouse. Amazing and rare. Stay of course. 2. The Zalim or Zalima Abuse, physical oppression, gambling and alcohol and incest. Leave such marriages because effect mental health or self and children and religion. 3. The inbetween spouse who is not zalim but not perfect. This marriage you have sabr with and the spouses have to accept each other and its a struggle which will result in you entering any gate of jannah.
If both parties aren't willing to seek mutual honor/respect per counsel what other choice? Also I agree considering children is another dynamic. Patience😊 great topic.
I'm going to say something that is not often talked about. I feel that in most cases (not all), a woman's decision to stay or divorce is based %100 on her intimate relationship with her husband. We find many women hold on to their abusive marriages, and when you ask them why do you stay, they would say "it's for my children" etc... but in reality, she stays, because, yes he beats her up, but she's satisfied sexually. On the other hand, we find women who live in (from an outside prospective) very good marriage environment, she's treated well, her martial needs are fulfilled, yet she wants divorce. When you ask them why, they would give you all sorts of answers.. But the real reason behind her decision to divorce is that she's not satisfied sexually.
Any woman that gets beaten and/or gets treated badly BUT stays for sexual satisfaction needs serious help, because she is obviously not able to make healthy judgement anymore(and this kind of women can and should never have children)!
It’s probably not that she’s satisfied with her husband. It’s more likely that she’s scared she’s never going to marry again and therefore never have sex-unless it’s haram.
MashaAllah dear sister, love and support for this channel course it helps me understand my wife and try to solve any issues with her coz we men don't know much about women and that is the problem facing many marriages, although it is a two way partnership we all need to know what is the problem that makes us rise the divorce rate in Muslim communities which is very high in this generation and it pains me because it breaks our unity and brings depression, stress and many more things to our religion. May Allah bless you on this course
Marriage is loveless, but respectful : STAY no respect: LEAVE spouse is persistently unfaithful: LEAVE husband has polygamous ideas, and can afford it: STAY spouse unequivocally prohibits you from exercising your God-given freedoms: LEAVE spouse is physically abusive: LEAVE spouse compelling you to disobey God: LEAVE spouse is not a practicing Muslim, but not blasphemous: STAY spouse is definitely a bad influence to all: LEAVE spouse is financially weak, maybe lazy: STAY the list can be endless, but what is important is the spouse be their own judge and makes a wise decision. No scholar or qady can judge for you, they can at best give opinions
What if love never develops and you feel just used and empty? I think nothing hurts more than loving a person and them never choosing you. So do you stay or do you gather yourself and exit?
My mother suffered from my father for 4 years and she stood by us( 4 boys)when we were young and yes sacrificed her happiness but she had faith, love and feared Allah. And no.........we didn't fly the nest and I didn't leave her because I sacrificed my higher education because me and my brothers remembered her pain and love for us. And she has been rewarded and blessed with a loving family environment (sadly my father passed away). But she Still honered my father by careing for him during his alzimers illness. ' do not grieve or be broken hearted for if you have faith you will succeed'. Now if you ask me what characteristics I want in a woman (wife) then it has to be the strength of character of my mum. For she is the real superhero in my Life. Subhallah.. funny thing is it all worked out well in the end. All my brothers have good Jobs and financially healthy. Oh mum has two beautiful grandchildren as well. Allah is Most Gracious... Most kind
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I am not Muslim but I appreciate your show. I just wanted to comment to let you know there are some of us Christians that appreciate your show.
Your always welcome 💞
As a muslim, I am happy to hear that. One, it lets you know that despite our faith differs, our human day to day life and struggles don't differ that much. Two, it shows that you are non judgemental and are open minded to hearing about human experiences and struggles within their societal norms despite the speakers might not speak from a background than you might not want to hear from..
I welcome you to my community ❤🥰
I extend my friendship to my christian sisters as well.
Welcome sister among your brothers and sisters in humanity😊
YES YES YES! ❤️
Welcome sister
A thought that crossed my head:
"You are a person before you are a mother".
indeed and regardless of whether we stay our children will always have two parents- they’re simply just not married
@@tiyyas3022
The earlier the better...
Be *FROM* a broken home than live *IN* one.
Out of it, you're slowly picking up your life.
Inside it, you're daily *HAMMERING* it!
💯 I filed for divorce when my daughter was 6 months old. We had been separated since she 6 weeks old. When our marriage counselor confided in me “off the record” that my ex husband had NPD was emotionally abusive, and was never going to change I decided that if this was inevitable, that the trauma on our daughter would be far less at 6 months old than at 6 or 16 years old. It’s never an easy choice.
Am going through a divorce at the moment just felling for this topic. Sisters going through divorce brings me closer to Allah and decided to take up hijab as am sending this massage tonight is my 7 night wearing hijab am very happy sisters pray for me not to give up.
I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima)
My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is +8801307320559.email is kaficou@gmail dot com
I am not a Muslim and watching these video's out of interest. But my parents are divorced and I honestly feel that was the best decision they could have made. As children we are not blind to what's going on in the household. It was a difficult decision to make, I am sure. But as a family we were not happy. Seeing my parents not being happy together also had a huge effect on us. I'd rather see my parents happy and be their best selves (and thus being good parents) than to stay in an unhappy marriage for our sake. Thank you for shedding some light on this topic.
But what about after divorce? The loneliness, the struggle, the heartbreak, the deception, the difficulity to accept the qaddar when it hits you really hard? I'd love to hear from you on that
Me too. I'm going through that.
Thats no reason to stay in an abusive marriage
@@Qanny89 I'm also going through the same
Dearest sisters, this situation is a crash course in tawakkal. We need to turn away from creation and seek Allah alone, and find our strength in the walk with Allah. In this way, this experience is a blessed purification from shirk. Yes, it is hard, my dear sister, we have walked those paths. Looking back, it was never people but Allah and myself that took care of me... and Allah only took away the chaff. The wheat is Allah, our soul, our kids. It is not preferred to break the family, but it is permissible, and comfort ourselves with Allah. We are loved by Allah.
So you want to stay in abusive marriage?,
What I learned from my failed marriage: You BOTH put in the work, you support eachother, you work on yourselves with the support of the other not the other working on you or vice versa, there should be good times and bad times but it should not be a love bombing cycle. Know what you want and look for that, lower your expectations but not your worth.
