11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting in TANGLED
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 พ.ค. 2024
- Mother Gothel, the villain of Disney’s Tangled, is one of the best on-screen examples of gaslighting.
Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright break down how Gothel’s relationship with Rapunzel shows all 11 signs of gaslighting as outlined by the work of noted psychologist Dr. Stephanie A. Sarkis. And they talk about some fun tricks the filmmakers use to show just how toxic Gothel is, and how Rapunzel is finally able to free herself.
And Jonathan makes fun of Alan. And Alan's dog. They probably both deserve it.
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Read the original article in Psychology Today here: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
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Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright & Alan Seawright
Edited by: Alan Seawright
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
Russian Transcription by: Alena Petriaeva
Spanish Transcription by: Juan Willems - ภาพยนตร์และแอนิเมชัน
Hey folks, Jonathan here, trying to practice what I preach and accept feedback. Several of you have pointed out that OF COURSE you can cut ties with mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and other family members for your own safety and emotional health. This is 100% correct. While in some (less extreme) cases of gaslighting one may choose to maintain a family relationship with the gaslighter while calling them out on it and/or holding strong boundaries, that is by no means a "you have to" situation. And sometimes breaking free and cutting off contact is an absolute must. Thank you for calling me on that.
What should u do if the gaslighter refuses to acknowledge that that's what they're doing... and I'm under 18 so I have no way of leaving home
@@Sakura-uo3qz They will never admit it. The best thing to do is educate yourself in private. Start watching TH-cam videos on narcissistic behavior. Maybe start saving money in private. Make an exit plan for when you turn 18. I don't know what your situation or the severity but always good to have an exit plan. Always hold on to your reality. Keep a journal to remind yourself of what is true. Gaslighters/ narcissists will always manipulate truth. You may need a reminder of what is true during difficult times. It may seem extreme to many people, so be careful of who you trust. Narcissists are always two faced and often have others fooled. Also know that being a victim of narcissists makes you susceptible to attract other narcissists. I don't know what it is but we attract them like flies to honey (at least some of us do). I read the book Your not crazy it's your mother. It helped a lot. It actually applied to my father as well. Find yourself a support group online. Make sure you seek advice from people who have and are well on their way to recovery. ♡ Best wishes to you.
@@Sakura-uo3qz Michelle Lee Nieves, Angie Atkinson are a couple of TH-camrs who have taught me a lot.
My mum hit all the points for gaslighting and as of February I permanently cut ties, after various failed attempts to set boundaries, get her to see what she was doing, get her to therapy for her numerous mental health problems etc. Tangled really resonates with me. And one thing I think that the film touches on but could do with more attention is trying to learn who you are when you’re not being manipulated, what things you like to do and what you were only doing to please someone else.
@@nellibob Glad you made it out. I also had to go no contact. Unfortunately my three adult brothers are still under the sick spell of our mother and I've had to drop them too.
This movie made approximately half of an entire generation glance discreetly at their parents in the theater
I literally just thought about how my mother could possibly be gaslighting me my entire life and I just noticed this at an adult age 😀
This song is about my mom, for sure
This spoke to my foster parents. It's insane how many parallels I could make to my own childhood.
Yeah, and the funny thing for me is that Gothel looks almost exactly like a slimmer version of my mother, even down to the slight graying we see as the film progresses.
It really was like a psychological sledgehammer to my perception of reality.
PLSSSSSSSUCCUFUIGVIIH
ok is no one gonna talk about how badass the “did i mumble mother” is. it’s literally the disney princess version of “did i stutter bitch”
Oh my God. Yes!
Why did you put a dot in the middle? Pretty sure a "," would fit better, also there are no other dots at the end, u don't even have a capital letter in the beginning of a sentence, and the I's that refer to a yourself should be capital letters too... I just needed to say that tbh.
@@christerjackson9589 you know people can make mistakes or misclicks when typing, right?
@@christerjackson9589 This better be primo bait, because you're not even correct. If we're going to nitpick people's grammar on the internet, it should've been a question mark after "is" and those little "dots" you speak of are called "periods".
Ignoring all of that, correcting the grammar of internet comments where the OP's intention is perfectly clear doesn't matter, but I'm procrastinating and you've supplied me a wonderful outlet.
@@fallingpetunias9046 it was a joke gez
I remember watching Tangled in 4th grade and thinking “Wow! Rapunzel’s mother reminds of my mom a lot!”
Fast forward to few years later, me leaving the house in order to escape constant mental abuse. I believe this movie was one of the first tiny steps on my way to realising the wrongs my mother did to me.
I genuinely wonder how many thousands of kids and former kids had the same experience.
@@CuteCuteJames yeah me too, gothel reminded me of my mum because she was a liar and a constant degrader
Im glad you left congrats on leaving the toxicity
Hope your found a better home you ok?
Wow.... How old are you that time..? When you escaped..?
I didn't even realize Flynn brushing Rapunzel's hair away having such symbolic importance. It makes the movie even better imo
I know, I love this so much!!!
Fr
Let's not forget that he's the one to cut most of her hair off at the end to protect her.
I had one of those “OHHHH” moments when they said that LMFAOOO
Also I never realized Gotham only caring about the hair pushed over to the physical affection aspect too
There are no mistakes in art (unless its made by an amateur which this isn’t obviously)
She ultimately objectifies her, seeing her as her “flower”
I mean, kinda. Flower is a compliment tho
@@andrewoxford1322 yes, and that's what she is (intentionally or not) disguising the nickname as, a simple affectionate term. But that's not what it is, she loves rapunzels hair, the powers within it from the flower, and the use she gets from it. Not rapunzel
When gothel saya "I love you most", it's the hair that she kisses.
It's probably because it was the flower that was keeping Mother Gothel young. Rapunzel is now that flower. It's a nickname that has such a different and dark meaning to Gothel, but just seems sweet and innocent.
@@YellohMelloh why did i just notice all the symbolism in the movie after reading your comment 👁️👄👁️
The "stop mumbling" scene is so frustrating, hiding a critic behind a joke, I hate when people do that
time stamps?
@@aurorahufflepuff375 13:14
Yup, and this gives the abuser "plausible" deniability so they can say it was just a joke and further put down the victim for reacting in an appropriately upset way. I put plausible in quotes because to an outside perspective who hasn't been manipulated by the abuser, it seems ridiculous and transparent.
I had an old best friend who always did that to me in middle and some high school. I felt like I was the only one who saw the abuse but it wasn’t very obvious. I’ve even tried describing it and gotten told “that doesn’t sound that bad”
Ugh I actually hate that. Someone that I "used" to call a "friend" did something similar to me and well several other people. For me they told me to stop making them the bad guy while they do the opposite and make me look like the bad guy. My other close friend, they made fun of her for something that wasn't even a big deal and that honestly hurt my friend deeply. My other friend who dated them, she kept telling lies that they weren't doing this and that but the signs were there. My ex did the same thing to me as well but it was a bit different from my second ex (I honestly don't even consider calling my second ex like an actual relationship because of how fake it seemed). So I've dated two gaslighters and those months have been nothing but Hell for me and several others. They date each other still and honestly I feel disgusted but hey, at least both of them have something in common aye? And the sad thing is, she has a best friend that she's known for years and I feel bad for her because she might be going through that but maybe I'm thinking too hard on it ._.
I think the imagery from "Mother Knows Best" Where Gothel litteraly puts Rapunzel in the dark, and as Rapunzel lights candles, Gothel puts them out, LITERALLY keeping her in the dark. Very on the nose, but still powerfull.
I thought it was just Gothel sabotaging Rapunzel to make sure Rapunzel is dependent on her.
@@jeffreygao3956yeah that’s kind of like exactly what they just said. like that’s literally the exact thing that they just stated. like you’re not introducing anything new here at all lol
Also, Gothel dumped Cassandra.
I was watching Tangled for the first time in years and I got chills when I heard her say “great, now I’m the bad guy” because it’s the exact thing my own mother has said to me a million times.
