9 different ways narcissists lash out at you
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 พ.ค. 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
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The first way the narcissist punishes you is by existing.
🤣😂
😂 LOL 😂
Oh that's good!!!!!
However, very sad but...
VERY true.
👉💯 💔 💯👈
Ahhhh. Dark humor. My fav. Thank you.
😂😂😂
And by giving you life. 😮
They pretend they’re calm while they try to get you to flip out. Knowing exactly what they’re doing.
The cool calm collected smirk......
Yes agree with you when other people are around they act normal
Yes !!
Yes!
Yes! That inhuman, cold smugness when they say and do whatever they can to make you lose control while appearing to be so 'in control of their emotions', which is to say what they are feeling when they are feeding off of your emotional anguish and powerlessness.
I'll add one more: they use your intimate/vulnerable moments, thoughts and feelings against you...
So true. I finally learned not to share any personal info whatsoever as it is thrown back in my face. I’ve chosen to go no contact, but if contact is necessary, best to keep it short, vague and superficial
@@Kerri7021so true
My sister had been murdered, one night while eating dinner short after her death I started to cry, my husband said to me “What happened a fly just drop dead”. Right in front of my children.
When my mom passed away, he was on a company medical event in California. I had to call a private number to get in touch with him. The person had to take the message and have him call me back. When he called I said , “ My mom died, you need to come home”. He said, “ I can’t come home, I just got here yesterday”. I told him” if you treat me the way you did my sister died, I will divorce you !!! He came home, I had been at the funeral home. I hear some laughter in the back of the room. I turned around to look, he was there talking to family members. He never came up to me while standing at the casket, never came to me, telling me he was there, he never comforted me at all. I was so hurt.
Yes !!! I did divorce him after 25 yrs. of marriage.
My whole marriage was a punishment. He withheld affection, sex, conversation, and even eye contact. When I told him I had to leave, he threatened to cast me as "an unfit mother." Pure hell. I'm finally out.
So glad you're out. My ex also withheld sex and affection. He used sex as power over me. Deeply damaging hell. I had another that just withheld sex but not affection, so you'd be confused all the time. I know why he did it now, to get back at me for having a career while he was an unemployed bum. I wish more people would realise this. These men don't care about sex at all. It's all about power.
Well done both of you, I had all this and the one I cannot forget is the spitting in my face, I cannot believe I am free of it or that I couldn't get out sooner x
Whoa withholding eye contact is spot on. When you’re no longer useful for them, they can’t wait to get outta there. I used to think I was boring them.
They hate it when you withhold eye contact and stay calm ....
@@Startupsandsushi triangulating by love bombing the cat or dog, while withholding any recognition of your existing. Not that I’d know.
One of the hardest parts of being raised by a narcissist is that they constantly chip away at your sense of self. You grow up feeling that you can't trust your own experiences and perceptions.
That’s the worst part. Learning more and more about myself again. Praying for all of our healing.
Exactly.
trueeeee
Facts I was brought up by
mum who is a narcissist.. my trust was broken at such a young age by her and I couldn't trust other people or have my own opinion or say for many many years.. Jesus honestly saved me and she is still saying to me that I'm not really a Christian trying to be little me ever chance she gets to make me doubt myself, it's so evil.
Having had such a parent and three siblings I experienced and saw the type of damage this type of parent does short term and long term. And according to them you are the one with the problem.
You don't even have to do anything at all for a narcissist to punish you. They can have ongoing campaigns behind your back trying every way they can to harm you.
They lash out for no reason. They start an argument so they can put on the defense, and then say " What's the matter with you ? "They look for ways to start an argument so you'll defend yourself. They bully with intimidation. My husband began these behaviors 3 months after our wedding. I had to ask for intimacy, and he became increasingly indifferent towards me; withholding affection and information. It was very gradual. He would be volatile if I questioned how I felt. He lied to me from the very beginning about having a child. He repeatedly denied having a child, even though I knew the truth. He enjoyed shaming me for something in my past Before I even knew him. He would never tell Me anything about his life when I asked him directly. He was very evasive about anything I asked him. It was like a little game for him withholding information from me. He would try to intimidate me by standing in my immediate space and looking at me peering over his glasses with raised eyebrows. I would just look at him like - "What's Your problem?". He knew he didn't get away with intimidating me at that particular time. He would speak to me undermining me like I didn't understand or like he was trying to explain something to me like a child. He made demeaning remarks. Most of the time I just didn't react because I knew he was looking for a confrontation. But he liked to Try to pick an argument. Most of the time, I just didn't react and ignored it. I figured it wasn't worth trying to defend myself because it was just a game he played. And I didn't like confrontation either. I would do anything to avoid an argument, because I've always been a peacemaker my whole life in all of my relationships. Sometimes if tried to start an argument, I would apologize and say, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."
Edit: so they can put 'you' on the defense.
I’m a narcissist and I’ve watched almost all her videos to improve myself to stop. I never knew I was until I was told I was. I can be aware of what I’m doing so I can control myself when I’m on the act. You can control it as long as you want to change within yourself and sometimes you do lash out but all you can is be aware, learn from it and control it.
Thanks for being honest b/c most ppl are in major denial/cog diss. If others had a greater sense of self-awareness, we'd be a much better society. Admitting you have a prob is half the battle instead of blame-shifting. Keep staying open and aware and keep changing and evolving.
I truly believe we all have those tendencies, however if you have the self awareness to be able to stop yourself from behaving that way, you may not be an actual narcissist
I was told that I was a narcissist; it was classic gaslighting by a narcissist. You feel that it's you that's the problem, and it's you that needs to change, and you are the reason everyone's unhappy. If you do feel responsible, it's probably not you that's the narcissist.
Wow, you are very brave to admit it - everyone has it in them to hurt people or lash out, but narcissistic people enjoy it, and take pleasure in hurting others, who they are supposed to love.
@@ogtfromthefirstep1459 I agree with this. A real narc will never ever ever admit to being one. This is the foundational core issue of what a narc is. Unless you have a psychologist diagnose you with narcissism, it’s highly unlikely for someone to watch a video on it and then leave a comment saying “I’m a narcissist”.
What I have found though, is that those who grew up in households w a narc, will often start to behave like one in order to protect themselves in that environment, and it becomes trauma of someones personality or they were actually gaslighted in to feeling like one FROM AN ACTUAL Narcissist!
Feeling guilt for behaving a certain way is definitely not a character trait of a narc. I can almost guarantee you that if they walked into a psychologists office and said “I’m a narcissist”, the Dr would say “well, given that you just admitted to being one, probably means that you aren’t.”
The punishment is endless in a narcissistic relationship. I have been punished all my life. I finally realized I had to leave the toxic family to save my mental health. No contact is the only way to go.
I’m an orphan by choice too.
Getting them out of your mind scape is the final battle as far as I can tell? You are not alone.
Yep. It still hurts so bad. 😪
Sad but true. Same here.
The last punishment I received was in 2018. I finally put my foot down & said I wasn't putting up with their abuse anymore.🦶 Family mobbing. They made up a bunch of 🤥 lies about me at a repast. They were jealous because I was in a new relationship & happy. After they all participated in this, they tried acting like they were surprised I cut them off.
@@msjannd4 dont give that rotten fool the power to hurt you. He is nothing but a piece of shit. Hugs!
Narcissist 9 Punishment Tactics
1. Withholding
2. Rage
3. Passive Agressive/Sulking
4. Public Humiliation
5. Smear Campaigns
6. Menace & Threats
7. Flaunting Their New Life
8. Using Money as a Weapon
9. Doing the I-Told-You-So
Finding freedom from people using these toxic tactics brings a beautiful and pleasant peace.
Thank you for taking notes
holly shit, my ex got all of them
You. Nailed. It.
