Mother of a Depressed Child-Wendy
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ก.ย. 2024
- Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of Wendy, the mother of a child fighting depression.
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#depression #mentalhealthawareness #softwhiteunderbelly #interview #motherdaughter #documentary #suicidalawareness #healingjourney #overdoseawareness #softwhiteunderbelly #wellnessjourney #motherlylove #tragicstories #resiliencestory
Good morning. I am the Wendy you are watching. I will be 6 months clean next week. I have not had a suicide attempt since November of 2022. Thank you all for your kind words and support. I really truly needed that.
this was a tragically beautiful story. thank you for sharing it with the world, Wendy. So many times I wanted to reach through the screen and hug you, just hold you. you have a beautiful soul & the world is a better place with you in it 🧡
Sending love your way,
Wendy, just wow. I can’t come to words and I’m only half way through. All I can bring myself to say is I can’t believe how you so clearly, orderly, and fully are telling your story. I think god takes us when we or he is ready for us no matter how it happens regardless how we feel about it. You’ve touched my heart this morning.
You probably won’t see this, but I think you telling the world your story is the bravest thing you can do. I’m proud of you for getting clean and I hope that you continue to better yourself. I also want to say that you are very well spoken, you are straightforward, smart, and seem like a wonderful woman. I wish you the very best in life, and I hope that whatever you blame yourself for, you are able to realize that it is not your fault. I think your story could be used as a way to say “hey, this is what happened to me and I was able to get better, and if I can then you definitely can too.” Good luck Wendy🤍!
Congratulations on being clean. I hope you make it through and see the world more beautifully.
I think 14/15 years old can be the most depressive state a girl can go through.
I was at my LOWEST at these ages man
Absolutely - I developed anorexia and panic disorder.
I have the honor of knowing Wendy and having had known Mara. My daughter was one of Maras best friends and we gave grieved her loss deeply. Mara was such a big personality and so loved I named my second daughter after her. Recently I went through the loss of someone I loved deeply to suicide. If Wendy had not been there I dont know what I would have done. She has started a suicide survivor group, has gone to families going through this loss to help them in any way she fan. And I love her fiercely for who she is and who she is fighting to be. Thank you old friend for telling your story and giving us hope that we too can survive this pain. I am so proud to know you.
Well said. Thank you for posting this.
Goddam. I've been Tate this whole time
@@diegoshepherd3464
M
Very sorry for your loss. Wonderful to hear what you two are doing
You talk of a woman who I don't see talking. She seems extremely selfish and her children should have been taken away from her. Everything seems to be about her vs her children.
Indeed, she seems to be extremely mentally ill and seemingly an absent mother who was more about herself and treating herself to what _she_ wants and needs. Why wasn't she checking her meds to make sure she was taking them? How could she not notice how thin she was? She seriously made a pinky swear that if her daughter killed herself then she would?! Wth is wrong with this woman?
It's all about her & her inner child 🙄.
Does she actually give a flying fk about her other children? Yes, Mara was _her_ apparently. She was everything yet she neglected tf out of her in favor of, of course, herself.
This woman should have had her children taken away or they should have lived with their father's, anything but with her.
She's mad at the hospital for prescribing Wellbutrin? She's the "mother" who didn't check once if she was taking it or not, yet she's mad at the hospital? *side note...I personally do not advise anyone take Wellbutrin. Years ago I tried it and it really messes with you. Finally, I got "on" it and I stabilized. I tried to help others having the same problems getting on it. In retrospect, nobody should stay on something that messes with moods as much as Wellbutrin did. I should've advised them to get off of it rather than suffer through to hopefully reach stability. A friend went into psychosis on it. So, i don't reccomend it*
Just incase anyone thinks that I wouldn't know anything about what she's been through, think again.
I can't even begin with my story because I would need a show like this myself.
All I have to say is the O.P. made her sound like a totally different woman than I've seen here. Hopefully she truly was a better person and mother than the story she has told. I hope she's treated her other children with love and attention, especially the one she seems to like the least, even though it's hard to tell as she doesn't give either of them any mind. I'm taking about the one who was "9 but is autistic and so she's really like 7" the one who asked why she said the F word upon finding Mara "but, she's autistic. She remembers that and always asks that".
Gee, that's all I know, & now everyone else knows about her 3rd, obviously less blessed and less important than Mara. The 1st child. Ash. Well, she didn't breast feed him. He broke in to save one of her many suicide attempts. Gee, that's all we know about the less important children. We sure know about Wendy though.
Perhaps she saves herself. I'm over an hour into "All about Wendy" and how _she_ reacted to her favorite child taking their life. All about the after. Not too much about before because even though she pinky sweared to kill herself with her daughter (yup. That'd do it Wendy. Make it about YOU. Your daughter is suicidal but she won't do anything because if she does that means YOU will too! Yup. Making it about you should fix her very serious problems). Wendy didn't help her when she had all F's. Big warning flag. Then, the infamous pinky swear, smh! Then, Wendy took her to a hospital. Fought about a drug that didn't matter because she wasn't even taking it! Yet this is a huge sort of WIN for Wendy. It literally makes no sense as to why she thinks she won because she didn't want her daughter on Wellbutrin. Seems like she didn't fight as hard as she says because her daughter ended up taking home the Wellbutrin. As a mother, she has the power over the Doctors in this situation. She could've had them change it to something else. She says she was "vicious" and "NO, she's not taking that!" Yet, Mara walked out with the Wellbutrin that Wendy said she viciously fought against?
It doesn't matter anyways because Wendy wasn't even present enough to make sure Mara was taking them!
I just can't pretend. Her daughter is suicidal, nothing but skin and bones, yet Wendy doesn't notice nor does she pay attention to her daughter's meds or what or if she eats? The layers of sweaters?!