I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima)
My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is +8801307320559.email is kaficou@gmail dot com
I have the feeling I'm the only one keeping this ship afloat. Pregnant now with the second, now sure if I can keep this marriage up with two. I feel by lowering my expectations, I'm losing myself not only as sfor who I am, but also as a human being. He uses his work as excuse not to do anything & says he feels pressured to do stuff & that's why he does less and less. I'm not even getting Salam 3leykom half of the time when he enters the door, or goodnight, or goodmorning. Jumu3a breakfast he stays in bed al morning, Just like the rest of the weekend. I'm alone with supper 6 out of 7 days. Morning and evening routine of our child is done by me only. At the same time I always need to listen to whatever he wants to tell me for at least 30 min, and comfort him when he's 'had a hard day'. Just never feeling validated when I say to him what you say here. I think you are strong and courageous and I hope I can follow in your footsteps one day if this situation will continue after the birth.
@@monakeulen5622 I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima)
My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is +8801307320559.email is kaficou@gmail dot com
@@Dreamersworld728 maybe it's more polite to visit an imam you trust with this? I'm sure there are sisters coming to him with the same request & he can help you find a match.
@@monakeulen5622 It's totally complex to me.If you can help me a litte bit pls check out my number over whatsapp, hangouts or facebook.
I am a Judeo Christian woman, this so speaks to me and my process of finding myself after devorce from a twenty year marriage. Many blessings to you beautiful ladies of faith.
Just say you are a zionist
I love you girls so much!i got divorced 1 year a go after 16 years!!! Please keep me and my daughter who is 13 in your dua!!! Please keep doing what you do best!!! May Allah bless you guys and your offspring!!!
May Allah bless you and your doughter my dear sister; and facilitate you the kind of life style that you wish to have. Sometimes, to divorce better than to stay togrther that is why Allah made it permissible for us.
May the almighty Allah make things easier for you and your daughter ameen ameen
I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima)
My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is +8801307320559.email is kaficou@gmail dot com
May Allah help you
Aslamualkum dear brother and sisters!!! May Allah shower you with his mercy and protect you all Ameen!! My daughter and I are doing wonderful compre to last year. We are leaving in our own home and she is about to graduate high school. She only 14 and last year in high school. Allhamdulillah allhamdulillah please brother and sister hold on Allah when things go the way you don't understand. It will turn out in your favor! Thank you for Allah the dua we are ever grateful! Ya Allah bring us together In the companion of our beloved prophets. Grant us janna!!!
I loved Sumaya's addition to the discussion when she started talking about what's behind the decision to stay "because of the kids." jazakunna Allahu khairan.
Love that
"In love" and passion are overrated but divorce is far better than hating and treating each other as ennemies on a daily basis.
even halal and respectable can be good enough and love can be natural, it comes from Allah!
th-cam.com/video/96QYilS5AI4/w-d-xo.html
Alhamdulillah for this message. Im a sister who's divorce will be finalized soon and I must say for me My husband introduced me to Islam but AllahSWT gave me the motivation to seek knowledge. During my separation Ive grown closer to AllahSWT so Im thankful for what's ordained.Funny Your speaking parts of my story but its opposite. My husband started to loose his Deen while I was finding my during our marriage and now he's Astray and Im taking each day walking the straight way. SubhanAllah
I'm also suffering in this situation and now I start reading Quran and 5 time prayer and Sahih Hadess Allah SWT showing me the right path and Alhumdulilah I'm try to raju to my wife. kindly pray for me Allah SWT make it easy for me
Is urs love marriage
@@awwwwan where are you from
@@tallathabbasi9593 I'm from Pakistan.
Subhan Allah, I love you for the sake of Allah. May Allah grant you success in both the worlds.
It's worth asking yourself "How would I advise my own daughter if she was in a marriage like this?" because some women sacrifice and compromise and stay in miserable marriages but would not want that for their own daughters and in fact would be horrified if they had children in the same type of unhappy marriage.... but children learn from behaviour modelled by their parents so if the parent doesn't want children to be in that sort of marriage, then think about what sort of example is being set.
The classic “I love you but not in love with you” is very fixable and expected. I watched some great lectures about this, the honeymoon phase is over and the couple is left in this robotic type routine. The solution is not divorce, because you’ll just go through the same thing with the next guy. It’s a cycle. That is definitely fixable. Real love is not a Bollywood movie.
Aisha Zee But what if you went into the marriage without actually being in love with the other person? When you go in with Iman that you’ll be happy despite not being in love because Allah swt will make it possible? And 11 years and two kids later, you’re still not in love with your spouse, although they’re a good person and you genuinely care for them. But you know you’re not getting all you want and need out of your marriage? This is another scenario where that classic statement applies. And it’s not easy to walk away from this type of situation either.
Naffy what if it doesn’t take 11 years. It’s still scary to leave
Tell that to the people stuck in miserable marriages. In some cases divorce was the best decision, i personally know someone that was stuck in a marriage with a very kind man but he would not show his wife any affection or give her the attention a wife should get even after she would tell him continuously how she felt, he would continue to neglect her. A sexless and loveless marriage where they were just living as room mates? Now divorced and still remain friends even though they have moved on to find better marriage mates who accept and meet the others needs.
@@Dreamersworld728 did you get the Covid-19 vaccine?
@@mombasa7 I do not take it till now.
Good job!
I will kindly like to advice sisters don't rush with kid's. Becouse we don't know what and who we are getting . it is better to get to know one another well then plan kids
It is always easier to get it out for sister in case it doesn't work. Be smart
Exactly. We muslims don't get to go through the fiasco of dating and getting to know each other stage. So we should not rush the after marriage process at least. We should not skip the getting to know each other and dating, instead we postpone it to after marriage then slowly decide for kids inSyaaAllah with time.
Divorce with kids in the equation can get very messy :S
Incredibly difficult when everyone sits on the woman’s head about her having children. Everything is a layman’s business when it comes to a woman
😭I’m not happy with my husband , I don’t have kids ! My father passed away my mother doesn’t knows what to decide but my father did , but he’s no longer with me anymore
Some men in our society expect the women to get pregnant by the second week of marriage 😢
I just want to say that Divorce is not = End of the world. It may very well be the beginning to a much better journey towards Allaah.
I’m not Muslim but I’m a new subbie. I absolutely love your channel. So much wisdom to be found here❤️
Sister please watch on TH-cam ef dawah , sc ddawah channel videos regarding Islam,christianity etc
May Allah bring you to Islam.
I have been thinking about converting for some years now. I hear so many different things. You Ladies are so amazing at breaking things down and it has helped me so much. I still have so many questions, but watching you ladies has been a big help. I TRULY APPRECIATE EACH OF YOU. THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU EACH DO.
That’s one subject I love to hate and still haunts me 3yrs later since my wife divorced me, with no fault of my own but a lack of communication brought about by illness and psychological problems of my past. I still love my wife children dearly but she would never have me back . Inshallah am in a better place now and keep asking Allah to increase my strength and iman
th-cam.com/video/96QYilS5AI4/w-d-xo.html
It's amazing how you spoke about how I'm actually feeling in words, especially the words where you end up questioning your sanity and validity of feeling how you feel in a marriage where it's not violent. May Allaah enable us to make the right decisions and guide our paths always. You guys are doing an amazing job at clarifying how some of us feel but cannot speak about as bravely as you do.
