People don’t understand the appreciation piece that you talk about. I’ve had so many people advise me to keep a gratitude journal or focus on positive thinking. A person can be so far gone that it actually makes things worse because you’re putting in the effort, and it still feels artificial or removed. I remember being intellectually grateful but unable to feel the feelings that gratitude makes a healthy person feel. Now that I am no longer in depression I know that the inability to feel the gratitude was part of the disease and not the moral failing I thought it was. Hugs to everyone who can’t feel grateful rn. There are pathways back to yourself that you will eventually find if you just keep swimming.
Thank you, Jeanette- In my upcoming rewrite, What is Good Evidence? I suggest that acknowledging real "happenings" that are big or small, LEAD to gratitude. There's a chapter: FIRST Good Evidence, and THEN Gratitude. It's less work!! xoxo C
Gratitude never registers for me, your mileage may vary. It's like, "Hey, we put you in this world and lit you on fire, aren't you thankful we made the fire a little cooler?" F that. Life IS burning and I wish the burning to stop.
Even if you don't squeal with delight in gratitude, it seems important to intellectually be aware of what is there to be grateful for. I agree it is NOT a moral failing, and is part of the disease of depression. I'm glad you choose to swim instead of sinking. Sometimes I have to wear those little floaties to keep going, but it seems worth the effort in the long run...or swim! LOL
I feel no joy from traveling, shopping, dining out. I have zero desire to be social. I have zero desire to take a shower, take a walk or do anything that I once looked forward to. I don’t wish this feeling on anyone . Nothing brings me joy.
I can totally one hundred percent relate. I'm there. I feel like i'm always there. Listen to his take away message! Even if you don't think it's going to feel GOOD, KEEP GOING! It's a true case of bring the bodyand the mind will follow. I hope you make it
@@lincolnparc8897 agree, went on solo trips even when they made me feel empty. Now looking back it really does give me joy that i did them regardless of how i felt at the time.
Even when you’re in the pit, there are still things that motivate you. The thing you might be missing is anticipation. If you want something and instantly get it, you short circuit the neural circuits that make motivation work in the first place. You need to build up desire. Today, if you want a burger, you don’t have to wait a week for it. But you can choose to. Don’t just put it on your calendar for next week and forget about it. Spend time every day thinking about the best burger you ever had, how the sesame seed bun was slightly toasted, the tomatoes actually tasted like tomatoes, the nice thick piece of sharp cheddar, the crunch of the pickle, the smell of freshly ground black pepper… whatever your version of that story is, tell it to yourself, slowly, a few times every day. Build the anticipation for a week or two, go to a good burger joint, with a friend if you can, and see what happens.
I truly relate to that! When people say such phrases as "You have your memories " I just smile mournfully and shake my head. I'm 73 and to an onlooker it's great.
@@nicolavowles2930 I feel your pain. Our lives have passed us by. Now I’m trying to figure how to meet new people, but there is no way. I live out in the jungle in a foreign country, can barely communicate in their language. No transportation. It’s peaceful. It’s beautiful, but since COVID, everyone quit socializing.
In my 40s...and I remember...remember how disappointing my past and everything was for always being g alone and doing thi gs alone...the disappointment of rushing into a loveless marriage where the I lost one child, two if I count my stepdaughter I loved like my reL one I lost and she was Brainwashed to thi k I was bad...and I have raised my autistic son completely on my own and feel like a failure with him cause he's just like me addicted to games... Thought I was doing so good by praying more and reading my Bible everyday, but today I'm just so unmotivated
I know how you feel I have felt this way for about 7 or 8 years but don't know how or what to do because I really want to do things that I used to enjoy but I don't care if I live or die
This started with me dec 18 2016, the day I discovered some very unpleasant life changing information. 8 years later and I still feel completely empty and uninterested in life.
I went skydiving and literally felt "whatever". I'm so bored and uninterested in everything, but I don't want to be. There's literally nothing in this world that I'm looking forward to. Everything just feels like a chore. I want help so badly because right now I'm wasting the best years of my life. I'm tired of feeling and being miserable.
The only thing that brings me comfort is God himself. I'd much rather get out of here and go to heaven - perfect joy, peace, enveloped in love, everything beautiful. That's how humans are supposed to live.
This is what stops me from leaving my room except to go to work. Because nothing in my mind is worth the effort i would put in to do it because i feel nothing.
Reflection is rough. It's extraordinarily difficult for people to accept that absolutely everything they do will--without exception--become utterly meaningless and forgotten in 60-120 years (if not less). Think about it; unless you're Elon, XiXiPi, Heetlar, Stahleen, Chump, Harrison Ford, Didnay or Oprah... nothing you've done will be remembered in a dozen decades. Guaranteed! It is what it is. Acceptance is key. "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." --Diamond Dragons (Armageddon's Ballad) 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
At 50 my girlfriend cannot believe I have not come from another planet. Literally have not gone to restaurants, concerts, functions holidays. Almost have not live life. Meeting her is slowly thawing me. I have not had a friend for 25 years. Didn't want friends. I stress about everything so I have removed everything to cope. Being stuck in 2 narcissistic marriages over the last 25 years I cannot estimate how much it effected me. I am starting to feel my emotions and its an odd feeling and overwhelming at times. Both joy and deep pain and sadness. But regardless I am starting to feel. I am finally starting to live life little bit by little bit.
This explains what I am going through. In 2020 I transitioned from a job I loved to a job I despise. My stress levels have been sky high for three years. I also lost both of my cats at the end of 2020. They died within 2 months of each other. Once they left, I shut down completely. Now, my life consists of driving one hour in traffic to work, working 9 hours per day at a stressful awful job, driving one hour in traffic home to an empty house, and going straight to bed. I have no joy anymore. I don’t go out anymore because I’m too exhausted. For the last six months I’ve searched for another job and got several interviews, but I think the interviewer can sense my desperation and sadness no matter how much I smile and act like everything is okay. Every interview resulted in failure. I can’t take the rejections anymore, so I gave up looking. All the things I used to do to make myself feel better no longer work. So, here I am. 😢
hello sorry to hear about your cats one of mine passed away due to cancer he was 12 the other is 11 it's been 10 weeks and i have cried everyday cos i miss him so much i can't image what you are going through but You have to try to hang on when Despair has its claws inside your Soul it's impossible to think or function i do hope you have friends and family to talk to or try to get Counselling for your grief i wish i could do more but be Strong and talk to someone i do hope you get better big hugs
I've been there, still haven't found my way back. Are you taking any anti depressant medications? If not you need to see your doctor. If you can get sick pay you need to take 6 months off work to evaluate your life and try to find a new job. I'm off work over a year now after a disastrous 2022 when I tried to change meds and the new drug did not work at all. I just kept getting worse and Ended up in hospital for ten weeks. It was hell. Still struggling with anhedonia but think I may be seeing some improvement. I've decided I'm not going back to my job. Still not sure what I'm going to do but I'm taking my time. I hope you can find a way to bring happiness back to your life.
@SDsearcher, very sorry for the losses of your beloved cats. I understand about leaving a job I loved for one that I dispise (I had to leave the good job because they didn't allow employees to live in some US states, due to tax reasons). I am only 6 months in, but I am spiraling downward pretty quickly, and not even caring how my work performance is. I don't have too much to offer, other than to say that you brought interest by the employers you interviewed with, even if you did not get the job. Getting the interview is a huge hurdle, so hopefully you can accelerate that thought as positive thoughts and continue with interviewing. Sounds like a better job would do a lot to improve how you feel. We're rooting for you!! Good luck!!
Hello, I read your comment the other day and it hit home. I don't have many words of consolation but I do understand, since I am going through something similar. The difference is I really used to love my job and then due to poor management it turned into a sh!thole and now I work longer hours while being less paid. Worst of all, I don't see the results of my work due to these ''innovative techniques and ideas'' that the management thought of. As for your cats...I am so sorry. There is NOTHING that can compare to the pain of losing our animal family. I lost my dog in May. I still cry every day. Sometimes I scream and curse (when I'm alone) . I was listening to a psychiatrist explain why does the loss of our animal family hurt so much. She said that the bond we create with our pets emulates the bond we have (or should have) with our parents/ caregivers within the first year of our lives when we are loved unconditionally whether we are cranky, crying, soiled, sick or whatever. Later on this bond btw caregiver and a child becomes, weather we like to admit it or not, fairly conditional on both sides. So we spend our whole lives searching for a bond / love like that and the closest thing that comes to it is the bond with our pets.So when they die that love is forcibly being taken away from us. And in my case, it was the first time in my life I felt that unconditional love. She took care of me I think, more than I took care of her. When I lost her,I lost both a mother and a child and a best friend (Friend was actually her name). And IMO it is even more difficult than losing a human family member due to lack of support. ''Oh come on it's just a cat/dog/bird/rabbit...buy another one. It's not normal to cry like this over an animal. You know there are people who lose children, you are lucky. Get over it, it's stupid. She is a crazy cat lady, that is why she is alone. You know his dog slept on his bed? Eww that is sick.'' Nobody would say this about a human so we tend to ''downplay'' our pain which makes it worse. So that is why I cry,cry,cry whenever I feel like crying. Nothing brings me joy and I am angry most of the time. The only time I DO feel alive is when I help stray animals, and there are a lot of them in my country, unfortunately.I feed them, build homes, neuter them, treat them for diseases and I do my best to find them a home. The flip-side is that often times I see them suffer, hurt and die (mostly by the hands of people) which makes it worse for my emotional well-being but I cannot stop, I will not stop. I have always helped homeless animals and I adopted a few of them. But when my Friend died I unconsciously made a promise to her and to myself that I will always do what I can. If there is an animal shelter near you, go there when you can. I'm not saying adopt another cat, just visit. Help, bring food, treats or just spend time with the animals. If it's once a month, it's once a month. It means a world to them. And to us as well.
Loss of our pets is a deep grief. My comfort was that my boyoh still exists. Still loves me. I will see him again. That bright spirit in a jack russell coat... We love them and are loved, and love never dies. But not having that bodily comfort here is a great loss. I hope you come back to life, and that your circumstances resolve and improve.
I don’t like doing anything with people, I avoid everything, live alone, I love animals and nature but not people. I don’t go out with people, I go to the beach or the mountains or the desert with my dogs and that’s all I like so it’s all I do, all the time. It’s peaceful but for 50 years prior my life was constant trauma so I’m healing but don’t plan on ever having another relationship or changing, I am the way I am and I’m okay with it.
Humanity isn't my thing, either. I wasn't sent here to BE one of you... I came to *enlighten* some rare, specific souls, and then be on my way elsewhere. Reflection is key. "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." --Diamond Dragons (Armageddon's Ballad) 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
I am exactly the same. I wonder if this is healthy as I am not sure If I might be depressed and that's why I am OK being this way or am I perfectly fine. I have been very outgoing and social for most of my life. But about 3 years ago it all changed. If I would not have my dog, I would not even leave my apartment anymore. Friends I talk to on the phone once in a while, but I don't get out of my way to see them. Could that be menopause? I am 49 now. Also lost any interest in dating. But again, I feel like it does not bother me. I am confused.
Im not ok, and my soul is still intact more or less. But I'm not oke that you're not oke, although I respect your decision if it was. I pray God will restore our souls and put it in its own righteous place and become untouchability
Because in my past I gave so much of myself to so many, (I'm a health care worker), I no longer can sustain relationships with new people that enter my life. Close friends & family & that's it. And even then i find myself limiting my time with them & feeling exhausted on every level. It's like a full tank of gas dwindled down & running on fumes. One does get to the point where helping so many & getting crumbs in return depletes the soul. I heard of Anhedonia talked about with patients & have come to realize this is also something I'm experiencing & have been for some time. I believe it's our circuits over-loading & our being shutting down in order to function. I believe we feel empty because we leave pieces of ourselves with things & people we used to love & now there is nothing that remains.
Yes.... when I lost my dream career job of 25yrs... it ripped my life out of me !!! It was where I could be myself and enjoy life. I have horrible anxiety, insomnia, and depression. I.... just lost all joy In living. It really hurts knowing I had a chance to return!! But was giving wrong information...!! And I threw in the towel because of the anxiety and insomnia I was suffering from..... I couldn't think
@@laura2372 Thank you... I'm so trying. It's so difficult... im 62 , and my job was everything to me. For decades I was a very happy city bus driver. All my friends are there. My hobbies and activities were integrated in one way or another. It made me always want to workout to look good. Life had such a great structure. And... was my identity. .... the Stress and Anxiety was so bad.... insomnia and depression came. I just struggle. Wishing none of this happened. I want my life back... its so hard to go forward. It's hard in the present moment...
I never knew this was a thing. I've spent my whole life thinking I'm just broken somehow. Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one. I'm literally trying not to cry as I write this. Thank you!
I didn’t know it was a thing until today either. My brother is always saying to learn something new every day. I think this qualifies. Who knew I could learn about myself from TH-cam?
I lost my mother in 2021. She was my universe. I’d been her carer as she had Alzheimer’s. I have complex mental health issues, since she passed I’ve had DPDR and every day I mostly just feel numb. Some things change, l feel love for my adopted cat, and a little joy. But my happiness is all measured. I think I’m afraid of what’s underneath the numbness, because grief has nearly destroyed me. I’ve just found your channel Dr Scott, and I’m really listening.
@@rebeccagirson1087 I understand exactly what you mean. It’s like an ongoing grind when sometimes time seems to crawl past and something inside me keeps trying to find her. I believe she’s somewhere, that I’ll be with her again. But in the meantime it’s often unbearable. ❤️ to you too love.
I wanted to spend time with my mother but all of a sudden one day she was just done with me, just chose to be done pretty much, when my son got older, and started living with her, I was old news
I’m so sorry, I lost my mum 2 years ago and haven’t been able to feel anything but grief since. She was my world and we were so close . I miss her so much and I know life will never be the same. I feel like I should be ok now but I know I’m not even close . I wish you peace my friend
You make total sense. I'm 74 years old now. I was depressed and very anxious from age 13. I did a lot of things in my life in spite of my constant anxiety. Now, when I look back on my life I feel sad. Cause I didn't really enjoy anything. Traveling, going to concerts, I was always so uncomfortable. In 2018 my partner died. We had a 20 year relationship but there was something off with him. He had a heart of gold but lived in a fantasy world where I couldn't reach him. It took me five years to get over his death. Everything about it was traumatic. In 2022 I had enough of staying at home and mourn. I live in Amsterdam and decided to spend the winter in Portugal. It was the best decision ever. It was like I finally had control over my own life. Before that I lived the life of my parents, the life of my partner. Always adjusting to others. I just cannot live with other people. I can visit them as long as I can decide when I leave. Sometimes I think: I just want to erase 60 years of my life. But at the same time the horrible experiences I had to suffer, like the ridiculous things psychiatrists told me, I know now my feelings were genuine and the judgment of psychiatrist or doctors were so wrong. Such an insult. I finally reached the point that I believe in myself, I have a much better insight then those so-called experts. The main thing is: I want the best for myself. Nothing less. I wish I had known that when I was 6 years old. Demanding the best for myself. From parents, teachers, grown-ups. Instead I tried to be the person they wanted me to be. Never again. When I look back I feel a lot of shame. Letting other people take advantage of me. Believing I was worthless.
Anhedonia. I've heard of this and know that I've had this since the 1980s. I'm now retired and it has gotten to the point that I barely leave the house except to go to the grocery store and occasionally to lunch with one of my very few remaining friends. Depression to varying degrees has been my state of mind since I was probably 9 or 10. I'm resigned to it.
Do you have any tips on how to deal with this at least momentarily? Or day by day? And any tips for loved ones (me) who want to help and support the person going through this? It seems to be his inborn temperament (in his own words) and I don’t know if encouraging him to think positively will help or make things worse.
@@fairy601 - I'm certain that telling him to think positively wouldn't be helpful. I'm not a mental health care expert but I know what works for me. I appreciate it when my family or friends call me to see how I'm doing and to involve me in activities. Besides that, I can't give you any definitive suggestions. My family actually doesn't even know that I suffer from this and they're living their own lives. I've tried numerous therapists and antidepressants and finally hit on one that has provided some relief. Life is a bit better now. But it has taken many years to get where I am.