Well. She said right away that Mara had horrific anxiety as a _BABY_ ! Chewing her nails to nubs...as a BABY?! Gee, excuses much? Maybe that child, NOT BABY, but since a baby wasn't getting the attention and comfort she needed. She likely saw and fed off of the emotions of the only one who mattered...WENDY & WENDY'S inner CHILD.
Sorry but those were her words and sometimes we have to fill in the Wendy blanks.
Smh.
I couldn't feel worse than I do for all her children. How did Ash and your _other_ daughter deal with losing Mara and how did your little (autistic 9 years old but more like 7, smh) deal with losing her sister & having a constantly drunk, pilled, doped up mother who constantly tries to kill herself? DOES SHE EVEN MATTER, WENDY?!
SMH. I just can't with this woman.
I say this having extreme childhood trauma & neglect. A whole house fire full of children, pets and my mom. 3 didn't make it and almost more. It didn't stop after that. Trauma after trauma after Trauma. A mother who was sicker than Wendy, who grew up with trauma worse than Wendy and I suffered neglect and trauma's that I carry to this day, yet at least I can say my mother would never tell her story without putting us everywhere in it.
The title should have been: All about Wendy.
This is a good demonstration of how adverse childhood experiences create damaged adults who create....damaged kids. I feel for Wendy. It's a tough cycle to break
yeah.. hope everything gets better
@@DarknessBlossoms I feel like after the death of a child, life doesn't (can't) get better... you just keep going.
Load of bs, once you're an adult, you have a choice to keep screwing up, acting stupid or do the right thing.
@@DeathSpellXVIeasier said than done.
BS, everyone is damaged in some way, we just deal with life differently.
This was one of the most powerful pieces of storytelling I’ve heard from soft white in a while
I’m deeply moved.
Thank you Wendy for sharing.
Literally.
This one was hard to watch. Hearing her talk about needing her baby and feeling the pain in her breast as her daughter was dying.. as a mother that wrecked me. You’re never the same after that, I’m sure. I feel for Wendy.
i had an extraordinarily close relationship to my father because me and my mother were in different hospitals for the first 12 days of my life and he would go back and forth between us to bring my mom's milk to me in the NICU and i felt such a similar pain after my dad died. parents and children are bonded together in a special way beyond anything. even though my details are different this one was hard for me to watch too because i felt the pain of traumatic childhood events, disassociation, suicidal ideation, losing my parent....never cried so hard from this channel.
I nursed my daughter for almost 4 years. When Wendy illustrated the pain she felt in her breast, from longing to save and nourish her baby… that broke me all the way down.
I'm in the medical field and it's no longer necessary to do two rescue breaths for CPR. The idea is to keep the blood flowing through the body and vital organs by manually pumping the heart. Which is what you did.
"Stopping chest compressions in order to administer mouth-to-mouth interrupts the assisted flow of blood, posing greater risks to the person."
I hope this gives you a small amount of comfort. You did the right thing, the best you could. I'm so sorry for your pain. ❤
This was very helpful. I was thinking today that I really need to update my first aid/cpr training. This just confirmed it. Also, many do not realize that mental health first aid training is out there as well. It helps people to learn how to best support someone who is suffering from different disorders so as no to cause harm to that person unknowingly. We even train our police force in my area and have a mental health police liaison officer based out of our hospital in plain clothes who supports people that are unwell to deal with the court system or police as well so that people who get involved with the law due to their mental illness are not unduly incarcerated.
That includes mental health and addictions both. They are no longer seen as separate here. They are all the same program now so that people can more easily access the help they need if they have both issues going on. Which is so common. Alot of mental health issues are self medicated with substances until the person receives proper treatment or get in the right meds. They self medicate often to try and feel normal. It's very sad to watch. Love compassion and understanding can help someone get through another day. Also, I recommend a trusted friend attend the emergency room with the person who needs help. Often people get over looked, they leave because of the wait or may be treated unfairly if they don't have an advocate present. Going to the ER by yourself can be quite a traumatic experience I've seen just about everything there. Could write a book. Hope that helps someone.
That was very kind of you to share this for Wendy (and others). ❤ It is so easy to writhe in the pain of guilt.
Thank you. I really needed to hear this.
Thanks for that update!!😊
Wendy told her story so well. She’s an author, though she doesn’t realize it. Big prayers for you, you’ve made it so far, and through so much, don’t fail yourself now. You’re stronger than that, we can see it.
I actually recently did start writing. Thank you for saying that, I needed a lift today. :)
@@TheWendyworthingtonwhat a tragic but also hopeful story! You are such a a fantastic story teller. You definitely should write. I am so sorry for your loss. I have two daughters and I can't imagine losing one of them. I am excited for how you are turning your life around. I subscribed to your channel to follow your journey. I pray your son and daughter are doing well. Take care of yourself. You are valuable and loved.
@@TheWendyworthington while I listened to your interview, I thought the same thing. You are such a good story teller.
I am sending you a strong hug.
@TheWendyworthington If you write a book. I will read it. I am a daily survivor of depression since I was young. I've been in and out of therapy since 10 years old, medicated, no true suicide attempts but thoughts. I lost my mother to cancer at 19. She was 42 and left behind me at 19 my brother at 11. I enlisted in the Army 3/2005 she died 11/2005. I've debated on writing a book for healing/closure purposes as well. Thank you for sharing this story. ❤
I diot
Never. Ever. Deny a mother the right to see her deceased child.
it makes sense a lot of times, its usually done when the body is very damaged and is truly traumatizing to see.
@@UniquelySustainable informed consent. The parent should be informed of any trauma and decay to the body. They should always be given a choice.
I was denied seeing my dead child by the medical examiners office and it caused horrible mental issues and prolonged and compounded my grief.
N creates all those natural questions a mom has, like it did in this circumstance. Its usually only when too much damage occurs, as u said. Not everybody knows that tho lol@@UniquelySustainable
@@loririley4354smdh 💔😖
No mother should bury her child. I'm so sorry. I cant imagine. Im truly sorry.