Fathima Khatun me too sis SANITY SANITY SANITY 👏🏽👌🏽
Ameen
Aameen
Aoa, I really like your program. This is my story, I'm a divorced woman with two daughters. It was really difficult to be in non healthy marriage where man always torture his wife mentally and emotionally. I'm really thankful to ALLAH Almighty that I'm out of that situation. No doubt I was in state of deep depression but I keep on praying from ALLAH to erase all my memories I had spent with that man. And now Allhumdulillah suma Allhumdulillah I'm happy raising my daughters. May ALLAH bless my daughters a life full of imaan. Ameen Allahuma Ameen
ALLAH Almighty bless u and ur daughters
I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima)
My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is +8801307320559.email is kaficou@gmail dot com
For sure this needs a part 2, please do a part 2 sisters.
I feel this was more of for those thinking of making that decision or having just made it, but not for sisters who’ve went through it and now dealing with things. Just when it was getting good it’s ended. 😩
We'll definitely be covering this in more depth inshaAllah
I'm loving these shows but just one thing. Just because a woman removes her hajab doesn't mean she lost her iman. I'm divorced a revert who actually removed my hajab years after divorce as I was struggling with it and I realized I put hajab on because my ex wanted me to, I wanted to have the feeling of putting it on for Allah, no one else. Alhamdulillah it went back on within around a year but at not point during that time did I lose my faith.
@invest for your future you're an idiot, period. and also, you're projecting and it's embarrassing. if this is how you feel don't get mad at us lol
I took off my hijab and I'm still Muslim. I pray every day and I read Quran but the hijab is not for me at the time. You have to be ready for it. Also my husband is so supportive and he wants me to be myself and practice in my way and make my own journey.
@@hyrunnisa997 lol there is nothing called "to be myself " in Islam! Wearing Hijab is a command from Allah its not an option! Weather you feeling it or not . If you walk around without Hijab, you have directly disobeyed the command of Allah! Hence you sinned, just like any other command from God.
@@hyrunnisa997 Read Qur'an 24v 31 and 33v 59
Y'all are pretty nasty and rude. People would prefer women to cover their hair before knowing and learning the religion. Like I said it's a journey, but you dont care about that. Everyone has to do things your way or the highway. This kind of ridiculing and shaming women who dont "look" the way you want them to is disgusting. Muslims carry more about appearances than actual faith. You feel like you can say that because my sins are apparent for you to see. But Allah knows your sins as well and that is the only person who matters. People should practice a part of the religion when they realize they are ready. You dont know anything about me or my life.
There is no compulsion in the religion( 2:256). لَكُمۡ دِينُكُمۡ وَلِيَ دِينِ
To you be your Way, and to me mine.(109:6)
‘Judgement is from people who have not had their faces rubbed in the dust’ My first honest tea talk and it’s been eye opening.
Thank you for this frank discussion! I found deep wisdom and common sense about this difficult topic. My marriage was a roller coaster ride and divorce was discussed multiple times. After years of difficulties we found our love again.
Times like these are when I am so grateful I have such a progress family behind me
Divorce is a decision that needs to be made w/out judgement.
You don't know what went down in that marriage
I am in this situation right now, I'm totally alone, depressed and finding no solution, and I stay for my kids
Shirin Gaouir May Allah make it easy for you and reward you immensely for your patience. Aameen. Be patient and seek help from allah.
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu..Be patient but but but do something about it too sister..because there is a Hadeeth which says.."Trust Allah but for your camel too." Remember that!
I think it’s time to think carefully as an ummah how we are advising our sisters , it is never ok to allow abuse to happen to us , we are told to take action for what is wrong , and if sisters have tried to wait through these times and nothing has improved then they should take necessary action to protect themselves, I am very disappointed in some Muslims that promote the idea that sisters have to stay with abusive husbands , such a sad world we are creating for ourselves, women are suffering globally
I did ask Allah , and he made a way out for me , as he knows whAt I’ve survived , alhamdoulilah
th-cam.com/video/96QYilS5AI4/w-d-xo.html
Having been married a few years, I would say that it's up to both husband and wife to maintain their marriage. It's so important to do this to avoid 'loveless' marriages because routine sets in, children come into your lives and you become two different people leading two different lives.
You go into marriage thinking your spouse is great and lovely, then after a few years with nothing major occurring and both still being good people, you fall out of love. Before divorce, try to salvage it, afterall you'll be opposing the shaytan and pleasing Allah. Try to have deep, meaningful and honest discussion about what you appreciate in one another, go out together on dates, set yourselves a target of doing at least one good thing to each other each week, and saying something nice to each other every day. This requires both, not just the woman.
Great 👍 practical advice
What a great advice BUT can only be heeded if both comply
Marriage is a team work and not 1, 2 ,3 divorce. If we flipped the argument around, then it would sound really bad and cruel. Imagine a man leaving his wife because she put on an extra 10 pounds and he fell out of love, or a man leaving his wife because she just don’t look like she she used to before. As a team both parties have to work together to make each other happy. Marriage is not a all sunshine and rainbows, it’s the union of two beautiful souls, and has in it Divine blessings.
Marriage is blessed and the only way for society to avoid corruptions, adultery, and other social ills. Marriage requires some patience.
I really appreciate you Your program bze women are those who are strangling their children in eny situation Allah SWT will reward us in janah inshaalla
@@hamesiby80 yes they do second wife it's still cheating
Successful marriage starts when husband and wife constantly put good efforts to each other
Divorce is a serious step to take because once taken it can not be undone
May Allah make their marriage a blessing not a trial for them
It can actually be undone ,but with a limit of course
@@andreeaboloca4440 we turn to Allah! He makes it all successful!
if you look at surah At Talaaq (Divorce) the word that's always repeated in the verses is taqwa
ومن يتق الله يجعل له مخرجا
ومن يتق الله يكفر عنه سيئاته
ومن يتق الله يجعل له من أمره يسرا
فاتقوا الله يآاولي الألباب
واتقوا الله
........and whosoever have taqwa in Allah......
if both partners are muttaqeen and end up divorce then divorve to them is a mercy unto them and nothing will go wrong everyone will carry out their responsibilities. the sahabas divorced and nothing went wrong coz there was taqwa, now due to lack of taqwa from both women and men is what makes divorce look so bad/evil decision.
I love this sis. I wish they pinned this comment since it wasn't mentioned in their discussion. It's so important to base topics like this on what Quran al Kareem says.
