Thank you to everyone who watched and thank you for everyone’s beautiful energy. My biggest thank you to Mark Laita for bringing awareness and allowing everyone on his channel the opportunity to share there stories. Respectfully Jessica Desare
You were brave enough to get up on front of millions of people and be vulnerable about your life experiences, you're amazingly strong and thank you for sharing your story, Jessica! ❤
Thank you mark for giving my sister a safe space to release all of the trauma. You are amazing for giving people a platform to be raw real and vulnerable in a safe place with no judgment. #forevergrateful
Do you think your Mom actually has DID or is this just another reason for her to not be held accountable for her actions? I am sorry for the struggles you have suffered but I think this sounds like narcissism and addiction mixed together. Also, your Sister seems like a bad ass B and something tells me you are the same....Take care!
“I won’t be that sad story that my kids are going to go tell their kids” how powerful. I’m rooting for you Jessica, breaking generation curses and changing your family tree every single day! I’m a CPS worker and seeing moms with the tenacity you have makes me so hopeful for change. You are so strong. I am so sorry that you had to be this strong and we’re delay such a bad hand, but you are changing the world for your kids to never have to be this strong.
That sentence really got to me, too. However in another way. Because facts are that until now, her children have experienced a lot of the same she experienced as a child. Especially the picture of her daughter standing beside her hyperventilating bygging her to stop, that broke me in pieces. This woman has been drinking almost the whole time aftercshe became a mother. She says it herself, shes not a nice drunk. She gets angry to the point where shevsees red and lose control. She's not violent with her children. But she went mental on her boyfriend, while her daughter was there. I didn't get the age of the daugher but her son is still an infant, hopefully he doesn't remember what's happened. But the daughter does. Jessica has been sober fot 39 days. That's very, very early recovery. In my opinion she should've been at a rehab for a year to deal with all of her trauma. I didn't understand the thing about the boyfriend, either. Is she still with the one she went mental on? The one with severe addiction issues? She's talking about being afraid of not being able to leave toxic relationships like her mother wasn't able to. But to me it sounds like she's in one right now. She should not be in a relationship at all at this point. She should fokus on herself and her children. Nothing else. This probably cane off as very judgemental. It is absolutely not ment like that. I have so much love for Jessica and everything she's been through. And obviously it takes time to fix a person who's that broken. That's why it's kind of sad that she's prioritised relationships when there clearly are so much else she cold use her energy on. If she wanted ro go to to long time rehab , I'd donate. And I believe many others would as well. She needs theraphy and I totally understand that she can't afford that. It's insane to me that insurance doesn't cover theraphists for people as damaged as her!
So sad, bad enough coming from a dysfunctional family, being molested on top of that, is tragic. Jessica is such a sweet girl, who’s now putting her family and herself first. You all deserve a good happy life.
I’m always blown away by people like Jessica who come from lives of trauma, violence, neglect, and in particular, child molestation, and are still working hard every day to make the best lives for themselves and their families. Her ability to recognize her own issues (drinking specifically) and to want to stop for not only her own health, but for the benefit of her children, shows the incredible amount of strength the human spirit has to have gone through and still continue to want to live the best life possible. Jessica, I don’t know if you will see this, but please don’t punish yourself for the mistakes of your past. Forgive yourself and continue to move forward. Take your sobriety day by day. You are SOOO bright, well spoken, intelligent, and inspiring. I think you could even continue to share your story with others and support groups of all different kinds. Your story could REALLY help others! I once heard it said that you can tell a woman is a good mother when they care about what they’re doing and how it affects their children. Your mom obviously didn’t care and therefore she was NOT a good mother. YOU obviously care and just because you’ve made some bad choices, you continue to want to do better for your children so that their future is successful. You are a great mom and an amazing person! I wish you all the best of everything as well as continued success in your sobriety. Give yourself grace for the mistakes you make, and allow others to hear your story. You are just incredible!!! ❤
That's just so beautiful what you're saying. Exactly what I'd want to tell her. But thid was just to much for me to digest. I've had two pauses already and there's still a few minutes left of the interview. It's her with all of her enormous issues, her mother, her grandparents, the grandfather shooting himself with all them there, the wrong death messene of the mother, abuse, CPS, a partner with severe addiction, and in the middle that little daughter and an infant son. I mean, I can't breathe. This is without doubt one out of two that'll always stay with me.
My mom doesn't suffer from D.I.D or addiction but everything else described hits home. Toxic mothers will drain you if you don't set boundaries. And absent fathers always feign victim. The constant threats...Jess, you are not responsible. Your loyalty lies with your babies and yourself. ❤
I fully agree with you. Mine was never diagnosed but she is literally everything Jess is describing unfortunately. Feels like she’s describing my life honestly. But they will drain you of everything if they think they can. They take full advantage. It’s always a lot.
"I'm not going to cut out toxic to be toxic." What an incredible woman. I wish her all the best in her recovery! After finishing the video: i also cannot WAIT to hear more of her, and hopefully read her book one day!
Her mom actually sounds like she’s dealing with borderline personality disorder with comorbidities of possible bi polar and drug/alcohol induced psychosis which we see a lot with extreme alcohol and meth use. Back in the day D.I.D was extremely misdiagnosed. It’s heartbreaking she had to go through this growing up and to know your parent knows their SO is molesting you and did nothing about it is gut wrenching. I hope she knows she did the right thing by cutting her mom out and focusing on herself and her kids. There’s nothing she can do to change her mom’s mental health and destructive behaviors.
Yeah, this doesn't sound anything like DID to me. It does sound like what you said, however, and it's so tragic the shockwaves that her mother's experiences have had on the lives of others. I am proud of Jessica's resolve and determination to be better and break the cycle, though, and I'm really rooting for her
Agree. Would be interested to find out if there was an actual diagnosis and how that came to be, or if the title is misleading. If title is misleading, it’s a shame as it somewhat dilutes this amazing woman’s story.
As a therapist myself, I agree that the behaviors she is reporting sounds more like borderline personality. However, I don't think Mark attempted to be misleading with the title. He is merely giving us access to what his interviewees share in real time and by listing DID as the diagnosis (as reported by the interviewee), it shows that he really trusts that his interviewees are sharing their story in good faith and with full autonomy and validity, which often is stripped of them through all the trauma they experience.
yeah that story retriggered that exact feeling for me.. It's so fucked, you would expect to get numbed from expecting it, but you never go numb to it. If anything it seems like it made it worse when it finally happened.. not sure why, maybe because it feels like you could have done something, even though logically you know you couldn't. If Rebecca loses her battle with drugs hundreds of thousands of viewers will get a small taste test of how that is.. hopefully they don't have to.
@@craigslist6988I think when it's threatened so much and the person survives you just expect they'll always survive . Which is why it's even worse emotionally when the attempt works.
@craighslist6988 I don't really understand why you brought Rebecca into this conversation. This is mainly about suicide, isn't it? Rebecca is nothing like this woman or her mother, she couldn't be more different. So I truly don't understand your reason for bringing her into this.
If you had breast cancer you'd cut out that breast to save the rest of the body. Some people are like a cancer and in order to preserve yourself and your well being you have to cut them out. I cut my mom out of my life because of her BS when I was 20. People used to say, "Oh that's so sad you don't see your mom." No, that's not. Sad, painful, crappy, whatever you want to call it was every event leading up to that. Once I made that choice my quality of life and well being improved 100%. I don't feel bad in the least - and I've been to therapy a few times in my life and they all seemed to think it was the right decision as well.
I agree, I think this format is SO perfect for this. To see mental illness/disorders on a case-by-case basis and be able to understand that no two cases are the exact same. The internet talks a lot about mental illness and to read the words on a page is one thing, to see the various different ways that it occurs in real life is totally different.
As someone who works with mental illness everyday, there aren't a lot of cases of these diagnoses that aren't comorbid with drug or alcohol use, as seen in this video. I would say 90% of the time from my experiences, maybe more. I'm an advocate for substance use disorders so I mean no malice, just simply my experience. I think it would be honest to focus on the disorders and how they've led to use.
