How to Respond To Passive Aggressive Dismissive Avoidants | Dismissive Avoidant Attachment
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ส.ค. 2024
- 7-Day Free Trial: university.per...
In this video I talk about how to deal with passive aggressive behavior, and how to properly communicate in these situations.
---
What are Dismissive Avoidants & the Dismissive Avoidant attachment style? Check out our playlist here to find out more about them - • Self Soothing Versus C...
Never miss a life changing lesson from Thais Gibson and the Personal Development School by hitting the subscribe button here - / @thepersonaldevelopmen...
---
Public Facebook group:
/ 461389461257253
If you want to listen in, check out Thais' podcast here:
pod.link/14785...
Do you know what your Attachment Style is? Take my quiz to find out now, and begin healing your relationships! Click here: attachment.per...
I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel and thank you for stopping by!
This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.
Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!
---
#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #DismissiveAvoidant #ThaisGibson #PDS #PassiveAggressive #PassiveAggression
---
![[TH]FFWS SEA 2024 Fall - Knockout Stage Day 5](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/N2tl9xkQyyU/mqdefault.jpg)
"hey I don't know if you meant anything by that but that comment felt really passive aggressive and filled with contempt to me. If there's something specific you'd like to speak about, I would love if you can speak directly about it and please know that you can do so and I'm happy to hold space for it. However, if there are just passive aggressive remarks being made, it's definitely counterproductive and I unfortunately cannot hold space for that in this relationship."
You are the combination of someone who is in touch with every emotional aspect of being a human being and an analytical computer. It feels like you are beautifully considerate and try to take any possible suggestion and turn it into helping others be the best version they can be. It feels so authentic to watch you think of how your words even your body language and space may effect (affect I always get that wrong) another person. Thank you so much for taking your experience compiling them with thoughts and emotion and teaching me and others to be the best version they can be .....
I know it's long winded. I have been writing and changing it so much I think I will just stop while I can.... ;)
DAs probably aren't so invested in the relationship to begin with,
which makes them unable to understand what "all the fuss" is about. "Why is the other person running around so much, critisizing me, etc?"
To begin with, it's the non-DA making most suggestions, risk rejections all the time, putting their pride on the line, having to invent cool activities, dates, well anything to maximize the chance of the DA to say Yes.
This makes the paasive-aggressive moves so prevalent. Something you aren't careful to keep, you can play around with. It can be a relationship, living together with someone, etc.
If we could find ways to attract the DA very much to meeting up, being physically close, from the very start of the relationship, that would make things easier.
Just to come up with ideas/fun convos to get them to hangout is a huge mental task for the other person dealing with a DA.
@@CommandoMaster Yes, and the big upside with DAs is that they keep things clean, they smile, they aren't being very physical too soon, etc. But to move the needle from there, takes a lot of ideas and imagination. I just go by the dates these days, no texting, maybe phonecalls. He actually wants that, I noticed.
You are a gift to humanity. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and making this information accessible to us! So so grateful.
Thank you as always, Thais. This is going to help respond to a friend who uses sarcasm to voice frustrations and has told me situations in which he made passive aggressive remarks that seem mean to others. I'm not sure how aware he is as to why he does these things, but based on the traumas of his childhood I see why he struggles to truly vocalize his needs, even to act like he has nothing unmet while clearly upset. It's a struggle to figure out how to tell him that I see his pain without him feeling like a victim and then minimizing issues.
This is going to help with some passive aggressive ppl at work. Thank you!
Thank you!!!! It never ceases to amaze me how obvious and simple the solutions can be for the things we tend to overthink! Lol
I’m FA. He is DA. We are still married but everything is so painful and difficult. We just coexist. I want to show him your chanel because I feel that if I do so while I working with my self is the one last thing I can do to try to save our relationship. The problem is that I don’t know how to introduce him your chanel because I’m sure he will reject it directly. Any advice? Thanks för everything!! I want to be like you when I grow upp ☺️🙏🏻♥️🌹
Larisa, I introduced my mother to this channel, (who I knew would never look on her own), by playing it in the car. I picked a video that I thought she would be interested in, and told her that I was getting into a self help thing (which got an eye roll), and that I just wanted to listen to one video. She really took an interest because it hit home for her.
I made it very much about MY need to listen to the one video, so she wouldn't feel like I was trying force therapy on her.
So, in the car. Just a suggestion.