Public humiliation 😂 I think I’m so use to being humiliated by my mother, so much so, I don’t have feelings anymore when she’s doing it now 🥲
Money as a weapon! Yeass!!! 🙌 all the time.. all the time.. 🥲
I told a narcissistic person in my life that I felt bullied by their actions, not that they were a bully, mind you. They responded by going full on scorched earth trying to ruin my life and then did the shocked Pikachu face when I cut them off for good. My anxiety has vastly improved since then!
I've done that recently and they've gone all revenge on me, blame shifted, flying monkeys,silent treatment, ignoring me. Passive aggressiveness,
Same here - showed herself to be absolutely vile and tried everything she could to ruin my life.
She failed miserably and I’m now remarried and couldn’t be happier.
Tell them a sure way to go to hell being one
It's like Pokémon cards. Once we know how they Play the game....we have a hidden card up the sleeve.
Which is to just leave the relationship/job/friendships/church/clique/ whatever.
True friends always come back around.❤❤❤
@@willriley6964I am so happy for you 🎉
I am a male abused by my wife who is a narcissist and has borderline personality disorder😢, I stayed for the kids, but my last ten years has been a living hell..
Thank you for this insight also in your other videos, it has opened my eyes that it is not my fault and men can be victims too.
God bless
It sad but I have a daughter like this.
You need to leave!!
Just like my ex, borderline and narcissism is the worst combination of all😢
@@sevo239 I know how you feel, im still in it, but have a plan to leave soon😉..
Greetings
You deserve to be happy.
The worst part is they punish you for all the wrong things they did to you
Punish you for figuring them out.. punish you for not bowing to their toxic system.. punish you for holding them accountable.. punish you for the truth.. punish you for not letting them exploit you.. punish you for telling them no.. punish you because they are jealous of your light.. punish you because you rise legitimately and they don’t.. punish you for not admiring them or their life.. punish you for their faults.. punish you for setting boundaries.. for flourishing after they left or removed you and expected you to be miserable ..
Yep, projective identification
You nailed it! There’s no end to reasons they will find to punish u!! It’s exhausting and soul burning!
Yes, yes, yes, I’ve experienced all that from my ex-narc 😢
Omgosh 👍
They do it and punish you!!
Yessss all of this!
I have a narcissistic sister, father and husband they are so predictable it’s almost funny. God save us mortal beings from these evil ones.
Oh bless your heart ☹️. And I thought a narc MIL was bad...
And im struggling with just one already......
I have 3 as well. Not funny at all though. I’m struggling.
Bless your heart. Nothing funny about that but it is predictable
Feels like we're all outnumbered in our own families
I just left my narcissistic husband on Feb 6 after 5 years of hell as he started abusing me physically in addition to mentally, emotionally and financially. Now he has to deal with law enforcement. I'm FINALLY FREE! Watching your videos is helping me from going back to him. Whenever I feel weak, I watch your videos. Your channel is one of 2 channels I watch on TH-cam daily on Narcissism. Thank you so much for your TH-cam channel!
I am so happy for you! You are a brave woman. Don't go back no matter what. It will only get worse and ruin your life. There are normal people out there that will give you a happy life.
Dina, listen to my song, Deena. Its on my album " Robin Fox I See Stars The Trance Album " I hope you are like Deena and me, strong and happy! Thanks
Please never ever go back to anyone who physically hit you and if he was narcissistic, please stay away forever. I am sorry to hear what you had to go through. They don't change. My friend of 30 years, a narcissist, I had to exit from friendship this month, as she claimed she changed 7th time and she didn't.
I'm so relieved to hear that you got away from that monster.
I was in a 5 year relationship with a narc...The Stress is ... always.
59 and single and staying that way.
I might adopt a rescue 🐈 though.
@@pamelahaze3211 Congrats! So Proud of you to wall away after 5 years of living with a Narc. and Yes, why not adopt a Rescue 🐈and enjoy the Unconditional Love they give us all.
The people who are raised by narcissists I give my heart to you. Because that's all you know from when you were a baby it takes a strong person to break away from that especially since its parents
💯
I am almost free of the narc. Nil to no-contact. It took a long time. The narc is my dad. I am 59 and don't live with him. His loss, not mine.
My wife's mum is a narcissist. Currently trying to help her understand the abusive behavior
It was easy for me. I knew something wasn't right. I start googling the way my mom acted and found out about narcissism it described her. when I was 17, I left, and she actually told me she didn't want me to move away and forget about her. I spent years away from her. only to come back to visit and she acted the same the second she saw me. I just laughed and ignored her as soon as I left. didn't call or text her for years I was the happiest I've ever been knowing I got away from her. Ended up moving back and it was hell and drama and now I'm about to move again and stay gone this time. I have a baby and she is always trying to use her to piss me off. Every time I tell her not to do something with my baby, she does it anyway. she doesn't know I'm leaving in a few weeks. planning it Everday. I do not want my baby around her. she ever taught her how to spit on ppl!
❤WHAT THE HELL TYPE OF DOCTOR ARE YOU? FULL OF CHIT ❤WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS BLANKETING AN ISSUE THAT MAY COVER VARIETIES OF ISSUES ... FULL OF CRAP ❤NOT A DOCTOR❤ FULL OF BAD ADVICE
A Narcissist is cruel! They have ABSOLUTELY NO EMPATHY! The lies they tell to cover their actions is astounding and unfortunately they are extremely good at fooling others. Unless you are the target, it’s hard to get just how evil these people really are…prayers for all who suffer from Narcissistic Abuse. Trying to navigate their behavior and deal with them is an enormous challenge and difficult to survive 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
The only one in my family who understands my problems with dealing with a narc is my sister who has lived with the a whole (sic) for over 25 years. After some major surgery she had me stay at her house for three days. Her husband was as rude as he could be. Fortunately he is dying of cancer and refused to undergo any more treatment. He should have died 20 years ago but refused to stop breathing. His daughters tell me they have no idea who will attend his funeral...
That's actully not true. They HAVE empathy... the true thing is they DON'T WANT TO FEEL empathy or behave in an appropriate way. It's to HARD and BORING for them. Why do you think they are great at manipulating? - bc they know how the person feel or think about sth! They use their empathy for bad and they don't want to use their conscience. Instead they just let their (negative) feelings run free. Imo their mind is rotten
I agree with you about narcissist's being cruel and having absolute no empathy . I have experienced that cruelty myself , its the most horrible experience I had with a men.
my Sibling alwaYs advised" dress up for a great restaurant" before his PUBLIC HUMILIATIONS ( thanks, bro)
Yeah I dated a narcissist & I tell u what he tried all these💩 of me, however I turned it around & he didn’t like it!! I don’t back down to no one!! Period…👍
The self-pity was everything. "Woe is me" was his calling card and he always had something to whine about to deflect from criticism.
Yup, that was my husband. Made remarks like "you and the kids gang up on me" or "no one here likes me I guess"
"I'm always the bad guy" Thin skinned and airing of grievances.
"I have ANXIETY!" "This isn't GOOD for my ANXIETY!" -- My mother.
I knew well, a covert malicious victim, too
It's so annoying when it happens especially when people don't get it they're doing it on purpose but people who don't understand won't get it and you and up looking like the bad person because you're being mean or unreasonable etc
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Don't forget blackmail! My narc always says things like,"You go ahead and kick me out, I'll destroy this house on my way out." Or, "How are you going to make money after I leave?" Because he will get me fired from my job by telling them my secrets. So I'm just stuck here with him living in my house.
This is narcissistic & toxic behavior.
@@cassiebrown6643
They punish you for crimes they committed! They never hold themselves accountable for their own actions!
I will never understand why a person would chose to spend so much energy to create misery. I often wonder rather imagine all the things I could enjoy instead of playing the narcissist’s game. It’s like children having fun playing tea party and the narcissist shows up with their razor blade chess game and says “Nah we’re playing this game”
They enjoy it, its fun for them. My father would get excited like a little kid when there was trouble he could exploit. It's really sick.