Agree. Also - it’s important to hear stories from the families but I think the title here was misleading - would be curious if the mother was actually diagnosed with DID/multiple personality disorder and if seeing things through that lens affected her daughter’s recovery/views. In my experience, that diagnosis can trigger an entirely different perspective. (Not to take away from the strength of this woman, she is an absolute powerhouse. ❤)
It’s so frustrating when people do this. Comparing and judging which “drug” is the “worst one” really cannot be compared. Coming from a plethora of addictions from so many family members and experiencing literally all different kinds of substances, they are EQUALLY ALL the worst in their own ways. Meth is literally the devils drug, people die young on opiates, and alcohol is a slow killer and catastrophic. People need to stop making blanket statements about “this or that drug is the worst one”. THEY ARE ALL TERRIBLE EQUALLY!
@@rebekahjoy7921 sorry disagree. Am sober from alcohol for 20 years and I stick by it being the worst drug. The first thing alcohol affects in your brain is your reasoning skills, and it happens fast. Meth is not good but alcohol is way worse. fyi alcohol isn’t always a slow killer. I drank so much on my 21st bday that I ruptured my appendix and came very close to dying. The hospital kept me for two weeks. Also, one beer plus one beer equals two beers. One beer plus one opiate equals six beers. One beer plus one hit of meth equals one hit of meth. Saying all drugs are EQUAL is a blanket statement!!!!
Her story touched home for me. I didn’t find out my mom was Bipolar until I was 40 years old. she was dependent on MALES, used and abused, toxic DV relationships. My alleged SPERM donor is still playing victim at 70 years old, and is still a current drug addict… had I knew my parents background I would not have had kids… bipolar disorder runs on both my parents sides… and my daughter was diagnosed in her late 20’s… my siblings are all narcissistic victim role players. I do not go anywhere near none of my family to this day. TFS SHARING JESSICA 😘 I wish you all the best🙏🏾
Bipolar can be genetic. My dads bipolar but luckily I’m adopted so I evaded that. I still have depression & ptsd and a slew of issues as a result. I wish you the best 🫶🏽 it’s hard dealing with bipolar loved ones.
I had a mother similar to this and when she finally did pass away, the shock of death hits everyone but ultimately it was a relief not to have to deal with the emotions every day.
Same here. My mother was a narcissist and alcoholic. She passed away 4 years ago today. I felt nothing but relief. She was nothing but a f**king nightmare.
I have a mother and a sister like this mostly my sister my mom just is hard to deal with because her trauma bond to my sister which makes her dramatic and manic looking to me .. the youngest in the family to play super hero. I felt your comment 100 percent my weekends and weeknights I try to shield my peace and anxiety from them... and I have no choice to endure my mom on Sunday mornings just to here her complain, sob and moan about my sister. She doesn't talk about nothing else. But my and my brother had to cut my sister off because she when I was married she would terrorize our spouses and send us nasty texts say that we think we're better then her and stay nasty things about our spouses. I some times want to move to another country where I'm not so close. And where my phone don't work...........I know one day because my mom's really old either of them will pass due to old age and for my sister due to addiction and reckless behavior. I will be lonely and sad for a while but I won't have as much trauma and pain and so much anxiety anymore ..😭😭😭😭
Im a mother that suffers from mental illness... so grateful that my daughter loves me.. Just know we dont want to be this way. Nobody wants this. And im sorry to all of you..
I couldn't help but think of how much of a natural story teller Jessica is. She is so good with her words, and knows how to draw her audience. I thought to myself, "this woman should write a book". Yes, her story is a huge part of it, but I feel like she could write the ingredients of a Burger King meal in such a way that would get me enthralled. Jessica writing a book almost seems like the natural progression. My mom lived a life full of trauma and I always, always felt she should write a book, as well. Some of us, their fellow citizens, are so naive to the lives some people have led.
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Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
I can’t believe how relatable this is… my heart hurts for you. My father is the same way. On the streets constantly reaching out to tell me he’s dying, leaving scary voicemails of him barely breathing. Narcissistic people are so selfish to the people that love them. That nausea feeling, the pit in your stomach is a feeling I know all too well. Sending love and I’m so sorry you experienced this. So proud of you for moving forward everyday. You can only help those who want to help themselves.
I am both…. I AM a mother suffering from DID, and the daughter of a narcissistic mother. I listened to your testimony with a completely opened heart. I am happy and proud to have waited until my symptoms were cured and until I was 35 years old before allowing myself to have a child. I am horrified and sorry to learn in which universe you grew up. you didn't deserve this. I shed tears to hear you say that you give yourself the role of protector in your family. I hope that growing up you found a feeling of security.... with people who in turn protect you. thank you for your courageous testimony and take care of yourself. respect, Catherine ( my language is French, i Hope i did well to let you know my feelings )
I feel you have made it. Never give up working on your sobriety. You have figured it out against all odds. You are a strong woman and have broken the cycle for your kids. You're amazing.
“Mother’s have the power”. That alone is the truth. The mother wound will always haunt us. Choosing therapy or food, I totally understand. And an hour is never enough. It’s an uphill battle. As a woman, having a toxic mother is the most detrimental thing that could have happened to us. Thank you for sharing your story. I find strength in these stories.
I have so much admiration and respect for this woman. I just can't imagine growing up with these horrific experiences. Wishing her the best life that she deserves.
God! I’m driving making my rounds at work in my truck crying listening to this story… I wish you the best Jessica you have been thru so much. I’m positive you will come out this on top.
You are a warrior! I identify with you so much. I had my children taken from my custody too. I drink the way you drink and I can see such strength in you. It can be done, my kids lost some of my time when I got sober but it paid off. Over 10 years sober now, I have a responsible job working with victims of severe trauma. I met my husband in recovery, he’s 6 years sober now. My kids are safe. There’s no shouting, drinking or toxicity allowed in this home. Sobriety saved my life. I too have a family filled with alcoholism but we are here to break those chains!! Keep shining sister ❤️
Congratulations on your sobriety! I am so proud of you. I love watching people break their generational trauma for their own children, it is one of the most hardest things a human can do, and you did it! Take care of yourself, you deserve it!
I had to detach myself from my mother for the last 10 yrs of my life . I morned her like she was dead . She wasn't dead but the fantasy of her changing was . Let her go was like a weight off my shoulder , but forgiving her as a very sick human. She had experience a terrible childhood which created a cold adult . I didn't have to be her .
Same here but it was my father who was toxic. I had to come to understand that he was sick from something inside himself, there was nothing wrong with me that made him do the things he did to me, and I could let him go to be kind to myself & forgive him to free myself of the hurt & anger. It's so hard but worth the work.
Finding out her mom is still alive sounds like a recurring dream I have about my mom, who drowned 13 years ago. In my dream, I find out that it wasn't true and she was still alive. It is always a very confusing feeling, and I have trouble ever connecting with her in the dream. I too have a troubled history with her mental illness but still love her deeply because she will always be my mom. Thank you for sharing your story, it takes a lot of courage!
I wonder what her kids would say about her. She’s been through a lot but it sounds like she’s also subjecting them to a lot. Wish her the best and continued healing.
As a fellow Fontanan with a mentally ill mother, my heart goes out to you. I'm so proud of you for working to break the vicious cycle of abuse and trauma.
ME TOOOOO.. I'm in Oregon now 15 yrs but i grew up in Fontana. Went to Japan and still came back to Fontana.. Fohi 86,87, then dropped out in 89, continuation school, then split again on my own..
Experienced a lot of similar events with my father. The anxiety you carry with you from having a parent you constantly have to worry about as a child leads into adulthood. My dad is no longer alive but the anxiety and worry still remain. Odd how that works. Thank you for opening up and congrats on your sobriety as a fellow sober sister here, god bless you! ❤️
Unbelievable how she managed to live through all that trauma and tragedy and come out of it as sane and beautiful and articulate as she has! I am so impressed; any one of those things she experienced is enough to put someone else over the edge, but pulled out of it amazingly well! She'll make a phenomenally strong police officer, if thats what she chooses to do with her CJ degree. She has my vote for whatever she chooses to do!🎉❤😊
Not having a mom due to mental illness is so lonely. No matter the age we want our mom. It's been almost 2 yrs since I walked away. You are so strong! You are ending the cycle! You are a wonderful caring mom to want to be better. You are a warrior to fight 💪 these demons. You had no control of where you came from but you have all the control where you go now. Own your shit and it's NEVER to late to be a good mom. ❤ to you and your family.
Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. Her boyfriend and kid's father are criminals. She has an alcohol problem, and she told the police to shoot her in front of the kids? 39 days is admirable. But she is not ready to parent a bunch of children. I really hope she gets a lot more therapy.
i have never related to a story more in my life that i’m currently panicking while watching this because WHAT. this interview was so insightful and relatable and well told
Im 56 and 3 years ago i FINALLY discontinued contact with my very toxic family, i should have done it 40 years ago. You should really consider that as an option. I am soo much happier, and have surrounded myself with positive people. Life can be drama free. Good luck , you deserve the best. Maybe distance the boyfriend too.
Oh girl. I hope you continue with your sobriety. I also hope you reconsider therapy ..taking care of yourself mentally is also a way to take care of your children. I know it's hard, but you have to find a way to forgive yourself for what happened with cps. You can only learn and do better going forward, which is something you have the ability to do for your children, that your mother did not do for you. Give yourself grace, and give your babies grace. You all deserve to be healthy and happy. Thank you for being strong enough to share your story 🖤🖤🖤
Wow this made me sob 😢 how awful to have grown up with a mother like this. Heart breaking. I have a narcissistic parent also but not as overtly abusive and I have always wanted to write a book also. I feel like we experience so much toxicity in our lives that we unpack, analyse, compartmentalise - it’s almost a public service to expose the truth of the damage that narcissism causes and the journey for the child to crawl towards self worth and lead a fulfilling life.
God, what a soul crushing story. She seems self-aware enough to know the pain she's causing her children, I hope she can brake this God damn cycle. Best of luck Jessica.
I have searched for years to hear a story of a child of a parent with DID. I feel so validated by seeing someone else who dealt with the chaos. Mine was not also addicted but the mental instability was so hard to handle and neglect of my needs caused abuse of myself and siblings. Thank you for sharing. You are not alone ❤
Such a good interview. I have so much respect for you. Sharing your story and raw emotions takes courage. YOU are strong beautiful smart and 31, you have so much life to live. Go back to school, be the change. Do the changing. I know you can do it. I got a degree at 34 changed my world. Prayers and hugs for you.
Oof.. this is a hard one, I can hear & feel her rage. Obviously she barely touched the surface of what she's been through. She's a fighter and I hope she'll use that strength to fight to stay sober. Break that generational cycle. Walk away from the people, places & things that trigger her drinking. Find peace in her mind and work through her extreme trauma. It's going to be hard BUT I believe she can do it. I think she will succeed in being a good Mom, raising her kids in a healthy, safe environment. Jessica you can do this. ⚘️
Man... Jessica has a great testimony. Write that book girl! I can relate on so many levels. This is refreshing to see that as a woman we are not alone. Alcohol is my vise and I carried it as my coping skill for years. Alcohol too for me was a taught coping skill. I have been through two of the hardest years dealing with CPS, rehab, sober living, tons of aa, na, therapy. I'm still going through it. It took years but I finally accepted it was me who needed to change. These changes are live long and neverending. Once an addict there will always be the struggle to stay sober. Working through the hard times sober can be challenging but so worth it. Its called growth.
My mother was severely bipolar but she never attempted suicide. She just stopped taking her meds and let the mania take over. I was hospitalized at age 12 for severe depression and anxiety because I couldn't figure out how to cope.
As someone working towards becoming a therapist, Jessica likely qualifies for affordable mental healthcare. I would love to help connect her to resources, I see someone with so much pain but even more strength.
In my opinion the mother did not deserve the love of her children. Regardless of mental illness. Her neglect went beyond that. No child should endure that,
I guess the best way to explain this is, especially in terms of a mother, all your life you grow up with parents who didn’t create a safe space for you to come to them for love, attention etc so it’s like we grow up craving that from them…. It’s blind love/loyalty to the very people who gave us life. It’s all we know…. Until we become adults and realize our loyalty should be to ourselves. I hope that gives you a better understanding 🙏🏾
Jessica, I just want to say, you really touched my heart. I too had a horrible mother, so can definitely understand where you’re coming from. I was a lot younger than you (16), when I realized that my mother’s inability to love me. Had ZERO to do with me, and EVERYTHING to do with her. Once I realized that, my relationship with her changed. She was no longer able to emotionally hurt me. You my dear are soooo close to being there.🥰 Please forgive yourself for what happened with your kids. You cannot change the past, all you can do is be the best mother you can be to them going forward. And plz don’t make the mistake, of trying to “make it up to them”. You can’t, As I said before, you can only be the best mother that you can be going FORWARD! Giving into them, so they don’t “hate” you, and giving them everything they ask for, will NOT make what happened better. Being their mom, both loving them, and disciplining them, and staying sober, is what will do that. I hope the very best for you, and can’t wait to read your books one day…😊
Yes! Don’t stop journaling. It is a sanity saver. You don’t have to remember when it’s written down somewhere. You can stay in the present and work on moving forward. Baby steps are better than no steps forward.
Jessica's story is one of the most moving to me. Her strength, reflection, experiences, and determination... just wow. Thank for sharing. Best of luck to you and your babies.
Thank you for sharing your story. Your life is so far from over. But hood years hit differently. I grew up in Riverside not far with a malignant narcissist mother. Middle child as well. Her story is next level. Humbling. I hope Jessica can get long term therapy and continues her sobriety. So polite, yet so fierce. Best wishes, girl. ❤
when Jessica described living her whole life with a pit of unease, panic, and fear in her stomach, i resonated with that so hard. scared for what might happen next by the hour or day. a chaotic household is so hard to heal from.
and living with the panic and guilt that if you don’t give him the money or the ride he will actually do it this time. it’s so scary but i’ve never heard anyone say that before
jessica congrats on your sobriety, u deserve it. you will live a rich beautiful life if you keep at it. i drank everyday for 12 years, iv been clean now for 3. wat youre doing is important
Thank you for sharing ! My sons are 20 and 19 but when they were 13 and 15 their father put me in a custody battle with a step mother who had borderline personality disorder. I got them back but o can’t stand for them to be around this kind of toxic environment. You are so strong and thank you so much for sharing . I am routing for you ! I know you can do it !!
Jessica, I'm so sorry you had to endure a diagnosis of DID in your Mom, this is such a rarity I wonder what she went through to get that? She actually sounds more like a borderline, the self destructive tendencies and you mentioned narcissism as well. I grew up with cluster b personality disorders and yes it was super chaotic. I went on to my own serious issues with addiction and cluster b issues (unhealed ptsd) with therapy I'm coming out of it. I'm 59 years old and it's taken a lot. 💖
OMG, Jessica, I can so relate! My family is also chaotic with a lot of mental health issues, and I fight for my sobriety every day, and I’ve unfortunately had to learn how to separate from some of the people I love the most in the world. Take care of yourself and protect your sobriety with everything you’ve got! You are such a strong, incredible person!
I've watched just about every story on your channel, but this one...my heart goes out to this beautiful strong woman. I pray for her to remain strong & not let those demons win. She's so smart & real & so humble & owns up to her mistakes. She's been thru so much, but I feel like she will turn her life around. We are rooting for you Jessica! ❤❤❤
People with DID can be great parents if the system has their act together. I have had multiple partners with DID (not multiple partners from the same system, I mean people from different systems-- I don't get it when people date an entire system, like how? what is the chance of being into a whole group of people like that?) and while a couple of them were chaotic, some of them were incredibly organized and respectful of eachother.
Do not blame yourself Jessica, you were not given the tools to adequately deal with life's trials. All i can say from someone with chronic mental illness due to varying causes, i had to be estranged from my family who were toxic, and garbage. I honestly think the only way forward is to cut out completely those who bring you nothing but stress and heartache. The people who truly love you, you will know who they are. I wish you the best for the future, we cannot sadly choose who are family are.
hearing your story helped. my mom is a paranoid schizophrenic and this just helped me a lot. i feel less alone knowing we have similar struggles. thank you and stay strong in your healing process 🫶🏻
I hope she takes care of her mental health and physical health as much as possible - I think she has a great sense of responsibility to keep people around her (her family) out of harms way and be "the strong person" to protect the vulnerable around them. Those people are so prone to all kinds of diseases (auto immune, cancer etc.) Those who carry the strength for everyone around them not as strong. It festers all inside and comes out as a pathology at some point. I hope she writes that book!!
