Therapist Reacts to Sociopathic Narcissism in THE INVISIBLE MAN
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 พ.ค. 2024
- Being in a relationship with certain sociopathic narcissists, whether they've got a crazy high-tech invisibility suit or not, can be a lot like living in a horror film and make you feel a bit crazy.
Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright react to The Invisible Man. There's a lot to dissect here - an abusive relationship, the ensuing PTSD, a narcissist and sociopath, his continued gaslighting and manipulation, and an absolutely incredible performance by Elisabeth Moss.
NOTE: While we know this is a movie designed to entertain (and scare!), we recognize the reality and trauma of abusive relationships. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, please know that there is help available.
Domestic violence hotline: www.thehotline.org or call 1.800.799.7233
Rent or buy THE INVISIBLE MAN: amzn.to/318r0DJ
Support us!
Patreon: / cinematherapy
Merch: store.dftba.com/collections/c...
Internet Dads Popcorn: ctpopcorn.com
Set up a free consultation with Jonathan: (WE'RE SO SORRY! DUE TO OUR RECENT UNEXPECTED SURGE IN SUBS, JONATHAN'S TIME SET ASIDE FOR FREE CONSULTS IS NOW FULL)
Cinema Therapy is:
Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright & Alan Seawright
Edited by: Alan Seawright
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
00:00 - Intro
01:21 - Modern smart-horror films
02:02 - Escaping from a real-life monster
03:20 - PTSD after a traumatic relationship
04:30 - Abusive relationships are a real-life horror movie
07:18 - Job interview from Hell
09:31 - Sponsor Segment - Lisa’s Passion for Popcorn
12:03 - Going back to an abuser
14:20 - What makes Adrian a Narcissist?
17:25 - Terrifying Evil is real. Jonathan met it once.
19:23 - If you are being abused, get out.
20:02 - Wrap-up - ภาพยนตร์และแอนิเมชัน
![เกิดใหม่ทั้งทีก็เป็นสไลม์ไปซะแล้ว ซีซั่น 3 - ตอนที่ 57 [ซับไทย]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/pNhft3YZFRE/mqdefault.jpg)
Jonathan here. I wish to clarify something I said, which was "I've known monsters in real-life, and they were sociopaths and narcissists." This was a poor choice of words, as it implies that persons with these diagnoses are monsters. This is NOT the case. While it is true that the few people I've met who were remorseless, violent, and even sadistic qualified for one or both of these diagnoses, there are MANY, MANY others with these diagnoses who also have strong moral compasses, display self-awareness, are working on themselves, and doing much good in their lives and the lives of others. I apologize for my off-the-cuff comment. I will strive to be more thoughtful and careful with my words.
You’re human! Don’t sweat it but thanks anyway for explanation ☺️
I'd just like to say, I appreciate this comment very much. I am a sociopath, been to the doctor and diagnosed. I continue to work with doctors, and try very hard to understand the people I interact with on whatever level I'm capable of, and act in a manner that helps others and, hopefully, improves the world a little bit. I used to rather dislike myself, but over time I learned that I could use the way my brain functions to my advantage. I may not be able to empathize properly, but I can study other people enough that I understand them on an intellectual level, and try my best to do good by them.
No, it isn't always easy, and yes, I often do things or say things that hurt people unintentionally. But I try. And having someone acknowledge that folks like me aren't just inherently "bad" is encouraging. So thank you.
Nice disclaimer
While I appreciate the disclaimer, I believe you should consider changing the name of the video as well. It sensationalizes these diagnoses in a way that can only be described as dehumanizing towards people with ASPD and NPD.
Hello Jonathan. Long time Therapist here. Reading your above comment, I'd like to add a reflection. Not to split hairs, but as you mentioned that there are those who might be diagnosed as "narcissists and sociopaths', not everyone may be aware that a diagnosis establishes a gamut or set of patterns which best determines a course of therapy, rather than putting a label on a patient. There are those with narcissistic and/or sociopathic tendencies, rather than 'being narcissists and/or sociopaths' outright, and it is they who can demonstrate potential for progress in bettering themselves and their lives.
Question: I have not yet come across a term for the 'dead eyes' you spoke of towards the end of this video (which I have privately been referring to as "demon eyes" since it looks exactly like the special effects used in horror films when a demon / pure evil is being portrayed). Have you heard a more technical term for it?
I'm really enjoying your videos. Great team work and excellent reflections! Best Wishes!
When your therapist tells you your bf is going to kill you.... thats the level of dread you feel when your surgeon says "oops".
Yeah... and mine did tell me this. Luckily I’m not dead because he’s in prison but realizing the danger you were in was actually so real it could kill you... that does something to you. My friends and I would think “oh it was awful back then with him and the way he would treat us... but that was just him”. On some level it was our normal and to be told “you’re lucky you and your friends aren’t dead, and you need to get away before you *are*”. 😔Even a few years later, you don’t ever feel free.
@@aubreygraham981 I am happy that he is away from you. I can't imagine what you have gone threw. Stay safe ♥️
I think it's pretty scary the fact you can hear your surgeon while you're on the table
@@localtavernsluteplayer2182 lol. i had surgery on my foot while i was awake. they just numbed my foot and had a panel up so i wouldn’t see it lol
Honestly kind of worse because one of those is an accident and the other is a warning of someone’s intentions towards you
It is hard to leave and pick up the pieces. I hear often "why didn't you leave sooner." I would rather hear "I am glad you got out."
I'm so very glad and proud of you for getting out ❤️
Hang in there, trooper! I'm glad you got out.
I'm glad you did. Lots of love to you.
If you rather hear "I'm glad you got out", well...
I'm glad you got out. Hopefully things are much better. Best wishes to you! :)
I am glad you got out ❤
The scene where she opens her folder and her portfolio is gone... this is what it feels like living with an abuser. They constantly undermine your achievements. My abusive father would prevent my mother from getting a job by doing very similar things. The movie is a perfect visual metaphor for how abusers function in society.
The scariest thing is that it's not even all that metaphorical. I had an SO who stole my things or moved them and convinced me that I was just forgetting where I put my keys/wallet/work shirt. I so badly want to watch this movie, but it's so real and I cannot handle.
My mum dared to do a college course once and my dad screamed in her ears for hours the night before an exam so she had a huge migraine.
Yes. Or the abuser will tell the target that the workplace is abusing them and their boss is no good, or that the target is not a good fit for the job. Every day. It's an easy gaslighting tactic because so many jobs suck. But in this case they are trying to prevent the target from having an income.
they will sabotage any important events or days u have, and don't want u to succeed at anything
@@professionalpainthuffer yeah my dad would do this too. Horrible. He would gaslight us and control us in any possible manner. :(
“At least I never hit you” was one of the things my abuser said when I told him I was leaving. I said that I almost wish he had because then people would see the scars. It was hard to leave, but I would’ve died, one way or another, if I had stayed. It’s been fifteen years since, and even though I’m still working through it all, I’m happier, healthier, and stronger than I thought I’d ever be....
I’m with you Shado Kittie! It’s been 11 years for me. It’s hard. I have a lot of problems letting anyone get close. It’s an awesome excuse to surround myself with doggos!!
Glad you got out of it!
You're a strong, badass survivor.
I'm glad you're doing better. I hope whoever that monster was has payed with their blood.
Dude really was an “invisible man” to you. I’m glad you got out and are far healthier now.
The idea of the invisible man comes across as the idea that at the end of the day if you are unaware of the signs, the smartest abusers are invisible to society, and often start out covert behind a sweet, nice guy/girl demeanor.
"Really? ______ was abusive? He always seemed like such a lovely and charming man. I couldn't ever have imagined he would ever be abusive."
@@Elowuz yes! They never seemed to realize that they simply were never in a close enough position to experience said person abuse. Narcissists CHOOSE who to reveal themselves too be because they know who will accept the abuse ans who wont. They know how to portray themselves as well meaning people to outsiders.
Exactly. Growing up with a narcissistic father everyone thought he was the sweetest man ever. People loved my dad and they didn't understand why I didn't get along with him. For him, his reputation is EVERYTHING. He controlled me to make sure I was the perfect daughter in his eyes. He tried to force everything about me from the way I dress to the career path I took. I remember how he logged into my email and deleted my acceptance letter to top-performing colleges like Rutgers, Boston University because he wanted me to stay in-state and live at home with him. He even took my mailbox keys so he could control what letters I see. He only took the letters out in the late-night when everyone was asleep. He even tried to force me to be a doctor so he could brag to his friends and family that his daughter is a doctor. He did the same thing to my brothers.
@@Elowuz or “she’s a woman what can she do?” Hiding behind the shield of her sex, that’s because she’s a woman she’s not capable of monstrosities. When in actuality she’s just as bad as any monster in films. Abuse has no sex/gender.
@@bigpulgalokes I agree. I was just giving an example.
i feel like her abuser being "invisible" is representative of the thing where people say "so and so is abusive?" or "so and so is a r4p1st? they seemed like such a nice person." if the person is smart enough, they'll be "invisible" to society. no one will "see" the person as an abuser, and the abusee will feel insane or crazy, because THEY see the abuser for who they are, and NO ONE ELSE does. that's where societal gaslighting comes in.
I noticed you censored a word as a trigger warning. I just wanted to let you know that I'm triggered by censorship so please refrain from censoring yourself in the future. Thank you.
@@Kineticboy2K1 lmao wtf
The invisibility aspect can come with the attractiveness of said person if you are beautiful you can get away with murder reasons why people crush over Ted bundy
@@ashaf4530 Why is that funny?
