I am going through a divorce, it’s hard because my husband is the narcissist. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I need to think of me. It sounds selfish but,I need to think of my well-being. I am scared but thank you Doctor Ramani for your wisdom.
Same….! I pick up papers to file later tomorrow and where I have been forced to stop working alienated family to keep the peace to having to ask permission for $$$$ has me confused on what to state. Between the cheating and distrust to the hands on abuse has pushed me to no return. I have left numerous times in past and always thought I couldn’t make it from listening to his threats and gaslighting, BUT there was your comment of taking care of You now is NOT Selfish❤️ It is Needed and DESERVED❤️💯
I wish I had this community 15 yrs ago when I entered Hell, on all avenues- therapy, lawyers, money, kid trauma, breakdown of friendships.... which affected my ability to continue a high stress income earning profession which went away in a minute. Great to see this help now for others
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient...
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things.
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white...
I mostly agree, but to get back to this video, working it out only works when both parties try in good faith. Otherwise, you are only telling the agreeable one to work it out at the cost of their own mental health. You are telling them the institution of marriage is more important than the people in it. I don't think that is what you are trying to say and I think it's great that you were able to work things out in your marriage. But, no amount of trying to make things work was going to stop him from hurting me. I had two choices, stay and continue to be hurt or leave. I chose to leave.
Questions for journaling at 21.55. Excellent framing . Much appreciated Dr Ramani. Just read your book It's not you in last 3 days, some really useful observations there. Page 194 "The grief raised by narcissistic relationships [any?] is an experience that cannot be outrun."
My narcissistic stbx stopped working and went on spending sprees with his paramour the day after I filed the petition. He refused to do anything to get the house listed for sale. He’s driving the family minivan to the ground by putting thousand of miles on it every week and staying at hotels, putting all expenses he couldn’t afford on the credit cards. This is not new, he has been doing all these financial abuses, deceitful and irresponsible behaviors behind my back during the entire marriage, now just don’t bother to hide it anymore. But I am glad all these aren’t my problems anymore, I got the lawyer to draft an agreement and have him signed, which has a clause that I am not liable for all his expenses/debts after the petition filed, though I still have to take 1/2 of his debt during the marriage.
It's impossible to cop aren't with a dad that has cut his kids off, heartbreaking for my kids to know their dad doesnot care if they are dead or alive.
I’ve never been married, and I’m very very skittish of marriage and relationships. Mainly because I’ve seen so much of it. I prefer to take my time. I think people need at minimum one year to figure out who someone is and what they’re about. So many people rush in, create a mess, then rush out- and then substitute someone else to just go through the motions.
@@MichaelSkinner-e9j my point was sometimes it may take well more than one year. I thought I was sure after a year, then two, three and four. So very happy I discovered who he really was in year 5, and left. I don't see that as wasted time. I am cautious, and now I can recognize people with this personality disorder or at least those with some very serious traits. When people don't exhibit these traits (and now i know what to look for), a year is probably sufficient.
Do you know anything about how a person that has Huntington’s disease can this violence be caused by the disease? I am diagnosed with the disease. My son is 36 and has been violent for years we are somewhat estranged because of my mother his grandmother who is end stages of the disease. He is now facing a home invasion which he injured a person by kicking him in his head repeatedly
Solicitors and judges need to realize it's here and now us women/men need financial help. Over a year now back and forth to court. Months wasted and a lot of money wasted back and forth between solicitors and I told them it's a waste of time and they bloody know me and my kids are struggling. He has thousands and I don't have 1 thousand to my name. They all have money except me and my kids. I'm so upset with it all.
What is the utility of marriage? Is it just a facade for the extended family? Think before you act, don't let your gonads or religion drive your decision because it's always the wrong one that wastes more years of your life. "I love you so much... i think it's time to get the government involved."
Marriage is the joining of man and woman as one. To represent Chriat and the church and so two humans can grow together in goodness and selflessness. It is a commitment that requires sacrifice. Sacrifices that many narcissists and others refuse to make.
@PROVERBS31WAM garbage. Marriage is an economic contract sanctioned by the state. If you think it's more, it doesn't need to be sanctioned by the government,vand that's your business. . "OH, I love you sooooo much, ... let's get the government involved."