After my narcissist destroyed me, I was crying to much I lost my job. I was living in my car. I wanted to die. Everyone tried to comfort me by saying, "He never really loved you", and that just made it worse, after all that, he paraded his new love: younger, prettier, blonder, more education, and told everyone that she was his "true love". It so destroyed me. Everybody was so happy for him. It took years to get over that. Now I am SO GLAD that devil-incarnate is out of my life.
You deserve better and didn't need that crazy energy in life. I am wishing the best for you. I'm sorry that you even went through that.
Narcissist are demons straight up
They are the devil incarnate. Especially the men.
May you heal and live happily.😊
I am glad you left him, narcissists are not good set of people. Great cheater frame up stories for their reason of cheating😂😂😂 I hope you fine a new an comfortable husband.
This video finally made me realize my wife of 15 years is a narcissist. I've watched multiple videos of examples, and many of them fit her. This one is hauntingly the "BINGO" moment for me. The kicker is that I am a mental health counselor in training in my final year of grad school. It took 7 years of higher learning to finally realize I am not crazy. Thank you.
im just having this realisation now too....
sigh what aninsecure dumbass Ive been
I just got destroyed folks.
I knew my x was a narcissist, but I see now more signs of it.
@@anuragtyagi9764 how? You okay?
She bang your bro, bro?
The silent treatment is definitely the punishment I got from my mother.
Same. The excuse is she's busy or tired
you have to cut yourself off from them emotionally. the minute you do that it will all make sense. they want to destroy you. its an awful thing. praying for all victims to see the light and demand a better life.
You’re spot on! My own mother told me she didn’t care what happened to me, or if I ever had a home, that she would leave me nothing because she wanted me to have nothing and she made a will to cut me out. At the end, it all worked out without getting anything because final freedom from her is priceless! Punished no more!
As I said before, demanding a better life only made it worse, as they change their attitude to making you feel as if it's all your own fault. This one loved animals but could be brutally cruel to pets for no reason.
you are so right. I have yet to receive a thank you or nice job or delicious for any thing. Now that I realize there is no capacity to give feedback of any kind, or talk intelligently and communicate in a two way fashion, because it does not exist, the reality is much much easier to deal with.
The one I met told me he won’t sacrifice his happiness for mine and he wants me to sacrifice mine for him
He’s so full of endless conditions
If not that am a strong Willed person
An Aries to be precise
I could have ended up miserable
He was slowly detaching me from my family without me noticing it
I did that but it took more years than it should have because they have incredible charm and let"s face it, if it's a spouse, you still love the b*****d. Why is that?
They are very sarcastic, so anytime I read on a dating profile that they are sarcastic, it feels like a huge redflag. All you say is true, they punish you like a narcissistic parent would do💔 Thank you for this Dr.Ramani, very validating and educational as always💖
Oh my gosh, yes! It's the passive aggressively veiled contempt so nothing can ever be solved, you can't confront them, and they've got the upper hand at all times. Maddening.
Yes! My ex was proud that he was sarcastic! He almost considered it a virtue 😩
@@tionnatiara06 Yes, it feels awful💔
Yea sarcasm in itself to me is a red flag unless used in jokes. It’s pure passive aggression, usually by covert narcs. I’ve also noticed while dating, girls in particular who type in all lower case letters and have that sarcastic tone, just stay away ahahaha
My Narc husband is on match. Got on about three weeks after I left. His profile is pure fantasy. Be careful on those dating apps.
It's important to remember that narcissists can dish it out but can't take it. They're also not usually creative. Having a come back for their go to jab then staying calm while they throw their tantrum has been very effective on them in my experience.
My ex ALWAYS made jokes publicly and would also share things I told him in confidence. I finally kept things to myself! The rage and threats started when I got a divorce lawyer.
My ex always uses women to dancing makes me jealousy and one of his longer times partner to lood laughter to annoys me when they dancing close to me! What can I do ?
I am sick about them. They are everywhere. Double standards people. Difficult to deal with. Pushing your buttons every single time when they get the chance. To be permanently an guard is exhausting.
My ex is a sociopath, but I once had a boss who is a narc.
Idk which was worse but they both were bad in different ways.
Yup! It’s crazy but I’m learning not to give them ANY energy!
I feel this as well. But on the other hand I'm like, shit am I just a hyper-vigilant, paranoid narcissist? I believe everyone is out to get me. And because I'm tired of conflict I shut down alot = silent treatment. So confused about my shitty behaviour.
Double standard...YES! Narc boss leaves everyone else to do as they please but every move I make is a direct order, then follow up to make sure I did it, then criticism how I did it, then order to redo it.....in front of everyone to add to the humiliation. Boss turns a blind eye to everyone else.
So true
Oh gosh, so true. And so many “small” ways that a narcissist does punish. Over time, you get numbed by it all.
But they think that you’re the one punishing them when you fight back. One or two isolated incidents that may or may not have happened (and if they did had a bloody-good explanation fo them) becomes in their eyes. ‘how long is s/he going to keep punishing us for? Why so full of anger and resentment?’ It’s stuff like that, if anything, (picking on the final scabs of those isolated, misperceived retributive incidents for weeks and months afterwards) that prolongs the process. Ultimately I have no sympathy for narcissists when they get a taste of their own medicine. They deserve all that and much more.
It's true. About nine years into my relationship with my abusers (malignant narcissists who were alcoholics) as a child, I was eventually stripped of all emotion at 11 years old, and I haven't felt anything since. That was just their rage punishment in a 3-hour long "session" of verbal and psychological attacks....
I’m done with the narcs in my life. Zero contact is the way to go.
I just flee’d from my husband yesterday. It still feels surreal.
I cannot thank you enough for helping me understand my 23 year marriage. I’m still recovering from wounds I didn’t understand. These videos help so much.
These videos are really eye opening.
Best of luck for your healing. One day at a time
@@melissapereira9879 ❤️ Thank you. It’s been two years now with no contact, and each week brings a little more strength.
Jesus. Mine was a 23-year-old mess also. I had to look to make sure that it wasn't me writing your comment April. Oh boy. We're both survivors but you sometimes wonder. But what the hell.
@@gailremp8389 Funny, I thought the same thing about another commenter. It makes me feel sad, but also understood, to see that I’m not alone. Unfortunately, we’re in a club that none of us wanted to join.
The other way of being punished by a narcissist is hearing the "I forgive you" statement.They forgive us for not meeting their bizarre expectations!!
Wow...really interesting point.
Or expecting you to say your sorry to THEM when they disrespect you in your own home.
Very true That's shifting the blame. And their disgusting virtue signaling!!
I did meet all the expectations and it made them hate me more. Envy, I guess (at being the perfect slave). I guess I was only supposed to fail. I tried so hard to not fail. Lose/lose
@@Bluemoon-sd8vp You can't not fail. It's a setup. I didn't learn that until I was in my mid-thirties.
My late mother said it best, regarding her two oldest children and their narcissism : They'll need YOU long before YOU'LL need THEM! and she was SO right! They've spent so much time messing with other people, using other people, that they are seniors with HORRIBLE relationships with their children, BAD money situations, and regrets they will NEVER admit to. PEOPLE EATERS end up eating themselves.
My mother's rages were terrifying. Horrible verbal abuse, screaming, hitting and pulling my hair when I was a child. She did stop hitting me when I ducked one day, anticipating a slap, and she had a moment of clarity, realizing I was afraid of her.
My awful mother slapped me too, how can people be so emotionally immature and procreate too?
Am so sorry for that dear 😢
I was always wonder why my relationship is so distance, we could never communicate and my issues never bother them. I felt like I was all alone the entire relationship.