@@Kineticboy2K1 you’re the best troll ever
When he says, in the movie, "I didn't treat you the way i should have treated you while we were together", the look of disgust on his face proves that he thinks he didn't beat her down enough, in his mind. He thinks he should have treated her worse than he had to keep control of her, so she never would have left in the first place. He's disgusted with his lack of control over her.
Thats a good catch. Foreshadowing indeed
“I’m sorry I didn’t treat you well enough while we’re together and it took you leaving to learn my lesson” was the last thing my ex said to me before i blocked him. Get outta here with that bullshit 🥲
@@46tearsforyou was that the last time your ex contacted or tried to contact you?
I never thought about that... damn
That's an AMAZING observation! 👏🏾
"PTSD happens when you think your world is safe and that belief is ripped from you." Ooh, that hit close to home.
So I've had some sort of ptsd from 7 years old where a 20 year old man followed me home trying to kidnap me and rape me...... the worst part I was 7 years old and I kept seeing that man in church and it's not like I was 14 liking like 18 I was 7 I nearly looked 10
Goreandhoodies Damn..did he ever get arrested atleast..?
fuck,reminds me of my abusive ex-friend who tried to control over my decisions,tried to make me change my appearance,everything WAS under his control. Don't worry though,I already got out from him since two years ago but I always get traumatised and whenever I thought that I'm safe from him,idk why I get the sense of him following me everywhere. Relapse sucks too,it can happen out from nowhere whether you are at work,school,etc.I remember that I got dreams sometimes about him chaining me up & demanded me to keep under control because he IS the one who controlling me.
Okay I apologise for ranting,although I already got out from this emotional abusive friendship,it still haunts me..
Definition of my childhood.
I was diagnosed with PTSD in my mid 20's and this is suuuch an accurate way to describe it
I hate how he doesn't even care that her friend was on the car with her. He knows that he is so rich that even with a someone watching everything he would escape.
So true. Dude was awful. Actor seems like a cool guy. He really made me hate the character, though. Did his job I guess :)
Another great example of how little Adrian actually cares is the food scene. The first part is, Adrian acts like he is so nervous so he got her everything but never thought to ask Cecilia what she wanted beforehand, which shows his true nature. Second, most of the food on the table is sushi, which can be harmful to women who are pregnant. Adrian knows Cecilia is pregnant but still buys her sushi while claiming to love her.
@@createdbychanel8960 Good point. Sometimes the little things are the most telling/insidious.
@@lacybookworm5039 It's one of the reason I like this movie so much. You can see little symbolism in the things done, such as the stove being a gas stove when Adrian turns it up and then Cecilia thinks it was her mistake, he's still gaslighting her from afar.
You people here are extremely perceptive. All I get are hunches that turn out to be right XD
I really think, even though I haven’t seen the movie and have only watched videos such as these, that I would have liked this movie a lot. It’s based, at the beginning and end, on very real things. It’s why I like the Disney movie Tangled and why Mother Gothel’s my favorite antagonist; The manipulation tactics and abusive relationships are so scarily real. It’s what real life can be, not just a fictional story about a monster trying to kill everyone for the sake of horror. And the acting in this is so good as well, very admirable. They did their job great.
This film is a master class in gaslighting. Not only does he make her question her own sanity and reality, he makes EVERYONE question her.
Agreed. Tangled is too imo
The scariest thing about Adrian is how he didn't outright begin to brutalize Cecilia even though he had every opportunity to. He just slowly torments her by getting rid of her opportunities to start anew, make her question herself, fear every event that happens, and then begins physically tormenting her.
Really puts into perspective how these sociopaths "play with their food."
His true goal is to control her not hurt/kill her. A narcissists wet dream is to have someone who will give them unconditional attention/devotion forever.
that fucking last part where he's talking ot her. the fucking gas lighting "i know you feel like you're going insane sometimes"
He also drove off all of the people that cared about her and made her believe it was all her fault, so when she asked them for help, they no longer cared because they thought she was insane. She kind of was, but only because Adrian made her feel that way.
I deadass called the cops on my father and they told me "But I hit my daughters too" and... Yeah. I don't even know how I'm still alive.
Yeah. We need to have that conversation more for sure.
Pfft, nobody cares what people do to their DAUGHTERS, it’s the sons that really matter...
I feel like crying.
I have been in a similar situation multiple times. I'm glad you're alive and safe; my heart goes out to you!
@@krampus7520 I'm a trans man
@@okijoki_art Alive but not safe. Thanks tho
The thing, above all else, that caught me in this movie was actually the 'OCD buffet' scene. He plays nervous, he says he didn't want to order the wrong thing so he ordered three options.... Apparently never thought to ask her what she wanted and establish her preference when she agreed to come over. To me, that says "I'll give you anything you want, but you have to want one of these limited options that I offer based on what I want."... and you just know that he'd have gone nuclear if she'd deviated and asked for Chinese food or something.
Along with that, the main dish on the table is sushi. Adrian knows Cecilia is pregnant but disregards her health so much he orders sushi which is known to be dangerous for pregnant women to consume.
Aye, to be fair, between the weeks of spiking her water with diazepam and all the time he spent invisibly kicking fifty shades of crap out of her throughout the film (the ACTING in that kitchen scene tho), the sushi is probably not the biggest present danger to foetal health.
Cecilia says in the movie that he'd been screwing with her BC and trying to get her pregnant. He wants her/us to believe that his sudden gear shift from 'emotional torture and literal murder attempts' to 'look at my big brown Labrador eyes and my anxiety' is out of concern for her health and that of the baby, but it's so clearly just another attempt to regain control over the situation.
Also it's another technique used by abusers. He starts off small again trying to control her by saying "Here, I chose what you can eat but I'm giving you the illusion of choice." It's a foot in the door way of getting her to bend to his will again, so he can escalate his commands and not have her notice. "Why don't you wear this dress. Why don't you sleep at my place. Why don't you blow off your family and be with me instead."
Is this just actually the best theatrical portrayal of narcissistic abuse ever? Even just the concept of the invisibility - while others see the effects on Cecilia, they never see the full extent of what goes on, so there's always room for doubt and denial. They see what he wants them to see. He masks himself as rich, young, smart and handsome. When that fails, he masks as dead. People start seeing through that and he shapeshifts again into a victim of kidnapping. Anything to avoid scrutiny and cast doubt onto Cecilia's accusations against him. He doesn't just want her to feel like she's going crazy, he wants everyone else to help convince her that she is crazy.
Yes! This is one of those insidious things that abusive partners do. Extravagant surprise gifts and gestures that you didn't ask for. It has nothing to do with you or what you like, and everything to do with how they want to see themselves as a partner. And it's a very difficult thing to complain about without seeming ungrateful. It's like every time they make a big flashy gesture (that might be really nice things to do in the context of a different relationship) they are hanging another stone around your neck, while also telling you who they want you to be.
I feel like the 'invisible' part alludes to how abuse victims feel unseen and unheard because the abuser is SO good at melting into society and keeping the abuse and gaslighting secret. So in essence, the abuse isn't visible to everyone else
This is, unfortunately, so true. I think that's part of what makes this movie so relatable, and so absolutely terrifying.
Funny. I watched this movie with the most abusive ex I ever had. He was pretending to be asleep while I was watching it. It was almost as if he knew what he was doing to me was bad and didn't want to feel the shame and guilt. I left with the clothes on my back and a baby. I couldn't take it anymore. The best decision I ever made my whole life.
Proud of you!💗
So proud of you- your baby will be so much happier because they’ll be safe. Thank you.
The whole thing is also made all the more complex by the fact that victims of abuse are all the more likely to be harmed AFTER they leave. It's statistically the most dangerous time.
This is why I arranged a job interview in a different town in secret. Got the job, broke up with him and left town within 2 days. In those 2 days I only left my place before it got dark and always locked the door behind me. Got put on a "blacklist" at my job because I didn't give in my notice 2 weeks prior. Didn't even care, I just wanted to leave that place alive.
@@veronikakiss3754 So sorry this happened to you! Hope you're safe now xx
@@forgetmenotjimmy thank you I am ❤️
@yourbirdcreative That's why I stayed. I was scared of what he would do if I left. He's a master at manipulation and control and emotional abuse... not physical abuse. But when I would try to leave, it would get scary fast. It was like taking a security blanket from a toddler. I was alone (no family). I had tried to get help from a friend... but it ended the friendship (my fault for reading the friendship wrong). He had properly isolated me. Whenever I hear people say, "Why doesn't she just leave?" about someone... my head about explodes. There are so many different reasons people get stuck... but probably the biggest is that people can become broken... just like horses (Stockholm Syndrome). And without a proper network of support... it's almost impossible to escape. Even with a network, it's extremely difficult and very dangerous. But that's one of the things I like about movies like this one... it helps draw those who haven't experienced abuse into the complexities of it and by doing so... increases empathy.
@@logicandlaughs I know the feeling, it's incredibly hard mentally to leave as well. People who say "why don't you just leave him" are extremely ignorant and should just do a 5 min Google research about the psychology of abused victims to know better.
When you realize narcs are invisible because they are considered charming so people can't see the narc for who they really are
I'm not sure that "narc" is the word for this. "Narc" is more synonymous with "tattletale." *EDIT: I realized after finishing the video that "narc" was short for "narcissist." Sorry, my mistake!*
@@emilylike-the-soup2502 haha yea it's slightly difficult to spell narcissist. I'm on RBN and use the term narcissist so often I just say narc for short eventually.
And I do get that narc means something else
@@emilylike-the-soup2502 if you’ve ever been on the raisedbynarcissists reddit, it’s a term that they use there a lot.
my narc was a little bad at hiding it so some people, when i told them what happened, were like "yeah i could see it". Some however bought into what he said and thought he was just so wonderful
Something that lowkey bothers me, is how (in the video, and in the comments section) everyone is referring to the narcissist abuser as male, and it adds another level of "the abuser beign invisible" when I'm a male and my abusers have been females. There must be something about me that attracts them, but it's really disturbing how we as a society are even more blind to women being the abusers.