Really? That’s so creepy… was your mom saying it about something serious, or something silly like you wanted new shoes?
same, my mom always said that
Same, it reminds me of my dad. When we get in fights, he will say "Now I'm the bad guy" making me feel like it's my fault. I know this isn't true
Mother Gothel... Not just the way she acts, but she even *looks* like my mum... I didn't realise she was a villain at all the first time until near the end because "That's all just normal mum stuff".
@@carlygirl306 that’s so frustrating when they’re doing the exact thing in the very exact moment they claim *you’re* doing it
Mother gothel actually teaches kids a lesson, kids see so much physical violence in movies that they are never taught about the mental, and won’t know if it’s normal.
@No offense, but wow wtf you are literally me but spelt wrong
@@nooffencebut8175 uh, actually offense is the correct spelling in the US. no wait, it's just more commonly used
Maybe not all kids but hopefully some.
You ever notice a lot of the parents are actually mentally, emotionally and physically abusive? Especially in Disney...
@@phant0m0th_ Like the "Little Mermaid" for instance
I love that they cut to Rapunzel reaching out to Mother Gothel as she falls and dies. An abusive relationship like she had with Mother is still ripe with enough fake love that despite everything, part of Rapunzle still doesn’t want her ‘mother’ to die.
For me, that's one of the worst parts of being on the receiving end of this kind of relationship. You're confused, and hurt, but you still care about the person that's causing you the misery. And because they have spent all this time making you not trust yourself and your own judgment, you are left wondering why you still care for them.
'Were they really that bad of a person?'
'Because I love and care for them, does that mean that I took part in my own abuse?'
'Am I a bad person for loving them?'
'Even though I know they were a bad person, and I finally realized what was happening to me, how can I trust anyone now that they are no longer in my life?'
That knee-jerk reaction of saving the person is instinctive, because you love them. And the worst part is, by saving them, it opens the way for them to continue to be in your life. 'You saved me, you really do love me, you can't live without me.' The hardest thing is to stand by and watch them flounder and sink in the problem of their own making. But often it's necessary. Because if you help them, you may never be rid of them.
@Cospaws completely unrelated comment but I Love your pfp it’s so cute!
@@warriormaiden9829 Thank you. I needed that reality check
@@nikkohimari Thanks, got it from picrew
Isn't that just human decency tho?
I mean, I have also been abused by my family too but I wouldn't like to see them dying in front of me too
I think that the only way Mother Gothel could be worse is that my parents actively support her actions. She's a horrible, terrible, AWFUL person but my parents constantly say that Rapunzel is the horrible one for not listening to her "mother." I feel as though this speaks a lot about the type of people my parents actually are.
I hope and PRAY for you heal and recover. Please go no or minimal contact. That's NOT reasonable or UNDERSTANDABLE from them...
@@yamataichul Ong. I plan to just work my tail off saving up funds to move out as soon as possible. However, finding a stable job at 16 in a heavily Christian town when you're genderfluid and unable to drive is near impossible.
@@AdlinIsBoredI wish you all the best and I hope you get away from that horrible situation and that you'll find amazing support. If you ever need to vent, feel free to come back to this comment, we'll listen
do confrontation, but do it respectfully, try your best to keep your temper, and speak confidentially. Everytime they gaslight you, force facts in their face so hard it leaves bruises. And if you start succumbing to their insults and deception remember that you are more than them, and you DON'T need them. Find a friend at school, and if you are out of school, try communicating and if that doesn't work cut it off.
@@forrest6939 I've tried confrontation but it usually ends with me getting my electronics taken away due to my dad not having a valid counter-argument. (I use my electronics as an unhealthy way to avoid my parents.)
You guys have officially helped me avoid at least one potentially toxic dating relationship...so thank you!
Happy to help!
you obviously dont have to answer, what exactly tipped you off?
"Did I mumble, mother?" Is the best and most badass line from tangled.
She's literally going *"DID I STUTTER?"*
And it was iconic
@@hibikiotonokojishslvocalis7550 completely iconic
@@hibikiotonokojishslvocalis7550 aaaaahhh dr fan :)
Oh yes.
I get chills everytime at this part
"There's a difference between love and trust." Holy crap I---
Eh I just read the comment when they said that
Syncronicity
Yup.
Learned that the hard way.
But love doesn't involve trust?
@@millenaalves765 nope i can love someone without trusting them i love the person but I don't trust the things that this person says because: tust issues
@@non-binary2286 How do you know that's not just infatuation, or familiarity? Love does seem to imply some level of trust
At the end of this episode when you said, "It doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means they're not safe." I know this feeling intimately. I've had to step back from certain familial relationships in a big way because of this.
I’ve said before “she’ll (my mom) never know how much I love her because she treats me like shit”
My stepmom did this to me for five years before I finally turned eighteen and found a place to rent from one of my high school teachers. My now husband would try to explain to me why I wasn’t as bad as she implied and that she was manipulating me and it took literally years to break free. I keep a healthy distance from her now.
I hope that distance comes with an additional 6 ft below ground
Stay FREE!!!
Aww.
That's very nice and lucky of you
See my dad did this to me for my whole life, and now I gaslight people I love and I’m realizing just now that- AHHH-
That teacher of yours became your husband??💀
the sarcastic "Rapunzel knows best. Rapunzel's so mature now" is the line that made me feel the worst. You know, when you feel like you achieved something that made you feel happy and proud of yourself, and other people just go "oh wow so impressive" with such flat mocking tone... that just cancels out your excitement about the thing that made you happy.
Both of my parents did this to me some days ago. It's the worst fucking feeling.
They told me I was naive for believing the internet, when I told them my sources they were like "Oh really? Source of what must that be" they didn't believed me, told me I was naive, told me I was dumb, told me I wasn't going to go anywhere thinking like that, doubted my intelligence, etc.
You know what did they do after that? Oh they started treating me like a princess, saying how much they loved me (after putting me the fuck down) and how they cared about me (after completely ignoring what I had to say)
I will get out of this house, because I can't stand this behavior anymore. I'm broken and all I fought to leave in the past is back in my present because of them.
I know this isn’t on the same level in anyway in regards to emotional trauma. But also whenever your laughing about something or find something funny and someone just has to take your joy away by saying “it’s not that funny”. That really gets on my nerves I actually hate that so much. Just let them laugh, they found it funny! Let them have the joy of laughing. If you don’t find it funny than don’t laugh and keep your mouth shut🙄 gotta steal someone else’s joy, for what?
and when u draw something and are really proud of it and your parent comes and goes “wooow,cu think u can draw”
@@azaleyalikedaflowr7975 OMG people do that to me all the time so now whenever I laugh I say sorry as a reflex. even if its just something that popped into my head I chuckle at myself then say sorry. its weird. But then again my chuckle sounds like and evil laugh so maybe that's why they look at me lol.
@@mearabaxter8997 yeah, it sucks😔 and really upsets me too.
And this is why it drives me up a wall every time someone goes "But I'm sure Mother Gothel loved Rapunzel deep down!" *facepalm*
If she ever did she'd realize how terribly she is and bring her back to her actual parents
EVEN IF SHE DID HER ACTIONS WERE HORRIFIC AND HER WANT FOR ETERNAL YOUTH AND KEEPING RAPUNZEL TRAPPED OUTWEIGH ANY LOVE GOTHEL HAD
Ah yes, loving your kidnapped child by locking her up in a tower for 18 years, all the while manipulating her into staying there through emotional blackmailing and then calling it love because "she meant well" when all Gothel says and does is just a means to keep Rapunzel under her control through fear, guilt, and the destruction of her self-confidence. I guess admitting to Gothel's shitty behavior would hit too close to home for them, so they pretend not to see it.
It get even worse when you watch Tangled the series and learn more about Gothel.
Yeah she loved her alright! just like the flower she loved using her. Rapunzel wasn't a person to her, she saw Rapunzel as an object.
I feel so bad because when I was young, I only saw her as strange parent, not a villain. Now that I'm a little older, I realized I felt that way because that's how my parents treat me and my little brother.
My mom is the same way. She wasn’t always like that (to me anyways) and I saw them as a villain. I now see my mother in her. I really wish I didnt
Eugene getting the hair out of the way to see her face and get to her is such a beautiful touch and I'm so glad you guys pointed that out!!!!