@@fairy601Hi. I’m a middle aged woman who resonated greatly with the inborn temperament comment. I grew up with prolific abuse and carry resulting trauma. I am and seem to have always been melancholic. Though I don’t know which came first, the temperament or the abuse, I do have some things I deeply hope will help your loved one. It seems you’re very sensitive to unintentionally inflicting harm which, in my case, is easy to do with forced/toxic positivity. If it were as easy as thinking positively, everyone could do it. In turn, I ask myself questions that are thinking based vs feeling. For instance, when I’m feeling particularly hopeless I ask myself how much I can trust my current feelings. If the actual physical reality of my environment doesn’t match the inner, I ask myself if it’s possible that I just pause for a while before “listening” to those feelings. I can usually get to a place, logically, that recognizes that the doom feelings are essentially lying to me and I try to wait them out. I don’t want to invalidate any feeling, just examine its presence. I still have the feeling, unfortunately, but have debunked the legitimacy that it actually needs to be as extreme as it feels. I hope this makes sense and can be helpful. Your loved one is lucky to have you in their life. 🫶🏻
@@fairy601 To add, I often times think my way through actions vs relying on feelings to get them done. If it’s difficult for me to do something that should be done, I ask myself to make a case for each action: doing the thing vs not doing the thing. Being as objective as I can be, the “why I should” column usually wins. Again though, I’m never trying to invalidate feelings-they’re there, they’re real, and I don’t think the gloomies of various degrees are ever going to leave-but I do give myself permission to challenge and work around them. 🫶🏻
I have to force myself to do everything. Cook, eat, shower, watch tv/shows, go to work, socialize. I don't have the joy in things I do like enjoy my shows, play video games, hobbies
"Why don't you do something you enjoy?" How often do you hear that? What can you do when everything is just another task? Hobbies are just empty, scripted tasks. People who enjoy things just don't get it. I hope you find an answer.
As someone else mentioned, anhedonia for me has been a survival mode. After our kids grew up, I definitely had empty-nest syndrome. My husband can't deal with emotions so he is no comfort. Luckily our kids and grandkids give me a reason to not kill myself. There was a point I reached 3 years ago where I was not able to cry for any reason and was in full blown depression. I was basically a zombie. Now this will sound strange since I am a 77 year old grandma. But I found a K-pop group online called BTS and through their music and their sharing their own stories, the tears finally came. And then I was finally able to feel emotions again. (My family finds it funny. I tell them I'm just a crazy old lady, haha) When I feel sad, I go listen to their songs like Blue and Grey and cry and then I can feel alive again. There are times i simply must be alone and my family just has to accept it. Luckily we live in the country and I have a swing and my own little "zen" spot. Maybe there is some kind of music, or a favorite old movie, etc., that can help some of you. Also writing poetry or Journaling. And writing down the pain or anger and hurt you feel and then burning the paper can help to release the emotions locked inside that are keeping you in prison. I'm facing no longer being able to drive because of vision problems, which means loss of freedom. But I'm learning to deal with it. And if I live to be 80, I'm praying I will be able to walk the Camino. (Look it up.) (And maybe go to a BTS concert when they get out of the military. ) We have to discover who we are and not worry about what anyone else thinks Being in a zombie state is so painful, especially when you don't have anyone who understands, but you can find a way out.
Reading this comment makes me so genuinely happy:) I'm so glad that you were able to get out of that phase and find stability and joy and god knows how hard that can be. What makes me the gladest (is that a word?) is to think that now, if harder times were to come again, you have the tools within yourself to find your joy and stability and it's the most important thing in the world.
This is the most heartwarming and inspiring story I've read in a while. I hope you will take the time to write this up and send it to BTS. They'll probably never read it, but if they do, I'm sure it would mean a lot to them to know how far their music has reached.
@@conniepowell2013you wrote such a creative response to that awful state of no pleasure, no depth of feeling, and thar frustrating lack of tears! I am so impressed, and thankful for your contagious hope, and courage. Your comment on a youtube thread can change lives for the better. I am very grateful to have read it and "met" you : )
After full-blown PTSD, I had my first experience with anhedonia. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't even feel empathy. I remembered very clearly what empathy was, and how it felt, and how odd it was to NOT feel it at times when...for decades...I'd been completely able to feel empathy for total strangers, but I couldn't feel anything, not even for those closest to me. I couldn't even feel sad about the loss of it...or regret about not feeling it...or remorse...I could not feel anything. It was like existing and not existing all at the same time. Most bizarre experience of 56 years on this planet. I would not wish PTSD on my worst enemy. It will upend your life, and make you not be able to recognize or relate to the person you had known yourself to be for decades before the traumatic event.
Reflect, sentient one. Recite the hex of final vows. "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." --Diamond Dragons (Armageddon's Ballad) 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
This hit me so hard in the context of the last 10 years of existing in grief. It’s only now some of the experiences of the last 10 years are coming through the blur. Including Motherhood. I lost my mum to cancer whilst I was pregnant and then my Dad a year later. It’s like I’ve been underwater. Now, every so often, I get to take a breath. And enjoy a memory.
I've had these feelings, this overwhelming anxiety and depression since I was about 22. I'm 54. It never goes away. Your videos are only time I have ever felt a mental health professional understood what I experience. When I can afford it I will buy your book. Maybe I can finally escape this hole.
There is another similar condition which is known as "broken heart syndrome", or a frozen heart. This is when a person cannot feel any feelings, because when one has taken too much emotional and mental pain, the heart has its own kind of a trip switch, and switches off the emotions to protect oneself, and one cannot feel joy or emotions regarding new experiences. The old experiences and pain are still there, but the measure is full, and there is no more room for further emotional pain. It can stay this way, if there is permanent damage, but it can also switch on again, when one has healed somewhat and has had peace and no serious further painful experiences.
When I was 13 my Mother was killed. My Dad went into a deep hole. I have never felt happiness or love. I also isolate and don't want to get close to anyone for fear of the pain of losing them. I've been on Every Antidepressant there ever was. No help. Been to 100 therapists. One of them when I was telling one lady about the experiences of my life. Her eyes got as big as Saucers, and her face was frozen in horror. She kept saying Ohhhh, and Oohhh I knew that She Could Never help me.
Thanks for giving a name to the thing I'll have to talk to a therapist about, when I can eventually afford one. That's exactly how I'd describe the feeling... I want to enjoy, and be grateful, for the life I have, but when so much you treasured is ripped away from you, one right after another, the heart can just say, "No, I've had enough, I don't care anymore if it gets better or worse, because they'd both just hurt now..." And then it just never came out of that, I'm still sitting there alone under that cold Hunter's Moon 17 years later. But at least now I can give that brokenness a name.
My life is like a waiting room is how I have described my major depression. When you feel like nothing matters even the big stuff or success. It all feels like a waste of time of unimportant nonsense until we die. We are all just waiting and trying to keep busy with the out dated magazines or day time tv. I needed to hear this as someone who deals with this emotion, so thank you.
Yes agree. I was watching a home renovation show and they were so passionate and I thought to myself “why do they care if they are going to die anyway” I recently heard a quote comparing life to music. Just because we know a song is going to end eventually doesn’t mean we can’t dance and enjoy it while it plays!
A year worth of therapy and all I got was "just don't think about the bad stuff" and then half an hour of your video and most of my life suddenly makes so much sense, and you gave me an idea of how to overcome my executive dysfunction that comes from anxiety/stress of anticipation of unpleasant event. I never even considered that third time frame and I've experienced many of them. There were many times when I didn't want to go somewhere, but went and ended up enjoying an experience or being proud of the fact that I had that experience, even if I didn't happen to enjoy it. Mind. Blown.
“Just don’t think about the bad stuff” like, does that therapist even know what PTSD is?! I don’t really get a choice about thinking of the bad things 😂🙌🏻
Try doing it with health problems. Makes worse have try hard to do simple things. And covid don't help everything feels scary doing therapy I'm still trying but feel like a freak ugh
Anhedonia is reason why i dont care about anything anymore and i want die im not suicidal probably because im too scared and i have family but i still hope that i would just die. i still do things because i know if i stop i will never get better i feel like almost no one fully understands me. what you told about your experience with anhedonia was interesting and gives hope.
I've been thinking of visiting Canada for MAID if/when my family's history of illness catches up with me. I don't even want to go into treatment provided the need for it to survive.
Makes sense to me. I’ve had a terrible 2 years (aggressive breast cancer and son’s suicide). Yesterday was one of the worst days yet and my son has been gone for over a year. I feel like I should be doing better than I am. I found your videos yesterday, and I’m so thankful. It may sound dramatic but they’ve given me more hope than I had before that I am going to feel better. Thank you so much! ☮️♥️
I too have experienced the loss of a son to suicide. It has been 6+ years. Each year has brought a new/different layer to the grief. Understanding my emotions and the process of living with all that his suicide has created in my life (and the lives of his siblings and friends), has been a journey of considering new perspectives regarding this type of loss. My warmest wishes to you - from one mother to another - as we give ourselves the gift of allowing our feelings of indescribable sadness as well as allowing moments of happiness...new ways of understanding and welcoming our ever-changing emotions. For me, learning a new way to communicate with my son has been a welcome relief. XOX
Made perfect sense to me! I back out of things/activities all the time. I worry constantly about the event to the point that I dread it, wish it were over. And then I cancel. 😢
OMG..never thought his was a thing until I saw this video.. I started feeling like this I think mostly right when Covid hit.. I enjoy nada..should I speak to a therapist? Blessings for everyone..❤
Hi Scott, this is Jeff in Wisconsin. This video made a great amount of sense to me. Gosh I wish I had you around to tell me this in my earlier life ( I'm now 80 YO). I can tell you now that I will look at events and experiences in my life in the framework you presented. Thank you very much !
In one of my most down periods 2 years ago I forced myself to take a drive with my dogs to see the fall color changing of trees. It’s become a fond memory where I hold a lot of compassion for my hurting self at the time. I believe your theory is correct.
Yes! Add yams daily & lay off sugar, esp at night. The Army released yrs of studies on Tinnitus & Hyperacusis. Huge difference was the consumption of sweet potatoes!
@@alinalemanska2029 Believe me, God has not helped me. Just knock and the door shall be opened. I've been hammering away at the door for the best part of 20years. Your comment isn't helpful.
thank you. i struggle to be happy and enjoy anything i mean it. it's awful. it's like being unable to like or enjoy anything at all. even my old favorite things from places, people, food, work, hobbys etc.
I just found this....I have been so ashamed to let anyone know that I haven been feeling any joy ..I feel flat as I call it completely flat and it's many years now. I do things because I know I used to like or enjoy ...and I have to force myself and very often I give up....I have been depressed for also a number of years unfortunately where I'm from this is a luxury problem. Thank you very much for this enlightenment..that what I feel has a name and not in my head. Been waiting to die for the last 20years and I wake up every morning and go through the day , people find me kind,helpful, nice, funny always having a smile on my face ..but inside all is dead. Funny
@Mbonika: Your positive traits you mentioned bring ppl happiness more than you will ever know. It sounds like you light up the room & thats beautiful. It takes a strong, courageous & selfless person to do this considering the mental state your in. I have similar traits & I discovered that the kindness and compassion is never reciprocated. I'm 36 & have never met 1 person who is willing to brighten my day, or put any effort in as I do. I believe 💯 that the lack of acknowledgement from peers, coworkers, bosses, family & more along with an emotionally abusive relationship is absolutely the cause for the Anhedonia. We're exhausted emotionally & physically. I haven't left my bed for weeks. I'm so sorry your feeling this way. I know easier said than done, but be strong. Try to do something, anything that gives you even just the tiniest bit of feeling & remember that there are great people out there that can provide you the support you need. I know thats scary because youve been let down so much but theres 7 billion ppl on this planet and most ppl are good. Don't give up. You still have chapters to complete & rooms to brighten. Ppl will always remember how you made them feel. You're special and rare. ❤
I can relate to everything you said. My dad was a toxic narcissist and just beat me down during my teens. I'm 63 now and still trying to gain my self esteem. I also experience depression and anxiety. Thank you for your insight ❤
You are the first person in 60 years who has been able to put your finger on what I feel. I mostly dread things, even if it’s something I want to do. When it’s far off I can agree to lots of things. As the commitment gets closer I increasingly dread it and always try to get out of it. I have to go to an award ceremony next month. It’s a big deal but I’m already preparing myself for the disappointment of not winning as I know I will take it very personally. I used to believe in manifestation, but that never really manifested. I get you, and I feel like you get me. You describe my emotional world exactly. You are an awesome dude❤
what's the award for? the simple fact you care about losing is a positive sign from where Im sitting...well laying. Shows you still care about something & value your self-worth x
@alisonbyford4092 don't ever worry about not winning, participating in whatever you did was achievement enough, I remember doing disco dancing many years ago but I refused to participate in the events and they would say why, and I just said I didn't want to and yes I probably would have trophies and medals but the very thought of getting judged by anyone was something I wasn't going to do no matter how good they thought I was, I was getting judged for years in my own house and being told I was nothing until I believed it. The thought of being judged was something that I couldn't do, as people are so cruel and trophies wouldn't have meant a thing to me, people judge us from cradle to death and that's what we do as humans we criticise everyone else not caring if or even thinking about the damage we do with our words. I have wasted years by locking the world out and it's because of constantly being hurt by cruel people and the only way to stop it is by staying inside and away from the outside world.
Wow! Without realizing it, ive been in this situation for the past 6 years--since i bought my house . Bad noisy neighbors, ripoff contractors, indifferent family, grown sons (1 mentally-ill), etc. Ive been in survival mode for this whole time, leaving me hardly any room for other feelings afterwards.
This describes what I experience to a T! I had a call from a friend that I like to hang out with her and drive to a few nearby places while her maid cleaned. It was a last minute invitation but as usual, I didn’t want to go. I panicked over having to quickly decide then I told my mind that I have no real reason not to go. I got ready fast and went. It was mostly just OK but we went to fun, new to me places! Afterwards I was very proud of myself for going even though I didn’t want to. My husband was happy I went, too.
Thank you so much. Your wording of the experience of anhedonia is the most accurate I’ve heard so far. Thank you for making me feel seen and understood in a time where I feel so isolated from the world around me. Depression can make you feel so alone in your thoughts and worldview. Reading the comments makes me feel more human and connected. Thank you for creating this space and giving people the license to share a community. I know it’s just TH-cam, but it really makes a different reading similar stories as mine. Thank you ❤️
Thanks for your words. I'm a Brazilian, 32 yo, going trough a period of my life feeling nothing, hardly enjoing moments of enjoy, but thanks god, I still try to have experiences, unconsciously, like you said, I know that in the future I will enjoy remembering that moment.. 🙏🏾
I want to ask a question as someone that is suffering from Anhedonia.. do you have any gifts or ability's. Empath, energy sensitive, Intuitive, clairvoyant, hsp highly sensitive person or Geo Sensitive meaning you get headaches from Enviromental changes storms ect. solar sensitive meaning some days being in the sun hurts your eyes.
Oh, man. That "black hole in my life" bit resonates all the way to my core. I've got very little in the way of memories of the last 20 years thanks to depression, anhedonia, and constant, utter exhaustion from simply trying to stay alive in a world that's not built for my AuDHD brain. When I was younger and had more energy, I used to make myself do things even when I wasn't feeling them in the moment...but that lost its viability as I got older. I'm constantly having to factor in the exhaustion factor, taking care to limit my energy expenditure to something that won't result in missing work, getting fired, and losing my means of staying alive.
Same. I can barely drag myself to work but I need it to survive and pay bills, so I cut everything and everyone out of my life to preserve my energy expenditure
My ADHD that was diagnosed at 61, along with having chronic stress and depression, that I've had as long as I can remember, is so debilitating that I try to do nothing. The stress of getting ready, having everything I need to leave the house is overwhelming, something always gets messed up. I forget, I misplace, I don't remember where, when, it's so frustrating and exhausting, that I just want to stop having any responsibilities. Sounds like a cop out, I guess it is. I'm so tired all the time, like walking through mud. Even right now while writing this my guts are in a ball of pain, never goes away. Been on meds since my 20's. My Children, Grandchildren and a couple of cats that I rescued are the only reason I'm here.
Reading everyone’s comments is so beautiful. So many intelligent, compassionate people here. People who can describe complex emotions in an almost poetic way. We might struggle, but we are gifted in so many ways. Find out what really sets you on fire with passion, it might be something you’ve never tried before.
Between doing the thing and not enjoying it, and that possible future appreciation, is the feeling of satisfaction from having at least got myself to do it at all. This is no small thing, and we should congratulate ourselves for having made the effort.
I'm exactly like that. Constant anxiety related to work, everything that used to be good is "meh" and don't care about going out or seeing other human beings anymore.
I have chronic treatment-resistant depression, and generalized anxiety disorder and have for decades. Anhedonia defines me. Nothing is more frustrating than the disconnect between your cognitive self and emotional self. Telling me to get up and do something is just like telling a paralyzed person to get up and walk.
I was dx with anhedonia 25 years ago. I didn't even know what that meant. I now have it again. When I was younger I had a reason to try to get better. I had three young children that motivated me. Now I am estranged from my family, Because of health problems I can barely even walk from my bed to my bathroom. A shut in. I feel like everyday I Stare at the ceiling and wait to die. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
I know this sounds crazy, but try the carnivore diet. I've been on it for 2 months, muscle and joint pain has vastly diminished and some joy and hopefulness is coming back. I too was near bedridden and estranged from adult children. The estrangement was killing me faster than the physical problems but now with the improvements in my physical decline, I at least feel ready to make new friends and not ruminate on missing my children.