Like, literally, I've had an ex that was psychologically/verbally/physically abusive towards me. Guess what she did? She told all our friends that I had been beating her. And it's a pattern I've experienced. The female abusers will literally turn the story 180, because they know they're more likely to be believed.
18:17 "good therapists don't tell people what to do..."
that... that really makes me stop and think about just how bad things were. That my therapists, twice were like "okay, here's what needs to happen." When I was 17, there was... a *lot* going on. My older sister, along with her physically and emotionally abusive (now ex) boyfriend were living with my mom and I. And I was stupid enough to try and stand up against him. Pointing out how he was manipulating us, literally begging my family to call the police. I became a pariah within my own family. I was told things like "You're just making things worse." and "it would all be better if you just let it happen." (which, i gotta say, is just the... absolute *worst* thing to tell your own child, who you know was sexually assaulted long before this man entered your life, and was still struggling with the fallout of the sexual assault).
I don't remember the session with my normal therapist that well. I don't remember what made her decide i needed to be at an inpatient hospital, if it was suicidal or homicidal idolization. at the time, those seemed like my only two options. "no one else is going to help, so it's either kill him, kill myself, or both." but, anyways, i *do* remember the end of the session, when she was telling me "no, you *will* go to the hospital. I will call the police and have you brought there if i need to."
flash forward a few *very uncomfortable* days (plastic sheets on the beds that were not only super uncomfortable, but also super loud every time you moved, having to go back over and over my sexual assault with a bunch of doctors i had never met before, a guy opening my door and shining a flashlight on me to make sure i wasn't trying to hurt myself every 15 minutes, etc. but the breakfast was good. so there's that, at least), my councilor at the hospital decided it was time for a group session with my family, and with Brian. I hate that name. I still hate it. but, anyways, when they started the session, it was just me, then my mom and sister were brought in. then he was. no one from my family talked the entire time he was in there. It was about 95% Brian, 5% the doctor, just *trying* to talk. Just having him in the room gave me a panic attack. I kept thinking "oh no, he's going to convince her. she's going to believe everything he's saying, and it'll be just me again. they'll say nothing is wrong with him, and it's all me. It really is all my fault."
As soon as he left the room, my councilor told my mom that he had to leave. there was no "let's look at the options" it was straight up "you have to step in, and make him leave." I don't know that I've ever felt so relieved in my life. It was the first time in forever that it felt like someone believed me and was in my corner.
I was released the next day, but it was still a few more months before the cops were finally called, and Brian and my sister were arrested (part of the way he controlled us was by having her steal things for him, then held that over our heads. "she'll go to prison with me. and you are harboring fugitives, so you'll be charged as well, and noname will be put in juvey"). Sis did a day in prison, then a few months in the county jail. Brian got sent back to Arizona, where he had various warrants. I never tried finding out how much time he served, because i simply don't want anything to do with him.
I'm not looking for advice or anything. I just... that sentence made some things click in my head, and I wanted to vent and tell my story, with the safety of internet anonymity.
We're all no names, at the whim of these people. I'm sorry.
I’m really glad your therapist could see him for what he was, that they were in your side, and that they stood up for you to your family.
*on your side
Thank-you for sharing your story. I hope it helps other people to get out.
Thank you for sharing.
Since Adrian has a glass house, Cecilia had no sense of privacy there. He's always watching her, even when he's outside looking in. The director's a genius for making the house relevant to the story like that.
I remember how my mother (who was in an extremely abusive marriage before she met my father and had me) would jump every single time the abusive boyfriend was onscreen. It really hit me hard and made me realize just how much this kind of situation permanently alters you.
It really does, man. I left my abuser almost 2 years ago but had to start going to therapy because of the severe PTSD and anxiety it caused me. Still to this day I wake up several times a week sweating because I have nightmares about being raped, getting beat up, dying etc. It fucks you up so much.
@@veronikakiss3754 I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I know it is incredibly difficult to find the will power to get OUT of those situations. I may be a stranger, but I’m proud of you!
@@sidecharacter361 thank you ❤️
@@veronikakiss3754 You are really strong to talk about this. I hope it will get much much better for You!
Your comment brought tears to my eyes and even vicariously I feel seen and not judged. So often the response is "get over it" or "it's in the past, you're safe now.". It's never for fully in the past when you're nervous system is on code red 24/7 and the memories haven't been fully transferred from their fragmented trauma state to normal long-term memory.
I think your mom is lucky you are willing to see her ❤️
Company: Hey, let’s sponsor this channel! I bet they’ll give us a good recommendation!
Cinema Therapy: “Speaking of gaslighting, our sponsor this week is...”
💀
We keep it real.
Its tasty popcorn tho
This made me laugh out loud
Thanks :)
@@angryowl6226 you’re welcome!
Okay so i cried, i had my therapist say "get out, he is going to kill you"and actually risk her license by giving me money and getting me connections to get away.
Except it wasnt a boyfriend, it was my dad, he was controlling abusive and very agressive, to the point of me going to the hospital with concussions and to get stitches, to go to school in a Brazilian summer with sweat pants and hoodies to hide bruises cause i didnt want anyone to notice and call cps, he convinced and blamed me that my mom left because of me, which she never did actually left me just him, she moved literally 6 blocks away, and somehow made me belive that it was because i was so annoying as a kid saying i wanted a hannah montana mini fridge in my room that my mom left and bought a house just so i could have my room with a minifridge because ours was too small and i made her notice that, sounds stupid now as an adult but made complete sense to me as a child. It wasnt all bad, the fondest memories i have are from me and my dad playing as a child, oyr when he took me to my first concert and really close to the stage, he would always incentivize me to get everything that i wanted and that i was super smart and could do it all, and then when i got the things i wanted he would find a way to destroy it and make it feel like it was my fault and i didnt do anything right and needed him to fix everything, i once got the lead on the school play which was a BUG deal for me and he went to the teacher and made sure i was out of the play and never told me about it, my dream was to have an exchange year, he helped me with all the applications, test and interviews and when i actually got it 2 days before i left he hid my passport, if it wasn't my mom i wouldn't have gone, and when i was there he did everything including calling canadian police and embassies saying i had being trafficked, just to get me back.when i did get back everything got worst because i had actually gone thorough that huge physical change of puberty while abroad and also wouldnt be okay with beatings anymore and alsogot a boyfriend (that he made sure to scare the fuck off forever). I got into my dream university (here's the thing, i always been a huge nerd, best grades actually because of him that always kept a study schedule for me), and i just couldn't leave him alone cause i saw how bad and depressed he got when i left for the exchange, the house was filthy he gained weight and didn't actually do anything all day except watching tv, and he was always an active and athletic guy, and he was my dad so i declined the university and stayed, i ended up spending my 18th birthday on the hospital with a serious concussion in observation and more than 30 stitches on my body, i never came back home after the hospital, my therapist picked me up before him and hid me off for a month until i got a job and moved to a friend of hers couch, i really wanted to go back tho, its been 7years and a half and we havent talked once, he was texted me a few times to warn me that he knows where i am (i ended up moving to another country cause i was going paranoid thinking he was following me), i never texted back, i really miss him cause he is my dad and he was the one that raised me and it wasn't all bad my childhood was great, and i worry about him but sometimes it just feels like is this invisible men always behind me looking and making me fuck up things .
Anyway, i thank all the gods for my therapist risking her whole career to tell me to leave
I’m glad you got away.
Oh goodness, that's horrible… I'm sorry you had to go through all that, and I'm glad you got away. I hope and pray that you're doing well. ❤
Stay strong. So sorry it happened to you.
Just remember these two things:
1) Someone actually risked their entire career so that you could be safe. Don't let they effort go to waste. Never go back.
2) Someone that loves you would never hurt you in any way or form. Thus, he doesn't love you.
My gosh that's terrible! I'm so happy and relieved that you were able to leave 😍
The most important thing is that you can live a life where you feel safe 🙂
Hopefully you can see your dad again - you should definitely press charges though for what he did.
I kind of needed this. The “getting out will hurt, but staying will be worse in the long run.” I really, really need that today.
Hi, just saw this comment, a year After. Are you in a better place now ? I sincerely hope so
Definitely. I hope all is well with you
I really hope you got out. If you haven’t yet, keep trying to do what’s best for you. I hope you’re doing well.
For anyone who is in an abusive/unsafe/toxic relationship, if you are having a hard time leaving or feeling worse about things because of indecision, please know that it usually takes multiple attempts to leave before the survivor is successful. Find a support system and resources. You're not as alone as you feel. ❤️
Well said!
[laughs in the invisible Man reminds me of my dad]
agreed :D
Well, I am alone. I don’t just feel that. Very stupid thing to say when you are not in that situation.
@@svetlanabarrow6026 I certainly don't know your situation and my post was only intended to encourage, not dismiss anyone's lived experience.
I have been in a position where I felt very isolated and alone and my situation was dangerous enough to qualify me for emergency shelter by a local domestic violence organization.
I think Midsommer could be interesting to break down when it comes to lovebombing and mind control, as well as how relationships and isolation effect susceptibility to groupthink.
Awesome! We want to do more horror eps, but it needs to be thoughtful horror. We've heard good things about Midsommer. We'll take a look!
Yesss Midsommar, The Lovely Bones, and The Babadook are my top three "this fucked me up" movies
@@carnivorousjellybean1599 oh joy, can't wait 😅
@@CinemaTherapyShow I hope that Alan Seawright will also point out the movie tricks that back up the topics shown in Midsommar's writing (mentioned above).