Also, Gothel makes Rapunzel come to her for a hug. But her real mother immediately comes to her for the hug
Wow! Great detail on the hug thing. I've watched the movie quite a few times and I've never caught that!
It's sad that they didn't mention Pascal as "another voice," who was trying all along to get her out of the abuse but didn't have the proper voice to do so.
Oh cool! Maybe he represents a subconscious voice within herself that desires freedom, but that’s not yet strong or articulate enough to voice his desires and motivate Rapunzel to leave her situation. When he points eagerly towards the open world, she shrugs and responds that it’s not so bad in the prison.
Little pascal tried to help rapunzel but he didn’t have the proper voice to do so... omg that’s so adorable and heartbreaking at the same time 😭💕
Pascal was the support she had throughout those years. Even though he doesn't have the proper voice to express himself, his presence and interactions with Rapunzel was a vital help for her. 🥺💞
I think...... I will never look at this movie the same way again😳
He is a frog . .
Tangled. The movie that helped a generation to ask. "...Wait, this behavior isn't normal?"
truly lmao
LOL exactly! Yes!
Yup, I saw it when I was younger and my mom told me to listen to Mother Knows Best and how it was true and I should listen to my mom.
YES
*slams like button*
Disney needs to remember mother gothel because it’s proof they can do great, non-twist villains that are still realistic.
I'm not trying to defend Disney but I don't think they've even done a twist villain in 5-7 YEARS.
Mother Gothel is such a good villain that she managed to gaslight me as a kid. I thought that she wasn't that bad and felt sad when she died 💀
LITERALLY ME, gothel was really good at it😭
the hardest part about gaslighting is that you cant get your gas lighter to admit theyre gas lighting. then all the doubt in youre head keeps you stuck because you feel like its something you have to prove. you are embarassed to have fallen for it and there is literally no way to prove it.
It's so true. The only way is to see it for what it is and choose to let go of needing them to see it or admit it. You can still want them to, you can still try. But you can't wait for them to own it to move on with your own healing.
Or when you more or less starting to realise that you are actually still right but the gaslighter still won't admit it and keep making you believe that you are the one who at fault which brings so much painful frustration. And will turn it around as if yours behaviour've gotten worse so you are the bratty one, because you started to stop tolerating this things. Since you wasn't angry or upset about thems before, that means now you make them up and upset/angry for no reason, and just keep picking a fight and ruin the day for both of them.
I would argue that the hardest part, is recognizing you're being gaslighted. It's so easy to make excuses. 'Sure, anyone else in this situation, it would be abuse, but for us, it's just how we are! It's love really, they're trying to help me, I should do better. I mean, they didn't mean it that way, I'm just being ridiculous' it's incredibly hard to get through to someone once their own mind is their gaslighters defender.
I think I honestly got "lucky" to get my gas lighter to admit they were gaslighting me. When I confronted my ex about using that manipulative tactic that she had said to me, "Did you know that I almost killed myself by swallowing a bunch of pills because I thought you were going to break up with me?" Well, she denied that she ever said that and then said, "That's not what I said, you misunderstood me. What I actually said was that I tried to commit suicide by swallowing a bunch of pills when I was with my ex because I found out she cheated on me." I screamed at her, "Are you serious?! You going to try to gaslight me again?! I clearly remember you say..." And I went rambling on in panic because part of me was afraid that maybe I'm wrong and my memory is faulty. But she then said, "Fine. I admit." But tried to put the blame on me saying that it was my fault that I got her to manipulate me. "I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me by manipulating/gaslighting you. You decided to ignore me when I was in a dark place..." and went on and one how it was my fault that she did these things to me and then started to list my flaws as well and then last she said, "So Angela.... grow the fuck up."
I finally got away from my ex this summer.
@@TheGalaxyMermaid good for you!!
May I just say how much I appreciate that before Gothel died, she completely forgot Rapunzel and Eugene and went straight to the mirror instead. Narcissism at its finest. Brilliant.
Oh wow I never even thought of it like that! But that makes so much sense..
Hmmm.. yeah didn't notice that at first but it does makes sense. Also, she probably knew what would happened if the hair would be cut. Her anger towards Rapunzel and Eugene turns into despair before she turns to dust.
I feel so sorry for gothel, she was just petrified of death. She didn't want to die and was doing all she could to delay that. I don't think she deserved to die, she should have just gave gothel the immortality she wanted and their relationship would get mended. Imagine if someone was the only thing keeping you alive, would you lie to them to keep living or would you tell them the truth so you can age rapidly and perish...
@@michaelpapageorgious5053 I don't think that's the case at all. It may have started as an innocent fear of death, but it literally led her to kidnapping a child and holding her hostage through awful means of manipulation. She put her through endless psychological torment. It's not a question about whether she deserved death because everyone dies. Allowing her to live forever was not going to change who she is as a person.
@@valeriamarquez4114 There's nothing innocent about being petrified of death. In this case, the solution to avoid it was using someone. If someone put a gun to your head and told you to kidnap someones child, you would do it. You wouldn't want the person to blow your brains out. In this case, death was holding the gun to her head.
I needed this. I subconsciously gaslighted some people in the past and when I realized it I cut off all friendships and normal socializing with others, and I didn't realize it until I watched this video. I stopped talking to people because part of me was afraid to continue interacting with other human beings, like I would just keep manipulating and lying, and that really hurt. I've been so isolated. I see I need to change. Thanks, Cinema Therapy. This was not the journey I was expecting.
It's a hard pill to swallow. Hopefully therapy has been going well for you. I hope you tried to get help.
That is very brave. I hope that all is going well. I have recently had the realization that my childhood(up until 30) idol was my mom and she is a master manipulator and gaslighter. I watch myself and question everything from fear that I will do it to my spawn.
Good for you for owning your behavior and seeing it with an objective lens. You are on your way to better mental health and consequently better relationships. Better Love.
❤
“The first part to not being bad is realizing that you’re bad in the first place.’
-CloudScraper
(Edit, fixing the quote)
Kudos 🤘🤘🤘🤘❤️❤️❤️❤️
I've seen multiple people, in my own life and in social media, say that Tangled was how they identified a toxic person in their life, because they could relate strongly to Rapunzel and saw that person in Mother Gothel. It just goes to show that representation, both positive and negative, really matters
“I love you most
Don’t forget it
You’ll regret it”
Absolutely terrifying in context
"I love you more" always creeped me out.
Tangled should be used to teach what to look out for to protect yourself from narcissists.
@@hariman7727 i have a theory that you can diagnose trauma and mental illness using only pixar & disney films. I have yet to be proved wrong lol
@@hollylhunt what films do you think are good examples?
Tangled: the emotional abusical
Notice that when Gothel says "I love you most" she kisses Rapunzel's hair. That's what she really loves.
Also later when she says: ''I was so worried about you dear.'' She looks at Rapunzel's hair and then quickly looks at Rapunzel to not show what she really cares about: her hair.
I thought of this too. Her only goal in life is to keep being alive and do the same routine all over again. How pathetically sad.
If you watch carefully, you'll see she almost never touches Rapunzel herself if she can help it. A tiny bit here and there, mostly to maintain her facade, but she shuns physical contact with her; the only part of Rapunzel she'll willingly touch is what she values, her hair.
The way she constantly tore Rapunzel down, shredded her confidence, insisted she wasn't capable; I hope to God any kid with a narcissistic parent or family member watched this and learned from it. Emotional abuse is still abuse.
That and her and Finn are a lot different about Rapunzel hair. Finn pushed it out of her face. Gothel always petted it like it was a damn puppy. That and they’re reactions. All he did was freak out a bit and then it didn’t even phase him. Not to mention cutting her off to prevent her from being trapped by Gothel, risking his own life.
And she calls Raps "My flower"
I think it's interesting looking back to when I first saw this movie with my mom. I was pretty young and honestly kinda liked Gothel, while my mom was much more keyed into her behaviors and actively hated her. It's an interesting thing, in retrospect, that Mother Gothel's manipulations worked on children through the screen.