I admire people who are so damaged yet have enough love left to not have children.
this video didn’t get the attention it deserved. I’ve watched dozens of videos on your channel and this is one of the best. You’re a warrior Wendy.
She didn't want to die but really she didn't know how to live 😢
sounds so simple but feels so complicated
Ugh my whole life too. I hate it.
@@hellomarisolmo Awwww ☹️
So well put. Thank you!
Exactly!!! I feel that so bad!!!😢
This is such a cautionary tale of how someone unaliving themselves affects the FAMILY. Especially when you are the one in pain. Wendy was sooooo real. Thats what made me cry.
Everyone can learn so much from her story. I'm going to listen to her several times to get all the gems of wisdom she chose to share with the world. I hope she develops a TED talk on this subject.
Dont cry it dont help ✌️
Don't waste your tears over this narcissist.
@Odes1Angel
That word gets thrown around so loosely these days.
@@wesleyalan9179 so does your mom
We need to normalize therapy and addressing mental health issues because it should not be embarrassing ❤
Absolutely. I fight insurance companies tooth and nail as a provider. We have a long way to go. Unfortunately we live in a society that believe all illnesses are visible. The same applies for autoimmune disorders ( I've experienced this personally as well).
@@AnaFernandez-jp5uh it’s just sad at this point and I’m glad you’re fighting with them because they can be the most frustrating at times when we pay them faithfully every month
Nope. No different than a diabetic having to take insulin or go to a diabetic clinic for counselling on how to manage their illness. Mind and body are all connected. Invisible illness can be so much more painful because people suffer in silence and get judged very harshly while a person who has cancer or MS or any other type of so called physical illness are given unconditional compassion and a go fund me account. We need the same type of compassion for mental health and addictions. No one chooses to have these diseases. No wonder suicide is rampant.
It's very normal now.
Oh please. Most people I know brag about therapy like it's the latest accessory. It is normalized.
I had a similar upbringing to you. This really upset me to watch on one level but also made me realise I did the right thing by not having kids or getting married. I feel some kind of weird relief that I’ve broken the cycle of ancestral trauma.
You did
Trust that
Thank you for your intuition and service
❤
Yeah. There's more & more of us women saying no to all of it. I do wonder as I get older-- into my 60s now-- how messed up I'd have made my kids, how long I'd be divorced by now. I skipped the whole shebang. The only way had I done any of that & it had worked out, would have been some sort of divine intervention. No way.
Oh for real, id rather be in my own misery rather than expose another person id birth to it, with depression prone / overly emotional genes.
You did the right thing. This video was very hard to watch. Unfortunately, Wendy wasn’t self-aware enough to get help before having children. Even listening to her now, she seems immature and “vicious”.
I shed a tear under my welding mask at work while listening to her story. As a father I cannot imagine. Wishing you all the best.
Eyeroll
I was abandoned by everybody that I cared about as well. I'm still alive. Take a deep breath and take one step forward at your own pace. ❤
🫂
Big hugs!❤
I still learning this. It’s hard to put it away.
Sweetheart ❤ .. all of us true humans love you.
You reap what you sew
Once in therapy I told my therapist that it must be really hard for my mom to live with this constant fear of losing me since I made so clear so many times how I wanted to be dead. I regret saying those things now. This and many more things made me want to change and get better. After a lot of hard work, I think I've never felt so good and healthy in my life as I am now.
It does get better, I promise!
I have actually met this lady before I live in Northern Minnesota. I’ve met her around Minneapolis. She’s actually really nice. Kind person.
How did you meet her?
@@pepperachu😂😂 you must’ve never been to Minnesota before it’s not very big and most everybody knows everybody ok mum
@@pepperachuMinnesotans are crazy and evil racist people ever but that behavior is global so whatever. I live in St. Paul, MN.
Many people are nice
Minnesotans are crazy and evil racist but that behavior is global so whatever. Most Minnesotans are not nice people to deal with and they could careless if you don't like how they treat you.
I FELT that when she said she felt the need to nurse her baby… I cried! Such a powerful feeling
as woman whom has not even had a child felt that viscerally too - so very much
I never nursed, but my milk came in at the hospital. The doctor was supposed to give you a pill so that this wouldn't happen if you weren't going to nurse. I never had the desire, and I knew I had to go back to school after I had my son so nursing would have been tricky. I feel that while I was pregnant and went swimming one day in very cold ocean water, and my breasts actually started paining so bad that I was bawling and crying in pain and had to run in the washroom at the beach to try and warm up that area with my son's dad. I often wonder if I had milk come in long before I gave birth as my chest area started growing before my stomach did. But when this lady mentioned that pain she had in her breasts, it brought me back to this incident and the excruciating pain I felt I will never forget. I wonder if her state of mind at the time possibly made or triggered her mammary glands to produce milk. I truly feel this might have been what happened to me that day. If anyone has heard of this happening please let me know.
@@tambourine36_.. интересный случай ----- оставлю комментарий в поддержку , и , возможно , кто - то Вам ответит .._
( Google )
_.. interesting case. I'll leave a comment in support, and maybe someone will answer you .._
@tambourine36 Biology is interesting. My sister had a sweet little dachshund dog that produced milk when they got a baby kitten, and it nursed on her even though it had been weaned recently. The dog never had puppies before but her instinct to nurture a baby of any kind made her produce milk it was so bizarre. It's for real you could see the milk dripping out when the kitten cried...Weird right?
@@MeMyself571 But so awesome how the instinct kicks in to help another species. Very cool😻
this was actually heavensent. I was planning to commit 2 days ago but stayed because my mother's birthday was yesterday. I know my mom would react this exact same way and it's a sobering thought. it's so hard but I'm touched by this. I'm so sorry
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤don't give up❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤you are loved❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
sending you love and wishing you healing
Please get help 🙏🙏🙏
That's really sweet of you, and I am so glad you're still with us ❤️
You are important you are wanted and you are loved so glad you are still here, please talk to to someone even if it's just someone you don't know.