I've been married to one for 22 years and all that time have been on my own there never has been any relationship just punishment
Yes. I became accustomed to being ignored as a newlywed. As if, this was a normal marriage.
I feel you
@@lindawise5546 me too. After just 15 months I left.
Yes I’ve been going through with this as well. I feel it’s some type of disconnection to still be entangled with other people. They are never fully engaged in the relationship or only at the love bombing face
This video is sickeningly true. As uncomfortable as I feel watching this I’m glad I did. The withholding is the worst for me. Especially when they give it to others right in front of you. But then turn it off when they see you.
Yes I agree - that is so painful to see that they are almost instantly disgusted when it’s time to just be one on one with us! Or at least in my experience his whole demeanor changes and he’s instantly sour! It hurts so much to be disliked by the one u love esp when u haven’t done anything but be good to them! There’s no way to win!
my partner would watch me cry and beg for him because i was in pain and then instead he would cuddle and kiss the dog ...
When you withhold affection, positive comments, touch etc. to your child, you aren’t a parent: You’re a monster. Children are well aware by the time they’re 3 without the care and protection of their parents they would perish. Personality disordered people who refuse treatment should have their children removed from their care.
@Lily M Schons I don’t know your situation but sometimes when they give you the silent treatment and block you it’s a good time for you to leave the relationship. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. It’s hurtful and childish of a brown adult to behave this way.
@@irishout2869 My husband triangulates me with the dog as well. He'll give an overly obnoxious "HEY BUDDY!" when the dog walks in the room and not even acknowledge my presence. When I brought up how that hurt me he began sulking and eventually raging at me with an explosion of insults by the end of the day. He then tried to use financial abuse directly after. He filled so many boxes of this video in one day it's scary.
My experience of punishment from my narc, is shame, gaslighting, lies. He always has answers to everything because he know everything, which makes me feel stupid. He’s a minister, always making a point of sharing scripture so that I know I need to be doing marriage like the Lord wants that to look like.
I’m sorry you going through this. May God give you strength and peace.
I would look into recovering from religion groups and be open to womens stories. And im so sorry for such pain. But please trust that He’s not smarter. And Don’t believe that for a second. It’s also important to point out the Bible has been known to have multiple interpretations that bad men are always keen on exploiting. Take a step back from religion, realize this is abuse, and also don’t for a second believe your less intelligent. Someone who needs a prehistoric book to encompass their life and control others is not intelligent. They’re usually a vindictive moron with control freak tendencies (and a narcissistic). I urge you strongly to get away from this person, get some therapy, truly understand what YOU want out of life, and get back out there when you have learned to trust your instincts. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS can’t be said enough. That is the key to healing, happiness, spiritual alignment, and well being! But you need to know yourself first before you can get there. Being slammed with constant indoctrination and judgements will make that absolutely impossible. Walk away even if it’s scary now and I can almost guarantee you’ll be glad you did. Why not discover a life of meaning, happiness, and clarity for yourself and better relationships? You deserve it! I believe you’ll find it if you’re willing to get past the first fear of the world outside him being unfamiliar + being scared of that change. Please, if anything trust yourself that there’s a reason you found this video. There’s a reason you made a comment. The reason Is telling you something needs to change. Trust yourself on this and Don’t let fear stop you.
Study the Bible for yourself, go in depth, there are other ministers, you tube channels out there who do explain Gods word, and with respect , maybe better than your husband, as he conveniently could have a way of limiting the information about the Bible to suit himself to keep you under control if you like…..I’m sure there’s a part on narcissism in the Bible, look into it, I don’t think for a minute God wants us to be in an unhappy, narcissistic marriage….xxx
Get on your knees and plead with God. Your husband will be like those who bear rotten fruit, and the Lord has to say to them, "Depart from Me, ye who do iniquity, I never knew you."
Matthew 7. And James 5:19,20. It is your duty to convert him from this sin. Take the elders of your church that you trust. I knew of 2 ministers, one high up in the Conference, and both were NPD. Treated their wives (who were sisters)like crap. Both died from cancer...their escape from cruel husbands that will have to stand before God and receive their punishment if they do not repent.
My husband does the same with Scriptures. I try to be a good Christian woman and.have grown closer to my Lord and.Savior, when I started replying with my own scriptures! Praying for all, who have or.is still living with these types of people!.
When I questioned her actions and wanted some answers, she responded with, “be careful, don’t make me dislike you.” It went downhill after that.
Ouch. I experienced this and the toll on my self esteem was huge. The worst part was the justification and gaslighting to make me feel crazy. This is absolutely sinister!!!
Yup. Sinister is a perfect description. Sneaky. Conniving. Hidden attacks. Two faced. I got the gaslighting today. The attack was just my imagination, says the narc.
I went through gaslighting for years but didn't know it. It was only last year I found out.
Been there too....they are evil. There's no other way to describe it. Sorry it happened to you as well. Nobody deserves it.
It is beyond my comprehension that a person would find someone who is full of light and happiness, and decide pretend to love them, draw them in, and then systematically destroy them, for the sheer fun of it. It has happened to be over and over. I did not know it was "narcissism", and I after being destroyed by one, I fell for the love bombing of the next. I am so glad for Dr. Ramani cracking the code for me.
So, true. 💔
It's the worst feeling ever...
I am so sorry for what you went through; I can certainly relate. In my situation (s) looking back I think that it wasn't the thrill of the game; I think in my case, it was a 'knowing and affirmation' of control that gave them the dopamine release. They didn't give two shits about US.. they felt a sense of power because the more they hurt us; the more it fed their own inadequacy. The man who later became my ex-husband totally yelled and tried to humiliate me in a high-end department store because I was 'just browsing '. He yelled at me telling me I was wasting my/his time because I couldn't afford these items. He was basically causing a scene. I remained quiet and in the car I politely told him that all the people were feeling sorry for me because they all thought HE was the asshole. He NEVER, EVER, even gave that a second thought. Humiliating me was first and foremost.
They REALLY only love themselves...(SORTA). People who are comfortable in their own skin are targets, cuz they resent your energy being effortless and appreciated by others.
Their insincerity & insecurity is THEIR burden. Your lack of these traits RANKLES them. 🤬
They really have to win at all costs- all costs. 😢
I don't think that most narcissists get up in the morning and think: "Oh ! The time has come to destroy my partner's life !". If they did so, they would be psychopaths or sociopaths. I don't think that's how it works at all with narcissists. What ends up destroying their partner is generally subconscious defense mechanisms that come into play in the relationship. Narcissists (and bordelines for that matter) have not chosen to be such. It happened to them when they were kids and they're stuck with this s**t for their entire lifetime. It makes it impossible for them to have a normal, loving relationship and it's sad. Sad for those who suffer from their inability to love, and sad for themselves.
I don't believe either that they are pure monsters and evil 24/7. They can be loving and caring at times, and probably genuinely so. It's probably as far as they can go relationshipwise. Unlike the bordeline, the narcissist doesn't feel his (her) pain but the pain is there, subconscious and serious.
I don't like how we qualify them all over the internet, as if they were pure monsters. They are, for the most part, the innocent victims of the dysfunctional environment and parents they grew up in and with. We blame them for having no empathy, but what kind of empathy do we show when we forget these simple truths and judge them just as severely as they judge us ?
My late husband would pick on me and joke at my expense in front of my family. I was close to tears many times, thankfully my family knew he was being a jerk when he did this.
Narcissist r dangerous criminals
Spiritually
Any abuse that doesn't have physical evidence is dangerous in human form. In spirit they are fools because God knows everything.
So the best thing to do once you notice the signs of odd wicked behaviour you just leave so they don't have anything to use against you. For most of us that's too late so we can only hope they won't lash back via police or what not. In times like that the righteous spirits will be the only ones by your side.
