What do narcissists do when they lose control of you?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 มี.ค. 2023
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THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
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We divorced in 2016, he remarried immediately. Haven’t spoken a word to him since he left. I stayed in the house, doing well. He never sees the children. His choice. Just got a letter from my lawyer, he’s “DEMANDING” to see my tax returns and proof I’ve been “attempting to earn a living”, He no longer wants to pay child support. He has no idea I’m no longer the person he was married to. BUCKLE UP!! 😂
Lol get that foo, gurl! Glad you are equipped for his tactics and ready to scrap- good luck to you!
You go girl! You are amazing and keep going!
Zen Texan...
Don't finish until you give him, with the help of good legal counsel, a THOROUGH ballectomy!
Good luck and Godspeed!
Go girl 💪
Looks like he’ll be needing some knee pads and a helmet 😊
Someone needs to give Dr. Ramani a Nobel Peace Prize for all the lives she is impacting and saving.
Hear hear❤ She has saved me for sure.😊
@@stupensardi2783 She is very thorough, honest and impactful. Amongst so many other things.
Yes!!
I can't agree more. Imagine if this information was known to general public when people like Hitler was born...
🙌
The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is tell them "NO" ! They will lose it!
Yes! They will also try and gain your sympathy with a sob story, or over a situation they created.
Or they twist it around to make it look you're the one with a problem.
AGAIN, this is the most important thing you can remember. But remember when they were young kids and the parents still had control over them? I often wonder if the parents spoiled them or spanked them.
A narcissist will not accept "NO".....they can't even spell NO! I'm serious.
@@jodizellmer994 OMG! YES, it's exactly what she does to get people to feel sorry for her!
I went thru that when I told him off after a weekend of the worst sex I ever had.
To be "abandoned" by a narc is a secret blessing from heaven, believe me! 🤣🤭🙄
I just wish they'd done this from day one. 😳
They've been intent on destroying me, won't leave me alone.
I feel dead.
@@fingerscrossed2453 Cut them out of your life completely, even if you have to wash dishes in Woolworths!!!
@@dennischallinor8497 I can't.
They have my home.
I'm trapped
@@fingerscrossed2453 I'm a Canuk so I don't know what kind of a social safety net your enjoying but if I were you, and I'm a retired nurse and social worker is hit the "abuse" pages in your phone book they might be able to connect you with a lawyer that deals in these kinds of cases. Good luck, if your old play it to the hilt, you earned the right!!! 🤔🤭🤑🤣
@@dennischallinor8497 is canuk Canada?
I'm in the UK, so commonwealth law / privy council might apply.
Whilst depressed (not sectioned) my aunts name was added to property deeds.
I'm now trapped as joint tenants with her.
I don't have any familial support. Everyone says she was good for "taking care" of me. She's been verbally abuse for the past decade and hit me last year.
I feel disgusted with myself. I could have just refused or asked her to leave but she said it was best.
It was only ever best for her. I never wanted to buy anything.
I don't know what is going or how I've gotten here.
My friends say it's financial abuse but I don't know how to go about proving it or undoing the damage.
I'd appreciate any help/advice/guidance you can offer 👍
You will become the ‘crazy, irrational person’ as the narcissist tells others how awfully you treated them…. Just be ready for it.
I know those smear campaigns all too well.
@@MikinessAnalog Oh yes...
They go all out...but don't acknowledge any of it was the path I chose.
They're empty vessels...and jealous of ANYONE who ignores their victim mentality.
Staff narcissists at old church use the terms "paranoid, imaginings, and creates drama" or that the target is "having personal issues they need to address" to discredit people. Their playbook includes character assassination by the flying monkey fans(enablers) along with driving the victims out so no one is present or can refute all the lies.And those in charge pulling the strings get their flying monkeys to do all the dirty work harassing the target so that they (Narcs) have plausible deniability =no dirt on their hands. Been done to far too many people over the years and will continue until monkeys say no more and/or Narcissists are exposed amd seen for what they Really are.
Be aware and prepared to go through much grief before you come out on the other side of the Narcissists attacks. Watch Dr Ramani's videos and find a therapist learned in Narc abuse/recovery.
God Bless to all survivors here.
I do not care anymore.😊
@@truffaut650truffaut6 I GAVE him everyone who believed him... "Thank you for revealing them all to me, g'bye & good luck y'all !" 👋
"when a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will unfair but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth, just like you did" :')
100%
My grandmother tried to force me to become her scapegoat. She wanted to be seen as the person taking care of the disabled grandchild after his disabled father died. It got so controlling I never could leave the house because she wanted to be seen with me and say I wasn’t doing anything and couldn’t without her. “You can’t bike to the store others will think I’m awful! No you wait here in the house and we go when I want.”
When I went anyway the punishment was accusing me of badmouthing family and saying I was telling her “I’m taking your car and leaving”.
My godfather was suppose to help me if dad died. Now he never talks to me and blocked me because “you were going to steal from your grandmother. Taking advantage of her grief”.
So I moved out of her house to make it clear I wanted nothing to do with her stuff: and instead that made everyone even more mad.
Apparently I was suppose to stay in her house getting accused of wanting to rob my grandmother. She was “constantly scared he’s going to leave mee with nothing and steal”, crying on the phone.
But I was suppose to stay near her . “You were suppose to stop trying to steal her stuff and just be there so we could work our jobs and you just abanonded her?!”
It got so bad that I had yo block her and go NC. She kept calling me during meeting times at work that I asked her to not cal me during “becuase you are going to get me fired”.
The second she heared she may get me fired she hammered that action and kept asking on the weekend “so have you gotten fired yet?”
My own grandmother tried to get me fired from the first job I ever got after school… that was a 6 figure job freeing me from poverty.
My own grandmother wanted to destroy my ability to finally support myself long after she would be gone, remove 6 figures a year , in exchange for her getting food deliveries for me for free (and not paying 2-5 dollars for delivery!) and 4 phone calls a day to ask me the same questions daily to ensure I wasn’t going to leave her.
It broke my heart
@@MrMasterDebate Glad you made your way out!
@AAron.
Congratulations on doing so well considering all of the abuse you endured
Well done & best wishes
💛💛💛💛
They are bullies. Bullies hate being confronted.
23 years ago my Narc mother decided to give me the silent treatment. It's probably the only thing she ever did that has actually benefitted me!
😂
haha, same! around 15 years ago now
My daughters it's great don't look back do u I do my mother to evil as hell she 500pounds in bed
Haha can relate. I feel much better away from her 🤷♀️
Yall pray i can leave too im tired of this abuse
There's nothing a narcissist hates more than knowing he has lost control of someone else's mind.
Facts, he came with love bombing, I ignored him, then he started to insulting me, I ignored him, his last resource, pity, "poor me, Imma die bla bla", narcissist people it's beyond evil.