I am sorry you feel that way. Look up the doctors episode about the OMAD diet and read the comments. Tons of people healed from varying states of depression and physical illness. ❤
I'm very sorry you are going through this. I think a telephone support group might help handicapped people who are homebound. I am homebound myself and I know how hard it is to go out with limited mobility. It takes so much physical effort that it takes away from possible good experiences. Perhaps you are eligible for home health care, contact social services. Tell them you really need help. I've had those services and it can be very helpful. At least you have contact with others. Wishing you the best. ❤
Thank you. This is my life. I'm just in the midst of a severe depressive episode right now & with the anhedonia, it's easy to think "what is the point of trying to get through it, I will never feel good again & every single thing feels like a mountain to climb." You've helped me feel more heard & seen on this channel than any of my friends or years of therapy. Thank you.
Thank you for speaking of this state of being. I have been in the position for the last two years. I am 73 in a months time. All this has made sense for me, gratitude. 🦋🦋🦋
I've had anhedonia for decades. It got me wondering why is anything fun? What's fun for one person isn't interchangeably fun for another person. So what makes something fun or un-fun. I realized that fun for me was transactional. What I gained out of it had to exceed the effort I put into it. For example, I used to ski, and ski fairly well. But it was a very long, unpleasant drive up and back, and it is a very expensive pastime. Eventually, my skills plateaued and the gains diminished but the effort and cost remained high. Thus the trips became less fun and more of a duty to engage myself in a recreational activity. And then I'd get frustrated with myself because how could I be bored when I was surrounded by the beauty of nature and spent a lot of time and money to get here so, dammit, I had better enjoy it! So I eventually stopped skiing. But (getting back to the topic of your video) in spite of the those negative qualities of my ski trips, when I recall those decades old memories, I now predominantly remember the happy aspects and disregard the stress, effort and cost of the trips.
Skiing used to be a sport for everybody and was a good activity to meet people and have fun. Now skiing is too expensive for all but the rich as a day ticket runs anywhere from$125 to $250 a day and now it seems like all you meet are self centered narcissists and their brats. I don’t blame you for giving it up.
It actually makes a lot of sense. I just learned about anhedonia this past weekend. I was on a trip watching my son play in a soccer tournament (they won the championship 🎉) I knew I felt no pleasure or joy planning it, didn’t enjoy the drive there or back. I forced myself to do this for my son; I remember how I felt looking at the sidelines and no one was there to watch me or cheer for me…just an empty feeling. After seeing this video I’m hoping that perhaps this experience that was great for my son and I struggled through the whole thing may come up in my future life your Florida trip did for you. I need to check the door. I haven’t even thought to check to see if it’s locked or not. When a zoo has a baby elephant they prevent the elephant from breaking though a rope and escape. Eventually the elephant stops trying; when that happens the zoo removes whatever restraints they had because the elephant will forever believe it cannot escape by breaking that rope. Very similar to me and that door.
This is exactly correct! I talk about this in my other videos on Anhedonia as looking for the loopholes and running experiments. You clearly understand the concept already, but it might also be worth looking into the research on “learned helplessness.” It’s what you’re describing with the elephants but in a scientific context ❤️
I want to ask a question as someone that is suffering from Anhedonia.. do you have any gifts or ability's. Empath, energy sensitive, Intuitive, clairvoyant, hsp highly sensitive person or Geo Sensitive meaning you get headaches from Enviromental changes storms ect. solar sensitive meaning some days being in the sun hurts your eyes.
@@DrScottEilersour journey in this body has limitations..just like the elephant..it's a part of life...moving past that..there is joy...if you create it 🎉🎉
I thought I was the only one in this world that does not enjoy traveling, it is so helpful to listen to you and feel comfort, because nobody in my family understands me, or my friends! Thank you so much!!!
I get in trouble for this because people think I’m being mean. It can come across as low key insensitive or rude. But I just felt not good in the situation. I could never enjoy things like others - they’d all be laughing and carrying on?? I finally have a word for this. I’m shocked it’s depression. I thought I just had a mental block? This is deep! I’ve even thought I was weird for not living like others in that aspect.
This is literally more painful,than pain. I actually learned about this horrific suffering years ago. After being on meds for years, this happened to me. My biggest regret in life, is taking any meds for depression, anxiety, insomnia. It literally changed my brain.
I know I would be here without the meds. Yes, they may have changed my brain too, but to be honest it think the depression will do that anyway. I wish I could go back to a time when I did not need these drugs but last year proved to me that I cannot survives without them now.
@@wingnut71i stopped using anti depressants because they didint improve my life at all. If you stop first week is hell even worse than severe depression normally but after that i felt same than using meds i dont know if that is case for others but that is my experience i personally think that there are no point taking anti depressants if they give you zero benefit
I'm sorry anyone gets suckered into anti depressants. Our forced lifestyle is not for our health. People have lived for countless generations without them
@@dk6173 idont know - Idont know how it would be to simply feel nothing. being autistic I feel everything at a level I cant even describe. it would be nice to be numb.
Gosh you hit the nail on the head for me - I’ve done alot of things for other people my kids and husband - done a lot of traveling around to care for kids and help be a good nana - I am grateful for those experiences a d memories Now I’ve had back surgeries where I feel like i need to take better care of myself my home pets garden - My husband has made a lot of promises to me and our life when we got older I’m now 70 - he’s 84 He’s betrayed me and has made me look bad in front of the kids I do feel paralyzed not to go anywhere I hate pressure I’m going to follow all of your threads thank you so much
May God bless you through your difficulty and give you peace. I'm 77 and just posted something on here. It's hard to be older and really hard when you don't have a supportive spouse. My kids and grandkids are the reason I keep plugging along. Hope you can find something for yourself that can bring at least some amount of joy into your life. I have good days and bad days but I'm making time now to do what I need for myself. We can't be present for our kids and grandkids unless we allow time to care for ourselves first.
Just discovered your channel today, and I'm extremely thankful. I'm a 40 year old male struggling with these feelings for 20 years, and you just made me understand them and why I feel like I feel. The best of it all, today is a really bad day for me. Feeling very dark and empty and tired. I thought I was an extremely ungrateful, selfish person, never understood why I don't appreciate things in life more. Thank you for giving me hope, understanding. Greetings from South Africa. Come too think of it, I judged myself all these years for having these feelings.
Thanks for writing about your experience, everything you wrote is understandable. Good, you've noticed a lot. Now be kind, caring and extra sweet with yourself like you'd behave with another. I know, look who's talking..! I've came to certain realizations (every day there are others, thinking much!) thinking I must hate myself for not taking better care of me, especially this time. I'm so confused of myself as a person and then the traumas and grief and realizing some more things and remembering horrible events and suppressed feelings smack me whack. I'm trying to make sense of things instead of living. I'm in denial and forgot so much and my to go coping one of them is to "make myself numb" if it isn't happening by itself. The hurt and grief I feel like I can't take, some things are meant to hurt I'm trying to learn how to feel and allow it. I've been so scared and hurt, I don't feel like continuing. So I barely am alive, I know it's temporary so I push through while I regroup and give myself grace and permission to exist and enjoy life's beautiful moments with nature and animals. Take care ☝🏽🌌💖💫
There are a few things you can do to help yourself and take some of the pressure off. Don't judge yourself or feel guilty for depression. Depression comes w/ free floating guilt. It's a symptom, but at I did find a way to not let myself give in to the guilt or believe I deserved, and the guilt at least stopped. When it tries to come back, which is more rare now, it's that much easier to push away very quickly, because I've trained myself to refuse to believe it. This is a heavy illness and I'm not going to make it any worse by feeling guilty I have it. I was able to reason if I had heart disease or diabetes, I wouldn't feel guilty for that. The other thing is to practice gratitude for all sorts of little things that we tend to take for granted. I've somewhat disabled, but I had a friend who was in a fire, and the extent of her disabilities was off the charts. it made me see all the things I can do that she couldn't that I took for granted. She needed home support just to bath, and she would be breathless just walking to another room. She needed walker to go out in her car. She just passed away, but she was my mascot to teach me grace in suffering, and she trusted God for every move she made.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 "Don't judge yourself or feel guilty for depression" But you should feel quilty for what you are eating, because it is causing your depression in the first place - sugar and other plant nonsense (especially vegetables high in oxalates such as spinach or almonds) and the lack of red meat and animal fat are the primary causes of depression....
I'm 30 and I am a really high achiever and my depression has derailed me to the point of not working, not making any friends/lack of any friends, lack of purpose, lack of intimate relationships and feel trapped. I cant seem to find anything to do because just being out and about where i live is so painful seeing everyone else living their life and me unconsciously comparing myself to them. I dont want to compare myself to them. I just want to find a direction in life and go for it, but i am completely lost.
I worked at the same job for 34 years and I thought they had my back. I was severely injured due to someone else’s negligence on the job and when the company found out I needed several surgeries to be whole again, they fired me and directed workman’s comp to deny my claim. I was out on the street and over the last five years I spent thousands of dollars I don’t have for my surgeries. All the people that I thought were friends have turned their backs on me and I live pretty much without human contact. Since this started, I have gone from sadness and depression to being completely dead inside. Now I know at least there is a name for it. Dead inside is better than hurting.
You made the mistake of showing loyalty to your employer. Never do this. They will drop you without a thought the very second they think they can make more money another way because many business owners are psychopaths. According to most estimates 30% of the global population falls within the spectrum of psychopathy. I know that sounds high but we are talking about the complete spectrum. Psychopathy mostly manifests as the inability for a person to be able to feel empathy or compassion for others. Because of this, they are unable to self soothe their anxiety and fear the way the rest of the global population can by merely pleasantly interacting with other people. Instead, they feel the need to control people and resources around them, which offers them a false sense of security. Which political party in your country do you suppose psychopaths would gravitate to? Given these character traits, do we suppose that exploitation would serve Psychopaths better than anyone else? Given the behaviors of Getty, Edison and Hearst along with other robber barons of the past and billionaires now, would it be too much of a stretch to think that psychopaths are overly represented within the controlling class on the planet? Psychopathy is a mental illness that poses a danger to others and even the psychopaths themselves. Would it make sense to allow mentally ill people to control resources and power within a civilization? It's time for good people to take everything back.
I was so sad to read your comment. Did you ever speak to a lawyer? Your employer and the state should not be allowed to get away with this! God bless and keep you.
@@jeanienapier6566 thank you for your concern. I did hire a lawyer but in my state, you don’t get to take them to court, you are forced before a state arbitration board. The members of this board are all executives from the insurance companies and nearly always deny a claim. Horror stories abound where people are totally disabled at work and are denied claims then end up on the street. My lawyer settled for a paltry sum that was gone when I paid for the first surgery I had to have. The lawyer automatically got a third of what ever the settlement was. It has been five years and last winter I finally got my back surgery so now I am finally able to do things again. Fortunately, I inherited a small piece of land that I live on so I am not homeless. When I look at the three trillion dollar tax break that the billionaires and corporations got under Trump, I just shake my head and wonder WTF. Thank you for your kind words.
@jeanienapier6566 I went through something similar. Sadly, if you live in a right to work state like Indiana, your employer can dismiss you without outright firing you, and take a few back channels to make sure you don't get comped. All they have to say is "You can't prove it." And that's pretty much it.
@@jeanienapier6566 sorry I didn’t see your reply earlier. I sued and won but in this state lawsuits do not go to court but are forced in front of an arbitration board made up of insurance company executives. They determine the out come and judgment. My case was irrefutable but for the judgment, I got barely enough money to pay for the first surgery and carried the rest on my own. Basically, the deck is stacked against the injured worker and for the insurance companies and employers. Thank for replying.
This explains SO PERFECTLY how I have gone through a great deal of my life. When you described the comprehension of the moment traveling into your brain and stopping right before hitting the emotional part...I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. And it is something I have never been able to put into words for anyone to understand.
Thank u thank u. Hit the spot. This s what I need today while feeling everything s meaningless. You reminded me of my happening life , I m not such a bunch of crap after all😢. I hv bipolar , I feel that I m caged physiologically , catatonic , could b mitochondrial disorder etc . This moment it s hard not to feel that I m useless meaningless existence. Hey , but right , I had made an eventful past. I did it. I wish you all best. Hang in there . If not for anything , there s really a lot of beautiful kindness in life. A lot of ppl care.
This is the first time someone has articulated outwardly this mystery enigma I have been experiencing. What a relief to hear it put into words and shape some meaning into something concrete I can finally grasp onto. If you can capture haze or fog that are these types of thoughts and feelings, and then structure them into meaningful words & concepts, as impossible as I thought that was, this was it. So unbelievably helpful. Wow, thank you.
Ive struggled with depression on and off my whole life. It is by no means an easy condition to live with. Im thankful that there are videos like this from people whove thoroughly educated themselves on this condition. It helps people struggling with it to understand it more so that we can stop blaming ourselves for it and take action against it. Thank you for your videos!
I think one of the worsts feelings is ,not even having the oppurtunity,to achieve goals,have a good time out,enjoy your life in a meaningful way,when your stuck in the sameplace,with no escape and,everything you try to do just ends up failing...😢guys wish me luck
I firmly believe when the student is ready the teacher appears. I learned that a long time ago in AA. I have watched a whole lot of videos on TH-cam to help myself (five lifetimes full) but I must say, I'm really glad you can actually relate to the depths of despair from severe depression along with having usable answers. Thank you
I have not had any experiences worth remembering for years, has you say just a huge black hole, i stopped doing the things I used to love because the anxiety would far out way the enjoyment of the event/things, i cut myself from every one i knew because it was easier to be alone, but this is a very sad lonely way to live, infact it's not living, its just existing, im 60 this month and i would say I've spent most of my adult life alone. I used to like walking and would try to go for daily walk and maybe talk to strangers i met,recently due to pain in knees have no longer been able to do this, it was one of only a few things I liked to do, as a result my depression is worse. Sorry for sad post but definitely struggling lately and have been for a while. Thats a massive understatement
Have you ever had your hormone levels checked? I'm not sure what your financial situation is, but turmeric can work for some people. Plus, there's a research peptide called bpc 157 that could do wonders to help with the pain and healing process. I've been where you are. Things can get better, but only you can make that happen.
Doctor Scott, I thank God for you. About 12 years ago I was in an accident , while riding my Mnt. Bike I was hit by a speeding car and flew 25 feet Into a building an hit head first. My brain stem snapped a half inch chunk of C1 hoop and the hoop connections at C2 were both shattered. At the hospital I had MRI and waited for the Nuero Surgeon. It was a woman who entered the room holding one of the images. She looked startled and said someone is watching out for you. Then said, 80% of the time when I see an image like this I am looking at a corpse... After a complete nerve test I had zero nerve damage nor any any symptoms. No one said anything about the possibility of TBI or ptsd. But 4 months later all that manifested was diagnosed and received a VA pension. Anxiety and short term memory loss led to inability to make a plan or remember a plan. My VA councilor was so helpful because he had experienced all of that, with the help of VA he went back to university and became a nurse. He told me to challenge my brain and avoid stress. I followed that and was functioning at 85% normal. Recently I was robbed and I broke my hip experienced new trauma and brain functioning dropped off to 30 / 50%. Your videos are helping me understand what is going on in my brain. And the effect is less Anxiety! Plus I can resonate with you because you are a very knowledgeable person with a great personality and an amazing teacher. ❤ I appreciate you very much. Thanks for all that you are doing!
As both a professional and a person who experiences both depression and anxiety I am finding your videos very helpful. You have a wonderful way of explaining not so easy concepts. I will be sending my clients to your content as well. Thanks for being here.
I turned everything in my life around. It was a struggle but I did it! I forced myself to. I couldn’t let myself down and go through this sh*t anymore because I could see where this was headed. On a daily basis. I used to drink but haven’t in 13 years. Lifestyle, diet, exercise are so important to your mental health. Medication has been so important to my evolution. have been at the bottom with depression all my life. I have bouts that can for last days. No more feeling like that. I was in a bad funk and one day got back into my weight lifting routine, I walk my dogs, I am a mom, I work full time and just recently I added roller skating in there. I am so worth fighting for! I really can say I love me. I am always challenging my thoughts. If I can’t deal with it then I kick to the curb. Nah, depression isn’t a part of me anymore.
Medication has been so important to my evolution... an antidepressant? .. been thinking of getting on some since my wife of 13 yrs passed 8 1 23 of cervix cancer so sudden :( i used to be fine but cant get out of the funk- i can if i can sleep well but i dont
@@beatleme2 you can do this. You are worth fighting for. One thing I have learned is to never give up on yourself no matter what’s going on. Right now I am dealing with a ton of family situations that would take any normal person down. I won’t let this happen to me because I love me and I am so worth it.
No disrespect or saying that you didn't have the same thing that I have or what he is talking about but you don't just get over this shit I have anxiety and depression and it's something that I would give anything to not feel this way
thank you so much for sharing your experience! I encountered something similar in my life as well, I have periods where I just don't feel like doing anything even when I know I could enjoy it. I like saying that I was "sleepwalking through life". despite so, whenever I did muster enough energy to do something, I have never regretted it. I hope more people watch this video so they don't give up on happiness in the future!