I almost think it's time for permanent trigger warnings in these videos. 😵💫
When Ramani said that "a narcissist punishes you for expressing a need, for questioning their inappropriate behaviour or for giving them feedback" - it all felt eerily recognizable for me. The memories it brought back made me feel physically ill. 🥴 In the end, the rage, the gaslighting, the awful double standards and having to walk on eggshells leave you a nervous wreck.
Maybe it's the wine talking, but this one hit close to home for me, and I think I need more wine now... ☺
Point is: listen to your gut, everybody! And heed the early red flag-warnings! ❤
Wise words .
I remind myself it’s an adult body being run by someone with the emotional scape of petulant 2 year old.
@@The-Finisher Haha! A very good (and useful!) analogy. 😁🙌
Very very wise words
These videos are so good, but I agree, are hard to watch because they are recognizable!!! I say exclaim “EXACTLY “ or “That’s RiGhT”!!. Peace and healing to you!
This video is so validating. I think it's hard for people to understand what it's like to walk on eggshells around someone who plays games with your mind and your emotions unless they've been through it. I felt emotionally triggered by this one and found myself reliving the emotions I felt during some of the punishments I endured. I clearly have more healing work to do.
You are correct about peoples lack of understanding. The things that the narc does takes people a lot to wrap their head around. I wish you well on your journey to healing and finding peace. You deserve this.
@@rebeccaletford2611 thank you for the compassionate and validating response. I wish you well on your journey also!
I had such a loving relationship with my husband that it was difficult for me to understand how people could say they love you one minute and treat you like crap the next. My narc sister didn't hesitate to explain to me that "it would be to my advantage not to talk to certain people" because they'd only treat me badly and then turn right around and give me the silent treatment (for weeks) that left me starved for contact with other people. I've often wondered what narcissists get out of the mind games they play. Guess they'll never know how much others are hurting since they can't feel any real emotions of their own.
I get it because I have been through it. SHE does everything she can to cause upheaval. SHE lives to punish and gain control. I've never seen such a sick, perverted woman in my life. SHE is every depicted, twisted, soap opera female rolled into one. I rue the day she slithered into our lives like the serpent in the Garden of Eden!
Most of us have probably been through it and worse or we wouldn't be either reading it or responding.
I just got out of an 18 year relationship with a narcissist.Your videos have really helped me understand what was happening all this time and also help me deal with the aftermath of the relationship.Its one year later and I am lonely but happy and finding myself again. My kids, friends and family keep me going.
My mother did all 9 and beyond. Growing up, she would use something we loved to hurt us when enraged - mostly by abusing and/or abandoning our pets or by abruptly ripping away anything we had an interest in.
Of course, all the punishments she dealt out was “our fault”. We all grew to become very outwardly stoic and guarded adults. We learned not to show any hints of what sparked happiness/interest because it wasn’t safe to do that through childhood.
Heart breaking.
i had the same experience and still struggling to live with her
That’s so fucked up
please also do 9 excuses/reasons narcissists punish you-
1) You did not get triggered by their nasty underhanded behaviour
2) You refused to react to their games
3) You don’t treat them like they are main characters
4) You outshone them
5) You kept your cool when they wanted you to lose it
6) They are unable to get under your skin by insulting you
7) Their passive aggressive and covert tactics don’t work on you
8) You refused to submit to their absurd demands
9) You stood up to them or called them out on their toxic behaviour
One aspect of narcisissism is often lieing. Keeping that in mind , are narcissists prone to launch lawsuits? Lieing and lawsuits are a bad combinations .
well said
@@petermautner1644 lying you mean?
And oh hell yes.. they will absolutely lie and launch a lawsuit on you
They love throwing false allegations on people as revenge schemes
And they attack when they are jealous
this makes another episode of narc series videos
@@junpan6823 yessss
Interesting: "...one wrong move and you will face their wrath..."
Received withholding and verbal abuse from my ex. He told me he can leave me if I start another drama which confused me because I was voicing out my issues that I just wanted for us to fix calmly. I had to walk on eggshells just for him not to be grumpy at me and had to cry myself to sleep from overthinking if I’m still loved or not because I couldn’t ask reassurance from him anymore
your situation sounds so much like me and my wife
I prayed and Flipped the switch! I am not afraid. But that's what they want they want you to have fear
And to be alone. God says he will never leave me nor forsake me so he's my refuge and my power.
He “accidentally“ locks me out of the house at least once a month. I always take a key, even to go outside to hang laundry or take out the trash. It’s truly sick.
Sounds familiar- happened to me too
A sickness that permeates every part of their life. My narc sets booby traps all over the house, the garage, the car, on vacation - doors closing on/hitting me, things falling out of cabinets, ladder falling on me when I turn around to pick something up; boxes tumbling on me if I pull on something. Always some "accident" until I started making him pull certain items or pick them up for me then I would point out the booby trap after it hit him LOL
@@SparkleAnBlake 👍💯👏👏👏❤️
Figure out how to leave safely
It will get worse with time.
Laws are finally starting to recognize financial abuse. They are finally passing laws to protect victims of financial abuse and narcissists.
I have a sister who is a narcissist. She is good with gaslighting and I did fall for it every time. Once she is done gaslighting you, she starts asking for things and the first time you don't do something, it is you never do anything for me. Then she starts telling everyone lies about you. She scares me! My other sister is scared of her too. She doesn't want the vengeance of this person.
She nailed it!!! That was my husband. I finally divorced him after 18 years & he is still punishing me. I just ignore him, but we share 3 kids together. I will never completely be able to escape him. It's a forever sentence.
Oh my goodness, yes! Punishment is their "A" game. Delineating types of punishment really helps clarify what I've been through. I sooo appreciate you, Dr. Ramani. Glad you're feeling better. 😊
It can really be difficult to be around this personality.
Their VERBAL abuse is much worse than physically being hit. He NEVER hit me, but his words killed me inside.
Dr. Ramani is extremely passionate about helping us to escape narcissism!
I could tell, over the last few weeks, that she was not feeling well.
I am glad you are getting better, Dr. Ramani.
You look like you are feeling MUCH BETTER!
@@taramoonshadow363
So true; we feel validated each time we listen to her. She never disappoints us as we wait daily for her content. Amazing how she kept going through the last week though she might have been indisposed.
This woman literally described my whole life situation 😂 I have to laugh to keep from crying. It's really a sad situation.
“This woman” lol
I’m right here with you!!
Sorry Amber...love you sweetheart in Jesus Name.
Same here I wish I never got married.
@@BeautifulJess19 It's hard, impossible even, to do it but if there's any way you can leave the situation, do so. I didn't and the longer I stayed the worse was the psychological damage. But, before you do, think carefully about whether it's right or not. If you have children, remember a bad, destructive marital environment is worse for them in the long run. Just be sure in your own mind.
Life with a narcissis, not necessarily a spouse, is a special kind of hell.
I recently learned how to tell the woman about the ex. Instead of being jealous or sad about her, I looked at her like a fellow woman and potential victim of him. The other women need to be warned.
If you’re able to put down your own sadness and jealousy for just a minute and warn her, she may end up being on your side, and you guys can work together. Especially if youre in a long years relationship or marriage, the other woman usually has no idea about you.
Even if she does know, please try to talk to her.
Seriously ladies, stick up for one another. I’m going through this right now, financial abuse and all, and it does not feel good. But I’m warning the women that I become aware of while I can figure out my financial situation.
When you said that it becomes a game for them I remembered what my narc mom said when I went even more grey rock and she got frustrated. She told me "Is this a game for you, do you want to win?". That was so funny because for me it was just survival but for her was an unbearable game and she was anxious because she thought she was not winning
I think it was a game to her and she was projecting in that question
@@5Demona5 absolutely
Oh... good catch!
Narcs, shallow since the beginning of time.
They perceptions make everything a game, and they always have to win.
