Yes! That inhuman, cold smugness when they say and do whatever they can to make you lose control while appearing to be so 'in control of their emotions', which is to say what they are feeling when they are feeding off of your emotional anguish and powerlessness.
So true. I finally learned not to share any personal info whatsoever as it is thrown back in my face. I’ve chosen to go no contact, but if contact is necessary, best to keep it short, vague and superficial
Narcissist 9 Punishment Tactics 1. Withholding 2. Rage 3. Passive Agressive/Sulking 4. Public Humiliation 5. Smear Campaigns 6. Menace & Threats 7. Flaunting Their New Life 8. Using Money as a Weapon 9. Doing the I-Told-You-So Finding freedom from people using these toxic tactics brings a beautiful and pleasant peace.
One of the hardest parts of being raised by a narcissist is that they constantly chip away at your sense of self. You grow up feeling that you can't trust your own experiences and perceptions.
Facts I was brought up by mum who is a narcissist.. my trust was broken at such a young age by her and I couldn't trust other people or have my own opinion or say for many many years.. Jesus honestly saved me and she is still saying to me that I'm not really a Christian trying to be little me ever chance she gets to make me doubt myself, it's so evil.
Having had such a parent and three siblings I experienced and saw the type of damage this type of parent does short term and long term. And according to them you are the one with the problem.
My whole marriage was a punishment. He withheld affection, sex, conversation, and even eye contact. When I told him I had to leave, he threatened to cast me as "an unfit mother." Pure hell. I'm finally out.
So glad you're out. My ex also withheld sex and affection. He used sex as power over me. Deeply damaging hell. I had another that just withheld sex but not affection, so you'd be confused all the time. I know why he did it now, to get back at me for having a career while he was an unemployed bum. I wish more people would realise this. These men don't care about sex at all. It's all about power.
Well done both of you, I had all this and the one I cannot forget is the spitting in my face, I cannot believe I am free of it or that I couldn't get out sooner x
The punishment is endless in a narcissistic relationship. I have been punished all my life. I finally realized I had to leave the toxic family to save my mental health. No contact is the only way to go.
The last punishment I received was in 2018. I finally put my foot down & said I wasn't putting up with their abuse anymore.🦶 Family mobbing. They made up a bunch of 🤥 lies about me at a repast. They were jealous because I was in a new relationship & happy. After they all participated in this, they tried acting like they were surprised I cut them off.
It's so annoying when it happens especially when people don't get it they're doing it on purpose but people who don't understand won't get it and you and up looking like the bad person because you're being mean or unreasonable etc
After my narcissist destroyed me, I was crying to much I lost my job. I was living in my car. I wanted to die. Everyone tried to comfort me by saying, "He never really loved you", and that just made it worse, after all that, he paraded his new love: younger, prettier, blonder, more education, and told everyone that she was his "true love". It so destroyed me. Everybody was so happy for him. It took years to get over that. Now I am SO GLAD that devil-incarnate is out of my life.
I am glad you left him, narcissists are not good set of people. Great cheater frame up stories for their reason of cheating😂😂😂 I hope you fine a new an comfortable husband.
You don't even have to do anything at all for a narcissist to punish you. They can have ongoing campaigns behind your back trying every way they can to harm you.
They lash out for no reason. They start an argument so they can put on the defense, and then say " What's the matter with you ? "They look for ways to start an argument so you'll defend yourself. They bully with intimidation. My husband began these behaviors 3 months after our wedding. I had to ask for intimacy, and he became increasingly indifferent towards me; withholding affection and information. It was very gradual. He would be volatile if I questioned how I felt. He lied to me from the very beginning about having a child. He repeatedly denied having a child, even though I knew the truth. He enjoyed shaming me for something in my past Before I even knew him. He would never tell Me anything about his life when I asked him directly. He was very evasive about anything I asked him. It was like a little game for him withholding information from me. He would try to intimidate me by standing in my immediate space and looking at me peering over his glasses with raised eyebrows. I would just look at him like - "What's Your problem?". He knew he didn't get away with intimidating me at that particular time. He would speak to me undermining me like I didn't understand or like he was trying to explain something to me like a child. He made demeaning remarks. Most of the time I just didn't react because I knew he was looking for a confrontation. But he liked to Try to pick an argument. Most of the time, I just didn't react and ignored it. I figured it wasn't worth trying to defend myself because it was just a game he played. And I didn't like confrontation either. I would do anything to avoid an argument, because I've always been a peacemaker my whole life in all of my relationships. Sometimes if tried to start an argument, I would apologize and say, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."
I cannot thank you enough for helping me understand my 23 year marriage. I’m still recovering from wounds I didn’t understand. These videos help so much.
Jesus. Mine was a 23-year-old mess also. I had to look to make sure that it wasn't me writing your comment April. Oh boy. We're both survivors but you sometimes wonder. But what the hell.
@@gailremp8389 Funny, I thought the same thing about another commenter. It makes me feel sad, but also understood, to see that I’m not alone. Unfortunately, we’re in a club that none of us wanted to join.
A Narcissist is cruel! They have ABSOLUTELY NO EMPATHY! The lies they tell to cover their actions is astounding and unfortunately they are extremely good at fooling others. Unless you are the target, it’s hard to get just how evil these people really are…prayers for all who suffer from Narcissistic Abuse. Trying to navigate their behavior and deal with them is an enormous challenge and difficult to survive 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
The only one in my family who understands my problems with dealing with a narc is my sister who has lived with the a whole (sic) for over 25 years. After some major surgery she had me stay at her house for three days. Her husband was as rude as he could be. Fortunately he is dying of cancer and refused to undergo any more treatment. He should have died 20 years ago but refused to stop breathing. His daughters tell me they have no idea who will attend his funeral...
That's actully not true. They HAVE empathy... the true thing is they DON'T WANT TO FEEL empathy or behave in an appropriate way. It's to HARD and BORING for them. Why do you think they are great at manipulating? - bc they know how the person feel or think about sth! They use their empathy for bad and they don't want to use their conscience. Instead they just let their (negative) feelings run free. Imo their mind is rotten
I agree with you about narcissist's being cruel and having absolute no empathy . I have experienced that cruelty myself , its the most horrible experience I had with a men.
Yeah I dated a narcissist & I tell u what he tried all these💩 of me, however I turned it around & he didn’t like it!! I don’t back down to no one!! Period…👍
They are very sarcastic, so anytime I read on a dating profile that they are sarcastic, it feels like a huge redflag. All you say is true, they punish you like a narcissistic parent would do💔 Thank you for this Dr.Ramani, very validating and educational as always💖
Oh my gosh, yes! It's the passive aggressively veiled contempt so nothing can ever be solved, you can't confront them, and they've got the upper hand at all times. Maddening.
Yea sarcasm in itself to me is a red flag unless used in jokes. It’s pure passive aggression, usually by covert narcs. I’ve also noticed while dating, girls in particular who type in all lower case letters and have that sarcastic tone, just stay away ahahaha
I told a narcissistic person in my life that I felt bullied by their actions, not that they were a bully, mind you. They responded by going full on scorched earth trying to ruin my life and then did the shocked Pikachu face when I cut them off for good. My anxiety has vastly improved since then!
Same here - showed herself to be absolutely vile and tried everything she could to ruin my life. She failed miserably and I’m now remarried and couldn’t be happier.
It's like Pokémon cards. Once we know how they Play the game....we have a hidden card up the sleeve. Which is to just leave the relationship/job/friendships/church/clique/ whatever. True friends always come back around.❤❤❤
This video is sickeningly true. As uncomfortable as I feel watching this I’m glad I did. The withholding is the worst for me. Especially when they give it to others right in front of you. But then turn it off when they see you.
Yes I agree - that is so painful to see that they are almost instantly disgusted when it’s time to just be one on one with us! Or at least in my experience his whole demeanor changes and he’s instantly sour! It hurts so much to be disliked by the one u love esp when u haven’t done anything but be good to them! There’s no way to win!
When you withhold affection, positive comments, touch etc. to your child, you aren’t a parent: You’re a monster. Children are well aware by the time they’re 3 without the care and protection of their parents they would perish. Personality disordered people who refuse treatment should have their children removed from their care.
@Lily M Schons I don’t know your situation but sometimes when they give you the silent treatment and block you it’s a good time for you to leave the relationship. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. It’s hurtful and childish of a brown adult to behave this way.
@@irishout2869 My husband triangulates me with the dog as well. He'll give an overly obnoxious "HEY BUDDY!" when the dog walks in the room and not even acknowledge my presence. When I brought up how that hurt me he began sulking and eventually raging at me with an explosion of insults by the end of the day. He then tried to use financial abuse directly after. He filled so many boxes of this video in one day it's scary.
I’m a narcissist and I’ve watched almost all her videos to improve myself to stop. I never knew I was until I was told I was. I can be aware of what I’m doing so I can control myself when I’m on the act. You can control it as long as you want to change within yourself and sometimes you do lash out but all you can is be aware, learn from it and control it.
Thanks for being honest b/c most ppl are in major denial/cog diss. If others had a greater sense of self-awareness, we'd be a much better society. Admitting you have a prob is half the battle instead of blame-shifting. Keep staying open and aware and keep changing and evolving.
I truly believe we all have those tendencies, however if you have the self awareness to be able to stop yourself from behaving that way, you may not be an actual narcissist
I was told that I was a narcissist; it was classic gaslighting by a narcissist. You feel that it's you that's the problem, and it's you that needs to change, and you are the reason everyone's unhappy. If you do feel responsible, it's probably not you that's the narcissist.
Wow, you are very brave to admit it - everyone has it in them to hurt people or lash out, but narcissistic people enjoy it, and take pleasure in hurting others, who they are supposed to love.
@@ogtfromthefirstep1459 I agree with this. A real narc will never ever ever admit to being one. This is the foundational core issue of what a narc is. Unless you have a psychologist diagnose you with narcissism, it’s highly unlikely for someone to watch a video on it and then leave a comment saying “I’m a narcissist”. What I have found though, is that those who grew up in households w a narc, will often start to behave like one in order to protect themselves in that environment, and it becomes trauma of someones personality or they were actually gaslighted in to feeling like one FROM AN ACTUAL Narcissist! Feeling guilt for behaving a certain way is definitely not a character trait of a narc. I can almost guarantee you that if they walked into a psychologists office and said “I’m a narcissist”, the Dr would say “well, given that you just admitted to being one, probably means that you aren’t.”
But they think that you’re the one punishing them when you fight back. One or two isolated incidents that may or may not have happened (and if they did had a bloody-good explanation fo them) becomes in their eyes. ‘how long is s/he going to keep punishing us for? Why so full of anger and resentment?’ It’s stuff like that, if anything, (picking on the final scabs of those isolated, misperceived retributive incidents for weeks and months afterwards) that prolongs the process. Ultimately I have no sympathy for narcissists when they get a taste of their own medicine. They deserve all that and much more.
It's true. About nine years into my relationship with my abusers (malignant narcissists who were alcoholics) as a child, I was eventually stripped of all emotion at 11 years old, and I haven't felt anything since. That was just their rage punishment in a 3-hour long "session" of verbal and psychological attacks....
It is beyond my comprehension that a person would find someone who is full of light and happiness, and decide pretend to love them, draw them in, and then systematically destroy them, for the sheer fun of it. It has happened to be over and over. I did not know it was "narcissism", and I after being destroyed by one, I fell for the love bombing of the next. I am so glad for Dr. Ramani cracking the code for me.
I am so sorry for what you went through; I can certainly relate. In my situation (s) looking back I think that it wasn't the thrill of the game; I think in my case, it was a 'knowing and affirmation' of control that gave them the dopamine release. They didn't give two shits about US.. they felt a sense of power because the more they hurt us; the more it fed their own inadequacy. The man who later became my ex-husband totally yelled and tried to humiliate me in a high-end department store because I was 'just browsing '. He yelled at me telling me I was wasting my/his time because I couldn't afford these items. He was basically causing a scene. I remained quiet and in the car I politely told him that all the people were feeling sorry for me because they all thought HE was the asshole. He NEVER, EVER, even gave that a second thought. Humiliating me was first and foremost.
They REALLY only love themselves...(SORTA). People who are comfortable in their own skin are targets, cuz they resent your energy being effortless and appreciated by others. Their insincerity & insecurity is THEIR burden. Your lack of these traits RANKLES them. 🤬
I don't think that most narcissists get up in the morning and think: "Oh ! The time has come to destroy my partner's life !". If they did so, they would be psychopaths or sociopaths. I don't think that's how it works at all with narcissists. What ends up destroying their partner is generally subconscious defense mechanisms that come into play in the relationship. Narcissists (and bordelines for that matter) have not chosen to be such. It happened to them when they were kids and they're stuck with this s**t for their entire lifetime. It makes it impossible for them to have a normal, loving relationship and it's sad. Sad for those who suffer from their inability to love, and sad for themselves. I don't believe either that they are pure monsters and evil 24/7. They can be loving and caring at times, and probably genuinely so. It's probably as far as they can go relationshipwise. Unlike the bordeline, the narcissist doesn't feel his (her) pain but the pain is there, subconscious and serious. I don't like how we qualify them all over the internet, as if they were pure monsters. They are, for the most part, the innocent victims of the dysfunctional environment and parents they grew up in and with. We blame them for having no empathy, but what kind of empathy do we show when we forget these simple truths and judge them just as severely as they judge us ?
This video is so validating. I think it's hard for people to understand what it's like to walk on eggshells around someone who plays games with your mind and your emotions unless they've been through it. I felt emotionally triggered by this one and found myself reliving the emotions I felt during some of the punishments I endured. I clearly have more healing work to do.
You are correct about peoples lack of understanding. The things that the narc does takes people a lot to wrap their head around. I wish you well on your journey to healing and finding peace. You deserve this.
I had such a loving relationship with my husband that it was difficult for me to understand how people could say they love you one minute and treat you like crap the next. My narc sister didn't hesitate to explain to me that "it would be to my advantage not to talk to certain people" because they'd only treat me badly and then turn right around and give me the silent treatment (for weeks) that left me starved for contact with other people. I've often wondered what narcissists get out of the mind games they play. Guess they'll never know how much others are hurting since they can't feel any real emotions of their own.
I get it because I have been through it. SHE does everything she can to cause upheaval. SHE lives to punish and gain control. I've never seen such a sick, perverted woman in my life. SHE is every depicted, twisted, soap opera female rolled into one. I rue the day she slithered into our lives like the serpent in the Garden of Eden!
you have to cut yourself off from them emotionally. the minute you do that it will all make sense. they want to destroy you. its an awful thing. praying for all victims to see the light and demand a better life.
You’re spot on! My own mother told me she didn’t care what happened to me, or if I ever had a home, that she would leave me nothing because she wanted me to have nothing and she made a will to cut me out. At the end, it all worked out without getting anything because final freedom from her is priceless! Punished no more!
As I said before, demanding a better life only made it worse, as they change their attitude to making you feel as if it's all your own fault. This one loved animals but could be brutally cruel to pets for no reason.
you are so right. I have yet to receive a thank you or nice job or delicious for any thing. Now that I realize there is no capacity to give feedback of any kind, or talk intelligently and communicate in a two way fashion, because it does not exist, the reality is much much easier to deal with.
The one I met told me he won’t sacrifice his happiness for mine and he wants me to sacrifice mine for him He’s so full of endless conditions If not that am a strong Willed person An Aries to be precise I could have ended up miserable He was slowly detaching me from my family without me noticing it
I did that but it took more years than it should have because they have incredible charm and let"s face it, if it's a spouse, you still love the b*****d. Why is that?
I just left my narcissistic husband on Feb 6 after 5 years of hell as he started abusing me physically in addition to mentally, emotionally and financially. Now he has to deal with law enforcement. I'm FINALLY FREE! Watching your videos is helping me from going back to him. Whenever I feel weak, I watch your videos. Your channel is one of 2 channels I watch on TH-cam daily on Narcissism. Thank you so much for your TH-cam channel!