Yep I know that feeling. I used to think maybe I was a replicant from Blade Runner, a cyborg given human memories to trick it into thinking it was real ❤️
I didn't know there was a name for this. Talk about social media being in my brain, because your videos were suddenly suggested to me as I am currently navigating grief from personal loss while still always balancing my pre-existing anxiety + depression. Just hearing you has given me so much comfort and insight, and actually allowed me to finally cry/release a bit. This makes so much sense and very much sheds light on this state of numbness I've fluctuated in for years. While I've always managed and worked hard on getting myself through these dips, this additional information will help in developing more/better methods of coping. Thank you SO MUCH for your words and advice.
I've been like this since a child. I'm seventy-four and my wife of fifty-four years told me that she remembers only four times that I have been truly happy. The excuse I give myself for hanging on is to take care of her, I highly prise our relationship. My face shows it.
You just may change a lot of lives Dr. Scott. Thankyou for your insights and taking the time to help those who have lost their way. You have a way with words and make sense where nothing seems to. You shine a light on what we can't see in our state.
I don't feel pity for myself I feel regret but the pressures are becoming increasingly overwhelming and I can't take it anymore. Lost my best friend my mom and I believe I can find her
This is really hard for me to hear, because I’ve felt low for so long. But the challenge at the end engages the “I have a task to accomplish “ part of my brain, and I am willing to try. I’ve been getting a lot out of your videos. Thank you for doing this.
This made me cry, Thank you.💛 I could never explain or even realised there is a word for this but it's sad I've had this many times and never understood it. I think the most important point you said was that it isn't easy, happy experiences won't immediately fix you or cure you. It's a process, and I do hope some day I am a healthier version of myself because, I'm now in my early 20s and most of life is a blur even though my family travelled and I made so many memories all I think about are negative stuff. Thank you for bringing awareness to this and genuinely wanting to help people.
This is so accurate, I didn’t know it had a name. I think a lot of people are in this place in the world right now. I have been in this place for the last year. Unable to do much with myself. This is a great reminder to Create memories to look back on. I think this also happens in the dating world a lot. People get anxious while they’re anticipating to meet someone. They text so much and they build up such an anxiety that they discuss everything through text and then they have nothing to discuss when they’re in person or even on the phone. But if we meet up with them anyway, of course in a safe setting and we have called our best friend to tell them that we are meeting somebody and they are tracking us for safety cautions. I think it helps. Maybe you can make another video as to how this relates to dating. I truly want to thank you for this video. And your delivery was amazing. This is really helpful for people who have been in severe depression or resistant treatment, depression. I have tried everything to treat depression. So many medication’s, TMS, the Amens Clinic with all the CT scans all sorts of therapy, EMDR psychedelics, etc. I really feel flat most of the time. It’s also internal. I’ve been in multiple bad relationships because of my overthinking. It kills the drive to wanna do anything. This affects the other person. We have to train our minds to look forward to building the memories, even though the anticipation in the moment might not feel like we thought it would thank you for this so much.
I know what you mean, I go dancing with a group, I feel nothing, I dance, I used to love dancing, I still go anyway and feel an inckling of fun which is good. I always feel better after I have been because I met people, I believe if I keep going, especially when I could easily talk myself out of it, it is ultimately better looking back later on. I would encourage people to ignore that what's point feeling and just go!
You have geat content here, especially for me. I'm 60, your 'new idea' has been my experience for decades. Expectation, anxiety, then just as I expect the rush of exitement, nothing happens and I realise I've put a lot of effort in to another, unrewarding and disappointing event. The only reason I keep trying is because I think my luck might change. I don't even have a warm glow after my achivements, just a sense of 'why did I bother.? You're the first person I've heard relate this emptiness in the same way I experience it, I'm not diagnosed as depressed and I'm certainly not miserable or upset about it, I just don't get the same buzz that other people do, so I kinda feel stuff, which should be "great" is overrated. I'm not entirely on board with your jam tomorrow idea but I'll concede that with no focus at all, life could easily become pretty empty and tedious and I can see why that attitude would be ideal for a lot of folks. I'm still working on getting a good feeling out of the present moment instead of looking to the future, if it happens, you'll be the first to know. Great video.😃
After 25 years of seeing the best available professionals, these two vids on anhedonia are by far the best I’ve seen and will help many. I’m proud of you. You should be, too. This should be an extremely positive experience you look back on for the rest of your life. I have worked my ass off fighting continually worsening refractory depression/anxiety and worst of all, the anhedonia. After 12 humiliating years on disability and many years of my docs begging me to “accept” that this is my life now and do the best I can with it and me stubbornly and vehemently refusing, I’m finally trying to do that. But I’m still fighting the anhedonia with that 3rd time frame you mentioned in mind. I’m moving to Southeast Asia, somewhere I can live more comfortably on my disability and completely change my environment. Somewhere a little crazy and radical and no negative associations. Even if I fail miserably there, I will have tried, and it will have been memorable. Now I just have to finish all the myriad and exhausting preparations.. These videos helped remind me that even after you’re basically written off. You still have to try. What on earth do I have to lose? What little money I’ve saved? I’d give away organs to feel again. Keep up the good work.
Wow, so much of what you had to say in this post really resonated for me. At 73, I am on a healing journey with Complex PTSD, with pretty intense anxiety and depression as part of my experience. My experiences of anhedonia have ranged from antidepressant numbed out, to garden variety lack of an emotional response to things that usually bring me pleasure. A bigger source for me was dissociation as a trauma response. And when I wasn't dissociation, I used intellectualization as a way of avoiding feeling things. It has been a long, slow process to shift out of my reflexive dissociation. Major work on grounding was a big help, as was mindfulness. I have had to train myself to pay attention to sensations in my body, which then gives me the option to use tools to cope with challenging emotion, clear old, stored trauma, and has also enhanced my ability to feel and recognize pleasurable emotions as well. And interestingly, it has been the intensity of emotions that triggers dissociation for me, not just the ones that create pain or discomfort. For me, memory can give me access to some experiences and emotions I dissociated from, but not experiences that severe depression sucked the juice out of. For years, my appointment books were my gateway to the dissociated memories. The things I recorded would jog my memories into remembering events, sometimes dimly, other times more vividly. The more vivid memories were the ones that often have emotions I can access. Your point about accessing pleasure through memories is especially helpful with my anxiety. Remembering that the fretting I do in advance and the sometimes challenges I have during experiences doesn't keep pleasure and joy from landing in my memories gives me an important tool for my decision making process. And it gives me stronger access to the pleasure and joy I am learning to recognize and feel safe and comfortable actually feeling. Your authenticity, deep experiential understanding, genuine empathy, clarity of communication and sense of humor are deeply appreciated. Your videos are becoming treasured resources in my tool box, and I believe the same is true for so many others. For those of us whose anxiety and depression are severe, even wonderful therapists often don't really understand some of the echoes and nuances that are so challenging. Clearly you do, which makes your support profoundly comforting and ultimately healing. ❤
I am successful. Achieved most of what I wanted but nothing brings me joy. I participated in an orphan ministry and that brought me some joy but I still have longways to go. I pray and worship and that seems to help some too.
This is so helpful. Between parentification in my teens and low paying multiple jobs in my 20s with toxic friends I fell into anhedonia. I don't remember much from that time. I fight this every day. Please keep creating videos on this. Thank you for such an informative video!
I resonate with this. In my mid-twenties, and this year has been one sucker punch to the gut after the other. Honestly, part of me don't feel like I ever recovered from a breakup with a live-in partner that occurred in early 2021; I've spent too much time in survival mode since then. Still, I have fond memories to look back on, even from 2021. My friends took care of me; we went and did stuff like hiking, aerial yoga, jumping into the ocean in 5 degrees Celcius... and now I can even look back on 2021 with a sense of fondness. Finally landed a place in an employment program this year, after being so burnt out I was disassociating while writing my dissertation. I suffer from severe imposter syndrome, literally do not feel equipped to do anything despite having spent five years of my life obtaining a degree. Do not feel like there's any place for me in the employment market, can't think of anything I want to do (or if I'd vaguely maybe enjoy it, I feel under qualified for it). Recent sucker punch came when this program to move my present supervisor over to a different program, meaning I'll get a new person. I got so well along with this dude... and I'm left with the same dàmn feeling as always; nothing good ever lasts, it's all gonna be taken away from me eventually, so why even try? Luckily, I have friends now who understand what I'm dealing with (in terms of burnout and chronic stress, at least). And they're still happy to hang out, and drag me along to various events. I also have an incredibly ingrained gym routine that I'm sticking to, not because it gives me joy atm but simply because it's been what I've done every week for more than a year straight now. Hoping some day in the future, it might pay off.... right now is an awful shit show, though, and part of me just wanna crash and burn. I feel like I'm screaming into the void, and all the resources that are there to (allegedly) "help me" are neglecting me....
This is me. Still. At the lead up, and the duration of an event, (even going to the store is an ordeal for me I have to do once a week), I am mostly stressed out, anxious, worried. ...all the while reminding myself to be grateful for many things, such as having a car I can pretty much rely on. But when I complete that event, and the world didn't fall apart... *Then* I am a range of emotions from relieved to romanticizing that event. Very well explained in your narrative. I understand perfectly. 🙂
I’ve never heard anyone explain anhedonia as well as you. Although I despise the phrase, “Fake it till you make it” has sort of been my approach to dealing with this awful state of being. I find value in looking for positive things and acknowledging them even if I can’t feel them. It’s hard to do that if I’m alone all the time. Socializing can feel like a chore, but as a conscientious person, I view it as my responsibility and that helps motivate me. I rarely regret it and often feel a sense of satisfaction for having overcome my discomfort. As for solo activities, I keep the consequences of not acting in mind. Sometimes my guitar seems to mock me from across the room. I find no pleasure in playing, but I know that if I don’t, days with no practice will make me and my muscles forget. So I set a goal of at least picking it up and strumming a little, and just do it. Sometimes I end up playing much longer than intended. And I’ve discovered that learning something new has a positive affect. Even if the resulting satisfaction is only intellectual, it’s still meaningful.
@@jeanienapier6566 Learning to play an instrument can be a great way of increasing self-esteem too. Start very simple and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Remember….this is just for you.
This is profound. I used to look down on people always chasing to "make memories" like it's a job, probably not even enjoying the thing, but I get it now. Memories of the past can play a massive supportive role in the present and further motivate you to continue doing things. "I'm so glad I did this"-type of memories make you want to do it again. Also makes sense that then in a depression spiral, when you shut yourself off from making memories, you are then faced with a lack of these memories to motivate you later. Though it feels kind of grim that doing stuff is often just a massive pain in the ass and that you probably live off from your memories. "Live in the moment" might actually be a massive lie and actually be more like "do memorable things". It's also interesting because your video goes much against some concepts in a recent HealthyGamerGG video "what enlightement does to your brain" Dr K does viewer interviews/discussions, having you there would be very interesting.
This is brilliant! I waited for absolutely years to see my favourite musician's gig (he hadnt toured for years) then announced a tour - ended up not getting tickets for UK (my home country - ended up being hours and hours of ticket queuing online) , I was about to give up and I was with my friend Kate and she was adamant that I shouldnt give up and took turns to take the ipad and stay in the online queue - I eventually got a ticket for Toronto (and it was cheap and is a place familiar to me). I was massively anxious about flying, being on my own at the gig (I couldnt afford two tickets and didnt know anyone who wanted to see them). I literally cried tears of absolute joy when he played my favourite song and THAT 6 minutes of my life was so worth everything - I had long flight delays, got caught unexpected in snow and drenched, had a migraine for most of a 9 hour flight, it was 8 years ago, and hes announced retirement now so that was literally my last chance to see him, I've never been so grateful that my friend pushed to get the ticket and told me not to give up! I have relived that 6 minutes, and the rest of the gig in my head many times since and it makes me so happy to recall!
Reminds me of the COVID lockdown when no one was doing anything and those years are just voids in our memories. Kind of feels like that didn’t change for me much. Your advice helps a lot; making memories and future emotional experiences is a good goal. I don’t feel like I have anything to look forward to right now so I don’t do or plan anything. This is motivation that I can understand.
Thank you so much! I am in the darkness at the moment. I do have something really big coming up, a rock concert in London. However I am in a wheelchair and stressing about everything! I know I will have a great time, but the anxiety is making me physically ill. What you say in this post is so true, in the summer I went to Europe for 5 Rammstein concerts! I wasn’t sure I could do it as I was going alone, but I had a blast, and now I look back on those memories with great joy and pride that I actually did it!
A rock concert is a fantastic vent for all kinds of anxiety and negative emotions. I'm wildly impressed you did five Rammstein concerts. I don't think I could do it now - even though many of my best memories are of concerts I went to in the past.
Why am I learning more here than I ever have in therapy? My family stole my joy, they turned any potential happy experience for me into a stressful, unhappy event, they literally stole my joy. And I learnt how and why with this video, thank you
WOW !!! You put so much effort into conveying this process. This is honestly the only time someone has detailed to me the importance of actually going through with activities. I have a difficult time during the planning and often during the actual event that makes it feel like it is just "too much". But you are absolutely correct. I can look back and appreciate some of the events I took part in! I now see that even if I don't "feel " like having an adventure now, I might be able to experience an eventual positive recall. It makes sense. We are often times defeated before we even start. This gives us hope and a reason to keep trying. Thank you 😂. Not all psychologists should be. You NEED to be . You put such thought into this presentation.
People don’t understand the appreciation piece that you talk about. I’ve had so many people advise me to keep a gratitude journal or focus on positive thinking. A person can be so far gone that it actually makes things worse because you’re putting in the effort, and it still feels artificial or removed. I remember being intellectually grateful but unable to feel the feelings that gratitude makes a healthy person feel. Now that I am no longer in depression I know that the inability to feel the gratitude was part of the disease and not the moral failing I thought it was. Hugs to everyone who can’t feel grateful rn. There are pathways back to yourself that you will eventually find if you just keep swimming.
Yes, seeing therapists, the gratitude journal pops up all too many times.
Thank you, Jeanette- In my upcoming rewrite, What is Good Evidence? I suggest
that acknowledging real "happenings" that
are big or small, LEAD to gratitude.
There's a chapter: FIRST Good Evidence, and THEN Gratitude. It's less work!! xoxo C
Gratitude never registers for me, your mileage may vary. It's like, "Hey, we put you in this world and lit you on fire, aren't you thankful we made the fire a little cooler?" F that. Life IS burning and I wish the burning to stop.
How do you know that people don't understand the appreciation piece.
Even if you don't squeal with delight in gratitude, it seems important to intellectually be aware of what is there to be grateful for. I agree it is NOT a moral failing, and is part of the disease of depression. I'm glad you choose to swim instead of sinking. Sometimes I have to wear those little floaties to keep going, but it seems worth the effort in the long run...or swim! LOL
I feel no joy from traveling, shopping, dining out. I have zero desire to be social. I have zero desire to take a shower, take a walk or do anything that I once looked forward to. I don’t wish this feeling on anyone . Nothing brings me joy.
I can totally one hundred percent relate. I'm there. I feel like i'm always there. Listen to his take away message! Even if you don't think it's going to feel GOOD, KEEP GOING! It's a true case of bring the bodyand the mind will follow. I hope you make it
@@lincolnparc8897 agree, went on solo trips even when they made me feel empty. Now looking back it really does give me joy that i did them regardless of how i felt at the time.
Even when you’re in the pit, there are still things that motivate you. The thing you might be missing is anticipation. If you want something and instantly get it, you short circuit the neural circuits that make motivation work in the first place. You need to build up desire.
Today, if you want a burger, you don’t have to wait a week for it. But you can choose to. Don’t just put it on your calendar for next week and forget about it. Spend time every day thinking about the best burger you ever had, how the sesame seed bun was slightly toasted, the tomatoes actually tasted like tomatoes, the nice thick piece of sharp cheddar, the crunch of the pickle, the smell of freshly ground black pepper… whatever your version of that story is, tell it to yourself, slowly, a few times every day. Build the anticipation for a week or two, go to a good burger joint, with a friend if you can, and see what happens.
I'm there too
I feel the same way 😭
I’m 70. I don’t remember hardly anything from my life. It’s like it never happened. Now, I don’t feel anything.
I truly relate to that! When people say such phrases as "You have your memories " I just smile mournfully and shake my head. I'm 73 and to an onlooker it's great.
@@nicolavowles2930 I feel your pain. Our lives have passed us by. Now I’m trying to figure how to meet new people, but there is no way. I live out in the jungle in a foreign country, can barely communicate in their language. No transportation. It’s peaceful. It’s beautiful, but since COVID, everyone quit socializing.
I'm 60 and can so relate. I will die alone and leave a very sad story
Keep it that way if you remember it your be in psychosis
In my 40s...and I remember...remember how disappointing my past and everything was for always being g alone and doing thi gs alone...the disappointment of rushing into a loveless marriage where the I lost one child, two if I count my stepdaughter I loved like my reL one I lost and she was Brainwashed to thi k I was bad...and I have raised my autistic son completely on my own and feel like a failure with him cause he's just like me addicted to games...
Thought I was doing so good by praying more and reading my Bible everyday, but today I'm just so unmotivated
I never knew anyone else felt this way. I have literally spent years doing nothing. Watching life pass me by and wondering why I don’t care.