Omg I started watching-this is my mother in law -destroyed all of her sons. So much love for you. The pain is real until the bridge is finally burned. I’m so sorry for all the years of turmoil, anger, grief and most importantly, for you not being protected.
my mother was very similar, but she died when i was young. i love her but in some ways it was a blessing. it’s sad what people will do to themselves and i wish she had been loved as a child.
this womans story is very powerful! CPS taking your children must be horrifying but the fact that she managed to clean her act up and get them back makes me feel like it might have been for the best in the long run. And im very glad she did, she seems like a great person and mother that was just dealt a shitty hand. Stay strong Jessica, you got this!
The amount of tears this woman is holding back is beyond me, you are so strong thank you for sharing your story all we can do from now on this earth is move forward
Half way through i was thinking how lucky you were to get clean and sober and not get your kids taken away... it took me 2 times to get it and even after 12 yrs clean and sober i still struggle. 💚💚💚
I wanna stop every single day for my kids, got them temporarily removed from me this past summer bcus of it and I still relapsed. Praying for you. Take it one day at a time and put God first ❤
Being sober is the only way to finally process and let go of the toxic things that hold you back. After my narcissistic mother passed away I was drunk for a straight year and living in mental torment. The moment I took a few days off drinking my mind cleared up and I finally was able to see things clearly and stop feeling guilty for not meeting impossible expectations. If you’re struggling with grief or something similar and you’ve been running away from it, using liquor to escape, take time off and let your mind meet reality a little bit, and see how much your life will change.
Thank you for sharing this. My husband's mother was similar to this and he's dealing with trying to navigate the relationship. We are also living in Fontana, and I love that you shared this because the IE struggles with addiction and abuse rapidly and no one is talking about it, no one is sharing so thank you for coming and sharing hopefully more people in the area see this. Please keep talking and please write your story.
Jessica the fact that you are concerned about becoming your mother? You won’t. All the best in life to you. Keep moving forward and never give up. Continue to cultivate your faith. That faith will care you where your family never will. God bless you and thank you for sharing your story. I hope you come back when you finish school so we can celebrate with you.
Wow, I’m just seeing this and it feels like she is talking about my mom. It’s so hard to be a daughter to a mother that always make me feel guilty she had me 😢 I also turned to drinking but I will never drink again. My mom did ask for my forgiveness before she passed but that doesn’t take away the pain of the horrible things she did and said. I’m happy Jessica has lots of support and is doing great for herself now!!
God has a purpose for her. I rarely see anyone with strength, hope, and maturity like her. The way she shows her mom grace and love despite what she went through is so powerful..let the love of God transform you and fill you with peace ✝️😊
I love this girl. I feel like her mom needs to thank her for keeping her alive.. no child should have to repair their mom's duck ups... This girl is truly the reason her mom made it this far.
I feel like this is a case where love is NOT unconditional. Boundaries need to be set, even with family members, even with your own mother. No one should harm themselves as a result of trying to help their parents or other relatives. This is abuse and Jessica and her family deserve the best, in spite of these dire, manipulative circumstances of her mother. I believe that Jessica can work hard every day to break the cycle and bring another good and loving world to herself, her partner, and her children.
So brave to share your story. Such a hard life growing up. I’m so sorry for the dysfunction your family went through, but I’m so happy that you are trying your best today and getting through it all for your own family! Stay strong and keep thriving!
Your mom Rena has been living with my dad (C.O.) since October, I haven’t met her. She doesn’t seem like someone I’m willing to allow into my family circle. I’m sorry for what you have been through and surely continue to go through. As a mother myself I’m saddened. You can get ahold of me if you want.
Soo, her mom essentially tried to fake her death multiple times, beat her, neglected her, ignored that her daughter was sexualy abused by a man that she CONTINUED to date afterwards and this probably only scratches the service...And despite all of that, Jessica still has such grace that she says that she loves her, still cares and still tries to excuse her mother's behaviour, just WOW. Jessica, you are a better person than I could ever be. I would absolutely be bitter and hope for a "revenge" of sorts.
I have been watching this channel since started, it’s kind of a safe space for the genuine souls telling us their experiences but also gave me hope that people make it out of abusive situations. This girl the only one surprised me with the way she laid out her facts along with body language and composure.
Jessica, I see such strength in you to face addiction and make a conscious change for your children. May you continue on your healing trajectory. You’re so strong!❤
Congratulations on your sobriety girl! Breaking the cycle to protect you and your children. ❤❤ If your mom has DID, then that means that she was severely abused as a child. The brain splits off into different personalities to protect the person when abused to such a degree. I'm sure that you already know this though. Keep up the good work Jessica! 😊💖
Totally respect and appreciate the sentiment of your message, but it’s not entirely true. And it can be unfair to label people / assume what they experienced The actual physiological mechanisms that lead to DID are not entirely understood, but it usually results from major trauma or stress during development, especially prior to the age of 9. But the trauma could include things like experiencing war, having other illnesses that require invasive surgery at a young age, unnaturally stressful living conditions, etc. So it’s not really appropriate to declare someone was “severely abused” in that sense, without knowing the specific details
It wasn't until my own mother passed.That I was able to completely heal.Growing up in a alcoholic dysfunctional abusive family. I also drank to numb the pain.It only hurts your self.Keep doing you sobriety will change your outcome. Don't forget to love yourself.
Thank you to everyone who watched and thank you for everyone’s beautiful energy. My biggest thank you to Mark Laita for bringing awareness and allowing everyone on his channel the opportunity to share there stories. Respectfully Jessica Desare
Love
your strength
You were brave enough to get up on front of millions of people and be vulnerable about your life experiences, you're amazingly strong and thank you for sharing your story, Jessica! ❤
Peace young Queen! Your struggle has not gone unnoticed by the Almighty. May calm waters enter your life sooner than later. ❤❤
You're amazing and continue with your sobriety!!!!❤ I've got seven years. You can do it and you're healing that generational trauma!
You're stronger than you think, sweet lady ❤ keep going on your journey. You WILL make it😊
Thank you mark for giving my sister a safe space to release all of the trauma. You are amazing for giving people a platform to be raw real and vulnerable in a safe place with no judgment. #forevergrateful
You both went through so much
@@dbrun9195 🙏
May you and your siblings move into more peaceful times. You all are amazing for staying tight as siblings and backing each other.
❤
Do you think your Mom actually has DID or is this just another reason for her to not be held accountable for her actions? I am sorry for the struggles you have suffered but I think this sounds like narcissism and addiction mixed together. Also, your Sister seems like a bad ass B and something tells me you are the same....Take care!
“I won’t be that sad story that my kids are going to go tell their kids” how powerful. I’m rooting for you Jessica, breaking generation curses and changing your family tree every single day! I’m a CPS worker and seeing moms with the tenacity you have makes me so hopeful for change. You are so strong. I am so sorry that you had to be this strong and we’re delay such a bad hand, but you are changing the world for your kids to never have to be this strong.
That sentence really got to me, too.
However in another way.
Because facts are that until now, her children have experienced a lot of the same she experienced as a child.
Especially the picture of her daughter standing beside her hyperventilating bygging her to stop, that broke me in pieces.
This woman has been drinking almost the whole time aftercshe became a mother. She says it herself, shes not a nice drunk.
She gets angry to the point where shevsees red and lose control.
She's not violent with her children. But she went mental on her boyfriend, while her daughter was there.
I didn't get the age of the daugher but her son is still an infant, hopefully he doesn't remember what's happened.
But the daughter does.
Jessica has been sober fot 39 days. That's very, very early recovery. In my opinion she should've been at a rehab for a year to deal with all of her trauma.
I didn't understand the thing about the boyfriend, either.
Is she still with the one she went mental on? The one with severe addiction issues?
She's talking about being afraid of not being able to leave toxic relationships like her mother wasn't able to.
But to me it sounds like she's in one right now.
She should not be in a relationship at all at this point.
She should fokus on herself and her children.
Nothing else.
This probably cane off as very judgemental. It is absolutely not ment like that.