I WOULD NEVER ENGAGE THE NARCS CIRCLE OF FLYING MONKIES.. ANY 1 WILLING 2 PLAY WITH A SIK NUT LIKE HIM WAS 2 B AVOIDED. I WENT 100% NO CONTACT WITH THEM..I WAS HIS EARLIER VICTIM & OVER THE YEARS OF CRUELTY I DEVELOPED POSTTRAUMA & MY DEPRESSION DEEPENED BADLY..I WAS TOTALLY BROKEN BY HIS CRUELTY.. 2 YOUNG & NAIVE-HE GOT IN ON MY LIFE AND HE PLAYED WITH MY WHOLE LIFE..I WAS INCREDIBLY PUZZLED AS I HAD NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS NUTTY NARC IN ALL MY LIFE - I WENT IN2 SHOCK..I WAS A VULNERABLE ISOLATED YOUNG LADY..I HAD NO HOME & NO FAMILY- A STRAY VICTIM JUST WAITING 2 HAPPEN SADLY...HIS FLYING MONKIES TRIED 2 ENGAGE ME A FEW TIMES.. HE TRIED 2 GET ME AROUND THEM...HE WAS RENTING A ROOM FROM THEM..I KNEW HE WAS SETTING ME UP..A YR LATER WHAT HAPPENED?? ONE NIGHT HE PULLED IN A TRAILER AND MOVED OUT AT 4AM B 4 HIS ROOMIE GOT HOME FROM NIGHTSHIFT..WHY? BECUZ THEY FINALLY BEGAN 2 C A PROBLEM WITH HIS ACT..THEY REALIZED THER WAS A REASON I WOULDNT COME AROUND..AFTER HE MOVED OUT WITH THEM HE WANTED 2 DISMISS THEM..HE WAS SAYING ALL KINDS OF BAD STUFF ABOUT THEM..THEY WHO WERE NOT SO LONG AGO HIS BEST BROMANCES WHO WOULD DO ANYTHING 4 HIM HE CLAIMED 🤔ONCE U R ON 2 THE NARC THEY DROP U LIKE THEY NEVER KNEW U
@@lamusa2013 They are like ravening wolves, seeking only whom they might devour. But they also can come in female form like my ex-wife.
Or she for sure
@@kujo91km Or he and she.
"IF YOU GROW, THEY WILL LEAVE." Hear! Hear!
It is the best way to free yourself from any narcissistic abuse.
That was powerful, along with there cannot be two realities in this relationship. All they care about is to get their way and not change.
This is so true! I had a whole year of quietly listening to podcasts, watching videos and reading books on abusive and narcissistic relationships and started applying what I was learning in order to grow and change my mindset. It took me a whole year and the abuse got worse as I got stronger, but I was able to leave and have not once been tempted to get back together or felt sad about the end of my marriage.
yes true
Naw. Mine just got more covert and ruins everything
@@octoberdawn1087 I know what you mean. I've met those narcissists who just don't care how low they will sink, and how insidious their tricks can be. The only thing they want is to win - to get what they want.
If they can't control you, they will try to control the way others see you.
YUP
"There's no room for two people's realities in a narcissistic relationship". I feel like this really sums it all up.
What are you?
I get you... their reality is miles away from your reality, meaning they are good with treating you wrong yet they are the victim.😅
@@lesleyjohnsonn6846 aw thanks :) and even in my case, my entire family's reality that he created regarding me. They all see what my dad sees. its been that way for decades.
When I started to grow and assert myself, she left. When I started to express myself in mature and healthy ways, she left. When I was the best version of myself, she left. And somehow it was all my fault. Great video. Validating.
It was not you my man.
Been there. No matter what you did that doesn't serve her. Although it might be good for you as a person. She will leave.
Makes so much sense!!!!
Were all sick. But some of us get help. I Lost 20 years to a violent narcissist. I just want to do my job and have a happy family.
@@petekdemircioglu I relate to your situation. I hope you find some peace.
The worst is when the narcissist is an aging parent. Such a dilemma for a still empathetic yet abused adult child. Sigh.
Try to distance yourself as much as you can. Get others to do the care. I foolishly took my parents in. I never dreamt they'd live into their 90s. Mom said, "Well, now I know why I had you. So you could take care of us."
They loved my hubby and felt sorry for him being stuck with me. Their passing 3 mos apart 6 years ago set me free. That sounds terrible, but it's how I feel.
I don't see as worst, you have to understand they have a forever sick mind and you have to treat as such, putting them into the care of a place for seniors if they can't be alone anymore, not listen to any of their complaints cuz they'll be all powered up to make you feel guilty. We would never feel guilty to hospitalize someone completely nuts, why would you feel guilty for distance yourself from someone mad and dangerous?
So true! And one of the most painful experiences of life. If not the most painful one.
I stepped away from my parents. I've been through too much abuse and trauma in my life. They were kinder to my siblings so it's over to them. I have stepped away from a lot of narcisstic people. It's not easy but it's peaceful and I fill my days with peaceful treats.
Ps this is brilliant advice.
when you abondon a narcissist they'll start coming at you from every direction, what they actually want is to humiliate you and "put you back into your place", from what i've exprienced i think that they'll never stop planning their revenge for you, it's almost like the time goes by very slowly for them, even when they speak to you after years it's like they've just talked to you yesterday. they even use other people to push you into their traps. imo the most ugliest souls belong to narcissists.
Then you've clearly never met a psychopath.
My mom did this to my dad and then did the same to me. Luckily I wound up with my Grandparents who where sane people. Best thing that ever happened to me.
A few years back I dumped the narc. Then I found out he physically abused his last girlfriend, after being with her only a few days. I will stand up for her, while the crazy monkeys justify his behavior. Sometimes I hate this world,
And anything that does come out of their mouth to you, is PHONY!!!!!
@@RapturereadyforJesus I found out my ex had been married before and wife #1 divorced him on the grounds of abuse.
"They want you in the service of their ego, not growing as an individual yourself"
Wow you hit the nail on the head Doc!!😏
Great way of saying it … in the service of their ego …
Yeah I truly believe this.
"There is no room for two people's realities in a narcissistic relationship." - Dr. Ramani.
This was exactly what helped me realize conclusively that I had narcissistic parents. All I can say to my fellow survivors here is: LEAVE, if you CAN. Life gets much better...eventually. 💕💕💕
Not room for more than one reality -- that's a good litmus test.
@@TheMilwaukeeProtocol exactly! That's what made me identify my narcissistic abuse. It's even harder when you are used to this behaviour since childhood. Years of trauma...
Yes! I’m making quiet slow but best decisions to be stable and independent so I don’t ever have to come back. They watch me like a security camera😂
@Dynah
I used to actually feel like his eyes were burning holes through my back each time he raged
It's so great to be away & free from all that toxicity
Click! Yeah, for all my guilt over treating my brother terribly as kids, I abandoned the narcissist frame of mind taught by our parents thanks to some amazing people that showed me the real world in my tweens. As far as I can tell, my brother did not. It may be only toward me, or maybe our hometown, either of which is fair; but I fear he went full on NPD, whereas my mother might better qualify as BPD overall, just heavily narcissistic toward her kids. My brother lives in his own reality and I've said before today that that's okay, that he lives there so his feelings are valid, whether true to the rest of the world or not. Still, Dr Ramani's one statement really drives it home. There's a chance he's not, and I'd really like to break the barriers we each hold up toward the other, if for not better reason than to finally settle our minds.