I am so happy for you! You are a brave woman. Don't go back no matter what. It will only get worse and ruin your life. There are normal people out there that will give you a happy life.
Please never ever go back to anyone who physically hit you and if he was narcissistic, please stay away forever. I am sorry to hear what you had to go through. They don't change. My friend of 30 years, a narcissist, I had to exit from friendship this month, as she claimed she changed 7th time and she didn't.
I'm so relieved to hear that you got away from that monster. I was in a 5 year relationship with a narc...The Stress is ... always. 59 and single and staying that way. I might adopt a rescue 🐈 though.
@@pamelahaze3211 Congrats! So Proud of you to wall away after 5 years of living with a Narc. and Yes, why not adopt a Rescue 🐈and enjoy the Unconditional Love they give us all.
I was always wonder why my relationship is so distance, we could never communicate and my issues never bother them. I felt like I was all alone the entire relationship.
Yes I’ve been going through with this as well. I feel it’s some type of disconnection to still be entangled with other people. They are never fully engaged in the relationship or only at the love bombing face
I almost think it's time for permanent trigger warnings in these videos. 😵💫 When Ramani said that "a narcissist punishes you for expressing a need, for questioning their inappropriate behaviour or for giving them feedback" - it all felt eerily recognizable for me. The memories it brought back made me feel physically ill. 🥴 In the end, the rage, the gaslighting, the awful double standards and having to walk on eggshells leave you a nervous wreck. Maybe it's the wine talking, but this one hit close to home for me, and I think I need more wine now... ☺ Point is: listen to your gut, everybody! And heed the early red flag-warnings! ❤
These videos are so good, but I agree, are hard to watch because they are recognizable!!! I say exclaim “EXACTLY “ or “That’s RiGhT”!!. Peace and healing to you!
I am sick about them. They are everywhere. Double standards people. Difficult to deal with. Pushing your buttons every single time when they get the chance. To be permanently an guard is exhausting.
I feel this as well. But on the other hand I'm like, shit am I just a hyper-vigilant, paranoid narcissist? I believe everyone is out to get me. And because I'm tired of conflict I shut down alot = silent treatment. So confused about my shitty behaviour.
Double standard...YES! Narc boss leaves everyone else to do as they please but every move I make is a direct order, then follow up to make sure I did it, then criticism how I did it, then order to redo it.....in front of everyone to add to the humiliation. Boss turns a blind eye to everyone else.
Oh my goodness, yes! Punishment is their "A" game. Delineating types of punishment really helps clarify what I've been through. I sooo appreciate you, Dr. Ramani. Glad you're feeling better. 😊
@@taramoonshadow363 So true; we feel validated each time we listen to her. She never disappoints us as we wait daily for her content. Amazing how she kept going through the last week though she might have been indisposed.
and then if you beg them not to do something in public because it embarrasses you, it's almost as if they take you wanting them not to do it as a suggestion TO do it because you saved them the effort of trying to figure out if it can hurt you or not...they are know it will work and is a sure thing to use as a punishment method. Then they will cry and play the victim if you even HINT at suspecting that they did it on purpose...
Ouch. I experienced this and the toll on my self esteem was huge. The worst part was the justification and gaslighting to make me feel crazy. This is absolutely sinister!!!
Yup. Sinister is a perfect description. Sneaky. Conniving. Hidden attacks. Two faced. I got the gaslighting today. The attack was just my imagination, says the narc.
It's definitely not just you , change it , be free. I also watch Paula on narc con. And every day I watch something from her or Dr ramani and it keeps me strong and free ,❤️
Talk about it my ex left me with PTSD then my brother a few years later has everyone against me and I'm trapped. Only option is to leave and I can't talk to anyone I live with about it because they think I'm the bad one. It really sucks and hurts so bad
I will never understand why a person would chose to spend so much energy to create misery. I often wonder rather imagine all the things I could enjoy instead of playing the narcissist’s game. It’s like children having fun playing tea party and the narcissist shows up with their razor blade chess game and says “Nah we’re playing this game”
I just got out of an 18 year relationship with a narcissist.Your videos have really helped me understand what was happening all this time and also help me deal with the aftermath of the relationship.Its one year later and I am lonely but happy and finding myself again. My kids, friends and family keep me going.
This sounds like my life. My parents played all of these games and (surprise!) I married a covert narcissist who did the same. I thought it was status quo. After my husband passed and my parents were long dead, I found out these are not true in good relationships. Now if I have a friend or date somebody who gives my red flags, they are gone. Thanks for making the world a better place!
I can so relate to this. I’m 53 and my dad discarded me again, but this is the first time I didn’t feel like it was my fault. I’m gaining self esteem being away from him now. I’m so sorry that you didn’t have the loving parents that you deserved. ❤️
This perfectly descriptive video makes me feel better. Because naming this emotionally violent behavior from a narcissist kind of validates my experiences, and the way I felt being around her. She's with another guy now and I'm still trying to get over this chapter while conducting myself like a calm, focused gentleman. How nice it would have been to actually have been loved. Instead of terrorized.
Terrorized is how I’ve been describing myself. You’re wise to stay as you are. My husband always tried to lure me in and to stoop to his level. Self-control was hard! Narcissistic fleas are a drag, and I always tell myself that “No one can keep me from being me.”. I don’t want to be vengeful, but terror it was. Best to you.
@@BeautifulJess19 It's hard, impossible even, to do it but if there's any way you can leave the situation, do so. I didn't and the longer I stayed the worse was the psychological damage. But, before you do, think carefully about whether it's right or not. If you have children, remember a bad, destructive marital environment is worse for them in the long run. Just be sure in your own mind.
My ex ALWAYS made jokes publicly and would also share things I told him in confidence. I finally kept things to myself! The rage and threats started when I got a divorce lawyer.
My ex always uses women to dancing makes me jealousy and one of his longer times partner to lood laughter to annoys me when they dancing close to me! What can I do ?
The worst part is they punish you for all the wrong things they did to you Punish you for figuring them out.. punish you for not bowing to their toxic system.. punish you for holding them accountable.. punish you for the truth.. punish you for not letting them exploit you.. punish you for telling them no.. punish you because they are jealous of your light.. punish you because you rise legitimately and they don’t.. punish you for not admiring them or their life.. punish you for their faults.. punish you for setting boundaries.. for flourishing after they left or removed you and expected you to be miserable ..
the verbal rages were awful and terrifying. Even as I opened the front door from work. Or trapping me in a room and raging at me for 45 mins or hours non stop. no one believed it wasnt just shouting or temper even friends. Always in the house or car never outside or in front of anyone. I feel for anyone going through that its horrific.
I agree we ( mother and daughter ) have experienced this for 6 year and now both have CPTSD diagnosed. React completely abnormlly with the slightest hint of conflict now and start shaking
my sons and i survived this, but in relaying the abuse, some people didn't believe, but luckily for us, who really mattered did believe and helped us through it all. it always happend at home in the wee hours of the morning, i/we could not have a peaceful nights rest. We are doing ok now.
Yes!! The eggshells! What finally made me leave was that it started leaking out of the house to the driveway one day when he called my daughter a little bitch just like me. I knew it right there, after 4 years of it. It hit me. If I don’t leave now, it’s going to get physical and I’m damaging my daughter every second I stay.
My covert narc was a champion at withholding and giving me silent treatment. He knew it was the worst he could do to me. My attempts to improve our communication got lost in the void or were (on good days) met with either false hopes or (on bad days) with word salad. I've never experienced him rage, most of the time he came across as rather calm, cold and collected. I was the one who ended up getting upset (sad or angry) and then he took that to go "all in" on gaslighting, blame-shifting and weaponizing mental illness.
Pls don't take this the wrong way & I mean you no harm, but ppl w/ BPD are also narcs - a form of it you have b/c ALL forms of mental illness involves deep selfishness b/c you're lost inside your head trying to figure out who you are, so you overly focus on yourself b/c you're always trying to find yourself. Your condition has symptoms that strongly overlap w/ narcs: The unstable relationships and mood swings; the unstable identity and not much sense of self-awareness; the back and forth, push-pull dynamic of your ambivalence and indecisiveness b/c you don't know who you are or what you want; the Jeckyl-Hyde splitting and dissociating w/the binary black vs white thinking; the transferring of blame to others b/c of your fear of abandonment and rejection which brings about a lack of responsibility while you play the victim act to avoid being rejected or even slightly criticized. These are just a few of the main features of BPD. The constant hell BPD ppl put us all through w/ your high-level drama games is exhausting beyond belief. Pls stop & take a closer look in the mirror - you're playing the victim here again in this comment acting like it's all someone else but what do you do to others? BPD is a very messy cluster B disorder and takes yrs and yrs of therapy to work it out. Are you doing DBT for therapy? If not, you should try it. I know some folks who had great success w/ it - those who really wanted to grow and change and to level up their stance as 'victim' to 'abusee'. (Ok to say you were an 'abusee' of an 'abuser' but to stay a perpetual victim is not a place of strength) My mom and gma and brother have all had BPD all their lives and went untreated & I was the scapegoat-empath who survived them all, so I am well-versed about the damage done by a narc-borderline. It's taking me many many yrs to heal and is a lifelong journey so when you commented like this, I'm sorry but I just had to call out the wild contradictions. Hope you get the help you need & deserve but you're not being fair in your assessments of narcs and mental illness. Pls read and study up on this more b/c you're lacking much insight if this comment represents your view on this. Peace and PROPER education go together to bring balance as one does not preclude or negate the other.
My sister had been murdered, one night while eating dinner short after her death I started to cry, my husband said to me “What happened a fly just drop dead”. Right in front of my children. When my mom passed away, he was on a company medical event in California. I had to call a private number to get in touch with him. The person had to take the message and have him call me back. When he called I said , “ My mom died, you need to come home”. He said, “ I can’t come home, I just got here yesterday”. I told him” if you treat me the way you did my sister died, I will divorce you !!! He came home, I had been at the funeral home. I hear some laughter in the back of the room. I turned around to look, he was there talking to family members. He never came up to me while standing at the casket, never came to me, telling me he was there, he never comforted me at all. I was so hurt. Yes !!! I did divorce him after 25 yrs. of marriage.
My mother died after suffering for a year, I had to travel 10 hours to another state to care for her. Narc husband came with me at first, but he drove my poor mother crazy so I sent him home for 3 months. After he left I ended up in the hospital for a week. He is so needy and I am tired of his whining and anger. Divorcing very soon!!!
My mom murdered my dad 3 yrs a go . My nark ex only cared about his shoes . Got very good counseling i moved on went to college ..I learned to move on im not responble dor my narks opinion ..guess what blocking is easy😅
VIDEO IDEA: Please consider doing a video speaking in-depth about the difference between when an empath turns off their emotions around someone that is emotionally abusive or someone with whom they do not feel loved and the cold heart of a narcissist. Really enjoying your videos- Thank you! 🌷
The difference is that you want to disengage with a narcissist. It is the narc who chases you and hoovers you with cycles of abuse. One second so loving, and the next one trashing you and insulting you badly. It is very different. You avoid bad people. That does not mean you turn off your emotions off. You must have tried many times. The two kinds of behaviors are very different. Also you do not project your behaviors onto other people, if you are an empath, whereas narcs project. You try to make them happy. They are waiting for next cycles to abuse you again and again. It would be very different because you don't turn off your emotions, you seek to disengage and avoid so that person can have all the shows for themselves. You don't want to be in it.
@@learningenglishthroughtran8540 That might be your experience, however, mine is different. I did turn my emotions off around that abusive person so that they would no longer have the power to hurt me. I did not turn them off in general, just with that abusive person that I could not avoid.
I constantly oscillate between believing if my recent ex is narcissistic or not but this video is confirmation that he is. Over 10 years I received nearly every form of punishment listed in this video. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
With these people if you have an ounce of doubt wavering back-and-forth, the answer is yes. Just to let you know. That's after 23 years with one of these. And a mom that was very narcissistic. So the answer is yes. Run run like the wind.
It's important to remember that narcissists can dish it out but can't take it. They're also not usually creative. Having a come back for their go to jab then staying calm while they throw their tantrum has been very effective on them in my experience.
After I admitted to my adult children that I don't want to be in the same house as my ex then being often excluded in favor of my narcsissistic exes during family gatherings like birthdays, Christmas etc. is hard too.
I don’t know what I would do without you Dr Romney. Divorcing my narcissist after 30 years of marriage, I am still paying for my discovery of his narcissism in the end of my expected future.
I understand exactly how you feel 41 years for me, it was always going to get better when...... nope never, been no contact for 5 years it's amazing having true peace in my life! My little unit (rented) is such a safe place to be. I'm even learning how to make decisions for myself without conflict etc. Just remember you are Lovable and Capable! We are strong, that's why they choose us.
I so hear you Liz, 33yrs for me. When your made to feel, that everything you say, do, think and feel is wrong..you stop talking, doing, thinking clearly, I was so mixed up I couldn't hear my body..didn't no how I felt... 19mnths since he left, I'm slowly getting stronger, starting to really see him for the person he was/is. Dr Ramani like normal is spot on, thank goodness for her, her insight, her compassion, we need more people I this world like her.
The silent treatment is the one I've experienced the most. Most times I never learned what I did wrong in their eyes. I also got the passive aggressive Facebook posts that were clearly shots at me even though she's the one who cheated and sabotaged the relationship. It's a surreal experience when you're in the middle of it.
It’s not surreal if you listen to all the stories here it’s the same BS they are pulling off. It’s not even gender specific. Stay away from crazy ppl. Take care. (The best learning vs what they do is look into your childhood, they need you one knee down all day, so they gain control, this is how they elevate themselves, they already know this is going to be a failure, so they already move on.) Blame others, Guilt trip you, and shame. (Meanwhile, they are the perpetrator.) And if you’re not careful you’re the one looking like the mad guy.
@@Bluemoon-sd8vp The funny part, you can already hear them sigh out of tiredness again, are you still talking about that? They are annoyed 24/7 if you want any accountability out of them for their actions. Crazy stuff.
Absolutely on the button, I experienced this, especially the silent treatment, went on for months, my sense of self vanished, as I was in fear of him, his moods fluctuated, I was on egg shells, then decided to get out, then when I did he bombarded me with love letters, I did not take any notice, I stripped the house of what I wanted, when he was away, with the help of a friend. And have never looked back, my personality has come back, the fear has gone, & have never been more content & independent. I’m mow again. 👏
This video finally made me realize my wife of 15 years is a narcissist. I've watched multiple videos of examples, and many of them fit her. This one is hauntingly the "BINGO" moment for me. The kicker is that I am a mental health counselor in training in my final year of grad school. It took 7 years of higher learning to finally realize I am not crazy. Thank you.
When you said that it becomes a game for them I remembered what my narc mom said when I went even more grey rock and she got frustrated. She told me "Is this a game for you, do you want to win?". That was so funny because for me it was just survival but for her was an unbearable game and she was anxious because she thought she was not winning
Wow! A word for word description of my former life. I’m a 10 year survivor of 30 years of this. I covertly prepared my escape for years and did it. Scariest thing I’ve ever done left with nothing but my soul. I am fine it can be done.
You were lucky. I went from the frying pan straight into the fire. Nobody to even tell about what was happening, being the only child of a widowed mother who simply didn't want me. A grandmother, alcoholic and cruel and her baby son, spoilt and full of jealousy towards me. Oh, it's all there. A violent and unloved childhood that may have been different had my father not died so young, Twenty one yrs).I'm still paying the price for it, decades later.
The people who are raised by narcissists I give my heart to you. Because that's all you know from when you were a baby it takes a strong person to break away from that especially since its parents
It was easy for me. I knew something wasn't right. I start googling the way my mom acted and found out about narcissism it described her. when I was 17, I left, and she actually told me she didn't want me to move away and forget about her. I spent years away from her. only to come back to visit and she acted the same the second she saw me. I just laughed and ignored her as soon as I left. didn't call or text her for years I was the happiest I've ever been knowing I got away from her. Ended up moving back and it was hell and drama and now I'm about to move again and stay gone this time. I have a baby and she is always trying to use her to piss me off. Every time I tell her not to do something with my baby, she does it anyway. she doesn't know I'm leaving in a few weeks. planning it Everday. I do not want my baby around her. she ever taught her how to spit on ppl!