@@PROVERBS31WAM What are you talking g about. I am talking about a LEGAL CONTRACT RECOGNIZED BY THE STATE. Whatever other "relationship" you want with another human is another matter completely, and if you eant some wacko diety involved - fine.. You want to call is "marriage" - fine. You want to think your kids have value, and someone who hasn't married has children you can look down on - fine. It's not blessed. This video is about abuse in a relationship and how to get out of it.
@@jellybean6778 Utility of marriage, I believe, was designed to protect the sanctity of the family unit. All religions require it. The State provides financial incentives. Statistically, the poorest people in the country are, & have been, women & children.
You can't remarry according to God's word. I had 'fatal attraction'. She is gone now for 26-years. I did NOT fight over anything material. I went broke keeping my son from moving away!
Divorce seems quite a privilege to those of us who never found love, never had children, & will likely die in this state. Don't feel sorry for your privileges in this life. Many go in to 2nd & 3rd marriages while many of us die alone. Why is that?
go outside and try to find someone then instead of crying on the internet about missing out on what is an extremely traumatic process for a lot of people. what an extremely privileged take YOU have to think that everyone who marries was/is in love. You can marry any consenting adult. Go marry and start a life with the next homeless person you see if you’re so damn lonely. but you won’t will you? stfu please.
"Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never is, but always to be blest. The soul, uneasy, and confin'd from home, Rests and expatiates in a life to come."🤪
@jellybean6778 true, but only a few die wo ever experiencing romantic love. It used to be said, "Better to have loved & lost, than never to have loved at all."
![[#2024MAMA] ROSÉ (로제), Bruno Mars - APT. | Mnet 241122 방송](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/dgGqD28J6aQ/mqdefault.jpg)
I am going through a divorce, it’s hard because my husband is the narcissist. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I need to think of me. It sounds selfish but,I need to think of my well-being. I am scared but thank you Doctor Ramani for your wisdom.
Same….! I pick up papers to file later tomorrow and where I have been forced to stop working alienated family to keep the peace to having to ask permission for $$$$ has me confused on what to state. Between the cheating and distrust to the hands on abuse has pushed me to no return. I have left numerous times in past and always thought I couldn’t make it from listening to his threats and gaslighting, BUT there was your comment of taking care of You now is NOT Selfish❤️ It is Needed and DESERVED❤️💯
@@babesbikesbooze75gü
I wish I had this community 15 yrs ago when I entered Hell, on all avenues- therapy, lawyers, money, kid trauma, breakdown of friendships.... which affected my ability to continue a high stress income earning profession which went away in a minute. Great to see this help now for others
Sending virtual hugs 🤗
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient...
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things.
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white...
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks..
You wont regret it.
I mostly agree, but to get back to this video, working it out only works when both parties try in good faith. Otherwise, you are only telling the agreeable one to work it out at the cost of their own mental health. You are telling them the institution of marriage is more important than the people in it. I don't think that is what you are trying to say and I think it's great that you were able to work things out in your marriage. But, no amount of trying to make things work was going to stop him from hurting me. I had two choices, stay and continue to be hurt or leave. I chose to leave.
Grief will come back to find you if you don’t grieve after your divorce…couldn’t ring more true. Thank you for pointing that out
Dr Rameni is the Best ! She is so helpful and compassionate and a true ace in what she does!
In midst of divorcing a narcissist. If you think you’ve seen the worst of them you haven’t seen anything yet
Me too, never new such cruelty existed, 30 years wasted, my poor kids and dog.
Thank you so much, so helpful❤
Questions for journaling at 21.55. Excellent framing . Much appreciated Dr Ramani.
Just read your book It's not you in last 3 days, some really useful observations there.
Page 194 "The grief raised by narcissistic relationships [any?] is an experience that cannot be outrun."
My narcissistic stbx stopped working and went on spending sprees with his paramour the day after I filed the petition. He refused to do anything to get the house listed for sale. He’s driving the family minivan to the ground by putting thousand of miles on it every week and staying at hotels, putting all expenses he couldn’t afford on the credit cards. This is not new, he has been doing all these financial abuses, deceitful and irresponsible behaviors behind my back during the entire marriage, now just don’t bother to hide it anymore. But I am glad all these aren’t my problems anymore, I got the lawyer to draft an agreement and have him signed, which has a clause that I am not liable for all his expenses/debts after the petition filed, though I still have to take 1/2 of his debt during the marriage.
It's impossible to cop aren't with a dad that has cut his kids off, heartbreaking for my kids to know their dad doesnot care if they are dead or alive.