I have so much love for Jessica and everything she's been through.
And obviously it takes time to fix a person who's that broken.
That's why it's kind of sad that she's prioritised relationships when there clearly are so much else she cold use her energy on.
If she wanted ro go to to long time rehab , I'd donate. And I believe many others would as well.
She needs theraphy and I totally understand that she can't afford that.
It's insane to me that insurance doesn't cover theraphists for people as damaged as her!
Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to watch my story and to comment with good energy.
So sad, bad enough coming from a dysfunctional family, being molested on top of that, is tragic. Jessica is such a sweet girl, who’s now putting her family and herself first. You all deserve a good happy life.
Amennn 👍
This Channel sometimes gives me a reality Check about being more Grateful of things In Life that are taken for granted .
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Sometimes?! Jk😊
I’m always blown away by people like Jessica who come from lives of trauma, violence, neglect, and in particular, child molestation, and are still working hard every day to make the best lives for themselves and their families. Her ability to recognize her own issues (drinking specifically) and to want to stop for not only her own health, but for the benefit of her children, shows the incredible amount of strength the human spirit has to have gone through and still continue to want to live the best life possible.
Jessica, I don’t know if you will see this, but please don’t punish yourself for the mistakes of your past. Forgive yourself and continue to move forward. Take your sobriety day by day. You are SOOO bright, well spoken, intelligent, and inspiring. I think you could even continue to share your story with others and support groups of all different kinds. Your story could REALLY help others!
I once heard it said that you can tell a woman is a good mother when they care about what they’re doing and how it affects their children. Your mom obviously didn’t care and therefore she was NOT a good mother. YOU obviously care and just because you’ve made some bad choices, you continue to want to do better for your children so that their future is successful. You are a great mom and an amazing person! I wish you all the best of everything as well as continued success in your sobriety. Give yourself grace for the mistakes you make, and allow others to hear your story. You are just incredible!!! ❤
Work the steps! Greatest thing I’ve ever done!
@zamomma 😊❤
That's just so beautiful what you're saying.
Exactly what I'd want to tell her.
But thid was just to much for me to digest.
I've had two pauses already and there's still a few minutes left of the interview.
It's her with all of her enormous issues, her mother, her grandparents, the grandfather shooting himself with all them there, the wrong death messene of the mother, abuse, CPS, a partner with severe addiction, and in the middle that little daughter and an infant son.
I mean, I can't breathe.
This is without doubt one out of two that'll always stay with me.
@2amomma great comment
Xx
My mom doesn't suffer from D.I.D or addiction but everything else described hits home. Toxic mothers will drain you if you don't set boundaries. And absent fathers always feign victim. The constant threats...Jess, you are not responsible. Your loyalty lies with your babies and yourself. ❤
I fully agree with you. Mine was never diagnosed but she is literally everything Jess is describing unfortunately. Feels like she’s describing my life honestly. But they will drain you of everything if they think they can. They take full advantage. It’s always a lot.
My mother was nowhere near as dysfunctional but I relate. Jessica you are an inspiration.
"I'm not going to cut out toxic to be toxic." What an incredible woman. I wish her all the best in her recovery!
After finishing the video: i also cannot WAIT to hear more of her, and hopefully read her book one day!
Her mom actually sounds like she’s dealing with borderline personality disorder with comorbidities of possible bi polar and drug/alcohol induced psychosis which we see a lot with extreme alcohol and meth use. Back in the day D.I.D was extremely misdiagnosed. It’s heartbreaking she had to go through this growing up and to know your parent knows their SO is molesting you and did nothing about it is gut wrenching. I hope she knows she did the right thing by cutting her mom out and focusing on herself and her kids. There’s nothing she can do to change her mom’s mental health and destructive behaviors.
Agreed I don’t believe it’s DID
Yeah, this doesn't sound anything like DID to me. It does sound like what you said, however, and it's so tragic the shockwaves that her mother's experiences have had on the lives of others.
I am proud of Jessica's resolve and determination to be better and break the cycle, though, and I'm really rooting for her
Agree. Would be interested to find out if there was an actual diagnosis and how that came to be, or if the title is misleading. If title is misleading, it’s a shame as it somewhat dilutes this amazing woman’s story.
agree
As a therapist myself, I agree that the behaviors she is reporting sounds more like borderline personality. However, I don't think Mark attempted to be misleading with the title. He is merely giving us access to what his interviewees share in real time and by listing DID as the diagnosis (as reported by the interviewee), it shows that he really trusts that his interviewees are sharing their story in good faith and with full autonomy and validity, which often is stripped of them through all the trauma they experience.
It was a surreal moment when I found out the person who always threatened me with suicide, actually passed away.
Keep fighting for your life
yeah that story retriggered that exact feeling for me.. It's so fucked, you would expect to get numbed from expecting it, but you never go numb to it. If anything it seems like it made it worse when it finally happened.. not sure why, maybe because it feels like you could have done something, even though logically you know you couldn't.
If Rebecca loses her battle with drugs hundreds of thousands of viewers will get a small taste test of how that is.. hopefully they don't have to.
@@craigslist6988I think when it's threatened so much and the person survives you just expect they'll always survive . Which is why it's even worse emotionally when the attempt works.
I feel this. I experienced it with my Brother.
I'm so sorry that you had to experience that 🩷
@craighslist6988
I don't really understand why you brought Rebecca into this conversation.
This is mainly about suicide, isn't it?
Rebecca is nothing like this woman or her mother, she couldn't be more different.
So I truly don't understand your reason for bringing her into this.
If you had breast cancer you'd cut out that breast to save the rest of the body. Some people are like a cancer and in order to preserve yourself and your well being you have to cut them out. I cut my mom out of my life because of her BS when I was 20. People used to say, "Oh that's so sad you don't see your mom." No, that's not. Sad, painful, crappy, whatever you want to call it was every event leading up to that. Once I made that choice my quality of life and well being improved 100%. I don't feel bad in the least - and I've been to therapy a few times in my life and they all seemed to think it was the right decision as well.
❤❤
How can people be so oblivious to the fact parents are people, some EVIL people, and you shouldnt have too see them.
Same… except I was 47 - best thing I ever did for myself
Good for you saving yourself!🌹
Please make more videos like this, mental illness awareness is so important. Schizophrenia,schizoaffective, & bipolar without drug dependency.
I agree, I think this format is SO perfect for this. To see mental illness/disorders on a case-by-case basis and be able to understand that no two cases are the exact same. The internet talks a lot about mental illness and to read the words on a page is one thing, to see the various different ways that it occurs in real life is totally different.
As someone who works with mental illness everyday, there aren't a lot of cases of these diagnoses that aren't comorbid with drug or alcohol use, as seen in this video. I would say 90% of the time from my experiences, maybe more. I'm an advocate for substance use disorders so I mean no malice, just simply my experience. I think it would be honest to focus on the disorders and how they've led to use.
Agree. Also - it’s important to hear stories from the families but I think the title here was misleading - would be curious if the mother was actually diagnosed with DID/multiple personality disorder and if seeing things through that lens affected her daughter’s recovery/views. In my experience, that diagnosis can trigger an entirely different perspective. (Not to take away from the strength of this woman, she is an absolute powerhouse. ❤)
Totally agree!!! I deal with excessive anxiety preventing me from working so it's important for society not to be biased against us.
Oh yes, wait til they get into codependent mothers and enmeshed sons
Alcohol in my opinion, it’s one of the worst drugs out there ,
Agreed. It's consistently in the top 5 addictive substances list and available everywhere.
Is the worst drug
It’s so frustrating when people do this. Comparing and judging which “drug” is the “worst one” really cannot be compared. Coming from a plethora of addictions from so many family members and experiencing literally all different kinds of substances, they are EQUALLY ALL the worst in their own ways. Meth is literally the devils drug, people die young on opiates, and alcohol is a slow killer and catastrophic. People need to stop making blanket statements about “this or that drug is the worst one”. THEY ARE ALL TERRIBLE EQUALLY!
@@rebekahjoy7921 sorry disagree. Am sober from alcohol for 20 years and I stick by it being the worst drug. The first thing alcohol affects in your brain is your reasoning skills, and it happens fast.