Absolutely love this. Which is why we emphasised the importance of strengthening one's faith. May Allah strengthen all of us. Ameen
Ameen. May Allah make us among the mutaqqeen, bcoz whatever happens you're in a win win situation.
the prophet s.a.w said
عجبا لأمر المؤمن إن أمره كله خير وليس ذلك لأحد إلا المؤمن: إن أصابته سراء شكر فكان خيرا له، وإن أصابته ضراء صبر فكان خيرا له
How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him.
@@fjeilani Absolutely! ❤
@@My.Lifes.JourneyWe didn't mention the verse, specifically, but taqwa is consciousness of Allah, and that's exactly what we directed sisters to in the episode by placing Allah first.
usually after a traumatic experience, you will want to distance yourself from anything that not only reminds you of this painful experience but also did not protect you.
Assalamu Alaikum! JazakiAllahu khairan for addressing such issue! I’ve recently been divorced, like 4 months ago. It’s true that if you have the means, like to support yourself, it’s easier to just go forth and leave. However, it’s the after process of divorce that’s really hurtful. It’s like a daily torture where you would always blame yourself, that perhaps you have made the wrong decision, maybe you have not done enough, that maybe I didn’t have sabr, that you are the wrong one even though you are the victim. (I got divorced cause my husband’s father was hostile and he wanted to control my husband’s life, and my husband do not have spine to even stand up for me, for us.) It’s really hard and till now the struggle to get over it. It’s a daily mental torture...
Finding yourself after separation is hard. You question your own value, your own existence at some point. It becomes hard to understand the reasons why things happened this or that way. Your existence is a struggle. You dont understand why you're here. It pains you to see yourself in the mirror and think about all the things that in reality may not be true, but your mind is speaking them to you, like "nobody likes you" "you are worthless" "you're not attractive" etc. It hurts. Living like this can be a hurdle.
Salaam
MashAllah. I am a brother following your talk show.
May Allah reward all the women who sacrifice for the sake of their children.
My mom was one of them. AlhamdulilAh we had the chance to let her know that we all appreciate her sacrifice. She passed away last December. She was the home tutor, the ustaz, the friend thought we were all boys and 1 girl, the younger. Mom was able to manager us all perfectly.
Today if I were to feel like taking a second wife, I will do my utmost best to show care for my first wife. I will make sure I will never hurt a sister.....
As Salamu alaikum.. I've never seen this channel before and came right into this episode. This is truly meant for me as this is my current struggle. 14 year marriage where I have laid myself down like a door mat.. My children see it and understand it but they rather be happy and have me be happy as well. I feel I'll have to flip our whole life upside down while he changes nothing but the woman in front of him. His "character" had been molded in our community and the woman who leave those type of women are ignored and laughed at. I'm sorry this is so long, but it just makes me want to cry.
I dont know you but as a Muslim, I'll pray that may Allah grant you ease and happiness in this lofe and the next. Ameen ya Rabb al Alamin
From the perspective of a child whose parents chose to stay together for the sake of us. Disclaimer: everyone's situation and story is different ofc. Being small and naive ofc you fear your parents are going to split and you having to choose between either of them but honestly I really wished they divorced. The dynamic between 2 people who are just not a match for each other is just a pain for children to see. Funny thing is my parents were actually thinking they were doing a good job 'hiding' the problems from us. Let's face it children are not dumb and they will pick up on smth if there are problems. It impacted me more negatively than a divorce could ever have, I believe.
I agree, I wish my parents could divorce. I dont like to go home anymore because there's too much tension since 5 years..
@@arianacmoi I feel you
U are all speaking my mind exactly. Im so grateful to u guys for making this conversation. No one understands a mother's emotions who goes through so much. Puts up with husband, in -laws, etc. And its very easy for husbands to get away if the shelter, food, security accounts are looked after by him but no one watches him demeaning the wife emotionally.
No one is asking women to put up with their terrible husbands
Thank you for another insightful episode. We brothers need to hear these discussions to understand more - Jazakum Allahu khair
I dont think mothers ever genuinely stay in a relationship for children.They do it more so out of fear, pressures of judgment, financial fears.
Some do ..
I agree
I think the other challenges that people don't know that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. It's hard being alone regardless of which ever country you live in and to ask your brothers or your dad for support
@@AtharAfzal it is indeed but a country like UK offers a great help for single mothers and there are several charities for abused,single parents and homeless..some are even content with the place they have for themselves and their children and would rather stay in abuse just for that ..the one who keep themselves and their children under too much abuse for too long are not seen any better by Allah than the abusers themselves ..plus Allah said,He will provide ..and indeed He will in shaa Allah unless His plan is different than ours
@@andreeaboloca4440 I am aware of the charities - women who are genuinely abused should use that services. However there are other women who still use such a service and are not abused. I've seen women 'claiming' abuse when none happened and falsely laid charges against their husband or ex husbands and even going as far as obtaining a restraining order when he never harmed her and just wanted to meet his kids
Marriage is a 2way street regardless on culture background etc differences it involves both to work on things and themselves and compromise if the couple arent willing to grow together it wont work
janine vasiliou I totally agree and I feel many times it’s just one person that decides to give up causing much emotional turmoil to the other person
Sisters could you please make a discussion on a Narcissistic husband. Jazzakallah
He should become an ex, end of story.
There's no other way.
My wife is a narcissist
As salaamu alaikum sister’s thank you for the insight on this topic. I am currently going in the direction of divorce from my husband of 8 yrs. We have four children together and I am currently pregnant with our last which are twins. He is planning on leaving me before the babies are born. I live in a state with no family and I just am praying to Allah for protect for me and my children. I don’t know what is to come. I came to Islam in 2012 and then married my husband shortly after. He’s all I’ve known in regards to Islam and my family are non-Muslims. Trying to figure out how will I survive Insha Allah with 6 kids insha Allah on my own Allahs knows I don’t know what to do. Like what happens after divorce, me and him , the kids. It’s all an unknown. Then I also have the feeling of no one will want me with 6 kids. Love after this divorce seems slim for me.
That is not true, you can always find a husband to love you and your kids. But your ex husband needs to send you money for your kids so you can afford everything for them financially. May Allah help you !
Focus your energy on loving yourself again post-divorce, navigating parenting on your own and helping your children thrive. Having love in your life may not come in the form of a man so create a life that feeds your soul. Don’t wait for someone else to do that for you. Find joy in becoming a better person, sharing your talents/ volunteering, laughter, learning, gardening and so on. May Allah light your path and make the crooked places straight. Aameen.
Sister im a revert as well, are you ok ? Let us know In Shaa Allah
Assalamu'alaikum sister. I just came across this comment and I'm concerned about how you're doing. I have two kids with one on the way, so I can't even imagine how hard it must be with 6 in this situation. Please let us know how you're doing to see how we can help inshaa-Allah
Very good talk mashalah.