Narcissists are the ultimate users- they use people as objects to control, and they grasp for supply to their empty hearts and frail egos, domination, control, disrespect, lies, manipulation, selfishness, shaming you (blameshifting), and never EVER looking in the mirror to understand how they hurt people- and why you left. They never take any responsibility and end up leaving a trail of failed relationships- all of whom they blame.
They talk negatively about you to EVERYONE and hope you are isolated, with everybody turning away from dealing with you.
Smear campaign when they lose control of u.
And many other stuff. These people can't handle when you or someone else is done with them,and they will try to make you feel bad for your honesty,things that they don't have.. twisting everything what y say,do or don't do.. they love that feeling when they can dominate you. Sad individuals.
Facts 🔥
When they cannot control you any more, it is my experience that they send in the flying monkeys and try to destroy your reputation. This is of course after their narcissistic rages take place and don't work.
of course they Don't work.
@@lifejourney3086 I’m curious if they honestly believe they can yell and scream and have it work to solve their big problems.
@@MrMasterDebate no it doesn't.
Amen
@@MrMasterDebate my mom was actually a very damaged rager bc her alcoholic narcissistic father destroyed her mind by threatening to kill her and her other siblings and they would hide in the forest all night😢
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
I'm going through this now and I'm a man so what did you do?
They withhold sex on purpose. It's another way of "power and control" in their sick, little brains. I also experienced this with a covert narcissist I dated shortly. We were at the beginning of the relationship and he'd withhold it from me. HUGE RED FLAG! You need to run away!
There was nothing wrong with you. He used intimacy or lack of it, to control you.
Very odd behaviour from a man
Same here almost the exact carbon copy it’s eating me up I feel like I’m getting an ulcer I can’t eat or sleep in a mess. Praying you all get better and healed as quickly as can be ❤
Never allow anyone to take away your agency, voice and autonomy. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
❤❤❤❤
I am living in this situation right now! I finally realized there was never a relationship. As long as they were able to control me, everything was fine. Being an individual in a narcissistic family system will never work. I had to go no contact. I would rather be alone than stay in a slavery position for the rest of my life.
That's a very brave thing to do. Best wishes to you!
My situation was the same. I realized those people (my immediate family) never KNEW who I was as a person; they just saw me as they saw themselves. Self preservation is important and if I cut ties with them, it was because they handed me the scissors. Over and over again until I finally did it. Stay strong. While it makes me sad that my family was so messed up, I havent regretted my decision. Peace is just too valuable to me in life and it sounds like neither of us was going to get it if we continued on with our families. God bless you.
……and don’t ever 1) think that maybe they realized their mistake, 2) that they’ve changed and 3) be tempted to go back. They don’t ever change.
Psychopaths want a willing slave and obedient servant to exploit and order round. Send an invoice for your services and watch the mob meltdown and rage at the injustice of not being treated like royalty or landed gentry.
real healing Slavery is honest. Bondage that you are not awhere of is far worse because you don't know what you're up against. Slaves know they can develop a plan to run away. Narcissism attempts to keep your true situation a secret so it takes years and years of frog boiling before you see what has happened to you.
Stalking, smear campaign, financial abuse, relational abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, fear campaigns, etc happens.
All this happened to me once I filed for divorce. I am a survivor and my friends all say how happy I am now. It took years, but it will eventually get better and the narc has moved on to someone else
Just reading and remembering all those cruel things, ugh. I will add the constant threat of disinheritance. That seems to be the aging Narc parent go-to threat. Heard it my whole life. Just a plain jackass and getting worse as the years go by.
They tell you to leave you alone! They block you. Then harrass you through your other children. Or people you love. They call you a liar.
Once they lose control and you can see them for how they are, they get really nervous and will throw anything against the wall in the hope that something will stick.
Yes
Similar to enraged monkeys.....😁🙉🐒
So true, my brother is on his second lawsuit against me to force me to do something I already agreed to in writing. They become unhinged.
100%. My narc sister sent me a hateful text to say I died a fire with my dead husband after almost 4 years of no contact.
My boyfriend acts really weird when I treat him with nothing but kindness. He knows my kindness is fake because of all the things he has done to me. He responds to my kindness by either getting more irritated, paranoid, or upset. OR he starts to feel shameful and he will ask me, "Are you okay?" And I respond, "Yeah why do you ask?" And he says, "Oh I've just been an asshole to you lately."
It's like a trick question. Because when he asks me if I'm okay, it's not because he cares about my feelings and is being empathetic. He's setting me up. If I say something IS wrong, he gets defensive and upset and asks me what he did wrong. If I say NOTHING is wrong, he admits blame for being a jerk. He feels shame when I treat him how he doesn't treat me... He acts like my kindness is some kind of a fake front. Which it is cause I'm kind of sick of him. But it's somehow foreign to him. Like deep down inside he believes he doesn't deserve it. So it invokes shame in him for what he's done to me. Yet everytime I successfully communicate my issues with us to him, he twists my words and thinks it's an attack to him even if i say it calmly and in a healthy way. Plus, his antic to try and get a rise and reaction out of me get worse when I am kind to him. It's like he wants me to treat him how he treats me so he can justify his behaviors. He starts doing things he knows annoys me and that I've clearly communicated annoys me, and then keeps asking, "are you okay?" Multple times a day... it's all a set up to get an emotional outburst from me one way or another. Sometimes if I say yes, he will drop it cause he's happy I'm not upset at him. This builds up resentment in me because I know I can't communicate my feelings and I end up blowing up eventually. They use reactive abuse to keep control of you. I have an example. Last night I was texting my aunt wishing her happy birthday and Easter. (He's paranoid about me talking to my family cause of his fear i'll leave him) My boyfriend was looking over my shoulder the entire time. I told him that and he lied and said he wasn't. Then he started acting childish and looked in the opposite direction of the room. I start smiling out-of pure frustration but also because I was able to reveal his true side and my smile was his hint that I'm done with that behavior and I'm about to level up with or without him. He asked me why I was smiling and then he asked me, "what did you do?" I was smiling out of frustration cause he was looking over my shoulder, lied to my face, and kept staring at me weirdly. All I did was talk to my aunt! He's paranoid I will up and leave him and he knows I have good reason to. Later on he wiped food on my chin with one finger, laughed about it, (Oh did I get food on you?) and didn't apologies afterword. When I start getting angry at him, he is all of a sudden either a victim or he starts acting nice. Like he finally got what he wanted. Sorry for my long Ted talk. I need to vent until I can get ahold of a therapist. He hates when I work on myself cause he knows I won't need him anymore and can't control me. If I am truly happy and love myself, he loses all power.
Left after 16/17 years, on my 62 birthday
No contact 2 months now.
Hard first week, devastating wading through my mud, but just bought a van, to travel Australia, something for years he future faked. I so not mentally well 8 weeks ago and now a different person, l am authentic again
Lived his dreams desires, never mine. My dreams he put down
I got tired, depressed
Hard to see emotional abuse over many years, but think l am now healing.