Do not share your ex's divorce attorney.
I have never been married, thank goodness whew! 🥴
I’ve never been married, and I’m very very skittish of marriage and relationships. Mainly because I’ve seen so much of it.
I prefer to take my time. I think people need at minimum one year to figure out who someone is and what they’re about.
So many people rush in, create a mess, then rush out- and then substitute someone else to just go through the motions.
Way more than one year. The narc partner did not reveal himself to me for more than 5 yrs. Be careful.
@@jellybean6778 That's the usual standard amount of time people should take to get to know their partner.
Thanks for the heads up
@MichaelSkinner-e9j yes, and the standard percent of "failed" marriages is more than 50%. What's the rush?
@@jellybean6778 I agree. Observe people first for a year
@@MichaelSkinner-e9j my point was sometimes it may take well more than one year. I thought I was sure after a year, then two, three and four. So very happy I discovered who he really was in year 5, and left. I don't see that as wasted time. I am cautious, and now I can recognize people with this personality disorder or at least those with some very serious traits. When people don't exhibit these traits (and now i know what to look for), a year is probably sufficient.
Do you know anything about how a person that has Huntington’s disease can this violence be caused by the disease? I am diagnosed with the disease. My son is 36 and has been violent for years we are somewhat estranged because of my mother his grandmother who is end stages of the disease. He is now facing a home invasion which he injured a person by kicking him in his head repeatedly
PS: there is not a link to the divorce course
Solicitors and judges need to realize it's here and now us women/men need financial help. Over a year now back and forth to court. Months wasted and a lot of money wasted back and forth between solicitors and I told them it's a waste of time and they bloody know me and my kids are struggling. He has thousands and I don't have 1 thousand to my name. They all have money except me and my kids. I'm so upset with it all.
how to find a lawyer, in Bakersfield, ca!!
What is the utility of marriage? Is it just a facade for the extended family? Think before you act, don't let your gonads or religion drive your decision because it's always the wrong one that wastes more years of your life.
"I love you so much... i think it's time to get the government involved."
Marriage is the joining of man and woman as one. To represent Chriat and the church and so two humans can grow together in goodness and selflessness. It is a commitment that requires sacrifice. Sacrifices that many narcissists and others refuse to make.
@PROVERBS31WAM f christ. Narcissists do not have a choice in how they behave. They are driven by their mental illness -NPD.
@PROVERBS31WAM garbage. Marriage is an economic contract sanctioned by the state.
If you think it's more, it doesn't need to be sanctioned by the government,vand that's your business. . "OH, I love you sooooo much, ... let's get the government involved."
@@PROVERBS31WAM What are you talking g about. I am talking about a LEGAL CONTRACT RECOGNIZED BY THE STATE. Whatever other "relationship" you want with another human is another matter completely, and if you eant some wacko diety involved - fine.. You want to call is "marriage" - fine. You want to think your kids have value, and someone who hasn't married has children you can look down on - fine. It's not blessed. This video is about abuse in a relationship and how to get out of it.
@@jellybean6778 Utility of marriage, I believe, was designed to protect the sanctity of the family unit. All religions require it. The State provides financial incentives. Statistically, the poorest people in the country are, & have been, women & children.
You can't remarry according to God's word. I had 'fatal attraction'. She is gone now for 26-years. I did NOT fight over anything material. I went broke keeping my son from moving away!
I am at a loss for words at the stupidity of your story.
Not everyone cares about your God. People deserve to live their lives their own way. That includes divorce.
Divorce seems quite a privilege to those of us who never found love, never had children, & will likely die in this state. Don't feel sorry for your privileges in this life. Many go in to 2nd & 3rd marriages while many of us die alone. Why is that?
If you are still here ,,, anything is possible. 🤗
go outside and try to find someone then instead of crying on the internet about missing out on what is an extremely traumatic process for a lot of people. what an extremely privileged take YOU have to think that everyone who marries was/is in love. You can marry any consenting adult. Go marry and start a life with the next homeless person you see if you’re so damn lonely. but you won’t will you? stfu please.
"Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never is, but always to be blest. The soul, uneasy, and confin'd from home, Rests and expatiates in a life to come."🤪
Everyone dies alone, marriage or not.
@jellybean6778 true, but only a few die wo ever experiencing romantic love. It used to be said, "Better to have loved & lost, than never to have loved at all."