Years ??😯😟
Same...
I know how you feel I have felt this way for about 7 or 8 years but don't know how or what to do because I really want to do things that I used to enjoy but I don't care if I live or die
Ditto that. At 59, with nothing to look forward to. No family, property, retirement savings, or useful skills to speak of.
This started with me dec 18 2016, the day I discovered some very unpleasant life changing information. 8 years later and I still feel completely empty and uninterested in life.
Please keep creating content on Anhedonia, please.
I promise I will. It’s so under represented on here ❤️
@@DrScottEilers Exactly... and it's much needed.. by me at least. It's really hard to push through by will alone. Ain't sustainable.
@@Shan-ug9nqagreed.
@@DrScottEilers💯
Feeling numb with no emotion, just flat!
I went skydiving and literally felt "whatever". I'm so bored and uninterested in everything, but I don't want to be. There's literally nothing in this world that I'm looking forward to. Everything just feels like a chore. I want help so badly because right now I'm wasting the best years of my life. I'm tired of feeling and being miserable.
I see you, I hear you.
The only thing that brings me comfort is God himself. I'd much rather get out of here and go to heaven - perfect joy, peace, enveloped in love, everything beautiful. That's how humans are supposed to live.
Wow, that sucks.I relate.
This is what stops me from leaving my room except to go to work. Because nothing in my mind is worth the effort i would put in to do it because i feel nothing.
@mayzienicholson9059 i am glad you can go to Work, i cant go out..😏🙏
@stellaancimer8505 Oh honey, I'm honestly feeling for you no matter where you are in the world, I wish you well.
@@mayzienicholson9059 same for you 🙏🙏
Reflection is rough. It's extraordinarily difficult for people to accept that absolutely everything they do will--without exception--become utterly meaningless and forgotten in 60-120 years (if not less). Think about it; unless you're Elon, XiXiPi, Heetlar, Stahleen, Chump, Harrison Ford, Didnay or Oprah... nothing you've done will be remembered in a dozen decades. Guaranteed! It is what it is. Acceptance is key.
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." --Diamond Dragons (Armageddon's Ballad)
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
you say im nothing but everything you truly want you already are
At 50 my girlfriend cannot believe I have not come from another planet.
Literally have not gone to restaurants, concerts, functions holidays. Almost have not live life.
Meeting her is slowly thawing me.
I have not had a friend for 25 years.
Didn't want friends.
I stress about everything so I have removed everything to cope.
Being stuck in 2 narcissistic marriages over the last 25 years I cannot estimate how much it effected me.
I am starting to feel my emotions and its an odd feeling and overwhelming at times.
Both joy and deep pain and sadness. But regardless I am starting to feel.
I am finally starting to live life little bit by little bit.
You are doing well.
That's great .... Hope everything continues to improve....✨✨✨🙏🏻
You must very good looking since you have had various long term romantic relationships during such a time. It’s great your living more 😅
@@goldenparachute392
Looks, so shallow. Perhaps a good person inside
Try ketogenic/carnivore diet and/or fasting....
I see a dad who invested a lot of his time, money and effort to make his son happy... If nothing else, that love is priceless
This explains what I am going through. In 2020 I transitioned from a job I loved to a job I despise. My stress levels have been sky high for three years. I also lost both of my cats at the end of 2020. They died within 2 months of each other. Once they left, I shut down completely. Now, my life consists of driving one hour in traffic to work, working 9 hours per day at a stressful awful job, driving one hour in traffic home to an empty house, and going straight to bed. I have no joy anymore. I don’t go out anymore because I’m too exhausted. For the last six months I’ve searched for another job and got several interviews, but I think the interviewer can sense my desperation and sadness no matter how much I smile and act like everything is okay. Every interview resulted in failure. I can’t take the rejections anymore, so I gave up looking. All the things I used to do to make myself feel better no longer work. So, here I am. 😢
hello sorry to hear about your cats one of mine passed away due to cancer he was 12 the other is 11 it's been 10 weeks and i have cried everyday cos i miss him so much i can't image what you are going through but You have to try to hang on when Despair has its claws inside your Soul it's impossible to think or function i do hope you have friends and family to talk to or try to get Counselling for your grief i wish i could do more but be Strong and talk to someone i do hope you get better big hugs
I've been there, still haven't found my way back. Are you taking any anti depressant medications? If not you need to see your doctor. If you can get sick pay you need to take 6 months off work to evaluate your life and try to find a new job. I'm off work over a year now after a disastrous 2022 when I tried to change meds and the new drug did not work at all. I just kept getting worse and Ended up in hospital for ten weeks. It was hell. Still struggling with anhedonia but think I may be seeing some improvement. I've decided I'm not going back to my job. Still not sure what I'm going to do but I'm taking my time. I hope you can find a way to bring happiness back to your life.
@SDsearcher, very sorry for the losses of your beloved cats. I understand about leaving a job I loved for one that I dispise (I had to leave the good job because they didn't allow employees to live in some US states, due to tax reasons). I am only 6 months in, but I am spiraling downward pretty quickly, and not even caring how my work performance is.
I don't have too much to offer, other than to say that you brought interest by the employers you interviewed with, even if you did not get the job. Getting the interview is a huge hurdle, so hopefully you can accelerate that thought as positive thoughts and continue with interviewing. Sounds like a better job would do a lot to improve how you feel. We're rooting for you!! Good luck!!
Hello, I read your comment the other day and it hit home. I don't have many words of consolation but I do understand, since I am going through something similar. The difference is I really used to love my job and then due to poor management it turned into a sh!thole and now I work longer hours while being less paid. Worst of all, I don't see the results of my work due to these ''innovative techniques and ideas'' that the management thought of. As for your cats...I am so sorry. There is NOTHING that can compare to the pain of losing our animal family. I lost my dog in May. I still cry every day. Sometimes I scream and curse (when I'm alone) . I was listening to a psychiatrist explain why does the loss of our animal family hurt so much. She said that the bond we create with our pets emulates the bond we have (or should have) with our parents/ caregivers within the first year of our lives when we are loved unconditionally whether we are cranky, crying, soiled, sick or whatever. Later on this bond btw caregiver and a child becomes, weather we like to admit it or not, fairly conditional on both sides. So we spend our whole lives searching for a bond / love like that and the closest thing that comes to it is the bond with our pets.So when they die that love is forcibly being taken away from us. And in my case, it was the first time in my life I felt that unconditional love. She took care of me I think, more than I took care of her. When I lost her,I lost both a mother and a child and a best friend (Friend was actually her name). And IMO it is even more difficult than losing a human family member due to lack of support. ''Oh come on it's just a cat/dog/bird/rabbit...buy another one. It's not normal to cry like this over an animal. You know there are people who lose children, you are lucky. Get over it, it's stupid. She is a crazy cat lady, that is why she is alone. You know his dog slept on his bed? Eww that is sick.'' Nobody would say this about a human so we tend to ''downplay'' our pain which makes it worse. So that is why I cry,cry,cry whenever I feel like crying. Nothing brings me joy and I am angry most of the time. The only time I DO feel alive is when I help stray animals, and there are a lot of them in my country, unfortunately.I feed them, build homes, neuter them, treat them for diseases and I do my best to find them a home. The flip-side is that often times I see them suffer, hurt and die (mostly by the hands of people) which makes it worse for my emotional well-being but I cannot stop, I will not stop. I have always helped homeless animals and I adopted a few of them. But when my Friend died I unconsciously made a promise to her and to myself that I will always do what I can. If there is an animal shelter near you, go there when you can. I'm not saying adopt another cat, just visit. Help, bring food, treats or just spend time with the animals. If it's once a month, it's once a month. It means a world to them. And to us as well.
Loss of our pets is a deep grief. My comfort was that my boyoh still exists. Still loves me. I will see him again. That bright spirit in a jack russell coat... We love them and are loved, and love never dies.
But not having that bodily comfort here is a great loss.
I hope you come back to life, and that your circumstances resolve and improve.
I don’t like doing anything with people, I avoid everything, live alone, I love animals and nature but not people. I don’t go out with people, I go to the beach or the mountains or the desert with my dogs and that’s all I like so it’s all I do, all the time. It’s peaceful but for 50 years prior my life was constant trauma so I’m healing but don’t plan on ever having another relationship or changing, I am the way I am and I’m okay with it.
You stick with it then. Like you animals bring me peace as well.
Humanity isn't my thing, either. I wasn't sent here to BE one of you... I came to *enlighten* some rare, specific souls, and then be on my way elsewhere. Reflection is key.
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." --Diamond Dragons (Armageddon's Ballad)
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
I am exactly the same. I wonder if this is healthy as I am not sure If I might be depressed and that's why I am OK being this way or am I perfectly fine.
I have been very outgoing and social for most of my life.
But about 3 years ago it all changed.
If I would not have my dog, I would not even leave my apartment anymore.
Friends I talk to on the phone once in a while, but I don't get out of my way to see them.
Could that be menopause?
I am 49 now.
Also lost any interest in dating.
But again, I feel like it does not bother me.
I am confused.
Im not ok, and my soul is still intact more or less. But I'm not oke that you're not oke, although I respect your decision if it was. I pray God will restore our souls and put it in its own righteous place and become untouchability
@@i.a.2247sounds like you had an awakening. congratulations 🎉
Because in my past I gave so much of myself to so many, (I'm a health care worker), I no longer can sustain relationships with new people that enter my life. Close friends & family & that's it. And even then i find myself limiting my time with them & feeling exhausted on every level. It's like a full tank of gas dwindled down & running on fumes. One does get to the point where helping so many & getting crumbs in return depletes the soul. I heard of Anhedonia talked about with patients & have come to realize this is also something I'm experiencing & have been for some time. I believe it's our circuits over-loading & our being shutting down in order to function. I believe we feel empty because we leave pieces of ourselves with things & people we used to love & now there is nothing that remains.
Yes.... when I lost my dream career job of 25yrs... it ripped my life out of me
!!! It was where I could be myself and enjoy life.
I have horrible anxiety, insomnia, and depression.
I.... just lost all joy In living.
It really hurts knowing I had a chance to return!! But was giving wrong information...!! And I threw in the towel because of the anxiety and insomnia I was suffering from..... I couldn't think
@@klanderkal I hope you get your joy back and find the support you need. Take care.
@@laura2372 Thank you...
I'm so trying.
It's so difficult... im 62 , and my job was everything to me. For decades I was a very happy city bus driver. All my friends are there. My hobbies and activities were integrated in one way or another. It made me always want to workout to look good. Life had such a great structure. And... was my identity.
.... the Stress and Anxiety was so bad.... insomnia and depression came. I just struggle. Wishing none of this happened. I want my life back... its so hard to go forward. It's hard in the present moment...
Just found your channel.
I sure do relate to you and look forward to hearing more of your videos
I never knew this was a thing. I've spent my whole life thinking I'm just broken somehow. Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one. I'm literally trying not to cry as I write this. Thank you!
Cry. Trying not to cry buggers everything up. Crying is so necessary. I hope you can have some more good, big cries!
I didn’t know it was a thing until today either. My brother is always saying to learn something new every day. I think this qualifies. Who knew I could learn about myself from TH-cam?
I have ezxperienced tbis recently but I did not know the namd.until the nurse mentioned it.
I totally relate. I have stopped doing things because nothing is fun or good. It's 5 am and I'm not glad I woke up.
You are broken somehow. We are.
I lost my mother in 2021. She was my universe. I’d been her carer as she had Alzheimer’s. I have complex mental health issues, since she passed I’ve had DPDR and every day I mostly just feel numb. Some things change, l feel love for my adopted cat, and a little joy. But my happiness is all measured. I think I’m afraid of what’s underneath the numbness, because grief has nearly destroyed me. I’ve just found your channel Dr Scott, and I’m really listening.
❤ to you. I also lost Mom in 2021 after being her caregiver. This event triggered an episode that won't seem to pass.
@@rebeccagirson1087 I understand exactly what you mean. It’s like an ongoing grind when sometimes time seems to crawl past and something inside me keeps trying to find her. I believe she’s somewhere, that I’ll be with her again. But in the meantime it’s often unbearable. ❤️ to you too love.
I wanted to spend time with my mother but all of a sudden one day she was just done with me, just chose to be done pretty much, when my son got older, and started living with her, I was old news
You need to talk to a therapist. Dr Scott is a TH-cam channel that u agree with.
I’m so sorry, I lost my mum 2 years ago and haven’t been able to feel anything but grief since. She was my world and we were so close . I miss her so much and I know life will never be the same. I feel like I should be ok now but I know I’m not even close . I wish you peace my friend
You make total sense. I'm 74 years old now. I was depressed and very anxious from age 13. I did a lot of things in my life in spite of my constant anxiety. Now, when I look back on my life I feel sad. Cause I didn't really enjoy anything. Traveling, going to concerts, I was always so uncomfortable. In 2018 my partner died. We had a 20 year relationship but there was something off with him. He had a heart of gold but lived in a fantasy world where I couldn't reach him. It took me five years to get over his death. Everything about it was traumatic. In 2022 I had enough of staying at home and mourn. I live in Amsterdam and decided to spend the winter in Portugal. It was the best decision ever. It was like I finally had control over my own life. Before that I lived the life of my parents, the life of my partner. Always adjusting to others. I just cannot live with other people. I can visit them as long as I can decide when I leave. Sometimes I think: I just want to erase 60 years of my life. But at the same time the horrible experiences I had to suffer, like the ridiculous things psychiatrists told me, I know now my feelings were genuine and the judgment of psychiatrist or doctors were so wrong. Such an insult. I finally reached the point that I believe in myself, I have a much better insight then those so-called experts. The main thing is: I want the best for myself. Nothing less. I wish I had known that when I was 6 years old. Demanding the best for myself. From parents, teachers, grown-ups. Instead I tried to be the person they wanted me to be. Never again. When I look back I feel a lot of shame. Letting other people take advantage of me. Believing I was worthless.
I’m 31 and this resonated so much with me. Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope it brings you contentment knowing that you’re not alone
@@mattb1568 ❤️
@@mattb1568I’m also 31 and same
@@easiersaidwithmeg we got this 🙏🏻
Thank you for sharing your experience in life. ❤️
I had this after being brought down from vyvans, its like living in hell,
Working out and cbt brought me back from the edge
Anhedonia. I've heard of this and know that I've had this since the 1980s. I'm now retired and it has gotten to the point that I barely leave the house except to go to the grocery store and occasionally to lunch with one of my very few remaining friends. Depression to varying degrees has been my state of mind since I was probably 9 or 10. I'm resigned to it.
I'm only 35. But I was saying that in my early 20s. It's something I get to deal with till I'm lucky enough to die. It is what it is.
Do you have any tips on how to deal with this at least momentarily? Or day by day? And any tips for loved ones (me) who want to help and support the person going through this? It seems to be his inborn temperament (in his own words) and I don’t know if encouraging him to think positively will help or make things worse.
@@fairy601 - I'm certain that telling him to think positively wouldn't be helpful. I'm not a mental health care expert but I know what works for me. I appreciate it when my family or friends call me to see how I'm doing and to involve me in activities. Besides that, I can't give you any definitive suggestions. My family actually doesn't even know that I suffer from this and they're living their own lives. I've tried numerous therapists and antidepressants and finally hit on one that has provided some relief. Life is a bit better now. But it has taken many years to get where I am.
@@fairy601Hi. I’m a middle aged woman who resonated greatly with the inborn temperament comment. I grew up with prolific abuse and carry resulting trauma. I am and seem to have always been melancholic. Though I don’t know which came first, the temperament or the abuse, I do have some things I deeply hope will help your loved one. It seems you’re very sensitive to unintentionally inflicting harm which, in my case, is easy to do with forced/toxic positivity. If it were as easy as thinking positively, everyone could do it. In turn, I ask myself questions that are thinking based vs feeling. For instance, when I’m feeling particularly hopeless I ask myself how much I can trust my current feelings. If the actual physical reality of my environment doesn’t match the inner, I ask myself if it’s possible that I just pause for a while before “listening” to those feelings. I can usually get to a place, logically, that recognizes that the doom feelings are essentially lying to me and I try to wait them out.
I don’t want to invalidate any feeling, just examine its presence. I still have the feeling, unfortunately, but have debunked the legitimacy that it actually needs to be as extreme as it feels. I hope this makes sense and can be helpful. Your loved one is lucky to have you in their life. 🫶🏻
@@fairy601 To add, I often times think my way through actions vs relying on feelings to get them done. If it’s difficult for me to do something that should be done, I ask myself to make a case for each action: doing the thing vs not doing the thing. Being as objective as I can be, the “why I should” column usually wins. Again though, I’m never trying to invalidate feelings-they’re there, they’re real, and I don’t think the gloomies of various degrees are ever going to leave-but I do give myself permission to challenge and work around them. 🫶🏻
I have to force myself to do everything. Cook, eat, shower, watch tv/shows, go to work, socialize. I don't have the joy in things I do like enjoy my shows, play video games, hobbies
so real
"Why don't you do something you enjoy?" How often do you hear that? What can you do when everything is just another task? Hobbies are just empty, scripted tasks. People who enjoy things just don't get it. I hope you find an answer.