❤WHAT THE HELL TYPE OF DOCTOR ARE YOU? FULL OF CHIT ❤WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS BLANKETING AN ISSUE THAT MAY COVER VARIETIES OF ISSUES ... FULL OF CRAP ❤NOT A DOCTOR❤ FULL OF BAD ADVICE
Wow had to listen to this video twice (so far).... Now thinking back I understand why my second husband would stand or sit back and watch me struggle with 100 lbs and never even lift a finger.... I would literally say to him "don't you see me struggling, why don't you help me". This video gave me so much clarity about all the narcissist in my life because it touched on every single person
@@user-qo3mk1ck7h yup, same man sat in the cool barn while my girlfriend and I loaded the horse trailer in 110° heat... Struggling with hay, tack trunks and other heavy equipment and never lifted a finger... My friend was so mad and mentioned it shortly after her and I pulled out the driveway..... I was so used to it I didn't even notice
@AprilWilcox Precisely my response. And now that I'm disabled even more so. Left me stranded in the Sun (suffered from heat exhaustion). Then got mad at me because I couldn't understand why he wasn't done loading the car in the shade while making me wait!?!?! WOW
Mine would have said "you didn't ask". I learned not to say "Could you...?" because of course he could. Asking him "Would you please do....?" would either get no reply or a yes he would, but then never would do the request. Then it came back to "you never asked me", etc. I'm tired. I'm old and a melted puddle of confusion, anger, fear and grief. Get out while you can.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani! Your book, 'Should I Stay or Should I Go?', gave me the courage to leave. Your healing program and these daily videos are helping me dig out from an entire lifetime of narcissistic abuse (both parents and only sister), as well as every boyfriend in my past. Enough. The boundaries are drawn. A peaceful life is hopefully ahead.
What??? You literally just described my EXACT situation. Both parents, only sister and all ex boyfriends! Man, we should chat or something to help each other through this....I’ve gone no contact, my sister has poisoned my nieces (10 a,d 14) against me....I feel SO alone....
I'm totally up for that. I totally need people who also has experienced narcissistic abuse because... I feel so alone... 😔 And... Yeah.. I definitely need more narc abuse survivors around me
@@CobraDove1111 I just saw these replies now. I don't often comment. I feel for you. You came to the right place for healing. I hope you know about Dr. Ramani's healing program. It's quite good. Sending you a big virtual hug and wishes for a bright future.
And speaking of “money”. My step mom made sure she went against my dads “revocable trust” which divided all assets equally between four daughters and gave my portion to her own daughter to “manage” for me. Looking back over my life she was horrified at the thought of me having anything but the bare necessities. Yet thanked me that at the young age of 15 I went to work to buy my own clothes, shoes, toiletries and lunches at school. For “saving” them money! Geez! It’s amazing how my husband and step mother were both the same kind of “silent” self centered narcissists. I never understood that, and in fact was convinced I was the “bad” one.
I'm in the process of dealing with something sort of similar. It has been made clear to me that my family has from day one had zero interest in me or my brother inheriting or even being able to buy the family land we have lived and worked on for 2 and nearing 3 decades now. We were told since we were kids that we would be inheriting the land and thus we could build to whatever limits we wanted and nothing would happen. Nope. They are already trying to knock me out and take everything I have ever put into my part of the greater family property and when they are done with me my brother is going to be next, he just doesn't know it yet.
When my husband's grandmother passed away she had left $10K for each grandchild. She made sure everyone knew years before her decline. While my BIL got his money, my MIL advised my husband even though it was her mother's wish that he be given the money, God had called it on her heart to give that money to her church.
I'm so sorry that you had to face this type of life at the young age of 15. And narcissistic stepmother can really wreak havoc on a child's life. And for you to face that again with your husband, is doubly cruel. I hope both of them are out of your life now.
Darkest Dr. Ramani talk ever, even ends with the word “prisoner”. Wow, this is getting crazy…even after watching you for about 18 months, just about everyday. Thanks for all your education from the bottom of my heart.
Can I add the ‘Cinderella Punishment’? It’s when you’re mocked, alone or in company, for wanting to go to your particular ball - visit family, go out with a friend, take a trip - and told that you can only do so after performing some never-ending set task(s). Favourites I’ve encountered are doing and drying the laundry, cleaning and tidying, garden chores or finding items for charity/the tip. All must be done before wasting time on frivolities. Meanwhile, of course, the Narc does get to go out to their ball.
SO TRUE I USED TO SAY FCUK THIS CINDERELLAS GOING TO THE BALL TO MY EX NARC ....HAD SAME IN WORK U WORK TO LET ALL OF US PARTY NOT A CHANCE WILL NEVER HSPOEN EVER EVER AGAIN ...
Yes! And I find there is also the payback routine when I come home after rarely being away eg annually going alone to an evening musical performance he is not interested in or for a few days up to 1000kms interstate to deal with my family's affairs. Decades of experience. If it is a night out, as I drive in the front gate and up the drive at about 9.30 or 10pm, I see all the lights ablaze inside the house get turned off and by the time I get inside husband is in bed (unshowered) and pretends I have awoken him by stumbling in the darkness (other times I am supposedly an expert at 'creeping around spying on him in the dark') This is after I have by torchlight checked that the chooks are locked up (they usually aren't which the local foxes sometimes appreciate) and the pool skimmer sock has been emptied (nup not either - or scooping or blowing the leaves, I will do them in the morning). I now just take a leaf out of his 2am or 4am book and switch all the lights back on as I go, boil a cuppa, switch the still warm family room TV back on etc and sloth on the couch. If I go away for a few days, he makes a point of asking if there anything he needs to do then not doing anything I ask. He even does not deal with the food he insists be left in fridge for him or casseroles, curries etc I had to prepare for him after vaccing, mopping etc (I don't bother now). The bin says he much prefers takeaway or going to dinner etc with his friends or the current lovebomb's house (wife of friend who has extended hospital stays). Instead he decides to "do" or take over a job on my reno/repair/ redeco list that I didn't get to before leaving, throwing out or hiding necessary bits and confiscating tools as they are 'ours not yours' I have assembled ready, then acting hurt with 'I thought you would be pleased' with his annoying half-arsed attempt when I ask where the stuff is and set about locating and retrieving it. A three or four day absence usually results in being sent to Coventry for at least 3 days, It also takes me an initial stint til about 3am when getting home then about a week or so of daily work to catch up on emptying overflowing stinky kitchen and wheely bins, cleaning up deliberate spills eg on carpet or rugs, resigning myself to 'accidental' breakages of my irreplaceable china or 'my' burnt saucepans ( 'his' set is not used and must be handwashed), death of unwatered seedlings or plants, cleaning various appliances like the gooey kettle and dying food in blah fridge, congealed stovetop, spattered microwave, burnt iron, smelly washing machine and dishwasher, dealing with unwarranted laundry, vaccing, mopping, finding stuff, getting the pool sorted etc. This from a person who frequently reminds me 'I am quite capable of looking after myself as I did it for 9 years before I met you' (nup, he didn't and that was over 27 years ago anyway).
Insults for sure and usually under toned in my situation where it didn't hit me right away and I actually had to think about it for a minute or even a few days and they all started adding up over time. I finally got away after 12 years and it has been 15 years away from this toxicity. Also NEVER a compliment ever in 15 years. If your partner can never compliment you that is a huge red flag or when it turns from compliments in the beginning to insults after they feel they have you where they need you. Don't stay, do everything you possibly can to get away from them because it only gets worse.
My mother was the master of punishment. She knew a thousand ways to beat me down and make me feel worthless. From childhood on she never let up. She seemed to thrive on it, I saw the satisfied look on her face every time she hurt me. You have described my mother and exactly the way she treated me. Thank you Dr. Ramani for helping me feel like I'm not crazy.
SAME, i just had a HUGE RAGE ATTACK and I dont even know why it happened. I am not allowed to speak, she calls me every name, calls me SATAN, (she is the mother of the Devil i quess then..) and says she hates my guts, screams in my face and more... i was FORCED TO LIVE WITH HER due to job loss and she has lotts of money she won't share with me.... BUT LOVES TO HAND IT OUT TO MY SISTERS WHO DONT EVEN NEED IT OR WANT IT, I am the poor person, living off little bits of money. I have never seen true evil like this before the last 10 years. I used to love my mom, but now i wish she would just R I P.
@@dextermorgan9063 I'm so sorry and I understand what is like to have a mother like that. My mother gave me no love or peace until she passed away. I finally have freedom. I hope you can get away and have peace. I pray you can find peace and happiness and not wait like I did. Much love to you and all the best.
Yep....my mum in her narc wound...would enjoy being mean....she would gleam glint gloat and smirk with pleasure at having the power to hurt and humiliate a child.....she had BN ignored as a child and this was her vengeance....
My father was the same way. He even went so far as to make my own sisters and now my daughter feel justified in punishing me; but it is their issue now. Not mine, because I am living my best life without them...I still love them, but I need to do it from a distance and in prayer.
please also do 9 excuses/reasons narcissists punish you- 1) You did not get triggered by their nasty underhanded behaviour 2) You refused to react to their games 3) You don’t treat them like they are main characters 4) You outshone them 5) You kept your cool when they wanted you to lose it 6) They are unable to get under your skin by insulting you 7) Their passive aggressive and covert tactics don’t work on you 8) You refused to submit to their absurd demands 9) You stood up to them or called them out on their toxic behaviour
One aspect of narcisissism is often lieing. Keeping that in mind , are narcissists prone to launch lawsuits? Lieing and lawsuits are a bad combinations .
@@petermautner1644 lying you mean? And oh hell yes.. they will absolutely lie and launch a lawsuit on you They love throwing false allegations on people as revenge schemes And they attack when they are jealous
I did meet all the expectations and it made them hate me more. Envy, I guess (at being the perfect slave). I guess I was only supposed to fail. I tried so hard to not fail. Lose/lose
I prayed and Flipped the switch! I am not afraid. But that's what they want they want you to have fear And to be alone. God says he will never leave me nor forsake me so he's my refuge and my power.
I needed this today. I got an email from my ex today telling my how "hyperbolic" and "hysterical" I was after my breast cancer diagnosis and mastectomy. He told me it was a big reason he didn't want to have a conversation with me. He is a classic withholder.
Wow that's the low blow they love. The deeper they can hurt you the better. They do this to there own children too, noone is off limits. Unless it's a brand new high status supply, wear the narc can feed off some recognition for a short time. The mask always eventually falls, always
Being raised by a vulnerable narcissistic mother, I was subject to many different punishment st;yles. What really has stuck out to me lately and stick out in your video to me is the financial abuse component... When compared to my golden sibling, they had their college and house paid for, hell even their cellphone bill is still covered and he is able to sit back comfortably and not have to worry about putting food on the table. As for me, I never received any supports from my family (funnily enough while being called greedy and ungrateful lol), and truly feel like I have been forced into poverty by my family. For years I endured awful living conditions as it was all that I could afford. I took out loans for school, worked throughout it all. Definitely could not always put food on the table. I'm doing a lot better now, but it feels like everyone my age (27) is leagues ahead of me in terms of having a life. I feel like I will be playing catch up forever, and while I'm happy for my sibling, the difference between our lived experience could not be more foreign to one another.
You have the better life. Believe it! There is no replacement for working towards one’s own survival and goals . Then you get the intrinsic reward for the experience as well as knowledge you can manage. The indulged child forever seeks something unattainable.. not quite knowing why they are not happy or dissatisfied. It’s in every human to work for their own keep. Plus to get that little apartment and fix it up. A good hard days work cannot be replaced with a hand out . Mind you a gift of help or funds to supplement after one puts in the labour or exercise of budgeting, now that’s nice. Because one is grateful. Why? Because they know how much effort and time it takes to earn money or fix up a place on their own. I feel more sorry for the lazy fool who gets indulged. Their life will be vacuous and seeking that elusive happiness. And they don’t grow in their soul and spirit. I wish you well!
I didn't get any help from my family. It was a clusterfuck to put it nicely. Everything I tried to accomplish I had to do on my own while my mother sabotaged me with her unending jealousy and insecurity. My father could not have given less of a shit about any of us. So I'm struggling to work multiple jobs and go to school full time and deal with my awful family. I ran away with the first man who made me feel like a person -- who turned out to be a covert narc who abused me for a decade. We divorced this year. I had to return "home." My father's comment to me was "You're twenty years behind everybody else." EXCUSE ME? I'm surprised I didn't fucking kill myself during all those years of abuse, and my old man who was little more than a sperm donor tells me that my hardships are nothing because I'm twenty years behind everybody else. Hmmmmm what happened twenty years ago? Oh, that's right. He abandoned my family because he wasn't getting the worship he deserved (for doing what?) and then I took the brunt of my mother and brother's wrath. No wonder I'm twenty years behind everybody else! But too -- I didn't know I was competing with anyone. Don't worry about feeling like you're playing catch up forever. You're not in competition with anyone. You know the truth of your situation. You know how many obstacles you faced and how you had no help from anyone. You couldn't establish a good life for yourself because you weren't shown or given the tools to know how to do it yourself. All you can do is make the best of your life now. You don't have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. Let the insults go. Be happy you've made it this far, learn and grow from your mistakes, and do the best you can going forward. Best of luck to you.
@@ellobo1326 'should' is a HUGE BIG BASKET when dealing with a narc! In fact, today, dealing with the financial fallout from 10 years with my own a-hole, then discovering why I went with him- because my parents are narcs- I feel like the only SHOULD I Feel applies is THEY SHOULD NEVER have been born!!
This hits hard for me! I now have a "memory" of feelings with people that I like, and anytime somebody makes me feel different I conclude that they are a narc and don't go back on it no matter what!
God help the unfortunate who have to struggle to get out and on their feet again after leaving one of these creatures. It’s tough but the path you were on was mentally and most likely physically impossible. ❤ I have learned so much from these videos they are a life saver.
I remember years ago my mother visiting me for a holiday and I was playing competition cricket at the time, she deliberately held me up to get to the game and I ended up being replaced by someone else. The look of satisfaction on her face when she had accomplished her little mission was conclusive narcissism. Another time she deliberately served lactose in food at dinner and was flaunting how good it tasted (I'm lactose intolerant) , it was like being around a child. Now I'm no contact and the last thing she has is money, and you can bet she'll be cutting me out of the will. Best just to accept it now and move on.
Trust me not to worry these personalities end up alone. Their have all of the money in the world and still can’t maintain healthy relationships. After awhile they start using the reverse psychology game......”well I keep to myself and choose to be alone because I’m yet to find any fulfilling relationships” which is a bunch of crap. Once aware that it’s become apparent to other people that they have a personality problem, they then feel the need to inform others that of course it’s not because their fractured but it’s a personal choice😂
Again…. I just can’t believe how many times Dr. Ramani describes in a nutshell the horrors of my life with the narcissistic husband I unfortunately still live with… Just wanted to drop in my comments and say that, despite what the universe throws at me with this man on a daily day basis, I don’t give up on seeking for the final victory where I can breath clean healthy air. I love and enjoy listening to you Dr. Ramani because I can sense a lot closer day to my final day with this man in my life… Peace ✌️ Blessings to all in this community 💗💝💗
I am exactly there too. I finally have a real safety place but I’m still executing the final steps and it may take me a couple more months to be out and ready for initiating court procedures once away. I hope you are finding a way out.
@@johnandrewcameron1 that is the least of my worries 😉He knows well he is out of the league even with my presence in his face. He really doesn’t care. But, thanks for your feedback! Peace ✌️😊
~ This is SO enlightening! I was married for 25 years, got divorced, then started seeing someone. The first narcissist I ever dated; thankfully not for more than a matter of months. Constant lies, making me feel like I was never good enough, finding ways to hurt my feelings, on & on…Needless to say, I haven’t dated since (nearly 2 years), & I honestly don’t see myself dating anytime soon.