Think it awesome l got a van. Baby steps🌈
Fantastic; enjoy and be safe. 🤗
You can start living baby.
This in only two months? That's major steps already😃🙏👍👍👍 Respect! So happy you broke free! Watch yourself out there in 🦘 land.😂 Have the time of your life!
Good for you! I divorced a narcissist after 17 years of marriage as well. He almost broke me, but I survived. It was a nightmare, though. He 'punished' me by parental alienation of our 3 children. To this day, many years later, they continue to be estranged. I have persistent grief from the loss.
The best thing that you can do is live a fulfilling life. You go, girl! ❤
Keep going 💚 It’s going to be bloody hard but you deserve all of the happiness that you can give yourself, starting with getting to know yourself all over again. Love from a fellow Aussie xxx Good luck x
From own experience I can say, that once narcissists lose control, it becomes a terrifying experience... But at the same time this is exactly when they make mistake of exposing themselves. Be brave, be safe and keep reminding yourself that you have made a right decision xx
Exactly! They try so hard to keep their lies and deception from being exposed, that eventually they unintentionally expose themselves.
I'm in that place now and I'm scared. Don't know how to act, he is drama queen and will making scenes and trouble in front of children, my mother, tretening me... I'm scared!
@@TrishaK369 get out it’s suck but just up and leave go to family shelter something….it won’t get better if you stay but you will get better if you go
@@TrishaK369 I left with 2 kids at the age of 52, where I hadn't worked in 20 years. I made it and you can too. If you live in a one party recording state, get a cheap voice recorder and tape it to your calf or another inconspicuous place. Build your evidence against him. Good luck!
I've seen this in real time and you are one hundred percent correct. Worst case scenario was my first marriage. I was absolutely walking on eggshells those miserable couple of years.
their behavior and insults gets worse and then they search for someone else.
I was met with a lot of rage when my mother realized she could no longer control me. When I got into college, she saw it as another opportunity to control me. I realized she showed up for life events when she had some semblance of a leash on me.
But the mask slowly faded when I got engaged, graduated, got into my graduate program, became financially independent, and then married. The violence and rage I endured was absolutely horrific and reminiscent of when I fought for my bodily autonomy as a child. She walked away from my award ceremonies, was distant at my wedding, and ruined one of my graduations. She refused to walk me down the aisle, told me she hated me, and thought of vitriol not even my school yard bullies could match.
My mother and I no longer speak. Her rages were not worth my attempts for her love. As the victims of narcissists, we deserve better and people who will love us as we are. These people are truly sick and do not want to get better. As their victims, our only salvation is the knowledge that we can do better. I hope everyone has the power to know when to walk away.
Independence doesn't exist to those sick twisted individuals.
Painful..and also you are lucky you got away so YOUNG. my mother has been awful. I'm just now finally walking away over 40
Wow, glad you made it
If the narcissist gives you the silent treatment. It's them pulling away to emotionally manipulate you. I see it as emotional freedom from their games.
I have lived every word of this discussion. He worked so diligently to keep me small, without a voice all while sucking the life out of me. After 2 yrs of working with a mental health professional I finally had the strength to divorce him. My healing journey is slow but I’ll take those baby steps as a win.
Slow is fine! Unrelated example: my baby daughter seems to be hitting all of her milestones a bit slowly, but I don't mind as long as she is a kind person. I'm speaking as a school teacher. So I think you're doing great. You seem to have good self-awareness, which is the number 1 game changer. And actually two years is fast. It took me about two years to understand what was going on when I changed relationships.
@@TheMilwaukeeProtocol please have your daughter evaluated by the Regional Center ASAP
Slow milestone markers are a red 🚩. Please, early intervention is best practice.
If you are a public school teacher, call the Director of Special Education and she/he can direct you
Hugs and prayers. I'm so happy I left mine. So happy not to walk on eggshells and be cussed.
Same to me...n sits on my dreams n growth
They control you indirectly through other people. E.g your very own children.
Those r known as flying monkeys of narcissist
Yes! Especially if they know that their lies will eventually get back to you, so they figure if you heard or see it directly from the person they are trying to turn you against, you would most likely believe it. WRONG!!!!!
If they get to control my adult children they can have them
I will not tolerate disrespect from anyone not even my child
i experienced that too
Moms are the trippiest of narcissists. "Your growth is not something that the narcissistic person can tolerate. " AMEN. Grow anyway!
I didn't know the term 'narcissism' nearly 40 years ago when I distanced myself from Mother when she threatened to disinherit me if I didn't do what she demanded. Best decision ever. She would pass me in the street and not acknowledge me but would do dramatic open arm crap if she had an audience, making me the 'bad one' in ignoring her. Freedom to be oneself is priceless
I put my narcissist mother in "time out" for threatening the same thing. No contact for at least one week. I know I won't change her, but she knows I'm not putting up with her crap anymore.
@@sdub7045 Can't you call the fucking cops? All narcissists should be arrested and sent to prison. Narcissists deserve punishment, and their crimes are bullying, lying and manipulation.
When the narcissistic person lost control, he went full on retaliation. He demeaned, harassed, stalked, extorted and black mailed me and used my vulnerability against me. It's the most despicable behavior I've personally ever experienced in my entire life.
Why won't you call the police?
@@adeleinetheartist8267 Knowing his severe mental illness, I thought that would escalate his behavior and he would take it to a platform where he has full anonymity. And BTW, he had been watched by the police for harassing another person.
@@v9b23j Okay, I get it.
@@adeleinetheartist8267because sometimes they are the police
In video games, NPCs, non player characters, exist solely to further the story for the main character. With narcissistic people, I feel like that how they see everyone else, as a Narcissist’s Personal Companion, as in you only exist to further and address their needs and goals. Nothing makes them feel worse than trying to do something at the same time and you succeeding where they fail, even if they try to sabotage you.
That's a really great comparison!
Yep you're just a transaction and ARM CANDY and maid mama🤣🤣🤣🤣
That's why men on red pill section always talking that most everyone living like npc when perhaps they're ego is too much and ofc a narcissistic person.
My thoughts exactly! They have a very twisted form of main character syndrome.
"There is no room for two people's realities in a narcissistic relationship." - Dr. Ramani Nails it!
Watching this video today the 6th of April 2023, i am on the receiving end of the silent treatment all because i went to visit my son who lives in another state and i did not ask his permission---didn't stop me going ,im thoroughly enjoying my holiday without him. He can take his silent treatment and shove it.
Good for you!
I’m dumbstruck after I heard you say, “you , simply being you was never going to be allowed in this relationship.” And it was fairly obvious that things were already headed this way A long time ago since I was in my teen years.
They can't wait for you to fail once you choose to leave. They actually look forward to it and will let you know how much of a failure you have always been by bringing up any past mistakes. It is so cruel and hurtful, especially when it's your mother.