I had a bad childhood. Instead of being a mess in front of my son, who was born a couple weeks after I turned 17, I made sure that he would not see the horrible things I saw when I was a kid. He’ll be 31 in a couple weeks and he’s done very good in life. We have to take care of our children, even when we can’t take care of our selves.
Same
My goodness Jeremy, you are telling my story here. Had my son at 18. He is now 31 and others have always commented on the great job I did raising him. I know my my mistakes and I own up to them but I tried to make sure his life was secure and happy and that he was respectful and kind to others. He got engaged to a wonderful girl this summer and I am so proud of the man he has become. A breakup of parents at an early age can really affect kids and we don't always realize in our own pain to focus on the children and not our own hurt feelings over the breakup. Kids feel torn between pleasing both parents and never pleasing themselves. If I could go back and change some things I would. We are not experienced enough sometimes when we have children young to realize we can unknowingly do harm. It was never intentional and I try to do things much differently these days knowing some of the mistakes I made. I think he appreciates it. I can tell you are a great parent and I wish you all the best❤
Welllllll said.
Same here
Exactly
She's naturally poetic. How tragic. Big love for Mara.
she very articklish
The really disturbing thing is that if you talk to someone, to anyone, it seems everyone has a life like this at least for a short period of time something close to the same at least relatable pain or trauma. we all have such deep horrible wounds from one horrific thing or another that we just pretend is not there.
That was my thought as well. Glad you commented on it.
Yes we do
I can see Wendy years from now, having done the work to heal herself, and counseling other as a mental health therapist. This woman is absolutely amazing.
Although I didn't know Mara personally, I had a lot of friends who were really close to her. I went to middle school and high school with her and the day we found out about her passing, the halls were quiet. I have also struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life and seeing how it affected everyone hit me really hard. She was truly beautiful in and out and she'll forever be missed ❤️
I’m appreciating Wendy’s story very much. It differs from the uploads I’ve seen here recently. I appreciate the variety and range. There’s something about when you have no idea what type of story the interviewees are going to share… at first glance - not showing any signs of outward traumas/struggles. I find these types of interviews to be quite fascinating, though heart-breaking, no doubt.
It might be because I had a rather traumatic/regrettable upbringing myself and I’ve kept under lock and key, rarely opening up about it to anyone else.
I did too. As I get older I realize that a "good" childhood is not as common as I once thought. And that is sort of comforting because I don't feel as alone in my own struggles. Wendy, you are beautiful. Thank you for sharing some of your life with the rest of us. ❤
she so articklish. I like her
My heart truly breaks for this woman. However be Honey true be true to yourself-You were and still are selfish! Take time out, breath, admit, let it go Stop excusing all. It's not rational!
I really appreciate you sharing your story, Wendy. My friend passed away from suicide 1 year ago at 17 with BPD and she was given all the help in the world, just like you did for your daughter. My friend had a twin sister and I’m very close with her - I have watched her plummet ever since her sister passed away and it is so heartbreaking to watch. I am honoured to be able to be a friend who she can be honest with with her mental health, and I always try my best to give as much support as I can. I have been told countless memories of her sister and learned so much about her life.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but continue talking about your daughter, sharing who she was and live to the fullest for her.
...... I think you might want to interview Ash.
So sorry for all your trauma and loss. 😢 glad you’re getting help. You deserve to be happy
The generational trauma couldn't get clearer, holy shit. Wendy, it's so great youve figured out your mother won't change. Keep going, healing. Good luck
IF YOU ARE MENTALLY UNWELL DO NOT HAVE KIDS!! If your Lonely, if your bored, whatever. All you will do is pass EVERYTHING along to the children. Get help for 5 years straight before getting in any relationship and definitely before babies.
Exactly, I can never for the life of me understand why so many unwell people (which is most people, let's be real) continue having children. I never even considered it, I wouldn't create a new life just so it can suffer.
This is SO important!
There's an undertone of dismissal to the world we live in that causes stressors upon on psyche...
My son has been living with generalized anxiety and also depression off and on.... he has already told me he will not be having any children because he does not want the responsibility of passing along our families genes to a child. Both his grandmothers had anxiety.
And 3 of them no less. And then there’s the exes and the new boyfriend. Please stop!
This video was triggering to me on a lot of levels. 1, because I am a mother to a daughter and the idea of losing her is horrifying. 2, because I was raised by a narcissist who used childhood trauma as an excuse to not take accountability for their actions and this woman sounds like she does the same.
It is not entirely her fault what happened. But it is not easy to live in a world where your parents fancy themselves the main characters of your story.
Victim mentality from a young age is difficult to reverse unfortunately.
Yeah I saw zero accountability in this video
Wendy you have been through hell, your story has touched my heart. I want nothing but the best for you. It’s good that you have been diagnosed and I want you to heal. Please stop the suicidal attempts know there’s people out there who care for you and love you. I wish you strength.
❤ I second this ❤
I agree. I'm glad she decided to not let anyone dim her light. You should be able to feel beautiful without having to make yourself smaller because another is threatened by your beauty or intelligent or anything that you are that others don't have. Narcissists are famous for tearing down the spirit of those they envy.
I'm sorry you have to go through all that pain. You should be proud of the strong woman you became. Thank you for sharing your story, I felt I'm not alone...
I lost my sister when I was a kid and hearing this woman talk about losing her child and the pain she has been through ripped a hole through my heart my poor mother had to lose her baby and the ones that were still alive wanted to just die too. This gave me such a painfully different point of view on my family thank you for sharing this story I haven’t been able to keep it together this whole video
5 years now...my deep condolences.. this story was absolutly violent, visceral and inspiring... Keep being this strong soul, Wendy. Thanks you for sharing.