My narcissistic ex was very into punishment, When I called it out I was accused of being petty, year & a half later I am a free and happy Man! No more emotional violence.Thanks for the gold you shared!❤️❤️❤️
I lived in a narcissistic marriage for 13 yrs. He would constantly give me the silent treatment for weeks at a time when he would get angry about something vs. communicating to me what he was angry about. I walked on eggshells for 13 yrs. and then discovered he had been having an affair the last two years of our marriage. My advice is to get out! You cannot change these people, it’s just best to cut all ties and move on which is exactly what I did!
Same thing happened to me, silent treatment was his weapon of choice. Once he didn't talk to me for literally two weeks because I said that maybe we can't afford to buy a new car right now and we should think about it a little more. As soon as he didn't get what he wanted, when he wanted it, things went badly. And any time during those two weeks when I would try to talk and ask what was wrong, he'd tell me I was crazy and it was all in my head, that he wasn't upset about anything. And right back to the silent treatment.
💯💯Thanks Dr. Ramani🌺Financial abuse is the worst part and really makes it difficult to leave narsistic relationship. Me and mom have been exposed to same tricky ways. Narcissists always try to make you dependent onto themselves. Because if you have money you can leave him/her whenever you want.
All this time doctor Ramani, I thought I was wrong for feeling I got the silent treatment. Because everywhere I heard it's meant to be just that, silent. But the narcissistic person in my life would give me brief short answers. This withholding thing was the most painful for me. Omg, leaving you wondering where you stand and having to chase the narcissistic person if I wanted to continue. These videos are so so helpful to understand what I went through.
i always felt the small jabs that bothered me were not big enough to bring up as a concern without bein seen or told that i'm being sensitive or reading into it too much. this is extremely validating to my experience.
As a person who tries to be on time always, the whole waiting was one of the worst and most hurtful part. Saying they will see you in 1 hour and then waiting 2 3 4 hours to see the person you love. Always putting everybody before you, later they tell how special you are for them. Its so amazingly sad
Yup! It's funny how true to form these creatures can be! And how right on we actually were/are when dealing with the narc. Heard the waiting thing was a sign just the other day after 18 mo's of intensive work and study on this. I just about fell over because I feel like I never, ever got it right with him, but I used to say to myself and the few others I ever talked to after a decade with this fREAKl's isolation: Being with (name), is WAITING FOR (NAME). OMG!! How bizarre that it was all right there. Saw it. Named it . But had no name for the sum of all the creepy little parts until after it was over...Does the nightmare ever end??
The big test is how they react if you are late. If they are okay with it and understanding, then they may not be a narcissist. If they are late like you've outlined and see it as no problems but if you are ten minutes late they explode with anger, then you are likely dealing with one, I'd guess that's how it was? What I've noticed about this type of person (having a close family member with serious NPD) is that hypocrisy and double standards are all the go, and being highly judgemental/critical of others for doing stuff they do themselves which they see in their instance is fine.
Not relationship but I had FRIENDS do this when I was on time and they made me wait for hours. Another reason I stopped hanging out with most people after several years but had no idea this was a part of Narcissism?
@@mazzieemily2003 I don't necessarily see that in itself as being narcissistic, I commented above about it. My wife was late at times during our courtship, very late and it used to bug me but she's also the most non narcissistic person you would meet, completely opposite to a narcissist. I believe I know what I'm talking about through experience. My mother is a grandiose type narcissist with serious NPD, ticks all the boxes, and my first wife was what's called a vulnerable narcissist. I'd be looking in other areas to identify such a person, e.g. controlling, sense of entitlement, how they react when their wishes aren't met, highly judgemental of others etc. Sometimes it is hard to pick. My ex wife concealed most of it until we were married - classic vulnerable narcissist. Then it all came out. And she was always on time.
Mine was in my early 20s when we would go out for lunch or dinner as a family my dad would humiliate me infront of my family and people, it was very traumatic that a switch in my head lit up one day and said I need to leave this very unhealthy environment I am in. Everything dr Ramani says makes sense. I am in a place of my life right now that solitude is my happiness.
My late mother said it best, regarding her two oldest children and their narcissism : They'll need YOU long before YOU'LL need THEM! and she was SO right! They've spent so much time messing with other people, using other people, that they are seniors with HORRIBLE relationships with their children, BAD money situations, and regrets they will NEVER admit to. PEOPLE EATERS end up eating themselves.
Perfect timing! I was just asking myself this morning why does my cousin sometimes seem to forget I exist, I think this is her way of punishing me. If I don't do exactly as she wants I get ignored. I have always felt like the black sheep of the family
I’m in the same boat as you - I have a cousin who’s doing this, and I’m just coming to terms with it.Just went through a very traumatic mental health crisis with her (aka, a severe narc meltdown) that resulted in her being involuntarily hospitalized. Wild ride, emotional damage via constant calls and notes saying she was going to “unalive herself”, etc. Since I recommended for her to go to the hospital to get help, I assume I’m the one to blame for the result. Joke’s on her though- her punishment works well for my healing ❤️🩹, and I’ve been Gray rocking her since. Sad we ended up this way, but so much more peaceful. I hope you find healing too.
I cannot believe how accurate this is. I get “the look” silent treatment, slamming, stomping…it makes me feel so ill. OMG he gets me on the airport thing and the grocery thing! And breaking my confidences😢
Videos like this really save time and mental health. Just last week found myself in the presence of a narc pretending to be a suitor. He made it to the early stages of rage over a very small disagreement (because he couldn’t make me understand his twisted logic about why he was right and I was wrong) before I got up and left which I could tell he wasn’t expecting. Narcs can only narc when they have an audience and it ain’t me anymore.
Sometimes you just get punished for being there. Usually when you get punished you jump into thinking "what did I do wrong to deserve this?" Because that person punishing you must have something valid at hand to behave like that in such "confident" manner, right? And fast one is up to one's own defensive mechanisms again "oh, I must be bad. It must be me. I'm no good at all, I must adjust my behaviour and emotions to align with their expectations and so I can keep the bond between us strong." I used to think like that throughout my whole childhood, throughout issues with narc partners, friends, workplaces. It has always been like this "I'm gonna change, I'm gonna apologize, it's my bad, my mistake." I felt stuck. And the only way to "solve" it all was to apologize even if it wasn't me doing anything wrong. I now know that was part of the survival mode. I've just come to senses and it still feels strange to look at this topic differently because it is new. But I'm grateful that I crossed that channel which openes up my eyes on many levels even more.
All of us must learn to cultivate a stone face that gives away no emotional reaction that feeds the narc. They live to get a rise out of us. Think of how Clint Eastwood or Charles Bronson played those movie parts. This might sound silly, but I think it's being proactive on our part. "Never let them see you sweat."
This is spot on, my life for 15 years, exactly to the T, had no idea what narcissism was, thanks for the video, finally free, and never looking back, grateful everyday to live in peace, praying others find the courage to leave these toxic relationships, this is not love, demand better for yourself, you deserve it!
OMG!!! Every single thing you mentioned has happened to me in multiple relationships. It's almost like you need to record every single minute with these people because they turn everything around. It's horrific. And it seems like people are becoming increasingly narcissistic (not suddenly getting narsassistic personality disorder) but society has made it acceptable to do these horrible things and I blame social media honestly. I think social media is somehow both the best and worst thing that has happened to the world.
Same here girl, it’s so hard to let him go cause his my soulmate, and my partner knows that…. I told him that he needs counseling, or a Dr. but he says no…. That I’m crazy….
Each new video is a quiet revelation for me; since the pandemic started I've been doing loads of reflecting on my father and how he influenced my childhood. Reading articles and interfacing with other adult children of narcissists is extremely helpful, of course, but this channel in particular has been a touchstone. Just again and again, these videos help to peel back layers of unaddressed hurt--all my ignored needs, the jokes at my expense, the unreasonable expectations, the gaslighting and manipulation, everything--and while dredging up my past isn't comfortable or painless, it's definitely needed, I'm deeply thankful for the work you do, Dr. Ramani!
This has been so insightful. Has helped me to maintain my boundaries. I worry about my grandchildren who are going to be so affected by their narcissistic Mother. No contact is my boundary and I will maintain that for my sanity.
He is passive-aggressive in every sense and has been withholding his speech from me for nearly two years. I have radically accepted his behavior and realized that I have been married to a two-year-old child for over forty years. I am not afraid to leave physically because I've left him emotionally and mentally. However, I am still really sad for my daughters, who now understand what has been done to them because of what he did to me. I believe he realizes he can't punish me anymore because I really don't care, and I show him that much. He can't have empathy like me, and I refuse to allow him to turn me into an evil pretender like him. (LOL)! Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for opening my eyes to the truth about what I experienced for over forty years.
Thank you - the public humiliation is exactly as you describe … everything you said in this video is spot on … I could not articulate any of my experiences they were so horrible and painful and befuddling … thank you so much for these videos … they are therapeutic - healing - cathartic - and soothing -
My ex took me and our children Christmas shopping a few years back in a little village that we'd never been to before. I took them into a sweet/souvenir shop. When we came out he'd gone. After about half an hour of waiting around outside the shop I thought it best to find our way back to the car. We waited by the car and when he came back he shouted at me in the street.
My mother did all 9 and beyond. Growing up, she would use something we loved to hurt us when enraged - mostly by abusing and/or abandoning our pets or by abruptly ripping away anything we had an interest in. Of course, all the punishments she dealt out was “our fault”. We all grew to become very outwardly stoic and guarded adults. We learned not to show any hints of what sparked happiness/interest because it wasn’t safe to do that through childhood.
They pretend they’re calm while they try to get you to flip out. Knowing exactly what they’re doing.
The cool calm collected smirk......
Yes agree with you when other people are around they act normal
Yes !!
Yes!
Yes! That inhuman, cold smugness when they say and do whatever they can to make you lose control while appearing to be so 'in control of their emotions', which is to say what they are feeling when they are feeding off of your emotional anguish and powerlessness.
I'll add one more: they use your intimate/vulnerable moments, thoughts and feelings against you...
So true. I finally learned not to share any personal info whatsoever as it is thrown back in my face. I’ve chosen to go no contact, but if contact is necessary, best to keep it short, vague and superficial
@@Kerri7021so true
100%
That's exactly right ..and bittle my man hood...I'm good on that...but still..bs..yhanky for sharing so I know I'm not alone
Thank you..I feel so. Alone...good to know I'm not
Narcissist 9 Punishment Tactics
1. Withholding
2. Rage
3. Passive Agressive/Sulking
4. Public Humiliation
5. Smear Campaigns
6. Menace & Threats
7. Flaunting Their New Life
8. Using Money as a Weapon
9. Doing the I-Told-You-So
Finding freedom from people using these toxic tactics brings a beautiful and pleasant peace.
Thank you for taking notes
holly shit, my ex got all of them
You. Nailed. It.
Public humiliation 😂 I think I’m so use to being humiliated by my mother, so much so, I don’t have feelings anymore when she’s doing it now 🥲
Money as a weapon! Yeass!!! 🙌 all the time.. all the time.. 🥲
They punish you for crimes they committed! They never hold themselves accountable for their own actions!
I heard 2 men part of a collective talking and saying "they put it all on thing" which is a name of mine and I found out last summer what that was.
One of the hardest parts of being raised by a narcissist is that they constantly chip away at your sense of self. You grow up feeling that you can't trust your own experiences and perceptions.
That’s the worst part. Learning more and more about myself again. Praying for all of our healing.
Exactly.
trueeeee
Facts I was brought up by
mum who is a narcissist.. my trust was broken at such a young age by her and I couldn't trust other people or have my own opinion or say for many many years.. Jesus honestly saved me and she is still saying to me that I'm not really a Christian trying to be little me ever chance she gets to make me doubt myself, it's so evil.
Having had such a parent and three siblings I experienced and saw the type of damage this type of parent does short term and long term. And according to them you are the one with the problem.
My whole marriage was a punishment. He withheld affection, sex, conversation, and even eye contact. When I told him I had to leave, he threatened to cast me as "an unfit mother." Pure hell. I'm finally out.
So glad you're out. My ex also withheld sex and affection. He used sex as power over me. Deeply damaging hell. I had another that just withheld sex but not affection, so you'd be confused all the time. I know why he did it now, to get back at me for having a career while he was an unemployed bum. I wish more people would realise this. These men don't care about sex at all. It's all about power.
Well done both of you, I had all this and the one I cannot forget is the spitting in my face, I cannot believe I am free of it or that I couldn't get out sooner x
Whoa withholding eye contact is spot on. When you’re no longer useful for them, they can’t wait to get outta there. I used to think I was boring them.
They hate it when you withhold eye contact and stay calm ....
@@Startupsandsushi triangulating by love bombing the cat or dog, while withholding any recognition of your existing. Not that I’d know.
The punishment is endless in a narcissistic relationship. I have been punished all my life. I finally realized I had to leave the toxic family to save my mental health. No contact is the only way to go.
I’m an orphan by choice too.
Getting them out of your mind scape is the final battle as far as I can tell? You are not alone.
Yep. It still hurts so bad. 😪
Sad but true. Same here.
The last punishment I received was in 2018. I finally put my foot down & said I wasn't putting up with their abuse anymore.🦶 Family mobbing. They made up a bunch of 🤥 lies about me at a repast. They were jealous because I was in a new relationship & happy. After they all participated in this, they tried acting like they were surprised I cut them off.
@@CaliWeHo dont give that rotten fool the power to hurt you. He is nothing but a piece of shit. Hugs!
Life with a narcissis, not necessarily a spouse, is a special kind of hell.
The first way the narcissist punishes you is by existing.
🤣😂
😂 LOL 😂
Oh that's good!!!!!
However, very sad but...
VERY true.
👉💯 💔 💯👈
Ahhhh. Dark humor. My fav. Thank you.
😂😂😂
And by giving you life. 😮
The self-pity was everything. "Woe is me" was his calling card and he always had something to whine about to deflect from criticism.
Yup, that was my husband. Made remarks like "you and the kids gang up on me" or "no one here likes me I guess"
"I'm always the bad guy" Thin skinned and airing of grievances.
"I have ANXIETY!" "This isn't GOOD for my ANXIETY!" -- My mother.
I knew well, a covert malicious victim, too
It's so annoying when it happens especially when people don't get it they're doing it on purpose but people who don't understand won't get it and you and up looking like the bad person because you're being mean or unreasonable etc
After my narcissist destroyed me, I was crying to much I lost my job. I was living in my car. I wanted to die. Everyone tried to comfort me by saying, "He never really loved you", and that just made it worse, after all that, he paraded his new love: younger, prettier, blonder, more education, and told everyone that she was his "true love". It so destroyed me. Everybody was so happy for him. It took years to get over that. Now I am SO GLAD that devil-incarnate is out of my life.
You deserve better and didn't need that crazy energy in life. I am wishing the best for you. I'm sorry that you even went through that.
Narcissist are demons straight up
They are the devil incarnate. Especially the men.
May you heal and live happily.😊
I am glad you left him, narcissists are not good set of people. Great cheater frame up stories for their reason of cheating😂😂😂 I hope you fine a new an comfortable husband.
You don't even have to do anything at all for a narcissist to punish you. They can have ongoing campaigns behind your back trying every way they can to harm you.
They lash out for no reason. They start an argument so they can put on the defense, and then say " What's the matter with you ? "They look for ways to start an argument so you'll defend yourself. They bully with intimidation. My husband began these behaviors 3 months after our wedding. I had to ask for intimacy, and he became increasingly indifferent towards me; withholding affection and information. It was very gradual. He would be volatile if I questioned how I felt. He lied to me from the very beginning about having a child. He repeatedly denied having a child, even though I knew the truth. He enjoyed shaming me for something in my past Before I even knew him. He would never tell Me anything about his life when I asked him directly. He was very evasive about anything I asked him. It was like a little game for him withholding information from me. He would try to intimidate me by standing in my immediate space and looking at me peering over his glasses with raised eyebrows. I would just look at him like - "What's Your problem?". He knew he didn't get away with intimidating me at that particular time. He would speak to me undermining me like I didn't understand or like he was trying to explain something to me like a child. He made demeaning remarks. Most of the time I just didn't react because I knew he was looking for a confrontation. But he liked to Try to pick an argument. Most of the time, I just didn't react and ignored it. I figured it wasn't worth trying to defend myself because it was just a game he played. And I didn't like confrontation either. I would do anything to avoid an argument, because I've always been a peacemaker my whole life in all of my relationships. Sometimes if tried to start an argument, I would apologize and say, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."