And speaking of “money”. My step mom made sure she went against my dads “revocable trust” which divided all assets equally between four daughters and gave my portion to her own daughter to “manage” for me. Looking back over my life she was horrified at the thought of me having anything but the bare necessities. Yet thanked me that at the young age of 15 I went to work to buy my own clothes, shoes, toiletries and lunches at school. For “saving” them money!
Geez! It’s amazing how my husband and step mother were both the same kind of “silent” self centered narcissists. I never understood that, and in fact was convinced I was the “bad” one.
I'm in the process of dealing with something sort of similar. It has been made clear to me that my family has from day one had zero interest in me or my brother inheriting or even being able to buy the family land we have lived and worked on for 2 and nearing 3 decades now.
We were told since we were kids that we would be inheriting the land and thus we could build to whatever limits we wanted and nothing would happen. Nope. They are already trying to knock me out and take everything I have ever put into my part of the greater family property and when they are done with me my brother is going to be next, he just doesn't know it yet.
When my husband's grandmother passed away she had left $10K for each grandchild. She made sure everyone knew years before her decline. While my BIL got his money, my MIL advised my husband even though it was her mother's wish that he be given the money, God had called it on her heart to give that money to her church.
You are not the bad one. U are brave and independent. She threatened by ur independence because that mean she cant control you.
Ugghh. Sounds like you are almost Cinderalla. My coment may come out sounding sarcastic but I mean it honestly. Sounds like a Cinderalla story.
I'm so sorry that you had to face this type of life at the young age of 15. And narcissistic stepmother can really wreak havoc on a child's life. And for you to face that again with your husband, is doubly cruel. I hope both of them are out of your life now.
Absolutely correct interpretation of Narcissistic people .. 👍💯👌 ..
God help the unfortunate who have to struggle to get out and on their feet again after leaving one of these creatures. It’s tough but the path you were on was mentally and most likely physically impossible. ❤
I have learned so much from these videos they are a life saver.
Can I add the ‘Cinderella Punishment’? It’s when you’re mocked, alone or in company, for wanting to go to your particular ball - visit family, go out with a friend, take a trip - and told that you can only do so after performing some never-ending set task(s).
Favourites I’ve encountered are doing and drying the laundry, cleaning and tidying, garden chores or finding items for charity/the tip. All must be done before wasting time on frivolities. Meanwhile, of course, the Narc does get to go out to their ball.
SO TRUE I USED TO SAY FCUK THIS CINDERELLAS GOING TO THE BALL TO MY EX NARC ....HAD SAME IN WORK U WORK TO LET ALL OF US PARTY NOT A CHANCE WILL NEVER HSPOEN EVER EVER AGAIN ...
What kind of grown up idiot aloud to be treated as a submissive child to mommy's abusive will ?
Gold
Oh my GOSH!!! This happened to me over and over and I never made the connection.
Yes! And I find there is also the payback routine when I come home after rarely being away eg annually going alone to an evening musical performance he is not interested in or for a few days up to 1000kms interstate to deal with my family's affairs. Decades of experience. If it is a night out, as I drive in the front gate and up the drive at about 9.30 or 10pm, I see all the lights ablaze inside the house get turned off and by the time I get inside husband is in bed (unshowered) and pretends I have awoken him by stumbling in the darkness (other times I am supposedly an expert at 'creeping around spying on him in the dark') This is after I have by torchlight checked that the chooks are locked up (they usually aren't which the local foxes sometimes appreciate) and the pool skimmer sock has been emptied (nup not either - or scooping or blowing the leaves, I will do them in the morning). I now just take a leaf out of his 2am or 4am book and switch all the lights back on as I go, boil a cuppa, switch the still warm family room TV back on etc and sloth on the couch. If I go away for a few days, he makes a point of asking if there anything he needs to do then not doing anything I ask. He even does not deal with the food he insists be left in fridge for him or casseroles, curries etc I had to prepare for him after vaccing, mopping etc (I don't bother now). The bin says he much prefers takeaway or going to dinner etc with his friends or the current lovebomb's house (wife of friend who has extended hospital stays). Instead he decides to "do" or take over a job on my reno/repair/ redeco list that I didn't get to before leaving, throwing out or hiding necessary bits and confiscating tools as they are 'ours not yours' I have assembled ready, then acting hurt with 'I thought you would be pleased' with his annoying half-arsed attempt when I ask where the stuff is and set about locating and retrieving it. A three or four day absence usually results in being sent to Coventry for at least 3 days, It also takes me an initial stint til about 3am when getting home then about a week or so of daily work to catch up on emptying overflowing stinky kitchen and wheely bins, cleaning up deliberate spills eg on carpet or rugs, resigning myself to 'accidental' breakages of my irreplaceable china or 'my' burnt saucepans ( 'his' set is not used and must be handwashed), death of unwatered seedlings or plants, cleaning various appliances like the gooey kettle and dying food in blah fridge, congealed stovetop, spattered microwave, burnt iron, smelly washing machine and dishwasher, dealing with unwarranted laundry, vaccing, mopping, finding stuff, getting the pool sorted etc. This from a person who frequently reminds me 'I am quite capable of looking after myself as I did it for 9 years before I met you' (nup, he didn't and that was over 27 years ago anyway).
This sounds like my life. My parents played all of these games and (surprise!) I married a covert narcissist who did the same. I thought it was status quo. After my husband passed and my parents were long dead, I found out these are not true in good relationships. Now if I have a friend or date somebody who gives my red flags, they are gone. Thanks for making the world a better place!
I’m sorry you had to go through that.
They’re all similar but so different it gets cpnfusing
I can so relate to this. I’m 53 and my dad discarded me again, but this is the first time I didn’t feel like it was my fault. I’m gaining self esteem being away from him now. I’m so sorry that you didn’t have the loving parents that you deserved. ❤️
Most people that are brought up in abuse either become abusers or they marry someone who continues the abuse. :(
We marry what we grow up under. We grow up feeling it’s normal. Eventually thank God we see the light through education and videos like this.
Public humiliation yes. Happened once and shocked me. And all the strangers around us. But in the restaurant servers came to watch the show. Yes.
My sister treated me in all those ways. I told my psychiatrist that I was going crazy because of this. My Dr. had no response.
I have this with my whole family. Being on the receiving end of punishment is a way of life.
Can you minimize contact with them?
After I admitted to my adult children that I don't want to be in the same house as my ex then being often excluded in favor of my narcsissistic exes during family gatherings like birthdays, Christmas etc. is hard too.
Same
All of us must learn to cultivate a stone face that gives away no emotional reaction that feeds the narc. They live to get a rise out of us. Think of how Clint Eastwood or Charles Bronson played those movie parts. This might sound silly, but I think it's being proactive on our part. "Never let them see you sweat."
Insults for sure and usually under toned in my situation where it didn't hit me right away and I actually had to think about it for a minute or even a few days and they all started adding up over time. I finally got away after 12 years and it has been 15 years away from this toxicity. Also NEVER a compliment ever in 15 years. If your partner can never compliment you that is a huge red flag or when it turns from compliments in the beginning to insults after they feel they have you where they need you. Don't stay, do everything you possibly can to get away from them because it only gets worse.
I think narcissists are far more common than we give credit for
the verbal rages were awful and terrifying. Even as I opened the front door from work. Or trapping me in a room and raging at me for 45 mins or hours non stop. no one believed it wasnt just shouting or temper even friends. Always in the house or car never outside or in front of anyone. I feel for anyone going through that its horrific.
I agree we ( mother and daughter ) have experienced this for 6 year and now both have CPTSD diagnosed. React completely abnormlly with the slightest hint of conflict now and start shaking
my sons and i survived this, but in relaying the abuse, some people didn't believe, but luckily for us, who really mattered did believe and helped us through it all. it always happend at home in the wee hours of the morning, i/we could not have a peaceful nights rest. We are doing ok now.