Very interesting! This makes sense. People who display Mother Gothel’s behavior tend to be able to charm the socks off of anybody.
The most manipulative thing about narcissists is they actually sometimes take good care of you, like when she was brushing Rapunzel hair, but only to use it to their own selfish benefits
I think one of the biggest tell-tale signs is that you feel free and happy when you’re away from them, but the moment they’re around, you instantly switch to your childlike guarded, weak self.
OMG yessss😭😭
Or sometimes in that guarded state you don't even realize it until you're away from that person again, and you just feel *so* drained.
I get immediately angry. Like a resentment and have negative thoughts when they’re around. It’s like energy starts to flourish when I’m not around them, but the minute they come around, my mood changes for the worst.
That happens to me whenever I go to visit my parents. Not because of my mom, but everyone else in the house.
One could even say to feel entangled
this is why gothel is actually the scariest disney villain
Idk man, a sorceress who can turn into a fire breathing dragon is kinda scary, too.
Idk it just feels the most real I guess. You could have a parent or family member and it makes you feel like it’s your fault when something bad happens, and honestly the fact that humans can do it makes her the scariest.
You've probably never seen Hunchback of Notre Dame. Frollo is the scariest disney villain by far. And the most amazing.
@@gomiko8979 Yeah but Gothel is the most realistic example. A sorceress turning into a dragon wouldn't really happen but someone manipulating you is.
Madame Medusa from The Rescuers is also horrible. She used a little girl to find a diamond in a narrow cave (literally slave underage labor). Memorable quote: "Adopted? What makes you think anyone would want a homely little girl like you?"
It's funny, my mom loves "Mother knows Best", both of us always knew that it was blatant gaslighting, and it took me years of living alone and many months of therapy to realize that maybe, just maybe, my mom has been gaslighting me for most of my life...
Literally my mother heard the song and got so excited and started singing it and saying "you see??"
@@sadgecat588 what a way for her to avoid shame lmao
Possibly she went through the same from her mother.
I just remembered my mom who constantly gaslights me used to sing this song all of the time
One of the most terrible things about gaslighting is that even when you get away from the FIRST person, you're more susceptible to that "am i crazy" cycle and more vulnerable for the rest of your life (without serious therapy and support). It's SUCH a terribly hard cycle to break once you're in that loop.
Even if you get away they'll follow and make sure you can't go anywhere
People say that mother gothel wasn’t actually a bad villain but they don’t realize how much mental and psychological damage she did to Rapunzel
It's really concerning that people think a villain is someone who intentionally and blatantly hurts you, poisons you, or kills you. But mother gothel is not a traditional Disney villain. Her agenda is cloaked under the guise of being a mom who does everything for you, which is why it confuses people. They don't want to accept that mother figures can be the villain while masking their strategy with good deeds.
Probably because many of them are victims of this exact kind of abuse. It's their normal.
Yes, I used to think she was actually nice and not that bad of a person because she "gave Rapunzel a home and raised her like her daughter instead of treating her like a slave" until I realized my mom was very similar to her...
That’s because MoTHeRs cAn’T bE AbuSiVE
@@lilliesinthegard32 whoa bro are u living my life or sumn???
To be clear, Gothel never actually tells Rapunzel she loves her. Every time she says it, she's looking at Rapunzel's hair, not her.
At the end of mother knows best she kisses her hair.
I was looking for a comment like that! Exactly, all her affections are pointed at her hair only.
Yes, she does.
And Eugene always moves her hair out of the way to get to her
@@athena2597 that's cute
Just a note: "I love you most" is actually towards rapunzel's hair... she only says it while looking at the hair, and every compliment she ever gives is towards said hair.
I had to scroll way too far to find this
what a great observation!
The way I view the song mother knows best is the original is when the gaslighter is praising you and pretending to care about you while the reprise is when the gaslighter gets frustrated and shows their true colors
This analysis just proves even more why Gothel is the darkest of all the Disney Villains. Which is why she remains my favorite.
Agreed. So, so well-written. We hate her, but then that's the point.
The only ones who come close, in my opinion, are Scar and Claude Frollo. They have very similar relationships with Simba and Quasimodo, respectively. It's terrifying.
@Starlight_Feather Meh. Maleficent is just an angry fairy upset about not being invited to a christening.
Gothel is a criminal manipulator who reflects re-world abusers.
Darkest? How many Disney movies have you seen actually? Most realistic is probably the word you're looking for... Even that's not the case, because Claude Frollo and Lady Tremaine are equally real...
@@lindseysquire8417 agreed
Best advice my therapist ever gave me: Just because you love someone does not mean they have earned your vulnerability
Very true
Well said by your therapist. That's what makes love so hard, whether it's romantic or platonic. After you've been vulnerable with someone who you loved but treated you badly, it's difficult to be vulnerable with another person. 🤔
I wish there was something higher than a "like" button for this comment.
I've tried to explain this concept to the current bf. explaining it this way might help, thanks.
How does one earn another's vulnerability?
I watched this video with my mom. She’s gaslighted me for nearly 19 years and watching this finally helped me to realize what she’s really like. I still love her but it’s hard to trust her when I can tell she’s gaslighting me on a daily basis.
I hope you heal and look for psychotherapy. I'm hoping and praying for your family relationships to not deteriorate, is saddening if that's the case...
There's nothing wrong with loving someone but not trusting them if they have shown they're not deserving of your trust
Something small I just noticed, the way a certain line is delivered in Mother Knows Best. "Stop no more you'll just upset me". She doesn't actually care, she just wants Rapunzel to care
Mother Gothel is one of the scariest Disney villains because she is the most real. She could be a parent, aunt, uncle, friend, etc.
A president.
she’s my mom bruh 🥲
Eh, the hunchback of notre dames antagonist could give her a run for her money. that man *scares* me.
Underrated
And Gaston
"Villains that twirl their mustaches are easy to spot. Those who clothe themselves in good deeds are well camouflaged."
~Jean-Luc Picard~
Now I have to go watch the International Coffee Sketch from MADtv...
Lol
Have you ever seen a real life villain twirl their moustache though?
@@eririan_ It’s figurative for people who commit evil shamelessly, mostly people in positions of power
@@eririan_ I mean......Lord Licorice
I'm 14, new to the this world and that is soo deep.
Thank you, guys! I checked the article and realized my boyfriend was a gaslighter on 11/11 and he was completely abusing me. I didn't recognize that before because my family was very abusive too and I didn't know that. I watched the movie when I was 10 and I got very obsessed with it, I watched until memorized the entire script. Today, 12 years later, I understand the deep meaning it has to me.
it's good that you recognized this, that's the first step to breaking the cycle and getting out of those relationships. How are you doing now?
"Ill just look for the sound of complete and utter betrayal and follow that"
That line is very glados like
And sadly I've said for years that I can't stand Mother Gothel because she reminds me of my mother. Holy crap.
Sadly, I relate. (Alan here, Jonathan's mother was a saint.) This was actually a really hard video to make, because of it.
@@CinemaTherapyShow ☹ I'm sorry.
I can relate (sort of); my grandmother (my mum's mum) is a textbook narcissist and she will try and gaslight everyone she comes into contact with (carers, doctors, relatives, neighbours. You name it). It's the main reason I (along with my sister and all our cousins) refuse to see her. She's just that horrid a person.
My mom shames me more then gaslighting, but....ya
ok I do think that my mom is a good person and loves me but she always reminded me of gothel (and I have told her), since my mother was always TOO overprotective and almost always wanted to be intrusive in everything (I do not think at all that be bad) which made me insecure and with a feeling of worthlessness. So I don't know what to think about this.
The scene where mother gothel is putting out candle after candle that rapunzel tries to light to see is a very powerful visual metaphor
Metaphor for what?
@@pragya1833 Rapunzel is lighting her own way through the dark but behind her back, her mother took out her light. Whether it’s Rapunzel’s light inside her or the light that she uses to find her path
Like Ashley said, she’s literally and figuratively extinguishing Rapunzel’s light. What is light? It helps us see. It allows growth.