Sorry. Same here bro! :-(😢
God please help me! 😔
As someone else mentioned, anhedonia for me has been a survival mode. After our kids grew up, I definitely had empty-nest syndrome. My husband can't deal with emotions so he is no comfort. Luckily our kids and grandkids give me a reason to not kill myself. There was a point I reached 3 years ago where I was not able to cry for any reason and was in full blown depression. I was basically a zombie. Now this will sound strange since I am a 77 year old grandma. But I found a K-pop group online called BTS and through their music and their sharing their own stories, the tears finally came. And then I was finally able to feel emotions again. (My family finds it funny. I tell them I'm just a crazy old lady, haha) When I feel sad, I go listen to their songs like Blue and Grey and cry and then I can feel alive again. There are times i simply must be alone and my family just has to accept it. Luckily we live in the country and I have a swing and my own little "zen" spot. Maybe there is some kind of music, or a favorite old movie, etc., that can help some of you. Also writing poetry or Journaling. And writing down the pain or anger and hurt you feel and then burning the paper can help to release the emotions locked inside that are keeping you in prison. I'm facing no longer being able to drive because of vision problems, which means loss of freedom. But I'm learning to deal with it. And if I live to be 80, I'm praying I will be able to walk the Camino. (Look it up.) (And maybe go to a BTS concert when they get out of the military. ) We have to discover who we are and not worry about what anyone else thinks Being in a zombie state is so painful, especially when you don't have anyone who understands, but you can find a way out.
Reading this comment makes me so genuinely happy:) I'm so glad that you were able to get out of that phase and find stability and joy and god knows how hard that can be. What makes me the gladest (is that a word?) is to think that now, if harder times were to come again, you have the tools within yourself to find your joy and stability and it's the most important thing in the world.
This is the most heartwarming and inspiring story I've read in a while.
I hope you will take the time to write this up and send it to BTS. They'll probably never read it, but if they do, I'm sure it would mean a lot to them to know how far their music has reached.
@kikijewell2967 Oh, I hadn't thought of that. Good idea. Thanks
@@conniepowell2013you wrote such a creative response to that awful state of no pleasure, no depth of feeling, and thar frustrating lack of tears! I am so impressed, and thankful for your contagious hope, and courage. Your comment on a youtube thread can change lives for the better. I am very grateful to have read it and "met" you : )
@@Plethorality Thank you. May God bless you and give you peace.
After full-blown PTSD, I had my first experience with anhedonia. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't even feel empathy. I remembered very clearly what empathy was, and how it felt, and how odd it was to NOT feel it at times when...for decades...I'd been completely able to feel empathy for total strangers, but I couldn't feel anything, not even for those closest to me. I couldn't even feel sad about the loss of it...or regret about not feeling it...or remorse...I could not feel anything. It was like existing and not existing all at the same time. Most bizarre experience of 56 years on this planet.
I would not wish PTSD on my worst enemy. It will upend your life, and make you not be able to recognize or relate to the person you had known yourself to be for decades before the traumatic event.
Reflect, sentient one. Recite the hex of final vows.
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." --Diamond Dragons (Armageddon's Ballad)
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
Exactly
Pretty similar but thankfully my family have done their best to make me FEEL guilt about being such an "unempathetic buzzkill".
True
@@Novastar.SaberCombat Shut up, wackadoo.
This hit me so hard in the context of the last 10 years of existing in grief. It’s only now some of the experiences of the last 10 years are coming through the blur. Including Motherhood. I lost my mum to cancer whilst I was pregnant and then my Dad a year later. It’s like I’ve been underwater. Now, every so often, I get to take a breath. And enjoy a memory.
I've had these feelings, this overwhelming anxiety and depression since I was about 22. I'm 54. It never goes away. Your videos are only time I have ever felt a mental health professional understood what I experience. When I can afford it I will buy your book. Maybe I can finally escape this hole.
Sending positive thoughts. From another 50-something year old who had dealt with crippling depression and anxiety since age 20. Be well!
I'm in the same boat! Sending you guys lots of love ❤
I’m 54 as well. Never really put the depression label on myself. Just thought this is me. But now realizing I’ve been depressed for decades.
There is a book? Name please.
@@JennyLory Also in my 50s, dealing with anhedonia. Did/has anything helped you return to the world of emotions?
There is another similar condition which is known as "broken heart syndrome", or a frozen heart. This is when a person cannot feel any feelings, because when one has taken too much emotional and mental pain, the heart has its own kind of a trip switch, and switches off the emotions to protect oneself, and one cannot feel joy or emotions regarding new experiences. The old experiences and pain are still there, but the measure is full, and there is no more room for further emotional pain. It can stay this way, if there is permanent damage, but it can also switch on again, when one has healed somewhat and has had peace and no serious further painful experiences.
There is no healing.
When I was 13 my Mother was killed. My Dad went into a deep hole. I have never felt happiness or love. I also isolate and don't want to get close to anyone for fear of the pain of losing them. I've been on Every Antidepressant there ever was. No help. Been to 100 therapists. One of them when I was telling one lady about the experiences of my life. Her eyes got as big as Saucers, and her face was frozen in horror. She kept saying Ohhhh, and Oohhh I knew that She Could Never help me.
@@julieyoung3315 😥
@@julieyoung3315 I am so sorry for what You've been through. Really wish You would find the doctor/antidepressant that gives You some relief.
Thanks for giving a name to the thing I'll have to talk to a therapist about, when I can eventually afford one. That's exactly how I'd describe the feeling... I want to enjoy, and be grateful, for the life I have, but when so much you treasured is ripped away from you, one right after another, the heart can just say, "No, I've had enough, I don't care anymore if it gets better or worse, because they'd both just hurt now..." And then it just never came out of that, I'm still sitting there alone under that cold Hunter's Moon 17 years later. But at least now I can give that brokenness a name.
My life is like a waiting room is how I have described my major depression. When you feel like nothing matters even the big stuff or success. It all feels like a waste of time of unimportant nonsense until we die. We are all just waiting and trying to keep busy with the out dated magazines or day time tv. I needed to hear this as someone who deals with this emotion, so thank you.
yep
Me too! I keep thinking "What am I waiting for? "
We all know what we're waiting for....
Yes agree. I was watching a home renovation show and they were so passionate and I thought to myself “why do they care if they are going to die anyway” I recently heard a quote comparing life to music. Just because we know a song is going to end eventually doesn’t mean we can’t dance and enjoy it while it plays!
I can relate totally
A year worth of therapy and all I got was "just don't think about the bad stuff" and then half an hour of your video and most of my life suddenly makes so much sense, and you gave me an idea of how to overcome my executive dysfunction that comes from anxiety/stress of anticipation of unpleasant event. I never even considered that third time frame and I've experienced many of them. There were many times when I didn't want to go somewhere, but went and ended up enjoying an experience or being proud of the fact that I had that experience, even if I didn't happen to enjoy it. Mind. Blown.
I’m so glad this helped !
“Just don’t think about the bad stuff” like, does that therapist even know what PTSD is?! I don’t really get a choice about thinking of the bad things 😂🙌🏻
@@OpalLeigh👏👏👏👏
Try doing it with health problems. Makes worse have try hard to do simple things. And covid don't help everything feels scary doing therapy I'm still trying but feel like a freak ugh
Amazing isn't he? My first visit and definitely not my last. He just makes sense
Anhedonia is reason why i dont care about anything anymore and i want die im not suicidal probably because im too scared and i have family but i still hope that i would just die. i still do things because i know if i stop i will never get better i feel like almost no one fully understands me. what you told about your experience with anhedonia was interesting and gives hope.
Same. Stay strong you're doing all the right things. 🙏
Same. ❤
same
Same 💜
I've been thinking of visiting Canada for MAID if/when my family's history of illness catches up with me. I don't even want to go into treatment provided the need for it to survive.
About looking back and see nothing but a black hole : it's so relatable that it hurts.
Makes sense to me. I’ve had a terrible 2 years (aggressive breast cancer and son’s suicide). Yesterday was one of the worst days yet and my son has been gone for over a year. I feel like I should be doing better than I am. I found your videos yesterday, and I’m so thankful. It may sound dramatic but they’ve given me more hope than I had before that I am going to feel better. Thank you so much! ☮️♥️
Hugs.❤
@@tnt01 Thank you! Same to you! ☮️❤️
@@Coffeecup.0110 always remember, your son wants you to live in happiness. He does not want you to be sad. Take care.
@@tnt01 thank you. You’re right.
I too have experienced the loss of a son to suicide. It has been 6+ years. Each year has brought a new/different layer to the grief. Understanding my emotions and the process of living with all that his suicide has created in my life (and the lives of his siblings and friends), has been a journey of considering new perspectives regarding this type of loss. My warmest wishes to you - from one mother to another - as we give ourselves the gift of allowing our feelings of indescribable sadness as well as allowing moments of happiness...new ways of understanding and welcoming our ever-changing emotions. For me, learning a new way to communicate with my son has been a welcome relief. XOX
Made perfect sense to me! I back out of things/activities all the time. I worry constantly about the event to the point that I dread it, wish it were over. And then I cancel. 😢
Yes, me too
Yes, this is me.
Me too. Nobody understands.
Me too!
OMG..never thought his was a thing until I saw this video.. I started feeling like this I think mostly right when Covid hit.. I enjoy nada..should I speak to a therapist? Blessings for everyone..❤
Hi Scott, this is Jeff in Wisconsin. This video made a great amount of sense to me. Gosh I wish I had you around to tell me this in my earlier life ( I'm now 80 YO). I can tell you now that I will look at events and experiences in my life in the framework you presented. Thank you very much !
In one of my most down periods 2 years ago I forced myself to take a drive with my dogs to see the fall color changing of trees. It’s become a fond memory where I hold a lot of compassion for my hurting self at the time. I believe your theory is correct.
For those with tinnitus, it will never be quiet .
I was searching for this comment 😅
Are there any nutrition-based solutions?
😮me, too! Unless a person has (esp Hyperacusis) they will not, cannot ever understand!
Yes! Add yams daily & lay off sugar, esp at night. The Army released yrs of studies on Tinnitus & Hyperacusis. Huge difference was the consumption of sweet potatoes!
@@natashadickson4819yeah, eat a fan that’s on!
I think I've been stuck in this depression for at least 15 years. I don't know how to get free.
God.
@@alinalemanska2029 Believe me, God has not helped me. Just knock and the door shall be opened. I've been hammering away at the door for the best part of 20years. Your comment isn't helpful.
😂😂😂😂😂😂@@alinalemanska2029
Only 15 years? Lucky. Beats me. I'm going on 36.
It only gets worse. Good luck.
thank you. i struggle to be happy and enjoy anything i mean it. it's awful. it's like being unable to like or enjoy anything at all. even my old favorite things from places, people, food, work, hobbys etc.
I just found this....I have been so ashamed to let anyone know that I haven been feeling any joy ..I feel flat as I call it
completely flat and it's many years now.
I do things because I know I used to like or enjoy ...and I have to force myself and very often I give up....I have been depressed for also a number of years unfortunately where I'm from this is a luxury problem.
Thank you very much for this enlightenment..that what I feel has a name and not in my head.
Been waiting to die for the last 20years and I wake up every morning and go through the day , people find me kind,helpful, nice, funny always having a smile on my face ..but inside all is dead. Funny
@Mbonika: Your positive traits you mentioned bring ppl happiness more than you will ever know. It sounds like you light up the room & thats beautiful. It takes a strong, courageous & selfless person to do this considering the mental state your in. I have similar traits & I discovered that the kindness and compassion is never reciprocated. I'm 36 & have never met 1 person who is willing to brighten my day, or put any effort in as I do. I believe 💯 that the lack of acknowledgement from peers, coworkers, bosses, family & more along with an emotionally abusive relationship is absolutely the cause for the Anhedonia. We're exhausted emotionally & physically. I haven't left my bed for weeks. I'm so sorry your feeling this way. I know easier said than done, but be strong. Try to do something, anything that gives you even just the tiniest bit of feeling & remember that there are great people out there that can provide you the support you need. I know thats scary because youve been let down so much but theres 7 billion ppl on this planet and most ppl are good. Don't give up. You still have chapters to complete & rooms to brighten. Ppl will always remember how you made them feel. You're special and rare. ❤
I know what you mean I can put on a show in front of people but really want to just die
I can relate to everything you said. My dad was a toxic narcissist and just beat me down during my teens. I'm 63 now and still trying to gain my self esteem. I also experience depression and anxiety. Thank you for your insight ❤
You are the first person in 60 years who has been able to put your finger on what I feel. I mostly dread things, even if it’s something I want to do. When it’s far off I can agree to lots of things. As the commitment gets closer I increasingly dread it and always try to get out of it. I have to go to an award ceremony next month. It’s a big deal but I’m already preparing myself for the disappointment of not winning as I know I will take it very personally. I used to believe in manifestation, but that never really manifested. I get you, and I feel like you get me. You describe my emotional world exactly. You are an awesome dude❤
Thank you!!
what's the award for? the simple fact you care about losing is a positive sign from where Im sitting...well laying. Shows you still care about something & value your self-worth x
@alisonbyford4092 don't ever worry about not winning, participating in whatever you did was achievement enough, I remember doing disco dancing many years ago but I refused to participate in the events and they would say why, and I just said I didn't want to and yes I probably would have trophies and medals but the very thought of getting judged by anyone was something I wasn't going to do no matter how good they thought I was, I was getting judged for years in my own house and being told I was nothing until I believed it. The thought of being judged was something that I couldn't do, as people are so cruel and trophies wouldn't have meant a thing to me, people judge us from cradle to death and that's what we do as humans we criticise everyone else not caring if or even thinking about the damage we do with our words. I have wasted years by locking the world out and it's because of constantly being hurt by cruel people and the only way to stop it is by staying inside and away from the outside world.
@@geraldinemitchell1324 Humans turn things into a contest or competition. We need to stop it and just live.
Wow! Without realizing it, ive been in this situation for the past 6 years--since i bought my house . Bad noisy neighbors, ripoff contractors, indifferent family, grown sons (1 mentally-ill), etc. Ive been in survival mode for this whole time, leaving me hardly any room for other feelings afterwards.
Bad neighbors are a special kind of hell
@@DrScottEilers they certainly are!!
@@DrScottEilersyeah have been there !
F#@k expectations... no expectations, no disapointments.
Based
and no risk, no reward.
This describes what I experience to a T! I had a call from a friend that I like to hang out with her and drive to a few nearby places while her maid cleaned. It was a last minute invitation but as usual, I didn’t want to go. I panicked over having to quickly decide then I told my mind that I have no real reason not to go. I got ready fast and went. It was mostly just OK but we went to fun, new to me places! Afterwards I was very proud of myself for going even though I didn’t want to. My husband was happy I went, too.
Thank you so much. Your wording of the experience of anhedonia is the most accurate I’ve heard so far. Thank you for making me feel seen and understood in a time where I feel so isolated from the world around me. Depression can make you feel so alone in your thoughts and worldview. Reading the comments makes me feel more human and connected. Thank you for creating this space and giving people the license to share a community. I know it’s just TH-cam, but it really makes a different reading similar stories as mine. Thank you ❤️
I have just found this guy. Waal. I’m not alone, I truely thought my condition was unique 😢
I’m new here too, and it really does help to find any form of community, even online.
Thanks for your words. I'm a Brazilian, 32 yo, going trough a period of my life feeling nothing, hardly enjoing moments of enjoy, but thanks god, I still try to have experiences, unconsciously, like you said, I know that in the future I will enjoy remembering that moment.. 🙏🏾
This is the most motivating thing I have heard about dealing with depression in many years. Thank you!
I’m so glad to hear that!
I want to ask a question as someone that is suffering from Anhedonia.. do you have any gifts or ability's. Empath, energy sensitive, Intuitive, clairvoyant, hsp highly sensitive person or Geo Sensitive meaning you get headaches from Enviromental changes storms ect. solar sensitive meaning some days being in the sun hurts your eyes.
Oh, man. That "black hole in my life" bit resonates all the way to my core. I've got very little in the way of memories of the last 20 years thanks to depression, anhedonia, and constant, utter exhaustion from simply trying to stay alive in a world that's not built for my AuDHD brain. When I was younger and had more energy, I used to make myself do things even when I wasn't feeling them in the moment...but that lost its viability as I got older. I'm constantly having to factor in the exhaustion factor, taking care to limit my energy expenditure to something that won't result in missing work, getting fired, and losing my means of staying alive.
Same. I can barely drag myself to work but I need it to survive and pay bills, so I cut everything and everyone out of my life to preserve my energy expenditure
This sounds so much like me and my situation. Just work to pay the bills with no feeling that it is really important. Same for the last 20+ years.
My ADHD that was diagnosed at 61, along with having chronic stress and depression, that I've had as long as I can remember, is so debilitating that I try to do nothing. The stress of getting ready, having everything I need to leave the house is overwhelming, something always gets messed up. I forget, I misplace, I don't remember where, when, it's so frustrating and exhausting, that I just want to stop having any responsibilities. Sounds like a cop out, I guess it is. I'm so tired all the time, like walking through mud. Even right now while writing this my guts are in a ball of pain, never goes away. Been on meds since my 20's. My Children, Grandchildren and a couple of cats that I rescued are the only reason I'm here.