Oh my Mama heart. I cannot imagine the pain and helplessness of losing my child and not being able to save her. This is the best interview I gave watched in quite some time. My heart breaks for Wendy.
Thank you for telling your stuff with such honesty. It’s hard to find these days. You are so authentic and hope you know how really beautiful you are ❤
Wendy should do a TED talk. She has so much valuable life experiences to share with others.
I have watched over 2 years of stories on SWU and this one made me cry from my soul. The gut wrenching feeling of losing a child by her own hands. Wendy, sending you mountains of love to keep you safe and thriving.
Healing generational trauma is no joke. Heal your shit or your kids will suffer the same as you did… vicious cycles
Amen
This video has brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing your daughter’s story so well. You are incredibly strong.
Never chase after a person that disrespects you. No matter how good they look, or how much money and possessions they have.
Such true words. Predators take advantage of vulnerability. No excuse for his behaviour. Even if he grew up in an abusive environment himself, there's no way he didn't know what he was doing was dead wrong but he CHOSE to torture her knowing she was so devoted to him. Heartbreaking. He was jealous of her beauty no doubt and wanted to bring her down to his level because secretly narcissists hate themselves but project that on others to make themselves feel better. Hateful way to go about life. This woman deserves the very best in life❤
@@tambourine36 Yes she deserves the very best.
@@tambourine36 Textbook NPD stuff, no doubt.
@@BAsed_AFro I agree. Makes my blood boil what he did to her and she was so desperate for him that she disrespected herself in the process. I really hope the best for her and that deep inside she finds her worth as a human being. I think she is definitely on the right road and has the potential to really help others. She's beautiful, smart, articulate, and commands an audience with her speaking ability. Would love to see her helping families who are struggling with kids dealing with BPD because they feel so lost and don't know how to help their kids. Thanks for responding. Cape Breton, NS Canada.
@@tambourine36 No doubt, and I agree.
What's interesting is some of the best people that work in the fields of helping others overcome and work through such issues, often struggled with and/or went through the same.
I mean, who knows the ins and outs better than someone that's lived through it?
My daughter just turned 18 and her depression and anxiety has reached its all time low. We have therapy and psychiatry scheduled but its feeling like such a slow process. This is going to make me cry i can already tell
So much peace sent to you
It took me from 14 to 40 before I found what worked for me. Having group therapy was a great place for me. I also had a great psychiatrist. Group was run by a fantastic psychologist. Just keep going until you find someone who won't throw drugs at her. You might need them but drugging your way out is not real. Try to get her to begin to understand whats going on, first. Then the drugs if needed. She can be better. Don't give up.
I’m so sorry. Keep at it. Her feeling love is everything
99% of disease is malnitrition. Look up depression nutrition its all in what you eat. Sunbathing also increases health😊😊
@@SparkyTuttlethis is good advice..
This story completely broke me, this poor woman was put into this world to people who didn’t deserve her.
I wonder how Ash is doing and handling life, this poor kid
You can tell her inner child is traumatised. It explains alot of the narcissistic actions and traits she has displayed. This woman shouldnt have had so many children to benefit herself and needs therapy.
"I only wanted to hurt myself, but I hurt everyone around me."
That one sentence said as an aside sums up what it's like to borderline personality disorder. I have the diagnosis too, in and out of therapy since I was 10. I was a kid like Mara. I don't know this girl, and yet I feel like I am her. I carry a part of her in me.
Thank you for sharing your story, Wendy. You deserve to heal. I wish you all the best.
This was so heartbreaking, it made me cry. Wendy thank you for telling your story. I'm so sorry for all your suffering.
@softwhiteunderbelly I'm a digital nomad living abroad for 4 years and counting, currently in a region where meetings don't exist, and these videos have helped me immensely. Thank you kindly for all you do. I've lived a wild life and would love to share as well one day if I ever return to the States.
And thank you to Wendy for sharing.
I feel like there is more to this story than is being told. Unfortunately a young girl doesn’t start with such anxiety and stressful behaviours out of nowhere. This is such a devastating cycle, I can’t imagine, as a married mother of three who wrestles some days with “am I doing a good enough job?” I have to say this interview was an absolute stone to swallow.
Wendy tells an amazing story with her words. Her emotional state reveals a very gifted speaker. I wish her peace going forward, and especially for children who are still alive and need her x
Definitely more to it that we will never know
She's leaving out the parts where she neglected her children.
Yep. When she recounted going through all of the social media, finding all Fs, and the school skipping, i immediately think Mara was neglected and lacking the true connection to her mother.
Projecting that victim mentality mentality on your child is just as damaging as physical abuse.
As the grown daughter of a woman exactly like this one, I completely relate to poor Mara.
Having a mom that cares is prob the most important thing for your kid. I'm 49 and lived a life of hell. Mom never gave a shit. I remember having suicidal thoughts and I told me mom I thought something was wrong and that I needed help. Her response was what do you want me to do about it. I battle dark thoughts daily. Been having trouble working consistently since my Dad passed. Don't think I have recovered. My brother and sister had a different biological father and after my Dad died I felt tossed aside. When he passed I lived 3000 km away and was on my way home. They didn't even wait for me to cremate him. They had a little ceremony and everyting. I'll never forgive them. I was his blood. If he knew what they have done he would have lost it. Anyways be there for him it's all you can really do. My mom was more concerned about what people thought of her than my mental health and it literally has destroyed me. I posted this before completing the video. I’m sorry about your daughter. You did your best
John 3:16.
As I read your message, I realized that I was reading my own. Everything is exact, down to the brother and sister, down to being close to Dad, down to being thousands of miles away, but on the way home, when I got the call that he’d died. My Mother is the same when it comes to “keeping up appearances.”
I miss my Dad everyday. He died 10.5 years ago 1 week after my birthday.