Rapunzel would be the personification of good (light); Mother personifies evil (darkness).
@@pragya1833 i like to think the light from the candles is a metaphor for rapunzel “seeing” the truth behind the darkness of mother gothel’s lies, while mother gothel continually putting out the light from the candles symbolizes how she wants to keep her from seeing the truth and continuing to gaslight her
Yes. Light is a recurrent theme in Tangled. Rapunzel's happy, youthful and positive personality, her pink/light purple dress, her big vivid green eyes and her golden shining hair represent light, mainly the life-giving light of the sun (since she's literally a personification of the sun, with its magic within her body). Mother Gothel on the other hand is totally dark, wearing a dark red dress and having deadly pale skin, dull grey eyes and jet black hair. That's because she's (metaphorically) the devouring darkness who selfishly swallows and hides the light, since she keeps the magic flower only for herself, and later she does the same with Rapunzel, keeping her as a prisoner in the tower.
Also the light of the golden lanterns set by the king and the queen (Rapunzel's real parents) are warm and yellow, representing their love for their daughter, while Gothel's lantern is sickly green: a cold, dead light, since she has no real love for Rapunzel, and only loves what she can do for her (keeping her young through the powers of her magic hair).
Mother Gothel: “The outside world is a dangerous place filled with selfish people”
Shes literally describing herself.
Yes she would know LOL good one~
hi. that bit about how it doesn't mean you don't love them, it just means they're not safe for you -- that rang true. it resonated. it was something i needed to hear. thank you.
You're welcome :)
What’s very interesting is even when she realises how bad Mother Gothel is, she still reaches for her when she falls out the window. Even though she knows how awful she is, she still loves her at some level
My friend and I have joked seriously about how her mother is Gothel; that my friend still loves her mother anyway does tell me that Rapunzel's reaching for her checks out. Like they said in the video: love is not the same as trust.
(This reply wasn't to argue with you or anything, just, contributing to your observation? Yeah, that.)
It's a complicated relationship.
The series goes even further: Rapunzel clearly shows signs of PTSD just from seeing the tower and remembering her life there, yet she still cries when
*spoiler
it gets destroyed.
Such a powerful scene
thats the thing with being gaslighted, it programs your mind and emotions. Reaching out for her was a programed response.
That's the horrible part of being raised by an abusive parent. You *want* them to love you, you *want* them to respect you. Even when they hurt you and it hurts you even more when you think they don't. Even with all the things my mother (and *her* mother, father, and brother) did to my father, brother, and I, I still miss her and wish I could have one more conversation.
Perhaps even though she knows the truth about Mother Gothel, she doesn't want a person to die. It could also be the abusive relationship.
this is why it drives me NUTS when people say "nono, gothel LOVED rapunzel!!"
no. she didn't.
The only thing she loved was her hair.
I hate to admit that the worst I saw in her before I saw this video was her being a little bit too pushy.
I wonder if that simply because I'm naive or was more so when I saw it or whether I've been manipulated more than I realize.
She loved HAVING Rapunzel
Yah she loved being immortal, not the girl
She loved Rapunzel's hair. It's true. Every time she is loving on Rapunzel she really is touching her hair.
I think it’s interesting visually as how Mother Gothel is aging rapidly, she sees dozens of eyes in the mirror. It could be her worst nightmare coming true, be it people not seeing her as youthful and beautiful, or be it metaphorically seeing her true self
What an interesting thing I’ve noticed is that everyone knows she’s evil. Like it’s shown I’m right in beginning of the movie her only loving the flower for the power, and later stealing Repunzle for the power. However, in Rapunzel’s eyes she’s a mother, an amazing person, she her guardian.
And I think that also sheds light on the gaslighting bit. Everyone else can see these signs, everyone knows this person is bad. But not the victim that is being controlled by this person.
"And that doesn't mean you don't love them, it means they're not safe" HOOOLY this changed my whole perspective
ikr! It's clear now, I was feeling very contradictory whether I loved this person or not, love and trust are completely different
I just want to know what love is. I don't understand, no matter how hard I try.
Timestamp please?
@@scaredsapphic Unfortunately, that one is not something you can describe. There are many types of love, too, and humans even get them mixed up. For example, thinking a crush is true love, which even adults do considering divorce rates (my other guess is one or both often do not feel they get enough attention, and therefore do not consider themselves in love anymore).
@@marvenbuka Yep
This is the only reason tangled was underrated, parents wanted to hide their own gaslighting tendencies or were uncomfortable with self examination
Oh my..
That's deep
100%
Oh my god...
That’s so true tho but my grandma liked the movie and so did I so we watched it but my mom hated it
One of my parents had untreated BPD, and I recognized so much of their behaviour in Mother Gothel. Especially the denial of real events. I remember getting a voice-recording pen to record when my parent said things and then denied them later. But even when I played the recording back to them, they said "that's not what I meant", and that I was twisting their words, and it made me feel insane. Everything I said was wrong. I refused to attend a family event one time, because they had recently blown up at me for refusing to talk to them, and I didn't want to be around them at the time. They cancelled the entire event, saying "I ruined it", simply because I did not want to attend. They made everyone angry with me. They always said, "what is wrong with you?", "are you autistic?" (derogatory), and "I'm shocked you have friends, with how you behave!" when I simply didn't want to talk to them to avoid confrontation. The "Mother Knows Best" song is still very difficult to watch.
I still remember the first time I realized what the word "gaslighting" meant. At that moment i also realized most of the "friends" and people i have cared for had been gaslighting me, and that at first i couldn't understand how that behavior was a problem because it was normal for me to receive it. When i discerned all of this i felt both incredibly sad and incredibly lucky to have been cast away from those people that had been toying with me just because, and eventually tried blaming me or making me feel guilty for having "betrayed" their friendship or for "overreacting"
‘He touches *her face* not her hair’ oh my god, I’ve never noticed MY HEART ❤️
Right?! I didn't notice the difference until they mentioned it, really interesting to see how in depth the animators are.
@@Killer_Turnip yea I know
That's LOVE
Right?! Flynn truly loves Raps ^_^ They're my favorite Disney couple aside from Hercules and Meg.
Omg I didn't notice it!!
I would've just brushed it off thinking nothing of it but it honestly makes sense
I'm *shook*
And the "stop mumbling blabla, I'm just teasing you, you're adorable" SOOO REALISTIC
please explain this more because me and my friends do these all the time s a joke
My mom does that when I stutter
@@gennybetwana9620 if the person you talk to literally look upset and doesn't seem to like it
@@gennybetwana9620 It's like a back-handed compliment.
@@fahrifarizan2338
1. thank you for explaining
2. but what if they know how to hide their emotions because they think we make fun for being "senistive"
That's the problem with gaslighters they are subtle enough to make people beleive they're doing it "with your best interest in mind" because obviously if they were straight up enough you'd notice and leave and so will others.
one of the ways i can say for certain that my mom was emotionally abusive is through this movie. as a minor (i'm 19 now), my mom would constantly gaslight me and tell me blatant lies during our arguments, and i spent the majority of my teenage years subsequently gaslighting myself into thinking that that's just how families work and i'm overthinking everything. other people have it worse, right?
going into college helped me realise that what my mom did to me was not normal and i have a lot of trauma from my teenage years. i've now accepted that my mom was abusive and now i've perfected the art of identifying gaslighting when i see it and calling it out.
I'm hoping and praying for you to also let go of the anger. Forgiveness and anger do not go together but are often intertwined
It’s sad to see when our own parents erode our self confidence through gas lighting.
Both my mom and dad did that to me and it has affected many of my life choices, for the worse.
Thankfully life has taken me on a path where I now live a whole ocean away from them, and I never call - they are always the ones phoning me. They know very little about my life, I don’t share much with them, and they don’t realize it’s a self defence mechanism I have developed.
They are forgiven but the less they know about me, the less they can pick on. And I love being far away from them.
Writer: How many different kinds of gaslighting should we include in this film?
Director: Yes
Turn it up to 11!
Director : Every damn gaslighting techniques we have in store.