Reading everyone’s comments is so beautiful. So many intelligent, compassionate people here. People who can describe complex emotions in an almost poetic way. We might struggle, but we are gifted in so many ways. Find out what really sets you on fire with passion, it might be something you’ve never tried before.
Between doing the thing and not enjoying it, and that possible future appreciation, is the feeling of satisfaction from having at least got myself to do it at all. This is no small thing, and we should congratulate ourselves for having made the effort.
I'm exactly like that. Constant anxiety related to work, everything that used to be good is "meh" and don't care about going out or seeing other human beings anymore.
I have chronic treatment-resistant depression, and generalized anxiety disorder and have for decades. Anhedonia defines me. Nothing is more frustrating than the disconnect between your cognitive self and emotional self. Telling me to get up and do something is just like telling a paralyzed person to get up and walk.
I was dx with anhedonia 25 years ago. I didn't even know what that meant. I now have it again. When I was younger I had a reason to try to get better. I had three young children that motivated me. Now I am estranged from my family, Because of health problems I can barely even walk from my bed to my bathroom. A shut in. I feel like everyday I Stare at the ceiling and wait to die. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
I know this sounds crazy, but try the carnivore diet. I've been on it for 2 months, muscle and joint pain has vastly diminished and some joy and hopefulness is coming back. I too was near bedridden and estranged from adult children. The estrangement was killing me faster than the physical problems but now with the improvements in my physical decline, I at least feel ready to make new friends and not ruminate on missing my children.
I understand I am scared from this
I am sorry you feel that way. Look up the doctors episode about the OMAD diet and read the comments. Tons of people healed from varying states of depression and physical illness. ❤
I'm very sorry you are going through this. I think a telephone support group might help handicapped people who are homebound. I am homebound myself and I know how hard it is to go out with limited mobility. It takes so much physical effort that it takes away from possible good experiences. Perhaps you are eligible for home health care, contact social services. Tell them you really need help. I've had those services and it can be very helpful. At least you have contact with others. Wishing you the best. ❤
Thank you. This is my life. I'm just in the midst of a severe depressive episode right now & with the anhedonia, it's easy to think "what is the point of trying to get through it, I will never feel good again & every single thing feels like a mountain to climb." You've helped me feel more heard & seen on this channel than any of my friends or years of therapy. Thank you.
Thank you for speaking of this state of being. I have been in the position for the last two years. I am 73 in a months time.
All this has made sense for me, gratitude. 🦋🦋🦋
I've had anhedonia for decades. It got me wondering why is anything fun? What's fun for one person isn't interchangeably fun for another person. So what makes something fun or un-fun. I realized that fun for me was transactional. What I gained out of it had to exceed the effort I put into it. For example, I used to ski, and ski fairly well. But it was a very long, unpleasant drive up and back, and it is a very expensive pastime. Eventually, my skills plateaued and the gains diminished but the effort and cost remained high. Thus the trips became less fun and more of a duty to engage myself in a recreational activity. And then I'd get frustrated with myself because how could I be bored when I was surrounded by the beauty of nature and spent a lot of time and money to get here so, dammit, I had better enjoy it! So I eventually stopped skiing.
But (getting back to the topic of your video) in spite of the those negative qualities of my ski trips, when I recall those decades old memories, I now predominantly remember the happy aspects and disregard the stress, effort and cost of the trips.
Skiing used to be a sport for everybody and was a good activity to meet people and have fun. Now skiing is too expensive for all but the rich as a day ticket runs anywhere from$125 to $250 a day and now it seems like all you meet are self centered narcissists and their brats. I don’t blame you for giving it up.
It actually makes a lot of sense. I just learned about anhedonia this past weekend. I was on a trip watching my son play in a soccer tournament (they won the championship 🎉)
I knew I felt no pleasure or joy planning it, didn’t enjoy the drive there or back. I forced myself to do this for my son; I remember how I felt looking at the sidelines and no one was there to watch me or cheer for me…just an empty feeling.
After seeing this video I’m hoping that perhaps this experience that was great for my son and I struggled through the whole thing may come up in my future life your Florida trip did for you.
I need to check the door. I haven’t even thought to check to see if it’s locked or not. When a zoo has a baby elephant they prevent the elephant from breaking though a rope and escape. Eventually the elephant stops trying; when that happens the zoo removes whatever restraints they had because the elephant will forever believe it cannot escape by breaking that rope. Very similar to me and that door.
This is exactly correct! I talk about this in my other videos on Anhedonia as looking for the loopholes and running experiments. You clearly understand the concept already, but it might also be worth looking into the research on “learned helplessness.” It’s what you’re describing with the elephants but in a scientific context ❤️
I want to ask a question as someone that is suffering from Anhedonia.. do you have any gifts or ability's. Empath, energy sensitive, Intuitive, clairvoyant, hsp highly sensitive person or Geo Sensitive meaning you get headaches from Enviromental changes storms ect. solar sensitive meaning some days being in the sun hurts your eyes.
@@DrScottEilersour journey in this body has limitations..just like the elephant..it's a part of life...moving past that..there is joy...if you create it 🎉🎉
I thought I was the only one in this world that does not enjoy traveling, it is so helpful to listen to you and feel comfort, because nobody in my family understands me, or my friends! Thank you so much!!!
I get in trouble for this because people think I’m being mean. It can come across as low key insensitive or rude. But I just felt not good in the situation. I could never enjoy things like others - they’d all be laughing and carrying on?? I finally have a word for this. I’m shocked it’s depression. I thought I just had a mental block? This is deep! I’ve even thought I was weird for not living like others in that aspect.
This is literally more painful,than pain. I actually learned about this horrific suffering years ago. After being on meds for years, this happened to me. My biggest regret in life, is taking any meds for depression, anxiety, insomnia. It literally changed my brain.
I know I would be here without the meds. Yes, they may have changed my brain too, but to be honest it think the depression will do that anyway. I wish I could go back to a time when I did not need these drugs but last year proved to me that I cannot survives without them now.
@@wingnut71i stopped using anti depressants because they didint improve my life at all. If you stop first week is hell even worse than severe depression normally but after that i felt same than using meds i dont know if that is case for others but that is my experience i personally think that there are no point taking anti depressants if they give you zero benefit
Yeah they changed my brain too so that now I cannot function without zoloft.
@@grammyrosethompson650could you function before Zoloft?
I'm sorry anyone gets suckered into anti depressants. Our forced lifestyle is not for our health. People have lived for countless generations without them
I wish I felt nothing. My moments of joy are miniscule in comparison with anger, anxiety, and sadness.
Feeling nothing is not better. I've been where you are and I'll take what you have over feeling nothing.
@@dk6173 idont know - Idont know how it would be to simply feel nothing. being autistic I feel everything at a level I cant even describe. it would be nice to be numb.
It is normal to feel this emotions
No you don’t trust me.
@@brandonbennett84 do you take meds?
Gosh you hit the nail on the head for me -
I’ve done alot of things for other people my kids and husband - done a lot of traveling around to care for kids and help be a good nana -
I am grateful for those experiences a d memories
Now
I’ve had back surgeries where I feel like i need to take better care of myself my home pets garden -
My husband has made a lot of promises to me and our life when we got older I’m now 70 - he’s 84
He’s betrayed me and has made me look bad in front of the kids I do feel paralyzed not to go anywhere
I hate pressure
I’m going to follow all of your threads thank you so much
Thanks for watching! Hope I can help a little!
May God bless you through your difficulty and give you peace. I'm 77 and just posted something on here. It's hard to be older and really hard when you don't have a supportive spouse. My kids and grandkids are the reason I keep plugging along. Hope you can find something for yourself that can bring at least some amount of joy into your life. I have good days and bad days but I'm making time now to do what I need for myself. We can't be present for our kids and grandkids unless we allow time to care for ourselves first.
Just discovered your channel today, and I'm extremely thankful. I'm a 40 year old male struggling with these feelings for 20 years, and you just made me understand them and why I feel like I feel. The best of it all, today is a really bad day for me. Feeling very dark and empty and tired. I thought I was an extremely ungrateful, selfish person, never understood why I don't appreciate things in life more. Thank you for giving me hope, understanding. Greetings from South Africa. Come too think of it, I judged myself all these years for having these feelings.
th-cam.com/video/VM8TY_FCm-Y/w-d-xo.html
Thanks for writing about your experience, everything you wrote is understandable. Good, you've noticed a lot. Now be kind, caring and extra sweet with yourself like you'd behave with another. I know, look who's talking..! I've came to certain realizations (every day there are others, thinking much!) thinking I must hate myself for not taking better care of me, especially this time. I'm so confused of myself as a person and then the traumas and grief and realizing some more things and remembering horrible events and suppressed feelings smack me whack. I'm trying to make sense of things instead of living. I'm in denial and forgot so much and my to go coping one of them is to "make myself numb" if it isn't happening by itself. The hurt and grief I feel like I can't take, some things are meant to hurt I'm trying to learn how to feel and allow it. I've been so scared and hurt, I don't feel like continuing. So I barely am alive, I know it's temporary so I push through while I regroup and give myself grace and permission to exist and enjoy life's beautiful moments with nature and animals. Take care ☝🏽🌌💖💫
There are a few things you can do to help yourself and take some of the pressure off. Don't judge yourself or feel guilty for depression. Depression comes w/ free floating guilt. It's a symptom, but at I did find a way to not let myself give in to the guilt or believe I deserved, and the guilt at least stopped. When it tries to come back, which is more rare now, it's that much easier to push away very quickly, because I've trained myself to refuse to believe it. This is a heavy illness and I'm not going to make it any worse by feeling guilty I have it. I was able to reason if I had heart disease or diabetes, I wouldn't feel guilty for that. The other thing is to practice gratitude for all sorts of little things that we tend to take for granted. I've somewhat disabled, but I had a friend who was in a fire, and the extent of her disabilities was off the charts. it made me see all the things I can do that she couldn't that I took for granted. She needed home support just to bath, and she would be breathless just walking to another room. She needed walker to go out in her car. She just passed away, but she was my mascot to teach me grace in suffering, and she trusted God for every move she made.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 "Don't judge yourself or feel guilty for depression"
But you should feel quilty for what you are eating, because it is causing your depression in the first place - sugar and other plant nonsense (especially vegetables high in oxalates such as spinach or almonds) and the lack of red meat and animal fat are the primary causes of depression....
@@btudrus That is not science my friend. Not by a long shot.
I'm 30 and I am a really high achiever and my depression has derailed me to the point of not working, not making any friends/lack of any friends, lack of purpose, lack of intimate relationships and feel trapped. I cant seem to find anything to do because just being out and about where i live is so painful seeing everyone else living their life and me unconsciously comparing myself to them. I dont want to compare myself to them. I just want to find a direction in life and go for it, but i am completely lost.
I worked at the same job for 34 years and I thought they had my back. I was severely injured due to someone else’s negligence on the job and when the company found out I needed several surgeries to be whole again, they fired me and directed workman’s comp to deny my claim. I was out on the street and over the last five years I spent thousands of dollars I don’t have for my surgeries. All the people that I thought were friends have turned their backs on me and I live pretty much without human contact. Since this started, I have gone from sadness and depression to being completely dead inside. Now I know at least there is a name for it. Dead inside is better than hurting.
You made the mistake of showing loyalty to your employer. Never do this. They will drop you without a thought the very second they think they can make more money another way because many business owners are psychopaths.
According to most estimates 30% of the global population falls within the spectrum of psychopathy. I know that sounds high but we are talking about the complete spectrum. Psychopathy mostly manifests as the inability for a person to be able to feel empathy or compassion for others. Because of this, they are unable to self soothe their anxiety and fear the way the rest of the global population can by merely pleasantly interacting with other people. Instead, they feel the need to control people and resources around them, which offers them a false sense of security. Which political party in your country do you suppose psychopaths would gravitate to?
Given these character traits, do we suppose that exploitation would serve Psychopaths better than anyone else? Given the behaviors of Getty, Edison and Hearst along with other robber barons of the past and billionaires now, would it be too much of a stretch to think that psychopaths are overly represented within the controlling class on the planet?
Psychopathy is a mental illness that poses a danger to others and even the psychopaths themselves. Would it make sense to allow mentally ill people to control resources and power within a civilization?
It's time for good people to take everything back.
I was so sad to read your comment. Did you ever speak to a lawyer? Your employer and the state should not be allowed to get away with this! God bless and keep you.
@@jeanienapier6566 thank you for your concern. I did hire a lawyer but in my state, you don’t get to take them to court, you are forced before a state arbitration board. The members of this board are all executives from the insurance companies and nearly always deny a claim. Horror stories abound where people are totally disabled at work and are denied claims then end up on the street. My lawyer settled for a paltry sum that was gone when I paid for the first surgery I had to have. The lawyer automatically got a third of what ever the settlement was. It has been five years and last winter I finally got my back surgery so now I am finally able to do things again. Fortunately, I inherited a small piece of land that I live on so I am not homeless. When I look at the three trillion dollar tax break that the billionaires and corporations got under Trump, I just shake my head and wonder WTF. Thank you for your kind words.
@jeanienapier6566 I went through something similar.
Sadly, if you live in a right to work state like Indiana, your employer can dismiss you without outright firing you, and take a few back channels to make sure you don't get comped.
All they have to say is "You can't prove it." And that's pretty much it.
@@jeanienapier6566 sorry I didn’t see your reply earlier. I sued and won but in this state lawsuits do not go to court but are forced in front of an arbitration board made up of insurance company executives. They determine the out come and judgment. My case was irrefutable but for the judgment, I got barely enough money to pay for the first surgery and carried the rest on my own. Basically, the deck is stacked against the injured worker and for the insurance companies and employers. Thank for replying.
This explains SO PERFECTLY how I have gone through a great deal of my life. When you described the comprehension of the moment traveling into your brain and stopping right before hitting the emotional part...I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. And it is something I have never been able to put into words for anyone to understand.
Thank u thank u. Hit the spot. This s what I need today while feeling everything s meaningless. You reminded me of my happening life , I m not such a bunch of crap after all😢. I hv bipolar , I feel that I m caged physiologically , catatonic , could b mitochondrial disorder etc . This moment it s hard not to feel that I m useless meaningless existence. Hey , but right , I had made an eventful past. I did it. I wish you all best. Hang in there . If not for anything , there s really a lot of beautiful kindness in life. A lot of ppl care.
This is the first time someone has articulated outwardly this mystery enigma I have been experiencing. What a relief to hear it put into words and shape some meaning into something concrete I can finally grasp onto. If you can capture haze or fog that are these types of thoughts and feelings, and then structure them into meaningful words & concepts, as impossible as I thought that was, this was it. So unbelievably helpful. Wow, thank you.
Ive struggled with depression on and off my whole life. It is by no means an easy condition to live with. Im thankful that there are videos like this from people whove thoroughly educated themselves on this condition. It helps people struggling with it to understand it more so that we can stop blaming ourselves for it and take action against it. Thank you for your videos!
I think one of the worsts feelings is ,not even having the oppurtunity,to achieve goals,have a good time out,enjoy your life in a meaningful way,when your stuck in the sameplace,with no escape and,everything you try to do just ends up failing...😢guys wish me luck
I firmly believe when the student is ready the teacher appears. I learned that a long time ago in AA. I have watched a whole lot of videos on TH-cam to help myself (five lifetimes full) but I must say, I'm really glad you can actually relate to the depths of despair from severe depression along with having usable answers. Thank you
I have not had any experiences worth remembering for years, has you say just a huge black hole, i stopped doing the things I used to love because the anxiety would far out way the enjoyment of the event/things, i cut myself from every one i knew because it was easier to be alone, but this is a very sad lonely way to live, infact it's not living, its just existing, im 60 this month and i would say I've spent most of my adult life alone. I used to like walking and would try to go for daily walk and maybe talk to strangers i met,recently due to pain in knees have no longer been able to do this, it was one of only a few things I liked to do, as a result my depression is worse. Sorry for sad post but definitely struggling lately and have been for a while. Thats a massive understatement
Have you ever had your hormone levels checked? I'm not sure what your financial situation is, but turmeric can work for some people. Plus, there's a research peptide called bpc 157 that could do wonders to help with the pain and healing process.
I've been where you are. Things can get better, but only you can make that happen.
Doctor Scott, I thank God for you. About 12 years ago I was in an accident , while riding my
Mnt. Bike I was hit by a speeding car and flew 25 feet
Into a building an hit head first.
My brain stem snapped a half inch chunk of C1 hoop and the hoop connections at C2 were both shattered. At the hospital I had MRI and waited for the Nuero Surgeon. It was a woman who entered the room holding one of the images.
She looked startled and said someone is watching out for you. Then said, 80% of the time when I see an image like this I am looking at a corpse...
After a complete nerve test I had zero nerve damage nor any any symptoms.