Hugs, I had a very damaged m bc she was so horrifically abused by her violent alcoholic father. She never drank and ate lots of valium and stayed depressed and made SUICIDE attempts. Never came to see me at school in anything I was a real star in. But she never wanted me to fail. That is so sad. She wanted me to work and own a nice home and I did. And she was very kind to my son in her old age.
Not to mention intentionally setting you up to fail so you have no choice but to go back to them. These people are disgusting and deserve nothing but misery.....
This is true and disgusting. Sometimes they want us to fail so they can come in and "rescue"... and then hold it over us that we OWE them! Took me so long to see the reality.
Or when it’s your Father
Mmmhmm
When I made the decision to become an Attorney while our children were quite young, my ex started to call me " pocket attorney," along with a derisive tone. He tried to keep me from pursuing my studies, to keep me beneath him.
I had to break away for my family's sake. He still thinks I belong to him, still tries to make me feel like I'm the reason he's the disaster that he is! Such a joke!
I'm staying away, and I take the LSAT this June...😊
Good for you!
I'm very proud of you!❤
@@angelawoodlief7242thank you! Much appreciated!
Clipping your own wings and staying silent. What a relief to be away from it and listen to someone who understands what has been confusing you for years. Great video.
My mother was controlled for 60 years by my father until he died. She has been free of him for 10 years. I’m so happy to see her liberated. My sister married a man exactly like my father. He’s controlled her for 50 years. She’ll never leave him but it makes me sad to see her living the exact same life my mom had. The cycle repeats. 😢
Yep
The math doesn’t add up
Saad
@@AlAhmed94 Right 🤔🤔
I wish things would change for you guys
I have a friend who's married to a narcissist, and have heard the story multiple times that she gets basically to the end of her rope and makes it known to him that she is setting things up for leaving or plans to leave or something to that effect, and that's when he suddenly starts getting better and treating her nicer and doing things she's been wanting him to do in order to stay, so that she ends up staying, and then lo and behold after being solidly back in the relationship things get bad again. 💔
They will go crazy, then spread stories and lies, then when that doesn't work as your strong enough to spread the truth and not scared into submission by them they will turn up the love and attention and tell everyone that it's all great now. When they are at the point of just lying to create the reality that benefits them they are not your people. Don't play again no matter how good the "fake" behaviour returns. If it's off its off. Self love club ❤
After 5 years I'm exhausted from my narcissist. I finally had enough & said get out of MY HOUSE ! Feels so liberating and I'm excited for the future again!
After the discard, the smear campaign was especially hard to deal with. It took me a while to realize I got off easy when the narcissist left.
Although I would have been happy never to have been in a narcissistic relationship, in life, I think we're all touched by narcissists at some time.
Thank you Dr. Ramini for giving me information to understand and to cope. ❤
They LOVE TO SMEAR US, MINE ACTUALLY BEGGED ME TO STAY, then went around telling people I was hard to get rid of. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@KoolT 🤣🤣🤣 indeed they are difficult
@@KoolT 🤣🤣🤣 indeed they are difficult
Most people will figure out who's the crazy one.
Marie Borchardt Good for you for moving on, even during a smear campaign, you are strong. And now, the important part. You are free of them. Good for you! and Good luck!
And narcissists are liars when they discard you as the shell of yourself- they say “it’s your fault you deserved it “
BS !
Narcissists demand that you obey them and submit until they turn you into a shell and you’re no longer supply - then - DISCARD ! Bye bye - it’s your fault !
My mom decided to abandon me when I challenged the status quo and it hurts like hell. But I can’t go back. My husband is shocked at her behavior, but a part of me always knew that once I stopped playing along, I’d be cut loose.
when this narcissist wants to remind everyone she's the queen of the rock - she tells a story about ALL her sacrifices------Poor little ole her, and the story is always the same
If you do not take orders from them, they will often go behind your back to try to overrule your decisions, because they ALWAYS know better than you and so have to step in and fix your "mistakes". They will actually defend going behind your back in this way - They wouldn't have to except you're so incompetent that they had no choice 🙄
After my dad died of cancer my grandmother narc thought she was going to inherit all of her former scapegoats stuff.
She kept him poor by kicking him out of the family company to ensure she had someone always around her… her disabled single father son with disabled kids. She paid his rent to keep a threat alive.
In the most shocking demand I’ve ever seen: she thought she was suppose to inherit all her sons stuff after he died… to (1) prevent me from having it so she could make me the scapegoat and (2) finally get to “throw away all that junk daddy has collected over the years”, all of which she was furious wasn’t thrown away when she constantly made comments about it over the years.
When I told her “no”, she thought it was a compromise to “let her into daddy’s bank box and give her the money he had left”.
“I PAID DADDYS RENT THAT MONEY BELONGS TO ME I KEPT HIM HOUSED ITS MY MONEY”.
He had almost nothing. We were poor. But the thought of her new scapegoat having even 1,000 was too much.
Dad specially told me this was all mine to inherit. Newsflash: the person that wasn’t abusing him was viewed better.
When her endless tantrums didn’t work… she went to my bank.
“My son die. Oh I’m so sad my son die. You know him right ? Tommy? OH MY SON DIED HE DEAD IM SO ALONE. He had an account and a box. He promised it to me. I need it. I’m poor you don’t understand I’m poor he promised it to me to take care of me”.
When the bank worker told her that she wasn’t listed on anything he may or may not have, she just kept screaming how her millionaire ass was “poor”. “Ok but give me his box at least. Can you do that”.
When she was again told she didn’t have the authority to even confirm if he has a box, and grandma had no box or box access through the bank, she started scream crying.
Naturally after hearing about this I was terrified so I changed my locks at my house.
I was blamed for how embarrassing it was and how bad she looked at the bank though!
My child is married to a narcissist. They eloped and are having a ceremony "For the parents since we missed out on the initial wedding". The ceremony will be held at an elaborate destination that most of our family can't afford to go to. I believe the my child is being made to feel like the less family she has attending, the less she is loved and therefore only needs her Narc spouse and their family. It saddens me beyond belief. And there's nothing I can do until my child removes the scales from her eyes 😢
I would then turn the table and organize a decent funny and cheap event for all of YOUR family inviting the couple to have the son-in-law feel LOVED instead of need of showing status so he can get to know your daughter's family without his parents and nerd company. Would that be an idea? Any kind of picnic or bottle party will do. 😉
Having been in your daughter's position myself, the only advice I can give is to not try to open her eyes for her! Make sure she knows you love her and are there for her, no matter what. If you try to help her see the truth, it will only push her deeper into his game. As hard as it may be, don't talk about him in a disparaging way, at all.
Corrina also gave a GREAT suggestion. This would make it very clear that you do want to be involved, but simply are limited in things that cost money. Douchebag may be able to manipulate your daughter, but you have control of your actions, and your actions will speak louder than his tactics.
@@Corinna_Schuett_GER Fantastic idea!!
@@Corinna_Schuett_GER I LIKE THAT!🎉😂❤
Simply love her, be supportive and keep the communication open. In time hopefully she finds her way.