The thing is sometimes divorce has never been on woman's mind and she has taken eveything but then because there is no boundaries in the marriage, the husband does the ultimate heartbreak. She finds out that he had been with another woman for a long time and her and kids heads no idea . He abbandons kids and leaves to live with the other woman . The woman who had taken everything from him for 25 years and had kids with him, now has no choice but to divorce.
But it's amazing after eveything the man has done ,it is still the woman who is judged and looked down.
I do agree however that there is a lack of guidance when a women wants to divorce and thats it's so much easier for a guy... this is a valid issue.
janine vasiliou unfortunately it’s hard as for a man as it is for a woman
Athar Afzal please explain how it’s hard for a man? I’m being very genuine and sincere when I ask. :)
@@takemypainaway9517 Sure I don't mind sharing. Men experience different forms of emotions than a woman would (I can only speak on a man with children in divorce).
1. Parental alienation - the children (even though) they don't want to pick sides end up picking sides - and no matter what the father does - he becomes alienated from his own children (yes even after he has been with them since birth, changed their diapers, fed them albeit from a bottle, bathed them, etc.)
2. Laws are more favorable to a woman in divorce of children - and most men end up paying child support / spousal support. Restraining orders, etc. Many men tend to lose heavily in courts. Even in Islamic courts - it's hard to win a case of men having shared or sole custody of his children.
3. Being single and lonely - as easy as many see it - we men now have children. Most women wouldn't consider marrying us - also it becomes hard for men to consider marrying a woman with sons if he has daughters from another relationship. He ends up supporting his own children (whether they're with him) and a new wife.
4. Loss of friends - probability of friends citing with his (ex)wife are far greater than siding with him. Men are 'generally viewed' as the ones who broke up the marriage.
5. Financially being responsible to the other parent - many 'claim' this is for the children - my counter to that is - I'd rather keep the children and have a great time with them on the money I earn vs. paying the other parent - especially when she left the marriage. Many many many men are financially constrained post divorce.
These are just some that either I have experienced OR I've heard from other single dads.
This is true and the stigma there is around it, it’s like when a man divorces the woman no one says anything but when the woman does she’s looked at like a failure and that she was the one who ruined the marriage.
Ava Khan it’s the same if a man gets divorced by a woman - his rights are pretty much terminated- and in many cases the mother can ask for the sole custody of the children. Also many people do provide empathy and support towards women - if you take a look at how many women shelters there are run by Islamic organizations- it’s a lot more than men.
Assalamu-aleikoum. This is a good episode and I can relate to that because I've been aware of stories where the woman is just stuck in her marriage. I think the "kids" is just an excuse. There's many reasons why a woman can't live :
1) She doesnt have any job or any degrees. If she leaves, how can she take care of herself or the kids ? Women NEEDS to get a work or study in case something happens.
2) The age. Women fear to leave because after hitting the 40's they think no one will want them anymore.. this is not true,there's too many good brothers who wants a wife just so they can live a happy life and sometimes they have been suffering too. Women can get any guy no matter how old they are
3) Pressure from the family and society. If she leaves the marriage she's considered as a bad mother or wife. But if a man leaves a marriage no one will tell him anything wrong. This cultural stereotypes goes against islam and we need to erase that way of thinking.
Women needs to work, study, be financially independant so in case the husband is bad she can just leave him. Women needs to teach their son to be good men, and to be good men especially towards women. They need to teach their son that they are in charge of their sisters if something happens and she get divorced. Women needs to understand that life doesnt stop after a divorce. Its a new reborn. And in some cases, its a new starting and a better one.
May Allah protect my sisters who are struggling in their marriage, all my love and my duaa's go for you if you are reading me. ♥
Assalamu-aleikoum.
I agree, great points
Thank you. This gives me hope.
Patient has its limitations, i saw many mothers who face marriage problems.
Children know what is going on in the house even if you pretend that you are happy, some of them hate their father because they remember the struggle their mom went through so such kind of abuse is not good for your mental health and its not good for your children and if you are with him just for financial it's good to do everything and get tired physically instead of mentally
Alhamdulilah, this has to be discussed more frequently. As an appropriate option for women who are having their needs unmet by their husbands.
Amazing, please have a part 2, I need to hear more, I love these talks so much and looking forward to the next one in sha Allah, may Allah reward you all ameen.
This was such a fantastic episode sisters, keep them coming! We need more heart to heart honest conversations about these "hot topics" in a modern islamic perspective. Bless you all!
Ur every word since the beginning just brought tears...DIFFICULT
These people are doing such a great job bringing this all out for public
Allahiyabaarikfeekum!
It is so very important to talk about this topic.
I feel that some sisters may have distanced themself from the deen after divorce, bcs of the discourse that prevailed all these years in the muslim community. So they started searching for comforting answers somewhere else. There is alot of toxic empowerment talk on non-muslim platforms and if you are in a vulnerable state Shaytaan has easier access and stronger influence on you.
But I think it got much better. Even... Divorce is not only not a taboo anymore, but it's almost taken too lightly by some. I don't forget the shock, when I first heard the suggestion of getting married with the idea of divorce. So just giving it a try and if things don't seem right we can divorce anytime, wich is another extreme.
Allahulmusta'an
Thank you for this video. I did not feel fulfilled in my marriage so I decided to make the difficult decision to divorce my wife. Thankfully there were no kids involved. We are both good people but we are simply incompatible. I was miserable, losing weight, and very unhappy in my relationship which is why I decided to divorce. A mistake we made was rushing into ktab without truly getting to know one another. Could you make a video on things to ask and know about a partner BEFORE doing ktab?
I respect you when you said "we both good people", I was listening to man talking about marriages he said sometimes the women is like mint tea and the man is a Turkish coffee both are excellent and beautiful but not mixed together
Masha Allah allahumma barik!! THANK YOU so much!! ❤ Ich love your Episodes and im looking forward for the next Episode of parenting because thats my big struggle... Im sorry for my english. Big hugs from germany ❤️
This is definitely a topic that needs at least 3 hours to get to the bottom and discuss as much as. 22 mns is not enough. It is very true though. If none of them are as strong in religion as well, they are affected much worse.