I’m sorry for your loss. Stay strong. It’s also ok to shed tears. ❤
Having a mother that is narcissistic and does not nurture her children causes life long damage
You are so right. Love is so crucial. If you don't get this from the persons who made you it's like the biggest betrayal. Who can you trust now? In my experience people can act in the most hateful and strange ways when people die. Usually has to do with money and greed. Vultures. They were probably trying to hide something from you who has a true and pure heart and would have seen through any sort of underhanded things may have been going on. My aunt who was dying of cancer asked me to come over to help her finish her obituary. Miraculously it was nowhere to be found! I was treated like crap by her estranged husband blaming me for not being there for her meanwhile we weren't even allowed off our street due to COVID lockdown and I was off work due to several serious illnesses myself. Pure poison. Hope to never see that man again. She put him out so she could maintain her sobriety. He had no respect for her recovery and took everything from the house to his own home and she didn't know any better as she was upstairs in a hospital bed. Never mind people who are rotten to you. Find people who appreciate you and see your worth. Stay around people who build you up instead of tearing you down. You are worth it. Please take care and never give up HOPE ❤
I feel very sorry for Ash from everything this woman says. I know well what its like to have a mother who essentially dislikes you and resents you for perceived similarites to your father. Hoping that poor boy survives this awful woman
I caught that, too. People with BPD usually have an all good and all bad kid. The all good kid is usually the one that keeds them the most. They do want they can to make their children dependent on them. They project everything they dislike about themselves on the all bad child, and that sounds like what she did with Ash. I hope he is OK because being the scapegoat kid of a person with BPD is a hell no child should experience. I really hope this lady continues with her psychiatric treatment
My heart breaks for her. My daughters are my light. Her pain is unimaginable
Mara probably had autism, honestly. It’s a rogue illness in women. I relate so heavily to one thing Wendy said about her daughter… that she was stuck in the bathroom at school and couldn’t bring herself to go back to class. That’s not what makes me think she had autism but it’s like a punch in the gut. I could list numerous reasons but I will only list 3: constant anxiety starting as a very young child, being extremely self conscious, and her younger sister has autism. Wendy never mentions Mara having the level of trauma required to form BPD… My reasoning for pointing this out is that it’s a hidden epidemic and awareness could change so many lives. SO MANY. I feel like I’d likely have had a much greater chance at becoming a functioning adult if I hadn’t been misdiagnosed with Bipolar, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and BPD. It turns out that it was ADHD and ASD(autism) working together in such a way that I developed CPTSD. I struggle with addiction and an eating disorder as well. I’m 38 and when my mom is no longer here to help support me, I fear that I will no longer have a place to live or I may even cease to exist all together. That is how maladapted I am in life…. and I don’t wish it upon anyone.
RIP Mara. Wendy is so strong for telling her personal story here. I truly hope she holds on to hope and keeps remembering her daughter’s smile.
Yes!
A lot of people who have bpd were victims of trauma but not all of them.My younger sister suffer from it and we have tried to find out for so long what happened in the past for her to have bpd but simply cannot find anything, my parents loved each other and still do.modest family but very happy,always showing us a huge amount of love and still are up to this day, she was very spoil being the baby and was born with a lot of anxiety, scared of my parents dying, she had some weird rituel( now we know it was some OCD). She is 37 and we still don’t know why she suffer the way she does and shoe doesn’t know either.
Doll, when your mom passes on- you come right home. I’m in Dallas Texas and my home is yours. You will not cease to exist until you’re ready (truly your time). Not on my watch.
I thought the same thing. I'm autistic and I can see it in so many women who are undiagnosed or keep it a secret.
@@PosshMommaThat’s incredibly kind. I really appreciate that sentiment. ♥️ Never know what the future holds.
I can’t stop crying over what has happened to you. I’m so thankful that you’re alive and being awareness to the importance of mental health. My mother has BPD as well.
Sending hugs to you and family Wendy, so much to process and your really doing a GREAT job with self-reflection, building healthy boundaries, changing behavior patterns, processing so much pain. All the best to you, and may Mara always rest in peace ❤
What happened with the other kids?? Who took care of them? I cried the whole interview.
one can only imagine how much trauma and damage they have had to endure...
It's a cycle. Depression eats everyone. And it's usually generational.
Wendy - if you read this - your story and Mara's story means so, so much to me. Hearing how much you love her and treasure her is beautiful.
I struggle with BPD as well and have spent a good amount of time in psychiatric hospitals. I've always wondered how my mom felt when I was going through the darkest times in my life and your POV has given me a lot of insight into how an unconditionally loving mother feels during that time.
I'm deeply sorry for your loss and all that you've endured. I'm amazed by your resilience as a person and a mother, you are so strong. BPD is a b**** and then some, but it' also can be so incredibly eye opening into why we are the way we are. I wish you all the best in your life and your growth ❤❤
You said it very well. , Ella Goodman. I could so relate to a child becoming your whole world especially when you are not in a loving relationship. That child is your saviour because they bring so much sunshine to a shit storm. You literally try everything in your power to make their life everything yours may have not been or overcompensate for an unloving spouse or other parent to your child. I've often looked back on mistakes I had made raising my son as well and blame myself relentlessly. But truth be told we tried our best with the skills we were given. It's never to late to reflect and break the cycle and make amends. A child's suicide like anyone elses is not your fault unless you are truly a terrible negligent parent or have treated them with pure evil then yes you are part of the blame. This lady loved her daughter. It's just her daughter's pain was too great for her to withstand and this is how she sought her relief. That's not for anyone else to judge except for the only One who can truly read hearts and see motivation. We as humans can't. This girl will have happiness one day. She is at rest, and she will awaken one day to a world of peace, no sickness, the former things will not be called to mind. Hope in His promises.
Thank you Wendy for your story. Thank you Mark for always capturing the real life. You're a real one!
I hope this womans other children are doing ok. Her story reminds me quite a bit of my own mother. I am the oldest of 4, and her 3rd child was the golden one. She has said that he "saved" her, he was her god. He was most important, the one she felt closest to. The other 3 kids, myself included, have a fractured relationship with her now.
