Avoidant serial dating (monkey branching)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ก.ย. 2024
- #serialdater #monkeybranching #avoidant #avoidantattachment #relationship #dating #insecureattachment #relationshipcoach #situationship #dismissiveavoidant #fearfulavoidant #attachment #emotionallyunavailable #breakup #discard #heartbroken
I was monkey branched after a four-year mostly good relationship. He did a slow fade, and then tried to gaslight me into believing we really didn't have a relationship. He wanted to remain friends. Nope! Thank God I was able to see through his bs and eventually heal my broken heart. I am happier now than I ever was with him. I have forgiven him. He is a nice person in many ways. Knowing him, he feels guilty. He is just deeply wounded.
Avoidants just need to date each other.
This guy has a way of making a lot of the data and books I have read make sense in real relationship dynamics.
As soon as I starting being emotionally vulnerable she started slow fading, and then a minor conflict arose in our relationship that could have been discussed and figured out, and she discarded me out of nowhere and was in another relationship, love bombing him, right away. Crazy stuff
Being monkey branched from was traumatic for me.
Very well explained, thank you
I display fearful-avoidance in my relationships but I didn’t feel emotionally neglected by my parents growing up. Could I be doing this due to rejection by members of the opposite sex during childhood?
His voice feels like a balm
DA I knew viewed making friends as a consequence of having a hobby that required other people
Is there a way to spot emotionally unavailable people early on before attachment begins? It’s hard to slow down and see clearly in the honeymoon phase.
Yeah because they act so open and loving at first!
I literally make people take the test
@@user-cb2xm5pm3q HOW??
She said she was gonna get therapy. I wish I could shake my wonder if she’ll ever come back. Healing without becoming bitter is very difficult.
You should go for therapy and learn about the drama triangle.
Really well explained!
I still don’t understand why they leave of they fear abandonment
It feels like they’re anxious in disguise or denial
My understanding is that they fear abandonment and would rather they be the one to abandon instead of being the one abandoned.
Avoidants are anxious. But when their anxiety is triggered they avoid.
With the anxious attachment when their anxiety is triggered they seek out more closeness.
Use this example so you can identify when you would be an avoidant.
Imagine you are walking down a dark alley in a Big City and you think you are being followed. Your anxiety is going to be through the roof, but your response to that anxiety is to flee not to get closer to the person following you.
The opposite is this example:
Imagine you hear your mom was in a serious car accident and is in the hospital unconscious. Your anxiety is going to be through the roof, but your response to that anxiety is to get closer and seek out your mom.
Avoidants get triggered by not feeling good enough or not being able to handle conflict resolution. That's why when you are 3 years into a relationship and critique an avoidant about something as mundane as them not picking up after themselves, that can trigger their anxiety of not being good enough / conflict bad, they'll think this relationship can't work and deactivate into avoidance.
@ronmexico8383 very well explained. I can pinpoint the trigger and deactivation now. All because I'd said I was upset over a nasty txt he'd sent me. I got called weak minded and selfish for bringing it to his place. And he was "offended " that I'd dare mentioned the txt. He genuinely was so angry 😢
Addicts in denial.
Anxious but not in touch with themselves
This is what im going to find out instead of waiting this is my 7th brake up this time i hurt her i was going to marry but i had to know she woukd not walk away again i ask her 17times she broke up with me when i got home were long distance .
I planed to go back in august i never new about attachment im anctios we coukd have went for help togeather .
I pray she will meet and come out but that will only happen if she is not with any one were long distance .
I wish i knew all this then i woukd have given her space and not push .
She is the love of my life i was married 15years i never felt what i feel with her .
But i need to know if she was with anyone i would say good luck and move on .
Its best to know then wait
What if they run but still try to contact you everyday?
They still like you
Are confused
And need you around for security
They need options
Because they have what we called a "pseudo security" rooted in a fantasy of omnipresence and permanence. This fantasy allows the avoidant to spend extended time away from the primary figure, without awareness of separation or loss. In the avoidant’s mind, the other partner is always there, is always around, and will never leave them. This notion of omnipresence, while comforting in one sense, is smothering and intrusive in another, which then leads to more avoidant behaviour and devaluation of the partner, who may feel very taken for granted. Basically, they still think you're available even after the breakup. You need to go no contact.
@samyb2834 wow, impressive and accurate explanation!!
That beard ❤
creep