It's amazing in a narcissistic relationship how equal is not good. That the power dynamics cannot be seen to be something that has mutuality in terms of the relationship growth that is important. I'm not trying to put myself down by saying this, but I am amazed that I'm finding this out so late. However, better late than never.
Wow 😮
My narc always says that everything is easy for me and difficult for him...
Yes, and the busy excuse is also a must.
I feel for everyone who is in such a relationship, let alone having family like this. 😕
The best thing to do is to grayrock or leave. Leaving is like the sun shining.
The reason why people feel afraid of the rage or abandonment of the narcissist is because they were never given the chance to grow and so (realistically) do not have the resources available to them to save themselves. Their self confidence is already shattered, they are cut off from deep friendships and are made to feel isolated and dependant on the narcissist. It becomes impossible to leave. This is why people who are deeply abused cannot just 'walk out of the relationship and do better'.
I do not accept “ cannot “”…. very very VERY difficult.. yes … but while there is hope… there is a possibility of escape… it might be tiny…but it is there …
Dissociation becomes a tool developed by victims to cope with the escalating violence and terrorism. A toddler's tantrum progresses into terrifying rage expressed by narcissistic tyrannical adults. Might make them feel powerful while terrifying their "soft" target. Damaged people damage people and property. Look what you made me do!
@@chriscunningham8807 disassociation is real. It worsens your ability to make any sound judgements. You're left in a perpetual state of self doubt and are unable to see the abuser for who they really are
omgg you literally worded this perfectly. when you try to address a problem and a narcissist is like “why don’t you just leave” it’s like damn you have controlled the relationship to the point in which im dependent on solely you. so i think they bank on you not having anyone else. sad
@@yappachini The fog clears and you see the perpetrator very clearly as a manipulative, violent, deceptive and exploitative person. The problem is that the perpetrator can be sweet, loving, caring and generous in between violent episodes and his or her unpredictable rages. This is all about power and control with a range of tactics used to hide evidence and keep the victim in his or her place employed by deceptive, exploitative, manipulative, potentially volatile, violent and abusive narcissistic people. Most become the boss or leader of the group to reinforce their sense of superiority and maximise their personal power and profit by exploiting and deceiving their many victims.
Thank you ive completely turned my life around got ripped in the gym work two jobs on railway and electrician. Earning more money now then ive ever been and she fully discarded me. Makes sense the stronger i become she couldnt take it as less control. The wierd thing is she said i need to improve my life and become more successful so i did to then criticized me for it. Also constantly putting me down for it. This left me really confused but i understand why now so thank you again with your videos its a blessing kimd regards from the United Kingdom much love 🙏❤️🔥
A narcissist ex reacted like that when I told him I wanted to go to school for mortuary science. He started saying that's a weird and creepy job, bringing up all the negative and time consuming parts of the career. Narcissists don't like when you have a career that involves you being out of their presence
My son is dating a narc. When it was time to sign papers on the sale of his property last week she took drugs the night before. He called to have me come get her. She looked like death. I told my son today I am done with both of them.
mortuary science is super cool and interesting and i bet you will be amazing at it if thats what you want to do. my parents acted like that when i said i wanted to go into forensic psychology :/ even though i love it
Nearly 20 years as a funeral director/embalmer...I have had all the negative comments but I love my vocation. My goal is to make each family feel 'ok' and to serve with respect. Ignore anyone who comments on it being creepy! Good luck with mortuary school and I hope for you a lifelong career knowing you make a difference each day!
I wished this topic was a mandatory course in college. I would have progressed so much more in life knowing I was an empath and what a narcissist characteristic alarms. I think I lost about 15yrs of life.
Definitely needs to be a class!!
Same here.
Agreed and what a great idea! If we only would have known then what we know now...
It took me 10 years to come to terms that I was in a relationship with a narcissist. Thank you Dr. Ramani, your videos are incredibly helpful ❤
Thank you Dr Ramani, I have been toasting my self in narcissist relationships for 8 years. You don't even understand how you have activated my brain, I was asleep. Now I am out off this hell place.
Dr. Ramani will never read this but I'm posting anyway because she saved my life. Things were so bad for me that I was even thinking about taking pills and ending it. I am a Christian, and I worked hard and built a very successful business. For years I was gaslighted and manipulated by jealous elders and others in my church who tried to convince me that I am materialistic and worthless. It was a shock to me to learn just how evil people can be. I knew nothing about narcissism, and I wasted years of my life thinking that I was the bad one. I cried in silence after I became awake. And my dog kept coming up to me and licking my face because although he could hear me crying he could see my tears and knew that I was in distress. What you don't know really CAN hurt you!
Be patient and kind to those who are slow to awakening. Some us really didn't know... And even after we wake up it takes a long time to accept that people who we love and trusted most of our lives have purposefully done so much to stifle and hurt us.
Controlling people gravitate towards positions of power in many settings, including churches. They are just humans. Jesus would not judge you or try to control you. Recognize and free yourself from controlling people.
I had to leave a church recently. I love the people, but I will not accept abuse anymore. I am thankful Jesus saved you from suicide!♥️
@Fallacy As Praxis Sorry that happened. You seem like such a kind and genuine individual. I’ve had a similar experience, and to finally realize that my love and sincerity had been poured into people who didn’t have my best interests at heart devastated me. Sad to say, my default mode tends to be “cynical” these days. Self-protection, I guess.🤷🏽♀
I'm a recovering Christian too. I've stopped all associations with those devils. I remain true to God Himself, worship and pray from the safety and comfort of my heart and home.
I have read this, l see it.
"I'm just warning you, because I'd hate to see you be disappointed", like they're trying to cut you down for your own good. Awesome when it's your parents btw.
They smear you for years.
I have been emotionally distanced from my mother for about a year or two and she is trying to win me back by suddenly writing nice things in birthday cards that she never said to me before in 40 years. Also she tries to get me to go on trips with her. I almost said yes to one for the sole reason of feeling sorry for her but then I said no. I hardly see her or talk to her and it's already so liberating. Also my relationships to my brother and my aunt (my moms sister) have improved so much. Sadly my mother is a bit of a gate keeper between me and my dad. So I seldom talk to him.
Stay strong and never get sucked back in. It’s called “love bombing” and if you step one toe back into the relationship the bad stuff will start all over again
The reality of what happens came to a shock to me. There is peace on the other side, but it takes a while. It took me 11 years with two successful hoovers, and too many flying monkeys to count.
Church was used, kids were used, friends were used, other family was used, my career and work was used. It was definitely a nightmare and the darkest time of my life.
I've started over twice and the walls that I put up the second time were pretty solid. I hate walls, but when you have a control freak narcissist in your life, they are definitely needed.
Hugs and prayers. Set those boundaries. 💛
I am experiencing this now it’s really hard he has been gaslighting me it’s exhausting
My mother is also a Narc and she has belittled me for 47 n then my ex husband also abused me now they are gaslighting me do you have any advice?😭💔
@@erikawithee it is exhausting, and I definitely hate it for you
I don't really like my advice or anyone else's in this matter.