Thanks for your lovely comment. Maybe you can try by getting him to take the attachment style quiz first. People can get interested to learn more about themselves once they identify their attachment style. So maybe tell him that you’re curious what his attachment style is and pique his curiosity that way. attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com
-PDS team member
I am in the same boat Larisa. I tried to make it light and just a “oh this is interesting” suggestion to my DA to watch. He totally rejected it and said it was hard to watch. I haven’t brought it up since, I watch all of these videos and try to infuse their content into conversations.
Thank you all for your suggestion, so nice of you.🌹🙏🏻
How did you guys even manage to get to the marriage part. Proposal, wedding and all! It’s a Miracle
Love the scripts they help a lot
Thank you. And good comment about ' 'only' you should do the work' half way through.
I don't repress it I need to take time to process it. I explained I need to regulate my emotions.. Then I'm accused of holding on to stuff. Also when I do bring something up that I've processed he wouldn't listen..hed just say " well you did this" it was like tit for tat with him....I used to be avoidant but have been in therapy. So learned alot. I learn just as much in therapy as I do listening to people like you. I'm taking note of your response for future relationships. This one has done me in. Litteraly no energy for it. Wish I did. He needs therapy I can't help him. Didn't realise he was like this. It started too soon. I feel like I took on another project 🤷🏻♀️
You really have a video for everything
7:30 there is a third scenario i experienced: she just ignores it. Silent treatment. Last time it happened I was actually reaching out to her. "I happened to hear a Nirvana song and the stuff he sang about and then I recalled you were very much into him and it made me look differently at some things you said about what happened in your past, if there is stuff that you want to speak about, I will always be there"
-"you still listen to Nirvana? That is so many years ago, did you not grow up?"
so I said this was a poisenous and passive aggressive answer, after that no reply, so a few days later I brought it up again and she just went full attack on me.
"AGAIN!!"
maybe she just is really angry at me still for all the other things that happened, she never was good at communicating and i always kept doing the self reflections and taking blame stuff. (note to self: As I am doing right now)
Thais, thank you. You are giving me the tools to be able to live a full life. I grew up in a family that didn't communicate. I didn't know how to communicate with my husband that is now wanting a divorce. He grew up in a family very similar.
I am thankful, and grateful that you are taking the time to help me and so many others heal. My heart is full and I know I will heal whether he is by my side or not. I won't give up though it hurts to breathe sometimes. Again, don't stop doing what you are doing. I tell everyone I know about you and the Personal Development School. If we as humans only learned to communicate... oh, the beautiful things we could accomplish. Shalom.
Wow Thais! You are amazing at this - and this is so true! I am dealing with this now. Thank you for this video! :)
What do you do if they deny that they’re being passive aggressive? It prevents you from going anywhere. So hard.
My husband is very passive aggressive. I have known this for a log time, but I didn’t know what it was until recently. He is also an dismissive avoidant. Here’s an example that I did not take the bait on. Our adult, recently moved out daughter was ill and I offered to make her soup and have it delivered to her. I asked my husband to deliver it to her so that he could be involved in helping her. He was happy to be asked. I knew he would be ( I tend to be very assertive and typically take on most responsibilities). So I get the care package together, soup and watermelon. He looks into the bag and says “ is that it, No cookies or candy”. It’s never enough for him. Normally I would have reacted badly by telling him how annoying he is. Which he is. But instead I said “ you are welcome to add anything into the care package that you would like to”. I didn’t take the bait and I was proud of my self. There was a flash of anger on his face. There was no more said.
You handled that well. 🙌🏽 So simple but effective.
Again. Your videos are so timely for me right now!
What do you do if the person you are talking to denies they are having a need or being passive aggressive? How do you move forward with the conversation then?
Yes, I was wondering this too!
This is soo common, as the DA just doenst know how or doent want to open up. Stonewall city!!
Yep being told that "you're not even someone's quarter" whilst trying to establish your boundaries when you don't want unexpected visits 🙄
Was your DA showing up unannounced???
I don’t play into the crap. I’m very blunt and direct with my responses back to them. I use very short words - never a long explanation!
This works more so with co-workers, friends, people in general. If this is a marriage type situation- it depends on the subject at hand as to how far I will go into the conversation about what is happening.
Yes, I think he wants me to ask to meet up,
many DAs are particular about "It's her turn now".
Exactly 50%.
But I feel so afraid with all the passive aggressive text messages. He is one-up-ing, FOMO-ing and jealousy-making, it feels weird.
Before last date I sent him lots of music geek things, links, my theories, asking about concerts he went to, etc. This made him secure and he asked me out again.
But after that date he's been very very passive aggressive. Clearly he has a different strategy for making me ask him out.