@@CinemaTherapyShow that would be awesome! The creator says Midsommar is at heart a "breakup movie" so y'all could talk about that, too!
Reminds me of the time a friend who told me dead straight serious "your ex is showing serial killer tendencies you need to be careful" and this guy is smart and doesnt joke around like holy shit
may i ask what those tendencies were? seems like useful info to have 😅
Chills. Good thing he is an ex.
“Get out because he will kill you.”
Yup. Glad you told her that. Also, I’m glad there there is more support for victims of abuse now and we are becoming more aware to listen to people.
That in this film, Adrian targeted the young girl too was so off-putting. He didn’t care who else was around, and he always thought that because of who he was, he will get off scott free. And society often makes their harm “invisible” and that’s really sad.
But the thing is that they often do get away with it. Society still has a LONG way to go in actually handling abuse cases properly and actually punishing the perpetrators still doesn't really happen, if it does it's a slap on the wrist. The first response from society has to abuse and assault is to question if the victim is just lying about it. As a victim of both myself, I don't feel like society is very understanding of survivors of abuse and assault. Maybe others have had better luck, but I've only met therapists who really seemed to get it and didn't say or do things that made me feel worse.
The beauty of the film is that even his invisibility is a metaphor for his abuse. He is doing all this incredible things to her and even her allies turn against her bc he is manipulating them. He is, in public, this grand inspirational scientist and in private he is a monster that only she can see. The things abusers do are, many times, incredible. Friends, family and society often fail to see their evilness bc they know when to be charming and when pretend that it is the victim the one who is unreliable and crazy.
And also that the abuse continues to haunt survivors after they leave. There's the psychological ptsd that no one else can see and a sense of always looking over the shoulder for the real person to just show up.
The thing that no one mentions is the sushi and steak thing, those are two foods that he knows she CAN'T eat as a pregnant woman, something he wants her to be, so he's already subtly manipulating her into eating the pasta
Wait you can’t eat steak if ur pregnant?
@@123marksalot You can't have it if it's not well done. If you like it rare or medium, you're not supposed to eat it.
It's sort of like how in the Marvel Jessica Jones show after Kilgrave takes control of Jessica he arrogantly assumes that his favourite foods are hers.
Oooh that's a really cool little detail! Love that
I wonder jow true this is because people in Japan eat sushi regardless and theyre fine.
One thing I've learned from my past bad relationships is that not every argument has to have a two-person apology. Sometimes one person can do something wrong and it's solely their fault. My ex tried to make me apologize for making him angry for "my part" and told me what to do to avoid this fight in the future. After speaking with multiple friend groups (who had never met him) responded to my breakup story with "wait, why would you apologize?" I realized that I did a good thing by trusting my instincts and not accept his apology
A fight like this was the beginning of the end of my relationship too. I got so angry with him. And I told him he was gonna sit there and listen to why I was upset and apologize. He apologized - and then "and now I want my turn and my apology, cause you made me really mad too". Nope. I got so pissed. Told him he had no right to be angry with me (didn't go over well) and ended up locked in the bathroom for an hour just to get away from his yelling. The fight? I said I was poor in an A&W drive-thru when my debit card got declined, and he said I embarrassed him in front of the drive-thru worker, and that I shouldn't "brag about being poor", especially when it was my decision to go into debt for university.... meanwhile he has no degree, lied on his resume for the $70k a year job he has, and had his fancy sports car paid for with his mothers credit line.
A apology without changed behavior is manipulation.. GOOD FOR YOU!! 🎉🎉👏👏
@@46tearsforyou Wow you sound unpleasant and bitter. Im sorry but holy cow dude.
This! I had an argument with a friend because he said he didn't care about my feelings, so I told him I didn't want a friend like that. I quit talking to him and our mutual friend told me that he felt bad about it all and that he wanted to apologize, all I needed to do was talk to him and apologize as well. I said that I had nothing to apologize for, I didn't do anything wrong (I'm usually the first to say sorry about any problem I have with people) and they said that I should still apologize because "it's the polite thing to do." It doesn't actively bother me but sometimes only one party of an argument should be the one to apologize
Glad you realized that sooner
I've been abused. But it came in bouts, because I wasn't with her all the time. I was planning to move in with her, but thank God, I didn't. That shit broke me down mentally and emotionally. It's just so SCARY how well abusers hide.
im glad you made it out
well done, how are you doing now
Elizabeth Moss is a phenomenal actor, she absolutely killed it in this movie and she kills it in handmaid's tale which in its own right is absolutely fantastic and the other actors in that show are also extremely talented.
I KNEW I had seen her face somewhere else before!!
She was great in Mad Men, too.
She's also a Scientologist
@@Makarosc Yeah, sadly.
@@Makarosc OOF, THE IRONY.
I feel like if they marketed this movie more like what it's actually about - a girl trying to escape an abuser, this would have gotten a lot more attention than it did.
Yes. I went into this movie looking forward to seeing a yandere version of Dr Griffin (the original Invisible Man). And instead I got “How I Escaped My Evil Ex”. I was really pissed.
I somewhat agree. I thought the movie was going to be a silly thriller tbh, so did ppl I knew. But I feel that marketing it as escape from abuse wouldve also gotten not quite the right attention
Honestly, not sure it would have. I can see victims going to this and thinking it's something else, and realising their relationship is unsafe from it.
Eh?
The first time I saw this movie it was fucking terrfying as a trailer, he wasn't even invisible yet. She literally sneaked out of her bed and her boyfriend punched in the window to get at her.
The first thought I hd was 'he isn't terrifying because he's invisible, he's HORRYFYING because he's a psycho'.
Sadly it wouldn't. Often topics heavy like this are the reason people will try to avoid. If you watching a movie at night, you wanna go to do something easy and light to rest your mind.
I once had an abusive relationship for five years that was so filled with terror. Once I finally broke up with him, he said he would not LET me live without him, and he terrorized me more . Then, and my restraining order did not work. I had to move across the country to hide from him. Even now 25 years later, I am still watchful- any day could be the day he find me. I control the feelings pretty well now, but its always there in the back of my mind. He was so proud of being diagnosed as a sociopath. I had no help. It took my five very long years to work up my own courage.
I'm glad your out now. Never give up hope!
I am so sorry. I couldn’t imagine living like that. I hope you are in a better place now and I hope you are safe and you feel safe.
wow i hope you heal from it all
As someone who nearly died twice in an abusive relationship (first time was when i tried to leave. Second I left but he used my son to gain access) this movie hit how ptsd feels I'm a way. The paranoia, the nightmares, the panic, the scanning of everything, development of ocd type behavior in efforts to gain control, and realizing the truth about the world.
I hope you’re okay
I really hope that you're OK now.
when Jonathan talked about how he met an "Adrian" irl once
I honestly cant help but think about the woman and how shit her life must be, to the point where John literally had to break the therapist rule just to help her, I do hope it had went well
Real life doesn’t always follow the regulations. I’ve known several of these situations.
I'm morbidly curious if meeting this type of person is common...we could be walking past them every day and not know...dang.
@@Homesicktraveler Apparently everyday we meet a killer. We just don't know it.
@@magda1662 yeah I heard that too. Crazy.
And everyone who is aware of medical law would've agreed with his breaking of the rule as he believed a patient in his care is in danger. Its no different than him calling a suicide prevention hotline because his patient exhibited suicidal behaviors. He broke code to save someone.
This movie really screws with my emotions, like, Cecilia knows that Adrian is till alive and is stalking and terrorizing her, yet she cannot prove it and nobody believes her, and people eventually forcing her to the asylum, knowing the truth and trying so hard to tell people yet no one believes her, that is something that really screws with my emotions, I feel frustrated and angry imagining myself in similar situation, and the ending left a bittersweet after-taste, because, yea, she finally escaped Adrian, but at what cost? she herself become the "invisible man" and ended up using his tricks on him
You could see it as a tone-shift, where the invisibility stops being a narc metaphor and becomes complete superhero fantasy, though that is quite a leap.
@@D3wd20p I don’t think it’s a leap at all. It’s a power fantasy for abuse victims. Getting back at your abuser. Which, all things considered, is a totally understandable power fantasy.
@@NovusIgnis "especially as a woman since they're so believed these days" not at all. even if she is finally believed for it, it comes with a huge gash of shame. unless you have been a victim of abuse, any gender, you will know exactly what it's like for people not to believe
@@NovusIgnis I’m sorry that you’ve experienced abuse. However it is a fact that women suffer from more abuse at the hands of men, are drastically more likely to suffer physical and mental injuries from it and are more likely to die from it. Men are also mostly abused by other men. No there is not enough tools for men to get the support they need as society views them as “stronger” and can’t be abused which isn’t true. However, women are the vast majority of victims, experience the worst forms of abuse and are more likely to die or be sexually abused. Women by most societies in most countries do not have adequate resources to get help and keep themselves or families safe, including in my country Australia. I’m sorry you’ve suffered, but women do not get all the so called help and are often not believed nor protected. You may have suffered but that doesn’t mean women haven’t too
This is the only way I can watch horror movies.
Same though
Same
What I love is that Jonathan does not put all the the responsibility onto the victims. He addresses that THEY need help to get out. It is not that simple for them to wake up one morning and magically become a one person army against their abuser. We need to be aware of our friends and family and watch the body language they have with their partners. And Make sure they know they always have a place to go to be safe from their abuser.
THANK YOU! My friends keep telling me I need to get away from my abusive mom, but I'm like FUCKING HOW?? I can't do it by myself. X'D It's SO frustrating!