Edit: so they can put 'you' on the defense.
Agree-pulled out of a family vacation for no reason at all. There will not be another invite.
I cannot thank you enough for helping me understand my 23 year marriage. I’m still recovering from wounds I didn’t understand. These videos help so much.
These videos are really eye opening.
Best of luck for your healing. One day at a time
@@melissapereira9879 ❤️ Thank you. It’s been two years now with no contact, and each week brings a little more strength.
Jesus. Mine was a 23-year-old mess also. I had to look to make sure that it wasn't me writing your comment April. Oh boy. We're both survivors but you sometimes wonder. But what the hell.
@@gailremp8389 Funny, I thought the same thing about another commenter. It makes me feel sad, but also understood, to see that I’m not alone. Unfortunately, we’re in a club that none of us wanted to join.
A Narcissist is cruel! They have ABSOLUTELY NO EMPATHY! The lies they tell to cover their actions is astounding and unfortunately they are extremely good at fooling others. Unless you are the target, it’s hard to get just how evil these people really are…prayers for all who suffer from Narcissistic Abuse. Trying to navigate their behavior and deal with them is an enormous challenge and difficult to survive 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
The only one in my family who understands my problems with dealing with a narc is my sister who has lived with the a whole (sic) for over 25 years. After some major surgery she had me stay at her house for three days. Her husband was as rude as he could be. Fortunately he is dying of cancer and refused to undergo any more treatment. He should have died 20 years ago but refused to stop breathing. His daughters tell me they have no idea who will attend his funeral...
That's actully not true. They HAVE empathy... the true thing is they DON'T WANT TO FEEL empathy or behave in an appropriate way. It's to HARD and BORING for them. Why do you think they are great at manipulating? - bc they know how the person feel or think about sth! They use their empathy for bad and they don't want to use their conscience. Instead they just let their (negative) feelings run free. Imo their mind is rotten
I agree with you about narcissist's being cruel and having absolute no empathy . I have experienced that cruelty myself , its the most horrible experience I had with a men.
my Sibling alwaYs advised" dress up for a great restaurant" before his PUBLIC HUMILIATIONS ( thanks, bro)
Yeah I dated a narcissist & I tell u what he tried all these💩 of me, however I turned it around & he didn’t like it!! I don’t back down to no one!! Period…👍
They are very sarcastic, so anytime I read on a dating profile that they are sarcastic, it feels like a huge redflag. All you say is true, they punish you like a narcissistic parent would do💔 Thank you for this Dr.Ramani, very validating and educational as always💖
Oh my gosh, yes! It's the passive aggressively veiled contempt so nothing can ever be solved, you can't confront them, and they've got the upper hand at all times. Maddening.
Yes! My ex was proud that he was sarcastic! He almost considered it a virtue 😩
@@tionnatiara06 Yes, it feels awful💔
Yea sarcasm in itself to me is a red flag unless used in jokes. It’s pure passive aggression, usually by covert narcs. I’ve also noticed while dating, girls in particular who type in all lower case letters and have that sarcastic tone, just stay away ahahaha
My Narc husband is on match. Got on about three weeks after I left. His profile is pure fantasy. Be careful on those dating apps.
I told a narcissistic person in my life that I felt bullied by their actions, not that they were a bully, mind you. They responded by going full on scorched earth trying to ruin my life and then did the shocked Pikachu face when I cut them off for good. My anxiety has vastly improved since then!
I've done that recently and they've gone all revenge on me, blame shifted, flying monkeys,silent treatment, ignoring me. Passive aggressiveness,
Same here - showed herself to be absolutely vile and tried everything she could to ruin my life.
She failed miserably and I’m now remarried and couldn’t be happier.
Tell them a sure way to go to hell being one
It's like Pokémon cards. Once we know how they Play the game....we have a hidden card up the sleeve.
Which is to just leave the relationship/job/friendships/church/clique/ whatever.
True friends always come back around.❤❤❤
@@willriley6964I am so happy for you 🎉
This video is sickeningly true. As uncomfortable as I feel watching this I’m glad I did. The withholding is the worst for me. Especially when they give it to others right in front of you. But then turn it off when they see you.
Yes I agree - that is so painful to see that they are almost instantly disgusted when it’s time to just be one on one with us! Or at least in my experience his whole demeanor changes and he’s instantly sour! It hurts so much to be disliked by the one u love esp when u haven’t done anything but be good to them! There’s no way to win!
my partner would watch me cry and beg for him because i was in pain and then instead he would cuddle and kiss the dog ...
When you withhold affection, positive comments, touch etc. to your child, you aren’t a parent: You’re a monster. Children are well aware by the time they’re 3 without the care and protection of their parents they would perish. Personality disordered people who refuse treatment should have their children removed from their care.
@Lily M Schons I don’t know your situation but sometimes when they give you the silent treatment and block you it’s a good time for you to leave the relationship. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. It’s hurtful and childish of a brown adult to behave this way.
@@irishout2869 My husband triangulates me with the dog as well. He'll give an overly obnoxious "HEY BUDDY!" when the dog walks in the room and not even acknowledge my presence. When I brought up how that hurt me he began sulking and eventually raging at me with an explosion of insults by the end of the day. He then tried to use financial abuse directly after. He filled so many boxes of this video in one day it's scary.
I’m a narcissist and I’ve watched almost all her videos to improve myself to stop. I never knew I was until I was told I was. I can be aware of what I’m doing so I can control myself when I’m on the act. You can control it as long as you want to change within yourself and sometimes you do lash out but all you can is be aware, learn from it and control it.
Thanks for being honest b/c most ppl are in major denial/cog diss. If others had a greater sense of self-awareness, we'd be a much better society. Admitting you have a prob is half the battle instead of blame-shifting. Keep staying open and aware and keep changing and evolving.
I truly believe we all have those tendencies, however if you have the self awareness to be able to stop yourself from behaving that way, you may not be an actual narcissist
I was told that I was a narcissist; it was classic gaslighting by a narcissist. You feel that it's you that's the problem, and it's you that needs to change, and you are the reason everyone's unhappy. If you do feel responsible, it's probably not you that's the narcissist.
Wow, you are very brave to admit it - everyone has it in them to hurt people or lash out, but narcissistic people enjoy it, and take pleasure in hurting others, who they are supposed to love.
@@ogtfromthefirstep1459 I agree with this. A real narc will never ever ever admit to being one. This is the foundational core issue of what a narc is. Unless you have a psychologist diagnose you with narcissism, it’s highly unlikely for someone to watch a video on it and then leave a comment saying “I’m a narcissist”.
What I have found though, is that those who grew up in households w a narc, will often start to behave like one in order to protect themselves in that environment, and it becomes trauma of someones personality or they were actually gaslighted in to feeling like one FROM AN ACTUAL Narcissist!
Feeling guilt for behaving a certain way is definitely not a character trait of a narc. I can almost guarantee you that if they walked into a psychologists office and said “I’m a narcissist”, the Dr would say “well, given that you just admitted to being one, probably means that you aren’t.”
Oh gosh, so true. And so many “small” ways that a narcissist does punish. Over time, you get numbed by it all.
But they think that you’re the one punishing them when you fight back. One or two isolated incidents that may or may not have happened (and if they did had a bloody-good explanation fo them) becomes in their eyes. ‘how long is s/he going to keep punishing us for? Why so full of anger and resentment?’ It’s stuff like that, if anything, (picking on the final scabs of those isolated, misperceived retributive incidents for weeks and months afterwards) that prolongs the process. Ultimately I have no sympathy for narcissists when they get a taste of their own medicine. They deserve all that and much more.
It's true. About nine years into my relationship with my abusers (malignant narcissists who were alcoholics) as a child, I was eventually stripped of all emotion at 11 years old, and I haven't felt anything since. That was just their rage punishment in a 3-hour long "session" of verbal and psychological attacks....
They stop touching you and or stop communicating unless you are staying within that narrow band of acceptable behaviors...
It is beyond my comprehension that a person would find someone who is full of light and happiness, and decide pretend to love them, draw them in, and then systematically destroy them, for the sheer fun of it. It has happened to be over and over. I did not know it was "narcissism", and I after being destroyed by one, I fell for the love bombing of the next. I am so glad for Dr. Ramani cracking the code for me.
So, true. 💔
It's the worst feeling ever...
I am so sorry for what you went through; I can certainly relate. In my situation (s) looking back I think that it wasn't the thrill of the game; I think in my case, it was a 'knowing and affirmation' of control that gave them the dopamine release. They didn't give two shits about US.. they felt a sense of power because the more they hurt us; the more it fed their own inadequacy. The man who later became my ex-husband totally yelled and tried to humiliate me in a high-end department store because I was 'just browsing '. He yelled at me telling me I was wasting my/his time because I couldn't afford these items. He was basically causing a scene. I remained quiet and in the car I politely told him that all the people were feeling sorry for me because they all thought HE was the asshole. He NEVER, EVER, even gave that a second thought. Humiliating me was first and foremost.
They REALLY only love themselves...(SORTA). People who are comfortable in their own skin are targets, cuz they resent your energy being effortless and appreciated by others.
Their insincerity & insecurity is THEIR burden. Your lack of these traits RANKLES them. 🤬
They really have to win at all costs- all costs. 😢
I don't think that most narcissists get up in the morning and think: "Oh ! The time has come to destroy my partner's life !". If they did so, they would be psychopaths or sociopaths. I don't think that's how it works at all with narcissists. What ends up destroying their partner is generally subconscious defense mechanisms that come into play in the relationship. Narcissists (and bordelines for that matter) have not chosen to be such. It happened to them when they were kids and they're stuck with this s**t for their entire lifetime. It makes it impossible for them to have a normal, loving relationship and it's sad. Sad for those who suffer from their inability to love, and sad for themselves.
I don't believe either that they are pure monsters and evil 24/7. They can be loving and caring at times, and probably genuinely so. It's probably as far as they can go relationshipwise. Unlike the bordeline, the narcissist doesn't feel his (her) pain but the pain is there, subconscious and serious.
I don't like how we qualify them all over the internet, as if they were pure monsters. They are, for the most part, the innocent victims of the dysfunctional environment and parents they grew up in and with. We blame them for having no empathy, but what kind of empathy do we show when we forget these simple truths and judge them just as severely as they judge us ?
This video is so validating. I think it's hard for people to understand what it's like to walk on eggshells around someone who plays games with your mind and your emotions unless they've been through it. I felt emotionally triggered by this one and found myself reliving the emotions I felt during some of the punishments I endured. I clearly have more healing work to do.
You are correct about peoples lack of understanding. The things that the narc does takes people a lot to wrap their head around. I wish you well on your journey to healing and finding peace. You deserve this.
@@rebeccaletford2611 thank you for the compassionate and validating response. I wish you well on your journey also!
I had such a loving relationship with my husband that it was difficult for me to understand how people could say they love you one minute and treat you like crap the next. My narc sister didn't hesitate to explain to me that "it would be to my advantage not to talk to certain people" because they'd only treat me badly and then turn right around and give me the silent treatment (for weeks) that left me starved for contact with other people. I've often wondered what narcissists get out of the mind games they play. Guess they'll never know how much others are hurting since they can't feel any real emotions of their own.
I get it because I have been through it. SHE does everything she can to cause upheaval. SHE lives to punish and gain control. I've never seen such a sick, perverted woman in my life. SHE is every depicted, twisted, soap opera female rolled into one. I rue the day she slithered into our lives like the serpent in the Garden of Eden!
Most of us have probably been through it and worse or we wouldn't be either reading it or responding.
you have to cut yourself off from them emotionally. the minute you do that it will all make sense. they want to destroy you. its an awful thing. praying for all victims to see the light and demand a better life.
You’re spot on! My own mother told me she didn’t care what happened to me, or if I ever had a home, that she would leave me nothing because she wanted me to have nothing and she made a will to cut me out. At the end, it all worked out without getting anything because final freedom from her is priceless! Punished no more!
As I said before, demanding a better life only made it worse, as they change their attitude to making you feel as if it's all your own fault. This one loved animals but could be brutally cruel to pets for no reason.
you are so right. I have yet to receive a thank you or nice job or delicious for any thing. Now that I realize there is no capacity to give feedback of any kind, or talk intelligently and communicate in a two way fashion, because it does not exist, the reality is much much easier to deal with.
The one I met told me he won’t sacrifice his happiness for mine and he wants me to sacrifice mine for him
He’s so full of endless conditions
If not that am a strong Willed person
An Aries to be precise
I could have ended up miserable
He was slowly detaching me from my family without me noticing it
I did that but it took more years than it should have because they have incredible charm and let"s face it, if it's a spouse, you still love the b*****d. Why is that?
I just left my narcissistic husband on Feb 6 after 5 years of hell as he started abusing me physically in addition to mentally, emotionally and financially. Now he has to deal with law enforcement. I'm FINALLY FREE! Watching your videos is helping me from going back to him. Whenever I feel weak, I watch your videos. Your channel is one of 2 channels I watch on TH-cam daily on Narcissism. Thank you so much for your TH-cam channel!
I am so happy for you! You are a brave woman. Don't go back no matter what. It will only get worse and ruin your life. There are normal people out there that will give you a happy life.
Dina, listen to my song, Deena. Its on my album " Robin Fox I See Stars The Trance Album " I hope you are like Deena and me, strong and happy! Thanks
Please never ever go back to anyone who physically hit you and if he was narcissistic, please stay away forever. I am sorry to hear what you had to go through. They don't change. My friend of 30 years, a narcissist, I had to exit from friendship this month, as she claimed she changed 7th time and she didn't.
I'm so relieved to hear that you got away from that monster.
I was in a 5 year relationship with a narc...The Stress is ... always.
59 and single and staying that way.
I might adopt a rescue 🐈 though.
@@pamelahaze3211 Congrats! So Proud of you to wall away after 5 years of living with a Narc. and Yes, why not adopt a Rescue 🐈and enjoy the Unconditional Love they give us all.
I was always wonder why my relationship is so distance, we could never communicate and my issues never bother them. I felt like I was all alone the entire relationship.
I've been married to one for 22 years and all that time have been on my own there never has been any relationship just punishment
Yes. I became accustomed to being ignored as a newlywed. As if, this was a normal marriage.
I feel you
@@lindawise5546 me too. After just 15 months I left.
Yes I’ve been going through with this as well. I feel it’s some type of disconnection to still be entangled with other people. They are never fully engaged in the relationship or only at the love bombing face
I almost think it's time for permanent trigger warnings in these videos. 😵💫
When Ramani said that "a narcissist punishes you for expressing a need, for questioning their inappropriate behaviour or for giving them feedback" - it all felt eerily recognizable for me. The memories it brought back made me feel physically ill. 🥴 In the end, the rage, the gaslighting, the awful double standards and having to walk on eggshells leave you a nervous wreck.
Maybe it's the wine talking, but this one hit close to home for me, and I think I need more wine now... ☺
Point is: listen to your gut, everybody! And heed the early red flag-warnings! ❤
Wise words .
I remind myself it’s an adult body being run by someone with the emotional scape of petulant 2 year old.
@@The-Finisher Haha! A very good (and useful!) analogy. 😁🙌
Very very wise words
These videos are so good, but I agree, are hard to watch because they are recognizable!!! I say exclaim “EXACTLY “ or “That’s RiGhT”!!. Peace and healing to you!
I am sick about them. They are everywhere. Double standards people. Difficult to deal with. Pushing your buttons every single time when they get the chance. To be permanently an guard is exhausting.