Meth is not good but alcohol is way worse.
fyi alcohol isn’t always a slow killer. I drank so much on my 21st bday that I ruptured my appendix and came very close to dying. The hospital kept me for two weeks.
Also, one beer plus one beer equals two beers. One beer plus one opiate equals six beers. One beer plus one hit of meth equals one hit of meth.
Saying all drugs are EQUAL is a blanket statement!!!!
@@rebekahjoy7921 yes and then my experience is one of them
Her story touched home for me. I didn’t find out my mom was Bipolar until I was 40 years old. she was dependent on MALES, used and abused, toxic DV relationships. My alleged SPERM donor is still playing victim at 70 years old, and is still a current drug addict… had I knew my parents background I would not have had kids… bipolar disorder runs on both my parents sides… and my daughter was diagnosed in her late 20’s… my siblings are all narcissistic victim role players. I do not go anywhere near none of my family to this day. TFS SHARING JESSICA 😘 I wish you all the best🙏🏾
Bipolar can be genetic. My dads bipolar but luckily I’m adopted so I evaded that. I still have depression & ptsd and a slew of issues as a result. I wish you the best 🫶🏽 it’s hard dealing with bipolar loved ones.
I had a mother similar to this and when she finally did pass away, the shock of death hits everyone but ultimately it was a relief not to have to deal with the emotions every day.
Thats so sad... man. Im sorry you had to go through that..
I suffer from Deppresion and i try not to show it in front of my kids its so hard. I can only imagine prayers to everyone 🙏
Same here. My mother was a narcissist and alcoholic. She passed away 4 years ago today. I felt nothing but relief. She was nothing but a f**king nightmare.
I have a mother and a sister like this mostly my sister my mom just is hard to deal with because her trauma bond to my sister which makes her dramatic and manic looking to me .. the youngest in the family to play super hero. I felt your comment 100 percent my weekends and weeknights I try to shield my peace and anxiety from them... and I have no choice to endure my mom on Sunday mornings just to here her complain, sob and moan about my sister. She doesn't talk about nothing else. But my and my brother had to cut my sister off because she when I was married she would terrorize our spouses and send us nasty texts say that we think we're better then her and stay nasty things about our spouses. I some times want to move to another country where I'm not so close. And where my phone don't work...........I know one day because my mom's really old either of them will pass due to old age and for my sister due to addiction and reckless behavior. I will be lonely and sad for a while but I won't have as much trauma and pain and so much anxiety anymore ..😭😭😭😭
hugs:( was your sister like this before starting drugs?
I’m a daughter of a mother with mental illness, not the same kind but this hits home. My life wasn’t as traumatic but I can relate.
Same
😢
Same
Im a mother that suffers from mental illness... so grateful that my daughter loves me..
Just know we dont want to be this way. Nobody wants this. And im sorry to all of you..
@sinverrette9803 I love my mom more than anything.. I'm.sure your daughter feels the same. ❤️❤️
I couldn't help but think of how much of a natural story teller Jessica is. She is so good with her words, and knows how to draw her audience. I thought to myself, "this woman should write a book". Yes, her story is a huge part of it, but I feel like she could write the ingredients of a Burger King meal in such a way that would get me enthralled. Jessica writing a book almost seems like the natural progression. My mom lived a life full of trauma and I always, always felt she should write a book, as well. Some of us, their fellow citizens, are so naive to the lives some people have led.
❤
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Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporesss
I can’t believe how relatable this is… my heart hurts for you. My father is the same way. On the streets constantly reaching out to tell me he’s dying, leaving scary voicemails of him barely breathing. Narcissistic people are so selfish to the people that love them. That nausea feeling, the pit in your stomach is a feeling I know all too well. Sending love and I’m so sorry you experienced this. So proud of you for moving forward everyday. You can only help those who want to help themselves.
I am both…. I AM a mother suffering from DID, and the daughter of a narcissistic mother. I listened to your testimony with a completely opened heart. I am happy and proud to have waited until my symptoms were cured and until I was 35 years old before allowing myself to have a child. I am horrified and sorry to learn in which universe you grew up. you didn't deserve this. I shed tears to hear you say that you give yourself the role of protector in your family. I hope that growing up you found a feeling of security.... with people who in turn protect you. thank you for your courageous testimony and take care of yourself.
respect,
Catherine
( my language is French, i Hope i did well to let you know my feelings )
I feel you have made it. Never give up working on your sobriety. You have figured it out against all odds. You are a strong woman and have broken the cycle for your kids. You're amazing.
“Mother’s have the power”. That alone is the truth. The mother wound will always haunt us.
Choosing therapy or food, I totally understand. And an hour is never enough. It’s an uphill battle. As a woman, having a toxic mother is the most detrimental thing that could have happened to us.
Thank you for sharing your story. I find strength in these stories.
I always tell people I have mommy issues… the best way I can explain it.
I have so much admiration and respect for this woman. I just can't imagine growing up with these horrific experiences. Wishing her the best life that she deserves.
What a crushing story. I hope Jessica finds peace in her life
I wish Jessica strength as she pushes away from the pain. She is so intelligent and honest. Her story should be heard.
Sad story. The mills of this pleasurable painful dream grind slowly but extremely fine. No one escapes death
It's a sad story of redemption so that's great really !
God! I’m driving making my rounds at work in my truck crying listening to this story… I wish you the best Jessica you have been thru so much. I’m positive you will come out this on top.
You are a warrior!
I identify with you so much.
I had my children taken from my custody too.
I drink the way you drink and I can see such strength in you.
It can be done, my kids lost some of my time when I got sober but it paid off.
Over 10 years sober now, I have a responsible job working with victims of severe trauma.
I met my husband in recovery, he’s 6 years sober now.
My kids are safe.
There’s no shouting, drinking or toxicity allowed in this home.
Sobriety saved my life.
I too have a family filled with alcoholism but we are here to break those chains!!
Keep shining sister ❤️
Congratulations on your sobriety! I am so proud of you. I love watching people break their generational trauma for their own children, it is one of the most hardest things a human can do, and you did it! Take care of yourself, you deserve it!
I had to detach myself from my mother for the last 10 yrs of my life . I morned her like she was dead . She wasn't dead but the fantasy of her changing was . Let her go was like a weight off my shoulder , but forgiving her as a very sick human. She had experience a terrible childhood which created a cold adult . I didn't have to be her .
I meant her life
Same here but it was my father who was toxic. I had to come to understand that he was sick from something inside himself, there was nothing wrong with me that made him do the things he did to me, and I could let him go to be kind to myself & forgive him to free myself of the hurt & anger. It's so hard but worth the work.
Finding out her mom is still alive sounds like a recurring dream I have about my mom, who drowned 13 years ago. In my dream, I find out that it wasn't true and she was still alive. It is always a very confusing feeling, and I have trouble ever connecting with her in the dream. I too have a troubled history with her mental illness but still love her deeply because she will always be my mom. Thank you for sharing your story, it takes a lot of courage!
my mother also had mental health issues, I had a short childhood. I also have dreams about her being alive
Jessica loved her mother with all her issues. Jessica is a very good person. It’s hard cutting yourself away from the pain when love gets in the way.
I wonder what her kids would say about her. She’s been through a lot but it sounds like she’s also subjecting them to a lot. Wish her the best and continued healing.
As a fellow Fontanan with a mentally ill mother, my heart goes out to you. I'm so proud of you for working to break the vicious cycle of abuse and trauma.
ME TOOOOO..
I'm in Oregon now 15 yrs but i grew up in Fontana. Went to Japan and still came back to Fontana.. Fohi 86,87, then dropped out in 89, continuation school, then split again on my own..
Experienced a lot of similar events with my father. The anxiety you carry with you from having a parent you constantly have to worry about as a child leads into adulthood. My dad is no longer alive but the anxiety and worry still remain. Odd how that works. Thank you for opening up and congrats on your sobriety as a fellow sober sister here, god bless you! ❤️
Unbelievable how she managed to live through all that trauma and tragedy and come out of it as sane and beautiful and articulate as she has! I am so impressed; any one of those things she experienced is enough to put someone else over the edge, but pulled out of it amazingly well! She'll make a phenomenally strong police officer, if thats what she chooses to do with her CJ degree. She has my vote for whatever she chooses to do!🎉❤😊
I appreciate how willing she is to be raw. That takes guts! I will keep her in my prayers, stay strong sis! I
❤
Not having a mom due to mental illness is so lonely. No matter the age we want our mom. It's been almost 2 yrs since I walked away. You are so strong! You are ending the cycle!