@@7Write4This9Heart7So frustrating, especially when you're a minor without finances or many choices. It's not easy for anyone
@@juliab3326 The sad part is, I'm an adult with a shit ton of money saved up, but my parents control EVERYTHING about my life, so... It's not that simple. ;A;
I’d be really curious to see what y’all think of Azula from the Last Airbender
yEs i need this in my life
I would love to see that! Have you seen Hello Future Me's video called "The Psychology of Azula"? I thought it was a pretty good breakdown of her psyche, but I would love to see their analysis too.
@@thepinkpanda818 I'm glad someone mentioned that. I was going to bring that up, too. It's one of my favourite among Tim's videos.
A piping hot mess.
Poor azula. I feel so bad.
My psychologist told me I needed to leave for my health, it was my life or his, because how he drained me down
It was the best push in the right path
And that applies to all sorts of toxic relationships, not just full on abuse. Even if someone's otherwise a nice person but is a serious downer can be so emotionally draining it starts to affect your physical health. Especially if you already have problems with depression. In those cases, it's probably safe to stay friends, but, you know, maybe hang out together less, and definitely don't be roommates.
I lived with three gaslighters. They told everyone I knew, behind my back, that there was something wrong with me and they should never associate with me. They told me that I couldn't trust anyone. Especially myself. I developed a serious anxiety and whenever I was alone I would get a panic attack. Even though I knew they made me feel bad about myself and who I was and what I believed it was the only way, I thought to keep myself calm. I also lived with a guy who had destructive outbursts at random. He would destroy objects and threaten to hurt me but he never did. The difference was he felt remorse, knew what he did was wrong and he improved himself unlike the gaslighters who never felt remorse, never said sorry, and never improved themselves. They were always scarier than him. I learned so much because of that pain and suffering on how to watch out for myself, realize when I'm doing something wrong, realized how to emphasize, learned how to move on, how to improve myself, and so many more things. It was the most painful part of my life and the scariest. When I tell people this story they think that it can't be possible because I am a man and the gaslighters were women. They think that because I am a man I can't be abused or be hurt by a woman. I befriended that destructive guy because it was just his way of dealing with the gaslighters. We worked it out and he doesn't get in any destructive outbursts anymore and I learned how to forgive, love, and trust. I have cut out the gaslighters and we have minimal contact. They left if their own volition when I got confident and made boundaries. Thanks for the wonderful episode I related a lot with this episode and enjoyed it a lot. Especially with how accurate it is.
You did the best thing; no contact. Great job!
Man can become victims of women too. I hope you have a great, happy and safe future. All the best for you.
My uncle was abused by his ex wife. She tried to poison him and he even hid a camera to record her beating him unconscious with a book. I can't remember why the toxicology report was tossed out in court and the video was tossed out because he "didn't have her consent to record her". Luckily he's out of that marriage, but I didn't realize how bad his situation was until I was talking to one of my cousins (not one of his kids) who is in regular contact with that side of my family.
Glad you're in the better place now. And yes, women can abuse people too, be careful guys. Sending you a big hug!
The Wikipedia page for this movie also says Cecilia's nickname, "Ce," is meant to make her feel gaslit by her friends and loved one who have been fooled into thinking Adrian is either a good person, or that maybe he wasn't but it doesn't matter because he's "dead." Every time Cecilia's friends address her to tell her she's ok and he's not stalking her, they start with "Ce, ..." This sounds like "See...?"
Each time, Cecilia is made to feel that she's the one not seeing the bigger picture, and she's the one going crazy. Except she's the only one who figures out what lengths Adrian will go to manipulate and gaslight her.
The dog during this whole video: -_-
Hi army!
An analysis of "The Babadook" would be cool. Especially with its exploration of grief with a boogeyman thrown into the mix.
YES! Jonathan here. I'm SO game. That movie really got to me.
@@CinemaTherapyShow The Babadook himself is the 1st horror movie monster in ages to scare the hell out of me. I also love the story of the grieving mother detached from her son, and sort of blaming and hating him for indirectly causing his father's death, while the boy is totally oblivious as to why his mom doesn't seem to love him.
@@aleaanderson6600 it was a brilliant film, for sure. We'll have fun with it. So many layers!
I watched that movie a couple days after my grandpa had died (he was old and fell, it wasn't unexpected but still). I'm not much of a movie-watching person so the metaphors didn't register... but something about that movie made me so uncomfortable that I was physically nauseous and had to leave the room.
@@aleaanderson6600 I actually related to some of the son's traits. Part of him makes me think he has ADHD.
I had the privilege of watching this a mere 2 months before leaving my abusive partner during quarantine, and it really empowered me to finally take that leap of leaving
even though i do not know you, I am glad you got out of that hell.
Great to hear you got out! 💚💪 I hope you're safe now and healing 💚
The most abusive people in my life were my bosses when I was young. Love bombed me, befriended me to confess information over time that would be used against me: I had a ton of student loan debt, I didn't know anyone in the area, how much my utilities and rent were because their child wanted to move into my complex. Then came the criticism, pay cuts, illegal unpaid overtime, degrading comments with apologies. They held over my head my positions were so short lived I was a red flag to future employers. I had threats of black balling when I finally quit. Eventually I left the fashion industry forever. The labor board doesn''t care because they have a 10-year wait list of companies to investigate for abuse. I had a chair thrown at me once. I left the state of California due to financial despair from repeated abuse and they got away with everything. Lawyers said I didn't make enough to take my case.
I understand the abuse was harsh, but if it was a passion i hope they didnt manage to kill it. How are you holdung up today?
@@G.D.G. I'm disgusted by creative jobs and have zero trust in anyone. The financial devastation still haunts me.
This movie was incredibly chilling, and in a way the most chilling part was seeing Adrian at the end, and how effortlessly charming he is when he wants to be. It's really not surprising that some people who saw the movie tried to come up with explanations as to how Adrian was totally innocent and someone else was responsible for the stalking and the murders. I mean come on - how can he be guilty? He's so *nice*! So humble and kind, and handsome... and that's how people like that get to you.
What chilled me the most was how casual he was about it all. He murdered and brutalized people in front of her. Choked her, and threatened to kill people she loved. He murdered her sister and framed her for it...but that would all be ok, because he needs her. Ugh...I was very satisfied with the ending. He got what he deserved.
People tried to defend him?!
Yeah at the end, my little brother was like, oh so he was a good guy? Like, this character fooled some of the audience members too. Unreal how manipulators do that to people
Couldn't agree more. At the end of the movie I was like, wait he seems innocent and I was thinking maybe cecilia is just hallucinating or something then I later realized,I was gaslight
Flashbacks to breaking the window, murdering people, gaslighting her like crazy*
*Humble and kind?*
Pauses video and looks up contrition.
Contrition: the state of feeling remorseful and penitent
Thank you I was about to look it up!
Looks up penitent lmaooo
Glad I wasn't the only one
I knew that one because I was raised catholic 😂
watching this to convince myself that I'm doing the right thing by leaving
How are you?
Hope you did.
Leave leave leave
This was the video that finally gave me the clue that my relationship was disgustingly abusive, so thank you. I’ve been away from him for a year now, and frankly feel better than I had in three years. Because most of that relationship was constant pressure and him keeping me in a constant state of stress.
It's funny how they talk about a mundane thing being a jumpscare almost. Right after I left, I was terrified he would find me, even from thousands of miles away. At one point my dad found me standing in the backyard with a steak knife shaking and looking around frantically because the gears of the dryer made a noise that sounded like his voice yelling my name
I hope you're doing better now :)
I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you're doing better
I noticed another manipulative thing he does i think, when hes ''charming'' her during the diner he says something among the lines of id give up all my stuff just to have you back. Right off the bat hes not offering something that would involve actual work from him, he offers up things no one asked from him, and treats it as a huge thing hes doing/sacrificing for others., even tho its stuff no one asked from him or needs from him.
Im not quite sure when it comes from an honest attempt and when its from a pure manipulative setting, but ive seen in enough, where a person ''sacrifices'' for something even tho other didnt ask for it, and dont even want that and then later use it as ''well im doing the thing its not like im not trying, why isnt this enough?''
I was in a 3.5y emotionally abusive romantic relationship and this is 1,000% accurate. Towards the end when I would reiterate my request that he go to therapy, he would angrily fire back something about how much money he spent on me and couldn't I tell from that how much he loved to me?? (Money he chose to spend offering to get me things, and insisting on doing so when I liked something, to the point that I tried not to visibly like things so he wouldn't offer to buy them and I wouldn't have to try to dissuade him without angering him [because I MUST be upset with him if I won't even let him buy me something because that is the only reason I wouldn't want him to, so why am I upset with him this time])
Here's what I learned, kids: When deciding to keep someone in your life, screen out all the good times and good behaviors. Look only at the shit. Is this shit a handful of times the other person was crappy because they were really, really stressed both physically and emotionally? Or is this shit a big long pattern that remains surprisingly consistent even when the person improves and grows in some ways? Don't lie to yourself, and don't make excuses for them.
My last relationship was... well, I don't know if it could be considered actually abusive, but it was definitely unhealthy. Several times in the year we were together, she'd say things like, "I always change myself to be more like the person I'm with, and I'm doing that for you." Every time I'd have to be like, "Not only did I not ask you to do that for me, I don't *want* you to do that; I want you to be yourself." And yet she's still say it again and again another time. She had a strong habit of clearly promising me things she *thought* I wanted from her without actually listening when I said what I actually needed.
At one point, we went to couple's therapy (more like I was already in therapy for an anxiety/depressive disorder, and my therapist wanted a session to include her after hearing about our relationship). She kept saying things like "I can't fix you," or "When you have an episode, I think I'll just leave you alone and then come back when it's over, because I can't help you with it anyway." And I kept repeating, "I don't need you to fix me, I'm not asking for that, I'm just asking for support!" I can imagine my therapist at the time was probably thinking, "I hope he gets out of this toxic relationship as soon as possible, but he's got to realize that for himself."