Why put up with this and go any deeper honestly? How amazing is this person in other areas?
Joe, you have a point, and I am Tinder-ing too these days. Though the dismissive avoidant took me out to a nice dinner on Sunday, since he works until 8 today Valentine's. But yes, he is too much work. Even though I understand it's about childhood neglect.
Thanks for comment Joe!
I tried with mine. He was still withdrawn and then I kinda broke & was like listen I’m here if you want to work through things, but I need you to want to do the work.
Then I deleted his number so I could try to end my addiction to reaching out to him & always trying to make things work. Not sure if I wanna block him lol. Still watching this video though 😬
Did he ever reach out
Sometimes I just feel like, i want to end my life. I don't think I deserve anyone. I hurt them unconsciously with my ADHD and autism , and always have to deal with passive aggressiveness. I meant to be alone. And I think that's okay too.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, you are not alone with these feelings. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your feelings, I can understand it’s hard to feel your pain
@@plantlovea.7841 thankyou 💖🫂
Do avoidants tend to purposely show they dont care much after it was addressed that this is hurtful? Is that another passive aggressive way when triggered?
I am here 1 year late, because I really tried today to speak with sombody who is toxicly, agressivly responding to me since weeks. We had 2 good dates and a good understanding. And he was overly excited after our second date. I might not have responded too good by text, because I am not good at texting. But I tried to explain that. Whenever we would make an attempt to meet again, there were always a misunderstanding I feel. And today (we planned a date this evening), he really lashed out - first with sarcasm and when I called him out on that, he became spiteful and hurtful and vicious. I can feel these agressions for some time now, but I thought if we can meet again, we might be able to speak about it and we can rebuild a basic trust. I am still shocked, how he took everything I tried the wrong way - and what he in fact said to me at the end
So, I guess me saying, "Passive aggressive BS" isn't really that productive????? I know it isn't but it's step one for me.
That's also passive aggressive as well
These responses are not realistic for passive aggressive people
My ex is passive aggressive as fuck. I tried to help but she just got more pissed because it made her feel like she had flaws. So frustrating.
I just got thd label about what the DA ex has been doing 8 years after the BU and also during ower long-term relationchip. He is in a new relationchip and still using passive aggressiv in comunikation sometimes to me
I believe he has shown off the mask towards me. And his needs and mask should be worn off to someone else.
Can you do a video on how to get a DA ex back after her rebound has ended :/
@@chilloften we broke up in March.... I made all the mistakes as far as pleading and begging to get her back... Then I found out she went immediately into a rebound relationship.... That lasted for a few, which ended a couple weeks ago. But she won't talk to me unless it's about our kids. I do have to see her every few days to exchange the kids. She won't look at me and has her iPhone headset on every time.... Even if she talks to me about the kids she won't look at me she looks at my feet. I just don't know what to do now because of the rebound. I had been texting her nice things a month, but she won't respond. It's obviously been an emotionally exhausting experience for me. I just feel like everything I've tried since March has not worked. I don't even know how to get her to engage in a normal conversation.... I feel anxious around here like I don't even know who she anymore and it is painful. she never told me one time in the past year that she could leave! Not one time.
@@chilloften hi if he calls you that's huge....just keep the conversation casual like you're talking to a friend. I wouldn't put anything emotional on it the conversation. Perhaps offer to meet sometime for lunch or coffee. DA are the most difficult to get back....once they make their minds up....I'm ex used to tell me I was the best boyfriend she ever had.... Her dad and brother have my back... But common Sense has gone out the door. Logic means very little it seams to her. I believe is she had a secure and normal personality, and would have separated for a minute.... That we could have worked it out and been better then ever. But she jump right rebound so she wouldn't have to feel the pain or think about our relationship. Thank God her rebound has ended! But I don't know what to do now. I can't even get her to engage in just a normal conversation with me. I've stopped texting her entirely the past 2 weeks, only about the kids. At this point I have no choice but to give her her space. We have a 21 months and 3yr old. you would think she would want both parents together with the kids.... But she treats me as if I beat her or cheated on her.... Like it's such an act it's almost funny....but it's not. I wish Thais would do a video as far as reaching out to your ex after their disgusting rebound is finished for the DA types.....
5:53
I find she talks down to you and very robotic.
Any tips on how to get a dismissive female Ex to Open up? It has been amost 2.5months since break up. Thank you :)
Hard to listen to you because of your “vocal fry”. Really want to listen. M
How to deal with passive aggressive behavior? You don’t.
My anxiously attached partner says so many passive aggressive comments to me and others it’s exhausting