Writer : So...We talk to any employer.
Director : Basically.
@@CaptainProjects Spinal Tap!!!! 🤘
They wanna be thorough by making sure we see all the signs so we don't end up staying in a situation with an abusive person.
My mom is like this and does all 11
This reminds me of a Reddit thread. The thread start was something like "What one thing made you realise that your parent is toxic?" and someone had commented "When we watched Tangled and during the 'Mother Knows Best' song my mother said 'Wow, she really loves her daughter!'"
Oh sh*t.
That is fucking terrifying.
@@tjones7341 You right
When I was a kid my mom used to watch news stories of kids who got killed by their parents because CPS never took them away from the home in time, turn to me unprovoked and say, "See?! Now that's real abuse!"
*pounds head against wall*
@@elizabethbennet4791 So she only think it's abuse if someone dies. 😨
It’s kind of contradictory to say that a narcissist ex admitted that to gaslighting. One of the behavior patterns of a narcissist is that they won’t admit fault on their own, and that they use gaslighting to convince you that they were never at fault. I can tell you what behavior of my narcissist ex led me to believe that I was being gaslighted though. Gaslighting is a real insidious way of manipulation- to make you believe that there is something wrong with you, that the actions/words of your narcissist weren’t really what they seemed to be. It makes you question your judgement, leading to you ignoring your instincts and senses. I swallowed all of her gaslighting for years, mostly because I wanted the relationship to work- like most people who have been the partner of a narcissist. I started realizing that something was wrong 6 months before I was discarded. It was actually this revelation that I had that led to the discard- once I started seeing through the illusion that she presented, I started to see all of her actions for what they really were, and I started to question her on everything and stood my ground on issues that I previously gave in on. We had gotten into a really bad argument. Tensions between us had been building for a few months. We had to move from our rental and find a new place to live within 2 months, in a town that was going through a surge in prices for rental properties. It was difficult finding a place to live that was within our budget, and still live in the town that had come to be our community. Between that and all of the normal logistics in moving cause a lot of minor arguments and stress between us- more than what was normal with her narcissistic and selfish behavior. We found a place, moved in and was in the process of bringing the final things over from the old place to the new place and cleaning the old place when we had gotten into an argument about something minor. All of the pent up tensions and resentment came out. During the argument, she was dismissive to me and told me that everything was my fault and if I didn’t like it then I could pack my shit and leave. I was so frustrated that I knocked her external computer monitor down (so she would face me and not continue to argue with her back turned to me). She got up and in my face and told me that I probably wanted to hit her. I said that I didn’t, I just wanted to discuss the issues. She said that if I wasn’t man enough to hit her she would give herself a black eye and call the police on me. I turned and left the room, because I knew the argument was escalating to a place that I didn’t;t want it to go. As I turned to leave the room, she jumped on me and started punching me. I told her if she was going to hit me, I would call the police. She started punching me again, so I left the room, went to the master bathroom and called the police. They came, interviewed both of us and arrested her for spousal battery. Afterwards she only blamed me for the incident and never, never acknowledged that she hit me. A week or so later, she asked me to write a letter to the DA requesting that the charges be dropped. I said that I would write a letter but that she would have to acknowledge her actions and to apologize to me first. She said that she was sorry that I felt that way. I told her that I wouldn’t write anything to the DA, and she stormed off, giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days. I knew what happened, and have a very clear recollection of the events. I’ve been punched before with closed fists, and I know what it feels like- and it doesn’t feel like a “shove”, what she insisted was what she did (her story was that she shoved me only after I shoved her, which was nonsense). I got a copy of the police report, and one of several reasons that they arrested her is because they found her knuckles red and swollen. I tried to move through this, but she kept trying to change the narrative of what happened when I was very clear on what happened. I felt crazy, but knew that I wasn’t. This led me to question everything else that she told me. Once I started realizing that most things she told me (when it came to disagreements or things that I had an issue with) were lies, and I believed the illusion that she created to trick me. That’s what the narcissist does- they present an illusion to you. Just like looking at an optical illusion, once you see that it is a trick of the eyes, you can’t look at it again without seeing the trick. Once I started seeing through her illusions, the house of cards that she built started to fall down and I slowly started to realize the type of person that she was, even though I didn’t want to believe it. I started enforcing my boundaries and that drove her crazy and caused more fights and gaslighting, which is what I believe led to her finally discarding me 6 months after her arrest. She never admitted to gaslighting me though. Even after confronting her with things from years previous that I realized she changed to make me the one at fault, she stays with her story. Even with indisputable proof, she stays with her version of events and says everyone else is wrong. Don’t expect any type of satisfaction or closure from a narcissist, because you won’t get any. You have to believe your judgment and instinct, and not tie your self-worth and self-esteem to anything that they say to you. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,
I’m not reading that whole thing- but I agree 💀
@@lexipookie 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I’m surprised that your fingers aint broken 😭
I would ask for those who have not endured the torment of narcissistic abuse personally be kind .I hear you sir, please consider this validation of your experience.
@@WoodenFeather-xm3vl The problem is it's one giant wall of text. It makes it incredibly difficult to read.
I just realized this after fighting with my mother. Except it wasn’t just my mom, it was also my dad…
Watching this helped me understand exactly what was happening all these years and why I was growing so distant from my parents.
"You can't just completely cut them off of your life"
You underestimate me.
Separate the poison from the antidote. I can't relate, but I see your plight.
The gays:
That's right bitches, we're the adults now
I came to the comments specifically to say that you absolutely can cut people, even family, out of your life completely. What a ridiculous idea that you wouldn't be able to do that.
@@ChristianMasseyAU its not necessarily ridiculous. It is just harder to do than one might think I have many friends my age,22, with toxic parents. But they rely on their parents for education, shelter, health care. It is not easy to sever connections with people you have know your entire life
*_Anxiety is pretty much just gaslighting yourself-_*
oh shit
And anxiety is based on others and or situational gaslighting that u started to gaslight yourself because of that abuse as a way to get back to your roots that u were raised on or were used to to find some comfort in your dark world
And that is enough of reading youtube comments for me today, I say as I refuse to acknowledge the truth of this about myself.
@@Sweaterlatethannever I'm right there with you, except I don't think I can avoid thinking about it now.
To describe it as gaslighting yourself feels pretty accurate! Having lived with general anxiety for ten years, I liked to think of it as "1984, but in your head". As a kid, I was so convinced people might judge me if I thought the wrong thoughts in public, it was THAT bad. To personify worried thoughts can help overcome the worst spirals. Anxiety stopped being a complete worldview/philosophy and became a person who was hungry for control, a Mother Gothel. Obviously, anxiety's not a separate being and it's still YOU, but it's a part of you formed by bad experiences, and it will keep trying to convince you whatever you try will lead to catastrophe.
I just thought you brought up an excellent observation.
My grandma is like this. My mom succumbed to her and for the last 23 years, I've been her "project"
1:08 Actress Dame Angela Lansbury, who played in the 1944 version of Gaslight by George Cukor, has passed away yesterday on the 11th of October 2022. My condolences to her loved ones. As you can see, even the early films she has played in are still relevant 🙏🏻
"Ugh now *I'm* the baad guyyy"
Wow how familiar
Or in real life someone might say "I'm just the worst" and it's like "Yes. Exactly!"
@@miniaturerose2805 I've had both those lines parroted to me!
Ugh I had a stepdad that would feel attacked if I cried because I felt guilty about not doing something. Everytime I would tell him that I cant control it and that it's not that bad, but would say that I'm trying to make him feel bad. He would just get frustrated at me instead of trying to understand or help why i felt a certain way about something. I had pretty bad anxiety for context and was bad at confrontation. A lot of things you would get onto me about I already beat myself up about constantly and I was beginning to struggle with depressive tendencies. My parents didnt see therapy as that helpful unless I was really bad and the phrase "do we need to take you to a hospital" felt like a threat or a sign I was overreacting. He was brought up with an aggressive parenting style that focused on authority. It wasn't until senior year of high school that I even considered I might have an anxiety disorder and thought that it was just the way I was.