Sorry, went a bit tangential with a personal anecdote, but the point was that promising things to a partner that they never asked for and then praising themselves for it, or getting defensive about not doing something no one asked them to do, is a pattern I'm all too familiar with...
I think that's really insightful- he's not offering something with emotional substance. He's not offering safety, recovery, reconciliation. He'll kill, throw his material goods in the sea, give her money and nice things. But he himself is empty, and he will absolutely NOT give her an Apology or Acknowledgment.
From my observation, this seems to be a super-common thing with narcissistic people...? Giving gifts even when the recipient has asked them not to (always based on the giver's tastes not the recipient's) and getting really angry & calling their victim ungrateful or mercenary when the person they're forcing things onto protests. Doing things "to help them" without actually consulting the recipent & in ways that significantly cross their personal boundaries, then accusing the unwilling recipient of being ungrateful, selfcentred & uncaring because they aren't comfortable with this behavior.
I guess it's just another form of gaslighting and lacking respect for boundaries...? Can come from a place of emotional insecurity (trying to "buy love") or one of attempted manipulation, or both. Really difficult for the target to combat though, because it's framed as unselfish generosity.
"That's the furthest you've gone since you've been here. As far as I'm concerned you might as well have walked on the moon." Is such a beautiful and powerful line and i think about it at least once a week
I personally know someone who was with a man like him. Even the judge said that “man is a sadistic psychopath.”. The levels of his evilness were truly terrifying. It was something you’d think you’d only see in a fake crime show, like Criminal Minds. I thank god every day that she survived him and got away from him.
What I really liked about the movie is the visualisation of a "invisible hold". Had a few friends and my current gf being in abusive relationships before, luckily got out before it turned physically violent and I saw a common theme of still "feeling" that hold they had to endure and bad thoughts sneaking around them without them being able to do something and others not taking their feeligns seriously, thinking along the lines of "It's over, why aren't you over it?".
MY MOM ACTUALLY SAID THAT TO ME
I actually had that realization with myself that I was in an invisible hold. I got out of an abusive situation with my parents that’s been going on for years, I realized it was abusive, and I didn’t have to go back. So I thought everything was going to be better from now on but when I started actually talking to my friend and how it affected me, I just started to cry because it hit me that I still wasn’t okay because of what happened. And it’s been about two years and I still struggle with it
it took me a while to stop having nightmares. I kept having nightmares of him murdering me, even a year after leaving. It's been 2.5 years now though and I'm in a much better place. Oh and also, i was only in this relationship for four months. compared to the average length of these relationships, many stay in for FAR longer. And idk how they make it because I was already so drained physically, it was starting to sicken me. My point is, it really doesnt take a whole lot of time to traumatize a person
@@jonathanschaffer2594 it will get better. And opening up to a trusted person who isn't going to question why you're still affected, that really helps. You need to vent some of that and get it out of your system sometimes. but ultimately, the best thing that faded the impact on my psyche was really just time. Our brains are wired to eventually fade memories, you can take some solace in that.
"Knowing exactly where he is and not being able to see him." A recurring theme in my nightmares ever since I was a kid. I'd know there was a monster. I'd know, at least in general terms, where the monster is. I'd run from the monster and *desperately* try to tell others but *no one would listen!* There's a monster, it's getting closer, it's *right there,* but only I know and *why won't anyone BELIEVE ME?!*
You might have some problems that no one pays attention to since dreams are a reflection of you.
@@hairyspiders407 I *know* I do. Or did, mostly. Spent the vast majority of my childhood trying to figure out if there was something wrong with me or the rest of humanity, and the school councilors *insisted* that I wasn't different *at all.*
Age twenty-five, find out I have Asperger's. Like the gag tombstone epithet, "I *told* you I was sick!"
Still have a problem sometimes with people dismissing what I say. Often, I think, because I have a hard time explaining things verbally (Asperger's) and because I often see connections and patterns other people don't (again, Asperger's). Doesn't help that sometimes the connections aren't there. Or that I've spent most of my life around people significantly older than me.
I remember a nightmare I used to have when I was younger: there was an evil witch or something (i just remember it was a woman) and I kept trying to scream to warn other people and even pointing at her but my voice wouldn't come out.
@@brinaf2857 Oof. I've had some variations on the 'trying to scream but no sound comes out' dreams. Most recent one was last year, I think, when I had walking pneumonia.
I so feel this. The majority of nightmares I have are cases of "something bad is happening and no one is listening". The weird part for me is, usually, whatever the bad thing is (usually an intruder or monster) it's never after me. Its ALWAYS after someone else, usually family. And every time, no one listens, and theres nothing I can do about it.
As an abuse victim myself, this movie does such a good job encompassing the fear she has. He does very realistic things rather then the “traditional” abuse of being knocked around. While physical abuse is valid it often goes hand in hand with emotional abuse.
This movie not only terrified me but made me so angry. I have a girlfriend who has an ex like this. and i've met him. Same thing as you were saying the whole shark eyes devoid of emotion. My girlfriend is such a badass for having survived something like this though, she's the strongest person I've ever met and everyday she makes me more proud.Like all the things she takes on and she's able to be a badass and a compassionate person at the same time. I'm a lucky guy! But it took a long time for her to start opening up to me, not just about her ex but in general. I knew something was up though cause we started dating she always had these tiny moments where she flinched away if i went to touch her face but like correct herself at the same time because she always and still does feel ashamed she does it and feels the need to apologize. It just breaks my heart. Idk how else to help her. Like she's doing much better now but every now and again she still has nightmares or flinches or i can tell she's thinking about him by the look on her face.
That final dinner scene is the first scene that we fully see his face. It’s not in darkness, it’s not over his shoulder.
It’s the first time we really know who he is. I think it’s the writer telling us that she’s got him right where she wants him.
He's no longer "invisible" literally and figuratively. Good catch!
@@lindseycassella3015 thanks!!! 😃
I love this channel.
And this channel loves you!
Katie saame
I love it so much skskbakdksk
We all do. 🖤
Yes
One of the subtler creepy moments is when Adrian sends an email to Cecilia's sister Emily supposedly written by Cecilia telling her she's toxic and that he never wants to see her again. He's trying to cut her off from her sister probably because as hinted at in the beginning Emily probably helped Cecilia see how evil Adrian really was and gave her the strength to leave him.
My abuser never hit me. It was constant mind games. And this film portrays that so well. The not being able to trust your own perception anymore. It’s not what happened, it’s what you can prove. The fear you are actually crazy, and others just can’t understand because they have never experienced it so you’re invalidated again and again and again.
I'm so happy so see a girl who fights back against shitty relationship and not think it's "TRUE LOVE"
Women often say this because they know that it is more acceptable to "I stayed out of love" than to say that they were financially dependent on their abuser or to say that sometimes the abusive society we live in can be even worse than an abusive relationship. Often, leaving an abuser means having to put up with even more abuse until you can get on your feet. Especially if your abuser keeps the physical abuse to a minimum. Scenario. You are in a marriage, 2 kids shared (no steps or halfs) that are under school age. you have a high school diploma and haven't worked since your first was born-years. Your only access to money is a low-limit credit card. Your spouse hits you once or twice a year, although they do smack your ass a little harder than necessary when they are being 'affectionate' and sex is often rough and almost never when you want it. in fact, if you do express sexual intent towards them, they will rebuff you and put you down. They often put you down, call you names, tell you all they things you are bad at. This has been going on for years. You have no friends and your family is not a viable option. But, you get tired of it and leave. You take the car you were allowed to have, fill it with gas, buy all the things you think you will need and can survive on in that few hours you have access to that credit card before he will shut it off and you find a woman's shelter. They have a list of rules for you to follow, but they don't actually have a room for you. You have to stay in a hotel room the first night. Your children are crying for daddy and for their rooms and the stuffed animal you forgot. Other patrons of the hotel complain about the noise. Management knows what is up and allows you to stay, but it is still stressful. The shelter can only afford 1 night stay in hotel, but they still don't have a room for you and your children. You will have to stay in the common room, sleeping on the couch or floor. There is a curfew of 8pm, earlier than even your abusive husband ever required you home. you have no privacy. Your children are crying constantly. It wakes the other women and their children at night, women who seem to have forgotten how scared they and their children were. Not all of them, others come out to help and support you, but those who run the shelter have already told you that they have the other families to think of and if your kids keep being noisy, that you will have to find a different place to stay. They have helped you apply for housing, but you have been told that even with your homeless status that it will be 6 months to 2 years. Women who have had bones broken by spouses are ahead of you. You don't disagree with this. So, there aren't any rooms available to you, since you are not a permanent resident of the shelter, you have to leave everyday and can only come back at 5pm. So, you have to spend all day just sitting around, you try the library-they kick you out for noisy kids after a couple hours. You can't look for work with two kids in tow. You have applied for welfare and childcare assistance and you get SNAP within a few days, but won't get cash assistance until the first of the next month and they have told you it can take up to 90 days to receive daycare assistance and that it will only be for 20 hours per week until you find a job, but in order to get cash assistance, you must volunteer/job search at least 40 hours per week. Except for a few women at the shelter, almost every person you come in contact with is antagonistic towards you. The security gaurd at the library follows you around. You have turned around to find a strange man playing with himself and watching your kids. Homeless men have taken over the public park closest to the shelter and you cannot afford to use gas to go farther. Besides the car is in your husbands name and you are pretty sure that the only reason he hasn't reported it stolen is because he doesn't want to look stupid in front of the police. People sneer at you when your kids run around, they give unsolicited advice, they threaten to call CPS on you for being homeless. The shelter keeps getting daily complaints about your children crying at night and the mentions that they just don't have room for you keep increasing. Your children are surviving off of microwave food because you often can't access the stove in the shelter until everyone else is done, and by then it is lights out time. So, now instead of one person treating you like shit, you have many doing so. Your children are crying, eating badly. Any help you can get may be months away, that is if you even get it because without a restraining order, they want to count your husband income you have now learned. The judge won't give you a restraining order for financial/emotional abuse. you look at your previously happy children, you uncertain future, the 2 weeks that have gone by with no change, no bites to job applications and you start to feel how selfish you are-to place your children in this situation. He doesn't hit you that often, after all and what is being called names compared to your traumatized children? So, you go back and tell yourself that you will try again when the kids get in school or you think, maybe, just maybe he will mature and get better.