You are a wonderful caring mom to want to be better. You are a warrior to fight 💪 these demons. You had no control of where you came from but you have all the control where you go now. Own your shit and it's NEVER to late to be a good mom. ❤ to you and your family.
All Women are your mother.
“ Unknown Swami “
Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. Her boyfriend and kid's father are criminals. She has an alcohol problem, and she told the police to shoot her in front of the kids? 39 days is admirable. But she is not ready to parent a bunch of children. I really hope she gets a lot more therapy.
i have never related to a story more in my life that i’m currently panicking while watching this because WHAT. this interview was so insightful and relatable and well told
Same 😢
Jessica is a likeable young woman. With so much to offer. Despite adversity, She gave me hope for Her. Thank you!
Im 56 and 3 years ago i FINALLY discontinued contact with my very toxic family, i should have done it 40 years ago. You should really consider that as an option. I am soo much happier, and have surrounded myself with positive people. Life can be drama free. Good luck , you deserve the best. Maybe distance the boyfriend too.
Oh girl. I hope you continue with your sobriety. I also hope you reconsider therapy ..taking care of yourself mentally is also a way to take care of your children. I know it's hard, but you have to find a way to forgive yourself for what happened with cps. You can only learn and do better going forward, which is something you have the ability to do for your children, that your mother did not do for you.
Give yourself grace, and give your babies grace. You all deserve to be healthy and happy. Thank you for being strong enough to share your story 🖤🖤🖤
She’s so beautiful and I love the way she speaks even though it’s a painful story. I hope she finds her peace
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Wow this made me sob 😢 how awful to have grown up with a mother like this. Heart breaking. I have a narcissistic parent also but not as overtly abusive and I have always wanted to write a book also. I feel like we experience so much toxicity in our lives that we unpack, analyse, compartmentalise - it’s almost a public service to expose the truth of the damage that narcissism causes and the journey for the child to crawl towards self worth and lead a fulfilling life.
God, what a soul crushing story. She seems self-aware enough to know the pain she's causing her children, I hope she can brake this God damn cycle. Best of luck Jessica.
I have searched for years to hear a story of a child of a parent with DID. I feel so validated by seeing someone else who dealt with the chaos. Mine was not also addicted but the mental instability was so hard to handle and neglect of my needs caused abuse of myself and siblings.
Thank you for sharing. You are not alone ❤
Me too. I have searched for a long time. My mother has DID and is narcissistic. The stuff we saw was like the stuff from movies. So much trauma.
Such a good interview. I have so much respect for you. Sharing your story and raw emotions takes courage. YOU are strong beautiful smart and 31, you have so much life to live. Go back to school, be the change. Do the changing. I know you can do it. I got a degree at 34 changed my world. Prayers and hugs for you.
Oof.. this is a hard one, I can hear & feel her rage. Obviously she barely touched the surface of what she's been through. She's a fighter and I hope she'll use that strength to fight to stay sober. Break that generational cycle. Walk away from the people, places & things that trigger her drinking. Find peace in her mind and work through her extreme trauma. It's going to be hard BUT I believe she can do it. I think she will succeed in being a good Mom, raising her kids in a healthy, safe environment. Jessica you can do this. ⚘️
Man... Jessica has a great testimony. Write that book girl! I can relate on so many levels. This is refreshing to see that as a woman we are not alone. Alcohol is my vise and I carried it as my coping skill for years. Alcohol too for me was a taught coping skill. I have been through two of the hardest years dealing with CPS, rehab, sober living, tons of aa, na, therapy. I'm still going through it. It took years but I finally accepted it was me who needed to change. These changes are live long and neverending. Once an addict there will always be the struggle to stay sober. Working through the hard times sober can be challenging but so worth it. Its called growth.
Hoping you get well soon.
@@davechristian7543 thank you.
She's turned out well given everything she's been through. I hope she stays sober as that seems to be the key to staying strong
❤
My mother was severely bipolar but she never attempted suicide. She just stopped taking her meds and let the mania take over. I was hospitalized at age 12 for severe depression and anxiety because I couldn't figure out how to cope.
Me too
As someone working towards becoming a therapist, Jessica likely qualifies for affordable mental healthcare. I would love to help connect her to resources, I see someone with so much pain but even more strength.
I just don’t understand how you could love someone like that unconditionally. Regardless if they’re family.
Some people have it, some dont, and not having it is ok.
In my opinion the mother did not deserve the love of her children. Regardless of mental illness. Her neglect went beyond that. No child should endure that,
I guess the best way to explain this is, especially in terms of a mother, all your life you grow up with parents who didn’t create a safe space for you to come to them for love, attention etc so it’s like we grow up craving that from them…. It’s blind love/loyalty to the very people who gave us life. It’s all we know…. Until we become adults and realize our loyalty should be to ourselves. I hope that gives you a better understanding 🙏🏾
Jessica, I just want to say, you really touched my heart. I too had a horrible mother, so can definitely understand where you’re coming from. I was a lot younger than you (16), when I realized that my mother’s inability to love me. Had ZERO to do with me, and EVERYTHING to do with her. Once I realized that, my relationship with her changed. She was no longer able to emotionally hurt me. You my dear are soooo close to being there.🥰 Please forgive yourself for what happened with your kids. You cannot change the past, all you can do is be the best mother you can be to them going forward. And plz don’t make the mistake, of trying to “make it up to them”. You can’t, As I said before, you can only be the best mother that you can be going FORWARD! Giving into them, so they don’t “hate” you, and giving them everything they ask for, will NOT make what happened better. Being their mom, both loving them, and disciplining them, and staying sober, is what will do that. I hope the very best for you, and can’t wait to read your books one day…😊
Yes! Don’t stop journaling. It is a sanity saver. You don’t have to remember when it’s written down somewhere. You can stay in the present and work on moving forward. Baby steps are better than no steps forward.
Jessica's story is one of the most moving to me. Her strength, reflection, experiences, and determination... just wow. Thank for sharing. Best of luck to you and your babies.
Thank you for sharing your story. Your life is so far from over. But hood years hit differently. I grew up in Riverside not far with a malignant narcissist mother. Middle child as well. Her story is next level. Humbling. I hope Jessica can get long term therapy and continues her sobriety. So polite, yet so fierce. Best wishes, girl. ❤
My mother was bipolar and my grandmother had multiple personalities. I can totally relate. Bless you young lady for sharing your story.
when Jessica described living her whole life with a pit of unease, panic, and fear in her stomach, i resonated with that so hard. scared for what might happen next by the hour or day. a chaotic household is so hard to heal from.
and living with the panic and guilt that if you don’t give him the money or the ride he will actually do it this time. it’s so scary but i’ve never heard anyone say that before
jessica congrats on your sobriety, u deserve it. you will live a rich beautiful life if you keep at it. i drank everyday for 12 years, iv been clean now for 3. wat youre doing is important
and as always ty mark
Thank you for sharing ! My sons are 20 and 19 but when they were 13 and 15 their father put me in a custody battle with a step mother who had borderline personality disorder. I got them back but o can’t stand for them to be around this kind of toxic environment. You are so strong and thank you so much for sharing . I am routing for you ! I know you can do it !!
Jessica, I'm so sorry you had to endure a diagnosis of DID in your Mom, this is such a rarity I wonder what she went through to get that? She actually sounds more like a borderline, the self destructive tendencies and you mentioned narcissism as well. I grew up with cluster b personality disorders and yes it was super chaotic. I went on to my own serious issues with addiction and cluster b issues (unhealed ptsd) with therapy I'm coming out of it. I'm 59 years old and it's taken a lot. 💖
Write your book, Jessica! Thank you for sharing your story. You are resilient and have much to share with the world. I can't wait to read more.
OMG, Jessica, I can so relate! My family is also chaotic with a lot of mental health issues, and I fight for my sobriety every day, and I’ve unfortunately had to learn how to separate from some of the people I love the most in the world. Take care of yourself and protect your sobriety with everything you’ve got! You are such a strong, incredible person!