Al hamdu lillah it's Ramadan 2023, and I listened as open minded as possible. May Allah reward you sisters for having needed conversations, and give you all husbands that aid you to the Pleasure of Allah. Ameen. At the end of the video it is clear to me why divorce is in the hands of the man. La hawla wala quwata illa billah . We've learned in the Sunnah that it's okay for a woman to ask for a kullah with good reasons and what she has to return of the Dowry. Islam is easy, we make it difficult when we follow our emotions instead. TRUST that ALLAH KNOWS BEST. Respect
Watched this before I got married almost 3 years ago now as a divorced woman with no children subhanAllah I must say letting that man go was the best thing I’ve ever done it’s only been a little over a month but Alhamdullilah my eman has increased and I’m focused on my goals a real reset you might feel alone and without much support for awhile but it’s for you to level up the wrong man isn’t worth the fights , stress , weight loss and weight gain, lack of support , balwad etc. Alhamdullilah
sumeya at 18:00
may Allah bless u all
i was actually surfing the internet today over this issue and how, subhan Allah, most of the fatawas i read and saw were saying have sabr
few points were always given as valid reasons and others weren't entertained
i just wanted a woman's perspective and I'm glad I came here
may Allah increase u all in goodness and beneficial knowledge
we need more of u in this world
I really appreciate your concern about women problems..i m from Pakistan.tonight for the first time I saw your TH-cam channel and starting hearing your thoughts.i m going through hard times in marriage these days .and this talk help me.💞💞💞
I have learned from my own experiences witnessing a marriage where the woman is unhappy with her husband, never to stay in a marriage if you're unhappy, and you have children. especially when infidelity is involved. I understand the sacrifice women make for their children, but if you're unhappy it is hard for you to help anyone else. And it becomes very toxic and unhealthy to live like that, especially for the kids. They grow up with so much resentment towards their father and an unhealthy depiction of what marriage is. May Allah protect every woman and man from an unfaithful or unlawful marriage, and spouse. May Allah place barakah, and happiness in your unions and your homes and protect you all from being married to someone who makes you unhappy. A'meen.
Aameen 🤲
Sisters, you say it as it is. More power to you. Can I make a suggestion for a topic please? It may open a can of worms though, polygamy.
It's on our (very long) list. :)
Can of worms 😂
Oh gosh lol, the comment section will need monitoring.
@@My.Lifes.Journey LOL
lol, how it was hijacked and seem very undoable, and the unjust manipulation to those who happen to be in it. Al Wasatiyya(middle path) is the only solution to almost every problem the ummah is facing. we need to bring this back. not to be toooo westernized and forget our Deen(we take what's good and leave the garbage) and also separate religion from culture and norms. in short the middle path is the answer to all the questions.
I didn't realise you guys were inspired by Red Table Talk! I absolutely LOVVVvvvvvE that show! And I love how you guys have taken that idea and made it your own. Great show ladies.
Everyone just needs to be more grateful. I think that solves a lot of problems.
I jus found this channel. I can totally appreciate how realistic these women are. I sometimes find Islamic discussions can be very bias and not realistic or from a modern perspective. This topic really hit home for me. “Whether she stays or goes she needs at that point to strengthen herself as a woman and strengthen her imaan bc both requires her to be powerful” Sigh 😢 thank you for this convo may Allah swt bless these women and their family. Amen
Awesome sister's so much to say on this topic. But everything was on point.
SubhanaAllah "its by the grace of Allah and His mercy I remain on my Deen." I continue to seek knowledge for "me" and strengthen my Eman, ( curling-up reading a Good book, along with the Noble Qur'an) how to better myself as a Muslim wife.
Who needs a sociologist when you on the show, sisters of H/T Talk you really help me in every way shukran....on top of it I'm a convert and not that I got married I fall inlove with the Religion Allah knows the best! Alhamdulillah
It's so soothing to see intellectual accomplished Muslim women talk about important subjects like this. It's very validating and calming. I wish I could hug each of you 🥺 Allah ybarek feekom ❤️
Hi I am a partly sighted person my marriage was arranged and I was married for 23 years my husband mentally abused me he did so much bad thing and I kept giving him chance after chance just for my children
Oh Allah I cry when I hear this talk, it’s exactly my life what I am living now in my marriage. I know AllahSWT test us in every moment. I will say Alhamdulillah I am alive for my kids. Because it’s hard to woman who has no support from outside and nowhere to welcome her to live. She has no choice just stay being patient with that.....May AllahSWT make our akhirah beautiful Ameen.
My father has cheated on my illiterate mother countless of times. I'm the only one in my family who knows and don't want to say anything. It will break my family apart - we have enough financial issues as it is. Whenever I see my father come home, I feel disgust. I found drugs in his bag one time and empty cans of beer under the couch when I was cleaning the house. We're a muslim family but no matter how much my father talks about jannah and what a good man he is, I can't help but hate him even more because of his hypocrisy. I used to respect him immensely. He's recently started hitting my mother and me as well. I don't talk to him anymore and he doesn't speak to me either. I hate him and because of his example, I'm doubting if I ever want to get married. I used to think that if a man is muslim, he is a good man. I don't think that anymore.
I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima)
My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is +8801307320559.email is kaficou@gmail dot com
May Allah help you and your mother. In that case I really think someone else needs to enter in the circle and talk to your father at least. Contact any imam or sheikh to get into it. Your mom cannot stay in a marriage like this.
As Salaamu Alaykum, know that what is Haram, is still Haram, and not Al-Islam. Shaitan is constantly waging a war against our iman, all of ours iman, your father has his struggles , and in retaliation he may hates himself for it and is unintentionally taking it out on your mother and the family. Make Dua for him, and find a safe place where you remain safe, and if it becomes to dangerous, Allah reminds us what is done in dark, will be brought into the light, find an Imam, Shaykh or a sincere family adviser and if none of these things works, there are always places (shelters, women’s centers) that there only goal is to protect women and children.
The fault is not in Islam, it is in human being. We all have faults. But what you are talking about are major sins. Involve other good people in your community. Tell them what is happening. Your father needs to know what he is doing is not secret for him.
What does your mother being illiterate do with your father cheating on her?, Do you think educated women don't get cheated on or something?
it is important for every woman to know Allah with deep knowledge even before getting married. But for women who have decided to to stay in marriage they surely needs to be steadfast and patience and very prayerful. infact my own love is Allah and this keeps me moving because i don't put my happiness in my Husband but Allah and only Allah.
Yes definitely my sista am not married yet still single but Allah shud be d main focus in ones life not only in marriage
Interesting discussion ladies, keep it up! To me Marriage is a control system where people are owned and this will never happily work. This is because naturally as human species we are mentally wired to be free.
However, People who feel they want to be free need to separate reasonably and still stay in touch. Divorce doesn't have to mean hatred afterwards and in the end everyone could be happier including the children.
Great episode and thanks so much for being so open and candid on the discussion.
If possible - can you please elaborate further on the point where the wife asks for a divorce and feels loveless in the marriage (and where there has been no abuse, infidelity, or addiction) - and wants out of her marriage? I think that topic needs more elaboration. Reason for me saying that are:
1. It takes two to agree on getting married - but only one to break it - if so then what is the definition of 'exhausting all options' - the two may disagree on this.