@@mandlerparr1 can i have a tldr. If you here to tell me how hard it is for women to leave i understand. They are usually helpless to leave. I just do.t think these movies should be promoting a toxic kind of love which.might get people to enter a toxic relationship in the first place.
@@mandlerparr1 here mine, I'm not sure if this good or not but um here we go, sorry for about this.
*until one day, a young woman saw your children crying and and screaming came up to them and started doing silly tricks cause them to stop, you were shocked how your children slowly stop crying and screaming just to watch a silly woman doing some silly tricks, then she pulled out silliness glasses which make your children laughing, you slowly smile when the woman who saw you said "I knew you need some cheering up." You're surprised how she said it, you look to her where she take out two toys you first thought she was CPS but your children already took the toys, one for your baby who is slowly chewing on and one for your toddler who hug it very tightly, the woman give the toy a little voice telling your toddler "oh please, oh please don't hurt me." Which made your toddler to be shocked, looked at the woman, she continued "be very gentle to your friend there alrighty." Your toddler nodded his head, you still surprised how she deal with your children better than you, she looked at you and said her name and you said your name, she actually a volunteer from next state about five hours from just to help those who are needy, she ask you how long you and your children been in the shelter, you slowly started to telling her your story which she was broil when you told her about your abusive husband, and wish to the beat crap out of him, which you started to laugh a bit by telling her that he use to be a boxer in high school, which she replied that she does boxing, karate, wrestling and swimming with her older brother who they tend to have a lot of contests growing up mostly he won but she happy that her teach her self defense, you again surprised and jokingly said "I bet his girlfriend enjoyed him." Which she replies that he is single and in the Navy because in her family most of them always in the navy or the air force, you nodded understand, she look the shelter and told you to wait here, she ran off to the main office while you waited, you look at your children who finally fell asleep on your sides, you looked to the woman with the owner of the shelter, as they came the owner ask that you can stay with the woman for a place to stay and a place where your children can stay safe and secure, you first hesitate for a bit but decided that make better then staying here, so you said yes to the owner and the owner said to you that the woman told your story and understood why the kids couldn't stop crying because of her, you most forget about that, you told her about and she "I work with children who have hard time separate from their parents at daycare luckily I always in up cheering most of the time." You chuckled a little, soon you and your children already out the shelter, your new friend drive you to her parent's house for five hour also stop to get food for the week and stop at fast food restaurant for your children to eat, you still scared that your Ex husband make hurt you but you knew you needed to have an life for you and your children, this time there no going back for once and for all.*
Again, sorry for this, I'm not sure if this good or not but again sorry I'm very good to tell stories about abusive relationships or how the victims get out of with new friend or not.
@@leiajiang7877 You're comment just seems negative and demeaning to woman tbh.
Like, so what if they can't fight back? It's hard! A mental and physical battle. Stop projecting your issues. This was a great movie but not because the main lead wasn't as weak as other female leads.
"You can't be an effective gaslighter without understanding what people are thinking, or feeling." Whew! #profoundsimplicity
This movie was terrifying to me. Gave me the shivers just thinking about how scaring it is to never be able to escape.
"PTSD happens when you think your world is safe and that belief is ripped away."
Ouch. THAT was an unexpected strike to the heart. I (and I think a lot of people and society in general) associate PTSD with veterans or people who've suffered trauma due to abuse. But, if we're defining PTSD as the feeling of safety being ripped away, I've definitely experienced that. I was born prematurely and am visually impaired as a result. Needless to say, I've had more than my fair share of doctors' appointments, many of which before I can remember. Some of my earliest memories are of that sense of safety or trust being broken, of seeing the doctors almost like Jekyll and Hyde figures, nice one minute and then giving me shots or stingy eye drops the next. And even though my grown-up brain now sees the reason behind it and that there was no malicious intent, I still have that inner child who's like, "So you'll chat for a few minutes to get me calm and comfortable just to hurt me? What kind of sick game is that?"
To this day (I'm 32 as of 2020), I still tense up when I know I'm going to get a shot and have to consciously tell my muscles to chill, and I struggle with fully letting go to enjoy moments as they're happening because there's that little nagging in the back of my mind telling me if I get too comfortable and let my guard down too much, something bad's gonna happen.
I don't know if anyone else has experienced this. When people talk about trauma, it's often related to abuse, but I think that discussions of medically-induced trauma should be brought to the table as well. Just because the medicine/procedure makes you better in the end, gods willing, doesn't mean that the process lacks crappiness or pain.
I don't know guys if you already spoke about the tv series The Boys, but you should analyze and explore the subject of narcissism further. So many of us are not aware of how dangerous and sneaky these people are, often they hide by an innocent face.
Great choice! Superheroes who aren't quite so super is a fantastic idea for a show. We've talked about doing CT episodes on TV series in the future, though they'll be about specific episodes or arcs than about entire series, which is beyond the scope of what we do here. We may turn towards The Boys. Thanks for watching, and please always hit us up with your suggestions :)
@@CinemaTherapyShow The cool thing about the boys are how... realistic the superheroes are there, and their character arcs are fascinating. Especially as an aspiring psychologist major, it would be great if you guys checked it out!
Homelander is the best depiction of a malignant narcissist I’ve ever seen.
@@existentialgamer9206 what about the nazi woman?
@@zbeh4495 I hadn’t seen her yet when I made the comment but I still stand by it. She is evil but Homelander is a much more fleshed out character and still a better depiction IMO
"the invisible man" is a metaphor for the openly, verbally and physically abusive side of a partner. the other side of a person that you can't see when you get involved with them.
I tend to think the invisible man is a metaphor for trauma. The therapists pointed this out at the beginning: the Invisible Man only appears when Adrian "dies" - he is only real to Cecilia for most of the film. First, he follows her, stalks her, hurts her, and ultimately he hurts those around her and destroys her relationships - that's what trauma does too. In the end, Cecilia "owns" her trauma (dawning the invisible suit) and uses it to rid herself of Adrian once and for all.
@@realSimoneCherie that's very good either. Loved it.
I'm just annoyed that her friend didn't leave when she got in the car with fear in her face lol... JUST GOOOOO!!!
It was her sister, but yeah. I was like "You dumb bitch".
Yup. I picked up my brother from an abusive relationship. I told him , I come to your place. You get your stuff, we go. Instead, I picked him up and we left an hour later. SMH.
This movie hit me harder than I thought it would, with its portrayal of abuse. I’ve been out of the relationship for a couple years and I still feel haunted by it. I fear him following me, just showing up places he knows I go, knowing where I am. Seeing it portrayed this way with the threat being present but unseen really resonated with me.
Adding to your comments regarding the dinner scene, the "I would burn everything" line really stuck out to me as someone who's been in several abusive relationships. Abusive people will often rely on dramatic declarations like that because they feel it demonstrates how much they care, and it's easier than genuinely working on themselves. They're able to go "oh, see, look how much I love you, I'd sacrifice things most people would consider too much to sacrifice", when in reality the *actual* sacrifice would be caring about the person they're hurting and having introspection
THIS! Just the other day, my mom said something about "I would walk through the fires of Hell for you kids". Meanwhile, a few weeks ago, she called me an ungrateful bitch who she hates and wishes would just get out for doing a more efficient job washing the wall we're painting than she did. AND a few weeks before that, my brother told her he wished she and her bro, his fave uncle, got along better, and she proceeds to tell him she fucking hates him and fuck you seven times and she wishes he'd get the hell out. *upside down smiley face* THE CREEPY-ASS HYPOCRISY!
Jonathan the thing you talked about at the 4.30 mark broke me. You've described how I felt my whole life but have been unable to express to anyone. It's also eye opening because you're talking about PTSD which I associate with soldiers and war. Not with relationships.
As always, love the channel. Huge fan. Really appreciate the content you're making and the way it's helping me and others. Maybe a future video could be around PTSD, it's not really my genre but maybe a war movie that gives more insight into PTSD and how that can relate to our life.
Also as a second suggestion I would actually love you to do a video on Forest Gump, in my case more specifically on Jenny, and the Great Gatsby, but more specifically on Daisy.
Thanks again guys.
Great suggestions! We're so sorry for the awful things you've been through. We'll definitely do more trauma content in the future. Did you see our Serenity ep that explores PTSD? th-cam.com/video/1R6wrZVR39k/w-d-xo.html
@@CinemaTherapyShow thank you, you're very kind.
I haven't seen it 🤦♀️ it's the one video of yours I've somehow missed 😅 but not for long! Thanks again guys.
@@the_book_review7388 you're so welcome!
I love how in this movie the scary part isn’t the invisible man, it’s actually the real life abusers that control peoples lives like this. The fact he’s invisible just makes it scarier
Or abusive wife - this was my ex-wife absolutely.