I moved away, bought an RV because it is movable, in case the stalking continued, got dogs for protection, made my neighbors aware in a gated community, dropped all contact with nearly everyone I knew, including family...then it still took 2 years of living in the woods for them to lose interest and 4 years to heal after that.
It's incredibly difficult. When my dad died I didn't go to the funeral, and I loved him very much. It's just a bad situation. I hope the laws start addressing coercive control. It's like mind rape.
yup....i caught on early..went 100% no contact with any 1 willing 2 ENGAGE with the narc...course later went 100% no contact with the NARC as well..its important 2 let the stupid NARC b the only one convincing ppl u r the problem...in time they either catch on to the narc & or they become his newest victims
Took the words right out of my mouth.
This grief seems to never end.
It ends when we go no contact and move on. The second part is equally important as the first. Move on.
it is grief like no other
You do not know how much these videos help me❤ it's like 10 years of therapy in just a few weeks👍
"there's no room for two people's realities in a narcissistic relationship, always keep that in mind". What a great quote! I had to stop the video and ponder... it is true! They are not open to another's point of view at all!
One sent toxic texts for three hours tearing me down and telling me what a failure and horrible person I am. Then they bad mouthed me to others and attempted to play the victim, but nobody was fooled. They'd shown their true colors too many other times to be believed.
The boy who cried wolf. It feels good when people can see their game and not buy into it
Jesus Christ, what did you do to them?
The best thing to do is take mental notes when dating. As an introvert people reveal themselves to me fairly quickly.If a person disrespects you every week then continues that behavior you have no reason to move forward. A healthy person in a relationship clearly articulates their needs and concerns. A toxic person dismisses your feelings and tries to play mind games with your heart. If you see a pattern develop quickly, cut bait. Get out and keep on walking. Narcissists are incapable of a healthy mindset or boundaries. I wish others strength and peace. I have been studying narcissistic behaviors for quite a long time. Probably since I was 13 years old. Blessings for those who need to heal.🤔❤🇺🇸
Thank you for your hope , Dr Ramani.
125 days no contact and i have a safe, positive, and secure life without the narcissist.
Thank you forever, Dr.
Dr. Ramani. You are 150% right. My husband, my mom, my boss 'I'm surrounded by them. And this is exactly what's happening now. I'm never giving up on me. So who want to flee free. Thank you.
SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Yep. They freak the f*ck out. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I had a decent relationship with my godfather before dad was diagnosed with cancer. After? Grandma narc began screaming at me through my godfather that I wasn’t doing enough for her because (“Your dad is sick and he’s not feeling calling her and she doesn’t feel like you love her anymore. You need to call more”).
They tried to use “I’m really scared your grandmother is going to pass away after your dad dies” to justify “you need to force your dad to move into her house”.
Me: “dad doesn’t want to move into her house. She only makes the 5 min drive here on the weekend one time anyway. I’m doing all his care. It makes more sense for him to be here”.
Godfather: it’s what’s best for the family. I can’t keep having her call me upset at work like this. He never picks up her calls anymore.
Me: Jacob…. My dad is having poison pumped into his body hoping the cancer dies quicker than him. He sleeps all the time. Of course he can’t pick up
When that didn’t work?
Literally THE NEXT DAY? She came over to house house. Left her car in the middle of the road instead of parking to get max attention. Climbed the two steps required to get into our house to drop off food.
AND INTENTIONALLY FLUNG HERSELF OFF THE STAIRS GOING DOWN… and hit her head so she could cry “HE NEEDS TO MOVE IN WITH ME I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE”.
Of course dads decision to not move in with her despite that destroyed my relationship with my uncle for not “forcing” him to move in with her.
I can’t even tell the truth: she intentionally fell off the stairs. I saw it happen.
And the Illuminati scumbags deserve it not smear campaign if it’s true mk ultra human trafficking jealous child trafficking rapists lied about everything evil demon Christianity frauds
Resonated so much with "no room for two people's realities". I literally told my therapist that it's as if we live in separate realities and trying to talk through anything is as if I am speaking another language to him that he cannot grasp. Full on rage, silent treatment, verbal devaluation, then screaming he wants a divorce. When I finally had enough of hearing that, I said "so call an attorney then!", the reaction was "you'd do that to me? strip me of all I worked for!? Umm, wait, didn't you just tell me to just get out?! That YOU wanted a divorce? He's in full on shapeshifter and total smear campaign mode because he has lost that fear-tactic control of threatening to divorce. What precipitated the rage? They do not want to see you succeed. They want you totally dependent upon them.
Just threaten to call the cops on him, and the cops will arrest your narcissist, then your narcissist will be in prison.
I had to keep myself so small in my toxic work environment to protect myself, whilst also dealing with my multi-generation extremely toxic family (sucked back into the vortex because of eldercare issues). I had narcissistic abuse in almost every square inch of my life and it nearly broke me . I am finally out now. I am on a long-term medical leave of absence from work. Your last few words give me hope and courage, because I am very scared to venture out of my professional path and onto something new.
You are the best Dr. Ramani. The past 7 months I binge watched you, read your books, and everything else I could get my hands on. You have been on my healthy journey, whether you know it or not, and just the sound of your voice is now comforting to me - you explained and validated so much. The hours upon hours spent listening to you and introspecting/self-analysis, your voice alone gets me grounded.
You are an angel. Thank you!
I was in a narcissistic relationship for close to 10 years, and didn't realize it until she broke it off. Then therapy followed and started to learn about all these. I realized I was very lucky that she broke with me, because I wouldn't have. I wasn't happy for some years already, and always felt I had to make myself small so she could shine. And actually, that's why she left, because I started to be more involved in other things, even thought she had my full attention. It's been 6 years and sometimes she tries to hoover around as we are in the same association. It has become necessary to tell people to help in blocking her access to me and that has worked.
I must be doing something right. He recently said I was “Stubborn”.
Thank you Dr Ramani
Wait until they start calling you swear words. That's when you know you're blazing on the right path
This past year my parent showed up at work unexpectedly walked into an employee door and struck up a conversation with one of my co-workers. I was coming back from a Christmas luncheon with my boss. My co-worker took me aside and told me what happened. Funny thing is I forewarned him don't be surprised if my parent shows up some day. Struck up a conversation with my coworker and told him that I'm being secretive. It's because I have distanced myself from them and the rest of my family this past year.
He calls me hard headed 😂😂😂 like Bruh you cant break me
It’s sad how narcissistic parents will only want to deal with you if it’s on their terms having the relationship the way they want to and it’s not even a relationship because it’s all one sided on only it being there way. So sad and crazy! It’s so real it’s been going on with me my entire life!
I can really relate to that. Especially my mom is always looking for something she can scoff over, and trying her best all the time to diminish me and my efforts. She definitely doesn't want to lose control, so she'll never let me get a chance to be independent of her.
💯feel your pain💔
I happen to be one of those people who believes parents should go see their kids once in awhile, and not just sit around waiting for them in their adult life to knock on their door. My mother is giving me the silent treatment after telling her how fake she is about that. I could care less what her husband does. I have lost any desire to want to go see her now, and the more I think about it, the more I realize I'm better off not to.