What a wild captivating story. I’m going to have to sit and process after listening to all of this. I laughed, I cried, I loved this woman, I hated this woman, I came into a deep understanding and compassion for this woman. One of the best SWU videos I’ve watched. Thanks Wendy for sharing 🙏🏼
You gleaned all the nuggets of gold from this lady. Such a brave person. She has my adoration and respect.
Thanks Mark. I hope Ash and Livy are doing well. They have been through alot. They probably are going to continue to go through it. I hope they have built a family they can be safe with.❤
Hands down, the best video that I have ever seen on this channel and dare I say TH-cam.
Thank you to all who made this video happen.
Her mental illness and neuroticism has obviously spread to her daughter. So unfair. Let this be a lesson than having kids doesn’t fix anything and if you have issues rethink having them
Absolutely, you can't just think that if you have kids they will be fine. If you haven't fully sorted out your issues (if possible) first then better not to.
People who are in her previous position, please don't have kids
You are a tremendously strong woman who has a gift of story telling. Incredibly captivating to keep me hooked for the entire hour and half. I truly believe you could write a book on what you've been through. Also, condolences about Mara. It's too bad there is not a "formula" or road map on how to walk out of grief. I wish you the very best and I hope you stay with us for a long time.
Wait, is this a video of her child being depressed or HER. That's the problem RIGHT THERE. 🤦♀️
Literally about her child committing suicide.?
Bingo
This story made me cry. Wendy kept me entrenched in her story. She talks so open. Her story will definitely help someone out there suffering ❤ sending so much love and healing to you and your family!!
My daughter (19 now) has been struggling with depression and anxiety since about 13. I went aggressively at it with therapy and medication. We've had a rollercoaster since, but she's an amazing human at her core.
So much love to Wendy who I think needs love at her core to be able to be present to her child.
Please don’t give meds to children under 18. CBD and magnesium are natural alternatives with no side effects
@@flymetothemoon9541are you a doctor? No, so stop diagnosing random people online.
niki when did the world trade center collapsed in 01
@@rudyiraheta80 what?
I was depressed between the ages 13-20/21ish. It was far worse in the 13-17 age range. I’m 28 now and it’s completely gone, hopefully as your daughter gets into her early 20’s it starts to fade as well.
My heart really breaks for this women. I have a cousin who committed suicide and I hurt so much for his parents and how they have to carry on without him. Life is something else. Trauma is such a dangerous cycle and so hard to break.
Dear Wendy.. I’m so glad you’re alive..
Despite everything you are here..❤
She is absolutely nuts! Poor children of hers
Shame on you!
Couldn't agree more, this woman is dangerous
2 years ago, I delivered my first child, and he was stillborn. I remember holding his little body and tipping him forward a little too much and blood started to come out of his nose. And I was panicking as family gently tried to tell me that he wasn’t hurting, there was no need to save him from this. That was what the body does when there was no blood flow. I see his beautiful sleeping body when I close my eyes and picture him, but I also see this little baby, who’s skin was starting to gather and slough, and blood trickling down his little face. A lot of this story resonates with my own, though other parts are things I can never imagine going through. I can say now that my heart still breaks writing this and there’s a lump in my throat that may never go away, but life has become beautiful and worth living again. I hope that this parent continues to heal and acknowledges both the joy and the grief in the life of her daughter. This story was incredibly touching and human. I thank you for sharing it ❤️
@Indysparrow Healing and comfort to you. May the memory of your baby always be a blessing. I hold you close ❤
@zettespinoza thank you very much ❤️ it means a lot to have you say that, he definitely is a beautiful memory and part of our family ❤️
👼@@Indysparrow
My daughter just came home from an inpatient psychiatric unit. She is 13. I was 12 the first time I was hospitalized in an inpatient psychiatric unit. I am trying so hard to be supportive and loving but I'm so scared because I know, just as you said so eloquently in your story, our daughters are us. I resonate so much with your story and I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your pain. I'm sure Mara is looking down on you and is so proud of your sobriety 🖤
Her ego is huge. She repeatedly says how beautiful she is 🥴
Its a behaviour, if you never heard that you are beatiful, deserve love or get attention
you will feel the need to remind yourself or give yourself this upper of worth. Dont blame her, she’s been through a lot. And she is indeed very beautiful
@@ville5152going through alot does not excuse some of the mistakes shes made, everyone makes mistakes but they have to except that and learn from it.
@@ville5152accept*
The last 30-20 minutes were sickeningly egoistic
thank you so much for sharing your and mara's story , she was a beautiful girl and i am the same age struggling with depression since i was 10 , ive been struggling and almost committed again but stayed for my mom and this video made me want to stay even more.
I can't even keep myself together trying to comprehend the pain and deep depths of despair and anguish a mother suffers when you lose your baby, 15 years old, the image in my head of her with bloody tears running out her eyes, amd then to see that beautiful baby's picture, her last. I can't even keep it together, I have a 14 1/2 Year old, and I can't fathom my life without her. I honestly didn't think any of this story would resonate with me, but here we are. I pray for peace for you and your family. ❤
I am so sorry for what you’ve been through Wendy. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I struggle with bipolar disorder and thanks to your story I really felt what my Mum must’ve been feeling through my attempt and depressive phases. Again, thank you for sharing your story ❤
Wendy, thank you so much for having the courage to share your story with us. Seeing you smile truly warms my heart and brings me such joy, knowing that you have been able to find peace, hope and a sense of purpose again after years of darkness. Your daughter Mara sounds like such a loving, beautiful soul and listening to you talk about your deep bond and connection with her brings tears to my eyes thinking of the love I have for my own children. May your life be filled with peace, healing and joy. Much love, Andrew.