@@Kimmie6772 I'm sorry about that but hope you are in a good place now. I can't claim abuse in my case but I do know what it's like to be invalidated. Painful.
“Now I’m the monster 🙄”
reading these comments and realizing there's actually moms who unironically sang "mother knows best" to their children is horrifying.
I'm sorry what, seriously??
My mother did it a lot
@@alstaka4375 Are you okay hun? Do you need a hug?
My mom sang it a little bit after the movie came out and tried to scare me sometimes by trying to pretend she was brushing my hair and creepily singing flower gleam and glow. She doesn't do it anymore, since I didn't ever really find it funny. :/
@@dianamorillo8606 thank you for your concern. No, I'm not okay. It took years of gaslighting and the tangled movie as a teen to realize how similar of a situation I was in. To therefore realize it was **bad**. Especially since my mother at the end of the movie didn't really understand how Mother Gothel was a villain. On the initial watch she was honestly encouraging her.
Trapping your kid at home because the big bad world is so scary, saying you can't do anything to protect you. Wanting to do literally anything makes you a horrible being. Your only purpose is to do what they say and be an accessory to make them look better for the public and nothing else. Feeling like a doll with no personality or self worth.
Unlike rapunzel whose overcome alot, I'm slowly dipping my toes. Even as a grown woman I haven't really escaped. Somehow I'm still trapped and it's frustrating.
Just doing my best for now. But man this video just made more emotional today.
3:18 - "No!" "YEEESSSS!" gets me every time.
What is funny, I actually was in family where my father was like mother Gothel and watching this movie the first time when I was a teen was very wierd to me. I didn't really understand in full extent why Mother Gothel was the villain if she loved her Ranpuzel so much. It was puzzling and uncomfortable for me but when I talked to my siblings they thought it is a great film and the movie makers did a excellent job. What was in my mind was "Would this movie make children not listen to their parents? It is a super wrong message!". And they responded with "The child would be right to not listen if a parent acted this way." Now i see it and it bothers me that I was so blind to this because of all the confusion. It is disturbing to me how many similarities I have with Ranpuzel as well. This movie is literally a therapy session for me.
*awkwardly stares at my mom after she says “so im the bad guy here?” for the 3rd time a month* 😬
If you have to ask, the answer is "yes".
Yo I be trying not to make my mom seem all that terrible but she’s hitting a lot of points here 😐
@@xoxokennya Parents can very easily be toxic and manipulative. It's a learned method of control, and might happen naturally as parents figure out how to control their children.
It might not be intentional, but it's a LOT more common than you think. I didn't speak to my family for YEARS after moving out. I'm once again not talking to my mother. Work it out if you can, but do not be afraid to make the hard decisions for your own mental health.
@@xoxokennya idk what age you are but perhaps suggest watching tangled together
SAME LMFAO
I love Mother Gothel. She’s such a well written villain. No exaggerated violence or brute force, just pure manipulation. She’s so realistic, watching the movie now that I’m older makes me so uneasy. Especially when she berates Rapunzel’s beauty, all because she’s insecure of her own age and aging process. One of the best Disney villains, imo.
Ursula and Jafar are definitely in the running. Just never read the original of little mermaid to save yourself from true agony and pain.
Rivaled only by Frollo.
@@Jekyllstein_Gray trueee, such a dark character. The video essays on him are so good too
Stop liking the villains I hate mother gothel she's evil and rapunzel is a good gentle teen
Rapunzel is our number hero even though fly ruder saved her she did confront mother gothel too
This video opened my eyes to the fact that I've been gaslight by my (now former) best friend. Her picking things about me a part and saying "everyone thinks so", telling me I'm all she has so if I'm spending time with others I'm abandoning her, switching so quickly between empty praise and insults. It's so easy to overlook but when you step out of it and examine it it feels so abundantly clear
I went through this too. I’m sorry this happened to you and I see you.
Went through it too, you’re not alone ❤
As a kid, Tangled was my favorite movie, and I had no clue why.
I much later in my life realized that my mom often had a lot of gothel's qualities, and she always denied things she said, she has anger issues and yelled a lot, and was routinely toxic towards me, and even towards my friend whenever she stayed over. This was when me and my friend were like 6-7. I rewatched Tangled a million times, and finally realized this.
I love her to death, because she's my mom. But I can love aspects of her, and leave her be when she tries to turn the gaslight switch on.
"It's okay to have surface level relationships."
"There's a difference between love and trust."
I have never in my life felt so vindicated and validated until I heard these two sentences.
Same, i’ve got terrible extended family on both sides and that really lifted a lot off my shoulders
Oh. Ye. Gods.
I needed to hear this 14 years ago...
Y'all I'm so sorry that no one told you that before! Your sanity and mental health is way more important than any relationship. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise
Bro you ok?I know a stranger on the internet ain't worth a lot but i can direct you to some toons and memes if it gives you some happines.
Same
"I just listened for the sound of complete and utter betrayal and followed that."
The shade has been thrown.
Dang it's been 3 days and I already have 1.1k likes??
Surprised that lady didn't just wander in a circle for forever and a day.
How did u find her by going in a circle?
@@0ddman0ut64 lol I didn’t read your comment I promise
Strong boundaries mean zero to the narcissist. They thrive on drama. Avoid if and when you can.
Yes- they will find every excuse to cross the line and push you.
Sometimes, it is necessary. Sometimes, you might need to have a relationship with them to keep in touch with those they still hold power over. (Like a 18 y/o moving out needing to keep in touch with a narc parent for their younger siblings.)
But you have to proceed with much caution, and you have to swear to yourself that you uphold those boundaries. If they get away with crossing the line once, they will think they can walk wherever.
Most important is to take yourself seriously. You deserve to feel safe, and if cutting them off completely is what it takes, you need to do that. However, when push comes to shove, Restraining orders *are* your best friend.
I know this video came out 2yrs ago but it popped up on my recommended and I wanted to mention something in case anyone else gets it recommended. DARVO stands for deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. abusers tend to use this strategy to gaslight you. first, they’ll deny whatever you’re accusing them of, “no, I never did that!” then they’ll attack you for accusing them, “why would you say that about me?” and finally, they’ll switch themselves to the victim and you to the offender, “you’re an absolute terrible person for doing this to me. what, do you just hate me now?”
So true!
It’s scary, when I was a kid I fell for Gothel’s lies. Obviously I knew she was abusive and terrible, but I thought deep down she actually cared a little for Rapunzel because of the scenes when she seems genuinely nice and loving to her. Now that I’m older I realise that’s just another part of her abuse and gaslighting. What a great villain.
I thought the same thing
Saaaaaame; it took me so long to recognize the toxicity between her and Rapunzel, and as a child I always felt the need to give her the benefit of the doubt because, well, she "loves" her daughter, doesn't she??
Same for me. At first I thought that she loved her for real, that she really wanted to keep her safe, that she just was exaggerating. When I watched the scene were she imprisoned her, I realized that she loved her hair, not her (even if it's obvious in the whole movie, I realized when it couldn't be clearer). I didn't realize until a year ago that it was a really serious problem in my personal life too.
What was scary with me is that I fell for Gothel's lies too. I was an adult when this movie came out. I thought she cared about Rapunzel, at least a little bit.
Me too, as a kid, I thought that although she uses her hair for eternal youth, I still thought that she cared for her a little.
My mom likes mother Gothel. Says "you can tell she really loves Rapunzel".
She's a narcissist. My sister and I hate her because she was pretty much mother Gothel. Surprised?
I'm so sorry to hear this... my dad is a narcissist too and thinks that saying he loves us makes up for being emotionally and financially abusive. I hope it gets better for u :) it can be so frustrating
OH MY GOD MY MOM DID THE SAME. THING. She likes to gaslight my sister and I like crazy, so I feel you, man
Same, my mom literally has my contact picture of Rapunzel and Mother Gothel hugging. She kept me and my sisters away from the outside world as much as possible other than school or stores plus my dads family because they could see through her bs and unlike my dad they wouldn’t tolerate or excuse it. She grew us up to think everybody were sinners and to think abuse and verbal abuse was normal.