And the line is: "I know you better than you know yourself" at some point.
One of my biggest issues with this movie is that there are so many characters who are like “ok you’ve been free for three days now you can stop being scared of everything”
I know that that’s accurate to real life but it just reaaaaalllyyyy bugs me.
I didn’t, and wouldn’t see the movie but that would get me as well. I love someone with cptsd and this was a reminder that the tension doesn’t go away, or at least won’t for a long time, years more, because even young people with narcissistic tendencies can break down the belief that in another kid that her life is safe and she’s not a terrible person. Thanks @Cinema Therapy. Really. though this is terrifying which is why I wouldn’t actually watch it.
Exactly. First two weeks is the most dangerous.
My husband is a vulnerable narcissist who's psychologically, emotionally and financially abusive and despite the abuse not being physical, it's true that even after the monster goes back into hiding, you know he's coming back and it feels like you always have to be ready for it.
Don't forget abusive gfs/wives. They do damn near the same thing, and yes, they are physically aggressive, ESPECIALLY if they think their victim won't fight back.
Preach truth!
Yeah but they focus on the men because 90% of abusive partners are men and there’s a good chance the woman can get physically hurt
@@NovusIgnis Truth🖖
Correct🖖
@@NovusIgnis it’s not evenly split. 1 in 5 women in the us has been r@ped, 1 in 75 men have been r@ped. Men are 1 in 4 women experience spousal abuse, and 1 in 9 men experience spousal abuse. The people most often abused by largeness are women aged 18 - 24. Almost 20 million women have reported been stalked compared to over 5 million men. Females make up the most child sexual abuse victims, being 3 to 5 times more likely. Men are often the victims of other men like fathers, family friends etc. men need to be educated, given the tools to be helped when abused and taught not to abuse. However, men and women do not experience the same level of abuse, society and history has made sure of that
As the child of an abuser (my father), I can confirm that it only gets worse and that the cliché "I'll be nice, I didn't mean to do what I did." is very real and it works a lot of the time. My father threatened many times to kill me, my older brother, my mom and himself (in that order), just because my mom finally had the guts to leave him after nearly 18 years of abuse. I truly believe that he would have killed us if he had the chance, so please whomever you are reading this, *leave them*. Don't risk your life just because your abuser says you'll be nothing without them, they're lying and you deserve better.
This video: A serious breakdown of sociopathic narcissism
Me half of the time: hehe doggy
I'm writing an abusive supervillain and this REALLY helps.
Me too
I need to show my kids all of your episodes-- you so eloquently lay out healthy vs. toxic relationships and behaviors. As a teenager, I saw friends unwittingly participate in toxic relationships. I could see that they were messed up situations, but I didn't have the vocabulary to express it. Your videos can give kids/adults the ability to spot and point out red flags.
I saw this with a psyhology student and we both reallyunderstood the core message here and we really could understand that pain and the illustration on how it is to be in a controlling and abusive realationship and also the horror it must be.
Yeah, it's really smart how it mixes in real-life horror and fantastical scares.
You REALLY know you've fallen for a predator when one night he asks you a (seemingly) ordinary question...and a lightning fast, icy cold impulse shoots up the left side of your spine, from your iliac crest to the base of your brain.
When that happens, you take a slow, deep breath, hoping that you can instantly produce your most convincing acting performance, as you turn around and calmly inquire as to what made him ask that question, while you silently begin casually looking around the room for where you took off your shoes, and backing into a hard surface "accidentally" so you can try and feel if your cell phone is in your back pocket (or not).
You have to be exceptionally calm, non-reactive, and cunning to escape a predator who has lured you into a (seemingly typical) relationship with them.
Sociopaths love nothing more than to take a strong, confident, beautiful, intelligent woman and tear her down to nothing...just because that's their idea of fun.
It's not a gender specific thing.
Yes.
@@blue-sq7tj how fucking belittling, you sound exactly like the people who tried to mock me when I talked out about my abusive ex.
@@blue-sq7tj just ignore the unreported cases why don't you.
I have severe PTSD from former abusive relationships. My first one was when I was 15 and my abuser was 23… He’d make me do horrible awful things. And I still have severe trauma from it
I had a therapist tell me the same thing once. "He is going to kill you." The sad part was that I felt like I deserved it.
Why?
My ex boyfriend adrian was an Adrian. This movie triggers me to no end
Glad he's an ex. Hope you are finding happiness now.
I hope you are safe
Mine too. But I’ve not watched this movie on purpose lol
For me it wasn't a boyfriend, it was my father and to this day I still have flashbacks to all the abuse and pain he's caused me
Hugs
The camera work on this movie actually gives me chills.
Thank you for this, I think everyone should see this, especially women who often think that they have to be "nice" and that talking back is a "bad attitude" -- leaving a toxic relationship doesn't mean ur too "bitchy" or that there's a problem with you. This episode explained that so well.
I remember when I was going through a second trauma, it was way worst than the first, and I had taken comfort in watching horror movies and stories. I resurfaced my creepy habits again: walked around only at night, stared for hours at a blank TV and. Other things. I realized that I was fine with the idea of being in a horror movie because that felt safer than my reality.
Getting out of an abusive relationship is really freeing. The hardest part of getting out of one, I think, is STAYING out of it. The abuser’s charm is superficial and will wear out, though it might take a couple months. But the break up is worth it. There are resources, and it IS possible to leave. Peoples’ heroics are measured by the shit they’ve gone through, and by coming out the other end.
Do not fall for the , getting you back with food thing.
ahah I literally just found out about this channel and now I'm on a binging spree, it's definitely an amazing watch and you talk so much into detail about things yet make it so easy to understand! psychology has always fascinated me and i'm so glad to find channels like this to better understand it
maybe this is a bit different from what you've been watching, but there is this one anime movie called 'a whisper away' that i feel might be an interesting watch, despite the very fantasy and supernatural themes i feel they managed to use them to make a very good metaphor for suicide and depression in younger kids, it felt very personal to me with my own experiences and how i felt at that age, i think that could be a very important discussion to have
another one i'm less familiar with but is equally important is 'a silent voice', there are heavy themes about bullying and the harm and emotional damage it carries, but it also deals with the aftermath on the bully's side in a pretty realistic way, especially dealing with the guilt and genuine remorse that can come with it, from what i've seen which is not something seen often
i hope i'll keep seeing these amazing and insightful discussions from you guys :) they're really so much more helpful than anyone could ever expect
Thank you so much for the suggestions, Fae! We'll look into them :) So glad you're enjoying what we're doing. Many more to come. Please invite your friends to the party!
Yes! I love "A Silent Voice"
Anime movies! Yes! My favorites, of course, are from Studio Ghibli. There should be lots of material they can work with there.
@@CinemaTherapyShow Yes, definitely a silent voice. It is different from what you normally do, but a lot have people have seen it and can relate to it. I can personally relate because I do get suicidal and sometimes it feels like you just don't want to exist but when you find someone who can help you though it it can make it easier. Of course i could be wrong that's just how it is with me.
"A Silent Voice" is incredible and an excellent psychological study in different characters and their motivations.
Jonathan, I wanted to thank you and, by proxy, thank therapists like you. Because it was a marriage councilor you took my mom aside and told her to get out because if she didn't my father would kill her.
It was also a marriage counselor who, almost 2 decades and 3 marriages later, told my dad that he was a narcissist and that if he didn't change his behavior he would lose all his children. If it weren't for these two marriage councilors, I wouldn't have the healthy relationship that I now have with my dad, a dad who admitted "I am so bad at being right and I am even worse at being wrong. Because there's a difference between being right and doing right." He is a completely different man than he was when I was a child, and he wouldn't even be the man I have come to know if it weren't for an incredibly bold marriage councilor.
You’re not afraid of doing alone in a dark room, you’re afraid of NOT being alone in a dark room.
The fear that follows you after an abusive relationship is so real. My friend was in a horrible abusive relationship and thankfully was able to admit she needed help and was able to get away from him, but she still suffers from the trauma long after she has had no contact with him.
This movie has given me an easy way to explain why I don't have contact with my father.
Btw it has been over 20 years and I am still scared of him...
i hope you feel happy and safe and free without him. please know that if he's still alive/close to your family that you aren't obligated to go back to him ever. you are justified in your decision of leaving.
My therapist told me the same. After that she said if you want don’t work with me anymore, but you have to leave. Thanks for
Being a good therapist
After watching this, I feel like I was always right about how I felt about my ex-bosses who turned all my colleagues against me and even tried to smear my reputation in front of the higher-ups, even though I was the one in the department doing all the heavy lifting for his marketing team, as a graphic designer. Thanks for making this video, and speaking about social gaslighting, something so difficult to pinpoint and articulate and an experience so difficult to share because no one around you will believe what you experienced, because to them they live in a completely different world.
Omg, I wish I viewed this video when I was 19- before I loved, married and had a child with my abuser. Everything you said is completely accurate, especially when coupled with the Twilight videos. I escaped to a dv shelter with my 2yo daughter in 2014. Two months later, he found my checkbook, forged my name to cash it, and had a little party for himself- and died by overdose. As sad as I was, I dodged a huge bullet. I believe that had he found us, he would have killed us. My heart breaks for all those people having to be stick on quarantine with their abusers.
After working with other survivors, I discovered how utterly unoriginal abusers are. The say and do basically all the same things, as if following a formula. Everyone should be learning this formula, so when a guy says "i love you so much, I never want to be apart...I know you better than you know yourself....you know your family doesn't love you...no one will love you the way I do..." they will know. They will know that abusers can behave incredibly loving- we wouldn't stay if it as ALL bad!
Anyway, I'm so glad TH-cam brought me to this channel. This is important work that can really help people. Thank you!