My ex is a sociopath, but I once had a boss who is a narc.
Idk which was worse but they both were bad in different ways.
Yup! It’s crazy but I’m learning not to give them ANY energy!
I feel this as well. But on the other hand I'm like, shit am I just a hyper-vigilant, paranoid narcissist? I believe everyone is out to get me. And because I'm tired of conflict I shut down alot = silent treatment. So confused about my shitty behaviour.
Double standard...YES! Narc boss leaves everyone else to do as they please but every move I make is a direct order, then follow up to make sure I did it, then criticism how I did it, then order to redo it.....in front of everyone to add to the humiliation. Boss turns a blind eye to everyone else.
So true
I just flee’d from my husband yesterday. It still feels surreal.
It is a mega journey. I am six months out. And just barely beginning to move forward
Stay where you are.. your free
I have a narcissistic sister, father and husband they are so predictable it’s almost funny. God save us mortal beings from these evil ones.
Oh bless your heart ☹️. And I thought a narc MIL was bad...
And im struggling with just one already......
I have 3 as well. Not funny at all though. I’m struggling.
Bless your heart. Nothing funny about that but it is predictable
Feels like we're all outnumbered in our own families
Oh my goodness, yes! Punishment is their "A" game. Delineating types of punishment really helps clarify what I've been through. I sooo appreciate you, Dr. Ramani. Glad you're feeling better. 😊
It can really be difficult to be around this personality.
Their VERBAL abuse is much worse than physically being hit. He NEVER hit me, but his words killed me inside.
Dr. Ramani is extremely passionate about helping us to escape narcissism!
I could tell, over the last few weeks, that she was not feeling well.
I am glad you are getting better, Dr. Ramani.
You look like you are feeling MUCH BETTER!
@@taramoonshadow363
So true; we feel validated each time we listen to her. She never disappoints us as we wait daily for her content. Amazing how she kept going through the last week though she might have been indisposed.
and then if you beg them not to do something in public because it embarrasses you, it's almost as if they take you wanting them not to do it as a suggestion TO do it because you saved them the effort of trying to figure out if it can hurt you or not...they are know it will work and is a sure thing to use as a punishment method. Then they will cry and play the victim if you even HINT at suspecting that they did it on purpose...
Narcs want to know your boundaries so they can violate them.
They like the feeling of hurting you. They cannot talk about things. They take you, as if you are challenging them.
I’m done with the narcs in my life. Zero contact is the way to go.
Ouch. I experienced this and the toll on my self esteem was huge. The worst part was the justification and gaslighting to make me feel crazy. This is absolutely sinister!!!
Yup. Sinister is a perfect description. Sneaky. Conniving. Hidden attacks. Two faced. I got the gaslighting today. The attack was just my imagination, says the narc.
I went through gaslighting for years but didn't know it. It was only last year I found out.
Been there too....they are evil. There's no other way to describe it. Sorry it happened to you as well. Nobody deserves it.
This is SO validating. I feel like you have a camera in my home. It’s not a fun life. At least I know it’s not just me.
Maybe watch some more of Dr. Ramani’s videos
It's definitely not just you , change it , be free. I also watch Paula on narc con. And every day I watch something from her or Dr ramani and it keeps me strong and free ,❤️
I experienced all n lots more from my narc ex husband..he broke my spirit...thank God I left quickly
Amen
Talk about it my ex left me with PTSD then my brother a few years later has everyone against me and I'm trapped. Only option is to leave and I can't talk to anyone I live with about it because they think I'm the bad one. It really sucks and hurts so bad
I will never understand why a person would chose to spend so much energy to create misery. I often wonder rather imagine all the things I could enjoy instead of playing the narcissist’s game. It’s like children having fun playing tea party and the narcissist shows up with their razor blade chess game and says “Nah we’re playing this game”
They enjoy it, its fun for them. My father would get excited like a little kid when there was trouble he could exploit. It's really sick.
I just got out of an 18 year relationship with a narcissist.Your videos have really helped me understand what was happening all this time and also help me deal with the aftermath of the relationship.Its one year later and I am lonely but happy and finding myself again. My kids, friends and family keep me going.
This sounds like my life. My parents played all of these games and (surprise!) I married a covert narcissist who did the same. I thought it was status quo. After my husband passed and my parents were long dead, I found out these are not true in good relationships. Now if I have a friend or date somebody who gives my red flags, they are gone. Thanks for making the world a better place!
I’m sorry you had to go through that.
They’re all similar but so different it gets cpnfusing
I can so relate to this. I’m 53 and my dad discarded me again, but this is the first time I didn’t feel like it was my fault. I’m gaining self esteem being away from him now. I’m so sorry that you didn’t have the loving parents that you deserved. ❤️
Most people that are brought up in abuse either become abusers or they marry someone who continues the abuse. :(
We marry what we grow up under. We grow up feeling it’s normal. Eventually thank God we see the light through education and videos like this.
This perfectly descriptive video makes me feel better. Because naming this emotionally violent behavior from a narcissist kind of validates my experiences, and the way I felt being around her. She's with another guy now and I'm still trying to get over this chapter while conducting myself like a calm, focused gentleman. How nice it would have been to actually have been loved. Instead of terrorized.
Amen!
Well said!🙏😊
I hear you, Kenneth.
Yes sadly true..
Terrorized is how I’ve been describing myself. You’re wise to stay as you are. My husband always tried to lure me in and to stoop to his level. Self-control was hard! Narcissistic fleas are a drag, and I always tell myself that “No one can keep me from being me.”. I don’t want to be vengeful, but terror it was. Best to you.
This woman literally described my whole life situation 😂 I have to laugh to keep from crying. It's really a sad situation.
“This woman” lol
I’m right here with you!!
Sorry Amber...love you sweetheart in Jesus Name.
Same here I wish I never got married.
@@BeautifulJess19 It's hard, impossible even, to do it but if there's any way you can leave the situation, do so. I didn't and the longer I stayed the worse was the psychological damage. But, before you do, think carefully about whether it's right or not. If you have children, remember a bad, destructive marital environment is worse for them in the long run. Just be sure in your own mind.
My ex ALWAYS made jokes publicly and would also share things I told him in confidence. I finally kept things to myself! The rage and threats started when I got a divorce lawyer.
My ex always uses women to dancing makes me jealousy and one of his longer times partner to lood laughter to annoys me when they dancing close to me! What can I do ?
The worst part is they punish you for all the wrong things they did to you
Punish you for figuring them out.. punish you for not bowing to their toxic system.. punish you for holding them accountable.. punish you for the truth.. punish you for not letting them exploit you.. punish you for telling them no.. punish you because they are jealous of your light.. punish you because you rise legitimately and they don’t.. punish you for not admiring them or their life.. punish you for their faults.. punish you for setting boundaries.. for flourishing after they left or removed you and expected you to be miserable ..
Yep, projective identification
You nailed it! There’s no end to reasons they will find to punish u!! It’s exhausting and soul burning!
Yes, yes, yes, I’ve experienced all that from my ex-narc 😢
Omgosh 👍
They do it and punish you!!
Yessss all of this!
the verbal rages were awful and terrifying. Even as I opened the front door from work. Or trapping me in a room and raging at me for 45 mins or hours non stop. no one believed it wasnt just shouting or temper even friends. Always in the house or car never outside or in front of anyone. I feel for anyone going through that its horrific.
I agree we ( mother and daughter ) have experienced this for 6 year and now both have CPTSD diagnosed. React completely abnormlly with the slightest hint of conflict now and start shaking
my sons and i survived this, but in relaying the abuse, some people didn't believe, but luckily for us, who really mattered did believe and helped us through it all. it always happend at home in the wee hours of the morning, i/we could not have a peaceful nights rest. We are doing ok now.
THAT is the most infuriating part. They KNOW they are doing wrong and can CHOOSE to control themselves. I believe the word is "premeditation".
Yup
Yes!! The eggshells! What finally made me leave was that it started leaking out of the house to the driveway one day when he called my daughter a little bitch just like me. I knew it right there, after 4 years of it. It hit me. If I don’t leave now, it’s going to get physical and I’m damaging my daughter every second I stay.
My covert narc was a champion at withholding and giving me silent treatment. He knew it was the worst he could do to me. My attempts to improve our communication got lost in the void or were (on good days) met with either false hopes or (on bad days) with word salad. I've never experienced him rage, most of the time he came across as rather calm, cold and collected. I was the one who ended up getting upset (sad or angry) and then he took that to go "all in" on gaslighting, blame-shifting and weaponizing mental illness.
Same.
🎯
Resonates!
You said it! Thank you!!💜🙏💜
Pls don't take this the wrong way & I mean you no harm, but ppl w/ BPD are also narcs - a form of it you have b/c ALL forms of mental illness involves deep selfishness b/c you're lost inside your head trying to figure out who you are, so you overly focus on yourself b/c you're always trying to find yourself. Your condition has symptoms that strongly overlap w/ narcs: The unstable relationships and mood swings; the unstable identity and not much sense of self-awareness; the back and forth, push-pull dynamic of your ambivalence and indecisiveness b/c you don't know who you are or what you want; the Jeckyl-Hyde splitting and dissociating w/the binary black vs white thinking; the transferring of blame to others b/c of your fear of abandonment and rejection which brings about a lack of responsibility while you play the victim act to avoid being rejected or even slightly criticized. These are just a few of the main features of BPD.
The constant hell BPD ppl put us all through w/ your high-level drama games is exhausting beyond belief. Pls stop & take a closer look in the mirror - you're playing the victim here again in this comment acting like it's all someone else but what do you do to others? BPD is a very messy cluster B disorder and takes yrs and yrs of therapy to work it out. Are you doing DBT for therapy? If not, you should try it. I know some folks who had great success w/ it - those who really wanted to grow and change and to level up their stance as 'victim' to 'abusee'. (Ok to say you were an 'abusee' of an 'abuser' but to stay a perpetual victim is not a place of strength)
My mom and gma and brother have all had BPD all their lives and went untreated & I was the scapegoat-empath who survived them all, so I am well-versed about the damage done by a narc-borderline.
It's taking me many many yrs to heal and is a lifelong journey so when you commented like this, I'm sorry but I just had to call out the wild contradictions. Hope you get the help you need & deserve but you're not being fair in your assessments of narcs and mental illness. Pls read and study up on this more b/c you're lacking much insight if this comment represents your view on this. Peace and PROPER education go together to bring balance as one does not preclude or negate the other.
My sister had been murdered, one night while eating dinner short after her death I started to cry, my husband said to me “What happened a fly just drop dead”. Right in front of my children.
When my mom passed away, he was on a company medical event in California. I had to call a private number to get in touch with him. The person had to take the message and have him call me back. When he called I said , “ My mom died, you need to come home”. He said, “ I can’t come home, I just got here yesterday”. I told him” if you treat me the way you did my sister died, I will divorce you !!! He came home, I had been at the funeral home. I hear some laughter in the back of the room. I turned around to look, he was there talking to family members. He never came up to me while standing at the casket, never came to me, telling me he was there, he never comforted me at all. I was so hurt.
Yes !!! I did divorce him after 25 yrs. of marriage.
He sounds like what my ex husband did to me after my mother died. He is a physician. I divorced him after 20 years of sheer torture
My mother died after suffering for a year, I had to travel 10 hours to another state to care for her. Narc husband came with me at first, but he drove my poor mother crazy so I sent him home for 3 months. After he left I ended up in the hospital for a week. He is so needy and I am tired of his whining and anger. Divorcing very soon!!!
Holy shit, so disgusting. I am very happy for you, that you finally got away from this icecold person!
OMG. I am so sorry . This sounds like my narcissist. My son died and the narcissist played it down.
My mom murdered my dad 3 yrs a go . My nark ex only cared about his shoes . Got very good counseling i moved on went to college ..I learned to move on im not responble dor my narks opinion ..guess what blocking is easy😅
Energy never never lies....you can't hide what is in your heart....
So true. You can't forget when someone shows their true colors
True
VIDEO IDEA: Please consider doing a video speaking in-depth about the difference between when an empath turns off their emotions around someone that is emotionally abusive or someone with whom they do not feel loved and the cold heart of a narcissist.
Really enjoying your videos- Thank you! 🌷
@T C
Yes that’s such an interesting idea!
@@LuzDeMariposita Thanks. 😊 I hope she decides to do it.
The difference is that you want to disengage with a narcissist. It is the narc who chases you and hoovers you with cycles of abuse. One second so loving, and the next one trashing you and insulting you badly. It is very different. You avoid bad people. That does not mean you turn off your emotions off. You must have tried many times. The two kinds of behaviors are very different. Also you do not project your behaviors onto other people, if you are an empath, whereas narcs project. You try to make them happy. They are waiting for next cycles to abuse you again and again. It would be very different because you don't turn off your emotions, you seek to disengage and avoid so that person can have all the shows for themselves. You don't want to be in it.
Yes please
@@learningenglishthroughtran8540 That might be your experience, however, mine is different. I did turn my emotions off around that abusive person so that they would no longer have the power to hurt me. I did not turn them off in general, just with that abusive person that I could not avoid.
I constantly oscillate between believing if my recent ex is narcissistic or not but this video is confirmation that he is. Over 10 years I received nearly every form of punishment listed in this video. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
With these people if you have an ounce of doubt wavering back-and-forth, the answer is yes. Just to let you know. That's after 23 years with one of these. And a mom that was very narcissistic. So the answer is yes. Run run like the wind.
Yep woman I know is sulking scheming 6year old petulant toddler, just nasty.
‘We Are What We Repeatedly Do’ ~ Aristotle
Have you read Sociopath Free? I need to again.
Congratulations on getting free!
It's important to remember that narcissists can dish it out but can't take it. They're also not usually creative. Having a come back for their go to jab then staying calm while they throw their tantrum has been very effective on them in my experience.
I have this with my whole family. Being on the receiving end of punishment is a way of life.
Can you minimize contact with them?
After I admitted to my adult children that I don't want to be in the same house as my ex then being often excluded in favor of my narcsissistic exes during family gatherings like birthdays, Christmas etc. is hard too.
Same
I don’t know what I would do without you Dr Romney. Divorcing my narcissist after 30 years of marriage, I am still paying for my discovery of his narcissism in the end of my expected future.
Liz, I'm right there with you... mine was ONLY 49 years of marriage .
I understand your plight.
god bless you:) her name is spelled ramani ....
I understand exactly how you feel 41 years for me, it was always going to get better when...... nope never, been no contact for 5 years it's amazing having true peace in my life! My little unit (rented) is such a safe place to be. I'm even learning how to make decisions for myself without conflict etc. Just remember you are Lovable and Capable! We are strong, that's why they choose us.
I so hear you Liz, 33yrs for me. When your made to feel, that everything you say, do, think and feel is wrong..you stop talking, doing, thinking clearly, I was so mixed up I couldn't hear my body..didn't no how I felt... 19mnths since he left, I'm slowly getting stronger, starting to really see him for the person he was/is.
Dr Ramani like normal is spot on, thank goodness for her, her insight, her compassion, we need more people I this world like her.
33 years, 13:years free of it.
Hard for me to trust.
The silent treatment is the one I've experienced the most. Most times I never learned what I did wrong in their eyes. I also got the passive aggressive Facebook posts that were clearly shots at me even though she's the one who cheated and sabotaged the relationship. It's a surreal experience when you're in the middle of it.
It’s not surreal if you listen to all the stories here it’s the same BS they are pulling off. It’s not even gender specific. Stay away from crazy ppl. Take care. (The best learning vs what they do is look into your childhood, they need you one knee down all day, so they gain control, this is how they elevate themselves, they already know this is going to be a failure, so they already move on.) Blame others, Guilt trip you, and shame. (Meanwhile, they are the perpetrator.) And if you’re not careful you’re the one looking like the mad guy.
What's wrong in their eyes... isn't even reality.
@@Bluemoon-sd8vp The funny part, you can already hear them sigh out of tiredness again, are you still talking about that? They are annoyed 24/7 if you want any accountability out of them for their actions. Crazy stuff.