2. If the wife chooses leave the marriage when they have children - why should the other partner be obligated to fulfill his financial needs through to her? Many at times - I've seen many not grant a divorce due to the financial commitments to her for a very long time. This makes it harder for him to seek another marriage. In this scenario it's usually better for him to stay with the woman he has children with and he feels no emotions to him.
3. I feel the litmus test for a divorce (for either a man or woman asking for it) - is to ask themselves - am I willing to walk away with nothing. Meaning I'm leaving the marriage so I'll also leave all the assets with the other partner. Too many times - I see people asking for a divorce and asking for financial commitments (or giving none if they earn more than the other spouse). I think if we eliminate the financial obligations - that may be a better reason to think of a divorce.
4. Parental alienation - many men don't grant divorce - because they suffer from the children siding with the mother and being in financial commitments to her too.
5. Besides shaytaan - I tend to see many husbands and wives influenced and encouraged by their own family members to seek divorce 'as to an end of all their problems'. The person knows they can divorce because they have the unequivocal support of their family members.
Again - thank you Jazak'Allah to all the sisters being so open minded on this topic!
1: The ways of seeking redress within a marriage is laid down in the Quran. Allah said, if they are having differences that they can't get through themselves, they should appoint arbitrators, one from his side and one from hers, and that if there minds are pure amd they wish for reconciliation, they shall get it. When this fails, is when divorce is considered. In this age, arbitration can also be through counselling, therapy in short exploring all available options. When all else fails, there is no ambiguity to actually trying. You don't sit around (when talking between the spouses doesnt work) and just say that you've tried. You would know if you've not exhausted all options because you haven't.
2: I don't know what you mean by financial obligations to her after divorce. A man is no longer responsible for a woman's maintenance after divorce is completed (i e after completing iddah). What Allah says is "Seperate in kindness" some scholars say esp in the case where she had been a full housewife within the duration of the marriage, when you divorce, give her a capital to start a business to maintain herself because the reality is many women are stopped from working by virtue of having a family to take care of. Even of the husband doesnt stop her from working, its typical that he doesnt help with household affairs hence she is too burdened and would rather stop working. Tell me, what is the fairness in letting such a woman who has sacrificed years, go out cold, when had she been unmarried, she'd definitely had made progress in being independent?
This is part of ihsan and fairness that the husband separates from his wife while wishing her well and praying she succeeds. If she takes care of their children, it's in everyone's best interest that she is happy and content- being poor and needy and having to care for children can't help her parent positively.
As for children, the father is obligated to provide everything for them regardless of who initiated divorce as long as those children are legal products of a a valid union. Islam recognises descent, patrilineal with attendant privileges and responsibilities; she goes to his house, he is the maintainer, and the children are called by his name. That's how Allah made it to be. He has to take care of that responsibility, failure of which he would answer for in front of Allah.
3: Are you a Muslim? I ask because these things are clear in Islam. I dont know if this question is rooted in cultural practice. A man's property is his and a woman's property is hers. The difference is that a man's property is expected to be spent in maintaining the family by providing all of her and children's needs (hence the double share of inheritance for men), while a woman's own property is hers to do as she pleases (like kindness to parents and relatives, charity etc, whatever actually, many help the husbands too with their money).
This doenst change anything upon divorce. Upon divorce, a man stops maintaining the wife although he could continue as a matter of kindness if he wishes and has the means for and if it wont affect his new wife, esp if he has kids with her while some choose to give her a gift of a lump sum. *This of course is not obligatory but he would get rewarded for it if he does* His property remains his. What he is required to do is provide child support and pay all their bills if they have any children.
For the wife, her property is already hers so she leaves with them.
If they are into joint businesses together, then that's different and has to be treated according to it's merit and with reference to a judge since everything should have been clearly contracted. No one should lose out because of divorce, and no one should be cheated. It is important to leave amicably and face the future with optimism, and especially if there are kids involved.
@@aishab.mahuta973 You raise a very interesting point because in the Western world what typically Happens is that the assets are typically 50% slide to regardless of who brought more into the marriage. There is a lot of confusion in this and many times a woman or a man loses a lot financially after a divorce if they don't follow the Islamic jurisprudence
@@aishab.mahuta973 Yes but many in the Western world have no fault divorce options and many imams sanction this
MashaAllah, i have been waiting for this topic. May Allah reward you all sisters💖💞
I would say make Allah the focal point even before entering the marriage and not the man. If something bad happens Allah will guide and make things better Insha Allah. Relationship with Allah first and foremost is the key of success with other relationships around you.
I think a huge part, which plays a keyrole in the topic of divorce, is ones conscious state of mind before having entered the marriage.
I see alot of sisters rushing into marriage, without having completed themselves first. I personally believe, that when I am still struggling with my innerself, failing at the basics and I still haven't found a way to find contentment through Allah, then it's not the right time to get married. It's just not fair towards the other half. Most people in my circle got divorced, bcs either they or their partner didn't marry with the right mindset and then those who aren't married are afraid to, bcs of all the unhappy divorces they've witnessed around them.
I think it's important to sit down and reflect before getting re/married, asking oneself "Is this really the right time to get re/married?". It's a battle between heart and mind, but so very essential, bcs you can't give from an empty vessel. Both parties should have filled their cup before getting married, so when they add them together, their cup will be full.
If we do that and then it's still not working out, I believe it's the Qadr of Allah, bcs some things are only reached after having gone through the process of trial.
Allahua'lem
First of all jazakumullah khayran for talking about issues that help sisters. Second would just like to remind ourselves that when you do things such as 'sacrifice' ourselves for our kids we should do it for the sake of Allah...in everything actually that is done when enduring hardships in life, then there won't be bitterness when you don't taste the fruits of your sacrifice/hard Work etc.
Asalamu walaikum sisters.marshallah for this topic cause im seeing myself in some situation about divorce and i think we women in islam needs to be treated well and take care of by our husband but not all husband are willing to take their responsibilities as a husband and thats a pitty.some women give and sacrifice a lot but receive non by the husband
Much needed discussion. Discussions like this are needed. Its a very complex topic. Multiple areas to think about
Subhan’Allah you ladies just talked about my life literally... Jazak’Allah khair for this open talk, it’s much needed ❤️
Salaam sister. Depression can come in different ways. Iam talking from experience
Honest Tea Talk Just a suggestion for an episode. The questions a person must ask a potential spouse before they get married. For example a complete CRB check.