I have never cried for any of your interviews mark until this one... Good bless you Wendy. 😢
The way she lights up and becomes so expressive when she details the moments around her daughter's passing is as stomach-turning as it is mind-boggling. This is her story and she is the main character; not once does she seem to express a shred of empathy for the neglect her daughter must've been experiencing [notice: no tears shed, not a single one]. It's all the more remarkable to hear malignant narcissists like this co-opt the language of therapy to pathologize and use someone else's trauma to affirm their own and direct attention back to themselves. Give a wide berth to people like this.
I thought the exact same thing. When she blamed the hospital for killing her daughter because they prescribed her Wellbutrin, she as a mother should have had full control of her 15 year old daughter’s prescription as it was a controlled substance. She should have handed her a pill and watched her swallow it every morning and kept it locked up tight aside from that. Trauma shapes us but the only way forward is to be and do better, not cast blame where it doesn’t belong.
I totally agree, a negative narcissist, she is taking no responsibility either, her poor kids.
Yep… the recounting of the all Fs and the skipping school she “found” her daughter was doing… ask any teacher, the “new” common theme in parenting is NOT PARENTING AT ALL
She’s 100% cluster B. You can tell by looking at them if you’ve been in a relationship with one before
Bingo, glad there's someone else in these comments who was able to see it
Listened to your whole story. As a mom who suffered depression at various points, I can relate. I lost my beautiful daughter who will be f/e 24. She was the light and love of my life who also suffered depression. Never ever do you think your child will mirror your feelings and end up suffering worse than you did. I’m forever broken and lost. Thankfully my younger daughter, also the light and love of my life just made me the happiest grandma ever❤Life goes on, we have a purpose and things are how they are supposed to be! 🙏ing for your continued happiness😊
There is a time in everybody's life when you realise everything isn't always about 'me'. And there is another important time when you realise that everything that you do in life isn't always someone else's fault.
It's at that point when you take responsibility and take control of your own life and become an adult.
Beautiful!
My daughter is struggling with depression. My heart goes out to Wendy. So very sorry for the loss of her daughter. I can’t even imagine the pain. 😢
I live in Sioux Falls it gave me chills when i heard you say that. Since the beginning of your story. I have felt so close to you. Such similar experiences we both share. The midwest is hard living. Im so sorry you had such a hard road. Im proud of you for how far you have come and I pray you continue to find peace.
the midwest is hard
Thank you Wendy for sharing your story. I connected with you, I am a mother that have struggled with mental illness, you gave me hope.
What she went through, regardless of whether some of it was self inflicted, is terrible and we should look on her with grace and compassion. It's not my place to judge. Such a tragic loss of a beautiful young life.
Personal growth is so important. We use what we've been through and choose who we become in spite of it all. Praying for the end of the generational curses on this family.
Compression-only CPR is better than no CPR.
Wendy, I could only make it through eight minutes and 37 seconds. Too close to home. May God bless you and help you move into strength and peace. You survived a lot.
I fell inlove with how she articulate herself, the way she describes certain events, she's one very intelligent and smart woman. She'd make a great author/script writer/ actress ❤
I'm sorry for your loss. Suicide has plagued my family and your story hit home. All we can do as survivors is live the best life we can to honor the memories of our loved ones.
Wendy- you have endured so much, you are still here and even though it is hard, I hope you continue to BE HERE. Sending you love and support. You matter.
This episode was a tough one for me. I could not watch the entire interview. I really could not relate to Wendy's issues, but I can't help thinking she had children to replace her childhood pain.
Please be happy you arent relating to this.
True dysfunction. Really hard to watch. She had the upbringing that is in our worst nightmares. Best of luck to you wendy and I hope you can find the peace you crave
Trigger Warning. For real. PTSD. Holy shit. I feel her trauma. It brought up my husband's death. You aren't alone. I relive the moment his ribs broke under my thrusts. I don't really remember anything else after that. 5 years ago...still closed off.
That sounds awful Angela, so sorry you experienced that. You might never open it up again, or you might be an entirely different person by this time next year, who knows. But I think you'll persevere regardless. 5 years is a long time, but also it's very short. It's ok to take things at your own pace ❤️
You did what you could to try and help him and you should be proud of yourself for that! Wishing you healing and happiness
Same. I was giving my ex husband CPR and heard his ribs crack. I remember looking into his eyes and seeing how dry his half open, grayed over eyes were. I relived that listening to this too.
Yes, there should be a trigger warning. Or a different title. Sorry you experienced this 😢
Yup. PTSD and complex PTSD are real and excruciating and paralyzing. I think she's the only one in all of the videos I've watched that actually said the word Dissociating correctly. This was how I knew she did her research. She learned about her disorders and took treatment seriously. She would be a lovely counselor for those who suffer from adverse childhood events and who suffer from Borderline personality disorder. Her lived experience with it would make her invaluable to her clients who are so often judged harshly and stigmatized. Providers with lived experience are my favourite. They can understand because they have been through it. They aren't "treating" you, they are walking the journey alongside you shoulder to shoulder.
I’ve heard Wendy’s story before by her. Mark, have you interviewed her before like 1-2 years ago??? I just want to give her a hug. I’m super proud she’s chosen to STAY. I lost my beautiful mother to mental illness.
That’s a horrific childhood. I don’t understand how a mother can stand by a watch a men terrorize their children by beating them…I was told that when I was born, my father had always planned on beating me with a paddle similar to the one Wendy described, thank god I had a real mother who never let that happened. Good parents don’t just stand by when someone wants to hurt their child’s they definitely don’t get aroused by it.
My dad used to beat us with his fraternity paddle. One day he hit my little brother so hard with it that it broke. He is truly a psychopath.
@@firehorse9996 I’m so sorry. There isn’t anything a child could do in my eyes that could make them deserve that kind of pain. I hope you’re doing well on your journey of healing
I'm guessing the dislikes are for the obvious BPD symptoms. Talking about your deceased daughter for 2 hours and not shedding a tear... Looks so cold and inhumane. It sounds like it's all about her too