I'm crying right now. I just dumped mine. He's going crazy like a wild beast on text. Thank you. 😅
I've had so many narcs in my life. They have been in a multitude of positions throughout my past. This video is SPOT ON.
Narcissist I dated wanted me to stay with him for 2 weeks so he could “train” me. You read that right. He thought I was a puppy that needed to learn how to go on the paper. I reacted terribly to the suggestion and told him I was not a dog and did not training. Our relationship was extremely volatile because I reacted terribly to his efforts to control everything (among his many other unpleasant personality traits). I am happy as can be that I left that relationship. What a nightmare.
I finally found my voice and ended the relationship. Ever since the narcissist has done everything he can to torment me, slander me and make himself to be the victim. I am a successful business person and he has stopped working and is making himself out as poor and it’s my fault he is broke. He is also going after half of everything I have created. Law suit is still happening, but I have learned from Dr Ramani and I’m strategizing accordingly.
I worked with someone whose husband voluntarily quit working then wanted alimony and almost all the assets when they split. She had copies of old tax returns showing that he was capable of earning a living. that was the end of his attempts to get alimony and more than 50%.
Yep. And when you're they're kid a put your foot down the abuse can become physical too, but they're still the victim. Thank you Dr Ramani. For two decades after my parents divorce I didn't know 'what' my mom was until your videos. Everything clicked. It was like solving the Da Vinci code or something. You've given me closure and answers to what I went through as a kid. It's hard to explain narcissistic abuse to others, especially when you don't have a name for it. It took a long time to heal and there's still things I get fired up about because of those experiences. Thank you for all you do.
I continue to learn so much from you! I really am feeling stronger (and sane) since being away from the narcissist that I was dealing with! Feeling FREE! AHHHHHH
This is so true. The ex always found some "excuse" for me to not get my master's, etc.
My mother was even worse. She manipulated my father so I wouldn't go away to college, etc.
During the pandemic I was able to study my master's in CBT and start my own practice without her knowing. So in October when she threatened to kick me out (like many times since she and my father divorced) I secretly went and rented an apartment. When dad and I finally told her it was horrible. She almost didn't speak to me, stole things from me, etc.
Five months later, her contempt for me is worse than ever. I know she'll never "forgive" me and will forever be persona non grata. I just don't care anymore. These months have been hard, but they've also been the best of my life.
It's been over a year since I went no contact with a narc relative. This time has also been the best of my life. Internet hugs to you!
@@wickiwo1098 thank you very much. Hugs for you too.
Persona non grata is your status after escaping or abandoning the narcissist. Damned if you stay and villified if you leave.
@@chriscunningham8807 exactly!
Brava! Don’t look back. She will never change. Think of Mother Earth as your true mom now. Time to heal and then I hope you thrive and shine!
I got a great job to get me out of poverty after dad died. Finally began learning to drive to get to the job. She sold the car . I bought a new one. She kept flipping out that I was going to die if I drove and how mean I was being by stressing her out caring about me so much. Edit: “she” refers to grandma narc.
I am so sorry you experienced this from your mother. While I certainly understand the worry and stress that comes with a child learning to drive (and being a new driver), stifling your child for your own comfort is pathological. We are supposed to raise well adjusted humans, and the goal, if we do it right- is that they go off and leave us. They have their own lives. If you do it right, they visit often (in person or via calls) and they tell you about their lives and what's going on. If you fail, they stay at home and never move on and are entirely reliant on you, no matter how old they get.
Letting go of our children and letting them stretch their wings, then fly away, is so very scary. But it is a necessary part of the process.
I hope you are doing well and are not letting her hold you back.
@@deeh5126 believe it or not? This was my grandmother. Which feels like it’s worse…/ because I always thought she wanted to protect me and cared about me .
But I really appreciate your kind words.
I moved in to help nana and it turned into “give me everything you own and take care of me like your dad did”.
My mother lost custody with how narcissistic she was when we were very young
@@deeh5126 but I am doing so much better. I finally went no contact. I am doing well in my job. I even went from zero in the bank living on disability, to having enough stored to pay off my student debt, and I’m saving for a house downpayment :)
@@MrMasterDebate I am so glad to hear that you are doing well! That is the best thing to hear from a survivor!
Was married to a narcissist for 13 years. Since our divorce 13 years ago after she found another victim, I've come back to the person that I was before our marriage. Enjoyed this video very much!
Just listening to you speak calms me down and validates my feelings.
When my narc mother had a stroke 5 years ago, it felt like my world was collapsing. I had been so mad at her for months because she treated me very poorly, and i was considering no contact for the first time in my life. But when she got to the hospital and was in intensive care, it felt like i might die if she didnt make it. It took her loosing most cognitive control and two different therapists for me to start realizing that it was withdrawal. She was like poison for me, wanting to prevent my growth, not letting me be my true self and only sanctioning what she deemed good. She infiltrated my mind so deeply, i often hear her malicious comments in my mind when i do something she would disapprove of. Despite me feeling sorry for a human going through a stroke, dementia and the assisted living facility she is in, i cannot help but feel elated that i made it out. I have been low contact for 3 years and no contact for 2 months. And the stroke i thought would kill me too was me saving grace.
Yeah, most drugs are poison in the end. Congratulations on detoxing successfully.
That quiet, nasty little voice of the narc gets quieter over time if you don't let it influence you. Eventually, it's barely there at all, but sometimes it'll get louder and surprise you. Watch out for that...
As a nurse, i cared for all patients with compassion, and yet i wonder, based on observations of my own narc mother if narcissism is correlated with dementia
They lose it they cannot stand losing control over you. Thanks for sharing Doctor Ramani
I’ve been watching these videos since I left my parental situation at seventeen. They have helped me through so much. I cannot thank the one who created them enough. I am now twenty and in a happy and healthy relationship and living without them.
These videos help me move on one day at a time. I don’t know if the Dr realizes just how much she impacts our lives. Thank you Dr; SO much❤
Had a rough morning. This video got me out of bed. ❤
I'm still here
Lost my whole family due to my mother. I still have to deal with her, 4 days a year, (court ordered visitation with 1 of my 5 kids). Once she finally figured it out that i hold the cards, an she had no power. Amazing silence, not even a word from the rumor mill. It sucks losing my sister, aunts, an cousins. But i have my amazing wife, 5 kids, and my uncle still. If the rest of my family want to believe her twisted story without asking basic questions, they dont need to be in my life. Painful but true.
I know exactly how you are feeling. I wish you nothing but the happiness you deserve!
I know how it feels. In my case it is the mother of my husband. Even him had difficulties accepting who she really is. No one would ever believe me.
Moms are the worse
My narc parents were hateful and tried to take my children. Did not work!
When asked what he thought about the possibility that his daughter might be interested in a much older man, a narcissist I knew promptly said, “Good, he will be able to control her!” His daughter successfully achieved no contact.
My mom was trying to convince my x, when we were married, to control me.
Respect for you and prayers, because we all know the horrible levels they will go to , to win - levels we just cant go to.