I would maybe unfriend them from Facebook
@@M.j.7 block em!
Absolutely on the button, I experienced this, especially the silent treatment, went on for months, my sense of self vanished, as I was in fear of him, his moods fluctuated, I was on egg shells, then decided to get out, then when I did he bombarded me with love letters, I did not take any notice, I stripped the house of what I wanted, when he was away, with the help of a friend. And have never looked back, my personality has come back, the fear has gone, & have never been more content & independent. I’m mow again. 👏
This video finally made me realize my wife of 15 years is a narcissist. I've watched multiple videos of examples, and many of them fit her. This one is hauntingly the "BINGO" moment for me. The kicker is that I am a mental health counselor in training in my final year of grad school. It took 7 years of higher learning to finally realize I am not crazy. Thank you.
im just having this realisation now too....
sigh what aninsecure dumbass Ive been
I just got destroyed folks.
I knew my x was a narcissist, but I see now more signs of it.
@@anuragtyagi9764 how? You okay?
Shes abusive not necessarily a narcissist. Treating these words as synonyms is dangerous.
When you said that it becomes a game for them I remembered what my narc mom said when I went even more grey rock and she got frustrated. She told me "Is this a game for you, do you want to win?". That was so funny because for me it was just survival but for her was an unbearable game and she was anxious because she thought she was not winning
I think it was a game to her and she was projecting in that question
@@5Demona5 absolutely
Oh... good catch!
Narcs, shallow since the beginning of time.
They perceptions make everything a game, and they always have to win.
Wow! A word for word description of my former life. I’m a 10 year survivor of 30 years of this. I covertly prepared my escape for years and did it. Scariest thing I’ve ever done left with nothing but my soul. I am fine it can be done.
Thank you. This is inspiring.
You were lucky. I went from the frying pan straight into the fire. Nobody to even tell about what was happening, being the only child of a widowed mother who simply didn't want me. A grandmother, alcoholic and cruel and her baby son, spoilt and full of jealousy towards me. Oh, it's all there. A violent and unloved childhood that may have been different had my father not died so young, Twenty one yrs).I'm still paying the price for it, decades later.
I left after 17 years of the same thing. I thank God I left.
How long did you plan? What was the first step? Thank you.❤👈
Where did you GO?
The people who are raised by narcissists I give my heart to you. Because that's all you know from when you were a baby it takes a strong person to break away from that especially since its parents
💯
I am almost free of the narc. Nil to no-contact. It took a long time. The narc is my dad. I am 59 and don't live with him. His loss, not mine.
My wife's mum is a narcissist. Currently trying to help her understand the abusive behavior
It was easy for me. I knew something wasn't right. I start googling the way my mom acted and found out about narcissism it described her. when I was 17, I left, and she actually told me she didn't want me to move away and forget about her. I spent years away from her. only to come back to visit and she acted the same the second she saw me. I just laughed and ignored her as soon as I left. didn't call or text her for years I was the happiest I've ever been knowing I got away from her. Ended up moving back and it was hell and drama and now I'm about to move again and stay gone this time. I have a baby and she is always trying to use her to piss me off. Every time I tell her not to do something with my baby, she does it anyway. she doesn't know I'm leaving in a few weeks. planning it Everday. I do not want my baby around her. she ever taught her how to spit on ppl!
❤WHAT THE HELL TYPE OF DOCTOR ARE YOU? FULL OF CHIT ❤WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS BLANKETING AN ISSUE THAT MAY COVER VARIETIES OF ISSUES ... FULL OF CRAP ❤NOT A DOCTOR❤ FULL OF BAD ADVICE
Wow had to listen to this video twice (so far).... Now thinking back I understand why my second husband would stand or sit back and watch me struggle with 100 lbs and never even lift a finger.... I would literally say to him "don't you see me struggling, why don't you help me". This video gave me so much clarity about all the narcissist in my life because it touched on every single person
What kind of man watches you struggle with a 100 lbs and doesn't help?! 😡 I'm sorry. They are scum.
@@user-qo3mk1ck7h yup, same man sat in the cool barn while my girlfriend and I loaded the horse trailer in 110° heat... Struggling with hay, tack trunks and other heavy equipment and never lifted a finger... My friend was so mad and mentioned it shortly after her and I pulled out the driveway..... I was so used to it I didn't even notice
@AprilWilcox Precisely my response. And now that I'm disabled even more so. Left me stranded in the Sun (suffered from heat exhaustion). Then got mad at me because I couldn't understand why he wasn't done loading the car in the shade while making me wait!?!?! WOW
@@SparkleAnBlake WOW JUST WOW
Mine would have said "you didn't ask". I learned not to say "Could you...?" because of course he could. Asking him "Would you please do....?" would either get no reply or a yes he would, but then never would do the request.
Then it came back to "you never asked me", etc.
I'm tired. I'm old and a melted puddle of confusion, anger, fear and grief. Get out while you can.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani! Your book, 'Should I Stay or Should I Go?', gave me the courage to leave. Your healing program and these daily videos are helping me dig out from an entire lifetime of narcissistic abuse (both parents and only sister), as well as every boyfriend in my past. Enough. The boundaries are drawn. A peaceful life is hopefully ahead.
What??? You literally just described my EXACT situation. Both parents, only sister and all ex boyfriends! Man, we should chat or something to help each other through this....I’ve gone no contact, my sister has poisoned my nieces (10 a,d 14) against me....I feel SO alone....
I'm totally up for that. I totally need people who also has experienced narcissistic abuse because... I feel so alone... 😔 And... Yeah.. I definitely need more narc abuse survivors around me
@@CobraDove1111 I just saw these replies now. I don't often comment.
I feel for you. You came to the right place for healing. I hope you know about Dr. Ramani's healing program. It's quite good.
Sending you a big virtual hug and wishes for a bright future.
And speaking of “money”. My step mom made sure she went against my dads “revocable trust” which divided all assets equally between four daughters and gave my portion to her own daughter to “manage” for me. Looking back over my life she was horrified at the thought of me having anything but the bare necessities. Yet thanked me that at the young age of 15 I went to work to buy my own clothes, shoes, toiletries and lunches at school. For “saving” them money!
Geez! It’s amazing how my husband and step mother were both the same kind of “silent” self centered narcissists. I never understood that, and in fact was convinced I was the “bad” one.
I'm in the process of dealing with something sort of similar. It has been made clear to me that my family has from day one had zero interest in me or my brother inheriting or even being able to buy the family land we have lived and worked on for 2 and nearing 3 decades now.
We were told since we were kids that we would be inheriting the land and thus we could build to whatever limits we wanted and nothing would happen. Nope. They are already trying to knock me out and take everything I have ever put into my part of the greater family property and when they are done with me my brother is going to be next, he just doesn't know it yet.
When my husband's grandmother passed away she had left $10K for each grandchild. She made sure everyone knew years before her decline. While my BIL got his money, my MIL advised my husband even though it was her mother's wish that he be given the money, God had called it on her heart to give that money to her church.
You are not the bad one. U are brave and independent. She threatened by ur independence because that mean she cant control you.
Ugghh. Sounds like you are almost Cinderalla. My coment may come out sounding sarcastic but I mean it honestly. Sounds like a Cinderalla story.
I'm so sorry that you had to face this type of life at the young age of 15. And narcissistic stepmother can really wreak havoc on a child's life. And for you to face that again with your husband, is doubly cruel. I hope both of them are out of your life now.
The silent treatment is definitely the punishment I got from my mother.
Same. The excuse is she's busy or tired
My husband does this
As she was explaining all of these, I was checking them all off with true life scenarios from the narcissist in my life.
Same
Darkest Dr. Ramani talk ever, even ends with the word “prisoner”. Wow, this is getting crazy…even after watching you for about 18 months, just about everyday. Thanks for all your education from the bottom of my heart.
Can I add the ‘Cinderella Punishment’? It’s when you’re mocked, alone or in company, for wanting to go to your particular ball - visit family, go out with a friend, take a trip - and told that you can only do so after performing some never-ending set task(s).
Favourites I’ve encountered are doing and drying the laundry, cleaning and tidying, garden chores or finding items for charity/the tip. All must be done before wasting time on frivolities. Meanwhile, of course, the Narc does get to go out to their ball.
SO TRUE I USED TO SAY FCUK THIS CINDERELLAS GOING TO THE BALL TO MY EX NARC ....HAD SAME IN WORK U WORK TO LET ALL OF US PARTY NOT A CHANCE WILL NEVER HSPOEN EVER EVER AGAIN ...
What kind of grown up idiot aloud to be treated as a submissive child to mommy's abusive will ?
Gold
Oh my GOSH!!! This happened to me over and over and I never made the connection.
Yes! And I find there is also the payback routine when I come home after rarely being away eg annually going alone to an evening musical performance he is not interested in or for a few days up to 1000kms interstate to deal with my family's affairs. Decades of experience. If it is a night out, as I drive in the front gate and up the drive at about 9.30 or 10pm, I see all the lights ablaze inside the house get turned off and by the time I get inside husband is in bed (unshowered) and pretends I have awoken him by stumbling in the darkness (other times I am supposedly an expert at 'creeping around spying on him in the dark') This is after I have by torchlight checked that the chooks are locked up (they usually aren't which the local foxes sometimes appreciate) and the pool skimmer sock has been emptied (nup not either - or scooping or blowing the leaves, I will do them in the morning). I now just take a leaf out of his 2am or 4am book and switch all the lights back on as I go, boil a cuppa, switch the still warm family room TV back on etc and sloth on the couch. If I go away for a few days, he makes a point of asking if there anything he needs to do then not doing anything I ask. He even does not deal with the food he insists be left in fridge for him or casseroles, curries etc I had to prepare for him after vaccing, mopping etc (I don't bother now). The bin says he much prefers takeaway or going to dinner etc with his friends or the current lovebomb's house (wife of friend who has extended hospital stays). Instead he decides to "do" or take over a job on my reno/repair/ redeco list that I didn't get to before leaving, throwing out or hiding necessary bits and confiscating tools as they are 'ours not yours' I have assembled ready, then acting hurt with 'I thought you would be pleased' with his annoying half-arsed attempt when I ask where the stuff is and set about locating and retrieving it. A three or four day absence usually results in being sent to Coventry for at least 3 days, It also takes me an initial stint til about 3am when getting home then about a week or so of daily work to catch up on emptying overflowing stinky kitchen and wheely bins, cleaning up deliberate spills eg on carpet or rugs, resigning myself to 'accidental' breakages of my irreplaceable china or 'my' burnt saucepans ( 'his' set is not used and must be handwashed), death of unwatered seedlings or plants, cleaning various appliances like the gooey kettle and dying food in blah fridge, congealed stovetop, spattered microwave, burnt iron, smelly washing machine and dishwasher, dealing with unwarranted laundry, vaccing, mopping, finding stuff, getting the pool sorted etc. This from a person who frequently reminds me 'I am quite capable of looking after myself as I did it for 9 years before I met you' (nup, he didn't and that was over 27 years ago anyway).
Insults for sure and usually under toned in my situation where it didn't hit me right away and I actually had to think about it for a minute or even a few days and they all started adding up over time. I finally got away after 12 years and it has been 15 years away from this toxicity. Also NEVER a compliment ever in 15 years. If your partner can never compliment you that is a huge red flag or when it turns from compliments in the beginning to insults after they feel they have you where they need you. Don't stay, do everything you possibly can to get away from them because it only gets worse.
My mother was the master of punishment. She knew a thousand ways to beat me down and make me feel worthless. From childhood on she never let up. She seemed to thrive on it, I saw the satisfied look on her face every time she hurt me. You have described my mother and exactly the way she treated me. Thank you Dr. Ramani for helping me feel like I'm not crazy.
You've just described two of my sisters
SAME, i just had a HUGE RAGE ATTACK and I dont even know why it happened. I am not allowed to speak, she calls me every name, calls me SATAN, (she is the mother of the Devil i quess then..) and says she hates my guts, screams in my face and more... i was FORCED TO LIVE WITH HER due to job loss and she has lotts of money she won't share with me.... BUT LOVES TO HAND IT OUT TO MY SISTERS WHO DONT EVEN NEED IT OR WANT IT, I am the poor person, living off little bits of money. I have never seen true evil like this before the last 10 years. I used to love my mom, but now i wish she would just R I P.
@@dextermorgan9063 I'm so sorry and I understand what is like to have a mother like that. My mother gave me no love or peace until she passed away. I finally have freedom. I hope you can get away and have peace. I pray you can find peace and happiness and not wait like I did. Much love to you and all the best.
Yep....my mum in her narc wound...would enjoy being mean....she would gleam glint gloat and smirk with pleasure at having the power to hurt and humiliate a child.....she had BN ignored as a child and this was her vengeance....
My father was the same way. He even went so far as to make my own sisters and now my daughter feel justified in punishing me; but it is their issue now. Not mine, because I am living my best life without them...I still love them, but I need to do it from a distance and in prayer.
please also do 9 excuses/reasons narcissists punish you-
1) You did not get triggered by their nasty underhanded behaviour
2) You refused to react to their games
3) You don’t treat them like they are main characters
4) You outshone them
5) You kept your cool when they wanted you to lose it
6) They are unable to get under your skin by insulting you
7) Their passive aggressive and covert tactics don’t work on you
8) You refused to submit to their absurd demands
9) You stood up to them or called them out on their toxic behaviour
One aspect of narcisissism is often lieing. Keeping that in mind , are narcissists prone to launch lawsuits? Lieing and lawsuits are a bad combinations .
well said
@@petermautner1644 lying you mean?
And oh hell yes.. they will absolutely lie and launch a lawsuit on you
They love throwing false allegations on people as revenge schemes
And they attack when they are jealous
this makes another episode of narc series videos
@@junpan6823 yessss
The other way of being punished by a narcissist is hearing the "I forgive you" statement.They forgive us for not meeting their bizarre expectations!!
Wow...really interesting point.
Or expecting you to say your sorry to THEM when they disrespect you in your own home.
Very true That's shifting the blame. And their disgusting virtue signaling!!
I did meet all the expectations and it made them hate me more. Envy, I guess (at being the perfect slave). I guess I was only supposed to fail. I tried so hard to not fail. Lose/lose
@@Bluemoon-sd8vp You can't not fail. It's a setup. I didn't learn that until I was in my mid-thirties.
I prayed and Flipped the switch! I am not afraid. But that's what they want they want you to have fear
And to be alone. God says he will never leave me nor forsake me so he's my refuge and my power.
I needed this today. I got an email from my ex today telling my how "hyperbolic" and "hysterical" I was after my breast cancer diagnosis and mastectomy. He told me it was a big reason he didn't want to have a conversation with me. He is a classic withholder.
He is also a classic demon. 👺
That is disgusting. I'm glad he's your ex. If he had such a condition he'd expect you to wait on him hand and foot. What an inconsiderate dbag.
Wow that's the low blow they love. The deeper they can hurt you the better. They do this to there own children too, noone is off limits. Unless it's a brand new high status supply, wear the narc can feed off some recognition for a short time. The mask always eventually falls, always
Can one even be 'hyperbolic' and/or 'hysterical' about being diagnosed and/or treated for cancer?!
Being raised by a vulnerable narcissistic mother, I was subject to many different punishment st;yles. What really has stuck out to me lately and stick out in your video to me is the financial abuse component...
When compared to my golden sibling, they had their college and house paid for, hell even their cellphone bill is still covered and he is able to sit back comfortably and not have to worry about putting food on the table. As for me, I never received any supports from my family (funnily enough while being called greedy and ungrateful lol), and truly feel like I have been forced into poverty by my family.
For years I endured awful living conditions as it was all that I could afford. I took out loans for school, worked throughout it all. Definitely could not always put food on the table. I'm doing a lot better now, but it feels like everyone my age (27) is leagues ahead of me in terms of having a life. I feel like I will be playing catch up forever, and while I'm happy for my sibling, the difference between our lived experience could not be more foreign to one another.
You have the better life. Believe it! There is no replacement for working towards one’s own survival and goals .