No one said anything about the possibility of TBI or ptsd.
But 4 months later all that manifested was diagnosed and received a VA pension.
Anxiety and short term memory loss led to inability to make a plan or remember a plan.
My VA councilor was so helpful because he had experienced all of that, with the help of VA he went back to university and became a nurse. He told me to challenge my brain and avoid stress. I followed that and was functioning at 85% normal.
Recently I was robbed and I broke my hip experienced new trauma and brain functioning
dropped off to 30 / 50%.
Your videos are helping me understand what is going on in my brain. And the effect is less Anxiety! Plus I can resonate with you because you are a very knowledgeable person with a great personality and an amazing teacher. ❤ I appreciate you very much.
Thanks for all that you are doing!
Proud of you! ❤
this has been me for the past 6 weeks now. I lost interest in everything and very little makes me smile. thanks for the information.
You are so welcome!
As both a professional and a person who experiences both depression and anxiety I am finding your videos very helpful. You have a wonderful way of explaining not so easy concepts. I will be sending my clients to your content as well. Thanks for being here.
I turned everything in my life around. It was a struggle but I did it! I forced myself to. I couldn’t let myself down and go through this sh*t anymore because I could see where this was headed.
On a daily basis. I used to drink but haven’t in 13 years. Lifestyle, diet, exercise are so important to your mental health. Medication has been so important to my evolution. have been at the bottom with depression all my life. I have bouts that can for last days.
No more feeling like that. I was in a bad funk and one day got back into my weight lifting routine, I walk my dogs, I am a mom, I work full time and just recently I added roller skating in there. I am so worth fighting for! I really can say I love me. I am always challenging my thoughts. If I can’t deal with it then I kick to the curb. Nah, depression isn’t a part of me anymore.
I’m trying to get there! ❤
Medication has been so important to my evolution... an antidepressant? .. been thinking of getting on some since my wife of 13 yrs passed 8 1 23 of cervix cancer so sudden :( i used to be fine but cant get out of the funk- i can if i can sleep well but i dont
@@beatleme2 you can do this. You are worth fighting for. One thing I have learned is to never give up on yourself no matter what’s going on. Right now I am dealing with a ton of family situations that would take any normal person down. I won’t let this happen to me because I love me and I am so worth it.
@@licksnkicks1166 😇 thank you
No disrespect or saying that you didn't have the same thing that I have or what he is talking about but you don't just get over this shit I have anxiety and depression and it's something that I would give anything to not feel this way
thank you so much for sharing your experience! I encountered something similar in my life as well, I have periods where I just don't feel like doing anything even when I know I could enjoy it. I like saying that I was "sleepwalking through life". despite so, whenever I did muster enough energy to do something, I have never regretted it. I hope more people watch this video so they don't give up on happiness in the future!
Yep I know that feeling. I used to think maybe I was a replicant from Blade Runner, a cyborg given human memories to trick it into thinking it was real ❤️
I didn't know there was a name for this. Talk about social media being in my brain, because your videos were suddenly suggested to me as I am currently navigating grief from personal loss while still always balancing my pre-existing anxiety + depression. Just hearing you has given me so much comfort and insight, and actually allowed me to finally cry/release a bit. This makes so much sense and very much sheds light on this state of numbness I've fluctuated in for years. While I've always managed and worked hard on getting myself through these dips, this additional information will help in developing more/better methods of coping. Thank you SO MUCH for your words and advice.
I've been like this since a child. I'm seventy-four and my wife of fifty-four years told me that she remembers only four times that I have been truly happy. The excuse I give myself for hanging on is to take care of her, I highly prise our relationship. My face shows it.
I feel something. I feel just angry all the time. anger toward world and human kind
You just may change a lot of lives Dr. Scott. Thankyou for your insights and taking the time to help those who have lost their way. You have a way with words and make sense where nothing seems to. You shine a light on what we can't see in our state.
I really appreciate this ❤️
I don't feel pity for myself I feel regret but the pressures are becoming increasingly overwhelming and I can't take it anymore. Lost my best friend my mom and I believe I can find her
This is really hard for me to hear, because I’ve felt low for so long. But the challenge at the end engages the “I have a task to accomplish “ part of my brain, and I am willing to try.
I’ve been getting a lot out of your videos. Thank you for doing this.
This made me cry, Thank you.💛
I could never explain or even realised there is a word for this but it's sad I've had this many times and never understood it. I think the most important point you said was that it isn't easy, happy experiences won't immediately fix you or cure you. It's a process, and I do hope some day I am a healthier version of myself because, I'm now in my early 20s and most of life is a blur even though my family travelled and I made so many memories all I think about are negative stuff.
Thank you for bringing awareness to this and genuinely wanting to help people.
This is so accurate, I didn’t know it had a name. I think a lot of people are in this place in the world right now. I have been in this place for the last year. Unable to do much with myself. This is a great reminder to Create memories to look back on. I think this also happens in the dating world a lot. People get anxious while they’re anticipating to meet someone. They text so much and they build up such an anxiety that they discuss everything through text and then they have nothing to discuss when they’re in person or even on the phone. But if we meet up with them anyway, of course in a safe setting and we have called our best friend to tell them that we are meeting somebody and they are tracking us for safety cautions. I think it helps. Maybe you can make another video as to how this relates to dating. I truly want to thank you for this video. And your delivery was amazing. This is really helpful for people who have been in severe depression or resistant treatment, depression. I have tried everything to treat depression. So many medication’s, TMS, the Amens Clinic with all the CT scans all sorts of therapy, EMDR psychedelics, etc. I really feel flat most of the time. It’s also internal. I’ve been in multiple bad relationships because of my overthinking. It kills the drive to wanna do anything. This affects the other person. We have to train our minds to look forward to building the memories, even though the anticipation in the moment might not feel like we thought it would thank you for this so much.
I know what you mean, I go dancing with a group, I feel nothing, I dance, I used to love dancing, I still go anyway and feel an inckling of fun which is good. I always feel better after I have been because I met people, I believe if I keep going, especially when I could easily talk myself out of it, it is ultimately better looking back later on. I would encourage people to ignore that what's point feeling and just go!
You have geat content here, especially for me. I'm 60, your 'new idea' has been my experience for decades. Expectation, anxiety, then just as I expect the rush of exitement, nothing happens and I realise I've put a lot of effort in to another, unrewarding and disappointing event. The only reason I keep trying is because I think my luck might change. I don't even have a warm glow after my achivements, just a sense of 'why did I bother.? You're the first person I've heard relate this emptiness in the same way I experience it, I'm not diagnosed as depressed and I'm certainly not miserable or upset about it, I just don't get the same buzz that other people do, so I kinda feel stuff, which should be "great" is overrated.
I'm not entirely on board with your jam tomorrow idea but I'll concede that with no focus at all, life could easily become pretty empty and tedious and I can see why that attitude would be ideal for a lot of folks. I'm still working on getting a good feeling out of the present moment instead of looking to the future, if it happens, you'll be the first to know. Great video.😃
I believe now that there's no hell to die and go to... Some of us are living there right now. Lord have mercy!!!
After 25 years of seeing the best available professionals, these two vids on anhedonia are by far the best I’ve seen and will help many. I’m proud of you. You should be, too. This should be an extremely positive experience you look back on for the rest of your life. I have worked my ass off fighting continually worsening refractory depression/anxiety and worst of all, the anhedonia.
After 12 humiliating years on disability and many years of my docs begging me to “accept” that this is my life now and do the best I can with it and me stubbornly and vehemently refusing, I’m finally trying to do that. But I’m still fighting the anhedonia with that 3rd time frame you mentioned in mind. I’m moving to Southeast Asia, somewhere I can live more comfortably on my disability and completely change my environment. Somewhere a little crazy and radical and no negative associations. Even if I fail miserably there, I will have tried, and it will have been memorable. Now I just have to finish all the myriad and exhausting preparations.. These videos helped remind me that even after you’re basically written off. You still have to try. What on earth do I have to lose? What little money I’ve saved? I’d give away organs to feel again. Keep up the good work.
welcome fellow passport bro
At least you got approved for disability
Wow, so much of what you had to say in this post really resonated for me. At 73, I am on a healing journey with Complex PTSD, with pretty intense anxiety and depression as part of my experience. My experiences of anhedonia have ranged from antidepressant numbed out, to garden variety lack of an emotional response to things that usually bring me pleasure.
A bigger source for me was dissociation as a trauma response. And when I wasn't dissociation, I used intellectualization as a way of avoiding feeling things.
It has been a long, slow process to shift out of my reflexive dissociation. Major work on grounding was a big help, as was mindfulness. I have had to train myself to pay attention to sensations in my body, which then gives me the option to use tools to cope with challenging emotion, clear old, stored trauma, and has also enhanced my ability to feel and recognize pleasurable emotions as well. And interestingly, it has been the intensity of emotions that triggers dissociation for me, not just the ones that create pain or discomfort.
For me, memory can give me access to some experiences and emotions I dissociated from, but not experiences that severe depression sucked the juice out of. For years, my appointment books were my gateway to the dissociated memories. The things I recorded would jog my memories into remembering events, sometimes dimly, other times more vividly. The more vivid memories were the ones that often have emotions I can access.
Your point about accessing pleasure through memories is especially helpful with my anxiety. Remembering that the fretting I do in advance and the sometimes challenges I have during experiences doesn't keep pleasure and joy from landing in my memories gives me an important tool for my decision making process. And it gives me stronger access to the pleasure and joy I am learning to recognize and feel safe and comfortable actually feeling.
Your authenticity, deep experiential understanding, genuine empathy, clarity of communication and sense of humor are deeply appreciated. Your videos are becoming treasured resources in my tool box, and I believe the same is true for so many others. For those of us whose anxiety and depression are severe, even wonderful therapists often don't really understand some of the echoes and nuances that are so challenging. Clearly you do, which makes your support profoundly comforting and ultimately healing. ❤
I am successful. Achieved most of what I wanted but nothing brings me joy. I participated in an orphan ministry and that brought me some joy but I still have longways to go. I pray and worship and that seems to help some too.
This is so helpful. Between parentification in my teens and low paying multiple jobs in my 20s with toxic friends I fell into anhedonia. I don't remember much from that time. I fight this every day. Please keep creating videos on this. Thank you for such an informative video!
I resonate with this. In my mid-twenties, and this year has been one sucker punch to the gut after the other. Honestly, part of me don't feel like I ever recovered from a breakup with a live-in partner that occurred in early 2021; I've spent too much time in survival mode since then. Still, I have fond memories to look back on, even from 2021. My friends took care of me; we went and did stuff like hiking, aerial yoga, jumping into the ocean in 5 degrees Celcius... and now I can even look back on 2021 with a sense of fondness. Finally landed a place in an employment program this year, after being so burnt out I was disassociating while writing my dissertation. I suffer from severe imposter syndrome, literally do not feel equipped to do anything despite having spent five years of my life obtaining a degree. Do not feel like there's any place for me in the employment market, can't think of anything I want to do (or if I'd vaguely maybe enjoy it, I feel under qualified for it). Recent sucker punch came when this program to move my present supervisor over to a different program, meaning I'll get a new person. I got so well along with this dude... and I'm left with the same dàmn feeling as always; nothing good ever lasts, it's all gonna be taken away from me eventually, so why even try?
Luckily, I have friends now who understand what I'm dealing with (in terms of burnout and chronic stress, at least). And they're still happy to hang out, and drag me along to various events. I also have an incredibly ingrained gym routine that I'm sticking to, not because it gives me joy atm but simply because it's been what I've done every week for more than a year straight now. Hoping some day in the future, it might pay off.... right now is an awful shit show, though, and part of me just wanna crash and burn. I feel like I'm screaming into the void, and all the resources that are there to (allegedly) "help me" are neglecting me....
This was brilliant!! Im dealing with this stuff since 40 years and you are the first one, who give me an understandable explanation. Thank you sir!!
This is me. Still. At the lead up, and the duration of an event, (even going to the store is an ordeal for me I have to do once a week), I am mostly stressed out, anxious, worried. ...all the while reminding myself to be grateful for many things, such as having a car I can pretty much rely on. But when I complete that event, and the world didn't fall apart... *Then* I am a range of emotions from relieved to romanticizing that event.
Very well explained in your narrative. I understand perfectly. 🙂
You are describing anxiety. Anhedonia is a blackout of feeling.
Anhedonia is not a blackout of feeling, listen to the Doctor again. You misunderstood.
@@SirenaSpades
I’ve never heard anyone explain anhedonia as well as you. Although I despise the phrase, “Fake it till you make it” has sort of been my approach to dealing with this awful state of being. I find value in looking for positive things and acknowledging them even if I can’t feel them. It’s hard to do that if I’m alone all the time. Socializing can feel like a chore, but as a conscientious person, I view it as my responsibility and that helps motivate me. I rarely regret it and often feel a sense of satisfaction for having overcome my discomfort.
As for solo activities, I keep the consequences of not acting in mind. Sometimes my guitar seems to mock me from across the room. I find no pleasure in playing, but I know that if I don’t, days with no practice will make me and my muscles forget. So I set a goal of at least picking it up and strumming a little, and just do it. Sometimes I end up playing much longer than intended. And I’ve discovered that learning something new has a positive affect. Even if the resulting satisfaction is only intellectual, it’s still meaningful.
I really appreciate you saying that. I hope it helps a little ❤️
Now I feel motivated to learn to play the guitar! Thank you 😊
@@jeanienapier6566 Learning to play an instrument can be a great way of increasing self-esteem too. Start very simple and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Remember….this is just for you.
This is profound. I used to look down on people always chasing to "make memories" like it's a job, probably not even enjoying the thing, but I get it now. Memories of the past can play a massive supportive role in the present and further motivate you to continue doing things. "I'm so glad I did this"-type of memories make you want to do it again.
Also makes sense that then in a depression spiral, when you shut yourself off from making memories, you are then faced with a lack of these memories to motivate you later.
Though it feels kind of grim that doing stuff is often just a massive pain in the ass and that you probably live off from your memories. "Live in the moment" might actually be a massive lie and actually be more like "do memorable things".
It's also interesting because your video goes much against some concepts in a recent HealthyGamerGG video "what enlightement does to your brain" Dr K does viewer interviews/discussions, having you there would be very interesting.
This is brilliant! I waited for absolutely years to see my favourite musician's gig (he hadnt toured for years) then announced a tour - ended up not getting tickets for UK (my home country - ended up being hours and hours of ticket queuing online) , I was about to give up and I was with my friend Kate and she was adamant that I shouldnt give up and took turns to take the ipad and stay in the online queue - I eventually got a ticket for Toronto (and it was cheap and is a place familiar to me). I was massively anxious about flying, being on my own at the gig (I couldnt afford two tickets and didnt know anyone who wanted to see them).
I literally cried tears of absolute joy when he played my favourite song and THAT 6 minutes of my life was so worth everything - I had long flight delays, got caught unexpected in snow and drenched, had a migraine for most of a 9 hour flight, it was 8 years ago, and hes announced retirement now so that was literally my last chance to see him, I've never been so grateful that my friend pushed to get the ticket and told me not to give up! I have relived that 6 minutes, and the rest of the gig in my head many times since and it makes me so happy to recall!
Reminds me of the COVID lockdown when no one was doing anything and those years are just voids in our memories. Kind of feels like that didn’t change for me much. Your advice helps a lot; making memories and future emotional experiences is a good goal. I don’t feel like I have anything to look forward to right now so I don’t do or plan anything. This is motivation that I can understand.
Thank you so much! I am in the darkness at the moment. I do have something really big coming up, a rock concert in London. However I am in a wheelchair and stressing about everything! I know I will have a great time, but the anxiety is making me physically ill.
What you say in this post is so true, in the summer I went to Europe for 5 Rammstein concerts! I wasn’t sure I could do it as I was going alone, but I had a blast, and now I look back on those memories with great joy and pride that I actually did it!
Wow 5 Rammstein concerts…hope you stayed away from the pyro 😂
Nice to see a fellow Rammstein fan here and finding out the good doctor apparently is also one! 🔥
A rock concert is a fantastic vent for all kinds of anxiety and negative emotions. I'm wildly impressed you did five Rammstein concerts. I don't think I could do it now - even though many of my best memories are of concerts I went to in the past.
Frankly, I'm stunned. This is absolute gold. Thank you so much.
Why am I learning more here than I ever have in therapy? My family stole my joy, they turned any potential happy experience for me into a stressful, unhappy event, they literally stole my joy. And I learnt how and why with this video, thank you
The house feels like my head, and I can't get out of it, figuratively and literally
WOW !!! You put so much effort into conveying this process. This is honestly the only time someone has detailed to me the importance of actually going through with activities. I have a difficult time during the planning and often during the actual event that makes it feel like it is just "too much". But you are absolutely correct. I can look back and appreciate some of the events I took part in! I now see that even if I don't "feel " like having an adventure now, I might be able to experience an eventual positive recall. It makes sense. We are often times defeated before we even start. This gives us hope and a reason to keep trying. Thank you 😂. Not all psychologists should be. You NEED to be . You put such thought into this presentation.