It’s a trip to see how much the cycle repeats itself. I’m proud of this young lady for her honesty and for fighting for her healing.
I've watched just about every story on your channel, but this one...my heart goes out to this beautiful strong woman. I pray for her to remain strong & not let those demons win. She's so smart & real & so humble & owns up to her mistakes. She's been thru so much, but I feel like she will turn her life around. We are rooting for you Jessica! ❤❤❤
People with DID can be great parents if the system has their act together. I have had multiple partners with DID (not multiple partners from the same system, I mean people from different systems-- I don't get it when people date an entire system, like how? what is the chance of being into a whole group of people like that?) and while a couple of them were chaotic, some of them were incredibly organized and respectful of eachother.
I want to read your book Jessica
Do not blame yourself Jessica, you were not given the tools to adequately deal with life's trials. All i can say from someone with chronic mental illness due to varying causes, i had to be estranged from my family who were toxic, and garbage. I honestly think the only way forward is to cut out completely those who bring you nothing but stress and heartache. The people who truly love you, you will know who they are. I wish you the best for the future, we cannot sadly choose who are family are.
hearing your story helped. my mom is a paranoid schizophrenic and this just helped me a lot. i feel less alone knowing we have similar struggles. thank you and stay strong in your healing process 🫶🏻
You're not alone. I also had to deal with a sibling like that. It's very exhausting
Such a powerful interview!!! All I wanted to do was give her a hug !!!! You matter Jessica ! Go and write that book !!!!!!!!!!
I hope she takes care of her mental health and physical health as much as possible - I think she has a great sense of responsibility to keep people around her (her family) out of harms way and be "the strong person" to protect the vulnerable around them. Those people are so prone to all kinds of diseases (auto immune, cancer etc.) Those who carry the strength for everyone around them not as strong. It festers all inside and comes out as a pathology at some point. I hope she writes that book!!
Same here! It should become a TV series!🎉😊
I pray Jessica keeps moving forward in her life not only for herself, but for her children. ❤
Beautiful, articulate, strong, ambitious. Keep the faith, keep pushing forward and stick to your writing. Wishing the best for you and your family.
Omg I started watching-this is my mother in law -destroyed all of her sons. So much love for you. The pain is real until the bridge is finally burned. I’m so sorry for all the years of turmoil, anger, grief and most importantly, for you not being protected.
my mother was very similar, but she died when i was young. i love her but in some ways it was a blessing. it’s sad what people will do to themselves and i wish she had been loved as a child.
this womans story is very powerful!
CPS taking your children must be horrifying but the fact that she managed to clean her act up and get them back makes me feel like it might have been for the best in the long run.
And im very glad she did, she seems like a great person and mother that was just dealt a shitty hand.
Stay strong Jessica, you got this!
The amount of tears this woman is holding back is beyond me, you are so strong thank you for sharing your story all we can do from now on this earth is move forward
Half way through i was thinking how lucky you were to get clean and sober and not get your kids taken away... it took me 2 times to get it and even after 12 yrs clean and sober i still struggle. 💚💚💚
I wanna stop every single day for my kids, got them temporarily removed from me this past summer bcus of it and I still relapsed. Praying for you. Take it one day at a time and put God first ❤
I relate so much with Jessica and having a mother who was cold cruel and narcissistic. I hope she can work through the pain. Hugs girl.
Being sober is the only way to finally process and let go of the toxic things that hold you back. After my narcissistic mother passed away I was drunk for a straight year and living in mental torment. The moment I took a few days off drinking my mind cleared up and I finally was able to see things clearly and stop feeling guilty for not meeting impossible expectations. If you’re struggling with grief or something similar and you’ve been running away from it, using liquor to escape, take time off and let your mind meet reality a little bit, and see how much your life will change.
Thank you for sharing this. My husband's mother was similar to this and he's dealing with trying to navigate the relationship. We are also living in Fontana, and I love that you shared this because the IE struggles with addiction and abuse rapidly and no one is talking about it, no one is sharing so thank you for coming and sharing hopefully more people in the area see this. Please keep talking and please write your story.
Jessica the fact that you are concerned about becoming your mother? You won’t.
All the best in life to you. Keep moving forward and never give up.
Continue to cultivate your faith. That faith will care you where your family never will. God bless you and thank you for sharing your story. I hope you come back when you finish school so we can celebrate with you.
Wow, I’m just seeing this and it feels like she is talking about my mom. It’s so hard to be a daughter to a mother that always make me feel guilty she had me 😢 I also turned to drinking but I will never drink again. My mom did ask for my forgiveness before she passed but that doesn’t take away the pain of the horrible things she did and said. I’m happy Jessica has lots of support and is doing great for herself now!!
God has a purpose for her. I rarely see anyone with strength, hope, and maturity like her. The way she shows her mom grace and love despite what she went through is so powerful..let the love of God transform you and fill you with peace ✝️😊
I love this girl. I feel like her mom needs to thank her for keeping her alive.. no child should have to repair their mom's duck ups... This girl is truly the reason her mom made it this far.
I feel like this is a case where love is NOT unconditional. Boundaries need to be set, even with family members, even with your own mother. No one should harm themselves as a result of trying to help their parents or other relatives. This is abuse and Jessica and her family deserve the best, in spite of these dire, manipulative circumstances of her mother. I believe that Jessica can work hard every day to break the cycle and bring another good and loving world to herself, her partner, and her children.
So brave to share your story. Such a hard life growing up. I’m so sorry for the dysfunction your family went through, but I’m so happy that you are trying your best today and getting through it all for your own family! Stay strong and keep thriving!
Your self awareness and commitment to healing is inspiring.
Your mom Rena has been living with my dad (C.O.) since October, I haven’t met her. She doesn’t seem like someone I’m willing to allow into my family circle. I’m sorry for what you have been through and surely continue to go through. As a mother myself I’m saddened. You can get ahold of me if you want.
I’m so proud of her for turning things around for herself and her kids. She’s a strong woman 🩷
Soo, her mom essentially tried to fake her death multiple times, beat her, neglected her, ignored that her daughter was sexualy abused by a man that she CONTINUED to date afterwards and this probably only scratches the service...And despite all of that, Jessica still has such grace that she says that she loves her, still cares and still tries to excuse her mother's behaviour, just WOW. Jessica, you are a better person than I could ever be. I would absolutely be bitter and hope for a "revenge" of sorts.
DID is extremely sad to me because it’s a direct result of another person’s horrific actions.
Fantastic interview. Unfortunately a lot of times people don't realize how our mental health effects our precious children 😢
Jessica is beautiful and intelligent! Congrats on your sobriety! Jessica... WRITE THAT BOOK!!!
I have been watching this channel since started, it’s kind of a safe space for the genuine souls telling us their experiences but also gave me hope that people make it out of abusive situations.
This girl the only one surprised me with the way she laid out her facts along with body language and composure.
Jessica, I see such strength in you to face addiction and make a conscious change for your children. May you continue on your healing trajectory. You’re so strong!❤
"I'm not going to cut off toxic, to be toxic"🙌
Congratulations on your sobriety girl! Breaking the cycle to protect you and your children. ❤❤
If your mom has DID, then that means that she was severely abused as a child. The brain splits off into different personalities to protect the person when abused to such a degree. I'm sure that you already know this though.
Keep up the good work Jessica! 😊💖
Totally respect and appreciate the sentiment of your message, but it’s not entirely true. And it can be unfair to label people / assume what they experienced
The actual physiological mechanisms that lead to DID are not entirely understood, but it usually results from major trauma or stress during development, especially prior to the age of 9. But the trauma could include things like experiencing war, having other illnesses that require invasive surgery at a young age, unnaturally stressful living conditions, etc.
So it’s not really appropriate to declare someone was “severely abused” in that sense, without knowing the specific details
Congratulations on your sobriety!! If no one’s told you yet I’m proud of you❤
Find the mom and interview her !
It wasn't until my own mother passed.That I was able to completely heal.Growing up in a alcoholic dysfunctional abusive family. I also drank to numb the pain.It only hurts your self.Keep doing you sobriety will change your outcome. Don't forget to love yourself.