Then you get the intrinsic reward for the experience as well as knowledge you can manage.
The indulged child forever seeks something unattainable.. not quite knowing why they are not happy or dissatisfied.
It’s in every human to work for their own keep.
Plus to get that little apartment and fix it up. A good hard days work cannot be replaced with a hand out .
Mind you a gift of help or funds to supplement after one puts in the labour or exercise of budgeting, now that’s nice.
Because one is grateful. Why? Because they know how much effort and time it takes to earn money or fix up a place on their own.
I feel more sorry for the lazy fool who gets indulged. Their life will be vacuous and seeking that elusive happiness.
And they don’t grow in their soul and spirit.
I wish you well!
Your siblings should help you out !
@@ellobo1326 They should, but many don’t. Especially if they are the golden child. They feel they deserve more!
I didn't get any help from my family. It was a clusterfuck to put it nicely. Everything I tried to accomplish I had to do on my own while my mother sabotaged me with her unending jealousy and insecurity. My father could not have given less of a shit about any of us. So I'm struggling to work multiple jobs and go to school full time and deal with my awful family.
I ran away with the first man who made me feel like a person -- who turned out to be a covert narc who abused me for a decade. We divorced this year. I had to return "home."
My father's comment to me was "You're twenty years behind everybody else."
EXCUSE ME?
I'm surprised I didn't fucking kill myself during all those years of abuse, and my old man who was little more than a sperm donor tells me that my hardships are nothing because I'm twenty years behind everybody else.
Hmmmmm what happened twenty years ago? Oh, that's right. He abandoned my family because he wasn't getting the worship he deserved (for doing what?) and then I took the brunt of my mother and brother's wrath. No wonder I'm twenty years behind everybody else! But too -- I didn't know I was competing with anyone.
Don't worry about feeling like you're playing catch up forever. You're not in competition with anyone. You know the truth of your situation. You know how many obstacles you faced and how you had no help from anyone. You couldn't establish a good life for yourself because you weren't shown or given the tools to know how to do it yourself.
All you can do is make the best of your life now. You don't have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. Let the insults go. Be happy you've made it this far, learn and grow from your mistakes, and do the best you can going forward.
Best of luck to you.
@@ellobo1326 'should' is a HUGE BIG BASKET when dealing with a narc! In fact, today, dealing with the financial fallout from 10 years with my own a-hole, then discovering why I went with him- because my parents are narcs- I feel like the only SHOULD I Feel applies is
THEY SHOULD NEVER have been born!!
This hits hard for me! I now have a "memory" of feelings with people that I like, and anytime somebody makes me feel different I conclude that they are a narc and don't go back on it no matter what!
God help the unfortunate who have to struggle to get out and on their feet again after leaving one of these creatures. It’s tough but the path you were on was mentally and most likely physically impossible. ❤
I have learned so much from these videos they are a life saver.
I remember years ago my mother visiting me for a holiday and I was playing competition cricket at the time, she deliberately held me up to get to the game and I ended up being replaced by someone else. The look of satisfaction on her face when she had accomplished her little mission was conclusive narcissism.
Another time she deliberately served lactose in food at dinner and was flaunting how good it tasted (I'm lactose intolerant) , it was like being around a child.
Now I'm no contact and the last thing she has is money, and you can bet she'll be cutting me out of the will. Best just to accept it now and move on.
Trust me not to worry these personalities end up alone. Their have all of the money in the world and still can’t maintain healthy relationships. After awhile they start using the reverse psychology game......”well I keep to myself and choose to be alone because I’m yet to find any fulfilling relationships” which is a bunch of crap. Once aware that it’s become apparent to other people that they have a personality problem, they then feel the need to inform others that of course it’s not because their fractured but it’s a personal choice😂
Just give yourself the gift 🎁 that keeps giving no contact no contact 👍 Dr RAMANI.
Again…. I just can’t believe how many times Dr. Ramani describes in a nutshell the horrors of my life with the narcissistic husband I unfortunately still live with… Just wanted to drop in my comments and say that, despite what the universe throws at me with this man on a daily day basis, I don’t give up on seeking for the final victory where I can breath clean healthy air.
I love and enjoy listening to you Dr. Ramani because I can sense a lot closer day to my final day with this man in my life… Peace ✌️ Blessings to all in this community 💗💝💗
I am exactly there too. I finally have a real safety place but I’m still executing the final steps and it may take me a couple more months to be out and ready for initiating court procedures once away. I hope you are finding a way out.
@@johnandrewcameron1 that is the least of my worries 😉He knows well he is out of the league even with my presence in his face. He really doesn’t care. But, thanks for your feedback! Peace ✌️😊
0ppp
💔
I’m in exactly the same situation. Trying to survive until I can get out. Just dealt with his rage this morning. It’s getting worse
~ This is SO enlightening! I was married for 25 years, got divorced, then started seeing someone. The first narcissist I ever dated; thankfully not for more than a matter of months. Constant lies, making me feel like I was never good enough, finding ways to hurt my feelings, on & on…Needless to say, I haven’t dated since (nearly 2 years), & I honestly don’t see myself dating anytime soon.
My narcissistic ex was very into punishment, When I called it out I was accused of being petty, year & a half later I am a free and happy Man! No more emotional violence.Thanks for the gold you shared!❤️❤️❤️
I lived in a narcissistic marriage for 13 yrs. He would constantly give me the silent treatment for weeks at a time when he would get angry about something vs. communicating to me what he was angry about. I walked on eggshells for 13 yrs. and then discovered he had been having an affair the last two years of our marriage. My advice is to get out! You cannot change these people, it’s just best to cut all ties and move on which is exactly what I did!
Your decision is best medcin for stupid personality pupils ❤
17 yrs here myself. Best thing I ever did was leaving.
😂😂😂😂😂❤❤❤i love these stories 😂😂😂😂
Same thing happened to me, silent treatment was his weapon of choice. Once he didn't talk to me for literally two weeks because I said that maybe we can't afford to buy a new car right now and we should think about it a little more. As soon as he didn't get what he wanted, when he wanted it, things went badly. And any time during those two weeks when I would try to talk and ask what was wrong, he'd tell me I was crazy and it was all in my head, that he wasn't upset about anything. And right back to the silent treatment.
9 months silent treatment for me once!
💯💯Thanks Dr. Ramani🌺Financial abuse is the worst part and really makes it difficult to leave narsistic relationship. Me and mom have been exposed to same tricky ways. Narcissists always try to make you dependent onto themselves. Because if you have money you can leave him/her whenever you want.
All this time doctor Ramani, I thought I was wrong for feeling I got the silent treatment. Because everywhere I heard it's meant to be just that, silent. But the narcissistic person in my life would give me brief short answers. This withholding thing was the most painful for me. Omg, leaving you wondering where you stand and having to chase the narcissistic person if I wanted to continue. These videos are so so helpful to understand what I went through.
i always felt the small jabs that bothered me were not big enough to bring up as a concern without bein seen or told that i'm being sensitive or reading into it too much. this is extremely validating to my experience.
My boss simultaneously told me that I shouldn't wait on concerns and shouldn't be so sensitive. 🙄
@@donkylefernandez4680
But it would be a concern for him bc he’ll surely be sensitive tho.
Same
As a person who tries to be on time always, the whole waiting was one of the worst and most hurtful part. Saying they will see you in 1 hour and then waiting 2 3 4 hours to see the person you love. Always putting everybody before you, later they tell how special you are for them. Its so amazingly sad
Yup! It's funny how true to form these creatures can be! And how right on we actually were/are when dealing with the narc. Heard the waiting thing was a sign just the other day after 18 mo's of intensive work and study on this. I just about fell over because I feel like I never, ever got it right with him, but I used to say to myself and the few others I ever talked to after a decade with this fREAKl's isolation: Being with (name), is WAITING FOR (NAME). OMG!! How bizarre that it was all right there. Saw it. Named it . But had no name for the sum of all the creepy little parts until after it was over...Does the nightmare ever end??
They don't fell bad for making people wait for them for hours.
The big test is how they react if you are late. If they are okay with it and understanding, then they may not be a narcissist. If they are late like you've outlined and see it as no problems but if you are ten minutes late they explode with anger, then you are likely dealing with one, I'd guess that's how it was? What I've noticed about this type of person (having a close family member with serious NPD) is that hypocrisy and double standards are all the go, and being highly judgemental/critical of others for doing stuff they do themselves which they see in their instance is fine.
Not relationship but I had FRIENDS do this when I was on time and they made me wait for hours. Another reason I stopped hanging out with most people after several years but had no idea this was a part of Narcissism?
@@mazzieemily2003 I don't necessarily see that in itself as being narcissistic, I commented above about it. My wife was late at times during our courtship, very late and it used to bug me but she's also the most non narcissistic person you would meet, completely opposite to a narcissist. I believe I know what I'm talking about through experience. My mother is a grandiose type narcissist with serious NPD, ticks all the boxes, and my first wife was what's called a vulnerable narcissist. I'd be looking in other areas to identify such a person, e.g. controlling, sense of entitlement, how they react when their wishes aren't met, highly judgemental of others etc. Sometimes it is hard to pick. My ex wife concealed most of it until we were married - classic vulnerable narcissist. Then it all came out. And she was always on time.
Mine was in my early 20s when we would go out for lunch or dinner as a family my dad would humiliate me infront of my family and people, it was very traumatic that a switch in my head lit up one day and said I need to leave this very unhealthy environment I am in. Everything dr Ramani says makes sense. I am in a place of my life right now that solitude is my happiness.
My late mother said it best, regarding her two oldest children and their narcissism : They'll need YOU long before YOU'LL need THEM! and she was SO right! They've spent so much time messing with other people, using other people, that they are seniors with HORRIBLE relationships with their children, BAD money situations, and regrets they will NEVER admit to. PEOPLE EATERS end up eating themselves.
Perfect timing! I was just asking myself this morning why does my cousin sometimes seem to forget I exist, I think this is her way of punishing me. If I don't do exactly as she wants I get ignored. I have always felt like the black sheep of the family
Do yourself a favor and lose the cousin. No contact and/or gray rock can do wonders.
I’m in the same boat as you - I have a cousin who’s doing this, and I’m just coming to terms with it.Just went through a very traumatic mental health crisis with her (aka, a severe narc meltdown) that resulted in her being involuntarily hospitalized. Wild ride, emotional damage via constant calls and notes saying she was going to “unalive herself”, etc. Since I recommended for her to go to the hospital to get help, I assume I’m the one to blame for the result.
Joke’s on her though- her punishment works well for my healing ❤️🩹, and I’ve been Gray rocking her since. Sad we ended up this way, but so much more peaceful.
I hope you find healing too.
Sad.. Hope you leave the environment soon❤❤🙏
I cannot believe how accurate this is. I get “the look” silent treatment, slamming, stomping…it makes me feel so ill. OMG he gets me on the airport thing and the grocery thing! And breaking my confidences😢
Videos like this really save time and mental health. Just last week found myself in the presence of a narc pretending to be a suitor. He made it to the early stages of rage over a very small disagreement (because he couldn’t make me understand his twisted logic about why he was right and I was wrong) before I got up and left which I could tell he wasn’t expecting. Narcs can only narc when they have an audience and it ain’t me anymore.
Thank you, you are an example for everyone here, I will keep the UBER # handy, so I can walk out any time from a restaurant or wherever.
Thanks dr Ramani for your channel. I attract these people and I'm trying to learn to recognise them so I can avoid them
Sometimes you just get punished for being there.
Usually when you get punished you jump into thinking "what did I do wrong to deserve this?" Because that person punishing you must have something valid at hand to behave like that in such "confident" manner, right? And fast one is up to one's own defensive mechanisms again "oh, I must be bad. It must be me. I'm no good at all, I must adjust my behaviour and emotions to align with their expectations and so I can keep the bond between us strong."
I used to think like that throughout my whole childhood, throughout issues with narc partners, friends, workplaces. It has always been like this "I'm gonna change, I'm gonna apologize, it's my bad, my mistake." I felt stuck. And the only way to "solve" it all was to apologize even if it wasn't me doing anything wrong. I now know that was part of the survival mode.
I've just come to senses and it still feels strange to look at this topic differently because it is new.
But I'm grateful that I crossed that channel which openes up my eyes on many levels even more.
I feel you my dude!! Never forgive someone who doesn't deserve it in the first place just because you did nothing wrong
@Lonni Ward well said 👏👏👍👍💪💪
All of us must learn to cultivate a stone face that gives away no emotional reaction that feeds the narc. They live to get a rise out of us. Think of how Clint Eastwood or Charles Bronson played those movie parts. This might sound silly, but I think it's being proactive on our part. "Never let them see you sweat."
Laws are finally starting to recognize financial abuse. They are finally passing laws to protect victims of financial abuse and narcissists.
This is spot on, my life for 15 years, exactly to the T, had no idea what narcissism was, thanks for the video, finally free, and never looking back, grateful everyday to live in peace, praying others find the courage to leave these toxic relationships, this is not love, demand better for yourself, you deserve it!
OMG!!! Every single thing you mentioned has happened to me in multiple relationships. It's almost like you need to record every single minute with these people because they turn everything around. It's horrific. And it seems like people are becoming increasingly narcissistic (not suddenly getting narsassistic personality disorder) but society has made it acceptable to do these horrible things and I blame social media honestly. I think social media is somehow both the best and worst thing that has happened to the world.
Zombies and deep thinkers.. we know who the zombies are as you just stated... social media lovers..
Same here girl, it’s so hard to let him go cause his my soulmate, and my partner knows that…. I told him that he needs counseling, or a Dr. but he says no…. That I’m crazy….
@@americafranco5838 any progress?..
Each new video is a quiet revelation for me; since the pandemic started I've been doing loads of reflecting on my father and how he influenced my childhood. Reading articles and interfacing with other adult children of narcissists is extremely helpful, of course, but this channel in particular has been a touchstone. Just again and again, these videos help to peel back layers of unaddressed hurt--all my ignored needs, the jokes at my expense, the unreasonable expectations, the gaslighting and manipulation, everything--and while dredging up my past isn't comfortable or painless, it's definitely needed, I'm deeply thankful for the work you do, Dr. Ramani!
OMG, you have just described my ex. Thank you for making me realize that all the years of abuse weren't my fault.
This has been so insightful. Has helped me to maintain my boundaries. I worry about my grandchildren who are going to be so affected by their narcissistic Mother. No contact is my boundary and I will maintain that for my sanity.
Ma’am you have conveyed the very narcissistic traits so well, so precisely, and so profoundly!
He is passive-aggressive in every sense and has been withholding his speech from me for nearly two years. I have radically accepted his behavior and realized that I have been married to a two-year-old child for over forty years. I am not afraid to leave physically because I've left him emotionally and mentally. However, I am still really sad for my daughters, who now understand what has been done to them because of what he did to me. I believe he realizes he can't punish me anymore because I really don't care, and I show him that much. He can't have empathy like me, and I refuse to allow him to turn me into an evil pretender like him. (LOL)! Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for opening my eyes to the truth about what I experienced for over forty years.
Thank you - the public humiliation is exactly as you describe … everything you said in this video is spot on … I could not articulate any of my experiences they were so horrible and painful and befuddling … thank you so much for these videos … they are therapeutic - healing - cathartic - and soothing -
My ex took me and our children Christmas shopping a few years back in a little village that we'd never been to before. I took them into a sweet/souvenir shop. When we came out he'd gone. After about half an hour of waiting around outside the shop I thought it best to find our way back to the car. We waited by the car and when he came back he shouted at me in the street.
My mother did all 9 and beyond. Growing up, she would use something we loved to hurt us when enraged - mostly by abusing and/or abandoning our pets or by abruptly ripping away anything we had an interest in.
Of course, all the punishments she dealt out was “our fault”. We all grew to become very outwardly stoic and guarded adults. We learned not to show any hints of what sparked happiness/interest because it wasn’t safe to do that through childhood.
Heart breaking.
i had the same experience and still struggling to live with her
That’s so fucked up