THAT is the most infuriating part. They KNOW they are doing wrong and can CHOOSE to control themselves. I believe the word is "premeditation".
Yup
Yes!! The eggshells! What finally made me leave was that it started leaking out of the house to the driveway one day when he called my daughter a little bitch just like me. I knew it right there, after 4 years of it. It hit me. If I don’t leave now, it’s going to get physical and I’m damaging my daughter every second I stay.
Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!
Good work mate more backbone needed by men.
As a woman who has worked at a domestic violence shelter, I wholeheartedly agree. We had immense respect and empathy for the men who came through our doors. I often wonder if more men would come out of the shadows of abuse if the term was universally changed to something like "partner violence", since you don't have to live together to suffer from an abusive relationship, and also because I think when people hear the term "domestic" violence, they tend to think of, say, married women...when the hard reality is that it can and does happen to absolutely anyone in a relationship.
As a man, you are NOT alone.
If you're suffering--physically or mentally--from partner violence, please seek help. It's out there. Start by Googling domestic violence shelter or restraining order in your area.
Why is that when men are the ones women should put a restraining order against, women do not have to do that to their male partners? Why do men only allow men to have violence?
As a woman, I do not even go outside during the night. It's like I am asking myself to be robbed or something. My boyfriend's mother walks at the night with money, a man yanks her bag on motorcycle violently, that it hurts her arm badly. And she falls onto the ground. Could men understand that violence is not a gender issue? If you are a man, you also are responsible teaching other men to keep women safe. Still, we do not dare walk alone at night.
You are doing men a great service by coming out with this statement...
Absolutely on the button, I experienced this, especially the silent treatment, went on for months, my sense of self vanished, as I was in fear of him, his moods fluctuated, I was on egg shells, then decided to get out, then when I did he bombarded me with love letters, I did not take any notice, I stripped the house of what I wanted, when he was away, with the help of a friend. And have never looked back, my personality has come back, the fear has gone, & have never been more content & independent. I’m mow again. 👏
9/9 don’t recommend. Financial was the biggest punishment. It’s been almost 3 weeks since he put me out and it’s been difficult. But I’m good. This is just a transitional time. All will be well. I’m so relieved to be free of him. 😌
Hang in there! A friend slipped me a note. It said "You cannot sink, You can only swim. You have no choice". Turns out, years later, I did better than him. Success is hard, when someone is working against you. Best of luck!
Denisha: free at last! I’m rooting for you! You are strong!
God bless you Miss Denisha! Wherever you are there is help in the form of community agencies. If you're in California please write back. There are many organizations here to help you get back on your feet. Take care
@@SparkleAnBlake Yes, I’m working with a few different agencies at the moment. Thank you so much!
How are you? 💕 we were left to scramble for a new home in this market and the day we were going to be homeless I finally signed a lease. You will rebuild. It just takes a long time. I’m on 3 months now since he left us for someone else and a party lifestyle
I lived in a narcissistic marriage for 13 yrs. He would constantly give me the silent treatment for weeks at a time when he would get angry about something vs. communicating to me what he was angry about. I walked on eggshells for 13 yrs. and then discovered he had been having an affair the last two years of our marriage. My advice is to get out! You cannot change these people, it’s just best to cut all ties and move on which is exactly what I did!
Your decision is best medcin for stupid personality pupils ❤
17 yrs here myself. Best thing I ever did was leaving.
😂😂😂😂😂❤❤❤i love these stories 😂😂😂😂
Same thing happened to me, silent treatment was his weapon of choice. Once he didn't talk to me for literally two weeks because I said that maybe we can't afford to buy a new car right now and we should think about it a little more. As soon as he didn't get what he wanted, when he wanted it, things went badly. And any time during those two weeks when I would try to talk and ask what was wrong, he'd tell me I was crazy and it was all in my head, that he wasn't upset about anything. And right back to the silent treatment.
9 months silent treatment for me once!
I am currently going through this. Narcissist friends will cause your health go bad
"Punishment is a part of every narcissistic relationship..." Oh. My. Word. That hits deep. So, so true. I experienced it for thirty years before I secretly escaped.
It's bazaar! The pathway of choice is either you punish yourself by letting the narcissist do stuff to you, or you defend yourself so that they'll punish you for clearly knowing the truth which results in the situation flip perceived by others.
There's literally no way out, we have to leave physically and cut all ties.
@@laurenedney7 Knowing my ex-narcissist was vindictive, I intentionally did not tell anyone I was planning to escape, because I knew he would then punish them. Yep, sure enough, he went on a mission to find out via social spies, who knew in advance about my leaving and divorce plans. How dare I escape him. I was his. He felt he owned me. None the less, I protected those I loved. I wish you success in protecting your own heart and mental health from the damaging narcissist in your life. Experts say the most dangerous time w/an abuser is when you leave. Plan safely. Be cautious. You are worthy of respect.
The silent treatment is the one I've experienced the most. Most times I never learned what I did wrong in their eyes. I also got the passive aggressive Facebook posts that were clearly shots at me even though she's the one who cheated and sabotaged the relationship. It's a surreal experience when you're in the middle of it.
It’s not surreal if you listen to all the stories here it’s the same BS they are pulling off. It’s not even gender specific. Stay away from crazy ppl. Take care. (The best learning vs what they do is look into your childhood, they need you one knee down all day, so they gain control, this is how they elevate themselves, they already know this is going to be a failure, so they already move on.) Blame others, Guilt trip you, and shame. (Meanwhile, they are the perpetrator.) And if you’re not careful you’re the one looking like the mad guy.
What's wrong in their eyes... isn't even reality.
@@Bluemoon-sd8vp The funny part, you can already hear them sigh out of tiredness again, are you still talking about that? They are annoyed 24/7 if you want any accountability out of them for their actions. Crazy stuff.
I would maybe unfriend them from Facebook
@@M.j.7 block em!
This is SO validating. I feel like you have a camera in my home. It’s not a fun life. At least I know it’s not just me.
Maybe watch some more of Dr. Ramani’s videos
It's definitely not just you , change it , be free. I also watch Paula on narc con. And every day I watch something from her or Dr ramani and it keeps me strong and free ,❤️
I experienced all n lots more from my narc ex husband..he broke my spirit...thank God I left quickly
Amen
Talk about it my ex left me with PTSD then my brother a few years later has everyone against me and I'm trapped. Only option is to leave and I can't talk to anyone I live with about it because they think I'm the bad one. It really sucks and hurts so bad
A male survivor of a narcissistic relationship for 13 years. Many of these things have been done to me until, through therapy, I became a more self-confident person. That's when she cheated on me with someone we knew casually. I was really no loss for me, in the long run!
They will punish you for not buying clothes they think looks good on you. It's ridiculous and they are unaware of what they are.
I don’t know what I would do without you Dr Romney. Divorcing my narcissist after 30 years of marriage, I am still paying for my discovery of his narcissism in the end of my expected future.
Liz, I'm right there with you... mine was ONLY 49 years of marriage .
I understand your plight.
god bless you:) her name is spelled ramani ....
I understand exactly how you feel 41 years for me, it was always going to get better when...... nope never, been no contact for 5 years it's amazing having true peace in my life! My little unit (rented) is such a safe place to be. I'm even learning how to make decisions for myself without conflict etc. Just remember you are Lovable and Capable! We are strong, that's why they choose us.
I so hear you Liz, 33yrs for me. When your made to feel, that everything you say, do, think and feel is wrong..you stop talking, doing, thinking clearly, I was so mixed up I couldn't hear my body..didn't no how I felt... 19mnths since he left, I'm slowly getting stronger, starting to really see him for the person he was/is.
Dr Ramani like normal is spot on, thank goodness for her, her insight, her compassion, we need more people I this world like her.
33 years, 13:years free of it.