@@Sakura-uo3qz That's insane, that horrifies me
Yikes
6:19 Whoa, that gave me chills. I never noticed that.
She doesn't turn Flynn against Rapunzel. She turns Rapunzel against Flynn.
It’s because they have control over her-not them. So they use her to push them away so they have no other input
My mom turns me away from everybody in my family. Mostly my dad, but also my brothers and grandmother
It’s worse when she’s got control over both people
I think Pascel is the voice in someone's mind who's getting gaslighted. The tiny one that wants to get out of the tower (the toxic relationship) but always gets ignored or suppressed.
or like a friend of the person being gaslighted that doesnt know what to do and tries to help them but they cant really do anything.
Damn
theres a comment exactly like this one 🤦
I like that! Also pascal didn’t like Flynn which I think is smart because once you are distrustful of your gaslighter that can transition into distrust of anyone who shows interest in you
Yes I agree because In the beginning inside the tower he’s mostly ignored and once she’s out he has more physical impact in the story and as she grows emotionally so does his affect in the story, the last trip to end gothels rein I love that thought
WAIT was Mother Gothel's putting out the candles with her fingers, one by one, a reference to Gaslight? Slowly lowering the lights?
THAT'S SO COOL
Oh man i didn't even notice that! Nice connection bro
Yeah, I saw it as Rapunzel was trying to open her eyes to the world, to see things for herself, and Mother Gothel was putting out the lights, so Rapunzel couldn't see anything and had to rely on Gothels voice to guide her.
@@MHScrat woww! very nice perspective
YOOOOO NICE ONE
Good catch!! I didn't think about that!! Then again, it has been a while since I've seen Gaslight. Think it's time for a rewatch.
I know I'm late to the punch, but notice that Gothel gets to have a wooden door for her room, but Rapunzel was only allowed to have curtains. Gothel could shut out Rapunzel, but not the other way around.
So, my husband and I had a conversation about how we will be caring for our parents whenever they get to the point they aren't able to care for themselves and one of the things I was most adamant about was that my mom couldn't live in the house with us because I would need to put cameras everywhere in order to keep a running record of what happens because her favorite line is "that didn't happen or I didn't say that, you're misremembering" that was always the phrase "you're misremembering". And I just can't do that again, let alone do that to any kids we may have.
Because of this movie is why I have trust issues. I was watching it with my mom and noticed. “Why is mother gothel the bad guy? She does everything my mom does and my mom’s not bad.” And then I thought about it. “She’s the bad guy and she does everything my mom does.” Yeah that went well. But at least from a young age I learned that her treating me like that wasn’t normal.
I did the same thing! I was six when this movie came out (wow I feel old, I thought it came out when I was at least a little older) and the first time I watched it I was like "wait, but that's how mom and grandma act. why is she a bad guy?" It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that what my mom and grandma were doing was textbook manipulation.
@@gracienoble2880 so glad I’m not the only one 😅 so weird how a movie can change you like that
You dont know you are being manipulated especially at such a young age. I was by my dad. He would take me and show me large groups of people and say they were talking about me. I could never live on my own. I was too stupid. I was always the one who was a bad person and in trouble, although I tried so hard to be a good kid. Told other people I treat him bad. "See how she treats me?" I never even learned to strike a match until after I was married. He called it love and protection. Until I left, I didn't understand. I took time to think about everything and decided never to gaslight my kids. I respect my parents, I help them when they need it but I can leave when I want. I still hurt. It probably always will, but I stop the gaslighting here. I am his last victim.
Same. This movie came out when I was 5 and I never quite understood why Mother Gothel was the villain here since I noticed that that was how my mother acted as well. She would tell me that out of all the characters in the movie Mother Gothel was the best and her favorite song was "Mother Knows Best"- at times, she would also use this song to reprimand me because my opinions, in her eyes, were not "right". And since, no one told me or saw what she was telling me, I agreed with everything she said as if I was a mini-her. Mother Gothel was my favorite character in Rapunzel and I hate to recognize that...
It took me years after I heard of narcissists and watching this movie to fully understand and accept that my mother was a narcissist of her own kind.
Living with a narcissist is a form of Hell on Earth.
tangled is an brilliant movie in how to put a subconscious messages into an adolescents brain to prepare them for the future
hope your having a good day for who ever looks
Agreed
@@emileedhouse8367 Thanks, I really needed that.
It subconsciously taught me that I was being gaslighted and child abused by my mother when it came out
@@inspiringer6418 I only realized just now that I was gaslighted by my step mom really bad, thanks to this video. My mom is mentally and emotionally abusive, but for some reason she favored me and acted normal with me. My siblings suffered, as well as my dad and my awesome step dad. My dad is a passive misogynist and that probably messed up my life more than anything else. I'm still paying for it. He stood in my way of getting an education which backfired on him. If I had been earning what I could've been earning, he wouldn't have had to worry as much about how he was going to survive financially during retirement, because I would've been happy to contribute. All of this makes me appreciate my step dad even more.
I don't know why I want a villain therapy of Hades from Disney's Hercules....but I kinda want it. Also - Gothel is so creepy, I love it.
Hades is such an underrated villain
I just realized how when rapunzel stands up to Gothel, gothel doesn’t try to force her physically but instead only tries to coerce her. It kind of showcases that attacking rapunzel’s mind is really the only power she has over rapunzel.
It’s weird. When I was younger I thought that the mother still loved Rapunzel. This was such an interesting way to write a villain, it’s so subtle
The scariest villains are the ones we thought were our friends.
@@roisinnigcrainn7722 it’s not even that! The movie tells you FROM THE START that she’s the villain. Yet the things she says and the way she acts still puts you in a sense of uncertainty on whether or not she’s really evil
I thought the same thing when I was little! As I grew older, I realized what she was doing, but there was still a part of me that strongly wanted to believe Mother Gothel loved her. After about a year of denial, though, I finally admitted that she didn't. I'm still not sure why I was so desperate to believe that. Maybe because it felt too cruel.
I love how Disney villains are evolving from their only character trait being “evil” to much more in depth personalities that are fun to analyze
I think she does love her, but more of in the way that she loves what she can offer her (Eternal beauty), so it’s a twisted and dark love
Everyone’s saying that what’s scary about Gothel is that she actually exists irl. But what really scares me is how many people I’ll see in comments sections, etc, *defending* Gothel and claiming she really loved Rapunzel. People get trapped in these unhealthy relationships, and our society normalizes them, to the point where people take the side of the abuser in fictional relationships. It’s both really sad and terrifying.
Enablers and flying monkeys. So many of them out there, and they’re a huge part of the problem.
Where are these people I need to break some knees
Eh... to that people are defending her by saying that she loves her is kinda simplifying. What mother Gothel is doing is absolutely no ok but there are a lot of real-life cases of abusive parents/partners hurting their loved ones through abuse without knowing it and then voluntarily and consciously taking steps to change their behavior one they realize it *because* they know that what they're doing is not ok. Mother Gothel isnt one of these examples but I can see where the people saying that she loved rapunzel are coming from.
I don't agree with them, but I understand why they say that.
Well... I don't know if saying she loved Rapunzel is the same thing as defending her (though I imagine some people will try using this as an argument). You can "love" someone in an awfully toxic, possessive and destroying manner. It's not like there is an absolute definition of what "love" is. We don't live in a simple world where "love = good". I would say in reality it's more "respect = good". Love without respect and consideration is possessiveness but can still be considered love (or not, depends on a person 's definition of what "love" includes) If you have a wide definition of what love is, I think you can consider that Gothel loved Rapunzel, but that doesn't make what she did any better, or excuse her in any way... I've always been wondering if Gothel ever loved Rapunzel, even a little, and I'm still not sure of the answer, but it never came to my mind that if the answer was yes that would mean Gothel was a good person, even in the slightest. "love" is no excuses to abusive treatments.
@@kaisawatson I personally couldn't agree with you more.
Hello Cinema Therapy. I also noticed that Flynn cuts her hair before letting her heal him and fleeing with her symbolizing that he chose her before himself.