@ 23:35 What an eye-opener! What sis Sumayyah said makes sense and I hadn't thought of it before. Based on that, I kinda disagree with the response from sis Aliyah. If someone learned allll they know of the Deen from a man imposing it, it does make sense why she would want to completely start from scratch. Is that the best option? Maybe not but that may be the best outcome for HER emaan in the long-run. She probably didn't know the Deen at all and had no emaan to begin with. So once that person who imposed it upon her is gone, starting from scratch could potentially give her the change to re-discover Islam from a completely different perspective. Better than altogether giving up Islam without turning back.
I think it all depends on where you were in the first place. Some people have no imaan and do exactly what their husbands say to do or follow their husbands' religion because of love. So once that person hurt them, they leave Islam as well. On the other hand, if the sister already had imaan (however small), then I get where sis Aliyah is coming from.
A question that arises is does it have to be one or the other? Can one start returning to Allah from where they are rather than from ceasing acts of worship and obedience? And what is Allah most pleased with in circumstances like these?
@@HonestTeaTalk Depending on the person and the exact situation, it can. As I said, it's understandable why a person who had no imaan to begin with would leave everything if all she did before was for her husband and not for Allah. But, in the case of someone who already had a level of imaan, it would be more dangerous to leave it all because she could get lost along the way. Allah dependa on the person. This is something I didn't understand before.
Such well articulated and educated people on this panel MashAllah, each episode is lovely to watch. I actually thank you for this, May Allah bless you for your efforts. ❤️
Assalamu alaykum from Germany dear sisters ❤ jazaki Allahu khayr for this platform and giving us honest talks about all these important topics :) I was watching this video bec of my parents current situation and I don't really know how to help them - I think they probably deal with lack of love you mentioned bec actually there are not big problems in our family alhamdulillah... keep us in our duas pls - and keep on!
In west Africa more women need to be Educated I feel sorry for young hard working teenage girls sweating under the sun. That's why I will always remind my sister to stay in school. Good job sisters
Haven’t disagreed with one word that has come out of any of their mouths from episode 1-14. May Allah grant you all success in all your endeavors and protection from the evil eye and every devil and may He grant you ease and rectify your affairs. Waiting patiently for season 2 Insha’Allah. Wish I was sitting right there with you guys on these discussions.
السلام عليكم ورحمة لله وبركاته
Dear brothers and sisters, I'm so disappointed seeing the fact that the marriage responsibilities in our current Ummah is so neglected by both men and women. Some of or most of marriage tales and experiences in the comment section are so horrific and heart-melting to extent that they will cause to discourage or delay the marriage of younger Muslim generation. I'm not yet married and know nothing about these issues of marital conflicts. But, what is saddening is seeing so many dysfunctional Muslim families. The rate of family dysfunctional in the Muslim Ummah is exponential in this technological era.
May Allah guide us in the right path.
Assalamu aleikum.
These make me think of my mom staying in a marriage becos of the children...so sad
I say there is three types of marriages.
1. The perfect spouse. Amazing and rare. Stay of course.
2. The Zalim or Zalima
Abuse, physical oppression, gambling and alcohol and incest. Leave such marriages because effect mental health or self and children and religion.
3. The inbetween spouse who is not zalim but not perfect. This marriage you have sabr with and the spouses have to accept each other and its a struggle which will result in you entering any gate of jannah.
th-cam.com/video/96QYilS5AI4/w-d-xo.html
If both parties aren't willing to seek mutual honor/respect per counsel what other choice? Also I agree considering children is another dynamic. Patience😊 great topic.
watching and relating to it on my 9th wedding aniversary.....i want my muslim sisters to pray for me.......
Yes sister. Is it really because of the kids or the mother's own fears and insecurity? Very good point
The real question
I'm going to say something that is not often talked about. I feel that in most cases (not all), a woman's decision to stay or divorce is based %100 on her intimate relationship with her husband. We find many women hold on to their abusive marriages, and when you ask them why do you stay, they would say "it's for my children" etc... but in reality, she stays, because, yes he beats her up, but she's satisfied sexually. On the other hand, we find women who live in (from an outside prospective) very good marriage environment, she's treated well, her martial needs are fulfilled, yet she wants divorce. When you ask them why, they would give you all sorts of answers.. But the real reason behind her decision to divorce is that she's not satisfied sexually.
Any woman that gets beaten and/or gets treated badly BUT stays for sexual satisfaction needs serious help, because she is obviously not able to make healthy judgement anymore(and this kind of women can and should never have children)!
@@sugaz2099 I agree with you, I've heard this before and I found it offensive people would think abused women stay with their husbands for pleasure.
Wow! Who will enjoy sex with an abuser!!!!!!
Nonsense
It’s probably not that she’s satisfied with her husband. It’s more likely that she’s scared she’s never going to marry again and therefore never have sex-unless it’s haram.
MashaAllah dear sister, love and support for this channel course it helps me understand my wife and try to solve any issues with her coz we men don't know much about women and that is the problem facing many marriages, although it is a two way partnership we all need to know what is the problem that makes us rise the divorce rate in Muslim communities which is very high in this generation and it pains me because it breaks our unity and brings depression, stress and many more things to our religion. May Allah bless you on this course
Marriage is loveless, but respectful : STAY
no respect: LEAVE
spouse is persistently unfaithful: LEAVE
husband has polygamous ideas, and can afford it: STAY
spouse unequivocally prohibits you from exercising your God-given freedoms: LEAVE
spouse is physically abusive: LEAVE
spouse compelling you to disobey God: LEAVE
spouse is not a practicing Muslim, but not blasphemous: STAY
spouse is definitely a bad influence to all: LEAVE
spouse is financially weak, maybe lazy: STAY
the list can be endless, but what is important is the spouse be their own judge and makes a wise decision. No scholar or qady can judge for you, they can at best give opinions
How to know if there is no respect in the marriage?
This is good general advice
What if love never develops and you feel just used and empty? I think nothing hurts more than loving a person and them never choosing you. So do you stay or do you gather yourself and exit?
No kids then leave
Thank you so much for your work, God bless you all!
There's so much on this topic.... this needs further discussion!
Now I understand my mother better
My mother suffered from my father for 4 years and she stood by us( 4 boys)when we were young and yes sacrificed her happiness but she had faith, love and feared Allah. And no.........we didn't fly the nest and I didn't leave her because I sacrificed my higher education because me and my brothers remembered her pain and love for us. And she has been rewarded and blessed with a loving family environment (sadly my father passed away). But she Still honered my father by careing for him during his alzimers illness. ' do not grieve or be broken hearted for if you have faith you will succeed'. Now if you ask me what characteristics I want in a woman (wife) then it has to be the strength of character of my mum. For she is the real superhero in my Life. Subhallah.. funny thing is it all worked out well in the end. All my brothers have good Jobs and financially healthy. Oh mum has two beautiful grandchildren as well. Allah is Most Gracious... Most kind