Hard for me to trust.
As she was explaining all of these, I was checking them all off with true life scenarios from the narcissist in my life.
Same
I’ve been in many narcissistic relationships. Each of these punishments is like reading my life story. It’s incredibly mind boggling to think this happened often enough to so many people that it is documented so clearly.
Honestly you are the best at this whole narcissism thing. Spot on. Thank you for enunciating everything I had to live through.
I constantly oscillate between believing if my recent ex is narcissistic or not but this video is confirmation that he is. Over 10 years I received nearly every form of punishment listed in this video. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
With these people if you have an ounce of doubt wavering back-and-forth, the answer is yes. Just to let you know. That's after 23 years with one of these. And a mom that was very narcissistic. So the answer is yes. Run run like the wind.
Yep woman I know is sulking scheming 6year old petulant toddler, just nasty.
‘We Are What We Repeatedly Do’ ~ Aristotle
Have you read Sociopath Free? I need to again.
Congratulations on getting free!
My covert narc was a champion at withholding and giving me silent treatment. He knew it was the worst he could do to me. My attempts to improve our communication got lost in the void or were (on good days) met with either false hopes or (on bad days) with word salad. I've never experienced him rage, most of the time he came across as rather calm, cold and collected. I was the one who ended up getting upset (sad or angry) and then he took that to go "all in" on gaslighting, blame-shifting and weaponizing mental illness.
Same.
🎯
Resonates!
You said it! Thank you!!💜🙏💜
Pls don't take this the wrong way & I mean you no harm, but ppl w/ BPD are also narcs - a form of it you have b/c ALL forms of mental illness involves deep selfishness b/c you're lost inside your head trying to figure out who you are, so you overly focus on yourself b/c you're always trying to find yourself. Your condition has symptoms that strongly overlap w/ narcs: The unstable relationships and mood swings; the unstable identity and not much sense of self-awareness; the back and forth, push-pull dynamic of your ambivalence and indecisiveness b/c you don't know who you are or what you want; the Jeckyl-Hyde splitting and dissociating w/the binary black vs white thinking; the transferring of blame to others b/c of your fear of abandonment and rejection which brings about a lack of responsibility while you play the victim act to avoid being rejected or even slightly criticized. These are just a few of the main features of BPD.
The constant hell BPD ppl put us all through w/ your high-level drama games is exhausting beyond belief. Pls stop & take a closer look in the mirror - you're playing the victim here again in this comment acting like it's all someone else but what do you do to others? BPD is a very messy cluster B disorder and takes yrs and yrs of therapy to work it out. Are you doing DBT for therapy? If not, you should try it. I know some folks who had great success w/ it - those who really wanted to grow and change and to level up their stance as 'victim' to 'abusee'. (Ok to say you were an 'abusee' of an 'abuser' but to stay a perpetual victim is not a place of strength)
My mom and gma and brother have all had BPD all their lives and went untreated & I was the scapegoat-empath who survived them all, so I am well-versed about the damage done by a narc-borderline.
It's taking me many many yrs to heal and is a lifelong journey so when you commented like this, I'm sorry but I just had to call out the wild contradictions. Hope you get the help you need & deserve but you're not being fair in your assessments of narcs and mental illness. Pls read and study up on this more b/c you're lacking much insight if this comment represents your view on this. Peace and PROPER education go together to bring balance as one does not preclude or negate the other.
Dr Ramani you are always a delightful presence. I think walking on eggshells is BS
My ex boyfriend was a contractor. He worked on my house as a so called gift to me. He never finished any project. He had been gone 14 years and I am still fixing stuff he did to my house. He even tried to sue me for work he did.
Sometimes you just get punished for being there.
Usually when you get punished you jump into thinking "what did I do wrong to deserve this?" Because that person punishing you must have something valid at hand to behave like that in such "confident" manner, right? And fast one is up to one's own defensive mechanisms again "oh, I must be bad. It must be me. I'm no good at all, I must adjust my behaviour and emotions to align with their expectations and so I can keep the bond between us strong."
I used to think like that throughout my whole childhood, throughout issues with narc partners, friends, workplaces. It has always been like this "I'm gonna change, I'm gonna apologize, it's my bad, my mistake." I felt stuck. And the only way to "solve" it all was to apologize even if it wasn't me doing anything wrong. I now know that was part of the survival mode.
I've just come to senses and it still feels strange to look at this topic differently because it is new.
But I'm grateful that I crossed that channel which openes up my eyes on many levels even more.
I feel you my dude!! Never forgive someone who doesn't deserve it in the first place just because you did nothing wrong
@Lonni Ward well said 👏👏👍👍💪💪
My mother was the master of punishment. She knew a thousand ways to beat me down and make me feel worthless. From childhood on she never let up. She seemed to thrive on it, I saw the satisfied look on her face every time she hurt me. You have described my mother and exactly the way she treated me. Thank you Dr. Ramani for helping me feel like I'm not crazy.
You've just described two of my sisters
SAME, i just had a HUGE RAGE ATTACK and I dont even know why it happened. I am not allowed to speak, she calls me every name, calls me SATAN, (she is the mother of the Devil i quess then..) and says she hates my guts, screams in my face and more... i was FORCED TO LIVE WITH HER due to job loss and she has lotts of money she won't share with me.... BUT LOVES TO HAND IT OUT TO MY SISTERS WHO DONT EVEN NEED IT OR WANT IT, I am the poor person, living off little bits of money. I have never seen true evil like this before the last 10 years. I used to love my mom, but now i wish she would just R I P.
@@dextermorgan9063 I'm so sorry and I understand what is like to have a mother like that. My mother gave me no love or peace until she passed away. I finally have freedom. I hope you can get away and have peace. I pray you can find peace and happiness and not wait like I did. Much love to you and all the best.
Yep....my mum in her narc wound...would enjoy being mean....she would gleam glint gloat and smirk with pleasure at having the power to hurt and humiliate a child.....she had BN ignored as a child and this was her vengeance....
My father was the same way. He even went so far as to make my own sisters and now my daughter feel justified in punishing me; but it is their issue now. Not mine, because I am living my best life without them...I still love them, but I need to do it from a distance and in prayer.
Much appreciated Dr Ramani. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us! 🙏🏼
You are changing lives for the better Dr. Ramani!
Energy never never lies....you can't hide what is in your heart....
So true. You can't forget when someone shows their true colors
True
I remember years ago my mother visiting me for a holiday and I was playing competition cricket at the time, she deliberately held me up to get to the game and I ended up being replaced by someone else. The look of satisfaction on her face when she had accomplished her little mission was conclusive narcissism.
Another time she deliberately served lactose in food at dinner and was flaunting how good it tasted (I'm lactose intolerant) , it was like being around a child.
Now I'm no contact and the last thing she has is money, and you can bet she'll be cutting me out of the will. Best just to accept it now and move on.
Trust me not to worry these personalities end up alone. Their have all of the money in the world and still can’t maintain healthy relationships. After awhile they start using the reverse psychology game......”well I keep to myself and choose to be alone because I’m yet to find any fulfilling relationships” which is a bunch of crap. Once aware that it’s become apparent to other people that they have a personality problem, they then feel the need to inform others that of course it’s not because their fractured but it’s a personal choice😂
Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani!!! Much respect to you! God bless!
It's called elder abuse he used me a suck my money by lying to me and I am so done with this toxic ❤
and then if you beg them not to do something in public because it embarrasses you, it's almost as if they take you wanting them not to do it as a suggestion TO do it because you saved them the effort of trying to figure out if it can hurt you or not...they are know it will work and is a sure thing to use as a punishment method. Then they will cry and play the victim if you even HINT at suspecting that they did it on purpose...
Narcs want to know your boundaries so they can violate them.
They like the feeling of hurting you. They cannot talk about things. They take you, as if you are challenging them.